That is the dumbest idea ever. One of the foulest looking people I know were behaving like players and playing games with people's emotions and were sometimes even abusive, while people who you could swear up and down were "too hot to be humble/good partners" turned out to be real sweethearts. Don't fall into this trap, esp. You women. Date who you like both aesthetically and emotionally, you're not doing service to ANYONE in this scenario
This. More often than not in my personal experience, the disgusting looking people ended up being just as disgusting inside. The pretty people were genuinely good people. This is ofc in my own experience, but i get the psychological reason behind this phenomenon
i think that ppl that aren’t physically attractive that act that way feel entitled to a relationship because they don’t have pretty privilege which is horrible
@Taotl ??? Wtf is this reach lmao? Why are u picking a fight? That also with awful punctuation. I had to re-read ur comment so many times to understand what u exactly meant Anyways, to answer your doubt, the pretty people with awful attitudes are the ones I'd be attracted to and then immediately get turned off once they open their mouths. I've also met some pretty people who are just extremely superficial. I haven't met any that are "disgusting ", just superficial. But the ones who treated me like shit, and made my life miserable for years, were also physically ugly. This is just my own experience so im not drawing any conclusions here. What i took away from my lived experience was to not give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and be more cautious
Sometimes though, attraction just developes over time. You might not find the person attractive right in the beginning, but it starts to increase extremely, the more time you spend with that person and the more you get to know them. You suddenly start noticing details that appear attractive. Sure, looks do in most cases attract first but oftentimes you also meet people without the intention of dating randomly, which changes later.
For some, BUT it's not common. MOst people want the initial physical attraction. And you actually have to spend time with those people whom you don't find attractive. Maybe they work with you, or they are in the same class with you.
100% agree, when I was a freshman, there was a girl whom I ended up having a crush, and the interesting thing is I didn't really notice her much at first, but after I got to know her better when I saw her with her friends and when she helped with my homework (I was sitting right next to her) I ended up realising that she's and absolute sweetheart and then started seeing her as the most beautiful girl in the class, so yeah, sometimes looks can help but without a nice personality it's really is nothing, at least in my case
Well but starting to find somone attractive bc of their character n not caring so much abt their looks anymore is something diffrent than purposely dating somone just bc u know they r physically not in your league
Dating down is not always conscious. In some cases, people genuinely don’t know how attractive or unattractive they are. Many of us are unable to be objective with our own appearance. Example: A person who struggles with body dysmorphia might think their less attractive partner is ‘at their level’. I’ve heard guys say ‘find a hot girl who thinks she’s ugly’. But at the end of the day, if both people are happy that’s all that matters.
I don't think your example is good. Those girls are just looking for validation or are straight up insecure. Also men find most women attractive. Women only find a few percentage of men attractive (10-20%). That means the lens men and women see themselves is different
Stop it , women are indoctrinated to look attractive , they know that their looks are important,they are aware of where they stand on the looks scale, they date down because their insecure ,
I can’t imagine dating guys I don’t find attractive. It sounds miserable, I’d be happier alone. I actually have a male friend with self esteem issues who dates girls he isn’t attracted to. The girls are at least nice, but it’s a super weird thing to do that to yourself and to them. Just setting both up for failure
I think you can like someone's looks even if they don't align with societal beauty standards without thinking they're ugly or that you're dating down and also not fetishizing said features. Some people just find beauty where others don't. There's also the stigma of seeming like you're dating down when you consider your partner to be a 10 all around.
@@ws6778 i don't think going into a relationship with the mentality of settling for less is good for either party. Even if you think you aren't that great it's in your best interest to advocate for yourself in order to have a satisfactory relationship. And that also means not settling for someone who sees you as beneath them.
I married a super hot man who could be rob Lowe's twin back in the day..he NEVER acted full of himself or thought he had the upper hand in the relationship because of his good looks... I dated uglier men who were completely full of themselves and thought they were God's gift to women lol
An ugly man being confident = cocky, full of themselves A hot man being confident = confident, romantic, stunning a brave Whether we like it or not, we subconsciously give more leeway for better looking people, it’s no wonder you ended up with the better looking guy, teehee
i agree. i’m gay and dated a man that was perceived uglier than me. so when we went out i would be showered in compliments and he wasn’t. you could tell he was mad and it was worse because we were both men so comparison was easier to make. he became resentful, made rude comments about my insecurities and eventually cheated on me. i’m never dating that type of men again
Yeah. It actually takes more self-esteem, not less, to date someone "objectively" not attractive. You must like them strong enough to mitigate the societal pressure for you to explain why you "date down".
This isn’t necessarily true, most girls in the west are accustomed to overinflated ego die to social media, hence why they all go for the same group of guys. There’s also a study of on college campus how women create hierarchies and cause the limited amount of educated men to have something called “golden peanus” syndrome. To put it short women largely don’t date across
@@eloeden2056 When I was in school, I had a friend that treated other people in a rude manner because, in her head, they were not worth her kindness because they saw her as unattractive. What I mean is that she was bitter to everyone out of resentment for being socially outcasted as undesirable by a bunch of people. Also, that is very hard for average people to stay together with other average people, because, very often, one or more of them think their value is either above or inferior in comparison to others, either way that can break relationships.
