What helps you build inner safety? Let me know in the comments 👇🏼 👉🏼Pre-order my new book It's Not Your Fault: Why childhood trauma shapes you and how to break free www.alexhoward.com/its-not-your-fault Once you buy the book, don't forget to register your order number. I have 5 bonus gifts I’m giving to you for FREE to thank you for purchasing this book (including LIFETIME ACCESS to my very popular Decode Your Trauma, Decode Your Nervous System and Decode Your Fatigue 5 day series).
Staying away, as much as possible, from family members who have not evolved past the old family dynamic. It’s not ‘old’ for them, it’s still current. When you work to break the family dynamic, particularly if you were the scapegoat, other people still in the family ‘game’ who have not woken up will try very hard to keep you in the scapegoat position. No amount of explaining will stop them. So I heavily limit contact.
I find this "inner safety" part of the puzzle the hardest. I used to be able to do it with Tai Chi, walks in the countryside, caring for my son, but now I can't walk anymore, I have a chronic pain condition. I can't do Tai Chi anymore and it feels like my options are very limited. Even meditation gets more difficult because of the pain. My son is now grown up (so I care for a cat, but she is fairly independent). I really really need to be able to self regulate but I can't seem to get this piece in place. The only thing that really helps is finding some kind of co-regulation. I can't afford therapy so I call the Samaritans.
Your book “It’s Not Your Fault” is on my wish list on audible and will be purchased Jan 25, 2024. When I do, how and where do I register the order number? I look forward to listening to your book.
I started to pray. I was close to death through autoimmune, no friends family or doctors that would help me. I prayed out my feelings, unprocessed trauma, and I began to heal. After 20 yrs of accumalative trauma, now in 4 years of healing. God brought me to your Reset Program Alex, it has healed a lot. Thank you. Now I've picked up the Bible at this late stage in my life, and I now feel healed. Healing is possible. Trust you, trust God. It is possible.
I been diagnosed with probably Ankylose spondalitis.. Yet i realized, and what triggered all this healing process, is to chose wrong partners...Actually..The right partner to trigger all my traumas. So i broke up. Of course, i can't let someone abuse me. But it pushed me into taking the step to heal...
What helps me first of all withdraw from toxic people, toxic companies, toxic situations, toxic places. Secondly, find peace, why are you sitting at a river or at the ocean as far away as possible from other people, or just be in the middle of a forest. Thirdly, reduce the cost of living so that I don’t have to work as much so that I have more freedom for myself. I could go on and on, I found a lot of helpful things since I started my new lifestyle. Thank you for thanks inspiring me and have a great week.
Sounds to me that maybe you are just escaping the feelings more than facing them. Which definitely puts you in a situation of less stress but doesn't get rid of the trauma, because it would probably come up again as soon as you find yourself in a difficult situation. Could be wrong. But that is a short term solution for the problem. I like the say, "the only way is through".
@@robertarmellini9286 thank you for your answer. I’ve had therapy four times 25 hours and two stays in a psychiatric hospital, I studied psychology for 4 semesters and I’m constantly trying to return to the here and now because I find that thinking about the past is egocentric and therefore unhealthy.
For me, inner safety looks like speaking kind words to myself, being compassionate toward the parts of me that struggle. Additionally, setting boundaries with others.
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Germany don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Yes he's Dr.alishrooms.Shrooms to me is a natrual healer. I know a guy who has used mushrooms in the same way and they have really helped him. mah dudes have safe trips all.
wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
thank you Doctor. I myself would add a last but very crucial step to that process of healing : being grateful to yourself and thanking yourself for the courage it had to take to get it through that process of releasing the trauma.
My trauma is stored in my stomach, I’m sure of it. I’ve been through a lot throughout my life and now I have a digestive disease (GERD/gastritis) caused by extreme anxiety and stress. It’s so difficult to begin my healing journey but I’m here trying. I can’t bring my stress down and it’s making my heartburn worse. I have so much work ahead of me. I’ve started with yoga and I journal sometimes. I need to regulate my nervous system somehow. I’m up all night, every night. I’m glad I found this video though. I think it will be very helpful. So thank you
Mine too, my digestive system doesen't work, making me to shut down after a meal , but the stress is making me hungry, the only way out is to get rid of the stress/ trauma I belive, and that is trougth the process of confronting the traumas, stay with it and realise it can't hurt you any more. You have to look at the trauma, feel it, don't run away, and then comfort yourself and say thats not relevant anymore, move on and live your life.
Look into fasting and cut out sugar especially. Ive had the same problems with stress, anxiety, trauma and digestive issues and I'll then eat junk food for months and feel worse for it. But when i cut out the crap, i immediately feel better and sleep better. You might go through the Herxheimer reaction when the bacteria die off which feels like being run down but afterwards, you'll feel much better and get back to good health.
@rayma66 you may want to lead about the vagus nerve stimulation. There are specific breathing exercises, humming and singing that may help you with it. Also, MAT (muscle activation technique) practitioner can ease your digestive issues.
Aside from the things you mentioned, I moved away from my toxic family. I also spent much time with somebody who loved and trusted me. I did serious self-therapy: I asked myself "What happened?", Why do I feel this way?", "At that time, what should I have done?", "If it happens again now, what should I do?", etc. I also developed self-love, self-reliance, and self-esteem.
I wasn't able to build inner safety until I found a way to be compassionate to myself, and finally to LOVE myself. I started journaling consistently and honestly. It helped me be compassionate when I saw how hard my healing was in a concrete way. And I found it easier to feel compassion for that hurting person in my journal. It gave me some space to actually see how difficult this was for me and how hard I was working on it. I found that helped me to start trusting myself. I also use my journals for perspective. I look back to see how far I've come! THAT helps keep me going when it's hard to go on.
The biggest and most helpful way that I began to build safety was to realize that safety first starts with me. No matter what is going on around me, no matter what people are saying and doing, and no matter what is going on in the world; I can work on making my inner and immediate world around me, a safe place. To work on inner peace -I will continue to work on trusting in God and building trust within myself, healing my inner child. Healing is like peeling an onion and I still have far to go, and that’s okay as long as I continue to have compassion, patience and keep learning how to be my own best friend. I will get there One peel at a time. I realize that being hard on myself doesn’t make a safe inner environment to allow for holding space for inner parts. Patience and compassion with self really is important. I have days I am just so fatigued by it all, but I do think it’s more stressful and tiring when avoiding, running from the emotions that want to be felt, validated, seen and heard. I have been on this healing journey for quite some time. Grief has a way of bringing up unhealed trauma, unaddressed grief and trauma that needs to be grieved. I realize I have to hold space for myself more often. It is said that in time we learn to grieve more in love than in pain when a loved one passes, perhaps the same can be said about trauma; as we grieve the trauma we can learn to love ourselves more in the process and little by little the pain of it all will become less and less over time. Much love and compassion to you all ❤
@@birdienumnums1 hello, I am sending compassion your way. I hope one day you are able to walk lighter in grief with more love than pain. If you would like suggestions about a grief group or grief training group, please let me know and I will forward the information. I know grief all too well and walk with grief every day. Some days lighter than others. Sending love to all our loved ones and much love to you.
@@Ceria3ella Yes kindly forward your suggestions. part of my trouble is my health is suffering now and I am on my own. thanks for your kind words. The hardest toughest cruelest experience I have dealt with.
Alex, this is the most comprehensive description about trauma healing journey and the steps one should be aware of when addressing trauma in their bodies.. I've listened to many lectures on the topic and most of them were just confusing and in the end people didn't know where and how to start. This one is short, exact, straight to the point and I am certain it will help a lot of people. Thank you ❤
I am starting to build safety with a beautiful blanket! Back to the womb! When I was growing up my mother would often say "Pull yourself together". It became my motto after she died when I was 26. Now 69, it doesn't work anymore and I have a lot of alarm symptoms which need soothing and sorting. Thank you for your reassurance that there will be a way out. Bless you.
