Depression in early benzo recovery
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.ย. 2022
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The emotional landscape of early benzo recovery can be difficult to navigate. There will almost certainly be days where it feels hopeless. Thankfully, you’re not alone and there are tools to recover from all the damage done by benzodiazepines.
Follow me on instagram at:
/ philosophical_fishing
Resources:
www.benzo.org.uk/manual/
/ 1849311. .
www.benzoinfo.com/ashtonmanual/
If you need emergency help please see a medical professional
If you need to speak with someone please reach out to Hopeline: 910-231-4525 call or text 24/7, or dial 877-235-4525
Everything I need to hear. It’s amazing how many of our stories sound the same.
agreed
Wow looking back at my posts from a couple weeks ago is pretty wild. Can really see how my emotions were all over the place (looping bad). It feels like I did make some progress, but I need to take it easy on myself. My mental state is much better and I am starting to be more self-aware of what is going on. I was on and off them for a long time. I started to believe the thoughts of the benzos were me but they were not all along. Just being able to recognize this feels like a huge step in my healing. The great news is I am still in there. I hope everyone is doing well and try not to isolate yourself during this process. I did but coming into this community has really helped me. It is really hard for me to open up still but it feels really healthy for me and maybe it can help someone going thru this. Things are getting better😀Bob Bobarino
How we doing bob, thought i,d check in with you, you might of told me before on another of dans channels but how long were you actually on and off benzos and were you taking a high dose, i,ve just started a very slow taper and got the drink down to a couple a night but looking to be off the drink in a few weeks my man, hope you are ok!!
❤Thank you Dan for putting your heart on your sleeve and baring your soul to all of us out here who can very much relate to your story. I know that I for one, admire your courage and am deeply thankful to you for being my voice as I try to navigate through these first months of withdrawal.
Thank you Robin. ❤️🩹
This work you are doing is so important. Thank you, Dan! Your videos help so much.
🙏🏻❤️🩹
Hey ma man thanks for the shout...I will help as much as I can ... your helping me so much I can't thank you enough...... listening to you talk I feel like I'm watching and listening to myself... the way you are out of withdrawal and how you are in it...I feel the same and being a kid I had the same feelings also.... If it wasnt for people like you then excuse my language but we would all be fucked...... there is no help...you are the help..the understanding. The motivator...the solution to help...you are the everything..... I actually imagine how many people are in psychiatrist units thinking there crazy and its just withdrawal... how many people don't know what's happening to them and maybe if they found you and your videos how much things could be different for them....people who find you here we are the lucky ones and that on it's own is helping me through this withdrawal... someone who understands..... I think your great Dan man .. things might be bad but it's easier knowing your here and we're not all mental..your some guy.
Thank you Thomas. Always so great to hear from you. Your encouragement has greatly helped me want to continue to making these videos.
@@philosophicalfishing people need you .... we don't have anybody else..... I couldn't make the videos you do.... I can't speak good like the way you do.... I really hope your channel grows and gets bigger....maybe you can move to podcast through time.... you talk good and people wana listen to you..... I've watched loads of people on utube and some are just ...well I think they make you feel worse... Good they are tryin but there's some milking it to I guess..... there's definitely some abusers there blaming doctors for cover up... you say it how it is and be truthfull.... we're in withdrawals doesn't mean we're gullible and stupid.... just keep this up Dan.... like you say the universe has a way of rewarding you..... I know you don't look for money for this but something good will happen for you..... I will try help you if you need it for video ideas ... if theres any other help you want from me just say the word...I will be happy to help you.
Hey man just wanted to check and see how you are doing. I am in the mud as well 4 months clean getting better.
@@bobbobarino6213 hey Bob good job on the 4 months .... im 8 months... going through the windows and waved just now .. waves getting not just as bad and windows feel 90 percent better but windows don't last long... 2 to 4 days maybe... still a struggle butbits another month down and on to the next.
@@thomasearly37 Thanks Thomas I am just starting to get some windows. Like walking outside and seeing the trees nature. I made it to the beach once just looking at it for 5 to 10 minutes. I was crying bc I don't remember the last time I could see it. Are you able to work thru this? Sounds like you are starting to turn a corner congrats. I am shooting for my current target of 6 months end of this year. First two months was absolutely insane but this last month started noticing I was progressing. Did you taper or C/T? I C/T pretty much anyway but I don't think I could handle the taper bc I think I would reinstate. I think I need to feel the pain to end this misery.
