So eye-opening! I have something I need to share. I have a smaller sister which I used to think I was protective of but now I'm starting to think I was acting like a parent towards her. I didn't take the mother role when my parents were there so it wasn't that obvious but whenever we were alone I'd always secretly hope she got mildly hurt or was sad so I could comfort her because that was the only thing I was good at. I was very goofy at playing with her or taking care of things 😂😅 thing is, my sister always preferred running to my mum, even if that meant running out into the garden where she was or waiting until she came home. She said "mum is better at comforting than you". This always made me feel incredibly betrayed and sad, as I felt it was the only role I had and I thought I wasn't good at any other things. So I felt useless. I don't know if I was a parentified child, I always tried to be mature and excellent at everything and being childish or silly made me feel awkward and totally out of place. When adults took away the responsability of taking care of others from me, it made me feel so vulnerable like I was naked and really upset as if i was being robbed from my most precious thing.
@@jessIe76468 that is so interesting! Thanks for sharing that perspective ❤️ I can definitely understand how not being able to do what you see yourself as “good at” would feel difficult. Have you ever looked into the Enneagram personality types? I wonder if you might be a Type 2…they love helping and caring for others and enjoy being needed!
@adoptinformed Thank you so much for reading and taking your time to reply. ❤️ I just did the Enneageam test and you're right, I'm type two, thanks! xD sorry that I say it only now but I really love what you do, encouraging adoptions and sharing what helped you in making parenting memorable and beautiful 🥰 you're such a great mum and a respectful and humble person. I watched your video in a breeze (usually I'm very distracted) but your simple and clear style of explaining helped a lot. You talk right to the people's heart.
@@jessIe76468 that is so kind of you! 😊 So cool to find out you are an enneagram 2! I know quite a few in my life, which is why I guessed that based on what you shared!
I didn't have siblings, but was parentified and was practically taking care of myself at 12 when I was put into foster care. The big issue I saw with especially newbie foster parents who didn't have bio kids was they were desperate to be parents and didn't want the type of independence I was used to. I could do things for myself, and they wanted to treat me like I felt was a baby. Maybe with siblings there's doing too much that takes away "being a kid" but the problem with parentified kids like me who essentially were able to do things that foster parents thought were "parent roles" is that it takes away that independence. I felt it was just plain weird for some stranger to wash my underwear and I never wanted foster parents to wash my clothes. With access to a washer and dryer, I didn't think there was any need for my foster mom to do my laundry. I was used to going out and going to the store or the library when I wanted. I practically lived at the library since there was a/c there and I couldn't understand why I couldn't just walk to the library if I was bored and wanted to go do something. At my longer term placement when I was 12-13, the foster mom wanted to hold my hand when I crossed the street. It was weird. I think that type of wanting to be a mom is a bigger factor in why parentified kids are treated like they are since it's people who want to be parents and they see this kid not doing what they want and some times being more mature when they hear about how so many foster/adopted kids act younger and they frequently want that since they want those parenting experiences.
@@KatTheo431 I can definitely see that! It sounds like the things you wanted to do were perfectly reasonable for a kid that age as well. I’d be thrilled if my oldest wanted to do her own laundry 😅 I know I walked to the library all the time at that age as well (either on my own or with a friend). The thing about holding hands to cross the street is wild! It does sound like it was more about the parents wanting to be parents and have that experience. In our situation, it was more that we were watching our oldest get so stressed out trying to be “mom” to her brother. She seems so much happier and more free now that she truly gets to be sister instead of mom.
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So eye-opening! I have something I need to share. I have a smaller sister which I used to think I was protective of but now I'm starting to think I was acting like a parent towards her. I didn't take the mother role when my parents were there so it wasn't that obvious but whenever we were alone I'd always secretly hope she got mildly hurt or was sad so I could comfort her because that was the only thing I was good at. I was very goofy at playing with her or taking care of things 😂😅 thing is, my sister always preferred running to my mum, even if that meant running out into the garden where she was or waiting until she came home. She said "mum is better at comforting than you". This always made me feel incredibly betrayed and sad, as I felt it was the only role I had and I thought I wasn't good at any other things. So I felt useless. I don't know if I was a parentified child, I always tried to be mature and excellent at everything and being childish or silly made me feel awkward and totally out of place. When adults took away the responsability of taking care of others from me, it made me feel so vulnerable like I was naked and really upset as if i was being robbed from my most precious thing.
@@jessIe76468 that is so interesting! Thanks for sharing that perspective ❤️ I can definitely understand how not being able to do what you see yourself as “good at” would feel difficult. Have you ever looked into the Enneagram personality types? I wonder if you might be a Type 2…they love helping and caring for others and enjoy being needed!
@adoptinformed Thank you so much for reading and taking your time to reply. ❤️ I just did the Enneageam test and you're right, I'm type two, thanks! xD sorry that I say it only now but I really love what you do, encouraging adoptions and sharing what helped you in making parenting memorable and beautiful 🥰 you're such a great mum and a respectful and humble person. I watched your video in a breeze (usually I'm very distracted) but your simple and clear style of explaining helped a lot. You talk right to the people's heart.
@@jessIe76468 that is so kind of you! 😊 So cool to find out you are an enneagram 2! I know quite a few in my life, which is why I guessed that based on what you shared!
I didn't have siblings, but was parentified and was practically taking care of myself at 12 when I was put into foster care. The big issue I saw with especially newbie foster parents who didn't have bio kids was they were desperate to be parents and didn't want the type of independence I was used to. I could do things for myself, and they wanted to treat me like I felt was a baby. Maybe with siblings there's doing too much that takes away "being a kid" but the problem with parentified kids like me who essentially were able to do things that foster parents thought were "parent roles" is that it takes away that independence. I felt it was just plain weird for some stranger to wash my underwear and I never wanted foster parents to wash my clothes. With access to a washer and dryer, I didn't think there was any need for my foster mom to do my laundry. I was used to going out and going to the store or the library when I wanted. I practically lived at the library since there was a/c there and I couldn't understand why I couldn't just walk to the library if I was bored and wanted to go do something. At my longer term placement when I was 12-13, the foster mom wanted to hold my hand when I crossed the street. It was weird. I think that type of wanting to be a mom is a bigger factor in why parentified kids are treated like they are since it's people who want to be parents and they see this kid not doing what they want and some times being more mature when they hear about how so many foster/adopted kids act younger and they frequently want that since they want those parenting experiences.
@@KatTheo431 I can definitely see that! It sounds like the things you wanted to do were perfectly reasonable for a kid that age as well. I’d be thrilled if my oldest wanted to do her own laundry 😅 I know I walked to the library all the time at that age as well (either on my own or with a friend). The thing about holding hands to cross the street is wild! It does sound like it was more about the parents wanting to be parents and have that experience. In our situation, it was more that we were watching our oldest get so stressed out trying to be “mom” to her brother. She seems so much happier and more free now that she truly gets to be sister instead of mom.
Our home study is this month. Is the group for people who haven’t adopted yet?
@@crystali3375 yep! Anyone who is just getting started all of the way through the first year post-adoption :)