Don't Date A Girl Who Orders Chicken Nuggets. Paul Sheffield - Full Special
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ส.ค. 2024
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The ice cream girl didnt want to say it makes her fart lololol
Commercial for Lactaid chewables !
Yeah, she seems to have confused "allergic" with "lactose intolerant."
C.W.
Or, 'flatulent'.
🥹🥹🥹🤣😂😂😂
Literally my dad is allergic to shrimp, yet he'll steal 2 of my mom's fried shrimp and hopes for the best😓😆
Chante Andrews I’m not allergic to anything so I eat stuff like shrimp and shell food even though I don’t like it cause I know others can’t so I feel selfish.. with great power comes great responsibility
@@IMTHATN1NJA lmao thank you for your bravery and courage
I have shell fish allergies but I still eat them. I’m like screw it, I can take a little bit of itching lol
@@deviantanomaly the lactose joke had me dying. I literally drank 2 16oz. glasses of 1% milk last night and figured I needed to take out my enemies amongst this Covid19😂(intolerant joke)
Me
I only made it to the lactose intolerant joke, but I dated a girl who was lactose intolerant and Im confident she should be subject to military testing because the gases she can produces are sure to win us wars if we weaponize them
I went to make this comment. She is lactose intolerant. Not allergic or full. Both were stupid.
Nick Sprung 😂
My boyfriend says the same thing to me when we're snuggling and I rip one off xD
I know that’s as far as I made it too
I think the key phrase was eat too much not eat any.
He looks like a chef who started doing comedy without changing the uniform
Or a bigger Jon Snow.
Lol that's why I clicked on him. I thought he was a chef. Lol
I know right. I thought the same thing
Haha! The first thing came to my mind: Looks like a chef shirt?!
Like he literally just came on stage from the kitchen... Doesn't help when he talks about food
Wow, I don’t know how I found dry bar but they are jam packed with quality clean comedians.
You should see Landry from Canada and Auggie Smith. Both are hilarious, both here on Drybar.
That's the point of Dry bar. All the best comedians go through Dry bar.
Ок
"My parents failed wayyyyyy before you did." 😂
this guy is pretty funny, also he sounds like Nemo's dad
Well, I hear clownfish are good at jokes ;)
Marlin.
It's all I can hear now XD
Albert Brooks is the actors name
Yes he totally does.
Absolutely hilarious! “I’m allergic to stupid”.
he just won me over with "if you come home and see an ambulance in your driveway you already know what happened" lmfaooo
I love your icon 💙
Jess: "Nick, you always see the worst in people."
Nick: "That's because people are the worst."
Right off of Seinfeld...
New Girl is so awesome! Haha
😂👌🏼
I was thinking the same thing, lol
😂😂😂
I kind of felt like I was his dad sitting in the audience thinking, "yeah he's not totally worthless!"
I dated a woman who ordered a cheeseburger wherever we went even olive garden. It took me 5 or 6 dates to realize she was illiterate and couldn't read the menu. True story
😳😳😳 WOW
@Mr. Hanger What happened after that?
@@nancyhowell4505 we dated a couple more times, but it didn't take long to realize it wouldn't work. We ran out of things to talk about pretty quick.
😧 Wow!
So sad! You should have helped her to learn.
Oregon: "He is entitled to his opinion."
California: "Stop oppressing me."
Hmmmm... might want to rethink this comment in Sept. 2020?
Ya that didn't age well lol
No, Oregon is just a more crunchy granola version of California. Both states are trash.
@@dearred2923 California’s just more well more known for that stuff 🙄 It’s not good to say, but I’m embarrassed to be from California... *Luckily, my family that’s still there doesn’t live like that!*
That used to be just NorCal and Beverly Hills but now it spreads everywhere
He somehow makes me think of Nick from New Girl
MOST DEFINITELY. Lol
Oh shoot yeah
I'm a truck driver and I can indeed confirm his truck driver driving joke. We do it in purpose sometimes
🤣🤣🤣 that joke was hilarious.. it was the ending … the face we give y’all … the you know what you did face 🤣🤣🤣
Blow up the truck was it for me 😂😂😂
I can confirm that you drive trucks. See you in Thursday night
I like his delivery, dry bar it's been putting out great specials these days
I was shovelling my driveway while listening to this and had to stop to laugh so often. I must have looked crazy to my neighbors XD
@BenderIsGreat I would love to do that on purpose! First is to make an onerous job easier to bear. Second to imagine the neighbors' thoughts and reactions, freaking them out! 🤯👏👍👍🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol!!!! That’s great!!!! It’s a shame you didn’t have a security camera. You could’ve watched it to see how you looked to them. Lol
The roommate part is crazily accurate. Even after 2 years I still don’t get them 😂
Ha my husband and I's first date was bowling. Prior he asked "are you any good at bowling?" "Eh, I'm decent" I bowled a 200 🙌. He said "I've hustled him since day 1"
i had to watch cause i’m am that girl who orders chicken strips but i’m so glad i stayed til the end for the oregon joke
Same
I'm from Oregon and I thought that joke was hilarious 😂
Sameee
I love how he refers to scents as flavors.
