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NARCISSISTS FUTURE FAKING: Don't Buy Into the Illusion
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ส.ค. 2024
- Narcissists future faking technique may be the most powerful weapon they have because they're essentially using your dreams against you.
in this video, we explore the narcissists future faking and how to put it all behind us.
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*In this video, I share the tips, techniques and insights that have worked for me in my own journey of healing after narcissistic abuse along with expert tips and tools I've learned through years of coaching narcissistic abuse survivors. I am not a therapist and this video is not meant to provide therapy of any form. #narcissist #covertnarcissist
Narcissist : Give me what I want NOW. I will give you what you want soon.. . I mean later... I said "later. . ." I never said I will give you that! You're selfish.
Spot On!
buyerbware25
Ikr,
Backpedaling
Denial
Change of story
Change the facts
Hahahaha this is so sadly true of my life right now but this still cracked me up. Thanks for that. 💕
You're absolutely right. It's about being in control at all times. And future faking is one of their many tactics from the devil's toolbox.
OMG. That’s perfect 👌
So spot on, it's all fake, these people cannot love. Even if they do intend to marry you, it's not for the right reasons, they're only looking for a domestic servant, an emotional punchbag, an accountant, a bank, etc, in short they'll use you. The present is the only accurate indicator as to how the future will be!
Yes so true he even went so far as to play like he was working had been quit the job even found later his dad was TCB for him I just knew he was a business man woe
my freinds husband is a full blown narc he finally married her after 10 yrs-
M R
Truth!
In my case he wanted to present a false family front to his employers, family and friends. We were treated like stage hands, props, he had no interest in family whatsoever. We were his emotional punching bags to manipulate. He was unbearable behind closed doors and in public he presented The nice guy. Quite the performance
So much truth!
Absolutely spot on !!
The saying "actions speak louder than words" is doubly true when dealing with narcissists.
So true 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
That and so lopsided. Walking on eggshells. It's so crazy
glink
💯
They only do words 0 action, but tell you they did. They take credit for what you do.
Or lack thereof lol
This should be mandatory high school curriculum. I was with a female sociopath for 10 years and married for 7. It is indescribable how much she tried to ruin my life and relationships in every way possible, while telling me I was her soul mate and that she loved me more than she had ever loved any man. I also saw the future faking ! I could write a book on all the evil things she did to me just for her entertainment. These people are truly demons among us. Educate yourself about narcissism and sociopathy and psychopathy. It will be one of the biggest favors you could ever do for yourself. Thanks for the great video !
Yes I will be teaching my daughter about these kind of people when she’s old enough!
On point, should be taught. Took me 2 marriages to the same man different names before I figured it out. In Recovery 💔❤️
@@TMarie-gb3of What an accomplishment.... for some it is much more!
Everything comes back into alignment once you dump the narc!
Yes it sure did !,,, anxiety went away immediately,,,and no contact !,,, 👍👍
comes back almost immediately. it’s crazy
@@salonsavy6476 How do you do no contact when they're the parent of your child?
My response all the time now is "I believe what you do not what you say" infuriates him. LOL
Hahahaha. Trying that. I’ll see if he is a Narcissist.
@@earthangel3108 how did it go? Praying you're doing well now. ♡
the future you wanted, you wanted it before you met them. they sold your plans to you, but it still belongs to you. you'll have your future in the alignment that the universe intends you to have and you already know it. it will be with someone much better and however much time you lost with the narc, you are already that much closer to the real eventuality!
Wonderfully stated 👍
Yes i like that!
Wow this was so beautifully encouraging! I love you for this. I’m screenshooting it and using it to give me perspective. Hope you are doing well. 💕💕💕
Thank you. I realized this today. So, I’m going forward on my own with all of these ideas and plans. It might take longer but I’ll do it all just on my own.
"marriage, babies, live together, soulmate, forever love you"
she said it all, then lied, cheated, said very vicious and callous things, lied about pregnancy / abortion, stole $1000 from me.
I ended up in hospital unable to walk from her toxicity, unable to walk for a week, massive breakdown.
took me 3 years to make a physical recovery.
she discarded me after 2 years probably thinking she had destroyed me / i was no longer useful.
funny thing is 3rd year when i didn't see her at all is when i made the recovery.
trust your gut instincts people, these maniacs will literally try to kill you.
Your a lucky one I lost 1000x 5000
And 30 years
@@jeanettekirkman8932 1000x 5000? :O
30 years I'm honestly surprised you're still Alive lol
Well done.
Wow! Sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you recovered
@@ErikisOfficial physically am fine now, cycling 40km a day easily, but mentally I'm still struggling even after not seeing her for over a year lol.
On our 5th month The Narc promised to get married with me in Australia and in the US. Not one materialized. He even booked a trip for our AUS trip, but before we turn one year, he’s been consisntently devaluating me and discarded me after our 1st year Anniversary.
These people are sick AF and they will make you believe you’re the crazy one, and they’re soooo evil that you will believe it.
Recovering is not easy, better stay the hell away from these people, and I can’t emphasize this enough, TRUST YOUR INTUITION.
Lawrence Gonzales U just described my story.. He also promised me to marry me on the 5th month and went through the exact same things your describing.. identical is unbelievable how they are all the exact same.
Bri Alvarez its like they have this guide book on how to behave like a narc. The attention in the beginning was like 100000% down to negative. Gosh, healing and trauma bond is never easy. But it gets better. And as you stay in NC and look back to what really happened, you’ll realize its not a usual break up scenario. It’s very traumatic.
Lawrence Gonzalez
💥🎯💥🎯💥🎯
I swear it’s always after the first year anniversary. I’m there now with my current boyfriend and my ex did the same.
The recovery is not easy till you really GRASP it’s a lose/lose situation if you stay you punished if you leave you punished once the lightbulb goes off you’ll never want to see them again and peace will wash over you but you gotta grasp the fact it’s a lose/lose situation it’s nothing to fix and look at it as a experience ! Then go build SELF BACK UP and live your life it’s short!!
Of all the lies he told the future faking was what hurt the most, they basically stand in the way of your dreams just to punish you. It is pure evil in my opinion and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. That is a good point about the goal post always moving, that is exactly what he was doing. Also outright sabotage in things i was trying to achieve on several occasions just to throw a wrench in what i was working on. It also keeps you stuck in the relationship because you feel close to achieving that dream with the person. Great video!
