After I lost my husband, I had his nickname, Sunshine, tattooed on me with a sunflower. I am considered a “young widow”, I am currently 30. But my husband meant the world to me and it was special that my first tattoo was dedicated to him. If I decide to put myself out there again, I would hope to find someone who would understand and respect my decision. So I disagree with that person.
Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. A friend of mine has gone through something similar. Secondly, I wouldn't want to be with someone who was bothered by a memorial tattoo. Imo it's a major red flag.
If a person can't get themselves together enough to shower for a tattoo, they can't be expected to keep it clean as it heals. Like you said, it's an open wound and it would be unethical to tattoo someone's body if they aren't in a condition, physical or mental, to be able to keep it from getting infected.
For sure. Shaming is never okay or needed. But hygiene issues have to be considered. And if there genuinely was a horrible odor, the artist can't be expected to sit inches away tattooing this person. The tattoo would not probably come out good. That being said, the fatshaming undertones and wording of the post made her sound like the ah.
I have some issues with the shower thing and I'm on my third tattoo and keeping the tattoo clean has never been an issue for me.. I'm always excited to clean the tattoo, even if showering is a drag.. Tho, I am very good at showering before leaving the house, so I guess it's "not that bad" in my case..
Body piercer here. To your statement in the first clip with people don’t just snap like that... in this industry they do.. 90% of piercings are anatomy dependent. The second I inform clients about why they aren’t suited for the piercing or why it can’t go in a specific area more than half the time I get treated horribly after. Accusing me of not wanting to do the piercing for every reason under the sun besides the one I tell them. When people have their heart set on something (especially something so permanent )and they are told they can’t have it, they can get pretty ugly really quick.
I was told by a professional piercer that I wanted an industrial and they told me they wouldnt do it. Mostly because of my ear shape. They said that if I was going through with having the industrial there would be a chance that I could have too much pressure on it. I wanted this since I was 12 and had never changed my mind about it. So I went home devastated. I went to a different professional and they told me the same. So I said "I don't care and I'm taking the risk" and they said "OK" and went through with it. I'm not having problems since but really, I did not have to snap or scream or anything just because I was sad. I got the industrial despite the complications they told me about and wound up fine but healing took over 3 years and I had to redo it a second time. I take the complete blame for this and the professionals treated me correctly, like they were supposed to be.
When I got my ears pierced for the second time (first holes grew closed), the piercer told me my earlobes were too fat for the mashine, so we'd have to do it with a needle. I wasn't angry at the piercer, and I reacted by just saying "Alright. Sounds good", but damn. Never thought I could be insecure about my earlobes. Now I am
I’m sorry that you have to deal with that, I wanted an industrial and my lovely piercer told me it was impossible. I was sad but I never thought to be an ass to the piercer about it. Like they refused to do something for good money because they cared for my health. Why don’t people see that instead of the rage (they act like toddlers sometimes💀)
i’m a plus sized person and i find it really hard to see this first story as an ass hole. you should always shower the heck out of yourself before a tattoo. i think they were super justified in saying that to this woman. if you tattoo around folds, it won’t even heal well. it will be miserable, painful, and not clean. i don’t have tattoos on my stomach for this exact reason. not every size can get the same things. this doesn’t hurt my feelings in any way because i’m aware of reality. even the tattoo on my inner elbow was horrible healing because other skin was constantly touching it when bending my arm. i can’t imagine inbetween my folds of fat lol how miserable. this artist did them a favour.
@Lisa Rowe i’m sorry but this isn’t compatible. one is systematic racism and one is a matter of cleanliness and hygiene. sanitization is the biggest problem here. nothing is wrong with having a fat body, but it does make my body react and do things different then yours. something other plus sized and fat individuals understand. my fattier areas are extremely painful to tattoo. something you may not have even experienced. it’s best to stick to different areas.
@Lisa Rowe Tbh the tattoo artist didn't say it wasn't posible. They offered to change the design to something more organic because geometry wouldn't look good and do it at the same part of the body, or do the same design but with other placement. I think the main problem here was the smell. As they said it, it wasn't just sweat, it was something else. As a tattoo artist, I wouldn't tattoo someone who I seriously consider won't take care of the tattoo and possibly get an infection, I wouldn't want to play with someones health. As you used yourself as an example, you were sweaty, I've got tattooed in summer too and that's normal, but as long as you are clean and hydrate it properly, it doesn't matter if you are skinny, slightly overweight or obese 🤷🏽♀️
I feel like if any future partners have a problem with someone having a tattoo about their spouse that passed away, they're probably not the right partner for you anyway
I think with the overweight AITA the artist probably was frustrated when writing her post which could be why she came off so negatively at first but yes I agree that it’s a sensitive subject and hard to talk with the client. I’m a server and I’ve been in situations where guests have pissed me off and I had no desire to go back to the table, so maybe the client had already been mean to her first and she just didn’t write the post well
I can see how both parties may have not made the best decisions in this situation but I can see how the tattoo would not work in that area. I am large too and I do give tattoo artists a heads up on my size so they can prepare the best design for me
The client wad definitely in the wrong for lashing and insulting the artist's body (calling her an0rexic etc) but yes, the way the artist wrote the post and worded it was definitely problematic. I understand it was probably a big health and hygiene issue and so on, but she wrote the post in a very negative manner focusing on the ''folds''. It was unnecessary. So I'd say both of them were the ah in this one.
Yeah thats exactly the vibe I got- I was picturing myself as the tattoo artist and like it seems like maybe they triggered EACHOTHER with their respective weight "concerns" or whatever and at that point they were both uncomfortable with eachother
The girlfriend vs friend story is missing a key component: what did they guy say and do about any of this? I find it kind of disrespectful that he didn't tell his partner what he was doing first and listen to her concerns or boundaries, especially considering this doesn't sound spur of the moment as they had a mutual friend plan it all and design it off in jokes. Surely if you saw that it was going to hurt your partner this much you would talk it out with them and come up with something that works instead. Why is the girlfriend talking to the friend, when the issue she has is with her boyfriend?
Yes! It is very much giving “woman takes out anger on the person that their partner cheated with, not the partner who broke the trust and violated the promise of commitment in the relationship”
For the matching tattoos, I really think tattooing the words ‘I love you’ is inflammatory so can understand the girlfriend being uncomfortable. BUT the girlfriend shouldn’t be chasing the girl OP, she should be discussing it with her actual partner who she’s in a relationship with, especially since the tattoos are already done.
This 100%. It should be resolved between the couple. I also think the ''ily'' specifically being her issue is totally fair! They could have gotten some other thing that symbolises their love that the gf is still also comfortable with!
Second story: I think Devon is the real AH here. The tattoo is a lovely idea and I believe OP when they say it’s completely platonic. OP is in no way tied to Bianca and has no reason to take into account her thoughts. Devon, on the other hand, is in a committed relationship with Bianca, and is choosing to disregard her and refuse to take her feelings into account when making a choice that very clearly upset her. Thats the problem here. That’s not something you do to someone you love, especially not someone who is on track to be your life partner. At the very least, he should have sat down with her and explained to her how important this tattoo is to him. If he’ll be getting it regardless of what she thinks, he needs to be clear about it, and not be shocked if that’s a dealbreaker. Again, not for the tattoo itself, but for the lack of compromise and consideration of your partner’s feelings. If he didn’t want to take that hard of a stance, he should’ve allowed her input to design something she’s comfortable with, that he and OP are both okay with.
I completely agree with this. I don't even blame the girlfriend for being upset, Devon should've explained everything to her. He should've communicated with her more.
Oh, absolutely. Communication and compromise is vital to a healthy relationship, it's obvious from Bianca's distress that Devon and Bianca really need to sit down and listen to each other. HOWEVER, Bianca shouldn't be going after OP because OP is not Bianca's girlfriend. Buuuuuuut I can't really blame her too much, she's probably feeling worried and defensive and doesn't want to cause a fight with her bf.
Yes! But I also think that respecting a friend or family member’s partner is critical. I think they’re both wrong. I also think the SO needs to work through some security and jealousy issues.
I agree. I kept thinking "Why is Bianca talking to the OP, when the problem here is her boyfriend?" I have seen this pattern a lot of times, and have been the "Bianca" of the situation myself, when I was in my twenties and was very insecure about my past relationship. It's easy to get angry at the other girl, it's more difficult to sit down with your partner and try to understand their point of view.
For the first story: it's very common for people who are very large to get infections within folds due to difficulty reaching in those areas, as well as skin irritation due to constant rubbing and chafing. Unfortunately this can be difficult to treat due to the nature of the combination of raw, thin, irritated skin (which I would not recommend tattooing on even if it was clean) and trapped sweat and dirt. I agree that it would be better to adjust the tattoo. For context, I know this well because I see it often with heavier clients as a licensed massage therapist. It's important in my line of work to move the tissue well to promote circulation to heal and stretch the body. Sometimes I have to put on gloves to do this effectively due to an active infection. But I simply don't mention it. I will put on gloves and ask if it's uncomfortable for me to move certain areas. Or I will simply let them know that I will avoid moving that area to avoid hurting them, but let them know that I can work around the area. Sometimes giving a reasonable explanation is the best way to avoid conflict.
I think that the first situation is a very difficult and sensitive conversation to have. As a plus-sized person myself, I have experienced how the world treats people with bodies that are not considered to meet the standard. Extra tact and some empathy is required. I do think that the concern about infection is valid and suggesting an alternative placement is a great idea. But somewhere the presentation and communication failed and that is too bad.
Yeah that was my thoughts as well, like OP's concerns about the placement/hygenia were okay to ensure the best health and results for the client but they jumped over the line horribly and they were super insulting and degrading the client
About the widower. I'm a widow. I met my husband in 1994. He passed away 2 years ago next month. I'm not fond of name tattoos, but that's beside the point. My next tattoo is going to be something about my late husband. If any potential partner had a problem with that? They are obviously not the person for me. He was a huge part of my life. Most of my entire adult life at that. I don't think that the sister is either an ahole or not an ahole for voicing her concerns, but ultimately it is his decision on how he wants to memorialized his late wife.
Exactly! If someone wants to date a widow/widower, they need to accept that that person will always have a connection with their spouse, and understand that it doesn't lessen their relationship. Anyone who would be jealous of their relationship with their deceased partner is petty and doesn't want to accept all of who the widow/widower is, so if they're scared off by the tattoo I'd count it as a win
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I know its not my place to speak on this, but i'd recommend getting something that was significant to the late spouse, or something they had in common instead of a name. It also opens up so many different design ideas and a way to make it that much more special for them.
I definitely think the client in the first story should have told the artist that she was bigger/had folds before the appointment. I don't know about anyone else, but a lot of the tattoo artists in my area will ask for any additional information they might need to know about, like scars and other tattoos, that might affect the tattoo. In my opinion, fat rolls definitely fall under this, not to mention her size effects the size of the tattoo and therefore the price and the amount of time it takes to do the tattoo. I know it can be hard to talk about some things with a complete stranger (I personally found it hard to talk about my S/H scars when filling in consult forms) but in the end it's important to be honest with your artist in order to get the best tattoo possible edit: my phrasing was a little off, I didnt mean to imply that thin was the default
I know lots of artists ask for photos of the area to be tattooed beforehand also so if this artist had done that the situation might have been avoided completely because they could have handled the convo over email and it might not have gotten so explosive
I'm plus size and I would never think about getting a tat without asking the artist if my skin would be a problem and making sure they know what's going on. Like with stretchmarks and extra skin/fat. I hope the artist was good at explaining this because we never get the full story from aita. Obviously you should treat it with care because many people have deeply rooted shame for their own body.
@@Iamaguienapig what then? fat bodies are diverse, and there are lots of different body types that fall under the umbrella of 'fat.' even if the artist HAD assumed the client was fat, they would still be designing the tattoo without knowing what kind of canvas they were working with
Story number one: I disagree with you on this one for a few reasons: - showing up to a tattoo appointment super dirty is never okay no matter your size. It’s gross, unhygienic and rude to your artist. - if the area was as described and the tattoo wouldn’t have worked in that area, in any situation, an artist should tell you that and offer solutions - which this artist claimed to do. It might be disappointing but most people would rather get a nice tattoo - skin folds get infected easier and especially if the woman was showing she didn’t wash them to go to her appointment… so it would be fair to be nervous about her after care procedures - the person got angry and threw a tantrum and called them anorexic which is ridiculously not okay and offensive (if they did say that) - if you’re being abusive towards an artist they don’t have to tattoo you full stop. There are many videos of people who are overweight getting very upset about things that aren’t offensive so it is possibly the case here. I will add: - it is possible the artist explained their reasons in an offensive way, we won’t ever know because we weren’t there (although this person did still want to get tattooed by them after they said no to the idea so that lends me to believe it wasn’t that horrible - again we will never know) - the language in the post wasn’t great but it doesn’t automatically mean the person wasn’t professional and kind at work (lots of us are on our best behaviour at work and talk differently at home), some people genuinely aren’t trying to be offensive when describing overweight people but they don’t fully know how to do it properly - which isn’t an excuse but I don’t think it means they’re automatically an AH. Overall unless this tattoo artist was extremely offensive to the person in real life I don’t think they’re an AH. They did their job to stop a client from getting an infection or bad work, offered alternatives, and didn’t let the customer abuse them after they threw a tantrum. Could the artist have handed it better? Yes probably but ultimately they made the right call and did their job.
