My husband’s and I first date was supposed to be a quick early morning coffee date. They kicked us out at close, 7 hours later. We spent that date talking about our core values and beliefs. We both told our moms that night that we had found our future spouse, engaged 9 months later, married a few months after than, and a baby 9 months after our wedding. Best decision EVER.
I love that! Our first date was less talking than me being obsessed about being at the beach on vacation 😂 The third date though was real. We both say that was the day we fell in love. May 3. I had to go back to Texas unfortunately but I was already moving there and connected with him looking for a church family and the point of talking and meeting was less to date imo and to hang out. It just didn't happen that way 😂 the first Meet up 100% turned into a date. Then we meet twice in Mississippi, half way. Then I move to Florida in August. We marry the next day, Aug 2. He moves in. I begin my job in Aug 3 😂 We have a ceremony on May 3 the next year, 2024. No baby over here, but the Lords will be done ❤ I guess we eloped, lol, but it's funny I called to tell my mom and she says "I know" 😂
Not quite the same, but it was super quick for us too. We met and married in 4 months. We got through all the BS quickly and it made it easier to figure things out. It was so refreshing to be able to actually talk to him about the things that really matter.
We were 18 and 19 when we got married. Just celebrated our 50th anniversary. More in love than ever. I don't want to preach but all the credit goes to the Lord.
Amen, same here! Married at 21, year 26. Year 7 was a pivotal year of prayer that ended up healing a lot that was wrong, all glory to God for His work in both of us, but especially in ending significant anger tendencies in my husband.
Yes, we also are working on our second fiftieth. I have heard people say: "It didn't work out. " So why did you not work it out ? The second fifty is the best. Yes, we worked through a lot of stuff, but life is like that. Besides, our four kids are in their forties and are a great help now that we are not up to a lot of things. Took a while to start listening to them, but then, they are now in their prime. And we are not. But, now nothing interferes with our afternoon nap. : ). ( Or after breakfast. or after supper. or . . . )
This culture has brainwashed people into thinking abstinence is wild. That’s why they can’t wrap their heads around abortion being a bad thing. Everyone’s sex crazed, as if it were air or something. To propose that abstinence is actually the right way until marriage makes their brains short circuit. They can’t fathom a relationship that lasts a lifetime let alone foregoing sex. It’s what they’ve been taught, as if it were physics or something. Their sense of self worth is wrapped up in it, they’re afraid of missing out on having as much of it as possible with whoever, it’s wild how distorted and corrupted we’ve become but the good thing is that one can learn wisdom and understanding. I was once like that myself recently, a sex crazed idiot.
I was lucky. I met my wife in high school as a junior. She was my first and only girlfriend. We were married when I was 20 and they said the same things about the marriage not lasting. We were married 55 years till she passed away in 2021. We had 3 kids and now they look after me so I have been blessed. So it is possible.
By the grace of God my husband married crazy. I have been in love 23 years. We have survived the death of a three month old and have 3 beautiful healthy daughters. The gospel brings peace.
42 years Married. Both military. All those other problems. But you left one out. The death of a child. Rule #1 never go out without each other. Rule #2 Never bring someone else into your fights. Rule #3 Be willing to compromise. Rule# 4 No TV or fights in the bedroom. Rule #5 Make it up as you travel together in this life.
As a 26 year old young man who is 5’7, “the one” doesn’t exist for men under 5’9. I think we are sadly meant to be genetic dead ends. We get mogged (overshadowed and can’t compete) by taller men and we are invisible to women everywhere online and offline. Women will approach and talk to tall chads. Prove me wrong? I hate being right. I’m not out of shape, I groom myself, and everyone I know in person tells me that my height isnt my problem but my negative self talk and lack of expression and “low confidence” and me going out of the house is. But whenever I do go out it looks like women don’t even think I exist. A short man can be confident but will always be rejected by women for a taller man. I hate being right about everything to believe. I really want to be wrong but nothing has been making me feel hopeful. I have prayed for years and I am starting to think that God made short men to die alone.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheesemaybe the women aren’t approaching you because you’re giving off the low confidence/negative/self pitying energy? my husband is 5’7 and we’re 22, doing just fine. i think you should listen to those around you, that have your best interest at heart. God made you that height for a reason, you just have to work with it. if you’re constantly thinking that your height is getting in the way you’re essentially shooting yourself in the foot because before you approach a woman, you’ve already told yourself it’s not going to work out. wish you the best.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese i married a not super tall man because there were more important things i found that i liked about him, namely his character- his height is just fine for me. keep this attitude and you’ll be single forever. maybe God made you this height to develop your character and to be grateful for what you have. i can tell you right now by these comments, your height is the least of your worries. take care.
It should not be “Happy wife, happy life”.. it should be “Happy spouse, happy house” Each party is respectful, mindful, considerate, and loving and they BOTH give 100% and not a percent less.
Met in High school 37 years ago. We married 35 years ago. Although she was a Christian and I was not, I was very moralistic, so I had a strong sense of right and wrong. She has always been my best friend, so I poured into knowing her and learning how to be safe and trustworthy. At 37, I became a Christian and although our lives in the world got significantly worse and it seemed like all of a sudden, we dealt with nothing but adversity, we still continued to pursue each other and the Lord. It's been an unimaginable blessing.
I thought my ex wife was a christian but she never pursued the lord. She only pursued her own selfish ambition and placed her family and desires over us. And she ended up leaving. And the church never held her accountable at all.
That’s just similar world view. I know couples who are agnostics, pagan, satanists, Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Islamic; and they’ve all been married for years. Respect for each other, similar world views, and thinking clearly is what makes a successful relationship and marriage last.
@VoodooViking I agree. I'm pagan and my husband is an atheist but we have very similar world views and we've been together since we were teenagers. I'm 29 and we've been together for 15 years, have a house and 2 kids and have a great life. He was in the army and we had to do long-distance stuff too. We made it work and we're doing great.
In terms of women venting to men, one thing I implemented in my relationships that has drastically improved communication is this. If they are upset and start venting, ask whether they want solutions, or companionship. That helps them to also get used to clarifying for me "Hey I need solutions" or "Hey I need to just talk". Super huge boost in my dating life.
I could say "good luck with that" but I did make it work and found a great girl. It wasn't only luck, we get along great mostly because she is wonderful. I'm not a "yes, dear" guy, she actually gets things and we both adapt and sometimes say I'll be OK with your side. We've done it both directions. By the way, she's blind. She would do anything for me, and I would do the same for her. I love my wife
“You want a shoulder and comfort or are you looking to troubleshoot a problem with practical advice from a trusted person?” In short want a shoulder to vent or advice to resolve issue.
As a wife, I would love to talk to my husband but even when I preface with, I just need to blow off steam...I get days of what I need to do. Married 43 years, I just find someone else to talk to.
My husband came at me with that shit 'Happy wife happy life' and i pushed back. I told him if you want me to be happy, then you have to be happy too as that will make me happy. You give good advice. The only thing that i would add is that in discussions and interactions with your partner, remember that you love this person and temper your words and behavior through that. You are not 'at war' with them, they are your partner and they want the best for you.
Very true! I was married 16 years and towards the end of my marriage my wife didn’t understand this simple idea. She follows the values of the world now rather than the values we started our marriage with. A man needs to be careful who gets in your wife’s ear and clear any resentment in the relationship before it goes to disrespect.
@jamesTBurke only look where you want to go. If you're driving your car next to a cliff, you don't look into the valley. You intently look at the road, where it is safe. If you are skiing, you don't stare at trees. You intently look toward safe passage down the mountain. I think you need to readjust your mental eye. You're staring at the unsafe. But you have to do the mental work to decide what is "safe" as well as compatible.
