3 UPDATES: Hubby Asks For A Paternity Test & I Deny & Immediately File For A Divorce....
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- 3 UPDATES: Hubby Asks For A Paternity Test & I Deny & Immediately File For A Divorce .. Yrs Pass By w/o Hubby In The Picture And Now He's Back Telling Me He Made A Huge Mistake And Blames It All On MY MOM?!!!
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So for context, my ex-husband (30M) and I (29F) separated six years back, six months after our son was born. My ex-husband and I had been married for a year and a half before that and had dated for two years in college. We went to different colleges but we had a common friend, Dan (30M, fake name) who was responsible for setting us up together.
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The mother was pimping the daughter out for her own benefit. Vile and disgusting.
Ex husband has his nerve, joint custody, I hope ok has a lawyer, 6 years of back child support adds up
He extinguished parental rights that comes with no child support because they are not your kid anymore. I think both parents and the courts have to all agree.
OP SUCKS pal.. WTH is wrong with you. she handled this STUPIDLY from the word GO!!!
@@badmood88 DUE TO FRAUD..... Courts would look at THAT TOO.
@@Luckyrider1958he could have demanded a paternity test and chose not to. I don’t think he wanted to be married with a kid. Probably having an affair himself and projecting
Bill MOM and DAN for it.. their complicit FRAUD caused all this. Mom tried to SELL her own daughter.. Dan tried to BUY a wife.. and you blame the innocent Husband?? WTH is wrong with you?? SHE ran out on the Husband.. he did NOT leave HER. get a clue Rube!
I really hope OP goes NC with her mother, she is cruel and manipulative, she doesnt deserve a second chance.
the ex wants half custody? didnt he give away all right to his son before he left?? wonder how that's gonna work out for him.
When it comes to family dynamics, the thought of being betrayed by a family member usually is never even on the radar. But anyone who has ever had to deal with siblings about financial issues with an elderly parent(s) knows how quickly things can get ugly. Some may doubt this story, but truth is stranger than fiction!
What do you mean by truth is stranger than fiction? If this story really did happen then its basically the SAME as fiction because it sounds like a pretty standard soap opera plot.
The OPs ex in story one. If he actually cared about his wife and child he would have sued for paternity testing. Instead he believed the lies of her narcissistic mother and walked away. He didn’t actually want to be married with a kid at the time. In fact he may have been having an affair and having second thoughts about being a father. If there was any chance that was his kid he would have wanted the child no matter what he thought was happening with his wife. He threw in the towel way too fast for it to be the result of only the info from OPs mom.
So the ex didn't request a paternity test through the courts? He was looking for an out.
Neither did she. Her jumping to divorce sounds more as looking for an out.
@@cheti8544 True. But he's the one who signed his rights away, then came crawling back. Finally believed her when someone else told the truth (with proof) and still didn't ask for a paternity test. If there was doubt, court ordered paternity test. Instead, he abandoned his child for six years. He outright DENIED the child was his. That's my problem. OP isn't in the right either. She should've got the divorce and then ask for the test. Instead, they both went to the extremes. I'm actually surprised the courts let the ex sign away his rights because OP was single. Courts usually refuse.
Agreed.
@@mirandakrohn1719most likely the wife didn’t contest the parental right revocation so there was no need to investigate further. She was pissed that he accused her of cheating and the kid not being his out of nowhere. He was so willing to believe his MiL and Dan that he assumed her guilt before even talking to her. He was coming hime late and avoiding her long before he asked for the test. Sounds like he was cheating and was looking for an easy out
Did you not listen to the story?
If I was OP I would sue the mother and the friend.
"Alienation of Affection" is suable in some countries.. he should GO FOR IT... DAN has DEEP POCKETS!!
@@Luckyrider1958if i remember correctly, that one of the most harder cases to prove
Definitely.
@@helar2574 But given the FACTS in this story.. it's 100% THE CASE, correct?
@@Luckyrider1958 nope, in this case, it's he says/she says. If husband didnt record their convversations, chances are near zero
He could have asked for a paternity test during the divorce if he wanted he was just being a coward.
paternity test should be a law
The paternity test wouldn't erase the possibility of an affair and the trust is already broken. Moreover, it's difficult to solve a situation like this, specially since neither he or OP could make head or tails of OP's mother or Dan's motivation
The issue was trust at the end of the day. A paternity test wouldn't have restored that.
@@jessikajane4967 and It's not certain that even Dan's confession will do now. We have a proverb in Spanish that goes by, "calumnia, que algo queda" something that could be translated as, "slander is cheap because something always remains". Even now he can say that maybe there is the tiny possibility that she cheated, even with evidence of what happened. That's why, when somebody requests a paternity test with no proof whatsoever of infidelity, you have to break up and go LC. The trust will never be restored
I can understand OP wanting to give her son a chance to know his father but think its funny the ex thinks he can even get visitation after he already signed his rights away......sorry to tell him but it doesn't work that way OP can allow him time with his son but she doesn't have to do that and there is nothing he or the court can do about it since he signed away his rights.
Unfortunately, some courts might.
Look what’s happened with some adoptions. In the US I think a bio parent has 6mos to change their mind. But I’ve heard of a couple cases where it’s been over a year 😞.
My thoughts exactly. A friend's wife gave up all her parental rights when their daughter was 2, and she left without a forwarding address. When the girl was 10, her biomother wanted to come back into her life. My friend was ok with her occasionally visiting his house. But then she started asking to have weekend overnight visits. My friend said no, and she got mad, so she took him to court. The judge gave her a big NO. He told her she gave up any rights to be a mother 8 years ago, and the only way she can get the girl for a weekend is if her father said it was ok. Wouldn't you know, 6 months later, she bounced out of her daughters life again. It has been 1p years since she has seen or heard from her biomother.
