Friendly reminder to have a _happy pride_ 🏳🌈 and that homophobia and general bigotry is not allowed at least until July 1st thank u sorry I don't make the rules
Screw it. "They" keep banging on about how "woke libs" have taken over. I say let Pride just run on all damn year. Got my rainbow Santa costume ready to go. 🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Exhibiting my straight, white, male levels of privilege: how the hell does someone else's sexuality negatively impact me? As long as it is how you genuinely feel, go for it. If someone else is forcing you to act a certain way, that's really bad. To anyone on the queer spectrum, I'm an ally and will do what I can to support you however I can.
Saying that someone can't be bi because they're in a monogamous relationship makes as much sense as saying that someone can't be straight because they're single.
I'm single and AroAce, so I'm the one you should point to when people say something stupid like that - I'm single because I don't want a relationship, and I'm not straight because I don't get attractied to ANYONE! 🤪 apart from Emma - I have a squish on her because of who she is and her mind, and nothing to do with the fact that she has a beautiful smile
@@edm-london1660 I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand your language here. Seduction is about love, and physical sex isn't, because... why? And how does that make someone not in love if they still experience attraction?
“You do not become a lesbian when you’re dating a girl, then become straight again when you start dating a man” wow I felt that one. It took me so many years to work out I’m bi because i started out dating a guy and became an auto straight person
@@ShesquatchPiney Ugh, I wouldn't recommend it unless you want a flood of messages about how bisexuals can't experience compulsory heterosexuality because they're attracted to men!
I've literally stopped telling people I'm bisexual as a man. It's exhausting being told I'm not bisexual because I have a wife, but they're perfectly okay with my wife being bisexual. Its gotten especially bad lately where saying I'm bisexual gets me accused of being a groomer. So that's fun.🙄
It probably doesn’t make it better but all of us queer folks are called groomers by the queerphobes (especially trans people, but cis queers as well). So guess that just confirms you as part of the community… Just remember there are enough people out there who will take you serious and like you for who you are
Oh jeez I love when that happens. I've also had someone call me a groomer too. Which was ironic because they also had told me that I wasn't bi, cause I had a girlfriend... In a gay bar. I laughed and answered with two questions. 1 why would I be in a gay bar if I wasn't. 2. How did you know I wasn't bi. Cause your right I'm not bi I'm pan.
It’s as I struggle dating women as a bisexual woman. The lesbian hate me I swear. Like I’ve wanted to put queer before. I low key hate the labels now cuz they put you in a box. Let’s just love man.
There are two kinds of bi-phobia I’ve experienced: 1) from women I’ve dated, “I am excepting of people’s sexuality but I don’t want that in the person I’m with” 2) from gay people, “you can just hide out and pretend you’re straight to avoid persecution/homophobia”. I’m a straight-ish presenting bi male. In the straight world they assume I’m straight. In the gay world I’m often seen as gay. And you are absolutely correct, neither world truly wants to accept me. Straights often see it as that I’m gay and am trying to corrupt their straight women. Whereas the gay community often sees people like me as just dabbling but not truly deserving a place in the queer community.
As a quiet bi dude who *constantly* gets the "you haven't fucked any men; clearly you're just virtue signaling to get in women's pants!" OR the assumption that, because I haven't dated anybody for a while, I must be gay... I extremely appreciate your doing this video. Bi pride, awesome lady.
I would say I'm a "quiet bi" too, if that means being introverted and not doing a lot of socializing. It's not easy -- we get overlooked for being quiet in social settings, but being bi reduces our potential relationships even more. Good luck to you!
I havent had sx with anyone period let alone kissed. I just kw i like both n imagine it all with both. I have had deep connections with both (my best was with a woman)
@@NoName12344oyou're not. I'm a furry despite haven't fucked a teddy bear. I don't find teddy bears sexually attractive but i find them beautiful. Therefore I'm a furry. You get what you sound like?
I'm AMAB and bisexual. Bierasure has been probably the most toxic thing I've directly experienced in my life. I first came out as bi in art college in the late 90's (which probably makes me one of your older viewers lol). I thought I'd be welcomed, but I was wrong. I was told it was gross, disgusting and that I should 'pick a team'. Word had spread swiftly that I 'liked both', so I lived as a gay man for almost a decade. It really hurt my mental health, because a closet is a closet, even if it's painted in rainbow colours. Thankfully, I had a handful of friends who knew the truth and stood by me. They convinced me to stop living a lie because it was hurting me. So I officially came out again, first at work. Yet I was still 'gay', because if a guy does owt with a guy, he's gay, full stop. Gradually this changed to "are you gay/straight now, then?" whenever I had a date. I even had a bi woman tell me it was gross and unnatural for men, so I should just pick one. It's so frustrating and why I'm so vocal these days - out, proud and loud. I don't want younger people to go through what I did. It's changing, albeit slowly.
Comment coming from a woman who was bi herself seems *very* strange indeed to me. I guess it goes to show that just being queer doesn't mean you stop being weird.
Rereading this due to the comments and just realised I slipped in a colloquialism and that's something I try to avoid when writing, as it seems so fake when written. Guess I was getting a tad emotional for that 'owt' to slip by. In all my years, this is probably the most worried I've ever been. In the 80's it was just how things were, but we've seen better and now we're backsliding and the people leading the way are being vicious and extremely violent. For the unaware, that "owt" is Yorkshire for 'anything'. Eg: Mornin, is t'owt I can do fer ya? That looks so cringeworthy written down 😆
@paulhammond6978 a lot of bi phobia was generated during the aids pandemic. And Why it's especially focused at bi men coming from women. Because aids was seen as a gay mans disease at the time, bi men were viewed as the duplicitous undercover gays. Pretending to be straight in order to get into relationships with women, then sneaking aids into those otherwise "pure" and "clean" hetrosexual relashonships by having secret affairs with gay men. So it got embedded in our collective psyche that bi men are dirty and untrustworthy. Even as the context has been forgotten. There is a really great and eye opening vid by the youtuber verilybitchie about it called Why We Hate Bi Men, very worth watching
"There isn't limited space in the queer community, there is room for everyone." Such a great quote that will drive certain people crazy - and I'm totally good with that.
As an asexual, I get erasure. My kid is bi and got themself a bi ring for Pride last year. I’ve been wearing an ace ring for 4 years. We call them our rings of invisibility. 😂
A while ago my teen daughter came out as bi to me. I said "that's good for you. You got so much choice in a future partner. To be honest I'm a bit jealous, since I'm only straight." with a big smile. I'm really happy that she felt safe telling me. Makes me feel like I'm a good enough dad! Also, for my whole life I've thought that Freddie Mercury was gay. So thank you Emma for teaching me something new! Happy Pride Month from a swedish ally!
All three of my children have come out as bisexual as teens. All three of us parents (we are a polyamorous coparenting household) told them we were proud of them for knowing themselves better than anyone else. Given that all three of us have been told our children will end up sex maniacs or whatever the opposite of sex mania is because we are not a traditional family with traditional values we were so happy our kids felt safe to talk to us about their sexuality. Honestly, I couldn't care less about who they are in a relationship with so long as all parties involved are happy and being treated well.
My eldest son is bi. He never came out. Didn't need to. Whenever he talked about boys or girls, I took it in as part of a normal conversation. But long ago, even before I had kids. I knew that shouldn't matter, I would always be a supportive father.
@RayneeFloof sorry you're going thru that. There isn't much you can do. There are people out there who will be supportive of you, once you are able to leave home. I don't deal with much of my family, even thou it has night to do with orientation.
Im a theater kid... ended up cis-het, but im a good hedonist and raised right so i explored my boundaries. Big into queer culture from the get-go, its basically half the history of art.
I am a visual artist, and I maybe enjoy arts people the most. They are the least rigid about any of this and historically always have been. It's so refreshing in a world where things have to be a certain way.
Cishet theatre kids who are pro-queer liberation and explore their sexuality are part of queerness, imo. You're heterosexual and cisgender, but you're like doing the cishet thing queerly. Queerness is more than just being not-hetero or not-cis, queerness is about pushing back against cisheteronormativity so there's room enough for everyone to be themselves, so even if you figure out you like your assigned gender and the opposite binary gender, experimenting is a queer experience because it's part of the rejection of cisheteronormative confines, along with other things like polyamory, kink, et cetera.
"I thought you were a lesbian rather then atheistic" - This one really got me thinking. I really want to know what this is suppose to mean. If she is a lesbian, does that mean she isn't an atheist? I'm a cis man, but does this mean I look like a lesbian because I'm an atheist? There are just so many questions.
It is so refreshing to hear you speak about all this! I am a "straight passing" bisexual (I am very girly, I am a grade 2 teacher, and engaged to a heterosexual guy), but that is only because I am not out to pretty much the majority of people in my life. The only people who know that I am bi are my fiancé, my one bi friend, and her boyfriend... I am way too scared to come out to anyone else due to the homophobic nature of my culture. So I constantly need to be careful of what I say and how I act around basically everyone in my life. It is not "freedom"... it is suffocation.
Homophobic society is a pain in the ass. I'm a "straight passing" male bi and coming out around here is still seen as a bad thing so very few people know. But i have a lot of fun when someone says "he's obviously straight, he has a child" and they get broken when I answer "Me too, that proves nothing"... I just take the little victories I can, since around here the biphobia is too big. It's suffocating to live like that, but I still hope we'll see the day when nobody have to experiment it anymore.
“Straight passing” bi high school teacher here, married to a man, only came out this year to my husband, mom and three coworkers. You’re not alone. Thanks for posting, it made me feel less alone.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Please know that you're completely valid in being bi no matter what you look like, or you you're dating/engaged to even if it doesn't feel like it
Biphobia as I like to call it, is a very real thing. I live in a country that is a frontrunner for the whole LGBTQIA+ culture, and I have been openly bi as both a romantic and sexual bi since 2008. Sadly where I meet the most prejudice is within our community. Among the gay males, I'm a fake, or a weak person not willing to accept his homosexuality. Within the world of the "normies" I'm just confused or hypersexual, or someone who's seeking attention. I'm happily married and live in a bi relationship with my bi wife - hence why we are in a bi relationship😀But every year pride week which we just had here in Copenhagen, is a time for me that is an odd mix of pride, happiness and great loneliness. I have never hated or thought less of what I am, I'm very strong willed and capable, but during a time like Pride Week I can't help but looking at others with a bit of envy, being it gay or straight, and think that it would be easier to not be "split in the middle" as that seems to cause a lot of confusion and resentment.
Privilege doesn't describe freedom, it describes power. You're describing yourself being smothered by power dynamics you feel the need to play into in order to avoid losing personal power & the security that comes along with it. I'm sorry you're in that situation & I sympathize. Maybe we need to talk more about how the stress of passing as straight can be almost equal to the stress of being out- but I assume that if being out was less stressful than passing, you would come out instead.
“Straight passing” is such a wild concept. People accuse asexuals of being “straight passing,” but I found out in my late-20s that basically everyone in my life has assumed I’m a closeted lesbian since I was 12 - even before I chopped off all my hair - simply because I never bothered trying to find myself a man. It seems if you deviate from the hetero/allo norm in the tiniest way, you’ll be branded as some sort of “other,” and often not the right one because nobody bothers to ask.
I’m both “straight passing” and “white passing” and let me tell you it doesn’t take long before either falls apart as a concept. White people sus me out and it isn’t long before I get the dreaded ‘what are you’ question, and my lack of romantic/sexual interest also doesn’t go unnoticed and then you get buried in people trying to set you up with someone so you won’t ‘die alone’ like that’s a guarantee if you are in a relationship.
@@ookamiblade6318 Just because you are staring at somebody doesn't mean you aren't dying alone. EVERYBODY dies alone. But the number of divorced people I know would say that thats definitely not a guarantee. The best guarantee to my mind would be to have a duplex, and rent out the basement or half the place to a family that you know and like for dirt cheap, so they not only like you, but feel somewhat in debt to you, and likely that circle of friends is the best guarantee. Surround yourself with a community. But I think aspergers or some kind of social awkwardness is far more common in society because frankly I can't even IMAGINE asking somebody "so what are you?" That seems an INSANE thing to say to somebody. Maybe its the WASP in me, and maybe we should be 'selling that more' as a plus that we aren't interested in anybodys sex life or sexuality and don't want to hear about it. I think part of the complaints about pride events are just that, "hey, its great if you ARE that, but nobody needs to hear about it".
That kind of reminds me of how things are for straight trans and enby people (yes, they exist). The lgbtq community acts like we have all these amazing privileges, forgetting the moment someone finds out we're trans or gets a "vibe", we can be unalived at worst or get homophobic attacks. But they don't care. Straight trans people went from being the backbone of the community to being seen as "the enemy".
I think part of the problem is a persistant conservative view of monogamy where once you find The One, you're not supposed to be attracted to anyone else, and admitting to attraction to anyone aside from your partner is a thoughtcrime and a form of cheating. So it's fine to be attracted to multiple genders when you're single and looking, but once you find the right person who's meant for you, your sexuality is supposed to narrow to whatever that person is. Of course, attraction doesn't actually work that way for most people.
@@Sephiroth144 perfect way of thinking about it, its one thing to see someone and your brain go "ohhh sexy" and totally another to betray your partners trust and cheat, we can't control our attraction, but we can control our actions
As a bisexual (pansexual) male from Generation X, this is a conversation that is long overdue. Having watched the rise of Queer rights in the United States and participated in the struggles that all of us went through, it hurts me to the core that this marginalization of the bisexual community still happens from all sides. Be it discrimination due to homophobia, or sidelining due to perceived privilege, I have felt more and more disconnected from my identity over the years. I was thrown out of my family's home when I refused to back down about being bisexual. I have been called out by male partners for not being "gay enough." And I have been called out by female partners for not being "straight enough" (read not being toxicly masculine). And I have found having to come out about my sexuality over and over again to be exhausting. Now, after 4 decades of life, I find myself with a loving wife, two beautiful children, and still face the same struggles because people cannot fathom that a bisexual male, would marry a bisexual female, have children, and then understand the struggles of a bisexual gender-fluid child. Right, because we *sarcasm* can't possibly understand the struggles facing our child because they are Queer, and we aren't. */sarcasm* So thank you Emma, for being the representation we need, and deserve.
It's a very tough and sad thing. Biphobia as I like to call it, run rampant in our community. I have been out since 2008, but lived a life as either a straight man or gay man for about 8 years prior to that, depending on whom I dated, which bar or club I went to, etc. It was a mess. The worst prejudice I get is from the gay scene. The "normies" just really don't know what to do with me, and the worst I get is that I'm an attention seeker etc. But in the gay community I'm a fake, I'm a guy who's too weak to come out as gay etc. Now I'm happily married to a bi wife, and we can support each other. Can I ask you something personal? Do you also get that absolutely asinine and idiotic question of "How do you refrain from being with another man if you are in a relationship with a woman, or vice versa?". My answer is usually this. "How do you refrain form being with another woman if you are in a relationship with a woman?" and so forth. Of course sometimes if we are both asked, we give an answer just to make them shut the fk up, like "Well, I send her out to bring home two or three girls, and I will bring home a couple of guys. And then we just all go at it and have a five day orgy to get it out of our system for a month or so.".
@@AB-80X I don't get that as much anymore. I've been happily married now for a while and most people don't even question my sexuality. It's only when it's brought up do stupid questions like that come up. My primary answer is "because I love my wife and she fulfills me." Just like anyone in a long term committed relationship.
@@tarathoughts13 when I was growing up, it was used interchangeably along with omnisexual. By modern definitions I would be pansexual, but identify as bisexual out of habit.