"if you want me to be happy you have to be happy too" love that, so much pain could be alleviated if more people remembered their relationships should be like that. best wishes
In my Institute class my teacher said "Arguing should be more of a discussion, and it's not about WHO is right, it is about WHAT is right." and honestly I can't imagine a better way to say it. Love these vides and I'll vote for you if you decide to run for president! XD
Married at 22, even our pre-marital pastor asked if we were sure we wanted to get married because on the “quiz” they give you we agreed on only 1 thing: religion. We’ve been happily married for 29 years. Drinking was a HUGE deal breaker for me, coming from an alcoholic father, but I KNEW he was a good man who would never drink. He’s a playing musician, with plenty of “opportunities”, but not for one second did I ever think he would cheat…he is a GOOD man! He has been a wonderful father to our 2 children…I KNEW he would be. He supported me through 2 miscarriages…I KNEW he would. What can I say, even at 22, I KNEW he was a GOOD man, and he’s never let me down!💙
Hey Nick, appreciate your input. I just proposed to my girlfriend of almost 1.5 years yesterday at 21 years old! We built our relationship on the foundation of our traditional Catholic faith. By the end of the first date, we knew we shared the same values. We spoke often of our desired futures and goals and discovered we both wanted the same things. We bonded well over many shared interests such as religious discussions, two-stepping, and spending time in group settings with our friends. After checking all those boxes, I knew she was the one, especially with how beautiful she is. Gentlemen, heed the advice of Nick! Be a man, ask a girl out, and lead her as Christ leads His church.
@UnitedStatesofAmerica1984 To be honest, for much of my life I wouldn’t consider myself marriage material and I would say the same for the women I dated
I looked for people in my culture. I was born and raised an American, but I kept true to my traditional Chinese roots. Found my to-be-wife at a traditional Chinese restaurant working there as a waitress and courted her the old school way. We are now married and have two kids.
I got married to my French husband 30 years ago after a 9-year relationship. Now the kids are grown, we're off to China to finish off our teaching careers. Life is a wonderful adventure for the two of us.
Values are paramount!!! When my fiancée and I got pregnant- having been together for four years but delaying marriage because I was Army in Europe and he was a Corpsman on the west coast- I was scared. I told him that outright, and he saw, he knew where I came from. He said don’t worry we’ll figure it out. I thought long and hard, and concluded that since we both loved each other, loved our careers, interested and entertained each other, and both came from tough backgrounds, I would trust him. At 23 I didn’t realize how self-serving peoples words and actions could be. The values I developed from my tough childhood were very different than what he developed. I ended up a single mom. Now my son is in his 20s and developing himself into a solid man. I just sent him this video, saying I wish I’d heard these words when I was his age! You’re awesome Nick!
I got married at 19 and my husband was 21. Been happily married for 23 years. All praise and thanks to the Lord. God protects our marriage every day. 😊🙏
Both born in ‘94 we met in 8th grade. Off and on all throughout high school and reconnected at 23yrs old. Our courtship was not typical and people laughed at us when they learned we won’t live together first, and we talked about goals, values, and child raising styles in the “dating stage”… we had serious questions to ask each other that we knew others our age aren’t discussing. We married in 2020 and now expecting baby#3❤
I My husband and I were 19 also, he asked me to marry him after 2 days! My theory is you find someone who’s crazy matches yours. My husband parents were in a divorce war…we agreed that there is nothing we couldn’t work through as adults. I was a Christian, my husband was not back then…..he is now. 49 years this years of marriage this year. give 101% to your partner. My father on my wedding day, shared his wisdom to always have a fight with no clothes on….thanks dad! Miss my dad so much.
@DoubleOhSilver maybe don't lol. It's great this worked out for her but for the vast majority of people, dating for 2 days and them getting married is absolutely a bad idea
I am now 60 and never ever found that one, not out of choice. I have all ways wanted to get married and have a family. Was always told through out my life that I would meet that special person. It never happened. I do beleive some of us do not have that match out there and that's fine with me now. So I focus on other things that fill that void. Appreciating the things I do have and not on what I don't have.
I agree with Nancy. There could be a widow out there somewhere, with a very nice family that is looking for someone to be their new Grandpa - maybe even the Grandpa they never had (depending on how early the previous Grandpa passed). You are, of course, absolutely correct to appreciate what you do have, but please don't give up hope. I will say a prayer tonight for you to find "that special someone," family included.
@@NancyJ238 God would not save your spouse for the latter part of life. Just as an old man's life is worth less to God as a convert than is a young man. For God can do more with a young man's life than an old man's life. So says King Solomon.
Got married at 19 as well! Values were huge. We were raised the same had the same views on the huge issues. It made us a team to grow together as we had our 5 children. So thankful.
You are the exception to the rule. Its impossible for me. As a 26 year old young man who is 5’7, “the one” doesn’t exist for men under 5’9. I think we are sadly meant to be genetic dead ends. We get mogged (overshadowed and can’t compete) by taller men and we are invisible to women everywhere online and offline. Women will approach and talk to tall chads. Prove me wrong? I hate being right. I’m not out of shape, I groom myself, and everyone I know in person tells me that my height isnt my problem but my negative self talk and lack of expression and “low confidence” and me going out of the house is. But whenever I do go out it looks like women don’t even think I exist. A short man can be confident but will always be rejected by women for a taller man. I hate being right about everything to believe. I really want to be wrong but nothing has been making me feel hopeful. I have prayed for years and still haven’t found the right one and I am starting to think that God made short men to die alone and it hurts.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheeseYou cant go out there with that negativity bias brother its possible you just gotta keep trying and be confident. I believe in you G stop thinking about height and just be you find tha game within. 5’7 is chillin too ur fine
Wish I heard this before I got married. We have a wonderful marriage but had to work through a lot of problems because we did not understand these basic principles. If I may add a short time together 5-10 minutes reading a scripture and praying together for the family.
You both were committed to each other and never lost sight of your love. I told my girls if you ever feel you do not love him anymore sit down and think back to all the things he did, the little things, that made you fall in love with him. My oldest got married at 19, her husband was 20. His mother wore black pant suit to the wedding. People outside my family were also betting they wouldn't make it or how long it would take for the divorce to happen. 21 years later they are still happy. Working together. Raising their children. Their daughter just turned 20, their son will be 17 in December. Those people and his Mom just didn't know my daughter. She never gives up on people she loves. Never, ever. And she would never have married him if they hadn't had shared values. ❤
Together 20 years now, married half of that time. We both came from broken homes, both the mothers stepped out of the marriage, leading to divorce. Both our dads got robbed blind in the divorce, while _they_ kept their vows. That's what made me very cautious. We've been in a monogamous relationship since we were 18 & 19 though, just not married the first 10 years. I believe: Traditional gender roles is what makes a huge difference. They are "traditional" because they worked. No one is trying to improve the shape of the wheel, why would sociciety try to improve on the shape of the family? It's worked for thousands of years. *That* is why we call it *Traditional* .
Been married 52 years. One important thing is finding a person that will put up with you and your quarks. Marriage for us gets better every year. We depend on each other for the things each of us are strong at.
Thank Nick. I've settled for less my whole marriage of 34 yrs. Caused me a lot of depression, anxiety and mental breakdown. Everything you spoke about are all the things I needed wanted and valued. You validated that for me and I am grateful for coming across this podcast. I'm not crazy after all. Thank you!
I will say. Character definitely matters. You brought up moving as a stressor on marriage. My parents have been married 23 years now, and my family has moved a total of 17 times. This was in addition to all the normal arguments, fights, and stress that go with marriage. Lesser people would have moved on, but they stuck together and are still married.
My married coworkers advised me not to marry. Maybe they were really saying "don't marry people like us" Thirty-eight years later we're married. I took their advice.
Thats how I see it. The people who see marriage as a burden or as an impossible thing to maintain, kind of out themselves as either crap marriage material, or just bitter.
*When you feel comfortable being your true self around her, and you both work together to grow and overcome challenges, that's when you know it's something special.*
Married 34 years. Lost two children, infidelity happened, OT working happened, Extrovert/Introvert conflict happened, health issues happened, financial loss happened, but for the most part we have the same values and goals. We both were willing to yield to the other as long as the Need was explained well enough we could understand it. LOVE is an ACTION, the feelings "of love" are the side Effect of the DECISION to act FOR the other person's best interest as you see it. Truth and Understanding, both with yourself and them, make it work.
