Goodbye to an old self, Hello to another
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
- EDIT: GUYS! Yes, I changed the title, I was sad when I made this video but it was a great video for me to make to move on in my life. I'm changing it because I don't want to be so sad. I genuinely needed to make this video to say goodbye to a lot of things in my life that were bad for me that I can't fully explain online... but I am making art in my free time and enjoying life without thinking about an algorithm or that 'oh god ur gonna die, keep working!!!' nah... im like... i need to take care of myself(which is also private info stuff)
Stop getting mad I trashed art. I have bipolar and when I used to get manic it was a form of SH - saying I'm a moron isn't going to change that it happened. I've worked on it in therapy.
I'm not quitting art. idk how to explain it all super simple - but im just giving myself some slack for a lot of things and not pushing myself.
I'm not looking for be anything here but all the comments and everything were so supportive.
I might make a tiktok for my rats, they've been very healing and supportive :)
Hey guys, I didn't think people would see this outside of like, my friends maybe. I'm really shocked and grateful for the support. I literally opened my laptop, recorded, posted w/o watching, closed the laptop, and had my pity party with the rats. This video was important for me to make for myself. So while this video may seem sad, I mean I was sad, it is helpful/positive in the long run. There's a lot of people here and it's freaked me out a lot so I just wanna clear a few things:
- I have a job and I'm happy with it. :)
- I've been working on my mental health and have not purged my belongings in ~3yrs. I'm proud! The art is safe, I was lamenting a past manic episode.
- I do not have anything to sell. I have no prints. I'd feel dishonest if I went to make prints after seeing requests here/tiktok :S I'll think on it.
- I have art to make for myself privately; projects I discarded because they did poorly online or 'that will do bad, i cannot invest time into things people dont want'. I feel happy to work on those now :)
- A lot of this video applied to some personal job/life things, and I just looked at art from those times, so maybe that's why there's a disconnect
- I did get bitter for a few days like 'this is what got views? Is this a sick joke?' but I've calmed down lol
Everyone has given me a lot to think about. I've been reading other artists' stories and sometimes I don't know what to say back. I want to give you guys hugs. It really does suck. I appreciate all of you. I wish there were ways to make the world smaller and/or easier for artists to find the groups they thrive in. I'm wishing the best for you all too!
What is dishonest about selling your art? If people like it and want to support you. It's as honest as it gets?
1st of all your art is amazing dont you ever doubt it :)
but if you prioritize selling your art, i think youre making the wrong art because the way i look at it your art is you, sure expressing your self (sadness depression) thats fine and u should do it but it should be just for you,the selling should be the opposite of you, a character you wanted or want to be, you dont sell them sadness and depression sell them happiness,calm,magic,nature,silence in this chaotic world ,art that absorbs them not by loneliness but with something else but yes u can sell the dark sides sadness, depression im sure there are people who likes it but it should be on another character
what went wrong is that you caged your paintings, you focused on yourself and it felt like youre out of touch and thats wrong you should be open spread your painting touch the people with your paints something that is relatable to them or magical.
lets say a person with family wants a painting that person will not let their kids wife or husband get back home after work and see sad paintings on their wall, i guess for very rich people it should be painting that represents power, sometimes a painting with no meaning lol idk! for gamers i think should be happy,cute,active,sexy,magic but my point is u need to have a target audience for selling.
dont sell them you (what i mean by that is looks like you thats only for you) you dont see leonardo da vinci or picasso painting himself. try to paint the opposite of you or that person that u wanted or wanted to be or a person u like,love or you want to meet u can also paint (you) but in a different character because it looks like u focus on characters :)
dont caged your art spread it be open, go outside watch people do their things like buy eat ice cream,recieving gift, running jumping, laughing talking etc etc. and tell ur self i want to do that, i wonder what theyre thinking i wonder what they felt and by wondering you can visualize that image in your head.
You caged your art by focusing on yourself i mean even your friends dont want to see you sad right? then why are you creating an image of u that is sad that they dont want to see.
-sorry for my messy english XD
take a break for now, watch people, friends ,family ,the small activities and the little things that they do stop the out of touch paintings :)
@@rikisharma5151 I guess because I felt it'd be really weird to turn around and reopen my shop after a video like this - there are a lot of requests about it so maybe I can open something on my site but keep it super chill.
@@EctoBabble yea, its ok to feel down, its ok to say something with vigor and then come to a different perspective later that may have contradicted the thing you were so sure about before.
Its change, its what makes us human. we grow, we change.
ive been on the super grind on improving art skills, and getting them to a point of mastery that is undeniable for studios.
but I have the luxury of living for free at my folks house.
it consumes every day of my life, morning till sleep,
years of being broke and at the whims of the people who can care for me,
its a terrible feeling not having my own money, and if I hustle my time for a small commission here or there. its just wasted time I could be investing into portfolio. and the closer I get to finishing portfolio.. the less I feel pleasure in doing anything else.
once the portfolio is done however, time will free up and I will be able to pursue other things more freely. but ive put extra years down just to nail a new style and medium that is appealing for studios. and it could all be for nothing, but at least Ill be done with it
So I understand why you feel like this might not be sustainable if you dont put the time for marketing, improving or finding what works for the audience. constantly trying new things and investing a big chunk of lifespan and energy on a risk.
but if you find that a little shop is easy enough to maintain, and you can just lightly do art pieces you love. while maintaining a healthy work/hobby relationship
that sounds amazing as well, theres nothing wrong with finding the monetary support from a different job or career and keeping art as a hobby..
it would free up the feeling of having to make money online.
it would free up the need for validation online (likes, etc)
the validation online thing is a killer.
because you should love your art regardless if it gets 0 likes or 10k likes.
the one good thing working on my portfolio did for me, was it killed my care for getting likes
who cares, I love my art, and I dont need them to like it, this is meant for studios,
I dont need to get big
and BTW, you have a really cool art style, I love the stained glass/ tim burtony feel I get
I cant put a finger on it, but its your style and I love that.
there is definitely an audience out there for your art.
im sure a bunch of these people who said they would commission you meant it.
I read this pinned comment before watching through the video,
and at first I thought "oh, people just being nice"
but when I saw some of your work, I could see why people want to commission you.