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! As a bi man, married to a woman, with a child, bi erasure is so real. With admittedly many things wrong with dad culture, the bi erasure is very prominent. You hit the nail on the head for every point you made. Thank you 💜
I hate how some people will make sexuality assumptions. Especially when based on stereotypes. A couple of my colleagues are convinced that another colleague is gay. Eventhough he's in a relationship with a woman. The reason they are sure he's gay? Because he acts (what they perceive as) feminine. When I pointed out that yet another colleague of ours is gay who doesn't act that way, they just kept insisting that acting feminine must mean someone's gay.
They assume trans women are attracted to men... and I can confirm that's not always true. (I'm attracted to women - but as far as anything else matters, I'm ace.)
I'm a 65 yo man and when I first being part of the "community" it was something that was very hidden. All places for ANY LGBTQI+ to gather were basically a brown paper wrapping building. If you didn't know it was there unless you actually knew. Now that aside, just saying it was a time where you had to be hidden. But when we were in these places we were absolutely all inclusive. Because we were all in this together. Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, POC etc. This whole thing of splintering the community is detrimental to all. Of course there will ALWAYS be those in any part of the community who dislikes others. But to be cliche, it was a simpler time, and we did stick together much better in in a more unacepting world. So Be Bi, and be just as proud
Are you insane the "community" is way too big, everyone and their mom is trying to be a part of it, it's long due for a division. These troonatics don't even acknowledge people can be gay and call lesbians transphobic bigots for not sucking their ladydik
I agree completely. I'm 58 and bi and I remember those days. Unfortunately I was too full of shame to ever participate in the community, something I will always regret. I spent many years letting people think I was straight. I think it would be no problem to do that, but it meant always hiding part of me, and never quite fitting in with the ways straight men think and behave. But now that we have some degree of acceptance, and I've finally accepted that I can be bi, we have this ridiculous splintering of identities. It's so sad.
I'm a 63 year old man. I think there is a wee bit of peering through rose tinted glasses going on. Back in the 80s when I was finding my way into the world there was a fair amount of factionalism and distrust within the community - as there is in *any* community. Many overtly feminist bi-women for instance were looked on with suspicion by the lesbians I knew. Somehow there was this idea floating about that the rad les fems were faking it somehow and merely tourists. I do know though that when I attended my first Pride parade at the tender age of 51 with my fiercely lesbian daughter I spent the whole thing in tears wondering how many lives would have been different (and saved) if the openness and joy I saw that day had been around in my adolescence.
@colonelweird it's all because of a lack of proper education, I feel... I'm only 19, so I don't have quite the experience you both do, and I've always been able to be 'open' as a gay guy It helps that I was already hanging out with the hippy Marxist druggies but still education at my school on sex and stuff in school consisted of STDs, pregnancy and safe sex, sex in general, abuse and what not to do, all that stuff, but it was incredibly heteronormative. They did touch on LGBT+ things, but not much. And I feel its a lack of education because pair the small amount of education we get with the media perception of LGBT issues, then you're predisposed to dislike them. For example, I got my very little education, and went on naturally as an edgy teen to start watching comedy stuff. And a kinda worrying amount of comedy used to revolve around 'trans people are gross' 'man in wig' 'gasp you have a penis? But you're a woman' and that ever so infamous family guy episode which I remember particularly well. And so that made me have the perception that trans people were gross and/or illegitimate and not the gender that they identify as. I wasn't actively transphobic, especially since up until that point I had never met a trans person, but subconsciously I had the idea that they were just strange crossdressers. I held that belief until I got with a trans person. Only then was I pushed to research outside of education. And I think the same can be applied to the sexual identities that exist outside the cultural norms. People aren't taught about it and might naturally have some negative reaction, or could have learned that attitude. That might just be anecdotal, but from what I've heard most of my experience is representative of a lot of people my age, given the prevalent right wing pipeline of the late 2010s. Sorry for the long tangent
When I was a kid I used to think this. As “being gay” was said to be “a “life style” “a choice” I used to think why not everyone choose to be bi. I still think it in some way… I do not think sexual orientation is natural, a social construct like gender
@@anainesgonzalez8868No, sexuality is not a social construct. If it was, everyone in the majority of countries would be straight. You can structure a society to be more liberal to allow more people to have the freedom to express their sexuality in a more open and honest way, but you cannot actually change a person's sexuality.
@@EamonWillIt's kind of a social construct because it's based (in part) on gender. It's clearly based on something biological, but the language we use around sexuality is definitely constructed
Great video! I think a big part of the reason why there are so few visibly bi men is because back in the '80s (when I first realized that I'm bi and still identified as a man), bi men were wrongfully assumed to be the vector by which AIDS was brought to straight people and demonized as a result. I suspect that a lot of that stigma has remained, even though the reason has faded over time. I stayed in the closet for about 15 years to avoid it, despite having a lot of very queer-friendly social circles from the '90s onward.
As a bi man in a closet I dread coming out to my parents. And I may never will as idea of facing discrimination from the closest people I have is terrifying. Fortunately being open about it online is reassuring that my feelings are valid and that I belong. And thanks to you Emma for being what you are, you are my bi icon Im looking up to.
Heya Emma. A cis bi man here, and yes, we're victims of erasure even harder than bi women. I don't identify as pan, because I feel that I do have a much narrower attraction when it comes to men than when it comes to women. At over 40, I'm not yet fully out of the closet (I only accepted it in the last decade, so...), and content like this really makes me swell with pride, keep up the good work!
@@mindeyethemasterscreen2712 Weird how you know more about English than the Oxford English Dictionary... Pansexual: noun. /ˌpænˌsekʃuˈæləti/ /ˌpænˌsekʃuˈæləti/ the state of being sexually attracted to people without regard to their sex or gender identity. As for Demisexual, you're telling me you've never gotten to know someone and then later wanted to bone them- just bone out the gate? That's pretty sad. I'm also *soooooper* interested in your thoughts on asexuality
I'm 37. I only realized 11 months ago that I've been bisexual since I was 4 (Meredith Salenger's character from Dream A Little Dream was my first girl crush). My son and I celebrated our first PRIDE a couple of weeks ago, and it was beautiful and amazing.
I'm about to turn 39 and just came out as bi a few months ago. Isn't it freeing? I've never been so at peace with myself and I never realized I wasn't.
I'm 38, and realized I'm Ace/panromantic between the ages of 32-35. It's interesting coming to these realizations late (mostly because I finally gave myself permission to really consider all the options). I'm SO enthusiastic about the idea of making sure kids are aware all these types of people exist and are equally valid, so the future of humanity doesn't have to spend time like I did, feeling broken and pretending to be something they're not.
As someone who's identified as both ace-spectrum and part of the bi soup (h/t Ruby Rare for that term) since my teens, every pride I feel really left out of the conversation, even though both of those things have had a huge impact on my life and my relationship to the rest of society. And now I'm dating a straight man! (Boys ARE cute, you are so right.) It really sucks to be reminded every June that there are people in what is supposed to be my community talking about how I have no place in it. Fortunately I have a lot of bi friends, some of whom are a flavor of ace as well, and we commiserate about all of this a lot, like the "coming out forever" thing. Thanks for bringing this topic up again because the more we talk about it the less those of us who experience it will feel alienated and uncomfortable in our queer identities!
Any time one of the people that I follow/watch mentions they're bi I feel strangely validated. I'm bi in a straight passing relationship. Didn't realise I was bi until last year, when I was 6 years deep into the relationship with my bf. It almost feels irrelevant to come out at this point. I have come out to my boyfriend, his friends, my sister in law, my best friend and my online community on TH-cam and Instagram, yet not to my own family (who would be accepting + my brother is gay). Feels weird to just bring it up all of a sudden at almost 30 years old lol.
HAPPY PRIDE, EMMA!! I'm pansexual, too! Another facet to the whole thing is trans folks in... well, any relationship. I was married to a bi cis woman once, and I'm a pan trans man, so we looked like a regular ass straight couple together. We got together when I still presented as female, so I got to experience being treated like a queer couple morph into being treated like a straight couple. It was shocking how much safer we slowly started to feel just being out in public together. People don't bat an eye at a straight couple, not even queer people, but all kinds of eyes get batted at a queer couple. This was before things started going south, too.
I am also bisexual. I knew I was bisexual because when I was in middle school, I realized that girls weren't the only gender I was attracted to. I realized that I liked guys, non-binary people, and other genders. I never came out, but the bullies made homophobic and even transphobic remarks even though I am cisgender yet those jokes were really harmful. As I got older, I came out to people I trusted and loved. I haven't came out to my family yet my mom told me that she'll love me no matter who I love. I am so happy of who you are and that we can relate. Keep it up. 💜💙💗
@@falconeshield pansexual means that you're attracted to anyone regardless of gender. Bisexual means that you are attracted to two or more than one gender.
Hey, I hope that you're coming out of the closet earlier than I am. I'm also a cis bi male, and at over 40, I'm still not fully out of the closet. In my case, I only accepted it myself in the last decade or so, before that, I had the feelings, but I didn't accept them, and they made be really conflicted. I have told a few people face to face, notably my mother, who accepts it.
@@falconeshield its a small difference that varies depending on who you ask, imo it just comes down to the person, if they say they are pan, then they are pan, if bi then bi, sexuality is to much of a spectrum for us to label it anyways so going over the details is just a waste of time imo, I identify as bi despite some saying I would fit pan more, I think its dumb that some try and police others sexuality, as long as your within the ballpark who cares, like its one thing to say your gay when your straight, but saying your bi instead of pan is just a dumb thing to get upset about, just let people be themselves
I do not identify as queer and being outside of that community I also never understood why Bi Erasure was a thing. Only when you talked about the desire to "horde representation" in this video did it click for me, since me as an Autistic guy often likes to look for and "impose" Autistic representation on characters in media. Thank you for finally explaining the reason behind Bi Erasure in a way I could comprehend! Very educational.
I was literally having this discussion with my wife (who is also not straight, although she hates labels and refuses to call herself anything) because we went to a drag brunch on Sunday. It felt weird because I was terrified that everyone there probably clocked me as straight even though I was wearing a pride shirt. I spent decades in the closest but the minute I came out I suddenly felt like I was a fraud and was afraid that I *was* appropriating queer because I've been married to a woman for 20 years. I never thought this would be my midlife crisis.
I have that great internal struggle to almost constantly prove I'm Bi just because I've been in a long term relationship with the opposite gender. It's not uncommon at all and absolutely a Bi-erasure issue!
I'm 50yo Aro/Ace. I discovered that about two years ago when I first heard the term aromantic. Happy Pride, Emma! On another note, I can't wait until Baphy arrives. I placed my order as soon as it became available. I think Baphy will get along well with my biker Taz.
My coworker came out to me as bi and I immediately apologized because I had assumed she was straight because she had a boyfriend. I didn’t think I was one to assume. I learned a lot that in that moment.
I am very excited to have my Baphy with me here in Texas. Thanks for the video! The only time I have ever has "well-working gaydar" is when my oldest came out to me in the 3rd grade. They had been wanting to marry Nurse Jenny since they were 4. It wasn't true gaydar, it was simple context cluses.
@@MikeB-nn4nh Maybe the word "gaydar" is misleading. Some people are just better at reading others, so to speak. It's not an exact science, and it's easier for people you know well
This video was so validating to me. I've identified as bisexual for about several years now - and currently, I am starting to identify as nonbinary as well - and I get a lot of flack for being in a heterosexual relationship. Everyone else, including my boyfriend, knows and supports me, but I still haven't come out to my family about it because unfortunately they have told me that I would be disowned if they ever found out I was queer. We need to support each other because, unfortunately, at the end of the day, we all get called the same slurs, and we are all targeted by the same people.
Thank you! I've actually had one really nice assumption/question. My daughter asked if I'm bi, and when I confirmed that she responded with a really happy I KNEW IT! 💖
I love these because change “who you are” to “who you present as”, and bisexual ppl and nonbinary ppl are pretty similar in exasperation. We almost always understand each other’s issues with othering
yes yes all this. I get bi-erasure all the time. I used to even do it to myself when I was younger. Didn't think I was "gay enough" bc I was in straight passing relationships. Even just considered myself an ally for many years before I realized how incredibly queer I am (bi, nb/gender fluid, demisexual, polyam, and kinky), on top of the fact I'm almost exclusivly attracted to other queer people. Thank you for continuing the push-back, even though its incredibly exhausting.
Thanks, Emma, I learned a few new things today (including that the amazing Freddie Mercury was bi, not gay). I'm an old straight guy, but my daughter is bi, and I think that's awesome, because diversity enriches us all. The topic of bisexuality hasn't come up a lot lately, though, so I appreciate hearing more about your experience. Definitely going to share this one.
"Coming out forever" YES! I'm a Bi man, and having been Out since before you were born... Yes. Bi-erasure/Bi-phobia is a very real problem that the broader community has done Sweet FA to correct.
@@ninjoshday are you another adult with nothing to make you feel good apart from this lgbt nonsense? stop trying to push what you do in the bedroom onto other people you weirdo
I write a novel with a bisexual protagonist, because I am bisexual with a preference for women. The amount of people that still to this day drop my novel when it becomes clear that my protagonist is a bisexual is insane. Even worse is that I put it in the tags so you should know if you read them. Also, the novel is trans adjacent and people seem to have this idea that trans people can only also like women if they’re male to female. It’s insane.
Wait, you're bisexual? I thought you were british. Jokes aside, thanks for this video. I'm a bisexual man and I look extremely masculine, so most people just assume I'm straight. I don't really care that much about it but it's good that there are people like you talking about. The lack of male bisexuality representation is what bothers me a lot sometimes.
TY. I've known I was bi since my late 20s. I am a late bloomer trans-woman (1.5 yrs) who realized at 50. I'm in an extremely happy life relationship with a cis-woman. I focus so much on my gender, that I often neglect the complexity of my bi sexuality. This was a great refresher :)
I am Asexual, Aromantic/pan/bi. I have known about my asexuality for 3 years now, but thinking about it now I knew I was *different* in that way since my super religious parents gave me the Abstinence Talk. They really tried to drill that fear of committing a sin if I ever had s3x before marriage, and where I assume teens my age would have a hard time accepting it I just...didn't care. Took me 2 relationships with men to finally realize I was not at all interested in them intimately, and after a talk with my demisexual/ace sister, everything made since. I've had people I came out to tell me "Your missing out" or "You haven't found the right person yet, you'll change your mind". While yes, sexuality/gender is fluid, I don't need people telling me I will change when they don't know what it's like. It's videos like yours that I'm really grateful for, especially when you said how "people think it's something like a phase or trend, it will pass on eventually" I nearly slapped my desk and cheered because that's what my dad said when my younger sister came out as pi/pan. I don't blame him for thinking that, but since all his kids are not straight I really do hope he dives into what it all is, and how it is not a trend. Asexuals, Bisexuals, Pan, Trans...we've all been around, and this is an era of change. Let's show our colors!
Hi Emma 😁. I'm bisexual as well and I have to admit, that does get under my skin a bit. People thinking you have to either be gay or straight. Bisexual really isn't that hard of a concept. People who are bisexual are attracted to men and women. That's it! it really isn't that hard
Are there statistics out there? I always assumed that a not-insignificant part of the straights and homos are really bi, just settled for one primary partner and thus lived their daily lives as one or the other, asides from affairs or one-night stands. After all, men and women come in a wide variety from big to small, tender and rough, feminine and masculine, so a clear cut-off - not considering pheromones - seems difficult.