I'm trying to stay in the moment to aid my withdrawal. I'm glad I stumbled upon your video it will help me tonight tomorrow.... You have to stay in the moment to not see beyond every bend....
Yes! I think that’s one of the tools that has helped me tremendously. It takes acceptance of life as it is now to be present to the moment and trust that life will work out as it should and be alright.
Thank you. A very encouraging video. Good of you to take the time to do these videos. 😊
Thanks Julie! As long as people find them helpful I’ll keep making them.
Your comments about trying to fix everything right now, catastrophizing, and staying in the moment are very poignant and helpful. As an atheist, I respect your spiritual journey, but that is not a part of my journey. Appreciate this post.
Right on. I respect your journey as well!
Oh for sure. The shame and needing to get it together for family.
That's what is killing me the most😒
Thank you. I needed this talk tonight. Much appreciation. Much Love.
good advice on walking. it truly does seem to work. i still cant drive all that well . yeah sometimes way too much stimuli .
Really like this topic and your take on depression during benzo/recovery. It made me think why I leaned towards benzo and me being overly sensitive as well. I realized that I was overly sensitive as a kid because I was asked to manage my parents rage and fluctuating extreme moods. When I found benzos early on it felt like heaven because it dampened my Fight or Flight response, and I had on a warm blanket. I take responsibility for taking drugs and also give myself some compassion because it was the best, I could do at the time I just didn't realize how bad benzos really are. I also forgive my Parents as everyone is doing the best they can. They had something happen to them which caused them pain as well and bad behavior. Processing my past emotions was my biggest trigger. Love the being present you discussed I never knew how when on benzos.
Love you Mom and Dad and myself
Bob
Sounds like we had a similar childhood. I can identify with what you described. Also, love the way you’re noticing that you can try to take it easy on yourself and others too. There’s so much to this healing process if we’re willing to look at everything objectively.
@@philosophicalfishing Thank you and a lot of it is watching and listening to what you went thru and i can identify with what you are saying. The compassion and gratitude is from you man bc in my current state sometimes I have a hard time seeing myself in the present or at all sometimes. I was really bad currently still not functioning properly my acre property grass is like 6ft tall other than a weed eated section around the house was the best I could do. I cant believe I am doing this but I have to. I watch some of your videos so many times sometimes I ask my girlfriend to watch one with me and she is like I have seen it multiple times. Then I go oh yeah my memory issues LOL. But I am coming back 4 months no nothing I cant believe it bc I was really bad. You are doing a great service it is such a relief to communicate with someone that understands. Bob Bobarino
@@philosophicalfishing I was put in a mental institution in a straight jacket in late middle school that is about all i remember. It made me think because of your story and what you went thru. I am not sure why I went I dont remember it was to traumatic but I think it was because I was trying to grow up and she didnt want that. My gut says they put me on them in the mental institution and I found benzos shortly again after and led to a life of bad decisions. Sometimes I wonder how I am even alive. Your stories really help me process some of my current situation and my past triggers. My triggers are my focus now and emotional intelligence. I really dig you take of different topics example the unable to answer a phone call. At one point I didnt answer one for months. The phone would ring and I would jump and peak out the blind like a madman. Intrusive/Ruminating thoughts is possibly a good topic. SOrry I am typing a novel havent spoken to many people besides my girlfriend and she is probably sick of me anyway LOL.
Awesome Bob! Good for you, my friend. That’s an excellent topic suggestion.
@@philosophicalfishing THis whole process makes me feel so stupid its like you said benzo prison blinded me then came opiates or anything for that matter but in my head I never felt like something was wrong. I think I just couldnt handle my emotional pain. Its like I am waking up for the first time in my life beautiful and brutally painful at the same time. Your content I can identify with and is making me question myself/decision etc and the great thing is I didn't completely lose myself I am still in there. A lot of work left only 4 months clean but I dont remember the last time I did that no nothing beer drugs medication. You inspire me to get better 😀
Thanks, great vid.
Thank you
A very helpful video. Thank you.
You’re very welcome!
I've been told I am some kinda super emotion detector. It would make sense for people with extra sensitivity to things find such a profound relief with benzos hmm.
Your car wrappers analogy rang true.
