These tests are usually only obvious in hindsight until we know some of the red flags. Do you feel like you were tested in any of these ways? Have you noticed others?
Holy crap... I was grieving the death of my mother from Nov 25 2017,... Jan 1 2018 my then wife asked for a divorce. Jan 19th my ex-girlfriend started talking to me. April 2018 I am moving in with her because she can't afford to live by herself with her daughter. She needed my car to get to and from work. A few months later I am being told how I am always sulking around the house and bringing everyone down. I was mourning the loss of my mother and my 15yr marriage and thought I found my soulmate. Looking back i never was allowed to mourn. When i would break down, she wouldn't console me. And later I would be made to feel weak. Hindsight is 20/20. I just wanted love and to be loved and have someone to hug and support me. My ex-wife was a habitual cheater and after learning so much about my ex-girlfriend, she was most likely a narcissist as well. It is sickening how much my ex-gf preyed upon my emotions and manipulated me through intimacy (I don't just mean sex) .I started to drink heavily to numb myself. I would be told I drink too much and that's why we don't have sex. Then she would text and ask if i need beer, or if i could stop and buy some. I am free from her garbage, and sober. But the pain remains
Yes, the last 2 narc relatives in my life tested me for supply by telling me I was the only family member who reached out and helped them and how grateful they were to me. Live bomb. Pretty soon they'd moved near me and were financially and emotionally tapping me out and at the same time treating me with disdain. And trying to control me with angry outbursts and/or hostile silent
Sometimes when a person says "Well yes they did emotionally abuse me or did this or that wrong, but I also did some pretty bad things..." it isn't always saying that it was ok that they treated you that way. It's not always trying to justify their sin. It's you saying I know that I need forgiveness, therefore I understand they too need forgiveness and I forgive them. Two completely different things.
I'm the opposite of all those things. Once we're close and I care about you, I'll be super kind and empathetic, but I am not nice. I'm straightforward, opinionated, disillusioned and confident, I make a lot of joke's at the other person's expense and now that I think about it, it might be my own test that I've come up with. Making jokes at the narcissist's expense unmasks them very efficiently 😁 I attract narcissists like light attracts moths though, courtesy of my lovely narcissistic parents. I should say that they also attract me the same way, thanks trauma bond. I've never lasted more with 3 months with one though, I either broke up with them because I got fed up with their bs or they ghosted me. So I've never actually experienced a devaluation phase and I count myself lucky.
1- test your boundaries 2- chase you when they meet you 3- look for empathetic, helpful, people 4- someone who is their total oposite 5- they lack emotional empathy 6- they don't care for you 7- they use you 8- they make you feel sorry for them 9- watch family relations and friends to identify vulnerability 10- they ask blunt questions right away and search for intrigues 11- they ask for prior breakups and abuse 12- they lie about caring for you
They want to rush into “closeness” very pushy not an organic relationship of building trust and bonding. It has to be instant and always asking for favors to see if you’re a people pleaser.
Yes asking for favors! Mine called, can you buy a cake for me at the bakery. about 40$. She drives by it every day and I don´t. She was raging when I told her no. She allways talked about how intense she was:)
Rad K my ex narc used to tell me all these crazy stories and said that all his exes were psychotic and would “slut-shame” his ex for being a stripper. I came across her FB a couple months later and she was in a very happy relationship reposting things about escaping domestic abuse.
and it worked at first, but it got old fast. I also watched dating videos and complaining about ex's is a red flag so as we moved from friends to more than friends we didn't get far, because of that.
This. In the context of friendships, they may "borrow" your things without asking, wear your clothes without asking, go into your room without permission, eat your food, ignore you when you're talking about something they dont directly benefit from, put you down in front of others...and see if you will continue to let them use you for anything you may be providing to them. These people are disgusting parasites
@@RotationAxle Can you help me? I have best friend of 10 years. At the beginning of our friendship, he asked to borrow a class photo of us. When I asked for it back, he said that I said he could keep (I said borrow, not keep). Then he said, his mom threw it away. I didn't want to throw away my new friendship so I forgave him and he was relieved. Also, he would make playful jokes like, "that van is gonna kidnap you", or "they are looking for you". Any time our sports team lost, he would playfully say "it's your fault" or "you're bad luck". It seemed like it was all in good fun and I never really took offense. I just view him as immature. I remember he told me, that he thought I was weird at first but grew to like me. In my experience, anyone that calls me weird is heavily projecting, and so after breaking up with one if his old GFs, he asked me what is wrong with him that made he abuse his cats. Me being a good friend, I said, " you're just very stressed...". He started to develop an attachment towards me but only when he would go on breaks with his new GF. He would have lots of fights with this new GF. I actually decided to break off the friendship right here, until for a couple of months. Supposedly he was depressed because he missed me and even his GF said to him, "You got your little friend back". He would fight a lot with this GF and would come to my home without notice to "surprise" me but only when they were fighting or on breaks. He would say, "I'm taking you out". Sometimes I'm eating lunch or dinner when he "surprises" me. He would asked, "what you're eating?", and he would try to pick my food of my plate. I would say no, and he would say to share because of all the great things he has done for me (he has been very generous and very supportive, but so have I). I replied, "What is wrong with you?". And then after I would be done eating and we are in his car, he would say, "we are running late because of you". This here probably goes back to "we lost because you are bad luck" . Then a couple of months later, we get in a heated argument. One of his crush since HS (now single mom) invites him for drinks at a bar. I drank a little too much and didn't like how he was just stringing along that girl. He's been stringing her along ever since HS, using her and playing games. He doesn't like her back and never will. Me being drunk, I told her that we are off to meet other girls at another bar. That really ticked him off. But it was something I felt that that girl needed to hear at the time. I told her, I am sorry, but he doesn't like you. She started to cry a little. He got mad at me, said, I shouldn't have said that no matter what. It got pretty heated, I started walking away because I was drunk and I would have clock him. I don't think he liked it me turning my back to him. He is not a threat to me. He screamed at me loud, "Where are you going? GET BACK HERE!" I said, "fuck you!" as I walked away. As I am booking a ride back home, he finds me and said very calmed amd relaxed, "it's okay, I'll take you back". I am like, "he looks calmed down, um, okay". We actually do go to the other bar to meet other women. And something I will never forget, one of the girl compliments him, "you are a girly man, but I like that". If you made it to here, than you.
@@DwyaneWadeCounty I think he is a narcissist and he is pretty much using you. If you want to be sure, ask him something that you supposedly need - help, money anything and he don't, and see how he reacts.
@@DwyaneWadeCounty I can't say whether or not your friend has NPD, but I think your descriptions do at least indicate strong narcissistic tendencies. I see him not respecting boundaries and feeling a sense of entitlement to your things. Make sure you continue maintaining boundaries even if it might cause conflict - he's not entitled to the food on your plate. The little digs he makes at you also sound like a way to "put you in your place" so that he can create the perception that he's superior in order to make you feel as though you're lucky he wants you around so that you won't leave (this is manipulation.) It's normal to have disagreements with long time friends and for us to get annoyed with some of the things they do, but in this case it sounds like you're growing disgusted with his personality in general and might be better off going no contact or at least greatly minimizing his role in your life(like he just becomes the guy you go to bars with, nothing more.) If you find that he is a constant drain on your self confidence and self worth and you really don't get much enjoyment out of spending time with him, then its time to get rid of him. There are billions of people on this planet and it won't be the end of the world if you kick him to the curb and find some new people to hang out with.
@@riverdance8623 I agree with that suggestion. If there's an extensive history of all take and no give, that's one of the clear indicators he's dealing with a narcissist
My ex often asked whether I’d been sexually abused before so I eventually opened up about a negative experience I’d had thinking it would help us grow. In response to my fairly mild story he put on the most pathetic sobbing act I have ever witnessed, wiping away non existent tears, shaking and dry sniffing it was almost comical, I was baffled at the time but I now know it was his attempt at looking empathetic. I should have listened to my gut before things escalated.
It wasn't your fault. I'm trying to tell myself that too. It's hard to believe that someone we care so much about can do that, but we have to in order to heal.
lmao they cannot act to save their lives esp if they're trying to look empathetic, they fail hard because it's so cringey. They are superficial to the highest degree
My narcissistic partner did the same, only he would repeatedly ask how my family life/dynamics were as a child. He would even try to get me to open up by, sharing a traumatic experience he had with one of his parents, eventually I did open up. That was a mistake, as I shared my experience he was eerily quiet and didn't have much to say, although he was the one who did all the pushing.
One of the biggest tests is to see if you’re emotionally reactive. They will do things to push your buttons to see if you give them any reaction (supply). All the narcs I previously dated and had relationships with did this. It’s my #1 red flag I look for now. That and love bombing/pushing boundaries. When you react they know they have a keeper. 😡
My narcissist sister in law was the opposite. When I didn't react and kept quiet about it she conitued the abuse. Now thinking back, how I wish I disgraced her even though she had no shame.
Yeah that's one of the main things they do is get you emotionally invested in them. Or do things just to get you to react emotionally so you fall into the subjective emotional trap. Then you start thinking like that rather than doing or thinking about things objectively and logically.
They are a complete and total blight to humanity as there is very little human about them other than the biological structure. I am almost 63. Victims of these predators are lucky now what to know the signs are of these demented and destructive creeps are. Deepest gratitude for the tremendous effort you put forth and the wisdom you disseminate.
Common ego......this is a fallen world and is extremely PERVASIVE. Now that the secret is out..more people will be spared complete ruin and even quite possibly DEATH. I kid you NOT. You are a precious and adorable young woman. Continue the invaluable role you perform in exposing this horrific darkness.
I'll be 63 next month. I grew up with narcissistic parents and two older sisters who also had NPD. Naturally, I married NPDs and worked for them too, what a nightmare. I never would have figured it out if not for Common Ego and similar channels.
That's sociopath miss katarina psychopath can have both narcissist and sociopathic tendency. They might turn people into a lamp shade or keep their head in a fridge or something really horrible and/or disturbing.
Yes, it is important for them to find out whether you are isolated from the start. As an expat, I can confirm this. It is a very common first question.
My ex narc husband started right away with telling me we have "real love", and that we are soulmates. He gave me a major sob story about how cruel his ex wives were to him. He said I was his gift from God. He said he had never met anybody like me. Now that I know what narcissism is, in hindsight all the signs were there.
I can spot these evil people a mile away. It’s actually the only good thing about the hell i went through for 32 years. She taught me the difference between good and evil and thats very important for my entirety. So I regret nothing because she must have been in my life to teach me this. I wish her no harm and have no desire to expose her. Her being gone is good enough for me. Through her ive seen the true face of evil.
I have found the exact opposite to be be true. When I was religious, narcissistic people would use that fact to manipulate me. For example, using God or the Bible as excuses to take advantage of you.
@@nickoncomputer9081 I agree with you, that was my experience too. I think that the closer you are to God, the better your discernment becomes so you can better repel narcissists but being religious or loving definitely DOES NOT repel many narcissists.
@@nickoncomputer9081 Same. In fact, I was briefly friends with a narc who basically would tell me bad stuff was only happening to me because I didn't trust in god and didn't go to church. Yeah, that made me even more wary of religious people and religion, in general. And I found even more narcs when I WAS going to church, it's one of the biggest reasons I stopped going. All the hypocrisy and acting as if they were better than non-religious people, while doing stuff they weren't supposed to be doing and not living "by the word of god" was just too much for me.
