Fun fact: When you take your ADHD meds, they don't actually get rid of any ADHD symptoms. The ADHD is instead concentrated and dumped into a random segment of Riverdale's plot.
watching the first seasons...I was struggling with a heavy drug addiction - I always thought well - mam was high af thats why that all seemed like a fever dream ...but I guess that wasn't my addiction this time lol
Watching this video made me realize that Riverdale should’ve just been a series where every season is a retelling of how Archie ends up choosing either Betty or Veronica- only explored across different genres and alternate universes. You could’ve had all those great character actors get rotated around to play different roles while avoiding the constant need to outdo the last insane stunt you did in a previous season. You could even give each character a chance at being the “Archie” of a season.
A couple years ago my friend told me that Riverdale is his favorite show and he never misses an episode but when I asked if I should watch it he said “absolutely not” and only now do both of those things make sense.
I do love the idea that Archie got so pissed off about someone calling Riverdale a bad town, I mean, it's small town America and seemingly half the population are serial killers. Maybe Pickens had a point, Archie??
And don’t forget the other half is just random long-lost “secret” family members who only exist for about 5-10 episodes. Yeah, the town of Shadyside doesn’t have this many serial killers and lunatics. You’ve got at least 5 gangs running around, the mafia, actual literal witches…Archie, do YOU not know the kinda town Riverdale is or do you just have whatever the opposite of city blinders are?
Literally no aspect of the town could be considered good. There were at least 5 cults, some running parallel at the same time, various serial killers, and also ARCHIES DAD DIED IN A ROBBERY?
one thing about small town America, if WE call the town dogshit it's all good, but if someone from out of town has the audacity to say it they're gonna catch hands lol
Every time the second teacher jumps off the window I die laughing. Not because its funny they scripted two people to jump off a window, but because when he ran the second time the other characters reacted fast enough to try to stop him they must have thought "oh shit not another one"
I love that he shouts “Mr Shipman!” in the tone of watching someone cross the road without looking both ways, rather than ‘has just jumped through a window to their death’
My jaw dropped although I'm not sure you could convince anyone of a perfect reality where the divergence is so small...maybe a perfect reality for the main character(s) though then that still means perfect reality for them includes bigotry so doesn't really matter.
to be fair, the actual context is that before tabitha wiped his memories she gave him a task to “bend the world towards justice” so that the future will be one where they don’t constantly die, and when she gives his memory back - she’s saying that the things they helped accomplish have done that - and will make the future a better place.
It says a lot about the shows creators that queer people can have an idealized homophobia-free-50's but black people have to witness the pain of that era. Like, even if you're not going to do it justice, at least commit to being semi realistic with all social issues, or just embrace the escapism
A thing he sort of chose not to mention in the video is that the explicit point of Angel Tabitha dumping the team in this spot in the timeline was so that they could make a better future where racist wizard Percival Pickens cannot rise to power and cast Meteor, because Cheryl actually failed to stop it. This fact doesn't make it any less jarring, but fighting injustice with Riverdale levels of subtlety is the point. Also it's by no means homophobia free. Yes that scene with the cheerleaders happens, but it was brought on by Past Evelyn (who is no longer an adult luring victims into her husband's cult, presumably) basically forcing the issue as she caught them and is not on board. There's also a huge running plot about a blatant expy of Frederic Wertham researching for and then writing Seduction of the Innocent, fighting against the depravity of teenage sexuality brought on by comic books. It pointedly chooses to ignore that Archie Comics falling in line and going hardcore into sanitized Americana made them one of the chief benefactors of the Comics Code Authority era, while Jughead is working for a blatant expy of EC Comics whose comics production essentially ceased under the strain.
Delving into this even more, I think this disparity between the depiction of Black History and Queer History is fascinating simply because it does compare and contrast the state of both representation and of knowledge of both groups. On one hand, a 50s experience free of the homophobia of the age feels like rapturous escapism, but is often born from ignorance. We all know the rough beats of the Black Civil Rights movement, but the knowledge of the Gay Civil Rights movement is a lot more obscured. Depiction of Black struggle, though, if it's a sloppy depiction that reinforces misinformed tropes about racism, isn't necessarily better. We know the major beats of Black History, but not well enough to see their legacy into the present day. We have two different inaccurate retellings of the lives of marginalized Americans, and I don't think there is an easy answer to the simplistic question of if it's better to be accepted and have your history of struggle denied, or is it better to have that painful struggle be presented sloppily in escapist media.
@@emexdizzy I don't think either is better, because both storylines SUCK. Dying on a social justice hill doesn't really matter if the end product isn't a good story at its foundation, as all it does is make people go "what the hell" and give ammo to the "forced diversity" crackpots.
"Story in a video game is like story in a porn movie. It's expected to be there, but it's not that important." -John Carmack (one of the developers of Doom)
@@Nikkibuh It works perfectly for Doom. That game is "Open fire, kill demons, dodge and explore too, don't die." >.> Now a game WITH story like Undertale, Skies of Arcadia, Radiant Historia, Sands of Destruction, and Tales of Symphonia? They're great too.
you know what...back in my tumblr days, people used to toss around the idea of a show where every episode/season would be a different alternative universe with the same characters but only the protagonist retains the memories and travels between dimensions while trying to come back to the "original" one, this is kinda that...but without fully commiting to the bit. TO WHICH I SAY: COWARDS
I had an idea for a book a lot like that in middle school actually, except no one remembered it was just a bunch of short stories of characters in a bunch of alternate universes. I actually wrote a little bit of it I think. There was a short "introduction" chapter that was like normal "slice of life" stuff, and a longer medieval fantasy one I maybe got 1/3 of the way through. I'm randomly also recalling another story I'd started writing but I can't recall if that was related.
As a lifelong wrestling fan who’s currently 16 minutes into the video, the WCW comparison is so real. Setting up angles to go nowhere and not knowing what to do after. If you told me Vince Russo was a writer for Riverdale, I’d believe you
Of all the insane shit I've heard about this show, I legit did not expect it to suddenly turn back into a normal teen drama in its final season. The craziest twist of all - becoming normal again. Truly a masterpiece of television.
I mean normal for Riverdale still includes secret siblings, murders, fraud, Russian spies, magical televisions, angels weaving universes together, a teen girl owning and running a movie theater.
I mean, I'm surprised he didn't talk about the actual ending of the show because the final episode is pretty crazy, and sort of impactful? Like, it's insane, but the ending is kind of good and there's a lot to talk about there. Pretty bummed he gave up before he - NEVERMIND IVE SPOKEN TOO SOON HHES JUST STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT IGNORE ME
The last episode of that season is Betty's dying dream in which she is guided through things she forgot by ghost Jughead. The most absurd being the polyamorous relationship she was in with all of the other main characters, except Archie and Jughead don't kiss because that would be gay.
@cahleytheoneandonly5988 but it IS implied Archie and Reggie had a gay encounter after their threesome with an older woman because why not it's Riverdale
DUDE this made me think of Stone Ocean and how the the last third of that had me absolutely spinning as it completely descended into madness. Jojo has the courtesy to edge you into the madness at least.
My favorite Season 6 moment has to be where Jughead gives up his ability to write to the Devil in exchange for fame and fortune. We then establish everything he tries to write becomes a nonsense scramble of letters before he TAKES BACK THE DEAL by getting a new contract that he SIGNS AND AGREES TO. The Devil cursed Jughead with super Dyslexia and he fixes is by WRITING HIS NAME. FUCKING GENIUS.
@@tyclips4155 I did, too!! I was thinking “yeah, I guess if I had the ability to write letters to the devil I’d rather keep it than not, but what is he giving it up in exchange for?” It’s been a long day
This video is absolutely amazing. The narration sounding like a person on the cusp of a break down. The constant cuts to more information. The falling boards. The FD cameo. Amazing video
"-where he does what all irritating men threaten to do- he writes a book." My ass was not ready for how fucking excellent Super Eye Patch Wolf's deadpan delivery of that killer line was.
I can never get over Jughead's recurring character arc of being an author that DESPISES writing and needs all the drugs and excuses in the world to get through the hobby that actively makes him miserable. He's not even that good at it, he loses the college mystery story contest, but he's determined to do it no matter what! Which is why it's so hilarious to me when the Devil gives him an out and Jughead is able to trade this thing he sucks at that he hates doing for all the money and fame in the world. And, instead of sticking with that, he just goes "But- My words mean things-!" and gets right back into it JUST to make shitty comic books anyways, lol! Jughead UNTRADED HIS SOUL to be a Novelist just to NOT BE A NOVELIST in the same season!
