My Family Keeps Asking To Borrow Money
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.พ. 2025
- My Family Keeps Asking To Borrow Money
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The best way to prevent people from asking is to borrow money from them,they’ll assume that means you are broke and so they won’t even consider you as an option.
It doesn’t work for some people.They’ll say they don’t have money to borrow you then come another time to ask you for money.
It’s sickening
The best thing you can do for them is to help them get financial Education.
Consulting a financial advisor can help tailor a strategy that aligns with your financial goals and circumstances.
Do you have any recommendations for a good investment advisor? I could really use some help.
The first time, they are surprised and grateful. The next time, they expect it. Then they come to depend on it. Finally, they feel entitled to it.
That’s not final in some cases. In many cases you, somehow, owe them, and some other cases you might get ‘physically assaulted’.
Today there was a TikTok of a woman in an African country saying her country has become dependent on US handouts. Because of that, she continued, they not worked toward self sufficiency but instead just came to assume it will always be there. I was struck how similar the same thing plays out at all levels.
@ America supports countries all over the world but cares less for its own citizens, a necessary evil. The more the government gives to other countries the more babies in other countries are born contributing to the higher the cost of living to Americans and as a result the institution of the family core in America is decimated resulting in the growth of criminals in America. You very rarely hear or see in the media anybody starving anywhere around the world, in fact, most people look fat everywhere else while many American are losing their health🤷🏼
God Jade is FINE
@@rebeccaoliver7977many people in poor countries depend their families from overseas sending them money.
Don't set yourself on fire just to keep someone else warm... amazing quote.
Or fill your own cup first
The most annoying thing is when people act like your a bad person for asking for your money back 😢
Right?! The moment I have to ask for MY OWN $hit back, they'll never get anything from me again
Don't loan out money you need because most likely you won't ever get that back. Just don't loan.
@@angelasepi657 exactly. I learned never to loan money after an experience with a friend, that "friendship" was never the same again. My Mom gets in binds now and then, offers to borrow money but I never lend her money, I just give it to her, I can afford it and I don't want anybody to feel like they owe me anything.
I stopped loaning out money starting in 2025. They hurting now too bad it’s about me and my family now
😢
"I ain't got it" Works every time.
No works too
My husbands dad use to do this and didn’t even raise him. What broke him was being called on his birthday and not even saying Happy Birthday but that he needed money. Parents need to do better.
You people, the native born in USA 🇺🇸, are obsessed with your stupid birthdays, and miss the forest for the trees. The problem is that’s your husband’s father is a leech and asking for money. You, as the aggrieved and taken advantage of should tell hubby he has ti choose between daddy and wifey and kids, if any.
Ooh... That is awful. That would have earned the big "No" and blocked calls for me.
My Mom's siblings "borrowed" money from us all the time when I was growing up. If - IF - they paid us back, it was only 1/2 the amount. Because we "had less kids" than they did, they were "entitled" to our money & we needed to "share". Once my Dad retired, he told them his "bank" was closed. They eventually tried to manipulate money out of me. I told them I don't give money to anyone no matter the circumstances, & to go work for their own money. One aunt got so mad at me that she blasted me all over FB & to the family any chance she could get. Money definitely brings a person's character to surface.
Yep, one of my aunts borrowed from us once. After a reasonable amount of time had passed without repayment, my dad had my mom confront her sister. Of course, she clutched her pearls, and we did not hear from her for some time. Eventually she got it together.
Your mom’s siblings are your uncles and aunties. They have no business asking children for money no matter the circumstances. I wish your family had protected you from that.
@lombardo141 I was an adult when my aunts started bumming money from me. They didn't get anywhere. I told them they still owed my parents money & they needed to pay interest. That was another reason they got mad. I haven't spoken to one of them in years. Don't miss her, either!
These types of people are also highly disrespectful of your time. I can make more money, but I can't get my time back.
I'm a SAHM of 5, 3 in HS all in extra curricular activities and a 4 year old. Also my husband's jobs keeps him gone 6 weeks at a time and he's only home 3 weeks. Needless to say, I'm pretty busy. I have a family member who will not get a babysitter and has asked me to come pick their kid up at 5am because they have to go to work
Lol...that's a hard pass. You want free babysitting and a 5am taxi service? I don't think so
My half aunt hate us because we no longer send money to her anymore. The last time I wished her a happy New Year, she laughed at me for just wishing but no money. She was the one who tried to prevent my mom from inheriting a portion of my grandma. How evil! She failed miserably. I won't miss her.