@@Standinthegap4evernot six years though. And he never once demanded a paternity test
@@BusArch42 He did though, that's what killed their marriage.
Why funny? He's not demanding them as a right, he's hoping she'll allow them to grow into a visitation schedual.
The child was already here. Why didn’t the ex just get a paternity test done quietly! This story is unbelievable.
The men reading this story are forgetting that he first accused her of having an affair and then demanded a paternity test. If you aren’t positive the kid is yours wait until they are born and quietly do your own test. Never tell your wife. Then when the test comes back that it’s your kid, start doing some soul searching as to why you doubted your spouse
Or the test comes back and says it isn't your kid. That happens to
You are funy and if you put your name on paper, you are F up for 18 years with child support.
@@rekslegiune6004if you’re married, which they were, in the US the husbands name is automatically added to the birth certificate.
Story 2: OP needs to get a lot of distance from her mother. She tried to pimp her daughter out for 30k. Disgusting.
Please do not call her mother a pimp. She is much much WORSE than a pimp and your comment is an unfair insult TO PIMPS.
Yep.. MOM is EVIL... sad thing is.. now Daughter is being JUST as evil to the VICTIM here.. HER EX!!
@@Luckyrider1958 I agree with the first part of your statement but how is she being evil to her ex? She was willing to meet with him and talk for closure and let him start a relationship with the son. Your comment would ONLY have made sense if she had refused to ever let him see his son. Was this because she would not remarry him? Sad but true they had both moved on with their lives.
@@Zurround Read how she says she "may" let him do "X"... he can have SUPERVISED ONLY short visits.. like he is a Child molester risk or something. On TOP of saying HE was the bad guy here???
@@Luckyrider1958 Well she DOES have a point, he was not entirely innocent himself. Yes her mother brainwashed him with manipulative lies but he did NOT handle that situation as well as he should have. Its also possible that she is being cautious at first but will lighten up with it in due time once he proves that he can be a good father.
OP s mom said she has tried to make up for it since???? If that was true as soon as Dan gave up and went away she could have told her the truth and tried non stop to reunite and fix things between OP and husband.
Yes. Her making up was an excuse. She was just trying to sell her out to some other dude to get money as OP wouldn't get with Dan.
I have said on countless other threads that there should be a federal law, right up there with birth certificates and social security numbers that ALL parents have to take paternity test to prove parentage with no legal way to opt out. As Orwellian as that sounds it would "even the playing field" since asking a spouse to take the test is almost always a de-facto accusation of infidelity which can ruin a marriage. And its better for EVERYONE to have proof of biological parentage. It should be STANDARD PROCEDURE.
And partners should have a tracer on eachothers phone too
YES SIR!!! 100% agree this should be LAW, EVERYWHERE GLOBALLY!!! Enough of this BS !!!
@@Luckyrider1958 good luck making a global law ..
Agreed.
Even with that, cheating can still happen and will still happen. Seeds of doubt could still be placed and families ruined. Plus when there is no father around, no possibility for a test.
Good thing she cut contact with her mother, but I think she's making a mistake by allowing her ex to be back in her and her son's life.
To be fair she was GUARDED and put LIMITS on his visits to "test the waters". She still has full custody. So she IS being careful about it. I am ok with this. Maybe she should take with a lawyer and make sure that he cannot try to gain partial custody.
I find it really odd that he did NOT tell her that her mother had told him about her cheating.
DARN RIGHT!!
@@Zurroundhe believed what he wanted to believe. After running around being single for six years he decided he was interested in having a family again. It wasn’t because Dan came clean. It was because he was scared of losing his youth
@@Zurroundprobably because he was afraid that the test would come back positive and would have to pay child support. After all, a positive test doesn't erase the possibility of her cheating and the trust has been broken. The problem here is that it's difficult to have a relationship from scratch after 6 years(specially because neither he or OP could figure out the motives that both OP's mom and Dan had)
@@Zurround I think he wanted to believe it so he can use it as an excuse to avoid having to assist in raising a baby. He stayed away and gave up his rights at a time when the child needed him the most.
This is why paternity tests at birth should be required.
If married, fair enough.
@@crazycornishcrafter Should be required before any fathers name is put on birth certificate.
@@AndyPrimeOne That's fair. Wish people would commit to marriage before creating human life though.
If any measure or movement pops up in my country to allow the government to mandate DNA collection of all citizens born within its borders, I will devote mass amounts of my time and money to fight against it. Think this through. DNA that leaves your body is no longer legally owned by you. Hospitals already sell it for profit, the US is currently making deals with ancestry companies to buy the DNA information of their customers, and China is just openly scooping up their citizens' DNA. If corporations and governments are keen to acquire as much of it as they can, there is no reason to trust them to make laws that will not allow them to exploit the opportunity. Newborns cannot consent to the extraction of their DNA, and nobody knows how it could be used in the future, so barring the need for medical intervention, it seems to me to be incredibly selfish to force children to do so when they cannot consent for nothing more than peace of mind.
@@crazycornishcrafter I am not religious and not a prude but come on man, if people cannot commit to MARRIAGE which is a source of STABILITY for a relationship then how the hell can they really commit to being parents? "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" or even lower levels of commitment like "one night stands" having children together is PATHETIC.
I do not even like the term "girl friend" or "boy friend" as it sounds so damned juvenile and immature, like 2 teens in middle school or something. My brother has a "girlfriend" and I always refer to her as his FIANCEE even though they have no plans to marry because the term feels more mature to me. 2 people referring to each other as "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are NOT good parent material.
Your mother never gave you a second thought she threw you under the bus for money
Maybe you should not listen to either your ex or your mother. Stay away from both or them and Dan as well. Take your leave of this situation. Not hubby, mom or Dan are worth your time. Dan is an AH. Mommy is an AH and Hubby is also an AH. Stay away from all of them.
