Reviewing All 31 Guards in Ocarina of Time
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ธ.ค. 2023
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The guards in Ocarina of Time were long overdue for a performance review, so I went undercover to see how good of a job they're all doing.
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Hi there! I'm j0rts (Ben), and I like to explore mostly pointless things in video games while playing them in weird, unconventional ways.
Despite my name, this channel has nothing to do with jorts. In fact, I've never even worn a pair of jorts in my life. I just find the word fun to say... j o r t s.
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I hope Gary was able to find Zelda
lol
Gary, no!
Don’t we all
I thought you were Zelda?
☠️☠️☠️☠️
If you refuse to sell the Death Mountain guard the Keaton Mask, he’ll lock the gate again until you do. Even if you’re being a brat about it, dude’s defying s royal decree.
Pretty sure that's treason.
@@omegahaxors3306 remember both you (as link) and Zelda are *children* he probably doesn't even think the decree is real or at the very least not official
@@Dovah_Slayer
Even as a child, Zelda is a Princess, she has the autority, and im pretty sure she has a very distinct writing, theres no way the guard would think its false.
@@doverboy1 it's also possible he just knows the king has more authority
@@doverboy1distinct writing ... like that of a 10 year old?
In Clock Guy's defense, he keeps a _perfect_ hold on the time. Maybe he's just got a gimmick for the kids.
I love ranking random NPCs in video games this shit’s so silly every time
I never knew you could bribe the Palace gate guard! And it gives you the classic keep it a secret zelda line!
I know that’s actually pretty cool
Same with the guard in the back alley!
They're bribable? Wish I had known that sooner
Me neither! Mind is officially blown!
The night shift inside-castle guards might be watching cautiously, but they really aren't thorough about clearing out intruders. They just tossed you like two feet outside the door! Still on the castle grounds!
They probably dread the day of the year when the child guard inspector comes out of the forest and judges their work ethics.
Don't blame the guards, blame their vision obscuring equipment
zelda really gotta up her game with the guard equipment smh
SOLDIER TF2
@@ThatWannabeNerdShe's like 9 or 10, it's more like the King needs to stop being a lazy boy. He already let Ganondorf visit the castle after all
@@clouds-rb9xt the king: "eh this guy looks 100% trustworthy and not like he's going to try to overthrow the kingdom" (I have never played oot past the beginning of the great deku tree dungeon, so my facts may be wrong)
@@ThatWannabeNerdYou're Not Far Behind xD
At this point Hyrule should really had a book stating "Never Trust a guy whose name is Ganondorf." for future kings.
Give it another go, you might discover even more on your quest.
I think that guard in the room where you break all the pots becomes the poe collector in the adult Link time.
It's highly believed so, based on his fascination with ghosts.
He must have been in for the paycheck.
I think he went on to be involved in September 11th.
@ZachAdams926 LMFAO
There is something so endearing about these videos of applying mundane real world rules to beloved games.
Now to be fair, the uniforms these guards are not doing them any favors considering the helmets literally erase their eyes.
1/4 of a century later, you made me notice the royal guards indeed have a different uniform XD
That clock guy in Kakariko looks really good after the full evaluation
j0rts taking his quest for safety to the next level with an undercover operation!🕵️♂️
Gotta keep the people safe
Rest in peace the only guard that was doing his job one out of what 30 something no wonder Hyrule falls before adult Link came out of his aging up in the temple of time wow surprised that it wasn't just some average Joe not Nintendo's King of demons
In fairness, most of them were doing their jobs. They just weren't doing them very well.
Wait, what? You can bribe that guard? I've always just gone over the gate. I did not know you could get in any other way.
You have to talk to him 10 times to bribe him it only works before the Ganondorf encounter after the 3 sprital stones
Seriously had no idea either! I didn't know that gate even COULD open!
A lot of people don't know about that 31st guard, and in one fell swoop you turned a really dark moment those players were finally seeing for the first time into... that.
Nice work ;)
I'm sure nothing bad will happen to that town, everything is probably totally safe.
Ah, I love this sort of creative rating/ranking thing. Exploring NPC dialogue is always cool.