60 isn't too old to make positive changes. I am 65 and making lots of changes which is bringing me personal happiness, security and growth.
His father doesn't care enough to make changes .
Oscar needs to cut the wimp crap,man up,grow a pair and ALWAYS, ALWAYS ALWAYS SCREAM LIKE GODZILLA HELL NO!!! His deadbeat dirtbag father only panhandles him because Oscar STINKS of BETAMALE WEAKNESS AND COWARDICE!.
Just proud of you . . . mostly my High School friends age is about 55 they deny to learn somethings new but not for me.
I Hit $32,590 today. Thank you for all the knowledge and nuggets you had thrown my way over the last week. i started with 5k in last week 2025... now i just hit $32,590
Same here
waking up every 14th of each
month to 57,000 dollars it’s a blessing to I and my family… I can now retire knowing that I have a steady income❤️Big gratitude to Ms Evelyn Vera
How did you manage to achieve that level of growth? I've been trying everything I can to improve my investments, I want to retire in a few years and I need a better diversification
Timing is crucial, and as Ms Evelyn Vera suggests, it's often wise to make purchases during market downturns, prioritize acquiring solid assets, and explore options that allow you to generate passive income while yu invest
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸. Glory to God.shalom.
Wow. I'm a bit perplexed seeing her been mentioned here also Didn't know she has been good to so many people too this is wonderful, I'm in my fifth trade with her and it has been super.
The best way to prevent people from asking to borrow money is to ask to borrow money from THEM, they'll assume that means you must be broke and so the next they want to borrow money they won't even consider you as an option.
😂 I've done that before! It works!
This is GENIUS! I've now added this chess move to my collection 👍👍
Taking notes
What has worked for me is to ask questions, give them the 3rd degree, and shame them. I'm talking about the classic "takers" who constantly ask for money like its some sort of odd tick (not the genuine people who have exhausted all avenues, and have to ask for money as a last resort).
E.g. what do you need the money for? Don't even think about giving me vague responses when I ask what u need the money for. Why do you keep begging for money like an addict? Why don't you have the money? (If they say "I'm not even asking for much", then say) Clearly its a lot of money since you don't have it. You're old enough to have your own and should feel ashamed of yourself. I'm no longer lending out money, all I can offer is advice to manage your money better.
For me it works like a charm, and they never ask again. They prefer people who gives/lends money no questions asked. But if they know that they have to go through the 3rd degree and get lectured, its a turn-off.
@sensimania Exactly. People think you're more likely to give it to them if it's a smaller amount like 20 bucks, not realizing that it actually makes them look MORE pathetic that they literally don't have twenty bucks to their name.
My mother is the same, when she's texting me it's to complain about how life is always not going well for her & the follow up question is to ask me to borrow her money to solve her problems because clearly all her life problems revolve around money.
And getting that money back is another challenge for me so now i just say No , if she persists i just don't open her WhatsApp messages or return her calls coz i know the only reason she's calling me is for money. My new favourite word is "No".
These two have become my favorites. They get the right mix of empathy, structure and future focus.
The Kamel and Dr D combo is the worst, too many emotions.
Wow! I know exactly what the caller is talking about, but with my mom, my sister, my other sister, my brother, and my other brother. I have spent so much money, time, effort, emotion, and tears trying to save my family. Finally after about $60,000 and over 10 years (back when that was about 3 years salary) I realized this wasn't going to change. I fought it for a long time but I finally accepted, everyone in my family besides myself was going to be homeless because they couldn't get it together. At 30 years old I begged them to stop calling me with their problems. At 37 I finally realized pleading with them to spare me the turmoil wouldn't work either. I had to block every single one of them in order for it to stop. They still try to reach out to me to bother me with their crap. They are the worst part of my life, and I have accepted I have no control over it; I can only try my best to ignore it at this point.
I just offer advice. They definitely don’t want advice so they’ll eventually stop asking if they only get what they don’t want. They don’t want to CHANGE! Are you kidding? That would take effort on their part. Blocking is fine though. Deal however you have to, but don’t let it be your problem.
I’m so proud of you for being so strong. We can’t save everyone, they have to save themselves.
