When I was a broke nursing student, my friends didn't want me to miss out, but they knew I didn't have a lot of money at the time. A couple of times at first, they could see I was deliberately ordering the cheapest thing, even though I told them I just wasn't very hungry, and would then order this amazing meal for me instead. So I realised I had to meet them halfway, so I'd order something I might order any other time when I wasn't too hungry (really nice entree or something) so they'd believe me and not spend so much. When my grandparents passed and I inherited enough money from them to pay off my debts and finish nursing without having to work, I took great pleasure in surprising them with lunches, sneaking off to pay the bill when we'd eat out etc, and one year, I took them to a special dinner at a restaurant classier than all of us put together lol. I actually understood why they kept pushing me to order something or insist I get more than a basic salad. I got a lot of pleasure out of doing that for them. And when one of our friends, who was a stay at home mum, lost her husband, things were tight for her, so I was lucky enough to be able to support her in several ways as she built her new life. It all just keeps going around. We also do the birthday thing. Birthday girl never pays. Thems the rules! Some friends love you, some friends only like the bright, shiny parts, and some are simply out for what they can suck out of others who think they care about them. It's heartbreaking because it takes a lot for most people to put that level or more of trust in someone, and every knock makes it harder to trust people to the degree we used to.
You have a great group of true friends. It’s so nice to read comments like yours. This is the way friendships are truly meant to be. My best friend, my only friend passed away in 2017. I miss him so much. It hurts not having any friends now but at least I know I’m not being used anymore by the not so nice fake friends. I hope you and your friend group have many many years full of good happy experiences filled with love & laughter 🫶🏻❤️💯
Shot, were are al these types of friends at? Most of the women I've ever known are either, (for lack of a better phrase), two-faced, or users. It's sad but true. I had more male friends than female friends because of this. However, when I met my husband, he didn't approve my having male friends. Upon talking to my male friends about this, everyone of them understood were he was coming from. So we parted ways wishing each other the best of luck. Dang, I miss them. I love my husband of 33 years, but I do miss my boys.
Girl who got her stuff stolen: the fact that her Mother, instead of consoling her distressed daughter and helping her confront these bullies, tells her to stfu and that she’s being dramatic tells me all I need to know. The reason she was such a people pleaser and doormat was because her Mother *NEVER* had her back and never taught her how to stand up for herself. Sad 😢
My mom blamed me when my turquoise jewelry went missing. My brother 100% did it, he was a money grubber and I know he sold it. My mom took my house key away to punish me for stealing my own jewelry, which I really loved.
I'm Chinese Filipino. In both cultures, usually the birthday celebrant is the one paying for the party. Usual exceptions would be is kid's birthday and surprise party.
Oh, the pharmacist story got me. I lost my best friend of over 20 years because she felt threatened when I went out with a guy she liked , which I didn’t know about because…. SHE WAS MARRIED.
I was sick in the hospital with mono when I was 16. My grandmother had visited and left me a get well soon card with 50 bucks in it. My two "friends" visited me later that day, acted sketchy, left quickly, and my 50 bucks went with them. They didn't even feel guilty. They didn't think they did anything wrong. I'm really glad I grew up, because they didn't.
Hey they did you a favor. You got 2 sketchy people out of your life for the low low price of $50. Last sketchy friend I got rid of, cost me the price of her months rent. She was an old roommate. I moved out because I realized I wanted to live alone my work hours were crazy and sleep schedules conflicts and she always made huge messes in apartment when I worked, and heard she lost her job so to be nice, I paid an extra month rent in full for her since we were friends. I figured before it was due she'd have a job and no issues. Friend or not I won't live somewhere I walk out the door of a clean space and walk in after a shift to it being covered in used tissues and makeup bottles in the toilet for some reason. Or walk in after work to her having relations with random married dudes in the living room. Those youe could see through the wide open windows from the driveway. Didn't take long before I heard horrible stories of me being selfish and mean. And leaving her hanging on rent. Oh please that place I insisted was only in her name because when I moved into to extra room there I wasn't planning on the whole term of her lease she knew it. I figured to try roommate situation first so I wasn't living by myself in an unfamiliar city without family for hundreds of miles.. It was a cheap place 1 week at fast food covered whole rent payment. She had over a month to get a job flipping burgers. Those lies about me ended the friendship. Cost me that rent, more than a few weeks of groceries, and a few tanks of gas and 1 tire.
I got in a bad car accident and was out of work for 6 months...a few co-workers (who I considered friends) set up a little "fund" for me and went all around the building asking for donations. I didn't know about it. I went back to work and people started asking me about the money....I knew nothing about it...turns out they started the fund...ended up getting over $1000 and decided I didn't need it and they kept it. I wish I had called the police but I did nothing at the time.
Hello from Greece! Fun fact about Greek culture: The one who is celebrating his/hers birthday, nameday etc. is the one who takes the others out, so he/she is the one who pays, except if it is differently agreed beforehand. It is in our culture to treat our loved ones when we celebrate.
The big guy who lifted the would be pharmacist out of the fight is a hero . Sometimes strangers can change our lives for the better than our so-called fake friends . For example , our petty queen Charlotte has been a positive influence on many of the fellow potatoes here 😊 .
With the birthday girl story: Before my BFF passed away 5 years ago, we ALWAYS covered each other's bills on birthdays. We never kept a running tab on who spent what on who. If we wanted to go out and one of us was short on money, the other would straight up pay or cover whatever the other was missing. This was an unspoken part of our friendship. True friends will never take advantage of you or keep a running tab. I miss that girl so much, and I will forever hold our 16-year friendship so tightly in my heart.❤
I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my bff. 2 weeks ago. Friends since babies. She was 43. Today I lost my great aunt, and found out my contract for a house fell through. Life is rough. IDK how to get through all this. I hope things get better for the both of us! 😢 GOD is the only one keeping me alive at this point.
Eeesh. If your friend is paying for you, and you repay her by making her late, and by giving her attitude? Nah. If my friend is paying for me, I'm doing everything I can to be on time, and I'm gonna try my best to be an absolute angel for her. Honestly, the audacity. 🤦♀️
Same! Also, I'll ask if I can get a specific item or go as cheap as possible. The 'friend' in the video definitely took advantage & I'm glad she's now an ex-friend.
Bro FR iv gone to birthday dinners literally broke and I just ordered hot chips for 5 bucks and water just so I could be there for them and id never in hell let them pay for me, I will find the cheapest thing on the menu if need be and still bring a present even if its a shitty painting I did coz its my friends BIRTHDAY!
I understand that, but in reality, she should have made her boundaries clear. It is on her for not saying anything before or during dinner. She doesn't owe her anything if she offers to pay without disclosing any terms. Most people would know what the social contract is though and act more considerate, but yeah, she shouldn't have thrown it to her face, even though I wouldn't personally want to associate with people like this.
When I offer to pay for people at restaurants, I always set the budget at that moment. “No worries Bud, I can cover you $40 for dinner. I just want to have you there.” Boundaries up front limit the drama. Been burnt before.
Good idea for someone we don't know well so we don't know if they will try to take advantage. I tend to not offer stuff like this unless I really know the person and that they won't take advantage because I know their heart and they would do the same for me 💖
Na. Here is why. If they are your actual friend, they already know when your birthday is. They would plan on being there and or doing something for you on your birthday because you are their friend and they care about you. Same as you would do for them. Or maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you have to be told when to act and what to think. It is very obvious that you and a lot of other people don't know what an actual friend is. I'm not going to beg a person who is supposed to be your friend to be there for your birthday. They literally have a year to be prepared. They also should have the knowledge that your birthday is on the same day and month every year as theirs. They are obviously not your true friend and you simply stop. Like I said, I'm not going to beg people to hang out with me. That is really pathetic. What is worse is begging them to be there and having to pay for them when if they actually cared they literally had a year to save up 40 bucks for a friend.
@@MissCaraMintpretty pathetic to have to pay for someone's meal so they will hang out with you. A true friend would know when your birthday is and be prepared for it seems you are their friend. Especially when you are supposed to be good friends. Sorry but I'm not going to pay for someone so they will hang out with me. I can't believe anyone would do that. That is sad.
In QC, my high school had the french students and the english students. I used to get bullied and I'm NOT confrontational either but I had a dad who loved mafia movies. I had no money but i knew the value of a favor. I started tutoring the francophone bully during lunch and got his grades up so for once he won't have to go to summer school and can have a summer off. The next time I got attacked, he beat the crap out of them. He actually started defending the nerdy students that were also my friends and we all helped him with his classes. Now he has a masters in psychology and works with kids.
I had a best friend that I literally called my sister. She moved in with me and my family when her mother was in an abusive relationship. We were mid/late teens at that point. My parents had enough with my two very disabled brothers and me being sick, but they agreed to take her in because her alternative was not good. She went to a school across the city and my parents drove her there every day to make sure she went. When she had "days off" she went to school with me. She went to all my stuff. Concert rehersals, had free tickets to the musicals I was in, concerts I did, etc and always got to know all my cast members etc. Everyone knew her as my sister. Well, like I said, I was sick. We didnt know what made me sick and I only got sicker from it as time went on. As I got worse, I noticed many of my friends started creating distance between us. My sister was super supportive, but also very curious about my medications and often asked to try my pain meds and sleep meds. The year I turned 20, she had been living with me for a year and a half. My parents had paid for most of her life during that time. That year became the hardest of my life. I nearly died more times than I can count. I struggled to maintain my medications and often ran out, leading to stress about misdiagnosed etc. My sister was eventually the only one left in my life out of all of the many friends I used to have. I was dragged on social media all the time by people I used to be close to, all saying I was faking sick for drugs and attention. Eventually drs found out that I'd had lingering infections from appendicitis 8 years prior that was left to spread and basically absorbe up my everything from the inside, causing me to need blood transfusions all the time, being dehydrated, needing every supplement in the world to try and stay afloat. When they found it, it was in the shape of two massive lymph nodes in my abdomen and they thought it was cancer. So I was moved to a cancer hospital in the capitol for specialist help. By this time my friend had moved out without a word, we had no idea where she was. I saw her maybe twice before moving to the cancer hospital, never again after the surgery to remove my masses. About six months to a year post that surgery, a former class mate of my friend's came forward to tell me that my so-called friend had been telling everyone who'd listen that I was faking everything. That I did it all for attention and pills and she had been taking my meds, even said I had given her a bunch of my meds. I was shocked to say the least. She had driven away all of my friends because of course they would believe her, she freaking lived in my home! She went to my family gatherings, my summer vacations etc. They had no reason not to believe her when she saw my entire family every day. I lost my entire network and had to rebuild my foundations at the same time as I tried to find my feet again, learning how to live again. It was during this time I also learned I have a connective tissue disorder which also meant I had a whole different life to learn to live than the one I thought I left behind. For a while, the connective tissue disorder was my everything. I immersed myself in that and got to know others with the same diagnosis. Life got better. Im doing fine now. I struggled with trust for a while. Im good now.
hey fellow chronic illness fighter, I'm sorry you went through that. Sometimes the people who were in our lives are just not worth the pain they cause and sadly its often easier to maintain friendships and find supportive friendships in groups for people with illnesses or the same conditions because theyre more understanding of our health because they deal with those issues too. I can't say that I have any of my friends from my teen years anymore, and my childhood best friend also accused me of faking my mental illness when my mum and I were homeless and staying with her and her mum for 6 months (her mum was my mums best friend), saying things like "all teenagers go through depression" as if I wasn't medicated for it and under constant surveillance by mental health support workers and psychs and therapists, she constantly belittled my issues and treated me awfully for years even after I wasn't living there anymore because of our mums being friends, and when I was in hospital she still came over and used my garden to host her 17th birthday party when I hadn't been out of hospital long and all she could say was "are you okay" yet when her friend went through the same issue she was at the hospital with flowers and supporting her. It was devastating to lose her as a friend but it all started when I moved country with my mum for 2 years to escape an abusive situation, but even though I was the one who was mentally ill and dealing with the beginning signs of my physical health problems (if you have ehlers danlos- hi, me too!) I was the one staying up late on school nights to try and video call her but she never made the effort for me. Finding supportive friends when you're dealing with chronic health problems (either mental or physical or both because being sick can mess with our mental health so bad) helps so much. I'm glad you're doing better now ❤❤ if you ever need someone to chat to, I'm here 😊 Also please remember that you don't have to try and overcompensate and be the giver in any friendship or relationship just because you have physical health problems ❤ sometimes we all need that reminder, friendships should be two sided not one sided but sadly a lot of disabled or chronically ill people tend to give more in the emotional support department because we can't always do things that our friends can eg go out to places or do certain activities bc we have to be mindful of our bodies and our needs, and that's okay!! Good friends won't begrudge you for taking care of yourself
@@Jade-fs9kh Oh yeah, I gave my all! I still do, but now I have a very tough wall you have to pass before you get my all. I have one friend left from that time, one my so-called sister couldnt get through. She was in my class for the last three years I was able to finish of school and she's been there through the worst of it, and the best. When she got pregnant (planned) I was sure it would be the end of our friendship, but no, she made me godmother of her baby girl and I've actually seen her physically more since she had her daughter! Even tho we live really far away from eachother. As for my socalled sister, her mother got a benign brain tumor that had to be removed as it was giving her every problem in the book. My friend treated her mother the very same way as she treated me. Her mother is one of the sweetest people and did not deserve any of that. My parentes actually drove her to and from appointments and the surgery to have it removed. I ran into her just a couple weeks ago at the grocery store. She's still struggling even a decade later from issues related to the tumor. And her daughter still calls her a faker, lazy, etc. I tried to tell her to not take in anything her daughter says and to stay strong, but I cant imagine how awful it must feel to have that attitude from her own mother. As for the chronic illness, yes it it Ehlers Danlos, hello fellow bendy! It was made far worse from how much my body was ravaged by the infections and extra surgeries I needed, and I was told my eds wouldnt have become a problem until much later in life had it not been made so much worse. I've managed to put most of the outright grieving behind me, both for the life I lost and for the whole experience with my socalled friend. I still sometimes find myself a tiny bit bitter tho, during periods where Im really fatigued and my body cant handle much without literally falling apart, but I try to keep the bitterness at a low, cause it isnt healthy to keep it. So I give myself up to a day where I allow myself to feel all the bad stuff, and then I shift my focus to try and better myself. We have a rehab hospital here in Norway where they have a ward specific to eds rehab and those guys really gave me my life back in terms of teaching me what to do and not to do with my body, and how to live in a broken body. They had me going from ambulatory wheelchair user who spent 6/7 days a week bedridden to actually managing to get myself up and dressed every day, even if I only end up on the couch with my heated blanket etc! It allowed me to move out of my parents house and in with my man, whom I met that year I turned 20. He was from a different group of people than my "sister" and also despised her as he felt she wasnt true to me. He spent our first four months together in the hospital with me, and met most of my family at the hospital. He, like my best friend, stayed for everything even tho I tried to make him leave many times. He always said I was his future. I have been extremely lucky to have him. He has also taught me how to filter out the bad people. He has this ability to spot people who arent good for you long before most other people do. Im really lucky to have him. And my best friend. They are the reasons I still believe in people. And the reason I've learned how to know who to trust and who to stay away from.
