"SIGNS YOU ARE CODEPENDENT and DON'T KNOW IT" -- RED FLAGS OF CODEPENDENCY/LISA ROMANO

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
  • There are signs you are codependent and don't even know it. Are you codependent? Red flags of codependency include poor boundaries, low self-worth, catering to the needs of others, and seeking validation by anticipating the needs of others. Codependency has many signs and characteristics and in this video, I discuss the major traits of the codependent personality.
    Codependency is rooted in childhood. It is the result of many things including an unpredictable, emotionally neglectful, rigid, home that had little tolerance for emotions, individuality, and freedom of expression.
    Codependency recovery hinges on our ability to recognize unhealthy patterns in ourselves. Without this awareness, we cannot fix what needs to be fixed. Codependency in relationships causes us to worry more about others than we do ourselves. Codependent people tend to attract narcissists into their lives because codependents are other-focused, while narcissists are self-focused. If you tend to attract people who need to be fixed, if you worry more about others than yourself if you grew up with alcoholic parents or narcissistic parents if your home was unpredictable, unsafe, rigid, and hostile this video is for you.
    As a recovering codependent myself, I understand the value of personal development and addressing symptoms of codependency. Please know that it is possible to recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse. You can take my free codependency quiz below.
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    Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty childhood subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. If you feel invisible, unworthy, and lack a sense of self or purpose, Lisa's work in the field of personal development can help you gain the self-awareness required to breakthrough.
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    Thanks for watching "Signs you are codependent and don't know it" LISA ROMANO
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ความคิดเห็น • 324

  • @rhondaroberts2223
    @rhondaroberts2223 5 ปีที่แล้ว +184

    BEST EXPLANATION of co-dependency I have EVER heard in my life, and I am 59 yrs old! Thank you. Listening to every word you said, I felt like you were speaking specifically to me. (Ouch!)

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Hey Rhonda! I am so happy to hear this resonated with you!

    • @louise2091
      @louise2091 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      you are not alone

    • @LRice2010
      @LRice2010 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      To me too double ouch.

    • @StevenLeMieux
      @StevenLeMieux 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Your channel is amazing!!

    • @Jesusandcoffee3382
      @Jesusandcoffee3382 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      This literally describes me.

  • @cybco
    @cybco 5 ปีที่แล้ว +82

    On a serious note, You are awesome, and yes, I'm a total co-dependent, and boy people don't like when you start to change.........

    • @CarrieJo5916
      @CarrieJo5916 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      They sure don't!

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      OMG this is so true!

    • @deebest4202
      @deebest4202 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Yes, and when you start standing up for yourself them demanding mates take off faster than Usain Bolt.

    • @CarrieJo5916
      @CarrieJo5916 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@deebest4202 Yes, that's when my ex narc, started talking divorce, when I started saying NO MORE!

    • @cybco
      @cybco 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@deebest4202 Not just your mate, you siblings, young adults, and so on.

  • @1RPJacob
    @1RPJacob 5 ปีที่แล้ว +150

    one more sign: when a codependent speaks, they always try to be perfectly clear.
    There is a fear of leaving any space for misinterpretation.
    Probably in the childhood, any space for misinterpretation was used against us.

    • @misslady3
      @misslady3 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Ooof I felt that.

    • @rachael5292
      @rachael5292 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Oh man...

    • @baptm727
      @baptm727 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      That's 100% me ffs...

    • @massara6050
      @massara6050 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Your opening wounds 🥲

    • @skyejacques
      @skyejacques 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Orrrr... We avoid talking at all, or have outbursts and then get scared to read responses!

  • @BerylWalubengoAnyitiNanyama
    @BerylWalubengoAnyitiNanyama 5 ปีที่แล้ว +110

    Making people comfortable has been my problem.

  • @missnadial5174
    @missnadial5174 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    Zero empathy for the self. 100% true

    • @flowerchild89
      @flowerchild89 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Well said 😄

  • @andilk
    @andilk 5 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    Codependency is EVERYWHERE. After hearing your very first video five years ago,I was stunned to realise it just described everyone around me...