How did HUBBY.. the guy EVERYONE in this story set up to get booted/screwed over .. cause this???
Maybe its off topic but one thing about the whole "paternity test" thing is YES it proves parentage but if a husband suspects his wife of infidelity just proving he is the father will NOT take those suspicions away from him and clear his head on the issue. If he suspects she is cheating with just ONE other person then he will figure that he has a fifty fifty chance of being the father even if she is cheating. Hell, if she is cheating with 2 other people then he might still have a one in three chance of being the father. That probability goes up if the wife is being careful with her affair partner(s) and making sure condoms are used or engaging more in acts like fellatio for example to reduce pregnancy risk but NOT doing that with her husband so that if she gets pregnant it will still most likely be from him.
Proving parentage does NOT prove that the person did not cheat and even if the wife is so forgiving that unlike 99 percent of women she won't herself lose affection for the husband for requesting the test he himself will STILL be constantly suspicious of her. Asking for a paternity test is almost always the end of a healthy marriage one way or the other.
Absolutely true. Even if they had tested the marriage was over because the husband assumed she was having an affair with zero evidence. Personally I think he was cheating
Yes, yes totally. And that is why if I was ever asked to take a paternity test, even though I had never cheated and was 100 percent positive of my husband being my child's father, I would give him the results of the test along with my divorce papers. If he thinks I cheated on him with no evidence than he does not trust me. And the fact that he did not trust me when I know for a fact, he had no reason to doubt me will make me start to ask myself why. And when I ask why, I am going to eventually have to come to the conclusion that he doesn't trust me it is because he has been deceiving me about something.
@@patpaiz5693 completely agree with you. Once trust is damaged it’s over.
ESH, OP should have given her ex the DNA test when he asked. Why wouldn't he believe what her mother said to him.
Nope nope nope. That man, regardless of the situation, could have petitioned the court for a paternity test and NOT missed his son's first six years. This whole thing could have unraveled years earlier if he'd done so. He has NO legal claim to that child now, having signed his rights away and he's is manipulating the situation to get close to your son now. Girl, run!
As far as what you tell your kid about your mother? Tell him what I tell my kids, "Grandma doesn't know how to love us without hurting us. When she learns to do that, we can see her again. Right now, it's best for us to love her without being close to her and to pray for her heart to change and that she learns to love without hurting people." I've been No Contact with my mother for 8 years. I've got four kids she's never met and she last saw my teens when they were pre-schoolers. She doesn't have a right to them after things she's done. They know that I won't stop them from contacting her when they are older, but right now my job is to keep them safe and help them love themselves so they know when other people aren't being kind to them.
“Keeping distance from our sin “ … what a Freudian slip there 😂.. that ain’t his kid
Story 1: I get it, trust is key. But she couldn’t just get the test and then deal with the repercussions later?
Women can never understand the feeling of paternity fraud or not being 100% sure.
@@AndyPrimeOneit isn’t about paternity though or her ex would have demanded a test in court. This is the root problem of bringing up things like this after the fact. In this case he full on accused her of having an affair with no evidence. Only her mom’s input and never even asked her. He didn’t want to be married with a kid. If he had wanted the child he would have sued for a paternity test. They might be divorced but at least he would be around in his son’s life. Now it’s six years later and he’s having second thoughts about his decision to go walk about
@@BusArch42 Bingo. The automatic assumption of being condemned as guilty and having to 'prove' innocence is too insulting. If he has that little trust in me, the relationship might as well be over.
But the man could've sued for the paternity test too? Instead he signed off all the rights and drove off
Your mother got rid of your husband to "clear the way" for your stalker???
I am Muslim and we were told that at the end of the day, Satan gathers all of his children around him and asked them what they've done today and they tell him what they have made us do and he tells each and everyone of them that what they've done was worthless Until he reaches one of them and ask him what have you done today and his son replies back that he was able to make a husband and wife get divorced, and Satan smiles and points at his son, and say you come and sit right next to me . that son sits in a place of honor basically. how is this Mother not the same?
All this wishy washy folks is so disgusting . Im a no do overs person .when im done im done i dont look back
Anything for money…..sickening and disgusting and madness!😡🤬🤦♂️
😮😮
So, instead of being independent and support herself..
She tried to SELL her Daughter and grandson...
Without a concern?!?!
😮😮😮😮😮😮
She needs to be very careful to limit contact. Once he is around a lot he can establish parental rights. There’s a high chance he will take off again like he did last time. If he hints at it tell him that he would owe six years if back child support if he tries.
It's disgusting OP's mother tried to sell her off because she's poor. Did even occur to her that she could've asked her daughter or inlaws for help?
A point I didn't see anyone else mention: a parenity test wouldn't prove she didn't have an affair. Unless you're psychic enough to have someone follow the other person to watch them 24/7 then you can't prove a negative. Once he started accusing her of cheating the marriage was over, because she knew he didn't trust her. It didn't matter that outside influence started the questions, he let the the thoughts come between them. It was his lack of trust in her.
Thank you!!!
My mother did something similar when I asked for support she used the situation to benefit her financially knowing I make bank but when I broke because of the relationship meltdown she threw me away easily
That mother can rot in hell for what she did.
Way the wife is acting.. I'd considered sending HER there too.
She should have done that paternity test way back then to prove her innocence !
Yeah, deal with marital conflict afterwards. I know that trust is huge, but I have more respect for people who get the test first and then choose to leave over just leaving. I am not saying the lack of trust isn’t also a huge betrayal, but makes more sense to do all that after proving innocence. Reasons paternity tests should just be mandatory no matter what. Avoids these situations. No idea why US doesn’t enforce it.
@@josephinenelan4204
& IF she decided to leave after the test proved the boy is her husband’s she could have received child support.
Likely everything would have come to light.