I'm 68 and in the past ten years, have started to deal with old trauma feelings. I feel that daily hiking and strength training have saved me from severe health issues. I'm trying to include meditation, but it's difficult because I have some type of ADHD. My parents are passed, but I have two much older siblings who were emotional abusers, until I went no contact with them. Therapists don't seem to understand how bad emotional and verbal abuse, and emotional neglect, can be. I don't have many childhood memories, but I remember my dad shooting my cat when I was around six, because it bit my mom, who stepped on its foot. I recently had a therapist tell me that my siblings just thought I was "different" and that was why they mistreated me. By and large, the counseling and therapy community is not helpful for survivors of family abuse.
Tapping has helped me the most. It calms me and soothes me, and yet it assists me in bringing up and healing trauma. My therapist, who uses tapping throughout each session, has been invaluable.
I'm a life coach and I use tapping every day and recommend it to everyone. It's free, it's easy, can be used for any issue big or small and most importantly, it works 😀
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Dear Alex, I build inner safety within nature, walks by the beach, listening to bird song and enjoying good food, and long chats with friends and family around me. Meditation every morning and positive affirmations. Just wanted to say that your videos have helped me greatly in trying to understand my engrained traumas. I love your therapeutic approach and methods. I believe they are paving the way to my healing. Thank you deeply for sharing. By far the best therapist on You Tube. ❤
The things that make me feel safe are being with someone that loves and accepts me as I am where there is trust (mum), walks and sitting in nature, coffees and chats with friends, healing workships with other women, walks on the beach, yoga, Falun Gong, a belief system in something higher, kirtan, kindness from others even from relative strangers on a daily basis, patting a dog, affection, hugs, kind words, not having too many demands, being in beautiful places with good energy. Also, even doing something like knitting or crochet or stroking a cat where it is "time out" but the mind is preoccupied. Feeling financially secure. Frankly, a lot of jobs have not made me feel safe because there are so many demands, pressure and judgement with them. At present, am looking for a new job whilst wanting to sort through some of my issues and whilst jobs are important to feel valued with self esteem and financially secure, it is making me feel that I don't want to feel stressed or pressured as it is counter-intuitive to enjoyment of life, to feeling safe enough to work through issues which also contributes to more enjoyment of life.
Taking time out, in the garden, the beach, peace and quiet, allowing the body to recallibrate, recognising when to do this is important, helps tremendously. Taking time out allows you to listen to your body and your inner self 💗
Exactly--my stored trauma (starting in childhood with emotional neglect) turned into fibromyalgia and CFS. Doing tons of somatic emotional work is one of the main things that has helped me get to close to recovery. (Kiloby Inquires/somatic self inquiry to get out emotional repression and limiting beliefs) (Also learning not to fight, flee or try to fix symptoms and learning how not to worry about them also). Thank you Dr. John Sarno!!!
For me im working on self compassion. Really being compassionate to my self. Which can be in the form of write compassionate letters to my self, self compassion touch, connecting with my body, and writing down my feelings to express it. I also allow my self to release anger by shouting to the universe or punching my pillows. One thing i never did was express anger. I now know it is ok to express healthy anger in a healthy way. And it is ok to feel angry with things. That is what justice is. As long as we are not taking it out on our self or others.
Beautifully explained. People go through trauma and think that it’s over and done with but trauma stored in the body has life long consequences. Trauma typically gets stored in the area of our our brain responsible for our emotions. Which then gets a response from our body whenever a similar situation occurs in one life which will remind you of your traumatic experiences and to live through it over again, which doesn’t end up leaving your body. When this happens over and over, your stress response increases leading to long term illnesses and can lead you to having an early stroke, dementia, heart attack etc. It’s so important to deal with trauma and heal from it once and for all. Because something is not seen and running in the background, does not mean it’s not effecting you in your everyday life.
Great video Alex. Concise. I read The Body Keeps Score and then did EMDR and finally landed with IFS which has been a game changer. I give myself space. And then I talk to the parts - The Little One who has an attachment wound and thinks it must be her fault. And Loss, who has been beat to shit. I let her cry and be depressed and I sit with her. I appreciate that each of these parts of me play an important role, even Critic who said, Don't get up. Play dead. I have a brilliant manager part whom I call PFC (Pre-frontal Cortex); she is very controlling, but has lots of history and information for me. In addition to doing IFS, I went to your trauma super conference which was great! I do yoga, lift weights, hike, walk on the beach, paint, garden. I'm 69 years old and working hard at healing. But just like all of you, I'm lonely and sad from time to time. And it's OK. It's safe for me to feel that way.
Thank you so much for sharing! I never heard of IFS. I'm looking into it now after reading your comment. I pray for your continuing healing, peace and joy, in Jesus name ❤️🙏
my defense to trauma is isolation that I learned as a child when my father was physically and emotionally abusive. I did not feel safe and now as an adult if someone makes me feel unsafe physically, it comes out as anger and I fight but if emotionally I am hurt, I remove that relationship from my life, I cut you out of my life for "all of eternity" . Taking the time to think about why I am reacting the way I am and allowing myself time to go for a walk and get those feelings out. I am fortunate to live in the beautiful state of Montana, USA where it is safe to walk and the scenery is beautiful.
This title is a mouthful but this book helped me immensely: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
Hello Alex! So interesting to hear you talk about this topic. I am a very lucky person to have been cured of my psychosomatic ailments as I stuttered badly for 40 years and also had eczema all over my body. I just want to chime in with a parallel here to what you're saying. I was healed through liberating breathing ("rebirthing"). I found a fantastic therapist and here I want to directly emphasize the importance of finding a good therapist, who as you often say, safety is something important to think about. Trauma that is trapped in the body, when it is released, very strange body sensations can occur and then it is really important that you have a good therapist next to you as it can feel scary. The great thing about this method is that you as a client do not need to know anything about "why" your ailments are there, the method is very radical, in short; via the breathing technique, high-octane oxygen finds its way into the blockages (stored in tissues, muscles, etc.) and releases trapped energy. Very often then, memories can come to the surface and you get a clarity as to "why" the blockage arose. It is very common for blockages to arise in childhood, when one's own intellect was not developed to understand the source of the "trauma". In my case, I have carried with me trauma where I could not at all derive this to anything from my own life. I have been part of a fantastic journey and become 100% free from my ailments. Been completely healthy now for 17 years.
I get a lot of help listening to The Crappy Childhood Fairy and Heidi Priebe and, of course, Peter Levine. I am adding Alex Howard to my ‘team’. I like him a lot. Clear explanation and a good manner. And English. Subscribed.
Being aware of my thinking/self talk is very important to my feeling of safety. I aim to be consistent & to be my own best friend. 💖 this also includes tuning into my body, what is my body feeling? Stop take a breathe or rest & allow myself to do nothing. These things help me to notice the adrenaline & make a new choice ✨💖✨ Thank you Alex 🫶✨ so grateful for your work
What you said! Learning to listen to and acknowledge what’s happening in your body and re-narrating the internal dialogue from negative to supportive. We can learn to be our own bestie!
Thank you for this... I've been releasing & letting go a lot of shock cell trauma in my body,, spinal system, asthma, tension in chest,, joints, muscles, immune system, rage, everywhere! lol.. ALot of stubbornness, anger, rage, sadness, humiliation, betrayals, mistakes & bad deeds on my part & especially others connected to this life & many many past lives for the last 2 years.. Not fun,, but after it's said & done,,, What LOVE, Safety, Peace & Trust in Life, I Am Feeling More & More.. I Breathe A LOT, in & out constantly.. I want to be present, exist & deal with EVERYTHING that is present or presenting me in front of me & inside of me clearly... Oh Karma,, lol,, Good to know & feel that,, " Nothing But Good Come's Out Of ALL Situations" Absoultely! Correction & changing perceptions In Constant Forgiveness & Especially "LOVE", REALLY Works & Patience.. Thanks again for this
Thanks for breaking this down. I also find that using the imagination to imagine safe, soothing spaces results in the feelings of calm and safety. Of course, it takes practice and may not be for everybody. I wonder, however, if all techniques and strategies need to be based on a sense of Self. Some people feel shattered and don't have a solid sense of self. Who am I? What is my worth? What do I stand for? What is my purpose? So perhaps applying techniques needs to go hand in hand with building inner wisdom or meaning.
