The cruelty of ghosting is that you have to invent the reason for it, because that person has failed to explain it to you, and usually it’s your deepest insecurities that become in your mind the ultimate truth.
toska I agree. That is what leaves it incomplete. Not knowing why, especially if the connection between the two of you seemed mutual and real. Then blip! Ghosted.....it’s very agitating and hurtful . In my case , since I wrote a month ago, I have had resolution. A good one. It turned out that he liked me too much and felt it was inappropriate for our circumstances, which were professional as well as personal. . And it scared him also. Called upon him to go,places within himself hat he had blocked off due to childhood trauma. We have gotten back to a loving place but I’m still gun shy about doing another project with him and may take a pass on it if it comes up . I prefer to stay in the cozy personal zone. However, while I was being completely ignored for months, I had no clue whether hated me, liked me or whether I had been offensive or ? The mind goes wild at those times.....(justifiably )paranoid even! Awful experience.
If you've treated someone with respect and they've ghosted, there's only one thing to do. Move on. What their reasons are, are irrelevant. The right person, will never ghost you, so nothing lost.
I agree with you on the moving on part but as for nothing lost I disagree. If you and this person have invested a lot in each other and one of you just bails with no explanation that's pretty dysfunctional on their part. But yeah ultimately you have to move on.
I agree it’s not just “move on”. The psychology of it is he so cruel that many never recover fully and healing is difficult. It’s an indication that the ghostER is mentally immature and possibly an alcoholic or drug user. At least they are narcissistic. The best part of ghosting is that you move on before wasting any more time with toxic people.
“I have over calculated my significance to that person and I misunderstood their perception of our relationship. I’m therefore going to alter my perception of this relationship” - I couldn’t have said that any better.
I don’t think this statement is relevant to being an over thinker, overthinking is gender neutral. As mentioned in the video, many factors play an important role in having the right mindset and attitude when dealing with this kind of situation. The most important thing that I got out of this video is that instead of expecting from others, we can ease ourselves by giving them benefit of the doubt (such as, the person probably has already got a lot on their plate, or simply he or she forgot to reply due to their fast paced lifestyle) or re-evaluating the relationship. In short, having a positive mindset instead of clinging on to the disappointment of being ghosted is going to help us in the long run.
Thank you I do not think it has to do with gender (and I see it was a comment made in good nature but there are also girls who don’t relate or people who relate who aren’t girls, girls who relate but don’t think it’s overthinking, or proud overthinkers who aren’t girls who don’t relate or whatever... you get my point, I see overgeneralisations like these among younger people, who I normally admire young people for being more diverse in their gender roles, sexuality and lifestyle but lately want to say more and more take it easy ladies, not everyone thinks the same way and that’s ok)
@@Chriswallace0405 No, they are ghosting. It is RUDE. Nobody is THAT busy! Rocks are smarter than you. It takes almost no time at all to send a text. There's NO excuse.
Ghosting is done by emotionally immature people..its so disrespectful..i was ghosted over a wk ago by someone i was seeing..terrible feeling..love n light babes.
Whatever you do..dont reach out to them..i know its hard..just let them be..its crazy this was my last attempt of being in a relationship..he was wounded frm his past..now im wounded from him (my past) & i dont want to love anyone ever again..
Same here, after 6 1/2 years of living together (were good friends 6 years before) and were engaged. I stuck by her and suffered financially, in an area with terrible job opportunities, as she pursued her Bachelors degree. I stuck by her when she decided she was gonna stay another 3 years and get her Masters. She took a job in Hawaii despite the fact it would leave me with no vehicle and homeless, and she left me behind to fend for myself and our dog. I'm temporarily crashing at a friends trying to find a job in walking distance, so I can save up and figure how to move out there and not have my dog be quarrantined for 120 days (as is the standard in Hawaii) upon arrival. We talk every night, play games, watch shows together. Our last interaction was her wanting to find a way to video chat while she showered without ruining her phone. We wished each other love and goodnight and the next morning I wake up to find she removed/blocked me from all media platforms we used to stay in touch. It's hard to move on with your life when you dropped your life and moved far away to be with someone and they made decisions for you that caused you to lose everything. And then they ghost you leaving you homeless and devastated. She was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I regret sticking by her side. I feel your pain Lucila and Autumn.
It’s the cowards way out, who wants to date a coward that would throw you in front of the monster and run away. You’ve had a lucky escape. He wasn’t the person you thought he was, you actually liked an imaginary man, and you’re lucky to find out the real him. Run, and concentrate on you and your level up
For me Russell the problem with being 'ghosted' is the discovery that a person is not whom you thought they were in terms of honesty, openness and personal integrity. And yes indeed the healthy thing is to let them go on their way.
I mean if it’s first impression your talking about then you’re incredibly naive and should really not expect a stranger to fit in your notion of how they are as a person. If you’re talking about someone you’ve talked to for more than a month then the shitty person isn’t you.It’s the ahole that ghosted you. It’s best to think about those kinds of people as if you dodged a bullet or you could torture them in your head. Letting out my frustration usually does the trick of getting irrelevant people out of my head.
The problem with ghosting isn't that a single person's expectations weren't met and they got hurt. The problem is that, in our time, human relationships seem to become more and more transactional and detached from any responsibility. It's difficult to tell someone you don't want to continue seeing them -> just ignore them until they "get it". Ghosting is a problem of societal emotional barbarism and not just a problem of an individual's ego getting hurt. Would anyone dare to ignore a person that is talking to them in real life? Very unlikely. However, just because we don't see a person right before us doesn't mean the situation changes. You know what changes with distance, though? Our ability to show empathy. That's why the Nazis invented killing methods that didn't require their soldiers to directly commit the murders and hear the victim's cries and begging and see their bloody corpses. Because it turns out that fucked them up psychologically. So they detached the murderer from the victim and, voila, killing became easy. How does this relate to ghosting? Well, ghosting only happens because of the distance the phone brings between the two people who (used to) communicate with each other. As stated before, no one in their right mind would ignore another person in real life like that because we have this cool superpower called empathy that would make us feel really shitty if we did. Ghosting is a troubling social phenomenon that all of us need to take seriously. It's easy to think that one person not responding to a needy other person isn't a big deal. But when you look behind the curtain and see that a lack of empathy is behind it all, the implications become much more real. What's next? Is it ok in the future to leave your partner without breaking up with them? Is it going to be o.k to just abandon your family when they get tiresome? Will the prases "counting on someone", "having someone's back", "trusting someone with your life" lose all meaning for the next generations? Is that something we want? All of us, but especially role models for our youth, need to clearly condemn behavior such as ghosting. Caring for others, no matter if they are our closest friend or someone we just met, needs to become cool again. We love stories where the protagonist is helped in a desperate situation by the chance stranger who cares. How about we are that stranger for once and amass the courage and sense of responsibility that one needs to give another person bad news. Yes, firing someone is hard. Yes, telling someone you don't want to hang out anymore is hard. Yes, breaking up with someone is hard. But that doesn't mean one can avoid it by disappearing. I don't know about you, but I want a future where people care for one another and feel a sense of social responsibility towards others. And maybe the first step towards that is acknowledging that technology has a major impact on our emotional development and perhaps we need to design it in a way that doesn't lead to an atrophy of empathetic ability. Ghosting is certainly a huge warning sign that we are on that exact path as a society. *** EDIT *** I can't believe the comment got over 1200 likes. 😆 THANK YOU so much! Your support inspired me to do a video on the topic and tell my personal experience with ghosting, add some examples from clients, and more. th-cam.com/video/pYvM2IgXmNE/w-d-xo.html
Damn bro you just compared ghosting to the atrocities of the nazis haha! But I see what you mean. I think it's acceptable if it's good mates and you/they forget. Or someone is just a bit ditzy. It can be unintentional and I don't take it personally. But romantically I think it's unacceptable, with one exception. You have expressed your disinterest very clearly and they retaliate with anger, etc. Then it is fine to ghost.
Got ghosted in a LTR after a lot of in person relationship with the person. My first true love. He did come back, as a "friend" who hooked up with me again (but, apparently, was already with someone else, who he ended up marrying)... I still have trauma over this 15 years later even though I've done a lot of work, wrote a lot about it, and healed a lot..I still miss him as an intellectual partner. No one has been that close to my mind or "got me" intuitively. In this way, I can't see how what he did was ethical. The worst part is, I could never hate him. I've been able to lash out at others who have hurt me, but not him. I want closure, badly, but a former "friend" of mine who was enmeshed with this old partner as his friend (but wanted more and was in denial) used my pain and understanding of this person to reconnect with him and threw me completely under the bus and implied to his wife that I meant harm (the woman he cheated on me with). It's much harder when you have a reciprocal relationship that then becomes non-reciprocal due to someone's dishonesty / cheating.
Could I suggest that ghosting is not new, and technology is always developing, at one point the written letter was technology, I'm saying this to point out that what I took from this talk was how to deal with a reality rather than pursuing or talking about how things could or should be. What is at the core of ghosting? Someone doesn't want you in their life for whatever reason so the very fact you are trying to contact them, feel hurt and rejected exposes an imbalance in the relationship that can only be corrected if you have the ability to let go of it. This means you need to take yourself seriously, love yourself, respect yourself and find people who respect you and your human needs, not lament on how things should be, pointing the finger at "others"
Unless it’s to escape abuse, ghosting someone with whom you’ve been in an intimate relationship is nothing more than an act of cruelty & a reflection of poor character.
@@emmac7880 would you elaborate on that? We all strive for decency towards others, no? Especially in relationships. Why does ghosting get a pass? It's quite cowardly, unless the opposite person was emotionally/physically abusive, cruel or dangerous.
@@greggallant007 but also if someone doesn’t understand your boundaries. So you have directly communicated that you no longer want to be in a relationship and a person keeps on calling, finding you on social media via new numbers and accounts. Then what? Wouldn’t ghosting and blocking that person be the right way to go? Lat’s get philosophical for a minute.. 😬 talking a very short fling.. not a serious committed relationship. Just weird slaking situation... Does it make you indecent to stand for your boundaries?
I had never been ghosted in all my life I’m 45 years old and I just got ghosted after 7 months of a relationship. I think it’s the ugliest evil thing a person can do! Immature and cowardly the worst! I went thru a roller coaster of emotions😞😔 I’m better now thank god and my faith I’ve healed but now I see things differently. Be very aware and read the signs take care of yourself of not getting hurt, honestly humanity is getting worse.
Yes be aware they do it to break you cos they are so deeply broken they regain power by hurting good people aka the only few people left in this world who are good.
It’s people like you that make it worse though. You’re obviously going for men out of your league and being used for sex. I see this happening all the time.
I agree. Connection has many aspects. Sometimes there may be un/conscious resistance to an internal/external conflict or an inability to share effectively that can cause the appearance of rejection or other expressions of this 'non-reciprocal connection' in the moment ...some relationships are worth persevering with through certain challenges over the longer term... ♡
@@ThelmaThais1 he's not even worth you mentioning him. I'm sorry you had such bad luck, but you're better of without him. Stop wasting time on ghosts and enjoy your life in your own company. Namaste!
When I was dating, I always had so much respect for the women who just told me they didn't want to see me again. It cut the chord and stopped me wondering whether they were busy, or they'd lost my number etc etc. And I never felt hurt that I wasn't "good enough/suitable" for them, because I knew that one day I'd be good enough/suitable for someone else.
What gets me is that i had never been so in tune with myself when i met the guy who ghosted me. No facades, no masks, no hiding parts of myself, just living authentically as me for once. So when he ghosted it was like... the real me wasnt worth sticking around for. It took me a year accept and let go. I have a routine in place for when he crosses my mind..i just pretend hes in a train and whizzing right past my station. Sometimes the train stops for a couple seconds and i see him as a passenger through the window..but it always takes off again, without me in it.
I hope you don't mind me saying this but the real you IS WORTH STICKING AROUND FOR, maybe just not to the wrong person. Your value is not dependent on someone else's validation. Sending lots of love and light your way.
@@Corrans, what a lovely thing to say. I’m so enjoying the comments and replies on this video... May the world be filled with more and more folks like you Louise, @DemJem and co. Big love from Down Under 🦘 🙏🏾🧡
People ghost just for texting them at the wrong time. I've learned to just accept to energy coming my way only. If they leave, they leave. Not meant to be.