@@ws6778 when these people glow up, they tend to have a massive ego boost to the point they will consider and most likely will be dumping their partners who saw them beyond yheir looks to get their new better looking suitors
@@AFIXFORNIX Would you rather marry for love or convenience? The problem with desiring certain traits in people is you end up loving the traits more than the person.
When I "dated down" with my ex in terms of appearance (in a pretty dramatic way), it was not a deliberate consideration. I was so charmed and fell for him really quickly. He is objectively unattractive, but I didn't see it at the time and I genuinely felt like the lucky one. I was extremely attracted to him and thought we were a good physical match. It wasn't until he cheated and his true character was shown that my view of him changed and I saw the attractiveness disparity that was so glaring obvious to everyone else. It wasn't until I lost my feelings and respect for him that I could see he was not only a manipulative and weak person, but he was also objectively unattractive. I think it's important to acknowledge how feelings/connection can totally distort one's evaluation of their partner's appearance.
@@rgonzalo511 uhm when you like someone they can seem more attractive than they are. also not everything is about looks, ppl can fall for someone’s personality
Women tend to believe that Ugly men won't cheat or will worship them. But I've seen plenty of Ugly guys cheat or beat on their pretty girlfriends. And some Handsome guys were honest and humble. Don't always believe the hype.
Bruh people saying he was not ugly ....did you watch the video?? Like bro there are MANY women that will date ugly men but in such cases it's more like competition between women and mystery (why is she dating him but there's something)
I assume these people who "date down" aren't necessarily doing this for good reasons. If you're dating down, it could mean that the person you're with can tolerate more of your bad behaviour since your partner feels they can't do any better because an attractive person is with them. They should feel grateful for even being with an attractive person. You can control your "ugly" partner more.
For me the idea of dating down has my brain thinking I can trust them more. I personally have commitment and trust issues, I especially don't trust overly attractive or really good looking people (romantic relationship wise) because of an attractive man who basically played me to keep it short. Less attractive/Average looking to me means a man/woman who is nice, caring, and trustworthy. If there ever came a time where they ignored me once they found out others find them attractive too my idea and way of seeing things would stay the same.
@@originalman3843 I wonder how many conventionally attractive women date down to do that, I often see many of them dating less desirable men, specially if they are from older generations, but I also have seen very conventionally attractive men manipulating literal harems of less desired women, by downplaying their self worth.
Not true. I dated men who were unattractive because I was insecure and thought it's mean to not give everybody a chance I was unable to just say no. I met a lot of women hating ugly men in my early 20ies and they only reinforced this believe that I have to be this nice girl who always says yes and if not I'm a bad human being. I'm glad that I learned my lesson and am now with an attractive, charismatic guy who really has a great personality.
I am so quilty of this dating down scenario with men and from my experience, if the man is insecure about his looks or yours ~ It’s not going to work in the long run. At first you’re a goddess and as time goes on, they realize how other men look at you and the seed of doubt just grows. Like the movie Inception. And instead of breaking up with you or looking in the mirror, they start to put you down and taking all their insecurities on you. And it’s not just me, I’ve seen and heard this alot.
That's why do not date someone based on their looks only. I honestly will find attractive people on the face attractive, but it will not be the based reason for me to date them. I always date someone who shared the same value and outlook of life as me, same goals and same background as me(same age range, family values, family level of stability, social economic background). Looks fade away, but who they are as a person will stay ob
@@wellknown1204 I tried to take that route as well however the guy ended up just being a player who was obsessed with his ex and trying to get back together with her while pretending he actually gave two cents about me lol. Now I date average men but I usually break it off quickly because my own trust issues swarm my mind and make me believe they're cheating, lying, or are playing me anyway. No winning till I get a therapist💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
@@wellknown1204 Really really well remembered when you commented that looks do not last forever, but individuals also change with time, sometimes they are not who you fell in love with anymore and that is okay to move on with your life. I usually avoid going for very conventionally attractive people, they very usually are attractive exactly because they spend a lot of their time in their appearances, doing make up or working out, time they do not have to spend with you in your interests.
My boyfriend and I both think we dated “up” lol. Sure, we both have our flaws but we balance each other out well. He’s way more social and I’m reserved. I’m more of the brains while he happily declares himself as the brawn. We found each other on Tinder so we definitely liked each other’s appearance. Everything else is a bonus :)
There's an influencer I follow on TH-cam that lives in New York, she's looking towards dating guys stereotypically not as attractive. She stated, in NYC most gorgeous guys have no interest in settling down because they don't need to, they have so many options and they know it. Plus, really attractive guys don't try as hard because they feel like they don't need to and she's had enough of it. Plus, with how fast paced and career driven everyone in NYC is they don't have the time to create a healthy relationship. She said she prefers the homely looking guys from Texas that are thinking more about the future and will actually make an effort. Who knows if her theory is right, she's still in her mid 20s and is attractive (and very funny). Personally, as a gay man, I realised the gorgeous guys I spoke to raaarely had "looking for: relationship" in their description and were mostly looking for hookups, their chat was also very lacking. Whilst guys in my range or lower had waaay better chat, in my range it'd be a mix of relationship/hookup and lower was relationship.
