I thoroughly agree Mell. But try telling that to the the married class in churches that somehow thinks that they're better than single people because they've "made it."
@@dm1978it’s done simply. “Congratulations on being married I hope the best for you two, but frankly I’d rather dedicate all my attention to the Lord, not split it amongst my wife and Lord.” Anything they say to that should just be met with “oh okay yeah I hope that works for you”
@@dm1978 Verse to those who think and see human life on earth as daily mating/dating: 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. Know it: LOVE = SPIRIT, LUST = CARNAL. What do we want? - being daily lusted after and to keep living ourselves and keeping everyone else also in the sin of fornication? Or do we want and ask for to BE LOVED ON DAILY BASES? We are all commanded to LOVE one another, not lust after one another neither to abuse one another. 1 John 4:7 - Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 1 John 4:20 - If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? John 15:13 - Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 14:15 - If ye love me, keep my commandments. 1 John 4:8 - He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 1 John 3:18 - My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. Matthew 6:24 - No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. Romans 5:8 - But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Ephesians 4:2 - With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 1 John 4:10 - Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. BIBLE speaks of LOVE, not of lust. In our brokenness have we transformed LOVE into lust and live daily confused, broken, hurt, blind, deaf, proud = all this is our doing, GOD is not to blame, we are. Souls, remember: GHOSTS = DEMONS. you and your loved ones ain´t demons. You and your loved ones are ADAM = mankind, created in the image of GOD. you and your loved ones stay not around to "ghost", we return back to dust and back to GOD. Genesis 5:2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created. Ecclesiastes 12:7 Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
My mom likes to say this one to me. I know she means well because she says she wasn't expecting my step dad to come into her life and they have now been married 22 years. But yeah, I still get discouraged
@@Damon_At_Forged_Faithgrounded generalization. When I was in my 20s, I saw most of my friends, Christian and non Christian get married. Through my 30s, I’ve watch half of them, Christian and non Christian, experience terrible divorces. People make mistakes, but these things don’t happen overnight (even though many times they literally do.. ), but you get my point. There’s a level of growth one can experience as a single person, should they choose to grow, that I’m not sure can be experienced when caring for, working for, dividing my focus, myself AND another, let alone children.
@@mootsym I grew fast from age 16-22 but I've grown most last year when I've been preparing for marriage, living with wife and just getting more mature and responsible myself. I wasn't raised Christian so I don't have experience with other Christian couples just my own so fair enough
A huge misconception in the church is that men are the problem and that women should never settle on a guy that is a (project). The issue is we are all a massive project, constantly being worked on. You will always have to settle for a project. What people should look for is are they truly submitting to God and the only way to know if they are is if you are submitting to him yourself. If they are submitting to God then there will be spiritual fruit, and a proclivity towards change and adapting to his calling on their life. If you don't feel that they are submitting read the bible and the holy spirit will show you.
@@war13death bad mind set like boss man said all of us are works in progress, as long as I bring out the best in someone and them to me shut I can settle
@@spooks8900 It's a great mindset for someone who priorities are for serving GOD and peace over fleshly desires. When Jesus told that remarriage when divorced is adultery the disciples said "it is not good to marry". Jesus basically replied yes but not everyone can do that, each of us have our own row to hoe. If I was desperate for a woman then I'd have settled long ago. I choose peace and serenity over a woman and the trouble they bring as I've concluded that the juice is not worth the squeeze.
Married people need to be quiet on this issue. They're not single. They've got someone to come home to So, It's not for them to say. It's for God to say.
Oh my words don’t get me started about this. I had to wait till I was 45 to get married. Married people, especially Christians, say the worst things to singles. They all were married in their 20s and have no clue what a long term single person goes through. I could list examples but the bottom line is that there really is no compassion for single people. As far as which is more beneficial spiritually I will say this, being married has challenged me in several ways that being single did not. I’m having to mature and face some character issues that my singleness didn’t challenge. Which again, it makes me wonder why God didn’t bring me a wife earlier. I would have been challenged earlier to improve in these areas.
I’m a single woman, 40 years old, never been in a relationship. When I walk I to church, I do feel judged for it. When you look for a place to serve, the married women in the church are very quick to find a place for you where you won’t be a threat to their relationships (which means the first thing they say is “we need help in the children’s department”). You are left out of many things and it’s hard to get really plugged in. When you struggle with something, they dismiss it for numerous reasons. When you need help, you don’t get any. Widows get help, mothers get help, single women get left out because you’ve always have to had to do it or you Donny have kids you are trying to take care of. It’s not easy being single in the church.
I am sorry any church would treat you that way, that is not Godly character those acting like that are displaying. I pray God connects you with the right church family that embraces you as a sister in Christ!
I'm a 41 year old single woman and I understand a lot of what you said. I never ever thought that I would still be unmarried at this age. When I hit 40 I told myself I could not deal with the comprehension of going beyond my 30's and still single. So I didn't deal with it. I recently turned 41 and I forced myself to finally deal with it and it was hard. Took me about 6 weeks of hard depression to get over it and I still am struggling a little. There are more women than men in the church so there are a lot of us single women and I've been searching ever since I was 18. It's just, by the time I got out of college at 24 everybody was already married. People didn't wait as long in the 2000s to get married as they do now. Especially the women. 18 year olds getting married was normal. 24 was like a spinster... apparently.
Usually the ones teaching classes on singles are usually like this: Mr Jones: "Hello everyone, me and my wife Myrtle are teaching you on blessings of being single. You guys probably know that Myrtle and I have just celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary but that shouldn't discourage you. When I was a young man I thought I would never find the woman of my dreams and that I would be single for the rest of my life. And then one day in eighth grade geometry class I saw Myrtle. By the time high school ended we were engaged, by graduation we were married, and by the end of freshman year we were expecting our first child. So I understand what it's like to be single and lonely for a long time." Random person: "Uh Mr Jones, most of this class ranges from 27 through 35."
I feel like marriage and dating has been SO grossly over spiritualized that we literally have gotten rid of practical dating advice. We use phrases like “I’m waiting on the Lord” or even “I’m just gonna focus on God until my spouse comes” and we miss the fact that we have to participate in the process. We have TO DO SOMETHING!!! We can’t just keep doing the same old thing and expect him or her to magically appear out of thin air. That doesn’t mean we push to get our way, but again we have to participate. And i feel the advice of “it will come so just wait” is what SO many people give when it comes to Christian dating and it’s honestly a lie.
Have you ever considered why people give that kind of advice ("it will come so just wait")? It may be to reduce competition! I'm serious. It is no secret that in many churches single women greatly outnumber single men. If you are a single woman intent on snagging a man, encouraging your "rivals" to remain passive gives you the advantage as long as you aren't too obvious about it. My experience with church culture is that this imbalance can create some very nasty "hidden" dynamics, especially when single women are told in many subtle ways that they are nobody without a man by their side. A friend recently told me about how the other single women in her church started treating her differently after her boyfriend started attending church with her. News flash: it wasn't "we're so glad you found a nice man after all these years." It was more like, "well, I suppose you won't have any time for us now that you have someone." She also said that while she trusted her boyfriend, she was not so sure that these other women would not try to find some way of breaking up the relationship in order to snag him for themselves. In the same way, single women who are not in a relationship are viewed by married women as a potential threat to their marriages. They may never say it directly but it is there in their actions. They are not going to encourage socializing outside of a church activity setting. So being a single woman in church can be a very lonely place.
@@Th3BigBoy I'm sorry to hear that your comment was deleted, but I'm glad I am not the only one who has observed this kind of dynamic in church settings.
Even this socially handicapped nerd king is realizing that I have to get my butt out there and put myself out there and put in the effort to attract someone as well as putting in the time praying over it. Much as I dread it since I'm not what women want in general.
I got hit with the “We aren’t spiritually compatible” we are both Christians, have followed Jesus our whole lives, known each other for years and both like each other. What does that even mean 😭
Some young earther people won’t date old earth people based on that alone maybe it’s something like that. But honestly I think a lot of people just say that to get around saying that they don’t find you attractive. Idk what you’re situation is though
It's a good question. Unequally yoked can basically be about a lot of topics, not just if one is a Christian and the other isn't. Basically, both being Christians doesn't mean you are compatible with each other. For one, spiritual maturity is not automatic. One person can be much more mature in their faith than the other, which will lead to problems and potentially (likely, actually) divorce.
@@davidm4566 Unequally yoked in its proper biblical context just means unbelievers. Don't try to make the Bible say what it doesn't say. A lot of people do that with the Bible by adding their own meaning into whatever they read. When a person comes of age and doesn't have the gift of continence they should get married. They have permission from God in the Bible as long as it's in the Lord. My wife is spiritually stronger than me and by God's grace we have been together for 18 years. We have been faithful to each other and God has given us 2 beautiful children. I ask God everyday to give me the strength to do my job as a provider for my family as well as being a good husband and father. I don't ask God for "ministry" or anything of the sort. I just want to fulfill my responsibility to my family.
Best thing to say to anyone in any situation, or at least to believe in whatever situation you're in, is that "All things work together for the good of those who love God..." And don't forget that 'good' doesn't mean pleasant.
@@ModelJames13I mean, even if you do get married, you'll only be married on Earth, probably not for eternity since Jesus says there is no marriage in Heaven. I could be misinterpreting something, though. But still, if you want to spend eternity with God, focus on him. Place your confidence and your hope in him. If you are single, take advantage of your singleness. You are just as valuable to God being single as you would be if you were with someone. Who knows what will happen in the future, maybe you will find someone. Just remember to give thanks to God in all circumstances and learn to be content with him.
Thats true and all, but it's not helping the person process their loneliness and it's not getting to the root of the problem. Christians just throw scripture and biblical concepts to each other without even relating to each other, empathizing, or even understanding what's going on inside the other person. There's no relationship, it's just quoting the Bible and saying "There ya go. If this doesn't work then you're problem is with God" and then it turns into guilt and shame tactics. Humans need to actually process what they're going through, and even God knows this. Jesus himself had to process all the trials He went through. He sweat blood in the garden of Gethsemane! And scripture can't be understood unless you're relating to the person the way God relates to us. God is loving, kind, nurturing, compassionate, accepting of who you are, etc. When Christians just throw scripture as a blanket solution to whatever problem without actually relating to the person about it, it never lands the way it should. It doesn't have the proper effect because we are such poor examples of God's love to each other. And as a result, we never learn the proper healing, comforting perspectives we need to get through the trials.
I am glad my friend recently stood up for me when his wife and other older women in the church were arguing on who to set me up with or to keep me away from and he was like “Dude, just let the man marry who he wants!”
I’m a female my friends where also doing the same thing. It’s like I don’t like him, I’m not attracted to him, if I like him then I would have said yes to a date a long time ago. Just you I am also waiting for the right person. I don’t understand why friends and family are so pushy sometimes 🙄 it can be annoying tbh.
Being over 50, I've found some of the worst women to stay away from are the animals you've just described. It's often the over-60s women and I've seen this happen for decades now. The first thing they jump on (for the good of these women) is to keep as many as they can from the shame of being on the left-overs list because, for them, being married is the higher status level in femme-world. This is a big reason why you'll see an engaged woman show that ring to every female she can because she's about to graduate to the world of "real church women." This un-Christ-like behavior spills over onto the single guys as well because they're not really cared about, or even about the whole issue of compatibility. This is justified with the shallow (and never investigated) remark, "Oh, but she's a wonderful girl." When these "assisted matches" don't work, the best they'll offer is a shallow "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you" and then scurry away like cockroaches surprised by a light, so they can avoid being involved in cleaning up the mess everyone knows they helped initiate. As you can imagine, I've lost quite a few popularity points for pointing out this "secret women's business", but the goal is to protect the guys and most men in the church seem oblivious to this. 1 Cor 4:15 says, "You have many teachers in Christ, but not many fathers" and, like your friend, I love getting in there where a lot of weak men won't tell the guys about these drama-loving, destructive (and usually married) harpies, or put them in their place. Church men have been so heavily bashed with the Scripture "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." (Eph. 5:25), but before she can expect the benefits of that, Paul addresses the women with "wives, submit to your husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:24) How often to you hear that in the modern church? You watch how they fight for their right to create or be involved in goss and drama. Not exactly a Christ-like Proverbs 31 woman attitude is it? Sorry, but I'm no fan of any institution that doesn't teach, inform and/or stand up for their young men, no matter what they call it on the sign outside.
