Burned Out, Resentful, and Busy All The Time? You Might Be an OVERFUNCTIONER
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ก.ย. 2024
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Some people "underfunction" -- they struggle to get motivated, finish tasks, or pursue what they really want in life. But the opposite traits can be just as limiting: Overfunctioning is the name for when you take on more than your share of responsibility. You pay more than your share. You help people who haven't asked for help (and who could help themselves). You have an overdeveloped sense that YOU know best what others should eat, think and do. But overfuncitoning is a trauma-driven behavior, and leads to burnout, resentment and alienation for the people you love. Found out what it looks like and how you can start healing.
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It was a huge problem in my marriage. I overfunctioned and he noticed that and he weaponized incompetence because he knew I would just do it. It made me so resentful! Thank you for explaining how I became an overfunctioner. I was the oldest of 3 and my mother neglected us so I not only took over caring for myself but also caring for my sister & brother.
I love the term you used: “weaponized incompetence”. So relatable!
My ex weaponized dysfunction too. His anxiety & depression were his excuse for dumping all his responsibilities on me. I didn't have a partner, I had a tall child to take care of.
Weaponized incompetence is a problem with many people in my life. I realized how many were just using me once I stopped picking up the slack.
Me too
@@moonbodylibra yep me to lol
I was today years old when I realized giving unsolicited advice was inappropriate. Sometimes I feel like my trauma has made me like the kid who skipped a class and shows up to the test missing studying a whole chapter of notes. I feel alienated because I'm just unaware of social norms that everyone else seems to take for granted.
I was taught I am not valuable if I am not useful to others. This runs deep and it’s an ongoing battle within myself.
I am a recovering overfnctioner. Grew up in a neglectful and chaotic family and took on a caregiver role for a younger sibling early on. After I became a caregiver for a relative who had a stroke, this tendency kicked up into overdrive and I ended up burnt out and resentful. After a year of this I realized that I needed to STOP. I created boundaries and learned to ONLY help someone when they genuinely needed it, and under no other circumstance. Taking that weight off my shoulders is one of the best life choices I have made. I have a better relationship with this relative now, and we enjoy and encourage each other, I hope anyone watching this video can learn to let go if you find yourself overfunctioning.
This is soooo me. I over-function in my intimate relationships, struggle to have patience, and anxiously can't let my loved ones do anything for themselves. Then, I get overwhelmed and burned out. I'm trying really hard now to stay in my lane and making what I'm going to do clear, and what I won’t do for everyone else clear.
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Me too
Same. This whole video is me
This!!! I need to be this way
You explained my most toxic trait better than any therapist or past partner I’ve ever had. Thank you so much for these words ❤
I feel like my over functioning or "performing" had less to do with attention I was lacking and more to do with the idea that "if I do well, then mom and dad won't have to worry about me. They can focus on the 'real problems'"
It breaks my adult heart to realize child me felt THAT unimportant at times.
1000%, this is me. 😢😭 so THAT’S where my never-ending fatigue comes from.
Yes, this is me. I learned in the past that I can't really rely on others much of the time, so then I become a workaholic to try and prevent things from falling apart.
This channel is a great support. It’s all about self education and guidance. It’s like she and her team are the seniors helping freshmen when they first get to school. Peer leadership. It’s nice to see these videos where she shares things she is still actively dealing with, which makes it comforting.
Thanks for your comments, I don't know if I quite feel like a senior though, maybe a Junior :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
My children called it me micro managing them and it is such a relief to not only acknowledge and apologise for it but also to catch myself doing it
My kids & partner now say to me, "Mom, my problem is not your problem. Stay in your lane." I've recently graduated up to letting them clean the kitchen without my delegation. I'm getting there. 🤦♀️
@@moonbodylibra
:)
I did this with a former friend group. I was older than all of them by a few years but we all resonated with our likes and hobbies so we got along. “Mama-Gina” as they called it, was just the way I expressed my appreciation and love for them by just trying to always be available or make sure they were happy. I put them above me for years and hardly cared for my own needs…or thought about them tbh.
