If you refuse to sell the Death Mountain guard the Keaton Mask, he’ll lock the gate again until you do. Even if you’re being a brat about it, dude’s defying s royal decree.
@@omegahaxors9-11 remember both you (as link) and Zelda are *children* he probably doesn't even think the decree is real or at the very least not official
@@Dovah_Slayer Even as a child, Zelda is a Princess, she has the autority, and im pretty sure she has a very distinct writing, theres no way the guard would think its false.
The night shift inside-castle guards might be watching cautiously, but they really aren't thorough about clearing out intruders. They just tossed you like two feet outside the door! Still on the castle grounds!
@@clouds-rb9xt the king: "eh this guy looks 100% trustworthy and not like he's going to try to overthrow the kingdom" (I have never played oot past the beginning of the great deku tree dungeon, so my facts may be wrong)
@@EtherealCereal5You're Not Far Behind xD At this point Hyrule should really had a book stating "Never Trust a guy whose name is Ganondorf." for future kings. Give it another go, you might discover even more on your quest.
A lot of people don't know about that 31st guard, and in one fell swoop you turned a really dark moment those players were finally seeing for the first time into... that. Nice work ;)
Ah, I love this sort of creative rating/ranking thing. Exploring NPC dialogue is always cool. Oh wow, I didn't even know about a couple of these interactions. You breeze through the castle stealth section so quickly, why would you ever talk to the first guard twice or even pull out your slingshot?
Rest in peace the only guard that was doing his job one out of what 30 something no wonder Hyrule falls before adult Link came out of his aging up in the temple of time wow surprised that it wasn't just some average Joe not Nintendo's King of demons
For some reason when I was young I always thought that the guard at the entrance of the market was a musician, playing the music that you can hear while in and around the market. Only years later I realized that he actually had a spear, not a lute
I always wanted a game where you could play as a town guard. Maybe during the 7 years between the kid and adult timelines, I bet there was a lot of action then
there was going to be a game where you seemingly played as a sheikah- that might have taken place around then. I know that's not really what you're talking about here, but I learned about it recently and your comment reminded me of it.
@@janTesika Yeah that sounds cool too. It's a little limiting how Hyrule is such a large and fascinating place, but we keep having to play as the same guy in so many games
I reckon that guard at the end was the guard from the pot room. Think about it, irresponsible and whatever. He tried to attack Gary (cuz he wants chaos in the world) and fell asleep because he was so tired at the end.
videos like this are funnnn I used to run around and around in this world with nothing to do after beating it, just enjoying the world like it was an ant farm or a dollhouse or something.
We need to talk to you about "Gary". So first, I'm pretty sure his name is Greg, and he's a really neat guy. He is the chief financial advisor to the king and also a merchant. His favorite color is green. His book, I Am Definitely Not Evil, is quite a thrilling autobiography.
Okay I WAS originally planning on leaving a comment about the d̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ sleeping/drunk guard but I guess you even included him lol I love fun quirky videos like this keep up the great work
I was hoping you'd rate the garden guards on their vision hitboxes, you should look it up to see how weirdly it works. Their heads just constantly shoot out spheres where they're facing, and those can hit Link even after they turn/walk away, it's hilarious
I always find it weird how the guard in front of Death Mountain in Kakariko says he wants a mask for his son... - but then keeps the mask himself! Him never giving the mask to his son is part of my headcanon.
Maybe it's like when you ask a question and are quickly like "asking for a friend". He doesn't wanna admit he wants the mask so he pretends to he uninterested and acting on behalf of a third party
When i was a kid, I assumed that he was just wearing it until he got off his shift and was able to see his son. He works so much, day and night, though, that it'll be a long time til he sees his son again. Hou can tell i had absent parents growing up lol.
@@pinkdarkman I always thought the graveyard kid was his son, which if you try to give the mask to him directly, wouldn't even like it, so the guard ended up keeping it for himself.
This channel is pretty funny, and your narration voice definitely adds to that. I wish you would have put pros and cons for each one or at least for certain groups! That first set was great.