Excellent... They force themselves into your life, then they remove all your family and friends and all your support system. They want you to have no one but them, and then you are had. If anyone wants to know about your family history, dump their a**...and quick. They hope to find someone broken and needing someone to love you or take care of you. Love your self, take care of your self. Don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. They def want to know your history of abuse, because, they want someone who will put up with their abuse.
I am now all alone in foreign country with my covert narcissist husband. He didn't want me to bond any relationships here because everyone envy him and everything he have. We are in love bombing phase now, but his mask started to fade slowly, something seemed off to me but i didnt what so I started to study psychology of relationships until I realized that I am married to a narcissist. Now I am really scared that I don't be able to get back to my family with all this pandemic situation until it's too late. 😥 God help me!
@@riverdance8623 establish a lifeline with family and friends over skype. Keep your passwords to yourself (and have a password on your comupter (even for your username if you have a common one) and one for your phone. Meaning even if it lies around, and your leave for a short time, no one can browse the content, because it shoon goes on standby and you need the PW to get access (and do not have an abvious pw, or one he would know of or could guess, I think on the computer you have more than 3 tries). Have a working phone and have it charged at all times. See that you get your hands on money (either cash, keep it hidden - or maybe an account that you only know of - who opens the mail and sees incoming letters - from the bank ?) cash banknotes tightly wrapped and hidden among lady's hygiene products - a place where no man would search. If need be and you have no income, take a cut from household expenditures and put some money inconspicuously aside, so you can finance a flight home. Are there any helplines you can call (during lockdown)? They might refer you to groups you can bond with. They start loosening the lockdown in most countries, so your husband should be out of the house at some point. Do you have a Western Union nearby, could family send you money ? Do you have your passport and other documents, necessary to leave the country ?
@@riverdance8623 Be nice, do not make him suspicious, be submissive and bite your tongue if need be - but do you own thing anyway and build your backup (so you have a way out). (I hope you do not have children, and make sure NOT get get pregnant - rely on yourself not on him using condomes etc.).
these people are very dangerous to empaths,they will literally steal your soul and can serious damage if one does not see it coming,,,trust me from experience.I am now a survivor and was one of the lucky ones that recovered.
Very dangerous, indeed. So glad you've recovered...many are still walking that path towards healing and unfortunately, there are those that will walk their healing paths in the future. Feel for them the most.
Did you guys date a girl named Simone by any chance? She was my ex and I heard she "got around" quite a bit if you know what I mean! She is about as bad a Narc as you can get.
@@chrispayne750 Nope. Not me, man. My narc ex is a fairly well known youtube tarot reader with a pretty good following and her name is not Simone. Weird how I thought about starting a narc website to where everyone could post their narc's name, pic, and story in order to warn others.
CN's ARE SO SWEET & THOUGHTFUL, and they simply adore you. And then you feel something said or done is foreign to what you are used too; well, it's a TEST. If another jab hits your gut as odd, even rude, and this happens a second and third time, get yourself out of there. Don't EVER get angry or jealous or try and talk sense. Just remember the door out of the relationship is always open so there is no need to get pissed off. Just hit the road running and cut all ties.
Hi. Yes that is absolutely true you are on point. They some how recognize the person dealing with a break up and catch you. PEOPLE REMEMBER TO LISTEN YOUR BODY AND YOUR EMOTIONAL SIGNALS. THEY WILL REACT IN THE BEGGINING, YOU WILL FEEL DRAINED. THEY WILL COPY YOU BUT YOU CAN FEEL IT IN YOUR BODY AND YOUR EMOTIONS WILL BE SOMEHOW OFF. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT. I MA 37 YEARS OLD MAN AND I AM JUST PERFECT TARGET FOR THEM. Thank you very much for the great video. I wish you all the best.
They’ll do something abruptly and see how you react, like you’ll be laughing and having fun and for no reason they’ll pull a face and get serious. Or you’ll establish a pattern with them that you walk home together and they’ll say, “Oh tonight I’m walking with so and so and we’re doing this” that seems benign but you feel like something feels forced. Like in that case, it was a Narc friend and she didn’t invite me, told me details in a way to provoke jealousy “I’m gonna hang with this couple, they have a car, and we’re gonna get high” (I don’t even smoke) and it’s just so awkward cause they’re happily letting you know you’re excluded and studying your reaction. Even repeating this sounds petty and they know it. It can be as simple as your friend suddenly ignoring you or taking your seat or fawning on someone you both don’t like. Look for someone trying to get you to react and think about them when you should be concentrating on yourself or what you’re doing.
Lover_ ofChrist These are examples of their mask slipping. Once you allow yourself to tune in, you’ll feel it. You’ll feel uncomfortable, confused, and they don’t try to smooth things over. Many people will try to be nicer at this point to make the weird feeling go away. You’ll tell yourself you did something but that’s where the answer usually is, you haven’t done anything . And that’s the reaction they want, your energy, you thinking about them, worrying about why they’ve changed, wanting to get back in their good graces or at least for things to not be so awkward. It’s called the Narcissistic doo doo test.
Lover_ ofChrist Shock and offended They want us to feel hurt to be excluded and show our pain They are testing us to see how much we care and how we will react when hurt, what our facial expression is and our body language.
I was the "new kid" at school over at dozen times growing up. Even at an early age I determined that the kids who were all over me the first few days in a new class were never the kids I wanted at my birthday party later on in the year. My own attachment issues caused me to mistake their behavior for a flaw of my own. Of course it was always the popular, status driven children who behaved this way. Truer friends revealed themselves at a slower pace.
You were really mature as a kid. This is a thing I noticed only in my 20. When people rush to be in relationships with you they usually do it out of curiosity and not of genuine interest because when you don't meet up their expectations these people will reject you at the same level as they were onto you and if you are sensitive you will be devastated and believe the problem is you. Most of my real freindships came later in date and it was never with people who forced themselves onto me. Freindships is build on trust and trust take time to build so when I see someone rushing to be my friend I restrain myself
@@valerieparker2242 No but the popular and sometimes shallow kids take the lead to look cool and show they are in control. Probably at least one budding narc in their clique. I went to different schools and encountered the same thing. In fact, a couple times some other kids warned me not to get my hopes up - they would probably drop me. And then call me a loser for not being good enough to be one of them...
This clearly relates to a narcissist seeking a sexual relationship, rather than a narcissist that one might encounter at work, or in a friendship group. I worked for two years for a very narcissistic technical director of an engineering company. His fellow directors were not dissimilar. They recruited people with empathy, with experience and ability, and who cared about other people. His narcissism showed through in the way that he managed people, and his grandiose plans. Firstly he would talk to you about social matters as if you were his best friend. He’d agree with everything you said, and he enthused about everything. You could say he was charismatic. It was fun for a year. But then over time his attitude to work became « here are your orders ». He would use phrases like « we might need to think about this » which was code for « he might think about this » or « we need to change this » meaning « you will make the changes I give you ». When I did as required, he was so enthusiastic, praising me as brilliant. In short, I was being manipulated into being an unthinking servant, with no input to the decision making process. It was soul destroying. Out of eight staff, four resigned after getting the christmas bonus. Two left, one was persuaded to stay another year for a large pay rise, and one was pursuaded to stay by improved working conditions eg working two days a week from home. I couldn’t stomach staying any longer even with hints that I could ask for a big pay rise. I can work on a modest salary if I like the job, but money can’t compensate for a horrendous work environment. In thirty years I’ve met narcissistic people, usually if not always educated at expensive private schools. But this one was very special, and stood out. Out of six staff, five agreed that he had no empathy and he was self absorbed. One said he was a sociopath. I’ve never met someone whose whole being is based on manipulation of other people. He once told me off for the way I said good morning when I arrived. Apparently I had too much happiness in my voice. Well, he cured that.
1. They test your boundaries to see whether you notice something is off from their usual "nice" behaviour. 2. Empathy - They will have some sob story, usually about failed relationships because the other person hurt them, to see whether you believe them or respond with compassion and therefore easier to manipulate. 3. They are over familiar and ask intrusive questions - I thought they were just being friendly and wanted to know me as a person.
My ex asked me all these personal questions on our first date. I didn't realize that he was trying to find the weak points in my armor so that he could go in for the kill later, I genuinely thought that he was asking to see if we had stuff in common.
I was a sitting duck 🙄 he saw me coming. I was 21, he was 31. I had moved hundreds of miles to a new city. No friends or family. Issues from childhood too. I was a great target.. Thank you for this great video x
They will definitely try to get close very quick, ask questions about your boyfriends, exes, your clients etc. that might seem to some people like "what an interested person!" but actually they scout for information, to pull your strings and make you feel dependant upon them for "counselling you" or "supporting you" and "being such a special interested person" but actually it is just a game to have new supply of admiration and resources and dependant sheep for the narsissist. This is especially with covert narsissist.
I was going through all this BS with a narcissist whom I considered to be my best friend. Especially testing boundaries and finding out about my vulnerablilities.
You're videos are really helping me go grey rock. I noticed that the Narcs in my life are asking me how do I feel because they can't read me anymore. 😁
This is what I think so often. My first ever boyfriend was emotionally abusive and was heading towards physical abuse, and you know how they say your first relationship tends to set the tone for your relationships going forward? After my last ex, I realized almost all the exes I had, had a lot of traits of my first boyfriend. That's when I realized, I have to change the type of people I'm looking for because I've learned to put up with a lot, not just from them, but from my family, as well, which have narcs in it, including very close family. I was tailor made for a narc.
BooDotBoo All of your boyfriends are probably modelling the relationship you have with one of your caregivers rather than the first boyfriend. Look in to reparenting, when you’ve put that inner work in, these people won’t be attractive to you anymore x
I dated a narc in my late teens/early twenties. Getting away from her was like finally getting out from underneath a dumptruck that's been parked on your chest. 15 years later I unknowingly married a narc and the dumptruck is back.
I've now seen six of your videos on Narcissist's and I just want to say thank you. The trama that came from that relationship has continued with a loop playing in my head even though the relationship ended a few years ago. You are really helping me understand how I was an easy target, nieve and you have empowered me, not with hatred, but with knowledge and awareness, bless you!
Sometimes when a person says "Well yes they did emotionally abuse me or did this or that wrong, but I also did some pretty bad things..." it isn't always saying that it was ok that they treated you that way. It's not always trying to justify their sin. It's you saying I know that I need forgiveness, therefore I understand they too need forgiveness and I forgive them. Two completely different things.
I agree and a non narc would see that, I would presume… but I think the point was that the narc reads that kind of statement differently, sees that as the weakness that makes you low hanging fruit… maybe a better way to handle these kinds of questions is to say something like, ‘I’ve had relationships that got got ugly and I learned how to recognize qualities in people that I cannot accept.’ … or ‘I learned to be a better judge of character’ … then, if you are talking or dating etc… to someone you barely know, and they press you for details, you can literally say, ‘I’d prefer not to talk about the details until we know each other better’ (this may make you seem less like low hanging fruit) or you could say the same thing in another way, like ‘let’s drive with the headlights on and get to know each other for a while’ or something like that. I’m just guessing at this point though. I really don’t know, Im still in development. I just don’t have a high EQ naturally. But, my policy is to keep boundaries in the beginning at this point.
