How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order
You guys didn't fulfill the American Dream for yourself but the International Dream, watched the interior tour when it randomly popped up on my TH-cam and then watched a few newer videos here and there before deciding to start at Step 1 about 6 days ago, I am now all caught up. I can say you guys have definitely made it, from leaving with $20 bucks in your pocket to comfortably traveling the world while beautifully documenting it. Great job!
Love you guys! Oldie but a goodie: Dead ahead, through the pitch-black night, a captain sees a light on a collision course with his ship. Reaching for the radio, he says: “Change your course ten degrees east.” “Change yours ten degrees west,” comes the reply. The captain responds, “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m a seaman second class,” the next reply comes back. “Change your course, sir.” The captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!” The man replies, “I’m in a lighthouse. Your call.” Love from Ottawa!
I shared a version of this story with my brother and now we use “your call this is a lighthouse” or “this is a lighthouse” or even just a GIF of a lighthouse in text messages to mean “have it your way” or “whatever..”
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different colour … green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him. “What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?” The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!”
What I've always appreciated about your videos is the longer cuts of sailing. The temptation to 3-second cuts in a series is just what everybody else does, and now you're doing it, too. The longer segments are joy. People who love sailing do not have the short attention span that the 3-sec edits would assume. We are not bored. Let us settle into the moments.
The sailor noticed that the pirate had a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. He asked, “so, how did you end up with the peg leg?” The pirate replied, “we were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.” “Wow!” exclaimed the sailor. “How did you get that hook?”“Well,” replied the pirate, “we boarded an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of them cut off my hand.”“Incredible!” remarked the sailor. “How did you get the eye patch?”“A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked in surprise.“Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with the hook.”
Outside the German coast. A voice is heard over the VHF radio... “Mayday, mayday, we are in a small sailing vessel and we are sinking” Another voice is answering back... “Hello, this is ze German coastguard, what are you sinking about?”
@@SailingUma Did I win all the amazing goodies from the Netherlands? Am I getting a whole windmill and a cozy pair of clogs? If so I will use the clogs as my first sailboat :D
I have to say thank you for sharing more of your relationship with us as time has gone on. It’s wonderful and heartwarming to get to see some of your little talks, sweet gestures toward each other, and the comfortable familiarity that is one of the perks of a long-curated relationship. You two are positively thrumming with love and it’s a beautiful thing!
Location specific lol Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships? So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!
@@owenwammes4052, it was copied & pasted from this website: www.ybw.com/features/a-pirate-walks-into-a-bar-jokes-from-the-deep-blue-sea-15550 The givaway was it was pasted & not written by hand.
This is not a sailor story but will interest you. The Cutty Shark Sailboats of the past use to make the Tea run from China back to England and were paid a premium for being first back with the new season's Tea. They became extreme races. I once calculated the distance verse the time at sea. They averaged over 18 knots for the whole trip on one of their last major race. Please prove me wrong. I know these ships had a great deal of sails. I built such a kit as a kid. Lots of Love
An apprentice tug boat crewmen was in the wheelhouse with the Captain as the tug passed by another tug the Captain yelled out AYE then tooted the horn, the other tug Captain did the same. The young apprentice asked his Captain what’s that all about? Captain said it’s an old tradition, dates back to the Bible, an Aye for an Aye and a Toot for a Toot
Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. “What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!” “No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.”
You guys really need to go to Faroe Islnads! I would love to see your cinematography of them. The joke (not really a joke, true story): We were sailing from Iceland to Faroe Islands during a night, rain was pouring down, wind was strong, big waves, so we had our motor on to allow us to keep sailing upwind. I was sleeping in my captain's bunk and woke up to a motor dropping revs few times. I thought that the crew on the night shift kicked the engine control (it was positioned really badly), so I yelled "what the hell are you doing". Next thing I see and hear is my 3rd mate running (I mean really running fast) down below, soaking wet, looks me in the eyes and says: we are sinking. That didn't seem surprising since our yacht was taking some water (nothing serious, but who knows), so I got up, woke up the rest of the crew (10 people on board), and I asked the 3rd mate whether the engine is under water already. He said: don't know, will check, and he went to check. I ordered everyone to take as much clothes as they can, 2nd mate to take some food, started undoing the EPIRB and then the 3rd mate came back and said the engine is dry, no water there. Then I noticed that our fuel pump (pumping fuel frome the keel up to a smaller tank above the engine) was off. I turned it on and told them to lower the revs for 5 minutes and we are good. I sat down and started shaking from the adrenaline. 3rd mate noticed and asked what's happening to me. I told him I thought we have to evacuate because you told we were sinking. He froze for a second and started laughing so hard I thought he will just collapse. He yelled to the crew on shift in the cockpit: he thougth we were sinking! and I heard another 2 poeple laughing their asses of. He looked at me and he said: I told that it's not us changing the revs, not that we are sinking. You have to start wondering how the hell you could misheard that. Well, in Polish "That's not us" is "to nie my". "we are sinking" is "toniemy". I was 23 years old at the time and got my fair share of gray hair for that little stroy :P
Dan and Kika, I need help. I suspected my wife was cheating on me. Last night I hid behind the boat in the garage. I saw my wife come home late in.a disheveled state talking on her phone as she got out of the car. Before she left the garage she said "Bye Tom, I had a great time tonight, I love you!" I hung my head in despair. As I looked down I noticed a crack in the propeller shaft. Is that something I can weld or should I replace the whole thing? Thanks, John
Love watching your experience, binged the entire 230 videos in about a week. Wish you would show more detail about rigging, adjusting sails, etc. Also the scenery is gorgeous wish the cuts were longer. But hey, it's your show so "cheers" There was a guy on shore, had a bucket full of fish. Park Ranger came up, wanted to see his fishing license. Fisherman says, "Oh, I'm not fishing, these are my pet fish. I bring them down to let them swim around a bit every couple of days." "How does that work?, said the ranger. "Well, I just pour the fish in like this and after a while they come back." "So, they just come back and jump in the bucket? "Yes, sir" "This I've got to see" says the ranger rolling his eyes. After a few minutes of chatting the Ranger asks, " how long do the fish swim around before they come back? " "What fish? Cheers!