Some people are demisexual only feel sexual attraction if they like their personality . It very rare but a document thing . It may sound cheese but sometimes love can be blind
I feel that her scenario isnt really about their looks tho. She is thinking about a specific personality that she wants to avoid that stereotypically happens in hot dudes, so i think thats actually very smart, she is going for the dudes that are most likely looking for the same thing as her. Its like avoiding 20 year old guys if you want to have a baby in the next 2 years lol.
If she doesn’t go for someone she’s physically attracted to, and she “settles” for him, 10 or 5 years down the line she’s gonna file for divorce like most women do and ruin this guy she “settle” for.
I saw this with a close friend of mine, he managed to pull a very attractive girl and I told him (a bit harsh but necessary) that he needed to lose some weight and get in shape if he wants this relationship to last longer than just the honeymoon period. They’ve been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, which I doubt would have been the case if he hadn’t of improved his physique.
@@og2484 Tbh keeping fit is also a matter of principle and self respect. If you are capable of keeping the unecessary weight off you should, otherwise it reflects on you as someone who doesn't value health or longevity. In some sense it can say your work ethic is poor or you are complacent with simply being good at one thing and use it as justification to be mediocre with your health and other things
@O G but was your “suggestion” really needed? I mean she fell in love with him REGARDLESS of him not being in shape. And not everybody gives much on look but rather falls in love with the character. Also there are people who find “big” people more attractive or have a fetish
Personally I won't date a person I am not attracted to but I will also not date someone who has a large following on social media Or is known majorly for his looks because in my experience they have very inflated ego and are often not smart
What can I say except: never underestimate a physically ugly looking human being's capacity for evil and malice. Not every good looking person is the deviI. The halo effect is real, but going to this other extreme is as bad.
@@fxfundedfxf8776 If you're a handsome straight man, yes it is difficult for you. Most straight women value things other than looks in their partner. In my comment I was speaking in general. Like day to day life and interactions.
Now that you’ve hit this topic it’d also be really interesting to see you cover why a lot of people have experienced the cheating partners’ other woman/man may be less attractive/ downgrade
@@harsh3948 In consensually non-monogamous relationships, men will not leave their other partner(s), instead they will prioritize more the more conventionally desirable woman and "sideline" the other partner(s) to secondary or tertiary positions, specially if the partners are non-white, trans, overweight, disabled, neurodiverse or other men.
i agree, but for many people like me, insecurity just eats you from the inside out. especially when you aren't that attractive compared to everyone else
@@desireandfire ofcourse i understand. whenever humans are involved, things tend to be very complex :') i hope your work productively on your insecurities and gradually feel more confident than right now :)) the above comment was me being more shocked that such a thing also exists and people intentionally go for such 'plans'
This is such a shit advice most women as a default find most males unattractive telling women to fuck whom they wanna fuck based on phyical traits is basically saying you want women to make more incels objectively. This retarded system would work perfectly if women and men were equally attracted to each other but there not in fact the prior find most men disgusting.
Tbh, I’ve dated unattractive men and they were extremely insecure and controlling, I’m much more attractive than them so they always felt the need to put me down so they feel better about themselves. The better looking guys (the ones in my league) always treated me with respect and didn’t play mind games.
YES ! It’s like they like you because you’re attractive but then overtime they start to resent you because of your attractiveness makes them look/feel ugly.
I'm also a little below average I think but in my experience both good looking and ugly people didn't treat me so nice even though most of the rude uglies looked even worse than me rn
because those ugly men fear that they might lose you to someone who is better than them and that deep down inside they know they can't compete so they "hold you tight" to not lose you.
I find that when you date down in looks and the partner knows they are less attractive then you, they become VERY cocky, its like they think “wow i must be amazing for this hot girl to choose me, im gonna act like a jerk because i think she wont care since she is so much into me”. In te end its all about talking and catching those details that show if that person is insecure and will project that on you, so you can avoid them.
The meanness could be a reaction to the "I'm doing him a favor" attitude some of these women have in these relationships. Or if she doesnt think this and the feelings are genuine, if friends and family are pointing it out, it could cause insecurities that manifest into lashing out towards the girl. Obviously, no one should be an ass towards there partner in a relationship, but as someone who has experienced the opposite (guy who was perceived as less attractive than me treating me very well), I think there are many more factors that could cause the relationship to not work out.
Or they get tired of being bullied and asked "why is she dating him" which makes him cheat to "humble" her or her fans fans Jay Z. Honestly, most humans are hypocrites. People speak against bullying but will Bully celebrity couples who date does with looks not up to or whatever eg Chris Evans and his ex.
I think it's like controlling their partners if he doesn't have social media presence you can do whatever you want but they can't because if they leave you they can't get beautiful partener. So they control em and it's strategic plan to save yourself self from being cheated on.
@@misoukihanyu5341 Yes but not that alone. It's what amounts to someone having more options. Like you want someone of equal overall value in various fields of expertise and physical aspects to you otherwise the disparity may be enough to tempt and successfully have your partner cheat as they may find someone superior or easier than the other
For me my "plans" are to dip and leave under a month and not date attractive guys. This just has to do with personal issues I need to work out (obviously) but I wouldn't control or try to "take over" a man. I'd be to scared that he'll leave me and find someone else to even think about trying that.