In Spanish It's the same word
I hate it.
Aroma is a good word- scent is a good word, why use a word that doesn't mean the same thing?
It's annoying.
In fact this is the first comedian I've watched who i haven't enjoyed AT ALL.
The ice cream story was dumb af because lactose intolerance is not the same kind of allergy as one that gives you an anaphylactic reaction.
You won't die from it.
jan rees You realize people can have a milk allergy right?
Edit: Milk allergies(all milk products)are real and can result in death.
@@janrees4887 also lets be honest, most of the varieties are named after foods as well. Plus, smell works through taste and scent anyway
@@janrees4887 that sounds like a you problem.
Guys funny. Lately dry bars been having good comedians
Agreed
Eh. He could do better.
Never saw funny before huh? He is misinformed of the facts about what he thinks are jokes.
@@cravinbob I envy the perfect world you live in..
Have to agree, kinda funny guy and I have actually never heard of him before. Giving a like no doubt
Dating a chicken nugget girl wouldn't be that bad for me considering most times I usually order chicken tendies myself
Honestly we're good company.
Yeah I didn't get that joke at all what is he complaining because his dates aren't using more of his money?
I always get 10 piece chicken mcnuggets at McDonalds.
Yeah, that joke wasn't even very funny. Like, if you're dating a woman who is both practical and a naturally light eater, she might order off the kid's menu because she knows a larger portion would be a waste. Or she might just really love chicken fingers. Or it might be her way of practicing portion control whenever she dines out. "I can have anything I want, as long as it's off the kid's menu" is honestly a great idea if you're a small person who wants to exercising portion control at restaurants, IMO.
@@mayhit Most places don't let grown adults order from a children's menu. Be a grown up, order a full meal, and take half home.
My kid sister and I added water to our dad's vodka and gin when we were kids. 😀
"He's entitled to his opinion"!!!! 😆😆😆😆
Lactose intolerance is not an "allergy" but you do become bloated and uncomfortable if you have too much dairy
Sarah Isles I was just thinking that she may have been sensitive instead of intolerant
thats completely different than saying "Im allergic"
People can have a milk allergy, and lactose intolerance severity depends on the person. I’m in debilitating pain for a week if I drink a small cup of milk(ice cream/cheese with lactose is the same)
Jennifer S. I’m sure it was her way of a short explanation vs. saying “I’m lactose intolerant and may get explosive diarrhea if I eat too much dairy.”
There's also the fact that there are actually "levels of allergic" my sister for instance has a bunch of minor allergies that won't kill her but make her extremely sick and uncomfortable if she eats them.
I didn't know the three rules of stealing food, was a thing everyone did. I thought I was alone!
I find it hilarious when people say I can't run as fast as the Kenyans when here I am, a Kenyan who can only beat her 3 year old brother in a race....and only barely 😂
So funny and cute.
"I'm allergic to stupid" 😂😂
Beating Google Map eta is my reason to live
Hahah as a delivery man I relate to this on a monetary level.
@ArmchairWarrior I assure you, my dear armchair, it is very possible. One must only believe it can be done
@ArmchairWarrior you too can do it.
Omg I feel so vindicated by this. I plug in destination and it says an hour 2 minutes?
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED 😈😈
Back when we were using the Garmin, I used to keep myself entertained on the long stretches (Nebraska, Wyoming, etc.) by watching for the ETA on the Garmin to drop a minute.
Why was that oreo package sound so spot on lol
Most restaurant "kid's meals" are all the calories a full grown adult needs for a meal.
That’s true. I also believe that the other person probably had a lactose intolerance.
I used to be able to check my voicemail, then have the option to send a voicemail to someone else. "I swear I called you, I even left a voicemail."
Does he look like a mix of Jon Snow and Samwell Tarly to anyone else??
No,Just me?
'Kay!
I was thinking the same thing!
No, not just you 😂
How is no one else pointing it out?!!
Now that you mention it, yes!
🤣😂 those last lines were the best!!! hahaha!!!!
