Even if I wanted kids and had talked to my partner about it, I would be SUPER upset if my partner told all her friends she was pregnant before she told ME
Agree! One of them is gonna tell someone before the wedding and by the time the actual date comes, everyone will know but him. I’d be upset if everyone knew something so special and personal about my partner and I before I did
I disagree... OP overstepped by recommending calling off the wedding. Voucing an opinion privately that it may not be a good idea to keep this secret is NTA. Going further to suggest cancellation is OTT.
I don't think it's a secret like "oh, I can't tell him", but a secret like "I'm going to surprise him with a fun way to tell him during the wedding". I actually also told one of my friends before anyone. My friend struggled with getting pregnant and when we started trying I asked for tips from her because I was in a time crunch because of my age. I knew she went through a lot, though at the time I didn't know how much. So my first thought was telling her because I was freaking out so much. Next I told my doctor. I have a medical condition and I needed to get into some exams. I told my boyfriend the next time I saw him in a fun way.
Maybe I'm naive but it's not a secret. It's a surprise. I honestly don't see where OP is coming from unless there's something their leaving out. Shes not baby trapping him and they talked about it to an extent that OP knows they did. I get being empathic and OP thinking Daisy should've told her fiance first but calling off the whole wedding? Thats way too extreme.
Right, she might be trying to do a baby reveal at the wedding. Bride probably knows her husband better than everyone else, he might be really touched by all of this, especially if she enlisted them to help her with the surprise.
The wedding sounds like it was already planned before finding out she was pregnant and OP knows they both want kids. Why in the world would she think she knows the husband better than the bride? She sounds like she's planning to tell him in certain way so maybe she plans to do it on the honeymoon. I feel like everyone is jumping to conclusions. I told my sister and best friend (she lives in another state) before my husband because I was in shock and wanted to tell my husband in a fun way.
OP is def the A for telling her to call off teh wedding. The bride could just be thinking it would be a nice wedding gift. If she KNOWS her finance will be excited its likely not an issue.
Did anyone think that maybe she's planning a fun way to tell him? The girl knows her soon to be husband better than op and the rest of us. It doesn't sound like she's trying to trap him. Rare disagree. I think she's ticked at the fact that op assumed her not telling him yet was malicious. I'd be pissed, too.
Literally what I was thinking. I think the fact that OP said she was keeping a secret from her fiancé made it seem way more nefarious than it really is. I’ve seen baby reveals with the husband that I’ve been really touching. Bri knows her fiancé better than anyone else.
That's what I was thinking. My bet is she's planning to get her friends to help her set up a whole reveal at the wedding to be part of the surprise for him. She was probably telling them ahead of time to give them a moment to process and judge how they all react before she asks for their help. I disagree with Dusty on this one. OP was way out of line for making this assumption.
I don’t know that I would tell her to call off the wedding. I would have taken her aside and asked why she hasn’t told him yet. Help her see that he should get to know and maybe help her work through whatever fear/ anxiety has made her not tell him. I mean if they both want children it would be strange that bride to be hasn’t told him.
I don't see why you assume it's fear/anxiety keeping her from telling him when she was happy and excited at her Bachelorette party not nervous and afraid. She said she was 2 months along, 8 weeks, most women find out they are pregnant at 6 weeks. She's probably only known for a couple of weeks ( if that) and their wedding is in a few weeks. What a better wedding gift for her husband then the baby they wanted to have? Baby reveals are common and surprise baby reveals at weddings are a thing. I think the bride's energy was positive not negative and yet everyone jumps to " he's gonna be upset ". What if he's elated? What if is the best thing that has ever happened to him and he absolutely loves it? She knows her man better than op does I'm sure. I'm choosing to be happy for them.
@@LynnMcbeth-hp4tb if it wasn’t some sort of fear why would she hesitate so long to tell him? I would want to tell the person I’m spending my life with FIRST before my gal pals. Doing anything less is insulting to the person you’re spending your life with. I guess I was trying to give the bride the benefit of a doubt that she wasn’t just going to leave her boyfriend last to know and there was some sort of reason they could work through that made sense.