I don’t think so. I do this, people always tell me that my partners aren’t very attractive. I do this because I feel like anyone remotely attractive is superior, and I feel super insecure and unworthy around them. Even though people tell me I’m pretty, I don’t believe so.
i’ve definitely met couples where one person was much more attractive than the other and that are healthy, happy relationships, but i’d say the difference is that if you ask the more physically attractive people in those relationships what makes them attracted to their partner, rather than saying something like “oh i like ugly men,” they’re more likely to say something positive - ‘oh, they make me happy to be around, oh, they’re so smart and interesting, oh, they have *insert smaller physical feature that might not be noticed at first’ which i feel like is a way to differentiate between people “dating down” out of insecurity or because they genuinely like the person they’re with.
Personally I'm not sure I've ever witnessed this happening in a knowing and malicious way, but certainly in an unconscious way. Whether it's due to shallowness, or down to insecurity - there does seem to be this idea that being a bit "homely" looking means you're less of a douchebag because life has humbled you, but a lot of the time in my experience I've seen the opposite happen. Particularly with men, but then again I haven't dated any women (I'm bisexual but women don't seem to read me as such lol). If a guy has been passed over by girls a lot, or even just put down by other men to the point he won't even acknowledge women's interest in him as real, instead of being grateful and contented when someone pursues him he can sometimes go the absolute other way; they can get a huge ego where they start treating all the potential love interests in his life like shit, cheating etc. I had a guy I was interested in that did this exact thing - no one could understand why I liked him and that annoyed me, but when it became apparent to him that multiple people had a crush on him he basically turned into gollum lol every ounce of charm disappeared and he just became an absolute pig. I suspect the woman he ended up with is maybe the only example of this videos topic I can come up with.
THAT. idk why this happens, but its almost like the guy gets this idea that “wow, hot girl likes me??? = must like me so much that she wont care if i act like a douche” or maybe they trying to act like they think the “hot” guys act??? (being assholes lol)
@@annaguims yeah acting like hot fckboys isnt gonna work for the average guy since the hot dudes get away with alow of bad behaviour because of their looks kinda fcked up lol
As a woman who both consciously and subconsciously has dated guys who would be considered as ugly, I can confirm that it mainly comes from a place of deep insecurity ranging from personality, intelligence, economic status and beauty. However, something that I also belive has influenced me is lots of media that has female characters portrayed in a bad light for trying to get the attractive or rich guy. It sets an idea that to be of pure intentions it's better if you notice the less stand out guy and try to know him and pick him instead of other.
There's also tons of normalization in the media of attractive women with less attractive men. And also the whole "give the guy a chance" culture. Alot of women feel like they shouldn't or can't date a very attractive man.
No, insecurity is just an excuse to hide their pride, sure it's insecurity to some extent but when you have nothing to be insecure about, it's creating drama from pride. Frist of all it's extreme pride and ego, that becomes inflated and it has diminishing return. This is why it's always good to check your ego.
The reason for this is because woman naturally wants to date up. If the media further pushed for this. We would end up with a society where the top 10% of men attract 80% of the woman and most of the average and below average men would struggle super hard to find a partner. If you look at the animal kingdom. Especially lions. Pretty much the lion king has the chance to mate of multiple lionesses...most male lions just die alone. Hence humans invented marriage between 1 man and 1 woman, to create a more stable society where we don't end up with a bunch of single dudes as the 10% men would attract majority of the woman.....humans also invented arranged marriages to force 1 man and 1 woman rather than 1 man and 10 woman etc....
In regards to influencers saying they like ugly guys, I'm pretty sure its because they are trying to create an army of simps who think they have a chance with her and will gladly fork over money.
Being in a relationship where the guy views you as “out of his league” is soooo fucking draining. It’s not worth it. There’s too much overthinking and it took the fun out of everything in my experience. It tainted his personality which I initially fell for.
it is. i always had a feeling my boyfriend felt this way and confessed that every time i went out with my friends he was scared he was getting cheated on. he said the amount of attention i get from other people sometimes makes him uncomfortable which i understand but at the same time if you didnt find me attractive you wouldn't be dating me either. i told him multiple times to stop putting me on a pedestal and treat me like your girlfriend yes, but still like a human being. it was incredibly draining to keep explaining i do love him and i would never cheat on him. he's also overweight and despite wanting to lose weight does nothing to change that. its extremely tiring trying to build him up.
@@lolololololollol4793 If you try to help him for loose weight ie, and he do nothing and still insecure, then he deserve it. This is the role of man to have his shit done.