I like to use a drugs = a credit card analogy. Where I'm currently paying all those feelings I charged to the card + interest. Klonopin has the worst freaking interest rate.
Keeping it simple is the answer for me right now. Wow the violent movies thing is real.
I think it would be a great topic to discuss your Akathisia experience. It seems to be one of the more troubling symptoms. I know I would appreciate it greatly. Much Love and Gratitude.
I think that’s a great idea, Jaclyn. That will probably be the next video. Thanks for the suggestion!
@@philosophicalfishing That’s great! I know that antipsychotics can create this problem, too. I think people should be aware of that. But, not from withdrawal of the antipsychotic but from being on it. It is a side effect. We need hope, and it is not discussed as much.
Posted this on my feed, I’m gonna do a live tonight and shout you out in person
Awesome! I’ll be on a zoom meeting from 7-8 est but if you’re still on I’ll be sure to tune in.
@@philosophicalfishing well do it in the near future
Your a great orator
Marc sent me, I want that shout out. benzo withdrawal... welcome to the party.
@@dcrockafella 💯🙏
I see you 🇺🇸💯
Love your videos. All those feelings, I go through as well. I took a step back yesterday. Had a very very intense panic attack, so I had to dose up. I couldn't make it through. Sux, cus I had been tapering for a while. Oh well, shit happens. haha. I got to keep pushing on.
My journey was not smooth and easy by any means. It was messy, bumpy, and full of missteps. The main point is that you’re moving towards being off and that’s the most important thing.
@@philosophicalfishing ty 4 that. yea i think i tapered too much and it hit me yesterday so i went back to .50mg. ill start cutting 10% once i level back out. i guess .25 was too much.
That's what those drugs do insulate feelings.
Yes they absolutely do! You’re right.
I stay dizzy. Clumsy. I think I’m going to pass out all the time. I literally SHAKE. I can’t breathe. Like help. But my whole neck is fused together part of my back. Pure HELL. NIGHTMARE
Are you off benzos now or still tapering?
@@philosophicalfishing I’m still on them. 11 years I been on them. It started when I broke my neck. I got on pain medicine and benzodiazepines. My head squeezes off all the time. My neck still kills me. So much pressure on my head. So bad. I can’t breathe. I get dizzy. Like passing out. Are throwing up. Sweating. When I get to my last 2 pills. I get really nervous. Shaking. Helps relax me. From my excruciating pain. I don’t know what to do it’s HORRIBLE HORRIBLE
Benzodiazepines = ⌛💀
Sounds like we’re very similar. You may be a “starseed” or whatever. Great videos!
Interesting comment. It is easy to see it in people. I agree with you.
Hi Dan, just found this video, really well explained, i never used to think there was another force out there but i do believe there is something now, i,ve been meaning to ask you as i,ve thought of going down the treatment centre route myself, do you think if they,d of tapered you over a longer period that your experience wouldn,t of been as harsh or do you think that the centres are not set up at all to help get you off benzos, i,d love to get them out of my system quicker but have heard alot of stories of rehab making things worse after you come out because they give you the wrong medication, would love your thoughts, love from the uk!!
I think slow and steady is best to come off them. Having said that- I don’t think I could have done it because I would probably have up-dosed when it became too uncomfortable. I know how I am. As far as treatment centers go…… the doctors at mine were clueless and most seem to be, at least here in the US, as to how to properly take people off of benzos. Since most facilities are 30 day programs they aren’t even set up to handle benzo withdrawals at all.
@@philosophicalfishing Yes it doesn,t seem long enough to get you off them, cheers for the heads up, doctors over here won,t even prescribe benzos, only for like a week, it,s a disgrace, keep well mate
Hi Dan how's tricks? I've been reading through alit of your comments from people and noticed people are talking of acute and post acute.... some are saying the acute stage was easier and for me I think the acute stage was easier than post acute.... obviously if the acute symptoms lasted far out it be different but it doesn't...I done more and saw with more clarity through that stage and then the post acute came with a hole load of other symptoms....I done more in the first 3 months of this and now the energy has Disappeared pretty much but I had to much energy in acute..I couldn't sit down for a second...... there's a video for you ACUTE vs POST ACUTE..... how was it for you and what is or was harder for you... take care good buddy..... A Day At A Time.