Yes it does unfortunately take some marketing, but you have a good step here.
even if it is a "im giving up on my dream" video that got the attention.
you never said "im giving up art" so you arent lying to yourself if you decide
that you would accept commissions. or running a shop or both, etc.
strike while the iron is hot, charge prices that you value yourself with
not just what it costs to make the product,
if it costs you 20 hours, and 50 dollars on materials, so about 250 is the cost.
then charging 500/700/1000 or whatever price you feel like you will feel value for the time you put in is what will make it more enjoyable. because you arent turning into a sweatshop.
or just running a print shop and just keeping things for small prices but they are all pieces you loved making, and if you find people keep the shop up and it does well, what would it hurt?
I would hate to see an artist look at art like a burden that needs to die.
its there for us emotionally, its there to vent,
its there to express difficult topics in an ingestible way
its there for so many things, and art is always in demand.
some things may change the climate in art,
but sticking true to your core, the things that make it through all the changes in life,
or even the new exciting things that enter our lives and adapt our core.
sharing these things is a vulnerable place, but people will attract.
the audience will show up, it may take marketing, but this video here
believe it or not, is marketing. you succesfully marketed an idea
"im giving up on my dream"
a lot of people resonated with this line, I had no clue if this was going to be
someone who is telling people not to give up, and using the line as the topic,
or someone feels like giving up.
but I knew the line itself resonated with me,
so just some food for thought.
I would say maybe you could hire a marketer, graphic designer to help you create a portfolio just for an audience. etc.
this way you can feel less strained about that whole side of art.
and you can keep working on your job/career path you choose to sustain yourself
and work on the art you love.
it could be a way to not kill your passion and just have a more healthy relationship with it.
I think the main thing is just finding a healthy relationship with art,
thanks for my ted talk lol
but im rooting for you, I know I spilled a lot here, but just wanted to talk artist to artist, and say
understand, and its ok to feel one way, or say a promise and then realize that promise may not align with future you and "going back" on it isnt lying to yourself. because the new you found out a missing piece and realized that promise your earlier self made was no longer valid. etc
you got this!
I guess YT algorithm decided to send you a virtual hug haha
And what a cruel irony that this video ends up being the one the breaks through in the algorithm.
Because the staff running this platform enjoys the pain of the common folk, and rather give all the revenue to parasitic influencers and internet personalities like Keemstar and Jack Doherty.
Shit ass algorithm
It’s because it’s relatable
Genuinely
Number 1 rules in sales is find the pain and most of us have this deep fear in the back of our minds. Also this is the only one where they're (accidentally) is playing the game title wise. Look how big youtubers title their videos. "You won't get good until you do this", "Improve faster by doing this one thing!". It feeds on our insecurities, while they're being genuine. It's one of the biggest reasons I enjoy smaller channels they aren't as curated speech wise and will say what's on their mind.
I'm sorry you never found an audience big enough to support your dream, but for what it's worth we like it a lot.
There's no shame in quitting, especially when marketability and salesmanship is such a big part of the gig (which is also equivalent to a second full-time job), but I hope that you find your way back to painting/drawing even if only recreationally and for yourself. Safe travels.
Agreed, art like everything else is a business, you have to figure out the right way to make people want to buy what you have to offer. It's tough.
Never give up, never surrender.
I think the shame to art, is quitting just because you can’t make money. Keep making art if you have hands, that’s what being an artist is about.
@@cubeboy3130 the artist said in a comment they still have been making art for themselves even if they decide not to try to sell it
@@Shiftarus that’s good, I just find it sad for artist who put such an importance on selling their art, they quit their dream as an artist. I think it’s just sad
You have a very unique art style that I always found beautiful. You don't have to give up art entirely. Draw for yourself and not for other people. I wish you happiness, peace, and love.
Definitely the right way to go about it. Hope it gets better for the creator ❤
I totally agree. Even if you can’t make a living from it, enjoy doing it for yourself! :)
There really aren't many things as heart-wrenching for an artist as putting your art to the world and being met with nothing but blank stares.
It really is terrible, but I know so many artists with amazing skills, creating art for big fandoms, yet they only get a fraction of attention they deserve.
Not because their skills are lacking, or because they do niche stuff, just... algorythm bs really
I think you are really strong for continuing to try for so many years.
It takes guts to even start sharing your art publically, and even more to do it again and again, not to mention while battling with your own health.
It is understandable that you're tired, I can't imagine how draining your journey must've been.
But.. even so I know you don't want to hear it, but I do think your art still has value.
You mentioned being suprised that anybody would even want to willingly take your art, but.. well, I know I'd take it.
As artists we forget that even if our work isn't perfect, even if we deem it soulless and jarring, for most regular people it is still art.
Like, your little rat painting for example, I could totally see it decorating a playroom or something if the sort.
Even it, though it may not have much meaning or be that special for you, is still something somebody could geniuenly appreaciate.
And admittedly, is really hard to promote stuff that is personal to you on the internet.
Hell, even in a circle of people you know it can be challanging (speaking from experience) to get them to understand what you're going though in your art.
And when stuff that is personal to you gets ignored it.. hurts. A lot.
And sometimes, the only thing you can think of when you look at your art is that pain you felt back then.
I.. quite frankly can't know whether that was something you were going though, I can only guess.
But still, although it is ultimately up to you, as somebody who used to do art too I believe the art that you still have has value and is.. geniuenly really good, even if it couldn't attract a lot of people on social media.
I apologize for the lengh of this, and I'm sorry if maybe it wasn't.. too helpful
You said it yourself, you're tired of advice, tired of not being good enough and.. just tired.
And you deserve to rest.
But.. still, I truly think you did some great works through it all
I wish you all the best Ecto, and stay safe out there
what's stupid is that i've been crying all day today about it. I asked on tiktok and someone said that it's because it's so cartoony and someone on reddit said the subject matter is too niche - and that the style is too niche overall. So it's a me-problem.
I used to do more types of art that weren't so personal, just trying to draw pretty women/flowers/fairy thigns and those weren't well received either. Little to no clicks or engagement(this is like, over years). I did try to break into the fnaf daycare attendent fandom because i was passionate about a story idea and now i'm embarrassed i posted art/writing for it. I had another story but it also did bad.
i tried really hard with the rat painting - sometimes i can get into drawing that stuff but for some reason it's tiring and I don't know why.
I lost so much of my life to mental illness and i kept fighting for this but i have to change myself to be better. I don't think my comic idea would do well either since it's so 'weird' like my other writing.
I just want to be enough as I am now but that's never been the case. I'm like, mourning the person i wanted to be and how insignificant i am that not even my family likes my work. It's just over, everyone else out there is almost a decade younger than me with thousands of supporters. I'm a weird 32 year old hermit. I have no direction or solid goals anymore.
sorry for the long message, im all over the place.
