Funniest Joke I Ever Heard 1984 George Burns
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ส.ค. 2024
- George Burns tells his favorite joke about a Broadway actor who played eight weeks of vaudeville in Cincinnati.
License Funniest Joke I ever heard Clips Here:
dickclarklicens...
![ทางเดินชีวิต - ธีเดช ทองอภิชาติ x อ.ไข่ มาลีฮวนน่า [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1f3wcG16dd4/mqdefault.jpg)
Bumped into George Burns in Palm Springs many , many years ago . He was sitting at the bar of a golf course and was all alone . I stopped to say ‘ Hello , I enjoy your work ‘ , and he actually asked me if I wanted to sit and chat awhile . Now mind you , he was in his 80’s at the time , and his energy , his memory of places and names was uncanny . He had me laughing so hard , it was embarrassing . People looking at us must have thought we were old friends . He ‘ entertained ‘ me for at least an hour . What a treasure !
lucky you 👍👍👍👍👍
Wow!! How lucky were you! Loved his humor and Gracie Allen's too.
❤️
*tears
What a darling he was!Always a smile on his face!He reminds me souch in appearance of my own great grandfather...he lived to 87 very well too!
Wow that's so cool. Good old day and good old people. Now the entertainment industry is 🥱👎
"The most important thing about acting is sincerity. And if you can fake that, you got it made!". -George Burns
"You don't get old and stop doing things, you stop doing things and get old." - George Burns at 100
RIP George Burns (January 20, 1896 - March 9, 1996), aged 100
You will be remembered as a legend.
...he did excellent work in "The Sunshine Boys" opposite Walter Matthau...
One of his lines that I always write on birthday cards for my older friends is, "You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." Wise words.
I grew up thinking that this man was immortal. The idea that he could ever leave us was inconceivable to me.
@Mike Morris lol I was a kid.
Well, he is one of the few entertainers who lived to be 100. If you live that long, you did something right.
He certainly almost appeared to be.
@carolinewoodward1016 Yet he did play both God and Satan. :3
When George was dating Gracie he would bring her flowers, but she would keep him waiting so long, he quit bringing flowers and started bringing seeds.
Decades ago he was on some TV talkshow. I forget which. He says, "20 years ago my doctors told me to stop smoking". He then takes a puff of his cigar and says, "And now they're all dead."
That was on Carson in 1989
He was one of the greatest lol
Desiree
I remember hearing him talking about how he's alive at 100 and still smoking, and then he died like, immediately after that. I mean that's still impressive, but the timing of it..
So funny.... and so true.
My grandmother used to say the same about her doctor :-)
George was the nicest gentleman; I met him several times when I lived in Los Angeles. I took pictures of him with several stewardesses on a plane once in first class. Another time I saw him at the Beverly Hills Hotel. He always had a kind word and he made you feel as though he knew you and remembered you. He lived on one of the "flower" streets in Beverly Hills, right off of Sunset Boulevard. RIP George!
My favorite George Burns line: “If I’d have known I was gonna live so long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
That's a good one! Especially with the cigar in his hand.
Except that was *Groucho Marx's* line, not George Burns.
Okay I'm as anti smoking as anyone but he did live to be 100 years ( and 3 months).
Lolol good one.
@@michaelhungate7506 He smoked between 15-20 cigars a day. Johnny Carson asked him when he was 95 years old. I was like 😮😮😮. I'm amazed he lived to be 100.
I don't tell jokes. I tell anecdotes and lies.
That's the funniest part for me because I didn't understand the story.
Timothy Ball yea I just gave it a like so I don’t feel stupid for not understanding even after I played it like three times!
He lost his mother, and the others actually thought his mother was lost, instead of dead.
I love the picture behind him
Ok I am going to try and explain this. In the days of vaudeville you had to carry your act with you in a Steamer trunk and if you lost your Trunk you didn't EAT.