@Heythere2810, it's all because they want you to have babies. They don't care if you're happy or not. They want you to just have kids, have kids, have kids. And even when you get married that's all you'll ever hear about.
@dm1978, thank you so much for saying this. Men are blamed for everything while given none of the authority scripture teaches they should have. Everything is inverted now. And every argument against it is just more blame and mental gymnastics
Good points and I love the approach of saying don't treat marriage as this ultimate fulfiller for your life, but don't feel bad about wanting it either. I'm 25 and I've never been married, had a girlfriend, or kissed a girl and, while I will gladly take someone sent from God, I have zero shame in that. In retrospect, I can see that any opportunities I've had up to this point wouldn't have been good for me. So many people get caught up in trying to do what other people are doing and will let other people get to them. I've had people that will come up to me and ask me if I'm in a relationship and then will think it's their responsibility to give me a bunch of unsolicited advice or talk to me like I'm something broken that needs to be fixed and they are completely oblivious to how condescending they are coming off.
@@Damon_At_Forged_Faith lol what? I think you misunderstand. If you are seeking a partner, of course who better than to seek advice from someone who isn’t single. However, the focus is how to survive or thrive in your single period and encouragement from someone who is successfully single or was for a while. And naturally people who are already there at an early stage don’t understand the pain. You are more likely to receive good financial advice from someone who is recently rich vs someone who inherited it. It’s all about relatability, and people who immediately found their spouse don’t understand that pain.
@@doscaminos204It's like a wealthy stockbroker offering investment advice on what portfolios to buy to guys in a homeless camp. Or a healthy aerobics coach offering fitness tips to a quadriplegic. Lol.
The thing I struggle with most right now is not neccisarily lust, but affection? Like I know the Lord hears me and sees me, but He can’t hold my hand. I know that sounds so silly. Like why feel sad about someone not holding your hand when you’re literally talking to God. But I am missing this.
Absolutely agree! I keep reminding the Lord that at Creation He decided that it wasn't good for man to be alone, so He gave them a spouse. I'm fine living alone, but there sure is that lack of affection, the lack of close support, especially as I'm living on the mission field, far from family.
Two out of the three pieces of advice there, when given out of any measure of self reflection, can be useful to a single Christian. The problem is that many married Christians (especially those who got married before their 30's) get the idea that their success in getting married had everything to do with them and not because of God's grace.
My students are the worst about it and they don’t even realize it. They are always asking how I can be older than this other teacher, but he is married with two kids. I also have them ask if I have a boyfriend all the time, and this one time a girl straight up said “she doesn’t have a boyfriend. If she did she would be happier.”
Something I almost never hear others tell Christian singles but comforts me. Only Heaven contains perfect love and happiness. As a Christian you can look forward to that no matter how lonely and disappointing this life below is. God can use singleness to sanctify too. The end goal is to fit you for Himself. Not a few brief years struggling through this vail of tears with another flawed sinner. Both states can teach valuable lessons and purify. If you want to marry AND HAVE THE CHANCE go for it. Most of us Christian singles just never had a chance to marry another single Christian. We need to make the best of the life God gave us whether or not we wanted it.
Well I think it depends on where your heart is at. Of course God always comes first but God also said that "it is not good that man should be alone, I will make a helper fit for him". And then Adam and Eve at the end of Genesis 2 became one flesh. If you idolize and rely on your spouse than you're is in the wrong place. Your spouse should help you stay strong in your love for God by glorifying him in your marriage. I'm not married just what I've learned from married couples and scriptures
If I ever say that it’ll be like how Sora mended Ventus’s heart at his station of awakening. And she’ll have to understand and know exactly what I’m talking about 😊
Another argument that I'd raise about being "distracted". There in my opinion is no greater way to display faith in God to the world (the US specifically) then by being married with a family and being faithful in that
That first part about "maybe you got married at a young age because God wanted to expedite your walk with him" really resonated with me. Recently a very young girl told me the reason why I'm unmarried is because I don't have the Holy Ghost. I'm 41 and I gave my heart to the Lord as a teenager. I've been faithfully serving the Lord almost longer than she's been alive. She started dating a 20 year old man at 14, got engaged at 15, and married at 16. She was not a mature beyond her years 16 year old either. She was still a kid. Very soon after she got married her parents broke up, one of her brothers became gay, all her family left the church and are living very worldly lives. I have a feeling that if she hadn't married this guy then she would have followed in her family's footsteps.
I am reading a book with my small group called Not Yet Married by Marshall Segal. It basically says how humans today will often be in what of an autopilot mode during their unmarried years. They will give up on living with the idea that God is enough for you regardless of whether or not you ever get married and essentially obsess over finding a spouse. It's a great book and I appreciate the idea (of the book and of this video) because Gen Z Christians often get sidetracked by the idea of committed relationships with other humans than with God.
Yep. And then we get married and our spouses won't meet the needs they met while we were dating, which is what motivated us to marry in the first place. And then you'll go to marriage counseling only to be met with the same message "God is enough for you" while you're continually neglected, manipulated, and rejected by the spouse you too vows for. And then the pastor will blame you as the man for the state of your marriage and tell you again "God is enough". And it never lands because Christians these days lack empathy, they distort scripture, and they allow people to get away with things that go against their vows. And they expect all of your problems to go away by saying "God is enough". And many of these pastors are in failing marriages themselves! So they're not in a position to give advice. Marriage is the most beautiful relationship you'll ever have. And we have needs that only man and woman can meet for each other, and God made it that way. So it's important to meet your person, and then meet each other's needs. That's what vows are all about. Any Christian who says "your spouse isn't meant to meet your emotional, sexual, affectionate needs, etc. ALL of your needs are met in God alone" is straight up lying. And if you challenge them on it, they cannot prove it or back it up with evidence.
And many Christians also don't have any idea how to have a relationship with God or what it means. It means to live in God's love, accept it, feel it, know it, revel in it every day as soon as you wake up, and then transfer it to others. But in many churches, your relationship with God is defined by a list of do's and dont's. And that's not what a relationship is. A relationship is personal. And love is what makes it personal. Love needs to be felt, seen, and heard in order to connect with it. And your connection to God is meant to be pure love. "We love Him because He first loved us"
The advice coming from people who marry right out of highschool/early 20s is always interesting. They literally havent experienced singleness at all (relatively speaking) and they feel like because they're married, they're in a position to give advice. Not that they dont mean well, or are trying to give bad advice, and sometimes they are able to give good advise. But usually theyll give some cliche quip about Gods timing or something like that thinking its encouraging.
I have to be honest, I struggled with the ideas of being single forever. I do want to get married and have kids. But it’s always in the back of my head. “You’re not worthy”, “you’re not enough”. I feel a lot of insecurity about it. I feel like, “I haven’t made it yet”. I’m almost in my mid 20’s and haven’t managed to achieve much. Like a steady financial life. And that’s what mostly makes me insecure. I feel like I won’t be able to provide, so I can’t even look for a wife yet. I never managed to have a serious relationship. I feel stuck in my current life. Just work, school, and repeat that. I did try being more social. Went to bible study groups, youth groups. Prayer nights. But I never wanted to try to find someone there. I always felt like it was an inappropriate place for that. Like this is supposed to be a place in which we come to glorify God and learn about him and praise him. So whenever I would “catch feelings” for someone, I would try to distance myself from that idea in my head. At this point, nothing is really working in my life. It’s just me living at home with my parents trying to live week to week. I don’t even know how to start changing it. I’m so invested in trying to help out my family financially and emotionally, that I don’t do anything else. I know God has helped me before. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. And I’m sure that the promises he’s made, he’s gonna keep. And I guess being happy is not necessarily one of them. Joy though. That at least I have. The little activities I get to do with my family to better ourselves. Like going to the gym, or just trying to finish work. I’m grateful for what I have. And I can’t complain like, “I want more”. Cause obviously we desire more to do with our lives. But it’s not always that easy for everyone. I see most of my friends are getting married, have decent jobs, buying houses. And I’m just here. Living.
Brother, as I was reading this I was shocked because of everything you said I have felt/feel this way, like almost exactly, I'm in my 20s too and I feel that I've got to get my life moving and rolling from work, relationships, and independence! It's a lot, I say to myself that there's no one out there like me, no one understands me, but in my loneliest of moments, where I can get lost in my despair, I remember Jesus, one of my favorite verses is Isaiah 53, and I'm reminded when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was so alone, His disciples were sleeping and He selflessly humbled himself and prayed to the Father and got no answer before He fulfilled God's gracious gift for us. Jesus is the only person who truly understands us from our minds to our hearts. I want to encourage you to pray to God every day and every night, just speak to Him, be honest and genuine, go to Him boldly and humbly because you have been saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is living in you to be the guarantee of your salvation and read the Bible every day and every night, trust me, it'll change you little by little, I get you brother, truly, I get you if you want to talk more or something lmk pls.
Man this is relatable, altough i did find someone but im more attracted to her personality then looks but so many people say that she is gold and worth it. But without that , im in the same situation, im 19.
I think you are overlooking areas where you could find a wife. You shouldn't be going to church events just to find a wife, than your priorities are a bit off kilter, but if you are going to glorify and worship God and you happen to meet someone, go for it, marriage is a part of God's plan and done correctly it brings glory to Him. Most of all though, you need to trust Gods and never take your eyes off Jesus. God bless.
You need to find yourself, and you can only find yourself when you grow deeper in God. Only God can give you a real purpose and direction so that you can be motivated to live the life He wants for you. Then the woman he has prepared for you will come along and you can build your life together. Dust yourself, raise your chin up, you're still very young and can make certain decisions that will alter your life and propel you to destiny. Also don't compare yourself with others, the bible calls those who do this unwise, you'll just end up deepening the depression. The Lord is your strength
I’m not sure if it matters at this point anymore. According to some Pew data from last year, there are twice as many single men as single women aged 18-29, the disconnect and animosity between men and women seems to be growing, marriage seems to be a trap for men if divorce happens, supporting a family in this economy is becoming less and less feasible, and the rise of dating apps skews the way people select for a partner, which, in turn, makes things far more difficult.
Great video as always, I just wanna put this out there as a testimony for any single Christian who is feeling alone, your peace is in Christ not your partner your partner is a blessing from Christ but the true peace comes from following him. Testimony ⤵️ When I was in my late teens I was horribly lukewarm, always having sex and women on my mind because I always felt alone, then I got into a in a committed relationship as I was entering my 20’s, now the thing is this woman was for a lack of terms controlling, abusive, a non believer, and a bit of a drunk, I’m not telling you this to judge but it’s for the context of the next part, so when we broke up I was a bit of a mess, angry at the world, so what did I do? I drank, watched porn, and slept around with a lot of women, for lack of better terms I was a manwhore, and the thing is when you choose to sin you deal a lot more with sinful people, so to speed this up as I slept around a lot it also caused a lot of drama, pain, and emptiness in me, and I kept going kept doing it for three years straight all cuz I couldn’t let go of the past I just had to prove something to myself, well one day the consequences got overwhelming (the drama) again to make this short I’ll spare the details, so one day I told the lord “I had enough, I get it now, no more partying, no more sleeping around, I’m done, if I gotta die alone I will, if I’m to never touch a woman again then so be it, so long as there is peace in my life that’s all I ask please” and no joke within one hour I met the woman of my life that I’m still happily with till this day, a woman who I find both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to be so beautiful like I never found a more beautiful woman in my eyes, the crazy thing is I didn’t need to do anything specific to find her it just happened but the important part is that God is what made this relationship so special because that’s what we center our relationship on, so idc who you are or what you have been told the lord will bring you someone in your life who is perfect for you in every aspect, she won’t be perfect but she’ll be perfect for you understand the difference lol but anyways yea im telling you from experience the way of the world is NOT worth it, trust me on this one be patient with God he will provide, so yea I can testify from experience that what this man is saying is so true, follow by what God says, dont worry about what others say even the Christians who give the three goofy bits of advice that was mentioned cuz as you already know I was anything but holy when I was single, completely far from perfect but God proved to me what a good lifestyle can bring, and dont get it twisted I’m still not perfect and never will be but at least im following God the best I can and walking away from the ways of this world, I hope this was inspiring to any single Christian who feels they are struggling rn with both finding a relationship and straying away from sin God bless and praise Jesus
An example of how silly church people can be - I'm divorced, mid 40s, most people think I'm in my 20s. I never divulge my private business openly so it's been interesting to get unsolicited advice about finding someone to marry and how I should have kids some day etc. Never make assumptions and start spouting off at people.
