How To Deal With In-Laws You Don't Like - Joshua Coleman, PhD
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.พ. 2025
- Joshua Coleman, PhD Psychologist and Author, shares advice on how to best deal with difficult in-laws and have a good relationship with them.
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Once a in law crosses me there is no mending anything. Stay far away from me I've severed ties with a few of my own relatives with ease.
I went to like your comment, but apparently I already did!
What I told my wife’s mom and grandmother stay away from us and our children and if you don’t I will have your sorry asses arrested I’ve cut ties with most of my family don’t think your anything special just because I married your daughter/granddaughter
I love this.
Perfect .lol
Thank you!! I’m at my wits end with my husband’s family. His mother has humiliated me and pushed me for 23 years. I’m in the ring now, gloves are off and I’m punching back. Funny thing about bullies, they immediately take the position of victim when you push back. I’m done with every one of those weirdos. Here I am on an 8 year old video looking for coping advice two days before Christmas. Fml and sorry for venting!!!
When I got with my partner I wasn’t joining her family and she wasn’t joining mine . We were starting our own and that’s the bottom line right there .
This is exactly how I feel.. my wife keeps trying to make me a part of her family and it’s draining.
@@Swayze_S.Lshe needs to respect your thoughts and feelings . You have your reasons or maybe your just more introverted in social events and there’s nothing wrong with that either . Ask yourself if the boot was on the other foot what would your wife do . ? I tolerated my in-laws for a long time and then one day I said to my wife I’m done and and here are my boundaries from here on . She wasn’t happy but now she’s ok with doing (HER) family on her own . Stand in your own power my friend .
@@deanwitt7903 Thank you man! Her family is cool for the most part but her brother-in-law rubs me the wrong way and he’s always around whenever they get together. She keeps hoping we’ll become friends somehow but it’s not gonna happen. Whenever I say “No” to a function, it turns into a big argument and it sucks that some random idiot is affecting my marriage. He’s not even her blood relative. Anyway I go at times just to avoid an argument but I hate pretending to be cool with this guy. It’s not in my personality to be fake so it’s draining.
@@Swayze_S.L sorry mate but your wife needs to respect your feelings on the matter . It comes down to this ,, you and wife have a life together , eat , sleep and live together . The family functions are probably few and far between and generally families go some time before catching up together so if she want to put all her eggs in the few and far between basket then that’s up to her but it just may have consequences she won’t like . If you dread the functions so much you need to pull the pin and what comes from that will be . I did it that way and wife wasn’t happy but now she knows it is what it is .
THIS!!!! Leave and cleave!! You're not marrying into anything! Bravo! You're starting your own family!! If you're marrying into a family, it's like Marrying into a cult!! You're right on with marrying your wife and you two decide what your new little family will be ❤
My parent in laws stuck the nose so much in my and my partner business but got it all wrong they think he is so above me and everything! I was treated poorly and yet they think he was... And they have done me wrong if he ever came back to me I think his sister and mum and dad know they blew it wit me and they have manipulated him till the cows come home- I feel bad for him to a degree because I know he loved me and wanted to be with me but I believe his mother won and destroyed our relationship in the end !!! But he let her so I have nothing left to do then move on with my life it’s hard knowing I have 12 years of my 20s to a man who gave me nothing and ran off to give it all back to his mother and any other woman. Sad awakening if I’m honest.
If you have problem with in-laws just pick a fight that makes them look bad, everyone goes they’re separate ways, easy
That is actually brilliant
Exactly! Plan done lol except the husband turned out to be just as bad as his parents. So divorce now, sucks!
My brother in law makes me cringe so hard and it's just uncomfortable to be around him all the time
You need help?
How do you deal with it?...I don't even like hearing my in-laws names
Same situation i'm in right now
Same. My bro in law is TOXIC! I refuse to associate myself with him.
Feel the exact same way. I. Try my best not to be around him.