This proves the kid is his, not that his wife didn't cheat. Once someone thinks the other is cheating, it's about impossible to regain trust.
She should have agreed to the paternity test.
Male perspective here...if there's even the slightest chance your kid was fathered by another man it'll become a cancer on his relationship with both wife and child. Her reaction to the request for paternity test was the absolute worst reaction she could've had. From dude's perspective there's zero reason she'd react that way if there were nothing to hide. She validated his concerns.....ladies, if your guy asks for a paternity test dont get all bent out of shape, tell him that's ok but make it clear that the doubting ends after the test confirms her fidelity. If he continues being suspicious after that its therapy time (or divorce). This woman is so indignant about the paternity test, but if she'd have communicated with her husband rather than calling it quits at the drop of a hat her kid would've had a father for the first six years of his life. She's 3rd place in the a$$hole Olympics here Right behind her mother and dan.
OP kept blaming her husband for the divorce because he wanted a paternity test. It seems to me that OP acted in the worst possible way and a lot of this unfortunate outcome is solely on her. She could have gotten the paternity test, proven her innocence, and then divorced (keeping the father in her kids life), or had an actual discussion about why her husband wanted a test done, which would have exposed her mother much sooner. Instead after her husband demands a paternity test (rightfully so as close family of your SO telling you that your SO is cheating is a huge red flag and is worthy of investigation), OP acts in the most suspicious way possible and gets mad and divorces her husband without a paternity test, which makes her look very guilty to anyone who knew her ex had asked for a test. The mother is obviously the biggest AH, and the ex could have approached the situation differently, but OP also made the situation much worse through her actions or lack thereof. Personally if my SO in a previously happy relationship made a sudden request or claim like the ex husband did, I would be more interested in what caused the request over the actual request itself.
Couldn’t he have also gotten a paternity test once the kid was born?
Damned right. I am a man but if I was a woman AND the reason my husband wanted the paternity test was because my mother was repeatedly lying to him about me having an affair I would NOT hold it against him and there would be a special exception to the ruined trust that such a request normally causes, as I would see HIM as a VICTIM. I would take the test more to prove my monster of a mother wrong than to assuage him but it would be for both ultimately. BOTH of the spouses had horrible communications skills. I posted above that I find it odd that he did not say something like "Your mother keeps warning me that you are having an affair and that the child might not be mine". Seems like that would be thrown in with the accusations. This story is probably fiction since in real life that almost certainly would have happened.
Actually you absolutely wrong. All fault lies at husband. ALL he needed to do is TALK to her, nothing less, nothing more.
One thing is to do paternity test because your SO has some "proof", other when SO just accuses you without any reason.
Here's the thing though, why did the husband not tell OP about her mother telling him. If he suspected OP of cheating with Dan wouldn't 'OP stop lying, your own mother told me you had a relationship with him in college!' not come up? Like that makes no sense, why wouldn't husband bring it up when it supported his argument. Both OP and ex husband went about things the wrong way but I am more sympathetic to OP, yes she did take the paternity test question a little too hard but once trust in relationship is gone it's gone...and in her pov the husband had no proof to back his doubts because he didn't even share his reasoning for insistence. Something is fishy here.
@@Zurroundyea definitely fiction. Can't imagine the husband just keeping the mother telling him stuff hidden, makes no sense.
His mistake was coming back. If a woman deny paternity test, it's because she is hiding something.
PATERNITY TEST SHOULD BE OBLIGATORY AT BIRTH. Thank god some countries already are making this change
How can a mother sell her daughter's happiness and deprieve her grandson of her father ? Even in sheer desperation, it wouldn't come to my mind. Only vile people would do it. Would be good to call her out in public and let people see what kind of person she really is.
NTA. I realize it must be hard but how could you ever trust a mother who SOLD you, or tried to? Joint custody? Nope. And visitation rights? Maybe... once he's coughed up 6 years of child support you can talk about it.
A paternity test other then a mandatory paternity at birth means that the marriage is over regardless of the result 90 % of the time.
Her mother sold her out for 30 pieces of silver. Words are worthless when the actions show otherwise. OP needs to cut that cancer out. And OP needs therapy.
HE destroyed the marriage, HE accused her of cheating. HE demanded the paternity test. HE abandoned his own son. HE is wholly responsible. However, this is American. In American culture, and the American legal system, men are never held accountable, never expected to step up, and pay for their children, and never expected to respect women, or to make any real contribution, to relationships, She needs to tell him to leave, and seek legal action to keep him away, He accused her of cheating, when she was innocent, and has never truly apologised to her, or DONE anything to make amends. He signed away his own son, so he should have no right, even to email his son. She is making a huge mistake letting him see the child, as the child will find out that his so-called 'father' signed him away when he was a baby. Learning that will devastate the child. She needs to take legal action, to keep the sperm donor, away.
No, don’t forgive her, she could’ve been a Walmart door greeter
He could have asked for a court ordered test. Hell I think they should just be done at the hospital just in case. But if you spring it like the EX did you should be ready to face the consequences
She let her ex back in her life! that’s just great! And made it even worse, introducing him to her son.
The mom sounds miserable and the OP sounds controlling. They both seem awful. I don’t think he deep down wanted a marriage with her and obviously didn’t want to be a dad or he wouldn’t have left.