That took guts!
That's a terribly toxic family. I'm sorry they've hurt and used you as much as they have. But you are a VERY strong person! God Bless you.
We can't choose our families. Go no contact and create healthy friendships with people who can take care of themselves first.
I use to have friends and relatives asking for money. One day I had 13 people asked for me to loan money to asking to pay a bill or buying them dinner. On that day I pulled the plug and never responded. I quit lending money after that dreadful day and my life has been peaceful since.
How do they know you had it to lend?
Don’t answer the phone and don’t let them borrow it because you’ll never get it back.
You must hate your family.
Bad Advice!! ANSWER THE PHONE , SAY I WILL NO LONGER OWE YOU MONEY and then accept the results even if that means you never hear from him
I really feel like this video was a sign for me. I was just asking a group of friends less than an hr ago about how they handle lending $ to family….im currently the family bank.. but nobody ever helped me when I was a broke college student living out of my car.
Same! After college I went broke after I guy stole from me. I took accountability for allowing myself around him & went back home…I needed a new car.. nobody would co-sign … asked for $60 towards a new phone they said they ain’t have it. They used to make comments like “when I was this age I had ____”.. when I started a business they made comments .. fast forward I focused.. found Dave & got serious about my credit… started a good job & then covid him … man I started a business after that that took off & now everybody and they mama hmu! Bought someone a car & they stopped paying .. people want large sums either no real means to pay it back … same people that couldn’t look out for me want 10k just bc they asked . They embarrassed to work all bc I haven’t “worked” since starting my business .. it’s sad & pathetic
If you want to keep being used then keep doing what you doing, otherwise go talk to a lawyer and an accountant about how to setup a tax credit for yourself, so when you give money to family and friends you get your money back at the end of the year through taxes.
Close the bank.
No is the most powerful word in the English language. Say no.
How much do you make per year?
The “Don’t set yourself on fire…” comment was perfect
Same with my mom. It’s a constant thing, every other call is ‘can I have x dollars’ it’s awful to dread those calls. I feel you man, it’s a losing situation no matter what you do
My favorite is "This isn't the reason I called but (reason for needing money)
"Sorry ma, the prices of everything have gone up. I do not have money to give to anybody."
[When the guilt gets piled on] "You are resourceful. I trust you will work it out." Repeat as necessary. 😁
Look after your mum. And encourage her to work & earn
Talking to Dad is not a bad idea, but never, ever, ever tell him how much you make or how much you are trying to save every month!
"We budget our money and loans are not in the budget."
There are a lot of people who feel any "extra" money just goes bad if it's not spent immediately. They think money is like raw chicken, it has a use-by date on it.
The word is "No". The caller and I both know that the more questions you ask about their finances the deeper you get dragged into their issues. Dont' tell them anything about what you and your family are doing regarding finances. ......... Just say "No"
Same word in Spanish, too.
After I got married one of my girlfriends called to ask to borrow $50.00. When I told her "No" she argued. The next "No" I gave her was followed by "It is not in our budget." When she understood that our money was co-mingled, she backed off.
Unbelievable how weak people are that cannot say no....I did with my son in his 30's and best thing I did.
Oh no, not the ancient word!
The word is 'No.' Use it. Often. You'll get used go it!
"No" is also a complete sentence; as in, we do not owe anybody a "reason" for not handing over our cash to them. 😂😂
Definitely use your words.
Indeed! "NO" is a full sentence!
It's a simple word NO !!! Don't let them do it once because it's forever !
My Filipino MIL is the same way. We ONLY hear from her when she needs money. She never asks about the kids or talks to us otherwise. It’s so hard to not want to avoid her calls bc the relationship is strictly transactional. We’ve tried to tell her that we would like a relationship that wasn’t just her hand out.
Just block
You are NOT responsible for her , you are enabling her , look after your own family ,
That's sad she is like that. My parent in laws also Filipino luckily never have asked us for money at all. Husband needs to stand up to mom it's not for you to deal with.
My MIL from Costa Rica is the same. Even my SIL who is terrible with money and life decisions just like her husband, expects handouts from my DH, and he has been indoctrinated to never say no to family. We have never needed a cent from them nor any other kind of help during the 29 yrs we've been together but now the SIL and husband are about to lose their home, had to turn in both of their new cars, take their kids out of private schools because both worked at a same company and their salaries have been reduced in the past few month and now the company will be closing. I had always told DH to tell them that it was a terrible idea for both to work at the same place for this precise reason. We are having serious arguments about this. His mother and sister hate me, always have. I love my husband, but I am so sick and tired of the never ending dynamic. They never call him unless they want money.
