Guys, you forgot the volunteer work option. I volunteer at an assisted living place for the elderly at least once a week because I love spending time with the residents. But there's an added bonus in meeting younger family members when they come to visit. Trust me, if a person's grandmother/grandfather loves spending time with you...they are going to try and play matchmaker. Grandmas make the BEST wingmen.
in college, saw a really cute guy while i was riding a jeepney on my way home (im from the Philippines, jeeps = PUVs) i saw him looking at me so i smiled back to give a "vibe" that im also interested (without being upfront or creepy). turns out, he was my elementary (grade 2) classmate. and he looking at me coz he's trying to remember who i am. we became connected thru facebook, but he has a girlfriend then so nothing happened. but then, AFTER college, we had the chance to reconnect again coz it turns out his house isnt far from mine. we were both single that time, that's when we started dating. and we've been together for almost 2 years already ❤️ serendipity is real guys😍
nes mcpgl have you seen the movie Serendipity? Your story reminded me of it, and after you used the word 'serendipity' I had to ask if youve seen the movie. If you haven't I'd definitely recommend it ☺️
well, not really thinking of it this way. I have went to parties / gatherings, that I only knew one person in the house. and to a certain extent we are all strangers to each other. The point it feel safe is just an illusion. and I've heard so many stories that actually friends' friends are Axxxxxx. so ya pretty much the same then meeting someone on the street..
I agree! It seems safer because I can ask our mutual friends about what that person is like or get a feel for it from their interactions with other people instead of just basing it off of my interactions with them alone. Compared to someone who I meet at a cafe for example, I don't know if they're approaching me because they're looking for a rebound or hell even someone to scam but I might be able to find out IF we had mutual friends.
It seems safer but i've met douchebags through friends and some great guys on my own. Also as you get older, you pretty much have met all the potential guys in your friends circle...it helps to venture out on your own
The problem with dating a friend's friend is if anything goes off in the relationship, you can potentially hurt your friendship. They get caught between and hear the bad stuff from both sides, it can be a messy situation xD
Having been out of college for a long time now, I can say don't worry. You eventually will learn and adapt to having to be a bit more proactive to meet people or you will cry your tears alone at home. The best places I've noticed my friends meeting their significant others have been at work, parties, events of shared interest, volunteer organizations, going out with friends which includes some new people, being set up by friends, and yes, online dating. If you put yourself out there and swallow your fear, you can meet and go out and possibly with someone that you will end up really liking. But if you really desire to be in a relationship, one of the most difficult things I've found is that as you get older (especially at my age), you get to know yourself better and grow into yourself, but at the same time that also makes you become more specific about what you're looking for and the more rigid those standards you make, the less likely you are to meet anyone that meets them. So you have to try to keep an open mind, I guess. The other challenge for the most ambitious individuals is that you often have so much going on that you simply don't have enough time to meet people to even maintain a relationship that you start.
yo...just wait til you hit your late 20s/early 30s. dating becomes a chore (even online dating, trying to decipher who is genuine with their intentions or just looking for a hookup). *sigh* and then your asian parents get on your case, and you tell them you've been focused on your "career" when in reality you are just trying to decide what it is you really want. then all of a sudden, everyone around you is getting married and having kids. O_o welcome to my life.
Embrace your singleness and I'm sure you'll get into a relationship eventually. I had a friend who dated a girl for what seemed like not that long and he got married. This all happened when he was like 30......
+Fruity puffs good for your friend! Sounds like he knew exactly what he wanted and moved quickly! I'm sure that will happen for me too, eventually. Thanks for the advice!
Nhia Vue XD I mean I know they spoke here and there but I don't think they were super close but that's just from my observation. You can't hurt in always bettering yourself every day. =D People are attracted to confidence so I find that the more you love yourself, not in a narcissistic way, the more people will love you.
I was set up on over 20 blind dates by family friends after I graduated from college. Aaand I ended up meeting my husband by chance at church where I was volunteering. We were both individually doing something we were passionate about, and it drew us together.
"You want it to be difficult and you want it to be challenging, coz when you do find that person, you feel like you've overcome some obstacles and you've really put your effort and work into it" - Wesley Chan
Can we make meeting people in bookstores a thing? Like, oh, that girl is cute and she's browsing the Discworld books, I'm going to ask if I can buy her a book. I would feel much more comfortable with that situation than with someone buying me a drink.
That idea sounds awesome. I was thinking a library too. Like, oh, that girl or guy is reading book about puns, I love lame jokes. I should share a joke with him or her.
it can happen but its very glorified in movies. You can meet your SO anywhere in the world, including a dark alley way (for jokes and giggles), its all chance and encounter and the fact that you're mentally prepared to accept them and take it to the next step and so are they. Because you can find someone you like and be ready to date them...etc, but the trick is... you don't know if they are at a good time in their life to reciprocate and do the same with you, because they could be your soul mate but you miss the opportunity because they weren't ready at the time. Hence why dating is hard and so many guys come off as creeps because they catch the girl at the bad time.