Im the case who moved across the world for new job. No friends or family support/network and relying a lot on the narc for language and other issues. He knew my job and work place, where i lived. meanwhile he lived in a nearby town and our meetings were all at my town. He was able to keep the relationship secret for 1 year. Because i worked full time and finished late shifts (he knew exactly i wasn't hanging out and making new friends) then we would meet on my days off and hang just the 2 of us. He didn't have a steady job so was living off his patents money or his own stuff..so all the week i was working he could be doing anything like looking/ finding someone or sth better. If ever confronted he would play the victim and always pop up with a gift or unasked favor to show how unappreciative i was. like, he would clean the apartment and bought new appliances and even do grocery shopping for me (cause i was so tired after a week of work..and i also have s chronical illness) so i wouldnt dare to pick up an argument on how i havenr met any of his friends or family yet. After my health deteriorated, i lost my job and all the perks and was utterly alone in thsi foreign country he got a temporary job in a very far city away, got new supply there and discarded me like shit. and yeah all the devaluation started first: calling me "big nose" (as cute nickname), if i would say maybe ill go out theres2 this event he would say "yeah just dont fuck in the street.its cold". He didnt even need to isolate me, i was isolated from the start. easy easy.
I've watched many videos on the red flags, etc. But this one video summed it all up for me!! I know what I was doing wrong!! Thank you much! No more Narcs!!
Empathy test, loner, recent big emotional & vulnerable event, history of abuse, willing to take blame, they are looking for smart funny or a money earner or some quality they don’t have, but there’s not much you can do about that
I began receiving the message “the White Horse leads the way” in June of last year. Now I know what it means. The four horsemen are here. Use the new moon in Aries to manifest the death of abuse! Good people will be spared!
My ex was a very very good actor, I found his empathy very believable, how do I tell in future if someone is faking empathy?i especially found his empathy believable when he wasn’t the course of my suffering he seemed to only have trouble when it was his fault
It's so difficult. I talk about it a bit in my video about getting a narcissist to show his true colors. Just search True Colors on this channel and you should find it ❤
This is so true. Mine showed me really caring “empathy” one day I was crying over a hurtful work interaction with a client and he was all arms and kissing my tears and holding me and getting me to laugh and smile and feel better. It was a wonderful interaction and felt very intimately bonding. But if I’m crying or hurt by his harsh words to me or lack of empathy he showed over something, he invalidates my feelings and starts claiming how he doesn’t have these kinds of problems with anyone else and he can just watch me cry and only feel contempt. No self reflection until I have left and he’s worried I may leave him and then all I get is these empty fake apology’s with no real learning or growing because the same thing happens over and over. I can’t even suggest we do some needed work around the house as something productive to plan without him getting super defensive and think I’m criticizing him. I have to gently remind him repeatedly, even when I’m told I’m lying to myself because he likes to think for me, that I was not criticizing him why things weren’t done yet, only trying to be a team player like he always says he wished he had in a partner (strange thing is, I’m the only one who really knows how to work as a team).
After studying narcissism intently for a while, I'm able to recognize them now through intuition. I can kinda tell when I'm being love bombed and whether they're empathy is genuine. If they display callousness towards other people, but not you, it could be a sign that they're still idealizing you.
Yes. My ex knew I was highly empathetic and he mirrored that so well. Always talking about how he cared for this cause and that cause and that issue and people, in general. He'd even go off and find stuff to tell me about or, on social media, there was this other girl who was an activist, and he pretty much always likes or retweets her stuff. I thought it was weird because he rarely had posts of his own, they always came from her. When he and I got together, all his posts were from me, with some from her. When he and I broke up, he had a period where he was posting passive aggressive stuff about me, but eventually started just retweeting stuff from the first girl again. It's almost like he doesn't have a real personality of his own, he just latches onto people he sees or knows and if they leave, he has to find a new personality somewhere else. It was also odd that during the first part of our relationship, he supported me being an activist and caring about others, but towards the end, he was mocking me and telling me I was dumb for caring about other people. Like, he had to be faking the whole time and when he got tired of it, he lashed out at me for still being that way, but that's how I had been since the start, so it was very confusing.
Yes, mine was also very good at acting! Sick creatures. I think the best way is to look for inconsistencies in their behaviours and set your boundaries.
One big thing that stands out to me is him seemingly innocently jokingly do things that would make me flinch, would make anybody flinch really, than act is if me flinching was an overreaction as a way to ask if I was abused.
Divorce. I met my borderline/covert narc/sociopathic ex 4 months out of a 15 year relationship/marriage. Yes. I was incredibly vulnerable, hurting, etc.
I'm glad you added the comment about also being on the lookout for narcissistic friends. Lots of people talk about this in the context of relationships but it is also very much alive in friendships - that was the situation i was stuck in. Thanks for cautioning against that as well as people expand their friend circle
This brought a memory to me regarding the ex POS I was married to ..who was actually disgnosed with anti-social personality! I remember him telling some friends, "Suzy is the nicest person I ever met". I firmly believe that the root of this issue is spiritual. It is simply the manisfestation of EVIL. They ate either demonically infested or outright possessed. Very sick , predatory, sadistic, exploitive and dangerous charachter disordered people..
I'm naturally kind, emotional, helpful, and incredibly open. When I find these people I tend to argue with them after they get a few digs at my receptiveness and their passive-aggressive games. It takes them off guard and they move on fast or use sympathy tactics to guilt me. I become a jerk to protect myself because I know my boundaries and rights are being tested. Then I'm the bad guy, heartless, and A, B, C, D etc. and countless other belittling, insulting accusations. At that point l tell them, "I can be fine without you." It really angers them and it's fun to watch them spazz out and break off ties to find another to run roughshod on WHILE they are with you and they want you to know. I hope the next target they find has the gall to go against them.
This is the key! This is what being healed looks like. They cannot stand for people they thought were weak/naive to stand up & tell them off & walk away. With practice & experience, this becomes easier & easier to do. Their reactions and hissy fits are priceless. Dare them to try with someone else. We should be making them second-guess whether they should really be doing this to people. If they keep getting their a** handed to them on a platter. Best of all if you can slightly embarrass them in front of other people if they start stuff up. That will make them reconsider their behavior. Some people need to be taught a lesson.
We are weaken by the attraction sexual desire,the illusion of Love plus ignorance of mental illnesses.My husband only started making fun of the word Love after insisting in with me! Even then I thought he was just imitating " Prince Charles " or "Tina turner" I had no idea of the complexity of Prince Charles and or Tina Turner abuse. So I though how cute " He is not ready to say I love you! Like Charles...Said " What is Love? when interviewed in the early days of dating Diana! I really though " Oh So cute, he will! " unfortunately...NOT! DUPED by my own interpretation! Surviving is Key!
They seem to try to put you down with comments and so called compliments sometimes to chip away at your self worth. When you do now allow their words or others opinions to define your self worth, they back away. . Keep your head up.
Another good segment. It took me one month to start thinking my boss was/is a Narcissist. After 2 months of hell I had to quit my job. I did not have friends, 32 year relationship had ended and both parents are dead and she was asking all kinds of questions and she took advantage of it. Wish I had seen your videos earlier but I never ever thought about Narcissist until working for one.
The last narc told me (by dating) that his ex-partner said, that there is tendency to narcissim. . So this person made a psychological by free will. But where’s smoke, there’s fire. And narcs can also trick tests. Afortunately, I left on the second day and this person got wild and angry. So, this was the confirmation (beside other traits). Very fine video! Many many thanks! It’s all tru what you say! 👌
Just an interesting observation about my past relationship with a narcissist not all narcissists are going to ask a whole bunch of questions and try to figure you out. you do have those who do almost all of the talkin and hopefully they'll think that by them doing all the talkin you will voluntarily begin to give out information about yourself on your own. My ex could not stop talking about himself and he was always the victim but he was very sweet and soft-spoken so he figured that I would see the type of person he was feel sorry for him and then I would indulge my own experiences with him in order to make him feel at ease or better about his plight( which by the way 99% of the stories you tell us are made up anyway) and then that's when the Trap was set.
I have met an empath who has been under narc rule all his life so he has adapted the narc traits but he is just a severely wounded and unhealed person. Sometimes an empath can attract another empath who shows narc traits...I know this because I have spent ten years working out my stuff and realizing where I myself was displaying these traits which were actually not me at all...it's just that mindset is so prevalent these days you can hardly escape it. He is very insecure and doesn't have much of a sense of self...he is and has been a people pleaser...so I'm just going to approach this from my new found skill set to practise my own boundaries and to show him that I will respect his boundaries also which are also pretty non existent. Sometimes a situation like this can be a healing moment for both parties...but unless you are very in tune and aware and self assured I would not take a chance either...but then again I have to realize how other people also poured knowledge and wisdom into me even when I was not ready to recieve it. He may not understand what is happening right now but whenever he is ready it will all come back to either help him or bite him in the ass ☺️
Enaah the Virgo and being Virgo’s we are often so self critical and service oriented by nature and so we can be naive in terms of giving & trusting others while questioning ourselves. Struggling with that personally.
@@wildlightarts arrrggghhhh😫 I hate being so trusting to people who don't deserve it. But you're right, I don't like seeing people at their worst and I just want to get them to level up.. Im working on that too hunn. We just want people to live their best lives. And we don't have that same energy when it comes to ourselves sometimes
Enaah the Virgo 🌸 I can so relate! It’s deep work to overcome all the programming, especially when it starts in childhood. Reparenting is something I’ve been practicing too. Dear Universe, Can we get credits and results for this somewhere? 💕🕊✨
Leah C my ex narc once confessed that he was jealous of me. When I mentioned it afterwards, he tried to gaslight me into thinking he’d never said it at all and that I was projecting my insecurities. It’s interesting how sometimes they slip up like that.
glad to hear someone else say it. it's like little things he would say almost as if for the benefit of someone else who's in on the joke. "im bad news". "im a slut, all right". "im not Westley"
Leah C Yes! Danger 🚨 alert They have this uncanny way of communicating that seems “ off “ but we either ignore it, minimize it, brush it off or rationalize it. We need to Pay Attention to our inner alarm going off, not dismiss it. We let our mind play tricks on us and they know this.
I think the reverse is true. They intentionally show insincere empathy when it benefits them, and the truth comes out when they don't want or need you. Narcissists lack emotional empathy, so they have nothing to withhold. Researchers have seen evidence of this on brain scans where the part of the brain responsible for empathy in a narcissist is "thin."
Common Ego Interesting, I would tend to agree they mimic empathy cause my narc bf had none. He told me my empathy/compassion was my best trait when we first started dating. I did not know then that he was a narcissist but once I figured it out we watched a tear jerker and he didn’t even flinch, stone cold while my heart was racing and eyes in tears. He said , “ya it’s sad “ without any emotion whatsoever, emotionally flatlined guy. Narc Test 👍😉
@@CommonEgo Wow. Interesting their brain scans show differences from other people's brains. Yeah, they just don't have empathy. If they did, they wouldn't be able to do what they do. No one with real empathy can be cruel on purpose to anyone else.