I’m seriously down right now😢! I’m been off dem four months and 7 days! Can I even make it through
Hi there, thx for this Video. I'm right now in withdrawal from ativan 3mg a day. Now i'm 13 weeks off the drug and it is still hard to deal with. I was 2 month in a treatmentcenter. I have absolutly no energy left and a lot of other symptomes.
I don't know if i can manage to see your other videos soon.
Can you please tell me how long your withdrawal finally lasts from 0mg? Thx a lot
I know how hard it is. I also had no energy for a long time, but it has come back. I also was at a treatment center for almost 2 months and not even sure how I survived it. My benzo damage symptoms lasted years with many falling away one by one, slowly. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, but the good news is that you can get better!! There are many people here in this community, including myself, willing to support you on your journey!!
@@philosophicalfishing did you take benzos after treatment Center again and tapered slow? I don't want to go back on benzos but taper at the center was fast!
@@diefilmkitchenjohannessand2173 no, but I was put on gabapentin and then tapered that very slowly over a period of years
@@philosophicalfishing thx a lot for your Videos 🙏 should i've ever been healed, i will share my experience as well, but at the Moment i have not that much hope. As soon i try to work or i try to excercise i get totally hit by withdrawal. I have absolutly no power and energy.... mentally and physically, and that is what me makes depressiv as i used to be very active in every part of life
I hear you!! I was always very active as well and benzo damage made it almost impossible to exert physical energy in any capacity at all.
Great video! SMART Recovery is a non secular science based recovery program that has been a life changer for me in dealing with the reasoning behind my benzo addiction. I now choose to deal with my emotions, and what life throws at me instead of medicating them.
That’s awesome Todd. Thank you for sharing that, I’m all for wherever people can find peace and healing.
You should start a podcast
Hmmm,… you’re the 2nd person to suggest that today.
@@philosophicalfishing id be your co host, you just get on streamyards and then send the url to someone through email and it connects to TH-cam and then it split screens on TH-cam and you can talk about whatever, it looks more professional when you get one of those podcasting microphones, I’ve come off of many different drugs even obscure ones
@@nbamarc2525 you seem to know more about the technology that I do at this point. The thing is I have really nice mics, sound equipment because I’m a musician and know how to record. I plan on eventually making videos on my laptop with proper sound and video. Just not there yet.
@@philosophicalfishing do you got a Snapchat or email ?
@@nbamarc2525 if you’re in instagram I’m @ philosophical_fishing and you can DM me.
i feel nothing. i feel so dull and empty and dark, i can’t sleep i can’t eat i can’t think. i was on 2mgs a day xanax for two years and coke turkey quit 5 days ago i can’t taper cause i was buying them off the street. idk what i’m doing gonna have to quit my job i can’t show up my anxiety and panic is through the roof
Aaron- I know, I was the same way. I couldn’t have tapered because I know myself too well. The anxiety would unreal for me too. It took time to get better and it does get better. I was unemployed for 6 months until I could even think about working again.
@@philosophicalfishing Im an alcoholic too,im 24 and have 3 duis, going to jail this last time was when i found out how real the withdrawals were luckily i was only there for 3 days anyway.. thank you for the encouragement and all the advice through these videos. i really truly appreciate listening to someone who went through this darkness and came out the other side. I read somewhere in the comments lions mane is helpful do you recommend it?
@@aarondaniel7777 I’ve just recently come across lions mane myself from someone comments. I haven’t been taking it very long so I can’t really comment on it yet but I’ll let you know. I’m always learning something new.
Did u have limb weakness? Like one leg and hands r not functional.
Yes! And my left foot would get numb and feel like it was swollen and going to bust out of my shoe. So odd….
@@philosophicalfishing how did that go?? What did u do??? I have weakness in one hand n leg sometimes tremors n moments in fingers. N horrible neck n back pain . It's been a 15 month's. I want to start working. It's really I feel one side body is weak. How long were u functioning n got normal?
It just took time. It came back on and off for at least a year before going away. Have you noticed improvements?
Sucks. Nothing redeeming about anything of this experience.
i dont belive god and in bwd i was ready to belive so much ... and looked for signs etc but there was nothing there other than pain .. it was confirmation .. i belive myself more and more and gettin better ..
I’m happy to hear that you’re believing in yourself! That’s a huge step for many of us in benzo damage.