@@JabelldiMarcoaren't real statistics because most of the bisexuals that 'choose a team' won't say there's a possibility of them being bi even under life threat... but there's a few studies around suggesting exactly that. And I'm pretty sure the "everyone experiments in their teens" is a irrefutable proof of everyone being bi within a greater or lesser degree.
Feel this in my bones, my frist pride, after having a conversation with a bunch of people about being bi/pan I had a person tell me I was just gay and confused, that bisexuals weren't really a thing. I was just so surprised that I didn't even get mad, I just made a joke about doing crimes.
Somewhat recently, I found out I'm probably bi, but I'm still having a lot of trouble figuring it out. My "revelation", if you can even call it that, was that bi people still have types and preferences, and until then, i just discarded the preferences that didn't corroborate to being straight. The famous "femboys aren't gay" argument. But now I'm even more confused, because i could be pan! But after watching this video i went to see your comming out story, and it's actually helping a lot! I 100% agree with what you said about the terms used to describe sexualities. In the end, they are just words we use to categorize people, and since people can be very diferent from one another, words can't aways perfectly coral our world views and interests. Thank you!
I want to let everyone know that I had a great time last night with fellow members of the LGBTQIA community at the Pride Bigger Than Texas Parade here in San Antonio. While we marched after sunset, the wait to march, even in the shaded area we were in, was a bit much for this old bi hippie, so next year, I'm going to the Festival early, leaving after a couple of hours, and getting indoors for the rest of the weekend, LOL.
❤ Thank you for explaining that Bi erasure is not a privilege. ❤ I am in a 'heterosexual passing' relationship and it sucks to be invisible. I live in a conservative area and so sometimes it is necessary for me to fall back on that ability to be stealth in order to maintain a sense of safety, but there is nothing good about that. I don't feel good about being able to blend into straight society. I'm not taking advantage of some kind of perk that my gayness allows me. I am stuffing my gayness away in order to feel safe. That is terrifying and demoralizing and makes me feel awful and disingenuous constantly. I want to be out and proud and I want people to know who I am and to be able to represent LGBTQ+ Pride and to be able to be a part of whatever small gay community there might be around here. But I don't feel safe doing that. I constantly have to worry whether or not one of my friends will not be my friend if they find out. I got really sick and tired of this and a year ago I basically decided to out myself within the first 5 minutes of conversation if I think somebody is friend material, but that often ends up with them not wanting to talk to me again. Then I have to worry if the friends that I made before will find out and disown me; should I tell them because I don't want to be friends with someone who is going to judge me for that, or should I keep it a secret because I want to at least have a friend and not be completely alone. It's a constant battle. Being bisexual and living under the radar is just being gay and being in the closet. No one wants to be in the closet. The closet sucks! 🩷💜💙 BISEXUAL 💙🩷🤍 GENDERQUEER ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 PRIDE (PS - I love the terms faggot and tranny because using them feels like shoving it back in the biggots' faces and saying, "This is what I am and I'm not ashamed of it, so you can't hurt me with this. What do you got now?" My response to someone calling me either of these is, "Yeah. And?")
All due respect, you need to work on your argumentation skills. You just say you find things problematic or you loathe them, but you don't engage with the logic behind the claims. For instance, the piece about "bi privilege" misses the point. Yes, as a bi person you may experience homophobia, but you don't experience as much as you would if you were dating a woman for instance. It is possible to be privileged in some ways and not in others. You are not "privileged" or "not privileged," there are varying degrees of privilege based on how society reacts to you as an individual. Similarly, the reason people are skeptical of bi-sexual people who only date members of the opposite sex is because there is leeway there for a person to possibly be straight, but claim they are bisexual even if they have only ever been in straight relationships. For those that internally identify as bi, but live their lives as straight people, coming out is more of an aesthetic thing, like coming out as "goth" or a fan of metal music. It may certainly be a difficult thing to do, but it is not as much of a sacrifice as a person in a same-sex relationship who will be judged not just by their internal feelings but also their external actions. That's why bi people are treated differently, and it actually makes perfect sense. Doesn't mean bi people aren't valid or deserve respect and compassion, just that there are different levels of privilege, even within marginalized communities.
So many famous bi people are completely erased, one of my personal favorites (besides the legend Freddie Mercury of course) is Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. He's been super open about being bisexual for decades and still most people have no idea. Side note: One of the greatest ever Green Day songs is "King for a Day" which is pretty blatantly about dressing in drag
Thank you so much for this video! I related to so very much of it. At least, as a queer (bi) & autistic man, I get to joke I'm two spectrums for the price of one 😉 Happy Pride everyone! 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
As a in the closet Pansexual/bisexual (not sure but all I know is that I’m attracted to all genders but people keep telling me bi means two so to avoid confusion I go with pan) sixteen male I nearly broke into tears watching this video I never really heard words that expressed how I was feeling before and also helping with my own confusion about my sexuality and just really loved this video it was incredibly heart touching to me with having no real bisexual visibility in the media I consumed just I really loved teddys music but I never knew he was Bi and just the only person in media I ever knew that was Bi later denounced it and became a alt right figure. Just this is gonna be one huge rant really cause just have so much to say maybe venting would be a better word for it but hey ho. Just it’s incredible how many people who I have told numerous times I’m Pan/Bi keep thinking I’m gay or people I allow to see me being gender non conforming who just assume I’m only interested in men this is to the point that other bi people also have to be reminded multiple times I’m not straight nor gay who always put one or the other label on me. And yeah for my long hair (which pisses my parents off to all extremes to the point my mom says she is ashamed of bringing out me outside for my long hair ❤) my parents are always worried I will come out as gay so I always have to hear there hour long homophobic rants (just assume them to be conservatives from the 60s and you’ll be on point, and yes on all topics. I really enjoyed my parents 6 hour long rant about how black people are biologically inferior. I have no clue where they get the energy from to spend their Saturday ranting at me like that) this is all to the point that my mom woke me up a couple times at 1 in the morning so she can calm her heart by ranting at me about how gay people are ruining their bodies and bisexuals aren’t real. I can rant more especially about my parents with them threatening me with homelessness if I come out ❤ and other casual forms of homophobia but I’m sure you’re all aquatinted with it. Probably should discuss this all with my friends and not yelling out into the void but this video hit me straight in the heart. If you read to the end thank you kindly! Have a fortunate and wonderful day ❤❤❤
As a bi man in a “straight passing” (ugh) relationship with a bi woman, it’s quite frustrating being assumed straight. My ex wife came out as a lesbian and we’ve filed for divorce, but it feels like my coming out “couldnt happen” without detracting from her coming out. It has also felt (as a consequence of that? Maybe) that people who I have come out to just… dont remember or dont care. It’s invalidating. Thank you for advocating for people under the umbrella, and keep doing awesome stuff
Came out as a trans man to my grandmother. She uh. Took it.... in an interesting direction? "So being a lesbian is within you. Is that a reason to destroy your body?" .... I'm bi? I had and still have a partner (genderfluid but I heavily used He/Him pronouns bc uh... this is a family that makes attack helicopter jokes unironically) and was very vocal about him....... I've never said ANYTHING to anyone about liking women. And don't get me started on the "trans men are confused lesbians" argument. Confused? Yes. Brain no workies. Lesbian? No.
I remember people telling me that I was pansexual because "I date trans people", as if being bi meant I don't like dating trans people, the levels of idioticy and prejudice are incomprehensinle to ke
Feels like both bi and ace people get the short end of the stick from both the queen and the straight communities. The labeling of sexuality the way we currently do it seems to just reinforce people trying to fit themselves into unnecessary boxes. It is helpful to let people join together, but would that be needed if we just don't have the classifications in the first place?
Ive always seen these kind of labels as just another thing to discriminate against people for. All im really interested in is whether or not you are a bigot, I dont need 6 labels and a tiny box to fit into.
I’m straight and often wonder this. I’m exhausted just watching the labels unfold, and I’m fully aware that heterosexuals have been a large part of the problem when it comes to people not being able to be who they are. I would say religion, especially Christianity, is something that has caused more problems in several areas of many peoples lives than simply being attracted to the opposite sex but I’m sure you know what I’m getting at. I watched the fight for gay rights, the rise of lesbian separatist radfem ideology, a fight for bi acknowledgment and a fight for trans rights unfold in my first 20 years - along with several other movements/fights for rights. This was never fully fleshed out and now it’s multiplied to 2000 different identities under each umbrella, that all have a flag (several that I watched kids makeup on Tumblr) and now each of the original groups has 78 different terms for the same or incredibly similar things… as several different fights for rights are simultaneous going. This is never getting sorted out. I want people to be themselves and be happy. I don’t want them to hide or feel pressure or shame. I also don’t want them to expect me to keep up because I’m approaching 50 and peri menopausal brain fog is real. I don’t have the time, energy of mental space to keep up withall the boxes or flags. If someone is trying to roll back our rights and freedoms that were. hard won (it’s always several things at once).. I’m right there with you. I’m just not 19 anymore.
I’ll fully admit I do not understand everything when it comes to asexuality. That’s not saying that I do not believe it is real, etc. I was in a relationship with a person that I am 99% sure was asexual when people rarely used that term and didn’t talk about it. It was frustrating, confusing and perplexing for both of us. He knew where I stood but had no idea how to talk about where he stood. That just resulted in more confusion. You could say the relationship was incredibly mismatched and one sided - in his favor. It did harm to our friendship which existed long before the relationship for awhile. We couldn’t stand the sight of each other. That’s been over 20 years ago, though. He’s in a much better matched relationship, has a XO beautiful child and I an happy for them. I am glad people are talking about it more openly today and hope it will result in more equally matched relationships that are on the same page. That’s a win/win for everyone. I personally have no interest in ever dating someone asexual again, openly or otherwise. Not because I believe all are awful humans. We just have opposite wants/needs. I’ve said this in other comments but I just don’t understand how this fits within the spectrum. I’m also concerned with several asexual papers and articles I’ve read that echo a lot of sex negative radfem and Christian Nationalist talking points. Is it every asexual? No! But I’ve read enough to worry me. I’ve even heard several young self professed asexuals reduce sex positive feminism to “going out and having sex like a man” - whatever that means. This is a religious conservative stereotype of OG sex positive feminism. I’m afraid I didn’t recognize much sex positive feminism in the 2010s either. The girls that claimed to be sex positive were acting out Christian nationalist and sex negative radfem stereotypes of sex positive feminism while promoting every terrible radfem & Fundie supported policy that sex positive feminists shut down in the late 1970s - 90s. Women were fighting against a legal and social system that sent them to homes of ill repute that were often very abusive if they had sex or got pregnant outside of marriage. They were fighting against being disowned and driven out of town. Against being forced to give up their babies or being forced to have them and get married. The core of sex positive feminism was removing and fighting against rights violating and oppressive laws and policies. It was about removing unconstitutional laws based on religious beliefs. It was celebrating women that wanted to wait until marriage, those that didn’t, and everyone in between. Teens - adult women were encouraged to get to know themselves, their wants, their desires, and embrace them. If you were not interested in one night stands… avoid. If emotionless sex was not your thing - avoid. If you had no issues with casual sex - you don’t have to worry about being punished for it. If you were gay, lesbian, bi… you shouldn’t have to live in fear of social and/or legal persecution - death. If you were black you shouldn’t have to worry about social & legal persecution - death for allegedly flirting with a white woman. If you want to wait until marriage and believe that everyone should wait until marriage due to your religion - you’re not being persecuted by anyone, including those that don’t want to wait. Please stop acting like you are and please follow your personal level of want/desire. I have a hard time with some incredibly ignorant arguments made by some young asexuals. It’s stuff I’ve spent my life fighting back against and I can’t say … okay! Women are still diagnosed with a “sex addiction” by several professionals if they say they like to have sex more than once a week. The idea that all of society expects women to be insatiable is delusional. That’s a common falsehood that many asexuals hold. All of society seems to = tv shows or videos. Look at the way sex workers are treated. Many believe they have all experienced trauma because they have sex or engage in anything under the sex umbrella. Look at the way fundies talk about women that they believe have a thousand c**k stare or rode the c*ck carousel. A lot of times they are talking about women with 2-3 partners. The rise of purity culture was said to be needed to combat all the insatiable whores out there. We are not in a place where women are expected to have insatiable sexual appetites. Not when sexually disordered = once a week when in a committed relationship or single. I will stop there but it’s not the only thing that worries me about some of the talking points. *pardon my rogue autocorrects.
Last thing I’ll add - I don’t think having less sexual desire/interest/a care either way = a disorder. I think there is a wide range. To this day many people believe most women are rarely interested in sex. Women have a wide range of interest levels/desires. They can change at different stages & ages in their lives. Many pregnant women are sex addicts according to some people because increased blood flow in the pelvic area often = increased sexual desires. Just don’t cross that once a week line which is perfectly normal in several stages of relationships outside of pregnancy. To this day many believe that all men think about sex 24-7. This is not true either. Testosterone can play a role in libidos being higher but there is still a range. When I do come across people in the asexual community who do understand sex positive feminism - not the radfem and fundie claim that sex positive only = women having lots and lots of sex and being unable to say no, aka becoming the sex slaves of left wing men (which sex negative radfems seemed to think happened across the board over night), aka Liberal whores teaching girls to have sex like men and do porn (during the AIDS/HIV crisis? are you mad?) … they always end up losing me when it comes to including physical & mental sexual repulsion in the ranks of being asexual. I’ve seen countless TH-cam videos and read countless articles that paint someone having pretty serious and debilitating physical and mental reactions as nothing more than perfectly normal aexuality. Not being able to see a kissing - sex scene on tv without having a reaction that requires you or your SO to change the channel as quickly as possible = perfectly normal. This isn’t helpful to people when that isn’t the case. This does go hand in hand with the fairly significant number of girls - young women I see online saying that they are asexual because liberal trollops brainwashed by the voodoo of moving pictures told them to have sex like men and do porn. Apparently this happened before they were born or when they were toddlers because that’s when the actual sex positive movement happened. Many have internalized aspects of purity culture and sex negative feminism. Most of them claim to shut down in terror when a sex scene comes on tv. They talk about our sex soaked culture and rampant sex being around every corner as much as fundies. What is actually around that corner in several of these accounts? A magazine rack in a grocery store. What is on that rack? A vast array of magazines on cooking, diets, fitness, cars, gardening, and that Cosmopolitan they are obsessing over. No, it doesn’t have to have a thing to do with trauma. I’m not a fan of the everything is trauma brigade, and I would urge people to run far away from any hack telling them they have repressed (aka forgotten) years of sexual trauma that the therapist somehow magically knows occurred, think is somehow responsible for every problem in their life, and believes they can uncover in hypnotherapy or other guided imagery sessions paired with fantasy inducing drugs and heavy suggestions. Run!! This pseudoscience started the Satanic Panic. Just don’t demand that people treat you like you experience trauma all day every day while saying - don’t tell me it has something to do with trauma! Several level headed therapists started making videos explaining asexuality v. sexual aversion for good reason. There are people that might be able to get help with aversion. They needed to make these videos due to a lot of unhelpful info within some asexual circles that pushes people away from an assessment. Suggesting that people experiencing physical illness, anxiety and revulsion should not ever hear that there might be a problem/treatment isn’t wise or responsible.