People need to know body shaming is not only fat shaming, I am not skinny in any way (my grandma told me I need to loose few pounds, if my grandma is saying it I know it) but I still think skinny shaming is as terrible as fat shaming
Yeah honestly I’m really struggling to see how the artist is the AH in this situation. I don’t see how it’s body shaming to tell someone a certain tattoo won’t look good on a certain area of the body (plus the artist offered to draw something more organic that would compliment the area more nicely), but I definitely see how it’s body shaming to call someone a “skinny anorexic hoe” because everything didn’t go how that person wanted it to. And tbh yeah, she should’ve washed herself before she went in, and the artist isn’t in the wrong for telling her that basic hygiene is expected no matter your size, body type, or anything else.
I think op is justified but also wouldn't be surprised if she accidentally said something rude that escalated the situation, just because that would be very easy to do with a sensitive thing like this unless you were very very good with charm and tact. Especially considering she admitted she was disgusted by the client, i think it would be hard to cover up my disgust if it were me
@@Yiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiii yes exactly! My whole life growing up I was naturally super skinny (couldn’t gain much weight even when I tried) and people would make all sorts of comments that made me feel like I looked gross for being skinny but of course it’s always just been accepted to say these things to people on the other end of the weight spectrum
I completely agree. The artist is not the AH. Also if you have excess folds in an area a tattoo may look like garbage due to that. So why should the artist still tattoo the area if they know it's going to look bad. Then the person would be mad the tattoo looked like crap. So ya 😅
I feel like a late partner's name is probably the safest relationship tattoo you can get. The relationship isn't going to go sour. They're not going to cheat on you with your best friend. You're not going to wake up one day and realize you can't stand them. And nobody with any kind of emotional maturity is going to think you're a commitment-phobic train wreck once they know the person is only a former partner because they passed away.
As a formerly skinny to now big girl, I would love the honesty from the first tattoo artist. Did the tattoo artist handle this correctly with the client? We don’t know. What we do know is the intention, and that’s just the truth. I would not want to go into a tattoo shop and have something done with a higher risk of infection because I wanted it. If I really wanted a specific piece, it’s ok to move it if it’s the right decision for the art. My stomach is shaped like a “B.” Having something around my belly button would look horrible, and be a higher risk for infection. I think tattoo artists provide a service, just like doctors do. Both should be up front and honest about the healing process and potential risks. I don’t like the body shaming from either of them though, but refusing the tattoo placement was a good call.
I am getting a sleeve the tattoo artist tatting me must take my size into consideration I have goodbye arms like many large people so tattooing that area takes a different approach. I am comfortable in my size and I do not get offended when a tattoo artist says that is not a good area to tattoo. It is not fatphobia it is reality.
With regards to story number one, I too would be concerned tattooing a super morbidly obese person with large skin folds especially if they want the tattoo in an area with skin folds. People who are morbidly obese are much more prone to very serious skin infections which can absolutely be deadly. So to tattoo someone on their abdomen with skin folds which you may think is not cleaned routinely and properly can really put your client at increased risk for infection. Not saying every obese person should be turned away but there is definitely added risk for them. Just my two cents on that one. I’d definitely discuss it as gently as I could with the client before proceeding and make sure that information is provided for in a consent form. To be honest I’d rather be accused of being fat phobic (which I’m not) than do a tattoo on someone that resulted in a massive infection or possibly death.
I completely agree! (Edit:Especially with those who are to a specific level of morbidly obese their hygiene isn’t all good when they get to the point they can’t reach the places they need to clean.) I’ve been there with depression and completely reliant on medication. However, I know that I shouldn’t get a tattoo if I’m not hygienic, so I make sure to take good care before and after especially. I have family members who work in emergency medicine. they’ve had morbidly obese people come in not knowing why they smell so putrid. While cleaning them, they found out why. One woman’s frog died and was decomposing in her folds. Another woman came in with the same issues. Her kitten died in her folds and was decomposing in her folds. There are many other stories I’ve heard too about finding dead things in there, but those are the 2 worst ones IMO. Knowing what I know, I also wouldn’t feel comfortable tattooing that area, nor would I provide a service to someone who popped off and insulted me. More than anything it’s 100% a health and safety issue, therefore giving the woman what she wanted would be completely unethical. I couldn’t live with myself if I gave someone a tattoo that I knew was unsafe that would result in injury or death
@@CandyLover720 I agree. Those are definitely more extreme cases but it does happen. I have a coworker who I do consider a friend who is morbidly obese and she does have a scent to her due to her size. I would never comment on it nor do I think lesser of her because of her size. I too have had depression and it effected my cleanliness around my home (not my body) but I can understand why it would effect other people. It’s a hard truth about obesity that doesn’t get talked about. Obesity is also linked to higher incidences of depression. It becomes a very rough cycle to get out of.
@@CandyLover720 so I’m considered morbidly obese by the bmi chart. Appearance wise, I’m just fat. I can and do clean every inch of my body. Be very careful saying that people who are fat aren’t clean. We can clean ourselves just fine. This is an insult to a lot of fat people. I’m fat because I’m really really sick. I used to be super thin and athletic, and now I get accused of being dirty and dirty looks because I’m fat and people think I’m gross. It’s SO hurtful, especially since I can’t control it. Please be mindful of the way you speak about peoples bodies - thin, fat, morbidly obese, or otherwise. No matter your body type, I’d never say something unkind about you. Remember, fat people are people and have feelings.
@@CandyLover720 WOW those are some.. funky findings.. I absolutely agree on the offended point as well. If you scream at your tattoo artist, they literally have no reason to go into it with you. They don’t «owe» anything, and simply for that reason - body size be damned - I would totally support any artist who says: «I will not tolerate you yelling at me, and I want you out of my work environment. You have no ‘right’ to get tattooed by me, and I definitely don’t want to work ‘with’ you when you have thrown verbal shit at me. Maybe you will find another artist who will be ok with that behaviour, but I’m not.».
@@gabrielleakers7540 I understand how my comment could have come across that way. I specified morbidly obese to distinguish from fat people. I acknowledge that it’s not all obese or morbidly obese people. Certain levels of morbidly obese just cannot reach everything to clean, which is what lead to the situations I referred to. I didn’t mean to generalize to all. I know that not all bigger bodies have to go to the ER to be cleaned. These are specific situations that I know of that make me recognize how dangerous it would be to tattoo someone described like in that post. In referencing the morbidly obese, I never said they weren’t people with feelings. That is why I said I couldn’t live with causing a person to get injured or die by giving them a tattoo that I know would end in that because I couldn’t live with myself for hurting someone and giving them that tattoo would be 100% unethical. With the knowledge of tattooing and everything, if I did that, I would be intentionally harming that woman
(For the first story) As a fat AFAB that wants to tattoo, how I would approach the situation would be like “if we put the design where you wanted, there is an anatomy issue and I don’t think you’d be happy with the end result. We can experiment with placement. I would suggest to try moving it up to your sternum so you have the same effect you were looking for.”
On the body weight aita. I would have to hear both sides of the story on that one. It's not very easy to tell someone that their hygiene is not very great. If your mental health isn't the greatest to the point of not showering you shouldn't be getting a tattoo. Also the artist has the right to refuse.
I think the second story has a lot to do with their ages. The older I’ve gotten the more free I am with my words of affection. I tell all my friends and family that I love them. It’s just in my nature to be that way. I think men and women can be best friends and it doesn’t bother me at all. Of course I’ve been married for a long time and am very secure in our relationship so things like this would never upset me. Had this happened to me when I was 20 I might have not been as understanding especially with the words “I love you”.
In the second story, I can understand Bianca being upset, but the point of "it would be ok of she were a guy" is the part that's iffy to me. When it comes to that sort of thing my basic idea is - if a bisexual person can't do it at all, but a straight or gay person can under the right circumstances, it's a bad rule. Again, I can totally understand her being defensive over "I love you" to a person of the gender he's attracted to, but at the same time it means that she doesn't truly believe that their relationship is completely platonic. Regardless, I agree with you that they needed a lot more communication about it.
Exactly! So if I like guys and girls I'm not allowed to get friendship items with anyone?! Because I could potentially be dating them? Give me a break. People who think like that are closed minded. I have plenty of friends that I'm super close to and they're girls. But they're like sisters to me and I'd never see them as romantic interests. If one day I was dating a girl and she felt uncomfortable with me getting matching items (I don't think I'll ever get a tattoo) or being super close to my friends I'd have a problem with that.
For the matching tattoos, they could’ve had use matching tattoo with the heart shaped lightbulb, but then not gotten “i love you” tatted with it. Like just nix the text, so they could have the meaningful matching tattoos, without making the gf uncomfortable?
I have dated a man who lost his wife before we met. She was always something we talked about and I loved to hear stories about her. I was completely on board with him getting her name as a tattoo like he wanted. I found it a beautiful and important part of him that he had loved someone that much, in my mind it tells so much good about him. Only reason we aren't in as much contact anymore is that his mental health went downhill very fast and he was already depressed from what happened. As a mental health rehabilitate myself he made the decision to not drag me down with him and he has my complete respect for that decision. I love the dude. And I love his wife as something that is now a beautiful part of him.
About the second story. The thing that buggs me here is the girlfriend voiced her boundaries & concerns before they got the tattoos and they did it anyway without any discussion or compromise that we know of. It comes across as disrespectful.
Watching your videos a lot lately now that I'm planning my first tattoo. Finally starting my medical transition soon and I'm planning to get a tattoo to celebrate. So excited!
Purely speaking for myself, but if I were looking for a relationship and the person had a tattoo of their late partner's name, I would be 100% supportive
I got a tattoo-memorial tattoo for my husband after he passed away. Some people just aren’t into tattoos but I have never regretted those tattoos. His body, his choice.
i have a lot of thoughts on the second story, mainly because i have a lot of similarities with the people included in the story i’m 19 and female and i do have a male best friend who’s turning 20 pretty soon, we’ve also been friends since we were 12-13 i’m a lesbian so obviously we would have zero romance between us, and we say “i love you” to eachother all the time because of how close we are i don’t the the OP is the asshole for getting the tattoo at all, i’d say the only thing that should’ve been done better was the communication. i also think it’s important to think about this situation in different ways. if the OP were male Bianca would’ve been fine with it… but that brings up a whole seperate issue. just because it’s a girl and a guy doesn’t automatically mean there’s romance. and if it were two people of the same gender that doesn’t always automatically mean it’s platonic. if the OP and her best friend were blood related i highly doubt that bianca would’ve been bothered by that either. so the issue probably stems from bianca’s own insecurities and mindset. (not saying bianca’s the asshole for this tho, she is completely entitled to her own opinions and her boundaries are valid) i don’t think anyone in the situation is the asshole, i just think that there should’ve been more communication before the tattoo was done so nobody got hurt
I can see why the girlfriend would be uncomfortable with the matching tattoo... but she's the asshole in my opinion. It's not about boundaries because this is NOT HER BODY and as long as all three of them know this is nothing but platonic, there should not be this big of a problem. If she genuinely cannot differentiate between platonic love and romance, she's got some growing up to do. I know I'm being harsh but geez that story frustrated me. If my BF were to throw a fuss over me getting a matching tattoo with my best friend saying I love them, I'd be very unimpressed with his lack of security and trust in me...
I don't think in any relationship you should have to constantly report back with what you're doing with your body, thats borderline policing, but I understand at least talking about it. (especially when its something that can so easily be taken another way).