Totally agree with what you said! Love is an action; the feelings of love are the side effect of the decision to act for the other person's best interest. I am very close friends with a couple who have been married over 5 years. They had their first child recently and it's as if everything has changed. The wife may be suffering from depression (IDK) and has concluded she is no longer attracted to her husband. He has not let himself go-he's a few years older but he's not overweight or anything. Yet she's willing to throw away everything they have worked to build. It's such a shame because her husband is devastated. She has never had to work outside the home, he has a flexible/hybrid full-time job and 2 part-time remote jobs-a lot of his work can be done from home, and he still helps with the housework, cooking, and childcare (he wants to be involved with his child's life). I can't imagine what else she could hope to get out of a marriage. I've been married over 30 years and raised my children, kept the house, done all the cooking, all while working a full-time job too. I would love to have the opportunity to be at home with my kids at least until they started to school but that's not an option for me. I won't, however, throw away the stability of a home for my children because my husband didn't make enough money so that I didn't have to work. I love him, I love the home we provide, the children we have, and I love the commitment we have to each other.
We got married when we were both 21. We'll hit 30 years married in a couple years. We've talked every day since December 31, 1996. Even when i was travelling for work before cell phones were popular and available. I remember standing on the corner in San Francisco, putting enough quarters into the pay phone to talk for 4 minutes. We have 3 kids between 17 and 24. The two oldest are living on their own and earning their own money. The oldest has been married for 3 years. (No grandkids yet though!)
I got married at 19, we've been together almost 10 years now with 4 kids. We're still in love. I heartily agree with everything in this video and love and marriage are still possible in the modern age despite all the naysayers
As a woman I have always hated the "happy wife, happy life" phrase. I need to be cherished, loved and respected, not spoiled. How will I grow into what God wants me to be if my views and actions are not lovingly and respectfully challenged when they need to be? I want a partner that expects the same for their growth. That is why it is called a PARTNERSHIP.
28 years Ago I married my high school sweetheart and my best friend. We finished growing up together and learned a lot about each other and a lot about ourselves as we stood together through everything so far. With God's help, we're still going strong and we can confirm that this, all of this is true and accurate. Thank you, Sir, for giving these important life lessons that so many need to hear.
I made mistakes with all the wrong people. After 50, i decided to work on being the person that i wanted to live with. Moved back to the only city i ever wanted to go back to. The guy i dated 30+ years earlier was still there. We had stayed friends after we stopped dating, and we'd both learned quite a bit about ourselves in the interim. Lots of conversations later, i was surprised to discover how much we agreed on. Long story short, that was 12.5 years ago and we're still happily together. Wish you'd been around 40 years ago. Oh yeah, you were, but i don't think you could have articulated all this as a toddler. Just wanted to share an example that even if you got it wrong over and over, there can still be hope to get it right.
My rule....if you see red flags before the wedding don't go through with it. 33 years of marriage all fighting. Didn't realize he was on the autistic spectrum until after I had enough & finally left. Financial values were the final straw. I left & left him everything. He lost it all & I am finally in my happy place on my little farm in the country 2100 miles away. Best move I ever made.
Married at 19 and 22, been married 20yrs. Been through a lot of heartache together, the loss of a 2yr old son, family drama, etc... we have 6 kids living and he has a good job while I stay home and homeschool our 6. God is good and has got us through so much.
Love it! We got married at 22/23 while I still had one more year left in college. People swore we were nuts and would be divorced within 2 years. We just celebrated 20 years and have one son.
This should be required viewing in government schools // Relationships & Marriage is one of the most important decisions of your life // You can tolerate a bad work environment for 8 hours, but a bad marriage can be destructive to your mental health //
Married at 30, but cultivated a long distance friendship/relationship (pre internet) for over 9 years prior to that. I've been married to my French soul mate for over 30 years now and have 3 well-adjusted adult children. We are blessed. ❤
I knew my wife for two days when I proposed. Two weeks later we were married. The two days we’re about establishing whether we had the same values and beliefs. Since we didn’t lie to each other, it worked out well.
@@wildcatblue13 We were not together for those two weeks. She was on vacation, went home to quit her job and get ready. Two weeks later I drove across three states, loaded up her stuff, drove her back, and married her the day after we got back. We were 45 years old ( 11 years ago). We both took a huge leap of faith, but we agreed on a biblical marriage, and that’s what we have.
Husband was 20, and I was 27 when we got married. We both waited for our wedding night. I come from a stable family, his is very very broken. We’re four years in, about to have our first baby after years of struggling financially and with the inability to have kids. It’s not luck. It’s work and unconditional love. And Jesus. Always Jesus.
@@ActaNonVerba-OH He and I both work full time atm, but we’re expecting. After which I will work part time and he will be full time plus. We also care for his disabled mom. He’s amazing. 🤍 The economy is not.
@@luthasunspell8365 Oh ok... Just make sure he pays for everything. Men should be paying all the bills. Save your money. Remember men will also use women as free live-in caregivers so don't let yourself be used as a stay at home nurse for his relatives too. Make sure you're compensated for that in some way.
I, as a woman, am so so glad you talked about the hole, "Just say you're sorry cause happy wife happy life." I always hated that! I feel like a petulant child when people tell my husband that, and I also feel like some terrible dictator who will never let my husband have fun or have any pride.
It is the people like you who are willing to share things like this that will save the upcoming generations. Thank you for the thoughts, and for what you are doing.
Sound advice throughout! Catholic pre-marriage prep covers a lot of this, so if you go through it honestly, you get this. Some couples have already talked it all out before they get there, and other couples have not. It is very important to have these shared values, goals, interests, and communication! Being able to forgive is another very important factor - that's from parents who have been married 65 years.
Yeah... My ex was Catholic and we went through the pre-marital counseling the church offered. It would have been nice if someone had discouraged us on the basis of his predatory behavior of going after an 18yo as a 30yo. He divorced me 6 ½ years into our marriage (the last minute to avoid mandatory alimony) and turned right around and married a woman 20 years younger than him. Maybe I could have avoided that whole mess if someone in the church had disapproved and put the brakes on things.
@alyssamiles2909 I'm so sorry to hear you went through that! It does not sound, on the surface, as though your ex approached it with honesty or with good intentions, which makes me wonder why he bothered with the classes and the Church ceremony if it meant so little to him. Was he a regular attendee at Church when you were dating, or was he just marrying in Church to satisfy an expectation? When I was 18, I encountered a 32yo, to whom I briefly got engaged. We never made it to the pre-marriage classes because our lack of shared values became too apparent for me, and it was a deal- breaker. Much later, I met the love of my life, and when we went through the interview with the priest, he did question us closely before approving us for the classes, where the main focus was to make sure we had truly talked to each other about things, rather than to approve or disapprove of our choice to marry. So, you probably encountered a less than thorough priest, in addition to a partner that was not sincere. As I said before, I'm sorry you went through that.
Solid advice. Not easy, not always possible, but worth it. I'm 49 still single and still looking for someone with shared values, looking at the state of most everyone I grew up with it seems apparent that single and celibate is the best choice I had.
I've been married to my wife for five years now. Started long distance for the first three years of the marriage, but she's here now. I haven't put much thought into whether or not I "married crazy." It just is what it is and we're both happy.
I heard Chris West say that if your partner is willing to have premarital sex, the one thing you know about them for sure is they are willing to have sex w someone they aren’t married to.
As a single, divorced person, I appreciate you sharing your journey, and your wisdom, with us. Cheering ya’ll on!! I love how you and your wife both honor and respect each other. It’s very refreshing ! ❤
Actual good marital advice. So rare to hear these days. This is why I tell younger people if they want good marital advice listen to people who have been married 25+ years not the swinger guy with the money and fancy car.
19 years in…I love this! We work at it, we expect change, and we just do it…but yes shared values, is HUGE! Our faith even changes we are now too Christian for Christians or at least I am and we are still going! Can’t wait for the next 19 years!!!