I really appreciate this video! It was so helpful to me as a fellow bisexual in a hetero-presenting relationship. My partner and I are both nonbinary but that’s not obvious to many people because to them I Am Girl and They Are Boy. But the relationship is.. extremely queer still? Like very queer. I really just. Needed to hear a lot of what you had to say. Also thank you for bisexual icon quagsire
Mate, you fell into my recommended and I watched this thinking: This Woman has described my Bisexual life to a tee. I'm a bloke and have experienced a lot of erasure (and not just the funky band) while I was struggling to realise who I truly was. Thank you for this. Much love from Croydon :)
This is a fortuitous coincidence. I came out as bi a couple days ago. I’m a 38 year old cis man, can definitely relate to bi man erasure. I was erasing myself for years! I would say I was “basically straight” or “straightish.” I finally came around to the fact that bi doesn’t have to mean exactly 50/50 equal attraction to men and women. I can be mostly attracted to women and only sometimes attracted to certain men but it still counts as being bi.
Hey, most do that, don't feel too bad about that. The important part is acknowledging it from now on. And I found out not long ago that there's a name for "straightish bis" but i can't remember exactly how it was written... gyno-oriented or something like that if my memory isn't failing me too much... don't know how "gayish bi male" or "straightish bi female" is called though.
i appreciate your existence and your content. my partner has had issues, paranoia regarding my bisexuality. he feels like i would prefer to be with a woman due to my preference for femininity, even though i prefer him over everything. telling him this doesn't help and i understand that. at the same time he doesn't understand why i feel hurt by him looking at other women on the internet for sexual gratification (even despite me trying to please him myself). i don't know how to explain to him that diverting his sexual attention to other is hurtful, and at the same time my fantasies and desire for femininity are not greater/better than him. i don't expect you to be able to figure out complex relationship bullshit, don't get me wrong, but i do feel very lost and confused... i feel like there are so many things wrong with me and that i am burdening my love.
As much as the words of an online stranger is worth, first of all, you just are. Period. There is no right or wrong when it comes to just existing. That said, from my own 38 years of observation, anxiety in regards to one's partners sexual habits and/or speculation around romantic preferences usually start with doubting one's own worth and an internalised stress of constantly trying to predict and live up to percived external expectations. And so far, the only way to resolve anxieties that's worked for me and my spouse is to patiently deconstruct them into constituent parts in conversation with people we trust, be it eachother or close friends/chosen extended family. Sometimes it's better to converse over it with a friend before a partner, sometimes it's better to talk about it with a partner directly, and sometimes it's best to talk about with more than one other person simultaneously to get multiple angles. Hope it helps for whatever it's worth!😊
As someone who gets anxious because I have a hard time reading people, how do people assume things about people? And why gatekeep? People are so complicated. Hell, I like chocolate only at a certain ratio in something. Like if it is milk choco and its coating something that isnt chocolate (like a Reeses). Do ~I~ even know exactly what ratio that is? No, I stick it in my mouth and I may or may not like it. It's complicated! Sexuality is super complicated mannnn too. You could like men 99.9% of the time, but you could also like buff librarian women who wear red contacts and glasses, covered in a thin layer of chocolate.....
My wife of 14 years came out (selectively) as Bi this month. I really appreciate this video, Emma. It helped me with some questions that I didn’t know how to ask. ❤
I thought coming out as pan was going to lead to more potential partners, but then I realized that I was an out-of-shape man in his mid-30’s 😢 True, I came out rather late, but I’ve literally only had heterosexual relationships.
Emma I resonate with this so much. I am mono-romantic bisexual gender non conforming, but my "manner" is of a cis male, so I find I get a lot of members of the pride community judge me because they assume I am heterosexual, so I feel judged by my own community lots of the time. Kind of has made me not identify as being part of the community, and forever making me feel like an "ally" instead of being part of it.
My mother told me it was just a fad when I told her, but in the past she was in full support of me if I were to come out as gay. My only reference of a bisexual person on tv was Len Cooper on Isidingo, and it portrayed him as something who would fuck anything with legs, so was scared of letting woman I was interested in that I was bi because I was afraid of being seen as a deviant. I no longer have those issues but it did affect me in my teen years and early 20s
Hi Emma, first time finding your channel. I'm glad this was the video that first introduced you to me. As a Bi-male I found myself nodding along to the video, I came out in the early 2000s and I STILL get told that I'm not "gay" (they're right... I'm BI!) The oddest thing is I get more resentment from the male gay "community" than I do from straight men. I have honestly been told "You're not really gay" more times than I have been called any derogatory names. I'm not sure which, of the two, is worse. Anyway, preach it, girl! Great video and it even pointed out some new ideas or rather, ways of viewing relationships to this old boomer (Bi-mer?). So thank you.
For real. Like, I'm bisexual, and just because every woman I've ever liked had rejected me and I ended up with a husband instead, doesn't mean I'm straight. I'm just pathetic! 😭 Correction: I forgot. One girl "pity dated" me for, like, a wholeweek, soo.... still not straight tho...
Same thing happened to me! When dating and the other person said they are lesbian and what am I, when I say bi… the person automatically it’s not interested anymore…
Sup. I'm just 2mins into the video, so I'm not sure what it's about yet; but as a (mostly) closeted bisexual, this moment made me smile 01:06. Thank you😊🏳🌈 Okay. 14mins in, and I'm feeling more represented than ever 🥹 I'm struggling to find bi people on TH-cam, and as a bi men, this video is validating af.
TW: brief mention of not continuing my story (I'm sorry I don't know how to say it delicately, I take this seriously) A handful of decades ago, I was subjected to the most horrific homophobia during my middle school years. It did dwindle in highschool, but the fear of four more years had me desperate. This hatred made me incredibly su1c1d@l and it's sadly something I still struggle with on occasion. The trauma of psychological, emotional, and physical attacks are very real, and every day I thought of every possible way I could end my suffering. I even gave myself welts on my arms to see how much I wanted to do it that day. For ppl who spew hatred, they go about their day, and move on. As the saying goes, the axe forgets but the tree remembers. I was raised in a very religious home and family, and though I had some freedoms, information was not always one of them. I remember in grade school being attracted to girls and boys, but grew up never knowing there was a word to help me explain who I was. As the years passed, and I got a little older (and a computer later in highschool) I would sneak research about anything I was curious about. I learned a lot over the years, and I can tell you access to information and a community is invaluable. That being said, there is still bi-phobia within our community, and it needs to end. I don't understand how ppl can rise against hatred and misunderstanding against themselves and advocate for rights can turn right around and do the same thing to one of their own. Do they not realize the more divided we are, the easier it is to take us down? The hate and erasure hurts so many. We are not greedy, unsure, going through a phase, and are not going to cheat on you with the opposite sex. I friends with all kinds of orientations, including lesbians, and we get on wonderfully. So of course we have allies. But it is still something that makes me hesitate when it comes to looking for a girlfriend. Will I be given a fair chance, or will I face judgement from someone who knows very little about me? It can be quite frustrating, but I will encourage everyone to never give up hope. We have more and more allies speaking out against erasure and hate. I am rapidly approaching 42, and I am proud to say I am a demisexual/ bisexual/pansexual female, and I am here for everyone. You are all beautiful in your own unique way, and I see you. I hope everyone has been having a lovely and safe pride 🏳️🌈🎉
from a girl who is bi but hasn't dated women and is now marrying a man...thank you. There's so often questioning (even from myself) whether i'm 'queer enough'. I know that I like women, I always have. However, I've only ever been in three relationships and the first two were before I recognised that being bi (or really just not straight) was even an option...and the third will be the last relationship i'm in. A part of me will probably always wonder what it would have been like had I accepted that part of myself sooner, but I know who I am.
When I started dating women and they found out I dated men, my dates were rather short. I was definitely stumbling into the wall of "well, then I can never be sure you will stay with me because you can choose between men and women". It was rather disappointing to see that lesbian women were not very welcoming in that regard. So I can totally understand where you're coming from. Thanks for this video. I loved it! And Happy Pride! :D
I am married to an amazing man, but dated both men and women prior to meeting him. I knew I would marry the person I fell in love with, regardless of gender. I’m queer and that will never change. 🏳️🌈. It’s a love thing, not a confusion thing. Why is this hard for people to understand? 🙄🙄 I knew I was bisexual in fourth grade. I’ve always had crushes on both genders. Happy pride everyone!!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
100%, I am the same way. People assume I'm an ally for my ace daughter and not bi because I married a man, but I dated women and men before I got married and could easily have ended up with a wife instead of a husband!
Hooooly crap. Commenting already at 5m30. New record for me… Never seen your content before - but already loving the empathy! I’m a 44 year old CIS male who, for the last thirty years has just either self-labelled as Bi because going through the massive conversation trying to explain something that even I don’t fully understand! Also, for what it’s worth 90% of the hate I’ve ever had as a bi guy comes from gay men or hetero women 😢
I took 23 years to realize I'm a bi man, I always just thought "oh I like the look of a man because that is what I want to look like because I'm obviously straight." I'm out to my family and honestly they mostly assume I'm just straight. Whenever they bring up me dating it's always with a woman. I'm glad I'm not getting hazed by my brothers for liking guys too but it just is never talked about or brushed off.
Some of the confusion when you call yourself queer is probably due to most people thinking queer means gay. So they assume you're a lesbian, and then when they find out you have a boyfriend they make the assumption you were lying. At least that's my guess. Also, even though you and I are sort of in opposite camps, in some ways. I'm a Christian and I'm heterosexual, I really do appreciate you making videos like this. Even if they only help a few people think about it and become less bigoted, it's something that can ultimately help a lot of people. I really do like your videos. Your content discusses important topics in an informative way without being preachy and you seem to have always been open minded, especially when dealing with people you disagree with, and you're very fair. Anyway, keep up the great work and I wish you the best. Happy pride month, Emma and everyone.
I always pog when I see male bisexual representation in media (that isn't just a 'fuck everything that moves' type), since as a bi man myself it feels like there's very few like me
So weird people these days want to "see themselves in media," like that's so narcissistic, I'm around me all the time I wanna watch a big tiddy wizard in media.
❤️. That’s my dream relationship. Being able to admit to one another that we find he/she attractive (like, talking about celebrities) and we can relate to one another without getting mad or judgmental. My old partner would go straight to accusing me of being gay if I made any comment whatsoever about a man being attractive.
Hi! Thanks for mentioning Freddie Mercury as a bisexual person. As a lover of rock and roll music, I am tired of correcting my television when people say he was a gay man. My mother explained this difference to me as a child when I was getting into Queen and other similar bands. It really annoys me when people get that wrong. Rob Halford of Judas Priest is a gay man. Freddie Mercury was bisexual. I'd like to think the man would want to be remembered accurately.
This video has helped me start to think things through with myself and my own bisexuality a bit - I have struggled with thinking of myself being "more gay" or whatever and that has definitely prevented me from forming actual relationships with people since I sort of feel like I'd be "acting gay" or "acting straight." New viewpoints definitely rock the boat - also I need to get myself a priDEMONth shirt because that thing slaps.
Friendly reminder to have a _happy pride_ 🏳🌈 and that homophobia and general bigotry is not allowed at least until July 1st thank u sorry I don't make the rules
London pride is on 1st July so not even then! ❤
Uh oh. Looks like 25 minutes of creeps being creepy to the nicest person on the internet.
🏳️⚧SOLIDARITY🏳️⚧🏳️🌈& LOVE💜💕
Damn, why don't they have an ally version of the pride month t-shirt?
One complaint so far with the video: "Buttered my parsnips"?
Screw it. "They" keep banging on about how "woke libs" have taken over.
I say let Pride just run on all damn year.
Got my rainbow Santa costume ready to go.
🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🌈🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Exhibiting my straight, white, male levels of privilege: how the hell does someone else's sexuality negatively impact me? As long as it is how you genuinely feel, go for it. If someone else is forcing you to act a certain way, that's really bad. To anyone on the queer spectrum, I'm an ally and will do what I can to support you however I can.
Saying that someone can't be bi because they're in a monogamous relationship makes as much sense as saying that someone can't be straight because they're single.
That's a genius gambit ❤❤
See also "You can't be bi unless you've tried both [sic]"
I'm single and AroAce, so I'm the one you should point to when people say something stupid like that - I'm single because I don't want a relationship, and I'm not straight because I don't get attractied to ANYONE! 🤪
apart from Emma - I have a squish on her because of who she is and her mind, and nothing to do with the fact that she has a beautiful smile
@@edm-london1660 I don't think that's how it works
@@edm-london1660 I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand your language here. Seduction is about love, and physical sex isn't, because... why? And how does that make someone not in love if they still experience attraction?
I love the "you're not bi if you're dating a girl" argument. By the same logic, everyone who's single is actually asexual. :P
I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this, because I would've choked 😂😂
“You do not become a lesbian when you’re dating a girl, then become straight again when you start dating a man” wow I felt that one. It took me so many years to work out I’m bi because i started out dating a guy and became an auto straight person
"auto straight" I think the phrase u need is "compulsory heterosexuality" talk about bi-panic.
I bi panicked so hard I just un-bi’d myself haha
@@ShesquatchPiney Ugh, I wouldn't recommend it unless you want a flood of messages about how bisexuals can't experience compulsory heterosexuality because they're attracted to men!
@@KazeTori12 bi women love men and only like women.
@@wkdgrneyesNot true. That would make them heteroromantic and homosexual
I've literally stopped telling people I'm bisexual as a man. It's exhausting being told I'm not bisexual because I have a wife, but they're perfectly okay with my wife being bisexual. Its gotten especially bad lately where saying I'm bisexual gets me accused of being a groomer. So that's fun.🙄
So sorry! You are valid, and we’re happy to have you as part of our community.
And I'm always told I'm not bisexual because I have a boyfriend, therefore I must be gay🤷🏻♂️
Sigh
It probably doesn’t make it better but all of us queer folks are called groomers by the queerphobes (especially trans people, but cis queers as well). So guess that just confirms you as part of the community… Just remember there are enough people out there who will take you serious and like you for who you are
Oh jeez I love when that happens. I've also had someone call me a groomer too. Which was ironic because they also had told me that I wasn't bi, cause I had a girlfriend... In a gay bar. I laughed and answered with two questions. 1 why would I be in a gay bar if I wasn't. 2. How did you know I wasn't bi. Cause your right I'm not bi I'm pan.
It’s as I struggle dating women as a bisexual woman. The lesbian hate me I swear. Like I’ve wanted to put queer before. I low key hate the labels now cuz they put you in a box. Let’s just love man.
There are two kinds of bi-phobia I’ve experienced:
1) from women I’ve dated, “I am excepting of people’s sexuality but I don’t want that in the person I’m with”
2) from gay people, “you can just hide out and pretend you’re straight to avoid persecution/homophobia”.
I’m a straight-ish presenting bi male. In the straight world they assume I’m straight. In the gay world I’m often seen as gay. And you are absolutely correct, neither world truly wants to accept me.
Straights often see it as that I’m gay and am trying to corrupt their straight women. Whereas the gay community often sees people like me as just dabbling but not truly deserving a place in the queer community.
Yep
Indeed, brother!
As a quiet bi dude who *constantly* gets the "you haven't fucked any men; clearly you're just virtue signaling to get in women's pants!" OR the assumption that, because I haven't dated anybody for a while, I must be gay... I extremely appreciate your doing this video. Bi pride, awesome lady.
I would say I'm a "quiet bi" too, if that means being introverted and not doing a lot of socializing. It's not easy -- we get overlooked for being quiet in social settings, but being bi reduces our potential relationships even more. Good luck to you!
@@colonelweird You would think being bi would double your dating pool, but sadly that doesn't seem to be the case
I havent had sx with anyone period let alone kissed. I just kw i like both n imagine it all with both. I have had deep connections with both (my best was with a woman)
@@ninjoshday that was Woody Allen's assumption, too, I believe.