That's how I felt about making friends when I went into uni after high school - that it was so much harder in uni cos in high school you see the same people 8 hours a day, whereas in uni you'll see each set of people for an hour per week in your tutorial and there's not much bonding time in that cos everyone goes to do their own thing outside of class (unless you REALLY click) so its funny hearing you say the same thing for college vs. post-college 😅😅
ideal first encounters: walking down a beach and seeing a guy looking dreamingly at the setting sun, walking through an empty corridor and hearing beautiful music and lovely singing from a deserted room, going to the rooftop at night to look at the stars and finding another person there.............. yeah i know i watched to much anime *sigh*
Ideal first encounter: when I'm not idolizing relationships and am comfortable enough with myself to do what I want without the intention of meeting anyone. That's how I got in my current relationship and it's the best I've ever known(:
this lunch talk made me nostalgic lol. i met my husband in the engineering lab I started working in after graduating high school (he was an engineering student already). we developed a really good friendship and sorta suspected we had mutual crushes on each other but neither had the guts to make a move. when he was gonna graduate and unsure of whether to pursue a master's or get a job back in his hometown (faraway) it made me realize how much I'd regret not at least seeing if we could maybe be something more and I surprised him by asking HIM out. We got married a few weeks ago after 7 yrs of dating :) but honestly thinking about it, I'd totally be single right now if I hadn't met him then (just wasn't interested in finding someone and would have never considered dating anyone but him. he's pretty awesome & unique
The issue with dating in college is that some people still grow up and change personalities. After the idea of getting out on your own with a career, ambitions change and characters change. My ex changed quite a bit from when we met freshmen year and 6 years later when he was working full time. His ambitions did not match mine. I finally met my husband out of college at my fencing club. I find it best to meet people in interest groups/sports you constantly go to with lots of people around (who you consistently interact with). However, you need to date someone with a personality that fits. Just because you meet someone at the gym, does not mean they have the same ambitions/ideas as you in the long run. Just note, typically people look to date someone that show being a "strong provider" whether that's income, family, personality, etc. Think of the animal kingdom. Males and females battle for the top partner who will provide a strong lineage. Outside of college, that is the true test of becoming being able to provide and proving you you are in the world.
The first step is to decide how serious you are about meeting someone for a long term relationship. If you are really serious about it, you will not overanalyze dating opportunities that come up--you confidently take them! After college is rough. I didn't allow myself to get too absorbed in my job--had an active social life, was warm/friendly to guys without being too forward, and had an online dating profile to get more dates in the background. Eventually met my husband online, and I am glad it has changed the landscape of dating. Otherwise we never would have met. Those who are not yet ready to settle down (which is fine) will be put off by the awkwardness. If marriage/long term relationship is a life goal and heart's desire, you must be brave enough to employ all the tools and strategies possible to have the best chance to meet someone great. That includes online dating and not being tok guarded/shy when people approach you in public.
I've just graduated and now that I think about it, the real purpose of going to college is really just to get an internship and find a partner. But everybody was so stressed out with marks and no one ever told us to take it easy because everything will be fine and we are all going to graduate....So now I'm out of school and it does seem pretty hard to meet people, but trust me, it was even more difficult back then because of confidence issues and immarturity like Phil said.
I hope the lunch break series will be a long term project. Your discussions are enjoyable and I relate so well with what you guys are feeling/ thinking. Your personalities, emotional maturity and heart are what sells WF. I like the scripted shorts but I love the real people behind so much more :). Blessings guys :)
The most complicated thing in life is a relationship. It's been 18 years and I only dated once. You think it easy finding a person in college trust me it's not.
thank you wongfu for bring this difficult subject to light Q.Q btw, what Ashley said about being afraid of a random person talking to hear in a cafe I hear from more and more girls these days and it's pretty sad. It's sad to think how massed up our society has become that the first thought in a girls head when approached by a guy is "DANGER DANGER"
Ashley is right. Online dating is superficial. I gave it a shot because friends encouraged me to try it. I'm one to rather not shut an idea down before trying it. My profile portrayed who I am and what I looked liked. Connected with a guy and told him off the bat that I am not thin, nor athletic. But I am a confident size 10 woman. Two months into talking everyday for 2-3 hours, he dumped me due to how much I weighed. The last part of your video hit home. To anyone out there that may have encountered something similiar, keep being confident and be you. Don't let others determine your worth.
Girl, you do you! Totally agree with what you've said. Online dating has brought out the superficiality in many people and in ways, has made dating harder for the reasons WongFu mentioned. But like you said, don't let someone else determine your worth. The right person will be worth all the obstacles and challenges :)
I'm 21 and working full-time and going to college...fuck, let me tell you about no mans land. It's fucking horrifying, can't date college girls, can't date co-workers, can't talk to anyone along the way to/from work. Shit's rough out there guys, we have to go so far to find someone.
when I was in high school, people would tell me that uni would be the best years of my life, but after graduating uni, only then I saw how wrong that statement was. The best years of my life (aside from studies) were in highschool. I fostered the strongest friendships there since the groups were smaller and more familiar with one another. I also enjoyed the years after uni when I started working (mainly because I enjoy what I'm doing)... Even though, there arent as many friends (and practically zero dating opportunities) now as there were in high school/uni, I still would pick my life now over my life in uni. I think the key is to just keep going and enjoy what you're doing, because with a positive attitude, life starts handing you bonuses you never expected.
this is such an interesting convo you guys. i totally agree with wes about online dating. i read an article that was talking about how young people who frequently use tinder tend to not form long relationships because they have so many options they think that somewhere else there is someone "better," so they just participate in flings that don't lead anywhere because they're just like trying people out essentially.
Loved this video! Great topic for discussion. Definitely brought new insight and a fresh perspective on dating outside of college and the prevalence of dating apps today. Wongfu for lifee
Wow just got home from my lecture on online dating in my human sexuality class and I see this LOL! I've been in university for 5 years and I've been single throughout that entire time. If meeting people after university is even harder than *in* university, then I don't stand a chance >.> I'm going to die alone.
Advice is to learn how to get a date and the second date before college is over. The first lesson to learn is lose the fear of rejection. The takeaway is dont leave college without a GF. Going to clubs or markets usually end up in a one night stand.
8:42 I think Ashley missed the acting cue to look over at Phil and act out the "Milk carton" thing. LOL AND Wes's delay laugh on Taylor's funny "Orange-carton-orchard" comment. 8:49. Priceless! HAHAHA Love this lunch break guys!