Julia LeGrande , my spouse once told me he was a nice guy and never treated anybody mean on purpose. Then I pointed out when he said this and this and that and the other, etc. He acknowledged they were all mean comments, then he walked away and never thought about that discussion again. I’m liking these videos.
Through your videos I have learned more about my soon-to-be ex-wife. She suffers from borderline personality disorder and started watching your videos on narcissistic behaviors. After watching this one it made it very apparent that she was very monetarily dependent upon me. She inherited a lot of money and once she did she left me. I look back on the beginning of our relationship and the how she followed the blueprint of what you are describing. I was coming out of a divorce and recently single. She loved bombed me to death etc. Then the BPD and narcissist behaviors started. You are spot on ! Thanks for all that you do for us!
James G BPD and narcissism(NPD) are two different personality disorders from the same category, the so-called Cluster B, they also share this category with the antisocials(ASPD) and the histrionics(HPD). Cluster B types are known for their manipulation, love bombing, devaluation and general craving for attention. Your ex may not actually be a narcissist, but there are a lot of overlapping traits that make Cluster Bs in general something to beware of, so you’re in the right place here. It’s best to go no contact.
@@rainpooper7088 thank you... she is the poster child for both disorders. I was sucked into the excitement of her for years then the table turned and was the victim. She talked about friends, ex husband and others that she cut off from life. Just a matter of time before it was my turn !
Something is chemically wrong with their brains . I think definitely ,it’s more spiritual issue with the narcissist . Once, this relationship ends, I think , I need a few years to remain single after being in a six year relationship.
A couple women i've been with have done every single one of these. I also think societally women are respecting mens boundaries less and less and use emotional manipulation 'if you loved me you would..' , 'you're scared of commitment', bringing other people into the conversation (parents, friends, other third parties) to triangulated you. I am a 'fixer', but I've been going to psychotherapy to get better at setting my boundaries with my mom and women I date. Thank you for this video.
The fake empathy thing is the worst, because they can really suck you in, really sound genuine, and make you think you’ve met Prince Charming. But have you ever seen them say something fake to impress you, and it insults you in a way they absolutely didn’t expect? They are absolutely flummoxed when their fake empathy goes awry and they might even flee, which is how you know it was fake. Their one perfect sentence went totally wrong, but you don’t see them sitting down with you to hold your hand or make you a nice cup of tea. They’re out of there. There are times when they do insult you on purpose, but this is when their fake empathy doesn’t fly with you, in a way that they totally didn’t expect...
The covet narc across the street is so uncannily perceptive to me that I sometimes think he has bugged my house or may be listening to my conversations. Having left a neighborhood covert narc HOA nightmare before moving here I tried to throw this covert narc off my track. He figured it out quickly. He got angry as I established boundaries and he went straight to triangulation and once again I am in a covert narc prepared neighborhood isolation scenario.
You also should mention testing your vanity and gullibility. They flatter you with compliments and random gifts and they test how you receive it. If you receive it with gratitude, and you don't see anything odd about a random person gifting you this expensive rollex out of the blue, you got the bait.
Holy crap!!! I was the absolut PERFECT target for the narc!! Oh my! :(
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They like to play shrink Did you get along w ur dad? (codependent) What were u like in HS, college? (loose boundaries) Did ur parents ignore u growing up? (neediness) And the narcs who don't ask anything are worse. That's probably because they think they're too superior.
I wasn’t abused when I was child 🧒🏾 but I think I’m empath person and wonder why I except this kind of people into my life when I learn I am an empath I start watching out.
omg yes. I moved to another country. and although getting out of the old circles and further away from those traumas and people helped... I was like a limp sitting duck with an accent... After one year It feels like I met so many awful people. It is hard because its super obvious mot of the time but I felt so lonely and I need good things to happen... I do feel i got a big crash course In the narcisssist museum. PLEASE TELL ME YOUVE SEEN MIDSOMMAR? ty for your videos
how about a bereavement counselor? and she would even say the whole point of the group is about me,, giggle giggle.. Also, she would say "I'm not doing my job unless I can get you to cry" we did become friends+ and ended our 'grey' professional relationship. But then we hit one of my boundaries, that she mirrored, and bam gone. The problem was I was suffering because my late wife(and thanks to this friend I figured it out) developed a lot of covert narc traits later in her life, so I was working through that. Also with my past trauma I have a problem with toxic loyalty.
Your videos bring clarity to my last long term relationship of eleven years. Looking back I can say with confidence that she was a narcissist. It was a confusing, emotionally abusive period of my life. Moving on hasn't been easy....
Domestic violence abuser do the same as they test you right from the beginning & know from your verbal & nonverbal responses if the can control & manipulate you within minutes of meeting you
when admitting fault or apologizing they will give a delighted smirk. It's different from the expression of absolution or gratitude or relief given by someone who receives a deserved apology. It's kinda like, 'ah I have an advantage now.' or 'Haha! I am going to win!' When I first saw it, I didn't understand what I was seeing. I knew it was sinister, but it didn't make sense to me based on my assumptions about them. I was confused because I assumed they didn't want me to stay, that they wanted me to go away, and I wanted to win them over. When I apologized what I was really doing was taking the blame and shifting my boundaries to accommodate them. similar when I tell them I want to respect their privacy. It indicates to them that they can easily hide things from me if they want.
So what I wrote down from this is: 1.Be empathetic, but don't go out of your way to help someone you barely know 2.Be vulnerable, but share gradually, as the person proves their trustworthiness to you 3.Cultivate strong healthy relationships with family and friends (who could call the narc out if you tell them stories, because narcs prefer victims who don't have many outside people to help them detach and see them for what they are) 4.Set boundaries and stand your ground if those boundaries are being broken (say No)
Test me? Lol she didn't have to. I just told her when we got together that I was used by my familly and friends many times and then discarded like trash, leaving me very vulnerable. She took my hand, looked me in the eyes and told me she will never even think about doing that. In hindsight she was probably thinking 'Jackpot!'
I was with a narcissist for 3 years, my advice is - pay attention to what they say, how they act. Narcissists are very negative and will not compliment others or say nice things about others. Sure they will say nice things about YOU during the lovebombing stage but…. Pay attention closely to how they are around strangers. How do they act in traffic? When being tested? When being blamed? When I’m an argument or disagreement. If they get very angry or go silent treatment there’s your answer. Healthy people are able to communicate properly and remain calm most of the time. My ex was always happy at the start and then the more I saw him and knew him, that happy later just melted away and all he did was moan about others, make snide degrading comments about strangers- such as how they walk or how they dress. If you don’t agree they say they’re ‘only joking’ and you need to ‘lighten up’ But putting down others is not a way to bond, I know so many people who will sit there on a bench and put down strangers who are walking around them. I always thought, what the hell? This is wrong. So I got rid of all of those people and am mostly alone but I have my kids, and I will only allow positive people in my life
History of abuse as well as profiling; questions to learn hot buttons to use against you one day. Mine asked if I ever wanted to marry again ( on first date) then proceeded to use it against me like it was a terrible quality. His occupation is a Judge, he was a 10 out of 10 check list after I learned more about “ his “ type. Did not see him coming and lost 5 years. Thanks for your video.
This is true, looking back at the beginning I was asked about my life, childhood, etc. very early on and when I looked at her she was the most attentive I ever seen her, extremely absorbent... 1. 1:32 2. 3:58 3. 7:11 4. 8:23 5. 10:21
The one test I repeatedly failed was the "let's see what I can get them to change test". One Narc told me they wouldn't date a person who eats meat. I immediately stop eating meat. The good news is the relationship didn't last, but I haven't eaten meat for over 15 years . Another one asked me to stop doing certain grooming habits and to grow a beard. Both experiences were literally on the first date. It is a boundary issue on my part. Oh!! Fun with NARCs. Thank you for all the information you have put out. It has helped out a ton!!!
These tests are usually only obvious in hindsight until we know some of the red flags. Do you feel like you were tested in any of these ways? Have you noticed others?
Randy Deibert there’s no such thing as an empath. There are however, people who are just very sensitive
Holy crap... I was grieving the death of my mother from Nov 25 2017,... Jan 1 2018 my then wife asked for a divorce. Jan 19th my ex-girlfriend started talking to me. April 2018 I am moving in with her because she can't afford to live by herself with her daughter. She needed my car to get to and from work. A few months later I am being told how I am always sulking around the house and bringing everyone down. I was mourning the loss of my mother and my 15yr marriage and thought I found my soulmate. Looking back i never was allowed to mourn. When i would break down, she wouldn't console me. And later I would be made to feel weak. Hindsight is 20/20. I just wanted love and to be loved and have someone to hug and support me. My ex-wife was a habitual cheater and after learning so much about my ex-girlfriend, she was most likely a narcissist as well. It is sickening how much my ex-gf preyed upon my emotions and manipulated me through intimacy (I don't just mean sex) .I started to drink heavily to numb myself. I would be told I drink too much and that's why we don't have sex. Then she would text and ask if i need beer, or if i could stop and buy some. I am free from her garbage, and sober. But the pain remains
To take the blame, obviously. When someone said to me: "You're so protective to him" I started to realize something was wrong, and now I really know.
Yes, the last 2 narc relatives in my life tested me for supply by telling me I was the only family member who reached out and helped them and how grateful they were to me. Live bomb. Pretty soon they'd moved near me and were financially and emotionally tapping me out and at the same time treating me with disdain. And trying to control me with angry outbursts and/or hostile silent
Sometimes when a person says "Well yes they did emotionally abuse me or did this or that wrong, but I also did some pretty bad things..." it isn't always saying that it was ok that they treated you that way. It's not always trying to justify their sin. It's you saying I know that I need forgiveness, therefore I understand they too need forgiveness and I forgive them. Two completely different things.
From my experience they look for people that are nice,naive and non-confrontational.
Yes highly agreeable people
And those who are wounded and desperate for acceptance.
yup its a trap
I suppose that was true when we met but over time I became very volatile and he seemed to thoroughly enjoy that, too.
I'm the opposite of all those things. Once we're close and I care about you, I'll be super kind and empathetic, but I am not nice. I'm straightforward, opinionated, disillusioned and confident, I make a lot of joke's at the other person's expense and now that I think about it, it might be my own test that I've come up with. Making jokes at the narcissist's expense unmasks them very efficiently 😁 I attract narcissists like light attracts moths though, courtesy of my lovely narcissistic parents. I should say that they also attract me the same way, thanks trauma bond. I've never lasted more with 3 months with one though, I either broke up with them because I got fed up with their bs or they ghosted me. So I've never actually experienced a devaluation phase and I count myself lucky.
1- test your boundaries
2- chase you when they meet you
3- look for empathetic, helpful, people
4- someone who is their total oposite
5- they lack emotional empathy
6- they don't care for you
7- they use you
8- they make you feel sorry for them
9- watch family relations and friends to identify vulnerability
10- they ask blunt questions right away and search for intrigues
11- they ask for prior breakups and abuse
12- they lie about caring for you
LOL I guess I shoulda gone out with the guy who said he didn't care about me. At least he was ttuthful and not a narcissist.
@@wms72funny. Ugggg this sounds like my wife .........
They want to rush into “closeness” very pushy not an organic relationship of building trust and bonding. It has to be instant and always asking for favors to see if you’re a people pleaser.
Yes asking for favors! Mine called, can you buy a cake for me at the bakery. about 40$.