Teachers: trust me you didn't let me down... you were never that important anyways
You'd be surprised my wife allergic to milk but dares to eat ice cream
We who are lactose intolerant dare to live dangerously like that 🤣
I'm painting a mural in the kitchen of a 68 year old woman's house in San Leon Texas... every drawer in this kitchen has a GUN IN IT.
Why are you going through this ladies drawers if you're just there to paint?
@@Weeble_Wobble He forgot where he placed his chainsaw. ;)
@@Weeble_Wobble Looking for that sweet sweet ribbon candy
Guess she caught him, he never replied.
Jeremy pifer..... nosey people wanna know! 👍🤣
She was lactose intolerant and didn't want to fart on the date dude lol
But she ate the ice cream anyway. So that's the issue. If she didn't want to fart in front of this dude.. why is she eating it anyway???
Brilliant! How does he remember all his jokes so quick? He is great!
Brenda Teague tho the avacado icecream joke was off because he swapped it with the one of the girl asking for icecream
It was a callback referencing something he set the foundation for in an earlier joke. Lots of comedians do things like that. I like him and thought he was pretty good, but some parts could be smoothed out. Still a lot better than a lot of comedians I’ve seen though. Think he has a good future.
Toaster strudel was a cute nickname
I actually liked Poptart as well 🥺
🤣🤣 yeah.!!!
Great job! Had to be a little extra pressure with mom and dad sitting in the audience! Hope he has a successful career! BE SAFE,GOD BLESS!🇺🇸🙏
I actually like miniature golf for a first date. I can’t bowl. Lol.
I mean it's not super fun if you just annihilate them. I only bowl on dates so I'm horrible, but we both have a good time because we both suck usually. Losing gracefully is an important thing to learn haha.
She ordered salad, alone. Then she ate half of my steak and fries....
36:52 "Everyone in Texas has a gun"
Can confirm.
*Eagles cry in the distance*
Freedom.
This guy is so funny. Just what I needed after a long day of work.
Bahaha anti-skip!! 👏Wow, that takes me back to highschool. Rocking the baggy hoodies and UFOs = best way to carry the disc-man. SO happy IPod's came into existence. Still using it today 👍😁
Extremely relatable 😂😁 I had a toyota corolla for 7 years and JUST got a jeep. Also when you talked about stealing your roommates juice and filling it up with water to the line? I did that to my brothers when I lived with them 😂 loved your stand up!!!
I get my popcorn and soda refilled on my way out of the theater.
I literally threw this on from my watch laters as i started making avacado ice cream after hearing about it for the first time earlier this week.. i just peeled my avacado whne he dropped that line
Awww this guy is the sweetest guy. You can call me Poptart any time you like 😉
If I shared This with my friends, I wouldn’t have any friends.
@ Billions? Remember the Romans? Hahahah!!!
For that price, load it up....butter, nacho cheese sauce, & m&m's 😂🤣😅
Dudes funny, I laughed hard enough to snort... 😂 LoL
I liked him! The audience wasn’t getting some of it, the Jinco jeans! 😂
We always brought ziploc baggies to the theater. Buy a large popcorn, disperse evenly in baggies during previews, and immediately get another popcorn before movie starts.
We did the same thing. Except at the end of the movie before we would leave we would fill it up one more time and bring it home. We would never finish the second refill but at least we got our money's worth.
I went on a ten-hour road trip with my best friend once. He and I both used the bathroom before we left and didn't need to stop during the entire trip.
I went on a three-hour "road trip" with my mother. We had to stop to use the bathroom four times.
I could go on a road trip with her then and we would not feel bad for frequent stops. It's so embarrassing.
A price she paid for having you.
@@atlasshrugged7475 not always caused by childbirth. Often caused by having no more abs. Then, they drink less and less to avoid leaks, which makes for more acidic urine, so more urgency, less output. Easy to fix with exercise and drinking lots of clean water ...but instead, doctors medicate or operate...😮
@@granmabern5283 Thanks - very informative. I bet those abs are affected by childbirth. My correlation was drawn from the women I have known throughout my life and this affect after childbirth. I guess they weren't being given the info. you just mentioned. Thanks again. I appreciate having that knowledge.
When he said “in the name of the refill all I heard was George Castansa
That was back to back hilarious jokes, loved!!!
I only put my name on the things I do not want to eat. Guaranteed waste disposal.
His humor reminds me of George Constanza. And yes, I think that’s a good thing.
As a person from Oregon, I can validate that it would happen exactly like that.
The most underrated comedian of all time IMHO.
Whats the H in your LMHO?
Gotta wait for it! The end is where its at! Yessss!!!!!