With great content like this on youtube I've pretty much stopped watching TV. Well done! A wonderful bird is the pelican, His bill will hold more than his belican, He can take in his beak Enough food for a week But I'm damned if I see how the helican
Here's two funny ones that I've heard said: "I'll never run aground." "If I ever cross an ocean, I'll watch the weather forecasts and just avoid the storms."
Reading comments before watching. Thinking the comments are so odd today! Then saw the show and know why. This was a good sailing story and visuals. I am still amazed that Cape Horn works so well. Great capture of the Deer saying hi! Happy Trails.
Here's one you haven't heard... Man is sitting belly up at a bar 3 or 4 pints in when 3 huge women sit down at a table near him. After his next pint he can't help but hearing the women have a UK accent. He leans over and asks "Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?" The largest and loudest of the 3 women screams back - " It's WALES YA FRIGGIN IDIOT...WALES" to which he replies "oh I'm sorry...are you WHALES from Scotland?" Not exactly p/c...
Watched this video recently. Today, on the 1st of November, I saw your boat in my city, Trondheim, and went down to have a closer look at it. It was late, like 9 pm, I suppose you were sleeping. My own boat, the blue "Jazz", a Gladiateur 33, is also in the channel, on the other side, longer up, 200 m from your boat. I have followed your journey during the last couple of years and like it a lot. Bought my boat 4 years ago, at 65, and went up to Bodø and back this summer. Would like to take the boat to Portugal later. I might pop by your boat tomorrow. Kind regards Roald
Hi, Welcome to Norway. I want to give you advice. In the main city of Farsund everything is free of charge. You have free access to the harbor, free washing machine and dryer, and the shower is also free. And if you come to Oslo we can meet you on the sea. We have been following you on your journey for a while now. We can also give you advice on what to see along the Norwegian coast as we sailed to Tromso last year. Be aware that the summer soon ends. Have a nice sailing along the Norwegian coastline.
I am en exchange student at Norway for this semester. Super exciting to hear that you're coming here at the same time I'm exploring this place! Hope you enjoy it, for me it is one of the most beautiful places in the world! ❤️
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!” The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.” The sailor replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too, if you had what I have.” The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?” “Fifty cents!” replied the sailor.
Thanks for sharing all these wonderful places that most of us can only dream of seeing! Your videos are among the very best, absolutely stunning shots!
... just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down "Sir! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!" The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts "Bring me my red shirt!" After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light. Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies "Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!" The cabin boy thinks that's pretty clever and goes to bed for the night. The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down "Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!" And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says "Bring me my brown pants!"
Thanks to you guys. You are producing a sailing show that's not just spending 5 years in the Caribbean and VIs showing us how to spear fish. Looks like a beautiful place.
Hans turns up for his first day with the German Coast Guard. He's shown round the building, then taken to his new position as radio operator. "Gut Mornink, Hans," says the old hand. "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. Just remember, all international radio traffic must be in ze English", and leaves. Hans sits listening to the radio for a while, when he hears a call. "Mayday, Mayday - help us, can anyone hear us?" "Yar," says Hans. "Vot is Ze Problem?" "Thank god," comes the voice. "We're on a yacht in the North Sea and we are sinking." "Okay," says Hans. "Vot are you sinking about?" Regretting regards, Paul from Germany
Greetings from Atlanta... Wow...! You very masterfully take us along with you. I've always wanted to know what "crossings" are like..... I was mesmerized with your Atlantic crossing of last August and this one this August is up there....! Your videography, composition, drone shots, editing are wonderful. Please keep them coming.