@@FishTheJim Not a very funny, but a true story;
Once when I was 8yrs old as I had been out, playing in the yard with the little girl (~same age) who lived next door. My Mom called me aside, and said my Grandmother had mis-laid her false teeth...again. It was a fairly common occurrence in our house that I thought nothing of. I hastily told my little friend I was sorry, that I had to go help my Grandmother find her teeth, but that I probably wouldn't be very long. As I was in a hurry, and taking the situation for granted. I barely noticed the odd look on her face as I rushed off.
Once the dentures were located I went on back out to play. Only to discover my poor friend almost in tears. I had not made the circumstances clear. And so in her less-than-worldly 8yr. old imagination she had envisioned my Grandmother's physical teeth had just, up and fallen out, as some creepy, ailment overtook her.
Then as gently as I could I had to try to clear up what it was that had occurred without making her feel too self-conscious.
Not an easy task.
Don't complain.🍅
I told you it wasn't funny.
Just amazing to think about George being born in 1896 and talking about Vaudeville. He was always so vibrant.
So funny ! Mr. Burns was a treasure ! I miss him. I used to write him fan letters as a child in the late 70's and he always responded personally on his own stationary with a hand written personal note . A lovely man .
I was a big Fan of his also.? He kind of reminded me of my Father,? In his old age.? May he & Gracie RIP.? They are missed, by all of their Fans.?
That's awesome! So few "stars" take personal time for their fans. Those who do consider fans their friends and vice versa.
Great! That's the kind of class that we don't see from stars today...
You may not know that he was completely illiterate; dyslexic to the hilt. Said he learned to draw his name rather than write it, like a picture, because letters appeared upside down/inverted or something like that, in his head. He never wrote anything himself, always had a secretary around for dictation.
Jill Shaw that's a great story Jill. Great memories!
My all time fave one liner: Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”
Or what Stephen King posted on Twitter today: "I hate when I show up late to dinner with cannibals. They always give me the cold shoulder."
Neil Blumengarten
Jeffrey Dahmer’s mom: Jeffrey I don’t like your friends.
Jeffrey: Then just eat the vegetables.
Nipsey Russel said " two cannibals were having dinner and as they devoured the missionary one turned to the other and said' Boy this is the end!'.Then the other said,' Yes , I know. I'm having a ball myself'".
Dewey Austin haha!
@@nhmooytis7058 The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms!
He used to always talk about Gracie. I finally saw the old show with her on it and my wife and I about died laughing.That woman was amazing, the funniest comedienne ever.
They started their act together in vaudeville and Gracie, who in real life was a very smart woman, with a mind for business, finance, comedy writing, and such George let her take charge of the act and their careers but Gracie played a ditsy, airhead and George played the straight man. You and your wife are right, what a hilarious lady and George's commentary on her actions made it all the more funny. She I used to watch old reruns along with "I married Joan" with Jim Backus,, Joan was like Lucy,, physical humor/slapstick)", "December Bride, " 💘 "Love that Bob" (with Robert Cummings), "Burns and Allen," and later evolving into sitcoms like "Dobie Gillis," etc. Burns and Allen were the funniest but then Gracie got sick and died. It was very sad.
She was great. I watched the documentary of George Burns on Amazon. They talked about the innovation he brought to television, like the opening monologue, breaking the fourth wall by having the actors freeze, etc.
I think my favorite Gracie clip was when she was talking about visiting the zoo and she said feeding the elephants must be expensive. Because of the sign 'No Peanuts. 10 dollars fine.'
Gracie was terrific but it was George who wrote the routines. As for the best comedienne ever, tough to top Lucy and Carol Burnett!!
Oooo I'd contend that Gracie Allen was the funniest comedienne ever.. 😊 I love Lucy as well. Didn't watch Carol Burnett too much but all the clips I've seen of her were funny.
Gracie was always my favorite though. Something about her.. the whole show was heartwarming.
I even named my daughter Gracie, after her.
She'll always be a national treasure to me. Her and George both. They don't make 'em like that anymore. Nowadays... phew... they all think being a vulgar mess is the way to go.. gross. I miss the old performers. Much rather have them back than Any new actor or actress of today. (All the way back to vaudeville!)