@@harsh3948 My boyfriend lets my bipolar @$$ treat him like crap even though I'm a little below average so why does he so that when he looks better? (He's not very masculine face wise and more of a pretty boy but women even talk to him on the streets and try to initiate convos and also get jealous of me and make fun of me for me having him)
They don’t want an ugly guy they want an insecure guy so he won’t act up and do a lot to keep the relationship going. That way you don’t have to care and put effort which is pretty smart but not a great long term plan
I think there are several things mashed up here. 1. Women have in general higher diversity in taste. I guess most women have made the experience of looking at a guy, finding him unattractive but her girlfriends rating him as hot. One woman may find a given person super attractive, the other not so much. 2. Many ugly people can actually be very attractive because of how they move, speak, and their charisma. There is the "hot ugly" category that many women swoon over for a reason: the Micks Jaggers of the world. Going for ugly guys does not have to mean going for not attractive guys. 3. Looks are high on the list of desired features, but are not the highest one. The ability to make someone laugh, to make them feel secure, that are really fun to talk to, etc. may overdrive the looks. There is also a possibility of a spillover effect. You like some features, and you start to like the looks in result. I have fallen a few times for someone I found OK-ish physically, and only started to find them physically attractive once I developed feelings for them. 4. In hetero context: many good looking men are REALLY boring. Many of them peaked in high school and never moved pass this stage in life. Less attractive guys know that they must bring other things to the table to "compensate" for less attractive looks, so they are simply more interesting as people, they are often more emotionally mature, and are often more reflective of themselves and the world. They are also often better in bed, cause they focused on developing their skills. 5. Finally, many really attractive women have often bad experience with potential romantic or sexual partners. Many men see them as trophies or "prizes", and hot chicks to collect - rather than the person behind the pretty face. So, some of them bond with the less attractive men (or women) who actually see past the beauty, who see them for who they are, who make them laugh, and make them feel seen. The fear that you'd get dumped when you turn 25 (like DiCaprio's girlfriends) when you are no longer young and beautiful, is real.
No they don’t. The OkCupid study already debunked this false notion that women find different types of men attractive. There’s even videos mentioning what women universally like in men on this very channel. Women find only the top 20% of men as physically attractive. And less attractive guys don’t even get that many women in the first place and sometimes stay virgins in their late 20’s to mid 30’s so them being skilled in the bed is a moot point.
@@harsh3948 Well, "not all guys". Of course there are less attractive guys that do not match my description, and very handsome guys who are not boring. But the very fact that there are the mismatched couples suggest that there are exceptions - and are often enough that people notice. Of course I will likely not fall for a guy who is a 2 in my personal scale and boring on top of that. But I may choose a guy who is a 6, but have all the other desired features over a guy who is 9 but boring and immature.
I feel like “dating down” in terms of looks could have less to do with overall attractiveness and more to do with prioritizing other important partner qualities like personality, intelligence, wealth and charisma. Really attractive men in my experience are either lacking in the other departments (cause they can rely on their attractiveness) or aren’t in a position to seriously date or settle down (cause they have the option not to). Women know this so they choose accordingly.
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I'm sure it is that. And then taking about "dating down" may be that they want to make other people understand that the looks aren't everything, as actually inside matters on the long term.
@@anarki777 I usually avoid going for very conventionally attractive people, they very usually are attractive exactly because they spend a lot of their time in their appearances, doing make up or working out, time they do not have to spend with you in your interests.
A friend of mine has been dating his boyfriend for many years now. He is mot only ugly but his personality is not good either. His other attributes do not compensate.
I think this goes in one direction, rarely do you see men with 'status' dating women society would deem to be ugly even if they're insecure. They'll usually go for women who are poorer but still pretty and use that for control. In a similar way, women can date men they deem to be uglier on the notion that they are lucky to be dating such a pretty woman (this can happen with or without money but usually there is still some exchange). I've seen average women date average but ugly guys, and they treat it as a form of relationship control. (usually they complain that the guy starts acting like he's the one doing her a favor and becomes too cocky). It's literally control and social mobility.
“They’ll usually go for women who are poorer but still pretty and use that for control” Why do ppls like you always gotta infantilize women and pretend they are not consenting to a relationship? Also it’s not that guys choose poorer women, but it’s because women practice hypergamy so they mostly date up, hence why you find this dynamic often, do you think Leo DiCaprio’s exs were victim too? Smh
Yes because the men that have status but are not hot gonna use what they have to control, so you get rich ugly guys going for pretty poor girls. Men tend to not settle for less in the looks department. Women on the other hand might be looking for some internal self feeling of success, so they will settle for less in looks if they get to reach that feeling. Basically, men = looks are more important then all, women = might settle for less if it kills their insecurity (not everyone is like this tho, if you have a balanced sense of self confidence then you get to be normal lmao)
By the same logic, pretty poor women who like rich lifestyles go for rich ugly guys to control them and leech their money. Because if they went for rich pretty guys, then they would have zero leverage and could get replaced at any moment. Grown up women are not 5 year olds. Jesus. They can make their own choices. These women you are talking about are willing to exchange their beauty for a significantly better lifestyle. And can you really blame them? Someone's looks can only go down with age. Someone's net worth can go either way.
Dating down can be because someone wants to look better looking than the other it's similar to wanting to be pictured next to someone bigger than you to look smaller etc vice versa, which is insecure
If somebody wants to do you wrong, they will. It has nothing to do with their looks, their wealth, or how many people hit on them. None of that matters if they know how to act right. And if they don't know or rather choose not to, they won't act right. If Beyonce or Will Smith of all people can get cheated on, no one is safe. It's your partner's responsibility to themselves to be a decent person, no one else can do it for them.
To me, if I find the person physically attractive then they would basically move onto the next stage, which is personality. Ultimately, if I love their personality then I would date them. I wouldn't date someone whose personality I love, but am not physically attracted to. I think it's unfair to your partner if you're dating them and don't find them physically attractive because I think your sex life would be fundamentally poor in quality. You would probably not be willing to do as much kinky things or be as passionate and horny for them as you would ideally want to be with the person you love. I think if you love someone you want them to feel lusted after by you and fully embraced. If you're not physically attracted to them you may lack the drive to please them and receive less pleasure out of your sexual acts, and they might notice and feel self conscious and sad that you don't desire them physically. In my opinion, it's not wrong to refuse to date someone because you're not physically attracted to them, it's wrong to date them when you know you don't find them physically attractive because you're basically lying to yourself in some pointless attempt at being "romantically virtuous" when it is indeed the opposite and inconsiderate.