Now that you are in Norway you must go to the Lysefjord and see the Pulpit rock, also known as Preikestolen, that towers straight up to a height of almost 1 km from the bottom of the fjord. Its an experience of a lifetime. Its not too far from Farsund - about 100 nautical miles up the cost from Farsund. Seing the towering rocks from a boat at the bottom of the fjord is simply an amazing experience, which the likes of to my knowledge can't be found anywhere else in world. Love your channel. Always brings a smile to my face.
A young lady, jobless and spurned by her lover, heads to the Manhattan docks to drown herself. She has nothing, no friends, no family, she just wants to end it all. And as she's about to jump, a handsome young sailor shouts, "stop! Don't do it!!" And she says, "I've nothing in this world, I might as well end it!" And he says, "Listen, listen. It's a rotten world, sure. But never end the thing the lord gave us without changing everything first. I'm leaving tomorrow on a boat for Europe. I know one of the stevedores. I'll find you a place to stowaway, and we can start a new life over there. I'll make you happy. You'll make me happy. It doesn't have to be like this." And she agrees. That night they meet in darkness and he smuggles her aboard one of the lifeboats belowdeck. He brings her a blanket, and some food, and for three weeks they have this tryst. Each night he brings her a sandwich and they talk and make passionate love until the dawn. But. After the third week, the captain is doing a routine inspection belowdecks, and he hears a quiet rustling in one of the lifeboats And he pulls back the tarp and sees her, shaking in fear. "WHAT are you doing here, madam??" And she tells all, "I...I'm a stowaway! I have an...arrangement with one of the sailors on this ship. He's helping us get to Europe, and he lets me hide out in this lifeboat, smuggling me food." "And?" says the captain "And...well. He's screwing me." and the captain says, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry!"
What keeps a dock floating above water? Pier pressure. Came home from Grocery shopping and my old dog Pierre was watching this video. He gets up on my desk and does stuff while I am gone... Not sure what stuff, but I often catch him watching sailing videos. I tell him all the time we are going to buy a sailboat and go sailing. He hates water! Maybe he is just trying to figure out how to stay away from the water when we go sailing! LMBO! Crazy DOG!
A pirate goes to the doctor to see about some spots on his arm. Doctor: "They're benign." Pirate: "No, no, doc, there be eleven. I counted them this morning!"
In my country travel is difficult for most people and for this i always watch your videos and dream that someday i will be able to travel thanks for this great content
I have been watching your wonderful vlog for about 6 months because it ties in with a love of sailing I have had since I was a kid. and Dan you looked so familier. Then I realized you are familier because I have known you for years. I am so impressed by what you are doing. Hopfully I will get the chance to see you two on your boat sometime.
Not a joke per se, but the title of a book by Henry Beard and Roy McKie. “Sailing: 1. noun. The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.”
There once was a girl calld Bianca. Who slept when th crew laid the anchor. She woke in dismay . When she heard someone say. Pull off the topsheet and spanker.
Normally I'm in Wyoming watching Uma sail in some tropical location, enjoying the warm weather. But today I'm sitting on the beach in Florida, soaking up the sun, watching you guys in the cold rainy weather. It's just an observation. I'll take Uma any way I can get it. Cheers
Hi guys , try this one! A little boy goes to a fancy dress party dressed as a pirate. On arrival, the host asks, "where are your bucaneers"? "Under my bucan hat" says the little boy!
Graduated college during the pandemic and haven’t been able to find a job. I’ve been confined to a small apartment in Ohio. Your videos are my getaway, thank you.
Father and son visit the sailboats that are anchored there on a lake. "Dad?," asks the boy, "why do all the sailing boats have female names?" The father says: "Expensive equipment - and very difficult to control
Yey, I’m so glad to see that you are finally visiting my home country! I am really inspired by your story and reasoning for building uma and sailing the world, as a newly graduated architect myself. It is so nice to finally see other architects who I can relate to, who also cares more about the social sustainability questions within the field of architecture. Keep doing what you do! Oh and on behalf of the Norwegian people I do apologize for our shitty weather, however we do have great seafood, and therefore I do recommend trying fishing here. I do recommend trying a local “dorg” from the sailboat and not a fishing rod, as you will have way more fishing luck with this one ! Hope you will have a nice trip up North, and sending you a happy sail from Oslo! :)
I got no jokes but I just wanna say I came across your channel recently and I haven’t been able to stop watching you guys! Seriously love it. Stay safe!
The last time i saw Norway was from the deck of an aiircraft carrier as we sailed up a fiord on our way to Oslo. It was an incredible sight as the ship was so wide it was like sailing into someones back yard you could actually look down into peoples gardens. A really lovely place and we were lucky enough to be doing this in summer so everywhere was green and new looking in the sun. I enjoy watching these videos but often wonder how anyone can afford to do what you are doing, its one thing to live on a boat but totally different to move around, as there are always thing to repair or replace, and for a boat nothing is cheap, i did own a small boat good enough for costal trips but sailing oceans is a different story , good luck to you both.
