The Ultimate Test For A Healthy Relationship

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 เม.ย. 2015
  • Confused about what to text him? Just copy and paste any of these 9 texts - bit.ly/1EpQNbm
    Follow me on Facebook here - / coachmatthewhussey
    ***
    In this week's episode of LOVELife, I discuss the ways to determine whether you're in a good relationship. And if you find you're not, how to try to make it healthier.
    Video links at the end -
    How To Recover After An Argument: • How To Recover After A...
    What He's Thinking When He Breaks Up With You: • What HE'S THINKING Whe...
    ***
    Website: howtogettheguy.com
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ความคิดเห็น • 487

  • @Leen95M
    @Leen95M 8 ปีที่แล้ว +906

    I need a little Matthew Hussey in my handbag, anyone else ?

    • @reeseb8520
      @reeseb8520 8 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      +1xXxIceGirlxXx1 Yes! Great way to put it.

    • @enriqueferreira6632
      @enriqueferreira6632 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      mmmm your phone?

    • @riaalini2576
      @riaalini2576 7 ปีที่แล้ว

      i wrote comment above , new with this

    • @dr.z7559
      @dr.z7559 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      Appreciate video content! Sorry for butting in, I am interested in your opinion. Have you tried - Lammywalness his happiness Guide (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now)? It is a smashing one of a kind product for understanding what men really want without the normal expense. Ive heard some super things about it and my work colleague finally got astronomical results with it.

    • @mysquadourgaming2187
      @mysquadourgaming2187 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      1xXxIceGirlxXx1 that’s going straight in my bahhhhsket lol

  • @autumnblair3217
    @autumnblair3217 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1096

    I'm almost single. A few more videos to go...lol

  • @okashi10
    @okashi10 9 ปีที่แล้ว +532

    So true. This goes along the lines of "One wonderful moment isn't worth feeling awful the rest of the time."

    • @ayumisakaguchi3624
      @ayumisakaguchi3624 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      okashi10 👏❤️

    • @siriolsen7805
      @siriolsen7805 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Anyone struggeling should check out the Andrew Cutler protocol. Google «andy cutler rebecca rust lee» for a great article explaining. Tthere are things that you might be taking that is hurting you, like cilantro and chlorella. Wish you all the best

    • @thatkatt_
      @thatkatt_ 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      So true.

  • @AnaPaula-wd6rd
    @AnaPaula-wd6rd 9 ปีที่แล้ว +555

    My boyfriend is just like you said he should be. When he has a bad day, he comes looking for support. He is caring and never said anything to hurt me. He is my best friend and we have a very health relationship. Your advices have helped me so much to achieve that. I'm super happy. Thanks Matt.

    • @Jen_nifer99
      @Jen_nifer99 6 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      are you still together?

    • @oldoldmeidanrrustemi8458
      @oldoldmeidanrrustemi8458 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      you guys still dating?

    • @awesomefighter8986
      @awesomefighter8986 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Yo, people are asking are you two together still?

    • @ThePsychicFish
      @ThePsychicFish 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      YO ANSWERR THEMMM

    • @siriolsen7805
      @siriolsen7805 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Anyone struggeling should check out the Andrew Cutler protocol. Google «andy cutler rebecca rust lee» for a great article explaining. Tthere are things that you might be taking that is hurting you, like cilantro and chlorella. Wish you all the best

  • @yensend
    @yensend 4 ปีที่แล้ว +213

    My therapist touched on something similar to this, and gave amazing advice when I told her how my bf was being hot/cold… she said if you communicate in a congruent manner you’ll never be wrong. She said “you could have said to him, you’re not yourself today, yesterday you were so loving and affectionate… and today you’re not, I know you have a lot going on right now, I assume its weighing on you?” and she said if he says something like “I have a lot on my mind, I’m stressed” anything along those lines to justify the behavior she said you have a right to ask “Do you always withhold affection when you’re stressed?” #LightBulbMoment

    • @LivingfreewithSophie
      @LivingfreewithSophie 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Hi, I've had a similar experience with my bf.
      Do you think it's affectionate of you to ask for/expect affection when your partner is stressed out?
      I think it's kinda selffish. From my own experience with stress, I got so upset when my friend complained about the way I was talking about to her about my stress. That she could understand that I was SO stressed, that I couldn't manage to speak in my usual proper way really hurt me. That she would focus on such a small thing, when I had this big thing going on. (When I had worked through that stress, I apologized, but it really hurt me that she focused on her own "offendedness" rather than me needing her as a friend.)
      If you partner usually is a loving and kind partner, I think you should realise what THEY need and set aside your own smaller needs a bit. Maybe it will pass in half an hour or a few days if it's a very big thing. I think it's expecting too much from a person, that they should be on their best behavior when they are at their worst. If they are a good person, they will realise how they behaved wasn't good, they will feel embarrassed and shameful. Then they will appreciate you for seeing they weren't them selves, and they will work on this behavior, so it won't happen again. - If they are a good person.
      To ask the last question IN the situation would be inconsiderate, because It would definitely ADD to their stress. When the stress has passed, maybe you can ask so that you in the future know not to take it personal - because it isn't. And that it's actually your clue to be extra loving to your partner. (Don't just sit and take it, but leave them/give them space to calm down - go do something else for a bit.)
      It's off cause another thing if they use it as an excuse to behave abusive and badly REGULARY. Then it's definitely a red flag!