I know you are right. But that's utterly ridiculous. If you gave me your number, I can call or text any time day or night. You know how to silence your phone. Get real. But yeah. People do that. And I absolutely do not need those people in my life. Ain't nobody got time for acquaintances. Be my friend or GTFO. PLEASE ghost me.
didn't realize it was so hard to write a message that takes less than 1 minute out of your life and tell them you don't want to talk...some people are so lazy they can't even write 1 message geez imagine how these people will deal in the real world
GrowingDownUnder, come on mate that person is not worth your concern. And what do you hope to achieve if you ever did receive that message? Move on, ‘relinquish’ and focus on those who are more deserving of your attention. Ps this is happening to me, so I do know how you feel! I just take a deep breath and go forth on my journey!
Hint for you: do not sleep with anyone you haven't dated for at least two to three months. Maybe longer. Read the book, "How to Marry the Man of your Choice." It's an old book but full of good advice. If you sleep with a man before he loves you, he'll walk away, almost always. It's been that way forever. If he walks away because you won't fall into bed with him right away, he was just looking for a booty call anyway and you were never going to have a lasting relationship with that person.
I read a quote somewhere that said “you didn’t get rejected. You repelled.” 💭 A few months ago I used to be super into a guy that I was hooking up with. Then he started ghosting me allll the time and that really hurt me because I thought there was something wrong with me. After doing self care and working on my self esteem and spirituality, now I don’t even know what the fuck I even saw in that guy!!! I realized that he was just a drunk loser and I got emotionally attached to him because I had low self esteem and thought that I couldn’t do better. Therefore, I held on to a fantasy of being with him for a long ass time. If I met that guy today, I wouldn’t even give him my time of day. So when someone ghosts you, they are doing you a favor by gtfo of your life because then you can have more space in your life for someone who actually WANTS to be part of your life!
Same, this girl I was going out with just decided to stop seeing me. After analysing her behavior and attitude i realized that what happened was actually the best for me
You're right. Silence to the neighbor on notice to ask again for a chance for conversation not before 33 years expire. NOT to forward this video to his text queue.
MilitaryDog hi. Actually I don’t think i have. Though looking him up, his picture seems familiar so maybe I’ve heard some of his musings but am not making the connection to the name. I will write it down and explore in the future. Thanks.
I was ghosted by someone in 2010. It was a HORRIBLE way to end what we had. I kept calling because I wanted to straighten it out and resolve and he ignored my calls. He behaved as a huge coward that day. I deleted him from my mind because I REFUSED to feel all the horrible feelings I was feelings as I knew I didn't deserve it. 7 yrs later he died from a rare blood protein disorder. So he's truly a ghost now.
The fact that you made no mention of what you did AND attempted to make a joke about him literally dying, within the same paragraph, speaks volumes as to what type of person you are and says a lot more about you than it does about him.
I think it's really unfair that people end up having to do lots of inner work and recovery because somebody didn't have the bravery to be honest. As a busy person, I deeply resent the person who put me in that situation for a year, my life is much better now and of course I came to many of the realisations that Russell is talking about... But sadly its not a case of abracadabra I feel better and awakened now, there's a lot of pain to go through first.
I see what you mean, but everyone could use some inner work. Now if someone called off a serious relationship or a marriage or something and said nothing about it, that would be horrible. But if life no one owes you anything. There is nothing “fair” about you having to move on when someone else moves on in their life. At one point, someone will leave you, and at another point, you’ll have to leave someone too. Depends on the situation, but sometimes people leave with no room for conversation because they know the other person will try to guilt them out of leaving. If someone leaves you, you’re on your own to heal. That’s life
I quote Paul Williams from the song “The Hell Of It” from “The Phantom of the Paradise”: “We’re all born to die alone, you know that’s the Hell of it...”
As a human being I owe other humans a certain amount of respect, no matter how insignificant they may be for my own life or purpose. Period. Even if someone has absolutely no significance to me whatsoever, I can still comunicate in a clear and direct way. One could at least send an sms that says: "Sorry, but I am not interested in keeping up communication with you." By ghosting someone you put that person into a prison of their own mind.
“Ghosting is data, that data is that its time to move on” ...very well worded, it honestly does come down to that once you remove the emotional overwhelm
I was ghosted by my two closest friends. It was the absolute worst, soul wrenching experience of my life. And yet, in the end, like Russell said, I’ve matured from it, and I’m better off now.
I’m so sorry man. I’ve been ghosted by entire groups. I’ve been ghosted by guys I thought I’d grow old with. Then there are my friends from middle school I’m so blessed, half of them still keep it real two decades later and I value that tremendously. I’ve recently been ghosted on Christmas and then again on New Years by a sex partner who expressed her feelings for me whom I thought I’d get to ask out. When she asked me to pay her rent and I said I couldn’t I never saw her again. It is terrible Matt. These people don’t know the hurt they cause. Or they do it intentionally.
@@Mini-Toast_ So sorry my friend. It’s going to hurt and it’s ok to feel that hurt for as long as you want to. It will get easier, and you will get through this.
I ghosted my best friend if 10 years because she treated me like crap the last two years of our relationship and ghosted me numerous times while I tried to converse with her. She never told me I did anything wrong, she would just treat me like crap. I got fed up from her and gave her a taste of her own medicine when she contacted me and then cut her out of my life. So yes, I would suggest you reflect on yourself and there might be a reason why she did that. I tried so hard and didn't see any change, so I closed the door on our relationship.
I was ghosted last year by someone I really really liked. It was my first time experiencing that. It hurt me to the absolute core. No pain can amount to that besides burying a loved one. 2020 taught me how to move on from being ghosted. When I see the word "ghosted" there's this tingling little pain in my heart that takes me back. The "moving on" journey is quite long and hard. I've been in multiple relationships after I was ghosted and none of them helped that much to get over the pain this person caused me. What's confusing about my ghoster is that they are stalking me. A friend of theirs recently reached out and told me that the ghoster wants me back. I haven't responded. I don't think I'll respond to it. The audacity to disrespect me like that when I poured my heart out then got ghosted is something I won't ever forget. It has made me a cold person. I'm done honestly. Yes I still love the ghoster but I love myself more. I'm still stalked till this very day. Why ghost me then want me later? Agggg.
@@kittykat.88 My ex have disorganized attachment, and I got ghosted after sexual intimacy, telling she cared and loved me. 8 months of ghosting, then after she tried initiating contact, I was so broken and upset I told her to fuck off.
If they're stalking you should get the police to put at stop to it. If you're talking about stalking the way I think you're talking about it in a physical way.
I found out that my gf of almost a year, friends with her for 2 years prior to our relationship; had another boyfriend. He confronted me with proof, there was no fighting, I was just thankful. I ghosted her, ignored/deleted all her voicemails and texts without reading or listening. I avoided one until I crossed paths with her at an outlet mall. I’ve ghosted both relationship when I got cheated on. Not to be mean, but because I’m not asking why they cheated so I don’t care about an explanation. Both women I was in a relationship with didn’t know that I found out they were cheating. I bet that no closure, the unknown is unimaginable. Me walking away and leaving them unable to have closure, how does that make me rude?
@@seanybyne1982 She means....if they ghost you...it was better off and they could see that because if the relationship continued....you would end up dumping them either way. Or vice versa. They saw ahead of time that it wasn't going to work. So they ended it before it could grow and further....rather than end it though....they just disappeared.
@@mackenzierivercasey6752 thank you for the explanation. I appreciate your feedback on this. 🙏 Some people behave so weird and it's done so out of protection for themselves mostly. Been ghosted a couple of times recently and I believe it's down to the people I was speaking with. Being an empath and understanding their life situations and personalities has allowed me to understand why the contact has fizzled out on their side. It's a sad thing to experience I have to say.
@@emmac7880 Spoken like a true ghoster. I'll give you that one if a person turns psycho or whatever then it may be the only way. But don't sit there and tell me that its most common use isn't to give shitty people an easy way out of a situation they have grown bored with - cause we both know better. Ghosting has made connecting/intimacy easily disposable and we're normalizing this behaviour
@@DarkWandererAU Your clearly projecting your anger towards me which isn't fair at all, also there's a lot of assumption in your message. Truth is you don't know me or my situation.
@@emmac7880 I'm just speaking truth here. I am not angry in the slightest. The truth is you are trying to justify your shitty behaviour because you've clearly ghosted before. Why are you trying to justify anything to me? Instead of wasting your time with that, how about you work on being the kind of person that doesn't dismiss human beings in order to make your life easier. The thought of inflicting that ghosted feeling onto anyone makes me want to throw up in my own mouth, it really is so disgraceful
I'm just learning to not invest energy in people who fail to show me the attention I deserve. I do expect responses to texts. I think ghosting is cowardly and comes from a place of avoidance and fear of commitment and fear of self-expression. In my spiritual journey now, I am practicing self-love, self-empowerment and standing in my power knowing my worth and being able to establish and communicate needs and boundaries. I relish human connections and transparency, so when I am ghosted and I feel upset, a great part of me just wants to officially energetically cut ties with that person. They are not worth my care, attention or thought energy.
“The lesson is I have overcalculated my significance to that person and I’ve misunderstood their perception of our relationship. I’m therefore going to have to alter my perception of that relationship or cling onto that reality.” Thank you.
I've literally just had this experience by someone I recently started dating... it was developing into a relationship. He showed up, we went on dates, his communication was consistent and affectionate... then BAM... very late last night, I checked my phone... he's gone, blocked me on absolutely everything. I have absolutely NO IDEA why this happened... I do have an abusive childhood, breakdown in previous marriage BUT I've had decades of therapy to help me. I have down everything in my power to get myself straight, making myself feel better and yet this has happened. I'll get over it but the pain right now is excruciating. I'm glad that videos like this exist because I want to heal from this.
I was ghosted and all I did was give them space. I even communicated that. When I hit them up to tell them that I hoped they were doing ok (snapchat), the message said pending. I looked that up and it turns out when a message is pending it means the person removed you from their contacts or blocked you.
I think when people ghost, withdraw and minimise communication it's important you dont become needy. There becomes a time, you'll know it in your gut, when you need to let things go. Either see how it rides out or you can end it. Life is too short to stay in bad relationships. If you're unhappy and you can't figure things out in the relationship then dont try and control them but instead have the courage to find someone who is right for you.
I experience similar.. I'll be talking to someone I met on an app or something for weeks before meeting, back and forth going great. Then we meet n I have to briefly explain why my voice sounds the way it does (surgery from a preexisting condition, I got NF) I can sometimes see them visibly pull back after that, everything else goes fine still. Maybe they even say "I'd like to hangout again" at the end. But still I wake up the next day and see they're off my phone everywhere
I have recently lost my best friend because I am dealing with a chronic illness. I was there for her through all sorts of hard times. Now, that I am going through those hard times, she has disappeared. And, it happened so fast. I didn’t see it coming. I am sending lots of comforting energy to you- and am grateful that you shared your experience here with us.
Call me old fashioned, but a simple," i m sorry but...Im too busy to spare time at the moment/ I am not interested in us having a relationship/Please , leave me alone, I do not want to talk to you..." is my response of choice. No need to let people wondering if , what or why, just say what you mean, once , and cut off if they did not get it. Common human decency. Ghosters are cowards who prefer to avoid confrontation so as not to put themselves up to be disliked or questioned. I respond well to honesty, personally. i have never ghosted anyone and I don't let people ghost on me, as if they are too immature to not understand that they will be better off talking to my face, then they need to learn that lesson: ghosting is not acceptable. I think most of us understand that response can take a day or so on occasion, but honestly, how long does it take to say," sorry, Im busy ttyl" if one truly is too busy? Liars, ghosters, to me, both are the same, and everytime they do what they do, a little bit of the world dies with their BS.
Amazing! ‘I have over-calculated my significance to that person’ dropped like a bomb. Thank you Mr, Brand. Proper needed that, and the ensuing remedy that came to my mind after you said it, which is that one needs to recalculate their significance to themselves. Thanks again 🙏🏼
At this point I just meet people (acquaintances, friends, etc.) and assume that they're gonna ghost me at some point. It still sucks when it happens, but it's not as bad when you're expecting it, and if it doesn't happen, even better. I've learned that I tend to put more value into relationships than the average person and you can't force people to feel the same way you do.