This show plays out like the writers wanted to get fired so they continually made the show stupider and stupider, thinking it would obviously discredit them and get them sacked, but through a series of baffling and extremely unlikely events, the show just kept getting greenlit for another season.
I call it the Buggy effect, where for some reason, a thing or person keeps reaching new heights despite their aparent attemps at doing just the opposite. Makes for great comedy for the sheer absurdity of it.
That's basically the plot of the hilarious french series Serie Noire. A pair of writers writing the most horrible show and feeling terrible about it celebrate the end of season 1 and hopefully the end of having to write this show only to get a devastating call about it's renewal.
@@saramoreira9847Ah yes, alternately also known as the Caiaphas Caine paradigm, where, despite the protagonists best effort, the get dragged into unhinged hijinks that somehow result in them stumbling further and further into fame and notoriety ...
38:54 You mean she can sense killing intent. That’s literally the killing intent thing from many an anime. Also Veronica basically became a _viṣakanyā,_ a literary figure that appears in Sanskrit literature as a type of assassin used by kings to destroy enemies, gaining their toxic blood and touch via mithridatism. 39:50 Lou Cypher. I am a Shin Megami Tensei fan. I know the alias of the King of Chaos when I see it. So that guy is Demifiend’s boss.
aaaaaah that's where i heard the "Lou Cypher" name first, thank you. i knew i remembered it from Persona/SMT game but wasn't sure which one, it was Nocturne you're right. Completely forgot his name was "Lou Cypher" until he reveal his actual (obvious) identity.
When given the options of A, B, and C, both times I genuinely answered “all of the above” both times, because frankly that seemed like the direction things were headed. Kinda surprised it wasn’t if I’m being real.
I mean, Precival being revealed as Hiram Lodge's secret lover wouldn't have been the worst idea in the world, by Riverdale standards it'd be pretty tame.
I think I heard someone say it was because it was the first/cheapest result on Amazon, it was probably just a joke, maybe it was a purposeful homage, maybe the costume designer wanted to see how much they could get away with
@@shoxy-the-pinecone6113 I'd like to imagine the latter, mostly because of how much Eva has permeated pop culture, even silently. That, and they did 23 serial killer plotlines. Let us have the Eva reference as a treat.
@@0uttaS1TE so the writers will add more serial killers until the number 26 and then pull a time traveling situation that will rewind the show to the 24th serial killer?
goddamn man, I would love to have more friends who are this passionate about random pieces of media and what they mean, but also I wish I was able to put myself out there in this way, insecurities and all. I love you, man. You're so cool
Insane that the show started as a simple murder mystery, and then many seasons later the main characters get superpowers and ended up creating multiple timelines
22 serial killers in this one middle of nowhere town. I remember reading somewhere that there is a maximum of 12 active serial killers in the entire United States at any given time. How is there anyone still alive in Riverdale?
Seriously more then 12 serial killers in the USA would make the country go into a moral panic. I'm surprised that goverment at this point wouldn't contain it. Gravity falls, Or and twins peak is more safe then Riverdale
Well, it's not like they are all active at the same time. Plus when serial killers show up Archie and gang end up resolving the problem. Permanently in most cases.
I discovered this channel while looking for riverdale reviews that captured the absolute bowl of crazy that the show had turned into. This feels like a full circle moment for me. Thank you Mr eyepatch wolf
"Riverdale is like early 2000 WCW" As a wrestling fan, there could not be a worse insult that could be said about this show. Nothing made sense and nothing mattered. Shit happened that was never explained, because more crazy stupid shit needed to happen.
Ngl, I was thinking just the same. Like, "yeah sure Lorena sounds like a nice name for an urban legend why not Riverdale would" without thinking if it was la Llorona
10:00 : "In a show that is so reliant on escalation, how do you possibly escalate from here?" Uh, hi, Supernatural is calling. They beat Lucifer in season 5 and then ran for 10 more.
for some reason the phrase "narrator Jughead, having been murdered by shadow Archie Andrews" reminded me so strongly of FNAF that I just burst out into uncontrollable laughter (46:36)
@@JoeChianelli Please don't insult FNAF or Kingdom Hearts. One of those is trying, and the other at least doesn't wear a classic comic's name and face like a skinsuit.
The way season 7 treats racial issues (where the mainline cast has an unnaturally immaculate racial track record for the era) reminds me of Red Dead Redemption 2, where Dutch's Gang is (for the most part) remarkably inclusive, tolerant, and diverse despite existing in an America only a few decades removed from the Civil War. But RDR2 gets away with it because Dutch's Gang are outlaws, and their opposition to racism fits that rebellious context during a time when bigotry was an accepted social norm. I wonder if Riverdale could have swung this issue in a similar fashion.
Also it's shown in RDR2 that not only are they very much an exception to the norm due to being outlaws but that even the gang members' inclusive attitudes are often imperfect (esp. when it comes to how Dutch treats women or lets Micah stay in the gang) and often don't prevent them from taking advantage of marginalised folks as, well...criminals (such as the loan sharking that Arthur acts as an enforcer for and literally everything regarding Dutch and the Wapiti in Chapter 6) And I do agree that it would've made for a better written show if Riverdale swing in that direction and made the kids' inclusive attitudes imperfect in ways that reflected their upbringing and personalities, like maybe they can see how _obviously_ bad segregation is but don't realise how much their race and upbringing has influenced their assumptions about things (like the police or paying rent)
@@sunainahussain That's a great point. Those nuanced imperfections definitely lend more credibility and depth to modernized period pieces, having characters who are ahead of their time but still products of their time.
Dude, i went on such an emotional roller coaster. My jaw hit the floor when you said that Riverdale had the audacity into include Emmett Till as a plot point and I laughed so hard at the FD cameo that i lost my breath for a second. This is probably the best sequel video essay on youtube.
My ability to watch this review broke about 30 minutes in. The show is just not my thing, because it wouldn't have gotten to season 7 without wearing the Riverdale skinsuit the same way Disneywars wears the Star Wars skinsuit.
@@flux_casey it's not even about the Brand power of Archie. It's about taking one of the most wholesome franchises ever and turning it into some twisted Insanity that gets more and more messed up every week. It's like seeing the Muppets on sesame Street championing social justice causes and ignoring morality... OH WAIT, that's actually happened too.
@@hariman7727 ... Huh. Well, the merits or perceived insult of taking something that was one way and recreating it in a way the original author never intended is an interesting discussion. But that last paragraph makes it clear it's not a discussion I want to have with *you* specifically. Still, have a nice day.
The line delivery of "lives in her walls" at 28:20 is so self-aware of how John recognizes how batshit crazy the show is that I'm not certain he even needed to make two videos about it... But I'm so very happy he did. Loved this one so much!
Sometimes when I rewatch Too Many Cooks I laugh and think about what that show would look like if it was real and continued on past just an intro. Riverdale. It's Riverdale.
Man, "It's not that the writers dropped the ball, it's that the ball was made of petrol and dynamite." GODS do I love your writing, Patches, never change.
I’ve never done hallucinogenics before but apparently Marathoning this show will give that same effect 😭I thought the Archie vs Predator comic was a wild what if but I have learned how foolishly naive I was.
@@dotapark There's also an Archie and Punisher one but at least the premise of that makes sense (Castle looking for a criminal who happens to be an Archie lookalike).
42:39 is when I start loving this vid so much that I panic that it's going to end too soon and go looking for your other vids on Riverdale. You are gold, love this vid!
If you read the original Archie comics… both the idyllic, illusionary Riverdale of Season 7 and the traumatic craziness of Seasons 1 through 6 seem not only plausible, but like something that would literally fit right in to the OG comics. Seriously, some of those comics are INSANITY PERSONIFIED, from what little I read of them as a kid. So SuperEyepatchWolf: READ THE OG ARCHIE COMICS AND THEN MAKE A VIDEO ABOUT THEM AAAAAAAGGGGGGJHHHHHHHH JUST COME ON MY DUDE
That's the thing with Archie: they have done essentially everything with it at this point (there's even a zombie miniseries IIRC) to the point where Riverdale feels like it matches that insanity
I’ll probably never watch this show, but I was SO invested hearing you describe the deranged plots and was genuinely leaning in to hear you describe how season six ended.