@@Charoke I am so sorry to hear about your former friend/sister. She sounds like a complete jerk. I have a chronic illness as well I only had a couple of friends before. But since being sick, they have all just ghosted me, they did tell me that I wasn't "fun" anymore. It really broke my heart. Now I have no friends, a small family. But they are sick of me being sick. And it is like, imagine what I feel like! But they are rarely sympathetic. When you go out once every 1-3 months, it is really tough and lonely. I am in a wheelchair and if I see my former friends they stare, and stay safely away from me. I had a support dog, and she passed away a couple of months ago. My heart is so broken from losing her. Life really sucks, and when people doubt you, it is heartbreaking.
i get she was a kid but you treated her great and let her live with you to escape her moms abusive relationship and this is how she treats you? that's terrible
For the pharmacy girl- thank god that man was there. She needed those words of wisdom. Cause that’s EXACTLY what she needed to hear… her angels were with her that night. No one will pull you from your destiny. But your ego can allow it.
I was thinking along those lines, that it was amazing that guy was there, recognized the crazy in her friend and was sober enough to see her strategy and articulate it to OP.
@@TheBaumcm heck yes!! That story was absolutely crazy and honestly traumatizing. I’ve dealt with friends like that woman, and haven’t looked back. Men are hero’s in cat fights usually if they’re mature. To your point, being sober enough and brave enough to risk being the philosophical type during a heated situation was risqué- but necessary 🥰
Yes, and see, when Charlotte said that jealousy is a very uncomfortable and icky emotion to have, this is why we have to normalize that feeling within ourselves, so we can begin to COPE with it in healthy, pro-social ways. I learned really early on to give my jealousy a kind voice, because sometimes, when someone has something you really wish you had, THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE THAT TOO. For example "You deserve this, and I'm proud of you. I'm also feeling a little envious. I want to find my thing, but I'm struggling. How did you do it?" The first time I tried that, I was absolutely humbled by how kindly and lovingly my friend reacted to me. It brought us close. And she DID help me work on achieving a goal I had too. It sounds counterintuitive, but dames, THIS is how you jealous, I swear it works.
I still have a vivid memory of my seventh grade "friends" confronting me and telling me that I act like I'm better than everyone else. I was totally blindsided and it was something I worried about for years after. Looking back as an adult, I can see that I was just confident. I didn't put anyone down, I just didn't put myself down either. The kind of performative self-loathing that tween/teen girls are sometimes expected to partake in was something that wasn't modelled for me at home, so I didn't do it.
The first birthday lady handled that situation with class. When you realize your friend is an opportunist and your friendship is done, “Let them….” - let them go. Just move on and don’t let them bait you into rolling around about what’s right.
And she was only 21/22, younger than her friend yet she seems much more mature. Also, I know this has nothing to do with the situation, but her nails are 🔥🔥
@@jaybee2337I agree! About all of it. She seems to have her head on straight and has her life together. The type of friend whom you can always rely on. Good for her for standing her ground and not allowing the friend to keep pushing and pushing. Never ceases to amaze me how selfish and rude people who claim to be friends can be. Also, YES! Those nails are super sexy and yet still fun and playful!! I truly Love those colors together. I Wish I could function with my nails that long! However sadly my ass could NEVER function with long nails. No matter how much I wish I could lol. Best wishes to you all my fellow Petty Potatoes!
Agreed! Someone else said her friends shouldn't have let her pay for friend A, but they may have only have been able to afford themselves at that high-end restaurant, so I can't say that's fair. If I were friend A, I would say I can't come and ask to meet for a coffee later to give my friend a gift. I can't afford a hundred dollar dinner anytime a friend has a birthday, but I wouldn't be an opportunist. I want my friend to have a good day.
she was being a drama queen...She also ordered a drink ? You told her to enjoy herself...idk If I told my friend Id pay for her, i want her to get whatever everyone else does. She already said she cant.
@@thegalhorowitz It wasn't "just a drink" it was a $20 drink from someone who doesn't drink with zero heads up like, "Hey, I know I usually don't drink but I am interested in this one, are you ok to cover it?" In addition she ordered other items that ran up the bill to $200 when birthday girl's portion was $70. Friend A was responsible for $130. She could have ordered that drink, even without asking, and still manage to keep her end of the bill under $100 and I can bet Birthday Girl wouldn't have batted an eye about it. Don't just assume you can order any and everything just because someone offered to pay. The courtesy extends both ways. Someone offers to pay, you return the kindness by not taking advantage of the gesture. Let's not forget Friend A already was late, without apology, and began the night with attitude.
For the first story, I've been that friend who couldn't afford to come to a dinner for a friend's birthday and had them offer to pay. Difference is that I felt so bad about her offering to pay that I made sure not to overspend AND paid her back as soon as I got money to do so. She didn't want to take it, initially, but I told her that our friendship was worth more to me than bad feelings that could arise in the future over this and that I would feel bad about not paying her back. It wasn't the first time a friend covered for me, not even the first time this particular friend did so (she liked having me around for events) but I always made sure to either pay them all back monetarily or shout them for something in the future in recompense. This so-called friend is not a friend at all, just a leech.
@@7thlittleleopard7 it is cultural, in most European countries when you invite people to your birthday party, you treat them. It can also be at home and make dinner, or just an evening with drinks and snacks. You also bring cake to your work to treat your colleagues.
@@petra6762 I'm Australian so it's a bit of a mix here. It depends a lot on the closeness of the friend group, the age of the group, how much money they have to spend, ect. A party at your own residence is very different to going out to a restaurant. Usually the host would be the one paying and you'd bring gifts and sometimes food if it's a potluck type of shindig. At a restaurant, unless the host pushes to pay, it's considered pay your own way and put in for the Birthday-haver's meal. In my case, I had no cash, friend wanted me there and had some to splash around, so she paid for me and another friend, but the others all paid for themselves. A lot of the time in Australia it's very much a pay your own way type deal, or pay for the friend - the one having the birthday shouldn't have to be the one footing the bill. It's considered rude (unless, you know, they're very independant and want to pay for themselves and others. It's really up to them.) Abiding by the birthday-haver's wishes is honestly where it's at, though. If they want to pay, let them. If they don't mind you paying, do that instead. :shrug: Oh and we definitely do the cake to work thing (or the boss springs for a cake. Depends on where you work, of course, but usually there's something for someone forced to work on their birthday (you know, if they don't get the day off).
@@7thlittleleopard7 it is interesting to know more about cultural differences in celebrating birthdays. Before we know it we could end up in Charlotte's AITA while we were completely innocent!! I think most Dutch people celebrate at home, so the costs are not too high. As long as it is clear what to expect (potluck, paying your own bill, etc), I think Dutch people are ok with whatever situation!
I have struggled with being jealous of my younger sister. She's much further along in life than I am. She has a career that she enjoys and I'm still trying to figure out what on earth I want to do. Have I ever taken it out on her or wished her ill will, NO! I am proud of her and what she has accomplished for herself. My struggles are not her fault!
Ugh, I suffer from the same problem, sometimes I think she shouldn’t be more successful than me because she’s younger, but I know that’s not a good mindset, she’s prettier than me, smarter than me, and just has everything that I want and sometimes I think she doesn’t deserve anything because she treats me and my family like dirt, I know that I shouldn’t be jealous, but I still am jealous, I hate it
Charlotte is like a friend at this point and we can trust that she always will be the most sweet and funny person here. And this Channel is a safe place for us everyday. ♥️
These videos are a part of my morning routine now. I watch one of her videos while I have breakfast before work. It helps me start my day feeling happy and helps me not dread going to work
I can so relate to the first video. My ex-bff did that kind of stuff to me *all of the time* , seriously. Last straws were making me late to my wedding rehearsal dinner because she took an hour and a half to explain how she was upset with her hubby for looking at adult content on the web the night before. Mind you, I had paid for her entire meal for that night, paid for her bridesmaid dress because they didn’t have the funds, and then to put the cherry on top, she was the Matron of Honor and didn’t want to give a speech at our wedding (understandable) - but didn’t let me know until 20 minutes prior to speeches time and had an anxiety attack to where me and my bridal party had to console her. After YEARS of this crap, that was it for me and things that I couldn’t get over. It really does suck being a people pleaser and realize you’ve been used for 10+ years.
That girls mom telling her she was being dramatic is awful. She should’ve filed a police report. And her brother?! Her family taught her to feel that way
If that was my son ooh dude I'd call my sons friends parents and say "Hey this is Rileys mom. Tell Sam to give Riley his stuff back or I will be pressing charges. Thank you." Actually I would show up and be like "your son and my son had a sleepover at my house last night and he woke up and all his stuff was gone. Give me my sons stuff back or I will be pressing charges." Mamma don't play.
What is alarming to me about the pharmacists story is that nobody put that girl in her place or asked her to leave. If someone were ruining the evening, I would ask them to stop or leave. If they were attacking my friend, I wouldn’t just sit there ignoring it. Enabling is an ugly thing and only lets nasty people and bullies off the hook.
See, this is why I don't drink tequila, and I don't go out with people who plan to. I don't usually suggest that alcohol played a HUGE role in bad behaviour, but it does play a role. Tequila does something to your brain that other liquors do not. I don't drink liquor at all now, but I've thrown down the gauntlet once or twice with the different kinds. And tequila is next level. They may have been too drunk to realize what was going on fast enough to react to it, and the jealous enemy (enema...) was probably one of those "woe is me, life isn't fair and I resent that my friends are achieving things I'm not, and they'll probably end up ditching me anyway, so might as well be the one to cause it." I swear to god, tequila needs to be reclassified as a Class A narcotic lol.
It probably wouldn’t have made much sense to ask her to leave her own birthday celebration. But someone should’ve stood up for her or even left with her.
I feel like in the first one, the friend made other plans and didn’t want to come. But when she found out it was gonna be a free dinner she cancelled her other plans but was still sour about it.
I had a best friend of 22 years- who I now realize was very threatened by me. When I was down- she was there to be my "savior" but the second I started doing good she got weird about my success in life and would accuse me of being jealous her...I walked away for many reasons but it took me forever to realize she was projecting. I saw her as my sister and my best friend- she saw me as either a charity case or competition. She abused my kindness and my obsessive need to make things "fair" by constantly making me feel like I owed her. Don't stay friends with ppl just bcs you've been friends a long time. If your friend isn't rooting for you, why are you friends?
I have a theory on the pharmacist story - I bet the "friend" low key wanted to hang out with the driver and the fact that the guy was talking to you made her snap. Then she wanted to trash you in front of him to shift his attention to her.
I lost my best friend a couple of years ago when she decided out of the blue (in the middle of my exams mind you) that she didn't like my then boyfriend. Note: I had been with him for over two years that that point and lived with him. I didn't want to break the friendship over that, but I obviously wasn't going to leave my partner. She then went out of her way to antagonize us, get us uninvited from *his* best friend's wedding, etc. All these years later? We're married now and doing great. I haven't spoken to her since, though apparently she's now single and still toxic.
I transferred into public school from parochial school at the start of 5th grade & had no friends because I was the new kid. I wound up being friends with the kids nobody wanted to be friends with during that first year, and looking back I'm glad it worked out that way. They needed a friend, I needed a friend, none of us had any preconceived notions about each other and we weren't going to judge, either. It was a weird, soft place to land in 5th grade, which was a blessing, because the teacher was on her way out at the end of the year with what was then still called a "nervous breakdown." It was clear to all of us that she really, REALLY was ready to be done with teaching on our second day of school when she was in the middle of roll call and just stopped. Her face turned fuchsia, she put down the attendance sheet, gripped her desk with both hands and said, "I have to step in the hall for a moment, children. I'll be right back. Stay at your desks." She stepped out, closed the door, and then we heard a brief shriek. She opened the door, came back in, and resumed taking attendance like she hadn't just shrieked in the hallway. It was a hella weird introduction to public school.
I've found that being friends with the friendless is often more rewarding than trying to be part of the "in" crowd, and all the fakery they go through.
To the Doormat Inclined: Hey, these people, when they show you who they are - you won't be exempt. You're worth more than to settle for that. When you settle for second best, that's exactly what you'll get. If your friends talk about others behind their backs - they will most certainly do it about you. "What they do for you they do to you." God bless you as you go x
A hard lesson that took me 40 yesterday to implement: Don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't jump a puddle for you. I used to say "fuck that! Cross the ocean! Your love and good treatment might be the thing that makes a difference for them." It took me some serious heartbreak to finally get there, but honestly I'm so much happier now.
The last girl brought up a lot of legitimate points and I really appreciate her perspective on what to do in a situation where you’re dealing with jealous or insecure friends. Thank you very much for posting and sharing these videos with us Charlotte!
The birthday dinner story reminds me of my spouses first birthday after we started dating. He was working and going to school through the week an hour and a half from where I live and spending weekday with me. So my friends and I thought it was be nice to throw a big old surprise party at a restaurant my spouse had said several times they would love to try sometime. Not a cheep place at all. So my spouse shows up at my business as I’m getting off work, we go back to my place and I speed run getting ready and say, I’m taking you to birthday dinner. So we jump in the car and head over to the commercial park where a few restaurant we enjoy are located. When I pull into the resteraunt the surprise part is being held at my spouse says ‘we don’t need to go here and spend that much money’… i said no, we’re going… you really want to go and IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!… I get a reluctant yes, we go in and as we walk through the door and the Hostess leads us toward the party room which is enclosed in glass I hear ‘oh my GOD they are not all here for me are they?’ I laugh and drag them into the party room. As were sitting there I can tell he’s acting super excited to see everyone and happy as the thanks everyone for their gifts and such. I lean in and ask ‘what’s wrong hun? You love these guys and everything is perfect’… the reply… I CAN’T PAY FOR 20 POEPLE TO EAT HERE!’ I’m like… what? So… in his culture, on your birthday… YOU PAY FOR THE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!!! I was like WHAT!?! No… here you pay for nothing on your birthday… he was so excited for the rest of his birthday… lol Kind of the opposite of the b’day story you highlighted, but I love to share that fun story.
I feel this. In my country the birthday person throws a party and invitees bring the gifts. Children have an organised party like movies, pool, playground etc while teenagers have parties and adults small gatherings or dinners. So it basically comes out equal with gifts and party expenses as well but it should be fun for everyone so that's what makes the parties so special.
It’s great that you posted, thank you! I was so confused by the first story, because where I come from the person who has a birthday invites everyone and pays for everyone. Basically, whoever is a host, that person pays. If I can’t afford to pay for all my guests at an expensive restaurant, I will celebrate at a less expensive place, or at my house. No way would I allow my friends to pay at my party, because they are my guests. Totally different approach.
Is he Indonesian? Cuz I grew up believing I should pay for everything on my birthday and treat my friends no matrer if we're not close and even if they don't give me any presents 😂
This video was like therapy for me. The way you normalised how birthdays can be bittersweet. And how you connected it to being a people pleaser. I’d never thought of it before. You also normalised being jealous. What you’re doing here is more than entertainment, and I appreciate it ❤❤❤
I was always taught that if someone is paying for my meal, date or otherwise, figure out what they’re getting by making small talk so you can see the cost of that item and then to not go above that price point on your meal. To never get the most expensive thing in the menu.
Adding to the pharmacist story: I’m on my way to becoming a certified pharmacy tech. And it’s intense! Pharmacy is hard. And her being an actual pharmacist means even more work. So yes, I am proud of her! GO GIRL!!