Being hyper vigilant as a coping mechanism and anticipating worst case scenarios all the time keeps me in a state of fear - I call that living in virtual reality lol so for me stopping those stories as soon as I notice them and checking in with reality is what I am focusing on
Excellent video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my marriage of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
don't worry man, only advice I can give you that will help is to not feed into those thoughts and try to look at the relationship as a lesson, reflect and see what you've learnt from that relationship as there is a lesson that can be found in any relationship or experience, my next piece of advice is to practice self love cuz only you can fill that void, wish u the best of luck on your healing journey.
Same. I avoided my feelings at all costs. It terrified me to go there. Now I am realizing it was anxiety and that I will get through it if I go through the process of feeling
Working directly with the inner child has helped me feel the feels and bloom her into safety and confidence to express. Now we are delving more into finding safety in being more grounded in the body.... what a fascinating journey! Great video! Thank you.
Hello Alex! Earlier today I ordered your book "It's not your fault". I am 65 years old and after a long and painful journey I am now in processing my trauma and allowing myself to feel what I was afraid of. Sometimes my feelings are intimidating and as you said I feel as I am on the edge of an abyss and if I fell down I couldn't be able to go out. It was very useful for me your comment that when we start allowing our emotions getting out, we tend to push ourselves forward harshly. "Be gentle' was a valuable advice. When I am overwhelmed I search connection with my friends. It is dangerous for me to be alone with my unbearable emotions. Even this comment I am writing now has a positive impact on me. Reading is also a good way to find inner peace. Of course I read books that I am interested in. I also pray to God without forcing him to do what I want. I simply apply my requests. Thanks for your helpful videos.
What helps me is Theropy and meditation. Started chair yoga for seniors and podcasts like this one. They are all helpful tools and techniques and I’m still learning. 😊😊
one of the Best video's I have seen ..inner safety ? for me counting to ten before I commit , say I will get back to you .( when I have thought it through ) having the same compassion for myself as I do for others ,and pulling away from people that make my stomach turn ( thats where I feel it ) and stop making excuses for people ..if it does not feel right its usually is not right ..built your wisdom and observations which finally will help you trust your instinct ...respect yourself and know you have value too .
Fantastic video. I continue to build safety. Most recently quiting a toxic job and asking my parents not to contact me. Meditation and spirituality has helped with internal safety. Knowing I am not my thoughts, my emotions or my body has really helped me to find a space that is safe and untouched by the physical world. With love and wishing you peace, J
I have found sound healing and not pushing my body helpful. What you have said about the innate wisdom of our bodies initially to protect us but then to present the material/symptoms for healing/expression/completion when we are relaxed and from the body's perspective resourced, is something to trust. Because mostly we have been distant from that body wisdom and we don't understand it or trust it. ,, and this is about changing that so we can be free. Thank you so much for your accessibility Alex - it's allowing people who haven't been able to afford therapy to access help via the stories and experiences of others. Theres something very co regulating about your energy which transmits confidence.
Working with a really good therapist currently using a somatic method, inner child work also. I'm learning to get in touch with my emotions and feel them, allow self care practices. To survive, I had to deny and repress emotions. Finding my voice: setting boundaries with others and asking for what I need.
Thank you Alex. I have been dealing with anxiety on highways for years after having a panic attack while driving the day after 911. As a child I did not have a secure base to turn to for safety since my mother was a narcissist so I did not know how to self regulate my emotions. I distracted myself with alcohol, sex, eating, and drugs. I have been sober since 1988, but I did not how to calm myself when things seemed out of my control. I know I have CPSTD. What has helped me feel stable internally is my relationship with God. I read my Bible every morning, attend Bible study and continue to drive on the highway. Meditation is a daily practice along with stretching. I stay away from any drama from others and keep my focus on God and helping others without caretaking. Healing is a journey. I am thankful to people like you who create these videos for those suffering who need help. God bless you!
Hearing things that scare me and experiencing that nothing happened and I’m ok. Also being w my family and letting myself laugh and talk with them. Being with my cats and seeing how they are being with me without needing me to be in any other way than myself.
What an amazing video. I didn’t know I had stored trauma till I watched. I knew something was “off” just didn’t know what it was. So Thank you for this✨
Anxiety can be body-anxiety, mind-anxiety and emotion-related anxiety. Awareñess of this and likewise action for building inner safety: body-safety (e.g.sleep, soft diet), mind-safety (e.g.non-judgemental about criticizing, I found helpful), emotional-safety (e.ģ.meditation walk, I consider to be interesting)...
Asking for support is crucial. So I can get saftey inside, to build enough for reaching my own safety and regulations. Self nice talk, acceptance and compassion helps a lot together with meditation ♥️
This is the most important and straight video about trauma releasing I have ever seen and heard. Important points in a few minutes. Lots of people put this informations in long podcasts. So thank you because this stage of my life let me release these emotions and this support helped a lot. Have a nice rest of a month! 🙏💎❤️
Wow! This was amazing. I was able to do this to a degree without realizing that this is what I was doing. I had an accident that left me traumatized which manifested with a lot of anxiety. Because I ended up in the hospital I started to experience a lot of health anxiety even thought all the tests came back negative (clean bill of health) I started to educate myself about anxiety the symptoms and I learned that hypochondriac is at the top of the many symptoms. Once I understood that there was nothing wrong with me I decided to accept the anxiety but learn to manage it. Deep breathing, meditation, having a wonderful supportive husband and slowing down and getting in touch with my feelings has been the key for me. My anxiety is pretty much gone but I will continue to meditate and I have slowly gone back to the gym.
Excellent thank you. I've been reading your book, It's Not Your Fault, and then avoided (for a while) doing the first exercise in Chapter 3. I finally started the first exercise last night, and a whole bunch of stuff came up that surprised me, freaked me out, and made me uncomfortable; and I didn't sleep well. Now through this video I understand that I was using one of the defense mechanisms (avoiding the exercise) to avoid feeling the subsequent feelings. I feel better now after I watched the video, to continue the process, and be gentle with myself. I also know that as I remain courageous, I will provide the safe environment for my body to connect to its wisdom and heal its unresolved trauma.
When i feel discomfort and try to escape into conversations, social media and so on i go back to myself and i ask myself questions which helps to discover where is my trauma in my body and mind. Then i let myself cry and when i do it Hurts but then i feel sich a relief. When i stoped to runaway i just opened for emotions and im very loving for myself like a bestfriend i started to feel real calm and joy.
I found being in nature. Appreciating the small things .the kindness in others and the things that are positive like worshipping god help me get in touch with my emotions.denial can be a big.part. like this isnt going on but you know the body keeps the score and it catches up.
I'm in therapy for many years and I've watched 2 of your videos so far and they have both been sooo enlightening and REALLY do help to understand and get better!!
Thank you very much for this video. I have seen many videos and this summarises the matrer really well with an organised way that respects the listener . We should have this knowledge taught at school from an early age.
I find this video very beneficial. I have a lot of stored trauma that manifests itself in panic, anxiety attacks, over-worrying, doomsday thinking and overly negative thinking. Accepting that I have not surfaced many of my stored trauma is the first step towards healing. Thank you for this video!
Thank you. A way is being mindful and developing a friendship with my inner child, adult self, parent myself, be a BFF by talking to myself as support. This is something I need to do for an inner safety rule.
Listening to your wonderful words of wisdom, I was put off with what sounded like background music ? Please, can we just have your talking without that? Having trauma myself, I am very sensitive to sounds. Thank you so much for all your videos, they are really helping me. xxx
Great video, it is unbelievable that majority of people suffer from one or another type of truma. They should start teaching this in middle school and higher up ... maybe thru rest of life ...