Camille, exactly.
So true. I still cry when I remember my wasted time and dreams, it still hurt. Hurt so bad.
@@therealist9853 me too. Still hirt and so mad at the time wasted living his lie.
Someone advised to always tell the narc the opposite of what you want, bc he will be sure to deprive you of what you do want. If it's between Chinese or Italian food, or choosing a paint color you can be sure he will hate what you like. Do the switcheroo on them.
Ya, switching goalposts is frustrating 😖 constantly making and breaking their
own rules!!
Yep my last “boyfriend” promised it all to me - never ending love, marriage and children. I was 41 and on the pathway to have a child as a single mother when we met. He convinced me to stop, saying “don’t worry darling - we will have a baby of our own.” He totally fooled me and I put my whole heart into our “relationship”. 18 months later I was suddenly and coldly dumped. He did a complete 180: “I never wanted marriage - I don’t think I ever want to be married. Kids? What are you talking about? No way!“
After he dumped me I realised I was too old - my own eggs could no longer make a baby :( After 3 rounds of IVF with my own eggs I was lucky enough to get pregnant with my precious, beautiful donor egg daughter. I gave birth to her at 45. She’s nine months old and just perfect! The baby I was always meant to have. But I don’t think I will ever seek out a relationship ever again. Burned and duped too many times.
I’m at this point I’m 38 and I’m thinking I want another baby me my kid and his father live in a one bedroom apt I’ve been pushing to get engaged (he said he wanted this) now pushing for wedding and now I’m pushing for the home.. we have the down payment. He’s stalling big time. I kicked him out. Been so depressed I can’t get out of bed. 10 years together all stalling and lies sick
I'm glad you finally got the baby you have always wanted. Congratulations. Move on and be happy.
@@survive8482 I understand. It's heartbreaking@💔😢😪💔 I also wanted a family 👪 at least one child. And the "wrong" people presenting their BEST FALSE SELF. Trick you, us, the good Hearted. seeing 👀 us as "perfect" targets to suck the life, future, some of perhaps the "BEST YEARS..."
Telling lies, and laughing behind our back. Some people try making you seem crazy once you have found out their deception and fake nature. They are good as GOLD to everyone in their path, and leave you to try taking out their wrath. Because they CANNOT BEHAVE THAT WAY IN "REAL LIFE." At the bosses house, in front of others. Be careful if asking an innocent question, like "where is the ketchup?"
BECAUSE YOU'LL BE ACCUSED OF SAYING THAT THEY ARE CHEATING/RUNNING AROUND... because like WHO would have moved it. Ugh... these people are seriously damaged, dangerous & creepy creatures. The Bible actually speaks about this, and it running 🏃♀️ rampant during the last of days. Lord Jesus please 🙏 protect us and I pray for the narcissist too. They are basically demonic 😈 beings in human form.
Or have created SO MANY SOUL TIES WITH THEIR DEVIANT BEHAVIOR & are literally addicted to lying. They get a dopamine hit in their brain 🧠 each time they lie & get away with it. Or just THINK 🤔 they have. Then bigger and bigger lies are told to feed their own sadistic addiction of hurting others. On purpose. The truth ALWAYS COMES 💯 OUT. SOONER, SOMETIMES LATER. AND WE WILL ALL MEET OUR MAKER AND BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR OUR ACTIONS. NOBODY IS PERFECT!
However, TO DELIBERATELY HURT OTHERS AND GET OFF ON IT. THAT'S A DANGERS KIND OF EVIL. THE REAL CRAZY! ❤, From ONE SURVIVOR, to ALL THE OTHERS!!! Stay strong 💪 ✨ 💖 and TRUST YOURSELF. What you have seen, heard, and most importantly... their "actions" or lack of.
Those are LOUDER THAN WORDS... it's definitely hard & heartbreaking 💔 when you have WANTED to see the "good" and then are WILLING to try to work through EVERYTHING THEY HAVE PUT YOU THROUGH. Only, to have them try & turn it all around, like you are to blame for them RUINING THE RELATIONSHIP. GETTING CAUGHT IN DECEPTION AND EXCUSES. 7-11 MAN is actually treated with more comfort and care than you. Remember YOU! THE REAL ONE 💯 🙌 👌 👏 WHO HAS BEEN BY THEIR SIDE. Giving chances not deserved & trust not gained! ESPECIALLY after they keep breaking it. DON'T even keep their OWN SIMPLE WORD 💯 THAT THEY TELL YOU, & YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR SAID "WORD" like a call back, see you soon. 😉 😘 😏 All that future faking, and they are MAD AS HE@L BECAUSE YOU FOUND THEIR INNAPROPRSTE MSGS, WHILE HAVING YOU "WAITING" on that call 📞 RIGHT ✅ BACK, PROMISES! ASKING ANOTHER PERSON FOR NUDES & TAKE YOUR TOP OFF, ETC. THEN SAYING THAT, ohhhhhhhhh well that's just them being "mean" to someone.
I wonder if they actually believe their own BS... because they cry that wolf 🐺 😢 🤣 🐺 disgusting.
Thanks for telling of your heartbreak and YOUR SUCCESS! It is soooo wonderful when you realize a lack of fulfillment could be very well that you are on someone else's path without really realizing it, for all that you do that will leave you out of of your very own dreams and all done out of love in union with someone else who is not genuine and just using you desperately for supply in the moment! I can see my mistake, and after my tears, I can now FEEL LIBERATED!!!
@@gottabee5885 Yes, they railroad you out of your dreams so they don't feel so bad about theirs that never worked out and makes them feel like a failure. It is so evil and disgusting what they do. They want you there with them in their misery. They don't feel like they are anyone (except the bravado) and they want you to be just as miserable.
Realizing the relationship with a narc has been a complete fiction for over 2 decades really messed with my mind, but I know it is true.