@@EctoBabble No need to apologize, I appreaciate it actually
I mentioned it earlier, but.. yeah algorytm is just horrible to deal with as an artist, even when doing things "right"
Some people prefer realism, some cartoony stuff, some like sci-fi, some fantasy, and whether you get pushed to the right people is.. frankly, a gamble
And.. well, if that gamble hasn't worked out, maybe there could be other things that could help you get fullfillment from your work?
I remember you mentioning that you wish to be needed/helpful and want to have a purpose, so maybe something in that direction?
You also mentioned donating art to goodwill to get rid of it, but maybe charity-related stuff could be something that might help (..?)
I don't want to say that it's the best/only solution but.. well, doing stuff for other people is how I often get myself to do stuff, so I thought of suggesting that
(Although it could maybe be a coping mechanism for Adhd, I can't be sure)
And.. yeah, I suppose maybe it's just trying to find something that's right for you
Even if age changes the way we percieve ourselfs and others, we are no less people, we can still grow, learn and create.
Admittedly, saying "The barrier is just in your mind" is about as helpful as "The lava is only on the floor", but.. well, it's not on the walls too then it's something, I suppose
I apologize if this wasn't really helpfull, it's just something that I tried to keep me, well, sane through the years
Take care Ecto
@@EctoBabble I'm in a similar place... You might have to redirect, but you still have the creative spirit that will need expression.
@@EctoBabble this may sound convinient, like if i said it only because of this video, but as an artist who also lives in a complex situation, seeing your other stuff i dont really feel like its mediocre or something, i really like the way you draw faces and the colors are pretty outstanding to me
Theres an artist in Argentina who made it as an animador as a 46 yo, so maybe you could take a break, only make art for yourself and maybe one day you could try again
And the puppets were pretty cool too
@@EctoBabbleI just wanted to say that I think the state of social media right now is way different than it used to be. I’m having the same issues trying to push my book and art. It feels like no one is looking. I heard the companies push down smaller accounts since they usually make less money for them. So it might not be an us thing, it might be a them thing.
If every person in the world got to look at your art once, you'd probably have millions of sale at minimum. It’s all about reach and it seems like its really hard to reach anyone online anymore or irl either. We would probably have to work harder than even 5 years ago. So yeah.
I hope you realize that this going viral is your sign from the universe to not give up. You don't need to push yourself hard to the point of burning yourself out, but you shouldn't give up.
you don't need an audience for your art to be worth something. plus the internet isn't built to platform people like you, it's fast paced, it's entertainment. that said, I've followed u for a while since I love your art and I appreciate how all your battles are from within. there's a special type of strength you need to fight yourself that people who don't require don't understand. I wish you hope, luck, prosperity and purpose
My hope was to just find someplace I belonged.
@@EctoBabbledon’t give up. Somethings take time!
Community just feels a lot more difficult to find these days.
@EctoBabble sweetheart, you belong just as much as anyone else, sometimes being seen makes us feel like our flesh is valid, but that's a symptom of a sick people. We don't need spotlight to be valid.
I struggle with this same thing, and I complete understanding where you are coming from, but first things first, you need to look into the mirror and see everything beautiful that makes you you.
Your art is insane, and that says a lot about what the pockets of space look like inside you. And it's really pretty. And you shouldn't take that for granted.
Being seen is nice. I liked it when I had it too. But please don't forget how significant you are. With or without an audience.
As someone who had given up on that dream when I was 20, I’m 35 years old and after many mental breakdowns and being at that edge….. it someone’s art reminded me of who I was. Who I am. Were artist. I lost a lot of my edge but I get to resharpen my tools with new life perspectives. So please Don’t say you’re giving up, you’re just setting it on the back burner, while you work on other things and that’s okay. When you get back to it(and I hope you do!!) it’s going to be sweeter if not even more sweeter than before. So please take care of yourself, take your time work your job, but never give up. Never give up ❤.
TH-cam is cruel for this to be the first video I've seen of yours. Art truly is a rat race for attention, and for what it's worth I really like your art, really beautiful.
Wishing you the best in your future, not 'succeeding' in a medium based one ones expression is never easy- however the fact that you can still appreciate the art you do have is amazing to see. Aaah as I was typing this at 6:30 you said "self love is difficult" from that one piece, and I couldn't agree more.
By the gods! Your art is so beautiful!
I hope you don't give up on it. Giving up on the marketing side I completely relate to, I've been trying to market my books for a long time. But please, don't give up on something that obviously gives you so much joy. Your art matters because it gives you joy, and it gives other people joy too. And that joy matters so much more than a profit margin.
I agree. I don't want you to wake up one day regretting that you didn't keep working at it.
i'm so sorry. i only found this channel today. every piece is so beautiful and unique and i feel real grief thinking of any of your other work going into a landfill. i wish the world could see it. i hope you aren't really giving it up, i don't think anyone else could make what you do. the way you look at your own art with so much love and adoration as you remember how it felt to make it leaves me struggling to imagine you doing anything else. it's all lovely, i'm sorry if this was a weird comment. just from one artist to another, i hope you're alright.
As someone whos suffers from PTSD, I got emotional when you brought up your little book about it. Your art is so beautiful! I know you said you want someone to be nasty to you so you give it up, but I say very honestly that I think your art is beautiful and wonderful! With that said, good luck with the decision you made and this new path you're walking down. You got this!
Dreams are Illusions, Skills that you have developed are Forever!!!! There is no quitting a race that never was!!!!!
Your innermost, sincere values are not illusions, they're real. This dream is entirely objective and not only one person wants to see her succeed.
@@gvanepely8446 if your "dream" depends entirely on other people then you will most likely never accomplish it
Your journey is far from over, online marketing is a crap-shoot that has no guarantee of success.
Your artistic expression is a natural extension of you, so never stop being YOU.
Hey! Another random person here who the algorithm decided to show this video to. Some thoughts I had while watching:
Your art is so GOOD! And I think you're way too hard on yourself. I get it because I do the same thing. Compulsively self critical. Compulsively tearing myself down. There are a few times where you seem excited about your work, but then a switch happens where you start criticizing it and comparing it to other artists' stuff. Comparison is the thief of joy! Your art is truly good and obviously meaningful! And I hope that as you continue your mental health journey, you can learn to treat that part of you that tells you you're not good enough as less and less important. Because it's lying to you.