She drives by it every day and I don´t. She was raging when I told her no. She allways talked about how intense she was:)
Yes! Easiest way to suss them out.
This is so true!!! Its like their core values of trying to create friendships is "fake it till you make it!!!!!" Lmao how ironic is that 😅😅😅😅😅
@@forpersonalreferencingonly2536 "Fake it till you make it" Yep all the way!:)
Bmore Mom spot on 💯
1.Empathy
2.Vulnerability
3.History of Abuse
4.Likely you are to take blame
5.High quality
Oh i cant believe! All are true!
Dumb question maybe: what does high quality represent/mean in this situation?
The "high quality" feature is very true.
Vulnerability, I’m very close to my family and have a core group of great friends so idk how I was vulnerable
@@bridgettebianchi9315 someone from which the narcissist can gain benefit. A home, money, security... etc
I think that talking about all the "terrible stuff" their exes did and observing your reaction would also count as testing the ground
Rad K my ex narc used to tell me all these crazy stories and said that all his exes were psychotic and would “slut-shame” his ex for being a stripper. I came across her FB a couple months later and she was in a very happy relationship reposting things about escaping domestic abuse.
I got the same from mine but I knew early on they were probably great people bc you can’t date all crazy people!!!?!
and it worked at first, but it got old fast. I also watched dating videos and complaining about ex's is a red flag so as we moved from friends to more than friends we didn't get far, because of that.
They like to test people’s boundaries, how much bs you allow them to do to you. Set the boundaries straight from the beginning and take a distance.
This. In the context of friendships, they may "borrow" your things without asking, wear your clothes without asking, go into your room without permission, eat your food, ignore you when you're talking about something they dont directly benefit from, put you down in front of others...and see if you will continue to let them use you for anything you may be providing to them. These people are disgusting parasites
@@RotationAxle Can you help me? I have best friend of 10 years. At the beginning of our friendship, he asked to borrow a class photo of us. When I asked for it back, he said that I said he could keep (I said borrow, not keep). Then he said, his mom threw it away. I didn't want to throw away my new friendship so I forgave him and he was relieved. Also, he would make playful jokes like, "that van is gonna kidnap you", or "they are looking for you". Any time our sports team lost, he would playfully say "it's your fault" or "you're bad luck". It seemed like it was all in good fun and I never really took offense. I just view him as immature. I remember he told me, that he thought I was weird at first but grew to like me. In my experience, anyone that calls me weird is heavily projecting, and so after breaking up with one if his old GFs, he asked me what is wrong with him that made he abuse his cats. Me being a good friend, I said, " you're just very stressed...". He started to develop an attachment towards me but only when he would go on breaks with his new GF. He would have lots of fights with this new GF. I actually decided to break off the friendship right here, until for a couple of months. Supposedly he was depressed because he missed me and even his GF said to him, "You got your little friend back".
He would fight a lot with this GF and would come to my home without notice to "surprise" me but only when they were fighting or on breaks. He would say, "I'm taking you out". Sometimes I'm eating lunch or dinner when he "surprises" me. He would asked, "what you're eating?", and he would try to pick my food of my plate. I would say no, and he would say to share because of all the great things he has done for me (he has been very generous and very supportive, but so have I). I replied, "What is wrong with you?". And then after I would be done eating and we are in his car, he would say, "we are running late because of you". This here probably goes back to "we lost because you are bad luck" .
Then a couple of months later, we get in a heated argument. One of his crush since HS (now single mom) invites him for drinks at a bar. I drank a little too much and didn't like how he was just stringing along that girl. He's been stringing her along ever since HS, using her and playing games. He doesn't like her back and never will. Me being drunk, I told her that we are off to meet other girls at another bar. That really ticked him off. But it was something I felt that that girl needed to hear at the time. I told her, I am sorry, but he doesn't like you. She started to cry a little. He got mad at me, said, I shouldn't have said that no matter what. It got pretty heated, I started walking away because I was drunk and I would have clock him. I don't think he liked it me turning my back to him. He is not a threat to me. He screamed at me loud, "Where are you going? GET BACK HERE!" I said, "fuck you!" as I walked away.
As I am booking a ride back home, he finds me and said very calmed amd relaxed, "it's okay, I'll take you back". I am like, "he looks calmed down, um, okay". We actually do go to the other bar to meet other women. And something I will never forget, one of the girl compliments him, "you are a girly man, but I like that".
If you made it to here, than you.
@@DwyaneWadeCounty I think he is a narcissist and he is pretty much using you. If you want to be sure, ask him something that you supposedly need - help, money anything and he don't, and see how he reacts.
@@DwyaneWadeCounty I can't say whether or not your friend has NPD, but I think your descriptions do at least indicate strong narcissistic tendencies. I see him not respecting boundaries and feeling a sense of entitlement to your things. Make sure you continue maintaining boundaries even if it might cause conflict - he's not entitled to the food on your plate. The little digs he makes at you also sound like a way to "put you in your place" so that he can create the perception that he's superior in order to make you feel as though you're lucky he wants you around so that you won't leave (this is manipulation.) It's normal to have disagreements with long time friends and for us to get annoyed with some of the things they do, but in this case it sounds like you're growing disgusted with his personality in general and might be better off going no contact or at least greatly minimizing his role in your life(like he just becomes the guy you go to bars with, nothing more.) If you find that he is a constant drain on your self confidence and self worth and you really don't get much enjoyment out of spending time with him, then its time to get rid of him. There are billions of people on this planet and it won't be the end of the world if you kick him to the curb and find some new people to hang out with.
@@riverdance8623 I agree with that suggestion. If there's an extensive history of all take and no give, that's one of the clear indicators he's dealing with a narcissist
My ex often asked whether I’d been sexually abused before so I eventually opened up about a negative experience I’d had thinking it would help us grow. In response to my fairly mild story he put on the most pathetic sobbing act I have ever witnessed, wiping away non existent tears, shaking and dry sniffing it was almost comical, I was baffled at the time but I now know it was his attempt at looking empathetic. I should have listened to my gut before things escalated.
It wasn't your fault. I'm trying to tell myself that too. It's hard to believe that someone we care so much about can do that, but we have to in order to heal.
lmao they cannot act to save their lives esp if they're trying to look empathetic, they fail hard because it's so cringey. They are superficial to the highest degree
Mine never cried... Looking back its kind of scary
Lol, that is hilarious! I guess not all narcs are good actors.
My narcissistic partner did the same, only he would repeatedly ask how my family life/dynamics were as a child. He would even try to get me to open up by, sharing a traumatic experience he had with one of his parents, eventually I did open up. That was a mistake, as I shared my experience he was eerily quiet and didn't have much to say, although he was the one who did all the pushing.
One of the biggest tests is to see if you’re emotionally reactive. They will do things to push your buttons to see if you give them any reaction (supply). All the narcs I previously dated and had relationships with did this. It’s my #1 red flag I look for now. That and love bombing/pushing boundaries. When you react they know they have a keeper. 😡
My narcissist sister in law was the opposite. When I didn't react and kept quiet about it she conitued the abuse. Now thinking back, how I wish I disgraced her even though she had no shame.
Yeah that's one of the main things they do is get you emotionally invested in them. Or do things just to get you to react emotionally so you fall into the subjective emotional trap. Then you start thinking like that rather than doing or thinking about things objectively and logically.
Narcissists will provoke you then give you silent treatment and purposely ignore you until you go insane
Demonic…
Yup that’s it, they’re looking for someone they can offload their negative emotions onto. If you don’t let them, they’ll lose interest.
They are a complete and total blight to humanity as there is very little human about them other than the biological structure.
I am almost 63. Victims of these predators are lucky now what to know the signs are of these demented and destructive creeps are.
Deepest gratitude for the tremendous effort you put forth and the wisdom you disseminate.
Thank you! ❤🙏 I'm also very thankful for all the info that's available today. I wish they taught this stuff in schools
Common ego......this is a fallen world and is extremely PERVASIVE. Now that the secret is out..more people will be spared complete ruin and even quite possibly DEATH. I kid you NOT.
You are a precious and adorable young woman.
Continue the invaluable role you perform in exposing this horrific darkness.
I'll be 63 next month. I grew up with narcissistic parents and two older sisters who also had NPD. Naturally, I married NPDs and worked for them too, what a nightmare. I never would have figured it out if not for Common Ego and similar channels.
Karma hits the narcissist when he search for a empath and end up with a psychopath.
Psychopath is the beter actor with fake empathie...
Katarina Tibai we can hope! Lol
That's sociopath miss katarina psychopath can have both narcissist and sociopathic tendency. They might turn people into a lamp shade or keep their head in a fridge or something really horrible and/or disturbing.
Would love to see that!
Hannibal Lector
They usually don't get along from the start. Too much ego on both sides.
Yes, it is important for them to find out whether you are isolated from the start. As an expat, I can confirm this. It is a very common first question.
My ex narc husband started right away with telling me we have "real love", and that we are soulmates. He gave me a major sob story about how cruel his ex wives were to him. He said I was his gift from God. He said he had never met anybody like me. Now that I know what narcissism is, in hindsight all the signs were there.
yeeeah ... that "soulmate" thing ...
This is beyond scary and on point, my ex did exactly this when me met 🤔
Yes they make you feel so special. "you are the best thing that has ever happened to me" and that--- "we are Ying and yang" 😒😒😒😒😝
I just lived the same story. In a few months I was taken and discarded. Glad I'm rid of him and the story of his broken marriage 20 years ago.
@liz Florence Amen to that, Liz. 😔
Quick test on the first date, friends: they take food from your plate without asking, just to see how you react.
Whoa. You are right
Boundary testing, trying to see if you will call them out for their entitlement. They think, what's yours is theirs
I can spot these evil people a mile away. It’s actually the only good thing about the hell i went through for 32 years. She taught me the difference between good and evil and thats very important for my entirety. So I regret nothing because she must have been in my life to teach me this. I wish her no harm and have no desire to expose her. Her being gone is good enough for me. Through her ive seen the true face of evil.
I find that when God is in my life, Narcs are out. God bless
I have found that to be so true!!
Talk about your faith from the begining! And watch the narc(evil) leave. It's so simple! They hate GOD.
I have found the exact opposite to be be true. When I was religious, narcissistic people would use that fact to manipulate me. For example, using God or the Bible as excuses to take advantage of you.
@@nickoncomputer9081 I agree with you, that was my experience too.
I think that the closer you are to God, the better your discernment becomes so you can better repel narcissists but being religious or loving definitely DOES NOT repel many narcissists.
@@nickoncomputer9081 Same. In fact, I was briefly friends with a narc who basically would tell me bad stuff was only happening to me because I didn't trust in god and didn't go to church. Yeah, that made me even more wary of religious people and religion, in general. And I found even more narcs when I WAS going to church, it's one of the biggest reasons I stopped going. All the hypocrisy and acting as if they were better than non-religious people, while doing stuff they weren't supposed to be doing and not living "by the word of god" was just too much for me.
Amen. God bless You
Encounter one narcissist??? LOL I hoard them like toilet paper.
@O k Same
Excellent... They force themselves into your life, then they remove all your family and friends and all your support system. They want you to have no one but them, and then you are had. If anyone wants to know about your family history, dump their a**...and quick. They hope to find someone broken and needing someone to love you or take care of you. Love your self, take care of your self. Don't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. They def want to know your history of abuse, because, they want someone who will put up with their abuse.