Hi Guys, good to see that you are now in Norway. You are sailing our dream for us - being so free to move around while we still endure lockdown due to COVID here in South Africa. What an amazing adventure. We hope that the weather will soon turn for the better. Thanks for providing us with your updates and putting a bit of sunshine in a very stressful way of life for us. Wishing you lots of fair winds ahead. Peter & Avril - Pretoria / South Africa
The Mate on a Thames Barge says to the Skipper “Sea Gulls ahead” the Skipper says to the Mate “walking or Swimming” walking says the mate, “ready about” says the Skipper.
Hi I'm Graeme from New Zealand .. I have now watch every single episode. I'm hooked, you two guys are awesome. I'm a sailor from years ago now looking to buy another after a big break... I hope you guys keep up with your adventures and god speed.
I like the lashing on the Cape Horn sector at 0:24. I presume you did that so the steering lines don't fall off when you swing the vane out of the water to store it.
“What do you get when you cross the lake with a leaky boat?” “About half way.” Lol 😂🇨🇦🏊♀️🐬⚓️⛵️Here’s just a cute saying, Noah was a brave man to sail in the boat with just two termites! 😂
I love you guys!!!! I’m from Maine and I’m a fisherman here. I love watching you guys. I don’t have any jokes but I just wanted to write after watching this video. Keep doing what you’re doing guys!
oouh you getting close to me ^,^ I live in Sweden, Kalmar Very nice view of the castle from the sea, but other than that there ain't much to do in this city =P Here is a bad joke: If Apple was a pirate ship, what would their sailors wear? An iPatch
![The North Sea isn't always Storms and Bad Weather - Sailing Uma [Step 232]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/qVJVZQtHVaU/mqdefault.jpg)
![The North Sea isn't always Storms and Bad Weather — Sailing Uma [Step 232]](/img/tr.png)
![Sailing to a RUSSIAN Ghost Town - Sailing Uma [Step 284]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pI4Kcyc_8XA/mqdefault.jpg)
![Better Than The Bahamas - Sailing Uma [Step 236]](/img/n.gif)
How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order
Funny because it is accurate.
Lol
Wait how did you guys got the video 3 days ago its uploaded 3 hours ago for me
nickytax101 Patreons get a head start. 👍
Ow good Job supporting our favorite sailing couple hat off to you sir😊🎩
You guys didn't fulfill the American Dream for yourself but the International Dream, watched the interior tour when it randomly popped up on my TH-cam and then watched a few newer videos here and there before deciding to start at Step 1 about 6 days ago, I am now all caught up. I can say you guys have definitely made it, from leaving with $20 bucks in your pocket to comfortably traveling the world while beautifully documenting it. Great job!
Love you guys!
Oldie but a goodie:
Dead ahead, through the pitch-black night, a captain sees a light on a collision course with his ship.
Reaching for the radio, he says: “Change your course ten degrees east.”
“Change yours ten degrees west,” comes the reply.
The captain responds, “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman second class,” the next reply comes back. “Change your course, sir.”
The captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
The man replies, “I’m in a lighthouse. Your call.”
Love from Ottawa!
I shared a version of this story with my brother and now we use “your call this is a lighthouse” or “this is a lighthouse” or even just a GIF of a lighthouse in text messages to mean “have it your way” or “whatever..”
😊 This is a winner 👍
😂
Ćc
@@alex0589 if memory serves, this actually happened in the Bay of Biscay. US Destroyer vs Spanish lighthouse
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different colour … green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
“What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”
The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!”
What I've always appreciated about your videos is the longer cuts of sailing. The temptation to 3-second cuts in a series is just what everybody else does, and now you're doing it, too. The longer segments are joy. People who love sailing do not have the short attention span that the 3-sec edits would assume. We are not bored. Let us settle into the moments.
I agree.
As I'm bingeing along, I've noticed this- It is Sailing Uma, correct?
Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...
It was an ether/oar situation.
Brill Humour!
😂😂😂
😂😂
Oh God...lol
I sea what you did there
The sailor noticed that the pirate had a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. He asked, “so, how did you end up with the peg leg?”
The pirate replied, “we were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”
“Wow!” exclaimed the sailor. “How did you get that hook?”“Well,” replied the pirate, “we boarded an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of them cut off my hand.”“Incredible!” remarked the sailor. “How did you get the eye patch?”“A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked in surprise.“Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with the hook.”
Anyone else read the captions words with a pirate accent like captainhooks first hand kind of expression
@@zoehodder9947 Arrgh!
@@Stefan-wu3bs Captains*
@@Stefan-wu3bs ??
@@zoehodder9947 yes?
My favorite quote (not so much of a joke, but): "Sailing is the most expensive way to get somewhere for free."
Why is pirating so Addictive?
Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
Outside the German coast. A voice is heard over the VHF radio...
“Mayday, mayday, we are in a small sailing vessel and we are sinking”
Another voice is answering back...
“Hello, this is ze German coastguard, what are you sinking about?”
LOL!!!
So funny 😂
Newbie: “Do yachts like this sink very often?”
Skipper: “No, usually it’s only once.”