When the officiant asks if anyone has an objection - it's really too late as most couples have already dug into their position of getting married regardless of whatever is mentioned. Being smart enough to evaluate the objections that friends/family bring up along the way AND navigating difficult conversations - PRICELESS! It can save so much pain.
Shared values are paramount. My wife is a friend of my female MBA classmate. At 24, I asked my female MBA classmate whom I respected if she had anyone to introduce me to. Introduced to her friend, only for two weeks, then she became my girlfriend. Three months together, two years long distance, back for six months, then married. 20 years now. Birds of a feather flock together. Ask your female friend whom you respect if she has any friends. Chances are they share the same qualities as her.
@@JohnAnderson-ev3lp basically what he talked about… finding someone who knows how to explain things, not leave me wondering what he means, is clear, and just generally avoids confusion and miscommunication. I get that every two people talking for long enough are going to have misunderstandings of each other sometimes, so I’m not asking for perfect, I’m just asking that it’s not a frequent and unavoidable occurrence cause I’ve dealt with that too many times to spend the rest of my life with it😅
This video... It perfectly describes how i've felt about relationships for years, and never had the ability to articulate it. Thank you sir. Did humanity a favor, posting this ! Edit : On the last topic of Attractiveness. I got this old saying... "Not everyone that thinks you're beautiful, loves you. But everyone that loves you, thinks you're beautiful."
Wow, this video oozes classy and I love it. Am 23 and haven’t really even dated, but feeling like every day that passes is a day I’m missing out on a future family. Currently trying to build myself and my home to be worthy of a family, and praying for that to be the case.
Married for almost 8 years, we have two kids, and i cannot imagine my life without my husband!! I love him so much more than the day I married him (and that was a whole awful lot) and I'll love him until death do us part. So thankful to the Lord for him.
Nick Freitas, this is possibly the healthiest marriage advice asserted in concise language I may have heard (I'm 53)! People have commented here on matters they think are necessary and are true to their personal experiences. I understand and respect this. However, when so many marriages break down I think it is worth looking at what we think is obvious. Some things are so obvious that we forget to consider the meaning of! Anyway, this is just my opinion. I want to say heart thanks to Nick for presenting sound advice that can be applied to most types of, or all, relationships.
I needed this video a year ago when I was dating my ex. It would have saved me a lot of pain, but the school of hard knocks teaches some good lessons. Thank you for making this!
30 years and going strong. Both went through disastrous first marriages. We talked through all the things that brought about the divorce. The big thing was not having the same faith and values. Going through your list I realized the importance of everything you shared.
As a single guy who has just turned 50, I thank you Nick so much for your advice and experience in your marriage. Will study this, study myself and study the future woman that I be attracted to and who is attracted to me to help me now a single to get ready for a great and grounded marriage!!
My husband and I are going strong 27+ years with 2 brilliant grown children. Did we have to go back to the negotiation table? Yes. Yet we did so with respect for one another and calmly talked it out. We call a situation out immediately, we don’t hold on to anything. Discuss it, come to a compromise and it’s OVER!
As a 19 year old guy this is one that im most certainly taking notes on , and i thinks its no coincidence that my step dad and i where literally having this conversation minutes before this vidoe came out.
Let me save you some time. They are ALL crazy. Any human being who cannot control their emotions, regardless of whether it's due to hormones or lack of willpower, is crazy and unstable, and our current laws prevent you from taking the necessary actions to limit the damage such an individual can do if they pop off. So don't risk it, just stay single, stay free. See you on the road brother.
@@StarboyXL9 bro this is one of the saddest comments that I've seen yet, do you not want someone that you love so much that you want to spend the rest of your life together? Edit: and what if you want to start a family?
This has to be one of your best videos, Nick. While I have disagreed with some of your opinions regarding relations between men and women, this time you ate absolutely spot on, especially regarding the first point, _shared values._ Nothing is more important, despite what some dating apps may say regarding compatibility. And, you did not omit the physical aspects, and maintaining oneself out of respect for one's spouse. Keep up the excellent work.
My husband’s and I first date was supposed to be a quick early morning coffee date. They kicked us out at close, 7 hours later. We spent that date talking about our core values and beliefs. We both told our moms that night that we had found our future spouse, engaged 9 months later, married a few months after than, and a baby 9 months after our wedding. Best decision EVER.
A long date is always better than many short dates because it enables you to dive deep into important topics
I love that! Our first date was less talking than me being obsessed about being at the beach on vacation 😂
The third date though was real. We both say that was the day we fell in love. May 3. I had to go back to Texas unfortunately but I was already moving there and connected with him looking for a church family and the point of talking and meeting was less to date imo and to hang out. It just didn't happen that way 😂 the first Meet up 100% turned into a date.
Then we meet twice in Mississippi, half way. Then I move to Florida in August. We marry the next day, Aug 2. He moves in. I begin my job in Aug 3 😂 We have a ceremony on May 3 the next year, 2024.
No baby over here, but the Lords will be done ❤
I guess we eloped, lol, but it's funny I called to tell my mom and she says "I know" 😂
God bless you both, that is amazing. I hope I meet someone like that where it all just clicks.
Something similar with me, 2 kids, 2 houses, yearly vacations, $200k invested and 10
Years of marriage
Not quite the same, but it was super quick for us too. We met and married in 4 months. We got through all the BS quickly and it made it easier to figure things out. It was so refreshing to be able to actually talk to him about the things that really matter.
We were 18 and 19 when we got married. Just celebrated our 50th anniversary. More in love than ever. I don't want to preach but all the credit goes to the Lord.
Amen!
YES, Sir!!!! 🙏
Amen, same here! Married at 21, year 26. Year 7 was a pivotal year of prayer that ended up healing a lot that was wrong, all glory to God for His work in both of us, but especially in ending significant anger tendencies in my husband.
Yes, we also are working on our second fiftieth. I have heard people say: "It didn't work out. " So why did you not work it out ? The second fifty is the best. Yes, we worked through a lot of stuff, but life is like that. Besides, our four kids are in their forties and are a great help now that we are not up to a lot of things. Took a while to start listening to them, but then, they are now in their prime. And we are not. But, now nothing interferes with our afternoon nap. : ). ( Or after breakfast. or after supper. or . . . )
Shared values.
Abstinence shouldn’t be controversial
This culture has brainwashed people into thinking abstinence is wild. That’s why they can’t wrap their heads around abortion being a bad thing. Everyone’s sex crazed, as if it were air or something. To propose that abstinence is actually the right way until marriage makes their brains short circuit. They can’t fathom a relationship that lasts a lifetime let alone foregoing sex. It’s what they’ve been taught, as if it were physics or something. Their sense of self worth is wrapped up in it, they’re afraid of missing out on having as much of it as possible with whoever, it’s wild how distorted and corrupted we’ve become but the good thing is that one can learn wisdom and understanding. I was once like that myself recently, a sex crazed idiot.
Right! It should be the normative, until the wedding night.
It's not controversial, it's just not common.
Right? God forbid a little self-control. Oh, but why should it be their responsibility to not?
Yes! Thank you! People are so crazy about short-term pacification that waiting till marriage comes across as "extreme"
I was lucky. I met my wife in high school as a junior. She was my first and only girlfriend. We were married when I was 20 and they said the same things about the marriage not lasting. We were married 55 years till she passed away in 2021. We had 3 kids and now they look after me so I have been blessed. So it is possible.
That's amazing
By the grace of God my husband married crazy. I have been in love 23 years. We have survived the death of a three month old and have 3 beautiful healthy daughters. The gospel brings peace.
My condolences about your 3-month-old. I'm glad you were able to have more children. ❤❤❤
I'm very sorry to hear about the death of your child, I can't imagine what that was like. Stay strong and thanks for sharing
❤
Wow ❤ Jesus is Lord
42 years Married. Both military. All those other problems. But you left one out. The death of a child. Rule #1 never go out without each other. Rule #2 Never bring someone else into your fights. Rule #3 Be willing to compromise. Rule# 4 No TV or fights in the bedroom. Rule #5 Make it up as you travel together in this life.