Eve McFarland just realising the same after thirty tortuous years , I fully empathise , so grateful for this place
Sending you both a lot of love. We all can retrieve our energy and essence from the situation and people. I was fortunate I was only in contact with various people with narcs for short periods of time. The damage only lasted longer because of my codependency traits. I was somehow protected from giving anything more than my time and emotions, which were not respected anyway. We heal our parts in it, we learn the learning of self awareness and self respect/ love 💞
@@briandoust1088 thirty years😯
Same here✋.... Lots of luvv and huggs❤🤗
Me too. 15 years,
"It was never real to begin with" I did not know if I will ever get over that realization
Agree. It's the worst. I consider myself a smart person, but fell hook, line, and sinker for his future faking. The confusion is devastating.
@@debsabatino311 I'm sorry it happened to you and anyone :)
When my so called ex-boyfriend gave me roses, I held them and my heart was saying these are fake roses. I even told him at our first meet ing - there is no chemistry between us. And guess what his reply came after two days - his mother conveyed via him - chemistry is for teenagers. And his mother is a psychiatrist prof in Louisiana. Only thing I didn't know was that my mom is a covert narc and I was trained to take on abuse smilingly.
@@MamtaNarang seriously, i live in Louisiana.... Please prevent me from this woman.
For real. It’s like being scammed in the biggest way. Far more hurtful than having money or possessions stolen, it’s the ultimate betrayal.
Yes. He told me when we first got together that if we were together a long time we’d get married. When marriage was my end goal I was so into whatever he wanted knowing we were working toward that. Kept moving the carrot and 5 years 10 years 12 years. No marriage. As time went on he kept saying he never said that etc. I know he would have done it just to keep me (he always came around last minute to what I wanted just as I was leaving just to keep me) but eventually I realized he’s not someone I want to be married to and it would have been hell! Got out and healing and now marriage doesn’t mean much to me. I found self love and that’s a gift that he never intended to give me but did. ☺️
E k thank u so much ❤️
I got into a relationship, got engaged early under the premise that we would be married. After 2 or 3 years of asking every so often, I gave up. 6 years in and I'm on my way out and she is throwing this we could get married shit in my face, sorry but that ship sailed.
recovery rider 💯. Good thing you can see the Hoover for what it is. He kept pulling me back with that marriage thing ... oh one day I want you to be my wife, one day, some day... I never knew what future faking was until I actually left but It would have been helpful during, I saw it in many aspects. 10 years of looking for a house and he’d always look above our budget ... why? He really didn’t want a new house lol. I get it now but at the time 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️. Hindsight is everything and knowledge is power 😊
Same boat . But at least you are free from that person . His loss
I had a very similar experience and am now a single mother by choice to a beautiful baby girl. I have zero interest in having a relationship ever again!
Well done for finding self love - it’s a difficult thing to find but it’s the one thing we can be grateful to the narc for - they force us to address the issues and heal the wounds that led us into their arms in the first place.
When you reckongnize "future faking" it is a great tool to tune out certain conversation lines while making distance.
True 🙏❤
It was in every aspect of my relationship. Mine kept me in such a state that I didn't even care about the future anymore. That's when I knew I had to get away from him. This reality of present tense is all we ever get from a narcissist. The future to them is right now.
Omg this is just in time.
I got hoovered these days and I picked up the call ytd. (Curiosity will kill me)
He said he’s sorry, and future faking the hell out of me. So obvious he was almost like a sales person, tried to sale me something he could never offer🙄
It was all lies and gaslight.
Although I didn’t buy it at all, I feel awful later on for gave him the supply.(being used again) So I blocked everything now.
No contact all the way is a must guys!!
And thank you for the video, it’s super accurate:)
I've been through this SO many times that these days, when someone does this to me, I laugh.
It's funny.
I do not entertain these people.
It's soooooo sad. Pathetic. No contact. Makes my skin crawl.
You're absolutely spot on, and wonderful. I gave 18 years of my life to my 3rd husband. Hoping for that "future" we slowly split apart year after year and now are divorced. It took another 14 years. But now at 68, I own my future. It's completely different from what I was dreaming for, but where there's life, there's hope...
I think that this future faking doesn't just apply to big things like buying a house or having kids. It applies to the small things too, lot of promises of what he will do that never happens. Lot of "agreement" between us how things should be done that is never followed up with the action. And then comes "I thought we agreed" "I never said that" type of conversations. They always say what you want to hear but never remember to keep their words.
I tried to keep a relationship journal for conflict resolution with my narc ex. I was the only one who wrote in it. He would address things as fast as he could and went about his way. Of course, he never kept his word.
He then wondered why I stopped writing in it when I finally broke it off with him. Geee, I wonder why.
I went thru 4.5 years of future promised plans that never materialized. The time frames kept getting punted even for vacations or family trips. This was so powerful for me to watch.
Same, 4 yrs, ending it now. We never went on any trips, events or dates that weren't organised by me (and 1 event that was for his job). He kept promising a camping trip (would have cost 10 dollar per person a night) and couldn't even swing that
Yup this was so hurtful to me even to this day I remember him saying to me once I know Better but the question is do I care 😳 the emoji was literally my face expression and I thought to myself wow that is totally a red flag it was sooo weird to me and that replays in my mind all the time so narcissistic people are totally aware of wrong doing but they don’t care
Unfortunately, they're only capable of caring about themselves 😌
It’s almost as if you were there during my relationship... this is eerily exactly what she did to me!
They're so predictable!
We talked about getting married, buying a new house together in the country, getting animals and living happily ever after. Sadly, I was the only one putting in the work to make that happen. When I had enough and broke it off, she said “we’re different”. Sure are... she’s an alcoholic/covert narcissist and I have my shit together. She will never change.
@@aaroniousone we've lived the same covert narrative man..
@@aaroniousone My husband said the same things. Then, after we got married, he changed his tune and said he didn't want to have animals, he hated the house we bought (which we got because it had a huge yard for the kids to play in and to plant a big garden in), and I did all the planning and cost comparisons and all that....) It's the worst.
@@aaroniousone omg that’s the same line my narc used as he dumped me “sorry but we are just too different”. Yet for almost two years he kept me enthralled by showing me how similar we were. As I listened to his cold voice while he ruthlessly dumped me I realised I was hearing his true voice for the very first time....