I think the bride wants to do a surprise reveal to her new husband as a wedding gift. And while I understand this isn't for everyone, it would definitely not be for me. I'm not going to judge a woman for making her own choices. And in the post op said she was happy, not scared. A woman has the right to tell anyone she want first it's not uncommon. I'd tell my best friend and sister first then find a fun way to tell my husband. He actually would love something like what bride is doing. I would be the to hate a large crowd😅
@@mangamegbe it’s weird to think that the only reason is fear. If she’s only known for a couple of weeks, then it doesn’t necessarily sound like she’s been holding onto this for a long time she might’ve wanted her “gal pals” to help her plan the surprise to her husband. Just because you wouldn’t want to surprise your husband like this does not mean that she is in fear or is hesitating.
@@funnyfoxbird well even if it wasn’t fear that makes it worse because then the finance is going to find out a ton of people knew before him which is going to make him feel like garbage.
It really shocks me that so many people think the groom is automatically going to be angry. I think it's a wonderful surprise for his wedding day. He marries the woman he loves and finds out he's going to be a father. I think that's beautiful and I would expect that the bride would be the one to know how her groom would respond. I can't honestly think she would do this if genuinely believed he would be upset. I think it touching that op was concerned but I think she overstepped on not just telling her to cancel but to berate her for even being pregnant. Wether on purpose or accident she is pregnant, she happy and excited. And it's not really any of ops business if it does blow up in the bride's face. Why does she care so much? It's not her life, it's not her wedding, it's not her baby and it is definitely not her groom. Nobody else said anything to her, why did op feel so entitled to do so? Even besties have boundaries. And it's the Bachelorette party which means everything has already been paid for the wedding is what a couple weeks away? Op would want her do what cancel the wedding, lose all that money, and suddenly become unpregnante to have a conversation with groom ( they already discussed kids) which she wouldn't be a party to anyways, then get pregnant again? I don't get what her end game with this was?
Calling off the wedding is a bit much. If I felt so strongly, I would advise my friend to just tell her partner to avoid it going left. saying she should call off her wedding when both consenting adults know how babies are made is kinda overstepping. OP may not realize that her friend knows her her fiancé better than she does. She may know that he would be elated. OP should mind her business. For the record, I think that she should tell her fiancé before they get married . Ultimately that choice is up to her though and that’s why I think OP is the a hole. It’s not her choice.
Why is she telling her friends but not husband to be? That is so weird. I would be so angry if my significant other told his friends something that important before talking to me.
Announcing it at the wedding to her husband will be a wedding gift from her. Telling her to call off the wedding was an overstep for me. She should've asked why she hasn't told the fiance.
I had to reread the post to make sure I wasn’t crazy. She should call off her wedding because she wants to surprise her husband with the pregnancy news? I mean me personally I would never tell anyone before my partner unless I found out with someone due to some random circumstance but viewing this as some evil lie seems a bit much. And to say just because you discussed it doesn’t mean you get to decide when. That is making the assumption that she lied to him about birth control or tampered with the condoms. We have to assume they are a couple who is having unprotected intimacy so doing this they both were accepting the possibility of a pregnancy at any time before they were “ready”. I would probably disagree I think OP is the AH. Unless OP is leaving that info out and knows her friend is trapping him but I would assume that would included in the post but simply based on what she wrote. To immediately just into you need to call of the wedding seems crazy.
Sorry Dusty you guys are really making crazy assumptions that there are dastardly intentions behind not telling . Maybe it's a wedding day surprise present for the groom? I am not saying she shouldn't tell the groom as early as possible but it's crazy to assume that the bride is being dodgy especially because they want children. I think the underlying assumption of her being malicious or crooked is what got the bride upset.
I dont think she should have said to call off the wedding but accountability is needed. Idk how we got here as a society where nobody takes accountability for anythinggggggg 😑
While I think that she overstepped a bit by saying to call off the wedding (because what?), I don't think that she's the AH for voicing her concerns to her friend. Maybe the bride is planning a surprise. Maybe not. Idk. But there's nothing wrong with pulling your friend aside and saying, 'Hey, the way you're going about this might be problematic.'
I don't understand why she would recommend calling off the wedding, but she is completely right that telling the bride that she ought to tell her husband-to-be.
Tell your husband to be that you're pregnant! While I don't agree with OP on calling off the wedding, I do agree that's a huge secret to keep from the person you're marrying. You need to communicate something that crucial!
Won't hubby be suspicious when she's drinking water at their wedding toast? Won't the nosy aunt notice? A secret like this has the potential to explode spectacularly. Also, being an expectant parent is stressful and crazy emotional. Why wouldn't the bride want support from the most important person in her life?