    • @yensend
      @yensend 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@LivingfreewithSophie it is a pattern which is why I addressed it... hot/cold behavior doesn't work well for me but to each their own. Everyone is entitled to a bad day, but why can't you have a bad day and still hug your partner, or give them a kiss hello? ... I don't know I don't shut off like that but like I said to each their own.

    • @LivingfreewithSophie
      @LivingfreewithSophie 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@yensend Well, if it's a pattern, it's regular and then it's a red flag. I hope you red my whole comment, even though it was long. I think many women get very selfish dating advice now a days. A GOD guy deserved good behavior from his woman, such as the understanding I described. If the guy is an abusive partner and unable to see his own mistakes and not willing to work on improving him self, you shouldn't be in a relationship with him in the first place.
      I red the book Fascinating Womanhood and the section on "understanding men" really open my eyes to how selfish I used to view relationsship and that many of the dating advice are as well. Both need to give - in a balanced way.
      If it's a pattern I would be more alert/carefull about giving my heart to such a guy... I hope find love (and since you are looking for ways to improve your relationships, I think you are on the right way :) )

    • @yensend
      @yensend 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@LivingfreewithSophie sounds like a great book, and totally agree it's all about balance... but my situation is different and not as simple as 1 "bad" day. Its not abusive, but it's a pattern of shutting down... it's just not equal amounts of effort and me learning how to be more assertive instead of saying nothing and accepting coldness is something I need to work on for myself. And my point was that communicating in a congruent way is the way to be more assertive. I asked him the question, and his was response was "idk maybe, I've never really thought about it" ... now he might pay attention.

    • @amorx36
      @amorx36 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@LivingfreewithSophie well
      Said, i am the type of person that when im stressed i become distant not bcoz i dont love him its
      Just hard to be affectionate when your having a bad time,mood and time but overall when in good mood i am definitely capable of loving and tenderly❤

  • @letsplayluna
    @letsplayluna 9 ปีที่แล้ว +421

    I swear this man is a genius, he makes me look at things a way that I wouldn't naturally do on my own lol

    • @daynamartinez1983
      @daynamartinez1983 9 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Rite! The way he explains the issue of whatever it may be doesn't feel as "bad" as u thought much much love ❤ 💚💚💚

    • @GUITARTIME2024
      @GUITARTIME2024 8 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      +Aricelis Cay yeah, I'm sure his looks aren't affecting you at all

    • @JonasAnandaKristiansson
      @JonasAnandaKristiansson 6 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Emotionally intelligent* yes, indeed.

    • @marialivingstone1458
      @marialivingstone1458 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes I need that in my life. My brain goes bananas sometimes.

    • @siriolsen7805
      @siriolsen7805 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Anyone struggeling should check out the Andrew Cutler protocol. Google «andy cutler rebecca rust lee» for a great article explaining. Tthere are things that you might be taking that is hurting you, like cilantro and chlorella. Wish you all the best

  • @apricity7688
    @apricity7688 4 ปีที่แล้ว +55

    My husband was there for me during the worst time of my life. His job wanted to send him out of state, but he told them that he had to be there for me and found a different job so he could be with me and help me. I did not tell him to or even ask him to. He is a huge blessing for me.

  • @sophiab.8860
    @sophiab.8860 9 ปีที่แล้ว +400

    This actually made me think about my behaviour when I'm mad...thanks Matthew:)

    • @Imokay1695
      @Imokay1695 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Touche

    • @BurningSorrows
      @BurningSorrows 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Sameeeee

    • @thatkatt_
      @thatkatt_ 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I have so been guilty of this and being aware of it will be the first step to changing it

  • @mackklovin
    @mackklovin 4 ปีที่แล้ว +53

    Honestly, I am the person that takes out my frustration on my partner by becoming cold and combative and just plain mean. I blame it on stress when it is truly underlying issues and/or my own insecurity. We had a really in-depth talk about why I do this and how it hurts him. Communication is key. Seeing this video a couple days later made me feel awful all over again but I the best way. I see the fault in my error and I just want to make it worth with the best guy I’ve ever met. No more self sabotaging behavior. I have control over how I affect my love.