The sheer amount of work you've made is so impressive!! It's obvious it's a passion, and I don't think you should ever stop. It seems like it would be abandoning a huge, important, and valuable part of yourself.
Perhaps you should reframe your goals for making art. The algorithms of social media are fickle, uncaring, and brutal. If you try to chase the trends, it's only going to burn you out. Creator after creator talks about how creatively bankrupt and soul crushing it is to make stuff for the algorithm. The best art (in my opinion) is art is that is honest to the artist. And the art that you've made seems to be like that. It may not immediately (or even ever) take off on social media, but you *will* find people who appreciate it regardless. All you can do is put it out into the world, and maybe someday it will take off. But I think you should make art for you, and not for the world.
Anyway, these are thoughts from a stranger who has only seen this video and has no idea what you've been through or experienced. I think you're immensely talented. But if the grind is too exhausting, stop the grind but not the art. And take care of yourself.
Financial success has always hit lonely people the most.
I'm 18, and desiring to become an artist btw. Stuff like this reminds me how much being an artist sucks. Everything about it sucks, except for money and when you finish. There's no purer pleasure than finishing a truly good work of art.
i just want people to see me, id be okay if thats all i got ;n;
Also these are all amazing pieces, I wouldn't be surprised for gallerys to really want your art
*sends this to the galleries in my area*
But also yeah, I genuinely daydream about getting into a gallery. Still no luck yet, but I always wanted that.
This video was so honest and raw. I know a lot a people relate to the struggle between trying to achieve some financial security, but also wanting to do what you really think you should be doing with your life. For you, that life purpose is clearly being an artist. You pour all of your being into your art and we can all see that. Since you work on paper, I think you should tuck the works into a portfolio for now. They won't take up too much space that way, but you can keep them with you for the better times you will have ahead. You don't need to try and sell them while you gain your financial footing through the day job, but don't continue to throw work away. You are only punishing yourself needlessly in doing that and it won't help you get through this period of readjustment. Later on, you can start working again, even if it means doing it at a slower pace. You will find a way to do it because it is who you are. Be patient with yourself. Best of luck to you.
I'll always treasure the art you once gifted to me, it has always been a source of inspiration and reflection ❣i carry it with me with my stuff everywhere i move
I like how, even though you're supposed to be "saying goodbye" you can't help but spend time admiring and talking about your work. It's really endearing.
Thanks for sharing this moment of raw vulnerability, it's really beautiful actually.
No need to give up on your dream! From one painter to another. Listen there was a certain artist who was “never good enough” he would show his work and got a mediocre response time and again. For some time. One day he vanished. Into a building into a room to paint. He was out of sight for almost a decade. People forgot all about him. Almost. And then one day he returned with a set of masterpieces of which the world has not stopped marveling over yet. He’s world famous now. Trust me it’s not always the “best” artist who gets the fame. Sometimes people like horrible art. Sometimes terrible and horrible art becomes popular. Because people can be swayed quite a bit it turns out. My point is. Don’t give up! So what you cannot paint full time? Don’t give up your dream! You think GOD made a mistake with you?! If you are an artist? Then Paint! Paint whenever and wherever you can! And I promise you if you don’t give up and you put your heart and soul into it you WILL make something worthwhile!
I'm 75 and started back into art after a 40 year absence. Your work is wonderfully imaginative, and fresh. Best of luck in the future.
Sorry to hear about this Ecto. Used to watch your twitch streams and I miss seeing you there. Hope you're doing okay.
DON'T throw anything away more or destroy it! I'm just a rando from the internet, but I'm almost certain you'll regret it and badly. Throwing more of your stuff away would be a gesture of self-hatred. Don't do that to yourself!
I really truly did not think this would be seen by anyone - but I should explain that I have bipolar and most of it along with many of my things were thrown away during mania or sever depressed episodes. I can't explain the delusional fight/flight that used to happen, but I'm on medication now and those urges have been minimized. I haven't done a huge purge in 3-ish years along with other bad habits!! :) I can see the signs coming and redirect it to cleaning the rat cage.
@@EctoBabble I'm glad that you've minimised those urges :) your art is lovely, showing a lovely colorful soul, it would be a shame to lose more of it
Art is a fundamental form of human expression, so you'll never truly give it up. Take whatever time you need to, in order to center yourself, but please keep making art, if nothing else but to take joy in creating. Your work is beautiful and it would be an incredible shame to just give up on this entirely
Also your story about the shadow man and pumpkin boy sounds cool! The cover for it is also really neat, so is the inner child one and the grief one. The first cover has such an eery yet sleek vibe. I love the way you drew the characters as well!! Pumpkin heads are always neat!!
In the 21st minute where you're saying "I don't know why I keep coming back to this"- I am going through this right now, except about my relationship with my mom. I should find some group therapy. Thanks for the inspiration.
The way you watch your paintings, with that sad smile, breaks my heart, please don't give up! I just discovered you, so all I can say is that your art is beautifull ❤️ i give you a big hug
I first found you doing local drag and I adored your sets so much. They were unconventional and fresh and I fell in love with it. My best friend and I still talk about you to this day as one of our favorite performers and we were avid drag attendees in that town. Something about you and your art stuck with us. I wish I could go back in time and give you all of the recognition you deserve. Teared up when you said you threw the puppets away. Some art isn’t meant to be understood by everyone, but those of us who get it… we get it ❤️ I hope you take a needed rest, but please know your art is loved and it deserves to kept alive.
Im so glad❤ Every now and then I thought about doing drag again online but idk how cringe it'd be 😅 there were times I had fun with that.
This is such a sad video…. I can only wish you love and happiness in what ever direction you go. From one Artie to another ❤❤❤
Hey as an artist myself I totally understand the struggle of getting your art out there. I have ran into a multitude of instances where people didn't like the work I was making and many of my peers and family thought I was wasting my time. It ultimately led me to state where I only make work for me. Once I started making more work with the pure intention to only entertain me funny enough more people become interested in the art. In retrospect I had to go through a similar position for my work to grow into something better and for me to grow as a person. Keep creating and trust the universe, your work will get the spotlight it deserves!