  • @patriciarainey4497
    @patriciarainey4497 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    So hard to admit to this. Seeing ourselves as we truly are is the hardest thing to do. I am 100% codependent. I Am a people pleaser and my childhood was filled with neglect n lies. Seen n unheard. Bounced to one guardian to the next. Thank You Lisa!!! I love your videos!!!

    • @rakelpeneyambeko
      @rakelpeneyambeko ปีที่แล้ว

      No ways! You have summed up my life, funny how one thinks their experiences are are unique only to them but no others have/are gone/going through the same stuff. Wow! How are you getting through if i may ask?

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Patricia Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @w3n33dam1racl3
    @w3n33dam1racl3 5 ปีที่แล้ว +55

    It all makes sense now. Growing up I had to take care of everyone else (siblings, adults) but no one took care of me. If I ask for what I needed or wanted or stated an interest, I was punished and called selfish and needy. I wasnt and because I didnt want to be seen or called selfish and needy I ignored myself. It followed me into adulthood. You spoke directly to my soul. Thanks for this video ❤ Now what?

    • @skyejacques
      @skyejacques 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I'm so sorry you've been through this. I can relate. I've been going for therapy for 2 years and finally feel better with boundaries. I also did other healing such as dance movement psychotherapy, herbal medicine, acupuncture, etc...
      Try all alternative modalities and find what works.
      I hope you have already done most of this by now!

    • @rakelpeneyambeko
      @rakelpeneyambeko ปีที่แล้ว

      The keyword for codependency is IGNORE/AVOID/NEGLECT/REJECT self. Phew! We need help Lord.

  • @karenwallace5855
    @karenwallace5855 5 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    I spent most of my life staying in relationships that were not healthy and self-sabotaging the ones that were all because I didn't feel lovable. Although it is finally good to know why I did this, there are scars on my heart that come from losing the love I could have had. Thanks Lisa for your kind and caring heart.

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Karen Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @CatherineSTodd
    @CatherineSTodd 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    "seeking validation by anticipating the needs of others." That's me to a "T" - and I am 72 years old. I will study and read and watch and listen and learn to help this old dog learn new tricks! 2022.

  • @sereene_care646
    @sereene_care646 5 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    It really hurts to know that i was brought up unconsciously to codependency. A mixture of strong, stirring emotions came up to realize that my life was not taken seriously at all by my very own parents in my growing up years. What really hurts is to know that i was not truly loved by them. Now that i know and understand my codepency for decades, my heart hurts and find myself crying within to see mothers treating their child in school with little or no empathy. I wanted to save the mistreated, unloved child from the excruciating pain and emotional and psychological damage it can cause them but the how is very hard and complicated thing to do when mostly or a large part of the society where i'm at doesn't give a damn or care at all. Codependency and narcissism is really a serious matter to know and deal with. Thank you Lisa for being passionate in helping many of us who suffer terribly from narcissistic abuse and codependency. We may be so miles and miles away but your voice which brings light and love has reach me to where i am which i am truly grateful. I am up for raising our vibrations high.♥️

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Yes this is really hard but try to remember your parents were unconscious too.

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Care Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @melisabosnia
    @melisabosnia 5 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    I'm only 4 min in and you're speaking about me. Oy vey.

    • @skyejacques
      @skyejacques 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Hehehehe me too! Oy ve! I'm even giving advice to people in the comments section as I listen to this 🤦🏽‍♀️

  • @lebron90crazy
    @lebron90crazy 5 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    My mother was a martyr. Please ADDRESS THAT

  • @LizzyShadowhunter
    @LizzyShadowhunter 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    I was so afraid to open up videos on codependency because I feared I was co-dependent and watching this video allowed me to almost open up a little even to just myself. I understand now why I can’t pinpoint specific emotions and why I tolerate so much abuse and I just want help. I want to be happy. Thank you so much for this video.

    • @billyladybug2652
      @billyladybug2652 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I’m so with you on now understanding why I have the inability to identify specific emotions. I’ve said so many times, even to myself, “I just feel so...I don’t know”. I just told myself that I was not smart enough to come up with the words to express how I’m feeling, but really I truly don’t know how to identify what I’m feeling.