😂
Ahahaha
@@SailingUma Did I win all the amazing goodies from the Netherlands? Am I getting a whole windmill and a cozy pair of clogs? If so I will use the clogs as my first sailboat :D
I have to say thank you for sharing more of your relationship with us as time has gone on. It’s wonderful and heartwarming to get to see some of your little talks, sweet gestures toward each other, and the comfortable familiarity that is one of the perks of a long-curated relationship. You two are positively thrumming with love and it’s a beautiful thing!
Location specific lol
Why does the Norwegian Navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!
How did you comment 3 days ago?
@@owenwammes4052, it was copied & pasted from this website: www.ybw.com/features/a-pirate-walks-into-a-bar-jokes-from-the-deep-blue-sea-15550
The givaway was it was pasted & not written by hand.
Owen Wammes was wondering the same but there are a few 3 day old comments. Perhaps patreon supporters?
@@Kthx881 yes, Patreons have early access.
This is not a sailor story but will interest you. The Cutty Shark Sailboats of the past use to make the Tea run from China back to England and were paid a premium for being first back with the new season's Tea. They became extreme races. I once calculated the distance verse the time at sea. They averaged over 18 knots for the whole trip on one of their last major race. Please prove me wrong. I know these ships had a great deal of sails. I built such a kit as a kid. Lots of Love
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook? At a SECOND HAND Store. LOL
Yea i heard that was true first hand from a pirate!
They also do piercings for a buck an ear.
I love the Norwegian summer. This is the best day of the year!
An apprentice tug boat crewmen was in the wheelhouse with the Captain as the tug passed by another tug the Captain yelled out AYE then tooted the horn, the other tug Captain did the same.
The young apprentice asked his Captain what’s that all about? Captain said it’s an old tradition, dates back to the Bible, an Aye for an Aye and a Toot for a Toot
"What shivers and lies at the bottom of the sea?" ........... "A nervous wreck."
Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.
“What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!”
“No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.”
funny, funny, and funny...Lol
Jesus...that took me a second...ahah
You gotta win you gotta win
Sorry, don‘t get it
@@lotsimo You must live inland? No tidal rivers near you? No.. little waves on the water 😂 (just a 'little' word play)
You guys really need to go to Faroe Islnads! I would love to see your cinematography of them.
The joke (not really a joke, true story):
We were sailing from Iceland to Faroe Islands during a night, rain was pouring down, wind was strong, big waves, so we had our motor on to allow us to keep sailing upwind. I was sleeping in my captain's bunk and woke up to a motor dropping revs few times. I thought that the crew on the night shift kicked the engine control (it was positioned really badly), so I yelled "what the hell are you doing". Next thing I see and hear is my 3rd mate running (I mean really running fast) down below, soaking wet, looks me in the eyes and says: we are sinking.
That didn't seem surprising since our yacht was taking some water (nothing serious, but who knows), so I got up, woke up the rest of the crew (10 people on board), and I asked the 3rd mate whether the engine is under water already. He said: don't know, will check, and he went to check. I ordered everyone to take as much clothes as they can, 2nd mate to take some food, started undoing the EPIRB and then the 3rd mate came back and said the engine is dry, no water there. Then I noticed that our fuel pump (pumping fuel frome the keel up to a smaller tank above the engine) was off. I turned it on and told them to lower the revs for 5 minutes and we are good.
I sat down and started shaking from the adrenaline. 3rd mate noticed and asked what's happening to me. I told him I thought we have to evacuate because you told we were sinking. He froze for a second and started laughing so hard I thought he will just collapse. He yelled to the crew on shift in the cockpit: he thougth we were sinking! and I heard another 2 poeple laughing their asses of.
He looked at me and he said: I told that it's not us changing the revs, not that we are sinking.
You have to start wondering how the hell you could misheard that. Well, in Polish "That's not us" is "to nie my". "we are sinking" is "toniemy".
I was 23 years old at the time and got my fair share of gray hair for that little stroy :P
(child) Mom when i grow up i want to be a sailor (Mom) You will have to pick one you can't do both.
Gotta love that as a sailor, dont'ya?
I started a yacht building company in my loft at home... sails are through the roof!
Old sailors never die. They just get a little dinghy.
Richard Green i truly hate how much i laughed at this
You're running a race in Norway. How do you know if you've passed the last Lap?
When you reach the Finnish line..🌏
This video was wayyyy too short... I need about 60 minutes of this feeling good stuff you make !!
Agree
Dan and Kika,
I need help. I suspected my wife was cheating on me. Last night I hid behind the boat in the garage. I saw my wife come home late in.a disheveled state talking on her phone as she got out of the car. Before she left the garage she said "Bye Tom, I had a great time tonight, I love you!" I hung my head in despair. As I looked down I noticed a crack in the propeller shaft. Is that something I can weld or should I replace the whole thing?
Thanks, John
That is really a better joke than it is getting credit for
Omg...I cackled out loud on this one! Didn't see that coming but sooooo true!!!
winner
😂😂😂
What do you call a sail with only two corners?