Ah, a fellow young looking "older" guy. If you've tried dating lately you've probably noticed how age prejudiced women are? Thanks to them it's all over for us. ⚰
I stopped listening to the ignorant and oblivious squawking crows giving "advice" on relationships in the Church, a long time ago. Jobs friends sat silently for days, and even when they opened their mouths they were still presumptuous about Job's situation. The Church is woefully inept and incompetent in dealing with us who are single or have been single for a long time. We are like awkward children they don't know what to do with, we are pariah and a hushed taboo that they're too uncomfortable talking about. We are like Christ bruised and tired, dragging our cross to the hill, but the Church is too weak and cowardly to approach us with a drink of water. It's pathetic. We aren't looking for handouts, just an acknowledgement that it kinda sucks. The only person I know can relate to me, and I find solice in, is my Lord and my friend Jesus Himself. He knows, He sees, He's been through worse, and He alone knows what I need even if I hate having to go through it. The Church has done nothing for us, to be like Christ to us, and it is a shame upon them.
LOL, if married people were such paragons of virtue, why is the divorce rate of married Christians not much better than that of non-Christians? Get out of here.
Don't confuse nominal Christian's with non nominal Christian's. Non nominal Christian's divorce rates are actually very low. Of course there are way more nominal Christian's than true ones so the numbers get skewed. Stop being bitter becuase you don't want to believe happy marriage exists just cus you don't have one.
Thank you for these videos, brother! Getting messages like this that relate to young Christian men, from a young Christian man, is extremely comforting, and helpful!
Ive heard all the stupid, judgemental, tone deaf, sanctimonious advice I ever want to hear 3 lifetimes over. One even came from a dear friend who forgot he told me years ago that he wept nights in his 20s bc he wanted a wife so badly. Most of the time, ppl should refrain from bad counsel and tell the person they’re praying for God’s best. Sometimes the feeling of being misunderstood and unfairly judged is almost worse than struggling with an unanswered desire.
The counsel gets even worse when you actually are married. I've heard the worst marriage advice ever from Christians. Secular advice is even worse, but man Christians got it so backwards.
Im still single,25 year old man, the advice i can give you guys would be to plan out your life what would you like to have to be and describe the type of person you would want for your partner to be. you know, be specific. i learned that specific prayer gets specific answers the other thing i would say is it's ok to have the desire, but when it becomes an idol, that's when it becomes problematic. And yes being single is hard but you can choose to not make so hard by planning out your life and start reaching goals. An example would be where would you want to live, if you wanna get fit, what house would you like, if you like to go on an adventure, if you would like to learn how to fish and how to cook it. I hope this helps someone and dont give up just try to live day by day.
Thankyou I tell this to my friends at church all the time. Most of the guys at church want a wife but they feel unworthy of it at this point of their life. So they never pursue. It's almost like they expect the woman to do it for them.
Marriage is not earned, it is simply a gift from God. God is not waiting for us to learn the right lesson, to finally walk perfectly with him, or to accomplish some sort of goal. Rather He will cross your path's with the right person at His appointed time.
A very common problem with advice given to single Christians is that those giving the advice don't even take historical context into account. Back in Biblical times, marriage was very different. You did not put up singles ads not did you have to become a "pickup artist" and approach strangers asking for dates, or act like a "bad boy" or other similar approaches. Well, the "pickup artist" or "bad boy" approaches maybe have resulted in being run out of town or worse. Parents would often arrange marriages for their children and it would be weird for someone in his mid-20s to be single. If people did not have arranged marriages they'd usually know everyone in their village or neighboring villages, or know their families. Parents would also know their children's suitors, probably since the suitors were children. The modern methods in the West of finding spouses are nothing like this. If a guy is not good at approaching total strangers for potential marriages, and if they can approach them, they don't know much about their character or their past and find it difficult to find one that is really a good match, this has nothing to do with Paul's words to Timothy as popularly preached and everything to do with the unnatural culture we have in modern times.
Correct. Some Christians like to say there's no dating in the bible. Totally missing the things you pointed out. In addition to the point about approaching....we also don't know who is saved and who isn't. Unless a person is street preaching (usually married anyway) how would we know who's 'in the Lord '???
Sharing time. In the past I've had a handful of girls come my way. It didn't work out in the end, and I knew it wouldn't from the start due to them being non-believers of Jesus. I've also had my name and picture on dating websites and apps for years and years and years that produced no results. So I gave up pursuing and gave the whole thing to Jesus and said "Your will be done." I'm no longer desperate that has cause me sleepless nights and days full of pain. It's happening, just on Jesus's terms, not mine :D
I'm 31, and just became a Christian about a year ago. I wasted my 20s on mindless indulgence. All the good Christian women are already married, and even if there was a single one, there are younger Christian men that make more money than me that wpuod make infinitely better husbands. So it's my fault because I'm not doing anything? Wrong. I repented too late. No matter how much I put myself out there, it's not enough, hasn't been enough, and will never be enough. Why must you rub salt into my wounds? The fact that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life already makes me depressed enough.
What about the Christian women that are in the same situation as you? There are definitely people out there. Pray about it and believe for it. The Bible tells us that He gives us good gifts that we ask for. We have to have the faith that the things we pray for will really happen and we can know that they will if we’re praying for things that are in God’s will for us. As a single Christian woman I can say that the more we focus on how we don’t have someone else, the less we’re focusing on how great God is and how great all that He’s already done for us is. I do pray and believe for a spouse, and at the same time pray that He helps me to become the best future wife that I can be. Don’t lose hope, but don’t focus too much on what you don’t have. Focus on the blessings and the things you can do to pursue God in the meantime. I recently read about how we don’t have a spouse in heaven, and it made me realize how a relationship with someone is really not as crucial as our relationship with God. I pray that God blesses you with the desires of your heart.
Eh, don't beat yourself up over it. It's probably not your fault. I've been a Christian since youth, I'm older than you, and I never got a wife either. The lesson? Some people are just destined to be alone whether they like it or not. Really if a guy doesn't get a wife in his 20's his chances are very slim at 30 and beyond. You're really on the cutoff point, I think you should keep trying to find a wife before you hit 35. If you don't have one by then giving up is probably the best option. Good luck. 😎
@@joyamarante8233 No such women in my church exist, and if there were, I'm the worst of the competition, so I don't have a chance. I don't view God as a cosmic genie in a bottle out to give me what I want. I make a conscious effort to make all my prayers aligned with His revealed will and avoid selfish ones like that. I know I should focus on what I have and not what I don't, and that's exactly what I've been trying to do, but people like this guy seem dead set on reminding me of what I don't have at every turn. They practically rub my nose in it. I also can't help the fact that God made human beings a naturally coupling creature. The desire for a woman to be with is hardwired into my design and cannot be gotten rid of. I want to forget about what I want and just focus on what God wants, but when it comes to this, I just can't.
@@ModelJames13 I don't even have any female friends, and I don't even have the financial stability to support a wife and children. I'll be 40 by the time I get my life on track to be able to make that feasible, and by that point, it'll be too late. I know I'm just destined to be alone whether I like it or not. You don't need to remind me. It's my own fault. I have no one to blame but myself. I could have been married by now if I didn't get sucked into all this stupid sinful subculture that promised me all the pleasure in the world, but robbed me of the very thing it promised. Now even my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ insist on rubbing in what I missed my chance for. Back in Christmas of 2022, my father mockingly said if I was his last chance at getting grandchildren, he's screwed, and laughed loudly, much to the amusement of my family. That cut deep like a knife, but it's true. I'm a disappointment to my family. Don't you think I've had enough grief?
Making more money doesn’t equate to being a better husband or man. Remember this: Proverbs 30:7 O God, I beg two favors from you; let me have them before I die. Proverbs 30:8 First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. Proverbs 30:9 For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the lord?” And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name. It’s far better to have just enough(God will provide for you as He promised) so you can always look towards Him and thank Him. A life full of thankfulness to Him will lead to a life that honors Him. Abide in Him and put to practice the good things He taught you
I know you're talking about the importance of our relationship with Christ as being the foundation of our lives, but while we're in this world our spiritual relationship with Christ alone isn't going to solve all of our needs and desires. Having faith in Christ is not going to get rid of our hunger and thirst. There's food and drink for that. Praying with Christ everyday isn't going to negate our need to be with other humans and have relationships with them. There's family, friends, and the church community for that. And being close to Christ for the vast majority of us doesn't negate our desire for a partner. Only another Godly partner can do that. Instead, we need to preach the more accurate message that everything we do in this life needs to be rooted through Christ; not to say that Christ is quite literally all that we need. Because God created the other things too to also bring us closer to Him and simply enjoy life. Even God said in His perfect world that "it is not good for Man to be alone".
I used to think like that, that we could almost bribe God, but it's a really selfish and worked based thinking that can screw up your faith. Thankfully, the Lord convicted me of this untruth.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm not less worthy as a single person than a married person. I've been feeling really insecure as I watch everyone around me get engaged and have babies. And posting on social media is nerve-wracking because it feels vain to do so as a single woman, and it seems more acceptable and celebrated as a married woman with children. I don't want to be seen as vain, but I do want to be happy about the good things happening in my life without believing that none of my accomplishments count because I'm not raising a family yet. But I know that's not true. It's just difficult to remember.
I want to get married but no one is helping me because they think I am not mature enough or ready enough. How good enough do I have to be in order to be a wife? Are they afraid that my husband will divorce me all because I did something stupid? And none of the men noticed me! Do I have to dress up like Jessica Rabbit in order to get them to notice me?
Just put in some work at the gym to make sure you are fit, feminine, and pretty. And if there are any guys you like try flirting with them. If you do all these things I'm sure men will notice. I'm a man and that would get my attention. 😎
Been single for 29 years and become content being alone yeah it’s nice but sucks at the same time plus have many disabilities and physical pain all the time so honestly see others being happy but apparently i don’t get that but even still just love the Lord even if i dont have anyone maybe ill be single forever who knows
My fiance was a very very unmature person. Thank God I noticed that on time and broke the engagement. Maturity IS a must in marriage, kids shouldn't participate in adult responsibilities and privileges.
A lot of times people will meet through various ministries, get married, and then drop out of service, so married people being holier or whatever is nonsense.
Here's what I have done, hopefully this helps someone. Completely surrendered it to the LORD. Prayed a prayer of 'LORD if it be your will and you have a wife for me, only the one you picked. You know best. In your time'. And if not, I can find comfort knowing that he knows best or if I should be alone and serve him better, as Paul says. Now I can stop thinking about it and find greater peace. You don't have to figure it out in your own strength!
Well said! What about St Paul who said he recommended a single life but noted that it isn't given to everyone to stay the course of living singly. - wow - written my comment just before you mention this @4:30. Women get especially criticized in this area of life.
Does anyone have any advice on how to keep God at the centre of your life and take your crush off the pedestal? I often fall into the trap of thinking that having a romantic partner will 'fix' me and make me happier, and I want to be content being a single Christian but I don't know how.
God is the ultimate good - do not chop down something that is good because it blocks where you expect to see God. Instead seek an expanded view of God. Study the gospel, grow in knowledge of the truth.
You find contentment fulfilling God's command to love your crush(and other people too, for that matter) as Christ loves them. That means you love them without demanding or expecting anything in return. Instead of focusing on what they can give to you(like happy feelings, companionship, gifts, hugs), you focus on how God can sustain you as you selflessly give to them. If things become one-sided, you still selflessly love them by building boundaries and maintaining them, allowing yourself room to grow out of your crush for them for their sake. Your crush isn't your life, Christ is your life. It's not the happy feelings of attraction that uphold you and keep you going, it's your dependence on God. If you sense you're idolizing your crush, find other people to pour into as well, such as some good friends, coworkers, classmates, or ministry partners. It may also be good to reflect on what Christ has done for you on the cross. And lastly, remember that your joy when Christ returns will make the joy you have in your crush seem trivial. Being united with your King is much better than being united with your crush. These feelings you have now point toward the boundless joy we will have when the New Earth is brought forth. If you don't find any joy in the things of God, pray that he will give it to you.
There is other dumb stuff people say: God has someone for everyone. That’s a luxury belief. Your needs as a man are dead last. If you neglect yourself totally and don’t prioritize your needs you can’t help others. Men are Peter Pan syndrome if not married by 40 cause he hasn’t taken responsibility. Man needs more time to prepare and build a life for a woman and children to enter into these days than ever before. Why is ok to shame older unmarried men but no longer call an unmarried childless woman an old cat lady or old maid???