Now that that group of friends has moved on and I’ve been on my own for a while, I’m more aware of my “mama” mode and keep it under wraps better. I can be nice and do positive things for others, but I do not need to overextend myself.
All my grown daughter's friends call me Mama Kitty, I relate.
I am like this, and found out it's a symptom of OCPD. Since starting treatment, my quality of life and interpersonal relationships has drastically improved. Some relationships have dropped away, but overall, it has been positive. Relationships are shared responsibility, and putting that pressure on myself to pick up the slack is so damaging to my body and mind. If I am the only one trying to chase a person into participating in a relationship, they don't want to be caught.
This WAS me. Then I burned out to the point of not being able to function at all and been oscillating between periods of functioning and periods of barely functioning ever since (and no, not like bipolar disorder)
My ex-husband is an extreme over functioner. It pushed me away. Made me feel undervalued, not seen. Made him a martyr. Made the kids feel incompetant. Causes extreme imbalance
It's hard to give up lashing out even when you stop over functioning. My siblings took over my mother's care after I burned out. When they complain about her, I find myself saying things like"Well welcome to what my life was like for twenty years!!!". Ewwww!!!!! Thank you for this video.❤
It's also about not-enough-ness. It's a neurotic way of easing the fear of being seen as a failure or not good enough. Being extra is the only way to feel good enough.
This video resonated with me SO much. I didn't know why I've been feeling so resentful and emotionally depleted lately. This video was my "Aha moment" Thank you, Anna ❤
This is so me!! It started when I was young, I have to have anything clean and organized it has to be in it's place. I can't have clutter or to much stuff or I get so overwhelmed and full of anxiety. It's easier for me to be task oriented rather than be social and relax and have fun. I just got out of this type of relationship I over functioned and he under functioned, I was so resentful toward him.
This is me too, I wonder if my neat freak self is a trauma thing
@@jenamreynoso me too. Idk if it is. I hope not 😅 i like staying clean.
Thank you Anna for this video! Overdoing, overhelping, over-responsibility, over-everything. That's what I learned to do to survive. Taking a while to learn new skills and change old ways, but I am learning and growing. Cycles of overdoing then massive burnout and collapse. I keep seeing places where I do this! So many layers of coping and compensation for abuse and neglect. Many areas of continued self-neglect! Could you please make more videos about this over-functioning? Thank you!
Thanks for the request!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is so recognizable! I've done this in my relationships, with my child, and at work. For the first time in my life, I've been holding back these tendencies and seeing that the others are really okay. I'm trying to learn to let go, and it has me feel less needed and less competent. But I'm also seeing that things are okay without my interference... I'm trying to find a balance.
Great work! It's good not to be too needed, it has nothing to do with not having purpose ;)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Very nice insights, SoZen08.
Yea mornings are rough... anxiety, feeling of dread as well as feeling guilty and shamed about things i haven't accomplished and dreading things i know have to be done in the future. Can be debilitating
Thank you Anna! I over function or under function depending on the situation. I think sometimes over functioning comes from the feeling that people will not want you around just for who you are, and so you need to constantly prove your worth and value in order to earn their friendship. I see myself doing that. People are OK with letting you do that as long as you aren’t pushy or controlling. However, it still feels depleting and diminishing at times.
That must be difficult to deal with. Sending you encouragement on your healing. Don't let these people deplete you. Jack@TeamFairy
Deriving self-worth or perceiving our value as being a result of what we do for others, not who we Are seems to me to be a classic CoDep issue. Kinda saying this from personal experience.
Letting Go of the Need for External Validation solved Sooo much of this problem.
I have been the recipient of an overgivibg/ overfunctioning friend/ neighbor. It is exhausting on this end too. I don't like to feel indebted. When i ask what i can do for her, she always relpied, "You just have to be my friend!" Ugh! It feels transactional .
