The Fawn Response in Adopted and Foster Children
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2024
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Most of us have learned that in stressful or dangerous situations, our body chooses fight, flight, or freeze. However, there is a lesser known reaction to stress, which is the fawn response. This response is very common in foster and adoptive children, even when they are no longer in a dangerous environment, but can often be mistaken for great manners or good behavior. The truth is, the fawn response in our foster and adoptive children, points to a deeper issue. Today we are going to answer these questions:
What is the fawn response?
What does the fawn response look like in foster and adoptive children?
How can I help my child overcome the fawn response?
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Thanks so much for watching!
-Katie
We have not been placed yet, but we did respite care a few weeks ago for a 3 year old and I noticed this in her. She right away started calling us "Mommy" and "Daddy" which I gently would remind her that I was Mrs Jessica and that she would see mommy in a few days. She would run up to people at church and hug them. All day she would constantly say "I just love you too much!" It was all very cute coming from a cute as a button 3 year old, but deffinantly felt odd at times. I had heard about this with some foster children, but could remember if it had a name. Thanks for the video!
Fawn/Friend response is sometimes also called "people pleasing". I found this in myself in therapy (and brought it to light). My adopted daughter would show show anger and aggression as her primary defense while I would bend over backwards as a way to de-escalate the aggressor and keep myself safe. Glad I discovered it and healed it.
@@beavertonneurofeedback2363 I think so many of us struggle with people pleasing and don’t make that connection! Glad you were able to overcome it!
I am not an adopter, but I have PTSD and just realized how much I use the fawn response in my daily life. Thank you for your insight!
@@TherapyKitt I’m so glad this helped you! :)
Thank you for this awesome video, I waited the whole week for a new video, I met your channel Sunday, and already watched a lot, thank you for recording this kinda content ❤
@@Julia_Swiftie1387 welcome! So glad you are here! 😊
Thank you so much for this video! We just scheduled the third zoom call with a potential match.
My trauma response as a kid was none of these. I had a lot of control-seeking behaviors where I was constantly trying to create & maintain a sense of order in my world. This was sometimes mistaken for people pleasing, when I really didn’t care about who liked/benefited from my behaviors…they were purely for my own sanity.
I became borderline OCD taking it upon myself to wake up early & scrub the kitchen, make sun tea, color-code my closet, etc.
I didn’t become a little Cinderella because I cared if it pleased others. I did it because I absolutely hated how dirty my home was & how disorganized my family was.
Sometimes, what may seem like people-pleasing might be a different trauma response than what’s on the surface
@@katdenning6535 That’s great insight! I can totally see how seeking control would be a trauma response as well. We saw a lot of that in our kids in the early days when trust wasn’t there yet.
Thank you, Katie we're trying to learn as much about trauma as we can. Ironically this has not been covered in any training/book thus far. I so appreciate examples of how you respond because I'd be at a loss.
@@tinahawley09 I don’t think we covered this in our training either. If we did, it wasn’t defined as “fawning” so this definition really made sense to me. I’m so glad it was helpful!
Super video!!! I have a fawner here and it is hard to know how to respond. So I appreciate you sharing practically how you respond. Thank you!
And yes, therapy is so helpful. I do feel like, for this particular child, that the hyper vigilance has improved a bit it is BAM right back in any new routine, activity and or changes of “adults in charge”.
Thank you so much for this video! I have a new foster daughter that is 4 years old and she is definitely exhibiting these trauma symptoms. I have her scheduled to start therapy next week so hopefully that will help her and help me be able to help her the best I can!
Great information!