I'm so conflicted man. All my life people have told me that you can't get married until you're "ready" and completely okay being single. Ever since I can remember, I have desired very much marriage. I so desired to get married really young and even almost expected it to be when i was 18-19. I am 21 now, coming a year off from the end of a relationship that was really confusing for me. I wanted marriage, but deep down she didn't and wasn't ready yet. I'm so sick of seeing so many people I know, friends, and others my age getting married and having the things I want. Duh, their relationship isn't perfect. But I want that person to walk with me. It's been engrained in me that desiring a woman and pursuing a woman is a bad thing, and I can't do it until I'm "ready enough". It's given me this crippling fear and angst in my conscience towards god that any desire for or act on a woman is just so wrong. If I want it, why can't I seek it out? But what if it's not the "right" time?
You decide if it's the right time. If God approves you will succeed. If God disapproves you will fail. Now in your 20's is the right time. Try to find a wife if you want one. Because once you get into your 30's and beyond time has run out and your options are very few. 😎
No one can 'fix' our past hurts and wounds. We all have them. If something in you is needing fixed, press into the Word. I used to tell God I didn't know what was wrong with me but I was trusting Him to fix it. He did....over 15 years and lots of Scripture study, counseling and prayer partners. You may not need the in depth work I needed. But push into God for what you want. He will always be right there.
@@SuckerPunch92 yup, y’all pretty much the same, you don’t want to worry about money or build a relationship from the ground up, it’s have everything together then when you are “successful “ y’all show up
@@marcushenry2072 That's not me my friend. Lol I have my own money. Im interested in bulid a foundation on Christ to become 1 flesh. Im sorry that has been your experience. Sounds like you may attract a certain type
Definitely not all Christian women, believe me. I've dated and/or talked to a widowed man who had recently gotten out of prison and was going back to school, a life long Christian man and engineer with a steady job, a man a little bit younger than me who had only recently come to the Lord a few short years earlier and so he didn't have any education or a solid job with not really any money, and another life long Christian with education, good job, a home, good vehicle but very overweight with health issues. One health issue kind of scary. Trust me. All Christian woman are not as you described. Most aren't actually. Fyi- here's the list of reasons why those men never worked out, in order: only looking for one thing, player, fear of commitment, player.
1 Corinthians 7=8 Now I say to those who are unmarried and to the widows that it is better for them if they remain as I am. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed with passion.
Psalm 128:3-4 says, "Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord." I think his verse implies that God will bless you through rather than with your wife (spouse).
My husband and I recently got married and were in our 30s, which is considered old in the church. Our marriage is nothing short of a testimony to God’s grace. We didn’t get married because we were holier than other people. We did it because we love each other, we know God ordained this, and despite both of our flaws, we were given this gift. Don’t ever think people get married as a prize for holiness or “being pure enough”.
Respectfully bro, that last line isn’t Biblical. Sure, there are lots of women who are ungodly and undesirable in this age of feminism (just as there are many ungodly and undesirable guys), but women are also fellow image bearers, created by God.
@@adjustedbrass7551 that’s fair! Praying that you would keep seeking God and thinking about whether becoming an Orthodox Monk is the best way for you to live for His glory!
Marriage is a great ideal and would highly encourage people working towards it, IF our society wasn’t anywhere near as dysfunctional as it is now! Unfortunately most people today are way too narcissistic and immature to handle marriage and even if you are humbled and mature enough to handle such a life long commitment, your spouse needs to be just as humble and mature! Good luck finding that person! You’re definitely gonna need it!
It does glorify God to marry someone and love them self-sacrificially, but the cost comes to the kingdom of God. In 1 corinthians 7 Paul discusses how the married are divided between how to please the Lord and how to please their spouse. It is not a sin, but in terms of the kingdom of God Paul said it is better to be unmarried. I am married and definitely see this divide, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I’ll serve the Lord to the best of my ability and my wife, but my unmarried brothers in Christ will have more opportunities to serve the Lord. That is okay. We serve the Lord with the cup he gives us.
There are some people who can serve God more effectively in the context of a marriage than they could if they were single. What looks good on paper doesn’t always pan out when you add in the human dynamic.
A good friend toldmme something really smart about finding the righy woman. He rold me to focus on growing closer to God while the woman who's meant for me grows closer to Him too. When we're both close enough, we will meet. So that's what I did, and later I stumbled into my dream woman. I am saving up for an engagement ring now. :) Trust in God, live his word. He will sort everything out for you.
One pushback on the first one: its possible that they mean it with good intentions. God does everything in the best time, he is never late nor is he early in doling out the blessings he intends for you. That could be what they meant.
As I said down there? I'm realizing that I need to get my nerdy, socially handicapped butt out there to get the ball rolling in this realm. Much as I realize that I'm not what women want, and much as I put in the time praying on this? If I don't put in the effort, I can't say anything. If it's meant to be, then it will happen, but if it's not? Well, I can say that I tried, right? Right. Oh, and one more thing; those of us out there who Genesis 1:28 doesn't work for (AKA we don't want kids for our own reasons)? There's no happy medium between either "Get married and make babies," and "stay single and celibate." What are we supposed to do if the former doesn't work for us and the latter is grating on our nerves? I've been single for 8 years and celibate for 6 years and it's really starting to get to that latter stage, here.
I don't think it's an absolute requirement that married Christians must have kids. You probably know some married Christians that don't have kids but were blessed with a marriage regardless. We have to hope the same happens to us.
If I’m in a church where there aren’t any single women that are interested in me would you suggest looking for another church that has a lot more single people? It could be argued that it’s being proactive as long as the new church has sound biblical preaching. Online dating is awful so my only option if I stay is to hope a new woman comes to the church that I can hit it off with.
I did the same thing this past summer and it was a total failure. Nonetheless, I think you should give it a shot. You'll probably have better results and you may even find a church that speaks to your soul more. 😎
I decided that I want to remain unmarried for the rest of my life. I like living by myself, I'm content as a single, and I don't really care about sex. The few times I tried dating, I was miserable. And best of all, the Scriptures affirm my decision!
There's about billions of ppl on this planet and its hard to come by the fact there is "the one" for you. Most Christians like myself are to call to singleness depsite their strong feelings to be married one day.
Yep, there are 3 people involved in a marriage. You have to wait until you're ready, your future spouse is ready, and more importantly, wait for God's timing. He is wiser than we are. If we were to marry before any of that, it would be a mistake that would most likely lead to divorce, and absolutely lead to a lot of pain. It's way worse to be with the wrong person than to be alone. And the right person at the wrong time IS the wrong person (that includes us, too).
Marriage is not a sanctification process. That's something dumb that Christians say. We were sanctified in Christ Jesus, once for all, sanctified and made truly holy, made light in the Lord Jesus, made one spirit with the Lord. We were not nor are we being made one spirit with our wife. We are one flesh with our wife. Only Jesus Christ has sanctified us. We are not born again physically, we are born again spiritually. Flesh gives birth to flesh but spirit gives birth to spirit.
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in the desert than with a contentious and angry woman.
I'm quite confused in my situation. I'm 38, good shape, make a salary quite a bit above average and can def support a family and I have no children, and I do have the desire (for the men you know what that means) and I have my own struggles with it so I know I'm not destined for singleness. But then I have a side of me that has zero desire to dedicate myself to a woman knowing what I stand to lose in the case of a divorce, and also the fact that I enjoy having the freedom of doing what I want when I want (selfishness I know). So I have a desire, but a much bigger side of trust issues and a big fear of divorce. I know through prayer God will place a desire for a certain woman in my heart wherever I may meet her (hopefully in the church) but this is just a confusing topic for me.
Brother love is all about sacrifice. I would suggest you share this with a trusted man further along in life and tell him your fears and selfish thoughts that are keeping you from pursuing a Godly woman. Praying for you brother I too need work in my heart.
At least one other person in this comment section said married people should just be quiet on this subject. I won't take it THAT far, but I think most married people should be careful before trying to talk to lifelong singles and give them advice. Some might say, "Well, they were single once, too." Yes, they were, but many of them were fortunate enough to get married very early in adulthood. If you got married in your late teens or early twenties and you're now in your thirties, forties, or older, you likely have a foggy memory of living single. And while we're on the subject of things not to say to single Christians, don't ask the question "When are you going to get married?" How am I supposed to know that? I'll get married whenever I miraculously meet a woman who is willing to spend her life with a guy whose 5'6," has modest means, and isn't that good-looking. I really have no way of knowing when or if that will ever happen.
This is what I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been going through this thing where I escape lust for about two weeks. The desire really builds up and I really want to pursue a woman. People say just focus on God focus on God. That’s what I do, and I find myself trying to restrain myself from my natural desires and I withhold it over and fall back into porn the process repeat. I don’t get it
I am 25 year old Male and have chosen to never marry usually because of a personal choice, but also I want to be closer to God. I don't have the energy, patience or time to even start a family. I want to live, work, create Art and just enjoy life in the way God intends for me. Now all we have to do is fast and pray then wait until Jesus returns to judge the world and we all either go to everlasting fire or eternal life with Him.
I once read that "a spouse isn't a trophy for holiness"
Amen.
I thoroughly agree Mell. But try telling that to the the married class in churches that somehow thinks that they're better than single people because they've "made it."
@@dm1978it’s done simply.
“Congratulations on being married I hope the best for you two, but frankly I’d rather dedicate all my attention to the Lord, not split it amongst my wife and Lord.”
Anything they say to that should just be met with “oh okay yeah I hope that works for you”
@@dm1978 Verse to those who think and see human life on earth as daily mating/dating:
1 Corinthians Chapter 7
32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
Know it:
LOVE = SPIRIT,
LUST = CARNAL.
What do we want? - being daily lusted after and to keep living ourselves and keeping everyone else also in the sin of fornication?
Or
do we want and ask for to BE LOVED ON DAILY BASES?
We are all commanded to LOVE one another, not lust after one another neither to abuse one another.
1 John 4:7 - Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
1 John 4:20 - If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
John 15:13 - Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
John 14:15 - If ye love me, keep my commandments.
1 John 4:8 - He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
1 John 3:18 - My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.
Matthew 6:24 - No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Romans 5:8 - But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Ephesians 4:2 - With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;
1 John 4:10 - Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
BIBLE speaks of LOVE, not of lust. In our brokenness have we transformed LOVE into lust and live daily confused, broken, hurt, blind, deaf, proud = all this is our doing, GOD is not to blame, we are.
Souls, remember: GHOSTS = DEMONS.
you and your loved ones ain´t demons.
You and your loved ones are ADAM = mankind, created in the image of GOD.
you and your loved ones stay not around to "ghost", we return back to dust and back to GOD.
Genesis 5:2
Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
Ecclesiastes 12:7
Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
Getting married saves you from one sin doesn't mean you still can't sin even married
" _When you least expect it, somebody wonderful is going to come into your life_ ..."
😡😡😡
I HATED that one!!!
My mom likes to say this one to me. I know she means well because she says she wasn't expecting my step dad to come into her life and they have now been married 22 years. But yeah, I still get discouraged
Well course when you least expect it ! That's like anything in life.
The people who got married in their early 20s give the worst advice on singleness… they are more experts on marriage than singleness 😅
Unironically I think the speaker is like 23...
Large generalisation 🫨
@@cawesome2934looks 33
@@Damon_At_Forged_Faithgrounded generalization. When I was in my 20s, I saw most of my friends, Christian and non Christian get married. Through my 30s, I’ve watch half of them, Christian and non Christian, experience terrible divorces. People make mistakes, but these things don’t happen overnight (even though many times they literally do.. ), but you get my point. There’s a level of growth one can experience as a single person, should they choose to grow, that I’m not sure can be experienced when caring for, working for, dividing my focus, myself AND another, let alone children.
@@mootsym I grew fast from age 16-22 but I've grown most last year when I've been preparing for marriage, living with wife and just getting more mature and responsible myself.
I wasn't raised Christian so I don't have experience with other Christian couples just my own so fair enough
A huge misconception in the church is that men are the problem and that women should never settle on a guy that is a (project). The issue is we are all a massive project, constantly being worked on. You will always have to settle for a project. What people should look for is are they truly submitting to God and the only way to know if they are is if you are submitting to him yourself. If they are submitting to God then there will be spiritual fruit, and a proclivity towards change and adapting to his calling on their life. If you don't feel that they are submitting read the bible and the holy spirit will show you.