I'll let yall in on a secret.. I'm not older. I was born in the 80s. But grew up watching George Burns in the God movies and other things he'd star in. Always enjoyed him and his acting. As I grew up, I found out more about him and Gracie's careers through vaudeville to movies. Great couple. I was so upset when he passed. (Wasn't alive when she passed.) I felt like a piece of my childhood died the day of his death.
They'll never make them like that ever again. Sad. 😔 ❤
Lord help us and have mercy on all of us....
I was working as a TV Antenna man and was sent to Hillcrest Country Club because the tv had a bad picture due to the antenna being knocked down .George Burns stopped me and asked me what I was doing and I told him . He told me he thought he must be going blind and then he told me that he needed the tv to see what the future would be (I only got that joke latter on after watching his old reruns) after I fixed the antenna he said "oh no! too bad ,I am still going blind". The fact that he would pay attention to me and want to tell a joke made me happy.
His FUNNIEST joke was--' Having sex at 90, is like trying to shoot pool with a ROPE'
+Philip Croft LOL!
holy fuck that was actually funny
That was Bob Hope's joke.
ckaz007 It was definitely George - the full joke was."Having sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope - Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill" To the best of my knowledge, unlike George, (check video) Bob didn't use a cigar in his act. If that doesn't convince you this might:www.azquotes.com/quote/1235292
DelTangBrav , the pool with the rope thing? Rodney Dangerfield.
"First time I saw George Burns on stage I knew he had something special... Gracie Allen!" -Bob Hope
Aww, this was so touching. Having Gracie's picture next to him you can see they were good together.
I love the fact Gracie is in this bit, he loved her more than life.
Gracie: " I'm not going to my doctor anymore".
George: "Why"?
Gracie: "He's no good, all his patients are sick"!
That's Trump's logic
@@cjrrun
Exactly!! If you stop testing for Coronavirus you have no new cases of Coronavirus. trumpian logic at work.
Oh well, only 72 hrs til #diaperdonnie is out of office!!
That makes sense
@@cjrrun I'm so tired of idiots that drag politics into everything 24/7. How pathetic your life must be.
I love Gracie. She defies comedy. Imagine her today.
Anyways, so I asked my friend in North Korea how things were going.
He said he couldn't complain.
can't complain..... nobody listens if I do.
People say it doesn't help, but I've always found bitching and whining helps get things off my chest.
Jenna and Winston I think you missed the point :-)
I got it, I was interjecting my off-topic irrelevant comment. I actually thought the OP was funny. The funniest joke I heard George Burns say when he was in his 80s: "I walked by some young women at the pool, and it made me fell like I was 65 again."
Now here’s one. There was debate about who was the better preacher , the Pope of Rome, or Billy Graham. So , they rented Madison Square Gardens and both of them preached a sermon. After the Pope finished his sermon, 500 people came forward to receive Christ. After Billy Graham preached, 500 people came forward to receive Christ. Then Pat Boone stood up and sang that old classic gospel song “The Streets of Heaven are Paved with Gold” and 10,000 JEWS immediately joined the U.S. Airforce! LOL….
Best George Burns joke; "It's not premarital sex if you don't plan on getting married."
Ah. . . It's funny because it's hilarious.
Extramarital sex, then.
Stewie4506
But I’m not a Mormon.
"It ain't cheating, if I tell you first. So . . ." said the wife.
I was buying a car and asked the woman where the dipstick was, she said 'he's just gone back in the house. shall I go get him'.
I asked my (ex) missus " where is the stem off the dip stick".
She replied; "it was always dirty.... hangin' in the oil...so I had it cut off!
George Burns was one of my favorites to watch on TV . He always reminded me of my grandfather . Cigar and a drink and joke .
The one that got the Burns and Allen Show thrown off the air was, "The other day I gave my girlfriend a harmonica and she gave me a big kiss...I figure next week I'll buy her a piano."