Just listened to this online talk and want to thank you as l find so many people explain about the trauma and it’s response but few actually tell you have it can be transformed.lve listened to your videos explaining about the reset programme but l really felt l needed to work one to one. I have recently started my process with a somatic therapist and l really hope she can lead me to make the changes l so want to make. It feels like my whole lie,68 years have been dogged by fear, anxiety and dread of just living and Covid sent me right over the top. Slowly l hope to start to live……thank you again for all your online information and advice, it helped me see what l need to heal my wounds, Josée
I've learnt a lot about my chronic complex trauma from Gabor Mate n Bassel Van der Kolk, but I have to say you prbly articulated it in the most clear, coherent, relatable way. "SLOW" is the key, rmbr that the first time you talk to a counsellor, it can be very re-traumatising, you lock up, enormous sadness n pain comes back n you feel what did I do that for. But slowly, gently n with compassion you learn to feel n think about those events/times without being triggered. It's a long journey that has taken me 10yrs to understand. It's something I'll have to work on everyday but it's worth it as I don't want to pass my trauma onto my kids, I want them to hve the life that I couldn't hve. All the power to all who read this and thank you Howard for trying to make a difference, it's working,-)
Thx for the video. My trauma got so bad that I developed a functional movement disorder. I was unable to stop having tremors like motions for a whole week. I was hospitalized unable to move properly. I was able to manage later on and I finished the school year a month later. I am a teacher. During the summer break, I found out a treatment at Mayo Clinic. In December a year ago, I started a great program. The main process was learning to do diaphragmatic breathing and other physical therapy training for a week. I am not 100% better but about 90%. So breathing and sleeping at least 7 hours a days, 9 hours are ideal make a huge difference for me. I can feel my body internally shake when I am stressed and anxious. I am afraid to let the emotions run free but this video might just have me convinced. Again, thank you.
Building inner safety is the most important and most difficult as trauma creates imense feeling of uncertainty unsafety and almost ever lasting feeling of danger and fear..and any small impulse could wake up this alarm again and again and you react instinctively without the power to stop it as this reactioin is faster than your logical thinking....speak from own experience but still work on that there exist ways to get rid of these anxieties from trauma but as you sad slowly it takes time and selflove❤...hope to overcome it one day😘
For the past two days, I have been looking for a video on healing traumas, and I stumbled upon your video today and it made so much sense. Thank you and gratitude 🙏
And what helps to build inner safety ..yoga self love hugs touching cat or dog learning sth new which give us confidence and pleasure and always remembering good moments in life and gratitude for these happy moments 💝 because whatever happens to us we should try to find sth nice and good in our life❤
I learned this along time ago. It's really never about us, ( the reason they abused us) Ignoring toxic people, places etc. Is isolating. NOT GOOD it's better to learn to cope, everyone can learn to cope, and in the process, you'll actually learn those toxic people, are actually just trying to get through everyday the only way they know how, and can be quite hilarious to observe through a moral compass.What i learned is perspective is key, and the world looks a certain way when putting on the right glasses, adopt a differnt approach mentality, life is trial, and error. Don't carry some elses bag of shit, just because they gave you that baggage. Have the power to put that bag of shit on their doorsteps, light it on fire, and watch as they try and stomp it out. Time to live life! It's a choice. The most powerful thing you can do is make the choice to no longer carry bagadge you thought you had to carry. Are you a theif? No, it's not yours it. Never was. Return it!
Thank you - TH-cam just recommended this video to me. For me the release of the trauma (in my case stored in in the belly & solar plexus-area) comes with a lot of anger or rage... which is not so easy to access gently it seems - at least not by myself outside of therapy... Also I'm getting in touch with some feeling of guilt for my confused ways to cope with this in the past - trying to get rid of this energy in sexuality for example... puuh, not so pretty to look at that, yet I didn't know better... I mean there was nothing going on which was not consensual... yet, it's not my proudest phase of the journey... I don't know... just felt like sharing myself here I guess... thanks for reading! ❤️🔥
This is an awesome "sum it all up" And also the other one about how it is stored... The helicopter view is the first to disappear during emotional turmoil. At least in my case... This really helps to see the big picture again... Thanks so much... Blessings to you...
This and a previous video has helped me understand my need to be of constant help to my adult children (fawning). I’ve known it’s there for a long time and always feel unfulfilled because I’m too busy to give myself to those things which I would find personally fulfilling outside my kids and seven grandchildren. Though how I quite make this journey is an interesting question. Thanks Alex, you were instrumental in my dealing with chronic fatigue, your videos are a great help.
You said what happens...can come out in a different form. Is my sense of humor the form/damage caused by the meningitis and high fever that damaged the myelin sheath and disability I now have. This site explains in a clearer the form of the anxiety that is troubling me. I want to be more connected with this site...thank you.
This video is absolutely awesome! Explained so well and I really enjoy your pace and tone in story telling, I think you deliver the message so well. Thanks for sharing, you are probably helping more people than you even realise :)
Thanks you for you structured comments and contribution to global health and enlightenment. Responding to your invitation about what has helped me feel safe, it is primarily my practice of the Transcendental Meditation program, the largest systemized meditation technique in history, with 10 million people having learned, and 700 published scientific research studies showing benefits, half of which appeared in peer-reviewed journals. The second most helpful has been 15-20 minutes twice daily yoga postures. Third most important has been learning and practicing Ayurveda, the Indian system of natural health, the oldest and largest tradition of natural health in the world. Thank you again.
Thanks for this video . I have just started practicing releasing my trauma . Allowing it not rejecting it . I have somatic symptoms within my body like heart palpitations, tight rope around my throat , chest pain , stomach pain and impending doom of immense fear worry . So I have been meditating and trying to feel . It’s hard . But I’m doing it .
What helps me is to welcome the emotions as an unexpected guest, to "sit" with them, hold them, breathe into them and let them expand a little until they dissipate. I also practise Inner Bonding, a beautiful method that teaches you to love yourself whilst taking charge of your own feelings and needs. It helps you become a loving adult to your wounded inner child. I agree that only we, ourselves, need to learn this. Only through our own experience can our brain patterns change.
What helps you build inner safety? Let me know in the comments 👇🏼
👉🏼Pre-order my new book It's Not Your Fault: Why childhood trauma shapes you and how to break free www.alexhoward.com/its-not-your-fault
Once you buy the book, don't forget to register your order number. I have 5 bonus gifts I’m giving to you for FREE to thank you for purchasing this book (including LIFETIME ACCESS to my very popular Decode Your Trauma, Decode Your Nervous System and Decode Your Fatigue 5 day series).
Staying away, as much as possible, from family members who have not evolved past the old family dynamic. It’s not ‘old’ for them, it’s still current. When you work to break the family dynamic, particularly if you were the scapegoat, other people still in the family ‘game’ who have not woken up will try very hard to keep you in the scapegoat position. No amount of explaining will stop them. So I heavily limit contact.
I find this "inner safety" part of the puzzle the hardest. I used to be able to do it with Tai Chi, walks in the countryside, caring for my son, but now I can't walk anymore, I have a chronic pain condition. I can't do Tai Chi anymore and it feels like my options are very limited. Even meditation gets more difficult because of the pain. My son is now grown up (so I care for a cat, but she is fairly independent). I really really need to be able to self regulate but I can't seem to get this piece in place. The only thing that really helps is finding some kind of co-regulation. I can't afford therapy so I call the Samaritans.
Your book “It’s Not Your Fault” is on my wish list on audible and will be purchased Jan 25, 2024. When I do, how and where do I register the order number? I look forward to listening to your book.
If I buy this of my audible app do I still get the freebies please?
I have purchased the book on audible last month and, still unsure where to register my order number.
I started to pray. I was close to death through autoimmune, no friends family or doctors that would help me. I prayed out my feelings, unprocessed trauma, and I began to heal. After 20 yrs of accumalative trauma, now in 4 years of healing. God brought me to your Reset Program Alex, it has healed a lot. Thank you. Now I've picked up the Bible at this late stage in my life, and I now feel healed. Healing is possible. Trust you, trust God. It is possible.
Beautiful ❤
The doctors give us a pills but most diseases and sickness can come from our trapped emotions.
❤
I been diagnosed with probably Ankylose spondalitis..
Yet i realized, and what triggered all this healing process, is to chose wrong partners...Actually..The right partner to trigger all my traumas.
So i broke up. Of course, i can't let someone abuse me.
But it pushed me into taking the step to heal...