Extra negative points for the pot room guard: after hyrule castle gets taken over, you can find a wizard that is *very* excited for Ganondorf's takeover, with the strong implication that he's the same guard and he's pleased with the takeover and resulting zombie outbreak.
I hope Gary was able to find Zelda
lol
Gary, no!
Don’t we all
I thought you were Zelda?
☠️☠️☠️☠️
In Clock Guy's defense, he keeps a _perfect_ hold on the time. Maybe he's just got a gimmick for the kids.
I love ranking random NPCs in video games this shit’s so silly every time
If you refuse to sell the Death Mountain guard the Keaton Mask, he’ll lock the gate again until you do. Even if you’re being a brat about it, dude’s defying s royal decree.
Pretty sure that's treason.
@@omegahaxors9-11 remember both you (as link) and Zelda are *children* he probably doesn't even think the decree is real or at the very least not official
@@Dovah_Slayer
Even as a child, Zelda is a Princess, she has the autority, and im pretty sure she has a very distinct writing, theres no way the guard would think its false.
@@doverboy1 it's also possible he just knows the king has more authority
@@doverboy1distinct writing ... like that of a 10 year old?
I never knew you could bribe the Palace gate guard! And it gives you the classic keep it a secret zelda line!
I know that’s actually pretty cool
Same with the guard in the back alley!
They're bribable? Wish I had known that sooner
Me neither! Mind is officially blown!
The night shift inside-castle guards might be watching cautiously, but they really aren't thorough about clearing out intruders. They just tossed you like two feet outside the door! Still on the castle grounds!
They probably dread the day of the year when the child guard inspector comes out of the forest and judges their work ethics.
Don't blame the guards, blame their vision obscuring equipment
zelda really gotta up her game with the guard equipment smh
SOLDIER TF2
@@EtherealCereal5She's like 9 or 10, it's more like the King needs to stop being a lazy boy. He already let Ganondorf visit the castle after all
@@clouds-rb9xt the king: "eh this guy looks 100% trustworthy and not like he's going to try to overthrow the kingdom" (I have never played oot past the beginning of the great deku tree dungeon, so my facts may be wrong)
@@EtherealCereal5You're Not Far Behind xD
At this point Hyrule should really had a book stating "Never Trust a guy whose name is Ganondorf." for future kings.
Give it another go, you might discover even more on your quest.
There is something so endearing about these videos of applying mundane real world rules to beloved games.
I think that guard in the room where you break all the pots becomes the poe collector in the adult Link time.
It's highly believed so, based on his fascination with ghosts.
He must have been in for the paycheck.
I think he went on to be involved in September 11th.
@ZachAdams926 LMFAO
Now to be fair, the uniforms these guards are not doing them any favors considering the helmets literally erase their eyes.
1/4 of a century later, you made me notice the royal guards indeed have a different uniform XD
A lot of people don't know about that 31st guard, and in one fell swoop you turned a really dark moment those players were finally seeing for the first time into... that.
Nice work ;)
Ah, I love this sort of creative rating/ranking thing. Exploring NPC dialogue is always cool.
Oh wow, I didn't even know about a couple of these interactions. You breeze through the castle stealth section so quickly, why would you ever talk to the first guard twice or even pull out your slingshot?
in Zelda's room, the opposite window from the one which you can shoot to annoy the guard has a portrait of Mario
You need to talk to him like ten times
That clock guy in Kakariko looks really good after the full evaluation
With a military like this, it makes sense that Hyrule keeps falling apart.
Hello
j0rts taking his quest for safety to the next level with an undercover operation!🕵️♂️
Gotta keep the people safe
Rest in peace the only guard that was doing his job one out of what 30 something no wonder Hyrule falls before adult Link came out of his aging up in the temple of time wow surprised that it wasn't just some average Joe not Nintendo's King of demons
In fairness, most of them were doing their jobs. They just weren't doing them very well.
"Are you… Impa?" why was that so funny x'D
Amazing video man, made my day
I misread this as "all 31 guardians" at first and thought "wait there's only 31?"
Than I saw "in ocarina of time" and thought "WAIT WHAT-"
Wait, what? You can bribe that guard? I've always just gone over the gate. I did not know you could get in any other way.