I am now all alone in foreign country with my covert narcissist husband. He didn't want me to bond any relationships here because everyone envy him and everything he have. We are in love bombing phase now, but his mask started to fade slowly, something seemed off to me but i didnt what so I started to study psychology of relationships until I realized that I am married to a narcissist. Now I am really scared that I don't be able to get back to my family with all this pandemic situation until it's too late. 😥 God help me!
@@riverdance8623 establish a lifeline with family and friends over skype. Keep your passwords to yourself (and have a password on your comupter (even for your username if you have a common one) and one for your phone. Meaning even if it lies around, and your leave for a short time, no one can browse the content, because it shoon goes on standby and you need the PW to get access (and do not have an abvious pw, or one he would know of or could guess, I think on the computer you have more than 3 tries).
Have a working phone and have it charged at all times.
See that you get your hands on money (either cash, keep it hidden - or maybe an account that you only know of - who opens the mail and sees incoming letters - from the bank ?) cash banknotes tightly wrapped and hidden among lady's hygiene products - a place where no man would search.
If need be and you have no income, take a cut from household expenditures and put some money inconspicuously aside, so you can finance a flight home.
Are there any helplines you can call (during lockdown)? They might refer you to groups you can bond with. They start loosening the lockdown in most countries, so your husband should be out of the house at some point.
Do you have a Western Union nearby, could family send you money ? Do you have your passport and other documents, necessary to leave the country ?
@@riverdance8623 Be nice, do not make him suspicious, be submissive and bite your tongue if need be - but do you own thing anyway and build your backup (so you have a way out). (I hope you do not have children, and make sure NOT get get pregnant - rely on yourself not on him using condomes etc.).
these people are very dangerous to empaths,they will literally steal your soul and can serious damage if one does not see it coming,,,trust me from experience.I am now a survivor and was one of the lucky ones that recovered.
Very dangerous, indeed. So glad you've recovered...many are still walking that path towards healing and unfortunately, there are those that will walk their healing paths in the future. Feel for them the most.
Did you guys date a girl named Simone by any chance? She was my ex and I heard she "got around" quite a bit if you know what I mean! She is about as bad a Narc as you can get.
@@chrispayne750 Nope. Not me, man. My narc ex is a fairly well known youtube tarot reader with a pretty good following and her name is not Simone.
Weird how I thought about starting a narc website to where everyone could post their narc's name, pic, and story in order to warn others.
@@chrispayne750 nope not me
You just described my husband.
CN's ARE SO SWEET & THOUGHTFUL, and they simply adore you. And then you feel something said or done is foreign to what you are used too; well, it's a TEST. If another jab hits your gut as odd, even rude, and this happens a second and third time, get yourself out of there. Don't EVER get angry or jealous or try and talk sense. Just remember the door out of the relationship is always open so there is no need to get pissed off. Just hit the road running and cut all ties.
Hi.
Yes that is absolutely true you are on point.
They some how recognize the person dealing with a break up and catch you.
PEOPLE REMEMBER TO LISTEN YOUR BODY AND YOUR EMOTIONAL SIGNALS.
THEY WILL REACT IN THE BEGGINING, YOU WILL FEEL DRAINED. THEY WILL COPY YOU BUT YOU CAN FEEL IT IN YOUR BODY AND YOUR EMOTIONS WILL BE SOMEHOW OFF.
PLEASE REMEMBER THAT.
I MA 37 YEARS OLD MAN AND I AM JUST PERFECT TARGET FOR THEM.
Thank you very much for the great video.
I wish you all the best.
They’ll do something abruptly and see how you react, like you’ll be laughing and having fun and for no reason they’ll pull a face and get serious. Or you’ll establish a pattern with them that you walk home together and they’ll say, “Oh tonight I’m walking with so and so and we’re doing this” that seems benign but you feel like something feels forced. Like in that case, it was a Narc friend and she didn’t invite me, told me details in a way to provoke jealousy “I’m gonna hang with this couple, they have a car, and we’re gonna get high” (I don’t even smoke) and it’s just so awkward cause they’re happily letting you know you’re excluded and studying your reaction. Even repeating this sounds petty and they know it. It can be as simple as your friend suddenly ignoring you or taking your seat or fawning on someone you both don’t like. Look for someone trying to get you to react and think about them when you should be concentrating on yourself or what you’re doing.
Tamara Young
Exactly 👌 well stated
what kind of reaction are they looking for when they do this?
Lover_ ofChrist These are examples of their mask slipping. Once you allow yourself to tune in, you’ll feel it. You’ll feel uncomfortable, confused, and they don’t try to smooth things over. Many people will try to be nicer at this point to make the weird feeling go away. You’ll tell yourself you did something but that’s where the answer usually is, you haven’t done anything . And that’s the reaction they want, your energy, you thinking about them, worrying about why they’ve changed, wanting to get back in their good graces or at least for things to not be so awkward. It’s called the Narcissistic doo doo test.
wow, well explained. thank you.
Lover_ ofChrist
Shock and offended
They want us to feel hurt to be excluded and show our pain
They are testing us to see how much we care and how we will react when hurt, what our facial expression is and our body language.
I was the "new kid" at school over at dozen times growing up. Even at an early age I determined that the kids who were all over me the first few days in a new class were never the kids I wanted at my birthday party later on in the year. My own attachment issues caused me to mistake their behavior for a flaw of my own. Of course it was always the popular, status driven children who behaved this way. Truer friends revealed themselves at a slower pace.
Really? So all "popular" kids are Narcs? Lol.
You were really mature as a kid. This is a thing I noticed only in my 20. When people rush to be in relationships with you they usually do it out of curiosity and not of genuine interest because when you don't meet up their expectations these people will reject you at the same level as they were onto you and if you are sensitive you will be devastated and believe the problem is you. Most of my real freindships came later in date and it was never with people who forced themselves onto me. Freindships is build on trust and trust take time to build so when I see someone rushing to be my friend I restrain myself
@@valerieparker2242 No but the popular and sometimes shallow kids take the lead to look cool and show they are in control. Probably at least one budding narc in their clique.
I went to different schools and encountered the same thing. In fact, a couple times some other kids warned me not to get my hopes up - they would probably drop me.
And then call me a loser for not being good enough to be one of them...
oddly, the more friends i began hanging with after i knew him, the more he chose to dismiss and devalue me.
This clearly relates to a narcissist seeking a sexual relationship, rather than a narcissist that one might encounter at work, or in a friendship group. I worked for two years for a very narcissistic technical director of an engineering company. His fellow directors were not dissimilar. They recruited people with empathy, with experience and ability, and who cared about other people. His narcissism showed through in the way that he managed people, and his grandiose plans. Firstly he would talk to you about social matters as if you were his best friend. He’d agree with everything you said, and he enthused about everything. You could say he was charismatic. It was fun for a year. But then over time his attitude to work became « here are your orders ». He would use phrases like « we might need to think about this » which was code for « he might think about this » or « we need to change this » meaning « you will make the changes I give you ». When I did as required, he was so enthusiastic, praising me as brilliant. In short, I was being manipulated into being an unthinking servant, with no input to the decision making process. It was soul destroying. Out of eight staff, four resigned after getting the christmas bonus. Two left, one was persuaded to stay another year for a large pay rise, and one was pursuaded to stay by improved working conditions eg working two days a week from home. I couldn’t stomach staying any longer even with hints that I could ask for a big pay rise. I can work on a modest salary if I like the job, but money can’t compensate for a horrendous work environment. In thirty years I’ve met narcissistic people, usually if not always educated at expensive private schools. But this one was very special, and stood out. Out of six staff, five agreed that he had no empathy and he was self absorbed. One said he was a sociopath. I’ve never met someone whose whole being is based on manipulation of other people. He once told me off for the way I said good morning when I arrived. Apparently I had too much happiness in my voice. Well, he cured that.
1. They test your boundaries to see whether you notice something is off from their usual "nice" behaviour.
2. Empathy - They will have some sob story, usually about failed relationships because the other person hurt them, to see whether you believe them or respond with compassion and therefore easier to manipulate.
3. They are over familiar and ask intrusive questions - I thought they were just being friendly and wanted to know me as a person.
My ex asked me all these personal questions on our first date. I didn't realize that he was trying to find the weak points in my armor so that he could go in for the kill later, I genuinely thought that he was asking to see if we had stuff in common.
I was a sitting duck 🙄 he saw me coming. I was 21, he was 31. I had moved hundreds of miles to a new city. No friends or family. Issues from childhood too. I was a great target..
Thank you for this great video x
They will definitely try to get close very quick, ask questions about your boyfriends, exes, your clients etc. that might seem to some people like "what an interested person!" but actually they scout for information, to pull your strings and make you feel dependant upon them for "counselling you" or "supporting you" and "being such a special interested person" but actually it is just a game to have new supply of admiration and resources and dependant sheep for the narsissist. This is especially with covert narsissist.
I was going through all this BS with a narcissist whom I considered to be my best friend. Especially testing boundaries and finding out about my vulnerablilities.
You're videos are really helping me go grey rock. I noticed that the Narcs in my life are asking me how do I feel because they can't read me anymore. 😁
Your response brings clarification about people always "checking" on you are narcs
7:56 be careful when they disclose they were abused in order to get you to share something back
jesus christ. i practically came gift-wrapped
Your comment made me laugh...totally resonates. Down with all narcs!
This is what I think so often. My first ever boyfriend was emotionally abusive and was heading towards physical abuse, and you know how they say your first relationship tends to set the tone for your relationships going forward? After my last ex, I realized almost all the exes I had, had a lot of traits of my first boyfriend. That's when I realized, I have to change the type of people I'm looking for because I've learned to put up with a lot, not just from them, but from my family, as well, which have narcs in it, including very close family. I was tailor made for a narc.
BooDotBoo All of your boyfriends are probably modelling the relationship you have with one of your caregivers rather than the first boyfriend. Look in to reparenting, when you’ve put that inner work in, these people won’t be attractive to you anymore x
Omgsh that was a funny comment..hopefully u don't regift yourself.. I was totally feeling the comment
Me too! And he really asked me those questions.
YOU'RE HAIR IS POPPIN GIRL! LOOKING GOOD!!
I dated a narc in my late teens/early twenties. Getting away from her was like finally getting out from underneath a dumptruck that's been parked on your chest. 15 years later I unknowingly married a narc and the dumptruck is back.
Don’t share to much to soon.
This is a lesson I am just now learning
I've now seen six of your videos on Narcissist's and I just want to say thank you. The trama that came from that relationship has continued with a loop playing in my head even though the relationship ended a few years ago. You are really helping me understand how I was an easy target, nieve and you have empowered me, not with hatred, but with knowledge and awareness, bless you!
Sometimes when a person says "Well yes they did emotionally abuse me or did this or that wrong, but I also did some pretty bad things..." it isn't always saying that it was ok that they treated you that way. It's not always trying to justify their sin. It's you saying I know that I need forgiveness, therefore I understand they too need forgiveness and I forgive them. Two completely different things.