Absolutely agree here. The gf must have know how deep the friendship goes with the mate, when she got with bf, so she def needs to grow the fuck up. Saying if the mate was a bloke she wouldn’t care SPEAKS VOLUMES TO HER IMMATURITY. It ain’t her body, it ain’t her business. Simple as that
Normalize platonic love! Lol. But seriously, I think the gf in the second post is in the wrong here. If she hadn't said that she would be ok with it if it was another guy friend instead, I'd side with her more. But to me, that comment makes her lack of comfort ignorantly sexist. I don't think she's a bad person for that, but it's unfair to OP. Like if OP only identified as male, there would be no problem? Makes no sense. My other problem with that one is the idea, that because OP is a girl and her bestie is a hetero guy, *that's* why I Love You is inappropriate, or has different connotations. Because where does that leave us bisexual and pansexual folks? I promise I'm attracted to far less ppl around me, than the number I am attracted to, at any given time. Lol. Especially my friends! In my opinion, the real problem in this couples relationship is ~trust~ I think any of the potential reasons the gf could have for being *so upset* about the tattoo, are still as much, or as little, of a potential problem regardless of the tattoo itself. Or, as a stranger on Twitter once said, "the Iranian yogurt is not the problem here"
Alright so the last one is one that I feel compelled to talk about. I have a few tattoos for ex boyfriends, but it’s a “theme” of guys who redefined what love is. I’ve learned that love is like Greek philosophy and you’re meant to fall in love numerous times throughout your life to fully appreciate it. You have your first love, the love that is based on emotions and passion, the love that it doesn’t work out with but you want them to be happy... etc etc. I don’t have these specific tattoos because I won’t move on or that I’m still in love with them, but rather without that love I wouldn’t have that greater understanding that I do now. It’s made me appreciate love more.
That first story is genuinely SHOCKING. I understand hygiene is the concern, but I can just tell from the way OP speaks that they genuinely have a problem with this woman’s body. NTA for rejecting the client on the basis of cleanliness, but DEFINITELY TA for the language used…
In regards to the second story, I feel like it would be interesting to know how many tattoos all the people involved in the situation have. I feel like it would become more or less of a big of a deal because of it. Let's say that that's their first tattoos, or if Bianca doesn't have any, it might look extremely meaninful because i feel like your opinion on tattoos gets more chill the more you have them. Aside from that, I also think that OP shouldn't assume that the girlfriend says "I love you" easily. From personal experience, I use that word so sparringly even for people that mean a lot. It depends on your preferred way to show affection and words might not be hers.
As someone who is very large I think the first situation is extremely difficult. I can honestly believe that the artist did try and say it nicely in the beginning but the current body positivity and fat phobic climate is so extremely insane and toxic that I can fully believe the client went off. I also have severe mental health issues and have to force myself to get up and shower and look after myself so I can see from that side also. If I go for a tattoo though I am absolutely listening to the artist about whether something is possible and yeah it may feel shit to hear that your weight will impact how a tattoo will come out but you listen cause you don't want an awful tattoo. And to feel like you're being attacked for your weight in no way gives you the right to turn around and attack the person for their physical appearance.
The friendship one is killing me, lol. Why didn't the boyfriend run the design by the girlfriend first, take her input into consideration, and change it accordingly? That's why the GF is so mad, because she's definitely being put on the back burner for a friendship. Honestly, he's the one who makes it seem shady.
The first one I'm torn no I don't think they were the a hole for the situation itself or a good part of the situation.. they were an a hole the way they wrote their post.. and honestly yes a lot of ppl snap for no reason I see it all the time in retail.. ppl have become overly entitled and think the world owes them no matter what the situation and/or how polite you try to be.. the customer is not always right.. that said though we weren't there so we can't say for sure what connotations, tones etc were used behind the scenes
I feel like the matching tattoo issue could have been prevented if all parties just sat down and talked out the tattoo first. If say they asked the girlfriend if she'd be OK with the tattoo just being a light bulb without the "I love you" bit all parties could have had their feelings and boundaries respected. The friends could still have a matching meaningful tattoo and the gf wouldn't feel like the 3rd wheel.
Knowing you are tattooing under folds is deffinitely just as important as knowing you'd be tattooing over scars.. Having a mental health issue is not an excuse. Don't go expecting somebody to handle your uncleaned body. You first used mental health as a possible excuse for her being dirty but then flip it and say "the tattooing artist must have been rude. People don't just freak out for no reason". . People with issues do flip out. .
for the matching tattoo one i personally think that nobody was wrong in the situation. love is seen too much as a romantic only thing, love is shared in family and friends too and can be just as deep as romantic love. the two people see it platonically and that's it, that's how they've defined it, it's not their fault if other people perceive it a different way. the guy should have spoken to his gf about it way before the appointment was made but its not OP's mistake. however, the girlfriend being uncomfortable is fine, i can understand how someone can feel weird about it since we live in a society where love is seen as only romantic and its not her fault she falls into that thinking. if a matching tattoo between friends is enough to make her uncomfortable then it wasn't going to work out anyway in my opinion
I had an artist go on and on about how a tattoo was too small for my body because I'm "thicker than a snicker" (his words). The tattoo is larger than my open hand. I'm a size US 10. 🙄
When I heard “recovering anor*xic” (not sure if TH-cam auto flags comments w that word in it, sry) OP’s attitude made sense. This person definitely sounds like they’re projecting their own unhealthy ideas about weight onto other people, with the way they talk about the client. That’s definitely assholish, and while their disorder is an explanation, it’s not an excuse. But. That’s not what they’re being given judgement for. The question was about refusing the tattoo. And for that, I gotta say, NTA. People of all body types should be able to get tattoos, but they need to be clean first, for both the tattooist’s comfort and sanitary reasons. If you can’t bother to properly prepare for your session, you can’t get tattooed. And OP is the best judge of their own skills. If, for ANY reason, an artist believes they will not be able to give the client the quality of work they deserve, they shouldn’t do the tattoo. Sucks, but better than a crappy tat you’re stuck with. The lady’s comment was completely out of line, too, if that’s verbatim what she said. I agree we’re missing context with the conversation between the two but we can only go off the info in the post.
That's what I thought too! Who knows what the client's body actually looks like??! If OPs mind is still slightly warped because of her recovery then a Victoria secret model could seem fat to her🤷♀️
For the first story- I don’t think it’s worth being uncomfortable and doing an unsanitary, sub-par tattoo to spare someone’s feelings. The artist has the right to decline work, and they had a reasonable cause to do so. It’s not that hard to shower before an appointment, and if you have that little energy or will it’s irresponsible to get tattooed. The artist also proposed an alternative to compromise, which is generous in my book.
I agree that she was right to refuse the tattoo, but for some people it really can be that hard to shower before an appointment. Not just how hard it is to shower while depressed (and idk if the person was depressed but they may have been) but also showering when you're significantly overweight can be an extremely difficult project, and even when you do shower sometimes the folds don't get clean. Like I've never been significantly overweight but I've seen documentaries and it's difficult. And skin folds really hold a smell, like how most people's belly button smells off even if they just cleaned it.
Good points! I think then the issue is that they physically can’t shower very much then they wouldn’t be able to keep the tattoo clean as it heals, which could put some heat on the artist.
@@arihicks6760 that's a fair point, I hadn't thought of that. I think also healing any tattoo where it's rubbing against itself would prove tricky? So I can definitely see how it's a poor choice, and if an artist doesn't want to do it because of all these factors then I agree that's totally reasonable :)
i think in the first story, both/neither of them are the asshole. without seeing the other side of the story, we can’t know exactly how the conversation went down but i think regardless of that, the op had a point. if a tattoo placement wouldn’t heal right, the artist can suggest a different placement. if it’s unhygienic, i completely understand not wanting to do the tattoo at all. as a recovering anorexic myself, i can say it’s pretty likely that op said something hurtful, even if they didn’t realise it. fatphobia is basically taught in lots of ed spaces, and it can be difficult to unlearn. but regardless of whether or not that happened, i still understand not wanting to do the tattoo. the client said some hurtful things, and even if they were provoked i certainly wouldn’t want to tattoo her. tattooing while angry doesn’t seem like a good idea
I’ve honestly had a really mopey day and the first thing that made me smile is seeing that you uploaded. Thank you for always putting out the best content ♥️ also I work at the company that makes and sells Pepsi max and we talk about you a lot lol
Another amazing video!! I love literally everything you post. And I just want to say you are seriously SO GORGEOUS. Thank you for being an amazing person and creating awesome content 🖤
im just catching up on this reddit playlist after yesterdays video - in regards to the fatphobic post... unpopular opinion but soon as the person mentioned they were previously anorexic it sort of made more sense to me how they were wording things in their reddit post. people with ed's i believe, tend to have this 'ideal' of what they deem to be the standard and anything less than is undesirable .
As a fat woman, I really appreciate the way you discussed the first one. Such kindness and empathy ♥️ Also, your videos are awesome and they always make me smile!
I have a skin condition that forms in heated areas in my body. I forget the name- I think it’s French but I get red bumps (not zits technically) and they do smell. They kinda look like scales. It sucks lol but I can manage the odor thankfully. And I can’t imagine for people who struggle to manage something similar. It really does pull down someone’s confidence in their body and can affect mental health.
My mom died and my dad got a tattoo of her name in her handwriting on his ring finger. He is now engaged to a wonderful woman who also lost her first spouse. Both cherish and talk about their deceased loved ones
In regard to the overweight client, I think it would be reasonable for an artist to refuse to tattoo a part of someone's body that they're already struggling to keep clean under normal circumstances. It would be hard to heal a tattoo if it does not occur to them to wash there or if they are already struggling with hygiene. It's just like when piercers refuse to pierce the navels of people who wear tights every day or whose stomachs fold across the area being pierced because it prevents the piercing from healing. Maybe the artist could have politely explained that they do not foresee a good healing outcome in the chosen area and recommended an area where the skin does not fold over itself like a thigh or upper back. That probably would have gone better than what they said.
For me the first story is an ESH The client should ABSOLUTELY have cleaned themselves thoroughly before getting a tattoo, and I wouldn't want to be working on someone who obviously isn't very clean as I have OCD and a fear of contamination. And blowing up like that in a professional environment is really impolite. BUT OP should have handled this far better, their language was derogatory and rude and shameful honestly. I get that the client was also horrible in the scenario but I just think they should've explained it to the client better, explain the risks and the inability to do the design and not have been so judgemental. Both of them were in the wrong in my opinion.
I think there are bestfriend designs and there is more couple styled tattoos. The heart light bulb and the I'll be your light is more bestfriend, while adding the love you always makes it seem more like a couple tattoo
First one was not the arsehole. It’s sad that the girl has body issues but nobody should be forced to perform a personal service on someone that has made them uncomfortable or who stinks - and I say this as a big girl.
I just love how understanding and accepting you are of everyone it always makes me and I'm sure others feel comfortable here 💖 Also first comment the artist has the right to be sceptical for the clients wellbeing esp cleanliness, but it should have been said better. Saying "folds" to her is super rude imo. She could have said "the design may not work well on this area of you body" and re cleanliness reiterating the importance for pre and post care and hygiene without being rude
I'm thinking nta for the first one just because you don't like some one don't mean you will say it out loud. Then there is the fact that people will complain about how the tattoo they have looks wrong/different after they lost/gain weight.
First op probably could have worded it better but it seems that they were really upset/triggered by the anorexic comment as they were recovering. Even if you’re bigger it is NOT ok to shame thinner people like that (coming from a plus size person with a plus size mom who would do this). The folds plus size people can get can easily become infected or chaffed if they don’t get care daily. It honestly seems best that the tatto wasn’t there. And I think it’s best the artist refused the second tattoo idea-they would’ve both been upset during the process and I doubt it would’ve turned out.
In response to the 2nd post, they have been together long term so I'm wondering if Bianca has mentioned their relationship making her uncomfortable in the past. Because if they've been together that long she either knows it's platonic or IA uncomfortable with their friendship. I had an ex who was best friends with a woman who I was not comfortable with. But sometimes you just get that vibe about a person. I think Bianca should be mad at her boyfriend as he's the one dating her. I understand her being upset.
Lauren, the picture of "curvy" you in that cute bikini was just WOW!!!! You look so, so, so incredibly beautiful!!! And I am not saying that because you told in the video how you get more negative comments now on your body than you used to when you were super skinny, nope, i REALLY mean it!!! I am heavily overweight and if i could choose between the two bodies for myself, I would totally go with the curvy one you showed. Also, I wanted to tell you something for a little while now. My dad passed away 5 weeks ago very unexpectedly and I was the one who found him. Struggling with anxiety and panic-attacks (PTSD) since early childhood, my mental stage was really horrible. In that time, i discovered your youtube-channel and been bingewatching you. You have a wonderful personality and it helped me so incredibly much, I have no words to express.