AMEN GLORY TO GOD
What helps me first of all withdraw from toxic people, toxic companies, toxic situations, toxic places. Secondly, find peace, why are you sitting at a river or at the ocean as far away as possible from other people, or just be in the middle of a forest. Thirdly, reduce the cost of living so that I don’t have to work as much so that I have more freedom for myself. I could go on and on, I found a lot of helpful things since I started my new lifestyle. Thank you for thanks inspiring me and have a great week.
Thank you
Sounds to me that maybe you are just escaping the feelings more than facing them. Which definitely puts you in a situation of less stress but doesn't get rid of the trauma, because it would probably come up again as soon as you find yourself in a difficult situation. Could be wrong. But that is a short term solution for the problem. I like the say, "the only way is through".
@@robertarmellini9286 thank you for your answer. I’ve had therapy four times 25 hours and two stays in a psychiatric hospital, I studied psychology for 4 semesters and I’m constantly trying to return to the here and now because I find that thinking about the past is egocentric and therefore unhealthy.
There are moments where you cannot avoid toxic people . 😢
Did the same
For me, inner safety looks like speaking kind words to myself, being compassionate toward the parts of me that struggle. Additionally, setting boundaries with others.
What exactly is meant by setting boundaries and how do u do it?
Setting boundaries is difficult for me its hard for me to articulate my feelings.
What help me was walking in nature and spending hours outside with nature 😊
You are grounding yourself in nature whuch is awesome 🎉🎉😊.
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with ADHD. Spent my whole life fighting ADHD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Germany don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
Yes he's Dr.alishrooms.Shrooms to me is a natrual healer. I know a guy who has used mushrooms in the same way and they have really helped him. mah dudes have safe trips all.
wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Ignoring toxic people has helped. & Honestly meeting new people 👍🏽 has helped release trauma
A relaxing environment that is safe with things that comfort like soft blankets and music.
thank you Doctor. I myself would add a last but very crucial step to that process of healing : being grateful to yourself and thanking yourself for the courage it had to take to get it through that process of releasing the trauma.
Well said
My trauma is stored in my stomach, I’m sure of it. I’ve been through a lot throughout my life and now I have a digestive disease (GERD/gastritis) caused by extreme anxiety and stress. It’s so difficult to begin my healing journey but I’m here trying. I can’t bring my stress down and it’s making my heartburn worse. I have so much work ahead of me. I’ve started with yoga and I journal sometimes. I need to regulate my nervous system somehow. I’m up all night, every night. I’m glad I found this video though. I think it will be very helpful. So thank you
Mine too, my digestive system doesen't work, making me to shut down after a meal , but the stress is making me hungry, the only way out is to get rid of the stress/ trauma I belive, and that is trougth the process of confronting the traumas, stay with it and realise it can't hurt you any more. You have to look at the trauma, feel it, don't run away, and then comfort yourself and say thats not relevant anymore, move on and live your life.
You can use Vipassana meditation and tapping to release trauma.
Mindfulness healed me a lot
Look into fasting and cut out sugar especially. Ive had the same problems with stress, anxiety, trauma and digestive issues and I'll then eat junk food for months and feel worse for it.
But when i cut out the crap, i immediately feel better and sleep better.
You might go through the Herxheimer reaction when the bacteria die off which feels like being run down but afterwards, you'll feel much better and get back to good health.
@rayma66 you may want to lead about the vagus nerve stimulation. There are specific breathing exercises, humming and singing that may help you with it. Also, MAT (muscle activation technique) practitioner can ease your digestive issues.
Aside from the things you mentioned, I moved away from my toxic family. I also spent much time with somebody who loved and trusted me. I did serious self-therapy: I asked myself "What happened?", Why do I feel this way?", "At that time, what should I have done?", "If it happens again now, what should I do?", etc. I also developed self-love, self-reliance, and self-esteem.
I wasn't able to build inner safety until I found a way to be compassionate to myself, and finally to LOVE myself. I started journaling consistently and honestly. It helped me be compassionate when I saw how hard my healing was in a concrete way. And I found it easier to feel compassion for that hurting person in my journal. It gave me some space to actually see how difficult this was for me and how hard I was working on it. I found that helped me to start trusting myself. I also use my journals for perspective. I look back to see how far I've come! THAT helps keep me going when it's hard to go on.
The biggest and most helpful way that I began to build safety was to realize that safety first starts with me. No matter what is going on around me, no matter what people are saying and doing, and no matter what is going on in the world; I can work on making my inner and immediate world around me, a safe place. To work on inner peace -I will continue to work on trusting in God and building trust within myself, healing my inner child. Healing is like peeling an onion and I still have far to go, and that’s okay as long as I continue to have compassion, patience and keep learning how to be my own best friend. I will get there One peel at a time. I realize that being hard on myself doesn’t make a safe inner environment to allow for holding space for inner parts. Patience and compassion with self really is important. I have days I am just so fatigued by it all, but I do think it’s more stressful and tiring when avoiding, running from the emotions that want to be felt, validated, seen and heard. I have been on this healing journey for quite some time. Grief has a way of bringing up unhealed trauma, unaddressed grief and trauma that needs to be grieved. I realize I have to hold space for myself more often. It is said that in time we learn to grieve more in love than in pain when a loved one passes, perhaps the same can be said about trauma; as we grieve the trauma we can learn to love ourselves more in the process and little by little the pain of it all will become less and less over time. Much love and compassion to you all ❤
I am struggling with GRIEF.
@@birdienumnums1 hello, I am sending compassion your way. I hope one day you are able to walk lighter in grief with more love than pain. If you would like suggestions about a grief group or grief training group, please let me know and I will forward the information. I know grief all too well and walk with grief every day. Some days lighter than others. Sending love to all our loved ones and much love to you.
@@Ceria3ella Yes kindly forward your suggestions. part of my trouble is my health is suffering now and I am on my own. thanks for your kind words. The hardest toughest cruelest experience I have dealt with.
Physical activities are extremely helpful
Alex, this is the most comprehensive description about trauma healing journey and the steps one should be aware of when addressing trauma in their bodies.. I've listened to many lectures on the topic and most of them were just confusing and in the end people didn't know where and how to start. This one is short, exact, straight to the point and I am certain it will help a lot of people.
Thank you ❤
I am starting to build safety with a beautiful blanket! Back to the womb! When I was growing up my mother would often say "Pull yourself together". It became my motto after she died when I was 26. Now 69, it doesn't work anymore and I have a lot of alarm symptoms which need soothing and sorting. Thank you for your reassurance that there will be a way out. Bless you.
I also used the method of "keeping it all together" now I have chronic bracing and tension through my whole body.
I'm 68 and in the past ten years, have started to deal with old trauma feelings. I feel that daily hiking and strength training have saved me from severe health issues. I'm trying to include meditation, but it's difficult because I have some type of ADHD. My parents are passed, but I have two much older siblings who were emotional abusers, until I went no contact with them. Therapists don't seem to understand how bad emotional and verbal abuse, and emotional neglect, can be. I don't have many childhood memories, but I remember my dad shooting my cat when I was around six, because it bit my mom, who stepped on its foot. I recently had a therapist tell me that my siblings just thought I was "different" and that was why they mistreated me. By and large, the counseling and therapy community is not helpful for survivors of family abuse.
Maybe try EFT
You could try EMDR. So sorry for what you've gone through
Tapping has helped me the most. It calms me and soothes me, and yet it assists me in bringing up and healing trauma. My therapist, who uses tapping throughout each session, has been invaluable.
I'm a life coach and I use tapping every day and recommend it to everyone. It's free, it's easy, can be used for any issue big or small and most importantly, it works 😀
I agree that tapping is a wonderful way to safely bring up trauma and release it. I'm surprised that more people in this field don't mention it.
Do you mean EFT tapping?
IS this tapping all the meridian points?
@@birdienumnums1 It's a placebo, it doesn't actually make a difference.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Dear Alex,
I build inner safety within nature, walks by the beach, listening to bird song and enjoying good food, and long chats with friends and family around me. Meditation every morning and positive affirmations.
Just wanted to say that your videos have helped me greatly in trying to understand my engrained traumas. I love your therapeutic approach and methods. I believe they are paving the way to my healing. Thank you deeply for sharing. By far the best therapist on You Tube. ❤
Gosh , foster kids don't have family, we have drugs !