Ok but when you're a female engineering major in classes full of guys and predetermined block schedules and all the guys assume you're prude 'cause you don't go to parties and get shit-faced so they won't talk to you either. First year wasn't all to spectacular at my university either...
holy shit, take advantage of being young and in college. that is to say: have a good time going for whatever you want. i wish i could get a mulligan on that.
Wesley, I love your last comment about overcoming obstacles...always leave it to Wongfu to add heart and humor to relatable, every day life. thanks everyone.
Also, the online dating option might result in people feeling like everyone is easily replaceable. People might put in less effort when they're in a relationship because they have so many back up options. Psychologically, even if a person in a relationship is happy but his/her alternative options are better (there's a chance there is a better relationship out there) the person will be likely to go for a new relationship with the seemingly better option.
My first romantic relationship was online dating when I was in high school but through a game. We dated 4 years but we broke up and after a year, I started dating one of my friends who goes to my church though we haven't made it official yet for reasons but I've realized that relationships isn't about how long you've been together but how well the relationship is or how well you connect with your partner and relationships are a constant effort and a constant choice. I remember one of my friends telling me that it's not about finding the one but being the one. I think it's also great to be single but it's what you're going to do while you're single and embracing your singleness.
Thumbs up for Phil awesome references 👍 I can totally relate to your theory !! I'm 23, in my last year of college and also working part-time in a high school. I didn't have enough classes this year to actually say that I had the opportunity to meet peolple around my age, and the people in my high school are either too old colleagues or underage pupils ! Even though you're not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship, it is so hard to meet new friends when you're not interested in clubbing or dating site... Wes is so right about the mentality changing, but when it's not your case, what are you suppose to do ?
Just graduated college a couple months ago, and I'm having tons of fun! I joined a new youth group and I go dancing all the time (Swing or latin, so a different crowd than clubbing). Just stay involved wherever you are, pursue what you enjoy, and don't think about it too much ^_^
Michelle Wong Exactly. I'm not in college yet, but even after it - I feel like if you organize your time right you have enough for deliberately picking up fun activities, both for your own personal development and to always have an enviroment where you could meet someone. I'm Christian and really into being one, so in a sense that makes it harder to find an SO cause I want them to have the same values, but on the other hand - there are SO many events, like, there's church, there's youth groups, bible study/prayer/whatnot groups, there's even bible schools which are a lot like colleges, there's concerts, there's conferences, there's one-week-camps or a-couple-of-days camps. If one's active, they can meet a whole lot of people both locals and others. And then of course there are the opportunities of signing up for dance classes like you did or other types of classes or generally join activities you're interested in. I personally would love to learn how to jive - wouldn't it be awesome to meet an SO who likes that too and we could dance together? It's not anything important, but it's pretty cool. :D
That's kind of the same encouragement you get with online dating though. Everything's too casual. But speaking for me, I most likely wouldn't have gotten into a relationship if I knew it would definitely end up long-distance. Not a fan of those, especially if it's different-country long distance, wow lol. Sorry to hear that though, Screamo.
my boyfriend actually said that to me when we were still considering if we should get together. I guess It depends how much effort you both are willing to put into the relationship and whether or not you're ready for it. We have been in a LDR for 2 years now :)
Relationships are hard works regardless which age you're in or what career you've chosen. Some people might be luckier than others, they've probably found their lifetime love in or even before college; some people are juts less fortunate. As a person who never officially dated anyone, I can honestly say it's not an extremely happy thing, especially when 90% of your close friends already in relationships. However, I think it's okay if you're single, because the high-quality alone time is better than the low-classed group time. It's better to spend time making yourself more interesting than go through a crappy relationship.
Right!! And I haven't even started college yet!! Like I'm already scared of going into college in a few months, and here they are scaring me about life after college...
+lolann7 from a student graduating college, College is scary, but don't let fear keep you from new experiences. Life doesn't go in a straight line. Even in college, things won't go according to plan. It's gonna be scary when things aren't going according to plan. Don't be afraid of the changes and enjoy the process. Don't hesitate to seek help. There's no shame to in asking for help. You are not alone. Ask professors, TAs, and counselors their life stories. They were in the same boat as you are. They were as scared and confused as you are. Listen to your seniors and make your own mistakes and learn from them. You're going to meet people that hate you and people that you hate. You're also going to meet people that will be long life friends and loves. People who will inspire you. You're going to be stressing over papers and exams. Sleeping in during lectures. Napping in between class and work to get through the day. All in all, make the most out of your experience at college.
This has always been a challenge for me, even before finishing college xD I'm an awkward girl around people (let alone guys xD) but my ideal first encounter would be perhaps from work, common hobby or friend, then start as friends, get to know each other, discover what we like about each other and then start dating.
I'm with you. I'm also very awkward around people but I have a lot of guy friends and find them to be easier to hang out with. Your ideal encounter describes my current relationship with my boyfriend. xD Embrace your singleness. I sure did when I was healing after my ex and I broke up.
Fruity puffs That is so awesome, I'm glad to hear you got such an encounter :) And yes, I gave up long ago and started to embrace singleness xD I now believe that finding the right person should not be something too effortful, he will appear at the time, so meanwhile, I just need to enjoy life and pursue my dreams :D
Mei Wang Yeaaa. Though another thing that I've found important which my friend had told me a long time ago and I remember she said that it's not about finding the one but being the one.
I'm like on the exact opposite side of the spectrum haha! I'm super friendly and outgoing but since i'm like that to everyone i meet and interact with its hard for me to distinguish when i'm actually into a girl vs just being friends with her.