    • @elianaj.3373
      @elianaj.3373 ปีที่แล้ว

      How are you doing today? ❤️

    • @deborahgtucker
      @deborahgtucker 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Lisa has opened up my life so I can see, observe and absorb.
      Sometimes I am sobbing in pain but other times little rays if light shine. Lisa is a HERO! Follow her! Learn about You.

  • @zee8899
    @zee8899 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    i’ve never felt so exposed in MY LIFE

  • @nathaliedufour3891
    @nathaliedufour3891 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Yeah it's so bad that when i do something for me i feel like a criminal :(

  • @rhondabaroli2683
    @rhondabaroli2683 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    It is emotionally draining - compassion fatigue .I can relate to this . My mom was a fixer too and my dad suffered emotional probs ..there was dysfunction but I was lucky to also live in a home where was much support too but def boundaries needed to be set

  • @Patricia-xz6ek
    @Patricia-xz6ek 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    Dear Lisa, It is so exhausting doing! With your work, we are breaking day by day those patterns through repetition, observation, and consistency, focusing on our self. Love your channel.

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      YAY!!!!!! Stay strong!

  • @1RPJacob
    @1RPJacob 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    We must forgive ourselves.
    Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.

  • @sambayanzai
    @sambayanzai 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I am very emotional listening to you in this video. I am crying and can’t contain myself. All my life I had every characteristics you described in this video. I am tired, exhausted, overwhelmed with my life. Time to take care of me and myself only. Thank you so much... I been suffering for 26 years doing all this not realizing I need to leave my abusive family and husband. I’m always constantly making excuses for the way my family and husband treats me... I’m blaming myself and then I’m back normal with them acting like they didn’t did anything to me. I have no self respect. And having children and being co dependency doesn’t help them. Thank you so much!!!
    By the way, I am with a narcissist and I was my families scapegoat as well. For a while, I started thinking, I’m a narcissist since I want to be heard and want to be seen. But the problem is I have co dependency problems from my abuse experience. I can’t believe I confused it with narcissist. Mind blowing what mental and even physical abuse can do to someone.

    • @Noana_Roze
      @Noana_Roze 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      You’re aware of this now be proud of yourself for simply that!!!! Take the time to heal and be around ppl that encourage it!

  • @billyladybug2652
    @billyladybug2652 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Have listened to this video a couple times since I found it today and will probably come back to it again. Thank you for putting this info out there! I see so many of my traits in what you are saying.

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Billy Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @SteveWrightNZ
    @SteveWrightNZ 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Here's a good one too... STOP!! What do you WANT to do? Right now, pick a thing YOU WANT for yourself. Oops, can't think of anything? Better not be wasting your life like that...

  • @XzDeathz
    @XzDeathz 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I was raised in a dysfunctional home. Mom didn’t clean the house because she was depressed and abused by my dad. Dirty to the point where we couldn’t see the floor and I had to poop in bags because the toilet wouldn’t flush. My dad left and called child protective services on my mom but didn’t want to keep me and my sister either. My mom would be on the phone most of the time and never really payed any mind to me. Whenever I tried getting her attention she would yell at me that she was on the phone. I know this is a lot but can all of this be the reason why I’m codependent. I just lost my partner and I’m really trying to figure myself out and work on myself.

  • @TheDoubleO420Show
    @TheDoubleO420Show 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    My fiancee went to rehab and then left me. We both got sober. I was sober the whole time she was in rehab until she got out and left me. She was using me and turned out to be a sociopath. I loved her very much.

  • @sbb2887
    @sbb2887 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    The song of pink: " perfect" is the perfect example for codependency.

  • @Canaday291
    @Canaday291 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    You have perfectly described me and my mom !! You are so helpful in my life!! Thank you!!!!