You broke the algorithm... Hello form Australia! This is the most honest and real video I think I have ever watched. Your work is beautiful and expressive and whimsical, trust in yourself - whether recognition comes or not you should create. Draw your darkness and draw your light, you are beautiful.
your story is one that is relatable and honest. sometimes the downs can really bring us up. I’m sorry you haven’t received the recognition babe
I make music mostly, and need to remind myself constantly that my “being” does not depend on it, but my music depends on my being to be meaningful in any way. Seeing your video, i see someone that is smart, and skillfull, makes beautiful art. But you clearly are very tired. Thats no place to make any permanent decisions except maybe to get back to the “being” part that needs above all your attention, instead of superficial recognition on any Social media platform. Follow your Joy, it wont lie to you.
Sorry if i sound like a grandpa, but i can relate, and wanted tell you that you are enough as you are, with or without making art. From there you can feel out what feels good to you.
Take care ❤
Focus on yourself and your love for art will rekindle. Art is about experiences, and your art is beautiful. Live for yourself, it will emanate in your work. I hope things get better for you
i just want to add that your art is so gorgeous and so comforting, i feel like ive been looking for a channel like yours all my life
Used to watch the streams and loved seeing your stuff and hearing what went into all of them. Missed seeing your work a lot, don't really know what to say other than it's shitty to hear some of what you've gone through and it's just nice to see/hear you and your work again.
If you feel the need to throw/trash stuff again, please try not to, I'll try to take it off your hands and pay you for it. If you ever change your mind and want any of it back I'll even send it back.
Anyway, just nice to see and hear stuff again, don't know what that guy was thinking about that piece being "whores", think that says more about how he views women than about the artwork.
I feel this is healing for you and i see where your coming from. Your work is incredible and reminds me of an old friend who was also incredible and inspiring but didn't seem to find happiness from it all. His work could make everyone else happy but the incredible work he made never seemed to land right for him. I wish id made more of an effort to understand his work when I knew them. it reminds me to try to understand my friends deeper. thankyou for that. You are incredible and I hope you find happiness or contentment or a series of momentary joys each day. You don't have to draw if it doesn't bring you happiness or bring loveliness into your life. Take a chance on people theirs still some good ones left, your clearly an.incredible human being. you just are.
This video just came up in my recommended videos and it breaks my heart to hear because I think your art is amazing. Sorry you are going through a hard time, I can empathize with that, I have been told for years to sell the stuff I create but the anxiety tells me no one will want it or care so I haven't even tried. I do understand the not wanting to keep going in the grind. I hope you find something you love to do. Sorry to have only discovered you now.
You seem down on yourself and your abilities but I think your art is wonderful. It's hard but I think the one most important thing is to continue even if it's just for you ❤
Don’t give up on your dream! Keep going, keep learning, keep experimenting, keep watching art videos, keep practicing, experiment, experiment, experiment!!! Go to art museums, do master copies of other people’s work. DONT EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!
Your art is wonderful. I really hope that you keep on doing what you do because your art is truly spectacular.
Im just one more at this point, but I wish I'd found you and your art before, but I am glad to see it now while I can. Even if this is the last, it's something special to see, even once. Thank you for sharing, and I hope your personal work and recovery continue to go well
Randomly came across this video. Youre art is AMAZING. Please dont give up.
Youve got over 5,000 pairs of eyes on you and your work and i really hope you feel that. This is my first video ive seen of yours and im saddened to hear you feeling so down. Your art is incredible, beautiful, and my favorite, unique. I really hope you continue to create, even if the mission changes. Its a very saturated world online, an people who "blow up" are becoming fewer and fewer. Were reverting back to smaller groups spread out all over and more personal and cult followings. And i think its a great thing. My cousin used to want to get famous through his music, and now weve gotten to the point where were so excited to share it with a hundred people (cause thats alot of people!) or to create with one or two other artists. Were all expanding online like the stars moving apart from each other, i hope you can feel good about the people who have seen you and love what you do.
Colors are alive! Nice. Imagery- personal. The whole world, systems, etc. try to control you. Art is a way to keep your inner light, maintain a sanity-- you are in control of everything on that surface, in a healthy kind of "control." One's internal world is what gets "out o' whack," lending some to jump off buildings, end up in jail , going ballistic, etc. It takes courage to put your art out there. Judgemental and critical people are out there like millions of ants. Keep on keeping on, whatever you do. You need no approval to be you. Thanks for sharing your world!
Your art has a lot of heart I think you are having a bad depression episode like you said in your description! I dont have a "career" in art either but I hope it still brings out your passion once in a while. I'm so so so sorry life has it made it so hard for creatives 😭
I’m sorry it didn’t work out :(( but seeing your art is super inspiring it’s so unique and interesting and inspired me on my own art :)) thank you for sharing all your beautiful pieces
Your art looks very creative and detailed to me, in a way that absolutely no other could ever recreate it. The symbolism is very well portrayed, and you can see the hours that could have gone into only the little details.
people will always despise everything new, but there will also be many who adore your art.People tend to avoid new or unique artstyles, as keeping to the same channels with the same exact artstyle feels normal, and they scroll past anything unique, just like how people with beautiful clothing styles are bullied off the internet for not wearing "basic" clothes. But that will never mean your art is bad. You artstyle is very creative, well portrayed, detailed, and it shows pure talent. You don't have to keep an account with millions of followers to be classified as good. Posting is a gamble, with a very low chance of it taking off, especially if your art isn't the basic simplistic cartoon artstyle. But your art is wonderful even without the crowd adoring it, I hope you will realise that, and realise the fact that every good artist created art for their enjoyment, not for the crowds. I hope you learn how to create for yourself, and appreciate your art strongly even if nobody else does, and I hope you eventually find a job or a crowd that will appreciate your art the amount it absolutely deserves to be. personally I could totally see your art on murals somewhere. Your art deserves to be around people who adore it, not in a place where theres so many people seeing art everyday it's frustrating to attempt to look at something new. Any of the famous artists of the past would have been ignored online because it's so different and new, it feels wrong around people endlessly scrolling through the same artstyle filtered to be slightly different, most the time those people don'teven enjoy art at museums, because it isn't "aesthetic", and doesn't fit the stereotypical range of this era, nor do they understand any of it. You deserve to make pieces that portray your admiration for the type of art that you adore, and create pieces that will find its crowd, not filter them to be less than only for people to hate it nonetheless.
sorry for my rambling, I hope you get the point though
"I do it, then I share it, and then it's like nothing" I've been there before and kinda in that funk myself. There was a point where I wanted to be a full time illustrator and artist. Worked everyday I could to get better but just never felt like I was getting there or hell even getting to the point of getting paid to do it. Life moved on and I put all my stuff in the basement where it stays and just the thought of bringing it back up gives me anxiety. I think in the end I just wanted community as an introverted artist. I kinda lost that when I graduated art school. Love your artwork btw. Wish I was open with myself enough to make such emotional and reflective artwork. Peace, hope you feel better.