I think you completely misunderstood the point. The point is that you shouldn't keep secrets from your partner. You especially shouldn't tell EVERYONE BUT YOUR PARTNER a life-altering secret. And if you do so, that's going to cause permanent damage to the foundation of your relationship. OP was simply trying to warn her best friend about these things because her best friend is making these exact mistakes.
@@DerrickUltima that was NOT the point. OP was NOT simply warning her friend she straight up told her to call off the wedding. OP comes off as weird and intrusive. Daisy didn't tell everyone but her fiance she told who she thought were her closest friends. Plenty of ppl tell their friends before their partner. We also know nothing about the fiance other than the fact that he very clearly wants kids. Why assume he'd feel anything but elated at this news?
I personally would be VERY upset if my fiance told all her friends about the pregnancy before me, but I don't think OP should have suggested she call off the wedding. Also, he might not be upset. People are different, he may be ok with being the last to know. I do feel like we are missing much needed details though. Why didn't OP even ask about when the fiance was planning on telling him? It is possible should could be planning it as a surprise during the wedding party or something. I think I would be less upset if it was a big surprise party or something.
A friend guessed about my pregnancy before I was ready and made a big deal about it at a gathering with other people BEFORE I had the chance to tell my partner. I still feel bad that others knew before he did even if I didn't intend for it. The friend needs to be aware that her fiancé's feelings could be hurt if he finds out they all knew before he did. OP may have gone overboard with calling off the wedding, but I agree that the baby daddy should be told ASAP.
OP is not the ah for bringing up concerns about the situation. This is their best friend, not some stranger. From how it sounds OP didn’t go in swinging with “don’t get married”. It sounds like they had a conversation that built up to OP saying that. None of us know the friend and her soon to be hubby’s financial situation. We don’t know if there’s a known thing about them wanting to have kids but wanting to be ready for them or if they just want a baby whenever it happens and planning be damned. I’d need a LOT more info before deciding if the “call off the wedding” part was assholish or necessary. Personally, if they weren’t a couple and she didn’t want to tell him she’s preggo then I’d feel bestie is being a little sketchy but not that it’s the end of the world if she doesn’t. I might catch a lot of criticism for this, but I think paying bills and being able to eat more than ramen now and then is tough enough even with a decent job. I’d want to rebuild my savings and be able to AFFORD a baby or at the very least know that I need to start saving up yesterday.
Rare disagree because OP definitely overstepped, but probably just ASCON 3. Give an opinion, sure, but OP seems judgy about the bride "making the decision" on getting pregnant her own when it's known they both want kids and it's not like baby-making is a clean on-off switch. She probably just stopped her BC ahead of the wedding to get a head-start on getting it out of her system and rolled lucky.
So you think it is fine for her to stop BC before the wedding without telling her husband. And if he had just stopped wearing condoms without discussing it with his bride to be first, that would have been fine as well?
@@jambalie I don't see the birth control being discussed at all in this post. Could very well be they agreed on it together but the pregnancy is still a surprise because, once again, it's not an on-off switch.
Even if Daisy thinks she knows her fiancé really well, she still shouldn't keep the baby a secret. You never know how people react until the moment it happens. I just hope she chooses a good time to tell him and he takes it well.
Im not gonna lie Dusty has some real shit takes some times. How in the world is OP in the right for saying her friend should call off the wedding? Why are you looking past that? Not to mention you dont know her fiance. Maybe this is EXACTLY the type of surprise hed love. Why are you assuming that there's some nefarious reason
Calling off the wedding was too extreme - but if you want to surprise the dad - you either do it before you tell your entire friend group - or you tell them because you need help with the surprise. He might love the surprise but no one likes being the last to find out.... especially when you should have been the first to find out. I assume nefarious reasons too, or she's just dumb. The dad is the first to know - if you aren't ready to tell him, don't make an announcement at a party - partnership 101.
@@jodypaulson4613 and I totally get that but I've also known multiple women who tell their girl friends first. I also get her wanting to share in the excitement with someone and given the fact that she wants to surprise her future hubby she had to find other ppl to share with so she chose her closest friends. Honestly, I just dont like how OP gets given the benefit of the doubt to the extent that Dusty straight up ignores her actions but Daisy gets no benefit of the doubt and gets vilified for no reason. OP doesn't even know if they were actively trying which wouldnt be a huge reach for two people who both want kids and are so close to their wedding date. Some people start trying about a year before they even want to get pregnant just because you never know how long it'll take
Unless it is a dry reception he is going to find out on the day of their wedding anyway. Alcohol is often served through out the day too, so even more people are going to learn about the pregnancy before the groom. Would not be surprised that when the groom finds out so many people knew before him he will be very hurt. Bride should have told him first.