My MIL needs to figure this out. When my husband and I bought our first house I imagined having our moms over. Around that time she decided to start showing her true colors to me (was already showing who she was to the other daughter in laws, I was last). She had to wait a year before she was invited over and that was entirely in my hands. Now she is nearly demanding to come over and she can demand all she wants because due to the fact that she ignores me in conversation and does other cruel things. Her bad attitude came first and I do not reward bad behavior. She doesn't have to like me (no reason why not) but she needs to be respectful, and I have always been respectful to her. But she can't be a part of our lives like she used to be acting the way she has been. My husband has not once asked me if we can have her by, it's always been in my hands and I used to love having her by. Its sad and I mourn the way things used to be, but she's always been this way, I just didn't see it until later.
Dealing with in-laws is as simple as this. "Either respect our boundaries or 1 of 2 things will happen:
1- you're no longer welcome around us
2- or you can have your son/daughter back, if they disagree"
I did this 12 yrs ago with my wife's parents. I never cared that they told me how much they disapproved if me when my wife wasn't around. One day, they decided to step into our bedroom. They became my competition. I don't put up with competition. They lost the war and they don't come around anymore. I no longer put up with that drunk or his flat chested skank. If my wife disagrees, she's welcome to leave anytime she wants.
If your spouse won't defend your marriage to their parents. They won't defend it with anyone else either.
"I'd rather be alone than in bad company." - George Washington
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥love this energy!!! Wish more men and women that are good husbands and wives had this attitude! Narcissists would be done!
This is good advice because in a divorce the grandparents won't see the grandchildren..
Some people don't say anything bad about other people.
They are amazing.
In-laws actually need to realize they are not truly part of that family so keep your mouth shut and attitude in check. I you as an in-law think you have an opinions in that part of the family think again.
These doctors don’t have a clue there is pecking order in the family structure and goes parents, siblings in order of birth, grandchildren in order of birth, in-laws are at the bottom of the pecking order. So as an in-law know your role and shut your mouth.
That wasn’t enough help
Gia Smith I totally agree
No contact works great
Love this advice! Dr. Coleman really says what needs to be said.
ya my mother-in-law lives with us and I don't think i can take the disrespect from her anymore my happiness is more important than her being a butt we sold our house to move in with her when her husband died so she could stay in her home but after 16 years I have had enough I'm gone 5 days and home on weekends but i cant even come home and relax with her here anymore
When I disclose my feelings about my father in law, I just get, 'yea I know he's a prick, the man's insane'. He still manages to tolerate him, I cannot stand to even hear his voice....evem think of him sometimes. Its incredibly unhealthy and I hate it. I had expectations, they were not and will never will be met. What pisses me off more is that i know if he was ill or needed help, I would still help, I don't think the reverse could be said.
I can totally relate, the husband's will never ever try to understand your side of things
I absolutely hate my inlaws. They are emotional blackmailers. My husband hands over our car to his father every fucking time he visits and doesnt even ask me if i have to go sknewhere or if i need it and shamelessly keeps it for days. He has a car but chooses not to bring it. These are just one of the examples of how he constantly chooses them over me. In our culture women cannot complain about these things. It took me 10 months to convince my husband to move out of my inlaws place and now that we are here and settled happily, they just got a house a street behind us. Its their first visit and once again he has taken the car. And my husband and I already had our first fight since they came.
I feel like eventually they will be the cause of our divorce and they wouldnt even know it because culturally, i cannot complain about anything to them. They are so clingy and nosy, I am just waiting fidor nature to take its course. I hope they doe soon.
This is why I chose not to marry within same culture. I know in my culture, the men are "masters" of the relationship basically. I would have to tend to HIS needs and all those of my seniors (anyone older than me). HELL NO.
My family is cool but we take no shit !!!! My family is known to be loving and kicking ass !!!
My SIL misunderstood something that happened and then verbally abused myself, my husband and sister. When confronted about this disrespectful behavior, he responded that he was venting and felt much better afterward. I asked him to apologize to my sister (who has been only kind and good to my family) and he refuses. Good bye and good riddance to a very toxic man. Unfortunately, my daughter goes along with this rude and hateful behavior.
My mother and sister in law drive me crazy. We’ve really struggled with finances (despite working sometimes 80 hr weeks), his daughter being sick (pandis) and many other things…there has been zero or little empathy and his mother an sister are very well off and complain about stupid things, brag and always put others down and zero empathy towards my husband, his kids or me. She constantly one-ups and sister is super annoying. It’s really hurting our relationship and I honestly can’t stand them and how she treats her son, his kids or people who can’t kiss her butt 24/7.