    • @seth9304
      @seth9304 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Mackenzie Erin what is wrong with you? Why can’t you just let him go? People deserve to be treated like human beings. He deserves someone better than you.
      Do you have any idea how this kind of behavior leaves people feeling. Do you even care? Of course not.
      Why would you be with someone who you use to just take your stress out on? Just let him go if your just using him to take your stress out on. Stop playing the victim. Just watching a video doesn’t mean that your behavior doesn’t hurt your partner.

    • @4HeimatLiebe
      @4HeimatLiebe 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      The Best and only Apology is changed Behaviour. Words mean nothing......

    • @seth9304
      @seth9304 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      *Y*essa E. T. Solar yeah she is full of shit. Such a user

    • @simontmn
      @simontmn 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      " I see the fault in my error and I just want to make it worth with the best guy I’ve ever met. No more self sabotaging behavior. I have control over how I affect my love." You're on the right track.

  • @SivanEzra
    @SivanEzra 9 ปีที่แล้ว +106

    Just got out of a relationship that was just like that. No real talk could change that person's negative behavior

    • @ivy3839
      @ivy3839 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Vansishine same - got rid of the emotional vampire .

    • @janett.beauty3684
      @janett.beauty3684 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I’m dealing with that now a days with my boyfriend.... 🙁 nothing I try can work out. He’s always gonna be negative

    • @MsJerrySparkle
      @MsJerrySparkle 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@janett.beauty3684 dump him! theres no other way. thats how he wants to act, so your words dont mean anything. my father is like that and he fucked over my entire childhood

    • @alifitness9115
      @alifitness9115 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Me too... it sucks :(

  • @jungeunnam7926
    @jungeunnam7926 9 ปีที่แล้ว +70

    First time I watched his youtube clip, I thought that he is the same 'relationship couch' as the others teaching some cheesy tricks and tips.. but the more clips I watch of him, the more I tell this guy really cares about love.
    I like you Matthew, Please keep supporting love in this world.

  • @mariyanabranzburg8320
    @mariyanabranzburg8320 9 ปีที่แล้ว +59

    It is actually what we told in nursing school- not to hate the patient who is all angry and grumpy but to approach him and talk with him about what's wrong.. sometimes it is just the anger that is coming out from his struggles and difficulties in life, and all of it is being thrown at you just because you were the "right person in place and time".... the anger must come out somehow, it wasn't your luck to be at his spot that time, that's all.... anyway- communication is always the key.. and the moment you become more "understanding" you'll be thrilled to see how faster the person softens within seconds..

    • @redsavior4923
      @redsavior4923 6 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      mariyana branzburg yeah at work. But not from an intimate partner.

  • @peachsmoochies
    @peachsmoochies 7 ปีที่แล้ว +92

    "Have a standard with them, in a calmer moment, but do it in a loving way."
    Sadly, I was that person. All angry for being jealous and insecure. I apologised sincerely the next day when I realised my mistake and said I needed his help to overcome this issue together as a team. I experienced betrayal before from my previous relationship and now I am suffering from trust issues. It has been several days of silence between us even after I apologised. I wish he would at least talk to me, tell me his standard in a loving way like how Matthew did in this video. Maybe that is all I need, a great team member who understands how difficult it is for me to overcome the issue of trusting someone else.
    But on the bright side, I now acknowledge the fact that I have an issue that I need to address. At the very least, it is a first step. If it is not with him, maybe with someone who understands my struggle and is willing to be a supportive teammate in the future.
    Thank you Matthew for this. Appreciate all your hard work in helping us go through curveballs in our lives.

    • @2Bonita08
      @2Bonita08 6 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Matthew is a rare breed. If you're looking for a man who will work things out the way he talks them out on camera, it will be a loooooooooooong, loooooooooonely life. Really. Any relationship that becomes intimate then doesn't work out will leave people with trust issues. That is the first step toward getting your reactions under control because you can't control anyone but yourself. (That was a hard learned lesson for me.)

    • @laurelequeux1136
      @laurelequeux1136 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Hi ! I was wondering if you have dealt with the problem ?

    • @fariamostafa5319
      @fariamostafa5319 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      if in a calmer moment i try to say anything that was not right ,he feels like i'm trying to start a quarrel even if i say it very calmly.

    • @peachsmoochies
      @peachsmoochies 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Laure Lequeux 3 years after this comment, I believe that I have grown a lot more mature in my thinking and behaviour. I’ve had several relationships ever since, and I am no longer jealous and insecure. I learn to trust people more. Eventhough I have not met the right person yet, I believe that I am in a better shape mentally and emotionally. A pre requisite for a healthy future relationship.

  • @rubafayez629
    @rubafayez629 9 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Is it weird whenever I play this video I feel empowered and I respect myself? Thank you mat!

  • @addictivelipstick
    @addictivelipstick 9 ปีที่แล้ว +168

    Great Video. Whenever my ex had a bad day or was stressed out he turned into a monster it was awful. It's been three weeks since I left him- I couldn't take the constant yelling & profanity whenever there was an issue.