I just go to the nearest fast food place and use their bathrooms 💃
I order kids meals just because of portion size
I order cyclope meals for the same reason
Do what most people do, take it home in a to go box. Kids meals mainly consist of a cheeseburger meal, chicken nuggets, hot dog or corn dog, and that’s about it. Lol
Are you his ex? lol
@Comment May Explode should be ashamed of buying kids meals for your kids, fine to eat that shite yerself :)
Kids meals are unhealthy.
Texas: Is that a guy with a FAKE FACE?! 💥🔫😆 hellnawww
Oregon joke is 10/10 in 2020
takes guts to get up on stage. i respect that.
Seriously? That is what it takes to impress you?
@@cravinbob it's also enough to impress me!
caronabob easy dude.. different strokes for different folks.. all your comments are negative. It's comedy , maybe not to you, but in case you didn't know, you are not the only one around.
“So there was this sea cucumber” -Marlin, Nemos dad
Lines on their milk and orange juices!!!
Priceless.
David and Lily UK.
This guy clearly never met an allergic person before that girl 😂
Much Love from Africa +254 🤣🤣 original and good jokes 🙌🙌
Hi truck driver here we do that in California. Oh you’re going 55 here’s 56 maybe we’ll get a politician who hates stupid laws
This is the real life Nick from new girl😂
the Oregon joke at the end is quite right. Ha ha ha ha!
@Misterkill800 For Northwestern Oregon, yes. Southern and Eastern Oregon, not really.
Thank Q for all the laughs.... I so needed them
Me and my husband got into a huge fight over Ben and Jerrys a month ago. I havent always been lactose intolerant because God wanted me to suffer and learn to love the goodness that is ice cream so it could then be ripped away from me. Every 3 or 4 months I get really stupid and think maybe i will just eat a couple of bites and the earth shattering pain wont happen and i get some. Im always wrong of course and my husband has to watch me suffer so he saved me by literally fighting the Ben and Jerrys away from me last time and chucking it out the front door as hard as he could. I can only imagine what the neighbors heard and saw that night.
If you are lactose intolerant, you can take a lactase pill. Allergy is different, it needs complete avoidance of the food
Omg ... F'n hilarious ! Perfect thing to watch before going to work ... probably going to giggle all day ! Thank you Sir.
I don't order chicken nuggets or kids meals lets do ice cream!
Just call her "dumplin" it'll be a riot..
Lol the avocado call back killed me
Im allergic to shrimp and I pop a Benadryl and eat it anyway. Live life on the wild/tasty side!
I clicked the thumbnail because it looked like someone shaved John Snow and put him in a comedy show 🤣😂... Plus, it's Dry Bar. Every episode so far has made me laugh out loud!
Best comedian I've seen on DRYBAR
wow thanks a lot! Means a lot to me.
@@paulsheffield2369 calling it like I see it
@@flatearthwatertownnewyork1141 this is my personal account if you like my stuff. I have other videos as well. Enjoy!
@@ThePaulSheffield yeah for sure
@@ThePaulSheffield Thanks !!! I absolutely loved this and watching others, now. Subscribed!
This might be the first time someone has said the Kia Optima is a heck of a vehicle
I don't know why that pee jokes is a classic
The chef coat rocks. The popcorn bit is the best. In fact, all of the food bits are funny.
"I just want it to happen once" 😂
He looks like the guy on that show "The new girl " he's a cutie!
We have a dating hack in Europe: When with company, put on some soccer, then at some point, ask the girl you are interested in 'Was that man off-side?'. If she answered correctly, she's trans.
I love how the truckers aren't just the stereotypical southern truckers
Very original....... loved it
I'm a truck driver. This guy is spot on! 😂😂
ROFLMAO living in Oregon he is 100% right LOL "ahhh! he's entitled to his opinion" LOL but now we got protests, so people would also line up in strait lines for him to just run along sawing in half.
I had a roommate who would open my boxes of frozen food, eat them ALL, and then leave the EMPTY BOX in the freezer. Same with milk, ice cream, ice cubes, even my Britta water filter.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us all
My mom is allergic to shellfish but eats it anyway. She's swelling up and can't breathe and she's like "It's OK I have my epipen"
When they came out with the mp3 player wow yea I remember being a kid and holding out my CD player to keep it from skipping when I ran. That was so terrible.
better than cassettes
@@PazLeBon what do you mean? I used cassettes for years before cd players. I never had any issues with cassettes while out and about...other than trying to find a song. The cd player on the other hand...
Oh you poor thing. True horror is trying to time the fast forward on one side of a cassette because fast forwarding and flipping was way faster than rewinding.
LOL the Oreo row trick is my staple
Paul Sheffield has the best Albert Brooks voice.
Title: don’t date a girl who orders Chicken nuggets. Me:who hurt u 😭😂