@@NoName12344oyou're not. I'm a furry despite haven't fucked a teddy bear. I don't find teddy bears sexually attractive but i find them beautiful. Therefore I'm a furry. You get what you sound like?
I'm AMAB and bisexual. Bierasure has been probably the most toxic thing I've directly experienced in my life.
I first came out as bi in art college in the late 90's (which probably makes me one of your older viewers lol). I thought I'd be welcomed, but I was wrong. I was told it was gross, disgusting and that I should 'pick a team'.
Word had spread swiftly that I 'liked both', so I lived as a gay man for almost a decade. It really hurt my mental health, because a closet is a closet, even if it's painted in rainbow colours.
Thankfully, I had a handful of friends who knew the truth and stood by me. They convinced me to stop living a lie because it was hurting me.
So I officially came out again, first at work. Yet I was still 'gay', because if a guy does owt with a guy, he's gay, full stop. Gradually this changed to "are you gay/straight now, then?" whenever I had a date.
I even had a bi woman tell me it was gross and unnatural for men, so I should just pick one.
It's so frustrating and why I'm so vocal these days - out, proud and loud. I don't want younger people to go through what I did. It's changing, albeit slowly.
Comment coming from a woman who was bi herself seems *very* strange indeed to me. I guess it goes to show that just being queer doesn't mean you stop being weird.
@@paulhammond6978 I mean, queer is also a synonym for weird, so...
Hugs bro
Rereading this due to the comments and just realised I slipped in a colloquialism and that's something I try to avoid when writing, as it seems so fake when written.
Guess I was getting a tad emotional for that 'owt' to slip by. In all my years, this is probably the most worried I've ever been. In the 80's it was just how things were, but we've seen better and now we're backsliding and the people leading the way are being vicious and extremely violent.
For the unaware, that "owt" is Yorkshire for 'anything'. Eg: Mornin, is t'owt I can do fer ya?
That looks so cringeworthy written down 😆
@paulhammond6978 a lot of bi phobia was generated during the aids pandemic. And Why it's especially focused at bi men coming from women. Because aids was seen as a gay mans disease at the time, bi men were viewed as the duplicitous undercover gays. Pretending to be straight in order to get into relationships with women, then sneaking aids into those otherwise "pure" and "clean" hetrosexual relashonships by having secret affairs with gay men. So it got embedded in our collective psyche that bi men are dirty and untrustworthy. Even as the context has been forgotten. There is a really great and eye opening vid by the youtuber verilybitchie about it called Why We Hate Bi Men, very worth watching
"There isn't limited space in the queer community, there is room for everyone." Such a great quote that will drive certain people crazy - and I'm totally good with that.
Indeed. I want that on what I wear for next years Pride week.
This quote this wants me to start knitting or crocheting just to put on a pillow and blanket :)
As an asexual, I get erasure. My kid is bi and got themself a bi ring for Pride last year. I’ve been wearing an ace ring for 4 years. We call them our rings of invisibility. 😂
I’ve been thinking about getting an ace ring for a while
We really are just invisible 😢
Now I NEED a bi ring with the inscription of the The One inside... you just had to put that idea in my head, didn't you? Thank you! 🤣
Where did you get the rings, if you don't mind me asking?
@@rolfs2165 Probably stole it from a hermit in a cave after a game of riddles
A while ago my teen daughter came out as bi to me. I said "that's good for you. You got so much choice in a future partner. To be honest I'm a bit jealous, since I'm only straight." with a big smile.
I'm really happy that she felt safe telling me. Makes me feel like I'm a good enough dad!
Also, for my whole life I've thought that Freddie Mercury was gay. So thank you Emma for teaching me something new! Happy Pride Month from a swedish ally!
My son (born my daughter) came out to me as trans five years ago...took me two years to accept it...glad it went easier for you. Happy Pride Month!
All three of my children have come out as bisexual as teens. All three of us parents (we are a polyamorous coparenting household) told them we were proud of them for knowing themselves better than anyone else. Given that all three of us have been told our children will end up sex maniacs or whatever the opposite of sex mania is because we are not a traditional family with traditional values we were so happy our kids felt safe to talk to us about their sexuality. Honestly, I couldn't care less about who they are in a relationship with so long as all parties involved are happy and being treated well.
That's funny because I'm pansexual and my mom said it sucked how she only likes men but not a lot of men are attractive imao
My eldest son is bi. He never came out. Didn't need to. Whenever he talked about boys or girls, I took it in as part of a normal conversation. But long ago, even before I had kids. I knew that shouldn't matter, I would always be a supportive father.
@RayneeFloof sorry you're going thru that. There isn't much you can do. There are people out there who will be supportive of you, once you are able to leave home. I don't deal with much of my family, even thou it has night to do with orientation.
as a bisexual man, i really appreciate this video. i feel so validated ❤️
imagine being so cucked that you need other people to validate you. could be mental illness, but more likely mental weakness.
Bi men cutest men
Same here. Loved the mention
@@Jackorite sad.
@@roger4roger Who, you?
Im a theater kid... ended up cis-het, but im a good hedonist and raised right so i explored my boundaries.
Big into queer culture from the get-go, its basically half the history of art.
I am a visual artist, and I maybe enjoy arts people the most. They are the least rigid about any of this and historically always have been. It's so refreshing in a world where things have to be a certain way.
Good for you for exploring! Most people would never dare!
@@EamonWill
And that's fine. Not everyone needs to explore.
But it's ok for those who want to explore.
Cishet theatre kids who are pro-queer liberation and explore their sexuality are part of queerness, imo. You're heterosexual and cisgender, but you're like doing the cishet thing queerly. Queerness is more than just being not-hetero or not-cis, queerness is about pushing back against cisheteronormativity so there's room enough for everyone to be themselves, so even if you figure out you like your assigned gender and the opposite binary gender, experimenting is a queer experience because it's part of the rejection of cisheteronormative confines, along with other things like polyamory, kink, et cetera.
Fellow theater kid, I love the way you put this
"I thought you were a lesbian rather then atheistic" - This one really got me thinking. I really want to know what this is suppose to mean. If she is a lesbian, does that mean she isn't an atheist? I'm a cis man, but does this mean I look like a lesbian because I'm an atheist? There are just so many questions.
Endlessly perplexing!
The zombies get confused over the concept of intersectionality...😂
the "I thought you was american" comes immediately to my mind lmao
"I thought you were a lesbian rather then atheistic" This broke my poor little brain.
Oh shit- I'm an atheist... am I not hetero anymore?!?
It is so refreshing to hear you speak about all this! I am a "straight passing" bisexual (I am very girly, I am a grade 2 teacher, and engaged to a heterosexual guy), but that is only because I am not out to pretty much the majority of people in my life. The only people who know that I am bi are my fiancé, my one bi friend, and her boyfriend... I am way too scared to come out to anyone else due to the homophobic nature of my culture. So I constantly need to be careful of what I say and how I act around basically everyone in my life. It is not "freedom"... it is suffocation.
Homophobic society is a pain in the ass. I'm a "straight passing" male bi and coming out around here is still seen as a bad thing so very few people know. But i have a lot of fun when someone says "he's obviously straight, he has a child" and they get broken when I answer "Me too, that proves nothing"... I just take the little victories I can, since around here the biphobia is too big.
It's suffocating to live like that, but I still hope we'll see the day when nobody have to experiment it anymore.
“Straight passing” bi high school teacher here, married to a man, only came out this year to my husband, mom and three coworkers. You’re not alone. Thanks for posting, it made me feel less alone.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Please know that you're completely valid in being bi no matter what you look like, or you you're dating/engaged to even if it doesn't feel like it
Biphobia as I like to call it, is a very real thing.
I live in a country that is a frontrunner for the whole LGBTQIA+ culture, and I have been openly bi as both a romantic and sexual bi since 2008. Sadly where I meet the most prejudice is within our community. Among the gay males, I'm a fake, or a weak person not willing to accept his homosexuality. Within the world of the "normies" I'm just confused or hypersexual, or someone who's seeking attention. I'm happily married and live in a bi relationship with my bi wife - hence why we are in a bi relationship😀But every year pride week which we just had here in Copenhagen, is a time for me that is an odd mix of pride, happiness and great loneliness. I have never hated or thought less of what I am, I'm very strong willed and capable, but during a time like Pride Week I can't help but looking at others with a bit of envy, being it gay or straight, and think that it would be easier to not be "split in the middle" as that seems to cause a lot of confusion and resentment.
Privilege doesn't describe freedom, it describes power. You're describing yourself being smothered by power dynamics you feel the need to play into in order to avoid losing personal power & the security that comes along with it. I'm sorry you're in that situation & I sympathize. Maybe we need to talk more about how the stress of passing as straight can be almost equal to the stress of being out- but I assume that if being out was less stressful than passing, you would come out instead.
“Straight passing” is such a wild concept. People accuse asexuals of being “straight passing,” but I found out in my late-20s that basically everyone in my life has assumed I’m a closeted lesbian since I was 12 - even before I chopped off all my hair - simply because I never bothered trying to find myself a man. It seems if you deviate from the hetero/allo norm in the tiniest way, you’ll be branded as some sort of “other,” and often not the right one because nobody bothers to ask.
I’m both “straight passing” and “white passing” and let me tell you it doesn’t take long before either falls apart as a concept. White people sus me out and it isn’t long before I get the dreaded ‘what are you’ question, and my lack of romantic/sexual interest also doesn’t go unnoticed and then you get buried in people trying to set you up with someone so you won’t ‘die alone’ like that’s a guarantee if you are in a relationship.
@@ookamiblade6318 Just because you are staring at somebody doesn't mean you aren't dying alone. EVERYBODY dies alone. But the number of divorced people I know would say that thats definitely not a guarantee.
The best guarantee to my mind would be to have a duplex, and rent out the basement or half the place to a family that you know and like for dirt cheap, so they not only like you, but feel somewhat in debt to you, and likely that circle of friends is the best guarantee. Surround yourself with a community.
But I think aspergers or some kind of social awkwardness is far more common in society because frankly I can't even IMAGINE asking somebody "so what are you?" That seems an INSANE thing to say to somebody. Maybe its the WASP in me, and maybe we should be 'selling that more' as a plus that we aren't interested in anybodys sex life or sexuality and don't want to hear about it. I think part of the complaints about pride events are just that, "hey, its great if you ARE that, but nobody needs to hear about it".
That kind of reminds me of how things are for straight trans and enby people (yes, they exist). The lgbtq community acts like we have all these amazing privileges, forgetting the moment someone finds out we're trans or gets a "vibe", we can be unalived at worst or get homophobic attacks. But they don't care. Straight trans people went from being the backbone of the community to being seen as "the enemy".
I think part of the problem is a persistant conservative view of monogamy where once you find The One, you're not supposed to be attracted to anyone else, and admitting to attraction to anyone aside from your partner is a thoughtcrime and a form of cheating. So it's fine to be attracted to multiple genders when you're single and looking, but once you find the right person who's meant for you, your sexuality is supposed to narrow to whatever that person is. Of course, attraction doesn't actually work that way for most people.
Spot on analysis!
I always liked my parents idea; "You can look, but can't touch". They both understood attraction is "a thing", and getting upset about it was silly.
@@Sephiroth144 perfect way of thinking about it, its one thing to see someone and your brain go "ohhh sexy" and totally another to betray your partners trust and cheat, we can't control our attraction, but we can control our actions
💯
Yes. This!
" I thought you were a lesbian, rather than atheistic" literally made me spit out my drink of laughter.
A drink of laughter, you say?
Hey, let's not presume. We will have to wait till No God November to see if Emma makes a video coming out as an Atheist.
I thought she was British and here she is drinking coffee - ALL sorts of mixed messages from this channel ;-) 😂
Atheisticism is when you're only attracted to rocks painted to look like God's face
@@Iwatchedyouchains and lesbianism is when you pray to the god lesbothos
As a bisexual (pansexual) male from Generation X, this is a conversation that is long overdue. Having watched the rise of Queer rights in the United States and participated in the struggles that all of us went through, it hurts me to the core that this marginalization of the bisexual community still happens from all sides. Be it discrimination due to homophobia, or sidelining due to perceived privilege, I have felt more and more disconnected from my identity over the years. I was thrown out of my family's home when I refused to back down about being bisexual. I have been called out by male partners for not being "gay enough." And I have been called out by female partners for not being "straight enough" (read not being toxicly masculine). And I have found having to come out about my sexuality over and over again to be exhausting. Now, after 4 decades of life, I find myself with a loving wife, two beautiful children, and still face the same struggles because people cannot fathom that a bisexual male, would marry a bisexual female, have children, and then understand the struggles of a bisexual gender-fluid child. Right, because we *sarcasm* can't possibly understand the struggles facing our child because they are Queer, and we aren't. */sarcasm*
So thank you Emma, for being the representation we need, and deserve.
It's a very tough and sad thing. Biphobia as I like to call it, run rampant in our community. I have been out since 2008, but lived a life as either a straight man or gay man for about 8 years prior to that, depending on whom I dated, which bar or club I went to, etc. It was a mess.
The worst prejudice I get is from the gay scene. The "normies" just really don't know what to do with me, and the worst I get is that I'm an attention seeker etc. But in the gay community I'm a fake, I'm a guy who's too weak to come out as gay etc. Now I'm happily married to a bi wife, and we can support each other.
Can I ask you something personal? Do you also get that absolutely asinine and idiotic question of "How do you refrain from being with another man if you are in a relationship with a woman, or vice versa?". My answer is usually this. "How do you refrain form being with another woman if you are in a relationship with a woman?" and so forth.
Of course sometimes if we are both asked, we give an answer just to make them shut the fk up, like "Well, I send her out to bring home two or three girls, and I will bring home a couple of guys. And then we just all go at it and have a five day orgy to get it out of our system for a month or so.".
@@AB-80X I don't get that as much anymore. I've been happily married now for a while and most people don't even question my sexuality. It's only when it's brought up do stupid questions like that come up.
My primary answer is "because I love my wife and she fulfills me." Just like anyone in a long term committed relationship.
Wait are you bi or pan?
@@tarathoughts13 when I was growing up, it was used interchangeably along with omnisexual. By modern definitions I would be pansexual, but identify as bisexual out of habit.
@@michaels6119that's a quite a privilege
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!! As a bi man, married to a woman, with a child, bi erasure is so real. With admittedly many things wrong with dad culture, the bi erasure is very prominent. You hit the nail on the head for every point you made. Thank you 💜
Well, you still are privileged but the erasure is really wrong
I hate how some people will make sexuality assumptions. Especially when based on stereotypes. A couple of my colleagues are convinced that another colleague is gay. Eventhough he's in a relationship with a woman. The reason they are sure he's gay? Because he acts (what they perceive as) feminine. When I pointed out that yet another colleague of ours is gay who doesn't act that way, they just kept insisting that acting feminine must mean someone's gay.
They assume trans women are attracted to men... and I can confirm that's not always true. (I'm attracted to women - but as far as anything else matters, I'm ace.)
Stereotypes are there for a reason.
@@Ty-wf6mg To oversimplify things? Because that's what a stereotype is.
@@VolrinSeth The human mind creates patterns for a reason.
@@Ty-wf6mg Yes, the human mind is very adapt at seeing patterns that aren't true for all cases.
I'm a 65 yo man and when I first being part of the "community" it was something that was very hidden. All places for ANY LGBTQI+ to gather were basically a brown paper wrapping building. If you didn't know it was there unless you actually knew. Now that aside, just saying it was a time where you had to be hidden. But when we were in these places we were absolutely all inclusive. Because we were all in this together. Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans, POC etc. This whole thing of splintering the community is detrimental to all.