    • @chavellaminerva
      @chavellaminerva 9 ปีที่แล้ว +28

      Good job dear. You deserve a better man.

    • @SivanEzra
      @SivanEzra 9 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      Same here. Left 2 weeks ago. Stay strong, you've made the right decision

    • @patbarbful
      @patbarbful 8 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      Hey dear he didnt turn into a monster,he is a monster ,the true nature of a person comes screaming out when one is angry ,cornered or frustrated it tells you so much about a person .Stay strong and lovely and never be a punching bag find someones who truly respects you and is kinder to you than you are to yourself .Been there and done that and im much more stronger and happier now

    • @tallcool1570
      @tallcool1570 7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I, too have been there..it's the most horrific experience, I've ever had..I still don't know what happened to make this guy freak so badly on me...I think he lost his job due to his 'habit'...which I had No Idea, just how bad it was..it ended at that moment. Police were involved I feared for my own safety...it's crazy how some people can flip on a dime.🙄..PS: 'feelin' sorry for him, now that there's bin time passed.. I still wonder if I "did' enough to help him..kinda still feel guilty..Even tho' I know I shouldn't.😳.

    • @Jc34759
      @Jc34759 7 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      TallCool 1 it was his bad habits that led him to that path. Do not feel guilty at all!

  • @kittylove424
    @kittylove424 9 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    He definitely knows how to explain these situations clearly so that you can understand both sides. I love him!

  • @brandijones5588
    @brandijones5588 7 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    this video literally changed my life today Matthew Hussey, I've been in a horrible relationship with a guy like this and now I'm leaving him today! Now my life will be great again because of you, thank you so much! :,)

  • @adityaskulkarni8665
    @adityaskulkarni8665 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Mr. Hussey, I lived with a father who would take out this work stress on me for more than a decade - now that I’m a young man I’ve been repeating his pattern in every relationship I’ve had till now - thank you for opening my eyes & making me realize that it’s wiser to relieve stress and seek support than taking it out on people who care about me

  • @dattapriyankaibs
    @dattapriyankaibs 8 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    This is one of the best ways to judge a relationship. Never thought of it ever.

  • @outofthegoldfishbowletcete762
    @outofthegoldfishbowletcete762 8 ปีที่แล้ว +63

    when you have an over empathic/codependent/enabler and a narcissistic selfish stress factory this can create a seriously downward spiral into hell. the codependent squashes their feelings and the narc exploits this and the relationship becomes more and more unbalanced.
    if both people respect themselves as much as the other, things should work out.

    • @JennyDolma
      @JennyDolma 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera I was like your bf. I would verbally attack and use profanity and hurt my bf whenever I felt hurt or felt he wasn’t being fair. I told him we should take a break for a few weeks or a month. He doesn’t think that’s a good idea but I can’t be the monster I am. We’ve been fighting a lot too recently. I don’t wanna be that person, that looses her temper and frustrated when he doesn’t understand me or when he doesn’t do something that I feel is so easy. I can be a better person. I tried staying with him and trying to get better but it’s not working, I always end up riled up. It’s only been 2 days since the break and in a calm mind I’m already feeling more sorry and I want to change and I feel ready but I doubt it because it’s only been 2 days. Probably only because I’m calm and away from him to appreciate him for a good man he is, and not lose sight of it. Hopefully taking a break will help me find the better in me. And we can come together and try a different more efficient approach.

    • @user-tk7lf3kr5c
      @user-tk7lf3kr5c 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I realize this comment is 3 years old but it describes my most recent relationship perfectly. I was the overly empathetic, caring, codependent enabler and she was a very selfish narcissist. I ignored all the red flags and things only got worse and worse until I built up the courage to break it off completely, kick her out, and block all contact. I'm stuck on the self love part and need to work on myself before getting involved in anything too serious. I have a lot of trauma and self hate from past choices. I consider myself a great, loving, hard-working, good person. I know I am, the evidence is all around me;though I continue to self sabotage and dont stand up for myself. What can I do to love and respect myself after past trauma?

    • @dominozonda
      @dominozonda 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@user-tk7lf3kr5c continue working on yourself and improving on all aspects of your life, pursue your passions and try to continually become a better version of yourself
      This will improve your life overall, but would also help you get over past trauma and make peace with the past + it will help you in many ways in your relationships
      Also reevaluate how you choose your partner, don't go for someone just based on looks or other superficial reasons, try to find a kind hearted good person, someone who's as loving and caring as you and who is willing to give and take and work on the relationship as a team as much as you do

  • @kamakshibhalla1435
    @kamakshibhalla1435 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I agree. Sometimes, when such traits (of taking out the stress on your partner) appear after marriage, it becomes difficult to handle. It is not even easy to leave the marriage if kids are there, unless the situation is really bad. One has to really become tough to take a stand. In a place like India, where arranged marriages often happen, such traits may not even appear in the brief "courtship" period before marriage.