What a sadness and a commentary on our time. But it's also a reflection upon you, and the way that you navigate in the world. That there has been enough injury that we now just assume the pain is coming.
Great vid. And instead of being angry, just say to yourself, “although we cannot continue this relationship, we had great times. I bid you the best on your own journey. I’ll head off on my own”
I think what’s been helping me recently is understanding that relationships (not just romantic) need space as well togetherness to work. Sometimes allowing space in a relationship and trusting that the connection is still there, rather than needing the constant reassurance through texts/calls, allows the relationship to feel a bit more sustainable, whole and lasting. That’s just my experience lately from being someone who has been very anxious to keep the people around me. If someone doesn’t get back to me right away, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. I’ve been learning this by giving myself permission to allow breathing space in my relationships and seeing that it’s not because I don’t care, but because I need space. This means I’m relating from a place of emotional abundance rather than emotional desperation and starvation
Its horrible being ghosted especially when you put so much time and effort into someone and they can be heartless and selfish to ignore you and forget you
Love the perspective. On the flip side,this also made me realize why people may leave when we give them way more attention than they're giving us: It makes them feel pressured by the unequal amount of significance we're putting on them.
"I have learned to offer no resistance to what is; I have learned to allow the present moment to be and to accept the impermanent nature of all things and conditions. Thus I have found peace"
Allyhall you have a strong constitution. After you break up, you have a tendency to say some really bad things. It is a great way to make problems for yourself. Stay safe. 🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🦋🦋🦋🦋🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦
I agree. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a few "minutes" to realize you've been ghosted. You keep reaching out because you are worried about the person; are they sick? Did they die? Then you get angry at not hearing anything back (because you've called their brother or another friend and find out they are just fine, in fact, they are partying harder than ever) and say something mean or stupid and feel ashamed. Then you realize, finally, that you can't keep holding on like an idiot and you block them. Then you feel guilty and un-block them "just in case." Then you call me, your psychic advisor, and I set you straight by not sugar-coating the truth. Then you ghost me, because you hate the person who told you the truth you already knew. It's a vicious cycle, lol. www.bestpsychicforme.com
This is why you need to make sure that you love yourself and you value yourself. The more you find that value within you, the more it wouldn't matter. it's not your fault if you're being rejected. It's okay. Those who see your value will stay. :)
That was quite literally one of the kindest versions of “fuck off“ that I’ve ever heard. I love all of your chats with all of us, Russell! Thanks for doing what you do!
Actually nothing happens for a reason. Everything is entirely random but we tell ourselves otherwise in a bid to cling on to a great power. Its human nature.
Thanks Russell!! I started this video feeling like garbage and afterwards I was able to pick myself up and move on with confidence. Sometimes ghosting can be the best gift someone can give you to save you a lot of time and heartache
Back in September I went on a date with a girl and really hit it off. I mean, instant sparks, instant connection. After a few days of talking and planning the second date she just stopped responding. I was upset but understood that what's meant to be is meant to be. In January I got a text from her explaining that she was in a bad place and needed space to grow, and without realising it I also needed the space to grow. We're still dating to this day and are planning on having kids and getting married if we're still together in 5 years time. She's the love of my life.
I met someone really great two months ago, we definitely clicked and yet it wasn't at all good timing for him in terms of how many life stressors he was going through. We both communicated that it wasn't the right time, I've been doing some deep healing work and I believe he is as well. Holding space that if the timing is right in the future, we will come back together and start something from a place of wholeness instead of co-dependency. What was great is we both communicated our needs - I still struggled a bit at first with not having the daily connection we had before, though...
Being ghosted especially after sleeping with someone u really enjoyed spending time with and knowing you didn’t disappoint them in bed definitely hurts. I feel that you just need to remain calm, confident and present and the next opportunity to meet someone else will present itself to you soon enough...
The worst part for me about being ghosted is when I deliberately reach out from my loneliness and am in a place where I need the connection more than ever. I feel so jaded from multiple times being ignored by "friends" that I want to never try again to connect with anyone. But do I feel lonely forever, only waiting to have someone reach out to me? It sucks.
it's a lot harder to ghost in real life. seems to me like a function of how much time is spent online these days. if you think about it occurring before the internet, you may not talk to someone for weeks/months/years and it wasn't a big deal. it was fairly normal and in that time you tended to focus more on yourself as well.
Every day that goes by while you communicate with someone online that you've never met is like an investment, where you naturally expect to receive some kind of a "payoff", like a real long-lasting relationship. I was so hurt by a female friend that I'd been emailing for 3 years after she ghosted me, that I refuse to have any long-term online relationships. No more than a weeks worth, then I let them know it's been nice, but I have a policy of not getting involved online. Anything else is totally not worth the time or the emotion.
No, even then it was a big deal if you don't see someone for weeks because when you're first getting to know someone, if you don't see them on a regular basis there isn't really any way to build a bond. I don't see how it's possible for a romantic relationship to form if you aren't seeing each other in person once a week or almost every week. For me, unless a bond is already there, it's out of sight, out of mind.
Well said. Ghosting saves us the hurt of continuing a lame relationship with a person who doesn’t want to be with us. Codependency makes ghosting so hurtful. Setting someone free and learning from the experience is the best gift we give to ourselves. Let go. Declutter. Move on. Thank you 🙏🏻
This video came just at the right time for me.... love you Russell, The Almighty is All loving and compassionate, rejection/ghosting only servers to remind me that I need to depend on the Most High who is the only loyal One we have in this life. He'll never turn his back on us, rather it is we who turn our backs on him, in hopes that something created will give us that peace and tranquility that we are all desperately seeking. He's always there for us even after we've been absent and he'll always be willing to accept us and care for us as He's the only one who knows what every single person needs.
Not too long ago I checked out your channel Sully bc I haven't seen your vids in a hot minute. Wasn't expecting to find you in the top comments but it's a pleasant surprise. Hope everything is going well for you and any other person reading this 🙏
True, but along with God, we must always be present for ourselves and treat ourselves with love and compassion. Moreover, it is good to follow in God's footsteps and show others unconditional love and compassion. When the time comes and those who left return and truly repent, we can extend grace and forgiveness just as God would for us.
Thanks Russell. It's a shame people can disregard another's feelings so easily by ghosting them. Practicing care when it comes to forming attachments to others is really important now more than ever. We have to protect our hearts.
I was abandoned as a child. Literally my mother ghosted me. Went away and slowly stopped calling and visiting until I and my family did not know if she was dead or alive. In 2020 I was ghosted by a romantic partner as an adult. It was the worst pain and I didn't understand why it felt so torturous. I realize now it was bc it was familiar. I was grieving more than one situation. I was grieving the initial wounding as well.
I have been ghosted by my closest girlfriend of 30 years . I tried countless times to contact her which was beyond painful and humiliating. Finally after many tears and too much overthinking I've given up . I'm not proud of how much this rattled my self esteem . We were like sisters and because I come from a dreadful family she was family to me. I still find it hard to believe she didn't have the courage to tell me the reason why she didn't want to be in my life .She had been through her own issues , divorce , drinking too much perhaps but we had so many wonderful deep talks through the years I found it almost surreal that she couldn't say goodbye or even tell me to go away . I consider myself a strong person but I doubt I'll ever really get over this particular loss . I adored her , I believed we adored eachother. I've accepted the loss as painful as it is and spend my spare time being creative hoping it will help , it does . This video helped , it takes integrity and strength to just move on , let it go . My heart is still broken , I thought we we would grow old together. 😢
I understand your pain. Just know that you are doing everything right to help your mind to move on. You will never get over it-just have to put the pain of the loss on a special shelf in your brain. I am sorry you are hurting. The pain is real and deep.
I've had this happen to me only we were not friends for 30 years just 12. It's like having that friend/sister die and you didn't get to say goodbye or tell them you love them one last time. It's horrible and yeah I don't think you ever "get over" something like that. You'd have to grieve it like the person passed and eventually the pain subsides
And the fact that it can also cause one to have distrust in other people which is another dangerous side effects of being ghosted… I would suggest you invest in adopting a pet dog since they tend to have steadfast loyalty and undying love.
Ghosting is cowardly, rude and selfish. Period.All that needs to be said is "I don't see this going anywhere---it was nice meeting you and I wish you well". Have the balls to be kind and to be honest.
I've been ghosted by someone whom I considered to be my best friend. That definitely taught me that my perception of our relationship was apparently very different from his. I'd be lying if I said that I am not hurt anymore, im still working through it, but fortunately some form of closure came to my way recently. I wish anyone going through this to find the power to let go and to trust life. Trust that you will be redeemed and trust that life has good intentions for you, no matter how painful it might feel right now. You can do it🙏🏼
These seven minutes had so much packed into it, I kept rewinding to properly process the things he was saying. Thank you Russell - I hope to ghost less and take steps to connect to the force within myself.
got ghosted once, everything seemed looked fine, and then suddenly nothing. Would have rather had the person just say to my face they don't want to talk to me anymore. Was shitty about it for two weeks, but as soon as it happened I knew the deal so I was able to let go of it quite easily after.
How do you know they didn't want to talk to you anymore? Just because they didn't respond in a time frame that suited you? Or was there further correspondence that confirmed this to be true?
People would rather avoid confrontation, i wish people were more blunt and honest in this world but everyone is in a bubble and would rather avoid it altogether
@@jimbojones8208 got blocked as well. A timeframe that suited me? I don't have such high expectations of most people as far as I am aware. Ofcourse with different friends I am used to them responding at different time frames, that usually depends on the person, but I usually don't get worried if they respond way later than they usually do. I just assume their phone is dead or they're busy. It was quite sudden, not a slow ghost. The end of the contact itself isn't really a problem for me, that would have happened eventually anyway. Just the way it happened was frustrating. I actually thought something bad might have happened to that person. Luckily I found out that was not true and I was kinda relieved I was just being ghosted.
@@praetoriancorps Well if you got blocked then perhaps you should look at yourself and see if there's anything that you did that could've caused them to block all communications with you. Being ghosted and being blocked aren't necessarily the same thing.
@@jimbojones8208 I did not think I shared that much details for anybody to jump to conclusions on who was at fault. but you are right, I did do self-reflection on it, nobody gets blocked without reason after all. I definitely think I made a mistake.. But the reason the blocking happened is most likely what Alex mentioned. If not maybe I'll run into the situation again and have some more self-reflection to do. But I think that is also unlikely.
i heard of russell brand for the first time in 2012, i never imagined i would be sitting here in 2020 getting this great wisdom from him, keep making these videos russell, you're helping alot of us.
Over a year for me- was painful but made closure(on my side) & learned a tough lesson. Being ghosted isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection on the one(s) who did it. Remember this: the higher powers have the right to remove people from your life- usually without an explanation. They're trash- and they took themselves to the curb😊
This is one of the best videos I've ever seen about taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and actions. “I have over calculated my significance to that person and I misunderstood their perception of our relationship." This is something everyone needs to learn. I've seen way too many people smear others online and blame other people for "feeling rejected" or "feeling manipulated" because someone broke off a relationship, platonic or romantic. Just because you overestimated how someone regarded you does not make the other person automatically bad or wrong. Some people just aren't for you and that's that.
Regardless of the reasons, ghosting is an easy, immature way to end a connection with someone; it's hurtful and speaks volumes about character. As someone who was ghosted last year, I would have rather he just been honest instead of all the excuses and then the ghosting. I wasn't expecting or desiring anything more than the friendship I thought we had. Then I recently found out that he was stringing along one of my co-workers for an entire year and telling her they were going to be together. Then she discovered he was back with his wife and they're having a baby next month.
Thank you for sharing. Yes, you are right. An ending says a lot about the person's character. I can relate as the person I met who kept ghosting me, told me they had been single for 2 years. Yet forgot to mention "other or others" and unlike me, 'single' is free of emotional invested attachment to another to be free to build on a new relationship. When someone keeps a foot holding open a door one can not go forward. I don't know why I was ghosted as they never say, do they? I got to hear some 'truths' from another source. Lies by omission. I have met a few people who have not been totally honest up front when I have met them. Of course, that would not have served them at the time! So now I have learnt about red flags, to not ignore them or my intuition and to have healthy boundaries. 🙏🌻🌼
I had my heart heartbroken once and it was terrible, then I got ghosted, last thing I heard was I see you on my birthday to celebrate, and. Without no reason or any kind of discussion, he disappeared, it was so painful that the first time was nothing, it teach me so much about myself, and I became so much appreciative of people , I don't regret my mistake, but is a painful process to come out the other side, it drove me crazy but also made me stronger and humbled me.