That first one I'd say the tattoo artist is NTA in the grand scheme of things. Did they phrase some things insensitively, sure, but I think you were too harsh on her. For one, body shape absolutely does matter when it comes to tattoo placement. Especially when you are talking about someone who has multiple skin folds where they want the tattoo placed. It's just not reasonable. On the matter of hygiene, I completely get the barriers to bathing that can come with depression. I've been there. But if you can't shower due to depression it's probably not the right time to get a tattoo. There is also the compounded issue where skin folds + poor hygiene + tattoo is a recipe for infection. The artist has every right to turn down this client. I also don't think the artist simply stating the fact that the client was fat and unhygienic is itself shaming. She's not implying that they are somehow a lesser person for it, just describing the situation. It's no different than if she had said that she could not tattoo them because they were incredibly boney and dirty. It's just the reality. How else should she have said it? I've been on both sides of the weight spectrum and I prefer frankness to euphemism. On top of this all, and most important here IMO, is that the client's immediate reaction to being told her placement would not work (while also being offered an alternative suggestion) was to *slut shame* (calling OP a hoe) and *use mental illness as an insult* against the OP who has actually lived through said illness. (Which, btw is the deadliest mental illness with a 20% mortality rate without treatment). So I think she deserves a little grace for her emotions running a bit high when writing this post after having that shouted at her. Also, sometimes people DO snap for no reason. I have lost track of the number of times working in customer service jobs that I have had entitled people just blow up in my face for absolutely no reason whatsoever saying truly horrible things. I once got called an "incompetent f*gg*t" because a printer jammed. Another time someone threw fries in my face because I accidentally gave them the wrong size. If you've never had this happen to you I'm happy for you. But it absolutely DOES happen and it is incredibly emotionally draining which brings me back around to grace for the OP.
i feel like youre wrong in saying that tattoo artists should *never* ask or care about a person's body shape when that body shape is literally going to be the canvas they have to work with. A canvas that is constantly changing and morphing at that. If someone comes in thats over weight or under weight and they have plans to change that sometime after, the tattoo artist should definitely be in the know so that they can tell their client "hey, just so you know, if youre working out more or gaining/losing weight for whatever reason, it WILL alter the way that this tattoo looks. If you want to wait until after youve achieved your goal, i could do it then. or i can try to do something else somewhere that wont change too much, like on your ear or such" telling a tattoo artist to not worry about the body of the person they are tattooing is like telling a carpenter not to worry about the shape of the wood theyre carving. It SOUNDS polite to not worry about it, but ultimately youre just setting the customer up for an awful tattoo when a few months down the line their tattoo is deformed because their body changed quite a bit.
i'm going to france in about a week and i was doing research to get a tattoo whilst there and one website, in order to make an appointment, asked your run-of-the-mill questions: what you're getting, its approx. size, where, etc. but then it also asked me for MY height and weight...as required fields... needless to say i went with a different studio
People with skin folds often have yeast issues between the folds which can smell weird. Even if the shower immediately before leaving the house, it can still smell.
Please tell me how the first situation is in any shape or form "fat shaming". She made the right call of not making the tattoo that wont work with her body, its about having a standard of quality. You cant sugarcoat everything, the fact that she is obese is just that, a fact. I work in this industry and I think its pretty obvious that you, as a client, need to disclose how the area we're about to tattoo looks. This is mostly to make sure the design fits that specific client properly. Have the client send a photo of the area after you word it nicely - "I need a photo of the area to make sure I can make a design that works just for you." She did nothing wrong apart from the last comment, but after she snapped like she did, I cant really blame her tbh.
While I agree that fat phobia is unacceptable anywhere, period. I do think it is hypocritical for the client to be offended by percieved fat phobia and the use the word 'anorexic' as an insult, although they are two opposites of a scale, commenting on anyones weight, skinny, curvy or otherwise is unnecessary and hurtful, especially when demeening somone with an eating disorder, which I can tell you from personal experience is distressing - I suffer from ARFID, not a weight related disorder, but recieve a lot of what feels like mockery because its seen as not real, all while recieving positive affirmations about the damaging behaviour I am inflicting upon my own body, is confusing, upseting and psycologically damaging, so I can understand why the tattoo artist lashed out because of the anorexic comment, even if she said something unacceptable and unnecessarily hurtful
If I was Zack's sister I would have a similar concern and personally don't like name tattoo's at all unless it's really artsy font, but I would say something to maybe redirect him like "I feel like she deserves more than a simple script tattoo, what about something that was really special to you two or something that represented your relationship so it bring up more happy memories when you look at it."
The matching tattoo neither of the women are the ass hole. Devon is a little, the fact he doesn't seem to care about his partners feelings or boundaries. Sure platonic love needs more attention but that tattoo for a lot of people comes across as romantic to the point commenters are saying OP is denying her feelings. I can't imagine how that must feel knowing if strangers saw the matching tattoos they'd assume they're a couple or having to likely defend your partners choice to friends or families that will make comments how it's a bit sus he has a "romantic tattoo" with another woman. This needed more communication and I'm sure OP and Devon could have compromised. The only thing I don't like is that she said it would be OK if OP was a man, like that would somehow get rid of the potential romantic reading of the tattoo. It's either potentially romantic or it's not regardless of gender.
Thankyou so much for your comments on reasons for body odour. I have depression, body dysmophia and an ED This is something that I don't feel able to talk about and there is a real stigma about it as people believe that you just don't care enough about yourself
The last one almost feels like he's getting a ... souvenir? Like, he knows he still has a piece of her and he's commemorating that accomplishment. Or like he's putting a notch in his bedpost. It could be a genuine thing that he feels that she made a big impact on his life even though the romantic aspect of their relationship didn't work out. And no one can dictate what another person can do with their body. But she's definitely NTAH for being upset by it. It is disconcerting.
To me, boundaries don't get to go to another person. The only exception being sexual/romantic boundaries, but having a matching tattoo with your friend that says "I love you" doesn't cross that boundary to me. We should all be normalizing saying "I love you" to our friends anyway. We need much more love in this world than there is and I think it's very sweet these two friends got it immortalized on them. Girlfriend's boundaries don't get to extend to what her boyfriend can choose to have put on his body.
I think you're wrong about the disclosure of her body size (before anyone tries to climb up my ass I'm 350lbs) the artist needs to understand where the tattoo is going to go. It may not be feasible to tattoo certain places and/or designs. I would never ask anyone to tattoo my flab. The skin is horrible, most designs just aren't going to work or look right. As for her funk, it could have been handled better but no one should show up to a shop smelling of infected flesh. Every video of the top X things to know before getting tattooed one entry is ALWAYS be clean, smell good, take a shower. I get infections under my folds, I would never ask an artist to deal with that.
Thank you for educating about aversion to showering when you're dealing with poor mental health. It can feel painful and the anxiety surrounding it can prevent someone from taking care of themselves.
I; believe the dresses I have from the UK are a 10 and I'm a US 4/6 depending on the dress (I have to size up because boobs when ordering UK sizes?). So you were possibly a US 00 or something tbh as a UK 4?
I'm a bit late, so no idea if you're gonna see this, but I haven't had the best day mental health wise and listening to you while trying to fall asleep really makes me feel safe and helps me to calm down. So thanks for creating this little safe space for all of us 💕
Its a tough call on the first one really...as a big girl and someone who has struggled with body image and ed for years i would find it triggering for someone to point out something like that but at the same time i would love for my artist to be honest with me...but i also think if i were to get a tattoo in a place where my size would affect the tattoo i would choose to go to a tattoo artist that looked like me!
"People don't snap for no reason" *laughs in retail worker* No, seriously, people snap for no reason all the time. So I'm tempted to believe the women in the first story. And everything that happens afterwards is not an asshole move, just human. Could she have been the bigger person and not snap back? Sure. But if it's true what she writes she wasn't the first one getting insulting about weight problems and being a recovering anorexic deserves just as much empathy as someone who is overweight.So if we excuse the clients snapping with her weight problems being a sensitive subject we kinda have to do the same for the artist.
15:09 Okay but why didn’t Bianca talk to her BOYFRIEND instead of his best friend? If it’s an issue in her relationship then talk within the relationship?? They could have chatted and compromised and not gotten the words or something. But no. She just freaked out at this other girl??
The best friend situation is weird. I hate that we always put blame on the girlfriend when most of the time in these situations there’s at least emotional cheating happening. There’s nothing wrong with saying you love your friends. But being to the point that you tattoo it? It’s a little weird.
The second one gives “I’m more important than your female friends” vibes. The girlfriend just seems extremely insecure. The friend said that the first time they had talked about getting tattoos was when they were 16, so they’ve been best friends for YEARS. I don’t think the guy or the friend did anything wrong. The girlfriend needs to address her insecurities, dissect why she feels that way, and improve herself.
+Linda Thornton But she is more important than his other 'female friends'. Well at least she should be to the guy. She is his girlfriend, and Devon shouldn't be getting a permanent 'I love you' tattoo of his best friend while knowing it makes his girlfriend uncomfortable. Especially if he hasn't done anything like that with his girlfriend because that just say 'I love my best friend more than you'.
@@lindathornton6985 His girlfriend should be more important to him than his best friend. If I had a partner that decided to get "You are my light and I love you." matching tattoo with their best friend I would be insecure about who he loves as well. Especially if he hasn't even mentioned doing the same with the person he is actually supposed to love.
Anyone who minds a grieving person's tattoo dedicated to their late partner should not be dating a widow/widower. Those are gonna be the same people who get offended when you're sad on anniversaries, get tired of having pictures of the deceased partner around, get annoyed if their partner wants to go to the grave site, etc.
I say "I love you" to all my friends. It's difficult in English since you don't have another word for a friendship love. In Czech, when you say "I love you" to friends, the sentence is different (different words) than to your significant other.
Story #1 NTA I find it a little hypocritical of you to think the tattoo artist should still work on the overweight woman after being called an "anorexic hoe" Why is it okay to thin shame someone but not raise valid concerns over how a tattoo will look on someone and the sanitary aspect of her body not being clean?
I don’t think you have actually seen what not just a fat person looks like, fat is not an insult in itself, but a morbidly obese person. Their arms or chest might be able to be done. But anywhere their fat is naturally folded is going to be super difficult to tattoo. And if you think they were going to write the post better, how would you have wrote it?
What if someone comes in who is so horribly scarred that the tattoo just simply would not be able to be done in that area? Since you brought up scars specifically being something that a person should bring up to their tattoo artist. And I am saying that as someone who has a lot of scarring. Would that be scar phobic?
I’m plus size and I’m just about to finish a leg sleeve. I have a space on upper inner thigh. I have shown the tattooist and we discussed my skin as being a bit ‘crapey’ as I was a big bigger and have lost some weight. I’m terrified that my vagina and bum will smell, as she’s going to get close to it!😆😱 planning to wash well and wear a panty liner, maybe even a tampon! Being a large lady can also cause sitting difficulty as it’s harder for artists to get your body into a comfortable position. I always try to ‘courneract’ any problems , by sitting Uber still and never complaining about discomfort or pain!
About the first story: Im overweight myself so i understand how sensitive and emotional that subject can be I honestly totally get where the tattoo artist was comming from with their concerns, but maybe they just didn't word those concerns that well when talking to the customer ? We can't really know the full story just from the reddit post, but it definitely sounds like the situation was really bad for both people involved and i hope they'll both handle issues like this better in the future For the second story: "I love you" can mean different things to different people For some they're extremely strong words they rarely use, for others they use them for everyone they care about because they love expressing their feelings to their friends I do understand that the girlfriend feels a bit weird about it, but i think thats something she needs to talk about with her partner The main thing that bothers me is the whole "it would be ok if you were a man", i really hate double standarts like that! And i also think that last one is really weird, i would find that kinda strange and a bit creepy as well Especially since they only dated for a year! If it was more like 10+ years it would have at least been a significant part of their life
After I lost my husband, I had his nickname, Sunshine, tattooed on me with a sunflower. I am considered a “young widow”, I am currently 30. But my husband meant the world to me and it was special that my first tattoo was dedicated to him. If I decide to put myself out there again, I would hope to find someone who would understand and respect my decision. So I disagree with that person.
Oh I’m so sorry my love 💖
Your tattoo wouldn’t bother me- I’m sure there are others who share the same opinion
I'd see that as a beautiful quality x
If anyone expects you to forget your first husband, they are not someone who deserves you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. A friend of mine has gone through something similar. Secondly, I wouldn't want to be with someone who was bothered by a memorial tattoo. Imo it's a major red flag.
If a person can't get themselves together enough to shower for a tattoo, they can't be expected to keep it clean as it heals. Like you said, it's an open wound and it would be unethical to tattoo someone's body if they aren't in a condition, physical or mental, to be able to keep it from getting infected.
For sure. Shaming is never okay or needed. But hygiene issues have to be considered. And if there genuinely was a horrible odor, the artist can't be expected to sit inches away tattooing this person. The tattoo would not probably come out good. That being said, the fatshaming undertones and wording of the post made her sound like the ah.
I have some issues with the shower thing and I'm on my third tattoo and keeping the tattoo clean has never been an issue for me.. I'm always excited to clean the tattoo, even if showering is a drag.. Tho, I am very good at showering before leaving the house, so I guess it's "not that bad" in my case..