  • @DearSybersue
    @DearSybersue 9 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Matthew you are so dead on with everything you say! I love the way you talk with conviction and sincerity and how you use your body language to get your point across even on radio! You rock

  • @magelleneshaw2098
    @magelleneshaw2098 9 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Matthew is just so fucking smart and charismatic.

  • @labnab
    @labnab 6 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Matthew's episodes about healthy relationship and about toxic partner speak so much to me, but it's really hard for me to get out. I've tried to communicate and express my sympathy, understanding, tried to make him aware of my care, tried to show vulnerability. But the person is behaving the same way, with the same excuses, and now I don't even feel hurt when I get blamed or get stung, and that's how detached I have become. Time to focus on myself I guess

    • @bethaniek
      @bethaniek 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Just curious, seeing this a year later, where things are now for you?

  • @dawna4185
    @dawna4185 9 ปีที่แล้ว +97

    I am single, happy and it's looking better and better to stay single every day as I look around.....lol

    • @cecina25
      @cecina25 9 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Donna Perry it definitely is until you find the perfect person for you! The single life is great if you embrace it! I met my boyfriend on accident 6 years ago and was absolutely not ready for a relationship while living and loving the single life! Not many are able to enjoy the single life as you say! be open to all new things and life is good :) have a great day!

    • @dawna4185
      @dawna4185 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Martina C well said!

    • @jazzkaur8284
      @jazzkaur8284 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I agree... Too much heartache and drama.

  • @bfitnessforlife
    @bfitnessforlife 6 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    This is exactly what I believe you need to learn before getting married! In times of personal challenge or grief (losing a parent, becoming unemployed, experiencing health issues) you will learn if your partner will turn towards you, sharing and communicating in a honest emotional way, or turn away from you with disconnection or their distractions of choice. I should have paid attention to this with my ex husband and it really broke the marriage to pieces. Notes taken, lesson learned. Now I know.

  • @Anouk37
    @Anouk37 8 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    This channel helped me more than all the time i've spend on hours of therapy to be honest. I'm glad i found it

  • @sachawalton8617
    @sachawalton8617 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    i just experienced a breakup about 2wks ago and I've found your videos that has been ABSOLUTELY helpful with the decision I made with the breakup. I miss him, but I know there reason was the final straw. I hope he changes, but if he doesnt, I know that your videos are helping me be a greater person for a new relationship. thank you

  • @dgcoollyoo
    @dgcoollyoo 7 ปีที่แล้ว +74

    ok.. but the guy who actually puts his stress on you in a bad way.. that kind of person isn't someone who can understand the "teammates" thing. if u find a guy like this. dump him and move on

    • @christianone6611
      @christianone6611 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Divya Gupta: Everyone OCCASSIONALLY loses their cool. It's forgivable. Repettitive behavior full of excuses and rationalizing can also be forgiven but you don't need to be living with it and continuing a crappy life with someone who doesn't care enough to stop using you as their punching bag.

    • @MsJerrySparkle
      @MsJerrySparkle 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      YES

  • @orang2peel
    @orang2peel 9 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    This has been by far one of your greatest vids. Thanks Matt

  • @feliciamollinedo1129
    @feliciamollinedo1129 8 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Great advice ... Made me look at my own behavior as well . Self awareness is key thanks Matt keep up the great work ! It feels good to have a guy on our team who wants to see women in happy loving relationships !

  • @dianedizayee2439
    @dianedizayee2439 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thx for all you do, Matthew. Your advice is applicable to family relationships also. You don't walk away from a parent, adult child, or sibling. Thanks again for teaching us social skills that we need very much. You rock!

  • @thushanhettige5003
    @thushanhettige5003 9 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    One of my close friends linked me to this video. Your advice is nothing short of wonderful and I will be sure to watch more of you over time. Your girlfriend/wife/future girlfriend/future wife is one lucky woman, I can assure you of that.

  • @JennyDolma
    @JennyDolma 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I was like your bf. I would verbally attack and use profanity and hurt my bf whenever I felt hurt or felt he wasn’t being fair. I told him we should take a break for a few weeks or a month. He doesn’t think that’s a good idea but I can’t be the monster I am. We’ve been fighting a lot too recently. I don’t wanna be that person, that looses her temper and frustrated when he doesn’t understand me or when he doesn’t do something that I feel is so easy. I can be a better person. I tried staying with him and trying to get better but it’s not working, I always end up riled up. It’s only been 2 days since the break and in a calm mind I’m already feeling more sorry and I want to change and I feel ready but I doubt it because it’s only been 2 days. Probably only because I’m calm and away from him to appreciate him for a good man he is, and not lose sight of it. Hopefully taking a break will help me find the better in me. And we can come together and try a different more efficient approach.

    • @erinkelly2113
      @erinkelly2113 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I really applaud you for saying this. I am in a very similar situation.