Next time she asks, tell her "No, and that's final." If she disappears... oh well. There doesn't seem to be a relationship here anyway. What's there to salvage?
One of the first words I learned was no. After mommy and daddy, it was probably the first one. There's OBVIOUSLY a problem with dad here, and the son is just being an enabler. I get the fact that it's his dad and all, but at some point it has to end because it's not going to stop on the father's end.
Amazing video you've absolutely said it all. I've made a smart reinvestment, especially with some great guidance from a pro for a half year now, and it's been a game changer. I was able to reinvest my RMD strategically, and i'm now pulling in about $35k a week, despite doing very little trading myself. It's a nice cushion against financial stress. Best of luck with your RMD decisions!
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I had a similar situation with my mother, but she didn’t ask. I just set up a monthly transfer to her and forgot about it. I gave her a couple of hundred a month for the last few years of her life.
I was blessed. I was able to help her.
Wow, I can relate. My sister used to do this. She would never pay back in full. I retired and then I said NO! Never asked again.
Block his number and then you can call him every few months or so to update him on the kids and make sure he’s healthy. Take your power back and take control of his access to you.
I doubt his dad will sit down with him. Me and my mom are very close, but even she feels ashamed to show me her finances because she doesn't want me to judge her. It is impossible to help someone who doesn't want help first. Heck, my mom asked me to help with her finances and then when it came time for me to ask where the extra $x amount of money is going she said "don't worry about that, just write it as Misc." to which I told her a budget won't work that way.
I like what Dave has said several times... the word "no" is a complete sentence.
Oscar - you are your father’s cash cow. It’s not only ok to say “no” - it’s HAS to happen.
As a 26 year old married guy who just bought a home for my wife and kids and owes $340,000, that debt is daunting! I cant wait to get where some of you are. I received a $90k insurance payout from a work injury and want to invest it in the stock market. How can I get started?
Honestly, i would leave that money in an account that yields 5% annually , or if you're willing to take the risk of getting into the stock market i suggest you consult with a trusted CFA for directions.
Low cost index funds, and diversification is your friend. Don't let your retirement funds feel lonely and left out. Those two are givens..
The real issue is why you have a $300k+ debt..I take it student loans plus a mortgage? Most people can be in better situations had they not incurred unnecessary debt. Even having $1k to your name without debt is better than having debt in the six-digit figure.
Also, your $90k work comp should be put in decreasing the debt, I personally wouldn't use most of it in the stock market. I don't think you're in a position to invest much* (keyword) when you owe so much.
I hope my advice helps, good luck!
I agree! My dear husband passed away in 2021, and I had around half of million dollars from his life insurance just sitting in a bank account, earning nothing. I was advised to invest it through an advisor, and in just 23 months, I achieved over 80% capital growth, not including dividends. Highly recommended!
Can you share details of your CFA? I want to invest my increased cash flow in stocks and alternative assets to achieve financial goals.
Patricia Grace Barry is the CFA I use and i'm just putting this out here because you asked. You can Just search the name. You’d find necessary details to work with to set up an appointment.
My hubby was the third child out of four..he never learned to say no to anyone but me..out of his siblings he had the biggest heart but was always easily influenced so dad was always borrowing money as dad never held a job other than building houses which he could work just whenever he wanted to..he’d borrow money and not pay it back or give my hubby a saw in exchange for the money he owed (which we didn’t need) hubby would never say no and dad did not ask the other siblings for money as he knew my hubby would never say no and his dad told me he would never work a 9-5 job like we did but he was always ready to “borrow” from us 9-5 workers…parents should never borrow money from kids and kids should never borrow money from parents
And why are you still married to this guy when he says yes to everybody else and NO to you? It's s embarrassing to hear but you are to blame, too. You enable your husband, and he looks down on you for sure, to allow him to distribute the joint money outside of the immediate family when you are clearly not happy. He doesnt respect you. Money should be "joint," not his 100% unless you are totally a dependent on him then maybe start to look for someone else.