Thank you for this one Anna. When I over function, it is usually driven by the feeling that I am “behind“ from where I should be in my life, or I am trying to earn love from someone who is unavailable. I really recognize what you were talking about in my mother. She would over function as a way of controlling her children. I don’t know that i under functioned so much I as needed something different from her, such as love, encouragement, and support, instead she provided, enabling and criticism which left me feeling very inapt and doubting my own abilities and perception of reality. Thank you for this topic as it is an important one it does seem to go on addressed. I recognize it in my one sister who has an alcoholic husband and she calls me quite a bit to complain about him. I realized recently that listening does not help her as it keeps her stuck in the pattern and it is really draining for me to listen anymore. I have suggested her going to Al-Anon, but she makes every excuse in the world not to go. Fortunately, I am not trying to over function, and fix her. Thanks again Kevin
I'm married to an underfunctioning. That's a polite term. He drives me insane! My ex was overfunctioning. So I went from a workaholic to a lazy man-boy. Like being married to an alcoholic, if you can't beat em, join em. I love a clean, beautiful house, but the dust is an inch thick, and I'm not, I'm just not. I thought about vacuuming my husband, who spends at least twelve hours a day sitting on the couch, on his computer, playing games, and on FB, but bitching won't help. I won't cook so he does for both of us, and he shops, so we can eat. If I did he would do N O T H I N G! No, I love him but don't need this. And, BTW, his mother infantalized him.
Yes, it is a polite term :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
The crazy thing is.. our Capitalistic Western Society functions on over production as the norm. We have been bred to think the feeling of emotional and psychological burn out is the normative result of being a “productive citizen”
As a new small business owner this has become VERY apparent to me. Finally hired some help and working on letting go and trusting.
This is so true!! I used to try to control every situation, so I didn't get stressed out. Which also stressed me out!! Haha, make it make sense!? I'm getting better at this thanks to your content!! There are times that I stop myself and say, go with the flow, take out the expectations, stop future tripping, and let it be!! If there's issues or problems that result from a situation, I can now resolve or fix them and walk through it unscathed. Things may not turn out how I think they should, but not stressing and trying to control everything has really resolved a lot of my stress and anxiety!! Thank you, Anna!! I needed to hear this today. Little things like this really show my growth and how much work I've done for myself!! Sending you lots of love and blessings. ❤️
I love and appreciate your content and compassion so much. Because of you I joined CODA 8 weeks ago and it's changed my life for the better. Thank you!!! You're the best childhood fairy really :)
I'm so happy to hear this! Keep us posted on all the good things.
I like your bangs 🔥🔥🔥 I was grossly neglected as a child and locked in rooms for days at a time no food toilet etc This over functioning is me and I am so sad that I modeled that for my (now adult) children. I am also so disappointed by others all the time. Thank you 🙏for helping me understand why I am this way so I can heal and make better choices.
Omg you just described me to a T. Thank you so much for this. Will watch again to absorb all the nuances
I struggle thinking my childhood was crappy. When you describe how you took care of your sister, again I realize how non traumatic my childhood was and I hesitate to think I belong here. It feels like I am being ungrateful to my parents. I had a much harder time when I got married and moved out at age 20 and my mom couldn’t control me anymore. This is such a great video! I’ve read a lot about codependency and boundaries but this really helps me understand what I’m doing and why. I especially do it with my parents. Just knowing it’s a trauma response helps me look at it compassionately and squarely. Thanks so much for all you do and for such a vulnerable and honest video. Huge ahhh ha for me.
I think sometimes trauma is portrayed as really horrible or violent, even. I mean, those types of things are certainly traumatic, but there are quieter kinds of trauma, too. I'm kind of with you, I grew up in a stable household and was never hungry or homeless or exposed to drugs or alcoholism, etc. My mother was loving in her own way, but ultimately...she was neglectful and harsh, also an overperformer, and has a lot of these same behavioral issues because her mother was the child of an alcoholic, and acted the same way. 🤷♀️ It's still traumatic to me, though, in the end, right? I'm still dysregulated and wonky. Just because your trauma isn't obvious doesn't necessarily mean it isn't there.