Julian Parker-Burns Really? That was great! I remember the days when actors playing husband and wife on television had to sleep in separate beds and keep one foot on the floor. Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end.... Actually, I liked it better that way rather than the stuff that's on now... It left something to your imagination -- kind of like radio.
That one is as old as Burns himself. Another version has fruit instead of musical instruments: gave her a grape... tomorrow the biggest watermelon I can find!
Julian Parker-Burns Funny joke, but the Burns and Allen Show was not "thrown off the air". Gracie announced before the 8th season that it would be her last. The woman was very sick and exhausted from years of show business. She died not long afterwards from a heart attack.
Australia had a famous TV host, Graham Kennedy. He got thrown off the air in the 1960s, not for his crow (raven) call that went "aaark, aaark" that sounded suspiciously like "fuuuck" of course, but because after he did it, he turned to his female sidekick and said: "You haven't had one of those for a while have you Rosemary?" ......
He came back to TV in the 1980s strongly.
@@Navillus.55 I like it much better now. My imagination isn't that good. 🤣
George could make you laugh without using profanity. He was a true gentleman and one of the all time greats.
All the greatest comedians never had to use profanity.
Imagine how much fucking funnier he could have been!
@@whodoyoudancefor Imagine if you didn’t need attention and didn’t leave childish comments?
@@Johncourt409 Oh come now, childish joy is all there is!
@@whodoyoudancefor well you’ve got me there.
"I'm so old I don't buy green bananas."
I went to the Doctor and he said "Hi, I have'nt seen you for a while". I replied "Yes I know, I've been ill".
Perfect dead pan, timing, and delivery, an all time great.
Great, George Burns joke: Man walks into a barber shop and asks, "How many ahead of me?"
The Barber says, "Three." And the man shrugs and leaves. For brevity's sake, this goes on for a couple of more days.
On the third day, the man sticks his head into the shop, asks how many ahead, then leaves. So the barber says to one of the regulars, "Go follow that guy." And he obliges. Shortly, the customer comes back and says to the barber, "He goes to your house."
ROFLH. OMG
hahahahahaha
Don’t get it
@@Khalokhalokhaaaalloo The man is having an affair with the barber's wife. My apologies to everyone else for explaining.
Chip Doyle l
When asked about his dating younger women, Burns commented that there are no women his age.
Pirate walks into a bar... Bartender looks at him and says..."hey there pirate...did u kno u have a steering wheel hanging out of ur zipper?"
Pirate replies "Arrrgh....im aware...Its driving me nuts!"
Very funny
This is 10x more funny than the lie Burns told.
At this age with his way of speaking and his deliveries it reminds me of Johnny Carson, as if George could have been his "Dad". They were both great to watch!
Thank you for posting this. I always loved George Burns. ❤🙏
George is just so cute! And the way he stands there in front of Gracie's picture - they were just the sweetest couple!
If.you love george burns you have to watch " oh god " with john denver. Great feel good movie
It's a good thing George's reputation doesn't rest on this joke.
I think the key is, this was not George Burns' "Funniest Joke", he related it on a TV show called "The Funniest Joke I Ever Heard". I doubt George ever told this joke in his act, because it would fall pretty flat with most audiences. When the story was related to him, he knew a lot of elements of the story that likely made it much funnier for him personally, which is why I think he spent a full minute on the setup. He likely knew the Lackaye's personality (at least by reputation), Brown's personality and how Brown would have delivered the punchline, what exactly it meant that Lackaye would do about 8 weeks on the Vaudeville circuit (verses doing it full time), etc., etc.. I think it very likely that it was not only a joke that was 'inside' to vaudevillians, but likely pretty inside, to George, and the person who told him the story.
@@CineSoar I think you made a good point. I didn't think the joke was funny at all until I imagined overhearing the conversation between people I knew well who didn't know each other. Then it begins to sink in what a lame thing to say at first meeting!
I first heard George and Gracie on the radio. A GREAT comedy pair.
Ppp
Well, before radio, there was no electricity.