Answer: I haven’t got a clew! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👏🏾
Don't lose your head about it...
Loved the 'do you remember what warm water felt like!?.... great dialogue!
Love watching your experience, binged the entire 230 videos in about a week. Wish you would show more detail about rigging, adjusting sails, etc. Also the scenery is gorgeous wish the cuts were longer. But hey, it's your show so "cheers"
There was a guy on shore, had a bucket full of fish. Park Ranger came up, wanted to see his fishing license.
Fisherman says, "Oh, I'm not fishing, these are my pet fish. I bring them down to let them swim around a bit every couple of days."
"How does that work?, said the ranger.
"Well, I just pour the fish in like this and after a while they come back."
"So, they just come back and jump in the bucket?
"Yes, sir"
"This I've got to see" says the ranger rolling his eyes.
After a few minutes of chatting the Ranger asks, " how long do the fish swim around before they come back? "
"What fish?
Cheers!
With great content like this on youtube I've pretty much stopped watching TV. Well done!
A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican,
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican
TERI: What do you call it when hundreds of people stand on a wooden dock?
JERI: Beats me.
TERI: “Pier pressure.”
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
What do you get when a blue sailboat hit a red one??
Marooned! 🤣🤣🤣
When in Norway, do as the Norwegians do: Stern anchor, tie the bow to land close enough that you can jump.
Here's two funny ones that I've heard said:
"I'll never run aground."
"If I ever cross an ocean, I'll watch the weather forecasts and just avoid the storms."
Reading comments before watching. Thinking the comments are so odd today! Then saw the show and know why. This was a good sailing story and visuals. I am still amazed that Cape Horn works so well. Great capture of the Deer saying hi! Happy Trails.
No joke, just a pefrect name for a sailboat: " Unsinkable II "
amazing!
@@missdead1 Already been done.But good.
I feel like that is a joke !
Lol
Uma-gosh! You guys maneuver really well. You're cool, never tackless. Anyone saying otherwise is just jibing you!
Here's one you haven't heard...
Man is sitting belly up at a bar 3 or 4 pints in when 3 huge women sit down at a table near him. After his next pint he can't help but hearing the women have a UK accent. He leans over and asks "Excuse me, are you ladies from Scotland?" The largest and loudest of the 3 women screams back - " It's WALES YA FRIGGIN IDIOT...WALES" to which he replies "oh I'm sorry...are you WHALES from Scotland?"
Not exactly p/c...
Hahahahahaha!!!
Haven't heard that one
Brilliant! PC is out of order for such gems! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
What washes up on little tiny beaches?
Microwaves
bartender says: “Hey, did you know you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants?”
“Aye, sir that it be, “says the pirate, “it’s driving me nuts!”
Watched this video recently. Today, on the 1st of November, I saw your boat in my city, Trondheim, and went down to have a closer look at it. It was late, like 9 pm, I suppose you were sleeping. My own boat, the blue "Jazz", a Gladiateur 33, is also in the channel, on the other side, longer up, 200 m from your boat. I have followed your journey during the last couple of years and like it a lot. Bought my boat 4 years ago, at 65, and went up to Bodø and back this summer. Would like to take the boat to Portugal later. I might pop by your boat tomorrow. Kind regards Roald
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!
I'm keeping this one!! 😂
Hi, Welcome to Norway. I want to give you advice. In the main city of Farsund everything is free of charge. You have free access to the harbor, free washing machine and dryer, and the shower is also free. And if you come to Oslo we can meet you on the sea. We have been following you on your journey for a while now. We can also give you advice on what to see along the Norwegian coast as we sailed to Tromso last year. Be aware that the summer soon ends. Have a nice sailing along the Norwegian coastline.
How do you rejuvenate an old boat?
Boat-tox
I am en exchange student at Norway for this semester. Super exciting to hear that you're coming here at the same time I'm exploring this place! Hope you enjoy it, for me it is one of the most beautiful places in the world! ❤️
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”
The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can.
The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”
The sailor replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too, if you had what I have.”
The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?”
“Fifty cents!” replied the sailor.
There’s a paddle sale at the boat shop… it’s quite an oar-deal
Q: How do you make an octopus laugh?
A: Ten Tickles!
Thanks for sharing all these wonderful places that most of us can only dream of seeing! Your videos are among the very best, absolutely stunning shots!
Waiter; How do you like your steak?
Me; like winning an argument with my girlfriend
Waiter; Rare it is
🤦♂️
This is great! Norway looks so beautiful - we'll get there eventually!
I'm looking forward to going there with you (virtually). You are making good progress!
The old sailor fell from the rigging onto the teak deck below, but he was unhurt. He was used to hardships.
Saling is the art of slowly moving nowhere at great expense :)
"-Why do we need radios? Our relationship is over!
-Our relationship is what? Over!"
Sorry about that!
This is a goldmine for sailing puns.
I love it allmost as much as sailing itself.
... just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down "Sir! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!"
The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts "Bring me my red shirt!"
After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light.
Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies "Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!"