The father should definitely just have gotten a paternity test without asking. It never makes sense to ask for it from the mother. Not a fan of the mom either. She basically told him she was cheating, then divorced him for saying he wanted to check if he was. That was his reasonable read of the situation. Maybe she didn't cheat, maybe she did. We only know the story from her mouth and no test was ever done. It does not matter that the mother provoked it. I can only think they were not happily married to begin with. Maybe this was harsh but it didn't take much for her to divorce. Maybe he cheated in revenge. Maybe the fights were unusually cruel.
well, to be honest, ALL her husband needed to do is just tell her "look, your mother said some disturbing things about you and Den, can you clarify them for me?" And done, no divorce, no test, and BNC with mother some years earlier
The wife didn’t say she was cheating. Her husband flat out accused her of having an affair and was so sure that he never did the paternity test. He did not talk to her at all
@@BusArch42 no, husband wanted to do paternity, OP didnt want to and went nuclear. Although again, many ppl would do the same when your partner accused you of cheating, didnt want to hear your side/etc
@@helar2574 yup he went nuclear on a pregnant woman. The marriage was over on the spot. But I cannot fathom not going to court after the baby is born and getting rights to my kid. He walked away.
@@BusArch42 erm, no. they already had baby before shit hit the fan, i think, OP meant post patrum hormones.
idk guess a JOB wasnt in moms equation to fixiing her financial position.
Why WORK when you can just ruin daughter marriage and sell her to another guy with $$$ ??
Or downsizing by selling her house or changing her lifestyle.
Most narcissists are only in it for themselves. They do not care who they hurt in their frantic efforts to get what they want. Her mom didn’t want to work. My MiL is like this. She would sell a grandchild if it meant she could have the life she wanted. She is truly a manipulative narcissist and unfortunately it took many years before we figured it out.
Why don't people understand how serious it is to meddle in other's marital relationship. That child is now going to suffer because of this evil woman. Children without father's or mother's relationship go through a lot of mental and emotional problems.
Good for OP cutting her mother out of her life. Even the husband was in the wrong for not communicating with OP.
Whole story was a mess.
I think you’re an absolute monster for depriving your son of his father. EDIT: My son has everything that he could ask for, EXCEPT A FATHER. JC! Your mother destroyed your marriage and you’re blaming your ex-husband. This woman is beyond crazy!! I’d be completely suing you both into submission and filing for full custody!! You're both insane.
This doesn't really make sense to me. OP and her husband's marriage ended WAY too easily if there hadn't already been other problems. Why did the ex-husband never mention what her mother had said? No, there is more to this story.
If she was doing sketchy things then yes he has a right
OK, so I hope OP is talking to her lawyer about this. At the very least make sure ex is willing and able to pay future child support if he really wants to be in his son's life. Better if you collect some back support for the past six years as well. Even if you don't need the money now, it could be a nice college fund, or be used in an emergency, or just give him a leg up when he is starting his own adulthood.
Again 3 times in about 5 days esh. Op needs to make up her mind oh yes I do believe a paternity test is fair to be asked for but how dare you ask for one. How do you expect someone to act if you do that.
Should have done the Paternity Test. 🤷🏾♀️ everyone should, now married or not. It’s right up there with doing a prenup, today. So really no big deal. Now I will listen to the story.
OP ITA. In so much as she keeps calling the little one “my son”.
Sorry OP, your ex might be a jerk but he’s “our son” not “my”
Nope. Her son only. Ex lost any right to having a child when he walked away and did not demand and paternity test in court. He didnt want the kid at the time. He only wants him now that he’s gotten to run around and be single with no responsibilities for six years. He was probably cheating and wanted an easy out
@@BusArch42 wow, it’s people like you that make MGTOW sound like the only sane choice. You’re honestly going to sit there and tell me that the Ex does not get a chance to make good on his mistakes? I can bet my entire retirement fund that you’ve made some mistakes and had to make amends. Imagine if the person you tried to mend fences with said nope, get out. The world would be a pretty 💩 place if people acted like you
So you leave your husband and file for a divorce at the drop of a hat but had to think about what to do with your mother after she ruined your marriage and inflicted trauma onto your child for a paltry sum of money? I feel sorry for the kid for having 2 idiots for parents and a money grubbing selfish granmother. His life is not going to be fun.
By me if my significant other ask to do a paternity test… I be like sure. I will not have a problem with it. It will avoid future drama and lingering questions..
I wouldn’t divorce unless there’s already existing issues. But if my SO ask out of the blue to do a test… sure
I HATE drama and bullshit.
Yeah the mother did something shady but the husband had a choice to either ask her about this situation and confront her or just believe what was said.
But instead he believed what was said. Turn his back on his child, gave up his rights for the child. So regardless what he said her mother did he was still worse than what the mother did
Ok. The dad. He should have freaking told her long back his mom spoke to hunter stuff.
It's her mom. He shouldn't have kept her in dark all these years.
And number two. Grieving up parental rights without even a DNA test is that even possible ?
Sounds like your Mother wanted to live off a rich son-in-law. Go no contact with your mom. She denied your so and her grandson six years of his Daddy, and your ex his son. No going back and your ex should sue her. OP your Mother should also be getting widow benefits from your dad's social security in in the States.
OP what’s wrong with getting a DNA TEST???
Sorry, but in my opinion, ESH. Not just the mom or the ex, but OP as well. Apart from the mother's interference, the biggest factors in this situation is the miscommunication and lack of trust from both sides -- and yes, I said both sides. While we can all criticize the ex-husband for his actions towards both OP and his own son -- as well as the fact that he withheld what his MIL told him, which I do want to get into in a bit -- at the same time, you also can't deny that it is understandable why he would behave that way given what his MIL told him. It's not unreasonable to suspect infidelity if your wife's own MOTHER is telling you that her daughter might have been unfaithful to you, so at that point, why would you expect the guy to still trust his wife without question when he had no reason to believe that his MIL was deceiving him? On that note, his strange behavior over the time between Dan being kicked out and the big fight would make sense if you think about it even. The entire time, he could've been trying to reason with himself and his own doubts because he really does love his wife, but can't shake the possibility that she cheated and commited paternity fraud without proof. However, even so he should've been open with his wife about his doubts and insecurities sooner instead of letting them fester and boil over time until it exploded all at once towards his wife when she confronted him. That's on him. Normally, I would add that he should've been honest about what OP's mother told him too, but at the same time, would OP have believed him? Realistically, if you have a great and loving relationship with your mother (no red flags or bad behaviors witnessed on your part) and your partner suddenly tells you that that same woman whom you love and cherish is saying that you've been or might be unfaithful, would you believe them? If you truly wanted to be fair, then the rational thing to do would be to confront your mother right after (which to give OP credit IS what she did years later when confessed to by the ex), but given OP's pregnancy hormones affecting her emotional state enough to nuke the marriage fairly quickly, I'm a little doubtful on that. I could very well be wrong on that, but you also can't deny that it's a real possibility. Just my two cents on that.