Body piercer here. To your statement in the first clip with people don’t just snap like that... in this industry they do.. 90% of piercings are anatomy dependent. The second I inform clients about why they aren’t suited for the piercing or why it can’t go in a specific area more than half the time I get treated horribly after. Accusing me of not wanting to do the piercing for every reason under the sun besides the one I tell them. When people have their heart set on something (especially something so permanent )and they are told they can’t have it, they can get pretty ugly really quick.
They are probably the same people that don't pay attention to after care and then get mad when it gets infected.
I was told by a professional piercer that I wanted an industrial and they told me they wouldnt do it. Mostly because of my ear shape. They said that if I was going through with having the industrial there would be a chance that I could have too much pressure on it. I wanted this since I was 12 and had never changed my mind about it. So I went home devastated. I went to a different professional and they told me the same. So I said "I don't care and I'm taking the risk" and they said "OK" and went through with it. I'm not having problems since but really, I did not have to snap or scream or anything just because I was sad. I got the industrial despite the complications they told me about and wound up fine but healing took over 3 years and I had to redo it a second time. I take the complete blame for this and the professionals treated me correctly, like they were supposed to be.
When I got my ears pierced for the second time (first holes grew closed), the piercer told me my earlobes were too fat for the mashine, so we'd have to do it with a needle.
I wasn't angry at the piercer, and I reacted by just saying "Alright. Sounds good", but damn. Never thought I could be insecure about my earlobes. Now I am
I’m sorry that you have to deal with that, I wanted an industrial and my lovely piercer told me it was impossible. I was sad but I never thought to be an ass to the piercer about it. Like they refused to do something for good money because they cared for my health. Why don’t people see that instead of the rage (they act like toddlers sometimes💀)
Just because that’s your personal experience doesn’t mean the client here was like that.
i’m a plus sized person and i find it really hard to see this first story as an ass hole. you should always shower the heck out of yourself before a tattoo. i think they were super justified in saying that to this woman. if you tattoo around folds, it won’t even heal well. it will be miserable, painful, and not clean. i don’t have tattoos on my stomach for this exact reason. not every size can get the same things. this doesn’t hurt my feelings in any way because i’m aware of reality. even the tattoo on my inner elbow was horrible healing because other skin was constantly touching it when bending my arm. i can’t imagine inbetween my folds of fat lol how miserable. this artist did them a favour.
This! The amount of people who deny reality for the sake of feelings is insane.
I agree but couldn't word it as well
I’m plus size too and this post is very well put
@Lisa Rowe i’m sorry but this isn’t compatible. one is systematic racism and one is a matter of cleanliness and hygiene. sanitization is the biggest problem here. nothing is wrong with having a fat body, but it does make my body react and do things different then yours. something other plus sized and fat individuals understand. my fattier areas are extremely painful to tattoo. something you may not have even experienced. it’s best to stick to different areas.
@Lisa Rowe Tbh the tattoo artist didn't say it wasn't posible. They offered to change the design to something more organic because geometry wouldn't look good and do it at the same part of the body, or do the same design but with other placement. I think the main problem here was the smell. As they said it, it wasn't just sweat, it was something else. As a tattoo artist, I wouldn't tattoo someone who I seriously consider won't take care of the tattoo and possibly get an infection, I wouldn't want to play with someones health. As you used yourself as an example, you were sweaty, I've got tattooed in summer too and that's normal, but as long as you are clean and hydrate it properly, it doesn't matter if you are skinny, slightly overweight or obese 🤷🏽♀️
I feel like if any future partners have a problem with someone having a tattoo about their spouse that passed away, they're probably not the right partner for you anyway
I think with the overweight AITA the artist probably was frustrated when writing her post which could be why she came off so negatively at first but yes I agree that it’s a sensitive subject and hard to talk with the client. I’m a server and I’ve been in situations where guests have pissed me off and I had no desire to go back to the table, so maybe the client had already been mean to her first and she just didn’t write the post well
Specially when the client called her anorexic and she is in recovery
I can see how both parties may have not made the best decisions in this situation but I can see how the tattoo would not work in that area. I am large too and I do give tattoo artists a heads up on my size so they can prepare the best design for me
The client wad definitely in the wrong for lashing and insulting the artist's body (calling her an0rexic etc) but yes, the way the artist wrote the post and worded it was definitely problematic. I understand it was probably a big health and hygiene issue and so on, but she wrote the post in a very negative manner focusing on the ''folds''. It was unnecessary. So I'd say both of them were the ah in this one.
Yeah thats exactly the vibe I got- I was picturing myself as the tattoo artist and like it seems like maybe they triggered EACHOTHER with their respective weight "concerns" or whatever and at that point they were both uncomfortable with eachother
The girlfriend vs friend story is missing a key component: what did they guy say and do about any of this? I find it kind of disrespectful that he didn't tell his partner what he was doing first and listen to her concerns or boundaries, especially considering this doesn't sound spur of the moment as they had a mutual friend plan it all and design it off in jokes. Surely if you saw that it was going to hurt your partner this much you would talk it out with them and come up with something that works instead. Why is the girlfriend talking to the friend, when the issue she has is with her boyfriend?
Totally agree!
Yes! It is very much giving “woman takes out anger on the person that their partner cheated with, not the partner who broke the trust and violated the promise of commitment in the relationship”
Ya i Agree the boyfriend and the girlfriend communicated better but I’m still wondering why lightbulb was shaped as a heart
For the matching tattoos, I really think tattooing the words ‘I love you’ is inflammatory so can understand the girlfriend being uncomfortable. BUT the girlfriend shouldn’t be chasing the girl OP, she should be discussing it with her actual partner who she’s in a relationship with, especially since the tattoos are already done.
This 100%. It should be resolved between the couple. I also think the ''ily'' specifically being her issue is totally fair! They could have gotten some other thing that symbolises their love that the gf is still also comfortable with!
Second story: I think Devon is the real AH here. The tattoo is a lovely idea and I believe OP when they say it’s completely platonic. OP is in no way tied to Bianca and has no reason to take into account her thoughts. Devon, on the other hand, is in a committed relationship with Bianca, and is choosing to disregard her and refuse to take her feelings into account when making a choice that very clearly upset her. Thats the problem here. That’s not something you do to someone you love, especially not someone who is on track to be your life partner. At the very least, he should have sat down with her and explained to her how important this tattoo is to him. If he’ll be getting it regardless of what she thinks, he needs to be clear about it, and not be shocked if that’s a dealbreaker. Again, not for the tattoo itself, but for the lack of compromise and consideration of your partner’s feelings. If he didn’t want to take that hard of a stance, he should’ve allowed her input to design something she’s comfortable with, that he and OP are both okay with.
💯
I completely agree with this. I don't even blame the girlfriend for being upset, Devon should've explained everything to her. He should've communicated with her more.
Oh, absolutely. Communication and compromise is vital to a healthy relationship, it's obvious from Bianca's distress that Devon and Bianca really need to sit down and listen to each other. HOWEVER, Bianca shouldn't be going after OP because OP is not Bianca's girlfriend. Buuuuuuut I can't really blame her too much, she's probably feeling worried and defensive and doesn't want to cause a fight with her bf.
Yes! But I also think that respecting a friend or family member’s partner is critical. I think they’re both wrong. I also think the SO needs to work through some security and jealousy issues.
I agree. I kept thinking "Why is Bianca talking to the OP, when the problem here is her boyfriend?" I have seen this pattern a lot of times, and have been the "Bianca" of the situation myself, when I was in my twenties and was very insecure about my past relationship. It's easy to get angry at the other girl, it's more difficult to sit down with your partner and try to understand their point of view.
For the first story: it's very common for people who are very large to get infections within folds due to difficulty reaching in those areas, as well as skin irritation due to constant rubbing and chafing. Unfortunately this can be difficult to treat due to the nature of the combination of raw, thin, irritated skin (which I would not recommend tattooing on even if it was clean) and trapped sweat and dirt. I agree that it would be better to adjust the tattoo. For context, I know this well because I see it often with heavier clients as a licensed massage therapist. It's important in my line of work to move the tissue well to promote circulation to heal and stretch the body. Sometimes I have to put on gloves to do this effectively due to an active infection. But I simply don't mention it. I will put on gloves and ask if it's uncomfortable for me to move certain areas. Or I will simply let them know that I will avoid moving that area to avoid hurting them, but let them know that I can work around the area. Sometimes giving a reasonable explanation is the best way to avoid conflict.
I think that the first situation is a very difficult and sensitive conversation to have. As a plus-sized person myself, I have experienced how the world treats people with bodies that are not considered to meet the standard. Extra tact and some empathy is required. I do think that the concern about infection is valid and suggesting an alternative placement is a great idea. But somewhere the presentation and communication failed and that is too bad.
Yeah that was my thoughts as well, like OP's concerns about the placement/hygenia were okay to ensure the best health and results for the client but they jumped over the line horribly and they were super insulting and degrading the client
@@missoona7130 but the client called the artist an anorexic bitch, so that is ok to do ? double standards much ?
About the widower. I'm a widow. I met my husband in 1994. He passed away 2 years ago next month. I'm not fond of name tattoos, but that's beside the point. My next tattoo is going to be something about my late husband. If any potential partner had a problem with that? They are obviously not the person for me. He was a huge part of my life. Most of my entire adult life at that. I don't think that the sister is either an ahole or not an ahole for voicing her concerns, but ultimately it is his decision on how he wants to memorialized his late wife.
Exactly! If someone wants to date a widow/widower, they need to accept that that person will always have a connection with their spouse, and understand that it doesn't lessen their relationship. Anyone who would be jealous of their relationship with their deceased partner is petty and doesn't want to accept all of who the widow/widower is, so if they're scared off by the tattoo I'd count it as a win
I know its not my place to speak on this, but i'd recommend getting something that was significant to the late spouse, or something they had in common instead of a name. It also opens up so many different design ideas and a way to make it that much more special for them.
@ I wouldn't do a name, personally. It's just not my thing.
I definitely think the client in the first story should have told the artist that she was bigger/had folds before the appointment. I don't know about anyone else, but a lot of the tattoo artists in my area will ask for any additional information they might need to know about, like scars and other tattoos, that might affect the tattoo. In my opinion, fat rolls definitely fall under this, not to mention her size effects the size of the tattoo and therefore the price and the amount of time it takes to do the tattoo. I know it can be hard to talk about some things with a complete stranger (I personally found it hard to talk about my S/H scars when filling in consult forms) but in the end it's important to be honest with your artist in order to get the best tattoo possible
edit: my phrasing was a little off, I didnt mean to imply that thin was the default
if it’s going to effect how the tattoo itself can be done then yes 100%
I know lots of artists ask for photos of the area to be tattooed beforehand also so if this artist had done that the situation might have been avoided completely because they could have handled the convo over email and it might not have gotten so explosive
I'm plus size and I would never think about getting a tat without asking the artist if my skin would be a problem and making sure they know what's going on. Like with stretchmarks and extra skin/fat. I hope the artist was good at explaining this because we never get the full story from aita. Obviously you should treat it with care because many people have deeply rooted shame for their own body.
Then maybe the artist shouldn’t assume someone is thin?
@@Iamaguienapig what then? fat bodies are diverse, and there are lots of different body types that fall under the umbrella of 'fat.' even if the artist HAD assumed the client was fat, they would still be designing the tattoo without knowing what kind of canvas they were working with
Story number one: I disagree with you on this one for a few reasons:
- showing up to a tattoo appointment super dirty is never okay no matter your size. It’s gross, unhygienic and rude to your artist.
- if the area was as described and the tattoo wouldn’t have worked in that area, in any situation, an artist should tell you that and offer solutions - which this artist claimed to do. It might be disappointing but most people would rather get a nice tattoo
- skin folds get infected easier and especially if the woman was showing she didn’t wash them to go to her appointment… so it would be fair to be nervous about her after care procedures
- the person got angry and threw a tantrum and called them anorexic which is ridiculously not okay and offensive (if they did say that) - if you’re being abusive towards an artist they don’t have to tattoo you full stop. There are many videos of people who are overweight getting very upset about things that aren’t offensive so it is possibly the case here.
I will add:
- it is possible the artist explained their reasons in an offensive way, we won’t ever know because we weren’t there (although this person did still want to get tattooed by them after they said no to the idea so that lends me to believe it wasn’t that horrible - again we will never know)
- the language in the post wasn’t great but it doesn’t automatically mean the person wasn’t professional and kind at work (lots of us are on our best behaviour at work and talk differently at home), some people genuinely aren’t trying to be offensive when describing overweight people but they don’t fully know how to do it properly - which isn’t an excuse but I don’t think it means they’re automatically an AH.