  • @srFLiPP
    @srFLiPP 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My girl is like that, as a man I can be vulnerable around her (when needed, not all the time) and that is such a relief.. Share any feelings and never use it against each other. She taught me I was going for the wrong type all this time..

  • @carolinaaquino3414
    @carolinaaquino3414 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    One of the most pertinent advice about long-term relationship I've ever heard. Thanks. You do make the difference.

  • @MSMSMSee
    @MSMSMSee 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I was the person that have those bad behaviors in my first relationship. I have changed now. It was a hard lesson to learn.

    • @kayligo
      @kayligo 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      MSMSMSee changing is hard, that’s awesome you got yourself sorted out.

    • @saraboshut1164
      @saraboshut1164 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      that's great! good job

  • @ambermcgar6577
    @ambermcgar6577 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Spot on! I love your insights. It took me years to learn you teach people how to treat you by living up to your standards and being congruent with your boundaries.

  • @Meldoodles
    @Meldoodles 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    This hit home for me . I left the relationship already , but this cleared so much.

  • @lindawolf2952
    @lindawolf2952 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    💜 if only men communicated like this hah,
    Not communicating when things are stressful in a relationship is just as bad to me as saying rude things.

  • @freshy2046
    @freshy2046 9 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    You rock Matt!!! You are such a High Quality man, person, coach... rarely found!!I'm so glad, at this stage of my life, I stumbled into your videos because it just happened at the perfect time when I can truly hear every word you say !!! I can't stop watching one after another! And you say it with sound logic but genuine compassion at the same time! Thank you for making the world a warmer place for people who need a kind helping hand!!! Many thanks, all the way from Hong Kong!!!!!!!
    p.s. I've never had much good feelings towards Brit guys and you make it 100 times better for me to open up myself to appreciate people for who they are not where they are from! XXXXX

  • @Dashingdiva73
    @Dashingdiva73 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    This is why I am separated. My husband couldn’t be this for me. He panicked all the time and makes me feel like I’m the problem. I couldn’t take it so I left.

    • @andsch3881
      @andsch3881 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That shows a lot of respectable strength! Congratulations for being brave enough and all best wishes, I (as a young woman about to break up with her boyfriend also because of this) am SO PROUD of your courage! ❤

    • @Dashingdiva73
      @Dashingdiva73 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      And Sch thank you! I wish you luck too. It was a tough choice but I realized I am not going to grow in the right direction if I didn’t make this decision.

    • @andsch3881
      @andsch3881 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Dashingdiva73 same in my case! Growing is just SO important ❤ And I also keep in mind that everything in life happens for a reason. Maybe this was a hard lesson, but what counts is that we recognized it and chose ourselves ❤

  • @raes2107
    @raes2107 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I have tried this approach many times but nothing will stop him from inflicting much physical, emotional, mental pain on me when his insecurities arise. I am finally walking away for good this time. I wish so much that I could find a man like you! It seems as though you're the only one who truly understands how to be a man and treat a woman. Thank you so much for all you do! Your advise has helped me tremendously ♡♡

  • @RealEstateHQ
    @RealEstateHQ 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This is so profound!!! These are traits to look out for when dating and comparability. I wish I had more of these vids to shape what a good partner is. Never saw a loving relationship growing up.

  • @artistenovice1407
    @artistenovice1407 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    Now that is what I call: The Art of Healthy Communication in Relationships. Matthew you are saving important relationships in people's lives with this video! We have all gone through these frustrations so many times in our relationships with friends, families, partners... cut people out of our lives... If only we had communicated effectively at the right time, not only would we have saved some of those relationships but also earned their respect for communicating our standards. We make so many assumptions, expect people to be mind-readers. Effective communication is the key. Thank you Matthew, you are truly amazing! (How did you become so wise?)

  • @OzYil47
    @OzYil47 8 ปีที่แล้ว

    Honestly, i really enjoy listening to you. Very sincere and honest. Thank you!

  • @janetDT1904
    @janetDT1904 7 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Sooo encouraged by this because it echoes how my husband and I treat each other. We've had some VERY tough times indeed but we stick closer together through these. We make a great team :) #teamThomas xx

  • @Bathna33
    @Bathna33 6 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    Reminds me of my ex. He was the best human ever until he's not. It's not just the stress though. He just enjoyed to make go through ups and down for fun.

    • @Japanerin_in_Oesterreich
      @Japanerin_in_Oesterreich 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      JustDance Pinky33 my ex also turned out to be a whole another person after being 3years...

    • @Bathna33
      @Bathna33 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      Quaksi Liab I'm sorry for that. I hope you're okay now.

  • @rowanelessar5892
    @rowanelessar5892 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    I love what you said here and the examples that you gave! You always set off good lightbulbs, Mr. Hussey! 🙏🏻

  • @jillianlagman4515
    @jillianlagman4515 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    He hit close to home on this one. Brilliant.