I kept thinking... how do they forget what we talked about? All the things they promised? I am an INFJ personality type-soulmate or don’t date... naturally empathetic and love unconditionally (simply cause I care about people) and it wrecked my mind all the promises and planning for future -wedding, dreams for future, trips, family...- and then it didn’t come to pass at all. Discarded. Blamed/projected all of their issues on me. Left me confused and shattered about what just happened/didn’t happened and how they became a completely different person when they moved on and on to the next supply after supply... and now getting married to someone they grew up with. He was the sweetest person with insecurities and still figuring out career path-but Who doesn’t need time to grow and figure out direction at times-but now that I listen to common traits of a Narcs and how they operate -the puzzle pieces all came together. I lived each of these videos. And it’s taken 5 years to heal and get strong and confident again... but thank God that I didn’t marry this person as it would have just been a matter of time til he discarded me in a marriage...
Dealt with it for over 3 years. Always "in the future". Not even basic things, trips, or events we talked about. No romantic dates, just romance. Forget progressing in the relationship. Can't count how many times she said, "I love you/want to be with you." That also was "in the future" 🙄🤦🏻♂️
@@ernhuse7636 How long out of it are you? Sending up a prayer for mental clarity and healing of heart.
Not completely out of it. It hurts to know my sincerity and feelings didn't matter. Biggest mistake was telling her what I wanted. It became a production, a play. We were always "on the same page" according to her. We were reading from different books entirely. Mine was a story, hers was a playbook. After awhile, she'd give me bits of what I wanted. She knew I was getting weary, but NEVER exactly what I wanted while telling me, she wanted what I told her I wanted. She already had what she wanted. Attention and sex. I'm hardly a gargoyle, I can get meaningless sex. My brother recently passed. Of course she found out about it. There she was months later "I'm sorry if I hurt you, I miss our bond we had together, I miss talking to you." There she was to take advantage of my emotional distress. It worked. All to hurt me again. Thank you for your kind words. I'm working on it.
Hope you find healing! I’m an INFJ so your post stuck out to me. I just realized and found out about narcissism last year after dealing with one for 12 years, though not together all 12. He too just left again abruptly (discard) and it hit me so hard. I didn’t think I’d be ok. As an INFJ honesty and integrity are so important and I still today, 5 months in healing process, can’t understand or even come to terms with why someone would be so cruel to lie and manipulate and blame shift. Like I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s so inhumane to do to someone. It hurts that it’s someone I trusted and saw with so much love and compassion. And to know it meant nothing, absolutely nothing, is devastating. How are you these days? Any tips for healing to a fellow INFJer who is in the early stages of healing?
So relatable omg! It causes you so much pain and grief when they switch up. It’s so hard to believe what you see, so you believe the things you’ve heard and try to have hope in that. It kept me stuck in a vicious cycle for almost 13 years and now we have a 7 year old. I didn’t really see his true colors until I was 3 months pregnant and he broke up with me in the most cruel way. It almost killed me, but I tapped into my strength. I still went back after a little while because I just couldn’t believe this was the real him. My mind would not allow me to accept it. For 5 years it was off and on, but when it was on, it was so good! Then we’d stop talking for awhile. (Weeks, sometimes months) I guess it became my norm and after awhile I missed him and would allow him back because he came back with apologies and what looked like more effort. Then after about a month or 2, same thing would happen! I finally got tired and went cold turkey. Didn’t have any contact for 10 whole months. Come outside one day and he’s walking up my driveway. The shock of my life!! In that moment, I didn’t really feel anything. Then after talking of course, those feelings came back and he promised all this stuff. Only to get me pregnant and then break up with me at the 3 month mark. So devastating! Then a lot of back and forth and still being intimate and feeling unworthy. Then working on myself and getting better. In 2021, I thought he was serious for real this time. We did couples counseling, premarital counseling, went home shopping, all kinds of stuff. Only for him to discard me when I tried holding him accountable and then blaming me and saying nothing he does is ever good enough. I cried so hard. 3 months later, he came back and said God told him I was his wife. 3 months later he ended it again. This went on from 2021 to August of this year. I literally told myself no more!! I don’t communicate with him unless it’s a must! I never wanted to believe he’s a narc, but he fits it to a T. Every video, I can relate to his personality type. The things he does, says, the exes he keeps around, the need for validation all the time, the need to win and bring me down. I believe he knows my strength and he hates it. He comes back to destroy me and create that trauma bond and cycle that keeps going and going for his own needs and desires. He is a very sick person and I want him to stay very far away from me. I told him that and I’ve never said that. But I meant every single word.
thank you for expressing that the future I imagined with the narcissist was mine all along and never really lost when things ended. Your videos have really helped me. I am so appreciative!
Been there big time. I had no idea who I was dealing with and what she was doing to me.
Tore my heart out. I believed it was all real and I jumped in with both feet.
Not a happy time when she ended it and left me and walked out like she was a cold hearted machine, but looking back on it, it was the best thing she could have done for me and it was a blessing from God to have gotten out of it.
I went out with a guy who said he was going to buy a car in October when October came he said he was getting one by Christmas when Christmas came he said oh I'll definitely get one by spring. He still doesn't have one after several years
Walter Mitty character.
Yes, but that's for himself. He could just hate the whole routine of buying a car, which is very common, so he keeps putting it off, and thereby denying himself pleasures. It's not like he's delaying plans you have together. Narcissists are the opposite--they don't care what you want; they are totally focused on themselves.
I'm glad that i found your channel accidentally, I wish I found it last year as it was rough with my baby's father as he's been cheating and putting me in a triangle before and during I was pregnant and after pregnancy. Especially going back and forth in family court and now he's been going through Karma as he deserves. I want to appreciate and thank you for being my virtual counselor as a women/mother who went through domestic emotional violence. Thank you
I am definitely a victim. This is exactly what happened to me...this dream future is the reason I still dream of this relationship
..
I have this issue as well and I’m now married to another narcissist. I’m never dating again once I’m divorced.
I need to forget the dream future and the phone pst badly
The one who needs yours and everyone else's "financial assistance" while they are "working on getting that right job or business going". Or help with overcoming some special problems holding them back from taking care of themselves. Very common future faking tactics. Beware! These can be very draining and toll taking on caring family members taken in by them!
My experience is they make the promise but when the time came to deliver on the promise (after I had met all the next to impossible criteria), the bar was moved OR maddening still, I got the,"I didn't say that." Get it in writing!