As a 26 year old young man who is 5’7, “the one” doesn’t exist for men under 5’9. I think we are sadly meant to be genetic dead ends. We get mogged (overshadowed and can’t compete) by taller men and we are invisible to women everywhere online and offline. Women will approach and talk to tall chads. Prove me wrong? I hate being right. I’m not out of shape, I groom myself, and everyone I know in person tells me that my height isnt my problem but my negative self talk and lack of expression and “low confidence” and me going out of the house is. But whenever I do go out it looks like women don’t even think I exist. A short man can be confident but will always be rejected by women for a taller man. I hate being right about everything to believe. I really want to be wrong but nothing has been making me feel hopeful. I have prayed for years and I am starting to think that God made short men to die alone.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheesemaybe the women aren’t approaching you because you’re giving off the low confidence/negative/self pitying energy? my husband is 5’7 and we’re 22, doing just fine. i think you should listen to those around you, that have your best interest at heart. God made you that height for a reason, you just have to work with it. if you’re constantly thinking that your height is getting in the way you’re essentially shooting yourself in the foot because before you approach a woman, you’ve already told yourself it’s not going to work out. wish you the best.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheeseTo a 5' tall woman you will be a giant.
@@emilyp9869 who would ever want me with my height? What reason did God make me that height? I mean seriously.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese i married a not super tall man because there were more important things i found that i liked about him, namely his character- his height is just fine for me. keep this attitude and you’ll be single forever. maybe God made you this height to develop your character and to be grateful for what you have. i can tell you right now by these comments, your height is the least of your worries. take care.
It should not be “Happy wife, happy life”.. it should be
“Happy spouse, happy house”
Each party is respectful, mindful, considerate, and loving and they BOTH give 100% and not a percent less.
Yes. Always find win-win solutions, otherwise the loses in the win-lose solutions will grow in a closet and become a big problem later.
Awhh i love that. I'm going to start using that.
Met in High school 37 years ago. We married 35 years ago. Although she was a Christian and I was not, I was very moralistic, so I had a strong sense of right and wrong. She has always been my best friend, so I poured into knowing her and learning how to be safe and trustworthy. At 37, I became a Christian and although our lives in the world got significantly worse and it seemed like all of a sudden, we dealt with nothing but adversity, we still continued to pursue each other and the Lord. It's been an unimaginable blessing.
Same thing with me and my husband. We don't share the faith, but our VALUES align. And with his consent, I pray for his faith ;-)
In Jesus name❤ @i.b.640
I thought my ex wife was a christian but she never pursued the lord. She only pursued her own selfish ambition and placed her family and desires over us. And she ended up leaving. And the church never held her accountable at all.
@@i.b.640 praying that his eyes are open.
@@smokingcrab2290 Very sorry for you and for her. Praying that she repents.
Married at 20, for 15 years now. God is crucial for a successful marriage.
That’s just similar world view. I know couples who are agnostics, pagan, satanists, Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Islamic; and they’ve all been married for years. Respect for each other, similar world views, and thinking clearly is what makes a successful relationship and marriage last.
@@VoodooVikingExactly.
Couldn’t agree more.
It just proves Jesus’s words, “ a house divided against itself cannot stand”
@VoodooViking I agree. I'm pagan and my husband is an atheist but we have very similar world views and we've been together since we were teenagers. I'm 29 and we've been together for 15 years, have a house and 2 kids and have a great life. He was in the army and we had to do long-distance stuff too. We made it work and we're doing great.
Met my wife at 15 years old I’m 60 years old and married to the love of my life. Everything he says is accurate. He nailed it.
In terms of women venting to men, one thing I implemented in my relationships that has drastically improved communication is this. If they are upset and start venting, ask whether they want solutions, or companionship. That helps them to also get used to clarifying for me "Hey I need solutions" or "Hey I need to just talk". Super huge boost in my dating life.
I could say "good luck with that" but I did make it work and found a great girl. It wasn't only luck, we get along great mostly because she is wonderful. I'm not a "yes, dear" guy, she actually gets things and we both adapt and sometimes say I'll be OK with your side. We've done it both directions.
By the way, she's blind.
She would do anything for me, and I would do the same for her. I love my wife
“You want a shoulder and comfort or are you looking to troubleshoot a problem with practical advice from a trusted person?” In short want a shoulder to vent or advice to resolve issue.
I am female, and I ask that when I am with girl-friends. Mostly the answer is: First the one and then the other.
I started doing the same some time ago, since I think I'm fairly bad at reading situations. So far I too think it does wonders.
As a wife, I would love to talk to my husband but even when I preface with, I just need to blow off steam...I get days of what I need to do. Married 43 years, I just find someone else to talk to.
In a world full of terrible relationship advice, this was very refreshing. Thank you!
My husband came at me with that shit 'Happy wife happy life' and i pushed back. I told him if you want me to be happy, then you have to be happy too as that will make me happy. You give good advice. The only thing that i would add is that in discussions and interactions with your partner, remember that you love this person and temper your words and behavior through that. You are not 'at war' with them, they are your partner and they want the best for you.
I remember, from somewhere. once reading: "Remember, it's you and them *against* the problem, not the both of you against each other."
It's rare to find a woman like that these days. Most do all they can to ruin a man's life
Very true! I was married 16 years and towards the end of my marriage my wife didn’t understand this simple idea. She follows the values of the world now rather than the values we started our marriage with. A man needs to be careful who gets in your wife’s ear and clear any resentment in the relationship before it goes to disrespect.
@jamesTBurke
only look where you want to go. If you're driving your car next to a cliff, you don't look into the valley. You intently look at the road, where it is safe. If you are skiing, you don't stare at trees. You intently look toward safe passage down the mountain.
I think you need to readjust your mental eye. You're staring at the unsafe. But you have to do the mental work to decide what is "safe" as well as compatible.
"if you want me to be happy you have to be happy too" love that, so much pain could be alleviated if more people remembered their relationships should be like that. best wishes
In my Institute class my teacher said "Arguing should be more of a discussion, and it's not about WHO is right, it is about WHAT is right." and honestly I can't imagine a better way to say it. Love these vides and I'll vote for you if you decide to run for president! XD
My husband & I were married for almost 52 years. The things Mr. Freitas has said, are absolutely true!
Married at 22, even our pre-marital pastor asked if we were sure we wanted to get married because on the “quiz” they give you we agreed on only 1 thing: religion. We’ve been happily married for 29 years. Drinking was a HUGE deal breaker for me, coming from an alcoholic father, but I KNEW he was a good man who would never drink. He’s a playing musician, with plenty of “opportunities”, but not for one second did I ever think he would cheat…he is a GOOD man! He has been a wonderful father to our 2 children…I KNEW he would be. He supported me through 2 miscarriages…I KNEW he would. What can I say, even at 22, I KNEW he was a GOOD man, and he’s never let me down!💙
Hey Nick, appreciate your input. I just proposed to my girlfriend of almost 1.5 years yesterday at 21 years old! We built our relationship on the foundation of our traditional Catholic faith. By the end of the first date, we knew we shared the same values. We spoke often of our desired futures and goals and discovered we both wanted the same things. We bonded well over many shared interests such as religious discussions, two-stepping, and spending time in group settings with our friends. After checking all those boxes, I knew she was the one, especially with how beautiful she is. Gentlemen, heed the advice of Nick! Be a man, ask a girl out, and lead her as Christ leads His church.
Congratulations on your engagement! May God bless your relationship as you progress into the next season of your lives together. 😊
@@amaragrace94 thank you!
I waited until I was 60 to get married, and boy did I hit the jackpot. My wife is every decent man’s dream
WOW thats great ha ha ha
Perfect!
@UnitedStatesofAmerica1984 To be honest, for much of my life I wouldn’t consider myself marriage material and I would say the same for the women I dated
Just in time for her to be your nurse.
@UnitedStatesofAmerica1984😂
I looked for people in my culture. I was born and raised an American, but I kept true to my traditional Chinese roots. Found my to-be-wife at a traditional Chinese restaurant working there as a waitress and courted her the old school way. We are now married and have two kids.