Dad should def have found out before the gfs. I don't think she's wrong for questioning if she's making the right decision, but I think saying she could call off the wedding was a step too far. For all she knows, they've been actively trying, and this surprise will be the icing on the cake of the greatest day of his life.
But they're getting married & want kids anyways, what's the problem? Most women try & surprise their mate with the pregnancy announcement. OP is doing the most.
I think she honestly just wants to suprise him. I dont see the harm. Especially because they already both want kids and they are getting married. So, like, i dont understand keeping it a secret being a problem. She seems like she has a plan to suprise him.
Another take, altho I got married wanting kids, I wanted to enjoy being married for A WHILE before becoming a parent. She's not baby trapping. Secret or surprise, she's withholding IMPORTANT info from him ONLY 🤦 I would've strongly suggested she tell groom too! 🤷
I'd give OP and Ascon4. She should have done it differently by suggesting bride tell groom before the wedding. Telling her to call of the wedding doesn't make sense unless it isn't groom's baby.
I have a feeling we absolutely don’t have all the facts on this story 🤔 can’t decide if it’s not his baby or that op has feelings for him ? Defo more going on
This is a really sad take, especially when it comes to friendships. If I was making a bad decision about my life I would absolutely want my friends to tell me.
As soon as the test came back that I was pregnant, I told my husband. Do I agree with what OP said, no but I do agree with her that her friend shouldn’t hide that information from her soon to be husband
AH isn't appropriate here but yes, you should have taken a step back. Gently give your opinion but support your friend. In the end it's really none of your business.
I'm glad I'm not married to anyone who thinks OP is an asshole for her opinion on this. That is a huge secret to not tell your groom-to-be until after the wedding. Suggesting calling off the wedding might be a bridge too far, but she wasn't wrong that this is a huge thing to keep to yourself until after you've sealed the deal on the wedding. And it's weird to hide it too, imo, unless you're afraid he will back out. ESH.
1.OP blew it IMHO by telling her to cancel the wedding.Encouraging to tell the groom to be is probably ok. I don't have enough info on their friendship to say much more than that. 2. The bride blew it by telling her friends first instead of husband to be first. People talk; it's inevitable and somebody is going to let it slip and the groom is going to find out. Even if he wants kids he will not be thrilled to find out from somebody other than the bride. I know someone who was engaged and got pregnant before the wedding. By the time the wedding rolled around EVERYBODY knew and I do mean EVERYBODY! And it was a huge wedding (500 plus people invited) Nobody said anything to the bride and groom out of politeness and respected their decision to not say anything until after the wedding. Fortunately they had planned to have kids so neither of them were too upset, just more like surprised.
I can see where op is coming from. Her friend does need to tell him before they get married so he has time to let things sink in and not feel like he was lied to and trapped in this marriage.
Trapped? He CHOSE to marry her. To assume that a man that wants to marry his fiance and wants kids is going to be trapped in a marriage he CHOSE is asinine
@@lalie9995 I said so he wouldn't in time feel like that was the case. True he did say he also wanted kids and to get married, but being kept out of the loop by your partner on such situations can make resentment grow over time.
@@SheSheBoom21 she's going to tell him. It's not like she's keeping this from him. She's planning a surprise to tell him and honestly his timeline no longer matters. She's already pregnant
Even if I wanted kids and had talked to my partner about it, I would be SUPER upset if my partner told all her friends she was pregnant before she told ME
This!
Same - My husband was first to know every time.
Agree! One of them is gonna tell someone before the wedding and by the time the actual date comes, everyone will know but him. I’d be upset if everyone knew something so special and personal about my partner and I before I did
I disagree... OP overstepped by recommending calling off the wedding. Voucing an opinion privately that it may not be a good idea to keep this secret is NTA. Going further to suggest cancellation is OTT.
I don't think it's a secret like "oh, I can't tell him", but a secret like "I'm going to surprise him with a fun way to tell him during the wedding". I actually also told one of my friends before anyone. My friend struggled with getting pregnant and when we started trying I asked for tips from her because I was in a time crunch because of my age. I knew she went through a lot, though at the time I didn't know how much. So my first thought was telling her because I was freaking out so much. Next I told my doctor. I have a medical condition and I needed to get into some exams. I told my boyfriend the next time I saw him in a fun way.