I got ghosted by someone that I thought was a new friend 4 months ago. I'm still kinda sad about it because I really liked them. But I guess I overestimated my importance to them :(
All friendships are temporary. At the end of the day, family is the one that should always be there for you and some of them have even been known to do this.
Reflecting, the times I’ve ghosted people, it was because I developed relationships with them that I was no longer interested in. Or I felt that they wronged me somehow or maybe displayed certain actions, characters, demeanors that I was not too fond of. I grew up the only child and I didn’t really talk a lot so looking back I didn’t really know how to express that. I didn’t know how to be open and honest with others. I always avoided conflict too.
I hope you realize you were acting from ego and not the heart chakra of love and kindness and you continue to work on being open and honest with yourself. To respect others is also to respect oneself and consider karma may bite back. To open up on here is brave, so I am sure you are on the right path, good luck 🙏🌸
"The reason we do this, is because we have lost connection with our true self, and we have lost faith that there is a transcendent, nutritional, pranic force that can nurture and hold us." ahhhhh, that was yummy to hear. Things took a wild, perfect pivot from 5:00 to 6:05.
Ghosting shows a lack of consideration for the emotions of others, poor communication skills, immaturity, lack of courtesy and basic human decency. Become resilient, learn the lesson, get busy, work on yourself, grow, learn, put yourself first, love yourself. Realise that your value is not dependant on others and you do not require validation. I love this video! Thank you.
How perfectly timed!!! I'm being ghosted for the first time in many years and it had me in knots. Just yesterday (the day you posted) I was spending time worrying about it and trying to figure out why it was happening. Now after listening to you, I feel very okay about things again. Thank you, Russell!
I had to watch this multiple times, I couldn't follow due to the tears that started streaming down my face. Thank you for wise words, trying to let go really isn't easy.
Here I am 2 years later, watching this video once again. But, this time I am taking the lesson away from it that I need to connect with myself more, to be happy as I am, or to become the person that I will be happy with. Just me, without any external help.
I'm in a situation where I've been ghosted. I understand why. Our time is over. She could not continue with the journey because the journey has come to an end. Understanding that I have my life ahead of me and I have to be " in it". Fully engaged in it, mind, body and soul. It hurts, but it's for the best and I except, my new beginning with open arms. Thank you for your thoughts on this matter.
I just read this in another column and thought it quite good (plus I learned a new word LIMERENCE) :so I’m reposting it in relation to ghosting: Is it normal to constantly think about someone who you can’t be with? I feel your pain. The most important thing you should you know is that .. you are not crazy. Because this is what this state is making you feel: you fear you might be losing your mind. Limerence is a state in which you can't stop thinking about someone. Unrequited love is painful. It is very much tied to some of our deepest fears: fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of abandonment, fear of pain. From my own experience, I feel limerence is often linked to grieving. The process goes through clearly defined steps. Denial is one of the components of limerence. Since accepting rejection is so painful, we deny we have been subjected to it. While I can't take away your sadness, pain and unrequited love, there is one thing I know for sure. Focusing on yourself and, especially, clearly defining boundaries is what will help you get out of this rut. You decide how you allow people to treat you. Now is the time to start living. Because every moment you spend on thinking about someone who is not into you, or not enough into you to treat you with the respect you deserve, is a very, very expensive moment wasted. All those moments add up. This price you pay will teach you important lessons. Take that from me. Self-love and investing time in your own growth is the best investment in your future. Regardless of who you'll walk with next, you know you will always be your own companion if you build yourself up. Take care of yourself before being there and investing all that feeling (= emotional energy) and thinking (= mental energy) in others. Start to become your best friend. You'll be in the best company until the day you die.
That’s something to crew on “I’ve over estimated my significance” I’m always about being accountable for myself whether it be my actions or emotions. Thank you for a change of perspective.
Love is always about seeking another persons highest good. Unconditional love is the only way to approach any relationship. To be ghosted is to come into the orbit of another human being that is incapable of love. Be thankful and let it go.
So true, Russell. We overestimate how important we are to others...whether it's someone we are in love with or a family member, it hurts a lot. I try to keep my expectations very low now. I've learned to shrug it off if someone is ignoring me. They have told you how they feel about you and it's tough to deal with. Having been abandoned by family members, I'm working on coping every day! I still love them and forgive them but no longer TRUST and rely upon them. People will always fail you, even your parents might. Only God never fails us.
Either the other person feels it, or they don't. That same person that "forgot" to respond is not forgetting 3 meals a day, or forgetting to take a shower, or forgetting to show up at a party.
Thanks Russell I’ve just ghosted everyone except my children! Shut fB down ! I was worried some may be hurt by my sudden disappearance, but my own mental health & my time needs a break from it all ...
May I ask did you have a strong sence that the friendships/relationships were less than necessary in your life and that you could have been just anybody and that they couldn't really 'see' you - and that only having friendships/relationships that are in person in the present that have a sacred knowing were those are valuable to you. I haven't ghosted anyone it's just that what I have written has meaning to me. Does it you
I really feel grateful that I never got Ghosted, And I know the reason is because I don’t project into others a series or set of requiremet or build hopes based on them, People do not always see life as you see it in your own mind because you both lived different experiences and faced different situations that led building the meaning of life that you have in your mind or how is life supposed to be, we must have excuses for others becauce we dont know or understand what is really happening with their private life.
That is valid but it is also valid to reject ill treatment. If they never owed you consideration, it's only right that you don't owe them graciousness.
My boyfriend of 1 year ghosted me after telling me that his dad had killed himself (that was a lie, his sister ended up telling me) and told me he loved and missed me so much (he had just disappeared for 2 weeks. Usually he was very consistent). He lives an hour away. It’s been a year since he initially ghosted now. He came back a few times and each time I gave him a change to communicate why he ghosted.. he ghosted again. I still don’t know why he did what he did. Apart from that he’s still struggling to figure it out properly himself. My intuition just says he’s ‘sad’. You may say I didn’t need an explanation, he made his choice.. I tried that. But, put yourself in my shoes- we never even had an argument. You don’t realise how much a lack of closure can mess you up until you’re in a situation like this. I think he was trying to live a different life with me. He was testing the waters of a life he wanted to live, but he’s seriously stuck somewhere else. I forgive him for that. It’s hard to get over. If anything, I just wanted to be friends. I’d never had such a deep connection with someone and now he’s gone. I knew I was not ‘owed’ anything, but I still tried. And now I no longer think of him. I have almost got over him, but I hope I will be able to move on with my life completely. I hope the next relationship I am in I don’t constantly think of him. At the end of the day, I have tried with him, I am done trying. I am just trying to heal now, and come to terms with the fact that I should expect nothing from him.
“I have over calculated my significance to that person.” Profound.
By far the most incredibly logical and profound statement that was delivered with absolute perfection.
I loved this statement too, funnily it's exactly the phrase that I would think myself 💯
@@michellegriff13 Um no.. that's just an a long and unnecessary way of saying you misjudged. Nothing profound.
yup
I try to repeat this daily !!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
The cruelty of ghosting is that you have to invent the reason for it, because that person has failed to explain it to you, and usually it’s your deepest insecurities that become in your mind the ultimate truth.
Tell yourself they died xx
This is not my tip btw..someone else's to say they were hit by a car n died xx
So beautifully said and consists truth in it.
toska I agree. That is what leaves it incomplete. Not knowing why, especially if the connection between the two of you seemed mutual and real. Then blip! Ghosted.....it’s very agitating and hurtful . In my case , since I wrote a month ago, I have had resolution. A good one. It turned out that he liked me too much and felt it was inappropriate for our circumstances, which were professional as well as personal. . And it scared him also. Called upon him to go,places within himself hat he had blocked off due to childhood trauma. We have gotten back to a loving place but I’m still gun shy about doing another project with him and may take a pass on it if it comes up . I prefer to stay in the cozy personal zone. However, while I was being completely ignored for months, I had no clue whether hated me, liked me or whether I had been offensive or ? The mind goes wild at those times.....(justifiably )paranoid even! Awful experience.
Getting someone who’ll treat them like they treated you is their karma.
If you've treated someone with respect and they've ghosted, there's only one thing to do. Move on. What their reasons are, are irrelevant. The right person, will never ghost you, so nothing lost.
I agree with you on the moving on part but as for nothing lost I disagree.
If you and this person have invested a lot in each other and one of you just bails with no explanation that's pretty dysfunctional on their part.
But yeah ultimately you have to move on.
I agree it’s not just “move on”. The psychology of it is he
so cruel that many never recover fully and healing is difficult. It’s an indication that the ghostER is mentally immature and possibly an alcoholic or drug user. At least they are narcissistic. The best part of ghosting is that you move on before wasting any
more time with toxic people.
When someone treats you like garbage then you should do some self reflection and try to understand why you were “ghosted”……..
“I have over calculated my significance to that person and I misunderstood their perception of our relationship. I’m therefore going to alter my perception of this relationship” - I couldn’t have said that any better.
We girls are overthinkers, sadly...
I would ghost you because..............! feel in the blank
@@g9nnar this tells me you have got nothing going on in one's life .
I don’t think this statement is relevant to being an over thinker, overthinking is gender neutral. As mentioned in the video, many factors play an important role in having the right mindset and attitude when dealing with this kind of situation. The most important thing that I got out of this video is that instead of expecting from others, we can ease ourselves by giving them benefit of the doubt (such as, the person probably has already got a lot on their plate, or simply he or she forgot to reply due to their fast paced lifestyle) or re-evaluating the relationship. In short, having a positive mindset instead of clinging on to the disappointment of being ghosted is going to help us in the long run.
Thank you I do not think it has to do with gender
(and I see it was a comment made in good nature but there are also girls who don’t relate or people who relate who aren’t girls, girls who relate but don’t think it’s overthinking, or proud overthinkers who aren’t girls who don’t relate or whatever... you get my point, I see overgeneralisations like these among younger people, who I normally admire young people for being more diverse in their gender roles, sexuality and lifestyle but lately want to say more and more take it easy ladies, not everyone thinks the same way and that’s ok)
Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. ~ Dalai Lama
Great saying
Well said
Chenoa Finnigan Why?
I can say with full faith it was God given.
Nice ❤️
After being ghosted by someone I loved . I promise , I will never ,ever ...EVER ghost a single soul. It's just so cruel 🥺💔
I'm here for you Lisa
Ditto, I may have had my heart broken but I still have a Soul 🍂🌱🌻🙏 hearts heal 💕
Hope your heart has healed by now. We are here for you
Only ghost people who don’t give you effort :) other than that you’re right
This
Choose people who also choose you. If someone ghosts you, then they aren't choosing you.
So true - " Who are you gonna call - Ghostbusters" 👻👿👽👾😁
Or they're just busy
Not that easy, you can't just switch feelings off. You are male, you don't know.
@@Chriswallace0405 No, they are ghosting. It is RUDE. Nobody is THAT busy! Rocks are smarter than you. It takes almost no time at all to send a text. There's NO excuse.
@@nofybn7794 what's male gotta do with it.. ever think maybe it's you
Ghosting is awfull. Makes the other person feel alone and ignored for no reason. I'm being ghosted and I'm truly Sad.
Ghosting is done by emotionally immature people..its so disrespectful..i was ghosted over a wk ago by someone i was seeing..terrible feeling..love n light babes.
Whatever you do..dont reach out to them..i know its hard..just let them be..its crazy this was my last attempt of being in a relationship..he was wounded frm his past..now im wounded from him (my past) & i dont want to love anyone ever again..
Same here, after 6 1/2 years of living together (were good friends 6 years before) and were engaged. I stuck by her and suffered financially, in an area with terrible job opportunities, as she pursued her Bachelors degree. I stuck by her when she decided she was gonna stay another 3 years and get her Masters. She took a job in Hawaii despite the fact it would leave me with no vehicle and homeless, and she left me behind to fend for myself and our dog.