Overall unless this tattoo artist was extremely offensive to the person in real life I don’t think they’re an AH. They did their job to stop a client from getting an infection or bad work, offered alternatives, and didn’t let the customer abuse them after they threw a tantrum. Could the artist have handed it better? Yes probably but ultimately they made the right call and did their job.
People need to know body shaming is not only fat shaming, I am not skinny in any way (my grandma told me I need to loose few pounds, if my grandma is saying it I know it) but I still think skinny shaming is as terrible as fat shaming
Yeah honestly I’m really struggling to see how the artist is the AH in this situation. I don’t see how it’s body shaming to tell someone a certain tattoo won’t look good on a certain area of the body (plus the artist offered to draw something more organic that would compliment the area more nicely), but I definitely see how it’s body shaming to call someone a “skinny anorexic hoe” because everything didn’t go how that person wanted it to. And tbh yeah, she should’ve washed herself before she went in, and the artist isn’t in the wrong for telling her that basic hygiene is expected no matter your size, body type, or anything else.
I think op is justified but also wouldn't be surprised if she accidentally said something rude that escalated the situation, just because that would be very easy to do with a sensitive thing like this unless you were very very good with charm and tact. Especially considering she admitted she was disgusted by the client, i think it would be hard to cover up my disgust if it were me
@@Yiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiii yes exactly! My whole life growing up I was naturally super skinny (couldn’t gain much weight even when I tried) and people would make all sorts of comments that made me feel like I looked gross for being skinny but of course it’s always just been accepted to say these things to people on the other end of the weight spectrum
I completely agree. The artist is not the AH. Also if you have excess folds in an area a tattoo may look like garbage due to that. So why should the artist still tattoo the area if they know it's going to look bad. Then the person would be mad the tattoo looked like crap. So ya 😅
I feel like a late partner's name is probably the safest relationship tattoo you can get. The relationship isn't going to go sour. They're not going to cheat on you with your best friend. You're not going to wake up one day and realize you can't stand them. And nobody with any kind of emotional maturity is going to think you're a commitment-phobic train wreck once they know the person is only a former partner because they passed away.
As a formerly skinny to now big girl, I would love the honesty from the first tattoo artist. Did the tattoo artist handle this correctly with the client? We don’t know. What we do know is the intention, and that’s just the truth. I would not want to go into a tattoo shop and have something done with a higher risk of infection because I wanted it. If I really wanted a specific piece, it’s ok to move it if it’s the right decision for the art. My stomach is shaped like a “B.” Having something around my belly button would look horrible, and be a higher risk for infection. I think tattoo artists provide a service, just like doctors do. Both should be up front and honest about the healing process and potential risks. I don’t like the body shaming from either of them though, but refusing the tattoo placement was a good call.
I am getting a sleeve the tattoo artist tatting me must take my size into consideration I have goodbye arms like many large people so tattooing that area takes a different approach. I am comfortable in my size and I do not get offended when a tattoo artist says that is not a good area to tattoo. It is not fatphobia it is reality.
With regards to story number one, I too would be concerned tattooing a super morbidly obese person with large skin folds especially if they want the tattoo in an area with skin folds. People who are morbidly obese are much more prone to very serious skin infections which can absolutely be deadly. So to tattoo someone on their abdomen with skin folds which you may think is not cleaned routinely and properly can really put your client at increased risk for infection. Not saying every obese person should be turned away but there is definitely added risk for them. Just my two cents on that one. I’d definitely discuss it as gently as I could with the client before proceeding and make sure that information is provided for in a consent form.
To be honest I’d rather be accused of being fat phobic (which I’m not) than do a tattoo on someone that resulted in a massive infection or possibly death.
I completely agree! (Edit:Especially with those who are to a specific level of morbidly obese their hygiene isn’t all good when they get to the point they can’t reach the places they need to clean.) I’ve been there with depression and completely reliant on medication. However, I know that I shouldn’t get a tattoo if I’m not hygienic, so I make sure to take good care before and after especially. I have family members who work in emergency medicine. they’ve had morbidly obese people come in not knowing why they smell so putrid. While cleaning them, they found out why. One woman’s frog died and was decomposing in her folds. Another woman came in with the same issues. Her kitten died in her folds and was decomposing in her folds. There are many other stories I’ve heard too about finding dead things in there, but those are the 2 worst ones IMO. Knowing what I know, I also wouldn’t feel comfortable tattooing that area, nor would I provide a service to someone who popped off and insulted me. More than anything it’s 100% a health and safety issue, therefore giving the woman what she wanted would be completely unethical. I couldn’t live with myself if I gave someone a tattoo that I knew was unsafe that would result in injury or death
@@CandyLover720 I agree. Those are definitely more extreme cases but it does happen. I have a coworker who I do consider a friend who is morbidly obese and she does have a scent to her due to her size. I would never comment on it nor do I think lesser of her because of her size. I too have had depression and it effected my cleanliness around my home (not my body) but I can understand why it would effect other people. It’s a hard truth about obesity that doesn’t get talked about. Obesity is also linked to higher incidences of depression. It becomes a very rough cycle to get out of.
@@CandyLover720 so I’m considered morbidly obese by the bmi chart. Appearance wise, I’m just fat. I can and do clean every inch of my body. Be very careful saying that people who are fat aren’t clean. We can clean ourselves just fine. This is an insult to a lot of fat people. I’m fat because I’m really really sick. I used to be super thin and athletic, and now I get accused of being dirty and dirty looks because I’m fat and people think I’m gross. It’s SO hurtful, especially since I can’t control it. Please be mindful of the way you speak about peoples bodies - thin, fat, morbidly obese, or otherwise. No matter your body type, I’d never say something unkind about you. Remember, fat people are people and have feelings.
@@CandyLover720 WOW those are some.. funky findings..
I absolutely agree on the offended point as well. If you scream at your tattoo artist, they literally have no reason to go into it with you. They don’t «owe» anything, and simply for that reason - body size be damned - I would totally support any artist who says: «I will not tolerate you yelling at me, and I want you out of my work environment. You have no ‘right’ to get tattooed by me, and I definitely don’t want to work ‘with’ you when you have thrown verbal shit at me. Maybe you will find another artist who will be ok with that behaviour, but I’m not.».
@@gabrielleakers7540 I understand how my comment could have come across that way. I specified morbidly obese to distinguish from fat people. I acknowledge that it’s not all obese or morbidly obese people. Certain levels of morbidly obese just cannot reach everything to clean, which is what lead to the situations I referred to. I didn’t mean to generalize to all. I know that not all bigger bodies have to go to the ER to be cleaned. These are specific situations that I know of that make me recognize how dangerous it would be to tattoo someone described like in that post. In referencing the morbidly obese, I never said they weren’t people with feelings. That is why I said I couldn’t live with causing a person to get injured or die by giving them a tattoo that I know would end in that because I couldn’t live with myself for hurting someone and giving them that tattoo would be 100% unethical. With the knowledge of tattooing and everything, if I did that, I would be intentionally harming that woman
(For the first story) As a fat AFAB that wants to tattoo, how I would approach the situation would be like “if we put the design where you wanted, there is an anatomy issue and I don’t think you’d be happy with the end result. We can experiment with placement. I would suggest to try moving it up to your sternum so you have the same effect you were looking for.”
On the body weight aita. I would have to hear both sides of the story on that one. It's not very easy to tell someone that their hygiene is not very great. If your mental health isn't the greatest to the point of not showering you shouldn't be getting a tattoo. Also the artist has the right to refuse.
I think the second story has a lot to do with their ages. The older I’ve gotten the more free I am with my words of affection. I tell all my friends and family that I love them. It’s just in my nature to be that way. I think men and women can be best friends and it doesn’t bother me at all. Of course I’ve been married for a long time and am very secure in our relationship so things like this would never upset me. Had this happened to me when I was 20 I might have not been as understanding especially with the words “I love you”.
In the second story, I can understand Bianca being upset, but the point of "it would be ok of she were a guy" is the part that's iffy to me. When it comes to that sort of thing my basic idea is - if a bisexual person can't do it at all, but a straight or gay person can under the right circumstances, it's a bad rule. Again, I can totally understand her being defensive over "I love you" to a person of the gender he's attracted to, but at the same time it means that she doesn't truly believe that their relationship is completely platonic. Regardless, I agree with you that they needed a lot more communication about it.
I feel like it's more of a trust issue between the gf and bf so the gf shouldn't be going at the friend but rather talk it out with her bf
See that’s the part that gets me why is it okay if it was a guy? If it’s a hard and fast boundary it should apply to all friends.
Exactly! So if I like guys and girls I'm not allowed to get friendship items with anyone?! Because I could potentially be dating them? Give me a break. People who think like that are closed minded. I have plenty of friends that I'm super close to and they're girls. But they're like sisters to me and I'd never see them as romantic interests. If one day I was dating a girl and she felt uncomfortable with me getting matching items (I don't think I'll ever get a tattoo) or being super close to my friends I'd have a problem with that.
For the matching tattoos, they could’ve had use matching tattoo with the heart shaped lightbulb, but then not gotten “i love you” tatted with it. Like just nix the text, so they could have the meaningful matching tattoos, without making the gf uncomfortable?
I have dated a man who lost his wife before we met. She was always something we talked about and I loved to hear stories about her. I was completely on board with him getting her name as a tattoo like he wanted. I found it a beautiful and important part of him that he had loved someone that much, in my mind it tells so much good about him.
Only reason we aren't in as much contact anymore is that his mental health went downhill very fast and he was already depressed from what happened. As a mental health rehabilitate myself he made the decision to not drag me down with him and he has my complete respect for that decision.
I love the dude. And I love his wife as something that is now a beautiful part of him.
“Yet again I’m not attracted to women. Unless it’s Doja Cat.” -Treacle Tatts 2022
😂😂😂😂
About the second story. The thing that buggs me here is the girlfriend voiced her boundaries & concerns before they got the tattoos and they did it anyway without any discussion or compromise that we know of. It comes across as disrespectful.
Watching your videos a lot lately now that I'm planning my first tattoo. Finally starting my medical transition soon and I'm planning to get a tattoo to celebrate. So excited!
Congratulations
Congrats! 🏳️⚧️
🥳💖I love this!!!
Purely speaking for myself, but if I were looking for a relationship and the person had a tattoo of their late partner's name, I would be 100% supportive
I got a tattoo-memorial tattoo for my husband after he passed away. Some people just aren’t into tattoos but I have never regretted those tattoos. His body, his choice.
i have a lot of thoughts on the second story, mainly because i have a lot of similarities with the people included in the story
i’m 19 and female and i do have a male best friend who’s turning 20 pretty soon, we’ve also been friends since we were 12-13
i’m a lesbian so obviously we would have zero romance between us, and we say “i love you” to eachother all the time because of how close we are
i don’t the the OP is the asshole for getting the tattoo at all, i’d say the only thing that should’ve been done better was the communication. i also think it’s important to think about this situation in different ways. if the OP were male Bianca would’ve been fine with it… but that brings up a whole seperate issue. just because it’s a girl and a guy doesn’t automatically mean there’s romance. and if it were two people of the same gender that doesn’t always automatically mean it’s platonic.
if the OP and her best friend were blood related i highly doubt that bianca would’ve been bothered by that either. so the issue probably stems from bianca’s own insecurities and mindset. (not saying bianca’s the asshole for this tho, she is completely entitled to her own opinions and her boundaries are valid)
i don’t think anyone in the situation is the asshole, i just think that there should’ve been more communication before the tattoo was done so nobody got hurt
I can see why the girlfriend would be uncomfortable with the matching tattoo... but she's the asshole in my opinion. It's not about boundaries because this is NOT HER BODY and as long as all three of them know this is nothing but platonic, there should not be this big of a problem. If she genuinely cannot differentiate between platonic love and romance, she's got some growing up to do. I know I'm being harsh but geez that story frustrated me. If my BF were to throw a fuss over me getting a matching tattoo with my best friend saying I love them, I'd be very unimpressed with his lack of security and trust in me...
I don't think in any relationship you should have to constantly report back with what you're doing with your body, thats borderline policing, but I understand at least talking about it. (especially when its something that can so easily be taken another way).
Absolutely agree here. The gf must have know how deep the friendship goes with the mate, when she got with bf,
so she def needs to grow the fuck up. Saying if the mate was a bloke she wouldn’t care SPEAKS VOLUMES TO HER IMMATURITY.
It ain’t her body, it ain’t her business. Simple as that
Normalize platonic love! Lol. But seriously, I think the gf in the second post is in the wrong here. If she hadn't said that she would be ok with it if it was another guy friend instead, I'd side with her more. But to me, that comment makes her lack of comfort ignorantly sexist. I don't think she's a bad person for that, but it's unfair to OP. Like if OP only identified as male, there would be no problem? Makes no sense.