I ALWAYS make it known if my friend asks me to go anywhere that I can’t afford and they ALWAYS have my back. I will never take advantage of it and I will try and do what I can. If we’re going for drinks, I won’t ask for anything expensive and I’ll drive the entire time so they can enjoy themselves. If I have any flower on me at that moment I’ll smoke them out. I always pay back or will take them out instead when I have the means to. I’m glad I got the friends I do because I know they got me when I need it and I got them when they need it❤
You really can’t be friends with someone who envies you. They will do anything to sabotage you, even unconsciously, because they feel so bad about themselves. Someone who is jealous of you rather than happy for you is not a friend; they are a frenemy. Had to learn that one the hard way.
It’s really rough when you’ve known someone for years and watch them slowly changing into a toxic person. You remember all the good times you had together and miss them, but you have to face it eventually
Very true. I had to do this about 10 years ago. It was hard but so necessary. I’m glad I did it but I kinda miss her every once in awhile. But I know deep down there’s no going back.
I wish it was slowly. For me it was in a matter of weeks basically. From 'we talk almost every day' to I am not answering your calls anymore and 'we never really were best friends'. Listen, I am not delusional and I understand people pretty well so I KNOW it wasn't a one sided friendship for 15 years. I think she has an undiagnosed problem, she started being weird when she got pregnant after a miscarriage and this escalation was just after giving birth. Nothing of this happened with her first child . The kid is now 3 and she has expressed no interest in meeting mine , who arrived a year after, when I asked her, she just said congratulations. I tried, I have no regrets
I knew someone for 36 years. We were very close, or so I thought. Then, one day, out of the blue, he contacted me and said he didn't want to feel obligated anymore to phone me on my birthday. We included this person in every aspect of our lives, he was like a child to us, we went out of our way to let him have experiences many other children never have. We planned our holidays around his availability to include him in our lives. Well, after the "I don't want to feel obligated to phone you on your birthday" conversation, things got ugly. Now it's been a year since we broke all contact, and I know there's no going back. He threw everything we ever did for him in our faces and burned all bridges. It hurts like crazy, but some things can never be undone.
I’m literally the friend who is always broke, but I never let anyone pay for me in their birthday. I do what it takes to find the money to do something for her.
Friend in college ALWAYS "forgot" her wallet after we ordered a meal.😂 I always let it go because she was an entertaining conversationalist. She asked my brother out to eat so I gave him advanced warning. He said he enjoyed eating in front of her while she nursed a glass of water (forgot her wallet again, whoops) guess he didn't appreciate her conversation like I did
From an old guy who was taught to carry the weight for women who were "weak" or "delicate" or "too scatter-brained to remember their wallet": Your story is hilarious and I utterly approve of both your brother's boundaries and your story-telling skills.
Yeah that first story, I heard from a friend that one girl complained at a mutual friend’s birthday in Vegas. this same complainer was the one making my life a living hell at work. So of course I listened. But she basically complained about being bored,her own love life, and that the party wasn’t paying attention to her. The mutual was just vibing and had a good time though so I’m glad it didn’t bring her down.
It's so interesting to see the cultural differences. In Romania, if it's my birthday and invite people to celebrate to a restaurant, I will be paying for everything. In return, no one comes bare handed, there will be for sure presents from everyone (and we don't do symbolic, cheap presents😂). So it's kind of a win-win situation. So imagine the shock when finding out that in Ireland, where I am currently living, people bring their own drink to a party.😅
Hello fellow Romanian, I was going to comment the same thing, I was so surprised when I started seeing these videos where birthday rules are the exact opposite from ours.
Thats so funny, because I have a Romanian friend who is the exact opposite from this!! For her last birthday, she wanted us (5 friends, plus 2 boyfriends of friends who barely knew her) to go to the cinema together, then bowling, then to a nice restaurant, then, at midnight, to a Karaoke place (with a booked private room for us). Everyone was paying for their own tickets/etc, it was a really expensive day for me, but she kind of guilt-tripped us to not leave early and take part in all these activities. Also, in the restaurant, they only accepted one bill per table, and I ended up having to pay - it took weeks and several text messages for her other friends to finally pay me back their parts, I was getting really anxious that they wouldn't. But either way, this day was soo expensive for me! She's sweet, and I do like hanging out with her, but next year, I'll probably pretend to be sick on her birthday. 😅
It makes no sense for me to invite my friends to a dinner to celebrate my birthday and expecting them to pay for my party. Is it just me or this is extreamly weird :D
My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. They told my twin sister and asked her not to tell me. Obviously they wanted me to know. Betrayal by your best friend hurts on so many levels. We had been best friends since we were children.
My best friend of over ten years no longer speaks to me because she started dating a super toxic guy that hates me because I said she deserves better. They are now getting married because his dad told him he needed to “fly the kite or let it go”. I know that because his dad said it in his toast at their engagement party 🤦♀️
I had to let a longtime friend go because of her partner, too. She eventually realized I was telling the truth about him, but by then too much had happened to revive the friendship.
I stopped talking to a friend that I had been friends with for nearly 2 decades. This guy has Down syndrome, and apart from 1 major incident, he was completely fine until a few years ago. I, at this point, had never said anything harsh about him at all, but someone else we were both friends with started having major issues going on in their lives and started to blame me for those. He picked this friends side because the friend in question has the same condition and began saying harsh ass stuff about me to my face, behind my back with his extended friend circle, and telling his mum I've stirred up trouble and in his words bullied him for attempting to tell him to stop and she told me off about it all (I did nothing wrong at all except try to calm the situation and stop the behaviour towards me but got yelled at for "hurting him") and another time which was the straw that broke the camels back was where I had enough of him having this attitude that he could shit talk others about me and had enough of him barking orders at me on how I should react so I stuck up for myself calmly once again and he pulled the discrimination card on me saying that because of his condition he can say what he wants to people whenever to whoever without anybody doing stuff back to hand turned all other mutual friends against me leaving me on my own. He cut me off/ghosted me for like a week, then tried to message me to talk, but I was having none of it
@@vnokesCOtoo many regrets in life, you know you’re relationship best but I’m a believer of “it’s never too late for a friendship back ❤” (disregarding huge betrayals)
My dude, I’m in the same boat. Now haven’t been besties for 5-6 years. Worst thing is she made everyone choose and I didn’t but eventually she escalated to mad levels by going to the police because I ignored her so I stopped talking to them all and our circle and years later one of our mutual the only one I still cared for died and they didn’t tell me… until the day of his funeral knowing I would 100% go to it. Then tried to say someone was meant to tell me. The worst part if it wasn’t for my other bestie I wouldn’t even know because she saw a fb status about the funeral and was like wtf.. Jamie is dead?!! Mate I was done with the lot of them. They are a bunch of clowns.
Pharmacy school is so difficult and competitive. They only allow the best into the classes. Seven people at a time in a student body of 60 thousand plus at a College of Medicine State University. Good for her! Proud of her 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Makes sense. The possible repercussions of getting someone's prescription wrong makes it imperative that only the most detail oriented actually succeed in pursuing that career. I have late stage kidney disease, and my husband passed from kidney failure. There is a specific renal pharmacist position because renal disease is so complex, and the medications are so important to get right to prevent further deterioration I couldn't imagine just anyone being able to look at my labs and symptoms and being able to keep me healthy enough that almost 1 year post diagnosis they've been able to halt further deterioration and have managed to keep me off of dialysis so far. (10% kidney function that hasn't gotten worse since it dropped from 12% in Feb). Between the renal pharmacist (who I have monthly appointments with) and the renal physician (who I see every 3 months), I feel better now than I did a year ago. Because of her attention to detail, I trust her completely to suggest the best course of treatment for me.
Babe, I am so glad you were speaking with the 1 person who could see the clarity in the situation, that gf is simply jealous and trying to bring you down. So glad he was there to remind you of the wonderful lady you are and will continue to be. I bet you are a kick ass pharmacist!! Show ‘em all babe! Be proud! ❤
Needing two shots of tequila to tell a friend from like 25 years that you don’t appreciate them or their achievements is unbelievable sad. I’m happy that she (hopefully) cut the contact with this person and wish here a great life as a great pharmacist!
That's the thing about alcohol. It acts as a truth serum in a way. It seems to bring out the truth more and more and what is hidden inside is brought out into full display; things that would probably never be revealed while sober, for whatever reason.
I was about to say two shots of tequila isn’t that much to be revealing deep, dark secrets. She wanted to tell her how she really felt, and she did. I think it would have come out very soon if not right then.
@@lilscenechick1995 It can be if you are not a drinker. But I don't think that woman's problem was alcohol. She knows her friend is some 5 years younger and is going places and she's feeling mighty insecure about not getting her own shit together as if 27 years old is too late.
i was raised to believe being jealous/envious was a mortal sin xD and as i've grown up fearing it, I can see why me parents said that, lol. This is DISGUSTING behavior. if i ever had jealous friends, i'm PROUD of them for handling themselves well 😅😂
The Bday dinner one made me chuckle since my bday just passed a few days ago, and me and some coworkers, who are my friends, took me out to dinner. Me, being a sly little stinker, tried to pay for the bill by putting my card in the little black book thing. They saw it and my one friend held my card hostage so I could not pay for it. They waited until the book left the table to give me my card back because they knew I was going to fight to pay. I prefer paying for people and treating them, and people sometimes take advantage of that. So, having good friends who will fight to pay for me makes me genuinely happy!
I have friends, just non of them can afford to take me out for dinner.😂 We are a collective of broke and broken people who as a birthday celebration go for a hike. It's free, healthy and a fun bonding exercise!
I learnt that being jealous is usually a sign that I’m unhappy about something in my own life that is important to my core values. Once the issue is resolved or I start putting more attention to following my values, the jealousy goes away. Self-awareness is very important! Rarely is it someone else!
Yeah, like guilt, a little jealousy isn’t a bad thing, IMO, because it hints at something that needs to be addressed for you to be content in your life. Unfortunately, just like empathy, self awareness is a tool that people often don’t develop or opt to use because it requires accepting reality and responsibility for that reality. Nice thing is that it means you also get a side of “If I made this reality, I can change it”.
I have a pharmacist friend. I just brag around how smart is my friend! I try to make her talk about her degree every opportunity because is something to be proud of! she is doing her doctorate! She is so smart!!!!!
Being a friend isn’t about how much money they spend on you. It’s about being there for you when you need them. My bestie means more to me than what I can get out of her.
I had a best friend that I had to kick out of my life because she dragged me down so badly. We had been friends since 8th grade and till I was in my early twenties. She was jealous about many things I had. A family that cared about me. I was tall, thin and good looking. And a boyfriend that treated me well. She used to throw all these things at me and play the boo hoo me game. I just got really sick of it. She had to go. I allowed this person to verbally abuse me because I was too scared to speak up. Don't keep toxic people in your life because they're you're only friend. This girl knew me inside and out and I still gathered the courage to say goodbye. You will make new friends, hopefully ones that treat you better!
It’s also always the people who say I don’t wanna drink right now, I need to cut on my drinking, I can’t go out right now I m broke, that post getaways with their friends same weekend on Instagram and show how they got ‘accidentally’ wasted
Ugh Charlotte I'm so glad you brought this up! I feel like too often we gloss over the idea of being happy for other people. It is a skill you have to work on, and one of the best ways to combat jealousy is to work on yourself and improve your own life so you can be proud of yourself! I always love your takes and genuinely think you are making a difference by sharing your opinions on subjects like this.
As they say comparison is the thief of joy, even sometimes comparison to one’s own self. Only thing any of us should be worried about is being better than the day before.
The birthday thing was a cultural shock for me, in Italy the birthday person throws a party and pays for everyone, in fact we usually don't go to the restaurant to celebrate and if we do it's usually with close family and close friends
I had 2 gay friends I met when we all were in college, at the time the were closet gays. I didnt even know till about 6 or 7 years later, way after we finish college. Aparently everyone knew about they coming out a year before me, it was an scandal for both families, but i was not told about it. It was a weird time for our friendship, they would cancel hanging out with me, going to dinner or the movies, was mostly text/email comunication. Which for me, was bizarre, beacause we did everything together. So one day, they tell me, and how they were almost kicked out their respective families(the were not a couple, they had their respective partners). I was in shock, for me it was all recent and I even offer to speak to their moms but the casual "oh no its all good now, this was last year" thing they said to me, hurt me alot. I felt I was not important enough to know. Fast foward 20+ years, we all in our 40s now. We dont speak anymore, one of them stop talking to me because of his irrational hate to women, and the other moved out to another city because of work(never bother to tell me he was leaving). I realize now they never saw me as their friend, I was the one they run to when things were bad, to vent or just needed something. A couple of months ago they tried to reach to me but I didnt answer. I think Im better off alone.
As a queer person why did you make them coming out about you it's their thing to tell you can't control who they tell at what point I have feeling they had a reason not to tell you my oldest niece knew I wasn't straight way before my parents and other members of my family lucky my parents don't care after they found out did you ever come out as straight pretty much selfish to keep it from them.
@@donaldbensingerjr4528 I didnt make it about me, they planned this, between them, I forgot to mention, other friends were there, mutual friends, maybe all of our friends were ther but me, I thought I was a friend, and not any friend, they were my best friends and i was their best friend(clearly not), we travelled together after college, we went through a lot of stuff, like life changing stuff. But then again I suppose I wasnt a friend.
Y'all had a lot of communication issues that needed to be talked out properly on both ends but if you just don't want them in your life then that's fine too. My biggest guess is that the reason they probably didn't tell you is because they probably just didn't want things in the friendship dynamic to change or get awkward which is why they didn't wanna tell anyone in the first place because they most likely didn't wanna lose whatever relationships they have left. I don't think they "used" you, they probably do consider you as an important friend in their life. In a lot coming out stories people usually don't tell the closest people like friends about it first but instead they test out the waters by telling complete strangers or someone they are not actually all that close to first before mustering up the courage to tell the closest people because that would be a big deal.
@donaldbensingerjr4528 As a queer person I think they are allowed to feel some type of way about being the last friend to know things. also why don’t you use any punctuation it is very annoying to read lol
Boy, this first story stirred up my emotions. I had several relationships in school (HS and uni) that were friends for life, undying support and so on. Found out that as time went on, 3 of this main group of 5 only stayed in touch so I could continue to cheerlead them through their struggles -- but my own battles were somehow never as important. Tried to discuss it, of course; never got validation, usually "disbelief" that I wasn't happy sitting still for disrespect. Super old now (not really, but halfway done!) One of my only sadnesses is I did not know earlier how to set firm boundaries. Sure got tired of it over the 2 or 3 decades, and found great healing and peace in dropping them dead cold. Didn't even feel that further discussion would be fruitful. Boom. Come on out there, dullings; some of us feel we have to, we MUST put our whole heart into our lives, but we'd best learn to guard it well!
This is the primary reason why I do not have friends now. The fair weather friend act is really hard to take. I was always the one who listened to people's problems and offered reasonable advice and was a bit of a cheerleader as well. But not having my own needs met had messed me up a little bit by the time I realized what was happening. And I hate the fact that I actually yearn for a best friend who will love me for me and give to me what I give to them. 😒
I looked after my freinds children for 8 years, almost full on.. even moved in at one point to help as she had severe depression. She was doing pretty well after a time but a decade later I got terrible depression during the menopause and I told her in a phone call and she said 'OK, I'll get in touch when you are better'! 😅😅😅.
I'm younger I dropped my friends in my mids 20s the first part of covid, and now in my late twenties I have completely started over and have no friends but one. And I'm ok with that, I have never been happier tbh. Always drop the dead weight that leeches off your kindness. Kindness is not weakness, it's how people should be treated. My life is exponentially better now, and turns out my mom never liked em anyway lol.