I'm temporarily crashing at a friends trying to find a job in walking distance, so I can save up and figure how to move out there and not have my dog be quarrantined for 120 days (as is the standard in Hawaii) upon arrival.
We talk every night, play games, watch shows together. Our last interaction was her wanting to find a way to video chat while she showered without ruining her phone. We wished each other love and goodnight and the next morning I wake up to find she removed/blocked me from all media platforms we used to stay in touch.
It's hard to move on with your life when you dropped your life and moved far away to be with someone and they made decisions for you that caused you to lose everything. And then they ghost you leaving you homeless and devastated. She was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I regret sticking by her side.
I feel your pain Lucila and Autumn.
It’s the cowards way out, who wants to date a coward that would throw you in front of the monster and run away. You’ve had a lucky escape. He wasn’t the person you thought he was, you actually liked an imaginary man, and you’re lucky to find out the real him. Run, and concentrate on you and your level up
@@thetransparentjerseygirl ..❤
For me Russell the problem with being 'ghosted' is the discovery that a person is not whom you thought they were in terms of honesty, openness and personal integrity. And yes indeed the healthy thing is to let them go on their way.
🌸🙏 100%
I mean if it’s first impression your talking about then you’re incredibly naive and should really not expect a stranger to fit in your notion of how they are as a person. If you’re talking about someone you’ve talked to for more than a month then the shitty person isn’t you.It’s the ahole that ghosted you. It’s best to think about those kinds of people as if you dodged a bullet or you could torture them in your head. Letting out my frustration usually does the trick of getting irrelevant people out of my head.
It's also demonstrates emotional immaturity.
@@Pipsterz Absolutely. The person that ghosted me turned out to be a serial ghoster.
@@Underhills I'm sorry you had to go through this. What a cowardly thing to do to anyone, but especially someone you acted interested in.
The problem with ghosting isn't that a single person's expectations weren't met and they got hurt. The problem is that, in our time, human relationships seem to become more and more transactional and detached from any responsibility. It's difficult to tell someone you don't want to continue seeing them -> just ignore them until they "get it". Ghosting is a problem of societal emotional barbarism and not just a problem of an individual's ego getting hurt.
Would anyone dare to ignore a person that is talking to them in real life? Very unlikely. However, just because we don't see a person right before us doesn't mean the situation changes. You know what changes with distance, though? Our ability to show empathy. That's why the Nazis invented killing methods that didn't require their soldiers to directly commit the murders and hear the victim's cries and begging and see their bloody corpses. Because it turns out that fucked them up psychologically. So they detached the murderer from the victim and, voila, killing became easy. How does this relate to ghosting? Well, ghosting only happens because of the distance the phone brings between the two people who (used to) communicate with each other. As stated before, no one in their right mind would ignore another person in real life like that because we have this cool superpower called empathy that would make us feel really shitty if we did.
Ghosting is a troubling social phenomenon that all of us need to take seriously. It's easy to think that one person not responding to a needy other person isn't a big deal. But when you look behind the curtain and see that a lack of empathy is behind it all, the implications become much more real. What's next? Is it ok in the future to leave your partner without breaking up with them? Is it going to be o.k to just abandon your family when they get tiresome? Will the prases "counting on someone", "having someone's back", "trusting someone with your life" lose all meaning for the next generations? Is that something we want?
All of us, but especially role models for our youth, need to clearly condemn behavior such as ghosting. Caring for others, no matter if they are our closest friend or someone we just met, needs to become cool again. We love stories where the protagonist is helped in a desperate situation by the chance stranger who cares. How about we are that stranger for once and amass the courage and sense of responsibility that one needs to give another person bad news. Yes, firing someone is hard. Yes, telling someone you don't want to hang out anymore is hard. Yes, breaking up with someone is hard. But that doesn't mean one can avoid it by disappearing.
I don't know about you, but I want a future where people care for one another and feel a sense of social responsibility towards others. And maybe the first step towards that is acknowledging that technology has a major impact on our emotional development and perhaps we need to design it in a way that doesn't lead to an atrophy of empathetic ability. Ghosting is certainly a huge warning sign that we are on that exact path as a society.
*** EDIT ***
I can't believe the comment got over 1200 likes. 😆 THANK YOU so much! Your support inspired me to do a video on the topic and tell my personal experience with ghosting, add some examples from clients, and more. th-cam.com/video/pYvM2IgXmNE/w-d-xo.html
Damn bro you just compared ghosting to the atrocities of the nazis haha! But I see what you mean.
I think it's acceptable if it's good mates and you/they forget. Or someone is just a bit ditzy. It can be unintentional and I don't take it personally. But romantically I think it's unacceptable, with one exception. You have expressed your disinterest very clearly and they retaliate with anger, etc. Then it is fine to ghost.
Condone or CONDEMN ghosting?
I agree that it’s very poor form, period. There is something to be said for integrity.
Awesome comment, thanks
Got ghosted in a LTR after a lot of in person relationship with the person. My first true love. He did come back, as a "friend" who hooked up with me again (but, apparently, was already with someone else, who he ended up marrying)... I still have trauma over this 15 years later even though I've done a lot of work, wrote a lot about it, and healed a lot..I still miss him as an intellectual partner. No one has been that close to my mind or "got me" intuitively. In this way, I can't see how what he did was ethical. The worst part is, I could never hate him. I've been able to lash out at others who have hurt me, but not him. I want closure, badly, but a former "friend" of mine who was enmeshed with this old partner as his friend (but wanted more and was in denial) used my pain and understanding of this person to reconnect with him and threw me completely under the bus and implied to his wife that I meant harm (the woman he cheated on me with). It's much harder when you have a reciprocal relationship that then becomes non-reciprocal due to someone's dishonesty / cheating.
Could I suggest that ghosting is not new, and technology is always developing, at one point the written letter was technology, I'm saying this to point out that what I took from this talk was how to deal with a reality rather than pursuing or talking about how things could or should be. What is at the core of ghosting? Someone doesn't want you in their life for whatever reason so the very fact you are trying to contact them, feel hurt and rejected exposes an imbalance in the relationship that can only be corrected if you have the ability to let go of it. This means you need to take yourself seriously, love yourself, respect yourself and find people who respect you and your human needs, not lament on how things should be, pointing the finger at "others"
Unless it’s to escape abuse, ghosting someone with whom you’ve been in an intimate relationship is nothing more than an act of cruelty & a reflection of poor character.
You don't know everyone's situation so to say its a reflection of poor character is unfair in my opinion.
Either that or a lack of emotional maturity maybe?
@@emmac7880 would you elaborate on that? We all strive for decency towards others, no? Especially in relationships. Why does ghosting get a pass? It's quite cowardly, unless the opposite person was emotionally/physically abusive, cruel or dangerous.
@@greggallant007 but also if someone doesn’t understand your boundaries. So you have directly communicated that you no longer want to be in a relationship and a person keeps on calling, finding you on social media via new numbers and accounts. Then what?
Wouldn’t ghosting and blocking that person be the right way to go? Lat’s get philosophical for a minute.. 😬 talking a very short fling.. not a serious committed relationship. Just weird slaking situation... Does it make you indecent to stand for your boundaries?
@@anigasparyan3841 Did you read Greg’s part AFTER >UNLESS?
I had never been ghosted in all my life I’m 45 years old and I just got ghosted after 7 months of a relationship. I think it’s the ugliest evil thing a person can do! Immature and cowardly the worst! I went thru a roller coaster of emotions😞😔 I’m better now thank god and my faith I’ve healed but now I see things differently. Be very aware and read the signs take care of yourself of not getting hurt, honestly humanity is getting worse.
Yes be aware they do it to break you cos they are so deeply broken they regain power by hurting good people aka the only few people left in this world who are good.
It’s people like you that make it worse though. You’re obviously going for men out of your league and being used for sex. I see this happening all the time.
"Take that as an indicator that you have formed a non-reciprocal connection" - that was exactly it. Thanks Russell
I agree.
Connection has many aspects. Sometimes there may be un/conscious resistance to an internal/external conflict or an inability to share effectively that can cause the appearance of rejection or other expressions of this 'non-reciprocal connection' in the moment ...some relationships are worth persevering with through certain challenges over the longer term... ♡
I also lliked that take-away.
not when that person had a long years commited relationship, lived under the same roof with you and ghosts for no reason for 2 years!
@@ThelmaThais1 It clearly wasn't as committed a relationship as you say.
@@ThelmaThais1 he's not even worth you mentioning him. I'm sorry you had such bad luck, but you're better of without him. Stop wasting time on ghosts and enjoy your life in your own company. Namaste!
Being ghosted is only bringing you closer to the person you're meant to be with
That’s a good way of looking at it
@Anita Heise the best relationship
@@rayna463 😊
Sour grapes
@Anita Heise ♥
When I was dating, I always had so much respect for the women who just told me they didn't want to see me again. It cut the chord and stopped me wondering whether they were busy, or they'd lost my number etc etc. And I never felt hurt that I wasn't "good enough/suitable" for them, because I knew that one day I'd be good enough/suitable for someone else.
What gets me is that i had never been so in tune with myself when i met the guy who ghosted me. No facades, no masks, no hiding parts of myself, just living authentically as me for once. So when he ghosted it was like... the real me wasnt worth sticking around for. It took me a year accept and let go. I have a routine in place for when he crosses my mind..i just pretend hes in a train and whizzing right past my station. Sometimes the train stops for a couple seconds and i see him as a passenger through the window..but it always takes off again, without me in it.
I hope you don't mind me saying this but the real you IS WORTH STICKING AROUND FOR, maybe just not to the wrong person. Your value is not dependent on someone else's validation. Sending lots of love and light your way.
LOL
@@Corrans thats really kind of you and brought a lil tear to my eye so thanks for the love and light 💕
@@Corrans, what a lovely thing to say. I’m so enjoying the comments and replies on this video... May the world be filled with more and more folks like you Louise, @DemJem and co.
Big love from Down Under 🦘 🙏🏾🧡
I really love your analogy with the train. Will remember this for next time it happens for me too ☺️
People ghost just for texting them at the wrong time. I've learned to just accept to energy coming my way only. If they leave, they leave. Not meant to be.
Wish i lernd that a couple of years ago
I know you are right. But that's utterly ridiculous. If you gave me your number, I can call or text any time day or night. You know how to silence your phone. Get real. But yeah. People do that. And I absolutely do not need those people in my life. Ain't nobody got time for acquaintances. Be my friend or GTFO. PLEASE ghost me.
didn't realize it was so hard to write a message that takes less than 1 minute out of your life and tell them you don't want to talk...some people are so lazy they can't even write 1 message geez imagine how these people will deal in the real world
GrowingDownUnder, come on mate that person is not worth your concern. And what do you hope to achieve if you ever did receive that message?
Move on, ‘relinquish’ and focus on those who are more deserving of your attention.
Ps this is happening to me, so I do know how you feel! I just take a deep breath and go forth on my journey!
Regan Parenton whatever comes, let it come. Whatever stays, let it stay. Whatever goes, let it go. (Quote from Papaji)
This is why I no longer date. People can flip like switches with no explanation. I don't have the time or energy to "gamble". Life is too short
In which circumstances you're up to date again?
Hint for you: do not sleep with anyone you haven't dated for at least two to three months. Maybe longer. Read the book, "How to Marry the Man of your Choice." It's an old book but full of good advice. If you sleep with a man before he loves you, he'll walk away, almost always. It's been that way forever. If he walks away because you won't fall into bed with him right away, he was just looking for a booty call anyway and you were never going to have a lasting relationship with that person.
Amen!
I don't blame you one iota. You are a smart woman whos is worthy of better treatment.
Dude this is literallt what gets and triggers me
I read a quote somewhere that said “you didn’t get rejected. You repelled.” 💭
A few months ago I used to be super into a guy that I was hooking up with. Then he started ghosting me allll the time and that really hurt me because I thought there was something wrong with me. After doing self care and working on my self esteem and spirituality, now I don’t even know what the fuck I even saw in that guy!!! I realized that he was just a drunk loser and I got emotionally attached to him because I had low self esteem and thought that I couldn’t do better. Therefore, I held on to a fantasy of being with him for a long ass time. If I met that guy today, I wouldn’t even give him my time of day.