Who says marriage is a slavery? Nope. Never it is a slavery for anyone. I'd go to work and start putting money in my account with my name only because if both persons don't have trust in each other, then the money should be separated. Tell your husband to do household chores and babysit the children as well.
I had to double check to see if I missed the “ex” in front of hubby. Why are you tying yourself to this sinking ship?
If a family member or friend asks for money , i ask to see all there financial's. If there going to treat me like a bank or payday loan, i need to see the applicant's finances. Guess what nobody asks me for money.
I'm thinking to diversify my portfolio among several assets such as stocks and bonds since this can protect my portfolio for retirement. I'm seeking to invest $380K across several stock markets but don't know where to start
Based on personal experience, it's advisable to work with an investment advisor. A financial advisor can provide valuable insights and help ensure that your investment portfolios are aligned with your long-term financial goals. They have the expertise to navigate through market fluctuations and make informed decisions
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There are many independent advisors to choose from. My financial adviser is Gabriel Alberto William, a renowned figure in his line of work. I recommend researching his credentials further. He has many years of experience and is a valuable resource for anyone looking to navigate the financial market
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Good advice but be careful about telling Dad you have a 1000 baby emergency fund. He will consider that his money
Also I'm 64 and he!! would freeze over before I asked my young adult daughter for money
Oh hell to the no he wouldn't. I sternly make it clear to people that I'm not dipping into my savings to lend them money, and I'm certainly not touching emergency funds for my kids to give to them. I'll then make a joke out of it and say "next you'll be expecting me to sell my home and my car just to give you the money 😅" while laughing in their face.
Set boundaries, people!
The correct phrase is "No dad. The price of everything has increased and lending money is not in our budget anymore."
don't tell anyone anything about your finances, poor or rich doesn't matter. Let everyone assume you are poor, always be content to live beneath your means and you should have very little to worry about.
My mom, my dad. Y'all have so many spoiled kids on this show, glad to hear this side.
my mother has "borrowed" 6k in 3 months. 2 years after a divorce and still not managing. Father needed a truck 🙃
Spoiled kids that have to give their dad money every month until they die? I mean...come on.
@GuruChaz talking about all the kids who inherit their daddy's biz on this show, not this guy. I enjoyed this perspective, and think it's more common than kids inheriting wealth like portrayed on this show ✌️
@@StarTexaspetsI am always shocked when parents want money and the tables are turned. In my experience it's the kids wanting the parents money.
@@katherinesmith235 I'll say I had two alcoholic "good Bad examples". Me and the sister are fed up like the gentleman in this video for years
The caller just outed his family for being tax dodgers.
"Every once in a while she does get some, like, under the table work through a restaurant that our family owns."
Either that or they are getting food stamps, Medicaid or other benefits that they don't actually qualify for.
That was me for decades until I learned the word “No”. They were mad for months then they got over it. I’m finally free and able to save/ invest. I got call all the names( i surrendered and decided to keep emotions out of it)
Adult kids asking their parents for money is weird, but parents asking their kids for money? Way wrong, man.
This is the nitty-gritty in life and this is why our family court system cases are always filled to the brim,, it is why domestic calls are the most dangerous sometimes to our police officers
Not if you're Puerto Rican apparently. You gotta take care of your elders, otherwise you're a total jerk 😂😂 in my experience.
Why can't people just stand up to people and so no I can't loan/give you money...I have to look put for myself. I did that to my mid 30's son and that was the best thing I did.Never asked again and he learned to manage his own money. It takes b*lls and makes you a stronger person.
Sit down with your dad and go through his finances. Teach him how to budget and let him watch Dave Ramsey shows.
No. You probably don't understand (which is awesome!) but that's not going to change anything
He probably has a sexual addiction or sexual predator, but you need money for either one not to be a rapist
@@davidOConnor-z3l 😳
This is not a difficult conversation. Tell dad that you are now getting your own finances in order without stating soecifics. Dad has to establish his own budget and stick to it otherwise this asking for money on his part will never end. .
It's a difficult conversation, trust me. It's not difficult to you because you're not involved. 😂
It’s probably why the wife divorced him
All you say is one word. "NO"
The one time you give, expect to be asked again and again. Grow a pair, and no is no. The End
This is not a financial call. It's a family therapy call.
This is a call for Dr. Baloney. So he can ask him if he's safe and make him do breathing exercises.