  • @fruittofruition1254
    @fruittofruition1254 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    OMG!! thank you Lisa, I love you! I needed to hear this and be reminded today. In between coming home to clean. Suddenly I have empathy for myself and the HARD part is NOT repeating the patterns with my children. I look forward to more videos like these. Again, thank you so much for these last couple of years and showing up and sharing, and reassuring me (us) all. In my faith, the one who doesn't thank others, didn't thank his\her creator. xxxxx

  • @Theirenetym
    @Theirenetym 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Taking stuff from sisters closet, I have 3 sisters and we all do this to each other and we all think it’s ok, it has been a running joke in our family, pamper others, lack of boundaries, taking on the work of other people, mind going 1000 miles an hour, manage and control others....ugggggg, it’s so much! Suggested Next video titles: how to develop a healthy self....how to see the future as good, how to talk to your parents as an adult

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Love these ideas--and please check out my next online program www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp You need to break deep unconscious patterns Dear One xoxox

  • @katherinebishop9116
    @katherinebishop9116 5 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    You nailed it, Lisa! I’ve been attending ACA meetings for 10+ years, and have yet to hear such a clear explanation with such concrete examples. Thank you!

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      YAY!!!! I think the clearer we get the better.

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Katherine Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

    • @angelamossucco2190
      @angelamossucco2190 9 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ACA is extremely necessary. Being vulnerable in a safe space with fellow travellers is key to healing. ❤️‍🩹

  • @maliaka3937
    @maliaka3937 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I've watched all your videos for over 2 years and this is your best yet! Thank you for sharing your insights x

  • @stevekirschman354
    @stevekirschman354 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    As a 65 year old man
    Good job
    The subtleties to this issue of codependency as you speak it is an issue in itself
    Smart people who may think they understand codependency can miss the subtle play both men and women
    Thank you for your work and TH-cam’s
    Intimate connection is what is beyond
    May 2020 be the year of love and intimacy
    🧡💛🧡

    • @deborahgtucker
      @deborahgtucker 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Exactly! It does seem that women suffer from Codependency more than men. Untruth. After discovery a Codependent is an expert on the subject. Living in it, not just listening. We have a problem with Societal Labels. They’ve thwarted much needed courage to address the fact that we need LISA A ROMANO. She speaks the Truth!

  • @Mike-xt2lh
    @Mike-xt2lh 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Lisa speaks so much truth on her videos ❤! Namaste dang you're so Gorgeous and very intelligent 😍.

  • @Canaday291
    @Canaday291 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    This video describes everything about my co-dependent condition and why I was the easy target and prey for my abusive malignant NPD ex husband
    I became exactly like my co dependent empath mom and my ex became exactly like his abusive npd dad

    • @katalinmcewan
      @katalinmcewan 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I’m so sorry! I can totally relate to this. 😞

  • @suetapley1697
    @suetapley1697 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    good morning Lisa, your the best!! thank you for all you do 💖 I love your buddha

  • @geargirl2
    @geargirl2 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Such a good video Lisa. The section about the pane of glass separating us from ourselves stopped me in my tracks. I remember riding on the school bus, looking out the window, and thinking about that. I'm still trying to break through. Fortunately, I do have moments of clarity. 🌤

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Carter Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @15minoflame
    @15minoflame 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    i'm using this like a message to you. I am addicted to the narcissist. absolutely still in love with the narcissist. I guess that's heart broken? left them right after their last neglectful act. do you have any videos about how to get over a narcissist when you're still highly infatuated or in love?

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Great topic. Please review my video list. I have many videos on this topic.

    • @Jezebel066
      @Jezebel066 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Where are you at now m.n.??

  • @ronallan
    @ronallan 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I have a codependent coworker. This is all spot on. She is very insufferable.

  • @antoniosciara7322
    @antoniosciara7322 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My girlfriend recently left me. She became the caretaker completely. I was going through serious depression and was almost bed ridden. Eventually she got sick of it and left. But she feels like the victim and I let her down and hurt her. Feels like I ruined her life. But I feel like the only thing I did was have depression. I didn't ask her to do all this stuff. She came out of the blue and just started taking care of me but then became spiteful when she wasn't getting anything in return. I feel guilty about it but truthfully didn't have any love to give at the time.