  • @mikaelav8964
    @mikaelav8964 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I have been dating, and i met this guy and he seemed so perfect. I wasnt feeling crazy about him (like intesely, just very intruiged) but he was VERY INTO ME, which to me rarely occurs. He got really cold and quiet and standoffish twice. I really didnt like it, I told him how I felt about him and that I just did not feel safe, or a purpose to use seeing each other. He was crazy about the whole thing texting and calling me like crazy and saying weird stuff like "I could be seing other girls but I chose you, I literally just stopped talking to someone to see you" and then further guilt me and not hear my side. I blocked his ass real quick. It was wayyyyyyy too pushy for someone I had known for 4 damn days....

  • @noraO2833
    @noraO2833 7 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Matthew... You speak with genuine love... Thank you

  • @winnimizz
    @winnimizz 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    One of your best videos ever, Matthew

  • @vanessap2814
    @vanessap2814 8 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    this is all true!.You are so genius , very well explained. Thank you Matthew for all your efforts , very brilliant!

  • @sumitvirdi
    @sumitvirdi 9 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Thanks for sharing Matt - these videos are absolutely fantastic!

  • @redredredredful
    @redredredredful 9 ปีที่แล้ว

    ReAlly do find all your video such a good help and a reference point.
    I listen to them mostly at night to feel positive about myself after my break with my bf

  • @mariaespinosa5769
    @mariaespinosa5769 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I did this when I was feeling really insecure about the relationship. Not a good look I get it, but I totally get what your saying Matthew. I tend to get very angry and lash out when I feel upset. It's definitely not an excuse and I don't want to communicate in that manner but you are right looking for support from your partner is a good way to handle that situation rather than lashing out.

  • @fatimah1
    @fatimah1 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Loved this video and everything it stands for. I would say this is mostly what kills relationships of any kind. Cause when we hurt some of us hurt back.

  • @uriesuhr3053
    @uriesuhr3053 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    I know there's nobody that is perfect, but this guy seems pretty close to it! Lol love the energy you consistently bring to all your videos for us ladies Matt!

  • @norawalker7665
    @norawalker7665 9 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The truth. You need this more then you know in a relationship. ..

  • @courtneyfleischman2338
    @courtneyfleischman2338 9 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This is simply fantastic! Every word of this resonated with me.

  • @karentaijeron7294
    @karentaijeron7294 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    Luv this guy! He gave so many excellent advice, in my opinion, every relationship can be healthy and save using this guy's advice. Thank you.

  • @TKayPassion
    @TKayPassion 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Totally true.. ! Its a relation”ship”, like a ship we gotta keep it moving through all the seas, wind & storms together

  • @vegone8894
    @vegone8894 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Yessss, my husband and I always had this problem. He would expect me to be there for him everytime he was feeling down. But I never knew how because he would always take it out on me. I was always on edge because if I didnt watch out I would do something that only further made him mad. I had to be careful with what I said. If i didnt he would ignore me for days. I always thought something was wrong with me. Or I always asked my self why i couldnt be strong and avoid the way he made me feel with was down and try to be there for him. It was just so hard. We have decided to end our marriage, but he had always been the person who sorry I was just having a bad day, or I was just tired. Or I wish you were like this. Till the end of our marriage he never understood that I just needed him to be kind to me for me to give him the world.

  • @proyc95
    @proyc95 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I'M really enjoying these episodes!

  • @tjikuneleonore8390
    @tjikuneleonore8390 8 ปีที่แล้ว

    This was so helpful, have experienced both sides. And now I can tell the difference. Thank you so much!

  • @gcf172
    @gcf172 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    I always tend try to please and appease. But by compromising all the time I compromise myself. I’ll take the bad moods and snaps and try to be patient and loving. I have spoken to my partner about this and it’s alway “I’m stressed or I was raised in and angry household...”. This message was what I needed to hear to evaluate the present and the future. Thank you.

  • @lilylife4426
    @lilylife4426 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Wow. I actually took a notebook and wrote down word by word what I will be saying to my guy on Friday. Thank you, Matthew!

  • @Wave60101
    @Wave60101 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    You definitely know how to explain the situation,Understand both side.
    Thank you!

  • @umajanani954
    @umajanani954 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Tq so much Matthew for giving us the valuable insight for real relationship.. I watch this podcasts as much as times possible n keep learning new perspects of relationships.

  • @bernadettejury847
    @bernadettejury847 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    I used this approach (with my own vibe) and found that it really diffused the situation - thank you :)

  • @PeaceInChrist23
    @PeaceInChrist23 ปีที่แล้ว

    Good advice and info for self reflection for myself and others...thanks Matt H.

  • @karma-rz5vk
    @karma-rz5vk 9 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    crazy how this came out the same day this scenario was playing out in my life!