@@strangeroamer3219and ask them about finding their truth
Tell your father you love him, but you are not a bank. He'll understand.
Don't sound like borrowing.More like welfare.
Idk why people can't say no 🤷🏻♂️
NEVER loan money, especially when a family member is involved! You are helping them by not helping them financially. You don’t want to be the enabler of bad behavior.
I’d say block anyone that asks for money. Family relationships mean nothing it’s how they treat you. At least give them one warning… If you ask for money one more time I’m blocking you.
And then the person gets a call that their parent has passed away. I just say that to say that it’s not as black-and-white as blocking someone. That’s his father who he loves. I do think he needs to be more stern with him, but blocking his father isn’t the answer. Life is short.
@ he can block temporarily for a day or two if he tries to wear him down though. Or he can tell him not to ask and hang up if he does. I know it’s not easy it took me a long time to learn to say no and disengage.
Just tell him all of your money is tied up in retirement investments and you can't get to it.
That's exactly what I started to do years ago. The beauty of it is it wasn't a lie. MOST of my liquid IS in money markets, so even though I obviously had some money to get a hold of within a short period of time, I only told them about the stuff that wasn't - and the maybe ten grand I had in a bank account I never mentioned. That's by far the best way to say no without "lying".
The other guy beat me to the punch, but I was in my 20s. That’s what you did with people at that age was your groups and I was acting as shit. I was say you don’t want dude I was just about to ask you the same thing that I need money and I need some help, I guess we’re both in the same situation and act like shit. You know we get some money and act like it’s a common problem. Well, you Drink the last beer.
After I got married, a friend of mine thought I should loan her money, arguing "doesn't he [my then new husband] make any money?"
I told her our funds were co-mingled and lending was not in our budget--which was the truth.
It's an unfortunate fact that many people see financial exploitation as the one and only reason for having kids.
Simple. On condition of all future ‘loans’ sit down with dad and review his finances, before he asks & make a budget for him. Blows up budget on nonsense, the answer becomes no. Accountability. My ‘loan’ policy is collateral, jewelry etc. funny people quit asking quick!
Grandpa hangs out at the Casinos. Gambling is his addiction.
$60,000/yr is a long way from rich but it's also a long way from poor. Guy's taking home almost a grand a week, where's it going?
Man do you have a job? 60K a year in most areas after taxes is going to be taking home around 47K or around 900 a week. Then with things like a home, insurance(at 125 a week), 401K, car note etc it goes fast.
@@ernieellan5694 so it's almost a grand a week, exactly like I said?
I told a friend when she asked to borrow money, “I’m tapped out.”
I can relate, my Dad is 86 now and I have been giving him money for over 20 yrs. He has nothing, lives on SSI which is 1030.00 per month. He was never good with money never saved.
How do you confirm how much a parent is getting for SS? I'm curious and in a similar situation.
@MiraMira0ntheWall He used to get 930.00 because that's what he told me. He recently put me on his bank account and I can see he got a raise January 1
“My mom still lives at home “ cracked me up 😂
Sounds like my mother. Those types of parents think their grown kids are ATMs
How did the ladies not ask, "Does your Dad pay the borrowed money back?" If he pays it back, no big deal. If he doesn't, I'd tell him, Dad you aren't asking to borrow money, you are asking me to give you money and the answer is, "no".
If he paid back I doubt he'd be calling.
Rachel, the saying is as follows: “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer”…or something like that 😂😂😂
No is a complete sentence.
I loan money with the expectation that it will never be returned, but also with the mindset that until that debt is paid off I don't loan them a penny more. It works for me emotionally because I don't have to fret about when they're going to pay the debt, and it maintains a respectable guard up for being taken advantage of.
This is becoming more and more common. I won't help my parents who make very bad choices, retired too early on SSA
Thats why I have less and less "friends" and I am not even rich... I rather not answer the phone
I would look at his bank statements to see where the money is going and how he can cut back or downsize i will teach him how to budget you cant ask for money every month
Maybe some sort of addiction, and/or premium subscriptions that he has no business subscribing to
He would be forced to budget on his own once he is told NO.
Maybe his brother that is still living at home with his parents is causing a financial hardship. Sounds like it's family meeting time.
No, the dad is a loser
How the parents run their household should not be a concern. There is family meeting need when the words "No" or "No, we do not have money in our budget to lend" will do.