  • @christielane9637
    @christielane9637 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    This is great Lisa. I found myself aware today that someone I made lunch for told me he had faith in me. I wanted to hear that because I was nervous cooking for them. But, I found myself quite confident too. So both things were happening. I'm in your 12 week breakthrough under a different name. I am now getting in the habit of seeing myself from the outside and can recognize when I'm being hard on myself. Bless you Lisa!!!

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      YAY this is so HUGE!!!!!!!! This means you CONSCIOUSNESS is rising up and OUT of the Codependent MIND!

  • @inagray2944
    @inagray2944 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Whew chile!!! U got me! Im starting to put myself first and it feels good. You touch on everything i am dealing with.

  • @AnnaMmusic
    @AnnaMmusic 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    In my determination to overcome some of my co dependant ways I had to swing completely the other way in order to let go of the fear of displeasing others or not getting validation. I had a rude slang expression that I won't type here but it was so freeing. It was that release of the need to be perfect or to need approval. Feels good. Still work to do tho. Onwards and up we go. Thank u Lisa. 💗

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Yes, this is so true!

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Anna Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @dr.maguriandoctor652
    @dr.maguriandoctor652 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Lisa ....once again you are shifting my axis with your clarity and your wisdom......sharing you with many friends who are struggling with relationships.......do you do workshops...?......in Boston area......would gladly travel with my wife to ny......it am so impressed with your communication style......when the student is ready ....the teacher appears .......thank god here you are ....I was ready......

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว

      OMG that is awesome! I may have a workshop coming up in early April in NYC. Join my newsletter to stay posted.

  • @playsavedthechild.2848
    @playsavedthechild.2848 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Others took care of us.
    we took care of others.
    aka - community.

  • @clarissamartinez3870
    @clarissamartinez3870 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    You nailed my Co dependency! So enlightening thank you. I savings up to take your course.. I know it's the healing I need!

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Clarissa Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @mariamvictor8242
    @mariamvictor8242 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thank you so much.. I have discovered the reasons of my suffering.. it's codependency. . Do really thank you for your time and effort for helping us to discover ourselves and accordingly fixing our lives../ GOD BLESS YOU with all the blessings He loves to bless you with.. ❤

  • @freebassdj
    @freebassdj 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Thanks Lisa! Your info has been amazing over the last couple of years.

  • @SANTAMYKAH
    @SANTAMYKAH 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I’ve never felt so attacked like I did in the first 3 minutes of this video. I always worried about my narcissistic boyfriends and mother. I found myself dating my mom over and over again. I kept learning how to identify toxic people so I could stay away from them or learn how to detect “red flags” and as far as understanding why people are the way they are. Never then had I realized I ATTRACTED THIS KIND OF PEOPLE because I was the perfect codependent next person to abuse and drain emotionally and mentally. Now I know what is my problem, I see it, I feel it, and I want to heal it and finally feel free.

    • @bjb0808
      @bjb0808 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I'm not there yet, but I think I will see it very soon. Congrats. I like the "I felt so attacked..." Yes, right? There is an element of that, and wanting to defend what you've done all along. Of course, this is NOT just something we dreamed up. We were told to do things a certain way, at least I was, so I was just doing what I thought was "the right thing." To go against that would be to "do the wrong thing," but I suppose you gotta look at who is defining "right" and "wrong," eh?

  • @ShaleneZA
    @ShaleneZA 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Brilliant explanation! Wow. You said everything I feel (or have in the past) ❤ thank you

  • @dougcorbett4933
    @dougcorbett4933 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Lisa, thank you thank you thank you for continuing to open my eyes to identify what I could not see in myself.
    Doug

  • @CatherineSTodd
    @CatherineSTodd 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    "I can fix problems for everyone else and can't fix them for myself."
    I AM. Now it's time for me to learn how to TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
    The need to be validated comes from OUTSIDE of OURSELVES.
    I spent my entire life trying to "prove " that I am worth *something* to *anyone.* Just the way I grew up, no matter what I did nothing was ever enough. I am 72 years old and I am in an unhealthy relationship and do not know how to end it.

    • @Thunder-lightning852
      @Thunder-lightning852 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Start setting healthy boundaries at work for me

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Catherine Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @twoidiots1417
    @twoidiots1417 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Is me needing people to like me and being overly polite to those who are rude to me and doing nice things for them even though they are mean to me and sign. Or maybe still talking to people who have hurt me because they need help or because I don’t want them to be mad at me?