Maybe I'm naive but it's not a secret. It's a surprise. I honestly don't see where OP is coming from unless there's something their leaving out.
Shes not baby trapping him and they talked about it to an extent that OP knows they did. I get being empathic and OP thinking Daisy should've told her fiance first but calling off the whole wedding? Thats way too extreme.
Would you be happy if your partner told all of their friends before you?
Right, she might be trying to do a baby reveal at the wedding. Bride probably knows her husband better than everyone else, he might be really touched by all of this, especially if she enlisted them to help her with the surprise.
The wedding sounds like it was already planned before finding out she was pregnant and OP knows they both want kids. Why in the world would she think she knows the husband better than the bride? She sounds like she's planning to tell him in certain way so maybe she plans to do it on the honeymoon. I feel like everyone is jumping to conclusions. I told my sister and best friend (she lives in another state) before my husband because I was in shock and wanted to tell my husband in a fun way.
OP is def the A for telling her to call off teh wedding. The bride could just be thinking it would be a nice wedding gift. If she KNOWS her finance will be excited its likely not an issue.
Did anyone think that maybe she's planning a fun way to tell him? The girl knows her soon to be husband better than op and the rest of us. It doesn't sound like she's trying to trap him. Rare disagree. I think she's ticked at the fact that op assumed her not telling him yet was malicious. I'd be pissed, too.
Literally what I was thinking. I think the fact that OP said she was keeping a secret from her fiancé made it seem way more nefarious than it really is. I’ve seen baby reveals with the husband that I’ve been really touching. Bri knows her fiancé better than anyone else.
That's what I was thinking. My bet is she's planning to get her friends to help her set up a whole reveal at the wedding to be part of the surprise for him. She was probably telling them ahead of time to give them a moment to process and judge how they all react before she asks for their help.
I disagree with Dusty on this one. OP was way out of line for making this assumption.
I don’t know that I would tell her to call off the wedding. I would have taken her aside and asked why she hasn’t told him yet. Help her see that he should get to know and maybe help her work through whatever fear/ anxiety has made her not tell him. I mean if they both want children it would be strange that bride to be hasn’t told him.
I don't see why you assume it's fear/anxiety keeping her from telling him when she was happy and excited at her Bachelorette party not nervous and afraid. She said she was 2 months along, 8 weeks, most women find out they are pregnant at 6 weeks. She's probably only known for a couple of weeks ( if that) and their wedding is in a few weeks. What a better wedding gift for her husband then the baby they wanted to have? Baby reveals are common and surprise baby reveals at weddings are a thing. I think the bride's energy was positive not negative and yet everyone jumps to " he's gonna be upset ". What if he's elated? What if is the best thing that has ever happened to him and he absolutely loves it? She knows her man better than op does I'm sure. I'm choosing to be happy for them.
@@LynnMcbeth-hp4tb if it wasn’t some sort of fear why would she hesitate so long to tell him? I would want to tell the person I’m spending my life with FIRST before my gal pals. Doing anything less is insulting to the person you’re spending your life with. I guess I was trying to give the bride the benefit of a doubt that she wasn’t just going to leave her boyfriend last to know and there was some sort of reason they could work through that made sense.
I think the bride wants to do a surprise reveal to her new husband as a wedding gift. And while I understand this isn't for everyone, it would definitely not be for me. I'm not going to judge a woman for making her own choices. And in the post op said she was happy, not scared. A woman has the right to tell anyone she want first it's not uncommon. I'd tell my best friend and sister first then find a fun way to tell my husband. He actually would love something like what bride is doing. I would be the to hate a large crowd😅
@@mangamegbe it’s weird to think that the only reason is fear. If she’s only known for a couple of weeks, then it doesn’t necessarily sound like she’s been holding onto this for a long time she might’ve wanted her “gal pals” to help her plan the surprise to her husband. Just because you wouldn’t want to surprise your husband like this does not mean that she is in fear or is hesitating.
@@funnyfoxbird well even if it wasn’t fear that makes it worse because then the finance is going to find out a ton of people knew before him which is going to make him feel like garbage.
It really shocks me that so many people think the groom is automatically going to be angry. I think it's a wonderful surprise for his wedding day. He marries the woman he loves and finds out he's going to be a father. I think that's beautiful and I would expect that the bride would be the one to know how her groom would respond. I can't honestly think she would do this if genuinely believed he would be upset. I think it touching that op was concerned but I think she overstepped on not just telling her to cancel but to berate her for even being pregnant. Wether on purpose or accident she is pregnant, she happy and excited. And it's not really any of ops business if it does blow up in the bride's face. Why does she care so much? It's not her life, it's not her wedding, it's not her baby and it is definitely not her groom. Nobody else said anything to her, why did op feel so entitled to do so? Even besties have boundaries.