You have no idea how much you have helped me. So many “Aha” moments 💡🤯
Thank you Anna💛
Thank you for this clear and concise explanation! I realized a couple of years ago how I've been doing this thing most of my life. It is definitely a trauma response. When I figured out what was happening I lovingly called my self... The Regulator. 😅 I'm finally learning to balance this as best I can and will catch myself in the act of starting to exhibit this behavior. Most people around me were under functioners taking no accountability for anything at all. Then they had a tendency of guilt tripping if I didn't take on the rest of their own responsibilities. Also, now my body reminds me when I start to over work it, as I'm aging and diagnosed physically disabled now. C-PTSD PTSD and unconscious Echoist nature has systematically almost been the death of me.
There was also a psychologist on the TV news today speaking about this very thing.
That's a sign to me that I need to acknowledge I have this problem and do something about it.
*gulp - I do this in every aspect of my life, and I walk around resentful, burned out, and bitter because of it. It absolutely stems from abuse and neglect in my childhood (and being the oldest child). Thank you for naming it.
Wow this is VERY VERY INTERESTING ! Please talk more about it….. this is a trauma response………i absolutely do it ! Please keep the topic open ……
Here is another one.
When I was 5 , my 11 year old sister babysat me. YES!! Let say I was trying to do something like dress myself, clean something or another task. She would get very impatient with my me and resentfully just do it herself. At work, when I don’t get something right, I experience this CPST 😢of helplessness, fear 😰, panic 😱. Like why bother if someone will change my work.
Great reminder. I think teachers tend to fall into this type of patterned behaviour/personality. Brené Brown also talks about it!
OMG, I have done both... under and over functioning in the ways described. I recently went through a similar 'friend' scenario too! What a lesson it was. Painful, yet eye opening and healing once I processed my part in it! Thank you Anna for this timely video! ❤😊
I resonate with this so much! I also get emotional flashbacks about 3 minute after I wake up, even if I had a great night of sleep and have nothing stressful planned for the day.
I also am realizing I overfunction as a means of self sabatoging. I create stress in my life of things are peaceful. It’s like calm is not acceptable for me so I’ll disrupt something just so I spend a lot of time and energy on it. I also will decide that 10 minutes before I need to go to work is the perfect time to do my laundry, mop my floor, or make an important phone call. I am going to work very hard to break these habits :)
Thank you! I needed to hear this! So relevant right now for me and a friend I think I overdid the help for and then felt resentful.
I am a chronic overfunctionor except in the areas where I fail to function completely (or completely burn out in the autistic way and fail to function for weeks at a time). I discovered early at school that my normal level of functioning was not deemed good enough (I have a specific learning disability and autism which means my way of being is non-standard) and I was accused constantly of being lazy so I had to over-function just to not stand out from my classmates. In the emotionally dysfunctional home as the oldest, I stepped up to protect my siblings when they were little, I can now see how the dynamic between my parents works and how I ended up as the secondary over functionor in the family due to the dynamic between my parents.
This video has helped me name what it is as I have recently been brought up about my tendency to overfunction to the point it is difficult for others and I was challenged about it. Now I know what it is and have a safe community I am about to move to where I can safely rediscover my natural level of functioning within a group of people who will gently tell me when I am tending to do too much or too little but also give me space to reregulate when I need to.
Doing the Daily Practice has helped me to recognise and get rid of the feelings that exist because of my past, but mostly it has helped me be present in what needs doing now and for my friends without being pushy.
I'm so glad the channel and practice have been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so ready to be done with the anxiety (of not being good enough etc)>overworking>feeling resentful>feeling lonely>anxiety again>... Cycle continues and feels like it cannot ever end. etc.
Great Topic ❤ Please more of how to stop overfunctioning. 😊
It’s easy to be too generous and people take advantage of you.
You are a gem to me Anna, nothing helped me more in the whole internet. Forever grateful and wishing you the best.
I think in my case I over function because my mom was so stressed and overwhelmed. Both my parents tried. But both worked a TON and my dad travelled and we lived far away from family so my mom was resentful that she had no help. Instead she’d over function to the point of being a martyr and would melt down to me. And I’d then take on more. Now that I have kids I see this clearly. But when my family has a stressor I find myself resorting to over functioning again. I have to constantly remind myself that I can ask for help and assign chores in a way that we all have 10-15 min of work tops.
Argh yes and it’s so true I’ve experienced both ways round, which is confusing.