I agree and a non narc would see that, I would presume… but I think the point was that the narc reads that kind of statement differently, sees that as the weakness that makes you low hanging fruit… maybe a better way to handle these kinds of questions is to say something like, ‘I’ve had relationships that got got ugly and I learned how to recognize qualities in people that I cannot accept.’ … or ‘I learned to be a better judge of character’ … then, if you are talking or dating etc… to someone you barely know, and they press you for details, you can literally say, ‘I’d prefer not to talk about the details until we know each other better’ (this may make you seem less like low hanging fruit) or you could say the same thing in another way, like ‘let’s drive with the headlights on and get to know each other for a while’ or something like that. I’m just guessing at this point though. I really don’t know, Im still in development. I just don’t have a high EQ naturally. But, my policy is to keep boundaries in the beginning at this point.
Im the case who moved across the world for new job. No friends or family support/network and relying a lot on the narc for language and other issues.
He knew my job and work place, where i lived. meanwhile he lived in a nearby town and our meetings were all at my town. He was able to keep the relationship secret for 1 year.
Because i worked full time and finished late shifts (he knew exactly i wasn't hanging out and making new friends) then we would meet on my days off and hang just the 2 of us.
He didn't have a steady job so was living off his patents money or his own stuff..so all the week i was working he could be doing anything like looking/ finding someone or sth better.
If ever confronted he would play the victim and always pop up with a gift or unasked favor to show how unappreciative i was.
like, he would clean the apartment and bought new appliances and even do grocery shopping for me (cause i was so tired after a week of work..and i also have s chronical illness) so i wouldnt dare to pick up an argument on how i havenr met any of his friends or family yet.
After my health deteriorated, i lost my job and all the perks and was utterly alone in thsi foreign country he got a temporary job in a very far city away, got new supply there and discarded me like shit.
and yeah all the devaluation started first: calling me "big nose" (as cute nickname), if i would say maybe ill go out theres2 this event he would say "yeah just dont fuck in the street.its cold".
He didnt even need to isolate me, i was isolated from the start. easy easy.
People pleaser or fixer...yep, that was me. I am a 'rescuer' by nature.
We can do that with healthy boundaries
I've watched many videos on the red flags, etc. But this one video summed it all up for me!! I know what I was doing wrong!! Thank you much! No more Narcs!!
These are totally accurate. Turns my stomach just listening to them and remembering. Hind sight is 20/20.
Apparently it’s all tricky! What a f’d world we live in.
Empathy test, loner, recent big emotional & vulnerable event, history of abuse, willing to take blame, they are looking for smart funny or a money earner or some quality they don’t have, but there’s not much you can do about that
I appreciate this angle for considering these dynamics. Thanks.
I began receiving the message “the White Horse leads the way” in June of last year. Now I know what it means. The four horsemen are here. Use the new moon in Aries to manifest the death of abuse! Good people will be spared!
OMG! that cognitive empathy thing answered a lot for me...
My ex was a very very good actor, I found his empathy very believable, how do I tell in future if someone is faking empathy?i especially found his empathy believable when he wasn’t the course of my suffering he seemed to only have trouble when it was his fault
It's so difficult. I talk about it a bit in my video about getting a narcissist to show his true colors. Just search True Colors on this channel and you should find it ❤
This is so true. Mine showed me really caring “empathy” one day I was crying over a hurtful work interaction with a client and he was all arms and kissing my tears and holding me and getting me to laugh and smile and feel better. It was a wonderful interaction and felt very intimately bonding. But if I’m crying or hurt by his harsh words to me or lack of empathy he showed over something, he invalidates my feelings and starts claiming how he doesn’t have these kinds of problems with anyone else and he can just watch me cry and only feel contempt. No self reflection until I have left and he’s worried I may leave him and then all I get is these empty fake apology’s with no real learning or growing because the same thing happens over and over. I can’t even suggest we do some needed work around the house as something productive to plan without him getting super defensive and think I’m criticizing him. I have to gently remind him repeatedly, even when I’m told I’m lying to myself because he likes to think for me, that I was not criticizing him why things weren’t done yet, only trying to be a team player like he always says he wished he had in a partner (strange thing is, I’m the only one who really knows how to work as a team).
After studying narcissism intently for a while, I'm able to recognize them now through intuition. I can kinda tell when I'm being love bombed and whether they're empathy is genuine. If they display callousness towards other people, but not you, it could be a sign that they're still idealizing you.
Yes. My ex knew I was highly empathetic and he mirrored that so well. Always talking about how he cared for this cause and that cause and that issue and people, in general. He'd even go off and find stuff to tell me about or, on social media, there was this other girl who was an activist, and he pretty much always likes or retweets her stuff. I thought it was weird because he rarely had posts of his own, they always came from her. When he and I got together, all his posts were from me, with some from her. When he and I broke up, he had a period where he was posting passive aggressive stuff about me, but eventually started just retweeting stuff from the first girl again. It's almost like he doesn't have a real personality of his own, he just latches onto people he sees or knows and if they leave, he has to find a new personality somewhere else.
It was also odd that during the first part of our relationship, he supported me being an activist and caring about others, but towards the end, he was mocking me and telling me I was dumb for caring about other people. Like, he had to be faking the whole time and when he got tired of it, he lashed out at me for still being that way, but that's how I had been since the start, so it was very confusing.
Yes, mine was also very good at acting! Sick creatures. I think the best way is to look for inconsistencies in their behaviours and set your boundaries.
One big thing that stands out to me is him seemingly innocently jokingly do things that would make me flinch, would make anybody flinch really, than act is if me flinching was an overreaction as a way to ask if I was abused.
Divorce. I met my borderline/covert narc/sociopathic ex 4 months out of a 15 year relationship/marriage. Yes. I was incredibly vulnerable, hurting, etc.
I'm glad you added the comment about also being on the lookout for narcissistic friends. Lots of people talk about this in the context of relationships but it is also very much alive in friendships - that was the situation i was stuck in. Thanks for cautioning against that as well as people expand their friend circle
This brought a memory to me regarding the ex POS I was married to ..who was actually disgnosed with anti-social personality!
I remember him telling some friends, "Suzy is the nicest person I ever met".
I firmly believe that the root of this issue is spiritual. It is simply the manisfestation of EVIL. They ate either demonically infested or outright possessed.
Very sick , predatory, sadistic, exploitive and dangerous charachter disordered people..
Tbh, the more I look into it, the more posession makes sense to me. So many common traits and behaviors! ❤🙏
Another word to watch out for is "sweet" as in, "You're so sweet." I find that the only people who say that are predatory narcs.
Yesssss they are DIB Demons In Bodies!!!!!
@@edennis8578 yessssssss that another word Wow!!!!
@@teetrustyah1849 Truth😂😂😂
I'm naturally kind, emotional, helpful, and incredibly open. When I find these people I tend to argue with them after they get a few digs at my receptiveness and their passive-aggressive games. It takes them off guard and they move on fast or use sympathy tactics to guilt me. I become a jerk to protect myself because I know my boundaries and rights are being tested. Then I'm the bad guy, heartless, and A, B, C, D etc. and countless other belittling, insulting accusations. At that point l tell them, "I can be fine without you." It really angers them and it's fun to watch them spazz out and break off ties to find another to run roughshod on WHILE they are with you and they want you to know. I hope the next target they find has the gall to go against them.
This is the key! This is what being healed looks like. They cannot stand for people they thought were weak/naive to stand up & tell them off & walk away. With practice & experience, this becomes easier & easier to do. Their reactions and hissy fits are priceless. Dare them to try with someone else. We should be making them second-guess whether they should really be doing this to people. If they keep getting their a** handed to them on a platter.
Best of all if you can slightly embarrass them in front of other people if they start stuff up. That will make them reconsider their behavior. Some people need to be taught a lesson.
We are weaken by the attraction sexual desire,the illusion of Love plus ignorance of mental illnesses.My husband only started making fun of the word Love after insisting in with me! Even then I thought he was just imitating " Prince Charles " or "Tina turner" I had no idea of the complexity of Prince Charles and or Tina Turner abuse. So I though how cute " He is not ready to say I love you! Like Charles...Said " What is Love? when interviewed in the early days of dating Diana! I really though " Oh So cute, he will! " unfortunately...NOT! DUPED by my own interpretation! Surviving is Key!
They seem to try to put you down with comments and so called compliments sometimes to chip away at your self worth. When you do now allow their words or others opinions to define your self worth, they back away. . Keep your head up.
Good stuff be careful about opening up to anyone
Another good segment. It took me one month to start thinking my boss was/is a Narcissist. After 2 months of hell I had to quit my job. I did not have friends, 32 year relationship had ended and both parents are dead and she was asking all kinds of questions and she took advantage of it. Wish I had seen your videos earlier but I never ever thought about Narcissist until working for one.
The last narc told me (by dating) that his ex-partner said, that there is tendency to narcissim. . So this person made a psychological by free will. But where’s smoke, there’s fire. And narcs can also trick tests.
Afortunately, I left on the second day and this person got wild and angry. So, this was the confirmation (beside other traits).
Very fine video! Many many thanks! It’s all tru what you say! 👌
Just an interesting observation about my past relationship with a narcissist not all narcissists are going to ask a whole bunch of questions and try to figure you out. you do have those who do almost all of the talkin and hopefully they'll think that by them doing all the talkin you will voluntarily begin to give out information about yourself on your own. My ex could not stop talking about himself and he was always the victim but he was very sweet and soft-spoken so he figured that I would see the type of person he was feel sorry for him and then I would indulge my own experiences with him in order to make him feel at ease or better about his plight( which by the way 99% of the stories you tell us are made up anyway) and then that's when the Trap was set.
Yes! He can’t stop talking about himself and his sob goddamn FAKE stories.
My ex played that card as well. Never asked questions about me.
I have met an empath who has been under narc rule all his life so he has adapted the narc traits but he is just a severely wounded and unhealed person. Sometimes an empath can attract another empath who shows narc traits...I know this because I have spent ten years working out my stuff and realizing where I myself was displaying these traits which were actually not me at all...it's just that mindset is so prevalent these days you can hardly escape it. He is very insecure and doesn't have much of a sense of self...he is and has been a people pleaser...so I'm just going to approach this from my new found skill set to practise my own boundaries and to show him that I will respect his boundaries also which are also pretty non existent. Sometimes a situation like this can be a healing moment for both parties...but unless you are very in tune and aware and self assured I would not take a chance either...but then again I have to realize how other people also poured knowledge and wisdom into me even when I was not ready to recieve it. He may not understand what is happening right now but whenever he is ready it will all come back to either help him or bite him in the ass ☺️
I don’t know what a normal person is supposed to act like cause I’ve been around them so long
Same.
Watch videos on healthy relationships
And Jesus Christ in man
Raised by one and have been with at least 3 of them. I'm not claiming to be a victim but I'm not saying that I wasn't primed for this.
Enaah the Virgo and being Virgo’s we are often so self critical and service oriented by nature and so we can be naive in terms of giving & trusting others while questioning ourselves. Struggling with that personally.
@@wildlightarts arrrggghhhh😫 I hate being so trusting to people who don't deserve it. But you're right, I don't like seeing people at their worst and I just want to get them to level up.. Im working on that too hunn. We just want people to live their best lives. And we don't have that same energy when it comes to ourselves sometimes
Enaah the Virgo 🌸 I can so relate! It’s deep work to overcome all the programming, especially when it starts in childhood. Reparenting is something I’ve been practicing too. Dear Universe, Can we get credits and results for this somewhere? 💕🕊✨
He told me in the beggining he was going to test me 😳
I think he slips the truth now and again.