@@hattuli On the contrary, yours sounds like dumbed down man/woman child talk. First of all, not everyone wants kids, so that's not always the point of a relationship. Sometimes people just want someone to be emotionally close to and intimate with. Secondly, a good sex life is vital to a healthy relationship. If you're not lusting for each other then the sex would lose its passion and women especially need a generous lover. Otherwise, she may fantasize about a more intimate lover. I'm sorry, man, but if that's your mentality toward intimacy then you're probably not the most passionate or enjoyable lover. Oh, and third, not everyone has sex to procreate, believe it or not but many of us actually enjoy having sex and like to relish in it and the profound connection and closeness that is developed when you're mad for each other in both a physical and emotional capacity. It's not the medieval ages anymore. Once your partner sees you care for nothing more than getting your nut in, then they're more likely to be more disgusted by you than desire you.
Some people want different things, to me sex with an attractive person doesnt equal amazing sex, neither does an unattractive person equal bad sex. Most people I like, involve me liking their personality the most, and I'd gladly have sex with them..
I married down but hear me out! It was on bumble. And this guy captured my heart from first message so 🤷♀️ I love that he has values and knows the right thing to say (outside of a fight that is). He also married me in half a year of first message knowing what a catch he had. Marry a man who is more in love with you, chases you, than the other way around ♥️
People will settle for a less attractive partner if they can dominate them. It's usually done by people with attachment issues and out of fear of abandonment.
I can't remember which dating app did this study, but they found that more conventionally attractive people were rated highly out of ten, but people who would either rate a 2 or 8 and higher got more dates. Those who looked more polarizing would have better luck in dating. They found that personal preference (aka your type) plays a huge part in it. Like someone who has a hooked nose will get rated a 2 and people who may find that feature really attractive would rate an 8 and higher. So sometimes to us it seems like an odd couple but the more attractive person in the couple might view them as equal because their partner is their type :)
People often do this too with the purpose to abuse their partner. I’ve seen, mostly men, date women who are overweight or otherwise not traditionally attractive, and then start to treat them worse over time and tell them they won’t/can’t do better than them. It’s really awful.
Those relationships are formed by need. Their corruption is not a surprising outcome, but an expected result... Also, do you speaking from your own experience?
@@JessieBanana So you don't... You have just seen a lot of victims and formed your own biased opinion. Also, it's not a counter to my argument. If you are in a bad relationship, every deviant tendency is going to skyrocket, because if both parties are frustrated, guess what will happen? Abuse is not the cause, but the result...
Like no offence but them thinking ugly people will never cheat or never behave narcissistic is just a delusion. People regardless of social hirechy in looks, popularity and opulence can cheat. And looks is irrespective in a good partner. Settling also never lasts.
This is an interesting topic but I'm wondering if there's a difference between men and women in this regard. For example, I've found that while yes, physical attractiveness is important to everyone in choosing a partner, men seem to be more rigid when it comes to overlooking physical attractiveness in a female partner. I've found that women are more able to (genuinely) overlook a man's lack of physical attractiveness if for example he's funny, kind, etc. and not just as some form of cognitive dissonance but because those characteristics tend to overshadow and perhaps even negate a man's physical shortcomings. This is obviously anecdotal but it would be interesting if there was empirical evidence to support this.
I've seen the same. I'm regular for my age and region, but a bit up in the scale just for not having any obvious "issues", except from being small (and short), but I think that's fine. I dated down a few years ago and I found absolutely funny how, after the break up the other party wanted me to "date up" afterwards (ie: he literally told me that I was suposed to only get guys that were better than him. They should know more languages and be taller and have X, y and z attributes). I didn't even wanted to date anyone anymore. I don't know what happened with him, but I've never seen man date down.
I agree and I see this all the time. Even in cartoons. Have you noticed that fat husbands in cartoons have thin, attractive wives? But we rarely ever see the other way around. That's just one example that I see of what you're stating in popular culture.
@@schmaelepaulection1431 Because they’re cartoons? Comedies always have the trope of the buffoon ending up with a good looking woman because it’s a male fantasy. It is not even close to replicable in real life unless she’s 40+ and still thin while the husband puts on weight and loses hair (aka both start at the same level of attraction but the husband becomes uglier as time passes because men don’t care for their looks as much as women do)
as a man that have been quite mistreated by pretty girls i can tell you as much as phisycal attraction can matter, it can also make you dislike people that look like the people that mistreated you in the past
Some years back, there was this guy who kept texting that he wants to date me and wants to treat me like a princess. Very cheesy lines. I wasn't agreeing and one day, he started telling me that he had always dated extremely beautiful girls but now, he has started looking for girls who aren't beautiful. Essentially, indicating that my appearance is bad. 😂 I was shocked and cursed him. He was no looker, average at best, was trying to date me, and then himself tells me that I don't look good. Why would I want to date someone who finds me "not so beautiful"! Such experiences makes me happy I'm not dating anymore. Maybe, if I find an outlier some day. Or maybe never.