Of course there will ALWAYS be those in any part of the community who dislikes others. But to be cliche, it was a simpler time, and we did stick together much better in in a more unacepting world.
So Be Bi, and be just as proud
Don't mind either way, you are my TH-cam picatu
Are you insane the "community" is way too big, everyone and their mom is trying to be a part of it, it's long due for a division. These troonatics don't even acknowledge people can be gay and call lesbians transphobic bigots for not sucking their ladydik
I agree completely. I'm 58 and bi and I remember those days. Unfortunately I was too full of shame to ever participate in the community, something I will always regret. I spent many years letting people think I was straight. I think it would be no problem to do that, but it meant always hiding part of me, and never quite fitting in with the ways straight men think and behave.
But now that we have some degree of acceptance, and I've finally accepted that I can be bi, we have this ridiculous splintering of identities. It's so sad.
I'm a 63 year old man. I think there is a wee bit of peering through rose tinted glasses going on. Back in the 80s when I was finding my way into the world there was a fair amount of factionalism and distrust within the community - as there is in *any* community. Many overtly feminist bi-women for instance were looked on with suspicion by the lesbians I knew. Somehow there was this idea floating about that the rad les fems were faking it somehow and merely tourists. I do know though that when I attended my first Pride parade at the tender age of 51 with my fiercely lesbian daughter I spent the whole thing in tears wondering how many lives would have been different (and saved) if the openness and joy I saw that day had been around in my adolescence.
@colonelweird it's all because of a lack of proper education, I feel...
I'm only 19, so I don't have quite the experience you both do, and I've always been able to be 'open' as a gay guy
It helps that I was already hanging out with the hippy Marxist druggies but still
education at my school on sex and stuff in school consisted of STDs, pregnancy and safe sex, sex in general, abuse and what not to do, all that stuff, but it was incredibly heteronormative. They did touch on LGBT+ things, but not much.
And I feel its a lack of education because pair the small amount of education we get with the media perception of LGBT issues, then you're predisposed to dislike them.
For example, I got my very little education, and went on naturally as an edgy teen to start watching comedy stuff. And a kinda worrying amount of comedy used to revolve around 'trans people are gross' 'man in wig' 'gasp you have a penis? But you're a woman' and that ever so infamous family guy episode which I remember particularly well. And so that made me have the perception that trans people were gross and/or illegitimate and not the gender that they identify as. I wasn't actively transphobic, especially since up until that point I had never met a trans person, but subconsciously I had the idea that they were just strange crossdressers.
I held that belief until I got with a trans person. Only then was I pushed to research outside of education.
And I think the same can be applied to the sexual identities that exist outside the cultural norms. People aren't taught about it and might naturally have some negative reaction, or could have learned that attitude.
That might just be anecdotal, but from what I've heard most of my experience is representative of a lot of people my age, given the prevalent right wing pipeline of the late 2010s.
Sorry for the long tangent
I've always felt that if sexual orientation was something you you could choose, being bi would be the logical choice.
When I was a kid I used to think this. As “being gay” was said to be “a “life style” “a choice” I used to think why not everyone choose to be bi.
I still think it in some way… I do not think sexual orientation is natural, a social construct like gender
When someone brings up that being gay "is a choice", I always ask them if there was a specific moment they chose to be straight.
@@anainesgonzalez8868No, sexuality is not a social construct. If it was, everyone in the majority of countries would be straight. You can structure a society to be more liberal to allow more people to have the freedom to express their sexuality in a more open and honest way, but you cannot actually change a person's sexuality.
There would be certain logic behind it, but I would never have chosen bi.
@@EamonWillIt's kind of a social construct because it's based (in part) on gender. It's clearly based on something biological, but the language we use around sexuality is definitely constructed
Great video! I think a big part of the reason why there are so few visibly bi men is because back in the '80s (when I first realized that I'm bi and still identified as a man), bi men were wrongfully assumed to be the vector by which AIDS was brought to straight people and demonized as a result. I suspect that a lot of that stigma has remained, even though the reason has faded over time. I stayed in the closet for about 15 years to avoid it, despite having a lot of very queer-friendly social circles from the '90s onward.
As a bi man in a closet I dread coming out to my parents. And I may never will as idea of facing discrimination from the closest people I have is terrifying. Fortunately being open about it online is reassuring that my feelings are valid and that I belong. And thanks to you Emma for being what you are, you are my bi icon Im looking up to.
Heya Emma. A cis bi man here, and yes, we're victims of erasure even harder than bi women. I don't identify as pan, because I feel that I do have a much narrower attraction when it comes to men than when it comes to women. At over 40, I'm not yet fully out of the closet (I only accepted it in the last decade, so...), and content like this really makes me swell with pride, keep up the good work!
Emma saying she id’s as Bi AND Pan… Why did that validate me so much… Wtf… Thank u emma for always saying what’s in my brain
People can't identify as more than one thing- HERESY! HERESY!
(I should point out this is very much sarcasm, and I'm sad that I have to.)
This is one of my favorite comment sections.
Thank you!!!! Saaaaaaame
@@Sephiroth144Hmmm... should I be a man or an American today... I can only pick one label /j
@@mindeyethemasterscreen2712 Weird how you know more about English than the Oxford English Dictionary...
Pansexual: noun. /ˌpænˌsekʃuˈæləti/ /ˌpænˌsekʃuˈæləti/ the state of being sexually attracted to people without regard to their sex or gender identity.
As for Demisexual, you're telling me you've never gotten to know someone and then later wanted to bone them- just bone out the gate? That's pretty sad.
I'm also *soooooper* interested in your thoughts on asexuality
I'm 37. I only realized 11 months ago that I've been bisexual since I was 4 (Meredith Salenger's character from Dream A Little Dream was my first girl crush). My son and I celebrated our first PRIDE a couple of weeks ago, and it was beautiful and amazing.
I'm about to turn 39 and just came out as bi a few months ago. Isn't it freeing? I've never been so at peace with myself and I never realized I wasn't.
@@ThatOneNerdGirly Shaking off the shackles of shame-riddled religion and living wholly as myself is the best feeling in the world.
@@JenniferElizabeth311 Yes!! Absolutely!! You put it so beautifully I'm tearing up! 🥲
@ThatOneNerdGirly is such a beautiful connection you have with even a total stranger when you relate to each other. Just knowing you're not alone.
I'm 38, and realized I'm Ace/panromantic between the ages of 32-35. It's interesting coming to these realizations late (mostly because I finally gave myself permission to really consider all the options). I'm SO enthusiastic about the idea of making sure kids are aware all these types of people exist and are equally valid, so the future of humanity doesn't have to spend time like I did, feeling broken and pretending to be something they're not.
As someone who's identified as both ace-spectrum and part of the bi soup (h/t Ruby Rare for that term) since my teens, every pride I feel really left out of the conversation, even though both of those things have had a huge impact on my life and my relationship to the rest of society. And now I'm dating a straight man! (Boys ARE cute, you are so right.) It really sucks to be reminded every June that there are people in what is supposed to be my community talking about how I have no place in it. Fortunately I have a lot of bi friends, some of whom are a flavor of ace as well, and we commiserate about all of this a lot, like the "coming out forever" thing. Thanks for bringing this topic up again because the more we talk about it the less those of us who experience it will feel alienated and uncomfortable in our queer identities!
I’m bi and ace too 💜 I’m not really very out so I can’t commiserate, but thank you for being out and for all the explaining you do
Ace biromantic here too! Although, having only dated opposite gender, I have felt incredibly impostor syndrome when I mention I am queer, but oh well
Any time one of the people that I follow/watch mentions they're bi I feel strangely validated. I'm bi in a straight passing relationship. Didn't realise I was bi until last year, when I was 6 years deep into the relationship with my bf. It almost feels irrelevant to come out at this point. I have come out to my boyfriend, his friends, my sister in law, my best friend and my online community on TH-cam and Instagram, yet not to my own family (who would be accepting + my brother is gay). Feels weird to just bring it up all of a sudden at almost 30 years old lol.
Thank you for bringing it up even though it feels weird, your experience isn’t uncommon and you’re an important part of the community
Your sexuality is not irrelevant
I was 30 before I came out it took therapy. I couldn't continue to not live the way I wanted to.
HAPPY PRIDE, EMMA!! I'm pansexual, too!
Another facet to the whole thing is trans folks in... well, any relationship. I was married to a bi cis woman once, and I'm a pan trans man, so we looked like a regular ass straight couple together. We got together when I still presented as female, so I got to experience being treated like a queer couple morph into being treated like a straight couple. It was shocking how much safer we slowly started to feel just being out in public together. People don't bat an eye at a straight couple, not even queer people, but all kinds of eyes get batted at a queer couple. This was before things started going south, too.
I am also bisexual. I knew I was bisexual because when I was in middle school, I realized that girls weren't the only gender I was attracted to. I realized that I liked guys, non-binary people, and other genders. I never came out, but the bullies made homophobic and even transphobic remarks even though I am cisgender yet those jokes were really harmful. As I got older, I came out to people I trusted and loved. I haven't came out to my family yet my mom told me that she'll love me no matter who I love. I am so happy of who you are and that we can relate. Keep it up. 💜💙💗
Yo, just a quick question. What's the difference between pan and bi? (Legit)
@@falconeshield pansexual means that you're attracted to anyone regardless of gender. Bisexual means that you are attracted to two or more than one gender.
Hey, I hope that you're coming out of the closet earlier than I am. I'm also a cis bi male, and at over 40, I'm still not fully out of the closet. In my case, I only accepted it myself in the last decade or so, before that, I had the feelings, but I didn't accept them, and they made be really conflicted. I have told a few people face to face, notably my mother, who accepts it.
@@falconeshield its a small difference that varies depending on who you ask, imo it just comes down to the person, if they say they are pan, then they are pan, if bi then bi, sexuality is to much of a spectrum for us to label it anyways so going over the details is just a waste of time imo, I identify as bi despite some saying I would fit pan more, I think its dumb that some try and police others sexuality, as long as your within the ballpark who cares, like its one thing to say your gay when your straight, but saying your bi instead of pan is just a dumb thing to get upset about, just let people be themselves
How old are you like 17?
Sexuality: Atheist
Religion: Lesbianistic
You are not sexually attracted to deities, and that is totally fine and valid! So's worshipping other women.
I do not identify as queer and being outside of that community I also never understood why Bi Erasure was a thing. Only when you talked about the desire to "horde representation" in this video did it click for me, since me as an Autistic guy often likes to look for and "impose" Autistic representation on characters in media.
Thank you for finally explaining the reason behind Bi Erasure in a way I could comprehend! Very educational.
I was literally having this discussion with my wife (who is also not straight, although she hates labels and refuses to call herself anything) because we went to a drag brunch on Sunday. It felt weird because I was terrified that everyone there probably clocked me as straight even though I was wearing a pride shirt. I spent decades in the closest but the minute I came out I suddenly felt like I was a fraud and was afraid that I *was* appropriating queer because I've been married to a woman for 20 years. I never thought this would be my midlife crisis.
I have that great internal struggle to almost constantly prove I'm Bi just because I've been in a long term relationship with the opposite gender.
It's not uncommon at all and absolutely a Bi-erasure issue!
I'm 50yo Aro/Ace. I discovered that about two years ago when I first heard the term aromantic. Happy Pride, Emma! On another note, I can't wait until Baphy arrives. I placed my order as soon as it became available. I think Baphy will get along well with my biker Taz.
My coworker came out to me as bi and I immediately apologized because I had assumed she was straight because she had a boyfriend. I didn’t think I was one to assume. I learned a lot that in that moment.
The most important part is that you were respectful of your colleague as a person😊
I am a 54 year old hetero male. You have taught me so much. Thank you. I love your channel
This comment warms my heart. I truly think this channel is very good to learn things about society
I'm 53 and bi! Awesome
Thank you so much. As a bi guy who's not safe to come out irl, you have no idea how much a video like this means to me.
As a bisexual man that is catching feelings for a trans man, I see this video as an absolute win.
@@CheesyChez421 I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my love and care for people.
@@CheesyChez421 Spoken out of ignorance. The world doesn't need your misguided hate.
So are you making any progress?🥰
@@AB-80X We decided it was best to remain friends!! Thanks for asking!
I’m happy you figured out what was best for you both and that you can still be friends :)
I am very excited to have my Baphy with me here in Texas. Thanks for the video!
The only time I have ever has "well-working gaydar" is when my oldest came out to me in the 3rd grade. They had been wanting to marry Nurse Jenny since they were 4.
It wasn't true gaydar, it was simple context cluses.
Gaydar is definitely a thing.. Though I need to test it with straight presenting 🤔
Knew a friend was gay before he did.. 🤔
@@MikeB-nn4nh Maybe the word "gaydar" is misleading. Some people are just better at reading others, so to speak. It's not an exact science, and it's easier for people you know well
This video was so validating to me. I've identified as bisexual for about several years now - and currently, I am starting to identify as nonbinary as well - and I get a lot of flack for being in a heterosexual relationship. Everyone else, including my boyfriend, knows and supports me, but I still haven't come out to my family about it because unfortunately they have told me that I would be disowned if they ever found out I was queer. We need to support each other because, unfortunately, at the end of the day, we all get called the same slurs, and we are all targeted by the same people.
Thank you! I've actually had one really nice assumption/question. My daughter asked if I'm bi, and when I confirmed that she responded with a really happy I KNEW IT! 💖
I love these because change “who you are” to “who you present as”, and bisexual ppl and nonbinary ppl are pretty similar in exasperation. We almost always understand each other’s issues with othering
yes yes all this. I get bi-erasure all the time. I used to even do it to myself when I was younger. Didn't think I was "gay enough" bc I was in straight passing relationships. Even just considered myself an ally for many years before I realized how incredibly queer I am (bi, nb/gender fluid, demisexual, polyam, and kinky), on top of the fact I'm almost exclusivly attracted to other queer people. Thank you for continuing the push-back, even though its incredibly exhausting.
Thanks, Emma, I learned a few new things today (including that the amazing Freddie Mercury was bi, not gay). I'm an old straight guy, but my daughter is bi, and I think that's awesome, because diversity enriches us all. The topic of bisexuality hasn't come up a lot lately, though, so I appreciate hearing more about your experience. Definitely going to share this one.
"Coming out forever" YES! I'm a Bi man, and having been Out since before you were born... Yes. Bi-erasure/Bi-phobia is a very real problem that the broader community has done Sweet FA to correct.
Amen to that bro.
LMAO WHO CARES
@@roger4roger You apparently
@@ninjoshday are you another adult with nothing to make you feel good apart from this lgbt nonsense? stop trying to push what you do in the bedroom onto other people you weirdo
@@roger4rogeryou care to respond
I write a novel with a bisexual protagonist, because I am bisexual with a preference for women. The amount of people that still to this day drop my novel when it becomes clear that my protagonist is a bisexual is insane. Even worse is that I put it in the tags so you should know if you read them. Also, the novel is trans adjacent and people seem to have this idea that trans people can only also like women if they’re male to female. It’s insane.
It just makes me sad that there's as much infighting in the lgbt+ community as there is. I'm glad you're talking about it though. And happy pride 🏳️🌈
Dont forget about “Bisexual people are more likely to be cheaters”. I got that one a lot from my then-bf when i first came out was bi.
Wait, you're bisexual? I thought you were british.
Jokes aside, thanks for this video. I'm a bisexual man and I look extremely masculine, so most people just assume I'm straight. I don't really care that much about it but it's good that there are people like you talking about.