I've graduated college 2 months ago & I downloaded this app called Hello Talk. It's a language app. And while i was chatting with my friend using that app, a korean guy spoke to me. And then 2 months later which is right now, we are a couple for 2 months. Hahaha. It's amazing how a language app can bring us together 😊
Dating gets harder cos all technology. Ppl are into it too much & have no real socialising like it used to be. So it is actually harder & when ppl have job, busy with it, it gets harder to find opportunity to fine their date & time to date someone.
face to face interaction awkwardness maybe, but your statement is not true regarding technology makes people less social. in fact, it actually is easier to interact with many people and learn about new cultures a lot easier.
I think that meeting people at events, a friend of a friend, church, grocery, sporting events, music concerts, holiday events, but mostly a friend if a friend is best and church cuz it's like school you see people every week and get to know them better and you believe in the same things unless you don't but I think the fact that you see familiar faces every week helps, and college really is a good place to meet people.
I think meeting someone new then getting to know them (as oppose to a dating app where you are judging by their face/physique/swipe) is generally difficult. No matter what age you are? Obvs the older you are, you have more confidence but doesn't mean being knocked back or being refused 🙅🏻does not get any easier either!
This is great vid and I love LunchBreak! I also think that it is good to remember that they are talking about a very specific demographic of people (cis gendered heterosexuals) and that dating, during and after college, can be a very different experience for the rest of the population.
This is so True. Dating is hard regardless. In college, you could be so shy and missed out many nice guys. After you graduate, those people from college groups are a lot younger than you. And there are a lot of order and married people in your workplace. There is no one who you can date!!!
there shouldn't be stigmas against online dating apps, mostly because there are so many. I agree with the "superficiality" argument, because a lot of relationships turn out like that when the two are not on the same page with expectations. But! I have found my future husband on Coffee Meets Bagel and I recommend it for everybody. Online dating taught me to be less anxious and "in my head" about dating because I couldn't predict anything ahead of time. Sometimes it made me uncomfortable, but it forced me to dive head-first and exercise courage. I also learned how to assert myself with DTR conversations.
No, the hard part for girls is not necessarily sifting through guys approaching, because not all girls get approached all the time. Yes, girls and women can totally make the first move, but personally, I'd always worry about what that guy would think of me because of that, which is kind of sad...
Guys, you forgot the volunteer work option. I volunteer at an assisted living place for the elderly at least once a week because I love spending time with the residents. But there's an added bonus in meeting younger family members when they come to visit. Trust me, if a person's grandmother/grandfather loves spending time with you...they are going to try and play matchmaker. Grandmas make the BEST wingmen.
you're diabolical =)
Grant Chartrand Diabolical, or using my allies to my advantage? ;)
Basic DoA (Dead or Alive) training: use your surroundings. I feel you.
This looks hilarious in my mind, haha
in college, saw a really cute guy while i was riding a jeepney on my way home (im from the Philippines, jeeps = PUVs) i saw him looking at me so i smiled back to give a "vibe" that im also interested (without being upfront or creepy). turns out, he was my elementary (grade 2) classmate. and he looking at me coz he's trying to remember who i am. we became connected thru facebook, but he has a girlfriend then so nothing happened. but then, AFTER college, we had the chance to reconnect again coz it turns out his house isnt far from mine. we were both single that time, that's when we started dating. and we've been together for almost 2 years already ❤️ serendipity is real guys😍
nes mcpgl have you seen the movie Serendipity? Your story reminded me of it, and after you used the word 'serendipity' I had to ask if youve seen the movie. If you haven't I'd definitely recommend it ☺️
Nessie Macapagal are y’all still together?
True story, I was out of college and I met my now girlfriend who was in college at a Wong Fu event
WONGFU4LYFE
Now that is awesome. Wong Fu really brings people together :)
Okay, also love this story. I also believed meeting because of common interests was real romance.
Next Wong Fu short!
I like Ashley's comment about meeting through mutual friends. It's definitely more safe and secure that way. LOLs
well, not really thinking of it this way. I have went to parties / gatherings, that I only knew one person in the house. and to a certain extent we are all strangers to each other. The point it feel safe is just an illusion. and I've heard so many stories that actually friends' friends are Axxxxxx. so ya pretty much the same then meeting someone on the street..
I agree! It seems safer because I can ask our mutual friends about what that person is like or get a feel for it from their interactions with other people instead of just basing it off of my interactions with them alone. Compared to someone who I meet at a cafe for example, I don't know if they're approaching me because they're looking for a rebound or hell even someone to scam but I might be able to find out IF we had mutual friends.
It seems safer but i've met douchebags through friends and some great guys on my own. Also as you get older, you pretty much have met all the potential guys in your friends circle...it helps to venture out on your own
The problem with dating a friend's friend is if anything goes off in the relationship, you can potentially hurt your friendship. They get caught between and hear the bad stuff from both sides, it can be a messy situation xD
Well, does wongfu count as a mutual friend? HAHAH ^^
Having been out of college for a long time now, I can say don't worry. You eventually will learn and adapt to having to be a bit more proactive to meet people or you will cry your tears alone at home.
The best places I've noticed my friends meeting their significant others have been at work, parties, events of shared interest, volunteer organizations, going out with friends which includes some new people, being set up by friends, and yes, online dating. If you put yourself out there and swallow your fear, you can meet and go out and possibly with someone that you will end up really liking.
But if you really desire to be in a relationship, one of the most difficult things I've found is that as you get older (especially at my age), you get to know yourself better and grow into yourself, but at the same time that also makes you become more specific about what you're looking for and the more rigid those standards you make, the less likely you are to meet anyone that meets them. So you have to try to keep an open mind, I guess.
The other challenge for the most ambitious individuals is that you often have so much going on that you simply don't have enough time to meet people to even maintain a relationship that you start.
yo...just wait til you hit your late 20s/early 30s. dating becomes a chore (even online dating, trying to decipher who is genuine with their intentions or just looking for a hookup). *sigh* and then your asian parents get on your case, and you tell them you've been focused on your "career" when in reality you are just trying to decide what it is you really want. then all of a sudden, everyone around you is getting married and having kids. O_o welcome to my life.