@@seekchristwithin4464 this comment does not reflect Jesus Christ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 john 6 We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit [1] of truth and the spirit of falsehood. 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
I've dated and slept with some of the hottest freaking guys and I've also slept with a few I regret. The ones who were not my type were very rude, nasty and cruel. Dating an ugly guy because you think he won't cheat on you is ridiculous lmao
don't you think that you have a bias? Like if a hot guy was cruel, you would say it was wild sex... but if a ugly guy did it you would say he's shit. also I found that having sex with someone very attractive not necessarily means good sex and it can be regardless of their appearance
Honestly though if a guy is attractive and settles for a mid girl she will be loyal to him to the point of codependency. Relationships in the modern day only work if the woman is more interested in the relationship than the man is ever so slightly, because she will fight for that relationship.
I sometimes got asked out by old ugly men. The worst I’ve met was 50 something wanted to ask for my number. He got nothing to offer tbh - fat and got beer belly and really sagging face, had no fashion sense, worked minimum wage job, socially awkward, and worst of all he got a wife! He just bluntly said to my face and other witnesses that his wife wouldn’t wind if he got a girlfriend. 😂😂😂 dude how delusional can you be. Some people just don’t deserve nice things. They aren’t loyal.
That poaching part is so right on. A guy in church wanted to date but it attracted competition that he couldn’t defend. It made him hate himself. This is why there is no such safety in dating down.
Or you can just be secure in yourself and have a partner that doesn’t cheat, not hard, nor impossible. I love Qoves but not everything is black and white
Eh, some of it come down to preferences. My boyfriend and I both think we're dating up but for different reasons. If the main factor driving ur relationship is ur looks, it won't last.
What about the notion of trophy mindset. The less attractive partner may be seeking a trophy and may not question the intentions of the more attractive person willing to be in a relationship with them. Also there are very few people who know their true value. Most people either underestimate or over estimate themselves. How does that behavior fit into this argument.
This is a really Interesting topic. I think another one is when you start dating someone you think is gorgeous and their appearance gets worse over time. I ask myself why people do this. It doesn’t even have to be the typical weight gain scenario, in my case my good looking boyfriend has grown out some hideous facial and unevenly long and broken head hair, it really makes me like 😩 because he is a good looking guy, just has refused to cut his hair since the pandemic. When I suggest it he gets the most minor trims. I don’t know! It’s not something that’ll make me stop loving him, but it’s definitely making me think he’s less hot and in a way… that makes me sad.
I think for long term relationships in general you have to be prepared and learn to be okay with your partner changing in ways you may not like as long as it is not a deal breaker. I've seen this mostly the other way around with guys who stop liking their gf when she cuts her hair short or stops shaving her legs or wearing make-up less often. It's also unfair for a partner to feel like they can't change or try something they want because the other will react negatively.
@ sab You hav to be excruciatingly honest with him. Tell him you’re losing attraction and don’t sugar coat it. If he changes then you’re meant to be. If he doesn’t, be prepared to move on. You both have to be happy together for it to be sustainable.
@@sz4156 while i do agree in some degree with you, i find that a lot relationships lose that “magic” when people get too comfortable (“oh he already knows what i look like without makeup, im not gonna do it”/“ she already knows how my hair looks like when i grow it, im not gonna trim it”). A relationship takes energy and active care for it to keep flourishing. I find that the ones that last the longest (and have the better quality) are the ones where you keep doing some of the little things that you did in the beginning (“wow she knows i know how she looks without makeup but she is still putting it on for our date, she appreciates our time together”/ “wow he trimmed his hair for our date, how cool”) you gotta show you care.
Just pursue who you are genuinely attracted to. simple. Make sure you know yourself also and why you're choosing a person, so it's from a healthy place. if not reflect and heal your stuff if possible and then try again.
I was like that. I thought it's mean if I don't give everybody a chance even if he isn't my type. I always said personality is more important. But I also was way too insecure and shy towards men who would be my type. All the guys also the "ugly" ones treated me like trash, they just noticed my weak and insecure personality. I overcame that and have a boyfriend now who is attractive and has a great personality. Edit: after watching this I came to the conclusion that the attractive one is either insecure (thinks they deserve an unattractive partner or end up alone) and the unattractive one is narcissistic (thinks they deserve a more attractive partner) OR The attractive one is narcissistic (chooses a less attractive partner to have better control over them) the unattractive one is insecure to be with a shithead. Got it. Just my opinion: all our behaviors are results of our childhood, so who we choose to be our partner is also heavily influenced by our childhood and the way our parents raised us. I became a "yes"-woman because of that, that's why I dated narcissistic ugly men. I had to do a lot of self-reflecting, book reading and confidence boosting things to overcome that.
This is old as time, 5 dates 5, 9 dates 9. There are some exceptions of course. Couple can be unequal and also have a very good relationship, but people in the comments forget that the video is about MOST people, don't take it personally! Most people are attracted specifically to partners with around the same level of attractiveness.
nope. Most people are attracted to 9s rather than 5s even when they are 3s themselves. If what you’re saying was true, dating would’ve been so much simpler. Everybody would know who they can attract and would happily stay in their league. No drama. But we all know that doesn’t happen.