My other problem with that one is the idea, that because OP is a girl and her bestie is a hetero guy, *that's* why I Love You is inappropriate, or has different connotations. Because where does that leave us bisexual and pansexual folks? I promise I'm attracted to far less ppl around me, than the number I am attracted to, at any given time. Lol. Especially my friends!
In my opinion, the real problem in this couples relationship is ~trust~ I think any of the potential reasons the gf could have for being *so upset* about the tattoo, are still as much, or as little, of a potential problem regardless of the tattoo itself. Or, as a stranger on Twitter once said, "the Iranian yogurt is not the problem here"
Alright so the last one is one that I feel compelled to talk about. I have a few tattoos for ex boyfriends, but it’s a “theme” of guys who redefined what love is. I’ve learned that love is like Greek philosophy and you’re meant to fall in love numerous times throughout your life to fully appreciate it. You have your first love, the love that is based on emotions and passion, the love that it doesn’t work out with but you want them to be happy... etc etc. I don’t have these specific tattoos because I won’t move on or that I’m still in love with them, but rather without that love I wouldn’t have that greater understanding that I do now. It’s made me appreciate love more.
That first story is genuinely SHOCKING. I understand hygiene is the concern, but I can just tell from the way OP speaks that they genuinely have a problem with this woman’s body. NTA for rejecting the client on the basis of cleanliness, but DEFINITELY TA for the language used…
In regards to the second story, I feel like it would be interesting to know how many tattoos all the people involved in the situation have. I feel like it would become more or less of a big of a deal because of it. Let's say that that's their first tattoos, or if Bianca doesn't have any, it might look extremely meaninful because i feel like your opinion on tattoos gets more chill the more you have them.
Aside from that, I also think that OP shouldn't assume that the girlfriend says "I love you" easily. From personal experience, I use that word so sparringly even for people that mean a lot. It depends on your preferred way to show affection and words might not be hers.
As someone who is very large I think the first situation is extremely difficult. I can honestly believe that the artist did try and say it nicely in the beginning but the current body positivity and fat phobic climate is so extremely insane and toxic that I can fully believe the client went off. I also have severe mental health issues and have to force myself to get up and shower and look after myself so I can see from that side also. If I go for a tattoo though I am absolutely listening to the artist about whether something is possible and yeah it may feel shit to hear that your weight will impact how a tattoo will come out but you listen cause you don't want an awful tattoo. And to feel like you're being attacked for your weight in no way gives you the right to turn around and attack the person for their physical appearance.
The friendship one is killing me, lol. Why didn't the boyfriend run the design by the girlfriend first, take her input into consideration, and change it accordingly? That's why the GF is so mad, because she's definitely being put on the back burner for a friendship. Honestly, he's the one who makes it seem shady.
The first one I'm torn no I don't think they were the a hole for the situation itself or a good part of the situation.. they were an a hole the way they wrote their post.. and honestly yes a lot of ppl snap for no reason I see it all the time in retail.. ppl have become overly entitled and think the world owes them no matter what the situation and/or how polite you try to be.. the customer is not always right.. that said though we weren't there so we can't say for sure what connotations, tones etc were used behind the scenes
My thoughts exactly
I'm a fat person who struggles with mental health. Thank you so much for the things you said. It meant a lot to me
I feel like the matching tattoo issue could have been prevented if all parties just sat down and talked out the tattoo first. If say they asked the girlfriend if she'd be OK with the tattoo just being a light bulb without the "I love you" bit all parties could have had their feelings and boundaries respected. The friends could still have a matching meaningful tattoo and the gf wouldn't feel like the 3rd wheel.
Knowing you are tattooing under folds is deffinitely just as important as knowing you'd be tattooing over scars..
Having a mental health issue is not an excuse. Don't go expecting somebody to handle your uncleaned body.
You first used mental health as a possible excuse for her being dirty but then flip it and say "the tattooing artist must have been rude. People don't just freak out for no reason". . People with issues do flip out. .
for the matching tattoo one i personally think that nobody was wrong in the situation. love is seen too much as a romantic only thing, love is shared in family and friends too and can be just as deep as romantic love. the two people see it platonically and that's it, that's how they've defined it, it's not their fault if other people perceive it a different way. the guy should have spoken to his gf about it way before the appointment was made but its not OP's mistake.
however, the girlfriend being uncomfortable is fine, i can understand how someone can feel weird about it since we live in a society where love is seen as only romantic and its not her fault she falls into that thinking. if a matching tattoo between friends is enough to make her uncomfortable then it wasn't going to work out anyway in my opinion
I agree 100% with everything you said!!
I had an artist go on and on about how a tattoo was too small for my body because I'm "thicker than a snicker" (his words). The tattoo is larger than my open hand. I'm a size US 10. 🙄
WTH?!
When I heard “recovering anor*xic” (not sure if TH-cam auto flags comments w that word in it, sry) OP’s attitude made sense. This person definitely sounds like they’re projecting their own unhealthy ideas about weight onto other people, with the way they talk about the client. That’s definitely assholish, and while their disorder is an explanation, it’s not an excuse.
But.
That’s not what they’re being given judgement for. The question was about refusing the tattoo. And for that, I gotta say, NTA. People of all body types should be able to get tattoos, but they need to be clean first, for both the tattooist’s comfort and sanitary reasons. If you can’t bother to properly prepare for your session, you can’t get tattooed. And OP is the best judge of their own skills. If, for ANY reason, an artist believes they will not be able to give the client the quality of work they deserve, they shouldn’t do the tattoo. Sucks, but better than a crappy tat you’re stuck with. The lady’s comment was completely out of line, too, if that’s verbatim what she said. I agree we’re missing context with the conversation between the two but we can only go off the info in the post.
That's what I thought too! Who knows what the client's body actually looks like??! If OPs mind is still slightly warped because of her recovery then a Victoria secret model could seem fat to her🤷♀️
For the first story- I don’t think it’s worth being uncomfortable and doing an unsanitary, sub-par tattoo to spare someone’s feelings. The artist has the right to decline work, and they had a reasonable cause to do so. It’s not that hard to shower before an appointment, and if you have that little energy or will it’s irresponsible to get tattooed. The artist also proposed an alternative to compromise, which is generous in my book.
I agree that she was right to refuse the tattoo, but for some people it really can be that hard to shower before an appointment. Not just how hard it is to shower while depressed (and idk if the person was depressed but they may have been) but also showering when you're significantly overweight can be an extremely difficult project, and even when you do shower sometimes the folds don't get clean. Like I've never been significantly overweight but I've seen documentaries and it's difficult. And skin folds really hold a smell, like how most people's belly button smells off even if they just cleaned it.
Good points! I think then the issue is that they physically can’t shower very much then they wouldn’t be able to keep the tattoo clean as it heals, which could put some heat on the artist.
@@arihicks6760 that's a fair point, I hadn't thought of that. I think also healing any tattoo where it's rubbing against itself would prove tricky? So I can definitely see how it's a poor choice, and if an artist doesn't want to do it because of all these factors then I agree that's totally reasonable :)
Lauren, you’re such a wholesome person. Seriously. We need more people like you.
i think in the first story, both/neither of them are the asshole. without seeing the other side of the story, we can’t know exactly how the conversation went down but i think regardless of that, the op had a point. if a tattoo placement wouldn’t heal right, the artist can suggest a different placement. if it’s unhygienic, i completely understand not wanting to do the tattoo at all. as a recovering anorexic myself, i can say it’s pretty likely that op said something hurtful, even if they didn’t realise it. fatphobia is basically taught in lots of ed spaces, and it can be difficult to unlearn. but regardless of whether or not that happened, i still understand not wanting to do the tattoo. the client said some hurtful things, and even if they were provoked i certainly wouldn’t want to tattoo her. tattooing while angry doesn’t seem like a good idea
I’ve honestly had a really mopey day and the first thing that made me smile is seeing that you uploaded. Thank you for always putting out the best content ♥️ also I work at the company that makes and sells Pepsi max and we talk about you a lot lol
Oh I’m so sorry you’re not having a great day my love ☹️💖
Whaaaaat!!? That’s like royalty talking about me tbh 😂
“....unless it’s Doja Cat” 😂 the matter of fact delivery was priceless.
I wouldn’t want my partner having a tattoo saying I love you from someone else! Maybe that’s me but maybe not those exact words.
Another amazing video!! I love literally everything you post. And I just want to say you are seriously SO GORGEOUS. Thank you for being an amazing person and creating awesome content 🖤
im just catching up on this reddit playlist after yesterdays video - in regards to the fatphobic post... unpopular opinion but soon as the person mentioned they were previously anorexic it sort of made more sense to me how they were wording things in their reddit post.
people with ed's i believe, tend to have this 'ideal' of what they deem to be the standard and anything less than is undesirable .
As a fat woman, I really appreciate the way you discussed the first one. Such kindness and empathy ♥️
Also, your videos are awesome and they always make me smile!
I have a skin condition that forms in heated areas in my body. I forget the name- I think it’s French but I get red bumps (not zits technically) and they do smell. They kinda look like scales. It sucks lol but I can manage the odor thankfully. And I can’t imagine for people who struggle to manage something similar. It really does pull down someone’s confidence in their body and can affect mental health.
My mom died and my dad got a tattoo of her name in her handwriting on his ring finger. He is now engaged to a wonderful woman who also lost her first spouse. Both cherish and talk about their deceased loved ones
In regard to the overweight client, I think it would be reasonable for an artist to refuse to tattoo a part of someone's body that they're already struggling to keep clean under normal circumstances. It would be hard to heal a tattoo if it does not occur to them to wash there or if they are already struggling with hygiene. It's just like when piercers refuse to pierce the navels of people who wear tights every day or whose stomachs fold across the area being pierced because it prevents the piercing from healing. Maybe the artist could have politely explained that they do not foresee a good healing outcome in the chosen area and recommended an area where the skin does not fold over itself like a thigh or upper back. That probably would have gone better than what they said.
For me the first story is an ESH
The client should ABSOLUTELY have cleaned themselves thoroughly before getting a tattoo, and I wouldn't want to be working on someone who obviously isn't very clean as I have OCD and a fear of contamination. And blowing up like that in a professional environment is really impolite.
BUT
OP should have handled this far better, their language was derogatory and rude and shameful honestly. I get that the client was also horrible in the scenario but I just think they should've explained it to the client better, explain the risks and the inability to do the design and not have been so judgemental.
Both of them were in the wrong in my opinion.
I think there are bestfriend designs and there is more couple styled tattoos. The heart light bulb and the I'll be your light is more bestfriend, while adding the love you always makes it seem more like a couple tattoo
First one was not the arsehole. It’s sad that the girl has body issues but nobody should be forced to perform a personal service on someone that has made them uncomfortable or who stinks - and I say this as a big girl.
I just love how understanding and accepting you are of everyone it always makes me and I'm sure others feel comfortable here 💖
Also first comment the artist has the right to be sceptical for the clients wellbeing esp cleanliness, but it should have been said better. Saying "folds" to her is super rude imo. She could have said "the design may not work well on this area of you body" and re cleanliness reiterating the importance for pre and post care and hygiene without being rude
I'm thinking nta for the first one just because you don't like some one don't mean you will say it out loud. Then there is the fact that people will complain about how the tattoo they have looks wrong/different after they lost/gain weight.
I don't understand the issue with the deceased wife's name. It's not like they got a divorce and then he ran out and got her name done, she *died*.
First op probably could have worded it better but it seems that they were really upset/triggered by the anorexic comment as they were recovering. Even if you’re bigger it is NOT ok to shame thinner people like that (coming from a plus size person with a plus size mom who would do this). The folds plus size people can get can easily become infected or chaffed if they don’t get care daily. It honestly seems best that the tatto wasn’t there. And I think it’s best the artist refused the second tattoo idea-they would’ve both been upset during the process and I doubt it would’ve turned out.
Binged most of your videos over the last month or so. Great stuff! 😁
In response to the 2nd post, they have been together long term so I'm wondering if Bianca has mentioned their relationship making her uncomfortable in the past. Because if they've been together that long she either knows it's platonic or IA uncomfortable with their friendship. I had an ex who was best friends with a woman who I was not comfortable with. But sometimes you just get that vibe about a person. I think Bianca should be mad at her boyfriend as he's the one dating her. I understand her being upset.
Lauren, the picture of "curvy" you in that cute bikini was just WOW!!!! You look so, so, so incredibly beautiful!!! And I am not saying that because you told in the video how you get more negative comments now on your body than you used to when you were super skinny, nope, i REALLY mean it!!! I am heavily overweight and if i could choose between the two bodies for myself, I would totally go with the curvy one you showed.
Also, I wanted to tell you something for a little while now. My dad passed away 5 weeks ago very unexpectedly and I was the one who found him. Struggling with anxiety and panic-attacks (PTSD) since early childhood, my mental stage was really horrible. In that time, i discovered your youtube-channel and been bingewatching you. You have a wonderful personality and it helped me so incredibly much, I have no words to express.