The cabin boy thinks that's pretty clever and goes to bed for the night.
The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down "Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!"
And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says "Bring me my brown pants!"
Mike Derrick 🤣🤣🤣
Awesome video and perfect music to boot, thanks for taking us along!
What vegetables are a sailors enemy?
leeks... 😂
Thanks to you guys. You are producing a sailing show that's not just spending 5 years in the Caribbean and VIs showing us how to spear fish. Looks like a beautiful place.
I'm not one for buoyancy but whatever floats your boat
Rainy ? Overcast? Cold? Welcome to Norway 90% of the time!
And Scotland too!
Hans turns up for his first day with the German Coast Guard. He's shown round the building, then taken to his new position as radio operator.
"Gut Mornink, Hans," says the old hand. "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. Just remember, all international radio traffic must be in ze English", and leaves.
Hans sits listening to the radio for a while, when he hears a call.
"Mayday, Mayday - help us, can anyone hear us?"
"Yar," says Hans. "Vot is Ze Problem?"
"Thank god," comes the voice. "We're on a yacht in the North Sea and we are sinking."
"Okay," says Hans. "Vot are you sinking about?"
Regretting regards,
Paul from Germany
This was a German advert for English lessons if I remember right
@@nickeverett8608 Oh I sea - I neffer considdert Inglisch Schule!
Found it! th-cam.com/video/yR0lWICH3rY/w-d-xo.html
Greetings from Atlanta...
Wow...! You very masterfully take us along with you. I've always wanted to know what "crossings" are like..... I was mesmerized with your Atlantic crossing of last August and this one this August is up there....! Your videography, composition, drone shots, editing are wonderful. Please keep them coming.
Now that you are in Norway you must go to the Lysefjord and see the Pulpit rock, also known as Preikestolen, that towers straight up to a height of almost 1 km from the bottom of the fjord.
Its an experience of a lifetime. Its not too far from Farsund - about 100 nautical miles up the cost from Farsund. Seing the towering rocks from a boat at the bottom of the fjord is simply an amazing experience, which the likes of to my knowledge can't be found anywhere else in world.
Love your channel. Always brings a smile to my face.
A young lady, jobless and spurned by her lover, heads to the Manhattan docks to drown herself.
She has nothing, no friends, no family, she just wants to end it all.
And as she's about to jump, a handsome young sailor shouts, "stop! Don't do it!!"
And she says, "I've nothing in this world, I might as well end it!"
And he says, "Listen, listen. It's a rotten world, sure. But never end the thing the lord gave us without changing everything first. I'm leaving tomorrow on a boat for Europe. I know one of the stevedores. I'll find you a place to stowaway, and we can start a new life over there. I'll make you happy. You'll make me happy. It doesn't have to be like this."
And she agrees.
That night they meet in darkness and he smuggles her aboard one of the lifeboats belowdeck.
He brings her a blanket, and some food,
and for three weeks they have this tryst. Each night he brings her a sandwich and they talk and make passionate love until the dawn.
But.
After the third week, the captain is doing a routine inspection belowdecks, and he hears a quiet rustling in one of the lifeboats
And he pulls back the tarp and sees her, shaking in fear.
"WHAT are you doing here, madam??"
And she tells all, "I...I'm a stowaway! I have an...arrangement with one of the sailors on this ship. He's helping us get to Europe, and he lets me hide out in this lifeboat, smuggling me food."
"And?" says the captain
"And...well. He's screwing me."
and the captain says,
"He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry!"
Ha ha! really gotta appreciate the effort put into this one
🤣🤣🤣
Started the evening watching three separate comedy routines . . . . with a couple of chuckles . This one made my stomach hurt ! ! Thanks ! !
@@richardhobbs9038 No problem mate. :-)
That's really sad
Really enjoyed the music and vibe of this one!
“My wife has just sailed to the Caribbean.”
“Jamaica?”
“No, she wanted to.”
Why is mail that goes by sea called "CARgo" and mail that goes by land called "SHIPment"?
What was easier for Dan and Kik once they redid their head?
Bow movements.
😂🤣
“Can you go pick up my boat? It’s at the dock.”
Oh no! Is it sick? You should give it some vitamin sea.
What keeps a dock floating above water? Pier pressure.
Came home from Grocery shopping and my old dog Pierre was watching this video. He gets up on my desk and does stuff while I am gone... Not sure what stuff, but I often catch him watching sailing videos. I tell him all the time we are going to buy a sailboat and go sailing. He hates water! Maybe he is just trying to figure out how to stay away from the water when we go sailing! LMBO! Crazy DOG!
A pirate goes to the doctor to see about some spots on his arm.
Doctor: "They're benign."
Pirate: "No, no, doc, there be eleven. I counted them this morning!"
Rain , wind, and deep fjords. Welcome to Norway! But when it is sunny , it is incredible!