45:50 -- I don't know why, but I laughed so damn hard when I heard that "dog" bark, and that's probably the least weird thing mentioned in this entire video.
Wild that if they had actually made Jughead ace, then by season 6 we would have apparently had a show with five separate ace characters. Who are all just Jughead.
There are so many funny lines in this one but “Betty is the Biblical figure the Whore of Babylon” literally made laugh a horrible wheezing laugh out loud, that was my breaking point.
Watching this video gave me Sherlock flashbacks. Especially the big cliffhangers that get you nowhere. I'm surprised the audience stayed for that long.
What’s crazy about this show is that it’s literally whatever fanfiction tropes were popular at the time, especially the last arc which many fics have the characters watching and reacting to canon or alt universes. It really was the end of an era, where you could publish Archie fan fiction to tv, which is kinda what Star Trek TNG was like when they accept fan scripts or even brought on fans as writers to the team. An era where any idea a fan could come up with could potentially be in a magazine, tv or land them a job. Reminds me of a video by Tale Foundry where he talks about Pulp Fantasy and how there really aren’t those creative spaces for fans and professionals to communicate and create narratives together in their niche community.
Now writers in the genres typically covered by pulp fiction (high romance, horror, fantasy, etc.) have to abstain from social media so they can refute fans' claims of artistic theft from fanfic. I remember Neil Gaiman mentioning this during the lead up to Good Omens 2.
@@fruitygarlic3601 Yeah there's a scifi writer I followed on Tumblr back when I still used social media who stated that she couldn't interact with any fanworks for her books because of that possibility of even subconscious appropriation. It sucks, but I do think it's better than the alternative of big companies trolling AO3 looking at the most popular fics for their properties and then using those stories without giving any credit to the fanfic writers because "you used our intellectual property so it already belongs to us".
@@fruitygarlic3601 The opposite of this is the (somewhat joke) theory that FNAF's plot is now so insane because the creator has to keep rewriting around the fan theories
The town being a weird mismash of time periods is one of the few things they got right. It's how I always imagined the town in the comics, since it's so distinctly 50s but also not
The sincerity with which you try to explain this show's plot is incredibly entertaining. Even more so for someone who has not and will probably never see the show.
I feel like at some point, some very very distant point, John's masochism isnt going to be able to keep up with the media he consumes. Garfield comics, Fear and Hunger, that time he was virtually bullied by two lesbians - and of course Riverdale. Just what will it take for him to finally go "You know what? Enough, I'm tapping out".
Can't believe some of the stuff you left out, like how the timeskip also wasn't a timeskip: they were the Riverdale High Class of 2020, and then we timeskip 7 years to... 2021. You're so right about the last season being a chore though, just a giant history lesson about how the 50s were bad, when, yeah, I knew that, I took history class, this show literally did not teach me a single thing about 1950s America that I did not already know... what a show. Even if the teen drama comes back as it was, there really will never be one like Riverdale ever again.
So basically, they spent two seasons stalling while they searched for a way to escalate past the insanity of season 3 and somehow actually found it. Then they got told they needed to do one more season and they ran out of gas, but rallied in the end for a truly bizarre finish.
Remember when you were a kid and you didn't have that many toys but you really, REALLY wanted to play Space Marines vs Aliens so you just took your sister's Barbie and Ken dolls and made THEM fight the aliens? This show feels like that. Like the absolute buckwildest of childhood imaginary games, spanning all manner of decades and genres, all played out with the same toys.
Rivervale having Neon Genesis Evagnelion school uniforms not mentioned, video cancelled /j anwyay. your last video and this one are the sole reason I know what happens in Riverdale. except for that one tweet my friends on a server shared to say "so is SuperEyepatchWolf gonna cover that?" lol the video's great and I'm super mad Riverdale ended like it did, without bringing it together neatly like your plot ideas were trying to. I am very glad i dont have to watch Riverdale for that and can just enjoy the chaos from the sidelines.
Hey EyepatchWolf, longtime watcher first time commenter. Big fan. One note. There is not one situation in the Spanish language where the letter "O" sounds like the letter "E". La Llorona (your-own-uh) rhymes with corona. Lorena is just the name of a girl who's quincenera ceremony I danced in.
John. Please, PLEASE look into the old 90s cartoon Archie's Weird Mysteries. it's nowhere near as batshit as riverdale but it still is worth looking into
I ADORE that show. The animation is bad, the plots are pretty out there, and the sound effects can be really funny. That show is a running joke/beloved favorite between my partner and I.
Won't lie, with the way you were describing Season 7, I thought it was going to turn out they were all stuck in a pocket dimension outside the flow of time crafted from the remnants of the townfolk's memories, because the meteor had wrecked both parallel worlds but the angel characters wanted to give them somewhere they could still exist. Like a more idealistic version of...actually, I can't even say what game without spoiling a major plot point.
Sooo season 7 is set in the 1950s, tries to talk about racism and sexual orientation yet absolutely everyone there is accepting of both gay people and black people? Okaaaaayyy sure
And the black characters personality is just being Black, nothing else, like there’s no substance or depth in those characters. I know it takes place in the 50s but c’mon, the writers really think we’re that dumb ? The way they taking social issues is so surface level and shallow, it’s just there for the sake of pandering !
There were so many explanations in this video that almost made me lose it (and I love your manic way of explaining them in a way that somehow almost makes sense of the nonsensical) but that F.D. cameo was truly unexpected and _that's_ what did it for me. 🤣
5:43 ive read a single Riverdale fanfic ever and its a horror oneshot about this exact concept, with an outsider lost and stumbling across what seems like a normal town except things are off in all the ways you bring up...and then gets insane from there until this person is fleeing in terror from some sort of eldritch abomination in the form of a faulty impression of a town, like the show was the only source of inromation something had to lure people in with It worked shockingly well 😅
I feel like if someone took that Loud House fanfic that is longer than any work of literature to date and made it a show, it would only asymptotically approach the black hole of madness of Riverdale.
wow. for the longest time i really thought the wandering inn, which is awesome btw, was the longest work of english fiction, but this fanfic is somehow more than twice as long?? i did not think it was physically possible to write faster than pirateba. guess i was wrong.
@@crediblesalamander8056From what I’ve gathered large chunks of the text will oftentimes be copypasted from the scripts of whatever media franchise the Loud House cast + Self-Insert OC are crossing over with that week so there’s perhaps-unsurprisingly an asterisk on that. Still the longest work of fiction that our species has earned with its thoughts and deeds, though
~45:50 The delivery on this line after 45 minutes of significantly more unhinged stuff got me so hard, when I heard the dog bark I actually had to pause the video because I was laughing so hard. I unironically started slapping my knee like a cartoon character.
At 36:03, my wife had to take it back and see the shot again. And then after pausing it she just said “that’s… that’s a guitar. You can see the head, it has six strings, THAT’S NOT A CELLO.”
I saw it and thought “that’s a weird looking cello. Is he holding it above the ground?” Then I saw that they seems to have just taken a table leg and stuck it on the bottom or I’m just seeing a table leg “smartly” placed to create the hint at a glance that it’s really a cello
I love that johns being more open about the stripper story. It’s the third funniest thing that’s happened on the vs. Wolves podcast. Only behind when he engaged in an eternal rivalry with an npc, resulting in his community unanimously declaring they’re love for said NPC. Or when he described how he recently got choked out by a 7 year old girl.
After your last Riverdale video I thought I should check out the show, I never got around to it, now I'm pretty sure your two videos are all I need of the Riverdale universe in my life.
I hope John gets into the Archie horror comics now that Riverdale is done. Archie vs Predator, Vamperonica, Jughead: The Hunger, Archie vs Sharknado are all worth checking out.
would love for him to read the original comcis aswell to see just how different the original source material is to the show if anyhting seaon 7 is the most faithful.
I know this comment will probably be swallowed up, but I love your second person narration style. every time the narration says I did some shit I'm like, holy fuck... I probably did. or will. or something, anyway, so true. tbh, you saying "episodes" instead of "seasons" made me feel deeply connected to this video, because until the text came up, I didn't even notice. I think the text was a good call, because everybody is not me, and somebody would notice, but it couldn't have been me, I literally would've made this mistake and not caught it.