@@user-mv9tt4st9k But it is a concern if they are running out of money to run the household due to lazy leeches. Most households aren't Mexican households with 25 people in them.
"That doesn't work for me, dad."
"That doesn't work for me, brother."
Saying “I don’t have the money” sounds simple, but when it’s family, it’s never that easy. Emotional guilt often outweighs logic, even when finances are tight.
Grow a pair of 🥜 it’s not hard your just soft
The day people find out you have money suddenly become your friend. They come out of the woodwork.
I never loan more than I would give. Because when they don't pay it back, it was always a gift anyway.
Same situation. I made a budget for my dad in my spreadsheet and will not give until half the month is over. The money doesn't last, and it's monthly. It just feels gross sometimes because he does little for anyone else, and I know it's going towards gambling.
Tell the family no more, that they can text you and if they keep asking for money, you're going no contact. It's difficult but liberating
Same I don’t get calls anymore …. I hate when certain people call & now they don’t call .
I called out one person who would always call me for money but never to say “happy birthday” “congrats” .. literally nothing else just money .. I had to tell her straight up … I don’t give out money to anyone that can’t help me …a few people i told no & they don’t call me at all .
Same. People would never say happy birthday to you or wish you on holidays but shamelessly borrow your money without paying back. I used to give money $100 here and there. Some people are so entitled to see it was my "obligation" to give. The moment I stopped giving money, they threw tantrums and hate on me. Fine with me. People don't count how many times you've helped them, they only count the moment you don't help them. Save the money and hassles. You don't need them in your life.
Why does his dad knows about the son's finances.
This is sad, that a man of that age has so little control over his finances, and so little self respect. Sounds like the caller and his sister are making a generational improvement, while baby brother is more like his father.
I definitely know the feeling if it ain't family asking for money it's friends😮
I have a different opinion on this. My late mom was disabled and had to stop working around the time of her divorce from my former stepdad. And she didn’t get enough to survive on every month. Instead of asking me for money she just wouldn’t eat. She would skip a meal. I had moved out of state and when I went to visit her after she had a horrible fall, I found out by how skinny she was and what she was doing. So anytime I had some extra money, I sent it to her, or ordered groceries to be delivered to her. My mom was only 60 when she was fully Disabled with horrible arthritis all over her body and unfortunately, I’m gonna be 60 in April and I have horrible arthritis all over my whole body and my legs hurt all the time so I completely understand. I’m so fortunate that my daughter moved back in with me a year ago and helps out a little. So even her just taking the trash out help so much. Our parents raise us and take care of us for 18 years. They give us a roof over our heads, they buy us food, clothing, take care of us when we’re sick. There’s nothing wrong at all with helping your adult parents when they get old.
That is the other side of this issue. I think you handled it well by having groceries delivered to your mom (may she rest in peace). It is when parents/family/ friends ask for money and it might be for an indulgence (e.g., a friend asked me to borrow $50.00 so she had cash when she attended a school reunion, that was a hard "NO") and not a legitmate necessity that I get bothered. If I offer to go and pay someone's past due utility bill instead of handing over the cash for it and they accuse me of not trusting them, I may have good reason not to trust them. 🙄
In my culture, we usually take care of our elderly parents both financially and mentally once we're adults and start earning. For us, if parents are asking for money, we give them money or arrange some money otherwise we'd be considered bad children!
It must suck to suck
Just because its your parents your not obligated to financially take care of them . If your doing well and have your house in order that's a blessing to help them . But if your finances are not in line than your setting your kids up for having to take care of you when your older and the cycle continues. That is what the term means , setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. Just because its family doesn't mean your the bank .
You want to borrow money? Presumably with no interest? My answer is - maybe, if you open your books. If I look around and see misbehaviour, then it’s a no. Similarly, if I’ve gotten to yes, and I observe you doing “luxurious things” before I’ve been repaid; I’m calling the note, and I will be much less willing to assist again in the future.
viola likely got that quote from the title of penny reid's book and/OR joan crawford's quote, "You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm."
Personally I would tell him that you don't want to be his lender, tell him an amount you can give him on a monthly basis.
If borrowing money means asking for hand-outs, then no it needs to stop now. If the dad pays it but borrows money again, thats a different thing
It doesn’t sound like the man is just worried about the amount of money he’s giving to his father, but also that his father when he calls just ask for money instead of wanting a relationship such as conversation about other things or participating in hobbies together.