OMG you just described my life lol
Embrace your singleness and I'm sure you'll get into a relationship eventually. I had a friend who dated a girl for what seemed like not that long and he got married. This all happened when he was like 30......
+Fruity puffs good for your friend! Sounds like he knew exactly what he wanted and moved quickly! I'm sure that will happen for me too, eventually. Thanks for the advice!
Nhia Vue XD I mean I know they spoke here and there but I don't think they were super close but that's just from my observation. You can't hurt in always bettering yourself every day. =D People are attracted to confidence so I find that the more you love yourself, not in a narcissistic way, the more people will love you.
I have never clicked thumbs up on a comment as fast. Whatever you said is entirely relatable.
I don't know what my ideal first encounter would be any more, because my mind has been too messed up from watching too many K-Dramas!!!
Preach
ditto! i feel exactly the same.
glad to know i'm not the only one confused and crazy because of K-Dramas xD
yas
same
Phil, Wes, and Ashley: "Let's all wear black and not tell Taylor".
aaww this is the second time that this happened xD
cgk333 lol. They're bullying Taylor.
I was set up on over 20 blind dates by family friends after I graduated from college. Aaand I ended up meeting my husband by chance at church where I was volunteering. We were both individually doing something we were passionate about, and it drew us together.
Wow... Wong Fu dropping the truth RIGHT after I graduated college
I hope Ashley gets to finish her lunch some day. #goals
"You want it to be difficult and you want it to be challenging, coz when you do find that person, you feel like you've overcome some obstacles and you've really put your effort and work into it" - Wesley Chan
Ever since the 20 facts about Ashley, I really can't stop noticing she really doesn't eat her food!
well sh*t... I should have socialised more in college -.-
Can we make meeting people in bookstores a thing? Like, oh, that girl is cute and she's browsing the Discworld books, I'm going to ask if I can buy her a book. I would feel much more comfortable with that situation than with someone buying me a drink.
Yes I so agree with this! When they were listing places you could meet people, I kept thinking library or bookstore XD
Yes! That is a great idea plus it's a great conversation starter :)
That idea sounds awesome. I was thinking a library too. Like, oh, that girl or guy is reading book about puns, I love lame jokes. I should share a joke with him or her.
Jessica Harmon Yassss I was thinking the same thing!!!
it can happen but its very glorified in movies. You can meet your SO anywhere in the world, including a dark alley way (for jokes and giggles), its all chance and encounter and the fact that you're mentally prepared to accept them and take it to the next step and so are they. Because you can find someone you like and be ready to date them...etc, but the trick is... you don't know if they are at a good time in their life to reciprocate and do the same with you, because they could be your soul mate but you miss the opportunity because they weren't ready at the time. Hence why dating is hard and so many guys come off as creeps because they catch the girl at the bad time.
That's how I felt about making friends when I went into uni after high school - that it was so much harder in uni cos in high school you see the same people 8 hours a day, whereas in uni you'll see each set of people for an hour per week in your tutorial and there's not much bonding time in that cos everyone goes to do their own thing outside of class (unless you REALLY click) so its funny hearing you say the same thing for college vs. post-college 😅😅
I'm way too shy and awkward. I don't know how to socialize in a dating sense
ideal first encounters: walking down a beach and seeing a guy looking dreamingly at the setting sun, walking through an empty corridor and hearing beautiful music and lovely singing from a deserted room, going to the rooftop at night to look at the stars and finding another person there.............. yeah i know i watched to much anime *sigh*
i do parkour, so there is a pretty fair chance to meet me on a rooftop at night :D
Ideal first encounter: when I'm not idolizing relationships and am comfortable enough with myself to do what I want without the intention of meeting anyone. That's how I got in my current relationship and it's the best I've ever known(:
this lunch talk made me nostalgic lol. i met my husband in the engineering lab I started working in after graduating high school (he was an engineering student already). we developed a really good friendship and sorta suspected we had mutual crushes on each other but neither had the guts to make a move. when he was gonna graduate and unsure of whether to pursue a master's or get a job back in his hometown (faraway) it made me realize how much I'd regret not at least seeing if we could maybe be something more and I surprised him by asking HIM out. We got married a few weeks ago after 7 yrs of dating :) but honestly thinking about it, I'd totally be single right now if I hadn't met him then (just wasn't interested in finding someone and would have never considered dating anyone but him. he's pretty awesome & unique
The issue with dating in college is that some people still grow up and change personalities. After the idea of getting out on your own with a career, ambitions change and characters change. My ex changed quite a bit from when we met freshmen year and 6 years later when he was working full time. His ambitions did not match mine.
I finally met my husband out of college at my fencing club. I find it best to meet people in interest groups/sports you constantly go to with lots of people around (who you consistently interact with). However, you need to date someone with a personality that fits. Just because you meet someone at the gym, does not mean they have the same ambitions/ideas as you in the long run.
Just note, typically people look to date someone that show being a "strong provider" whether that's income, family, personality, etc. Think of the animal kingdom. Males and females battle for the top partner who will provide a strong lineage. Outside of college, that is the true test of becoming being able to provide and proving you you are in the world.
*who you are in the world
The first step is to decide how serious you are about meeting someone for a long term relationship. If you are really serious about it, you will not overanalyze dating opportunities that come up--you confidently take them! After college is rough. I didn't allow myself to get too absorbed in my job--had an active social life, was warm/friendly to guys without being too forward, and had an online dating profile to get more dates in the background. Eventually met my husband online, and I am glad it has changed the landscape of dating. Otherwise we never would have met. Those who are not yet ready to settle down (which is fine) will be put off by the awkwardness. If marriage/long term relationship is a life goal and heart's desire, you must be brave enough to employ all the tools and strategies possible to have the best chance to meet someone great. That includes online dating and not being tok guarded/shy when people approach you in public.
that zoom on Wes before he finally laughed at Taylor's joke omg.