![[MV] A leap of faith...ความเชื่อใจครั้งสุดท้าย (From "Petrichor the series")](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/U1piZH2CNXA/mqdefault.jpg)
![[#2024MAMA] ROSÉ (로제), Bruno Mars - APT. | Mnet 241122 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dgGqD28J6aQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Fun fact: When you take your ADHD meds, they don't actually get rid of any ADHD symptoms. The ADHD is instead concentrated and dumped into a random segment of Riverdale's plot.
As someone with ADHD, I can attest to this.
That.. is oddly plausible and would explain a lot.
I have a lot of it, can I just ship my ADHD off to them instead?
@@EdSigma please don’t say it’s “oddly plausible”, science is real.
@@GoodGirlLuna3 yeah but you'll have to pay for shipping yourself
"Oh, Archie, you haven't even been skewered by the Lance of Longinus and forced to begin the Third Impact yet."
@Lysander45 Ramiel: (transforms into a pink geometric depiction of a cartoon heart)
Archie: what...what is it saying?
Jughead: I think it likes you.
32:00
Did bro predict seasons 8 6th episode?
@@DAsrada Ramiel (Screams Geometrically out of Love)
EVANGELION MENTIONED 🗣🗣
Every plot description of Riverdale after Season 2 is equivalent to your mate calling you at 3am, telling you about his nightmare
I would not be surprised if the writer got their ideas from their dream journal. That will make too munch sense
Or that one unemployed friend at 4pm
@@starmaker75 YOU RUINED MY DREAM JOURNAL
It's like Old World of Darkness lore.
watching the first seasons...I was struggling with a heavy drug addiction - I always thought well - mam was high af thats why that all seemed like a fever dream ...but I guess that wasn't my addiction this time lol
Watching this video made me realize that Riverdale should’ve just been a series where every season is a retelling of how Archie ends up choosing either Betty or Veronica- only explored across different genres and alternate universes.
You could’ve had all those great character actors get rotated around to play different roles while avoiding the constant need to outdo the last insane stunt you did in a previous season.
You could even give each character a chance at being the “Archie” of a season.
That is a genius idea! I'm genuinely sad they didn't think of that and I didn't even watch this show 😂
A couple years ago my friend told me that Riverdale is his favorite show and he never misses an episode but when I asked if I should watch it he said “absolutely not” and only now do both of those things make sense.
the wendigooner is here
Gooner moment
@@ConnorEduardthat's not very Christian
@IvanAlexandrovi4 it is if you go into confessional and immediately spank the monkey then apologize to your presumably mortified priest.
Yeah, sounds about right
I do love the idea that Archie got so pissed off about someone calling Riverdale a bad town, I mean, it's small town America and seemingly half the population are serial killers. Maybe Pickens had a point, Archie??
And don’t forget the other half is just random long-lost “secret” family members who only exist for about 5-10 episodes. Yeah, the town of Shadyside doesn’t have this many serial killers and lunatics. You’ve got at least 5 gangs running around, the mafia, actual literal witches…Archie, do YOU not know the kinda town Riverdale is or do you just have whatever the opposite of city blinders are?
Like at least it’s POSSIBLE to live in Gotham City without being a supervillain
Literally no aspect of the town could be considered good. There were at least 5 cults, some running parallel at the same time, various serial killers, and also ARCHIES DAD DIED IN A ROBBERY?
@@MarcusFiguerasActually he survived getting shot by the robber, but he later died in a car accident.
one thing about small town America, if WE call the town dogshit it's all good, but if someone from out of town has the audacity to say it they're gonna catch hands lol
Every time the second teacher jumps off the window I die laughing. Not because its funny they scripted two people to jump off a window, but because when he ran the second time the other characters reacted fast enough to try to stop him they must have thought "oh shit not another one"
Not just a window, THE EXACT SAME WINDOW
And the exact same music sting (I don't know if that's edited or not, actually, but, if it isn't: That's hilarious.)
I love that he shouts “Mr Shipman!” in the tone of watching someone cross the road without looking both ways, rather than ‘has just jumped through a window to their death’
You know its fucked up when Darth Maul doesnt wanna be there
"If I had a nickel for every time a Riverdale teacher jumped out a window. Well I'd have two nickels but still weird that it happened twice"
Riverdale is a show that jumps the shark so often that they’re practically kick flipping over it
the shark now has writing credits
Eyepatch Wolf returning to Riverdale feels like the TH-cam version of James going to Silent Hill.
He shouldve returned to Lakedale.
Speaking of which, is the Eyepatch Wolf going to go back to Silent Hill one more time for the remake of 2?
I'm pretty sure James Sunderland would be the most normal individual in Riverdale if he went there.
Me and the boys when it gets foggy
@@redundantfridge9764 I think Eddie would fit right into Riverdale.
The way you talk about this show, Frieza's spaceship landing on Riverdale in season 7 sounds like a completely plausible thing to happen.
Archie 100% solos Frieza
Too tame, if Superman and Goku had a battle for the multiverse, it would just be a Tuesday night
also frieza is hiram lodge
Archie challenges Frieza to a bare knuckled boxing match
@@sarafontanini7051 Frieza wants to destroy Riverdale. Not the planet, just Riverdale.
Telling Archie that he's in the most idyllic form of reality possible while including the Emmett Till murder in that reality is certainly something.
"Best of all possible worlds" my ass
My jaw dropped although I'm not sure you could convince anyone of a perfect reality where the divergence is so small...maybe a perfect reality for the main character(s) though then that still means perfect reality for them includes bigotry so doesn't really matter.
@@ohok45624Riverdale’s world is just that cursed.
to be fair, the actual context is that before tabitha wiped his memories she gave him a task to “bend the world towards justice” so that the future will be one where they don’t constantly die, and when she gives his memory back - she’s saying that the things they helped accomplish have done that - and will make the future a better place.
That just means every other version of reality possible is that much worse. A jail cell with a bed is better than an empty one but it still sucks
It says a lot about the shows creators that queer people can have an idealized homophobia-free-50's but black people have to witness the pain of that era. Like, even if you're not going to do it justice, at least commit to being semi realistic with all social issues, or just embrace the escapism
Insert joke of progressives here.
A thing he sort of chose not to mention in the video is that the explicit point of Angel Tabitha dumping the team in this spot in the timeline was so that they could make a better future where racist wizard Percival Pickens cannot rise to power and cast Meteor, because Cheryl actually failed to stop it. This fact doesn't make it any less jarring, but fighting injustice with Riverdale levels of subtlety is the point.
Also it's by no means homophobia free. Yes that scene with the cheerleaders happens, but it was brought on by Past Evelyn (who is no longer an adult luring victims into her husband's cult, presumably) basically forcing the issue as she caught them and is not on board. There's also a huge running plot about a blatant expy of Frederic Wertham researching for and then writing Seduction of the Innocent, fighting against the depravity of teenage sexuality brought on by comic books. It pointedly chooses to ignore that Archie Comics falling in line and going hardcore into sanitized Americana made them one of the chief benefactors of the Comics Code Authority era, while Jughead is working for a blatant expy of EC Comics whose comics production essentially ceased under the strain.
Delving into this even more, I think this disparity between the depiction of Black History and Queer History is fascinating simply because it does compare and contrast the state of both representation and of knowledge of both groups. On one hand, a 50s experience free of the homophobia of the age feels like rapturous escapism, but is often born from ignorance. We all know the rough beats of the Black Civil Rights movement, but the knowledge of the Gay Civil Rights movement is a lot more obscured. Depiction of Black struggle, though, if it's a sloppy depiction that reinforces misinformed tropes about racism, isn't necessarily better. We know the major beats of Black History, but not well enough to see their legacy into the present day. We have two different inaccurate retellings of the lives of marginalized Americans, and I don't think there is an easy answer to the simplistic question of if it's better to be accepted and have your history of struggle denied, or is it better to have that painful struggle be presented sloppily in escapist media.
@@emexdizzy I don't think either is better, because both storylines SUCK. Dying on a social justice hill doesn't really matter if the end product isn't a good story at its foundation, as all it does is make people go "what the hell" and give ammo to the "forced diversity" crackpots.