  • @phionaalanyo8148
    @phionaalanyo8148 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    I've been doing some of the things I've been watching on your videos and it's changed things positively lately with a certain guy

  • @healingypsy
    @healingypsy 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    Brilliant advice ! The kind of stuff your own parents should be making you aware of.

  • @MyMEGAamazinglife1
    @MyMEGAamazinglife1 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I'm really enjoying your videos... such good advice! I really think this could improve my relationship with my fiancé. Thank you 🙂

  • @dipikathaker1536
    @dipikathaker1536 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I m thankfull to Matthew .. you came as a light in my life. Your videos help me "to know myself better and got to know females potential in whatever she does". I appreciate ur time and knowledge, that you share with us. Your level is next to god in my life bcoz you make us realise things so effortlessly but to the point.. Thank u

  • @NoirKittie
    @NoirKittie 9 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This was really helpful. I can't wait to see you in NYC!!

  • @believeinyou6112
    @believeinyou6112 9 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    That Matthew, such a wise man!
    It took me several years to realize that there was always going to be something happening in life that my partner would consider a "rough time"... in which he could be expected to act in unpleasant ways. I would highly recommend watching for that warning sign. We choose our actions. Life doesn't "make" us act poorly. Wish I had heard this advice years ago before I married. Eventually the only healthy option was a divorce:(

  • @sircasino614
    @sircasino614 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Just broke up with my gf recently because of behavior like this, thanks for sharing this... I'm not one to word things very well like you did, but you said it better than anyone else could have. I miss her so much though, I can't imagine being with anyone else and it really hurts.

  • @FaceFitnessRoutine
    @FaceFitnessRoutine 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    This is so amazing... only one exception, this may not work if one is in a relationship with a narcissist as they are simply not capable to behave differently. This is where one should consider walking away, if nothing else helps.

  • @wally847
    @wally847 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Wow, so insightful! MIND BLOWN!

  • @w.a.9655
    @w.a.9655 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Most AMAZING advice 😇 stay Blessed Matt !!

  • @therealnadiasantiago
    @therealnadiasantiago 9 ปีที่แล้ว

    Yes! Thank you for this awesome video! This is a great lesson in good communication and leading with love.

  • @LgworkerHeartYoYo
    @LgworkerHeartYoYo 8 ปีที่แล้ว

    I find you amazing Matthew. Thank you for saying it the way you do. It makes perfect sense. At the same time you give a opportunity so you can find the balance, to take care of yourself and still be respectful at the same time.
    Namaste

  • @NMxCrazySkills
    @NMxCrazySkills 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    So perfect! Great advice! Love how easy you make it!

  • @uga2general1
    @uga2general1 ปีที่แล้ว

    good advice a lot of relationships needs to hear this

  • @avehcado6097
    @avehcado6097 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Crazy because I had this conversation with my ex, and he didn’t even listen to what I said at all, and took it as “so I’m not doing good enough” and continued to make me feel worse and unheard

  • @chantelchristine14
    @chantelchristine14 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    Such good advice. Thank you. I'm that person that normally gets used and does everything for the man I'm with. I need to change things up.

  • @naturewalkswithbarb3754
    @naturewalkswithbarb3754 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    wow! thank you Matthew!!
    really appreciate this video!!
    thank you!😊

  • @jessng4512
    @jessng4512 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thanks Matthew, your video saved a lot of people.

  • @sharla85
    @sharla85 8 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Youre such a blessing Matt.😊

  • @pi2771
    @pi2771 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    It's so good hearing this since there are people saying choosing a partner means to be qualified like to get a job. Like it's all about financial stability. The fact is that we love love cause it causes spontaneous feelings that we can't control. It's not about choosing the person who has money and stuff.

  • @traciroshitshdownwarddogrising
    @traciroshitshdownwarddogrising 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Great advice going through that and leaving it behind.

  • @cintiadrd1219
    @cintiadrd1219 8 ปีที่แล้ว

    Dear Matthew, I have been watching your videos for a little while now. I see you as a man with a great mind and someone that knows quite a lot about psychology and I appreciate how many tools you offer in order to help people grow in many areas of their lives. Thank you!
    I would like to ask you for guidance with regards to dealing with an abusive ex partner and I hope this can also help many women that are in the same situation as me. The thing is when you had children with this man and he is still present in their lives the connection is still there in order for the abuse to continue to some degree. It's not like an ordinary break up from which you can walk away and never see the person again.
    I would love to hear from you on the subject.

  • @thandoq
    @thandoq 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    It's like this guy knows exactly what I've been going through.

  • @heroygus
    @heroygus 9 ปีที่แล้ว

    beautiful as always Matthew.

  • @emilynadine3560
    @emilynadine3560 9 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Great advice, very helpful.

  • @MyAileen23
    @MyAileen23 9 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Wow this is so useful and open minded

  • @seanhung2600
    @seanhung2600 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thank you Matthew, that was very helpful!