Oh wow, I didn't even know about a couple of these interactions. You breeze through the castle stealth section so quickly, why would you ever talk to the first guard twice or even pull out your slingshot?
in Zelda's room, the opposite window from the one which you can shoot to annoy the guard has a portrait of Mario
You need to talk to him like ten times
"Are you… Impa?" why was that so funny x'D
Amazing video man, made my day
Uh oh you missed where the guard closes the gate if you don't give him the mask. Huge oversight.
Some guy with absolutely no peripheral vision: Man I wish I could get a job 😔
The Hylian Royal Family: you’re never gonna believe this
no guards in the royal courtyard so zelda can steal pocket chickens with impunity 😡
I hope Gary managed to catch up to Zelda for an autograph
Holy crap i've played ocarina of time for years and didn't know you could bribe the guard that's wild
With a military like this, it makes sense that Hyrule keeps falling apart.
Hello
I wonder how Gary Dwarf's army and guards would rank in comparison
Gary Dwarf
To make matters worse, the Death Mountain guard outright prevents you from passing through if you refuse to sell him the Keaton Mask.
I know you weren't doing safety inspection today, but did you see the lack of hand rails everywhere!
I always wanted a game where you could play as a town guard. Maybe during the 7 years between the kid and adult timelines, I bet there was a lot of action then
there was going to be a game where you seemingly played as a sheikah- that might have taken place around then. I know that's not really what you're talking about here, but I learned about it recently and your comment reminded me of it.
@@irishmanfromengland25 Yeah that sounds cool too. It's a little limiting how Hyrule is such a large and fascinating place, but we keep having to play as the same guy in so many games
@@irishmanfromengland25Oh yeah didn't Retro Studios pitch that idea to Nintendo once before they were commissioned to make Metroid Prime?
@@GarryDumblowski that's the one!
Honestly, the guy who puts the mask on is a 10/10, he’s doing his best
If you refuse to give the mask to the gate guard, he'll close the gate on ya. Defo an F Tier guard
I reckon that guard at the end was the guard from the pot room.
Think about it, irresponsible and whatever. He tried to attack Gary (cuz he wants chaos in the world) and fell asleep because he was so tired at the end.
"Oh... You are... more beautiful... than Princess Zelda... Ohh..."
Excuse me what?
videos like this are funnnn
I used to run around and around in this world with nothing to do after beating it, just enjoying the world like it was an ant farm or a dollhouse or something.
Link gets told by a tree he has to do something important and his first idea is im gonna find someone actually trained to fight instead
I had no idea that shooting the window in the garden causes a guard to throw a bomb at you, lol
Now I'm imagining if they do change the guards and zelda becomes like a metal gear stealth game
For some reason when I was young I always thought that the guard at the entrance of the market was a musician, playing the music that you can hear while in and around the market. Only years later I realized that he actually had a spear, not a lute
Those small tvs with bad resolution will do that to you lol. Kids nowadays will never understand.
"ah I see what's going on here......
You've been drinking, haven't you" Famous words from j0rts😅
I didn't know about the guard in the back alley. I always went straight to the Temple of Time.
It’s always a good day when j0rts uploads!
dude this is the kinda stuff id pull as a kid. i NEVER could beat the game, but id just roam around and do this stuff for fun. 10/10
Drives me nuts that only the first Guard got an actual review.
Not the video we wanted, but the video we needed
9:11 Suavemente
To be fair, the guards are much more competent when you have the Goron Ruby since they walk in a way that is basically guaranteed to catch you.
Okay I WAS originally planning on leaving a comment about the d̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ sleeping/drunk guard but I guess you even included him lol I love fun quirky videos like this keep up the great work
that's a lot of guards
The bored guard in the jar room is actually the men who you can sell souls to when you're an adult
I think Impa counts as a guard. A bodyguard if nothing else
And they still got hired for Hyrule Warrios. What a world
I was hoping you'd rate the garden guards on their vision hitboxes, you should look it up to see how weirdly it works. Their heads just constantly shoot out spheres where they're facing, and those can hit Link even after they turn/walk away, it's hilarious
I didn't know you could bribe the guard at the castle...
OMG I've just learned you can bribe that guard
Man got to love the demon king Gary
I always find it weird how the guard in front of Death Mountain in Kakariko says he wants a mask for his son... - but then keeps the mask himself!