And it's the Bachelorette party which means everything has already been paid for the wedding is what a couple weeks away? Op would want her do what cancel the wedding, lose all that money, and suddenly become unpregnante to have a conversation with groom ( they already discussed kids) which she wouldn't be a party to anyways, then get pregnant again? I don't get what her end game with this was?
Since they both want kids, then maybe the bride is saving it as a wedding present or surprise. But calling off the wedding is a bit out there
OP's take is correct-- not really her place to step in, but it's true that the partner should be the first person she tells and not the friend group
Calling off the wedding is a bit much. If I felt so strongly, I would advise my friend to just tell her partner to avoid it going left. saying she should call off her wedding when both consenting adults know how babies are made is kinda overstepping. OP may not realize that her friend knows her her fiancé better than she does. She may know that he would be elated. OP should mind her business.
For the record, I think that she should tell her fiancé before they get married . Ultimately that choice is up to her though and that’s why I think OP is the a hole. It’s not her choice.
Why is she telling her friends but not husband to be? That is so weird. I would be so angry if my significant other told his friends something that important before talking to me.
Announcing it at the wedding to her husband will be a wedding gift from her. Telling her to call off the wedding was an overstep for me. She should've asked why she hasn't told the fiance.
I had to reread the post to make sure I wasn’t crazy. She should call off her wedding because she wants to surprise her husband with the pregnancy news? I mean me personally I would never tell anyone before my partner unless I found out with someone due to some random circumstance but viewing this as some evil lie seems a bit much.
And to say just because you discussed it doesn’t mean you get to decide when. That is making the assumption that she lied to him about birth control or tampered with the condoms. We have to assume they are a couple who is having unprotected intimacy so doing this they both were accepting the possibility of a pregnancy at any time before they were “ready”. I would probably disagree I think OP is the AH.
Unless OP is leaving that info out and knows her friend is trapping him but I would assume that would included in the post but simply based on what she wrote. To immediately just into you need to call of the wedding seems crazy.
That part!
Op shut up. She wants it to be SUPRISE. I would do the same thing.
Sorry Dusty you guys are really making crazy assumptions that there are dastardly intentions behind not telling . Maybe it's a wedding day surprise present for the groom? I am not saying she shouldn't tell the groom as early as possible but it's crazy to assume that the bride is being dodgy especially because they want children. I think the underlying assumption of her being malicious or crooked is what got the bride upset.
I dont think she should have said to call off the wedding but accountability is needed. Idk how we got here as a society where nobody takes accountability for anythinggggggg 😑
While I think that she overstepped a bit by saying to call off the wedding (because what?), I don't think that she's the AH for voicing her concerns to her friend. Maybe the bride is planning a surprise. Maybe not. Idk. But there's nothing wrong with pulling your friend aside and saying, 'Hey, the way you're going about this might be problematic.'
Hey Dusty, Love the content and love your channels. Thanks for being awesome
I feel like the bulk of the people in these comments either:
• A: Aren't married
or
• B: Won't stay married
I don't understand why she would recommend calling off the wedding, but she is completely right that telling the bride that she ought to tell her husband-to-be.
Tell your husband to be that you're pregnant! While I don't agree with OP on calling off the wedding, I do agree that's a huge secret to keep from the person you're marrying. You need to communicate something that crucial!
Won't hubby be suspicious when she's drinking water at their wedding toast? Won't the nosy aunt notice? A secret like this has the potential to explode spectacularly. Also, being an expectant parent is stressful and crazy emotional. Why wouldn't the bride want support from the most important person in her life?
Or he could be the type of person that likes surprises. There are plenty of ways that you’re able to disguise not drinking actual alcohol.
What? What does OP mean Daisy doesn't get to choose when to have kids? Shes literally pregnant 😂😂😂 OP sounds crazy
I think you completely misunderstood the point. The point is that you shouldn't keep secrets from your partner. You especially shouldn't tell EVERYONE BUT YOUR PARTNER a life-altering secret. And if you do so, that's going to cause permanent damage to the foundation of your relationship.
OP was simply trying to warn her best friend about these things because her best friend is making these exact mistakes.