Very true
Not only this, but the women who "won't settle" are also being worked on by God. There's no such thing as "not settling"
@@GregoryM1I'm a bachelor because I refuse to settle. I'll die alone before I settle.
@@war13death bad mind set like boss man said all of us are works in progress, as long as I bring out the best in someone and them to me shut I can settle
@@spooks8900 It's a great mindset for someone who priorities are for serving GOD and peace over fleshly desires. When Jesus told that remarriage when divorced is adultery the disciples said "it is not good to marry". Jesus basically replied yes but not everyone can do that, each of us have our own row to hoe. If I was desperate for a woman then I'd have settled long ago. I choose peace and serenity over a woman and the trouble they bring as I've concluded that the juice is not worth the squeeze.
Married people need to be quiet on this issue. They're not single.
They've got someone to come home to
So, It's not for them to say.
It's for God to say.
Oh my words don’t get me started about this. I had to wait till I was 45 to get married. Married people, especially Christians, say the worst things to singles. They all were married in their 20s and have no clue what a long term single person goes through. I could list examples but the bottom line is that there really is no compassion for single people. As far as which is more beneficial spiritually I will say this, being married has challenged me in several ways that being single did not. I’m having to mature and face some character issues that my singleness didn’t challenge. Which again, it makes me wonder why God didn’t bring me a wife earlier. I would have been challenged earlier to improve in these areas.
I’m a single woman, 40 years old, never been in a relationship. When I walk I to church, I do feel judged for it. When you look for a place to serve, the married women in the church are very quick to find a place for you where you won’t be a threat to their relationships (which means the first thing they say is “we need help in the children’s department”). You are left out of many things and it’s hard to get really plugged in. When you struggle with something, they dismiss it for numerous reasons. When you need help, you don’t get any. Widows get help, mothers get help, single women get left out because you’ve always have to had to do it or you Donny have kids you are trying to take care of. It’s not easy being single in the church.
I am sorry any church would treat you that way, that is not Godly character those acting like that are displaying. I pray God connects you with the right church family that embraces you as a sister in Christ!
I'm a 41 year old single woman and I understand a lot of what you said. I never ever thought that I would still be unmarried at this age. When I hit 40 I told myself I could not deal with the comprehension of going beyond my 30's and still single. So I didn't deal with it. I recently turned 41 and I forced myself to finally deal with it and it was hard. Took me about 6 weeks of hard depression to get over it and I still am struggling a little. There are more women than men in the church so there are a lot of us single women and I've been searching ever since I was 18. It's just, by the time I got out of college at 24 everybody was already married. People didn't wait as long in the 2000s to get married as they do now. Especially the women. 18 year olds getting married was normal. 24 was like a spinster... apparently.
@@AudraTI’m sorry to hear you’re story I’m single and 22 years old remember God knows your desires and understands you
So sorry that a church would treat you like this it may be time to find another church I’ll pray for you sister keep the faith
Usually the ones teaching classes on singles are usually like this:
Mr Jones: "Hello everyone, me and my wife Myrtle are teaching you on blessings of being single. You guys probably know that Myrtle and I have just celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary but that shouldn't discourage you. When I was a young man I thought I would never find the woman of my dreams and that I would be single for the rest of my life. And then one day in eighth grade geometry class I saw Myrtle. By the time high school ended we were engaged, by graduation we were married, and by the end of freshman year we were expecting our first child. So I understand what it's like to be single and lonely for a long time."
Random person: "Uh Mr Jones, most of this class ranges from 27 through 35."
Oh man definitely! All these pastors got to have sex in their early 20s meanwhile the rest of us have to be pure and just wait lol
Lol
I feel like marriage and dating has been SO grossly over spiritualized that we literally have gotten rid of practical dating advice. We use phrases like “I’m waiting on the Lord” or even “I’m just gonna focus on God until my spouse comes” and we miss the fact that we have to participate in the process. We have TO DO SOMETHING!!! We can’t just keep doing the same old thing and expect him or her to magically appear out of thin air. That doesn’t mean we push to get our way, but again we have to participate. And i feel the advice of “it will come so just wait” is what SO many people give when it comes to Christian dating and it’s honestly a lie.
Protestants despise having to take accountability for their side of things.
Have you ever considered why people give that kind of advice ("it will come so just wait")? It may be to reduce competition! I'm serious. It is no secret that in many churches single women greatly outnumber single men. If you are a single woman intent on snagging a man, encouraging your "rivals" to remain passive gives you the advantage as long as you aren't too obvious about it.
My experience with church culture is that this imbalance can create some very nasty "hidden" dynamics, especially when single women are told in many subtle ways that they are nobody without a man by their side. A friend recently told me about how the other single women in her church started treating her differently after her boyfriend started attending church with her. News flash: it wasn't "we're so glad you found a nice man after all these years." It was more like, "well, I suppose you won't have any time for us now that you have someone." She also said that while she trusted her boyfriend, she was not so sure that these other women would not try to find some way of breaking up the relationship in order to snag him for themselves. In the same way, single women who are not in a relationship are viewed by married women as a potential threat to their marriages. They may never say it directly but it is there in their actions. They are not going to encourage socializing outside of a church activity setting. So being a single woman in church can be a very lonely place.
@theresemalmberg955 My comment was deleted, I was saying something similar.
@@Th3BigBoy I'm sorry to hear that your comment was deleted, but I'm glad I am not the only one who has observed this kind of dynamic in church settings.
Even this socially handicapped nerd king is realizing that I have to get my butt out there and put myself out there and put in the effort to attract someone as well as putting in the time praying over it. Much as I dread it since I'm not what women want in general.
I got hit with the “We aren’t spiritually compatible” we are both Christians, have followed Jesus our whole lives, known each other for years and both like each other. What does that even mean 😭
Some young earther people won’t date old earth people based on that alone maybe it’s something like that. But honestly I think a lot of people just say that to get around saying that they don’t find you attractive. Idk what you’re situation is though
@@danielcurtis1288Oh yeah, I was trying to find a wife last year and I encountered some age prejudiced women. 😎
It's a good question.
Unequally yoked can basically be about a lot of topics, not just if one is a Christian and the other isn't.
Basically, both being Christians doesn't mean you are compatible with each other.
For one, spiritual maturity is not automatic. One person can be much more mature in their faith than the other, which will lead to problems and potentially (likely, actually) divorce.
@@davidm4566
Unequally yoked in its proper biblical context just means unbelievers. Don't try to make the Bible say what it doesn't say. A lot of people do that with the Bible by adding their own meaning into whatever they read. When a person comes of age and doesn't have the gift of continence they should get married. They have permission from God in the Bible as long as it's in the Lord. My wife is spiritually stronger than me and by God's grace we have been together for 18 years. We have been faithful to each other and God has given us 2 beautiful children. I ask God everyday to give me the strength to do my job as a provider for my family as well as being a good husband and father. I don't ask God for "ministry" or anything of the sort. I just want to fulfill my responsibility to my family.
Dawg what does that even mean? Makes no sense.
Best thing to say to anyone in any situation, or at least to believe in whatever situation you're in, is that "All things work together for the good of those who love God..."
And don't forget that 'good' doesn't mean pleasant.
Yeah I've been wondering for a while how a lonely life is good for me. I'm still waiting on the answers. 😎
Great comment. I definitely haven’t thought of it like that. Good isn’t always pleasant
And ‘All things’ doesn’t only mean good things
@@ModelJames13I mean, even if you do get married, you'll only be married on Earth, probably not for eternity since Jesus says there is no marriage in Heaven. I could be misinterpreting something, though. But still, if you want to spend eternity with God, focus on him. Place your confidence and your hope in him. If you are single, take advantage of your singleness. You are just as valuable to God being single as you would be if you were with someone. Who knows what will happen in the future, maybe you will find someone. Just remember to give thanks to God in all circumstances and learn to be content with him.
Thats true and all, but it's not helping the person process their loneliness and it's not getting to the root of the problem. Christians just throw scripture and biblical concepts to each other without even relating to each other, empathizing, or even understanding what's going on inside the other person. There's no relationship, it's just quoting the Bible and saying "There ya go. If this doesn't work then you're problem is with God" and then it turns into guilt and shame tactics.
Humans need to actually process what they're going through, and even God knows this. Jesus himself had to process all the trials He went through. He sweat blood in the garden of Gethsemane! And scripture can't be understood unless you're relating to the person the way God relates to us.
God is loving, kind, nurturing, compassionate, accepting of who you are, etc.
When Christians just throw scripture as a blanket solution to whatever problem without actually relating to the person about it, it never lands the way it should. It doesn't have the proper effect because we are such poor examples of God's love to each other. And as a result, we never learn the proper healing, comforting perspectives we need to get through the trials.
I am glad my friend recently stood up for me when his wife and other older women in the church were arguing on who to set me up with or to keep me away from and he was like “Dude, just let the man marry who he wants!”
I’m a female my friends where also doing the same thing. It’s like I don’t like him, I’m not attracted to him, if I like him then I would have said yes to a date a long time ago. Just you I am also waiting for the right person. I don’t understand why friends and family are so pushy sometimes 🙄 it can be annoying tbh.
I hated when people meddled.
Being over 50, I've found some of the worst women to stay away from are the animals you've just described. It's often the over-60s women and I've seen this happen for decades now. The first thing they jump on (for the good of these women) is to keep as many as they can from the shame of being on the left-overs list because, for them, being married is the higher status level in femme-world. This is a big reason why you'll see an engaged woman show that ring to every female she can because she's about to graduate to the world of "real church women."
This un-Christ-like behavior spills over onto the single guys as well because they're not really cared about, or even about the whole issue of compatibility. This is justified with the shallow (and never investigated) remark, "Oh, but she's a wonderful girl."
When these "assisted matches" don't work, the best they'll offer is a shallow "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you" and then scurry away like cockroaches surprised by a light, so they can avoid being involved in cleaning up the mess everyone knows they helped initiate.
As you can imagine, I've lost quite a few popularity points for pointing out this "secret women's business", but the goal is to protect the guys and most men in the church seem oblivious to this.
1 Cor 4:15 says, "You have many teachers in Christ, but not many fathers" and, like your friend, I love getting in there where a lot of weak men won't tell the guys about these drama-loving, destructive (and usually married) harpies, or put them in their place.
Church men have been so heavily bashed with the Scripture "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." (Eph. 5:25), but before she can expect the benefits of that, Paul addresses the women with "wives, submit to your husbands in everything." (Eph. 5:24)
How often to you hear that in the modern church?
You watch how they fight for their right to create or be involved in goss and drama. Not exactly a Christ-like Proverbs 31 woman attitude is it? Sorry, but I'm no fan of any institution that doesn't teach, inform and/or stand up for their young men, no matter what they call it on the sign outside.
@Heythere2810, it's all because they want you to have babies. They don't care if you're happy or not. They want you to just have kids, have kids, have kids. And even when you get married that's all you'll ever hear about.
@dm1978, thank you so much for saying this. Men are blamed for everything while given none of the authority scripture teaches they should have. Everything is inverted now. And every argument against it is just more blame and mental gymnastics
Good points and I love the approach of saying don't treat marriage as this ultimate fulfiller for your life, but don't feel bad about wanting it either. I'm 25 and I've never been married, had a girlfriend, or kissed a girl and, while I will gladly take someone sent from God, I have zero shame in that. In retrospect, I can see that any opportunities I've had up to this point wouldn't have been good for me. So many people get caught up in trying to do what other people are doing and will let other people get to them. I've had people that will come up to me and ask me if I'm in a relationship and then will think it's their responsibility to give me a bunch of unsolicited advice or talk to me like I'm something broken that needs to be fixed and they are completely oblivious to how condescending they are coming off.
Young, recently-married Christians consistently give the worst dating advice 😂😂😂
Better than people unable to get a partner. Proofs in the pudding
@@Damon_At_Forged_Faith lol what? I think you misunderstand. If you are seeking a partner, of course who better than to seek advice from someone who isn’t single. However, the focus is how to survive or thrive in your single period and encouragement from someone who is successfully single or was for a while. And naturally people who are already there at an early stage don’t understand the pain. You are more likely to receive good financial advice from someone who is recently rich vs someone who inherited it. It’s all about relatability, and people who immediately found their spouse don’t understand that pain.
Not always. Sometimes they get it better because they are in it and haven't figured it all out 20 years ago.