I love that he has Gracie's photo behind him.
Hello 👋 , How are you doing?
I always remember him saying "When the queen's 100, I'll send her a telegram" RIP George.
I didn't get the joke but I love the way he tells it.
The joke is that Brown thought by 'lost' Wilton meant his mother was missing, instead of dead, that's why Brown replied with 'our trunk is missing' as a way to relate to Brown in the moment, but failed to see that Wilton meant 'dead'.
@@MegaMOUNDS A "trunk going missing" is the part I didn't get. The trunks that I'm familiar with are inseparably attached to cars, and if they go missing, the bigger concern would be that the car is missing.
@@morpheus6749 in the US a 'trunk' means (among other things) large suitcase or travelling container. Bands make heavy use of them when transporting instruments.
You didn't get it because it just doesn't work as a joke for most people, the reason being that almost everyone only ever interprets "I'd rather be alone because I just lost my mother" as meaning that his mother has died. The idea that anyone would interpret it as "I can't find my mother" is simply not plausible!! So the joke will fail 99% of the time.
Jerry Seinfeld explains (with Norm MacDonald) that this joke actually has multiple levels. For you and I (the main audience), we're supposed to laugh because one guy's mother died and they other men lost their suitcase (a trunk is a huge suitcase, in this context). It's funny because you should not compare the death of someone's mother to losing a suitcase.
But there is a second level -- this is a Vaudeville joke, after all. Vaudeville acts carried EVERYTHING required for their performance in their trunk. Costumes, props, everything. So performers who heard this joke understand these two guys basically lost their livelihood. They're screwed. And this level of the joke is funny because it's true. Everybody is having an equally terrible night and they all need a drink.
If you like this joke, you might also like The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show, or George's biography if you like to read.
100 years with this guy? I'd be laughing all over
George had such great rhythm and timing.
I don’t get it: trunk?
As Tiger Woods was sponsored by Buick, he was driving his new Buick Enclave through the countryside when he stopped for gas.... As he pulled up to the pumps he was greeted by the attendant, and asked him for a fill up... He then stepped out of the vehicle to enter the store when a golf tee fell from his pocket and hit the ground.... The attendant noticed it fall so picked it up and handed it back, and unsure what it was, he asked Tiger, what it was for..... Tiger quickly replied, it was a tee, used to set your balls on when driving, to which the attendant replied... Wow those people at Buick think of Everything!!!!
Budum tiss......
@@michaelmartin6912 Funniest so far, but ironic re his recent crash.
Now, that is funny.
@@brewsterly2927 , that was because Tiger’s balls fell off the tees, and he looked down to put them back on.
Loved George Burns, so missed,rest in peace
'I know how to make a hormone! Its simple...don't pay her the money! NYUK NYUK NYUK!'
Curly Howard.
The difference between vitamins & hormones? Vitamins don't make any sound.
🐼 Big Bear Hugs from a 67 yr old grandma in Kirby, Texas, USA 🐼...
@KarinPluss George used to tell of going to Gracie's resting place every week and talking to her for about an hour. He said he had no idea if she heard him, but he said it did a world of good for him. Recently a station called Antenna TV has been replaying the old Burns and Allen shows. They repeatedly show two pictures in his den. One of George, Jack Benny and Bing Crosby. The other is of George, Jack and Eddie Cantor. And in monologues he regularly refers to old friend Georgie Jessel.
That joke is actually pretty deep. Those vaudeville performers' whole act and therefore their means of survival were in their trunk, so it was a serious situation for them.
exactly right!!!
This is true and could be the point of the joke; but, I am not certain that is what this joke is hinged on. I "think" the idea is that the duo with the lost trunk are not considering the "lost mother" as dead; but, literally "lost"; as in "lost her somewhere between Pittsburgh and Albuquerque... hopefully she'll turn-up." It's hard to say.