My family always had it where the birthday person picks the dinner and they pay for their birthday. I’ve continued this tradition. On top of that, for my good friends I always have a “it’ll even out eventually” mindset for paying for things as long as we are both actively exchanging by who is paying for each other for plans.
The timing or this video is uncanny! I just finally confronted a freeloading friend about how shes been treating me and it's had me so distraught and then i see this video on my notifications! It really helped me process what I'm going through. ❤
The birthday story: It's fascinating to me how different these things are across cultures. Where I come from (a small country in Europe), the person celebrating the birthday pays for the whole dinner or at least for the first round of drinks, and guests usually bring a gift. I'm always confused when I hear about these things being a big deal 😂 the friend was in the wrong though, really rude 😒
I think it depends. If I’m throwing an actual party, sure. If I’m cooking the dinner, true. But going to a restaurant? Most of the time, the group pays for the birthday person.
yes, I'm Hungarian and it's also the custom for the birthday person to pay but on namedays your friends pay for you, however, the way the friend in the story behaved was still awful
@@ChrissaToddthere is no shouldn’t EXCEPT that you shouldn’t do events like this without the parameters well established. In some cultures, it would be considered rude to invite people to a place that far out of budget. She had invited her friends to an expensive place for dinner ($70 per person is fairly expensive). At 22, many here wouldn’t have that much cash on hand, even if told days in advance (paychecks are usually biweekly and money is tight these days). Her issue was not that she paid for the room or her dinner, so I wish everyone would stop getting offended for her and listen to her actual issue, which is the ungrateful friend.
Much respect and admiration to Doctor Tee. The fact that she wanted to drag her and was able to listen to reason and gather herself is the type of self awareness we all aspire to achieve.
Seems to be the difference between herself and her friend, given her take on the situation, and probably the reason she has gotten to where she is. Self awareness is the one skill we cannot teach directly but can only demonstrate to pass on, and even then the person must CHOOSE to develop it and use it, just like empathy. And just like empathy, it pays dividends that cannot even be imagined.
The first “birthday moocher” reminds me of an event I experienced. I invited a friend out to birthday lunch at a fairly nice NYC restaurant. She arrived (1/2 hour) before the designated meeting time and was on her 3rd cocktail when I arrived. She proceeded to order 3 more drinks during/after dinner so the bar tab was actually as much as the food! We’re still friends (at arm’s length) but my point is “when people show you who they REALLY are, believe them!”
In Greece it is vise verse, the one who celebrates pays, but receives gifts in exchange. If anybody comes to Greece and try to pay the bill for the person who celebrates, its an insult.
lmao my friends would gaslight me into thinking they were good people and that they "were only trying to make me better" by forcing me to do things i didnt want to do and then when i called them out on it they would say they were just trying to make me a better person and they helped me grow lol
I had a friend that was like that. She would always try and compete with me and it was just exhausting. She would constantly talk about me behind my back to other friends, and say awful lies about me, and say that I had changed and thought I was better than her. Yes I changed, I’m a 32 year old woman, I would be more concerned if I hadn’t changed lol. I was 28 at the this all took place. She has always tried competing with me which was bonkers because when we were in middle school and high school she was well off, I lived in poverty. It was easy competition for her then I guess. Idk, it sucks but I’m much happier now that I don’t have someone secretly praying for my downfall and spreading my secrets and hateful lies about me the minute I’m not around.
In my group, we all eating what we want. But also in our group we know that we are either getting paid back. Or they got us on the next one. That's how my guys and I do it.
Watching Charlotte is a must. My Mom was visiting for 5 days and every morning I’d ask if she wanted some Charlotte. It was our morning ritual. Besides Charlotte being hilarious and providing great content, we love that she is a fellow Canadian. Love from the West Coast! ❤❤
It took me a full 5 minutes to remember that in the States, it's not normal for you to treat your friends on your birthday : ))) But even though it's normal to treat your friends on your birthday over here, actual friends don't go overboard. Even when we say "get whatever, it doesn't matter, there is no limit', no one ever follows that (in my group, at least).
Oh man, the birthday thing! My BFF and I are early 20’s and live far from each other due to college. Our birthdays are also a month apart. We do everything within our power to see each other as often as possible, but sometimes birthdays are missed and that’s okay. Since our birthdays are also in the fall/ winter season we will often meet up at a time between our birthdays and give each other big gift baskets full of our favorite things. We don’t break the bank: it’s like a cute stuffed animal, our favorite candy, a book we’ve been wanting to buy for the longest time, etc. But during this season where we don’t get to see each other often and we have limited funds, we just do our best and love each other despite it all. We text all the time and if we can both find a time during the Christmas season to see each other, we do and we always give each other a gift at that time too. Otherwise birthday gifts usually cover both birthday and Christmas! Ugh I love my best friend! ❤
The girl who’s friends stole her clothes has a terrible mother! What kind of parent doesn’t react to their child being robbed?!? Then calls them dramatic and doesnt do anything at all to fix it??
My parents were the same way. Had relatives stay for the holidays one year and my cousin legit took all my gifts minus the clothes that he couldn’t fit. I told my parents what happened and they told me I was just being dramatic and to basically stfu. The next time I saw that cousin I did take my shit back and called him out for being a thief. He told his parents and mine I was stealing his toys. His parents said they don’t even remember getting him all that stuff and remember me getting all that on Christmas. My parents said they believe the cousin and gave him back what he stole from me. I brought this story up to my dad last time I saw my dad when I visited with my fiancé. His excuse was that he and my mom knew the cousin stole and lied about the situation but they wanted us to be friends so I had to suck it up and get over it since that’s just life
14:03 so her friends took all of her clothing and her mom says she’s overreacting. Oh wow maybe that’s the reason she became a doormat. I’m thinking the bullying started with her mother.
Me and my best friend are financially struggling and still take each other out for birthday dinners. Nothing fancy but it's the thought and her company that matter. Never apologize for being an amazing friend!!
1:31 reminds me of the Tyler the creator bit “did you come to my birthday party on my birthday and didn’t bring me a birthday gift for the birthday party on my birthday?”
It cracks me up how adamant we are here in western culture that we don't pay on our birthdays - in most Asian countries, I have found that the birthday person is expected to treat everyone else on their own birthday - isn't it funny how we are so opposite?!! 😅
Military promotions are similar in that the promoted pays for the promotion party as they will now be making more money. Of course it’s proportional with junior enlisted only excepted to pay for their squad, junior NCOs their platoons, and senior NCOs/officers their company/unit.
I’m Canadian and I’ve never felt friends should pay for me. If they wanted to I wouldn’t say no. But it’s not common for my circle anyway. I’m older than Charlotte so maybe it’s a generational thing.
On the birthday topic. I am Bulgarian and for us it is actually normal to invite your friends on your birthday and to pay as well (no matter if a house party, a party in a bar or a dinner). They would usually get you a present. If you cannot afford it you don't do it. The idea is to spent time with the people you love it is your day, a bit like a wedding or any other celebration. However, in this case everyone is US American and it seems that there the birthday person gets treated.
*YES!* Everyone should always remember this last woman's philosophy on jealousy. This philosophy is one of many that will help you keep a bit of peace with you every where you go. ❤
One thing I learned from watching Charlotte's videos for years is that the juiciest tea is spilled either in a car in a parking lot, at a fast food restaurant or while putting on make up (and all the other stuff a male such as I can't name if my life depended on it) :D
14:14: girl... WTF do you mean your mom told you that you were being DRAMATIC?! Never in my life would my mom be cool with ANY clothes going missing, much less all of them.
I had a friend who, whenever anything really bad happened in my life like when my dad died, she’d completely ghost me and then call or text me weeks later to tell me that she’s “so empathetic” and she “just felt so badly” for me that she had to take a break. It’s not like I’m the type of person to lean on people, I don’t dwell on the bad stuff and am almost absurdly optimistic that things will always getting better, so I don’t talk about my problems. She’d also always tell me that she “[long sigh] wished she “could be like” me because if [insert any small unpleasant thing that happened] had ever happened to her she’d be devastated, and miserable, and wouldn’t be acting like nothings wrong. Way to cheer someone up, it just made me start to feel bad, wondering why I didn’t feel miserable if it was apparently “that bad. Toxic
In Germany it's quite normal (for the people I know at least) for the birthday person to pay for the guests when they take them out somewhere. Hell we even bake cake or muffins or something ourselves and bring them to work /school on our birthday.
Same in Italy… my husband took sweets and champagne for work colleagues, then with all of his close friends (about 15 plus their wives & kids) we went to a restaurant. He paid for everything, including drinks, dessert and coffee. It’s normal here
@@prnc96 yeahhhh! thats the rule, when i was hearing all these, i really disagreed lol. i take out my friends and thats only if i have enough money to pay for them too lol
Morning Charlot! Glad I got here right when you posted while I’m at the hospital with my new bb in the NICU. You’ve been my lifesaver while in here for the past couple days cuz your the only one who can still make me laugh right now. ❤
I hope all turns out well with your new baby. I'm praying for you. Sending hugs to you and your new family member ! I know NICU is a hard place. I've been there. Just remember that baby is going to come home with you, and I believe you'll give him all the love he deserves ❤️
For the last story, remember they were friends since grade school. OP’s existence removes her excuse of “oh I went to a bad school” or “I wasn’t given the right opportunities in my education”. When you are faced with someone that removes your excuses, it can either encourage you or make you bitter.
I mean it also still involves a lot of other factors. Like unable to go to a good university because of grades or couldn't afford that university or many other factors but that's still not a right way to handle jealousy.
@@RandomSwiftie13yeah but grades are your own choices, and once again shows how your choices can bite you in the behind. Since you cannot change those choices, it can come out as jealousy directed at the person who chose “better” in your mind.
this first story literally reminded me of my recent birthday, my parents didn't say happy birthday, no card, not even a hug. Needless to say I was bawling. Their reasoning was because I bought myself a pretty expensive gift so I didn't need anything else. I was fine with that, but a happy birthday would've been nice to hear. Anyways, my two closest friends were there for me when I was crying and secretly ordered me a gift while comforting me and wanting to scream at my parents. I knew they bought me something, but didn't know what it was till it got here, and I was so grateful, I still thank them to this day for the gift. I am aware if it sounds kinda spoiled to expect something on your birthday, I didn't want any gifts, just a simple card would've been fine. No money inside, just a card saying happy birthday with their names written inside (my parents and younger siblings names) would've been perfectly fine with me
Happy birthday 🎉🥳🤗 From someone who understands how you feel. Three birthdays ago, my father asked me why I do this. Regarding me hosting my own birthday since no one else would have. I replied " because this is what I want and I'll do it happily or not at all. You taught me that Dad." It was his last meal on this earth. He stopped eating and died a little less than a month later. One of his friends told him that he wasn't allowed to die yet because we still needed him. I immediately let him know that he can go whenever he wanted and we would be ok." It was the last time he thanked me and told me he loved me. Do your heart justice by showing love where you can and forgiving yourself and others of our trespasses. Life is too short to wait for everything to be perfect to be happy ❤
that reasoning is a really bad excuse, to say because you bought an expensive gift we won't even acknowledge your birthday like what a horrible excuse.
My brother was about a month younger than me and we were the same age (adopted from two different families). On our 9th birthday, my mom told me, that day, that they didn’t have anything because they were doing it all on my brother’s birthday. I had no issue sharing a birthday celebration. We had most of the same friends and throwing a party took effort but looking back, I know my mom just didn’t feel like it because the gifts we were given were essentially his and hers, even though we were very different children. Sometimes parents, being the humans that they are, suck.
As I get older my friend group gets smaller/tighter. I have a lot of acquaintances but actual friends i have very few. Our time is precious and I'm not wasting it on one sided, jealous, BS relationships.
When I was a broke nursing student, my friends didn't want me to miss out, but they knew I didn't have a lot of money at the time. A couple of times at first, they could see I was deliberately ordering the cheapest thing, even though I told them I just wasn't very hungry, and would then order this amazing meal for me instead. So I realised I had to meet them halfway, so I'd order something I might order any other time when I wasn't too hungry (really nice entree or something) so they'd believe me and not spend so much.
When my grandparents passed and I inherited enough money from them to pay off my debts and finish nursing without having to work, I took great pleasure in surprising them with lunches, sneaking off to pay the bill when we'd eat out etc, and one year, I took them to a special dinner at a restaurant classier than all of us put together lol. I actually understood why they kept pushing me to order something or insist I get more than a basic salad. I got a lot of pleasure out of doing that for them. And when one of our friends, who was a stay at home mum, lost her husband, things were tight for her, so I was lucky enough to be able to support her in several ways as she built her new life.
It all just keeps going around.
We also do the birthday thing. Birthday girl never pays. Thems the rules!
Some friends love you, some friends only like the bright, shiny parts, and some are simply out for what they can suck out of others who think they care about them. It's heartbreaking because it takes a lot for most people to put that level or more of trust in someone, and every knock makes it harder to trust people to the degree we used to.
True friendship. When you do good things good things come back to you and surround you.
You have a great group of true friends. It’s so nice to read comments like yours. This is the way friendships are truly meant to be. My best friend, my only friend passed away in 2017. I miss him so much. It hurts not having any friends now but at least I know I’m not being used anymore by the not so nice fake friends.
I hope you and your friend group have many many years full of good happy experiences filled with love & laughter 🫶🏻❤️💯
Shot, were are al these types of friends at? Most of the women I've ever known are either, (for lack of a better phrase), two-faced, or users. It's sad but true. I had more male friends than female friends because of this. However, when I met my husband, he didn't approve my having male friends. Upon talking to my male friends about this, everyone of them understood were he was coming from. So we parted ways wishing each other the best of luck. Dang, I miss them. I love my husband of 33 years, but I do miss my boys.
I love this! A couple of close friends and us are always trying to randomly sneak the check away from the others. Birthdays are never in question.
Your amazing
Girl who got her stuff stolen: the fact that her Mother, instead of consoling her distressed daughter and helping her confront these bullies, tells her to stfu and that she’s being dramatic tells me all I need to know. The reason she was such a people pleaser and doormat was because her Mother *NEVER* had her back and never taught her how to stand up for herself. Sad 😢
Right?! I was like...um, where's the support?
I saw that too. Good post.
Yep....Looked for this comment 👍🏾
My mom blamed me when my turquoise jewelry went missing. My brother 100% did it, he was a money grubber and I know he sold it. My mom took my house key away to punish me for stealing my own jewelry, which I really loved.
If I was the mom I'd be super pissed and I'd call the police
I'm Chinese Filipino.
In both cultures, usually the birthday celebrant is the one paying for the party.
Usual exceptions would be is kid's birthday and surprise party.
Oh, the pharmacist story got me. I lost my best friend of over 20 years because she felt threatened when I went out with a guy she liked , which I didn’t know about because…. SHE WAS MARRIED.
😮
What the f
Married 😂
Same thing happened to me!!! Craziness
Are you sure it wasn’t that she had a guy and that was a thing that made her feel better than you. And now you might get one too
Those nails the first lady is wearing are amazing, gorgeous...
I was sick in the hospital with mono when I was 16. My grandmother had visited and left me a get well soon card with 50 bucks in it. My two "friends" visited me later that day, acted sketchy, left quickly, and my 50 bucks went with them.
They didn't even feel guilty. They didn't think they did anything wrong. I'm really glad I grew up, because they didn't.
That is beyond messed up 😳
Hey they did you a favor. You got 2 sketchy people out of your life for the low low price of $50.