Life after college: get a dog 😂
You can take it to a dog park, great ice breaker, and makes good company when you're Netflix and chillin by yourself.
So true...I need me a bulldog, like the one from Van Wilder haha
And large amount of peanut butters.
I've just graduated and now that I think about it, the real purpose of going to college is really just to get an internship and find a partner. But everybody was so stressed out with marks and no one ever told us to take it easy because everything will be fine and we are all going to graduate....So now I'm out of school and it does seem pretty hard to meet people, but trust me, it was even more difficult back then because of confidence issues and immarturity like Phil said.
I hope the lunch break series will be a long term project. Your discussions are enjoyable and I relate so well with what you guys are feeling/ thinking. Your personalities, emotional maturity and heart are what sells WF. I like the scripted shorts but I love the real people behind so much more :). Blessings guys :)
the video is so terrifying for guys who don't do well in the college dating pool and are about to enter to post college dating pool.... fml
30 seconds into the video, I went out to get fried noodles too. I feel a part of the table now.
Ive always thought meeting at like a bookstore or music store would be so cuteee. Thats like a place of mutual interest
Oh, definitely. Bookstore, music store, even a concert or a festival.
Yo. The editors of this are so good at recognizing comedic timing!
The most complicated thing in life is a relationship. It's been 18 years and I only dated once. You think it easy finding a person in college trust me it's not.
thank you wongfu for bring this difficult subject to light Q.Q
btw, what Ashley said about being afraid of a random person talking to hear in a cafe I hear from more and more girls these days and it's pretty sad. It's sad to think how massed up our society has become that the first thought in a girls head when approached by a guy is "DANGER DANGER"
then i will try to be as non threatening as possible!! maybe carry a small poppy.. ^^
Ashley is right. Online dating is superficial. I gave it a shot because friends encouraged me to try it. I'm one to rather not shut an idea down before trying it. My profile portrayed who I am and what I looked liked. Connected with a guy and told him off the bat that I am not thin, nor athletic. But I am a confident size 10 woman. Two months into talking everyday for 2-3 hours, he dumped me due to how much I weighed. The last part of your video hit home. To anyone out there that may have encountered something similiar, keep being confident and be you. Don't let others determine your worth.
Girl, you do you! Totally agree with what you've said. Online dating has brought out the superficiality in many people and in ways, has made dating harder for the reasons WongFu mentioned. But like you said, don't let someone else determine your worth. The right person will be worth all the obstacles and challenges :)
now there's a whole series on this lunch break, i love wong fu
just graduated and this is making me sad x'D gonna die alone lol...
MEE TOO! Cries
we are born alone, so we will die alone; a tragic human condition (unless you're part of a set of twins) __ paraphrasing Sheldon Cooper
Don't worry man. things will work out, and you will find the one. keep yourself healthy and in shape.
I'm 21 and working full-time and going to college...fuck, let me tell you about no mans land. It's fucking horrifying, can't date college girls, can't date co-workers, can't talk to anyone along the way to/from work. Shit's rough out there guys, we have to go so far to find someone.
Dating is hard, grocery stores ain't helping, I'm gonna go play Mario...
Great episode! Love it when you guys talk about relationships. So when is the Single by 30 episodes coming out? Can't wait!!
Taylor didn't get the dress code colour for this ep! :p
when I was in high school, people would tell me that uni would be the best years of my life, but after graduating uni, only then I saw how wrong that statement was. The best years of my life (aside from studies) were in highschool. I fostered the strongest friendships there since the groups were smaller and more familiar with one another. I also enjoyed the years after uni when I started working (mainly because I enjoy what I'm doing)... Even though, there arent as many friends (and practically zero dating opportunities) now as there were in high school/uni, I still would pick my life now over my life in uni.
I think the key is to just keep going and enjoy what you're doing, because with a positive attitude, life starts handing you bonuses you never expected.
At 4:16 Ashley literally just eats one noodle then puts her chopsticks down XD
this is such an interesting convo you guys. i totally agree with wes about online dating. i read an article that was talking about how young people who frequently use tinder tend to not form long relationships because they have so many options they think that somewhere else there is someone "better," so they just participate in flings that don't lead anywhere because they're just like trying people out essentially.
that Mario Kart analogy though.... that's my kind of quality content...
I was just gonna say that!
Loved this video! Great topic for discussion. Definitely brought new insight and a fresh perspective on dating outside of college and the prevalence of dating apps today. Wongfu for lifee
Wow just got home from my lecture on online dating in my human sexuality class and I see this LOL!
I've been in university for 5 years and I've been single throughout that entire time. If meeting people after university is even harder than *in* university, then I don't stand a chance >.> I'm going to die alone.
Advice is to learn how to get a date and the second date before college is over. The first lesson to learn is lose the fear of rejection. The takeaway is dont leave college without a GF. Going to clubs or markets usually end up in a one night stand.
8:42 I think Ashley missed the acting cue to look over at Phil and act out the "Milk carton" thing. LOL AND Wes's delay laugh on Taylor's funny "Orange-carton-orchard" comment. 8:49. Priceless! HAHAHA Love this lunch break guys!
I have never dated or been in a relationship in college I was too stressed about finishing school to think about it.
RIP when you're in an engineering major that is full of guys and predetermined block schedules :(. First year wasn't all too spectacular at SJSU haha.
you think that's bad, imagine being a computer science major.
Ok but when you're a female engineering major in classes full of guys and predetermined block schedules and all the guys assume you're prude 'cause you don't go to parties and get shit-faced so they won't talk to you either. First year wasn't all to spectacular at my university either...