@@doscaminos204It's like a wealthy stockbroker offering investment advice on what portfolios to buy to guys in a homeless camp. Or a healthy aerobics coach offering fitness tips to a quadriplegic. Lol.
@@RachelNichols-writer haha you’re funny. Ahh too bad I don’t know you in real life. Hopefully my jokester eventually appears lol.
I appreciate this content because there is so much weird and strange dating advice around and this is truly why I believe so many people are single.
This is the stuff that i usually say on my facebook page and many people have NEVER heard this before
The thing I struggle with most right now is not neccisarily lust, but affection? Like I know the Lord hears me and sees me, but He can’t hold my hand. I know that sounds so silly. Like why feel sad about someone not holding your hand when you’re literally talking to God. But I am missing this.
Yeah we men need affection! 😎
@@ModelJames13 oh sorry I’m a woman I should have made it clear😂😂 I guess it goes both ways!! May we stay fixated on Jesus✝️💖
Absolutely agree! I keep reminding the Lord that at Creation He decided that it wasn't good for man to be alone, so He gave them a spouse.
I'm fine living alone, but there sure is that lack of affection, the lack of close support, especially as I'm living on the mission field, far from family.
Read "The Five Love Languages" book, and maybe you'll understand why you crave this. Physical touch makes you feel loved.
Two out of the three pieces of advice there, when given out of any measure of self reflection, can be useful to a single Christian. The problem is that many married Christians (especially those who got married before their 30's) get the idea that their success in getting married had everything to do with them and not because of God's grace.
My students are the worst about it and they don’t even realize it. They are always asking how I can be older than this other teacher, but he is married with two kids. I also have them ask if I have a boyfriend all the time, and this one time a girl straight up said “she doesn’t have a boyfriend. If she did she would be happier.”
Something I almost never hear others tell Christian singles but comforts me. Only Heaven contains perfect love and happiness. As a Christian you can look forward to that no matter how lonely and disappointing this life below is.
God can use singleness to sanctify too. The end goal is to fit you for Himself. Not a few brief years struggling through this vail of tears with another flawed sinner. Both states can teach valuable lessons and purify.
If you want to marry AND HAVE THE CHANCE go for it. Most of us Christian singles just never had a chance to marry another single Christian. We need to make the best of the life God gave us whether or not we wanted it.
You speak wisely.
Oh my goodness, I was struggling lately and needed this.❤ Like your first point, there is nothing we can do to "deserve".
I really hate when anyone gives unsolicited advice to people.
Hey it's a good idea to keep a pair of jumper cables in your vehicle's trunk. You never know when you or someone else may need a boost.
A good wife is a gift from the Lord
"You complete me." might be romantic but it's also unhealthy.
Exactly. God completes you, not your romantic partner
Well I think it depends on where your heart is at. Of course God always comes first but God also said that "it is not good that man should be alone, I will make a helper fit for him". And then Adam and Eve at the end of Genesis 2 became one flesh. If you idolize and rely on your spouse than you're is in the wrong place. Your spouse should help you stay strong in your love for God by glorifying him in your marriage. I'm not married just what I've learned from married couples and scriptures
If I ever say that it’ll be like how Sora mended Ventus’s heart at his station of awakening. And she’ll have to understand and know exactly what I’m talking about 😊
Another argument that I'd raise about being "distracted". There in my opinion is no greater way to display faith in God to the world (the US specifically) then by being married with a family and being faithful in that
That first part about "maybe you got married at a young age because God wanted to expedite your walk with him" really resonated with me. Recently a very young girl told me the reason why I'm unmarried is because I don't have the Holy Ghost. I'm 41 and I gave my heart to the Lord as a teenager. I've been faithfully serving the Lord almost longer than she's been alive. She started dating a 20 year old man at 14, got engaged at 15, and married at 16. She was not a mature beyond her years 16 year old either. She was still a kid. Very soon after she got married her parents broke up, one of her brothers became gay, all her family left the church and are living very worldly lives. I have a feeling that if she hadn't married this guy then she would have followed in her family's footsteps.
I am reading a book with my small group called Not Yet Married by Marshall Segal. It basically says how humans today will often be in what of an autopilot mode during their unmarried years. They will give up on living with the idea that God is enough for you regardless of whether or not you ever get married and essentially obsess over finding a spouse. It's a great book and I appreciate the idea (of the book and of this video) because Gen Z Christians often get sidetracked by the idea of committed relationships with other humans than with God.
Yep. And then we get married and our spouses won't meet the needs they met while we were dating, which is what motivated us to marry in the first place. And then you'll go to marriage counseling only to be met with the same message "God is enough for you" while you're continually neglected, manipulated, and rejected by the spouse you too vows for. And then the pastor will blame you as the man for the state of your marriage and tell you again "God is enough". And it never lands because Christians these days lack empathy, they distort scripture, and they allow people to get away with things that go against their vows. And they expect all of your problems to go away by saying "God is enough". And many of these pastors are in failing marriages themselves! So they're not in a position to give advice.
Marriage is the most beautiful relationship you'll ever have. And we have needs that only man and woman can meet for each other, and God made it that way. So it's important to meet your person, and then meet each other's needs. That's what vows are all about.
Any Christian who says "your spouse isn't meant to meet your emotional, sexual, affectionate needs, etc. ALL of your needs are met in God alone" is straight up lying. And if you challenge them on it, they cannot prove it or back it up with evidence.
And many Christians also don't have any idea how to have a relationship with God or what it means. It means to live in God's love, accept it, feel it, know it, revel in it every day as soon as you wake up, and then transfer it to others.
But in many churches, your relationship with God is defined by a list of do's and dont's. And that's not what a relationship is. A relationship is personal. And love is what makes it personal. Love needs to be felt, seen, and heard in order to connect with it. And your connection to God is meant to be pure love. "We love Him because He first loved us"
The advice coming from people who marry right out of highschool/early 20s is always interesting. They literally havent experienced singleness at all (relatively speaking) and they feel like because they're married, they're in a position to give advice. Not that they dont mean well, or are trying to give bad advice, and sometimes they are able to give good advise. But usually theyll give some cliche quip about Gods timing or something like that thinking its encouraging.
I have to be honest, I struggled with the ideas of being single forever. I do want to get married and have kids. But it’s always in the back of my head. “You’re not worthy”, “you’re not enough”. I feel a lot of insecurity about it. I feel like, “I haven’t made it yet”. I’m almost in my mid 20’s and haven’t managed to achieve much. Like a steady financial life. And that’s what mostly makes me insecure. I feel like I won’t be able to provide, so I can’t even look for a wife yet. I never managed to have a serious relationship. I feel stuck in my current life. Just work, school, and repeat that. I did try being more social. Went to bible study groups, youth groups. Prayer nights. But I never wanted to try to find someone there. I always felt like it was an inappropriate place for that. Like this is supposed to be a place in which we come to glorify God and learn about him and praise him. So whenever I would “catch feelings” for someone, I would try to distance myself from that idea in my head. At this point, nothing is really working in my life. It’s just me living at home with my parents trying to live week to week. I don’t even know how to start changing it. I’m so invested in trying to help out my family financially and emotionally, that I don’t do anything else. I know God has helped me before. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. And I’m sure that the promises he’s made, he’s gonna keep. And I guess being happy is not necessarily one of them. Joy though. That at least I have. The little activities I get to do with my family to better ourselves. Like going to the gym, or just trying to finish work. I’m grateful for what I have. And I can’t complain like, “I want more”. Cause obviously we desire more to do with our lives. But it’s not always that easy for everyone. I see most of my friends are getting married, have decent jobs, buying houses. And I’m just here. Living.
Brother, as I was reading this I was shocked because of everything you said I have felt/feel this way, like almost exactly, I'm in my 20s too and I feel that I've got to get my life moving and rolling from work, relationships, and independence! It's a lot, I say to myself that there's no one out there like me, no one understands me, but in my loneliest of moments, where I can get lost in my despair, I remember Jesus, one of my favorite verses is Isaiah 53, and I'm reminded when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was so alone, His disciples were sleeping and He selflessly humbled himself and prayed to the Father and got no answer before He fulfilled God's gracious gift for us. Jesus is the only person who truly understands us from our minds to our hearts. I want to encourage you to pray to God every day and every night, just speak to Him, be honest and genuine, go to Him boldly and humbly because you have been saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is living in you to be the guarantee of your salvation and read the Bible every day and every night, trust me, it'll change you little by little, I get you brother, truly, I get you if you want to talk more or something lmk pls.
You gotta try and find a wife in your 20's before it's too late. 😎
Man this is relatable, altough i did find someone but im more attracted to her personality then looks but so many people say that she is gold and worth it. But without that , im in the same situation, im 19.
I think you are overlooking areas where you could find a wife. You shouldn't be going to church events just to find a wife, than your priorities are a bit off kilter, but if you are going to glorify and worship God and you happen to meet someone, go for it, marriage is a part of God's plan and done correctly it brings glory to Him. Most of all though, you need to trust Gods and never take your eyes off Jesus. God bless.
You need to find yourself, and you can only find yourself when you grow deeper in God. Only God can give you a real purpose and direction so that you can be motivated to live the life He wants for you. Then the woman he has prepared for you will come along and you can build your life together. Dust yourself, raise your chin up, you're still very young and can make certain decisions that will alter your life and propel you to destiny. Also don't compare yourself with others, the bible calls those who do this unwise, you'll just end up deepening the depression. The Lord is your strength
I’m not sure if it matters at this point anymore. According to some Pew data from last year, there are twice as many single men as single women aged 18-29, the disconnect and animosity between men and women seems to be growing, marriage seems to be a trap for men if divorce happens, supporting a family in this economy is becoming less and less feasible, and the rise of dating apps skews the way people select for a partner, which, in turn, makes things far more difficult.
Very true. It also doesn't help that women are often choosier than men.
All true.
Wow. Gen X was the opposite. But I notice most of the young singles at church are men.
Thank you for sharing this video! I think you've helped clear up a lot of things that kind of hurt our walk in singleness with Christ.
Amen 🙏🏽 I thank God Everyday that he gave me the love of my life and used my relationship to sanctify me
Great video as always, I just wanna put this out there as a testimony for any single Christian who is feeling alone, your peace is in Christ not your partner your partner is a blessing from Christ but the true peace comes from following him. Testimony ⤵️
When I was in my late teens I was horribly lukewarm, always having sex and women on my mind because I always felt alone, then I got into a in a committed relationship as I was entering my 20’s, now the thing is this woman was for a lack of terms controlling, abusive, a non believer, and a bit of a drunk, I’m not telling you this to judge but it’s for the context of the next part, so when we broke up I was a bit of a mess, angry at the world, so what did I do? I drank, watched porn, and slept around with a lot of women, for lack of better terms I was a manwhore, and the thing is when you choose to sin you deal a lot more with sinful people, so to speed this up as I slept around a lot it also caused a lot of drama, pain, and emptiness in me, and I kept going kept doing it for three years straight all cuz I couldn’t let go of the past I just had to prove something to myself, well one day the consequences got overwhelming (the drama) again to make this short I’ll spare the details, so one day I told the lord
“I had enough, I get it now, no more partying, no more sleeping around, I’m done, if I gotta die alone I will, if I’m to never touch a woman again then so be it, so long as there is peace in my life that’s all I ask please” and no joke within one hour I met the woman of my life that I’m still happily with till this day, a woman who I find both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to be so beautiful like I never found a more beautiful woman in my eyes, the crazy thing is I didn’t need to do anything specific to find her it just happened but the important part is that God is what made this relationship so special because that’s what we center our relationship on, so idc who you are or what you have been told the lord will bring you someone in your life who is perfect for you in every aspect, she won’t be perfect but she’ll be perfect for you understand the difference lol but anyways yea im telling you from experience the way of the world is NOT worth it, trust me on this one be patient with God he will provide, so yea I can testify from experience that what this man is saying is so true, follow by what God says, dont worry about what others say even the Christians who give the three goofy bits of advice that was mentioned cuz as you already know I was anything but holy when I was single, completely far from perfect but God proved to me what a good lifestyle can bring, and dont get it twisted I’m still not perfect and never will be but at least im following God the best I can and walking away from the ways of this world, I hope this was inspiring to any single Christian who feels they are struggling rn with both finding a relationship and straying away from sin
God bless and praise Jesus
Amen brother thanks for sharing!!
Thanks.