@@DerrickUltima that was NOT the point. OP was NOT simply warning her friend she straight up told her to call off the wedding. OP comes off as weird and intrusive. Daisy didn't tell everyone but her fiance she told who she thought were her closest friends. Plenty of ppl tell their friends before their partner. We also know nothing about the fiance other than the fact that he very clearly wants kids. Why assume he'd feel anything but elated at this news?
@@lalie9995
Yeah. You missed the point. It's okay. It happens to the best of us.
@@DerrickUltima no hun. you're MAKING UP a point. you listened to a story and then made up facts so it would fit with your viewpoint
@@lalie9995 Hey Pot, take a look in the mirror and chill out on Kettle.
I personally would be VERY upset if my fiance told all her friends about the pregnancy before me, but I don't think OP should have suggested she call off the wedding. Also, he might not be upset. People are different, he may be ok with being the last to know. I do feel like we are missing much needed details though. Why didn't OP even ask about when the fiance was planning on telling him? It is possible should could be planning it as a surprise during the wedding party or something. I think I would be less upset if it was a big surprise party or something.
A friend guessed about my pregnancy before I was ready and made a big deal about it at a gathering with other people BEFORE I had the chance to tell my partner. I still feel bad that others knew before he did even if I didn't intend for it. The friend needs to be aware that her fiancé's feelings could be hurt if he finds out they all knew before he did. OP may have gone overboard with calling off the wedding, but I agree that the baby daddy should be told ASAP.
OP is not the ah for bringing up concerns about the situation. This is their best friend, not some stranger. From how it sounds OP didn’t go in swinging with “don’t get married”. It sounds like they had a conversation that built up to OP saying that. None of us know the friend and her soon to be hubby’s financial situation. We don’t know if there’s a known thing about them wanting to have kids but wanting to be ready for them or if they just want a baby whenever it happens and planning be damned. I’d need a LOT more info before deciding if the “call off the wedding” part was assholish or necessary. Personally, if they weren’t a couple and she didn’t want to tell him she’s preggo then I’d feel bestie is being a little sketchy but not that it’s the end of the world if she doesn’t.
I might catch a lot of criticism for this, but I think paying bills and being able to eat more than ramen now and then is tough enough even with a decent job. I’d want to rebuild my savings and be able to AFFORD a baby or at the very least know that I need to start saving up yesterday.
Rare disagree because OP definitely overstepped, but probably just ASCON 3. Give an opinion, sure, but OP seems judgy about the bride "making the decision" on getting pregnant her own when it's known they both want kids and it's not like baby-making is a clean on-off switch. She probably just stopped her BC ahead of the wedding to get a head-start on getting it out of her system and rolled lucky.
So you think it is fine for her to stop BC before the wedding without telling her husband. And if he had just stopped wearing condoms without discussing it with his bride to be first, that would have been fine as well?
@@jambalie I don't see the birth control being discussed at all in this post. Could very well be they agreed on it together but the pregnancy is still a surprise because, once again, it's not an on-off switch.
Even if Daisy thinks she knows her fiancé really well, she still shouldn't keep the baby a secret. You never know how people react until the moment it happens. I just hope she chooses a good time to tell him and he takes it well.
Im not gonna lie Dusty has some real shit takes some times. How in the world is OP in the right for saying her friend should call off the wedding? Why are you looking past that? Not to mention you dont know her fiance. Maybe this is EXACTLY the type of surprise hed love. Why are you assuming that there's some nefarious reason
Calling off the wedding was too extreme - but if you want to surprise the dad - you either do it before you tell your entire friend group - or you tell them because you need help with the surprise. He might love the surprise but no one likes being the last to find out.... especially when you should have been the first to find out. I assume nefarious reasons too, or she's just dumb. The dad is the first to know - if you aren't ready to tell him, don't make an announcement at a party - partnership 101.
@@jodypaulson4613 and I totally get that but I've also known multiple women who tell their girl friends first. I also get her wanting to share in the excitement with someone and given the fact that she wants to surprise her future hubby she had to find other ppl to share with so she chose her closest friends. Honestly, I just dont like how OP gets given the benefit of the doubt to the extent that Dusty straight up ignores her actions but Daisy gets no benefit of the doubt and gets vilified for no reason. OP doesn't even know if they were actively trying which wouldnt be a huge reach for two people who both want kids and are so close to their wedding date. Some people start trying about a year before they even want to get pregnant just because you never know how long it'll take
Unless it is a dry reception he is going to find out on the day of their wedding anyway. Alcohol is often served through out the day too, so even more people are going to learn about the pregnancy before the groom. Would not be surprised that when the groom finds out so many people knew before him he will be very hurt. Bride should have told him first.