The lack of male bisexuality representation is what bothers me a lot sometimes.
TY. I've known I was bi since my late 20s. I am a late bloomer trans-woman (1.5 yrs) who realized at 50. I'm in an extremely happy life relationship with a cis-woman. I focus so much on my gender, that I often neglect the complexity of my bi sexuality. This was a great refresher :)
I am Asexual, Aromantic/pan/bi. I have known about my asexuality for 3 years now, but thinking about it now I knew I was *different* in that way since my super religious parents gave me the Abstinence Talk. They really tried to drill that fear of committing a sin if I ever had s3x before marriage, and where I assume teens my age would have a hard time accepting it I just...didn't care.
Took me 2 relationships with men to finally realize I was not at all interested in them intimately, and after a talk with my demisexual/ace sister, everything made since.
I've had people I came out to tell me "Your missing out" or "You haven't found the right person yet, you'll change your mind". While yes, sexuality/gender is fluid, I don't need people telling me I will change when they don't know what it's like.
It's videos like yours that I'm really grateful for, especially when you said how "people think it's something like a phase or trend, it will pass on eventually" I nearly slapped my desk and cheered because that's what my dad said when my younger sister came out as pi/pan. I don't blame him for thinking that, but since all his kids are not straight I really do hope he dives into what it all is, and how it is not a trend.
Asexuals, Bisexuals, Pan, Trans...we've all been around, and this is an era of change. Let's show our colors!
I'm asexual but tend to relate more to bisexuals than to monosexuals for some reason.
Hi Emma 😁. I'm bisexual as well and I have to admit, that does get under my skin a bit. People thinking you have to either be gay or straight. Bisexual really isn't that hard of a concept. People who are bisexual are attracted to men and women. That's it! it really isn't that hard
But there are only two teams. You MUST choose one or the other! Jk. Do what thou wilt.
Since the definition of Bi changed, being attracted to multiple genders doesn't mean just liking men and women. It can be loads of genders.
Are there statistics out there?
I always assumed that a not-insignificant part of the straights and homos are really bi, just settled for one primary partner and thus lived their daily lives as one or the other, asides from affairs or one-night stands.
After all, men and women come in a wide variety from big to small, tender and rough, feminine and masculine, so a clear cut-off - not considering pheromones - seems difficult.
@@JabelldiMarco I don't know how one would go about getting those statistics but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that's the case
@@JabelldiMarcoaren't real statistics because most of the bisexuals that 'choose a team' won't say there's a possibility of them being bi even under life threat... but there's a few studies around suggesting exactly that.
And I'm pretty sure the "everyone experiments in their teens" is a irrefutable proof of everyone being bi within a greater or lesser degree.
As a bi man, I've had multiple people ask me if I was sure I wasn't (just) gay.
Feel this in my bones, my frist pride, after having a conversation with a bunch of people about being bi/pan I had a person tell me I was just gay and confused, that bisexuals weren't really a thing. I was just so surprised that I didn't even get mad, I just made a joke about doing crimes.
Somewhat recently, I found out I'm probably bi, but I'm still having a lot of trouble figuring it out. My "revelation", if you can even call it that, was that bi people still have types and preferences, and until then, i just discarded the preferences that didn't corroborate to being straight. The famous "femboys aren't gay" argument. But now I'm even more confused, because i could be pan!
But after watching this video i went to see your comming out story, and it's actually helping a lot! I 100% agree with what you said about the terms used to describe sexualities. In the end, they are just words we use to categorize people, and since people can be very diferent from one another, words can't aways perfectly coral our world views and interests. Thank you!
I want to let everyone know that I had a great time last night with fellow members of the LGBTQIA community at the Pride Bigger Than Texas Parade here in San Antonio. While we marched after sunset, the wait to march, even in the shaded area we were in, was a bit much for this old bi hippie, so next year, I'm going to the Festival early, leaving after a couple of hours, and getting indoors for the rest of the weekend, LOL.
I'd never thought about people in history who might have been bi and not just "covering up" queerness, that was a great point
Bi and Aces unite
We are an invisible fence squad!
(Much solidarity at the erasure)
Why do aces think they belong in LGBT anyways? Couldn't be more opposite from horned up gay men.
👊👊👊
Also unite with aros.
❤ Thank you for explaining that Bi erasure is not a privilege. ❤
I am in a 'heterosexual passing' relationship and it sucks to be invisible. I live in a conservative area and so sometimes it is necessary for me to fall back on that ability to be stealth in order to maintain a sense of safety, but there is nothing good about that. I don't feel good about being able to blend into straight society. I'm not taking advantage of some kind of perk that my gayness allows me. I am stuffing my gayness away in order to feel safe. That is terrifying and demoralizing and makes me feel awful and disingenuous constantly. I want to be out and proud and I want people to know who I am and to be able to represent LGBTQ+ Pride and to be able to be a part of whatever small gay community there might be around here. But I don't feel safe doing that. I constantly have to worry whether or not one of my friends will not be my friend if they find out. I got really sick and tired of this and a year ago I basically decided to out myself within the first 5 minutes of conversation if I think somebody is friend material, but that often ends up with them not wanting to talk to me again. Then I have to worry if the friends that I made before will find out and disown me; should I tell them because I don't want to be friends with someone who is going to judge me for that, or should I keep it a secret because I want to at least have a friend and not be completely alone. It's a constant battle. Being bisexual and living under the radar is just being gay and being in the closet. No one wants to be in the closet. The closet sucks!
🩷💜💙 BISEXUAL
💙🩷🤍 GENDERQUEER
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 PRIDE
(PS - I love the terms faggot and tranny because using them feels like shoving it back in the biggots' faces and saying, "This is what I am and I'm not ashamed of it, so you can't hurt me with this. What do you got now?" My response to someone calling me either of these is, "Yeah. And?")
All due respect, you need to work on your argumentation skills. You just say you find things problematic or you loathe them, but you don't engage with the logic behind the claims. For instance, the piece about "bi privilege" misses the point. Yes, as a bi person you may experience homophobia, but you don't experience as much as you would if you were dating a woman for instance. It is possible to be privileged in some ways and not in others. You are not "privileged" or "not privileged," there are varying degrees of privilege based on how society reacts to you as an individual.
Similarly, the reason people are skeptical of bi-sexual people who only date members of the opposite sex is because there is leeway there for a person to possibly be straight, but claim they are bisexual even if they have only ever been in straight relationships. For those that internally identify as bi, but live their lives as straight people, coming out is more of an aesthetic thing, like coming out as "goth" or a fan of metal music. It may certainly be a difficult thing to do, but it is not as much of a sacrifice as a person in a same-sex relationship who will be judged not just by their internal feelings but also their external actions. That's why bi people are treated differently, and it actually makes perfect sense. Doesn't mean bi people aren't valid or deserve respect and compassion, just that there are different levels of privilege, even within marginalized communities.
So many famous bi people are completely erased, one of my personal favorites (besides the legend Freddie Mercury of course) is Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day. He's been super open about being bisexual for decades and still most people have no idea.
Side note: One of the greatest ever Green Day songs is "King for a Day" which is pretty blatantly about dressing in drag
Thank you so much for this video! I related to so very much of it.
At least, as a queer (bi) & autistic man, I get to joke I'm two spectrums for the price of one 😉
Happy Pride everyone! 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
If you use rainbow clothes, you'll be 3 spectrums at the price of one... add a few led lights and you got 4... 😉
ICONIC entrance! 😍😍
As a fellow bisexual I really appreciate this video! Happy pride everyone 💜
As a in the closet Pansexual/bisexual (not sure but all I know is that I’m attracted to all genders but people keep telling me bi means two so to avoid confusion I go with pan) sixteen male I nearly broke into tears watching this video I never really heard words that expressed how I was feeling before and also helping with my own confusion about my sexuality and just really loved this video it was incredibly heart touching to me with having no real bisexual visibility in the media I consumed just I really loved teddys music but I never knew he was Bi and just the only person in media I ever knew that was Bi later denounced it and became a alt right figure.
Just this is gonna be one huge rant really cause just have so much to say maybe venting would be a better word for it but hey ho. Just it’s incredible how many people who I have told numerous times I’m Pan/Bi keep thinking I’m gay or people I allow to see me being gender non conforming who just assume I’m only interested in men this is to the point that other bi people also have to be reminded multiple times I’m not straight nor gay who always put one or the other label on me.
And yeah for my long hair (which pisses my parents off to all extremes to the point my mom says she is ashamed of bringing out me outside for my long hair ❤) my parents are always worried I will come out as gay so I always have to hear there hour long homophobic rants (just assume them to be conservatives from the 60s and you’ll be on point, and yes on all topics. I really enjoyed my parents 6 hour long rant about how black people are biologically inferior. I have no clue where they get the energy from to spend their Saturday ranting at me like that) this is all to the point that my mom woke me up a couple times at 1 in the morning so she can calm her heart by ranting at me about how gay people are ruining their bodies and bisexuals aren’t real.
I can rant more especially about my parents with them threatening me with homelessness if I come out ❤ and other casual forms of homophobia but I’m sure you’re all aquatinted with it. Probably should discuss this all with my friends and not yelling out into the void but this video hit me straight in the heart.
If you read to the end thank you kindly! Have a fortunate and wonderful day ❤❤❤
As a bi man in a “straight passing” (ugh) relationship with a bi woman, it’s quite frustrating being assumed straight. My ex wife came out as a lesbian and we’ve filed for divorce, but it feels like my coming out “couldnt happen” without detracting from her coming out. It has also felt (as a consequence of that? Maybe) that people who I have come out to just… dont remember or dont care. It’s invalidating.
Thank you for advocating for people under the umbrella, and keep doing awesome stuff
Came out as a trans man to my grandmother. She uh. Took it.... in an interesting direction?
"So being a lesbian is within you. Is that a reason to destroy your body?"
....
I'm bi? I had and still have a partner (genderfluid but I heavily used He/Him pronouns bc uh... this is a family that makes attack helicopter jokes unironically) and was very vocal about him....... I've never said ANYTHING to anyone about liking women.
And don't get me started on the "trans men are confused lesbians" argument. Confused? Yes. Brain no workies. Lesbian? No.
I remember people telling me that I was pansexual because "I date trans people", as if being bi meant I don't like dating trans people, the levels of idioticy and prejudice are incomprehensinle to ke
Feels like both bi and ace people get the short end of the stick from both the queen and the straight communities. The labeling of sexuality the way we currently do it seems to just reinforce people trying to fit themselves into unnecessary boxes. It is helpful to let people join together, but would that be needed if we just don't have the classifications in the first place?
Ive always seen these kind of labels as just another thing to discriminate against people for. All im really interested in is whether or not you are a bigot, I dont need 6 labels and a tiny box to fit into.
I’m straight and often wonder this. I’m exhausted just watching the labels unfold, and I’m fully aware that heterosexuals have been a large part of the problem when it comes to people not being able to be who they are.
I would say religion, especially Christianity, is something that has caused more problems in several areas of many peoples lives than simply being attracted to the opposite sex but I’m sure you know what I’m getting at.
I watched the fight for gay rights, the rise of lesbian separatist radfem ideology, a fight for bi acknowledgment and a fight for trans rights unfold in my first 20 years - along with several other movements/fights for rights.
This was never fully fleshed out and now it’s multiplied to 2000 different identities under each umbrella, that all have a flag (several that I watched kids makeup on Tumblr) and now each of the original groups has 78 different terms for the same or incredibly similar things… as several different fights for rights are simultaneous going.
This is never getting sorted out.
I want people to be themselves and be happy. I don’t want them to hide or feel pressure or shame.
I also don’t want them to expect me to keep up because I’m approaching 50 and peri menopausal brain fog is real. I don’t have the time, energy of mental space to keep up withall the boxes or flags.
If someone is trying to roll back our rights and freedoms that were. hard won (it’s always several things at once).. I’m right there with you.
I’m just not 19 anymore.
I’ll fully admit I do not understand everything when it comes to asexuality. That’s not saying that I do not believe it is real, etc.
I was in a relationship with a person that I am 99% sure was asexual when people rarely used that term and didn’t talk about it. It was frustrating, confusing and perplexing for both of us. He knew where I stood but had no idea how to talk about where he stood. That just resulted in more confusion.
You could say the relationship was incredibly mismatched and one sided - in his favor. It did harm to our friendship which existed long before the relationship for awhile. We couldn’t stand the sight of each other. That’s been over 20 years ago, though. He’s in a much better matched relationship, has a XO beautiful child and I an happy for them.
I am glad people are talking about it more openly today and hope it will result in more equally matched relationships that are on the same page. That’s a win/win for everyone.
I personally have no interest in ever dating someone asexual again, openly or otherwise. Not because I believe all are awful humans. We just have opposite wants/needs.
I’ve said this in other comments but I just don’t understand how this fits within the spectrum.
I’m also concerned with several asexual papers and articles I’ve read that echo a lot of sex negative radfem and Christian Nationalist talking points. Is it every asexual? No! But I’ve read enough to worry me.
I’ve even heard several young self professed asexuals reduce sex positive feminism to “going out and having sex like a man” - whatever that means.
This is a religious conservative stereotype of OG sex positive feminism.
I’m afraid I didn’t recognize much sex positive feminism in the 2010s either. The girls that claimed to be sex positive were acting out Christian nationalist and sex negative radfem stereotypes of sex positive feminism while promoting every terrible radfem & Fundie supported policy that sex positive feminists shut down in the late 1970s - 90s.
Women were fighting against a legal and social system that sent them to homes of ill repute that were often very abusive if they had sex or got pregnant outside of marriage. They were fighting against being disowned and driven out of town. Against being forced to give up their babies or being forced to have them and get married.
The core of sex positive feminism was removing and fighting against rights violating and oppressive laws and policies. It was about removing unconstitutional laws based on religious beliefs. It was celebrating women that wanted to wait until marriage, those that didn’t, and everyone in between.
Teens - adult women were encouraged to get to know themselves, their wants, their desires, and embrace them. If you were not interested in one night stands… avoid. If emotionless sex was not your thing - avoid. If you had no issues with casual sex - you don’t have to worry about being punished for it.
If you were gay, lesbian, bi… you shouldn’t have to live in fear of social and/or legal persecution - death.
If you were black you shouldn’t have to worry about social & legal persecution - death for allegedly flirting with a white woman.
If you want to wait until marriage and believe that everyone should wait until marriage due to your religion - you’re not being persecuted by anyone, including those that don’t want to wait. Please stop acting like you are and please follow your personal level of want/desire.
I have a hard time with some incredibly ignorant arguments made by some young asexuals.
It’s stuff I’ve spent my life fighting back against and I can’t say … okay!
Women are still diagnosed with a “sex addiction” by several professionals if they say they like to have sex more than once a week. The idea that all of society expects women to be insatiable is delusional.
That’s a common falsehood that many asexuals hold.
All of society seems to = tv shows or videos.
Look at the way sex workers are treated. Many believe they have all experienced trauma because they have sex or engage in anything under the sex umbrella.
Look at the way fundies talk about women that they believe have a thousand c**k stare or rode the c*ck carousel.
A lot of times they are talking about women with 2-3 partners.
The rise of purity culture was said to be needed to combat all the insatiable whores out there.
We are not in a place where women are expected to have insatiable sexual appetites. Not when sexually disordered = once a week when in a committed relationship or single.
I will stop there but it’s not the only thing that worries me about some of the talking points.
*pardon my rogue autocorrects.
Last thing I’ll add - I don’t think having less sexual desire/interest/a care either way = a disorder. I think there is a wide range. To this day many people believe most women are rarely interested in sex.