I am an artist as well. I struggle a lot with these feelings. Its been stronger since I turned 30, especially graduating mid-pandemic which f-ed up my plans a lot. I dreamed wanting to be an Art Director, but feels like it is untenable because of...🤢 A.I 🤮. Even today I woke up with this sense of meaninglessness, and just couldnt help but cry as I got out of bed. I wanted to sleep and remain asleep for a long time, in an eternal dream, away from this.
But I realized that dreams are fluid. We have many in one lifetime and always bring us to unexpected places. I have a good art community that I am a part of, I am trying new things, I have a decent school job, and I have my loving family.
Someone told me something I'll never forget. "There is always a rainbow at the end of a storm."
Am I talking to myself two years in the past? LOL I wanted to be an art director too. I know too well waking up in those moods, or needing to go lay down just to cry it out. Also yeah, fck AI. :(
I love that quote, that is very true.
Even though this video is my first exposure to any of your work, it feels sad to know that this is the end because everything I'm seeing looks amazing. I hope things go well for you in the future.
it's so apparent there's a genuine meaning behind everything you make. regardless of how anyone perceives the quality of your art, that will always translate through, and I think that's the most important thing. it's not easy to love every version of ourselves but i think we are all capable of love. be proud!
For what it's worth, the most content I ever was as an artist was when I was in a situation where I had a job that paid enough to take care of the bills if I didn't live extravagantly. I made art that I liked without thinking about whether it would sell or not. I would stay up all night on weekends in the little corner of my home that I set up as my studio space drawing and painting my art. I put my work in local group shows and didn't care if I got an award or sold a painting. At the openings, I just socialized with the other artists and talked to the people who came if they had questions. I just had a good time and didn't worry about selling anything. I didn't put myself on any kind of deadline. Now and then I would sell something. Once a nice old lady bought this really crazy looking cityscape with a black sun in the background, I made. So there's no telling who your audience is going to be.
I love your art...I have many tshirts & a hoodie that I will forever wear proudly 💚💙💜
I am so sad to hear that you are retiring, honestly I remember seeing the Dismemberment video and instantly hitting the subscribe button, simply loved the artwork in that, i still hope you continue to create. Love your work!
This was a super sad and heavy video watch didnt think id be this upset over a stranger giving up on something
Unfortunately people like that and not what I wanted ultimately to do. I did that to secure a job in the industry at a low point. I don't even want to continue drafting my comic - my style doesn't sell on insta/tiktok/yt/tumblr and i cant handle more apathy. I'm going to practice realism again and go down that route possibly if I get the spoons to try again(bc im an idiot). I have one canvas left I might try to do something with but I'm too irrelevant and tired.
@@EctoBabble I know nothing about the market/industry for art so please take everything i say with a pinch of salt ig, but why not sell realism while doing what you actually love on the side and maybe after you get insta/tiktok/yt/tumblr popular (which ik you will
I'm also an artist and this video broke my heart. Your work is absolutely gorgeous and it's clear you put so much heart and soul into it.
my heart falls into pieces every time i think of all the art not made or seen because of how cruel this world can be.. wishing everyone luck in finding a balance between what they want to do and what they have to do in this world.
to anyone who might be interested.. those who hate socials but still like the tool that is a computer.. consider finding community in smaller parts of the internet, like neocities and certain discord channels. youtube too if u want, but focus on quality of viewership not quantity. if u wanna keep sharing on socials, don't open the apps too often. just post.
& ofc venture into the real world, find ur ppl in ur community..
even just to create & commiserate with.
especially if you've given up on monetizing. and who knows, maybe that'll come later as u grow that part of ur life.. but artists deserve to simply be artists.
don't give up on urself. even if u have to give up on a potential career. even if u can only create once a month or so. do what u can, for urself. as an artist.
hang in there
I disagree you should not give up and hearing you say that breaks my heart. I think most people dont know what they are doing just making their way through life as best as they can. You seem to be going through alot of shit life is fucked. This is my first time hearing of you Ecto your art is really cute, and dark, and you are have a great sense for design. Don't give up your dream please. Your talent is blinding don't stop. I went to your website and you dont have any of your still for sale I would gladly pay for many of the pieces you have shown today as well as alot of the stuff ive seen in your public portfolio. Ill be watching for anything you put out so please don't give up.
im not sure what else to say other then your art matters. the pieces you showed clearly meant something to you when you made it, no matter how you feel about it now. a lot of people like myself like it and feel inspired by it. ive been a fan since the drag stuff on instagram a few years ago.
no matter what you do going forward, if you make art or not, are a hobbyist or a professional or not, that was worth the time you spent on it just for that. it has value.
i wish you good luck and hope you feel less defeated and hopeless in the future. im rooting for you
I’ve been thinking about this video for a day or two now and I can’t get it off my mind. It’s so hard to find something online that feels so honest and personal. Genuinely, thanks for posting this. Idk it had some kinda impact on me
Also idk wtf a rat video is but I really want to
You and your art pieces are masterpieces whether someone is looking at them or not. I’m glad I found your channel.
You have the most beautiful soul and are such a talented artist and creator! Please NEVER stop what you are doing, this world needs more people like you!
You're a beautiful human (inside and outside) and your art is amazing. I wish you the best in pursuing whatever dreams come in your future
Don’t do it . Change the dream . Adapt but don’t give up on it . There’s nothing else out there dog . Maybe you got a job or something to pay the bills but fight for the dream. Adapt get better strive . Compromise but don’t let it die .
Something I finally realized was that it's fine to have a full time job and for art to be your hobby and not your career. I love creating comics and I spend my free time doing it. I've sold quite a few to local shops and people and despite my sales being low, I love the process of writing/drawing comics. I love it and just because it's not my "career" doesn't make what I'm doing any less valid. When I look back at the work I've done, I'm proud of myself and that's all that really matters to me. I don't need to be validated by anyone else.
Dont give up. Its riding waves.
Many famous/succsesfull artist had to take a pause for YEARS (!) because "life got in the way".
I really like your art, specially 14:09 "Inner Child"! :)
This is the first video I'm seeing of yours, but this resonates so hard with me, as a fellow creative with no personal time to create. Even if you never post online again, I sincerely hope you never allow that creative spark die, and keep going no matter how pointless it feels. You never have to say goodbye to your passions as long as they still make you happy.