Story of my life. This is key to my challenges and a long overdue revelation. Resonates so much.
Thank you so much for doing a video on this topic. I was waiting for this and it has shed so much more light than I ever realized could be. This makes SO MUCH SENSE. I really hope I can swing the pendulum back to the center a bit more. (Instead of swinging back and forth continuously between under and over!)
I feel this will be my greatest challenge
💆🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️💪🏻
Thanks again Anna. I’ve been wanting to get to this video all week. Learning such hard lessons. I really hope I can also reach a time in my life where emotional flashbacks don’t overshadow each morning. I relate to so much of your experience. I’m sorry you had to go through that with your little sister during that period. So glad you had those kind souls at school to show compassion and lighten the burden a little. I also found solace at school with so many kind music and drama teachers. At church too. God has protected us at so many different points along our path!
Off to the woods now to contemplate all this.
😘🌲🌲🌲
Have a blessed day. Xo Krisma
OMD - Revelation indeed - your site is a major Factor in my Self Improvement - Bang on the Money Time after Time - Many Peeps I know also follow you, and when I first mention you, their faces light up and they Exclaim 🙌🏻 YESS 🙌🏻 -Many thanks 🙏🏻💛✨
That's so nice to hear! Thank you.
YES!!! I have been struggling with this for the past 5 years. I have been healing from CPTSD, but I just thought it was burnout.
Where do I begin😮 I literally just found out this term today. Hi..I'm a over-functioner.👋🏽👋🏽-- especially at work. Working from home helped lessen this, but its still there. I take on extra stuff aka tasks that i dont have to on acting like im being helpful but deep inside i am very resentful. All of that focus on others could be focused on me. Ah ha...let that ish go. My way is not the only way. Let people do them. This video was very helpful. Everything you said is spot on. I too was neglected as a child hence the over- functioning trait.
Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You know Anna once I was praying my prayers in the open, and this family (man and a woman) were setting things in their "American" pickup, and that pickup won't stop from giving the "peep, peep" alert siren, and after I went in the clear I screamed to the man, (close the car and then open it by the key). Then I felt why would I do that! His reply was (May God give you health) which is a gesture of gratitude in Arabia.
I do this because my sister has Aspergers and it isn’t as easy for her to focus on keeping tidy and doing house hold responsibilities. We are both 20 and about to turn 21. I feel myself getting resentful because I know she is capable of doing these things. She is very capable but I don’t know if it is because she expect it to be taken care of by me or mom or if it really is just hard for her to keep up. regardless I know managing this with her is a challenge and I see that I have to be better with understanding where she’s at with responsibility and walk her through things. thank you for this video! Love your channel.❤
The more I people pleased, the less respect I got from people who don't deserve it. Everytime I reject their manipulation I get immediate respect!
I’m a over functioning person with an alcoholic partner - 35 years of trying to change him and not spending time on me.
Now I’m a bitter and tired person and don’t know what to do??
This is happening to me right now. I'm a twin. My twin has had crippling depression and anxiety since we were in high school. I ended becoming overprotective of my twin, taking on responsibilities and chores so our parents wouldn't send her into a meltdown by pushing her to do it. But now we've graduated university, and still live together. I'm still doing most of the responsibilities and chores while she, still anxious and depressed, plays video games all day. I'm trying to find a job and earn my driver's license, and she isn't doing... anything. And I've gotten pretty resentful over it, particularly on bad days. But if I tell her so, I'm afraid it'll destroy her, as one of her strongest beliefs is that she's a burden. I'm afraid of pushing her and ending up sounding exactly like our parents.
This explains a lot. Thank you. I am the breadwinner and the primary person who cooks and cleans and my husband barely cares for himself. I am on the verge of burnout, but you're absolutely right that it comes from a place of insecurity on my end. I feel better when I have control.
I think my overfunctioning got worse during the pandemic. I just wanted to fix everything and now I am resentful.
Try the Daily Practice :) bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is me… it’s my therapy. I will say the ppl around me won’t & don’t do that’s where the resentment comes from. It’s a struggle
This is By Far my largest fault.
I’m very grateful to hear it Named, and now discussed.