Your profile pic made me think I had a hair on my screen
I thought something got on my screen.
@@soljah37 We have 6 girls and 45ish guys in our CS course, I feel your pain
Yeah after college it's hard to meet people but at least I have grad school. Life's full of opportunities lol
^^^^😉
that's the spirit lol
Who else has never dated ever? 🙋💁🏼
Me! 20 year guy!
how old are you?
+Azure Skyes sorry! That was a typo. Me and I'm a 20 year old guy. That's what I meant to say. It did not come out as that though :o
what's there to say sorry for? i was just curious to what extent i should relate
+Azure Skyes I reread my comment and I thought you were pointing out that I sounded 2 years old. My mistake!
I'm entering college this fall and
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
just hoping for the best?
meeeee
Yup, me too.
sameee
holy shit, take advantage of being young and in college. that is to say: have a good time going for whatever you want. i wish i could get a mulligan on that.
me too! I'm so nervous ahhhh I don't know what to expect 😬😬
Wesley, I love your last comment about overcoming obstacles...always leave it to Wongfu to add heart and humor to relatable, every day life. thanks everyone.
Also, the online dating option might result in people feeling like everyone is easily replaceable. People might put in less effort when they're in a relationship because they have so many back up options. Psychologically, even if a person in a relationship is happy but his/her alternative options are better (there's a chance there is a better relationship out there) the person will be likely to go for a new relationship with the seemingly better option.
My first romantic relationship was online dating when I was in high school but through a game. We dated 4 years but we broke up and after a year, I started dating one of my friends who goes to my church though we haven't made it official yet for reasons but I've realized that relationships isn't about how long you've been together but how well the relationship is or how well you connect with your partner and relationships are a constant effort and a constant choice. I remember one of my friends telling me that it's not about finding the one but being the one. I think it's also great to be single but it's what you're going to do while you're single and embracing your singleness.
LOL new video idea:
if post-grad dating were like elementary school. [26yr] hey girl, can I push you on the swings?
Super enjoyed today's topic for lunch break guys!
ideal relationship for me should start from being childhood friends or just close friends for a long time
Thumbs up for Phil awesome references 👍
I can totally relate to your theory !! I'm 23, in my last year of college and also working part-time in a high school.
I didn't have enough classes this year to actually say that I had the opportunity to meet peolple around my age, and the people in my high school are either too old colleagues or underage pupils !
Even though you're not necessarily looking for a romantic relationship, it is so hard to meet new friends when you're not interested in clubbing or dating site... Wes is so right about the mentality changing, but when it's not your case, what are you suppose to do ?
I've never been on a date and only have 2 years of college left, so to say I'm terrified of dating life after college is an understatement...
Ashley your voice is so cute! How can you manage to always be adorable?
(really feels weird to call someone with the same name as me)
ima help my boy Ashley out and just let you know he's interested if you are
Ashley, eat your food!!!
Dating after College is a great topic... they should do a whole show about it.
This is DEPRESSING cause I'm graduating college in a month bahahaha
Same here! I figured I was just gonna do online dating and join some local clubs, but maybe it's not that easy?!
Just graduated college a couple months ago, and I'm having tons of fun! I joined a new youth group and I go dancing all the time (Swing or latin, so a different crowd than clubbing). Just stay involved wherever you are, pursue what you enjoy, and don't think about it too much ^_^
Michelle Wong Exactly. I'm not in college yet, but even after it - I feel like if you organize your time right you have enough for deliberately picking up fun activities, both for your own personal development and to always have an enviroment where you could meet someone.
I'm Christian and really into being one, so in a sense that makes it harder to find an SO cause I want them to have the same values, but on the other hand - there are SO many events, like, there's church, there's youth groups, bible study/prayer/whatnot groups, there's even bible schools which are a lot like colleges, there's concerts, there's conferences, there's one-week-camps or a-couple-of-days camps. If one's active, they can meet a whole lot of people both locals and others.
And then of course there are the opportunities of signing up for dance classes like you did or other types of classes or generally join activities you're interested in. I personally would love to learn how to jive - wouldn't it be awesome to meet an SO who likes that too and we could dance together? It's not anything important, but it's pretty cool. :D
This whole time I am wondering "why are they single"
Just entered the "No Mans Land" >__< thanks for crushing my hopes and dreams phil lol... RIP
I thought this would turn into an EastMeetEast commercial lmao
Why get into a relationship in college if you know that you won't be living in that country after you graduate? I've had issues with that.
:((((
casual dating
That's kind of the same encouragement you get with online dating though. Everything's too casual. But speaking for me, I most likely wouldn't have gotten into a relationship if I knew it would definitely end up long-distance. Not a fan of those, especially if it's different-country long distance, wow lol. Sorry to hear that though, Screamo.
my boyfriend actually said that to me when we were still considering if we should get together. I guess It depends how much effort you both are willing to put into the relationship and whether or not you're ready for it. We have been in a LDR for 2 years now :)
Niceee. I was in a long distance relationship for 4 years but we broke it off.
Relationships are hard works regardless which age you're in or what career you've chosen. Some people might be luckier than others, they've probably found their lifetime love in or even before college; some people are juts less fortunate. As a person who never officially dated anyone, I can honestly say it's not an extremely happy thing, especially when 90% of your close friends already in relationships. However, I think it's okay if you're single, because the high-quality alone time is better than the low-classed group time. It's better to spend time making yourself more interesting than go through a crappy relationship.
Super cheesy but I would love to meet my future husband at the concert of a band we both love!
Haha that's cool! :)
This was highly interesting and educating :D
life after college sounds kinda scary now LOL
Right!! And I haven't even started college yet!! Like I'm already scared of going into college in a few months, and here they are scaring me about life after college...
it is.