The bar is always moved because that future was never meant to happen ❤🙏
Just six weeks into having made the essential break from my narc has been a true roller coaster, I know that I'm doing the right thing even though the stress of it all is so very difficult to see through.
Future faking also got me, the promises and dreams that we shared were upon reflection entirely my own, I am now seeing my present and future based upon my introspection and goals.
Thank you for your kindness in helping me to reach an understanding.
Adrian.
Someone has begging me for a second chance and promising change and a better/happier future - after years of consistent, abusive behavior. It was getting to me. I needed this video 😔
"I will always take care of you" and when you ask how, they have a long pause.
I don’t know that this guy in my life is a narcissist, but the things explained in the video are spot on 😔 I think it’s time that I accept that he’s toxic in the least. I was holding on to that potential that I saw in him and in our future.
Hey, I'm in the same boat now, realising all the promises were never meant to be (travelling, moving overseas, living together). How are you doing now and did you get out? I'm in the middle of the breakup, and sometimes I feel guilty bc it's not like he was abusive, he just never seems to reach his potential (after 4 yrs)
The only power a narcissist has, is the power you let them have!
StephenWestSyd what you allow will continue ✌️
Yep had a recent relationship with a narc, and it was only 2 months but it was awful. I would not wish that on anyone ever. She did these very things made promises, said she would make changes and she never did. Gave her money to help her out etc. She cheated on me and lied to me about so many things. I found out later she has done this process over and over to previous guys. I know I am better off but it hurts, she gave me hope, made me believe someone cared about me. Now I feel like this empty shell and I am left alone to try and pick up all the pieces.
Mordecai Mike It’s actually them that have the empty shell. They have a facade that is not genuine or real, and actually have very little if any empathy, which means they can’t love anyone, including themselves. At least not in a way that normal people would feel and express love. So what they do is fake it, And only mirror you in a way that makes you perceive that they actually love you when they are love bombing you, Because they are able to fulfill those desires and traits you look for in a perfect partner and relationship. But once that love bombing stage of the cycle is over and they know they’ve hooked you, and secured you as their primary source of supply a fuel, you will then start to see them devalue you In certain ways and do things that will make you feel insecure, and lowers your self-esteem and ego, leaving you to feel much less confident as a person, while gradually becoming more dependent on them. This is when empaths and codependents get trapped and feel stuck in their relationship with the Narc. And once the Narc has gradually drained all of your Energy and resources that you provided to them, they will then start looking for new supply, and cheat on you, and then eventually discard you Once they have found a possible new source of supply, and sometimes multiple sources of potential supply. They will then soon look to discard you once they have secured that new supply, and/or once you’ve started to figure them out, and what they’re doing behind your back. It’s very important to the Narc that they discard you first, and before any chance or possibility the Narc feels like you might discard them. They cannot take the risk of you rejecting them first and damaging their fragile egos, And most importantly won’t risk losing that sense of power and control they need to feel they have over you. Which is why it is very important that they end the relationship and discard you first. The discard phase is very important for the Narc to accomplish, hoping it will leave you feeling confused, broken, and traumatized. This can often lead their victim with PTSD and a trauma bond, that allows the Narc to maintain and even increase the power and control they now feel that they have over you. And This gives them a tremendous advantage in Being able to manipulate and Hoover you back in at a later date if their new supply source (secondary supply) doesn’t turn out to be the fuel they need or doesn’t last long. This leaves the Narc an open door and ability to possibly Hoover you back If their new source of supply isn’t giving them the fuel they want or desire. But Avoid this Hoover attempt at all cost, and do not subject yourself to welcoming a Hoover either because it’s almost always short-term and usually never lasts very long. And if or when they do decide to ever Hoover you, it’s either going to come across as being very fake too, because you have to understand that they have changed their façade and are now carrying a new persona which is not the same as when they were with you. So if the narc is running into bad supply or fuel, most likely they are not going to want to Hoover you back in any way that’s going to give up their sense of power and control over you, or risk feeling completely vulnerable with you, Especially after what they had done to you. when the Narc realizes that you’ve already figured them out, and feel you are much more careful and watchful in their actions and intentions, then they will feel that insecurity and control coming from you and will not be able to gain that supply from you like they had before. They can’t have that feeling of knowing you’ve figured them out and the negative pattern and cycle of of abuse that they will continuously repeat and continue either with you or with new supply.
@@michaelg.5650 Thanks for the comment, and yes we only dated for 2 months but the promises the lies... It is crazy what she was willing to say and do and how good she made me feel. I caught her in a lie and found out she was cheating on me and she showed hardly any remorse. She then text broke up with me and wrote me off and begged the guy she was with before me to come back, and he did it and believed her lies. In fact she cheated on him before, and also cheated on him with me, I found all this out later. But yea I wont go back, I told her during our relationship if I ever catch her in a serious lie I am done. I immediately blocked and removed her number when I found out. It still hurts but I know she is not a good person or partner, I am lucky it was only 2 months. And the guy that took her back is a poor sap. She did so many terrible things to him already it is insane. I am talking he sold his house and gave her 20k and she blew the money on nothing of importance, she cheated on him, she kicked him and his kids out a few days before xmas with abuse claims on him (she did this when she started dating me.) The list goes on, I found all this out later he told me about it and said he can't go back to her. Two days after discovering she was cheating on me with him, she begged him to come back etc, and he did it. This guy almost lost his kids with his previous wife over this girl and her abuse claims, and he just took her back after all the abuse and destruction she has caused.
Sorry to hear that man, I've just gone through something similar and I understand how far this cuts down. You will recover and you will become stronger, especially since you're here educating yourself on these kinds of people.
@Mark Williams Thanks friend, I am doing much better now. With a lady who loves and respects me. I hope you find peace and recover quickly. If you need to talk let me know. Got discord or whatever you prefer.
Watch out for guys who get engaged using "grandma's wedding set"! That ring is NOT an investment in you. Its probably a fake. Or, one thats been resized for various targets already. If grandma isnt there to ask about the rings, say no.
This gave me the chills my ex gave me a ring from his grandmother who had passed as a “promise” ring. He later pawned it for drug money. I was stunned.