Last sketchy friend I got rid of, cost me the price of her months rent. She was an old roommate. I moved out because I realized I wanted to live alone my work hours were crazy and sleep schedules conflicts and she always made huge messes in apartment when I worked, and heard she lost her job so to be nice, I paid an extra month rent in full for her since we were friends. I figured before it was due she'd have a job and no issues. Friend or not I won't live somewhere I walk out the door of a clean space and walk in after a shift to it being covered in used tissues and makeup bottles in the toilet for some reason. Or walk in after work to her having relations with random married dudes in the living room. Those youe could see through the wide open windows from the driveway.
Didn't take long before I heard horrible stories of me being selfish and mean. And leaving her hanging on rent. Oh please that place I insisted was only in her name because when I moved into to extra room there I wasn't planning on the whole term of her lease she knew it. I figured to try roommate situation first so I wasn't living by myself in an unfamiliar city without family for hundreds of miles.. It was a cheap place 1 week at fast food covered whole rent payment. She had over a month to get a job flipping burgers. Those lies about me ended the friendship. Cost me that rent, more than a few weeks of groceries, and a few tanks of gas and 1 tire.
I got in a bad car accident and was out of work for 6 months...a few co-workers (who I considered friends) set up a little "fund" for me and went all around the building asking for donations. I didn't know about it. I went back to work and people started asking me about the money....I knew nothing about it...turns out they started the fund...ended up getting over $1000 and decided I didn't need it and they kept it. I wish I had called the police but I did nothing at the time.
Hello from Greece! Fun fact about Greek culture: The one who is celebrating his/hers birthday, nameday etc. is the one who takes the others out, so he/she is the one who pays, except if it is differently agreed beforehand. It is in our culture to treat our loved ones when we celebrate.
In Germany too. We like to be good hosts. 🤗🥂🍾
Ok but I actually prefer this, wish this was normal in Canada
Yes, I used to be that the b-day person sent the invites, and gave the guests gifts.
The big guy who lifted the would be pharmacist out of the fight is a hero . Sometimes strangers can change our lives for the better than our so-called fake friends . For example , our petty queen Charlotte has been a positive influence on many of the fellow potatoes here 😊 .
There is such a thing as being too nice. The nicer you are the more you have to be good at defending your boundaries.
Well said I'm going to use this
Fantastic advice!
Thanks! I had to learn the hard way myself.
same here@@Peaceful_Zen_Life
@@artsy1894 it’s a valuable lesson to learn!
With the birthday girl story: Before my BFF passed away 5 years ago, we ALWAYS covered each other's bills on birthdays. We never kept a running tab on who spent what on who. If we wanted to go out and one of us was short on money, the other would straight up pay or cover whatever the other was missing. This was an unspoken part of our friendship. True friends will never take advantage of you or keep a running tab. I miss that girl so much, and I will forever hold our 16-year friendship so tightly in my heart.❤
I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my bff. 2 weeks ago. Friends since babies. She was 43. Today I lost my great aunt, and found out my contract for a house fell through. Life is rough. IDK how to get through all this. I hope things get better for the both of us! 😢 GOD is the only one keeping me alive at this point.
Eeesh. If your friend is paying for you, and you repay her by making her late, and by giving her attitude? Nah. If my friend is paying for me, I'm doing everything I can to be on time, and I'm gonna try my best to be an absolute angel for her. Honestly, the audacity. 🤦♀️
Same! Also, I'll ask if I can get a specific item or go as cheap as possible. The 'friend' in the video definitely took advantage & I'm glad she's now an ex-friend.
Bro FR iv gone to birthday dinners literally broke and I just ordered hot chips for 5 bucks and water just so I could be there for them and id never in hell let them pay for me, I will find the cheapest thing on the menu if need be and still bring a present even if its a shitty painting I did coz its my friends BIRTHDAY!
7:59
I’ve never been to a birthday dinner where the birthday girl or guy paid for their own dinner. Gals you are no longer friends with “A”
I understand that, but in reality, she should have made her boundaries clear. It is on her for not saying anything before or during dinner. She doesn't owe her anything if she offers to pay without disclosing any terms. Most people would know what the social contract is though and act more considerate, but yeah, she shouldn't have thrown it to her face, even though I wouldn't personally want to associate with people like this.
When I offer to pay for people at restaurants, I always set the budget at that moment. “No worries Bud, I can cover you $40 for dinner. I just want to have you there.” Boundaries up front limit the drama. Been burnt before.
Or offer to cover food and they can cover their own drinks.
Good idea for someone we don't know well so we don't know if they will try to take advantage. I tend to not offer stuff like this unless I really know the person and that they won't take advantage because I know their heart and they would do the same for me 💖
Na. Here is why. If they are your actual friend, they already know when your birthday is. They would plan on being there and or doing something for you on your birthday because you are their friend and they care about you. Same as you would do for them. Or maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you have to be told when to act and what to think.
It is very obvious that you and a lot of other people don't know what an actual friend is.
I'm not going to beg a person who is supposed to be your friend to be there for your birthday. They literally have a year to be prepared. They also should have the knowledge that your birthday is on the same day and month every year as theirs.
They are obviously not your true friend and you simply stop.
Like I said, I'm not going to beg people to hang out with me. That is really pathetic. What is worse is begging them to be there and having to pay for them when if they actually cared they literally had a year to save up 40 bucks for a friend.
@@MissCaraMintpretty pathetic to have to pay for someone's meal so they will hang out with you. A true friend would know when your birthday is and be prepared for it seems you are their friend. Especially when you are supposed to be good friends.
Sorry but I'm not going to pay for someone so they will hang out with me.
I can't believe anyone would do that. That is sad.
@ralphtrynor9719 Wow. You’ve got a very transactional mind don’t you. It’s only money. Friends are more important.
In QC, my high school had the french students and the english students. I used to get bullied and I'm NOT confrontational either but I had a dad who loved mafia movies. I had no money but i knew the value of a favor. I started tutoring the francophone bully during lunch and got his grades up so for once he won't have to go to summer school and can have a summer off. The next time I got attacked, he beat the crap out of them. He actually started defending the nerdy students that were also my friends and we all helped him with his classes. Now he has a masters in psychology and works with kids.
I had a best friend that I literally called my sister. She moved in with me and my family when her mother was in an abusive relationship. We were mid/late teens at that point. My parents had enough with my two very disabled brothers and me being sick, but they agreed to take her in because her alternative was not good. She went to a school across the city and my parents drove her there every day to make sure she went. When she had "days off" she went to school with me. She went to all my stuff. Concert rehersals, had free tickets to the musicals I was in, concerts I did, etc and always got to know all my cast members etc. Everyone knew her as my sister. Well, like I said, I was sick. We didnt know what made me sick and I only got sicker from it as time went on. As I got worse, I noticed many of my friends started creating distance between us. My sister was super supportive, but also very curious about my medications and often asked to try my pain meds and sleep meds. The year I turned 20, she had been living with me for a year and a half. My parents had paid for most of her life during that time. That year became the hardest of my life. I nearly died more times than I can count. I struggled to maintain my medications and often ran out, leading to stress about misdiagnosed etc. My sister was eventually the only one left in my life out of all of the many friends I used to have. I was dragged on social media all the time by people I used to be close to, all saying I was faking sick for drugs and attention. Eventually drs found out that I'd had lingering infections from appendicitis 8 years prior that was left to spread and basically absorbe up my everything from the inside, causing me to need blood transfusions all the time, being dehydrated, needing every supplement in the world to try and stay afloat. When they found it, it was in the shape of two massive lymph nodes in my abdomen and they thought it was cancer. So I was moved to a cancer hospital in the capitol for specialist help. By this time my friend had moved out without a word, we had no idea where she was. I saw her maybe twice before moving to the cancer hospital, never again after the surgery to remove my masses. About six months to a year post that surgery, a former class mate of my friend's came forward to tell me that my so-called friend had been telling everyone who'd listen that I was faking everything. That I did it all for attention and pills and she had been taking my meds, even said I had given her a bunch of my meds. I was shocked to say the least. She had driven away all of my friends because of course they would believe her, she freaking lived in my home! She went to my family gatherings, my summer vacations etc. They had no reason not to believe her when she saw my entire family every day. I lost my entire network and had to rebuild my foundations at the same time as I tried to find my feet again, learning how to live again. It was during this time I also learned I have a connective tissue disorder which also meant I had a whole different life to learn to live than the one I thought I left behind. For a while, the connective tissue disorder was my everything. I immersed myself in that and got to know others with the same diagnosis. Life got better. Im doing fine now. I struggled with trust for a while. Im good now.
hey fellow chronic illness fighter, I'm sorry you went through that. Sometimes the people who were in our lives are just not worth the pain they cause and sadly its often easier to maintain friendships and find supportive friendships in groups for people with illnesses or the same conditions because theyre more understanding of our health because they deal with those issues too. I can't say that I have any of my friends from my teen years anymore, and my childhood best friend also accused me of faking my mental illness when my mum and I were homeless and staying with her and her mum for 6 months (her mum was my mums best friend), saying things like "all teenagers go through depression" as if I wasn't medicated for it and under constant surveillance by mental health support workers and psychs and therapists, she constantly belittled my issues and treated me awfully for years even after I wasn't living there anymore because of our mums being friends, and when I was in hospital she still came over and used my garden to host her 17th birthday party when I hadn't been out of hospital long and all she could say was "are you okay" yet when her friend went through the same issue she was at the hospital with flowers and supporting her. It was devastating to lose her as a friend but it all started when I moved country with my mum for 2 years to escape an abusive situation, but even though I was the one who was mentally ill and dealing with the beginning signs of my physical health problems (if you have ehlers danlos- hi, me too!) I was the one staying up late on school nights to try and video call her but she never made the effort for me.
Finding supportive friends when you're dealing with chronic health problems (either mental or physical or both because being sick can mess with our mental health so bad) helps so much. I'm glad you're doing better now ❤❤ if you ever need someone to chat to, I'm here 😊
Also please remember that you don't have to try and overcompensate and be the giver in any friendship or relationship just because you have physical health problems ❤ sometimes we all need that reminder, friendships should be two sided not one sided but sadly a lot of disabled or chronically ill people tend to give more in the emotional support department because we can't always do things that our friends can eg go out to places or do certain activities bc we have to be mindful of our bodies and our needs, and that's okay!! Good friends won't begrudge you for taking care of yourself
@@Jade-fs9kh Oh yeah, I gave my all! I still do, but now I have a very tough wall you have to pass before you get my all. I have one friend left from that time, one my so-called sister couldnt get through. She was in my class for the last three years I was able to finish of school and she's been there through the worst of it, and the best. When she got pregnant (planned) I was sure it would be the end of our friendship, but no, she made me godmother of her baby girl and I've actually seen her physically more since she had her daughter! Even tho we live really far away from eachother.
As for my socalled sister, her mother got a benign brain tumor that had to be removed as it was giving her every problem in the book. My friend treated her mother the very same way as she treated me. Her mother is one of the sweetest people and did not deserve any of that. My parentes actually drove her to and from appointments and the surgery to have it removed. I ran into her just a couple weeks ago at the grocery store. She's still struggling even a decade later from issues related to the tumor. And her daughter still calls her a faker, lazy, etc. I tried to tell her to not take in anything her daughter says and to stay strong, but I cant imagine how awful it must feel to have that attitude from her own mother.
As for the chronic illness, yes it it Ehlers Danlos, hello fellow bendy! It was made far worse from how much my body was ravaged by the infections and extra surgeries I needed, and I was told my eds wouldnt have become a problem until much later in life had it not been made so much worse. I've managed to put most of the outright grieving behind me, both for the life I lost and for the whole experience with my socalled friend. I still sometimes find myself a tiny bit bitter tho, during periods where Im really fatigued and my body cant handle much without literally falling apart, but I try to keep the bitterness at a low, cause it isnt healthy to keep it. So I give myself up to a day where I allow myself to feel all the bad stuff, and then I shift my focus to try and better myself. We have a rehab hospital here in Norway where they have a ward specific to eds rehab and those guys really gave me my life back in terms of teaching me what to do and not to do with my body, and how to live in a broken body. They had me going from ambulatory wheelchair user who spent 6/7 days a week bedridden to actually managing to get myself up and dressed every day, even if I only end up on the couch with my heated blanket etc! It allowed me to move out of my parents house and in with my man, whom I met that year I turned 20. He was from a different group of people than my "sister" and also despised her as he felt she wasnt true to me. He spent our first four months together in the hospital with me, and met most of my family at the hospital. He, like my best friend, stayed for everything even tho I tried to make him leave many times. He always said I was his future. I have been extremely lucky to have him. He has also taught me how to filter out the bad people. He has this ability to spot people who arent good for you long before most other people do. Im really lucky to have him. And my best friend. They are the reasons I still believe in people. And the reason I've learned how to know who to trust and who to stay away from.
@@Charoke I am so sorry to hear about your former friend/sister. She sounds like a complete jerk. I have a chronic illness as well I only had a couple of friends before. But since being sick, they have all just ghosted me, they did tell me that I wasn't "fun" anymore. It really broke my heart. Now I have no friends, a small family. But they are sick of me being sick. And it is like, imagine what I feel like! But they are rarely sympathetic. When you go out once every 1-3 months, it is really tough and lonely. I am in a wheelchair and if I see my former friends they stare, and stay safely away from me. I had a support dog, and she passed away a couple of months ago. My heart is so broken from losing her. Life really sucks, and when people doubt you, it is heartbreaking.
Anyone who takes advantage of a sick friend is sicker than them and no friend. She sounds like my ex friend with ASPD (sociopathy)
i get she was a kid but you treated her great and let her live with you to escape her moms abusive relationship and this is how she treats you? that's terrible
For the pharmacy girl- thank god that man was there. She needed those words of wisdom. Cause that’s EXACTLY what she needed to hear… her angels were with her that night. No one will pull you from your destiny. But your ego can allow it.
💯
I was thinking along those lines, that it was amazing that guy was there, recognized the crazy in her friend and was sober enough to see her strategy and articulate it to OP.
@@TheBaumcm heck yes!! That story was absolutely crazy and honestly traumatizing. I’ve dealt with friends like that woman, and haven’t looked back. Men are hero’s in cat fights usually if they’re mature. To your point, being sober enough and brave enough to risk being the philosophical type during a heated situation was risqué- but necessary 🥰
Yes, and see, when Charlotte said that jealousy is a very uncomfortable and icky emotion to have, this is why we have to normalize that feeling within ourselves, so we can begin to COPE with it in healthy, pro-social ways.
I learned really early on to give my jealousy a kind voice, because sometimes, when someone has something you really wish you had, THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE THAT TOO. For example "You deserve this, and I'm proud of you. I'm also feeling a little envious. I want to find my thing, but I'm struggling. How did you do it?"
The first time I tried that, I was absolutely humbled by how kindly and lovingly my friend reacted to me. It brought us close. And she DID help me work on achieving a goal I had too.
It sounds counterintuitive, but dames, THIS is how you jealous, I swear it works.
I still have a vivid memory of my seventh grade "friends" confronting me and telling me that I act like I'm better than everyone else. I was totally blindsided and it was something I worried about for years after. Looking back as an adult, I can see that I was just confident. I didn't put anyone down, I just didn't put myself down either. The kind of performative self-loathing that tween/teen girls are sometimes expected to partake in was something that wasn't modelled for me at home, so I didn't do it.