Leah C my ex narc once confessed that he was jealous of me. When I mentioned it afterwards, he tried to gaslight me into thinking he’d never said it at all and that I was projecting my insecurities. It’s interesting how sometimes they slip up like that.
glad to hear someone else say it. it's like little things he would say almost as if for the benefit of someone else who's in on the joke. "im bad news". "im a slut, all right". "im not Westley"
@@JennyLane8666 Yup 👌
@@eresipel I'm sure he was xD
Leah C
Yes! Danger 🚨 alert
They have this uncanny way of communicating that seems “ off “ but we either ignore it, minimize it, brush it off or rationalize it. We need to Pay Attention to our inner alarm going off, not dismiss it. We let our mind play tricks on us and they know this.
We always learning constantly about narcs. Would you agree they intentionally withhold empathy.
I think the reverse is true. They intentionally show insincere empathy when it benefits them, and the truth comes out when they don't want or need you. Narcissists lack emotional empathy, so they have nothing to withhold. Researchers have seen evidence of this on brain scans where the part of the brain responsible for empathy in a narcissist is "thin."
Common Ego
Interesting, I would tend to agree they mimic empathy cause my narc bf had none.
He told me my empathy/compassion was my best trait when we first started dating. I did not know then that he was a narcissist but once I figured it out we watched a tear jerker and he didn’t even flinch, stone cold while my heart was racing and eyes in tears. He said , “ya it’s sad “ without any emotion whatsoever, emotionally flatlined guy. Narc Test 👍😉
@@CommonEgo Wow. Interesting their brain scans show differences from other people's brains. Yeah, they just don't have empathy. If they did, they wouldn't be able to do what they do. No one with real empathy can be cruel on purpose to anyone else.
Julia LeGrande , my spouse once told me he was a nice guy and never treated anybody mean on purpose. Then I pointed out when he said this and this and that and the other, etc. He acknowledged they were all mean comments, then he walked away and never thought about that discussion again. I’m liking these videos.
You cannot withhold something that you do not possess.
I know a lot about narcissists, this video right here is the shortcut to spot them. thank you soo much.
Through your videos I have learned more about my soon-to-be ex-wife. She suffers from borderline personality disorder and started watching your videos on narcissistic behaviors. After watching this one it made it very apparent that she was very monetarily dependent upon me. She inherited a lot of money and once she did she left me. I look back on the beginning of our relationship and the how she followed the blueprint of what you are describing. I was coming out of a divorce and recently single. She loved bombed me to death etc. Then the BPD and narcissist behaviors started. You are spot on ! Thanks for all that you do for us!
James G
BPD and narcissism(NPD) are two different personality disorders from the same category, the so-called Cluster B, they also share this category with the antisocials(ASPD) and the histrionics(HPD). Cluster B types are known for their manipulation, love bombing, devaluation and general craving for attention. Your ex may not actually be a narcissist, but there are a lot of overlapping traits that make Cluster Bs in general something to beware of, so you’re in the right place here. It’s best to go no contact.
@@rainpooper7088 thank you... she is the poster child for both disorders. I was sucked into the excitement of her for years then the table turned and was the victim. She talked about friends, ex husband and others that she cut off from life. Just a matter of time before it was my turn !
I was an isolated expat. Perfect target. And had just come out of narcissistic abuse at the workplace.
I think it’s impossible to avoid these people. I am not naturally on giatd with people, but I’ve come to realize the importance of this.
Something is chemically wrong with their brains . I think definitely ,it’s more spiritual issue with the narcissist . Once, this relationship ends, I think , I need a few years to remain single after being in a six year relationship.
And that's OK! Let's heal : )
A couple women i've been with have done every single one of these. I also think societally women are respecting mens boundaries less and less and use emotional manipulation 'if you loved me you would..' , 'you're scared of commitment', bringing other people into the conversation (parents, friends, other third parties) to triangulated you.
I am a 'fixer', but I've been going to psychotherapy to get better at setting my boundaries with my mom and women I date. Thank you for this video.
The fake empathy thing is the worst, because they can really suck you in, really sound genuine, and make you think you’ve met Prince Charming. But have you ever seen them say something fake to impress you, and it insults you in a way they absolutely didn’t expect? They are absolutely flummoxed when their fake empathy goes awry and they might even flee, which is how you know it was fake. Their one perfect sentence went totally wrong, but you don’t see them sitting down with you to hold your hand or make you a nice cup of tea. They’re out of there. There are times when they do insult you on purpose, but this is when their fake empathy doesn’t fly with you, in a way that they totally didn’t expect...
The covet narc across the street is so uncannily perceptive to me that I sometimes think he has bugged my house or may be listening to my conversations. Having left a neighborhood covert narc HOA nightmare before moving here I tried to throw this covert narc off my track. He figured it out quickly. He got angry as I established boundaries and he went straight to triangulation and once again I am in a covert narc prepared neighborhood isolation scenario.
You also should mention testing your vanity and gullibility. They flatter you with compliments and random gifts and they test how you receive it. If you receive it with gratitude, and you don't see anything odd about a random person gifting you this expensive rollex out of the blue, you got the bait.
Everything you said had happened to me and I moved over countries and ai was the perfect target : alone, empathetic, past abused, etc etc omg!!
I might a well have written, "NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY" on my forehead.
Data collection for the Narcissist to use as a means of “you owe me”‼️
LOVE TO AN EXTREME NARCISSIST IS HOW POWERFUL DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL
Holy crap!!! I was the absolut PERFECT target for the narc!! Oh my! :(
They like to play shrink
Did you get along w ur dad? (codependent)
What were u like in HS, college?
(loose boundaries)
Did ur parents ignore u growing up? (neediness)
And the narcs who don't ask anything are worse. That's probably because they think they're too superior.
I wasn’t abused when I was child 🧒🏾 but I think I’m empath person and wonder why I except this kind of people into my life when I learn I am an empath I start watching out.
Thank you for a great video. I fully agree.
I love your presentation, so free-flowing...send this to all the teens looking to start relationships
p.s. I m just narc-info-bombing myself right now. Its keeping me hoovering-proof, and i dont envy the next supply
I feel so sorry for these creatures. How can you go your whole life mimicking positive human traits
Trauma
omg yes.
I moved to another country.
and although getting out of the old circles and further away from those traumas and people helped...
I was like a limp sitting duck with an accent...
After one year It feels like I met so many awful people.
It is hard because its super obvious mot of the time but I felt so lonely and I need good things to happen...
I do feel i got a big crash course In the narcisssist museum.
PLEASE TELL ME YOUVE SEEN MIDSOMMAR?
ty for your videos
Facts Christina you & Dez always be speaking facts about these manipulative predators aka narcissist . Narcissist empathy isn't genuine like empaths .
Exactly ❤🙏
So well said!!
how about a bereavement counselor? and she would even say the whole point of the group is about me,, giggle giggle..
Also, she would say "I'm not doing my job unless I can get you to cry"
we did become friends+ and ended our 'grey' professional relationship. But then we hit one of my boundaries, that she mirrored, and bam gone.
The problem was I was suffering because my late wife(and thanks to this friend I figured it out) developed a lot of covert narc traits later in her life, so I was working through that. Also with my past trauma I have a problem with toxic loyalty.
Your videos bring clarity to my last long term relationship of eleven years. Looking back I can say with confidence that she was a narcissist. It was a confusing, emotionally abusive period of my life. Moving on hasn't been easy....
Domestic violence abuser do the same as they test you right from the beginning & know from your verbal & nonverbal responses if the can control & manipulate you within minutes of meeting you
when admitting fault or apologizing they will give a delighted smirk. It's different from the expression of absolution or gratitude or relief given by someone who receives a deserved apology. It's kinda like, 'ah I have an advantage now.' or 'Haha! I am going to win!' When I first saw it, I didn't understand what I was seeing. I knew it was sinister, but it didn't make sense to me based on my assumptions about them. I was confused because I assumed they didn't want me to stay, that they wanted me to go away, and I wanted to win them over. When I apologized what I was really doing was taking the blame and shifting my boundaries to accommodate them. similar when I tell them I want to respect their privacy. It indicates to them that they can easily hide things from me if they want.
also, as a side note, contrastingly, they get bugged out if you notice and point out their tells.
Excellent synoposis of laying down basic modus operandi of these monsters.
Thank you 🙏❤
You’re truly amazing! Thank you for your gifts.
there is one easy identifier...
they never suffer from insomnia..
ever....
So what I wrote down from this is:
1.Be empathetic, but don't go out of your way to help someone you barely know
2.Be vulnerable, but share gradually, as the person proves their trustworthiness to you
3.Cultivate strong healthy relationships with family and friends (who could call the narc out if you tell them stories, because narcs prefer victims who don't have many outside people to help them detach and see them for what they are)
4.Set boundaries and stand your ground if those boundaries are being broken (say No)
Test me? Lol she didn't have to. I just told her when we got together that I was used by my familly and friends many times and then discarded like trash, leaving me very vulnerable. She took my hand, looked me in the eyes and told me she will never even think about doing that. In hindsight she was probably thinking 'Jackpot!'
I was with a narcissist for 3 years, my advice is - pay attention to what they say, how they act. Narcissists are very negative and will not compliment others or say nice things about others. Sure they will say nice things about YOU during the lovebombing stage but…. Pay attention closely to how they are around strangers. How do they act in traffic? When being tested? When being blamed? When I’m an argument or disagreement. If they get very angry or go silent treatment there’s your answer. Healthy people are able to communicate properly and remain calm most of the time. My ex was always happy at the start and then the more I saw him and knew him, that happy later just melted away and all he did was moan about others, make snide degrading comments about strangers- such as how they walk or how they dress.
If you don’t agree they say they’re ‘only joking’ and you need to ‘lighten up’
But putting down others is not a way to bond, I know so many people who will sit there on a bench and put down strangers who are walking around them. I always thought, what the hell? This is wrong. So I got rid of all of those people and am mostly alone but I have my kids, and I will only allow positive people in my life
Greetings from Austria :) Wanted to say, that I enjoy the way you present your message and appreciate the content.
Thank you ❤🙏
History of abuse as well as profiling; questions to learn hot buttons to use against you one day. Mine asked if I ever wanted to marry again ( on first date) then proceeded to use it against me like it was a terrible quality. His occupation is a Judge, he was a 10 out of 10 check list after I learned more about “ his “ type. Did not see him coming and lost 5 years. Thanks for your video.
This is true, looking back at the beginning I was asked about my life, childhood, etc. very early on and when I looked at her she was the most attentive I ever seen her, extremely absorbent...
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The one test I repeatedly failed was the "let's see what I can get them to change test". One Narc told me they wouldn't date a person who eats meat. I immediately stop eating meat. The good news is the relationship didn't last, but I haven't eaten meat for over 15 years . Another one asked me to stop doing certain grooming habits and to grow a beard. Both experiences were literally on the first date. It is a boundary issue on my part. Oh!! Fun with NARCs. Thank you for all the information you have put out. It has helped out a ton!!!
Brilliant video , wish I’d seen it before I met my narc ...live and learn