Speaking of OP, I was feeling quite frustrated with her while reading her side of the story; because from what I was reading, it sounded like she lacks the self-awareness to understand how her behavior could've contributed to this entire situation in the first place and honestly, that kind of behavior is waaayyyyy too common nowadays. Her entire problem with her ex that led to her filing for divorce the next day was the fact that he didn't trust her and suspected her of infidelity and while I can certainly understand and even empathize with that feeling of betrayal, at the same time, why did she not trust him enough to consider the possibility that there was more to the story than he was letting on? Why did she not consider that her husband was having personal issues himself and needed to go to therapy to deal with them? Why not suggest couples therapy at the very least before divorce if you truly thought that he didn't trust you? Do you even truly love him at that point if you can't even be bothered to find that little bit of emotion in you that's willing to compromise and not be so focused on your own emotions? Granted, she was pregnant at the time by her own admission, but even afterwards, there was no mention of understanding from his point of view, so is it really fair to blame it on the pregnancy if it continues well after? The fact that she made no attempt to salvage what was left of their relationship before filing for divorce is a giant red flag by itself, so how can you expect your partner to think that the kid was his to begin with? ESPECIALLY if you deny the paternity test and don't even contest the termination of his parental rights. It's one thing to fall out of love during a rough patch in one's marriage, but it's another thing entirely to use your feelings of betrayal as an excuse to not even do the bare minimum of maintaining a relationship between your ex and your child. She acted rashly and still has the nerve to pretend that her ex had no reason to not trust her or the paternity of her child when she denied the paternity test and filed for divorce the day after they fought. Yes, why hold yourself accountable from your own actions when you can just blame it all on him?
Ultimately, all three of them are at fault. She's not obligated to get back with him, but for goodness sake -- unless he exhibits dangerous behavior around the child -- stop pretending that he's a danger to your kid and start acknowledging the fact that both of you screwed up. Nuff said.
Imo OP is more to blame then her ex in this story, so many man got F up by raising another mans child. When you put your name on birth certificate it's all over, you are stuck for 18 years. Bigest problem is when you make connections with a child and one day you find out its not yours. How do you think child will feel when he finds out dad it's not your dad and he looks you different. So when he asked for a DNA test after all this BS that Ops mom told him, you leave and give him D asp. It's a shame he didn't tell who fed him with this BS, and Ops pride made him decide to live.
Sorry you terminated your rights bye,that happened to a girl i know her ex removed his name from certificate and went away ,came back 20 years later wanting to reconnect,daughter was 20 at the time and said i have dad and you are not the one,he was pestering the girl until she called cops and reported him for harrasment and after few more attempts he went away.tldr.
Given the rate of known paternity fraud, and that most of the men never believed their spouse wouod cheat, asking for a paternity test is common sense. Too many men are paying for children not theirs. As Ronalld Reagan said 'trust but verify'.
I think that rate of known paternity fraud is an urban myth that is used by toxic men to justify the fact that they are deadbeat dad who are resentful that they are having to support legitimate children of a spouse they discarded. In lots of ways, I think that if there were mandatory paternity tests required by the state for every birth, we would end up finding out that there a shitload of men who have multiple kids from multiple partners that they are not supporting. I feel that there are some men who go about impregnating women and disappearing to let the women who bear those children raise them without support or give them up to the system. And no, I am not saying all men cheat and have bastards out there because I don't believe that. But I do believe there are some men out there who never take financial responsibility for the children they father and it leaves a lot of kids and mothers living in poverty.
Children need there Dad's and DNA Test is a most so it is clear the Dad is the Dad and for the children to know the real Dad. To many woman play the DNA game.
Story 1.. op is a idiot.. dont cry about how your son lost his dad for 6 years when your the one that filled for divorce and FULL custody...
Lady you were trying to take his son from him for no reason.. i dont boame him from not wanting to co parent with a psycho and washing his hands of her ..
This story is just that. Why do you insult us?
Story 1... husband was a stupid idiot. first he believed MIL's lie. Second, all he had to do was get a DNA test kit. He could have swabbed son's inner cheek or gotten spittle sample and had it checked with his own DNA, on the sly. Question would have been anwered. Wife wouldn't have even known, & marriage would have continued. Instead he was stupid!!!
This ok is an idiot for not going no contact her mother sold her for 30 grand
OP yta
How can you make your husband so upset and then pretend that it wasn't your mother who ruined your life?
Last time I checked… ex husband never made any effort for their son, didn’t pay child support, but expected to just magically be involved like nothing happened.
Ex husband is the big asshole. Sure he wanted a paternity test. But. Did he try to figure out everything on op’s side? No.
He went about everything Ass backwards. Talked with Dan, the mother, but wait… he didn’t talk to his wife.
I guess he forgot.
He also forgot he had a son.
Mother is an asshole for her involvement with the ex husband, Dan, and for her own selfish reasons.
Op had no idea about any of it behind her back.
@@Denverbroncos87 Last time I checked op refused to do a paternity test.
@@Denverbroncos87 You say the ex didn't try to figure things out with OP, but she made a pretty bad case for herself.
Lets see it in the husband's view.