Ahhh, that is so sweet. Nothing wrong with being an American and marrying people of your ethnicity. Congratulations to you both.
That's great! How old were each of you when you met?
Old school way... soooo... mail ordered??
I got married to my French husband 30 years ago after a 9-year relationship. Now the kids are grown, we're off to China to finish off our teaching careers.
Life is a wonderful adventure for the two of us.
“Old school ways”, lovely! Wish the younger generation knew those ways.😢
Values are paramount!!!
When my fiancée and I got pregnant- having been together for four years but delaying marriage because I was Army in Europe and he was a Corpsman on the west coast- I was scared. I told him that outright, and he saw, he knew where I came from.
He said don’t worry we’ll figure it out.
I thought long and hard, and concluded that since we both loved each other, loved our careers, interested and entertained each other, and both came from tough backgrounds, I would trust him. At 23 I didn’t realize how self-serving peoples words and actions could be.
The values I developed from my tough childhood were very different than what he developed. I ended up a single mom.
Now my son is in his 20s and developing himself into a solid man.
I just sent him this video, saying I wish I’d heard these words when I was his age!
You’re awesome Nick!
I got married at 19 and my husband was 21. Been happily married for 23 years. All praise and thanks to the Lord. God protects our marriage every day. 😊🙏
All this is TRUTH!
Married at 20.
41 years strong.
30 minutes of pure, unedited common sense. Amazing that we require this video. Thanks man
Both born in ‘94 we met in 8th grade. Off and on all throughout high school and reconnected at 23yrs old. Our courtship was not typical and people laughed at us when they learned we won’t live together first, and we talked about goals, values, and child raising styles in the “dating stage”… we had serious questions to ask each other that we knew others our age aren’t discussing. We married in 2020 and now expecting baby#3❤
I
My husband and I were 19 also, he asked me to marry him after 2 days! My theory is you find someone who’s crazy matches yours.
My husband parents were in a divorce war…we agreed that there is nothing we couldn’t work through as adults. I was a Christian, my husband was not back then…..he is now. 49 years this years of marriage this year. give 101% to your partner. My father on my wedding day, shared his wisdom to always have a fight with no clothes on….thanks dad! Miss my dad so much.
2 days??? I aspire to be that decisive
@DoubleOhSilver maybe don't lol. It's great this worked out for her but for the vast majority of people, dating for 2 days and them getting married is absolutely a bad idea
@@AnimsOnDemand Not at all. After all MOST ppl in the world and America think divorce is an option. 99% of the divorce is NEVER anoption.
Married 32 years, 4 daughters, one grandson, this video is something all kids should watch!
Excellent! Married 1 day shy of our 42nd year (he lost his battle with cancer 😢) We lived this!! This is great info for our children! ❤
I’m so sorry for your loss
🙏🙏😢😢 so sad and sorry.
You are still married to him ! 😊 Hes just gone ahead !
So sorry for your loss!
“Crazy in bed, and crazy at Costco are two different things.”
- Mark Driscoll
😂I
Actually iylt might be connected. Just a thought.
Both still scratch themselves 🤣
In my experience it's not so much not marrying crazy as it is finding a crazy that you can handle. Ten years in and still going strong.
I am now 60 and never ever found that one, not out of choice. I have all ways wanted to get married and have a family. Was always told through out my life that I would meet that special person. It never happened. I do beleive some of us do not have that match out there and that's fine with me now. So I focus on other things that fill that void. Appreciating the things I do have and not on what I don't have.
Maybe God saved the best for last.
I agree with Nancy. There could be a widow out there somewhere, with a very nice family that is looking for someone to be their new Grandpa - maybe even the Grandpa they never had (depending on how early the previous Grandpa passed). You are, of course, absolutely correct to appreciate what you do have, but please don't give up hope. I will say a prayer tonight for you to find "that special someone," family included.
Never too late. Be open minded and look out. Ask God and he'll lead you.
@@NancyJ238 God would not save your spouse for the latter part of life. Just as an old man's life is worth less to God as a convert than is a young man. For God can do more with a young man's life than an old man's life. So says King Solomon.
Guys cool it with the heresy. God clearly didn't plan for a spouse for OP. Why are you bargaining with God?
Got married at 19 as well! Values were huge. We were raised the same had the same views on the huge issues. It made us a team to grow together as we had our 5 children. So thankful.
You are the exception to the rule. Its impossible for me. As a 26 year old young man who is 5’7, “the one” doesn’t exist for men under 5’9. I think we are sadly meant to be genetic dead ends. We get mogged (overshadowed and can’t compete) by taller men and we are invisible to women everywhere online and offline. Women will approach and talk to tall chads. Prove me wrong? I hate being right. I’m not out of shape, I groom myself, and everyone I know in person tells me that my height isnt my problem but my negative self talk and lack of expression and “low confidence” and me going out of the house is. But whenever I do go out it looks like women don’t even think I exist. A short man can be confident but will always be rejected by women for a taller man. I hate being right about everything to believe. I really want to be wrong but nothing has been making me feel hopeful. I have prayed for years and still haven’t found the right one and I am starting to think that God made short men to die alone and it hurts.
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheeseYou cant go out there with that negativity bias brother its possible you just gotta keep trying and be confident. I believe in you G stop thinking about height and just be you find tha game within. 5’7 is chillin too ur fine
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheese You are looking in the wrong place.
Dude 5' 7" is not even short! Fix your internal image!@lilupsi
@@Mistah_Boombastic_BiggieCheeseMeet a shorter woman. I’ve seen several couples like that.
We got married at 18 and my husband was a 20 yr career Army. He was gone more than half the year as well. Now 51 years later still together.
Wish I heard this before I got married. We have a wonderful marriage but had to work through a lot of problems because we did not understand these basic principles.
If I may add a short time together 5-10 minutes reading a scripture and praying together for the family.
You both were committed to each other and never lost sight of your love. I told my girls if you ever feel you do not love him anymore sit down and think back to all the things he did, the little things, that made you fall in love with him. My oldest got married at 19, her husband was 20. His mother wore black pant suit to the wedding. People outside my family were also betting they wouldn't make it or how long it would take for the divorce to happen. 21 years later they are still happy. Working together. Raising their children. Their daughter just turned 20, their son will be 17 in December.
Those people and his Mom just didn't know my daughter. She never gives up on people she loves. Never, ever. And she would never have married him if they hadn't had shared values. ❤
Together 20 years now, married half of that time. We both came from broken homes, both the mothers stepped out of the marriage, leading to divorce. Both our dads got robbed blind in the divorce, while _they_ kept their vows. That's what made me very cautious. We've been in a monogamous relationship since we were 18 & 19 though, just not married the first 10 years.
I believe: Traditional gender roles is what makes a huge difference. They are "traditional" because they worked. No one is trying to improve the shape of the wheel, why would sociciety try to improve on the shape of the family? It's worked for thousands of years. *That* is why we call it *Traditional* .
Been married 52 years. One important thing is finding a person that will put up with you and your quarks. Marriage for us gets better every year. We depend on each other for the things each of us are strong at.
Thank Nick. I've settled for less my whole marriage of 34 yrs. Caused me a lot of depression, anxiety and mental breakdown. Everything you spoke about are all the things I needed wanted and valued. You validated that for me and I am grateful for coming across this podcast. I'm not crazy after all. Thank you!
I can’t imagine a successful relationship without God.
This is brilliant. It should be a Must Watch video for anyone considering marriage. We have been married 39 years and still going strong.
DON'T marry a girl/boyfriend that you "FELL in love with".
Marry the FRIEND that "you love".
There is a difference...
Yes. He was my best friend
...?
So it’s true .. men should not have girls friends when they are in a relationship, nor woman either should have boys friends…
Im so grateful for my husband, please pray for our marriage
I will say. Character definitely matters. You brought up moving as a stressor on marriage. My parents have been married 23 years now, and my family has moved a total of 17 times. This was in addition to all the normal arguments, fights, and stress that go with marriage. Lesser people would have moved on, but they stuck together and are still married.