@@BaronMcCauslandwow I missed that by a mile I thought the joke was they killed her and she was in the trunk lol
@@and1bballers Could be, who can really say? While it seems clear the assumption is that the man who would prefer to drink alone "lost" his mother; meaning, that she died. However, it seems the Punch Line of this joke does not solve the ambiguity of the keyword 'Lost" as a one-way reveal, as given by the Ice Skaters who talk about their trunk. Just look at all the possible and different interpretations on this thread - any one of them being as valid as the next. It's a puzzler for sure.
@@BaronMcCausland a little sumthin for everyone on that one
I think the question that many are going to ask, though, is "Where's Vaudeville?"
:-)
Not if they're telling those kinds of "jokes".
I think it was George Burns that made this joke: ‘Someone told me my fly was undone. I said forgetting to zip my fly isn’t a problem. It’s forgetting to UNZIP it, that’s a problem 😊
Speaking of penises - - -
Do you know why the night nurse at the old age home gives all the men Viagra at night?
KEEPS THEM FROM FALLING OUT OF BED.
Vaudeville was a kind of anything-goes type of multi-facted theatre entertainment. There were comedic sketches, there were dramatic sketches, there were musical acts, there were ingenues, there were jugglers and fire-breathers and ventriloquists, there were combinations of these.
Vaudeville gave birth to modern American comedy, including standup. Some famous alumni of Vaudeville: Three Stooges, Marx Brothers, Abbot and Costello, Burns and Allen, Jack Benny, to name a few.
Overheard on a Burns and Allen show on RadioClassics|SiriusXM (channel 148):
George: Gracie, it says here you spent $10 on ping pong balls.
Gracie: That's right. I use them instead of moth balls.
George: What?! Why?
Gracie: They don't smell up the closet.
George: But they don't kill moths!
Gracie: Sure they do. When the moths bite into them, there's no food, so they starve to death.
I was his waiter in a commercial for a clean air machine circa’84. Between takes, I was his ‘personal’ audience for 6 hours of stories, jokes, and asides.
I loved it.
And on top of that, they paid me double-scale. What more can an actor-to-bee ask for? Well, I did ask for his autograph, butt, somebody drank all the ink.
Dick Booth
c2024inkRWBEE
My favorite Burns joke;
I walked into my dressing room just as this beautiful girl walked into the dressing room next to me. There was a hole in the wall about two inches around ... I let her look.
I’ve only heard Henny Youngman tell that one.
I loved the Burns and Allen show, it was great. Gracie was hilarious.
I also loved it. I was quite young. They made me laugh, made me happy and when Gracie died I was sad, as though a favorite grownup had passed away. To me they were like friends, not celebrities.
"Knock...knock"......"Who's there?""
.."To"...."To who?"..
.."Surely you mean, 'to whom'."
Don't call me Shirley.
Nice pic of Gracie. She didn't make it as long as George did. Presumably his cigars glued him together so long.
I saw the picture of him and his son walking out of Grace's memorial service...Mr Burns was so broken up a handkerchief covered his face and his son had a hold of his arm guiding him.
I've often wondered if todays heart surgeons could have helped her problem and extended her life...she was so young to die.
I used to work at a woman's underwear factory which used live models. It was a really good job. I was pulling down over 50,000 a year!
Pulling down underwear?😆
Hiooooooo
I had a similar job as a diesel fitter. No trucks to work on. A lady would come into the store I'd check her out go out the back a grab a bra walk back in and say diesel fitter.
@@thinkharder2028
Hhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhh+hj+
I wish i had a dollar for every cigar Mr.. Burns ever smoked. I dont think ive ever seen him without one in his hand.
So at age 90, the interviewer asks George "To what do you owe your long life?"
Burns replies "I drink 2 scotches and smoke 2 cigars every day".
The interviewer, perplexed says he had an uncle smoked cigars and drank scotch; died at 40.
George says: "He didn't do it LONG ENOUGH!"
...and this time, Al said, "You can buy your own sturgeon, kid, I'm a hit again."
That is an excellent joke and a wonderful insight into American cultural history. I'm impressed with the clever reference. I wish more comedians were as intelligent as George Burns.