Any advice. Some days I’m okay and ignore her. But honestly I would love advice. I’m angry
My brothers wife disrespected my mother and yeah I don’t play that! She intentionally created drama!
Why should I be respectful to inlaws if they are not respectful to me? I'm a sucker once for marrying their lousy daughter; not twice!
Amen. Feel exactly the same way. Should be a two way street. If it's not, what's the point?
Maybe you can set an example for them of what respect looks like by respecting your wife first? Calling your wife lousy... maybe that’s why they aren’t respectful to you 🤷🏻♀️
I agree...If spouse don't support you from in law's attack... that spouse is lousy!
Thank you I appreciate your wisdom honestly and I wish you the best genuinely
I hate my inlaws!! My mother inlaw is a alcoholic and my father inlaw is a drug addict. Great combo 👌 👏
This is why I'm single....and happy
Dealing with my father in law and it sucks idk what to do anymore
No contact. It's the only way and if you have to see him at family functions keep your side of the road clean, act with respect and leave it at that. People know he's the jerk, trust me. Best of luck to you-I finally said enough this weekend and I have my son's wedding coming up in April. I'll avoid him as much as possible, that's all we can do.
Oh no my MIL loves to complain, cry, play the victim and always manages to ensnare my husband because he’s a good man. I just cannot abide her manipulation and games after 15 years, where she randomly decides she doesn’t like me. I give up. Truly.
Try 23 years, they won’t change. I was the bigger person for years until recently. I am down right mean to her now and she deserves everything she gets. I’m done being nice.
Best way to deal with it is don't care. After20 years it's gets old I just stop caring. Everyone deals with it deferently.
We just ended up telling my wife’s mom to stay the hell out of our lives can’t act right then your not welcome in our lives simple as that
Nice work you have my respect !!!
Good for you!! Sometimes it has to come to that.
On our first Christmas, my in laws handed out Christmas gifts to everyone but me from his ex girlfriend
Well thats rude
What if your in-laws judge & persecute you only because of your lack of religion?
That makes them hypocrites and God will not be mocked. They'll reap what they have sown. Who detested religion? Jesus. Blessings.
Great video
I simply told my father n law after 20 year's of putting up with his passive aggression on me to simply stay out of my marriage or I'll fuck you up .. I'll fuck his son up also. . He still hates me but he respects me now
You threatened your father in law by threatening your husband?
YES!!!
What if it’s easier to not have a relationship with your family member and in law?
You need help?
Sophia Mick no
my in laws r loud mouthed drunks best way to deal with it is avoid them all together I try to let them see there grandchild but even there daughter knows there is problems with them and I believe it's the drinking I have never seen them once in 4 years not be drinking something it can 5 o clock in the morning or 12 at night they have to stay hammered and can't keep a job I'm 25 and have more going for me although I struggle with money worse then they do I have more stuff and all it is is curse word after another in front of my almost 3 year old and there other kids r pot heads I mean it's awful but every time I go around they turn the tables and try to make me look bad they put me down every time I go over but I tell them I don't have to prove anything to them bc I done proved enough to myself to know
My in laws don't wash their hands after using our bathroom.
Ouiser Boudreaux Neither will mine it drives me crazy and then they hold my son and touch his lips I hate it
Try never washing hands at all. ._. And muddy shoes all over.
My father in law uses wayyyy tooooo muuuuuuch cologne
I’ll trade you, mine are so bad that’d be a HUGE upgrade 😂
My mother in law is same way! Yet she don't understand why she always get stye in eye 😒 we tell her multiple times to wash her hands. My husband won't allow her to touch anything of his. I don't allow her to cook in our house. She continuously jokes of our germaphobia. Cringe.
Sister in law. This missed the boat completely.
I hate every in law
The title should be " how to be a pushover"
So you are telling us that even if they do something bad we should keep our mouth shut?😂
I don't like my mother in law she always talking shit when I don't give her money she wordless
what about the grandmother in law they are the worse!
They will be dead soon, so just avoid them until you don’t have to. Good luck!
Wow. This doesn’t help anything at all
The new gold-digger, younger, sister-in-law.
Her tribe likes Biden so I now have to divorce my wife lol jk calm down