Sent this forward to my grandchildren and praying they will listen/watch. Thank you for taking the time to make the video.
You're a good grandma!
We've been married for 34 years, two sons. We approve of this message.
My married coworkers advised me not to marry. Maybe they were really saying "don't marry people like us" Thirty-eight years later we're married. I took their advice.
Thats how I see it. The people who see marriage as a burden or as an impossible thing to maintain, kind of out themselves as either crap marriage material, or just bitter.
*When you feel comfortable being your true self around her, and you both work together to grow and overcome challenges, that's when you know it's something special.*
Married 34 years. Lost two children, infidelity happened, OT working happened, Extrovert/Introvert conflict happened, health issues happened, financial loss happened, but for the most part we have the same values and goals. We both were willing to yield to the other as long as the Need was explained well enough we could understand it.
LOVE is an ACTION, the feelings "of love" are the side Effect of the DECISION to act FOR the other person's best interest as you see it.
Truth and Understanding, both with yourself and them, make it work.
So true about love being an action!!! The more I choose to love the more feelings of love I have.
Totally agree with what you said! Love is an action; the feelings of love are the side effect of the decision to act for the other person's best interest.
I am very close friends with a couple who have been married over 5 years. They had their first child recently and it's as if everything has changed. The wife may be suffering from depression (IDK) and has concluded she is no longer attracted to her husband. He has not let himself go-he's a few years older but he's not overweight or anything. Yet she's willing to throw away everything they have worked to build. It's such a shame because her husband is devastated. She has never had to work outside the home, he has a flexible/hybrid full-time job and 2 part-time remote jobs-a lot of his work can be done from home, and he still helps with the housework, cooking, and childcare (he wants to be involved with his child's life). I can't imagine what else she could hope to get out of a marriage.
I've been married over 30 years and raised my children, kept the house, done all the cooking, all while working a full-time job too. I would love to have the opportunity to be at home with my kids at least until they started to school but that's not an option for me. I won't, however, throw away the stability of a home for my children because my husband didn't make enough money so that I didn't have to work. I love him, I love the home we provide, the children we have, and I love the commitment we have to each other.
Did you cheat on her lol infidelity doesn't just happen.
You have to have values to know what your values are. Start there.
We got married when we were both 21. We'll hit 30 years married in a couple years. We've talked every day since December 31, 1996. Even when i was travelling for work before cell phones were popular and available. I remember standing on the corner in San Francisco, putting enough quarters into the pay phone to talk for 4 minutes. We have 3 kids between 17 and 24. The two oldest are living on their own and earning their own money. The oldest has been married for 3 years. (No grandkids yet though!)
I got married at 19, we've been together almost 10 years now with 4 kids. We're still in love. I heartily agree with everything in this video and love and marriage are still possible in the modern age despite all the naysayers
As a woman I have always hated the "happy wife, happy life" phrase. I need to be cherished, loved and respected, not spoiled. How will I grow into what God wants me to be if my views and actions are not lovingly and respectfully challenged when they need to be? I want a partner that expects the same for their growth. That is why it is called a PARTNERSHIP.
28 years Ago I married my high school sweetheart and my best friend. We finished growing up together and learned a lot about each other and a lot about ourselves as we stood together through everything so far. With God's help, we're still going strong and we can confirm that this, all of this is true and accurate. Thank you, Sir, for giving these important life lessons that so many need to hear.
I made mistakes with all the wrong people. After 50, i decided to work on being the person that i wanted to live with.
Moved back to the only city i ever wanted to go back to. The guy i dated 30+ years earlier was still there. We had stayed friends after we stopped dating, and we'd both learned quite a bit about ourselves in the interim. Lots of conversations later, i was surprised to discover how much we agreed on. Long story short, that was 12.5 years ago and we're still happily together. Wish you'd been around 40 years ago. Oh yeah, you were, but i don't think you could have articulated all this as a toddler. Just wanted to share an example that even if you got it wrong over and over, there can still be hope to get it right.
Thank you for that! Encouragement is so important.
My rule....if you see red flags before the wedding don't go through with it. 33 years of marriage all fighting. Didn't realize he was on the autistic spectrum until after I had enough & finally left. Financial values were the final straw. I left & left him everything. He lost it all & I am finally in my happy place on my little farm in the country 2100 miles away. Best move I ever made.
Thank you for sharing, I needed to read this.
can i ask what it was about him being on the autistic spectrum that made you leave?
Little farm? that's my dream❤
You left him because he's autistic?
Those of us that are a little slow ended up paying the price for ignoring the flags
This video should be required watching for all human beings!
Married at 19 and 22, been married 20yrs. Been through a lot of heartache together, the loss of a 2yr old son, family drama, etc... we have 6 kids living and he has a good job while I stay home and homeschool our 6. God is good and has got us through so much.
Love it! We got married at 22/23 while I still had one more year left in college. People swore we were nuts and would be divorced within 2 years. We just celebrated 20 years and have one son.
My brother got married at 19, and he also went to the Army. He was green barre. They have been married for 42 years, so far. ❤😊
This should be required viewing in government schools // Relationships & Marriage is one of the most important decisions of your life // You can tolerate a bad work environment for 8 hours, but a bad marriage can be destructive to your mental health //
This was so good So obviously true. Like much of life advice , health advice it will not be followed
The foundations of marriage are supposed to be taught in the home.
Married at 30, but cultivated a long distance friendship/relationship (pre internet) for over 9 years prior to that.
I've been married to my French soul mate for over 30 years now and have 3 well-adjusted adult children.
We are blessed. ❤
I knew my wife for two days when I proposed. Two weeks later we were married. The two days we’re about establishing whether we had the same values and beliefs. Since we didn’t lie to each other, it worked out well.
I don’t know two weeks for the majority of people isn’t long enough to tell if someone is lying
@@wildcatblue13 We were not together for those two weeks. She was on vacation, went home to quit her job and get ready. Two weeks later I drove across three states, loaded up her stuff, drove her back, and married her the day after we got back. We were 45 years old ( 11 years ago). We both took a huge leap of faith, but we agreed on a biblical marriage, and that’s what we have.
It's easier when both people are straight forward engaged 3 weeks in married in about 3 months. from meeting
Common sense is soooo attractive 😊
I love the way you two treat each other. Congratulations and God bless you
Every woman on this planet needs to see this video ❤
Every man too
Every person
Does it matter? The comment section is full of married people already making it work.
Husband was 20, and I was 27 when we got married. We both waited for our wedding night. I come from a stable family, his is very very broken. We’re four years in, about to have our first baby after years of struggling financially and with the inability to have kids. It’s not luck. It’s work and unconditional love. And Jesus. Always Jesus.
Interesting. Men usually hate older women. Does he provide for you and the family? Are you going 50/50?
@@ActaNonVerba-OH He and I both work full time atm, but we’re expecting. After which I will work part time and he will be full time plus. We also care for his disabled mom. He’s amazing. 🤍 The economy is not.
@@luthasunspell8365 Oh ok... Just make sure he pays for everything. Men should be paying all the bills. Save your money. Remember men will also use women as free live-in caregivers so don't let yourself be used as a stay at home nurse for his relatives too. Make sure you're compensated for that in some way.
@@ActaNonVerba-OH men usually hate older women? Where did you infer this from?
I, as a woman, am so so glad you talked about the hole, "Just say you're sorry cause happy wife happy life." I always hated that! I feel like a petulant child when people tell my husband that, and I also feel like some terrible dictator who will never let my husband have fun or have any pride.
It is the people like you who are willing to share things like this that will save the upcoming generations. Thank you for the thoughts, and for what you are doing.
Sound advice throughout! Catholic pre-marriage prep covers a lot of this, so if you go through it honestly, you get this. Some couples have already talked it all out before they get there, and other couples have not. It is very important to have these shared values, goals, interests, and communication! Being able to forgive is another very important factor - that's from parents who have been married 65 years.