    • @makoaquest7756
      @makoaquest7756 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes absolutely ♥️I can relate ♥️

    • @twoidiots1417
      @twoidiots1417 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@makoaquest7756 good I’m not alone

  • @chrisk7091
    @chrisk7091 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    So how do we get out of this. I’m hanging on to my life suffering so hard.

    • @baptm727
      @baptm727 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      How are you doing

    • @alicehardy8040
      @alicehardy8040 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Pray for Strenght to get out

  • @dandithtafalla1844
    @dandithtafalla1844 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thank you so much for this, Lisa. Now I understand what I've suffer all these years! When I have this weird feelings why I always feel unwanted, u heard, and unvalued. I need to heal within. Looking forward I can see solutions by watching your contents. Godbless!

  • @biancadm5843
    @biancadm5843 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I like how simply you say it. And with kindness. Thank you

  • @nupian06
    @nupian06 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    that's me 99%! I hated myself for being this, codepebanant, i had feelings that I don't want this but also don't know better /how to overcome this /change myself!!... grateful from heart Lisa , you are a blessing, thank you so much dear, love and light 💚 💯 🙌 💎

  • @elhadjdiallo633
    @elhadjdiallo633 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    From my perspective codependency is a pandemic ...... Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe !!!!!

  • @MishkaTia
    @MishkaTia 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I can’t thank you enough for this video have had all these struggles 🙏🏼

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Hang in there...recovery is possible.

  • @marcwareham9351
    @marcwareham9351 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I’ve been resisting getting better because I feel I don’t deserve to feel better. I feel that because of the guilt and shame I have it’s not right for me to feel good. I deserve to be used and abused because as I bring nothing to the table, I’ve wasted people’s time. I remember as a child imagining I was invisible so I wouldn’t negatively effect anyone’s life.

  • @AdamNPDSurvivor
    @AdamNPDSurvivor 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I'm 18 months out of a 22 year narcissistic marriage. I am now at the point of understanding I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and how I became a victim in the first place. My inner child is deeply wounded. My adult self is deeply wounded. I need to heal the inner child first to understand how to heal the damaged adult. It's been a long 18 month process so far but definitely worth it. I'm healing wounds I have ignored since childhood.

  • @cindyluwho602003
    @cindyluwho602003 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Thank you, Lisa. I needed your support tonight.

  • @CarrieJo5916
    @CarrieJo5916 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Wow, that's exactly what I thought when my therapist recommended that I join a group for co dependents. I thought it had to do with dealing with a loved one who was an alcoholic. But still I never understood why I was in that group until your videos Lisa. Thank You! 🤗

    • @lisaaromano1
      @lisaaromano1  5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      YAY!!!!!!

    • @Raymondgogolf
      @Raymondgogolf 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Hi Carrie Good evening I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this complement. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….

  • @ghilly_one1720
    @ghilly_one1720 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    everyone will have some level of codependency - everyone. you want to know why? because we are all human and doing the best we can with what we have/had. that includes our parents. we are or may eventually be parents - and we will do the best we can raising our own. as adults it is up to us to process and overcome whatever deficiencies we grew up with. it is not an excuse to remain in co-dependency. once you are aware of your it, heal/find a way to heal. it is up to each person to heal and move forward. i speak from experience. i, like so many others, had a difficult childhood. but as an adult i grew to understand that my parents had their own demons to overcome - if they could. they could not. yet i loved my parents dearly in life (both departed) and i do not blame them. continuing to find and lay blame and never overcoming is to never accept that your growth is up to you. yes, i had a troubled childhood but it is up to me to make your peace with it and not let it define my life.

  • @freetobememe4358
    @freetobememe4358 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I thought I had moved out of coda, I see I haven’t, I have gone thru a lot of drama, walked away and now back again. I am almost 70.

  • @mayport1078
    @mayport1078 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I recently started listening and find myself more often than not getting upset, saying no, that cant be..but yet I keep listening because it all resonates way too close for comfort..So, I'm fighting what your saying and yet I keep listening.