So when someone ghosts you, they are doing you a favor by gtfo of your life because then you can have more space in your life for someone who actually WANTS to be part of your life!
💪🏽💯... repelled? I hope so !!
So you repelled him?
Thank you xx
Same, this girl I was going out with just decided to stop seeing me. After analysing her behavior and attitude i realized that what happened was actually the best for me
Yes ;D Rejection is protection
An adage I’ve lived with is: “silence speaks volumes”
Me too 😊
You're right.
Silence to the neighbor on notice to ask again for a chance for conversation not before 33 years expire.
NOT to forward this video to his text queue.
Have you heard much of John Butler? You might enjoy his work. Silence is indeed much more than what meets the ear.
MilitaryDog hi. Actually I don’t think i have. Though looking him up, his picture seems familiar so maybe I’ve heard some of his musings but am not making the connection to the name. I will write it down and explore in the future. Thanks.
Absolutely xx
I was ghosted by someone in 2010. It was a HORRIBLE way to end what we had. I kept calling because I wanted to straighten it out and resolve and he ignored my calls. He behaved as a huge coward that day. I deleted him from my mind because I REFUSED to feel all the horrible feelings I was feelings as I knew I didn't deserve it. 7 yrs later he died from a rare blood protein disorder. So he's truly a ghost now.
The fact that you made no mention of what you did AND attempted to make a joke about him literally dying, within the same paragraph, speaks volumes as to what type of person you are and says a lot more about you than it does about him.
I think it's really unfair that people end up having to do lots of inner work and recovery because somebody didn't have the bravery to be honest. As a busy person, I deeply resent the person who put me in that situation for a year, my life is much better now and of course I came to many of the realisations that Russell is talking about... But sadly its not a case of abracadabra I feel better and awakened now, there's a lot of pain to go through first.
You have been the victim of a narcissist by the sounds of it. They do an awful lot of damage. Absolutely awful experience for the victim.
Well said. This is exactly how I see it as well.
I see what you mean, but everyone could use some inner work. Now if someone called off a serious relationship or a marriage or something and said nothing about it, that would be horrible. But if life no one owes you anything. There is nothing “fair” about you having to move on when someone else moves on in their life. At one point, someone will leave you, and at another point, you’ll have to leave someone too. Depends on the situation, but sometimes people leave with no room for conversation because they know the other person will try to guilt them out of leaving. If someone leaves you, you’re on your own to heal. That’s life
@@pippipster6767 I think so too 😔
Exactly👍 totally and absolutely that’s how I felt I really fell for this man and the recoop was a bitch!😒
A hard lesson - we really only have ourselves. 💕
Kiki Queue, you are too beautiful to be with a narc 🙄!
I quote Paul Williams from the song “The Hell Of It” from “The Phantom of the Paradise”:
“We’re all born to die alone, you know that’s the Hell of it...”
Mirror Lynx..........how very true!!!!!!!!!!!!
Simple truth of life.
As a human being I owe other humans a certain amount of respect, no
matter how insignificant they may be for my own life or purpose. Period.
Even if someone has absolutely no significance to me whatsoever, I can still comunicate in a clear and direct way. One could at least send an sms that says: "Sorry, but I am not interested in keeping up communication with you." By ghosting someone you put that person into a prison of their own mind.
“Ghosting is data, that data is that its time to move on” ...very well worded, it honestly does come down to that once you remove the emotional overwhelm
I was ghosted by my two closest friends. It was the absolute worst, soul wrenching experience of my life. And yet, in the end, like Russell said, I’ve matured from it, and I’m better off now.
I’m so sorry man. I’ve been ghosted by entire groups. I’ve been ghosted by guys I thought I’d grow old with. Then there are my friends from middle school I’m so blessed, half of them still keep it real two decades later and I value that tremendously.
I’ve recently been ghosted on Christmas and then again on New Years by a sex partner who expressed her feelings for me whom I thought I’d get to ask out. When she asked me to pay her rent and I said I couldn’t I never saw her again.
It is terrible Matt. These people don’t know the hurt they cause. Or they do it intentionally.
Ghosted by my best friend. My heart is in so much pain.
@@Mini-Toast_ So sorry my friend. It’s going to hurt and it’s ok to feel that hurt for as long as you want to. It will get easier, and you will get through this.
@@Mini-Toast_ is it possible there was a mistake? Or no.
I ghosted my best friend if 10 years because she treated me like crap the last two years of our relationship and ghosted me numerous times while I tried to converse with her. She never told me I did anything wrong, she would just treat me like crap. I got fed up from her and gave her a taste of her own medicine when she contacted me and then cut her out of my life. So yes, I would suggest you reflect on yourself and there might be a reason why she did that. I tried so hard and didn't see any change, so I closed the door on our relationship.
I was ghosted last year by someone I really really liked. It was my first time experiencing that. It hurt me to the absolute core. No pain can amount to that besides burying a loved one. 2020 taught me how to move on from being ghosted. When I see the word "ghosted" there's this tingling little pain in my heart that takes me back. The "moving on" journey is quite long and hard. I've been in multiple relationships after I was ghosted and none of them helped that much to get over the pain this person caused me. What's confusing about my ghoster is that they are stalking me. A friend of theirs recently reached out and told me that the ghoster wants me back. I haven't responded. I don't think I'll respond to it. The audacity to disrespect me like that when I poured my heart out then got ghosted is something I won't ever forget. It has made me a cold person. I'm done honestly. Yes I still love the ghoster but I love myself more. I'm still stalked till this very day. Why ghost me then want me later? Agggg.
I'm done as well.
They may have disorganised attachment it is very common unfortunately
@@kittykat.88 My ex have disorganized attachment, and I got ghosted after sexual intimacy, telling she cared and loved me.
8 months of ghosting, then after she tried initiating contact, I was so broken and upset I told her to fuck off.
If they're stalking you should get the police to put at stop to it.
If you're talking about stalking the way I think you're talking about it in a physical way.
I found out that my gf of almost a year, friends with her for 2 years prior to our relationship; had another boyfriend. He confronted me with proof, there was no fighting, I was just thankful. I ghosted her, ignored/deleted all her voicemails and texts without reading or listening. I avoided one until I crossed paths with her at an outlet mall. I’ve ghosted both relationship when I got cheated on. Not to be mean, but because I’m not asking why they cheated so I don’t care about an explanation. Both women I was in a relationship with didn’t know that I found out they were cheating. I bet that no closure, the unknown is unimaginable. Me walking away and leaving them unable to have closure, how does that make me rude?
Getting ghosted is someone dumping themselves for you
That's interesting. Can you please explain a bit more about what you said?
the rubbish takes itself out.
@@seanybyne1982 She means....if they ghost you...it was better off and they could see that because if the relationship continued....you would end up dumping them either way. Or vice versa. They saw ahead of time that it wasn't going to work. So they ended it before it could grow and further....rather than end it though....they just disappeared.
@@mackenzierivercasey6752 thank you for the explanation. I appreciate your feedback on this. 🙏 Some people behave so weird and it's done so out of protection for themselves mostly. Been ghosted a couple of times recently and I believe it's down to the people I was speaking with. Being an empath and understanding their life situations and personalities has allowed me to understand why the contact has fizzled out on their side. It's a sad thing to experience I have to say.
Ooooooooo I love this
Be complete in yourself and you won't depend on others to validate you🙏
Just remember, people who are capable of ghosting have to live with themselves 24/7
sometimes people are pushed to the point where the only option is to ghost someone. Not every situation is black and white
Yes they do but with no empathy they don't feel a damn thing. Narcissistic, I do believe.
@@emmac7880 Spoken like a true ghoster.
I'll give you that one if a person turns psycho or whatever then it may be the only way.
But don't sit there and tell me that its most common use isn't to give shitty people an easy way out of a situation they have grown bored with - cause we both know better.
Ghosting has made connecting/intimacy easily disposable and we're normalizing this behaviour
@@DarkWandererAU Your clearly projecting your anger towards me which isn't fair at all, also there's a lot of assumption in your message. Truth is you don't know me or my situation.
@@emmac7880 I'm just speaking truth here. I am not angry in the slightest.
The truth is you are trying to justify your shitty behaviour because you've clearly ghosted before.
Why are you trying to justify anything to me?
Instead of wasting your time with that, how about you work on being the kind of person that doesn't dismiss human beings in order to make your life easier.
The thought of inflicting that ghosted feeling onto anyone makes me want to throw up in my own mouth, it really is so disgraceful
I'm just learning to not invest energy in people who fail to show me the attention I deserve. I do expect responses to texts. I think ghosting is cowardly and comes from a place of avoidance and fear of commitment and fear of self-expression. In my spiritual journey now, I am practicing self-love, self-empowerment and standing in my power knowing my worth and being able to establish and communicate needs and boundaries. I relish human connections and transparency, so when I am ghosted and I feel upset, a great part of me just wants to officially energetically cut ties with that person. They are not worth my care, attention or thought energy.
My sentiment exactly!
I’ve learned that letting go of expectations from others and energy matching has led to a more peaceful life...
Yes!
"If someone is not responding to you in the way you want them to, there is an invitation to relinquish the relationship". Deep.
“The lesson is I have overcalculated my significance to that person and I’ve misunderstood their perception of our relationship. I’m therefore going to have to alter my perception of that relationship or cling onto that reality.”
Thank you.
I've literally just had this experience by someone I recently started dating... it was developing into a relationship. He showed up, we went on dates, his communication was consistent and affectionate... then BAM... very late last night, I checked my phone... he's gone, blocked me on absolutely everything. I have absolutely NO IDEA why this happened... I do have an abusive childhood, breakdown in previous marriage BUT I've had decades of therapy to help me. I have down everything in my power to get myself straight, making myself feel better and yet this has happened. I'll get over it but the pain right now is excruciating. I'm glad that videos like this exist because I want to heal from this.
Sorry this happened. I don't understand the disappearing out of nowhere, talk about hurtful.
are you feeling better now? I hope so...
I've literally been ghosted after asking "How have you been lately?".
Pretty sad and immature, not gonna lie.
I was ghosted and all I did was give them space. I even communicated that. When I hit them up to tell them that I hoped they were doing ok (snapchat), the message said pending. I looked that up and it turns out when a message is pending it means the person removed you from their contacts or blocked you.
yea we had a great day full of laughter and smiles from him, then i said hi how was ur day and i haven't heard since
@@sophiemord6903 that sucks. I had a similair experience.
Same my last text was “hey i hope you’re having a great day and doing great i love you” and i never heard from her for weeks.. sadly
How is everybody on this comment thread doing now? Any good news regarding healing and/or positive communication with your person of interest? ❤️🩹
I think when people ghost, withdraw and minimise communication it's important you dont become needy. There becomes a time, you'll know it in your gut, when you need to let things go. Either see how it rides out or you can end it.
Life is too short to stay in bad relationships. If you're unhappy and you can't figure things out in the relationship then dont try and control them but instead have the courage to find someone who is right for you.
Only if you first can find someone to begin with that it is.
Or, have the courage to be alone and accept that if we are meant to find someone it will happen when the timing is better for both people.
If someone ghosts you, do you really want to be with that person....
Nope
Kat_ Art_UK no I’ve recently been ghosted and he’s a massive dickhead
@@sarahbright5231 I've started up a Support group...for victims on FB find me on Insta and I'll send you a link x
if someone ghosts you, then treat them like a ghost...send them to the shadow realm
The answer is a deafening NO
I have been ghosted by friends due to a cancer diagnosis, it's a lonely place having cancer but you do find out who your friends are.
I experience similar.. I'll be talking to someone I met on an app or something for weeks before meeting, back and forth going great. Then we meet n I have to briefly explain why my voice sounds the way it does (surgery from a preexisting condition, I got NF) I can sometimes see them visibly pull back after that, everything else goes fine still. Maybe they even say "I'd like to hangout again" at the end. But still I wake up the next day and see they're off my phone everywhere
I have recently lost my best friend because I am dealing with a chronic illness. I was there for her through all sorts of hard times. Now, that I am going through those hard times, she has disappeared. And, it happened so fast. I didn’t see it coming. I am sending lots of comforting energy to you- and am grateful that you shared your experience here with us.