George and Gracie, I sure miss them. I loved their TV show when I was a kid, especially the comedy bit they always did separate from the sitcom.
George: The paper says Mr Smith died of a self-inflicted wound.
Gracie: Yes, dear, but self-inflicted by who ?
Epstein?
@@wrbrower
you got it, cowboy 🤠
Someone asked him in his later years how his sex life was and he answered, "At my age having sex is like playing pool with a rope." Now that's funny.
😂😂🤣
👏👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣
George Burns one of the best until death. .Very funny 😅
DOUGLAS E. PALEN SR Funnier after his death?
Went down hill after he died?
Well, his joke in the video died.
Don't smoke cigars kids, George was 29 years old at the time of filming.
That's funnier.
Hilarious, Could almost hear the punchline coming. I miss the Burns and Allen show. Great memories.
Antenna TV shows them every morning. They were sooooo funny. They also play The Jack Benny Program after Burns and Allen. Classy well written CLEAN comedy.
that picture ❤😢
Here's one I made up yesterday:
"Keep the change," the man says.
"That'll be three fifty," the bartender tells him.
"I'll have whiskey on the rocks," the man says.
"What'll you have?" the bartender asks.
A man with a malfunctioning time machine walks into a bar.
I'm pretty sure that's funny... but I'm too lazy to think it thru. I'm too lazy to spell 'through' too, so...
Not bad.😝
Not bad. Not bad.
This is funnier than i anticipated
Pokerface ... nice!🤣
Doctor I keep getting ignored ! - Doctor shouts NEXT ! Guy goes to the doctor with a frog stuck to his ear. Doctor asks *how long have you been like this ? * the frog replied - well doctor, it started with a boil on my arse !
We miss you, George.
I remember him, when I was a kid George Burns & Art Carney filmed a movie by my house in Astoria, NY about a bank robbery! Got both their autographs! Totally cool dudes!
Oh yeah! I saw that one on TV as a teen. Going In Style, I think it was called.
"Trust me, it will be funny when I'm an old man"
Sunshine Boys; great film.
"This dyslexic guy walks into a bra....
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Chocolate medal awarded to Appleholic1. 🌟
For once, the comments are funnier than the video.
Ha Ha Ha that's funny real funny.
Isn't that the rich guy who sold hi soul to Santa?
A true comedian! One of my all time favorites, influences! Look for me in the next coming year! 😂🎉🎉🎉🎉❤
still watch His show to this day, l9ved them two
I love how it's "Dick Clark Productions", and the symbol is two round circles (almost) with a long stick in the middle.
well, ''dick'' it took 8 years to point that out.
It also combines all of the letters in dick clark, while also being a penis.
I always like the Burns and Allen joke about George coming home and asking Gracie what's for dinner. She says "roast beef". George sees two roasts in the oven and asks Gracie, "Why are there two roasts but only two of us." She says " When the little one burns, I know the big one is done." Ahh-hh Say Good Night Gracie.
Mike Newton uh
Goodnight, Gracie!
That is funny one and completely Gracie....loved both of them!!!
A guy walks into a bar and he sees three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He says to the bartender "What's with the meat?"
The bartender replies "Well we have a tradition here. If you can jump up and touch one of the pieces, then you get your drinks for free for the whole night. If you jump and miss, you have to buy everyone's drinks."
The guy looks at the meat, then cuts a look at the bartender, then looks back up.
Bartender says "So do you want to give it a try?"
The guy shakes his head and says "No, the steaks are too high."
" No, but I'd love to meat you upstairs"
Now that's a joke.
Terrible.
I'm still learning English, so could any one make it more easier to understand?
NickFrmCA1
Very funny guy. A friend bumped into him a few months ago and he's still going strong
this guy drank, smoked and excersied everyday for almost 85 years and only died to complications of knocking his head on the side of his tub 2 years before he died. THATS CRAZY!
Not really. Just good genes.
Best Joke: "Damn, you've already got you Christmas lights up? I haven't even got mine down yet"!.........................