Women have a wide range of interest levels/desires. They can change at different stages & ages in their lives.
Many pregnant women are sex addicts according to some people because increased blood flow in the pelvic area often = increased sexual desires.
Just don’t cross that once a week line which is perfectly normal in several stages of relationships outside of pregnancy.
To this day many believe that all men think about sex 24-7.
This is not true either. Testosterone can play a role in libidos being higher but there is still a range.
When I do come across people in the asexual community who do understand sex positive feminism - not the radfem and fundie claim that sex positive only = women having lots and lots of sex and being unable to say no, aka becoming the sex slaves of left wing men (which sex negative radfems seemed to think happened across the board over night), aka Liberal whores teaching girls to have sex like men and do porn (during the AIDS/HIV crisis? are you mad?) … they always end up losing me when it comes to including physical & mental sexual repulsion in the ranks of being asexual.
I’ve seen countless TH-cam videos and read countless articles that paint someone having pretty serious and debilitating physical and mental reactions as nothing more than perfectly normal aexuality. Not being able to see a kissing - sex scene on tv without having a reaction that requires you or your SO to change the channel as quickly as possible = perfectly normal.
This isn’t helpful to people when that isn’t the case.
This does go hand in hand with the fairly significant number of girls - young women I see online saying that they are asexual because liberal trollops brainwashed by the voodoo of moving pictures told them to have sex like men and do porn. Apparently this happened before they were born or when they were toddlers because that’s when the actual sex positive movement happened.
Many have internalized aspects of purity culture and sex negative feminism. Most of them claim to shut down in terror when a sex scene comes on tv. They talk about our sex soaked culture and rampant sex being around every corner as much as fundies.
What is actually around that corner in several of these accounts?
A magazine rack in a grocery store.
What is on that rack? A vast array of magazines on cooking, diets, fitness, cars, gardening, and that Cosmopolitan they are obsessing over.
No, it doesn’t have to have a thing to do with trauma. I’m not a fan of the everything is trauma brigade, and I would urge people to run far away from any hack telling them they have repressed (aka forgotten) years of sexual trauma that the therapist somehow magically knows occurred, think is somehow responsible for every problem in their life, and believes they can uncover in hypnotherapy or other guided imagery sessions paired with fantasy inducing drugs and heavy suggestions.
Run!! This pseudoscience started the Satanic Panic.
Just don’t demand that people treat you like you experience trauma all day every day while saying - don’t tell me it has something to do with trauma!
Several level headed therapists started making videos explaining asexuality v. sexual aversion for good reason. There are people that might be able to get help with aversion. They needed to make these videos due to a lot of unhelpful info within some asexual circles that pushes people away from an assessment.
Suggesting that people experiencing physical illness, anxiety and revulsion should not ever hear that there might be a problem/treatment isn’t wise or responsible.
I really appreciate this video! It was so helpful to me as a fellow bisexual in a hetero-presenting relationship. My partner and I are both nonbinary but that’s not obvious to many people because to them I Am Girl and They Are Boy. But the relationship is.. extremely queer still? Like very queer. I really just. Needed to hear a lot of what you had to say. Also thank you for bisexual icon quagsire
"I don't know how to be any louder, than this! "
*QUICK GASP*,
MEGAPHONE! Yay!
Mate, you fell into my recommended and I watched this thinking: This Woman has described my Bisexual life to a tee.
I'm a bloke and have experienced a lot of erasure (and not just the funky band) while I was struggling to realise who I truly was.
Thank you for this. Much love from Croydon :)
I love that Emma takes on tough subjects but still manages to remain cheery and bring levity at times.
This is a fortuitous coincidence. I came out as bi a couple days ago. I’m a 38 year old cis man, can definitely relate to bi man erasure. I was erasing myself for years! I would say I was “basically straight” or “straightish.” I finally came around to the fact that bi doesn’t have to mean exactly 50/50 equal attraction to men and women. I can be mostly attracted to women and only sometimes attracted to certain men but it still counts as being bi.
Hey, most do that, don't feel too bad about that. The important part is acknowledging it from now on. And I found out not long ago that there's a name for "straightish bis" but i can't remember exactly how it was written... gyno-oriented or something like that if my memory isn't failing me too much... don't know how "gayish bi male" or "straightish bi female" is called though.
Oh my god my bi ass mostly attracted to men but definitely attracted to some women and thought I was “straight ish” for years LMAO
i appreciate your existence and your content.
my partner has had issues, paranoia regarding my bisexuality. he feels like i would prefer to be with a woman due to my preference for femininity, even though i prefer him over everything. telling him this doesn't help and i understand that.
at the same time he doesn't understand why i feel hurt by him looking at other women on the internet for sexual gratification (even despite me trying to please him myself). i don't know how to explain to him that diverting his sexual attention to other is hurtful, and at the same time my fantasies and desire for femininity are not greater/better than him. i don't expect you to be able to figure out complex relationship bullshit, don't get me wrong, but i do feel very lost and confused... i feel like there are so many things wrong with me and that i am burdening my love.
As much as the words of an online stranger is worth, first of all, you just are. Period. There is no right or wrong when it comes to just existing.
That said, from my own 38 years of observation, anxiety in regards to one's partners sexual habits and/or speculation around romantic preferences usually start with doubting one's own worth and an internalised stress of constantly trying to predict and live up to percived external expectations.
And so far, the only way to resolve anxieties that's worked for me and my spouse is to patiently deconstruct them into constituent parts in conversation with people we trust, be it eachother or close friends/chosen extended family. Sometimes it's better to converse over it with a friend before a partner, sometimes it's better to talk about it with a partner directly, and sometimes it's best to talk about with more than one other person simultaneously to get multiple angles.
Hope it helps for whatever it's worth!😊
lol so your "partner" is seriously insecure and has the mentality of a child.
LMAO AND HE WATCHES PRON AND YOU TOLERATE THAT. you're both sad af.
Mixed orientation relationship is how I have heard called a relationship between a bi plus person and a heterosexual or gay/lesbian person, etc.
As someone who gets anxious because I have a hard time reading people, how do people assume things about people? And why gatekeep?
People are so complicated. Hell, I like chocolate only at a certain ratio in something. Like if it is milk choco and its coating something that isnt chocolate (like a Reeses). Do ~I~ even know exactly what ratio that is? No, I stick it in my mouth and I may or may not like it. It's complicated!
Sexuality is super complicated mannnn too. You could like men 99.9% of the time, but you could also like buff librarian women who wear red contacts and glasses, covered in a thin layer of chocolate.....
My wife of 14 years came out (selectively) as Bi this month. I really appreciate this video, Emma. It helped me with some questions that I didn’t know how to ask. ❤
Suddenly Emma sings two lines from one of my favorite songs. Thanks for that. What a nice treat.
I thought coming out as pan was going to lead to more potential partners, but then I realized that I was an out-of-shape man in his mid-30’s 😢
True, I came out rather late, but I’ve literally only had heterosexual relationships.
Emma I resonate with this so much. I am mono-romantic bisexual gender non conforming, but my "manner" is of a cis male, so I find I get a lot of members of the pride community judge me because they assume I am heterosexual, so I feel judged by my own community lots of the time. Kind of has made me not identify as being part of the community, and forever making me feel like an "ally" instead of being part of it.
My mother told me it was just a fad when I told her, but in the past she was in full support of me if I were to come out as gay. My only reference of a bisexual person on tv was Len Cooper on Isidingo, and it portrayed him as something who would fuck anything with legs, so was scared of letting woman I was interested in that I was bi because I was afraid of being seen as a deviant. I no longer have those issues but it did affect me in my teen years and early 20s
Hi Emma, first time finding your channel. I'm glad this was the video that first introduced you to me.
As a Bi-male I found myself nodding along to the video, I came out in the early 2000s and I STILL get told that I'm not "gay" (they're right... I'm BI!) The oddest thing is I get more resentment from the male gay "community" than I do from straight men. I have honestly been told "You're not really gay" more times than I have been called any derogatory names. I'm not sure which, of the two, is worse.
Anyway, preach it, girl! Great video and it even pointed out some new ideas or rather, ways of viewing relationships to this old boomer (Bi-mer?). So thank you.
For real. Like, I'm bisexual, and just because every woman I've ever liked had rejected me and I ended up with a husband instead, doesn't mean I'm straight. I'm just pathetic! 😭
Correction: I forgot. One girl "pity dated" me for, like, a wholeweek, soo.... still not straight tho...
Same thing happened to me! When dating and the other person said they are lesbian and what am I, when I say bi… the person automatically it’s not interested anymore…
@@and9137 bi women love men and only like women.
Sup. I'm just 2mins into the video, so I'm not sure what it's about yet; but as a (mostly) closeted bisexual, this moment made me smile 01:06. Thank you😊🏳🌈
Okay. 14mins in, and I'm feeling more represented than ever 🥹
I'm struggling to find bi people on TH-cam, and as a bi men, this video is validating af.
TW: brief mention of not continuing my story (I'm sorry I don't know how to say it delicately, I take this seriously)
A handful of decades ago, I was subjected to the most horrific homophobia during my middle school years. It did dwindle in highschool, but the fear of four more years had me desperate. This hatred made me incredibly su1c1d@l and it's sadly something I still struggle with on occasion. The trauma of psychological, emotional, and physical attacks are very real, and every day I thought of every possible way I could end my suffering. I even gave myself welts on my arms to see how much I wanted to do it that day. For ppl who spew hatred, they go about their day, and move on. As the saying goes, the axe forgets but the tree remembers.
I was raised in a very religious home and family, and though I had some freedoms, information was not always one of them. I remember in grade school being attracted to girls and boys, but grew up never knowing there was a word to help me explain who I was. As the years passed, and I got a little older (and a computer later in highschool) I would sneak research about anything I was curious about. I learned a lot over the years, and I can tell you access to information and a community is invaluable.
That being said, there is still bi-phobia within our community, and it needs to end. I don't understand how ppl can rise against hatred and misunderstanding against themselves and advocate for rights can turn right around and do the same thing to one of their own. Do they not realize the more divided we are, the easier it is to take us down? The hate and erasure hurts so many. We are not greedy, unsure, going through a phase, and are not going to cheat on you with the opposite sex. I friends with all kinds of orientations, including lesbians, and we get on wonderfully. So of course we have allies. But it is still something that makes me hesitate when it comes to looking for a girlfriend. Will I be given a fair chance, or will I face judgement from someone who knows very little about me? It can be quite frustrating, but I will encourage everyone to never give up hope. We have more and more allies speaking out against erasure and hate.
I am rapidly approaching 42, and I am proud to say I am a demisexual/ bisexual/pansexual female, and I am here for everyone. You are all beautiful in your own unique way, and I see you. I hope everyone has been having a lovely and safe pride 🏳️🌈🎉
Thanks for remembering us aces!
from a girl who is bi but hasn't dated women and is now marrying a man...thank you. There's so often questioning (even from myself) whether i'm 'queer enough'. I know that I like women, I always have. However, I've only ever been in three relationships and the first two were before I recognised that being bi (or really just not straight) was even an option...and the third will be the last relationship i'm in. A part of me will probably always wonder what it would have been like had I accepted that part of myself sooner, but I know who I am.
I am straight, but i try to be, as you’ve said, “a good ally”. Your perspective and thoughts are valuable and insightful. Thank you.
When I started dating women and they found out I dated men, my dates were rather short. I was definitely stumbling into the wall of "well, then I can never be sure you will stay with me because you can choose between men and women". It was rather disappointing to see that lesbian women were not very welcoming in that regard. So I can totally understand where you're coming from.
Thanks for this video. I loved it! And Happy Pride! :D
@@NoName12344o Aww, thanks! I sincerely hope they nevertheless found someone who fit perfectly with them. :)
I am married to an amazing man, but dated both men and women prior to meeting him. I knew I would marry the person I fell in love with, regardless of gender. I’m queer and that will never change. 🏳️🌈. It’s a love thing, not a confusion thing. Why is this hard for people to understand? 🙄🙄 I knew I was bisexual in fourth grade. I’ve always had crushes on both genders. Happy pride everyone!!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
100%, I am the same way. People assume I'm an ally for my ace daughter and not bi because I married a man, but I dated women and men before I got married and could easily have ended up with a wife instead of a husband!
Queer in what? What are you representing?
@@jackieslorach8187 bi women love men and only like women. Not many bi's get a wife.
Hooooly crap. Commenting already at 5m30. New record for me…
Never seen your content before - but already loving the empathy!
I’m a 44 year old CIS male who, for the last thirty years has just either self-labelled as Bi because going through the massive conversation trying to explain something that even I don’t fully understand!
Also, for what it’s worth 90% of the hate I’ve ever had as a bi guy comes from gay men or hetero women 😢
I took 23 years to realize I'm a bi man, I always just thought "oh I like the look of a man because that is what I want to look like because I'm obviously straight." I'm out to my family and honestly they mostly assume I'm just straight. Whenever they bring up me dating it's always with a woman. I'm glad I'm not getting hazed by my brothers for liking guys too but it just is never talked about or brushed off.
Some of the confusion when you call yourself queer is probably due to most people thinking queer means gay. So they assume you're a lesbian, and then when they find out you have a boyfriend they make the assumption you were lying. At least that's my guess.
Also, even though you and I are sort of in opposite camps, in some ways. I'm a Christian and I'm heterosexual, I really do appreciate you making videos like this. Even if they only help a few people think about it and become less bigoted, it's something that can ultimately help a lot of people. I really do like your videos. Your content discusses important topics in an informative way without being preachy and you seem to have always been open minded, especially when dealing with people you disagree with, and you're very fair.
Anyway, keep up the great work and I wish you the best. Happy pride month, Emma and everyone.
I always pog when I see male bisexual representation in media (that isn't just a 'fuck everything that moves' type), since as a bi man myself it feels like there's very few like me
So weird people these days want to "see themselves in media," like that's so narcissistic, I'm around me all the time I wanna watch a big tiddy wizard in media.
@@gypsylee333I disagree.
@@thelemon5069 well with that convincing argument, my mind's changed! 🙄
@@gypsylee333 Did you make an argument then?
@@gypsylee333 Ah yes, because obviously the things you like to see in media are what everybody else also wants to see, and nothing else /sarc
Ancient bisexual garden gnome from Oregon sending love!
Happy Pride 🏳️🌈
This is something I need to see.
Lawn gnome wearing pride clothes
@@sherlockwho5714 we should patent and produce these!
It needs a good pun name...
Something to do with "phegnomenal"? Or "gnomewhere" or "gnomebody"?
❤️. That’s my dream relationship. Being able to admit to one another that we find he/she attractive (like, talking about celebrities) and we can relate to one another without getting mad or judgmental. My old partner would go straight to accusing me of being gay if I made any comment whatsoever about a man being attractive.
Hi! Thanks for mentioning Freddie Mercury as a bisexual person. As a lover of rock and roll music, I am tired of correcting my television when people say he was a gay man. My mother explained this difference to me as a child when I was getting into Queen and other similar bands. It really annoys me when people get that wrong. Rob Halford of Judas Priest is a gay man. Freddie Mercury was bisexual. I'd like to think the man would want to be remembered accurately.
Same with Bowie
@@jamesbates9038 yup!!
This video has helped me start to think things through with myself and my own bisexuality a bit - I have struggled with thinking of myself being "more gay" or whatever and that has definitely prevented me from forming actual relationships with people since I sort of feel like I'd be "acting gay" or "acting straight."
New viewpoints definitely rock the boat - also I need to get myself a priDEMONth shirt because that thing slaps.