Call me old fashioned, but a simple," i m sorry but...Im too busy to spare time at the moment/ I am not interested in us having a relationship/Please , leave me alone, I do not want to talk to you..." is my response of choice.
No need to let people wondering if , what or why, just say what you mean, once , and cut off if they did not get it.
Common human decency. Ghosters are cowards who prefer to avoid confrontation so as not to put themselves up to be disliked or questioned. I respond well to honesty, personally. i have never ghosted anyone and I don't let people ghost on me, as if they are too immature to not understand that they will be better off talking to my face, then they need to learn that lesson: ghosting is not acceptable.
I think most of us understand that response can take a day or so on occasion, but honestly, how long does it take to say," sorry, Im busy ttyl" if one truly is too busy?
Liars, ghosters, to me, both are the same, and everytime they do what they do, a little bit of the world dies with their BS.
Exactly. And their behavior is cowardice and telling of their character. They don't deserve another chance.
Well said.
Amazing!
‘I have over-calculated my significance to that person’ dropped like a bomb. Thank you Mr, Brand. Proper needed that, and the ensuing remedy that came to my mind after you said it, which is that one needs to recalculate their significance to themselves. Thanks again 🙏🏼
---Same here, there’s something very freeing about musing in that sentence. ‘Relinquish’
Yep , he said that so solid-ly and yet receiving it was so gentle. Absolutely, well put. 🌸
Amazing ✨
“I have over calculated my significance.” Deep
When people go they've gone 😂😂 I've refused to lose any more hours of sleep over people living their own lives. I want to be present in my own body
That's wise...let them go...
….and if I may be so bold as to add to your comment, ‘to be present in your own life’.
Be Well, my sister.
At this point I just meet people (acquaintances, friends, etc.) and assume that they're gonna ghost me at some point. It still sucks when it happens, but it's not as bad when you're expecting it, and if it doesn't happen, even better. I've learned that I tend to put more value into relationships than the average person and you can't force people to feel the same way you do.
Same.
same :(
What a sadness and a commentary on our time. But it's also a reflection upon you, and the way that you navigate in the world. That there has been enough injury that we now just assume the pain is coming.
Terrible. Only cowards ghost…
expect the worst, and you are never disappointed :/
Great vid. And instead of being angry, just say to yourself, “although we cannot continue this relationship, we had great times. I bid you the best on your own journey. I’ll head off on my own”
I think what’s been helping me recently is understanding that relationships (not just romantic) need space as well togetherness to work. Sometimes allowing space in a relationship and trusting that the connection is still there, rather than needing the constant reassurance through texts/calls, allows the relationship to feel a bit more sustainable, whole and lasting. That’s just my experience lately from being someone who has been very anxious to keep the people around me. If someone doesn’t get back to me right away, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. I’ve been learning this by giving myself permission to allow breathing space in my relationships and seeing that it’s not because I don’t care, but because I need space. This means I’m relating from a place of emotional abundance rather than emotional desperation and starvation
♡
Exactly
Its horrible being ghosted especially when you put so much time and effort into someone and they can be heartless and selfish to ignore you and forget you
Love the perspective. On the flip side,this also made me realize why people may leave when we give them way more attention than they're giving us: It makes them feel pressured by the unequal amount of significance we're putting on them.
"I have learned to offer no resistance to what is; I have learned to allow the present moment to be and to accept the impermanent nature of all things and conditions. Thus I have found peace"
The only thing that cures rejection, is to be silent.
Allyhall you have a strong constitution. After you break up, you have a tendency to say some really bad things. It is a great way to make problems for yourself. Stay safe. 🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🦋🦋🦋🦋🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦
Silence is consent. So me thinks not 😂
I agree. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a few "minutes" to realize you've been ghosted. You keep reaching out because you are worried about the person; are they sick? Did they die? Then you get angry at not hearing anything back (because you've called their brother or another friend and find out they are just fine, in fact, they are partying harder than ever) and say something mean or stupid and feel ashamed. Then you realize, finally, that you can't keep holding on like an idiot and you block them. Then you feel guilty and un-block them "just in case." Then you call me, your psychic advisor, and I set you straight by not sugar-coating the truth. Then you ghost me, because you hate the person who told you the truth you already knew. It's a vicious cycle, lol. www.bestpsychicforme.com
Thank you. Yes
@@kat_art_uk4698 Silence is to keep quiet, and to focus on nonverbal communication, which can be consentful or not.
This is why you need to make sure that you love yourself and you value yourself. The more you find that value within you, the more it wouldn't matter. it's not your fault if you're being rejected. It's okay. Those who see your value will stay. :)
That was quite literally one of the kindest versions of “fuck off“ that I’ve ever heard. I love all of your chats with all of us, Russell! Thanks for doing what you do!
Everything happens for a reason, even getting ghosted. Hope everyone has a great week and wishing you all many blessings.
Actually nothing happens for a reason. Everything is entirely random but we tell ourselves otherwise in a bid to cling on to a great power. Its human nature.
True.. but wanting to know the reason is the problem.
Thanks Russell!! I started this video feeling like garbage and afterwards I was able to pick myself up and move on with confidence. Sometimes ghosting can be the best gift someone can give you to save you a lot of time and heartache
Back in September I went on a date with a girl and really hit it off. I mean, instant sparks, instant connection. After a few days of talking and planning the second date she just stopped responding. I was upset but understood that what's meant to be is meant to be.
In January I got a text from her explaining that she was in a bad place and needed space to grow, and without realising it I also needed the space to grow.
We're still dating to this day and are planning on having kids and getting married if we're still together in 5 years time.
She's the love of my life.
I met someone really great two months ago, we definitely clicked and yet it wasn't at all good timing for him in terms of how many life stressors he was going through. We both communicated that it wasn't the right time, I've been doing some deep healing work and I believe he is as well. Holding space that if the timing is right in the future, we will come back together and start something from a place of wholeness instead of co-dependency. What was great is we both communicated our needs - I still struggled a bit at first with not having the daily connection we had before, though...
Don't give up on the people you love (not obsessed with)...keep loving them even from a distance.
Being ghosted especially after sleeping with someone u really enjoyed spending time with and knowing you didn’t disappoint them in bed definitely hurts. I feel that you just need to remain calm, confident and present and the next opportunity to meet someone else will present itself to you soon enough...
My situation rn :(
My situation. I fell in love like a dummy.
The worst part for me about being ghosted is when I deliberately reach out from my loneliness and am in a place where I need the connection more than ever. I feel so jaded from multiple times being ignored by "friends" that I want to never try again to connect with anyone. But do I feel lonely forever, only waiting to have someone reach out to me? It sucks.
Hey, I feel the same as you. You’re not alone. I hope you managed to overcome your loneliness from when you wrote this.
I feel the same. The waiting is horrible.
the right man will come along and sweep you off your feet,,,,its ok to be lonely
it's a lot harder to ghost in real life. seems to me like a function of how much time is spent online these days. if you think about it occurring before the internet, you may not talk to someone for weeks/months/years and it wasn't a big deal. it was fairly normal and in that time you tended to focus more on yourself as well.
Yeah but now we're living in an open prison with much more time and shit on our hands..
Every day that goes by while you communicate with someone online that you've never met is like an investment, where you naturally expect to receive some kind of a "payoff", like a real long-lasting relationship. I was so hurt by a female friend that I'd been emailing for 3 years after she ghosted me, that I refuse to have any long-term online relationships. No more than a weeks worth, then I let them know it's been nice, but I have a policy of not getting involved online. Anything else is totally not worth the time or the emotion.
No, even then it was a big deal if you don't see someone for weeks because when you're first getting to know someone, if you don't see them on a regular basis there isn't really any way to build a bond. I don't see how it's possible for a romantic relationship to form if you aren't seeing each other in person once a week or almost every week. For me, unless a bond is already there, it's out of sight, out of mind.
Well said.
Ghosting saves us the hurt of continuing a lame relationship with a person who doesn’t want to be with us.
Codependency makes ghosting so hurtful.
Setting someone free and learning from the experience is the best gift we give to ourselves.
Let go.
Declutter.
Move on.
Thank you 🙏🏻
This video came just at the right time for me.... love you Russell, The Almighty is All loving and compassionate, rejection/ghosting only servers to remind me that I need to depend on the Most High who is the only loyal One we have in this life. He'll never turn his back on us, rather it is we who turn our backs on him, in hopes that something created will give us that peace and tranquility that we are all desperately seeking. He's always there for us even after we've been absent and he'll always be willing to accept us and care for us as He's the only one who knows what every single person needs.
Damn bro feel you... Hasn't it come out in the right time for all of us haha...
Not too long ago I checked out your channel Sully bc I haven't seen your vids in a hot minute. Wasn't expecting to find you in the top comments but it's a pleasant surprise. Hope everything is going well for you and any other person reading this 🙏
True, but along with God, we must always be present for ourselves and treat ourselves with love and compassion. Moreover, it is good to follow in God's footsteps and show others unconditional love and compassion. When the time comes and those who left return and truly repent, we can extend grace and forgiveness just as God would for us.
thank you. Yes Definitely.
@@letsdomath1750 💛
Thanks Russell. It's a shame people can disregard another's feelings so easily by ghosting them. Practicing care when it comes to forming attachments to others is really important now more than ever. We have to protect our hearts.
I was abandoned as a child. Literally my mother ghosted me. Went away and slowly stopped calling and visiting until I and my family did not know if she was dead or alive. In 2020 I was ghosted by a romantic partner as an adult. It was the worst pain and I didn't understand why it felt so torturous. I realize now it was bc it was familiar. I was grieving more than one situation. I was grieving the initial wounding as well.
It hurts but this is so true
I have been ghosted by my closest girlfriend of 30 years . I tried countless times to contact her which was beyond painful and humiliating. Finally after many tears and too much overthinking I've given up . I'm not proud of how much this rattled my self esteem . We were like sisters and because I come from a dreadful family she was family to me. I still find it hard to believe she didn't have the courage to tell me the reason why she didn't want to be in my life .She had been through her own issues , divorce , drinking too much perhaps but we had so many wonderful deep talks through the years I found it almost surreal that she couldn't say goodbye or even tell me to go away . I consider myself a strong person but I doubt I'll ever really get over this particular loss . I adored her , I believed we adored eachother. I've accepted the loss as painful as it is and spend my spare time being creative hoping it will help , it does . This video helped , it takes integrity and strength to just move on , let it go . My heart is still broken , I thought we we would grow old together. 😢
I understand your pain. Just know that you are doing everything right to help your mind to move on. You will never get over it-just have to put the pain of the loss on a special shelf in your brain. I am sorry you are hurting. The pain is real and deep.
@@nursiecookie1805 thankyou for wisdom and kindness , it's deeply appreciated .😊
I've had this happen to me only we were not friends for 30 years just 12. It's like having that friend/sister die and you didn't get to say goodbye or tell them you love them one last time. It's horrible and yeah I don't think you ever "get over" something like that. You'd have to grieve it like the person passed and eventually the pain subsides
And the fact that it can also cause one to have distrust in other
people which is another dangerous side effects of being ghosted…
I would suggest you invest in adopting a pet
dog since they tend to have steadfast loyalty
and undying love.
Ghosting is cowardly, rude and selfish. Period.All that needs to be said is "I don't see this going anywhere---it was nice meeting you and I wish you well". Have the balls to be kind and to be honest.
I've been ghosted by someone whom I considered to be my best friend. That definitely taught me that my perception of our relationship was apparently very different from his. I'd be lying if I said that I am not hurt anymore, im still working through it, but fortunately some form of closure came to my way recently. I wish anyone going through this to find the power to let go and to trust life. Trust that you will be redeemed and trust that life has good intentions for you, no matter how painful it might feel right now. You can do it🙏🏼
These seven minutes had so much packed into it, I kept rewinding to properly process the things he was saying. Thank you Russell - I hope to ghost less and take steps to connect to the force within myself.
got ghosted once, everything seemed looked fine, and then suddenly nothing. Would have rather had the person just say to my face they don't want to talk to me anymore.
Was shitty about it for two weeks, but as soon as it happened I knew the deal so I was able to let go of it quite easily after.
How do you know they didn't want to talk to you anymore? Just because they didn't respond in a time frame that suited you? Or was there further correspondence that confirmed this to be true?