The first birthday lady handled that situation with class.
When you realize your friend is an opportunist and your friendship is done,
“Let them….” - let them go.
Just move on and don’t let them bait you into rolling around about what’s right.
And she was only 21/22, younger than her friend yet she seems much more mature. Also, I know this has nothing to do with the situation, but her nails are 🔥🔥
@@jaybee2337I agree! About all of it. She seems to have her head on straight and has her life together. The type of friend whom you can always rely on. Good for her for standing her ground and not allowing the friend to keep pushing and pushing. Never ceases to amaze me how selfish and rude people who claim to be friends can be. Also, YES! Those nails are super sexy and yet still fun and playful!! I truly Love those colors together. I Wish I could function with my nails that long! However sadly my ass could NEVER function with long nails. No matter how much I wish I could lol. Best wishes to you all my fellow Petty Potatoes!
Agreed! Someone else said her friends shouldn't have let her pay for friend A, but they may have only have been able to afford themselves at that high-end restaurant, so I can't say that's fair. If I were friend A, I would say I can't come and ask to meet for a coffee later to give my friend a gift. I can't afford a hundred dollar dinner anytime a friend has a birthday, but I wouldn't be an opportunist. I want my friend to have a good day.
she was being a drama queen...She also ordered a drink ? You told her to enjoy herself...idk If I told my friend Id pay for her, i want her to get whatever everyone else does. She already said she cant.
@@thegalhorowitz It wasn't "just a drink" it was a $20 drink from someone who doesn't drink with zero heads up like, "Hey, I know I usually don't drink but I am interested in this one, are you ok to cover it?" In addition she ordered other items that ran up the bill to $200 when birthday girl's portion was $70. Friend A was responsible for $130. She could have ordered that drink, even without asking, and still manage to keep her end of the bill under $100 and I can bet Birthday Girl wouldn't have batted an eye about it. Don't just assume you can order any and everything just because someone offered to pay. The courtesy extends both ways. Someone offers to pay, you return the kindness by not taking advantage of the gesture. Let's not forget Friend A already was late, without apology, and began the night with attitude.
For the first story, I've been that friend who couldn't afford to come to a dinner for a friend's birthday and had them offer to pay. Difference is that I felt so bad about her offering to pay that I made sure not to overspend AND paid her back as soon as I got money to do so. She didn't want to take it, initially, but I told her that our friendship was worth more to me than bad feelings that could arise in the future over this and that I would feel bad about not paying her back. It wasn't the first time a friend covered for me, not even the first time this particular friend did so (she liked having me around for events) but I always made sure to either pay them all back monetarily or shout them for something in the future in recompense.
This so-called friend is not a friend at all, just a leech.
I live in The Netherlands. When I invite people for my birthday, I will pay for them all! 🎉 That's normal for us. And they call Dutch people cheap...
@@petra6762 I dunno who they are, but it's cool that you can do that.
@@7thlittleleopard7 it is cultural, in most European countries when you invite people to your birthday party, you treat them. It can also be at home and make dinner, or just an evening with drinks and snacks. You also bring cake to your work to treat your colleagues.
@@petra6762 I'm Australian so it's a bit of a mix here. It depends a lot on the closeness of the friend group, the age of the group, how much money they have to spend, ect.
A party at your own residence is very different to going out to a restaurant. Usually the host would be the one paying and you'd bring gifts and sometimes food if it's a potluck type of shindig. At a restaurant, unless the host pushes to pay, it's considered pay your own way and put in for the Birthday-haver's meal. In my case, I had no cash, friend wanted me there and had some to splash around, so she paid for me and another friend, but the others all paid for themselves.
A lot of the time in Australia it's very much a pay your own way type deal, or pay for the friend - the one having the birthday shouldn't have to be the one footing the bill. It's considered rude (unless, you know, they're very independant and want to pay for themselves and others. It's really up to them.)
Abiding by the birthday-haver's wishes is honestly where it's at, though. If they want to pay, let them. If they don't mind you paying, do that instead. :shrug:
Oh and we definitely do the cake to work thing (or the boss springs for a cake. Depends on where you work, of course, but usually there's something for someone forced to work on their birthday (you know, if they don't get the day off).
@@7thlittleleopard7 it is interesting to know more about cultural differences in celebrating birthdays. Before we know it we could end up in Charlotte's AITA while we were completely innocent!! I think most Dutch people celebrate at home, so the costs are not too high. As long as it is clear what to expect (potluck, paying your own bill, etc), I think Dutch people are ok with whatever situation!
I have struggled with being jealous of my younger sister. She's much further along in life than I am. She has a career that she enjoys and I'm still trying to figure out what on earth I want to do. Have I ever taken it out on her or wished her ill will, NO! I am proud of her and what she has accomplished for herself. My struggles are not her fault!
You are still jealous tho
@@tequilabumbum4373 but I don't make that HER problem!
Ugh, I suffer from the same problem, sometimes I think she shouldn’t be more successful than me because she’s younger, but I know that’s not a good mindset, she’s prettier than me, smarter than me, and just has everything that I want and sometimes I think she doesn’t deserve anything because she treats me and my family like dirt, I know that I shouldn’t be jealous, but I still am jealous, I hate it
@@tequilabumbum4373 your name says everything
@@LXLA255You have one massive successful quality that your younger sister will never have.... Integrity....❤
Last story, she's right. My dad taught me and my sister, if u always compare yourselves to others, you will always be unhappy. I'll never forget that
Charlotte is like a friend at this point and we can trust that she always will be the most sweet and funny person here. And this Channel is a safe place for us everyday. ♥️
These videos are a part of my morning routine now. I watch one of her videos while I have breakfast before work. It helps me start my day feeling happy and helps me not dread going to work
Yeah, that Charlotte is indeed a sweet one.
I view her daily...
😎😎
Stop idealising people, she’s just a content creature.
@@sunnyday4055 stop telling other people what to think.
@@rca7591a me too, her Channel makes me laugh a lot.
I can so relate to the first video. My ex-bff did that kind of stuff to me *all of the time* , seriously. Last straws were making me late to my wedding rehearsal dinner because she took an hour and a half to explain how she was upset with her hubby for looking at adult content on the web the night before. Mind you, I had paid for her entire meal for that night, paid for her bridesmaid dress because they didn’t have the funds, and then to put the cherry on top, she was the Matron of Honor and didn’t want to give a speech at our wedding (understandable) - but didn’t let me know until 20 minutes prior to speeches time and had an anxiety attack to where me and my bridal party had to console her. After YEARS of this crap, that was it for me and things that I couldn’t get over. It really does suck being a people pleaser and realize you’ve been used for 10+ years.
How does her explaining something she’s upset about make you late though? You could keep moving while she talked?
That girls mom telling her she was being dramatic is awful. She should’ve filed a police report. And her brother?! Her family taught her to feel that way
She’s 100% the family scapegoat.
1000% !!!! my mom would have flipped her shit 10x over.
The girl gives off scapegoat vibes, not just a friend scapegoat, but a family scapegoat too
If that was my son ooh dude I'd call my sons friends parents and say "Hey this is Rileys mom. Tell Sam to give Riley his stuff back or I will be pressing charges. Thank you." Actually I would show up and be like "your son and my son had a sleepover at my house last night and he woke up and all his stuff was gone. Give me my sons stuff back or I will be pressing charges." Mamma don't play.
Her family made her that insecure. Poor girl!
What is alarming to me about the pharmacists story is that nobody put that girl in her place or asked her to leave. If someone were ruining the evening, I would ask them to stop or leave. If they were attacking my friend, I wouldn’t just sit there ignoring it. Enabling is an ugly thing and only lets nasty people and bullies off the hook.
Right! Just bc it is your bday doesn’t give you full rights to be a raging bitch! (I *had* a bff like that… 😏)
👏👏👏👏 well said
See, this is why I don't drink tequila, and I don't go out with people who plan to. I don't usually suggest that alcohol played a HUGE role in bad behaviour, but it does play a role. Tequila does something to your brain that other liquors do not. I don't drink liquor at all now, but I've thrown down the gauntlet once or twice with the different kinds. And tequila is next level. They may have been too drunk to realize what was going on fast enough to react to it, and the jealous enemy (enema...) was probably one of those "woe is me, life isn't fair and I resent that my friends are achieving things I'm not, and they'll probably end up ditching me anyway, so might as well be the one to cause it."
I swear to god, tequila needs to be reclassified as a Class A narcotic lol.
It probably wouldn’t have made much sense to ask her to leave her own birthday celebration. But someone should’ve stood up for her or even left with her.
Girl I loved it when you said, “Are you stupid?! Are you dumb?!”
I’m dying right now!!🤣😂
I feel like in the first one, the friend made other plans and didn’t want to come. But when she found out it was gonna be a free dinner she cancelled her other plans but was still sour about it.
I commented like RIGHT before Charlotte read the comment saying the same thing. 😅
Makes me sick how so called friends abuse the kindness… terrible people
Yeah this one is wild. It’s her birthday. Wth
Ya I think so. Her “not being able to afford it” was her way to get out of the invitation. This woman offering now made her have no excuse.
I had a best friend of 22 years- who I now realize was very threatened by me. When I was down- she was there to be my "savior" but the second I started doing good she got weird about my success in life and would accuse me of being jealous her...I walked away for many reasons but it took me forever to realize she was projecting. I saw her as my sister and my best friend- she saw me as either a charity case or competition. She abused my kindness and my obsessive need to make things "fair" by constantly making me feel like I owed her. Don't stay friends with ppl just bcs you've been friends a long time. If your friend isn't rooting for you, why are you friends?
I have a theory on the pharmacist story - I bet the "friend" low key wanted to hang out with the driver and the fact that the guy was talking to you made her snap. Then she wanted to trash you in front of him to shift his attention to her.
I lost my best friend a couple of years ago when she decided out of the blue (in the middle of my exams mind you) that she didn't like my then boyfriend. Note: I had been with him for over two years that that point and lived with him. I didn't want to break the friendship over that, but I obviously wasn't going to leave my partner. She then went out of her way to antagonize us, get us uninvited from *his* best friend's wedding, etc.
All these years later? We're married now and doing great. I haven't spoken to her since, though apparently she's now single and still toxic.
I transferred into public school from parochial school at the start of 5th grade & had no friends because I was the new kid. I wound up being friends with the kids nobody wanted to be friends with during that first year, and looking back I'm glad it worked out that way. They needed a friend, I needed a friend, none of us had any preconceived notions about each other and we weren't going to judge, either. It was a weird, soft place to land in 5th grade, which was a blessing, because the teacher was on her way out at the end of the year with what was then still called a "nervous breakdown." It was clear to all of us that she really, REALLY was ready to be done with teaching on our second day of school when she was in the middle of roll call and just stopped. Her face turned fuchsia, she put down the attendance sheet, gripped her desk with both hands and said, "I have to step in the hall for a moment, children. I'll be right back. Stay at your desks." She stepped out, closed the door, and then we heard a brief shriek. She opened the door, came back in, and resumed taking attendance like she hadn't just shrieked in the hallway. It was a hella weird introduction to public school.
I've found that being friends with the friendless is often more rewarding than trying to be part of the "in" crowd, and all the fakery they go through.
i'm really glad you shared this story!
I did not see that ending coming! LOL. She probably needed some good friends!
@@wrockage Aw, thank you so much! I'm glad someone enjoyed (?) it!
@@leslieortenzi8875 It was not the last shriek we all heard, but it was the one that signaled how ready she was to be done, for sure.
To the Doormat Inclined: Hey, these people, when they show you who they are - you won't be exempt. You're worth more than to settle for that. When you settle for second best, that's exactly what you'll get. If your friends talk about others behind their backs - they will most certainly do it about you. "What they do for you they do to you." God bless you as you go x
A hard lesson that took me 40 yesterday to implement:
Don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't jump a puddle for you.
I used to say "fuck that! Cross the ocean! Your love and good treatment might be the thing that makes a difference for them." It took me some serious heartbreak to finally get there, but honestly I'm so much happier now.
soooo relatable!
Needed to see this... thanks!
The last girl brought up a lot of legitimate points and I really appreciate her perspective on what to do in a situation where you’re dealing with jealous or insecure friends. Thank you very much for posting and sharing these videos with us Charlotte!
On the last story, I love how she talked about it in the end. She seems like a respectable person and she is better off without that “friend”.
The birthday dinner story reminds me of my spouses first birthday after we started dating. He was working and going to school through the week an hour and a half from where I live and spending weekday with me. So my friends and I thought it was be nice to throw a big old surprise party at a restaurant my spouse had said several times they would love to try sometime. Not a cheep place at all. So my spouse shows up at my business as I’m getting off work, we go back to my place and I speed run getting ready and say, I’m taking you to birthday dinner. So we jump in the car and head over to the commercial park where a few restaurant we enjoy are located. When I pull into the resteraunt the surprise part is being held at my spouse says ‘we don’t need to go here and spend that much money’… i said no, we’re going… you really want to go and IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!… I get a reluctant yes, we go in and as we walk through the door and the Hostess leads us toward the party room which is enclosed in glass I hear ‘oh my GOD they are not all here for me are they?’ I laugh and drag them into the party room. As were sitting there I can tell he’s acting super excited to see everyone and happy as the thanks everyone for their gifts and such. I lean in and ask ‘what’s wrong hun? You love these guys and everything is perfect’… the reply… I CAN’T PAY FOR 20 POEPLE TO EAT HERE!’ I’m like… what?
So… in his culture, on your birthday… YOU PAY FOR THE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!!!! I was like WHAT!?! No… here you pay for nothing on your birthday… he was so excited for the rest of his birthday… lol Kind of the opposite of the b’day story you highlighted, but I love to share that fun story.
I feel this. In my country the birthday person throws a party and invitees bring the gifts. Children have an organised party like movies, pool, playground etc while teenagers have parties and adults small gatherings or dinners. So it basically comes out equal with gifts and party expenses as well but it should be fun for everyone so that's what makes the parties so special.
It’s great that you posted, thank you! I was so confused by the first story, because where I come from the person who has a birthday invites everyone and pays for everyone. Basically, whoever is a host, that person pays. If I can’t afford to pay for all my guests at an expensive restaurant, I will celebrate at a less expensive place, or at my house. No way would I allow my friends to pay at my party, because they are my guests. Totally different approach.
Is he Indonesian? Cuz I grew up believing I should pay for everything on my birthday and treat my friends no matrer if we're not close and even if they don't give me any presents 😂
Sounds like it was more of a surprise to him than you expected it to be for him.
A surprise birthday party where the person was actually, for real, surprised? Y'all nailed it!
The pharmacist is super kind. I love the way she wrapped up her sentiments and lesson from the experience. What a classy lady.❤
Me too. I want her to be my friend
She is very kind but definitely not classy. Nothing classy about allowing such a behaviour and frankly abuse
This video was like therapy for me. The way you normalised how birthdays can be bittersweet. And how you connected it to being a people pleaser. I’d never thought of it before. You also normalised being jealous. What you’re doing here is more than entertainment, and I appreciate it ❤❤❤
I was always taught that if someone is paying for my meal, date or otherwise, figure out what they’re getting by making small talk so you can see the cost of that item and then to not go above that price point on your meal. To never get the most expensive thing in the menu.
Adding to the pharmacist story: I’m on my way to becoming a certified pharmacy tech. And it’s intense! Pharmacy is hard. And her being an actual pharmacist means even more work. So yes, I am proud of her! GO GIRL!!