💪🏼💜👍🏼😊
THIS is much of my symptoms, and Holy Hell, does it complicate my life.
Anna, thank you. What you're doing is brilliant and I'm impressed by your no-fluff, honest approach. I was at the point where 'if I have to continue living, something's got to change!' and you provide that practical insight to the "why" behind problems and simple "how" to fix it solutions. Love your insight, advise and channel!
This is crazy, I needed to see this today.
Mind. Blown. 🤯. This is me 1000%.
The things you talk about continue to stun me. So much of it resonates with me.
I use to over function now I under function personally except I also over function in family..it's literally like feeling crazy.
That's pretty much what I was going to say. I have done both, but when my daughter died, I got stuck in under functioning. I think I'm stuck in freeze.
Came here to say the same. I used to over function but after a few nervous breakdowns, I let everything go in my life to reset and now I under function.
@@Jesus-lives-inside-me yeah...stayed with an abuser for 23 years because of my faith wanting a film had seven children just been a cpletely insane experience had all my belongs lost and stolen never get to live anywhere always called weird now my children hate me still can't get untangled and the abuse has manifested so I am unable to walk...I have Jesus and 7 year old ...waiting for the end of the world and that's been my life...
@@bonnie3030 Bonnie I'm so sorry for your struggle. I'm so glad to hear Jesus is part of your life. I too struggled with so much emotional pain that it manifested physically for me as well. I went through 5 years of chronic debilitating neck pain starting at age 28. I was so hopeless for my future. By the grace of God, I was led to an audiobook on TH-cam called Healing Back Pain by Dr. John Sarno. I have now been pain free for 4 years! I can without a doubt say that this book and the concepts within changed my life more than anything else ever has, other than Jesus and the Bible. Please check it out. I know it won't solve all your problems, but if you could solve even one of your issues, wouldn't that be a great thing, and free you up to focus on the next thing? Hang in there, Sister. One day at a time.
@@Jesus-lives-inside-me thanks been a long haul ...feeling grumpy...one thing that's helped me cope is Jesus Crist gratefulness prayer and perspective..the pain is the one that's got me though and feeling trapped .it's a traka bond and 20 other years of counseling and blablah.thankyou sincerely bonnie.
Have to admit…some of this took my breath away. You have described my father and myself. Im going to check out everything you have. Thank you
Welcome aboard!
-The Fairy Team
Overfunctioning is a reflex to anxiety. You feel you need to control.
Overfunctioning caused me to get Migraines for years because my body was telling me to stop. I used to do this at work , at home, with family and I was tired of Attracting Underfunctioners. This is a fantastic content and thank you so much for your work 😊
Glad you're here.
Nika@TeamFairy
This completely describes me. Thanks for putting it into words. I just started the daily practice.
Amazing! -Calista@TeamFairy
As soon as I saw the title I knew this was me, but the more I listened I realized it was my mother. And now that she’s gone, my father continues to be unable to do anything for himself. I can’t blame it on his age… when mom first got sick he talked a good game about how he would start doing things around the house to help take care of her and he couldn’t manage to do even simple tasks. I assumed it was because he had a wife who did everything for him but I think it may have been deeper than that, like he had married her because she was going to do EVERYTHING. (Mid century housewife times a thousand!) And even though I had this practically perfect housewife mom, I was still emotionally neglected as a child, so I grew up anxious and needing to people-please, so I over-do too.
Excited for therapy tomorrow!
The dance of anger is a great book for this
What to do when something actually need to be done, the other person don't do it and we end up having to do it. Isn't unfair? We also need to stand up for ourselves and not let people take advantage of us, how to discern that? If it us, or the other person being lazy and irresponsible. I think lots of women nowadays feel overwhelmed because on top of working outside home, men still don't know (or don't want to) how to help at home.
Exactly what I needed today. Thank you, Anna.
I am both ! Very over in some areas,totally underfunctioning in others....is there EVER a balnace??? Rather weary of this all......
You have helped me so much in so many areas Anna, thank you from the bottom of my heart.❤
Glad to hear it. We are happy to have you here. Jack@TeamFairy
Wow, this has been the undercurrents of my life that never quite made sense. Thank you so much!