Yeah... My ex was Catholic and we went through the pre-marital counseling the church offered. It would have been nice if someone had discouraged us on the basis of his predatory behavior of going after an 18yo as a 30yo. He divorced me 6 ½ years into our marriage (the last minute to avoid mandatory alimony) and turned right around and married a woman 20 years younger than him.
Maybe I could have avoided that whole mess if someone in the church had disapproved and put the brakes on things.
@alyssamiles2909 I'm so sorry to hear you went through that! It does not sound, on the surface, as though your ex approached it with honesty or with good intentions, which makes me wonder why he bothered with the classes and the Church ceremony if it meant so little to him. Was he a regular attendee at Church when you were dating, or was he just marrying in Church to satisfy an expectation?
When I was 18, I encountered a 32yo, to whom I briefly got engaged. We never made it to the pre-marriage classes because our lack of shared values became too apparent for me, and it was a deal- breaker.
Much later, I met the love of my life, and when we went through the interview with the priest, he did question us closely before approving us for the classes, where the main focus was to make sure we had truly talked to each other about things, rather than to approve or disapprove of our choice to marry.
So, you probably encountered a less than thorough priest, in addition to a partner that was not sincere. As I said before, I'm sorry you went through that.
Solid advice.
Not easy, not always possible, but worth it. I'm 49 still single and still looking for someone with shared values, looking at the state of most everyone I grew up with it seems apparent that single and celibate is the best choice I had.
The core values is key. Its the thing you fall back on in the storms of life, and know the person is in it with you 🥰
I've been married to my wife for five years now. Started long distance for the first three years of the marriage, but she's here now. I haven't put much thought into whether or not I "married crazy." It just is what it is and we're both happy.
24 years happy marriage. Ups and downs but still in love and married and sticking it out!
My husband came into my Faith and says it's the best thing he did. That was fundamental to us getting married
I heard Chris West say that if your partner is willing to have premarital sex, the one thing you know about them for sure is they are willing to have sex w someone they aren’t married to.
It's truly a test.
As a single, divorced person, I appreciate you sharing your journey, and your wisdom, with us. Cheering ya’ll on!! I love how you and your wife both honor and respect each other. It’s very refreshing ! ❤
Actual good marital advice. So rare to hear these days. This is why I tell younger people if they want good marital advice listen to people who have been married 25+ years not the swinger guy with the money and fancy car.
👏👏👏
Three F’s you can’t be divided on in a marriage:
Faith, Finances, Future
19 years in…I love this! We work at it, we expect change, and we just do it…but yes shared values, is HUGE! Our faith even changes we are now too Christian for Christians or at least I am and we are still going!
Can’t wait for the next 19 years!!!
Can you elaborate on the
too Christian?
😂I'm nosey, I've been told.
20 years married and I couldn't have said it better!
Nailed it again, Nick.
Thank you for this excellent categorization of the key elements of a strong partnership. Very timely for me.
When the officiant asks if anyone has an objection - it's really too late as most couples have already dug into their position of getting married regardless of whatever is mentioned. Being smart enough to evaluate the objections that friends/family bring up along the way AND navigating difficult conversations - PRICELESS! It can save so much pain.
Thank you, Nick. 100% agree! You speak so well, like the dad we all need. God bless you!
Shared values are paramount. My wife is a friend of my female MBA classmate. At 24, I asked my female MBA classmate whom I respected if she had anyone to introduce me to. Introduced to her friend, only for two weeks, then she became my girlfriend. Three months together, two years long distance, back for six months, then married. 20 years now. Birds of a feather flock together. Ask your female friend whom you respect if she has any friends. Chances are they share the same qualities as her.
Great advice!! I was married nearly 37 years when my husband passed. It was by the grace and wisdom of God that we were able to achieve much together.
Communication is my second most important issue next to faith, thank you so much for summarizing all of why I think this is SO critically important!!
What do you mean exactly about communication? Because that can mean a lot of things
@@JohnAnderson-ev3lp basically what he talked about… finding someone who knows how to explain things, not leave me wondering what he means, is clear, and just generally avoids confusion and miscommunication. I get that every two people talking for long enough are going to have misunderstandings of each other sometimes, so I’m not asking for perfect, I’m just asking that it’s not a frequent and unavoidable occurrence cause I’ve dealt with that too many times to spend the rest of my life with it😅
Put Honest in front of Communication & I agree.
@@marshahinson2360 honest is definitely a major PART of communication😂
22 years married, here. We were 18 & 19. I don't know that this could have been more concisely stated. Well said, my friend.
This video... It perfectly describes how i've felt about relationships for years, and never had the ability to articulate it.
Thank you sir. Did humanity a favor, posting this !
Edit :
On the last topic of Attractiveness.
I got this old saying...
"Not everyone that thinks you're beautiful, loves you.
But everyone that loves you, thinks you're beautiful."
Wow, this video oozes classy and I love it. Am 23 and haven’t really even dated, but feeling like every day that passes is a day I’m missing out on a future family. Currently trying to build myself and my home to be worthy of a family, and praying for that to be the case.
Married for almost 8 years, we have two kids, and i cannot imagine my life without my husband!! I love him so much more than the day I married him (and that was a whole awful lot) and I'll love him until death do us part. So thankful to the Lord for him.
Why was it awful?
Nick Freitas, this is possibly the healthiest marriage advice asserted in concise language I may have heard (I'm 53)! People have commented here on matters they think are necessary and are true to their personal experiences. I understand and respect this. However, when so many marriages break down I think it is worth looking at what we think is obvious. Some things are so obvious that we forget to consider the meaning of!
Anyway, this is just my opinion. I want to say heart thanks to Nick for presenting sound advice that can be applied to most types of, or all, relationships.
I needed this video a year ago when I was dating my ex. It would have saved me a lot of pain, but the school of hard knocks teaches some good lessons. Thank you for making this!
30 years and going strong. Both went through disastrous first marriages. We talked through all the things that brought about the divorce. The big thing was not having the same faith and values. Going through your list I realized the importance of everything you shared.
As a single guy who has just turned 50, I thank you Nick so much for your advice and experience in your marriage. Will study this, study myself and study the future woman that I be attracted to and who is attracted to me to help me now a single to get ready for a great and grounded marriage!!
We had ppl beating too!!! We got engaged after only dating for 3wks.
24 years in, still going strong.
My husband and I are going strong 27+ years with 2 brilliant grown children. Did we have to go back to the negotiation table? Yes. Yet we did so with respect for one another and calmly talked it out. We call a situation out immediately, we don’t hold on to anything. Discuss it, come to a compromise and it’s OVER!
Nick, big ❤ from Israel. You are brother! Brother in spirit and in arms…
Yours truly!
I married at 19 as well. We’re coming up on 31 years!!
Spot on, agree on all of the points. Imagine this being tought in schools, rather than tons of stuff that will be useless in life.
As a 19 year old guy this is one that im most certainly taking notes on
, and i thinks its no coincidence that my step dad and i where literally having this conversation minutes before this vidoe came out.
Check out the "dear dawson" series also
Let me save you some time.
They are ALL crazy. Any human being who cannot control their emotions, regardless of whether it's due to hormones or lack of willpower, is crazy and unstable, and our current laws prevent you from taking the necessary actions to limit the damage such an individual can do if they pop off.
So don't risk it, just stay single, stay free. See you on the road brother.
@@StarboyXL9 bro this is one of the saddest comments that I've seen yet, do you not want someone that you love so much that you want to spend the rest of your life together?
Edit: and what if you want to start a family?
@@Jesse_Ghost_ you're completely failing to hear him
@@cosmictreason2242 Yeah, I'm used to it by now, but its still sad.
This has to be one of your best videos, Nick. While I have disagreed with some of your opinions regarding relations between men and women, this time you ate absolutely spot on, especially regarding the first point, _shared values._
Nothing is more important, despite what some dating apps may say regarding compatibility. And, you did not omit the physical aspects, and maintaining oneself out of respect for one's spouse. Keep up the excellent work.