In my country travel is difficult for most people and for this i always watch your videos and dream that someday i will be able to travel thanks for this great content
I have been watching your wonderful vlog for about 6 months because it ties in with a love of sailing I have had since I was a kid. and Dan you looked so familier. Then I realized you are familier because I have known you for years. I am so impressed by what you are doing. Hopfully I will get the chance to see you two on your boat sometime.
Not a joke per se, but the title of a book by Henry Beard and Roy McKie.
“Sailing: 1. noun. The fine art of getting wet and becoming ill while slowly going nowhere at great expense.”
Brilliant!
I’ve literally binge watched all of you episodes in the past two and a half weeks. I used to live aboard a 41’ Morgan. I miss it soo much!
There once was a girl calld Bianca.
Who slept when th crew laid the anchor.
She woke in dismay .
When she heard someone say.
Pull off the topsheet and spanker.
Normally I'm in Wyoming watching Uma sail in some tropical location, enjoying the warm weather. But today I'm sitting on the beach in Florida, soaking up the sun, watching you guys in the cold rainy weather. It's just an observation. I'll take Uma any way I can get it. Cheers
Hi guys , try this one!
A little boy goes to a fancy dress party dressed as a pirate. On arrival, the host asks, "where are your bucaneers"? "Under my bucan hat" says the little boy!
Graduated college during the pandemic and haven’t been able to find a job. I’ve been confined to a small apartment in Ohio. Your videos are my getaway, thank you.
Father and son visit the sailboats that are anchored there on a lake. "Dad?," asks the boy, "why do all the sailing boats have female names?" The father says: "Expensive equipment - and very difficult to control
This needs more votes
Yey, I’m so glad to see that you are finally visiting my home country! I am really inspired by your story and reasoning for building uma and sailing the world, as a newly graduated architect myself. It is so nice to finally see other architects who I can relate to, who also cares more about the social sustainability questions within the field of architecture. Keep doing what you do!
Oh and on behalf of the Norwegian people I do apologize for our shitty weather, however we do have great seafood, and therefore I do recommend trying fishing here. I do recommend trying a local “dorg” from the sailboat and not a fishing rod, as you will have way more fishing luck with this one ! Hope you will have a nice trip up North, and sending you a happy sail from Oslo! :)
Captain... how far is it to the nearest land? Just 400 meter. But I can't see any land! Well, it's below us......
I got no jokes but I just wanna say I came across your channel recently and I haven’t been able to stop watching you guys! Seriously love it. Stay safe!
Welkom to Norway! 😁 the northern lights awaits you 🤩
The last time i saw Norway was from the deck of an aiircraft carrier as we sailed up a fiord on our way to Oslo.
It was an incredible sight as the ship was so wide it was like sailing into someones back yard you could actually look down into peoples gardens. A really lovely place and we were lucky enough to be doing this in summer so everywhere was green and new looking in the sun.
I enjoy watching these videos but often wonder how anyone can afford to do what you are doing, its one thing to live on a boat but totally different to move around, as there are always thing to repair or replace, and for a boat nothing is cheap, i did own a small boat good enough for costal trips but sailing oceans is a different story , good luck to you both.
Welcome to Norway 🇳🇴 ❤️
Hi Guys, good to see that you are now in Norway. You are sailing our dream for us - being so free to move around while we still endure lockdown due to COVID here in South Africa. What an amazing adventure. We hope that the weather will soon turn for the better. Thanks for providing us with your updates and putting a bit of sunshine in a very stressful way of life for us. Wishing you lots of fair winds ahead. Peter & Avril - Pretoria / South Africa
The Mate on a Thames Barge says to the Skipper “Sea Gulls ahead” the Skipper says to the Mate “walking or Swimming” walking says the mate, “ready about” says the Skipper.
Hi I'm Graeme from New Zealand .. I have now watch every single episode. I'm hooked, you two guys are awesome. I'm a sailor from years ago now looking to buy another after a big break... I hope you guys keep up with your adventures and god speed.
What is the most favorite letter in the alphabet for Pirates?
R?
No Matey, It be the C.
I like the lashing on the Cape Horn sector at 0:24. I presume you did that so the steering lines don't fall off when you swing the vane out of the water to store it.
Dad: "If April Showers bring May Flowers, What do May Flowers bring?" Kid : "Pilgrims".
So beautiful introduction. Amazing, guys. Greetings from Brasil!
“What do you get when you cross the lake with a leaky boat?” “About half way.” Lol 😂🇨🇦🏊♀️🐬⚓️⛵️Here’s just a cute saying, Noah was a brave man to sail in the boat with just two termites! 😂
I love you guys!!!! I’m from Maine and I’m a fisherman here. I love watching you guys. I don’t have any jokes but I just wanted to write after watching this video. Keep doing what you’re doing guys!
oouh you getting close to me ^,^ I live in Sweden, Kalmar Very nice view of the castle from the sea, but other than that there ain't much to do in this city =P
Here is a bad joke: If Apple was a pirate ship, what would their sailors wear?
An iPatch
Norway looks a lot like Maine. 👍 Thanks for the glimpse.
What type of boat does Dracula have.... A blood vessel !