You have to talk to him 10 times to bribe him it only works before the Ganondorf encounter after the 3 sprital stones
Seriously had no idea either! I didn't know that gate even COULD open!
I'm sure nothing bad will happen to that town, everything is probably totally safe.
To be fair, the guards are much more competent when you have the Goron Ruby since they walk in a way that is basically guaranteed to catch you.
Some guy with absolutely no peripheral vision: Man I wish I could get a job 😔
The Hylian Royal Family: you’re never gonna believe this
The bored guard in the jar room is actually the men who you can sell souls to when you're an adult
If you refuse to give the mask to the gate guard, he'll close the gate on ya. Defo an F Tier guard
Uh oh you missed where the guard closes the gate if you don't give him the mask. Huge oversight.
no guards in the royal courtyard so zelda can steal pocket chickens with impunity 😡
I hope Gary managed to catch up to Zelda for an autograph
No wonder Ganondorf won. Hyrule's military is grossly understaffed.
Holy crap i've played ocarina of time for years and didn't know you could bribe the guard that's wild
For some reason when I was young I always thought that the guard at the entrance of the market was a musician, playing the music that you can hear while in and around the market. Only years later I realized that he actually had a spear, not a lute
Those small tvs with bad resolution will do that to you lol. Kids nowadays will never understand.
@@pinkdarkman Especially if it was a personal TV in your bedroom with a screen size of only like 10 inches.
Drives me nuts that only the first Guard got an actual review.
Link gets told by a tree he has to do something important and his first idea is im gonna find someone actually trained to fight instead
Bro, guard #28 litteraly throw a bomb into the room where the princess is.
In 0 universe he can be considered an ok guard.
That dying guard in castle town really freaked me out as a kid...
"Oh... You are... more beautiful... than Princess Zelda... Ohh..."
Excuse me what?
I know you weren't doing safety inspection today, but did you see the lack of hand rails everywhere!
I always wanted a game where you could play as a town guard. Maybe during the 7 years between the kid and adult timelines, I bet there was a lot of action then
there was going to be a game where you seemingly played as a sheikah- that might have taken place around then. I know that's not really what you're talking about here, but I learned about it recently and your comment reminded me of it.
@@janTesika Yeah that sounds cool too. It's a little limiting how Hyrule is such a large and fascinating place, but we keep having to play as the same guy in so many games
@@janTesikaOh yeah didn't Retro Studios pitch that idea to Nintendo once before they were commissioned to make Metroid Prime?
@@GarryDumblowski that's the one!
To make matters worse, the Death Mountain guard outright prevents you from passing through if you refuse to sell him the Keaton Mask.
I reckon that guard at the end was the guard from the pot room.
Think about it, irresponsible and whatever. He tried to attack Gary (cuz he wants chaos in the world) and fell asleep because he was so tired at the end.
I wonder how Gary Dwarf's army and guards would rank in comparison
Gary Dwarf
Honestly, the guy who puts the mask on is a 10/10, he’s doing his best
videos like this are funnnn
I used to run around and around in this world with nothing to do after beating it, just enjoying the world like it was an ant farm or a dollhouse or something.
"ah I see what's going on here......
You've been drinking, haven't you" Famous words from j0rts😅
I had no idea that shooting the window in the garden causes a guard to throw a bomb at you, lol
Now I'm imagining if they do change the guards and zelda becomes like a metal gear stealth game
dude this is the kinda stuff id pull as a kid. i NEVER could beat the game, but id just roam around and do this stuff for fun. 10/10
I didn't know about the guard in the back alley. I always went straight to the Temple of Time.
We need to talk to you about "Gary".
So first, I'm pretty sure his name is Greg, and he's a really neat guy. He is the chief financial advisor to the king and also a merchant. His favorite color is green. His book, I Am Definitely Not Evil, is quite a thrilling autobiography.
All these years playing OoT and i never knew you could bribe the guard... Thank you!