Wow!! I had no idea that there was a name for this- it explains a whole heck of a lot!! Great video...thanks so much!!
In my case it was my father. I was a single mother with 5 children and he always showed that he had a lot of money (inheritance from my grandmother to my mother). At every birthday or visit he would sit and talk about money I will inherit in the future and ask what I would do with all that money. And if I said that it is better to give a warm hand than a cold one, then the story of how I got into this situation was my own doing. And my mother just quietly standing up for me in the background. To which my father responded that it was my mother's fault because she was too soft with me. And the whole birthday was again all about my father and of course I have to be thankful that I had such a father (according my father). Narcissists bring out the bad side of you and make you feel bad because you can't appreciate that they are so much better than you.
Im owning my future as of yesterday 2/14/20 that's when it I woke up to the deep truth of how things can and will comeback into alignment for myself and the children. Take a seat narci while I make you hate me more
Damn! Thank you for this video. This is THE main method that my CN uses. So many examples throughout our entire relationship - big and small.
I chalked a lot of it up to procrastination and a busy life, but I now realize how wrong I was.
Thank you for the idea about owning that future for myself 💕
I really like this one! I can feel some relief already. I am one happy cat.
Too true. I look at myself now after 18 years- where is that lively and vivacious happy woman? She is fatigued, numb and sad. What has also become exhausting is the constant need of self care to counteract the strain, and to mind my thoughts to not think of the narcissist when I’m not actually with him
Do the things u loved to do. Live for you they are players and the Debbie Downer in the crowd
Yes an insane amount of self care I can’t handle much at all anymore or I break it’s bad
This one gets me and hurts a lot! “Yeah I’d love to do such and such “ and give me hope of enjoyable things. They never happen.even little things like going to a movie. Via text things are lovely but nothing happens in person
In my case in 6 months he has had 3 accidents 4 sickness why he keeps canceling meets. Now I know its future faking
You are a natural counselor. I like being in this community.
I fell for it, I bought a house so the narc in my life and her daughter could come live with me. She said she wanted to live together and even came home shopping with me.......I bought the house and after a short time the excuses of why she couldn’t move in kept coming. Finally she denied wanting to move in and said I got the home for myself.....
It’s prob how she really felt if not married or on the title women want security however I did the right thing there cause she’s gone now
OMG! You just mentioned my situation so clear!! He's disgusting! Thanks for your time and explained this.
Many, many promises and all of them broken. No honeymoon. No home. No outings. No dates. I just ignore the promises now, and he still keeps making them. So many major things sabotaged that I had to make a timeline to see the reality of it all.
I had to leave to finally get me and the kids a house .For 18 years we lived in a trailer he was “going to fix up “.We were both working full time and he said we couldn’t afford it .Funny ,I am making it on my own .Yes ,he used to future fake a lot ,but for the last 5 years I was working hard to finally get out .Its been over a year no contact 😀Bless everyone ❤️
I ignored so many red flags, it's insane.
First year of the relationship she came across as such a lovely sweetheart.
last 3 years, honestly i was waiting in hope of her changing / reverting back to what she 'pretended' to be at the start.
It never happened lol
Today was a though day. Thank you for the video. It’s true, I am closer to my future now than I ever was with my ex-narc.
It's very true. I hope tomorrow is a better day. It does get a lot better over time ❤🙏
She told me she could imagine a future with me, right after breaking up with me.
My British ex who met and married me in the USA dragged me to England with the promise that we would move back to America in a certain amount of time. That amount of time increased 3 times. Ive now left him. I often felt that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear and not following through. It’s nice to put a name to that tactic. So relatable!
my wife did this for getting us a car, last 3 years i tried. you my dear, you are a life saver, your videos saved my life and brought be back to reality and make understand what i am dealing with,,,,now i have the open hand, i have leverage on her and she's livid about it and it's all because of you. thank you.
Wonderful message! 👍
Thanks, Robin! ❤🙏
For me the love bombing was intense he took my daughter and I around to see the beautiful homes in a neighborhood by the beach and the engagement never happened but talked and acted like we were already married then discarded me said gave me everything and that I should not be angry at him instead the men in my life who abandoned me before and not him. It was rough. I broke out in hives all over my body because I was in such shock and I couldn’t articulate what happened to me but this community and videos has opened my eyes
My mother and brother have done this to me my whole life. And being who I am, i've fallen for it so many times, wanting to believe them. Wanting to see those love-nuggets manifest into reality. It NEVER does with narcissists. Thanks Christina. God bless you, your channel, and all of your wonderful subscribers.☺🙏👍
Being married to a narcissist for 20 yrs these videos have given me light to the darkness I never understood. It taught me how to block out the distractions of the narc and just focus on whats best for me. Narcs are like spoiled children what ever you build and put in their hands they will destroy. So the trick is to never give them the ball. Keep letting them think they're winning when in reality they've been playing by themselves. By the time they figure it out if ever they more than likely will remove themselves from the relationship.
Thank You , you brought up a very good point when you said "it was your future all along" Every move I made was in oder to survive till I had the courage to break away, I was just as abusive to myself as he was to me mentally. My future dreams faded years after being w him, but my survival dream was stronger and it came true I'm Free.
Omg this is so validating to hear and have such a detailed description of the last 14 years. Every day I come to realize a little bit more that I'm not crazy. It wasn't me.
I’m so glad I watched this video, especially at this exact time. In this video you described behavior that I’m dealing with in the present moment.
On Valentine’s Day, I gave my 3 day old baby up for adoption and had given her sister to that same couple only a little over 2 months before that. I am heartbroken and devastated, and it’s all because I had trusted a narcissist. We had been in an on again/ off again relationship for about 6 years when I found out I was pregnant with our first child. He wouldn’t take any responsibility for her, yet I was still hopeful that he would eventually come around. Instead, he completely abandoned me and our daughter when I finally brought her home from the nicu. She had been born almost 3 months early, because I had preeclampsia. By the time my ex decided to leave me, I was already pregnant with our 2nd child. While our first born daughter was in the nicu, he kept promising that we would get married and move in together. We had been talking about getting married during our entire relationship, yet he would never commit. By the time I realized it was all a lie, it was too late. Now, I’m grieving the loss of the 2 most precious gifts I’ve ever been given. I’m constantly crying and beating myself up for ever believing a word he said. My life will never be the same after all the damage he has done. He was so good at saying the right things, but there was never any follow through. It was always one broken promise after another, until the very end. Just 2 nights ago, I called him to say I didn’t ever want to hear from him again. It’s the best decision I’ve made in this past year and a half. But, it can’t bring back my daughters. I’ll always have this huge void in my life that only they can fill. I can only hope it will get easier as time goes by.