I love your artwork, I looked on your website and on your tumblr a bit. I adore all the details you put in, all the intricate little details, and the colors, and the way you draw faces. The symbolism also is so lovely. Your art pieces feel like something I would buy in a small business or an Etsy store. I hate what that one guy said at that con. He sounds stupid and gross, she looked so cute. He sounded like a such creep. I also read a story that was on your tumblr, the one shot you did, washing dishes. It was extremely well written, it nearly brought me to tears. I really felt bad for Kyle, he didn’t deserve the treatment he got.
This video has me really emotional, it feels so vulnerable and I relate to the feeling of not being enough. Of posting out there and barely having people see it.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I’m not going to college right now, and I don’t know if I want to do art as a job. I don’t want to lose passion for it. I do a lot of my art for myself, and my art feels a bit stagnant. I feel kind of stuck.
I can see the pride you have for your artwork, and I hate the idea of it being thrown away. But you have to do what’s best for you. I really hope more people see your art, I’m so sorry people haven’t and are only noticing it from this video (including myself). I just hope you at least do what’s best for you.
Edit: I just read the description, I’m glad you’re not giving up on art and are still doing it for a hobby. Social media is awful, a lot of main stream social media is. I still hope you can achieve your dream in some way but as said I’m glad you’re not giving up on it. I apologize for this big old long ramble & editing this comment so much lol. I wish you well and the best.
Don't give up, we've been called in for support. Awesome art BTW.
I really like your style, and your narratives that accompany your designs are great too. Sometimes when I get burnout with art for many different reasons I stop trying to market my art and just do it for myself for a while, I work on my portfolio and judge it as if I were giving the interview. I know its not always easy not to care what others think. I found my art tribe through other hobbies. Tabletop gaming and card games. I dont think you can ever truly give up on your art, its a part of you.
I wish you all the best that life can offer
I never developed my art into more than a hobby. But when I realized that I couldn’t make a living with it I was quite heartbroken. I can’t offer any advice because I gave into the “rat race”, but sympathize so much with this. I wish you all the best.
I am terribly saddened by this video. Not only because i empathize with ectobabble, but also because this video is proof of how many artists and their artwork will be unnoticed and under-appreciated.
A career as an artist is always going to be, and has been, difficult. People are now learning that having internet access and a camera isn't enough to become "internet famous". It takes a real hustle, commitment, and luck. That means working 16hr days and having more than just a foot in the door. You gotta be all in, or it'll never be real.
I'm sorry your dream didn't work out in this capacity, I'm just now discovering your channel. As someone who has worked for myself as an artist and graphic designer for the past 7 years, I know what it's like. Trust me, you'll dust yourself off eventually and find a new relationship with your art.
Good luck and take some time for you. Your work is great.
Remember that the grass still grows beneath the snow.
I used to pull all nighters, stream, set up posting schedules, time lapses, apply for galleries, like it was a big side hustle and then for a time it was my 'full-time' project. After a long hiatus due to health/irl emergencies/etc I finally was on stable ground and started again, I got burnt out again so fast. Not even from a 'effort' pov but my health shapes my life now. And my day job requires so much and i genuinely care about my career again.
My dream was to find people who loved storytelling art whether it be weird artwork or storytelling images but there are many problems with that. Who loved lots of symbolism in art and secret stories, weird creepy things and dream/weirdcore. I can't stop myself from making art but I can kill the dreams and expectations I wanted for it so I can make it in peace again.
you have such an amazing use of color in all your pieces, much better than my own honestly! i hope that this break gives you what you need because your art is absolutely stunning. not just saying this to be nice, i mean it. much love!
I really enjoyed the pumpkin head and the warden story and drawing it was touching.
I know a LOT of people who used to do art earlier in life and take it back up after middle age. It's incredibly common. Keep your stuff! People underestimate how much they wind up valuing memories of their earlier life.
Your art is beautiful. It's amazing and I hope that more people in the world will see such wonderful art❤
I painted on nights and weekends for years with a full time job. It seems like you really love making the work, so I bet it'll remain a part of your life in the future. Cheers
Your face tells me you've been through enough. I hope you find your joy, or at least some peace. Stay safe.
You know what I can tell pretty much from this one video that you take art very seriously, you express yourself through the symbolism in your paintings, and that's very valuable and precious. You're art sometimes doesn't need to be good or perfect it needs to be honest, and i know working as an artist is hard to get money from, but please keep it up just for the sake of your own pleasure. Please please keep it up, it will mean a lot to me if you kept going because I relate a lot to you
Your art is beautiful....thank you for sharing this moment in your life. Van Gogh went his whole life in the moment you are here....I think about him often....and all the other artists like you we don't know about out there....I hope you are able to continue being kind to yourself and get a chance to see your worth ❤️
I just stumbled upon this video on TH-cam and I'm really glad I did. As a fellow artist, I can relate to how difficult it is to support oneself (financially mainly). The longer time goes by, the harder it is to keep pushing, hoping that one day something will change and improve. It's really hard to have the willpower to keep going. I've given up many, many times before. All the defeats add up and weigh you down, making it that much harder to want to try again.
I have a dream of pursuing music and reaching as many people as I can with it. I know that's my life calling. But it's a double-edged sword: knowing what you want to do is great, but it makes life extremely hard when the reality is that pursuing art to live off of it is extremely challenging.
I also relate to the struggle of being obligated to use social media to promote oneself as an artist. Nowadays, it seems like the only way to do it. I've distanced myself from social media because it can be so toxic. While there are good things about it, they are often overshadowed by the negative aspects that can make you feel bad, insecure, and worse off.
It's hard to see your work and not feel it's good enough or to feel like the world doesn't value it as much as you do. It's disheartening.
I'm sorry that you're going through this, feeling exhausted and directionless. I've been there many times, and it can feel like there's no way out. It would be a shame if the world would lose your art.
If there's any way I can buy one of your paintings, please let me know. I love the ones you showed. They reflect your experiences, a way to process life, both the good and the bad, and I think they exemplify why art is so important.
Please never let that fire within you die. Right now it may seem like it's not the time, but never let that fire die. Maybe you pursue something else to support yourself, but never forget what you truly want to do in life. I hope you can get back to living as an artist, whenever that time may be, and share your story with others. I think it could be so inspiring to other artists. Most of us don't have a simple path in art; we struggle with so much and go through many ups and downs. If people could hear the story of someone who once decided to give up but then found a way, I think it would give them a lot of strength to keep going.