The things that make me feel safe are being with someone that loves and accepts me as I am where there is trust (mum), walks and sitting in nature, coffees and chats with friends, healing workships with other women, walks on the beach, yoga, Falun Gong, a belief system in something higher, kirtan, kindness from others even from relative strangers on a daily basis, patting a dog, affection, hugs, kind words, not having too many demands, being in beautiful places with good energy. Also, even doing something like knitting or crochet or stroking a cat where it is "time out" but the mind is preoccupied. Feeling financially secure. Frankly, a lot of jobs have not made me feel safe because there are so many demands, pressure and judgement with them. At present, am looking for a new job whilst wanting to sort through some of my issues and whilst jobs are important to feel valued with self esteem and financially secure, it is making me feel that I don't want to feel stressed or pressured as it is counter-intuitive to enjoyment of life, to feeling safe enough to work through issues which also contributes to more enjoyment of life.
Taking time out, in the garden, the beach, peace and quiet, allowing the body to recallibrate, recognising when to do this is important, helps tremendously. Taking time out allows you to listen to your body and your inner self 💗
Exactly--my stored trauma (starting in childhood with emotional neglect) turned into fibromyalgia and CFS. Doing tons of somatic emotional work is one of the main things that has helped me get to close to recovery. (Kiloby Inquires/somatic self inquiry to get out emotional repression and limiting beliefs) (Also learning not to fight, flee or try to fix symptoms and learning how not to worry about them also). Thank you Dr. John Sarno!!!
TRE (trauma release exercises) and mediation is also great also!
Glad to read this. I too have fibromyalgia and cfs, and have been wondering about KI
Starting from THOSE OLD N HARMS STRATEGIES TO DO JUSTICE. PARTIA DE RACISTAS CASCARRABIAS CORRUPTONES LO Q SON.
Try acupuncture for fibromyalgia and bouncing on a trampoline too. Cured someone I know ❤
Dude same hereeee
This is why I still struggle with cortisol, inflammation, and terrible autoimmune disease after 43 years of bottling it up.
For me im working on self compassion. Really being compassionate to my self. Which can be in the form of write compassionate letters to my self, self compassion touch, connecting with my body, and writing down my feelings to express it. I also allow my self to release anger by shouting to the universe or punching my pillows. One thing i never did was express anger. I now know it is ok to express healthy anger in a healthy way. And it is ok to feel angry with things. That is what justice is. As long as we are not taking it out on our self or others.
Beautifully explained.
People go through trauma and think that it’s over and done with but trauma stored in the body has life long consequences.
Trauma typically gets stored in the area of our our brain responsible for our emotions.
Which then gets a response from our body whenever a similar situation occurs in one life which will remind you of your traumatic experiences and to live through it over again, which doesn’t end up leaving your body.
When this happens over and over, your stress response increases leading to long term illnesses and can lead you to having an early stroke, dementia, heart attack etc.
It’s so important to deal with trauma and heal from it once and for all. Because something is not seen and running in the background, does not mean it’s not effecting you in your everyday life.
Great video Alex. Concise. I read The Body Keeps Score and then did EMDR and finally landed with IFS which has been a game changer. I give myself space. And then I talk to the parts - The Little One who has an attachment wound and thinks it must be her fault. And Loss, who has been beat to shit. I let her cry and be depressed and I sit with her. I appreciate that each of these parts of me play an important role, even Critic who said, Don't get up. Play dead. I have a brilliant manager part whom I call PFC (Pre-frontal Cortex); she is very controlling, but has lots of history and information for me. In addition to doing IFS, I went to your trauma super conference which was great! I do yoga, lift weights, hike, walk on the beach, paint, garden. I'm 69 years old and working hard at healing. But just like all of you, I'm lonely and sad from time to time. And it's OK. It's safe for me to feel that way.
Thank you so much for sharing! I never heard of IFS. I'm looking into it now after reading your comment. I pray for your continuing healing, peace and joy, in Jesus name ❤️🙏
my defense to trauma is isolation that I learned as a child when my father was physically and emotionally abusive. I did not feel safe and now as an adult if someone makes me feel unsafe physically, it comes out as anger and I fight but if emotionally I am hurt, I remove that relationship from my life, I cut you out of my life for "all of eternity" . Taking the time to think about why I am reacting the way I am and allowing myself time to go for a walk and get those feelings out. I am fortunate to live in the beautiful state of Montana, USA where it is safe to walk and the scenery is beautiful.
same for me, mine is isolation too. It cost me some problems in my life, and regret.
I walk on a track park by me. Joined a centering prayer group. I was too isolated. Tiny steps.
This title is a mouthful but this book helped me immensely: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
Hello Alex! So interesting to hear you talk about this topic. I am a very lucky person to have been cured of my psychosomatic ailments as I stuttered badly for 40 years and also had eczema all over my body. I just want to chime in with a parallel here to what you're saying. I was healed through liberating breathing ("rebirthing"). I found a fantastic therapist and here I want to directly emphasize the importance of finding a good therapist, who as you often say, safety is something important to think about. Trauma that is trapped in the body, when it is released, very strange body sensations can occur and then it is really important that you have a good therapist next to you as it can feel scary. The great thing about this method is that you as a client do not need to know anything about "why" your ailments are there, the method is very radical, in short; via the breathing technique, high-octane oxygen finds its way into the blockages (stored in tissues, muscles, etc.) and releases trapped energy. Very often then, memories can come to the surface and you get a clarity as to "why" the blockage arose. It is very common for blockages to arise in childhood, when one's own intellect was not developed to understand the source of the "trauma". In my case, I have carried with me trauma where I could not at all derive this to anything from my own life. I have been part of a fantastic journey and become 100% free from my ailments. Been completely healthy now for 17 years.
Is this technique related to holotropic breathing?
I get a lot of help listening to The Crappy Childhood Fairy and Heidi Priebe and, of course, Peter Levine. I am adding Alex Howard to my ‘team’. I like him a lot. Clear explanation and a good manner. And English. Subscribed.
I would like to suggest Eckhart Tolle to you. He has helped me a great deal. I just subscribed to this channel for the reasons you mentioned.
E.T. Talks so slow, I can’t follow his teachings and I get stressed….
Being aware of my thinking/self talk is very important to my feeling of safety. I aim to be consistent & to be my own best friend. 💖 this also includes tuning into my body, what is my body feeling? Stop take a breathe or rest & allow myself to do nothing. These things help me to notice the adrenaline & make a new choice
✨💖✨
Thank you Alex 🫶✨ so grateful for your work
Thank you for sharing this wisdom
@@carriesmaticmccarthy2016
🤗 wishing you a joyful journey 💖✨
What you said! Learning to listen to and acknowledge what’s happening in your body and re-narrating the internal dialogue from negative to supportive. We can learn to be our own bestie!
@@MaggieWirtanen ✨🤍🫶🤍✨ beautiful
Thank you for this... I've been releasing & letting go a lot of shock cell trauma in my body,, spinal system, asthma, tension in chest,, joints, muscles, immune system, rage, everywhere! lol.. ALot of stubbornness, anger, rage, sadness, humiliation, betrayals, mistakes & bad deeds on my part & especially others connected to this life & many many past lives for the last 2 years.. Not fun,, but after it's said & done,,, What LOVE, Safety, Peace & Trust in Life, I Am Feeling More & More.. I Breathe A LOT, in & out constantly.. I want to be present, exist & deal with EVERYTHING that is present or presenting me in front of me & inside of me clearly... Oh Karma,, lol,, Good to know & feel that,, " Nothing But Good Come's Out Of ALL Situations" Absoultely! Correction & changing perceptions In Constant Forgiveness & Especially "LOVE", REALLY Works & Patience.. Thanks again for this
Thanks for breaking this down. I also find that using the imagination to imagine safe, soothing spaces results in the feelings of calm and safety. Of course, it takes practice and may not be for everybody.
I wonder, however, if all techniques and strategies need to be based on a sense of Self. Some people feel shattered and don't have a solid sense of self. Who am I? What is my worth? What do I stand for? What is my purpose?