You are so strong and amazing! To have the strength to leave him and to make sure your babies could be provided for and not have them grow up with a Narc for a father who would end up horribly abusing them. I can't imagine how hard it must be, but do not regret, Narc's fool countless people of all walks of life. you saved your life and theirs, U are a survivor. Jesus loves you, I pray for His peace that passes all understanding to guard your heard and mind. Also The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Keep going, you will have a beautiful life!
@Naseem M. God Bless you! 🙏 ❤ KEEP your head up and don't harden your heart because of others cruel 💔 😢 & horrific actions. You learned something valuable and can help others with your testimony. We must keep the FAITH. Stay guarded, please don't give up. YOU, WE ARE WORTHY!!! AMEN! 🙏 🙌 👏 ❤
@@Lily_1010 AMEN!!! 🙏 🙌 👏 ❤
I didn't know there was a name for this. Thank you. I needed this video
Christina , I have been watching your videos for some time now .I just want to thank you so very much for your wisdom experience and expertise in dealing with personality disordered mates . You're a wonderful communicator . Your sincerity and experience shine through . I have deeply pondered many of the subjects you have presented on your Channel and I go back to the same videos and learn even more . Your work has truly made a difference for me in my experience and I'm so grateful. Thank you ! Portsmouth, NH. USA
"We must meet so I can show you the ropes of the family business." My narc father for the last 12 years
Oh man my dad “gave” me his old boat that day rotting in his driveway for years at age 21 me and my friend were told we need to take a boating class to go out so we did we also painted cleaned replaced parts on this boat a lot of money time and dreams went into it when we were working and almost had it ready to go he had a problem with it and said we couldn’t use the boat my friends was pissed I was embarrassed and just let down that boat ended up sitting there for years after that and then randomly went on fire in the driveway idk if he set it on fire for an insurance scam or what
All that money tho it sat there years getting ruined the amount of money he got back didn’t even cover that loss
H o l y s h i t !! Makes total sense!! Thank you SO MUCH for your content Christina!! I've had so many "ah-ha!" moments listening to your videos! You're a fantastic and easy to follow speaker/educator!! Love you and thanks again!!
Wow. So recognizable Christina. That example about buying a house together has been a situation I was dealing with. My ex lives in a city and for myself I live in a small town. My ex didn't want to keep living in the city she was living in with her two children. Her ex husband (father if her children) lived two streets from her and her parents five minutes from her house. Very handy isn't it. But she didn't want her ex to much involved in raising her children (funny though that he got involved more and more again as our relationship continued). During talking about our 'future' we made plans and we actually were viewing houses. In the beginning she was so positive about moving out of the city. But this attitude was changing. Her mother started to getting involved and told me that there were a few nice houses for sale in the surroundings where they lived. Can you imagine. Living near your family in law who also have narcistic behaviour themselves. So in the end when the relationship wasn't going so great anymore my ex came with demands. One of them was: when you want this relationship to continu and be a success you will sell your house and move in with me and my kids. Eh, do I also have a vote in this, in our future. You can guess what this meant, the end of the relationship. I couldn't deal with this covert narcissist person anymore. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Three months after I ended this toxic relationship she was already with someone else. What a sick and twisted person she is.
All she wants is a slave because she herself is the salve of her parents.
Not necessarily narcissistic. All women want to live near their mothers - especially if they have children. And even though ‘exs’ are a pain when you start a new relationship, they do have a right to see their children. So may be living near everyone was the easy option?
How about planning to get married but over 10 years later it still hasn't happened and you've realized years ago you don't want to get married (that the very idea of marrying this person gives you anxiety) but when you say something he blows up and freaks out because it's what he really wants, what you've been working towards this whole time together and then he turns it around and makes you feel like you want it too and that you just need more time, more money, more stability within the relationship and that you can work it out together... but it still hasn't happened a year later and you stumble across these videos and KNOW that it's all been a lie and that you don't want it.... but you have 2 kids together and he's an all right father and don't want to break your family/ devastate your kids for the sake your own happiness, cuz when things are good they are SO good... but when things are bad it's like WWIII.
Christine thank you! This is just the video I needed today! I’m going forward with all we talked about as I’m a doer not just a talker like him and I really wanted to do it all. This video helped me heal so much.
THANK YOU for this. I finally ended a forty year relationship, thirty five year marriage with the help and encouragement of my adult children. This was all my ex had, constantly future faking, painting a great picture of what could be, while dismissing his horrendous track record, and making excuses for how things still are. I finally understood last year about the situation I was in.
Very good advice, thank you so much. That gave me inspiration to definitely keep trying and planning for my plans for the future. I’ll never give up, whether it’s by myself or with someone. 💕
Thank you !! You’re awesome! 20 years with a narcissist,she totally broke me mentally. Thks!🙏
This is so true we were supposed to buy a house 🏠, I was saving he wasn’t he was just spending his money on him. He was cleaning his credit that I helped him do , and when he got on his feet he was cheating with a new supply and he left with no closure.
Future faking....what a great concept! I often said my ex would say he was going to do something and then act like that having said it equaled having done the
Task. It was just so easy for him to sit
on his butt and let me do all the hard work while he talked about what he was gonna do...and then never followed through.
OMG I am so mad!!! I am starting to realize that my ex did this to me in regards to marriage and a family. He would always future fake and even set dates for the engagement and names for the children... but he would never follow through. Never!
I never realized he was pathologically selfish until 5 years later I asked to go with me to Mexico for 2 months after I lived 4 years in Canada for him. He didn’t want to reciprocate. He would take everything from me and never give anything back but he hid it very well under a loving and charming personality.
I am also realizing that he love bombed me, and neglected me for years. He had very low empathy when we had differences and then he would never fix them, he just moved on no matter how much that hurt
Me. He was a very very covert abusive person. I’m not sure he could be called a narc but almost there. Or maybe a very very covert narc. This is scary.