Congratulations to you. I’m a pharmacist of about 7 yrs
I ALWAYS make it known if my friend asks me to go anywhere that I can’t afford and they ALWAYS have my back. I will never take advantage of it and I will try and do what I can. If we’re going for drinks, I won’t ask for anything expensive and I’ll drive the entire time so they can enjoy themselves. If I have any flower on me at that moment I’ll smoke them out. I always pay back or will take them out instead when I have the means to. I’m glad I got the friends I do because I know they got me when I need it and I got them when they need it❤
You really can’t be friends with someone who envies you. They will do anything to sabotage you, even unconsciously, because they feel so bad about themselves. Someone who is jealous of you rather than happy for you is not a friend; they are a frenemy. Had to learn that one the hard way.
Nice handle. 😂😂😂😂
It’s really rough when you’ve known someone for years and watch them slowly changing into a toxic person. You remember all the good times you had together and miss them, but you have to face it eventually
Very true. I had to do this about 10 years ago. It was hard but so necessary. I’m glad I did it but I kinda miss her every once in awhile. But I know deep down there’s no going back.
I wish it was slowly. For me it was in a matter of weeks basically. From 'we talk almost every day' to I am not answering your calls anymore and 'we never really were best friends'. Listen, I am not delusional and I understand people pretty well so I KNOW it wasn't a one sided friendship for 15 years. I think she has an undiagnosed problem, she started being weird when she got pregnant after a miscarriage and this escalation was just after giving birth. Nothing of this happened with her first child . The kid is now 3 and she has expressed no interest in meeting mine , who arrived a year after, when I asked her, she just said congratulations. I tried, I have no regrets
I knew someone for 36 years. We were very close, or so I thought. Then, one day, out of the blue, he contacted me and said he didn't want to feel obligated anymore to phone me on my birthday. We included this person in every aspect of our lives, he was like a child to us, we went out of our way to let him have experiences many other children never have. We planned our holidays around his availability to include him in our lives. Well, after the "I don't want to feel obligated to phone you on your birthday" conversation, things got ugly. Now it's been a year since we broke all contact, and I know there's no going back. He threw everything we ever did for him in our faces and burned all bridges. It hurts like crazy, but some things can never be undone.
I’m literally the friend who is always broke, but I never let anyone pay for me in their birthday. I do what it takes to find the money to do something for her.
Friend in college ALWAYS "forgot" her wallet after we ordered a meal.😂 I always let it go because she was an entertaining conversationalist. She asked my brother out to eat so I gave him advanced warning. He said he enjoyed eating in front of her while she nursed a glass of water (forgot her wallet again, whoops) guess he didn't appreciate her conversation like I did
From an old guy who was taught to carry the weight for women who were "weak" or "delicate" or "too scatter-brained to remember their wallet": Your story is hilarious and I utterly approve of both your brother's boundaries and your story-telling skills.
The stranger in the last story who intervened was the kind of person we need much more of in the world.
Yeah that first story, I heard from a friend that one girl complained at a mutual friend’s birthday in Vegas. this same complainer was the one making my life a living hell at work. So of course I listened. But she basically complained about being bored,her own love life, and that the party wasn’t paying attention to her. The mutual was just vibing and had a good time though so I’m glad it didn’t bring her down.
I loved the pharmacist. She really made great points. Her goodness is why a “mean” girl would be jealous of her.
It's so interesting to see the cultural differences. In Romania, if it's my birthday and invite people to celebrate to a restaurant, I will be paying for everything. In return, no one comes bare handed, there will be for sure presents from everyone (and we don't do symbolic, cheap presents😂). So it's kind of a win-win situation. So imagine the shock when finding out that in Ireland, where I am currently living, people bring their own drink to a party.😅
Ah the Irish are like the Norwegians.
Thats how its done..... Balkan is the best😅
Hello fellow Romanian, I was going to comment the same thing, I was so surprised when I started seeing these videos where birthday rules are the exact opposite from ours.
Thats so funny, because I have a Romanian friend who is the exact opposite from this!! For her last birthday, she wanted us (5 friends, plus 2 boyfriends of friends who barely knew her) to go to the cinema together, then bowling, then to a nice restaurant, then, at midnight, to a Karaoke place (with a booked private room for us). Everyone was paying for their own tickets/etc, it was a really expensive day for me, but she kind of guilt-tripped us to not leave early and take part in all these activities. Also, in the restaurant, they only accepted one bill per table, and I ended up having to pay - it took weeks and several text messages for her other friends to finally pay me back their parts, I was getting really anxious that they wouldn't. But either way, this day was soo expensive for me! She's sweet, and I do like hanging out with her, but next year, I'll probably pretend to be sick on her birthday. 😅
It makes no sense for me to invite my friends to a dinner to celebrate my birthday and expecting them to pay for my party. Is it just me or this is extreamly weird :D
I wish I had a friend like you, Charlott! You are so real. Also, congrats on your engagement!!! Mike seems so great for you!
My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. They told my twin sister and asked her not to tell me. Obviously they wanted me to know. Betrayal by your best friend hurts on so many levels. We had been best friends since we were children.
Oof, to tie your twin to that memory? Diabolical but maybe they figured you might hurt them but not her.
That is more common that you think. Happened to a relative of mine.
My best friend of over ten years no longer speaks to me because she started dating a super toxic guy that hates me because I said she deserves better. They are now getting married because his dad told him he needed to “fly the kite or let it go”. I know that because his dad said it in his toast at their engagement party 🤦♀️
I had to let a longtime friend go because of her partner, too. She eventually realized I was telling the truth about him, but by then too much had happened to revive the friendship.
So he begrudgingly married her because of his father. Wow, and guys say women have dAdDy iSsUeS
Did the groom smash the cake in her face too?
I stopped talking to a friend that I had been friends with for nearly 2 decades. This guy has Down syndrome, and apart from 1 major incident, he was completely fine until a few years ago. I, at this point, had never said anything harsh about him at all, but someone else we were both friends with started having major issues going on in their lives and started to blame me for those. He picked this friends side because the friend in question has the same condition and began saying harsh ass stuff about me to my face, behind my back with his extended friend circle, and telling his mum I've stirred up trouble and in his words bullied him for attempting to tell him to stop and she told me off about it all (I did nothing wrong at all except try to calm the situation and stop the behaviour towards me but got yelled at for "hurting him") and another time which was the straw that broke the camels back was where I had enough of him having this attitude that he could shit talk others about me and had enough of him barking orders at me on how I should react so I stuck up for myself calmly once again and he pulled the discrimination card on me saying that because of his condition he can say what he wants to people whenever to whoever without anybody doing stuff back to hand turned all other mutual friends against me leaving me on my own. He cut me off/ghosted me for like a week, then tried to message me to talk, but I was having none of it
@@vnokesCOtoo many regrets in life, you know you’re relationship best but I’m a believer of “it’s never too late for a friendship back ❤” (disregarding huge betrayals)
My dude, I’m in the same boat. Now haven’t been besties for 5-6 years. Worst thing is she made everyone choose and I didn’t but eventually she escalated to mad levels by going to the police because I ignored her so I stopped talking to them all and our circle and years later one of our mutual the only one I still cared for died and they didn’t tell me… until the day of his funeral knowing I would 100% go to it. Then tried to say someone was meant to tell me. The worst part if it wasn’t for my other bestie I wouldn’t even know because she saw a fb status about the funeral and was like wtf.. Jamie is dead?!! Mate I was done with the lot of them. They are a bunch of clowns.
Pharmacy school is so difficult and competitive. They only allow the best into the classes. Seven people at a time in a student body of 60 thousand plus at a College of Medicine State University. Good for her! Proud of her 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Makes sense. The possible repercussions of getting someone's prescription wrong makes it imperative that only the most detail oriented actually succeed in pursuing that career. I have late stage kidney disease, and my husband passed from kidney failure. There is a specific renal pharmacist position because renal disease is so complex, and the medications are so important to get right to prevent further deterioration I couldn't imagine just anyone being able to look at my labs and symptoms and being able to keep me healthy enough that almost 1 year post diagnosis they've been able to halt further deterioration and have managed to keep me off of dialysis so far. (10% kidney function that hasn't gotten worse since it dropped from 12% in Feb). Between the renal pharmacist (who I have monthly appointments with) and the renal physician (who I see every 3 months), I feel better now than I did a year ago. Because of her attention to detail, I trust her completely to suggest the best course of treatment for me.
Babe, I am so glad you were speaking with the 1 person who could see the clarity in the situation, that gf is simply jealous and trying to bring you down. So glad he was there to remind you of the wonderful lady you are and will continue to be. I bet you are a kick ass pharmacist!! Show ‘em all babe! Be proud! ❤
Needing two shots of tequila to tell a friend from like 25 years that you don’t appreciate them or their achievements is unbelievable sad. I’m happy that she (hopefully) cut the contact with this person and wish here a great life as a great pharmacist!
Alcohol makes people reveal their true colors.
That's the thing about alcohol. It acts as a truth serum in a way. It seems to bring out the truth more and more and what is hidden inside is brought out into full display; things that would probably never be revealed while sober, for whatever reason.
I was about to say two shots of tequila isn’t that much to be revealing deep, dark secrets. She wanted to tell her how she really felt, and she did. I think it would have come out very soon if not right then.
@@lilscenechick1995 It can be if you are not a drinker. But I don't think that woman's problem was alcohol. She knows her friend is some 5 years younger and is going places and she's feeling mighty insecure about not getting her own shit together as if 27 years old is too late.
i was raised to believe being jealous/envious was a mortal sin xD and as i've grown up fearing it, I can see why me parents said that, lol. This is DISGUSTING behavior. if i ever had jealous friends, i'm PROUD of them for handling themselves well 😅😂
The Bday dinner one made me chuckle since my bday just passed a few days ago, and me and some coworkers, who are my friends, took me out to dinner. Me, being a sly little stinker, tried to pay for the bill by putting my card in the little black book thing. They saw it and my one friend held my card hostage so I could not pay for it. They waited until the book left the table to give me my card back because they knew I was going to fight to pay. I prefer paying for people and treating them, and people sometimes take advantage of that. So, having good friends who will fight to pay for me makes me genuinely happy!
I have friends, just non of them can afford to take me out for dinner.😂 We are a collective of broke and broken people who as a birthday celebration go for a hike. It's free, healthy and a fun bonding exercise!
I learnt that being jealous is usually a sign that I’m unhappy about something in my own life that is important to my core values. Once the issue is resolved or I start putting more attention to following my values, the jealousy goes away. Self-awareness is very important! Rarely is it someone else!
Yeah, like guilt, a little jealousy isn’t a bad thing, IMO, because it hints at something that needs to be addressed for you to be content in your life. Unfortunately, just like empathy, self awareness is a tool that people often don’t develop or opt to use because it requires accepting reality and responsibility for that reality. Nice thing is that it means you also get a side of “If I made this reality, I can change it”.
I have a pharmacist friend. I just brag around how smart is my friend! I try to make her talk about her degree every opportunity because is something to be proud of! she is doing her doctorate! She is so smart!!!!!
Being a friend isn’t about how much money they spend on you. It’s about being there for you when you need them. My bestie means more to me than what I can get out of her.
Exactly I just want to spend time with my bestie. She spends the gas to come to my house so I feed her and supply the wine. I love her so much.
@@klm_shadow yes, same. 😃
I had a best friend that I had to kick out of my life because she dragged me down so badly. We had been friends since 8th grade and till I was in my early twenties. She was jealous about many things I had. A family that cared about me. I was tall, thin and good looking. And a boyfriend that treated me well. She used to throw all these things at me and play the boo hoo me game. I just got really sick of it. She had to go. I allowed this person to verbally abuse me because I was too scared to speak up. Don't keep toxic people in your life because they're you're only friend. This girl knew me inside and out and I still gathered the courage to say goodbye. You will make new friends, hopefully ones that treat you better!
It’s also always the people who say I don’t wanna drink right now, I need to cut on my drinking, I can’t go out right now I m broke, that post getaways with their friends same weekend on Instagram and show how they got ‘accidentally’ wasted
Ugh Charlotte I'm so glad you brought this up! I feel like too often we gloss over the idea of being happy for other people. It is a skill you have to work on, and one of the best ways to combat jealousy is to work on yourself and improve your own life so you can be proud of yourself! I always love your takes and genuinely think you are making a difference by sharing your opinions on subjects like this.
Thank you I really appreciate this comment!
@@CharlotteDobre I appreciate the 'as much' honesty more than you might think.
As they say comparison is the thief of joy, even sometimes comparison to one’s own self. Only thing any of us should be worried about is being better than the day before.
Love seeing powerful, successful, talented Canadian 🇨🇦 women!! Keep up the great work Charlotte!! ❤
Thank you so much!!
The birthday thing was a cultural shock for me, in Italy the birthday person throws a party and pays for everyone, in fact we usually don't go to the restaurant to celebrate and if we do it's usually with close family and close friends
I had 2 gay friends I met when we all were in college, at the time the were closet gays. I didnt even know till about 6 or 7 years later, way after we finish college. Aparently everyone knew about they coming out a year before me, it was an scandal for both families, but i was not told about it. It was a weird time for our friendship, they would cancel hanging out with me, going to dinner or the movies, was mostly text/email comunication. Which for me, was bizarre, beacause we did everything together. So one day, they tell me, and how they were almost kicked out their respective families(the were not a couple, they had their respective partners). I was in shock, for me it was all recent and I even offer to speak to their moms but the casual "oh no its all good now, this was last year" thing they said to me, hurt me alot. I felt I was not important enough to know. Fast foward 20+ years, we all in our 40s now. We dont speak anymore, one of them stop talking to me because of his irrational hate to women, and the other moved out to another city because of work(never bother to tell me he was leaving). I realize now they never saw me as their friend, I was the one they run to when things were bad, to vent or just needed something. A couple of months ago they tried to reach to me but I didnt answer. I think Im better off alone.
As a queer person why did you make them coming out about you it's their thing to tell you can't control who they tell at what point I have feeling they had a reason not to tell you my oldest niece knew I wasn't straight way before my parents and other members of my family lucky my parents don't care after they found out did you ever come out as straight pretty much selfish to keep it from them.
@@donaldbensingerjr4528 I didnt make it about me, they planned this, between them, I forgot to mention, other friends were there, mutual friends, maybe all of our friends were ther but me, I thought I was a friend, and not any friend, they were my best friends and i was their best friend(clearly not), we travelled together after college, we went through a lot of stuff, like life changing stuff. But then again I suppose I wasnt a friend.
@@donaldbensingerjr4528I think she’s coming from a place of being used as a beard when she actually cared for them as friends, straight or not.
Y'all had a lot of communication issues that needed to be talked out properly on both ends but if you just don't want them in your life then that's fine too. My biggest guess is that the reason they probably didn't tell you is because they probably just didn't want things in the friendship dynamic to change or get awkward which is why they didn't wanna tell anyone in the first place because they most likely didn't wanna lose whatever relationships they have left. I don't think they "used" you, they probably do consider you as an important friend in their life. In a lot coming out stories people usually don't tell the closest people like friends about it first but instead they test out the waters by telling complete strangers or someone they are not actually all that close to first before mustering up the courage to tell the closest people because that would be a big deal.
@donaldbensingerjr4528
As a queer person
I think they are allowed to feel some type of way about being the last friend to know things. also why don’t you use any punctuation
it is very annoying to read lol
Boy, this first story stirred up my emotions.