So perhaps applying techniques needs to go hand in hand with building inner wisdom or meaning.
Being hyper vigilant as a coping mechanism and anticipating worst case scenarios all the time keeps me in a state of fear - I call that living in virtual reality lol so for me stopping those stories as soon as I notice them and checking in with reality is what I am focusing on
Excellent video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my marriage of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Suzanne ann walters , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
don't worry man, only advice I can give you that will help is to not feed into those thoughts and try to look at the relationship as a lesson, reflect and see what you've learnt from that relationship as there is a lesson that can be found in any relationship or experience, my next piece of advice is to practice self love cuz only you can fill that void, wish u the best of luck on your healing journey.
Thank you. Every time I get close to my feelings I feel like they're going to overwhelm me. It's helpful to have a reminder that they won't.
Same. I avoided my feelings at all costs. It terrified me to go there. Now I am realizing it was anxiety and that I will get through it if I go through the process of feeling
Working directly with the inner child has helped me feel the feels and bloom her into safety and confidence to express. Now we are delving more into finding safety in being more grounded in the body.... what a fascinating journey! Great video! Thank you.
Hello Alex! Earlier today I ordered your book "It's not your fault". I am 65 years old and after a long and painful journey I am now in processing my trauma and allowing myself to feel what I was afraid of. Sometimes my feelings are intimidating and as you said I feel as I am on the edge of an abyss and if I fell down I couldn't be able to go out. It was very useful for me your comment that when we start allowing our emotions getting out, we tend to push ourselves forward harshly. "Be gentle' was a valuable advice. When I am overwhelmed I search connection with my friends. It is dangerous for me to be alone with my unbearable emotions. Even this comment I am writing now has a positive impact on me. Reading is also a good way to find inner peace. Of course I read books that I am interested in. I also pray to God without forcing him to do what I want. I simply apply my requests. Thanks for your helpful videos.
What helps me is Theropy and meditation. Started chair yoga for seniors and podcasts like this one. They are all helpful tools and techniques and I’m still learning. 😊😊
one of the Best video's I have seen ..inner safety ? for me counting to ten before I commit , say I will get back to you .( when I have thought it through ) having the same compassion for myself as I do for others ,and pulling away from people that make my stomach turn ( thats where I feel it ) and stop making excuses for people ..if it does not feel right its usually is not right ..built your wisdom and observations which finally will help you trust your instinct ...respect yourself and know you have value too .
Fantastic video. I continue to build safety. Most recently quiting a toxic job and asking my parents not to contact me. Meditation and spirituality has helped with internal safety. Knowing I am not my thoughts, my emotions or my body has really helped me to find a space that is safe and untouched by the physical world.
With love and wishing you peace, J
Omg. Every trauma video I see is so abstract and unclear, this video was so much easier to understand. Thank you so much
I have found sound healing and not pushing my body helpful. What you have said about the innate wisdom of our bodies initially to protect us but then to present the material/symptoms for healing/expression/completion when we are relaxed and from the body's perspective resourced, is something to trust. Because mostly we have been distant from that body wisdom and we don't understand it or trust it. ,, and this is about changing that so we can be free. Thank you so much for your accessibility Alex - it's allowing people who haven't been able to afford therapy to access help via the stories and experiences of others. Theres something very co regulating about your energy which transmits confidence.
Working with a really good therapist currently using a somatic method, inner child work also. I'm learning to get in touch with my emotions and feel them, allow self care practices. To survive, I had to deny and repress emotions. Finding my voice: setting boundaries with others and asking for what I need.
Thank you Alex. I have been dealing with anxiety on highways for years after having a panic attack while driving the day after 911. As a child I did not have a secure base to turn to for safety since my mother was a narcissist so I did not know how to self regulate my emotions. I distracted myself with alcohol, sex, eating, and drugs. I have been sober since 1988, but I did not how to calm myself when things seemed out of my control. I know I have CPSTD. What has helped me feel stable internally is my relationship with God. I read my Bible every morning, attend Bible study and continue to drive on the highway. Meditation is a daily practice along with stretching. I stay away from any drama from others and keep my focus on God and helping others without caretaking. Healing is a journey. I am thankful to people like you who create these videos for those suffering who need help. God bless you!
Hearing things that scare me and experiencing that nothing happened and I’m ok. Also being w my family and letting myself laugh and talk with them. Being with my cats and seeing how they are being with me without needing me to be in any other way than myself.
What an amazing video. I didn’t know I had stored trauma till I watched. I knew something was “off” just didn’t know what it was.
So Thank you for this✨
Anxiety can be body-anxiety, mind-anxiety and emotion-related anxiety. Awareñess of this and likewise action for building inner safety: body-safety (e.g.sleep, soft diet), mind-safety (e.g.non-judgemental about criticizing, I found helpful), emotional-safety (e.ģ.meditation walk, I consider to be interesting)...
Asking for support is crucial. So I can get saftey inside, to build enough for reaching my own safety and regulations. Self nice talk, acceptance and compassion helps a lot together with meditation ♥️
Yes I think finding peace within yourself is so important and being calm and don't let people rush you
This is the most important and straight video about trauma releasing I have ever seen and heard.
Important points in a few minutes.
Lots of people put this informations in long podcasts.
So thank you because this stage of my life let me release these emotions and this support helped a lot.
Have a nice rest of a month! 🙏💎❤️
Wow! This was amazing. I was able to do this to a degree without realizing that this is what I was doing. I had an accident that left me traumatized which manifested with a lot of anxiety. Because I ended up in the hospital I started to experience a lot of health anxiety even thought all the tests came back negative (clean bill of health) I started to educate myself about anxiety the symptoms and I learned that hypochondriac is at the top of the many symptoms. Once I understood that there was nothing wrong with me I decided to accept the anxiety but learn to manage it. Deep breathing, meditation, having a wonderful supportive husband and slowing down and getting in touch with my feelings has been the key for me. My anxiety is pretty much gone but I will continue to meditate and I have slowly gone back to the gym.
@Maddie9185 what sort of meditation did you do
Reading spiritual literature helps me to calm down and build a sense of inner safety. Current favorites are anything by Ernest Holmes.
Excellent thank you. I've been reading your book, It's Not Your Fault, and then avoided (for a while) doing the first exercise in Chapter 3. I finally started the first exercise last night, and a whole bunch of stuff came up that surprised me, freaked me out, and made me uncomfortable; and I didn't sleep well. Now through this video I understand that I was using one of the defense mechanisms (avoiding the exercise) to avoid feeling the subsequent feelings. I feel better now after I watched the video, to continue the process, and be gentle with myself. I also know that as I remain courageous, I will provide the safe environment for my body to connect to its wisdom and heal its unresolved trauma.
Limited time w/ narcissists.... I'm impacted physically.
Remembering gods love for me is helping me 🥹
It's a big job, but it is so worth the effort. Meditation helped me bunches.
Doing inner self work is the best gift you can give yourself ❤❤
Meditation is really helpful, and feeding my body with water and food and self care helps to relax my body for the meditation.
thank you for informing me about stored trauma.
When i feel discomfort and try to escape into conversations, social media and so on i go back to myself and i ask myself questions which helps to discover where is my trauma in my body and mind. Then i let myself cry and when i do it Hurts but then i feel sich a relief. When i stoped to runaway i just opened for emotions and im very loving for myself like a bestfriend i started to feel real calm and joy.
I found being in nature. Appreciating the small things .the kindness in others and the things that are positive like worshipping god help me get in touch with my emotions.denial can be a big.part. like this isnt going on but you know the body keeps the score and it catches up.
I'm in therapy for many years and I've watched 2 of your videos so far and they have both been sooo enlightening and REALLY do help to understand and get better!!
Thank you very much for this video. I have seen many videos and this summarises the matrer really well with an organised way that respects the listener . We should have this knowledge taught at school from an early age.
This has to be the simplest way of explaining trauma stored in the body that I've ever heard with practical application. Well done Alex, legend!
I find this video very beneficial. I have a lot of stored trauma that manifests itself in panic, anxiety attacks, over-worrying, doomsday thinking and overly negative thinking. Accepting that I have not surfaced many of my stored trauma is the first step towards healing. Thank you for this video!