Fantastic video. Narcs and future faking that behavior is just disturbing. My ex narc kept talking about our future...but was doing nothing...I kept thinking what is going on...total crazy making...especially about the living arrangements. I am getting a condo he just hopped on the band wagon.
NC is best.
Thank you! I intend, as soon as this corona virus subsides, doing ALL the things that my narc ex- husband promised but didn't carry out, and all the things my narc sister promised to do with me but she was forever "too busy". I will do them alone, but I will do them!!!!!
He was a true future faker!!! OMG💯🙌🏾
I think it helps to know how it works. Hope so, anyway! ❤🙏
36 years of these types of lies....boy, can I relate!
One caveat:
If your own expectations are sky high, no human being (narcissistic or not) will be able to satisfy them. I only mention this because I’ve seen cases where it’s actually the narcissist themselves who calls the OTHER person the narcissist. This is classic psychological projection. We must examine ourselves and seek the input of unbiased third parties to identify who actually is the problem.
Yes I have seen this too. I am guessing it's common with covert narcissists. I don't know how practical introducing an independent third party is, but I think examining our own shadow and reflecting our own part in the toxic dynamic can give a lot of insight. The eternal victim, taking no responsibility is perhaps one clue.
“My” Narc, would enjoy talking about our pretend future not realising I had already understood who I was dealing with. He exposed his “truth” without realising it. Needless to say I backed away slowly and will never return.
Oh dear, this is happening to me right now... Thank you for sharing this! I have been full of doubts whether he is or isn't a narcissist but this example of buying a house together hit the nail on the head - this is precisely where we are!
Back in my growing up days, we called this type of person a user - describes them to a T. Thanks to videos like yours we now know what to look out for. These people really require a label stamped on their foreheads.
My husband does this to me all the time!
He’s been future faking for 20 years
I got married to him at a really young age (16)
And have three kids.... he promises so many things
And then when the time comes for this to happen... he’ll start a fight with me which I don’t even know why were arguing.. and then he’ll say since ur doing such and such were not going forward with what I promised you! He’s killing me every single day. I’ve just realized what a narssist is ... I never knew what it was until recently
As As: Just stop believing. You will feel better when you realize it's all Bullshit. Just go about your life and what I say to some people I got from an girl friend of mine , I just say "yeah yeah..."
David M
Thanks for your advice!
I don’t believe him anymore
But I do have three kids with him ... and when I show him that I know he’s lying and promising fake things
He will use my words to ruin all special events
I am in your situation and I learned to just go-ahead. I would plan stuff like trips for the kids and dates for us and tell him the day of so he didn't have time to sabotage it. It was like reversing the game he played on me and it works💪I'd just be like " oh I could've swore I told you we were going!" Or "well I mean if you can't go I completely understand" and honestly don't you have a better time when they're not around anyway🤷ijs
Lavon Jones I’ve been trying to kope up with things
Thanks so much for you advice
It means the world to me!
There's gotta be a name for starting a fight just so they can accuse you of something and use it as an excuse to break their promise. All. The. Time.
This is so true we divorced and he knew I wanted to live at the beach through settlement he filed me off through property settlement and a business I let him have . Through future taking and he bought the beach house I had picked out to buy when I got my half share but he got 70/ 30 me he bought my future house and life and decided he didn't want to share it with me he found someone else to share and now trying to gain control of my adult children . He took what I had planned that future for myself and my children.
Jeanette Kirkman, that’s just cruel!
He stole your dream... 😔
My husband did exactly the same thing.
Thak
So helpful. Thanks for the insight. Truth is tough to hear but neccesary for growth. Thanks for the upliftment. Peace for u as well.
When he'd rage, I would start pulling away. That's when he'd pour on the love talk. The future faking had me so fooled that he really loved me. I'm so stupid, I should have questioned why it wasn't happening but I didnt want to act pushy or desperate. He had already started to replace me but I was blind bc he kept pulling me back in with love talk.
It feels like being told that Santa has so many presents for you this year but every year there are zero presents. The disappointment makes you feel like you did something wrong because the Narcs are so convincing...
I had no idea that future faking was a thing so this was a completely new realization for me! I actually took time to write down all the things that were promised and never came to fruition after 6 years! The real kicker is that as I brought them up more recently, as I became more self aware, it's like that would cause a narcissistic injury at times. Thank you for such an enlightening video!
Holy crap!!!! Every word you just said is my life...its all empty future promises...its all words, no action...wow!!! Thank you for truth!!!👍👍👍❤❤
Here you go again with great message. I have studied and been healing for 40yrs. Thought I had come really far but the discard threw me, but good news it was only two months this time. I fell for the Hoover and love bombing told me what I wanted to hear.
Yes. It would be helpful to explore the Dynamics of the flying monkeys, narcissist in their own right, narcissist are nothing alone
All they do is lie sooner we understand that the person we thought we were in love 🥰 with is actually a disordered pathological liar 🤥 the quicker we can get out of these one sided relationshits from hell.
You nailed this! 11.5 years later and not even 1 trip and not even 1 hour in a hotel in the same city. Narc brought up marriage on 1st date, repeated this and other future plans each year after...but...nothing...
I'm so thankful, that I'm out of that emotionally and mentally abusive relationship
Great, Cristina. I live in present day reality, and understand and agree with much of what you said. I get tired of the gossip and the talk; I have a right to a private life, without damaging gossip, lies and invasion of privacy, by people who have everything in life and don’t care about other people, and misuse their power, rights and privileges.
Can’t let anyone to treat you that way and make you buy an illusion of “future”
Just broke free from this type of romantic relationship I feel depleted and worn out more than anything else but I also feel mad at me.... How could I walked into this mess?? I'm a very strong secure kind caring compassionate woman and should know better! He almost broke me or maybe he did I'm not sure right now nothing feels real but I do appreciate these videos they are helping me so thank you so much
Thank you. I really needed to hear this💜
Hi Christina, thank you for all the videos you've made. I realized and learned so much from all of it. You're a blessing to us who encountered a narc in our lives. I appreciate all your effort and time for the people who needs to learn about this. Thank you.