@@AzraelNewtype0079 I have no clue how to feel about everything you just wrote
Riverdale heard people would watch anything with attractive people in it and saw it as a challenge
"Story in a video game is like story in a porn movie. It's expected to be there, but it's not that important."
-John Carmack (one of the developers of Doom)
@@vitoc8454 maybe one of the silliest things he's ever said
@@NikkibuhDepends on the game
@@Nikkibuh It works perfectly for Doom. That game is "Open fire, kill demons, dodge and explore too, don't die."
>.> Now a game WITH story like Undertale, Skies of Arcadia, Radiant Historia, Sands of Destruction, and Tales of Symphonia? They're great too.
@@nahometesfay1112But that's the thing. It doesn't work for a lot of other games.
Riverdale happens when you ask, "How many plots can we put in a show?" and nobody tries to stop you.
Yes, the answer is "yes"
Would of been better if show started from sesson 4. Crazy plots is good if it started off like this
@@zero1188 But then we wouldn't have had the absolute madness of season 3 moonwalking over the shark's corpse out of a nuclear explosion in space!
It seems like Twin Peaks for teens
@@BeersAndBeatsPDXminus any meaningful introspection and subtly
you know what...back in my tumblr days, people used to toss around the idea of a show where every episode/season would be a different alternative universe with the same characters but only the protagonist retains the memories and travels between dimensions while trying to come back to the "original" one, this is kinda that...but without fully commiting to the bit. TO WHICH I SAY: COWARDS
I remember prompts like this !!! That's so true tho actually
I had an idea for a book a lot like that in middle school actually, except no one remembered it was just a bunch of short stories of characters in a bunch of alternate universes. I actually wrote a little bit of it I think. There was a short "introduction" chapter that was like normal "slice of life" stuff, and a longer medieval fantasy one I maybe got 1/3 of the way through. I'm randomly also recalling another story I'd started writing but I can't recall if that was related.
Isn't that just Higurashi tho?
@@gasterblaster9817 thought the exact same thing upon reading this comment
you gotta send your tumblr friends higurashi or muv luv
As a lifelong wrestling fan who’s currently 16 minutes into the video, the WCW comparison is so real. Setting up angles to go nowhere and not knowing what to do after. If you told me Vince Russo was a writer for Riverdale, I’d believe you
I will damn the finger poke of doom as the death of modern wrestling and I wasn't even born yet by that point
“…that stripper who asked ‘Are you SuperEyepatchWolf?’”
WAT
Look up his podcast, Versus Wolves. it's in the beginning of the second episode, "Complete Failure v Fear and Hunger" about 20 minutes in.
emphasizing what roryschussler said, the entire situation is even funnier than just that quote alone
Wat wat. A stripper asked him if he was SuperEyepatchWolf. As it turned out, he was.
@ Shocking if true.
@@cthellis It's true, SuperEyepatchWolf is SuperEyepatchWolf.
Source: I was the stripper.
Of all the insane shit I've heard about this show, I legit did not expect it to suddenly turn back into a normal teen drama in its final season. The craziest twist of all - becoming normal again. Truly a masterpiece of television.
Rebuild of Riverdalion 6.0 + 1.0: You Can (Not) Keep Making New Seasons
I mean normal for Riverdale still includes secret siblings, murders, fraud, Russian spies, magical televisions, angels weaving universes together, a teen girl owning and running a movie theater.
I mean, I'm surprised he didn't talk about the actual ending of the show because the final episode is pretty crazy, and sort of impactful? Like, it's insane, but the ending is kind of good and there's a lot to talk about there. Pretty bummed he gave up before he - NEVERMIND IVE SPOKEN TOO SOON HHES JUST STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT IGNORE ME
The last episode of that season is Betty's dying dream in which she is guided through things she forgot by ghost Jughead. The most absurd being the polyamorous relationship she was in with all of the other main characters, except Archie and Jughead don't kiss because that would be gay.
@cahleytheoneandonly5988 but it IS implied Archie and Reggie had a gay encounter after their threesome with an older woman because why not it's Riverdale
At this point, Riverdale could have had the cast become Stand users or turn into Kamen Rider and nobody would have batted an eye by this point
DUDE this made me think of Stone Ocean and how the the last third of that had me absolutely spinning as it completely descended into madness. Jojo has the courtesy to edge you into the madness at least.
now I'm reminded of a quiz I took where you had to identify whether a plot point was from JoJo or from Riverdale
And so Riverdale became a tokusatsu series
Would watch
Tbh the mechanical ant people did look like a kamen rider monster of the week, its not even that far off
If only.
I am starting to believe that Riverdale is being made by Abed. He somehow escaped the fictional claws of community and run amok.
Riverdale is what happens when a writer's room is a little too good at "Yes, and…"
My favorite Season 6 moment has to be where Jughead gives up his ability to write to the Devil in exchange for fame and fortune. We then establish everything he tries to write becomes a nonsense scramble of letters before he TAKES BACK THE DEAL by getting a new contract that he SIGNS AND AGREES TO.
The Devil cursed Jughead with super Dyslexia and he fixes is by WRITING HIS NAME.
FUCKING GENIUS.
I have no idea if this is real or not, and I think I may want to keep it that way.
"Everything he writes is nonsensical" and him being able to write his name perfectly is such a roast from The Devil
I'm still dealing with the whiplash of the first sentence and you wrote more after that.
I had to read that 3 or 4 times to comprehend it...the first time I thought you meant he gave up his ability to be penpals with the devil.
@@tyclips4155 I did, too!! I was thinking “yeah, I guess if I had the ability to write letters to the devil I’d rather keep it than not, but what is he giving it up in exchange for?” It’s been a long day
Ive jobbed John out twice now, i gotta put him over big next encounter
The people's jobber 💕
So cool seeing you here
Been loving seeing you in each other's videos.
I busted up at that one single line
Perfect line reading there
This video is absolutely amazing. The narration sounding like a person on the cusp of a break down. The constant cuts to more information. The falling boards. The FD cameo. Amazing video
"-where he does what all irritating men threaten to do- he writes a book." My ass was not ready for how fucking excellent Super Eye Patch Wolf's deadpan delivery of that killer line was.
His deadpan delivery gives me life. It's not often I find someone as sarcastic as I am, but I am HERE FOR IT!
Thanks for spoiling : - )
@@nidhishshivashankar4885why are you in the comments expecting no spoilers?
@@nidhishshivashankar4885 turns out a place for discussing the video has discussion of the video.
I can never get over Jughead's recurring character arc of being an author that DESPISES writing and needs all the drugs and excuses in the world to get through the hobby that actively makes him miserable. He's not even that good at it, he loses the college mystery story contest, but he's determined to do it no matter what!
Which is why it's so hilarious to me when the Devil gives him an out and Jughead is able to trade this thing he sucks at that he hates doing for all the money and fame in the world. And, instead of sticking with that, he just goes "But- My words mean things-!" and gets right back into it JUST to make shitty comic books anyways, lol!
Jughead UNTRADED HIS SOUL to be a Novelist just to NOT BE A NOVELIST in the same season!
This show plays out like the writers wanted to get fired so they continually made the show stupider and stupider, thinking it would obviously discredit them and get them sacked, but through a series of baffling and extremely unlikely events, the show just kept getting greenlit for another season.
I call it the Buggy effect, where for some reason, a thing or person keeps reaching new heights despite their aparent attemps at doing just the opposite. Makes for great comedy for the sheer absurdity of it.
That's basically the plot of the hilarious french series Serie Noire. A pair of writers writing the most horrible show and feeling terrible about it celebrate the end of season 1 and hopefully the end of having to write this show only to get a devastating call about it's renewal.
@@saramoreira9847Ah yes, alternately also known as the Caiaphas Caine paradigm, where, despite the protagonists best effort, the get dragged into unhinged hijinks that somehow result in them stumbling further and further into fame and notoriety ...
sounds like that one episode of Rocko's Modern Life
Isn't this the plot of The Producers?
23:55 "That time a stripper asked me if I was Super Eyepatch Wolf" I'M SORRY I NEED YOU TO ELABORATE ON THAT
his friends paid the stripper to say that to him as a prank
Look up the podcast "Versus Wolves". It's in the beginning of the second episode, "Complete Failure v Fear and Hunger"
V.S. Wolves podcast. Fear and hunger episode, about 20 minutes in, but watch the whole thing. (Hell watch all th3 episodes)
There’s even an animation of it on TH-cam!