With lots of love, from someone all the way in Argentina, I wish you nothing but the best, whatever path your life takes
As a comic book artist myself, I absolutely love you work. It’s original and expressive in a way I could never be. I really hope you do not give up, but I understand too if it causes too much turmoil in your life. I had stopped at one point for 15 years, as I had received some negative reactions, but took it back up 7 years ago, renewed. I truly believe that you have amazing talent, a pray and wish you well on you endeavors.
I really love the art honestly. I'm not qualified to give mental health advice, so I wont. However in terms of art, please dont stop. Even if it's just on the side.
TY, a big part of this is my mental health. Rest assured that I have help irl from professionals and attend some mental health groups in my area where I have good friends.
I appreciate your vision and authenticity. You seem to be a sensitive and empathic person, like someone who could be a valuable friend
I swear on my life that if you keep uploading content to TH-cam I will watch, comment and like every video.
stuff like this feeds that little part of me that wants to keep trying for attention, but i also don't want to keep going because i'd be breaking what I said I wasn't going to do. lol
Hi I'm not familiar with your work, the algorithm brought this video to me. I am in a very painful phase of my life right now and it makes my heart ache to see you upset this way because I can relate to your disposition. I'm an artist myself as well.
I understand how hard it can be to feel like you belong somewhere. Your art has value whether it's collecting dust somehwere or seen by thousands. Listen to the way you speak about your pieces, you liked making them, the raise of excitement in your voice when you remember to point out a detail you forgot about, you enjoyed the process, you still love the way some of them look, you tested your flexibility in style, you express the things you've been through in your details, you miss making certain things.
Your art has more value to it than how much attention it gets, why? Because it brings YOU joy, expression, and outlet. You're down but I still hear love in your words for the act of creating.
Please don't give up, do it for yourself and no one else. You don't have to make art your job for it to matter, this world is so insistent on turning every joy into profit. The things we make are some of the few things that will ever truly be ours, no one can ever take them away from us. No obstacle can ever take them away from us. People make art without hands, without sight, without the ability to hear, with a tremor in their hands. We do it because our nature begs us to, because it can complete us.
I do think your art is beautiful but my opinion doesn't matter, not more than yours. I hope you can speak well of your art someday. You're so creative.
Living in a vicious late stage capitalistic/corporatist world can be exhausting. The majority of us are all just trying to keep from being thrown out onto the streets with nothing.
You are very talented and I wish you the best. Keep your chin up!
, I feel like I and many other artists have had a similar internal dilemma. especially recently.
I wish so much that i had something wise to say. but all i can tell you is that what you've done takes bravery.
And that i hope the very best for you.
id also like to add, that i think your artwork is great, and feeling like your work is no longer competitive is no reason to stop completely.
Im pretty sure youve heard this a million times let me make it one million more its clear you have a passion for art you had a spark in youre eye when you talked about how you wanted to continue a certain art piece if it doesn't sell keep going if it does keep going youre passion and youre work speaks for itself, people got opinions like buttholes that doesn't mean you have to smell it. take pride in youre art cause if you dont no one will.
An old summer school teacher told me "even if you dont pursue something in the arts as a professional, you should keep drawing." idk if he meant that specifically for me because he saw potential or if it was some kind of advice to keep a creative element alive in life.
It sounds a lot like you should "let go" of some previous works rather than just ending your journey with art. I've went through some of my old sketchbooks and just ripped up things from 10+ years ago to free myself of lingering emotions or nostalgia. For me, it felt like I needed to liberate part of the artist so that I didn't get stuck in transit, like I was waiting for the me of then to finish or pick up where that chapter left off.
Maybe art is an outlet for you rather than a path to commercial success, not to say you cant turn it into one. The paths are being a slave to the people or carve a niche for yourself. You actually have a really cool style with some of the characters and designs; 12:37 , 12:48 , 12:53 for example. You could always just have it as a side gig and sell prints if you updated/polished some of those works.
Hopefully you stay at it, even in a casual sense. Would you take a commission if I asked for one? Maybe that could breathe some new life into the artist you are now. No rush or pressure.
pls keep going :(( i’m with you, being young and in art is so tough. we got this. it’s for us ❤️
that's some insane art genuinely you can't stop doing it art is timeless you never know where it could end up in the future.
Been there. I usually abandon everything for a bit, and then I just slowly start again. But you do what you think will make you happy, or less dolorous. And then one day, you're drawing a character named Dolorous. Crazy. Good luck.
the exhaustion can guide you, i've been trying to implement and providing absurd story structures for the film industry for years, until i gave up and my creativity could flow in different paths, finding new companions in the independent scene. maybe the next time you create, you do it for yourself and not to be forced anymore to buy some kind of resonance, while selling. it's a painful process to seperate your artistic being from approval, but it'll wait for you, after you come out of your exhaustion, i'm sure. I had to focused a lot on selflove, before i could restart, and i think, it's a never-ending process. You got this!
I pray you find solace and continue find love in what you do . One of the hardest things to realize as a artist is that it actually matters to someone regardless of how much we make
ur art is good enough. its really incredibly done. crisp images with clear meanings and vibrant but balanced colors. dont give up. i feel like ive seen you before and if you try selling drawings to a skate company or get into graphic design or start putting things on canvas and taking them to galleries!! dont underestimate the power of a thick edged canvas
Thanks for posting. It was hard for me to watch but made me think. Maybe I have nothing else in my life, no friends no job, but life without making games makes me feel terrible (my dream is to be a game dev). I gave up 2 years ago and then changed my mind and tried again. I've been trying for 10 years too and I will keep trying because I have nothing else. Even if people in my life want me to get any job and just settle. Glad I read the description and saw you will still draw as a hobby. Wishing you well!
There’s more than one drawing where I’m questioning if I’m good enough. Understand that it doesn’t matter and the word “good” is equally subjective on the best and worst day. I love you. We love you. Your art is amazing and specific to you. You will do great things, this, I am sure.
For what it's worth, your art is genuinely inspiring. The emotions are so vibrant and they feel so alive... if I could draw or paint that well I'd definitely want to do something similar. I'm sorry you're going through all this and I hope you come out of it a happier person, but I can say for sure that what you make is awesome, regardless of whether it gets attention online. Thank you for powering through everything and making it.