@@jayvionisaacs756 ofc
@@Heisrisenindeed np and I like your photo bro, templars the knights of Christ
@TylerMills-zy9hs thank you, for reality is in the truth
An example of how silly church people can be - I'm divorced, mid 40s, most people think I'm in my 20s. I never divulge my private business openly so it's been interesting to get unsolicited advice about finding someone to marry and how I should have kids some day etc. Never make assumptions and start spouting off at people.
Ah, a fellow young looking "older" guy. If you've tried dating lately you've probably noticed how age prejudiced women are? Thanks to them it's all over for us. ⚰
I stopped listening to the ignorant and oblivious squawking crows giving "advice" on relationships in the Church, a long time ago.
Jobs friends sat silently for days, and even when they opened their mouths they were still presumptuous about Job's situation.
The Church is woefully inept and incompetent in dealing with us who are single or have been single for a long time.
We are like awkward children they don't know what to do with, we are pariah and a hushed taboo that they're too uncomfortable talking about.
We are like Christ bruised and tired, dragging our cross to the hill, but the Church is too weak and cowardly to approach us with a drink of water.
It's pathetic.
We aren't looking for handouts, just an acknowledgement that it kinda sucks.
The only person I know can relate to me, and I find solice in, is my Lord and my friend Jesus Himself.
He knows, He sees, He's been through worse, and He alone knows what I need even if I hate having to go through it.
The Church has done nothing for us, to be like Christ to us, and it is a shame upon them.
Wow you said it so well. I was hurting as a single person and the things married Christians would say was putting salt in my wound.
Well said.
LOL, if married people were such paragons of virtue, why is the divorce rate of married Christians not much better than that of non-Christians? Get out of here.
Ouch
Don't confuse nominal Christian's with non nominal Christian's. Non nominal Christian's divorce rates are actually very low. Of course there are way more nominal Christian's than true ones so the numbers get skewed. Stop being bitter becuase you don't want to believe happy marriage exists just cus you don't have one.
Thank you for these videos, brother! Getting messages like this that relate to young Christian men, from a young Christian man, is extremely comforting, and helpful!
Ive heard all the stupid, judgemental, tone deaf, sanctimonious advice I ever want to hear 3 lifetimes over. One even came from a dear friend who forgot he told me years ago that he wept nights in his 20s bc he wanted a wife so badly. Most of the time, ppl should refrain from bad counsel and tell the person they’re praying for God’s best. Sometimes the feeling of being misunderstood and unfairly judged is almost worse than struggling with an unanswered desire.
The counsel gets even worse when you actually are married. I've heard the worst marriage advice ever from Christians. Secular advice is even worse, but man Christians got it so backwards.
Wow! I could have written those exact same words! I feel like married people need a bit of a kick in the pants when it comes to this topic.
People who are married have plenty of advice for singles. And it’s usually in the form of”don’t ever get married”
Im still single,25 year old man, the advice i can give you guys would be to plan out your life what would you like to have to be and describe the type of person you would want for your partner to be. you know, be specific. i learned that specific prayer gets specific answers the other thing i would say is it's ok to have the desire, but when it becomes an idol, that's when it becomes problematic. And yes being single is hard but you can choose to not make so hard by planning out your life and start reaching goals. An example would be where would you want to live, if you wanna get fit, what house would you like, if you like to go on an adventure, if you would like to learn how to fish and how to cook it. I hope this helps someone and dont give up just try to live day by day.
Definitely felt that last part. Been in a desire for a husband but I know this time is sacred.
Thankyou I tell this to my friends at church all the time. Most of the guys at church want a wife but they feel unworthy of it at this point of their life. So they never pursue. It's almost like they expect the woman to do it for them.
Marriage is not earned, it is simply a gift from God. God is not waiting for us to learn the right lesson, to finally walk perfectly with him, or to accomplish some sort of goal. Rather He will cross your path's with the right person at His appointed time.
Or never. 😎
Thanks, man. I appreciate hearing this. It's something that I struggle with.
I appreciate you, brother 🙏 Your content is always encouraging and edifying! God's blessings 🙏
A very common problem with advice given to single Christians is that those giving the advice don't even take historical context into account.
Back in Biblical times, marriage was very different.
You did not put up singles ads not did you have to become a "pickup artist" and approach strangers asking for dates, or act like a "bad boy" or other similar approaches. Well, the "pickup artist" or "bad boy" approaches maybe have resulted in being run out of town or worse.
Parents would often arrange marriages for their children and it would be weird for someone in his mid-20s to be single.
If people did not have arranged marriages they'd usually know everyone in their village or neighboring villages, or know their families. Parents would also know their children's suitors, probably since the suitors were children.
The modern methods in the West of finding spouses are nothing like this.
If a guy is not good at approaching total strangers for potential marriages, and if they can approach them, they don't know much about their character or their past and find it difficult to find one that is really a good match, this has nothing to do with Paul's words to Timothy as popularly preached and everything to do with the unnatural culture we have in modern times.
Correct. Some Christians like to say there's no dating in the bible. Totally missing the things you pointed out.
In addition to the point about approaching....we also don't know who is saved and who isn't. Unless a person is street preaching (usually married anyway) how would we know who's 'in the Lord '???
Excellent video thanks for discerning what is true and what is not regarding singleness and marriage. 👍
Praise the Lord, I love the advice and keep up the great work Isaac!
Sharing time.
In the past I've had a handful of girls come my way. It didn't work out in the end, and I knew it wouldn't from the start due to them being non-believers of Jesus.
I've also had my name and picture on dating websites and apps for years and years and years that produced no results. So I gave up pursuing and gave the whole thing to Jesus and said "Your will be done." I'm no longer desperate that has cause me sleepless nights and days full of pain.
It's happening, just on Jesus's terms, not mine :D
I'm 31, and just became a Christian about a year ago. I wasted my 20s on mindless indulgence. All the good Christian women are already married, and even if there was a single one, there are younger Christian men that make more money than me that wpuod make infinitely better husbands. So it's my fault because I'm not doing anything? Wrong. I repented too late. No matter how much I put myself out there, it's not enough, hasn't been enough, and will never be enough. Why must you rub salt into my wounds? The fact that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life already makes me depressed enough.
What about the Christian women that are in the same situation as you? There are definitely people out there. Pray about it and believe for it. The Bible tells us that He gives us good gifts that we ask for. We have to have the faith that the things we pray for will really happen and we can know that they will if we’re praying for things that are in God’s will for us. As a single Christian woman I can say that the more we focus on how we don’t have someone else, the less we’re focusing on how great God is and how great all that He’s already done for us is. I do pray and believe for a spouse, and at the same time pray that He helps me to become the best future wife that I can be. Don’t lose hope, but don’t focus too much on what you don’t have. Focus on the blessings and the things you can do to pursue God in the meantime. I recently read about how we don’t have a spouse in heaven, and it made me realize how a relationship with someone is really not as crucial as our relationship with God. I pray that God blesses you with the desires of your heart.
Eh, don't beat yourself up over it. It's probably not your fault. I've been a Christian since youth, I'm older than you, and I never got a wife either. The lesson? Some people are just destined to be alone whether they like it or not. Really if a guy doesn't get a wife in his 20's his chances are very slim at 30 and beyond. You're really on the cutoff point, I think you should keep trying to find a wife before you hit 35. If you don't have one by then giving up is probably the best option. Good luck. 😎
@@joyamarante8233 No such women in my church exist, and if there were, I'm the worst of the competition, so I don't have a chance. I don't view God as a cosmic genie in a bottle out to give me what I want. I make a conscious effort to make all my prayers aligned with His revealed will and avoid selfish ones like that. I know I should focus on what I have and not what I don't, and that's exactly what I've been trying to do, but people like this guy seem dead set on reminding me of what I don't have at every turn. They practically rub my nose in it. I also can't help the fact that God made human beings a naturally coupling creature. The desire for a woman to be with is hardwired into my design and cannot be gotten rid of. I want to forget about what I want and just focus on what God wants, but when it comes to this, I just can't.
@@ModelJames13 I don't even have any female friends, and I don't even have the financial stability to support a wife and children. I'll be 40 by the time I get my life on track to be able to make that feasible, and by that point, it'll be too late. I know I'm just destined to be alone whether I like it or not. You don't need to remind me. It's my own fault. I have no one to blame but myself. I could have been married by now if I didn't get sucked into all this stupid sinful subculture that promised me all the pleasure in the world, but robbed me of the very thing it promised. Now even my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ insist on rubbing in what I missed my chance for. Back in Christmas of 2022, my father mockingly said if I was his last chance at getting grandchildren, he's screwed, and laughed loudly, much to the amusement of my family. That cut deep like a knife, but it's true. I'm a disappointment to my family. Don't you think I've had enough grief?
Making more money doesn’t equate to being a better husband or man. Remember this:
Proverbs 30:7 O God, I beg two favors from you;
let me have them before I die.
Proverbs 30:8 First, help me never to tell a lie.
Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
Proverbs 30:9 For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the lord?”
And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name.
It’s far better to have just enough(God will provide for you as He promised) so you can always look towards Him and thank Him. A life full of thankfulness to Him will lead to a life that honors Him. Abide in Him and put to practice the good things He taught you
I know you're talking about the importance of our relationship with Christ as being the foundation of our lives, but while we're in this world our spiritual relationship with Christ alone isn't going to solve all of our needs and desires.
Having faith in Christ is not going to get rid of our hunger and thirst. There's food and drink for that. Praying with Christ everyday isn't going to negate our need to be with other humans and have relationships with them. There's family, friends, and the church community for that. And being close to Christ for the vast majority of us doesn't negate our desire for a partner. Only another Godly partner can do that.
Instead, we need to preach the more accurate message that everything we do in this life needs to be rooted through Christ; not to say that Christ is quite literally all that we need. Because God created the other things too to also bring us closer to Him and simply enjoy life.
Even God said in His perfect world that "it is not good for Man to be alone".
Thank you, #1 hit home, everyone tells me that and it really upsets me. Frankly tried of hearing it...
Me too. I can definitely understand.
I used to think like that, that we could almost bribe God, but it's a really selfish and worked based thinking that can screw up your faith. Thankfully, the Lord convicted me of this untruth.
The ignorance and insensitivity of the "well meaning" people is wonderfully lukewarm 🤮
😎
You are 100 percent right
Thank you for reminding me that I'm not less worthy as a single person than a married person. I've been feeling really insecure as I watch everyone around me get engaged and have babies. And posting on social media is nerve-wracking because it feels vain to do so as a single woman, and it seems more acceptable and celebrated as a married woman with children. I don't want to be seen as vain, but I do want to be happy about the good things happening in my life without believing that none of my accomplishments count because I'm not raising a family yet. But I know that's not true. It's just difficult to remember.
I want to get married but no one is helping me because they think I am not mature enough or ready enough. How good enough do I have to be in order to be a wife? Are they afraid that my husband will divorce me all because I did something stupid?
And none of the men noticed me! Do I have to dress up like Jessica Rabbit in order to get them to notice me?
Just put in some work at the gym to make sure you are fit, feminine, and pretty. And if there are any guys you like try flirting with them. If you do all these things I'm sure men will notice. I'm a man and that would get my attention. 😎
Im a Christian and Our Christian freinds can be so Toxic and Dense
been single for 11 years, prayed for 11 years. nothing. bout to give up on it tbh.
Been single for 29 years and become content being alone yeah it’s nice but sucks at the same time plus have many disabilities and physical pain all the time so honestly see others being happy but apparently i don’t get that but even still just love the Lord even if i dont have anyone maybe ill be single forever who knows
My fiance was a very very unmature person. Thank God I noticed that on time and broke the engagement. Maturity IS a must in marriage, kids shouldn't participate in adult responsibilities and privileges.
A lot of times people will meet through various ministries, get married, and then drop out of service, so married people being holier or whatever is nonsense.
That first one....never thought of it that way!!
Can someone provide me a link to the video he mentioned at the end, please?
Yes, I love this!
Here's what I have done, hopefully this helps someone. Completely surrendered it to the LORD. Prayed a prayer of 'LORD if it be your will and you have a wife for me, only the one you picked. You know best. In your time'. And if not, I can find comfort knowing that he knows best or if I should be alone and serve him better, as Paul says. Now I can stop thinking about it and find greater peace. You don't have to figure it out in your own strength!
Well said! What about St Paul who said he recommended a single life but noted that it isn't given to everyone to stay the course of living singly. - wow - written my comment just before you mention this @4:30. Women get especially criticized in this area of life.
Not to mention that if everyone followed his advice Christianity would have died out in a single generation.
if you meet someone good for you but people act like finding a spouse is one of the steps to spiritual growth.