  • @alcudiababe1
    @alcudiababe1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I can say one thing about this when you give unsolicited advice without being asked, it is only going to backfire. I was just having a conversation about this in the car with my husband. You can only fix or change you, you are the only person who you can control!!
    You can not control other people's actions and what they do - because DO NOT CONFUSE YOUR ADVICE GIVING IS WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO!! JUST LIKE YOU, THEY ALSO HAVE FREE Will!! Remember this, remind yourself of this. They haven't done it, because they are trying to give you a slap in the face - you just respect individuals enough to make their own choices and if they make a stupid choice then it's on them. They take the consequencess. If your a true friend - just be there for them after, don't be like I told you so. Help them, then, because when does a person need help more before they make that stupid choice - because if you add resistance it's only going to want to make them do it more or after the event - they appreciate it more then.

  • @beccalink5011
    @beccalink5011 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Codependency is what drove my brother to unaliving himself two weeks ago. Please get help.

  • @kittyhume3917
    @kittyhume3917 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Maby stupid but in order to be honest about the co dep: Although not intend to do so, but maby unconsiusly by your behavior sometimes you bother other people. Help the other for value energy for yourself is also stealing enery. Unconsiously maby the other gets tired of the co dep. For that, i can see i didn't do things right. Not for myself and not for others. I simply didn't realise. I learn every day more and more.

  • @MichelleVisageOnlyFans
    @MichelleVisageOnlyFans 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    This video is re-traumatizing and makes me very angry (at my home that I grew up in and myself, too, for being this way because of them). How do you fix it? Becoming a selfish arrogant self-centered git to the outside world and everybody who tries to be nice to you because you just don't trust them? Anger is really shaking me right now!!!

    • @CNSproductions14
      @CNSproductions14 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      i feel your rage, im currently looking for a remedy. Look up Richard Grannon he has some good techniques to use.

  • @judywinters8615
    @judywinters8615 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    the coda and alanon groups i went to ( and I went to many) were all about appeasing the offender. NOTHING about real healing and strategies as lisa talks bout. they kept me stuck for about 10 years

  • @MeMe-od2mg
    @MeMe-od2mg 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Codependents are a pain in the ass! My landlord is like that. He's not helpful, but nosy. And when he "helps", it has to be in a way that benefits him. Oh, and once he had the audacity to say this: "I bought these ingredients. Will u cook for me?" Duh...of course, I won't! I can't wait to find a better place.

  • @cteinc.4571
    @cteinc.4571 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I wish I knew about this 30 years ago, thank you so much for confirmation on what I suspected all along! 🌤🌷

  • @kittyhume3917
    @kittyhume3917 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    So interesting. Certen, i'am co dep. Only nr. 1 like disappointed i didn' t feel for hepling. My mother printed in me: Help somebody but never expect (or ask) someting in return. So i didn't feel 'dissapointment' emotion or had expextations. It was wath it was. I think this was in advantige for my mother. I think i willingly isolated myself when i had my own family. It cost much energy 'just help my husband. I feel it was mmy obligation bc i was/am his wife. I didn't know better. But very very tired, o yes. I am right now. I want rest. I am so lazy thepast 4 weeks. I can keep the household in order, and that's it. Surprisingly my man understands me . Thaks Lisa, from all coaches on youtube. You are the best 💗🤍💙 love from Holland, EU.

  • @sandracoll3601
    @sandracoll3601 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I always took care of people at an early age had to take care of my parents no time for me

  • @markc5771
    @markc5771 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I think I have PTSD from my last relationship. I can't stop the shakes

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Your description of codependency is Absolutely brilliant. Thank you Lisa. God bless you.

  • @shellshellshell5126
    @shellshellshell5126 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    This is sooo me!!! I really hate that I'm programmed this way. I hope I can heal from this bs. Love and light everyone!!! 😘😘😘

  • @newtuber4freedom43
    @newtuber4freedom43 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Wonderful wisdom. I identify w/ 90%.