@@roryschussler Oh nice! thanks for telling me :D
38:54 You mean she can sense killing intent. That’s literally the killing intent thing from many an anime.
Also Veronica basically became a _viṣakanyā,_ a literary figure that appears in Sanskrit literature as a type of assassin used by kings to destroy enemies, gaining their toxic blood and touch via mithridatism.
39:50 Lou Cypher. I am a Shin Megami Tensei fan. I know the alias of the King of Chaos when I see it. So that guy is Demifiend’s boss.
aaaaaah that's where i heard the "Lou Cypher" name first, thank you.
i knew i remembered it from Persona/SMT game but wasn't sure which one, it was Nocturne you're right.
Completely forgot his name was "Lou Cypher" until he reveal his actual (obvious) identity.
When given the options of A, B, and C, both times I genuinely answered “all of the above” both times, because frankly that seemed like the direction things were headed. Kinda surprised it wasn’t if I’m being real.
I mean, Precival being revealed as Hiram Lodge's secret lover wouldn't have been the worst idea in the world, by Riverdale standards it'd be pretty tame.
Me too.
I mean both of them were all of thr above, im guessing, because the non-Percival one was actually one i'd learned from osmosis
"Oh, that's right! The mechanical ant-people" is an insane statement
1:31 WHY are they wearing the Evangelion school uniform
Yeah wait why are they all dressed like Rei
RIGHT?!
I think I heard someone say it was because it was the first/cheapest result on Amazon, it was probably just a joke, maybe it was a purposeful homage, maybe the costume designer wanted to see how much they could get away with
@@shoxy-the-pinecone6113 I'd like to imagine the latter, mostly because of how much Eva has permeated pop culture, even silently. That, and they did 23 serial killer plotlines. Let us have the Eva reference as a treat.
@@0uttaS1TE so the writers will add more serial killers until the number 26 and then pull a time traveling situation that will rewind the show to the 24th serial killer?
goddamn man, I would love to have more friends who are this passionate about random pieces of media and what they mean, but also I wish I was able to put myself out there in this way, insecurities and all. I love you, man. You're so cool
32:00 Alright I have to point it out. These outfits are literally the school uniforms from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Riverdale is a masterpiece.
Yeah it was bothering me from the second he showed us a snippet in the beginning
A lot of the crazier elements of this show make sense if you assume the creator watches anime/is a massive weeb…
Apparently Cheryl has contacts at NERV.
This show sounds like they have gainax screenwriters locked in basement on cocain
@@petrfedor1851 oh so that's why they went bankrupt
Insane that the show started as a simple murder mystery, and then many seasons later the main characters get superpowers and ended up creating multiple timelines
So it's JoJo.
Its own style of The Fast and the Furious
Twin Peaks
Did we ever...
Did we ever solve that murder mystery?
I feel like we didn't.
Undertale fanworks and jojo be like
22 serial killers in this one middle of nowhere town. I remember reading somewhere that there is a maximum of 12 active serial killers in the entire United States at any given time. How is there anyone still alive in Riverdale?
Seriously more then 12 serial killers in the USA would make the country go into a moral panic. I'm surprised that goverment at this point wouldn't contain it. Gravity falls, Or and twins peak is more safe then Riverdale
Well, it's not like they are all active at the same time. Plus when serial killers show up Archie and gang end up resolving the problem. Permanently in most cases.
I guess low housing prices
I gotta say, it knocks Morioh's paltry two in one summer right out of the water
The maximum is like 50 not 12
I discovered this channel while looking for riverdale reviews that captured the absolute bowl of crazy that the show had turned into. This feels like a full circle moment for me. Thank you Mr eyepatch wolf
"Riverdale is like early 2000 WCW"
As a wrestling fan, there could not be a worse insult that could be said about this show. Nothing made sense and nothing mattered. Shit happened that was never explained, because more crazy stupid shit needed to happen.
That also happened in Riverdale but to a lesser degree. It's similar, not identical.
It was an awful time if you were a fan of wrestling, but a great time if you were a fan of chaos.
at last the Vince Russo Teen Drama
EXACTLY.
@@Champiness Obligatory bro.
Hunter x Hunter: "Why you should watch Hunter x Hunter"
Shenmue 3: "Why you shouldn't play Shenmue 3"
Riverdale: "Why"
No, I think you mean
Riverdale: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! >: O
More like
Riverdale: What?
More like
Riverdale: "Wh-"
Riverdale: "Why is Riverdale a thing in the first place"
Generating "why"s is the purpose. It is so dumb that is the only reason for its existence.
John pronouncing "La Llorona" as "La Lorena" will never stop being funny to me
Estaba buscando este comentario XD
Ngl, I was thinking just the same. Like, "yeah sure Lorena sounds like a nice name for an urban legend why not Riverdale would" without thinking if it was la Llorona
In personal experience Lorenas are scarier than Llorona
The first time I thought he just mispoke but the second time I was like "okay he's definitlely doing that on purpose."
Actual eternal agony. He says it twice
10:00 : "In a show that is so reliant on escalation, how do you possibly escalate from here?"
Uh, hi, Supernatural is calling. They beat Lucifer in season 5 and then ran for 10 more.
Who do they fight next? Super satan? Elder gods?
@@GoodWitchKirbyYeah pretty much. God is the final boss.
@ Thanks!
@@GoodWitchKirby At one point God's revealed to have an older sister and she becomes a villain.
for some reason the phrase "narrator Jughead, having been murdered by shadow Archie Andrews" reminded me so strongly of FNAF that I just burst out into uncontrollable laughter (46:36)
Definitely FNAF or Kingdom Hearts levels of labyrinthine plot contrivances.
@@JoeChianelli Please don't insult FNAF or Kingdom Hearts. One of those is trying, and the other at least doesn't wear a classic comic's name and face like a skinsuit.
You’re not wrong
@@hariman7727preach
Honestly, even those two franchises start to sound tame by comparison
The way season 7 treats racial issues (where the mainline cast has an unnaturally immaculate racial track record for the era) reminds me of Red Dead Redemption 2, where Dutch's Gang is (for the most part) remarkably inclusive, tolerant, and diverse despite existing in an America only a few decades removed from the Civil War.
But RDR2 gets away with it because Dutch's Gang are outlaws, and their opposition to racism fits that rebellious context during a time when bigotry was an accepted social norm.
I wonder if Riverdale could have swung this issue in a similar fashion.
Also it's shown in RDR2 that not only are they very much an exception to the norm due to being outlaws but that even the gang members' inclusive attitudes are often imperfect (esp. when it comes to how Dutch treats women or lets Micah stay in the gang) and often don't prevent them from taking advantage of marginalised folks as, well...criminals (such as the loan sharking that Arthur acts as an enforcer for and literally everything regarding Dutch and the Wapiti in Chapter 6)
And I do agree that it would've made for a better written show if Riverdale swing in that direction and made the kids' inclusive attitudes imperfect in ways that reflected their upbringing and personalities, like maybe they can see how _obviously_ bad segregation is but don't realise how much their race and upbringing has influenced their assumptions about things (like the police or paying rent)
@@sunainahussain That's a great point. Those nuanced imperfections definitely lend more credibility and depth to modernized period pieces, having characters who are ahead of their time but still products of their time.
Dude, i went on such an emotional roller coaster. My jaw hit the floor when you said that Riverdale had the audacity into include Emmett Till as a plot point and I laughed so hard at the FD cameo that i lost my breath for a second. This is probably the best sequel video essay on youtube.
My ability to watch this review broke about 30 minutes in. The show is just not my thing, because it wouldn't have gotten to season 7 without wearing the Riverdale skinsuit the same way Disneywars wears the Star Wars skinsuit.
@@hariman7727 I think you might be vastly overestimating the brand power Archie comics have nowadays. But then I'm not American so I don't know.
@@flux_casey it's not even about the Brand power of Archie.
It's about taking one of the most wholesome franchises ever and turning it into some twisted Insanity that gets more and more messed up every week.
It's like seeing the Muppets on sesame Street championing social justice causes and ignoring morality... OH WAIT, that's actually happened too.