Dad should def have found out before the gfs. I don't think she's wrong for questioning if she's making the right decision, but I think saying she could call off the wedding was a step too far. For all she knows, they've been actively trying, and this surprise will be the icing on the cake of the greatest day of his life.
But they're getting married & want kids anyways, what's the problem? Most women try & surprise their mate with the pregnancy announcement. OP is doing the most.
But we don’t know if she wasn’t going to tell him before the wedding. Though he should have been the first one to be told, then her friends.
I think she honestly just wants to suprise him. I dont see the harm. Especially because they already both want kids and they are getting married. So, like, i dont understand keeping it a secret being a problem. She seems like she has a plan to suprise him.
Another take, altho I got married wanting kids, I wanted to enjoy being married for A WHILE before becoming a parent. She's not baby trapping. Secret or surprise, she's withholding IMPORTANT info from him ONLY 🤦 I would've strongly suggested she tell groom too! 🤷
Why is she telling her friends before her fiancé? That’s completely disrespectful.
I'd give OP and Ascon4. She should have done it differently by suggesting bride tell groom before the wedding. Telling her to call of the wedding doesn't make sense unless it isn't groom's baby.
@@chellebelle5083 I think that’s ascon 3
I have a feeling we absolutely don’t have all the facts on this story 🤔 can’t decide if it’s not his baby or that op has feelings for him ? Defo more going on
I think ESH. Bride should have told her partner first. Bestie should have handled that better.
People are going to do what they want. It's best to keep your mouth shut, smile, and nod.
This is a really sad take, especially when it comes to friendships. If I was making a bad decision about my life I would absolutely want my friends to tell me.
What if hubby-to-be blows a wad of money on some special wine (or something else) for the honeymoon?
@@christineheminger7762 wine will still be good in 9 months 😂
Disagree with you dusty, which is rare. She’s not trapping him with a pregnancy. It’s not OPs business
As soon as the test came back that I was pregnant, I told my husband. Do I agree with what OP said, no but I do agree with her that her friend shouldn’t hide that information from her soon to be husband
AH isn't appropriate here but yes, you should have taken a step back. Gently give your opinion but support your friend. In the end it's really none of your business.
I'm glad I'm not married to anyone who thinks OP is an asshole for her opinion on this. That is a huge secret to not tell your groom-to-be until after the wedding. Suggesting calling off the wedding might be a bridge too far, but she wasn't wrong that this is a huge thing to keep to yourself until after you've sealed the deal on the wedding. And it's weird to hide it too, imo, unless you're afraid he will back out. ESH.
Maybe Op's friend isn't as secure in her decision as she makes out.If she was,an alternate opinion usually doesn't get that same reaction.
1.OP blew it IMHO by telling her to cancel the wedding.Encouraging to tell the groom to be is probably ok. I don't have enough info on their friendship to say much more than that.
2. The bride blew it by telling her friends first instead of husband to be first. People talk; it's inevitable and somebody is going to let it slip and the groom is going to find out. Even if he wants kids he will not be thrilled to find out from somebody other than the bride.
I know someone who was engaged and got pregnant before the wedding. By the time the wedding rolled around EVERYBODY knew and I do mean EVERYBODY! And it was a huge wedding (500 plus people invited) Nobody said anything to the bride and groom out of politeness and respected their decision to not say anything until after the wedding.
Fortunately they had planned to have kids so neither of them were too upset, just more like surprised.
🧡
I can see where op is coming from. Her friend does need to tell him before they get married so he has time to let things sink in and not feel like he was lied to and trapped in this marriage.
Trapped? He CHOSE to marry her. To assume that a man that wants to marry his fiance and wants kids is going to be trapped in a marriage he CHOSE is asinine
@@lalie9995 I said so he wouldn't in time feel like that was the case. True he did say he also wanted kids and to get married, but being kept out of the loop by your partner on such situations can make resentment grow over time.
But maybe kids was a future thought. Not as soon as we get married. She needs to tell him.
@@SheSheBoom21 she's going to tell him. It's not like she's keeping this from him. She's planning a surprise to tell him and honestly his timeline no longer matters. She's already pregnant
@@mleighqs I think trapped marriage wise means something different from what you think it does .
Is the baby the grooms?
NTA. This screams baby-trapping to me.