Dumb
RIP Betty White - may you and Nattie be swapping stories in heaven
The picture of George, Jack and Bing is from when they performed "Goldie, Fields and Glide" on a 1954 filmed episode of "THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM" (which happened to be produced for Jack by George's company, McCadden Productions), 'Carl'. George talked extensively about Jessel [and his sad fate] in "All My Best Friends", and frequently had him as a guest on George & Gracie's radio show in the '40s.
I was talking to a buddy of mine at work during lunch about a particular battle during World War II, when a guy I didn't know sat down at the table with us. After awhile he said, "I wish you guys wouldn't talk about the war. My great-uncle was killed during the holocaust." My friend said, "Oh gosh I'm so so sorry to hear that." He said, "Yeah, it was pretty tragic. He fell off the guard tower."
That took a long time to rype and I appreciate your effort.
@@dadylfitzys8880 After this, I heard something similar on a sitcom. One of the characters said his Dad died tragically during the war. The other character asked which service he was in. The first character said that he wasn’t in the service. He hit a tree while skiing in Vermont, but it WAS during the war.
My boss said to me: "You're working Saturday and Sunday". I asked: "Why do I have to listen to you then?" He says: "Because I'm your boss and you work for me!" So I said: "Really? I thought I was working for the weekend."
Thank you TH-cam algorithm! I love George Burns!
He was awesome. He made it to 100 but sadly he was unable to do the big 100th birthday bash in Vegas.
my dad went nearly 8 years ago...and i still say that he's gone.....as opposed to dead.......so....i totally get that part...
susan
Hello Karin, How are you doing?
Wow, I've been watching and listening to old George Burns and Gracie Allen stuff and I didn't realize George Burns was around this late. Pretty cool, wish we had some of them today
He almost made to 100. He used to joke he was booked til then so he couldn't die.
@@JCYoung-ni4cy
George Burns was born in January 1896 and he died in March 1996. He was fully 100, not almost.
@@RobertJRoman Silly me. I thought I read somewhere he only made it to 99.
When I was a kid, Gracie was already dead, but George Burns was a big star, and I could never figure out why because he couldn't sing, dance, or be funny. It wasn't until years later when I got to see old clips of Burns & Allen that I understood. George was the straight man in a double act. Gracie was the funny one.
His career was basically in neutral for many years after her death. Somebody talked him into doing something that got him introduced to a whole new generation of fans who embraced him 100%. It might have been a movie part.
@@normanacree1635 The Sunshine Gang or something like that.
This is adult humor. Today's youth, the few thoughtful among them, when they mature, will see the deep humor in this. Callow youth, uncough youth, idle self-absorbed youth, who manifestly abound on this planet, will never understand subtleties.
@Arxvirtus: Thanks for explaining the joke's context; There is also a third dimension to the joke: It implies that the adult who just lost his mother completely depends on her, like a Vaudevillian depends on his trunk.
And THAT'S the true punchline to the joke! If a traveling performer lost their trunk, it meant their whole act was at risk.
Good thing these things have laugh tracks to know when to laugh.
Yep they do that for people who can't work things out for themselves ☺
To be fair though this was a very basic joke. By basic I mean weak.
Elk Lord and by shit you mean the cat shit that has worms in it.
Yeah that was bad
Now here’s one. There was debate about who was the better preacher , the Pope of Rome, or Billy Graham. So , they rented Madison Square Gardens and both of them preached a sermon. After the Pope finished his sermon, 500 people came forward to receive Christ. After Billy Graham preached, 500 people came forward to receive Christ. Then Pat Boone stood up and sang that old classic gospel song “The Streets of Heaven are Paved with Gold” and 10,000 JEWS immediately joined the U.S. Airforce! LOL….
My hero. Dude kept his wits about him for 100 years. If you have a relative who's falling apart in his or her 80s, you know what a big deal that is.
Well my wife doesn't always remember our relationship but she remembers George Burns
GOD BLESS & THANK YOU FOR ENTERTAINING US !!! RIP