@@hariman7727 ... Huh. Well, the merits or perceived insult of taking something that was one way and recreating it in a way the original author never intended is an interesting discussion. But that last paragraph makes it clear it's not a discussion I want to have with *you* specifically. Still, have a nice day.
@@flux_casey you do realize that the sesame Street crew had a drag queen on, right?
I don't say what I say lightly.
"This was never a story, it was a moment" is an unnecessarily hard phrase
The line delivery of "lives in her walls" at 28:20 is so self-aware of how John recognizes how batshit crazy the show is that I'm not certain he even needed to make two videos about it... But I'm so very happy he did. Loved this one so much!
or the fact that it is a twist blatantly stolen from a horror movie
He just sounds so defeated at that point
Sometimes when I rewatch Too Many Cooks I laugh and think about what that show would look like if it was real and continued on past just an intro.
Riverdale.
It's Riverdale.
this is the best explanation of this show according to this video i have seen
"Technically this is Abigail the Witch possessing Cheryl's body. But don't worry, we'll get there"
- inhales
- locks in
Man, "It's not that the writers dropped the ball, it's that the ball was made of petrol and dynamite." GODS do I love your writing, Patches, never change.
Oh Archie…
Frieza's ship hasn't even landed yet.
You haven't even been mauled by a bear yet
@@kotorandcorvid4968
😂😂 LOL! I’m so glad it carried over to this video 🥹
If the show returns with an Android saga I’m here for it lol
@@ItJokeDaYoevery good show needs an android arc
[Archie goes Super Saiyan]
Warching this felt like watching an evangelion video essay, weirdly surreal, introspective, and leaving you completely confused by the end of it
32:00
I’ve never done hallucinogenics before but apparently Marathoning this show will give that same effect 😭I thought the Archie vs Predator comic was a wild what if but I have learned how foolishly naive I was.
I’m sorry, WHAT? 😂
It is foretold on an ancient stone slab that if you boof LSD while marathoning seasons 3-7 of Riverdale, you gain superpowers.
@@dotapark oh you HAVE to seek it out - it's an Archie comics IP bloodbath
@@dotapark There's also an Archie and Punisher one but at least the premise of that makes sense (Castle looking for a criminal who happens to be an Archie lookalike).
@@helenfotopoulou5125That crossover was GLORIOUS.
42:39 is when I start loving this vid so much that I panic that it's going to end too soon and go looking for your other vids on Riverdale. You are gold, love this vid!
I think your dedication to meeting this show on its own level is extremely admirable and has changed my view on a lot of media completely
If you read the original Archie comics… both the idyllic, illusionary Riverdale of Season 7 and the traumatic craziness of Seasons 1 through 6 seem not only plausible, but like something that would literally fit right in to the OG comics. Seriously, some of those comics are INSANITY PERSONIFIED, from what little I read of them as a kid.
So SuperEyepatchWolf: READ THE OG ARCHIE COMICS AND THEN MAKE A VIDEO ABOUT THEM AAAAAAAGGGGGGJHHHHHHHH
JUST COME ON MY DUDE
the punisher once visited riverdale.
Bump, Wolf needs to see this, hopefully this could give him some closure (of something close to it).
You need to bait him by saying Garfield shows up in the Archie comics but don't tell him when.
That's the thing with Archie: they have done essentially everything with it at this point (there's even a zombie miniseries IIRC) to the point where Riverdale feels like it matches that insanity
@@Samm815Punisher is not even the weirdest thing.
I’ll probably never watch this show, but I was SO invested hearing you describe the deranged plots and was genuinely leaning in to hear you describe how season six ended.
45:50 -- I don't know why, but I laughed so damn hard when I heard that "dog" bark, and that's probably the least weird thing mentioned in this entire video.
41:20 the wildest part of that sentence is her believing the FBI at that time would help *save* Dr. King.
Clearly she hadn’t heard of Jean Seberg
I laughed way too hard at the idea of it
I know right?!?!
Literally cheered out loud when I got this notification oh my god I've been begging for you to follow up on my favourite ever show
WAKE UP BABE, NEW............
It's absolutely insane that this can be anyone's favorite show and still I totally get why!
@@Mireneye not to be all super eyepatch wolf coded about it but it probably has something to do with being a pro wrestling fan LMAO
@@canonicallykayfabe Ahahah I love that
"I'm not joking, or am I?" feels like it would be a drinking game: is this a real Riverdale plot-line or the fever dream of a madman?
Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Wild that if they had actually made Jughead ace, then by season 6 we would have apparently had a show with five separate ace characters.
Who are all just Jughead.
There are so many funny lines in this one but “Betty is the Biblical figure the Whore of Babylon” literally made laugh a horrible wheezing laugh out loud, that was my breaking point.
ahhh Riverdale… The wonderful Nexus Point where every thought you had in the shower is given a full budget
Oftentimes including “hey remember that one movie”
4:28 just imagine this man’s horror when in a few years, he wakes up in a cold sweat and realizes that in this paragraph, he used the wrong “you’re”
You really had to go there, huh? 😂
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
Jk but my theory is he did it on purpose knowing we would point it out
Watching this video gave me Sherlock flashbacks. Especially the big cliffhangers that get you nowhere.
I'm surprised the audience stayed for that long.
Riverdale at least seems far more tolerable than the insulting dreck of Sherlock.
What’s crazy about this show is that it’s literally whatever fanfiction tropes were popular at the time, especially the last arc which many fics have the characters watching and reacting to canon or alt universes. It really was the end of an era, where you could publish Archie fan fiction to tv, which is kinda what Star Trek TNG was like when they accept fan scripts or even brought on fans as writers to the team. An era where any idea a fan could come up with could potentially be in a magazine, tv or land them a job. Reminds me of a video by Tale Foundry where he talks about Pulp Fantasy and how there really aren’t those creative spaces for fans and professionals to communicate and create narratives together in their niche community.
Now writers in the genres typically covered by pulp fiction (high romance, horror, fantasy, etc.) have to abstain from social media so they can refute fans' claims of artistic theft from fanfic. I remember Neil Gaiman mentioning this during the lead up to Good Omens 2.
@@fruitygarlic3601 Yeah there's a scifi writer I followed on Tumblr back when I still used social media who stated that she couldn't interact with any fanworks for her books because of that possibility of even subconscious appropriation. It sucks, but I do think it's better than the alternative of big companies trolling AO3 looking at the most popular fics for their properties and then using those stories without giving any credit to the fanfic writers because "you used our intellectual property so it already belongs to us".
@@fruitygarlic3601 The opposite of this is the (somewhat joke) theory that FNAF's plot is now so insane because the creator has to keep rewriting around the fan theories
@@fruitygarlic3601 god i despise copyright and people who believe in it
@@unblorbosyourshows9635 It's poorly-implemented, but do you believe people should have no control over what they've made?
The town being a weird mismash of time periods is one of the few things they got right. It's how I always imagined the town in the comics, since it's so distinctly 50s but also not
the vibes and aesthetics of the show in general are on point. might honestly be why it’s a guilty pleasure for me, it just feels cozy
You didn't mention Devil worshipper, Clifford Blossom being a Russian Spy trying to make a P bomb in season 7.
This is the only channel that could make me watch two separate hour long videos about a television series I’ve never watched.
The sincerity with which you try to explain this show's plot is incredibly entertaining. Even more so for someone who has not and will probably never see the show.
There is a surprising amount of overlap between riverdale & homestuck
Speaking as a Homestuck fan… ow.
This Riverdale shit does seem like it’d fit right at home in Beyond Canon, though.
I feel like at some point, some very very distant point, John's masochism isnt going to be able to keep up with the media he consumes. Garfield comics, Fear and Hunger, that time he was virtually bullied by two lesbians - and of course Riverdale. Just what will it take for him to finally go "You know what? Enough, I'm tapping out".
when was he virtually bullied by two leasbians? I want to see that
Wait, what? lmao
Lesbians?
@victoriacecilia3926 they mean Dokapon
Joke's on us, he's never going to tap out.
Riverdale is basically American higurashi. Probably in the same multiverse too
This….makes a disturbing amount of sense.
higurashi is actually somehow way less crazy than riverdale
@@VampireSentoki56 basic summary of Higurashi: Little girl doesn’t want to study for a test at school. Antics ensue.