His mother-in-law said his wife was cheating on him, considering she had a good relationship with her mother, there's no reason to doubt her.
As soon as he asked for the paternity test, she asked for divorce, no discussion, no trying to understand his reasoning, no nothing, just divorce.
She pretty much admitted to cheating by doing this. She should have done the test and THEN leave him at the very least.
Also, you say he should have paid child support? Why? Neither he, his ex-wife or the court saw his son as his son, he should not be forced to pay for a kid that isn't his.
Mother and Dan are the only assholes here
@@Denverbroncos87 GEE.. Wife RAN rather than prove paternity.. then went immediately FOR DIVORCE.. sure acts like the son
IS NOT HIS.. doesn't she..... MOTHER set the whole thing up, told the Hubby SHE DID CHEAT.. so you blame HIM??? You sir have your head up your nether regions.. MOM lied and all but committed FRAUD here.. the WIFE basically acted to BACKED IT ALL UP. So what else was Husband left to think?? When did she (wife) even lift ONE FINGER.. to prove it was false?? NEVER... if YOUR mother in law.. SWORE your wife cheated, after a gu did what DAN did.. would you not be suspicious? HER OWN MOTHER tells you thins?? Well??
@@cheti8544any decent man would demand a paternity test in court. It can be ordered. He would then have parental rights and responsibilities. Yo7 can sue for paternity rights and the judge will order a test. He walked away. He chose to sign away paternity legally disavowing the child with no evidence at all. What real man would do that even he believed his wife was cheating? His actions indicate he didn’t want to be married with a house and kid. Probably mourning the loss of his single life and youth. Highly likely he was having an affair or thinking about it.
OP. Good for you. I think the old friend was a d$%k head for pulling what he did, and you going immediately to your husband and telling him you wanted him out of the house and out of your life because he was disgusting was exactly all you need to do, in my opinion to prove to your husband that the so-called friend had overstepped his bounds. The idea that that action alone wasn't enough to prove where your priorities were sort of says to me that you having a paternity test wasn't going to fix things either. The old friend hadn't been in your life since the marriage and the conception of the child, so a paternity test was foolish. As far as your husband feeling that perhaps you two had been more than just good friends wasn't going to be proved one way or another by a paternity test. So why bother. Your ex-husband is an immature AH and given that I doubt he was a virgin when he got married to you, it really isn't like the it was any of his business about the nature of your friendships before you decided to fall in love and marry him. I happen to be a firm believer that if you are so unsecure and immature that you can't handle what might have happened in your spouse life before you met them and became their partner, just admit right up front that you expect your spouse to be a virgin that has never dated or had a crush, since you just can't accept that your spouse had a life before you. I personally do not believe I have to explain or lay out everything and everyone I have ever done in my life out to a person who I just met. It does not mean that my significant other will be left in the dark, but it also does not mean that I will necessarily think about or share every last date, kiss, crush, speeding ticket, hangover, failed test, illness, disappointment or defeat either. I am mature enough to figure out that if I have dated men before I met my spouse, well he dated women. I am smart enough to know that I have been involved in romantic relationships that went nowhere and are just not significant to what I am feeling now, and he may have too. I am not going to remember everything or confess everything that happened before a person came into my life because shit, life happens and some of it gets lost or forgotten. It isn't being deceptive if what happened is irrelevant because it didn't amount to anything. It happens to everyone, and if we are adults about shit all that really matter between me and the person, I am in love with is what we did once we realized we really did love each other. Grow up people. As you can see, I am sort of expressing this as if I believe that OP and her friend had felt some romantic feelings, but that isn't because I think OP was a liar about it. It is because I truly believe if a romance just didn't work out, it has no more significance than if there was no romance at all as long as their was no marriage and divorce, or no living child that resulted.
Back again. OMG, your mother was an awful, selfish witch. There is no forgiving what she did to you and considering that you supported her for six years after she ruined your marriage for money means that you owe her nothing. I would suggest you even go talk to a lawyer, especially with you having evidence of her having been paid to ruin your life, because I think you need to get a restraining order against her for you and your son at the least, and perhaps you can see about suing both your mother and that Dan character since they ruined your life and marriage. I think it is called alienation of affection. I suggest these actions because your mom has proven by her actions that she will do anything she feels is necessary just so that she lives good. And although you will probably never get sucked back in, remember that in time your son will be a viable target for this woman to reach out to. And you already know that she is a gas lighter, a liar and will do anything for money. She could decide to reach out to your son when he becomes an adult and what he will see is a frail, harmless old woman who will proceed to tell him a sad sob story about how unhappy and hard her life has been since you turned your back on her. I think what you need to do to protect your son is to take steps now to have legal proof, at the minimum about what your mother did to you. Going to a lawyer, filing lawsuits and having legal documents about the facts will go a long way later, if she approaches your son to show him that grandma is not telling the whole story. Also, in the event that you can get a restraining order on her, and maybe sue and get even a token settlement, it will let your mom and that creep of a friend know that messing with you will have consequences.