I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Great video! Would love to see a follow up on how to overcome it and/or overfunctioning at work.
I had a colleague tell me once, “not my monkey, not my circus”. This was the beginning of cutting the ties that bind.
Thank you for your videos❤
The overfunctioning codependent is self abandoning- no longer an useful strategy in adult life- it’s a spectrum of dysfunction
Over function ers are a trigger for me I always feel like an inept slacker around them. This was good for me to listen to to help me under their unique problems.
This is just amazing..I don't even know where to start, guess I'm Burned-out, set boundary for myself.
I understand everything you say...
I can't even say thank you enough for this video and this point of my life, this is precisely a conflict point in my relationship that I am so grateful my counselors helping me understand and grateful for this resource to help me understand it too
This is exactly what my ex did but I didn’t have a word for it! He was CONSTANTLY running around doing something. He couldn’t just BE. His energy was frantic and he was always running around busying himself with something. To me, it seemed like a coping mechanism to keep from truly emotionally connecting. Interesting how you mentioned it was an anxiety thing bc he bit his nails down to the bed and still bit them even when nothing was left.
If I sent this to a friend to help her because it helped me is it inappropriate and over functioning 😂
Very helpful, Anna. Thank you.
Wow. 🤯 Talk about finding out something about yourself. Thank you for this topic. 🙏🏻 My parents placed my newborn baby brother in my room when I was 9, no baby monitor or anything, and then would lock their door. So I greatly relate to your story of how this behavior started. I find myself over functioning with those that have identified & target that in me, from friends to romantic to coworkers. And when I really reflect, realize that I just might be under functioning with those friends that have this trait, knowing that I can just rely & relax around them. 🤦🏻♀️ that’s more unusual, but still not fair either! Again, wow, thanks for this knowledge!! ❤
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad the video was helpful, thanks for sharing your experience :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Ahh, this explains a lot! Especially in my current situation where squatters have legally kicked me out of my own home!
Not everyone learns the same way and I learned very differently I realized and it is very stressful when someone won't let me learn and just keep trying to do it for me
My question is how do you navigate this need to over function when it comes to helping your young adult children who still live at home and rely on your support and advice?
I do realise I am going too far but I find it hard to pull back especially when I am overly concerned about their health and safety. My OCD means that I have excessive fears about them getting hurt especially in an accident or by the overuse of alcohol or drugs (there has been some binge drinking and vaping, but no actual evidence of drug taking - but that does not stop me from worrying about him doing it even though he assures me he is not).
I always think worst case scenario and worry that terrible things are going to happen to them. I am currently awake at nearly 3am waiting for my 19 yo son to come home and I’m wondering yet again if tonight will be the night where I will get that knock on the door because something dreadful has happened…😿
I encourage you to try my Daily Practice techniques (free course, linked in description section below all videos and also on my website). It's a way to release fear (and resentment) so you can declutter your mental emotional space.I have a 20 year old son (and one a little older, who is already out on his own). I worry sometimes and talk about my concerns, but (as you know) it can go too far and become controlling behavior, which can stunt the natural course of their development, and alienate them. I used to lie to my parents because I didn't want them controlling me (their parenting tended to only kick in when I was visibly causing trouble).
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you so much for your response - I will definitely look into everything you have suggested 😻
Really enlightening - thanks Anna 💐
Okay this is silly and dumb but I’m laying in bed listening to this with my dog and cat and I smelled something funny and I asked who farted and it was on 3:53 and she said “you did, I did” all serious and It made me bust up laughing!
This is common in children whose parents are Narcissistic. I'm constantly taking care of my mother and so she becomes even more lazy because she knows I will take care of it.
I’m curious if this is overfunction or something else: cleaning obsessively when stressed about other things, like trying to create an organized and perfectly put together exterior while avoiding anxiety and frustration on the inside
Thank you, so helpful!
This is sooo eye opening talk! Thank you for that 🙏💕
This couldn't be more timely, thank you ❤
God bless you for taking care of your sister when you were so little 🫂
Aw, no one ever said that to me. Thank you.