I grow and develop through fear, and I feel safe and strong in the process I understand that fear is the oldest human emotion
Thank you. A way is being mindful and developing a friendship with my inner child, adult self, parent myself, be a BFF by talking to myself as support. This is something I need to do for an inner safety rule.
Listening to your wonderful words of wisdom, I was put off with what sounded like background music ? Please, can we just have your talking without that? Having trauma myself, I am very sensitive to sounds. Thank you so much for all your videos, they are really helping me. xxx
Great video, it is unbelievable that majority of people suffer from one or another type of truma. They should start teaching this in middle school and higher up ... maybe thru rest of life ...
I state change... I went from Pennsylvania to South Carolina ❤❤❤
Just listened to this online talk and want to thank you as l find so many people explain about the trauma and it’s response but few actually tell you have it can be transformed.lve listened to your videos explaining about the reset programme but l really felt l needed to work one to one. I have recently started my process with a somatic therapist and l really hope she can lead me to make the changes l so want to make. It feels like my whole lie,68 years have been dogged by fear, anxiety and dread of just living and Covid sent me right over the top.
Slowly l hope to start to live……thank you again for all your online information and advice, it helped me see what l need to heal my wounds,
Josée
It will be fine ❤direct yourself to God, it will help you 🎉
I've learnt a lot about my chronic complex trauma from Gabor Mate n Bassel Van der Kolk, but I have to say you prbly articulated it in the most clear, coherent, relatable way. "SLOW" is the key, rmbr that the first time you talk to a counsellor, it can be very re-traumatising, you lock up, enormous sadness n pain comes back n you feel what did I do that for. But slowly, gently n with compassion you learn to feel n think about those events/times without being triggered. It's a long journey that has taken me 10yrs to understand. It's something I'll have to work on everyday but it's worth it as I don't want to pass my trauma onto my kids, I want them to hve the life that I couldn't hve. All the power to all who read this and thank you Howard for trying to make a difference, it's working,-)
I’ve been processing trauma for 44 years. If it hasn’t come out yet it ain’t never. I’ve tried it all.
Me as well 50 years therapy, 12 steps, prayer I still suffer. I won't give up
@@kevinburke-hv5ty me neither buddy. I’m starting new trauma therapy this week. Keep fighting
try the gateway experience.
What about shrooms
@@ChocolateVodka9 tried them more than once. Helpful but not the cure.
Thx for the video. My trauma got so bad that I developed a functional movement disorder. I was unable to stop having tremors like motions for a whole week. I was hospitalized unable to move properly. I was able to manage later on and I finished the school year a month later. I am a teacher. During the summer break, I found out a treatment at Mayo Clinic. In December a year ago, I started a great program. The main process was learning to do diaphragmatic breathing and other physical therapy training for a week. I am not 100% better but about 90%. So breathing and sleeping at least 7 hours a days, 9 hours are ideal make a huge difference for me. I can feel my body internally shake when I am stressed and anxious. I am afraid to let the emotions run free but this video might just have me convinced. Again, thank you.
Building inner safety is the most important and most difficult as trauma creates imense feeling of uncertainty unsafety and almost ever lasting feeling of danger and fear..and any small impulse could wake up this alarm again and again and you react instinctively without the power to stop it as this reactioin is faster than your logical thinking....speak from own experience but still work on that there exist ways to get rid of these anxieties from trauma but as you sad slowly it takes time and selflove❤...hope to overcome it one day😘
For the past two days, I have been looking for a video on healing traumas, and I stumbled upon your video today and it made so much sense. Thank you and gratitude 🙏
Thank you so much, Alex, for this wonderful content! What helps me create a feeling of safety is self-soothing stroking of my arms and hugging myself.
And what helps to build inner safety ..yoga self love hugs touching cat or dog learning sth new which give us confidence and pleasure and always remembering good moments in life and gratitude for these happy moments 💝 because whatever happens to us we should try to find sth nice and good in our life❤
Chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo really has helped regulate my nervous system…..great video!
I learned this along time ago. It's really never about us, ( the reason they abused us) Ignoring toxic people, places etc. Is isolating. NOT GOOD it's better to learn to cope, everyone can learn to cope, and in the process, you'll actually learn those toxic people, are actually just trying to get through everyday the only way they know how, and can be quite hilarious to observe through a moral compass.What i learned is perspective is key, and the world looks a certain way when putting on the right glasses, adopt a differnt approach mentality, life is trial, and error. Don't carry some elses bag of shit, just because they gave you that baggage. Have the power to put that bag of shit on their doorsteps, light it on fire, and watch as they try and stomp it out. Time to live life! It's a choice. The most powerful thing you can do is make the choice to no longer carry bagadge you thought you had to carry. Are you a theif? No, it's not yours it. Never was. Return it!
Somatic Exercises, TRE, Trauma Informed Yoga, Journaling and Therapy helped me.
Thank you - TH-cam just recommended this video to me. For me the release of the trauma (in my case stored in in the belly & solar plexus-area) comes with a lot of anger or rage... which is not so easy to access gently it seems - at least not by myself outside of therapy... Also I'm getting in touch with some feeling of guilt for my confused ways to cope with this in the past - trying to get rid of this energy in sexuality for example... puuh, not so pretty to look at that, yet I didn't know better... I mean there was nothing going on which was not consensual... yet, it's not my proudest phase of the journey... I don't know... just felt like sharing myself here I guess... thanks for reading! ❤️🔥
This is an awesome "sum it all up" And also the other one about how it is stored... The helicopter view is the first to disappear during emotional turmoil. At least in my case... This really helps to see the big picture again... Thanks so much... Blessings to you...
Got the restraining order and a day later fell apart. Now starting acupuncture to release from the body. I am on the way to full healing ❤
This and a previous video has helped me understand my need to be of constant help to my adult children (fawning). I’ve known it’s there for a long time and always feel unfulfilled because I’m too busy to give myself to those things which I would find personally fulfilling outside my kids and seven grandchildren. Though how I quite make this journey is an interesting question. Thanks Alex, you were instrumental in my dealing with chronic fatigue, your videos are a great help.
What an excellent explanation! Thank you!
You said what happens...can come out in a different form. Is my sense of humor the form/damage caused by the meningitis and high fever that damaged the myelin sheath and disability I now have. This site explains in a clearer the form of the anxiety that is troubling me. I want to be more connected with this site...thank you.
This video is absolutely awesome! Explained so well and I really enjoy your pace and tone in story telling, I think you deliver the message so well. Thanks for sharing, you are probably helping more people than you even realise :)
PERFECT CLEAR VOICE AND CONTENT KNOWLEDGE WITH WISDOM THANKSSSSS
Finally after years of self help books and therapy .
Well said sir.
Thank you
Thank You! I find prayer helps me
Thank you for the hope ❤
Thanks you for you structured comments and contribution to global health and enlightenment. Responding to your invitation about what has helped me feel safe, it is primarily my practice of the Transcendental Meditation program, the largest systemized meditation technique in history, with 10 million people having learned, and 700 published scientific research studies showing benefits, half of which appeared in peer-reviewed journals. The second most helpful has been 15-20 minutes twice daily yoga postures. Third most important has been learning and practicing Ayurveda, the Indian system of natural health, the oldest and largest tradition of natural health in the world. Thank you again.
Thanks for this video . I have just started practicing releasing my trauma . Allowing it not rejecting it . I have somatic symptoms within my body like heart palpitations, tight rope around my throat , chest pain , stomach pain and impending doom of immense fear worry . So I have been meditating and trying to feel . It’s hard . But I’m doing it .
Makes perfect sense the stored Trauma
Very helpful thank you, it is so.hard to find clear guidance on this so great video
What helps me is to welcome the emotions as an unexpected guest, to "sit" with them, hold them, breathe into them and let them expand a little until they dissipate. I also practise Inner Bonding, a beautiful method that teaches you to love yourself whilst taking charge of your own feelings and needs. It helps you become a loving adult to your wounded inner child. I agree that only we, ourselves, need to learn this. Only through our own experience can our brain patterns change.