OP, I am glad you want to leave your ex as an ex. He may have been manipulated by your mom and be a victim of hers too, but he did not step up to be a husband or a father when he did not show you at the time, he got the information from your mother just exactly what was going on. He withheld something that he had every right to confront you with. I mean, what your mom did when she sent him that email was actually something he was justified to take to you and demand an explanation about. And I would think that under those circumstances it might have at least given you an explanation for the paternity request and a point for you to work together to find out WTF. I do see how you feel about considering letting this man back into your son's life but proceed with caution. I think that one of the consequences that your ex has to deal with is the fact that he gave up parental rights with no fight. Right at the moment he has no rights of obligation to your child, and up until now, your child has not had him in his life, so although he might have missed out on having the good that might have come from him, he also hasn't had to deal with any of the bad that might have come from him either. Letting your ex in means that you will deal with this person as a c0-parent, for better or worse for the next 12 years. This is not to imply he will be a terrible person to bring in, but it is to tell you to make sure he will add to your son's life, not cause you and him problems. Sometimes it is better to not have a parent at all, that to have one who is abusive. And I also think if your husband wants to be a parent he needs to step up and offer some financial support, including some back pay. You have shouldered the financial burden since your son was born, and you did it because your ex-husband had no problem with feeling he owed you and your child nothing. But not he has decided he wants to be in your child's life and be daddy. OK, he has to step up because he dodged that obligation for six years. In the end I do understand why you would consider your son's need for a relationship with his father. And the reality of there having been a very toxic person who sabotaged your family. But the last thing you or your son needs is to let this man back in just to have him opt out again. Do not let him in without him knowing that no matter what happens he will be obligated to be contributing to his son's education and be there in the event of a major illness and crisis. Co-parenting is even more of an obligation than marriage because a child his no choice. Make sure that if your husband wants a relationship with you son, it will be totally up to him to make all of the concessions, compromises, and commitments to being an adult. If he decides to come back into your child's life he will be committing to his son until his son is an adult, even if his son ends up not being perfect. You let your ex off of the hook very easily for your good and your son's. He came back without being ask, or even wanted. So he needs to know that he will not walk away from your son as easily as he walked away from you.
She kept blaming the ex husband but think about that situation that happened at the party just should have gotten a dna test cause it’s proof that nothing happened and would have disproven anything that happened op is the AH for not just getting the rest of course the ex husband would be mad and want the test op played herself also
All it would have proven is that the husband was the father, nothing else. It would not have been proof of fidelity in the marriage.
@@timberry1135 it just would have proven nothing happened so it would have been a good idea
BINGO!! I was with the OP.. up until she SH*T on the EX after finding out HE WAS SET UP..... by HER MOTHER. And now she doubles down on making him suffer?? Sorry. unforgivable.
It’s not proof they weren’t having an affair. It would only be proof that the child was his. Even so he didn’t want the paternity test. If he did he would have gotten one. He wanted out if the marriage. Once you’ve accused your spouse of cheating it’s very hard to come back from that situation. Dan at the party said he would adopt the baby. That alone should have been an alert to the ex husband that something wasn’t adding up. We have friends who years ago had a coworker try to destroy their marriage. They both worked for the same company. A nasty woman there told my GF that her husband was cheating. He has some sense (not being pregnant helps a lot) and when she accused him he called us to come over and talk to her. I sat down and walked through things. When is he cheating? You have one car. Is he leaving the house at night? Is he taking off during the day at work? When would he have the opportunity to cheat? She stopped and realized he had no opportunity to cheat. They are still married over 30 years later now.
@@BusArch42 she didn’t want to do the paternity test and the mom started the whole thing but she didn’t save her marriage just by doing the test and kept blaming him so she just should have did it in the first place
Story 1: NTA. Mom and the ex are trash. And the ex has a lot of nerve feeling entitled to joint custody after walking away like he did. If he wants a shot at being more of a parent to his child then it’s on him to earn that trust back.
"I don't want to burden you asking for money but hey I'll just ruin your marriage instead."
Should have done the Paternity Test. 🤷🏾♀️ everyone should, now married or not. It’s right up there with doing a prenup, today. So really no big deal. Now I will listen to the story. 1:26
Divorcing over paternity test… that’s just stupid
You posted same story yesterday
if you were going to correct somebody with written word, you should be very careful and proofread what you say before you hit send. there is no way anyone has already posted something tomorrow.
(original poster has since changed the word “tomorrow” in the above post to “yesterday” as it should have been originally)
I am not amused. Please sit down.
lmaooooo @@kathleensauerbrei5199
@@kathleensauerbrei5199 srry yar I didn't even know why I did that and why u so offended I just want to hear that second story bcz the thumbnail had me curious about it
@@adigattu I am not upset in anyway I just thought it was absolutely hilarious that you took it upon yourself to correct somebody, made a comment and came up looking like a fool.
Again, I will repeat when you correct somebody make sure you have your facts and your words, right , being angry, is no excuse.
OP here brought the poison into this marriage but still acting entitled instead of pulling all strings for forgiveness and making up for the craps she brought to her poor husband. He should be making her pay for all his financial and emotional damage she brought. Take accountability, it's your mother not his.
Why wasn't paternity test done right after birth? So much done to make sure babies we're not switched instead of just taking a baby and told it's your baby. Imagine given a abnormal baby because someone didn't want that one and wanted your normal one.
It’s no one’s fault that any of this happened other than OP. OP gave up on her marriage and family at the first sign of trouble. Op blaming her mom is gross. Take the paternity test and fight for your family. Her behavior was weak and selfish. To clarify, what mom did was also really bad but it’s clear the Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. OP’s ex got his son stolen. Sad
Like what? She needed to leave a man accusing her of being pregnant by another man? Regardless of the test results, he would have turned abusive because the MIL would have kept feeding him lies.
You seem to lack comprehension on how abuse works😒
If only OP had agreed to a paternity test in the first place, the whole situation could have been avoided. But then again we wouldn't have a story to hear.
No it wouldn't have. Her husband was determined not to trust her and he would have still listened to MIL.
A vicious cycle of abuse would have started with the husband constantly making her prove she wasn't cheating. His behavior would have become more controlling and abusive.
This is why paternity tests need to be mandatory at birth.
What an awful woman. Condemning her child to the hell of being raised by a single parent.
that's shitty religion you have if a child get punished and condemned to hell for things it has no control over.
why the fuck would you follow such a religion?
think about it lol.
Being raised by a single parent isn’t hell 🤦🏽♀️
@@lilm497 Visit a prison. You're going to find being raised by a single mother is common across all demographics of inmates.