You gotta respect how they just doubled down instead of having things make sense
Can't believe some of the stuff you left out, like how the timeskip also wasn't a timeskip: they were the Riverdale High Class of 2020, and then we timeskip 7 years to... 2021.
You're so right about the last season being a chore though, just a giant history lesson about how the 50s were bad, when, yeah, I knew that, I took history class, this show literally did not teach me a single thing about 1950s America that I did not already know... what a show. Even if the teen drama comes back as it was, there really will never be one like Riverdale ever again.
So basically, they spent two seasons stalling while they searched for a way to escalate past the insanity of season 3 and somehow actually found it. Then they got told they needed to do one more season and they ran out of gas, but rallied in the end for a truly bizarre finish.
What the show Riverdale was about:
Almost saying or doing something profound or interesting, but then going "Look at these hot teenagers!" instead.
45:24 Ok that’s actually so stupidly brilliant that ALMOST makes me want to watch the show.
As someone who watched the entire show, we were crying laughing when we watched this episode. Oh my god, I love this show 🤣
Remember when you were a kid and you didn't have that many toys but you really, REALLY wanted to play Space Marines vs Aliens so you just took your sister's Barbie and Ken dolls and made THEM fight the aliens?
This show feels like that. Like the absolute buckwildest of childhood imaginary games, spanning all manner of decades and genres, all played out with the same toys.
The recollection of storylines between seasons 1 & 3 gave me so much whiplash it’s a wonder why my neck hadn’t snapped
Only four minutes into the video and I had to stop to catch my breath from laughter.
Rivervale having Neon Genesis Evagnelion school uniforms not mentioned, video cancelled
/j
anwyay. your last video and this one are the sole reason I know what happens in Riverdale. except for that one tweet my friends on a server shared to say "so is SuperEyepatchWolf gonna cover that?" lol
the video's great and I'm super mad Riverdale ended like it did, without bringing it together neatly like your plot ideas were trying to. I am very glad i dont have to watch Riverdale for that and can just enjoy the chaos from the sidelines.
Hey EyepatchWolf, longtime watcher first time commenter. Big fan. One note. There is not one situation in the Spanish language where the letter "O" sounds like the letter "E".
La Llorona (your-own-uh) rhymes with corona. Lorena is just the name of a girl who's quincenera ceremony I danced in.
Apparently Eyepatch Wolf's mastery of Spanish is as good as his mastery of the "Japanize" language.
So what you're saying is that the White Materia is powered by gay lesbian sex lasers. Cool.
Does that mean Tifa/Aerith confirmed for FF7-3? I'm holding Eyepatch Wolf to this.
The delivery of and comedic timing of "anyway thats episode one" was SO good. That really got me
John. Please, PLEASE look into the old 90s cartoon Archie's Weird Mysteries. it's nowhere near as batshit as riverdale but it still is worth looking into
Huh, I must of seen a rerun of it
I ADORE that show. The animation is bad, the plots are pretty out there, and the sound effects can be really funny. That show is a running joke/beloved favorite between my partner and I.
Won't lie, with the way you were describing Season 7, I thought it was going to turn out they were all stuck in a pocket dimension outside the flow of time crafted from the remnants of the townfolk's memories, because the meteor had wrecked both parallel worlds but the angel characters wanted to give them somewhere they could still exist.
Like a more idealistic version of...actually, I can't even say what game without spoiling a major plot point.
Cod Zombies?
Come on which game is it?
If I had to take a guess it’s probably XC3. Could also be 13 sentinels.
If you just fucking spoiled Outer Wilds for me...
@@StrawbrryVampire That was not the game I was thinking of.
@@steveqi9309Pretty sure they're referencing a specific From Software gane
This is the most exhausting video essay I have ever watched.
I loved every second of it.
Sooo season 7 is set in the 1950s, tries to talk about racism and sexual orientation yet absolutely everyone there is accepting of both gay people and black people? Okaaaaayyy sure
For the love of God just stop, it's riverdale not a documentary and it's not set in the 1950s you idiot they have cellphones, explain that then????
And the black characters personality is just being Black, nothing else, like there’s no substance or depth in those characters. I know it takes place in the 50s but c’mon, the writers really think we’re that dumb ? The way they taking social issues is so surface level and shallow, it’s just there for the sake of pandering !
@@johanaforever965pandering to whom?
@@paultapping9510 who even knows
Small American towns in the 1950s, famously accepting of both same-sex and interracial couples, especially when they're both at the same time.
There were so many explanations in this video that almost made me lose it (and I love your manic way of explaining them in a way that somehow almost makes sense of the nonsensical) but that F.D. cameo was truly unexpected and _that's_ what did it for me. 🤣
5:43 ive read a single Riverdale fanfic ever and its a horror oneshot about this exact concept, with an outsider lost and stumbling across what seems like a normal town except things are off in all the ways you bring up...and then gets insane from there until this person is fleeing in terror from some sort of eldritch abomination in the form of a faulty impression of a town, like the show was the only source of inromation something had to lure people in with
It worked shockingly well 😅
Someone give me the link
Where's the link?
I would also like the link
Title?
Is it weird the thing that upsets me the most is that the comics Jughead finds aren't drawn in the classic Archie style.
Like...it was right there.
I feel like if someone took that Loud House fanfic that is longer than any work of literature to date and made it a show, it would only asymptotically approach the black hole of madness of Riverdale.
Asymptotically?
@@worthythaneofross3925Yes, sorry, I wasn’t quite sure how to write it in english. I'll correct it.
wow. for the longest time i really thought the wandering inn, which is awesome btw, was the longest work of english fiction, but this fanfic is somehow more than twice as long?? i did not think it was physically possible to write faster than pirateba. guess i was wrong.
It would be called "The Loud House Beside The River"
@@crediblesalamander8056From what I’ve gathered large chunks of the text will oftentimes be copypasted from the scripts of whatever media franchise the Loud House cast + Self-Insert OC are crossing over with that week so there’s perhaps-unsurprisingly an asterisk on that. Still the longest work of fiction that our species has earned with its thoughts and deeds, though
~45:50 The delivery on this line after 45 minutes of significantly more unhinged stuff got me so hard, when I heard the dog bark I actually had to pause the video because I was laughing so hard. I unironically started slapping my knee like a cartoon character.
At 36:03, my wife had to take it back and see the shot again. And then after pausing it she just said “that’s… that’s a guitar. You can see the head, it has six strings, THAT’S NOT A CELLO.”
Wait you're right, what?!?!?!?
Went back and paused the video just to check this exact thing. 😂
I saw it and thought “that’s a weird looking cello. Is he holding it above the ground?” Then I saw that they seems to have just taken a table leg and stuck it on the bottom or I’m just seeing a table leg “smartly” placed to create the hint at a glance that it’s really a cello
I love that johns being more open about the stripper story. It’s the third funniest thing that’s happened on the vs. Wolves podcast. Only behind when he engaged in an eternal rivalry with an npc, resulting in his community unanimously declaring they’re love for said NPC. Or when he described how he recently got choked out by a 7 year old girl.
After your last Riverdale video I thought I should check out the show, I never got around to it, now I'm pretty sure your two videos are all I need of the Riverdale universe in my life.
Wow this show really does encapsulate the exaggerated swagger of pounding un fathomable amounts of cocaine
Watching John trying to pronounce La Llorona (Lah Your-oh-na) brought me a primal Mexican glee; good evening my silver prince
On a side note, John's "bumbling labrador dealing with eldritch and/or existential horror" character keeps getting funnier
I hope John gets into the Archie horror comics now that Riverdale is done. Archie vs Predator, Vamperonica, Jughead: The Hunger, Archie vs Sharknado are all worth checking out.
would love for him to read the original comcis aswell to see just how different the original source material is to the show if anyhting seaon 7 is the most faithful.
Is there actually a Sharknado one?
I'm sorry, Archie VS WHAT?
@@PanMat2000 The stupidity and creative bankruptcy of the writers.
Archie's weird mysteries, good cartoon 👍
I know this comment will probably be swallowed up, but I love your second person narration style. every time the narration says I did some shit I'm like, holy fuck... I probably did. or will. or something, anyway, so true. tbh, you saying "episodes" instead of "seasons" made me feel deeply connected to this video, because until the text came up, I didn't even notice. I think the text was a good call, because everybody is not me, and somebody would notice, but it couldn't have been me, I literally would've made this mistake and not caught it.