Keep it civil! I love your content Lauren!
That first one I'd say the tattoo artist is NTA in the grand scheme of things. Did they phrase some things insensitively, sure, but I think you were too harsh on her. For one, body shape absolutely does matter when it comes to tattoo placement. Especially when you are talking about someone who has multiple skin folds where they want the tattoo placed. It's just not reasonable. On the matter of hygiene, I completely get the barriers to bathing that can come with depression. I've been there. But if you can't shower due to depression it's probably not the right time to get a tattoo. There is also the compounded issue where skin folds + poor hygiene + tattoo is a recipe for infection. The artist has every right to turn down this client.
I also don't think the artist simply stating the fact that the client was fat and unhygienic is itself shaming. She's not implying that they are somehow a lesser person for it, just describing the situation. It's no different than if she had said that she could not tattoo them because they were incredibly boney and dirty. It's just the reality. How else should she have said it? I've been on both sides of the weight spectrum and I prefer frankness to euphemism.
On top of this all, and most important here IMO, is that the client's immediate reaction to being told her placement would not work (while also being offered an alternative suggestion) was to *slut shame* (calling OP a hoe) and *use mental illness as an insult* against the OP who has actually lived through said illness. (Which, btw is the deadliest mental illness with a 20% mortality rate without treatment). So I think she deserves a little grace for her emotions running a bit high when writing this post after having that shouted at her.
Also, sometimes people DO snap for no reason. I have lost track of the number of times working in customer service jobs that I have had entitled people just blow up in my face for absolutely no reason whatsoever saying truly horrible things. I once got called an "incompetent f*gg*t" because a printer jammed. Another time someone threw fries in my face because I accidentally gave them the wrong size. If you've never had this happen to you I'm happy for you. But it absolutely DOES happen and it is incredibly emotionally draining which brings me back around to grace for the OP.
I love your videos your one of my favorites on TH-cam
i feel like youre wrong in saying that tattoo artists should *never* ask or care about a person's body shape when that body shape is literally going to be the canvas they have to work with. A canvas that is constantly changing and morphing at that. If someone comes in thats over weight or under weight and they have plans to change that sometime after, the tattoo artist should definitely be in the know so that they can tell their client "hey, just so you know, if youre working out more or gaining/losing weight for whatever reason, it WILL alter the way that this tattoo looks. If you want to wait until after youve achieved your goal, i could do it then. or i can try to do something else somewhere that wont change too much, like on your ear or such"
telling a tattoo artist to not worry about the body of the person they are tattooing is like telling a carpenter not to worry about the shape of the wood theyre carving.
It SOUNDS polite to not worry about it, but ultimately youre just setting the customer up for an awful tattoo when a few months down the line their tattoo is deformed because their body changed quite a bit.
i'm going to france in about a week and i was doing research to get a tattoo whilst there and one website, in order to make an appointment, asked your run-of-the-mill questions: what you're getting, its approx. size, where, etc. but then it also asked me for MY height and weight...as required fields... needless to say i went with a different studio
People with skin folds often have yeast issues between the folds which can smell weird. Even if the shower immediately before leaving the house, it can still smell.
Please tell me how the first situation is in any shape or form "fat shaming". She made the right call of not making the tattoo that wont work with her body, its about having a standard of quality. You cant sugarcoat everything, the fact that she is obese is just that, a fact.
I work in this industry and I think its pretty obvious that you, as a client, need to disclose how the area we're about to tattoo looks. This is mostly to make sure the design fits that specific client properly. Have the client send a photo of the area after you word it nicely - "I need a photo of the area to make sure I can make a design that works just for you."
She did nothing wrong apart from the last comment, but after she snapped like she did, I cant really blame her tbh.
I think the word you were looking for was "cordial" lol for the convo 🙂keep it cordial! 😀
While I agree that fat phobia is unacceptable anywhere, period. I do think it is hypocritical for the client to be offended by percieved fat phobia and the use the word 'anorexic' as an insult, although they are two opposites of a scale, commenting on anyones weight, skinny, curvy or otherwise is unnecessary and hurtful, especially when demeening somone with an eating disorder, which I can tell you from personal experience is distressing - I suffer from ARFID, not a weight related disorder, but recieve a lot of what feels like mockery because its seen as not real, all while recieving positive affirmations about the damaging behaviour I am inflicting upon my own body, is confusing, upseting and psycologically damaging, so I can understand why the tattoo artist lashed out because of the anorexic comment, even if she said something unacceptable and unnecessarily hurtful
"smth" is just a very compressed version of "something" by the way
If I was Zack's sister I would have a similar concern and personally don't like name tattoo's at all unless it's really artsy font, but I would say something to maybe redirect him like "I feel like she deserves more than a simple script tattoo, what about something that was really special to you two or something that represented your relationship so it bring up more happy memories when you look at it."
The matching tattoo neither of the women are the ass hole. Devon is a little, the fact he doesn't seem to care about his partners feelings or boundaries. Sure platonic love needs more attention but that tattoo for a lot of people comes across as romantic to the point commenters are saying OP is denying her feelings. I can't imagine how that must feel knowing if strangers saw the matching tattoos they'd assume they're a couple or having to likely defend your partners choice to friends or families that will make comments how it's a bit sus he has a "romantic tattoo" with another woman. This needed more communication and I'm sure OP and Devon could have compromised. The only thing I don't like is that she said it would be OK if OP was a man, like that would somehow get rid of the potential romantic reading of the tattoo. It's either potentially romantic or it's not regardless of gender.
Thankyou so much for your comments on reasons for body odour. I have depression, body dysmophia and an ED This is something that I don't feel able to talk about and there is a real stigma about it as people believe that you just don't care enough about yourself
The last one almost feels like he's getting a ... souvenir? Like, he knows he still has a piece of her and he's commemorating that accomplishment. Or like he's putting a notch in his bedpost.
It could be a genuine thing that he feels that she made a big impact on his life even though the romantic aspect of their relationship didn't work out. And no one can dictate what another person can do with their body. But she's definitely NTAH for being upset by it. It is disconcerting.
To me, boundaries don't get to go to another person. The only exception being sexual/romantic boundaries, but having a matching tattoo with your friend that says "I love you" doesn't cross that boundary to me. We should all be normalizing saying "I love you" to our friends anyway. We need much more love in this world than there is and I think it's very sweet these two friends got it immortalized on them. Girlfriend's boundaries don't get to extend to what her boyfriend can choose to have put on his body.
always looking forward to you posting
I think you're wrong about the disclosure of her body size (before anyone tries to climb up my ass I'm 350lbs) the artist needs to understand where the tattoo is going to go. It may not be feasible to tattoo certain places and/or designs. I would never ask anyone to tattoo my flab. The skin is horrible, most designs just aren't going to work or look right.
As for her funk, it could have been handled better but no one should show up to a shop smelling of infected flesh. Every video of the top X things to know before getting tattooed one entry is ALWAYS be clean, smell good, take a shower. I get infections under my folds, I would never ask an artist to deal with that.
Thank you for educating about aversion to showering when you're dealing with poor mental health. It can feel painful and the anxiety surrounding it can prevent someone from taking care of themselves.
I; believe the dresses I have from the UK are a 10 and I'm a US 4/6 depending on the dress (I have to size up because boobs when ordering UK sizes?). So you were possibly a US 00 or something tbh as a UK 4?
I'm a bit late, so no idea if you're gonna see this, but I haven't had the best day mental health wise and listening to you while trying to fall asleep really makes me feel safe and helps me to calm down. So thanks for creating this little safe space for all of us 💕
Its a tough call on the first one really...as a big girl and someone who has struggled with body image and ed for years i would find it triggering for someone to point out something like that but at the same time i would love for my artist to be honest with me...but i also think if i were to get a tattoo in a place where my size would affect the tattoo i would choose to go to a tattoo artist that looked like me!
"People don't snap for no reason" *laughs in retail worker* No, seriously, people snap for no reason all the time. So I'm tempted to believe the women in the first story. And everything that happens afterwards is not an asshole move, just human. Could she have been the bigger person and not snap back? Sure. But if it's true what she writes she wasn't the first one getting insulting about weight problems and being a recovering anorexic deserves just as much empathy as someone who is overweight.So if we excuse the clients snapping with her weight problems being a sensitive subject we kinda have to do the same for the artist.
I agree, especially in the USA. People are snapping at others all the time!
15:09 Okay but why didn’t Bianca talk to her BOYFRIEND instead of his best friend? If it’s an issue in her relationship then talk within the relationship?? They could have chatted and compromised and not gotten the words or something. But no. She just freaked out at this other girl??
The best friend situation is weird. I hate that we always put blame on the girlfriend when most of the time in these situations there’s at least emotional cheating happening. There’s nothing wrong with saying you love your friends. But being to the point that you tattoo it? It’s a little weird.
The second one gives “I’m more important than your female friends” vibes. The girlfriend just seems extremely insecure. The friend said that the first time they had talked about getting tattoos was when they were 16, so they’ve been best friends for YEARS. I don’t think the guy or the friend did anything wrong. The girlfriend needs to address her insecurities, dissect why she feels that way, and improve herself.
+Linda Thornton
But she is more important than his other 'female friends'. Well at least she should be to the guy. She is his girlfriend, and Devon shouldn't be getting a permanent 'I love you' tattoo of his best friend while knowing it makes his girlfriend uncomfortable. Especially if he hasn't done anything like that with his girlfriend because that just say 'I love my best friend more than you'.
@@kellycowley3535 sorry, but no. Neither is more important than the other. His girlfriend is just insecure.
@@lindathornton6985
His girlfriend should be more important to him than his best friend. If I had a partner that decided to get "You are my light and I love you." matching tattoo with their best friend I would be insecure about who he loves as well.
Especially if he hasn't even mentioned doing the same with the person he is actually supposed to love.
Legit perfect timing for lunch!! ♡
You are looking fantastic as always
Anyone who minds a grieving person's tattoo dedicated to their late partner should not be dating a widow/widower. Those are gonna be the same people who get offended when you're sad on anniversaries, get tired of having pictures of the deceased partner around, get annoyed if their partner wants to go to the grave site, etc.
I say "I love you" to all my friends. It's difficult in English since you don't have another word for a friendship love. In Czech, when you say "I love you" to friends, the sentence is different (different words) than to your significant other.
Story #1 NTA
I find it a little hypocritical of you to think the tattoo artist should still work on the overweight woman after being called an "anorexic hoe"
Why is it okay to thin shame someone but not raise valid concerns over how a tattoo will look on someone and the sanitary aspect of her body not being clean?
The person getting their ex tattooed on them after breaking up with them just wants an excuse to get a tattoo.
I don’t think you have actually seen what not just a fat person looks like, fat is not an insult in itself, but a morbidly obese person. Their arms or chest might be able to be done. But anywhere their fat is naturally folded is going to be super difficult to tattoo. And if you think they were going to write the post better, how would you have wrote it?
What if someone comes in who is so horribly scarred that the tattoo just simply would not be able to be done in that area? Since you brought up scars specifically being something that a person should bring up to their tattoo artist. And I am saying that as someone who has a lot of scarring. Would that be scar phobic?
1st person was not an asshole
I’m plus size and I’m just about to finish a leg sleeve. I have a space on upper inner thigh. I have shown the tattooist and we discussed my skin as being a bit ‘crapey’ as I was a big bigger and have lost some weight. I’m terrified that my vagina and bum will smell, as she’s going to get close to it!😆😱 planning to wash well and wear a panty liner, maybe even a tampon!
Being a large lady can also cause sitting difficulty as it’s harder for artists to get your body into a comfortable position. I always try to ‘courneract’ any problems , by sitting Uber still and never complaining about discomfort or pain!
Most of the time you send the artist a picture of the area you want to get tattooed before hand. So im kinda confused on the first story
About the first story: Im overweight myself so i understand how sensitive and emotional that subject can be
I honestly totally get where the tattoo artist was comming from with their concerns, but maybe they just didn't word those concerns that well when talking to the customer ?
We can't really know the full story just from the reddit post, but it definitely sounds like the situation was really bad for both people involved and i hope they'll both handle issues like this better in the future
For the second story: "I love you" can mean different things to different people
For some they're extremely strong words they rarely use, for others they use them for everyone they care about because they love expressing their feelings to their friends
I do understand that the girlfriend feels a bit weird about it, but i think thats something she needs to talk about with her partner
The main thing that bothers me is the whole "it would be ok if you were a man", i really hate double standarts like that!
And i also think that last one is really weird, i would find that kinda strange and a bit creepy as well
Especially since they only dated for a year! If it was more like 10+ years it would have at least been a significant part of their life