Does anyone have any advice on how to keep God at the centre of your life and take your crush off the pedestal? I often fall into the trap of thinking that having a romantic partner will 'fix' me and make me happier, and I want to be content being a single Christian but I don't know how.
God is the ultimate good - do not chop down something that is good because it blocks where you expect to see God. Instead seek an expanded view of God. Study the gospel, grow in knowledge of the truth.
You find contentment fulfilling God's command to love your crush(and other people too, for that matter) as Christ loves them. That means you love them without demanding or expecting anything in return. Instead of focusing on what they can give to you(like happy feelings, companionship, gifts, hugs), you focus on how God can sustain you as you selflessly give to them. If things become one-sided, you still selflessly love them by building boundaries and maintaining them, allowing yourself room to grow out of your crush for them for their sake. Your crush isn't your life, Christ is your life. It's not the happy feelings of attraction that uphold you and keep you going, it's your dependence on God. If you sense you're idolizing your crush, find other people to pour into as well, such as some good friends, coworkers, classmates, or ministry partners. It may also be good to reflect on what Christ has done for you on the cross. And lastly, remember that your joy when Christ returns will make the joy you have in your crush seem trivial. Being united with your King is much better than being united with your crush. These feelings you have now point toward the boundless joy we will have when the New Earth is brought forth.
If you don't find any joy in the things of God, pray that he will give it to you.
I’m also wondering this! Wow your comment is perfect timing
There is other dumb stuff people say:
God has someone for everyone. That’s a luxury belief.
Your needs as a man are dead last. If you neglect yourself totally and don’t prioritize your needs you can’t help others.
Men are Peter Pan syndrome if not married by 40 cause he hasn’t taken responsibility. Man needs more time to prepare and build a life for a woman and children to enter into these days than ever before. Why is ok to shame older unmarried men but no longer call an unmarried childless woman an old cat lady or old maid???
I'm so conflicted man. All my life people have told me that you can't get married until you're "ready" and completely okay being single. Ever since I can remember, I have desired very much marriage. I so desired to get married really young and even almost expected it to be when i was 18-19. I am 21 now, coming a year off from the end of a relationship that was really confusing for me. I wanted marriage, but deep down she didn't and wasn't ready yet. I'm so sick of seeing so many people I know, friends, and others my age getting married and having the things I want. Duh, their relationship isn't perfect. But I want that person to walk with me. It's been engrained in me that desiring a woman and pursuing a woman is a bad thing, and I can't do it until I'm "ready enough". It's given me this crippling fear and angst in my conscience towards god that any desire for or act on a woman is just so wrong. If I want it, why can't I seek it out? But what if it's not the "right" time?
You decide if it's the right time. If God approves you will succeed. If God disapproves you will fail. Now in your 20's is the right time. Try to find a wife if you want one. Because once you get into your 30's and beyond time has run out and your options are very few. 😎
No one can 'fix' our past hurts and wounds. We all have them. If something in you is needing fixed, press into the Word. I used to tell God I didn't know what was wrong with me but I was trusting Him to fix it. He did....over 15 years and lots of Scripture study, counseling and prayer partners. You may not need the in depth work I needed. But push into God for what you want. He will always be right there.
I needed to hear this
Most Christian women today are looking for the The Bachelor/Tim Tebow Christian man, who is a former pro athlete and rich
You've met most Christian women?
@@SuckerPunch92 yup, y’all pretty much the same, you don’t want to worry about money or build a relationship from the ground up, it’s have everything together then when you are “successful “ y’all show up
@@marcushenry2072 That's not me my friend. Lol I have my own money. Im interested in bulid a foundation on Christ to become 1 flesh.
Im sorry that has been your experience. Sounds like you may attract a certain type
Definitely not all Christian women, believe me. I've dated and/or talked to a widowed man who had recently gotten out of prison and was going back to school, a life long Christian man and engineer with a steady job, a man a little bit younger than me who had only recently come to the Lord a few short years earlier and so he didn't have any education or a solid job with not really any money, and another life long Christian with education, good job, a home, good vehicle but very overweight with health issues. One health issue kind of scary. Trust me. All Christian woman are not as you described. Most aren't actually.
Fyi- here's the list of reasons why those men never worked out, in order: only looking for one thing, player, fear of commitment, player.
1 Corinthians 7=8 Now I say to those who are unmarried and to the widows that it is better for them if they remain as I am. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to be inflamed with passion.
It really sucks burning with passion AND not having a wife. It's the worst of both worlds. 😎
Psalm 128:3-4 says, "Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children like olive plants around your table. Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord." I think his verse implies that God will bless you through rather than with your wife (spouse).
My husband and I recently got married and were in our 30s, which is considered old in the church. Our marriage is nothing short of a testimony to God’s grace. We didn’t get married because we were holier than other people. We did it because we love each other, we know God ordained this, and despite both of our flaws, we were given this gift. Don’t ever think people get married as a prize for holiness or “being pure enough”.
As an Orthodox Christian, i honestly want to become a monk. Don't really care for marriage.
But don't Orthodox churches allow their leaders to marry?
Respectfully bro, that last line isn’t Biblical. Sure, there are lots of women who are ungodly and undesirable in this age of feminism (just as there are many ungodly and undesirable guys), but women are also fellow image bearers, created by God.
@@tophue7051 better?
@@adjustedbrass7551 that’s fair! Praying that you would keep seeking God and thinking about whether becoming an Orthodox Monk is the best way for you to live for His glory!
Marriage is a great ideal and would highly encourage people working towards it, IF our society wasn’t anywhere near as dysfunctional as it is now! Unfortunately most people today are way too narcissistic and immature to handle marriage and even if you are humbled and mature enough to handle such a life long commitment, your spouse needs to be just as humble and mature! Good luck finding that person! You’re definitely gonna need it!
It does glorify God to marry someone and love them self-sacrificially, but the cost comes to the kingdom of God. In 1 corinthians 7 Paul discusses how the married are divided between how to please the Lord and how to please their spouse. It is not a sin, but in terms of the kingdom of God Paul said it is better to be unmarried. I am married and definitely see this divide, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I’ll serve the Lord to the best of my ability and my wife, but my unmarried brothers in Christ will have more opportunities to serve the Lord. That is okay. We serve the Lord with the cup he gives us.
There are some people who can serve God more effectively in the context of a marriage than they could if they were single. What looks good on paper doesn’t always pan out when you add in the human dynamic.
A good friend toldmme something really smart about finding the righy woman. He rold me to focus on growing closer to God while the woman who's meant for me grows closer to Him too. When we're both close enough, we will meet. So that's what I did, and later I stumbled into my dream woman. I am saving up for an engagement ring now. :) Trust in God, live his word. He will sort everything out for you.
One pushback on the first one: its possible that they mean it with good intentions. God does everything in the best time, he is never late nor is he early in doling out the blessings he intends for you. That could be what they meant.
As I said down there? I'm realizing that I need to get my nerdy, socially handicapped butt out there to get the ball rolling in this realm. Much as I realize that I'm not what women want, and much as I put in the time praying on this? If I don't put in the effort, I can't say anything. If it's meant to be, then it will happen, but if it's not? Well, I can say that I tried, right? Right. Oh, and one more thing; those of us out there who Genesis 1:28 doesn't work for (AKA we don't want kids for our own reasons)? There's no happy medium between either "Get married and make babies," and "stay single and celibate." What are we supposed to do if the former doesn't work for us and the latter is grating on our nerves? I've been single for 8 years and celibate for 6 years and it's really starting to get to that latter stage, here.
I don't think it's an absolute requirement that married Christians must have kids. You probably know some married Christians that don't have kids but were blessed with a marriage regardless. We have to hope the same happens to us.
@@ModelJames13 Hope being the key word, there?
If I’m in a church where there aren’t any single women that are interested in me would you suggest looking for another church that has a lot more single people? It could be argued that it’s being proactive as long as the new church has sound biblical preaching. Online dating is awful so my only option if I stay is to hope a new woman comes to the church that I can hit it off with.
I did the same thing this past summer and it was a total failure. Nonetheless, I think you should give it a shot. You'll probably have better results and you may even find a church that speaks to your soul more. 😎
It’s worked for some people and not others. You gotta try lots of things until you find something that works.
I decided that I want to remain unmarried for the rest of my life. I like living by myself, I'm content as a single, and I don't really care about sex. The few times I tried dating, I was miserable. And best of all, the Scriptures affirm my decision!
There's about billions of ppl on this planet and its hard to come by the fact there is "the one" for you. Most Christians like myself are to call to singleness depsite their strong feelings to be married one day.
It's a sad fate for sure. 😎
Don’t fox and grape yourself. Make an effort to change things. Would you have the same advice for someone seeking a better career?
There’s no video on the description.
Uh I think the link to the "living like a husband..." is missing. But I'll search it up
@menonmission i dont see the link for the video you mentioned at the end?
The dumbest thing I have ever heard after my divorce is that "God wants you to never get married again"
It depends on the reason for the divorce and who initiated it.
Christian men love to repeat that line, while hypocritically lusting after many and expecting to date either virgins or widows. It's infuriating.
Unfortunately, it is hard to find Godly women these days. So if you're frustrated that you're still single, maybe that's why.
I agree with that. 😎
Your channel looks good
Yep, there are 3 people involved in a marriage.
You have to wait until you're ready, your future spouse is ready, and more importantly, wait for God's timing.
He is wiser than we are. If we were to marry before any of that, it would be a mistake that would most likely lead to divorce, and absolutely lead to a lot of pain.
It's way worse to be with the wrong person than to be alone. And the right person at the wrong time IS the wrong person (that includes us, too).
Marriage is not a sanctification process. That's something dumb that Christians say. We were sanctified in Christ Jesus, once for all, sanctified and made truly holy, made light in the Lord Jesus, made one spirit with the Lord. We were not nor are we being made one spirit with our wife. We are one flesh with our wife. Only Jesus Christ has sanctified us. We are not born again physically, we are born again spiritually. Flesh gives birth to flesh but spirit gives birth to spirit.
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in the desert than with a contentious and angry woman.
Everyone, I cannot recommend Timothy Keller's "Meaning of Marriage" highly enough. Please read it.
I'm quite confused in my situation. I'm 38, good shape, make a salary quite a bit above average and can def support a family and I have no children, and I do have the desire (for the men you know what that means) and I have my own struggles with it so I know I'm not destined for singleness. But then I have a side of me that has zero desire to dedicate myself to a woman knowing what I stand to lose in the case of a divorce, and also the fact that I enjoy having the freedom of doing what I want when I want (selfishness I know). So I have a desire, but a much bigger side of trust issues and a big fear of divorce. I know through prayer God will place a desire for a certain woman in my heart wherever I may meet her (hopefully in the church) but this is just a confusing topic for me.
Brother love is all about sacrifice. I would suggest you share this with a trusted man further along in life and tell him your fears and selfish thoughts that are keeping you from pursuing a Godly woman. Praying for you brother I too need work in my heart.
At least one other person in this comment section said married people should just be quiet on this subject. I won't take it THAT far, but I think most married people should be careful before trying to talk to lifelong singles and give them advice. Some might say, "Well, they were single once, too." Yes, they were, but many of them were fortunate enough to get married very early in adulthood. If you got married in your late teens or early twenties and you're now in your thirties, forties, or older, you likely have a foggy memory of living single. And while we're on the subject of things not to say to single Christians, don't ask the question "When are you going to get married?" How am I supposed to know that? I'll get married whenever I miraculously meet a woman who is willing to spend her life with a guy whose 5'6," has modest means, and isn't that good-looking. I really have no way of knowing when or if that will ever happen.
Thanks
This is what I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been going through this thing where I escape lust for about two weeks. The desire really builds up and I really want to pursue a woman.
People say just focus on God focus on God. That’s what I do, and I find myself trying to restrain myself from my natural desires and I withhold it over and fall back into porn the process repeat. I don’t get it
What do you think of the idea that God will only present your spouse when you reach a point where you don't want one/feel like you need one?
Sounds ridiculous. How many people do you know that ended up getting married because they didn't really want to get married? 😎
I am 25 year old Male and have chosen to never marry usually because of a personal choice, but also I want to be closer to God. I don't have the energy, patience or time to even start a family. I want to live, work, create Art and just enjoy life in the way God intends for me. Now all we have to do is fast and pray then wait until Jesus returns to judge the world and we all either go to everlasting fire or eternal life with Him.