People would rather avoid confrontation, i wish people were more blunt and honest in this world but everyone is in a bubble and would rather avoid it altogether
@@jimbojones8208 got blocked as well. A timeframe that suited me? I don't have such high expectations of most people as far as I am aware. Ofcourse with different friends I am used to them responding at different time frames, that usually depends on the person, but I usually don't get worried if they respond way later than they usually do. I just assume their phone is dead or they're busy.
It was quite sudden, not a slow ghost. The end of the contact itself isn't really a problem for me, that would have happened eventually anyway. Just the way it happened was frustrating.
I actually thought something bad might have happened to that person. Luckily I found out that was not true and I was kinda relieved I was just being ghosted.
@@praetoriancorps Well if you got blocked then perhaps you should look at yourself and see if there's anything that you did that could've caused them to block all communications with you. Being ghosted and being blocked aren't necessarily the same thing.
@@jimbojones8208 I did not think I shared that much details for anybody to jump to conclusions on who was at fault. but you are right, I did do self-reflection on it, nobody gets blocked without reason after all. I definitely think I made a mistake.. But the reason the blocking happened is most likely what Alex mentioned. If not maybe I'll run into the situation again and have some more self-reflection to do. But I think that is also unlikely.
So true, don’t expect anything specific from anyone- let it flow and let go of you don’t get what you need from someone
Perfect timing with this one. Much love to everyone. Keep working on yourself and living your purpose. 💛
Thank You 🙏💕🌻
I’m guilty of ghosting close friends and family. Bad habit, especially when I feel so disrespected when someone does it to me! I’m a hypocrite
You haven’t even watched the whole video yet, me thinks you’ve just ghosted Russell 😅
Same
This is the Way of the World.
It's very hurtful when it's family
Ah but an honest one ✌️
I’m being ghosted 👻 and it hurts like hell, but he is right! Thank you for this Russell. Love and light ❤️🌞
did it get any better?
i heard of russell brand for the first time in 2012, i never imagined i would be sitting here in 2020 getting this great wisdom from him, keep making these videos russell, you're helping alot of us.
Every relationship is composed of a meeting and a parting. There are no exceptions.
Some friendships are lifelong. Why deny that?
Everybody used to be married for life, back when our society was Christian and had morals.
Over a year for me- was painful but made closure(on my side) & learned a tough lesson. Being ghosted isn't a reflection on you, it's a reflection on the one(s) who did it. Remember this: the higher powers have the right to remove people from your life- usually without an explanation. They're trash- and they took themselves to the curb😊
Well spoken 😊
This is one of the best videos I've ever seen about taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and actions.
“I have over calculated my significance to that person and I misunderstood their perception of our relationship." This is something everyone needs to learn. I've seen way too many people smear others online and blame other people for "feeling rejected" or "feeling manipulated" because someone broke off a relationship, platonic or romantic. Just because you overestimated how someone regarded you does not make the other person automatically bad or wrong. Some people just aren't for you and that's that.
💯
Regardless of the reasons, ghosting is an easy, immature way to end a connection with someone; it's hurtful and speaks volumes about character. As someone who was ghosted last year, I would have rather he just been honest instead of all the excuses and then the ghosting. I wasn't expecting or desiring anything more than the friendship I thought we had. Then I recently found out that he was stringing along one of my co-workers for an entire year and telling her they were going to be together. Then she discovered he was back with his wife and they're having a baby next month.
Thank you for sharing. Yes, you are right. An ending says a lot about the person's character.
I can relate as the person I met who kept ghosting me, told me they had been single for 2 years. Yet forgot to mention "other or others" and unlike me, 'single' is free of emotional invested attachment to another to be free to build on a new relationship. When someone keeps a foot holding open a door one can not go forward.
I don't know why I was ghosted as they never say, do they? I got to hear some 'truths' from another source.
Lies by omission. I have met a few people who have not been totally honest up front when I have met them. Of course, that would not have served them at the time!
So now I have learnt about red flags, to not ignore them or my intuition and to have healthy boundaries. 🙏🌻🌼
Lol what a dirtbag that guy was. Unbelievable
SOME HUMANS ARE JUST SATANIC
I had my heart heartbroken once and it was terrible, then I got ghosted, last thing I heard was I see you on my birthday to celebrate, and. Without no reason or any kind of discussion, he disappeared, it was so painful that the first time was nothing, it teach me so much about myself, and I became so much appreciative of people , I don't regret my mistake, but is a painful process to come out the other side, it drove me crazy but also made me stronger and humbled me.
I got ghosted by someone that I thought was a new friend 4 months ago. I'm still kinda sad about it because I really liked them. But I guess I overestimated my importance to them :(
You weren’t rejected, your energies were repelled
All friendships are temporary. At the end of the day, family is the one that should always be there for you and some of them have even been known to do this.
Reflecting, the times I’ve ghosted people, it was because I developed relationships with them that I was no longer interested in. Or I felt that they wronged me somehow or maybe displayed certain actions, characters, demeanors that I was not too fond of. I grew up the only child and I didn’t really talk a lot so looking back I didn’t really know how to express that. I didn’t know how to be open and honest with others. I always avoided conflict too.
I hope you realize you were acting from ego and not the heart chakra of love and kindness and you continue to work on being open and honest with yourself. To respect others is also to respect oneself and consider karma may bite back. To open up on here is brave, so I am sure you are on the right path, good luck 🙏🌸
"The reason we do this, is because we have lost connection with our true self, and we have lost faith that there is a transcendent, nutritional, pranic force that can nurture and hold us." ahhhhh, that was yummy to hear. Things took a wild, perfect pivot from 5:00 to 6:05.
Ghosting shows a lack of consideration for the emotions of others, poor communication skills, immaturity, lack of courtesy and basic human decency.
Become resilient, learn the lesson, get busy, work on yourself, grow, learn, put yourself first, love yourself.
Realise that your value is not dependant on others and you do not require validation.
I love this video!
Thank you.
How perfectly timed!!! I'm being ghosted for the first time in many years and it had me in knots. Just yesterday (the day you posted) I was spending time worrying about it and trying to figure out why it was happening. Now after listening to you, I feel very okay about things again. Thank you, Russell!
I had to watch this multiple times, I couldn't follow due to the tears that started streaming down my face. Thank you for wise words, trying to let go really isn't easy.
I am also watching this a few times in a row. Brand’s comments offer guidance and consolation and direction for me.
@@ChrisConnolly-Mr.C-Dives-In yes, that's well said. I'm glad to "have" him.
Lyanna Winter
Thanks much. I find it comforting that other people are having a similar experience, that it is not just me facing the experience.
Here I am 2 years later, watching this video once again. But, this time I am taking the lesson away from it that I need to connect with myself more, to be happy as I am, or to become the person that I will be happy with. Just me, without any external help.
I'm in a situation where I've been ghosted. I understand why. Our time is over. She could not continue with the journey because the journey has come to an end. Understanding that I have my life ahead of me and I have to be " in it". Fully engaged in it, mind, body and soul. It hurts, but it's for the best and I except, my new beginning with open arms. Thank you for your thoughts on this matter.
Thank you for speaking on this. I think that this topic is one that is pushed under the rug when it’s actually so important.
I just read this in another column and thought it quite good (plus I learned a new word LIMERENCE) :so I’m reposting it in relation to ghosting:
Is it normal to constantly think about someone who you can’t be with?
I feel your pain. The most important thing you should you know is that .. you are not crazy. Because this is what this state is making you feel: you fear you might be losing your mind.
Limerence is a state in which you can't stop thinking about someone. Unrequited love is painful. It is very much tied to some of our deepest fears: fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of abandonment, fear of pain.
From my own experience, I feel limerence is often linked to grieving. The process goes through clearly defined steps. Denial is one of the components of limerence. Since accepting rejection is so painful, we deny we have been subjected to it.
While I can't take away your sadness, pain and unrequited love, there is one thing I know for sure. Focusing on yourself and, especially, clearly defining boundaries is what will help you get out of this rut.
You decide how you allow people to treat you. Now is the time to start living. Because every moment you spend on thinking about someone who is not into you, or not enough into you to treat you with the respect you deserve, is a very, very expensive moment wasted. All those moments add up. This price you pay will teach you important lessons. Take that from me.
Self-love and investing time in your own growth is the best investment in your future. Regardless of who you'll walk with next, you know you will always be your own companion if you build yourself up. Take care of yourself before being there and investing all that feeling (= emotional energy) and thinking (= mental energy) in others.
Start to become your best friend. You'll be in the best company until the day you die.
That’s something to crew on “I’ve over estimated my significance” I’m always about being accountable for myself whether it be my actions or emotions. Thank you for a change of perspective.
Brittney Snoddy,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!
Oscar Williamson thank you 😊
@@lilmissunshine83 you are welcome my dearest 🌹🌹🌹🌷🌷🌷🌹🌺.I'm Oscar Williamson from the States ❤️.You?
@@lilmissunshine83 which country are you from?
Love is always about seeking another persons highest good. Unconditional love is the only way to approach any relationship.
To be ghosted is to come into the orbit of another human being that is incapable of love.
Be thankful and let it go.
So true, Russell. We overestimate how important we are to others...whether it's someone we are in love with or a family member, it hurts a lot. I try to keep my expectations very low now. I've learned to shrug it off if someone is ignoring me. They have told you how they feel about you and it's tough to deal with. Having been abandoned by family members, I'm working on coping every day! I still love them and forgive them but no longer TRUST and rely upon them. People will always fail you, even your parents might. Only God never fails us.
'as it is, not as you want it to be' best advice I have ever gotten in my 49.7 years of living this human experience.
Thank you Sean, 👌
Either the other person feels it, or they don't. That same person that "forgot" to respond is not forgetting 3 meals a day, or forgetting to take a shower, or forgetting to show up at a party.
👌🎯
If they are ignoring you teach them how to do it perfectly
Thanks Russell I’ve just ghosted everyone except my children! Shut fB down ! I was worried some may be hurt by my sudden disappearance, but my own mental health & my time needs a break from it all ...
Why couldn't you verbalise that before leaving?
May I ask did you have a strong sence that the friendships/relationships were less than necessary in your life and that you could have been just anybody and that they couldn't really 'see' you - and that only having friendships/relationships that are in person in the present that have a sacred knowing were those are valuable to you. I haven't ghosted anyone it's just that what I have written has meaning to me. Does it you
Everything he said is going straight to my heart and fit to my situation that I have been going through right now.
I really feel grateful that I never got Ghosted, And I know the reason is because I don’t project into others a series or set of requiremet or build hopes based on them, People do not always see life as you see it in your own mind because you both lived different experiences and faced different situations that led building the meaning of life that you have in your mind or how is life supposed to be, we must have excuses for others becauce we dont know or understand what is really happening with their private life.
That is valid but it is also valid to reject ill treatment. If they never owed you consideration, it's only right that you don't owe them graciousness.
My boyfriend of 1 year ghosted me after telling me that his dad had killed himself (that was a lie, his sister ended up telling me) and told me he loved and missed me so much (he had just disappeared for 2 weeks. Usually he was very consistent). He lives an hour away. It’s been a year since he initially ghosted now. He came back a few times and each time I gave him a change to communicate why he ghosted.. he ghosted again. I still don’t know why he did what he did. Apart from that he’s still struggling to figure it out properly himself. My intuition just says he’s ‘sad’. You may say I didn’t need an explanation, he made his choice.. I tried that. But, put yourself in my shoes- we never even had an argument. You don’t realise how much a lack of closure can mess you up until you’re in a situation like this.
I think he was trying to live a different life with me. He was testing the waters of a life he wanted to live, but he’s seriously stuck somewhere else. I forgive him for that.
It’s hard to get over. If anything, I just wanted to be friends. I’d never had such a deep connection with someone and now he’s gone. I knew I was not ‘owed’ anything, but I still tried. And now I no longer think of him. I have almost got over him, but I hope I will be able to move on with my life completely. I hope the next relationship I am in I don’t constantly think of him. At the end of the day, I have tried with him, I am done trying. I am just trying to heal now, and come to terms with the fact that I should expect nothing from him.
I mean this in a nice way did you check out NPD to rule this out it might help you understand whats going on or it may not
I am so so sorry that haopend to you that way