I had several relationships in school (HS and uni) that were friends for life, undying support and so on.
Found out that as time went on, 3 of this main group of 5 only stayed in touch so I could continue to cheerlead them through their struggles -- but my own battles were somehow never as important. Tried to discuss it, of course; never got validation, usually "disbelief" that I wasn't happy sitting still for disrespect.
Super old now (not really, but halfway done!) One of my only sadnesses is I did not know earlier how to set firm boundaries.
Sure got tired of it over the 2 or 3 decades, and found great healing and peace in dropping them dead cold. Didn't even feel that further discussion would be fruitful. Boom.
Come on out there, dullings; some of us feel we have to, we MUST put our whole heart into our lives, but we'd best learn to guard it well!
If the worst thing you've ever done in your life is love too much, well, come sit over here and we'll swap stories. Best wishes.
This is the primary reason why I do not have friends now. The fair weather friend act is really hard to take. I was always the one who listened to people's problems and offered reasonable advice and was a bit of a cheerleader as well. But not having my own needs met had messed me up a little bit by the time I realized what was happening. And I hate the fact that I actually yearn for a best friend who will love me for me and give to me what I give to them. 😒
I looked after my freinds children for 8 years, almost full on.. even moved in at one point to help as she had severe depression. She was doing pretty well after a time but a decade later I got terrible depression during the menopause and I told her in a phone call and she said 'OK, I'll get in touch when you are better'! 😅😅😅.
I'm younger I dropped my friends in my mids 20s the first part of covid, and now in my late twenties I have completely started over and have no friends but one. And I'm ok with that, I have never been happier tbh. Always drop the dead weight that leeches off your kindness. Kindness is not weakness, it's how people should be treated. My life is exponentially better now, and turns out my mom never liked em anyway lol.
My family always had it where the birthday person picks the dinner and they pay for their birthday. I’ve continued this tradition. On top of that, for my good friends I always have a “it’ll even out eventually” mindset for paying for things as long as we are both actively exchanging by who is paying for each other for plans.
The timing or this video is uncanny! I just finally confronted a freeloading friend about how shes been treating me and it's had me so distraught and then i see this video on my notifications! It really helped me process what I'm going through. ❤
The birthday story: It's fascinating to me how different these things are across cultures. Where I come from (a small country in Europe), the person celebrating the birthday pays for the whole dinner or at least for the first round of drinks, and guests usually bring a gift. I'm always confused when I hear about these things being a big deal 😂 the friend was in the wrong though, really rude 😒
Exactly! You're throwing yourself a party you pay for it. We all just bring a gift. 🤷♀️
I think it depends. If I’m throwing an actual party, sure. If I’m cooking the dinner, true. But going to a restaurant? Most of the time, the group pays for the birthday person.
yes, I'm Hungarian and it's also the custom for the birthday person to pay but on namedays your friends pay for you, however, the way the friend in the story behaved was still awful
@@FA-dv5he no you shouldn't have to pay on your birthday
@@ChrissaToddthere is no shouldn’t EXCEPT that you shouldn’t do events like this without the parameters well established. In some cultures, it would be considered rude to invite people to a place that far out of budget. She had invited her friends to an expensive place for dinner ($70 per person is fairly expensive). At 22, many here wouldn’t have that much cash on hand, even if told days in advance (paychecks are usually biweekly and money is tight these days). Her issue was not that she paid for the room or her dinner, so I wish everyone would stop getting offended for her and listen to her actual issue, which is the ungrateful friend.
As a broke chick, I try to make up in kindness, thoughtfulness, and general gratitude that I have friends for what I lack in funds 9:05
Much respect and admiration to Doctor Tee. The fact that she wanted to drag her and was able to listen to reason and gather herself is the type of self awareness we all aspire to achieve.
Seems to be the difference between herself and her friend, given her take on the situation, and probably the reason she has gotten to where she is. Self awareness is the one skill we cannot teach directly but can only demonstrate to pass on, and even then the person must CHOOSE to develop it and use it, just like empathy. And just like empathy, it pays dividends that cannot even be imagined.
The first “birthday moocher” reminds me of an event I experienced. I invited a friend out to birthday lunch at a fairly nice NYC restaurant. She arrived (1/2 hour) before the designated meeting time and was on her 3rd cocktail when I arrived. She proceeded to order 3 more drinks during/after dinner so the bar tab was actually as much as the food! We’re still friends (at arm’s length) but my point is “when people show you who they REALLY are, believe them!”
That's disgusting behaviour. Your friend should have paid for the drinks at the bar at least.
In Greece it is vise verse, the one who celebrates pays, but receives gifts in exchange. If anybody comes to Greece and try to pay the bill for the person who celebrates, its an insult.
lmao my friends would gaslight me into thinking they were good people and that they "were only trying to make me better" by forcing me to do things i didnt want to do and then when i called them out on it they would say they were just trying to make me a better person and they helped me grow lol
I had a friend that was like that. She would always try and compete with me and it was just exhausting. She would constantly talk about me behind my back to other friends, and say awful lies about me, and say that I had changed and thought I was better than her. Yes I changed, I’m a 32 year old woman, I would be more concerned if I hadn’t changed lol. I was 28 at the this all took place. She has always tried competing with me which was bonkers because when we were in middle school and high school she was well off, I lived in poverty. It was easy competition for her then I guess. Idk, it sucks but I’m much happier now that I don’t have someone secretly praying for my downfall and spreading my secrets and hateful lies about me the minute I’m not around.
She sounds like my narcissistic mother
@@seitanbeatsyourmeat666 I’m sorry!! That would be tough!!
In my group, we all eating what we want. But also in our group we know that we are either getting paid back. Or they got us on the next one. That's how my guys and I do it.
Watching Charlotte is a must. My Mom was visiting for 5 days and every morning I’d ask if she wanted some Charlotte. It was our morning ritual. Besides Charlotte being hilarious and providing great content, we love that she is a fellow Canadian. Love from the West Coast! ❤❤
It took me a full 5 minutes to remember that in the States, it's not normal for you to treat your friends on your birthday : ))) But even though it's normal to treat your friends on your birthday over here, actual friends don't go overboard. Even when we say "get whatever, it doesn't matter, there is no limit', no one ever follows that (in my group, at least).
It is normal though ! 😅
Oh man, the birthday thing! My BFF and I are early 20’s and live far from each other due to college. Our birthdays are also a month apart. We do everything within our power to see each other as often as possible, but sometimes birthdays are missed and that’s okay. Since our birthdays are also in the fall/ winter season we will often meet up at a time between our birthdays and give each other big gift baskets full of our favorite things. We don’t break the bank: it’s like a cute stuffed animal, our favorite candy, a book we’ve been wanting to buy for the longest time, etc. But during this season where we don’t get to see each other often and we have limited funds, we just do our best and love each other despite it all. We text all the time and if we can both find a time during the Christmas season to see each other, we do and we always give each other a gift at that time too. Otherwise birthday gifts usually cover both birthday and Christmas!
Ugh I love my best friend! ❤
I love the therapy sessions with Charlotte, they're always relevant in some way and I'm here for it 💙
The girl who’s friends stole her clothes has a terrible mother! What kind of parent doesn’t react to their child being robbed?!? Then calls them dramatic and doesnt do anything at all to fix it??
Especially after the parent most likely paid for it.
Seems like she’s her family’s scapegoat too
My parents were the same way. Had relatives stay for the holidays one year and my cousin legit took all my gifts minus the clothes that he couldn’t fit. I told my parents what happened and they told me I was just being dramatic and to basically stfu. The next time I saw that cousin I did take my shit back and called him out for being a thief. He told his parents and mine I was stealing his toys. His parents said they don’t even remember getting him all that stuff and remember me getting all that on Christmas. My parents said they believe the cousin and gave him back what he stole from me. I brought this story up to my dad last time I saw my dad when I visited with my fiancé. His excuse was that he and my mom knew the cousin stole and lied about the situation but they wanted us to be friends so I had to suck it up and get over it since that’s just life
14:03 so her friends took all of her clothing and her mom says she’s overreacting. Oh wow maybe that’s the reason she became a doormat. I’m thinking the bullying started with her mother.
I dont even know her, and im proud she's becoming a pharmacist! That's a hard job to get. I wish you the best in your career❤
Me and my best friend are financially struggling and still take each other out for birthday dinners. Nothing fancy but it's the thought and her company that matter. Never apologize for being an amazing friend!!
You sound like true friends.
1:31 reminds me of the Tyler the creator bit “did you come to my birthday party on my birthday and didn’t bring me a birthday gift for the birthday party on my birthday?”
It cracks me up how adamant we are here in western culture that we don't pay on our birthdays - in most Asian countries, I have found that the birthday person is expected to treat everyone else on their own birthday - isn't it funny how we are so opposite?!! 😅
I know right?! It's W.I.L.D
Military promotions are similar in that the promoted pays for the promotion party as they will now be making more money. Of course it’s proportional with junior enlisted only excepted to pay for their squad, junior NCOs their platoons, and senior NCOs/officers their company/unit.
@@davidguidry657what does that have to do with any of this lol
I’m Canadian and I’ve never felt friends should pay for me. If they wanted to I wouldn’t say no. But it’s not common for my circle anyway. I’m older than Charlotte so maybe it’s a generational thing.
Same in Danmark. If you invite, you pay.
Good Morning Petty Potatoes! ❤
Good Morning!
good evening from the uk ❤
GOOD MORNINGGGGG❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Good morning Nichole!
Good morning Nichole! ❤
On the birthday topic. I am Bulgarian and for us it is actually normal to invite your friends on your birthday and to pay as well (no matter if a house party, a party in a bar or a dinner). They would usually get you a present. If you cannot afford it you don't do it. The idea is to spent time with the people you love it is your day, a bit like a wedding or any other celebration.
However, in this case everyone is US American and it seems that there the birthday person gets treated.
*YES!* Everyone should always remember this last woman's philosophy on jealousy. This philosophy is one of many that will help you keep a bit of peace with you every where you go. ❤
One thing I learned from watching Charlotte's videos for years is that the juiciest tea is spilled either in a car in a parking lot, at a fast food restaurant or while putting on make up (and all the other stuff a male such as I can't name if my life depended on it) :D
14:14: girl... WTF do you mean your mom told you that you were being DRAMATIC?! Never in my life would my mom be cool with ANY clothes going missing, much less all of them.
I had a friend who, whenever anything really bad happened in my life like when my dad died, she’d completely ghost me and then call or text me weeks later to tell me that she’s “so empathetic” and she “just felt so badly” for me that she had to take a break. It’s not like I’m the type of person to lean on people, I don’t dwell on the bad stuff and am almost absurdly optimistic that things will always getting better, so I don’t talk about my problems. She’d also always tell me that she “[long sigh] wished she “could be like” me because if [insert any small unpleasant thing that happened] had ever happened to her she’d be devastated, and miserable, and wouldn’t be acting like nothings wrong. Way to cheer someone up, it just made me start to feel bad, wondering why I didn’t feel miserable if it was apparently “that bad. Toxic
In Germany it's quite normal (for the people I know at least) for the birthday person to pay for the guests when they take them out somewhere. Hell we even bake cake or muffins or something ourselves and bring them to work /school on our birthday.
Same in Italy… my husband took sweets and champagne for work colleagues, then with all of his close friends (about 15 plus their wives & kids) we went to a restaurant.
He paid for everything, including drinks, dessert and coffee. It’s normal here
It's so weird how adamant americans are about not paying for their own birthday dinner, like YOU invited them so YOU pay.
@@prnc96it depends, is it friends taking out the bday person or a birthday part my on which is usually paid for by the host.
It’s very common for parents to send cupcakes on bdays to school for their kids.
@@prnc96 yeahhhh! thats the rule, when i was hearing all these, i really disagreed lol. i take out my friends and thats only if i have enough money to pay for them too lol
That first girl is such a good friend. I’d kill for a friend like that. Thats so crazy she was treated like that man.
Thanks for my jealousy pep talk. It's always good to be reminded that it is a natural emotion. ❤
19:57 Wow, ok, props to the big guy, that is not how I expected that interaction to go 😂
Morning Charlot! Glad I got here right when you posted while I’m at the hospital with my new bb in the NICU. You’ve been my lifesaver while in here for the past couple days cuz your the only one who can still make me laugh right now. ❤
I'm praying for your little one. 🙏🏻
I hope all is well soon
I hope all turns out well with your new baby. I'm praying for you. Sending hugs to you and your new family member ! I know NICU is a hard place. I've been there. Just remember that baby is going to come home with you, and I believe you'll give him all the love he deserves ❤️
Sending all the love for your little! Take care of yourself too mama
Aww good luck with your little one, a lot of ppl are routing for you both 💗
❤️🙏🏽❤️
For the last story, remember they were friends since grade school. OP’s existence removes her excuse of “oh I went to a bad school” or “I wasn’t given the right opportunities in my education”.
When you are faced with someone that removes your excuses, it can either encourage you or make you bitter.
I mean it also still involves a lot of other factors. Like unable to go to a good university because of grades or couldn't afford that university or many other factors but that's still not a right way to handle jealousy.
@@RandomSwiftie13yeah but grades are your own choices, and once again shows how your choices can bite you in the behind. Since you cannot change those choices, it can come out as jealousy directed at the person who chose “better” in your mind.
Every time I watch your videos I wish I had a friend like you. The understanding that friendship is equal is hard to find 😢
this first story literally reminded me of my recent birthday, my parents didn't say happy birthday, no card, not even a hug. Needless to say I was bawling. Their reasoning was because I bought myself a pretty expensive gift so I didn't need anything else. I was fine with that, but a happy birthday would've been nice to hear. Anyways, my two closest friends were there for me when I was crying and secretly ordered me a gift while comforting me and wanting to scream at my parents. I knew they bought me something, but didn't know what it was till it got here, and I was so grateful, I still thank them to this day for the gift.
I am aware if it sounds kinda spoiled to expect something on your birthday, I didn't want any gifts, just a simple card would've been fine. No money inside, just a card saying happy birthday with their names written inside (my parents and younger siblings names) would've been perfectly fine with me
Happy birthday 🎉🥳🤗
From someone who understands how you feel.
Three birthdays ago, my father asked me why I do this. Regarding me hosting my own birthday since no one else would have. I replied " because this is what I want and I'll do it happily or not at all. You taught me that Dad."
It was his last meal on this earth. He stopped eating and died a little less than a month later. One of his friends told him that he wasn't allowed to die yet because we still needed him. I immediately let him know that he can go whenever he wanted and we would be ok."
It was the last time he thanked me and told me he loved me.
Do your heart justice by showing love where you can and forgiving yourself and others of our trespasses. Life is too short to wait for everything to be perfect to be happy ❤
that reasoning is a really bad excuse, to say because you bought an expensive gift we won't even acknowledge your birthday like what a horrible excuse.
My brother was about a month younger than me and we were the same age (adopted from two different families). On our 9th birthday, my mom told me, that day, that they didn’t have anything because they were doing it all on my brother’s birthday. I had no issue sharing a birthday celebration. We had most of the same friends and throwing a party took effort but looking back, I know my mom just didn’t feel like it because the gifts we were given were essentially his and hers, even though we were very different children. Sometimes parents, being the humans that they are, suck.
As I get older my friend group gets smaller/tighter. I have a lot of acquaintances but actual friends i have very few. Our time is precious and I'm not wasting it on one sided, jealous, BS relationships.
Same. I have one best friend. That’s it. And I’m ok with that.