Not the video we wanted, but the video we needed
Okay I WAS originally planning on leaving a comment about the d̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ sleeping/drunk guard but I guess you even included him lol I love fun quirky videos like this keep up the great work
It’s always a good day when j0rts uploads!
j0rts: I really need to find out who's in charge of hiring these guys
Me: *immidate response* Yes
And they still got hired for Hyrule Warrios. What a world
Of all my years playing ocarina of Time I never knew that the guard can let you in
I didn't know you could bribe the guard at the castle...
how did this guy get into my internal monologue from when I was 9
in fairness, a kid is literally patrolling the graveyard. like, the only other kid around. so of course you should go meet the other kid.
this reminds me of the silly little roleplays i did in games when i was a kid... bravo
Man got to love the demon king Gary
I think Impa counts as a guard. A bodyguard if nothing else
To be fair, the helmets block their eyes. Given they can’t see, they’re doing a pretty good job.
RIP the guy who did his job.
Said it before and I will say it again... How fast can u get the master sword in every zelda game
OMG I've just learned you can bribe that guard
I never knew that you could bribe the guard to open the door lol
I was hoping you'd rate the garden guards on their vision hitboxes, you should look it up to see how weirdly it works. Their heads just constantly shoot out spheres where they're facing, and those can hit Link even after they turn/walk away, it's hilarious
I always find it weird how the guard in front of Death Mountain in Kakariko says he wants a mask for his son... - but then keeps the mask himself!
Him never giving the mask to his son is part of my headcanon.
Maybe it's like when you ask a question and are quickly like "asking for a friend". He doesn't wanna admit he wants the mask so he pretends to he uninterested and acting on behalf of a third party
@@brolytriplethreat Oohh, that's a good explanation!
I never considered he could've wanted the mask for himself.
When i was a kid, I assumed that he was just wearing it until he got off his shift and was able to see his son. He works so much, day and night, though, that it'll be a long time til he sees his son again. Hou can tell i had absent parents growing up lol.
@@pinkdarkman I always thought the graveyard kid was his son, which if you try to give the mask to him directly, wouldn't even like it, so the guard ended up keeping it for himself.
Ah I also pass out dead when I drink too
That's your tax Rupees at work, folks. Maybe Gary will convince Zelda to put more money into her security force. (If he can catch her!)
that's a lot of guards
This channel is pretty funny, and your narration voice definitely adds to that. I wish you would have put pros and cons for each one or at least for certain groups! That first set was great.
How fast can you be attacked by cuccos in every Zelda game?
I never knew you could bribe the guards!
I love that guard #1 directs you to death mountain even though he should probably realize that the guard in front of it wont let link pass.
"I tried to stop Ganondorf's men from chasing them...but..."
Doesn't Ganondorf's minion pool consist of women and monsters? 🤔
this is the kind of content i live for
9:11 Suavemente
Youre single handedly reviving Polygon's Unravled series and Im here for it.
I got a idea: rank all gerudo guards
I like how now that there's a zelda oot pc port, no one is going back to emulated oot, gotta love the wide screen
Fun fact: the guards are also very competent in spotting moving persons. So much that you can sidehop past them if you do it frame perfectly.
The video, wie didn‘t know we need… 😂
If you go to the Keaton guard with the mask but refuse to sell it to him, he’ll close the gate until you do!
I'm sorry... The gate guard could be *bribed* !?
Those guards were hired by Gary Security service
8:29 I gotta test that
did it work?
did it work?
I love these "rating these video game things by our real world standards" type videos. You and Any Austin should team up
Wait…. Wtf was going on with the whole Impa’s house thing? 😂
Another pro to the first Kakariko guard is he seems to also be clairvoyant, since the Village does become the new hyrule market
They really do be letting just anyone Join the royal guard. No wonder hyrule was over taken so easily. 😂
The fuck you mean you can bribe the gate guard????
i think the pot guard ends up becoming the ghost hunter that occupies the same spot in the future.
Extra negative points for the pot room guard: after hyrule castle gets taken over, you can find a wizard that is *very* excited for Ganondorf's takeover, with the strong implication that he's the same guard and he's pleased with the takeover and resulting zombie outbreak.
I was thinking of your videos recently. I had an idea for what you should do next.
How fast can you get the sword in every Zelda game?
Why am I watching this at midnight when I should've gone to bed 2 hours ago
I just realised that there are no guards when Link is adult
I never knew about guard #31.