  • @stellasole3720
    @stellasole3720 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The more I learn, the more I see it around me - I think as a society we've been trained into it

  • @marydahlheimer3477
    @marydahlheimer3477 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    You were basically talking to me. I am starting to focus on me for once. It's hard, but it's a journey I'm ready for.

  • @robinallums4541
    @robinallums4541 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    could codependency ever be a good thing. what if both parties are codependent, always wanting to be around eachother with no qualms about being “too clingy “? Do you think a relationship like that can last?

  • @heyitsLizzy
    @heyitsLizzy 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    literally describes me to a T. I hope I can break through it:/

  • @bobhunley8794
    @bobhunley8794 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I forgot to say I hope you and your family are ok. It was a steep hill. Bob

  • @Freedom-is5st
    @Freedom-is5st 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Can you make a video about creating friendships after a life of codependency? I feel like the only way I can make and keep friends is to be codependent. I’d like to keep seeing myself and have friends at the same time but I’m struggling with balance and how to do that.

  • @daughtertheresa4210
    @daughtertheresa4210 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I'm crying watching this before even 2 minutes in

  • @Jezebel066
    @Jezebel066 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    The only one that fits me is I end up w guys who appear to have it together. But when they do have it together, I only see them as a friend. When they seem broken, unloved.. I want to give them my love & make them better.
    Going through 3rd divirce to the 3rd narc husband
    AND I stay wayyyyyyy longer than I should. But only bc I meant my vows. This time I would have stayed forever. So he is divorcing me bc he prob thought I was going to leave & he didn’t want me to “win”

  • @mennoduplessis3953
    @mennoduplessis3953 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I need your help mam..I really do...I'm drowning...Don't really know how to work with what is happening by my father

  • @vincentssoul2369
    @vincentssoul2369 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Codependent - What? for me happens 3 years ago , and now over 50 years old files on review

  • @kristinalowe8627
    @kristinalowe8627 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    “We don’t know how to get out of it”...Lightbulb moment.

  • @LADYE226
    @LADYE226 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you 🙏🏾 for explaining this now I understand why I am like this. I am in tears 😭💔💔😔😔😔😔 this is is the worst thing ever.

  • @DEFCONONE13
    @DEFCONONE13 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    All boxes ticked. Wow. Totally resonated with me...now comes the work. Thank you for this.

  • @Maria-fz1mu
    @Maria-fz1mu 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    This sounds like me and I'm exhausted but I'm seeing the problem.

  • @forpersonalreferencingonly2536
    @forpersonalreferencingonly2536 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Wonderful job lisa!!! Such a beneficial video!!! Very well put together... Detailed and so so informative!!! I found this very useful! As always!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖✌✌✌✌🤙🤙🤙🤙🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤓☺☺☺😊💖

  • @wendellignatin1228
    @wendellignatin1228 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    thank you lisa.

  • @alicereighley2584
    @alicereighley2584 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Check, check, check, and CHECK! LOL! That's meeeee!!!

  • @DorianGriner
    @DorianGriner 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Most brilliant and hard hitting facts, many thanks Lisa as always for your superb presentation on this enormous and complex subject countless sufferers need to hear and learn! Namaste 🙏

  • @ephemeral1052
    @ephemeral1052 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    When I started to value myself more, many narcissists started to devalue me more. These are the same people who told me that i am „talented and I should stop feeling bad about myself” and when that actually happened I felt like punching bag for them

  • @bobhunley8794
    @bobhunley8794 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Hello Lisa. I went with my Sponser to the beach. It felt like Santa Barbara beach. I tried to read clearly and he's in his 60s and hyper like some of us kids Were. I had to think quick. Lol. It was cleansing but the steep hill I thought I'd pass out. He's the first person I read inventory to in 2 years. Just wanna stop on by. Bob

  • @wc3601
    @wc3601 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Great information! Thank you

  • @Rachel-nc8tr
    @Rachel-nc8tr 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Narcissistic and codependant is my problem. I am the worst person because im lazy but I hook my boat to sinking ship because it gets me from point A to point B.

  • @tinamchenry64
    @tinamchenry64 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Thank you dear one. Awesome vid. You're always right on ♡♡