+lolann7 from a student graduating college, College is scary, but don't let fear keep you from new experiences. Life doesn't go in a straight line. Even in college, things won't go according to plan. It's gonna be scary when things aren't going according to plan. Don't be afraid of the changes and enjoy the process. Don't hesitate to seek help. There's no shame to in asking for help. You are not alone.
Ask professors, TAs, and counselors their life stories. They were in the same boat as you are. They were as scared and confused as you are. Listen to your seniors and make your own mistakes and learn from them.
You're going to meet people that hate you and people that you hate. You're also going to meet people that will be long life friends and loves. People who will inspire you.
You're going to be stressing over papers and exams. Sleeping in during lectures. Napping in between class and work to get through the day.
All in all, make the most out of your experience at college.
+mamimi03 Toúche, it's true!
This has always been a challenge for me, even before finishing college xD
I'm an awkward girl around people (let alone guys xD) but my ideal first encounter would be perhaps from work, common hobby or friend, then start as friends, get to know each other, discover what we like about each other and then start dating.
I'm with you. I'm also very awkward around people but I have a lot of guy friends and find them to be easier to hang out with. Your ideal encounter describes my current relationship with my boyfriend. xD Embrace your singleness. I sure did when I was healing after my ex and I broke up.
Fruity puffs That is so awesome, I'm glad to hear you got such an encounter :) And yes, I gave up long ago and started to embrace singleness xD I now believe that finding the right person should not be something too effortful, he will appear at the time, so meanwhile, I just need to enjoy life and pursue my dreams :D
Mei Wang
Yeaaa. Though another thing that I've found important which my friend had told me a long time ago and I remember she said that it's not about finding the one but being the one.
Fruity puffs "work hard on yourself", I absolutely agree with your friend ^_^
I'm like on the exact opposite side of the spectrum haha! I'm super friendly and outgoing but since i'm like that to everyone i meet and interact with its hard for me to distinguish when i'm actually into a girl vs just being friends with her.
Yeah! I need to have food while watching this!
Every single week, I have food
First time I actually eat while watching one of these.
when I eat, I feel like I'm a part of the conversation
I do too :P
Ashley needed another female presence for this lunch break.
Never been this early for a lunch break episode!!
grad school is actually even harder! Smaller cohort and way too busy to talk to people.
Watching all of lunch break while in lockdown 😊😊 love it.
"Where to Finding Love" This sounds like the title of a Korean drama lol
YES ! ANOTHER LUNCH BREAK ❤️
I've graduated college 2 months ago & I downloaded this app called Hello Talk. It's a language app. And while i was chatting with my friend using that app, a korean guy spoke to me. And then 2 months later which is right now, we are a couple for 2 months. Hahaha. It's amazing how a language app can bring us together 😊
I love this story. ❤️
YES. The classic "ew that guy's 'creepy' cuz I don't like him but he's 'SOOOO CUTE' if he is good looking/girl likes him."
I was thinking a library would be a good place to meet someone or bookstore.
Yaaaas libraries are a stable place to meet someone definitely and study dates and all ya kno 😏
Dating gets harder cos all technology. Ppl are into it too much & have no real socialising like it used to be. So it is actually harder & when ppl have job, busy with it, it gets harder to find opportunity to fine their date & time to date someone.
face to face interaction awkwardness maybe, but your statement is not true regarding technology makes people less social. in fact, it actually is easier to interact with many people and learn about new cultures a lot easier.
Oh god. I just graduated. Hello "No Man's Land!"
I think that meeting people at events, a friend of a friend, church, grocery, sporting events, music concerts, holiday events, but mostly a friend if a friend is best and church cuz it's like school you see people every week and get to know them better and you believe in the same things unless you don't but I think the fact that you see familiar faces every week helps, and college really is a good place to meet people.
Took my last final today! Can finally enjoy your lunch breaks without stacks of paper in front of me!
Haha Phil and his connections to the sushi bar and Mario kart are life😂💕
This is what I'm sooooo struggling with right now! Great convo.
I'm eating Breakfast as I watch this! Love from Australia xoxo
Meeting at a convention would be cool
I think meeting someone new then getting to know them (as oppose to a dating app where you are judging by their face/physique/swipe) is generally difficult. No matter what age you are? Obvs the older you are, you have more confidence but doesn't mean being knocked back or being refused 🙅🏻does not get any easier either!
where's christine? :( miss her!
Exactly what I was thinking! :C
This is great vid and I love LunchBreak! I also think that it is good to remember that they are talking about a very specific demographic of people (cis gendered heterosexuals) and that dating, during and after college, can be a very different experience for the rest of the population.
4:11 lol Ashley only eating that one noodle xD
This is so True. Dating is hard regardless. In college, you could be so shy and missed out many nice guys. After you graduate, those people from college groups are a lot younger than you. And there are a lot of order and married people in your workplace. There is no one who you can date!!!
Wise thoughts! Wes had really good commentary about the mentality changing for dating:)
there shouldn't be stigmas against online dating apps, mostly because there are so many. I agree with the "superficiality" argument, because a lot of relationships turn out like that when the two are not on the same page with expectations. But! I have found my future husband on Coffee Meets Bagel and I recommend it for everybody.
Online dating taught me to be less anxious and "in my head" about dating because I couldn't predict anything ahead of time. Sometimes it made me uncomfortable, but it forced me to dive head-first and exercise courage. I also learned how to assert myself with DTR conversations.
No, the hard part for girls is not necessarily sifting through guys approaching, because not all girls get approached all the time. Yes, girls and women can totally make the first move, but personally, I'd always worry about what that guy would think of me because of that, which is kind of sad...
Today, I somehow agree mostly with Wes's comments.
You guys are so sincere in your chats!