Him never giving the mask to his son is part of my headcanon.
Maybe it's like when you ask a question and are quickly like "asking for a friend". He doesn't wanna admit he wants the mask so he pretends to he uninterested and acting on behalf of a third party
@@brolytriplethreat Oohh, that's a good explanation!
I never considered he could've wanted the mask for himself.
When i was a kid, I assumed that he was just wearing it until he got off his shift and was able to see his son. He works so much, day and night, though, that it'll be a long time til he sees his son again. Hou can tell i had absent parents growing up lol.
@@pinkdarkboy7127 I always thought the graveyard kid was his son, which if you try to give the mask to him directly, wouldn't even like it, so the guard ended up keeping it for himself.
No wonder Ganondorf won. Hyrule's military is grossly understaffed.
To be fair, the helmets block their eyes. Given they can’t see, they’re doing a pretty good job.
We need to talk to you about "Gary".
So first, I'm pretty sure his name is Greg, and he's a really neat guy. He is the chief financial advisor to the king and also a merchant. His favorite color is green. His book, I Am Definitely Not Evil, is quite a thrilling autobiography.
All these years playing OoT and i never knew you could bribe the guard... Thank you!
I got a idea: rank all gerudo guards
That dying guard in castle town really freaked me out as a kid...
How fast can you be attacked by cuccos in every Zelda game?
Of all my years playing ocarina of Time I never knew that the guard can let you in
That's your tax Rupees at work, folks. Maybe Gary will convince Zelda to put more money into her security force. (If he can catch her!)
this is the kind of content i live for
I misread this as "all 31 guardians" at first and thought "wait there's only 31?"
Than I saw "in ocarina of time" and thought "WAIT WHAT-"
I love that guard #1 directs you to death mountain even though he should probably realize that the guard in front of it wont let link pass.
Bro, guard #28 litteraly throw a bomb into the room where the princess is.
In 0 universe he can be considered an ok guard.
This channel is pretty funny, and your narration voice definitely adds to that. I wish you would have put pros and cons for each one or at least for certain groups! That first set was great.
this reminds me of the silly little roleplays i did in games when i was a kid... bravo
Youre single handedly reviving Polygon's Unravled series and Im here for it.
Fun fact: the guards are also very competent in spotting moving persons. So much that you can sidehop past them if you do it frame perfectly.
in fairness, a kid is literally patrolling the graveyard. like, the only other kid around. so of course you should go meet the other kid.
The video, wie didn‘t know we need… 😂
I like how now that there's a zelda oot pc port, no one is going back to emulated oot, gotta love the wide screen
I was thinking of your videos recently. I had an idea for what you should do next.
How fast can you get the sword in every Zelda game?
i love these kinds of videos!!!
The cadence and pitch modulation of your voice reminds me of Korg from Thor. For that, and for making pretty rad videos, you get a subscribe and a like from me. :)
how did this guy get into my internal monologue from when I was 9
Another pro to the first Kakariko guard is he seems to also be clairvoyant, since the Village does become the new hyrule market
How fast can you touch Air in every Metroid?
Touch Friend in every Mario game?
Touch Authority in every Zelda game?
"I tried to stop Ganondorf's men from chasing them...but..."
Doesn't Ganondorf's minion pool consist of women and monsters? 🤔
That last bit killed me
Congratulations. This video topic was so out of pocket that I had to watch it. Well done.
Where's the Tier List? How can you rank the guards without a Tier List?
Said it before and I will say it again... How fast can u get the master sword in every zelda game
If you go to the Keaton guard with the mask but refuse to sell it to him, he’ll close the gate until you do!
Damn j0rts, you've done it again
very cool idea, nice video
The Hyrule military has several new job openings. Apply now!
I never knew about guard #31.
This is not the kind of video I expected to be recommended to me but I’m not complaining lol
Those guards were hired by Gary Security service
Why am I watching this at midnight when I should've gone to bed 2 hours ago
I never knew you could bribe the guards!
I...don't think that last guard's been drinking, lul.
i think the pot guard ends up becoming the ghost hunter that occupies the same spot in the future.
this is funny as hell