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How about saying NO to family asking for money. Everyone has the same opportunity to make money.
There’s a strong cultural element here where parents expect their kids to support them.
Dad doesn’t want to “borrow” money. He wants money, a gift.
He said his father was "borrowing" money. That implies it is being paid back. If that's the case, he just has a bit of a cashflow problem and needs to build up a small amount of savings so he can smooth out his income and expenses. That's easy enough to do if you try. If actually the money isn't getting paid back, then the caller needs to tell his father he's not lending any more money until the existing debt has been repaid.
I had this issue with my mom. I had to sit her down and let her know and MAKE HER UNDERSTAND that I can't keep giving her money because I also got loans to pay. I pulled out my budget sheet, and showed her how much I'm paying off per month for all the loans I accrued, some of them was even opened for her. I was barely keeping afloat. Most months I get nothing extra even for groceries because she keeps draining my bank account with shit (foot spas, eat outs, etc).
Then I set a budget every month for her, and that I need to know how much she's paying for the basic utilities. I also talked to my brother who is living with my mom to start contributing, and also had the same budget talk with him. There was some adjustment months, but it helps that I don't live with them anymore (I have my own place to live), so I don't get constant guilt trips and such from her, so being strict is much more manageable.
Now, I give them $1000 which they need to budget for everything (some utilities are being covered by my brother so it's more than enough, plus her pension). If she wants to buy something, she's going to have to get it from the leftover of the budget amount I send her. Medical appointments, meds, and the like is a different line item together. Is currently looking for a decent medical insurance for her because I can't cover her with mine due to her age (she's 73).
This went down three-ish years ago. I only have two small loans left, then the mortgage, no car loan (I didn't need it, I'm pretty much on walking distance to basically everything I need and I work from home). On top of the money she's getting from other sibs (except for one), she also opened a small store from her home to keep her busy and to add to her income.
why doesn't 73 years old go with medicaid/medicare??
@@capricygao8236 because she doesn't have it. We don't live in the US :) But the family issue of asking money from their kids and relatives is universal, sadly.
They never asked if dad ever paid back the ‘loans’. I assumed not, it’s hard with so much emotion involved, but you need to say NO and so dies your sister. If he calls you asking, you need to alert your sister so she can be prepared to do the same, then he can’t play you off against each other,
Don’t help someone who doesn’t take intiative to help themselves.
“I’m trying” doesn’t count when they aren’t getting effective results. Literally they aren’t trying when they have your assistance and their life still hasn’t improved
If they can’t help themselves, let them face the consequences of life
The last time my siblings(we're all over 60) asked me for money, I replied, "I have four dollars in my wallet. Where would you like it sent?"
I wasn't lying. I said 4 dollars in my WALLET. Not 4 dollars to my name. I didn't mention the savings account, the checking account the brokerage account or the fat wad of cash I keep in the fridge.
Those accounts are growing since I got the leeches and parasites out of my life.
The fridge? Put that wad somewhere that will withstand a fire. Homeowner's insurance won't care about what you claim you had.
This woman's fear of the cartel is exactly why they continue to exist. This is why brave men (and women) are needed to defeat evil.
I have a tiny list of fam I will help and a giant list of no freakin' ways.
i will never understand parents asking their children who are just starting to get on their feet financially, for money. my dad does it sometimes. even though it's not a lot of money, it still bothers me. his paycheck is almost 6x as mine. i don't get it. thankfully, i've moved out and can say no via a messenger. but if it was face-to-face, i wouldn't be able to say no.
The way his family is asking for money is still a burden from an investment perspective even in smaller amounts of money. So many financial professionals and advisors speak on this topic all the time about how much of a hinderance it is on people that are trying to build wealth for themselves. Any amount of money you give family members adds up quick. I personally come from a low income black family where folks are just lazy and don’t want to work. All they do is ask for money to get by. I tell my family members no all the time and it has destroyed my relationship with certain family members but that’s the compromise I’m willing to take in order to focus on what’s most important in my life which is my future. Responsible Adult family members should not be on your priority list. If they aren’t responsible then that’s their problem not yours!!!
I’d you have enough money to buy scratch tickets, you don’t need to be borrowing money.
GROW A PAIR