Re. the idea of choosing someone less likely to cheat. I had a girl tell me once that she knew I wouldn't cheat on her and that was a bad thing because there was no danger.
Eh it depends, I know bunch of hot dudes who are amazing loyal bfs and I know bunch of ugly guys who are awful bfs. The hottest guy in my school (tall, buff, dark hair, beautiful face) was saving himself for marriage bc he was a devouted muslim.
I get called a player a lot because im very attractive to teenage women (not so much older ones, prettyboy appearance) and they expect me to be a player only because of it when that isnt true at all. While attractiveness is very obvious and visible to everyone, your character isnt determined by it
I think its more about scarcity than insecurity, at least for women. Try and name 5 women that you know in real life who are truly objectively attractive. Then try and name 5 guys from your real life who are objectively attractive (looks alone - not counting personality!) I can think of women much more easily than men. Its not that an attractive girl wouldnt date a guy who is in her league, she is just less likely to meet one - let alone meet one who has the personality type and values she desires. As a woman, you feel lucky to meet a guy with the values and personality you desire who isn’t half bad looking. You’re happy just to meet someone who you think is decent looking and you get along well with, even if they may not be exactly as attractive as you physically. Dating is taking the best that you can find, and for women, the best they can find is often someone a couple ranks below them physically. Guys have more options and can be more picky. They don’t usually have to choose looks vs personality because they have so many choices.
also, the girls who say their type is “ugly men” are usually sort of kidding and typically mean they like guys who arent conventionally attractive. certainly, some girls do date down because they are insecure/want control, but a lot of girls i know who like “ugly guys” mean guys who are “ugly-hot” like pete davidson
Keep in mind that women rate a 7/10 man as 5/10. Also, women have MUCH more options than men. Women have dozens of guys simping for them, while men are lucky to talk to a girl. Just because a 9/10 man doesn't want to date you doesn't mean you don't have options.
@@JohnYoungcook72 attractive men have simps too. but having lots of people who are attracted to you is not the same as having lots of options of people you are attracted to. Unless you live in a big city maybe, there are more attractive female partners in the dating pool than there are attractive males.
@@JohnYoungcook72 the hotter a person is, the harder it is for them to find a partner who is of the same level of attractiveness to them. think of how rare it is to see a 10/10 person. then imagine how hard it would be for that 10/10 person to find another person who is both equally attractive to them AND has a personality that they enjoy. And in general, there are more attractive women than attractive men out there in the average town.
Because models aren't supposed to be attractive. Unique yes, but not attractive. They're job is to be a blank canvas to display the clothes on and blank (unattractive) enough to distract people from their faces and make them focus on the clothes. Or any other product they showcase.
@@رزيئة Then why’s that most(98%) of them(models) have features that are considered attractive e.g. sharp jawline and cheekbones (+ their height which is attractive)?
Could you analyze Elvis Presley and/or Marylin Monroe’s physical appearance and allure? I always wondered what made them more appealing than other celebrities of that time. It would also be a great segment to analyze stars from the 50s.
There is not always an alterior motive. Most of the times, women are able to develop an attraction to him outside of just his looks, usually due to his personality.
I LIVED THIS! My ex was a 10/10 and I rank myself a 6 at best. The amount of times people tried to poach her was astounding. At first it was unbearable but I soon realised “I’m with her and they’re alone so f them”. I thought she just liked me because I was funny, but now I see that maybe she was using me to fill some void within herself.
Dont let this video make you think your ex was just using you to fill something within herself. You may be more attractive than you realized or maybe you were exactly her type or youre just great to be around. I like this channel but this video isn't representative across all people, at all
While looks are important they are not enough for a relationship to last, if you had a “normal” dating story (being attracted to each other post “honeymoon” period) it wasnt your looks that made her like you but your personality. And since you had that fuck them mentality it shows you were not even insecure, so she would not be attracted to you because of that. B more confident
I dated down with my ex..i fell for her personality but she was always afraid that i was going to cheat and telling me that i was to cool for her and in the end she cheated on me.
I have a teenage niece that is pretty enough to be a model, in fact she has had modeling scouts try to recruit her. She's dating an extremely insecure guy who is easily sub 5 in looks as well as overweight. The only reason she is with him is because he's her first boyfriend. She has not yet really discovered her value and thinks this guy is the best she can do. She also lives in a small town in a where there aren't a lot of options. I think I've heard this called the "just be first" theory. Sometimes an ugly guy gets an attractive gf or wife if he was the first to pair bond with her before she understood her value.
And why does that bother you? If she's happy and he is happy, where is the problem? Also, modelling scouts trying to recruit doesn't mean anything, they try to convince as many people as possible because the scouts will get a comission. Even I was approached by them multiple times over the years, but I didn't let that inflate my head because I know it's just about business 😂
Can you make a video about beauty standards in the gay community? I would like to see if there's any studies done and what changes when compared to straight people attractiveness
I think it's the same as straight standards + internalized homophobia making them lean more towards hyper masculinity being the most desirable. Though i do feel like that's also because of the male gaze being applied towards your own gender making the standards more sexually driven and nitpicky in a way that straight women's aren't
@@sz4156 yeah gay mens standards are similiar to womens. However, ive noticed gay men care a lot less about a mans height or actually prefer average/short/tallish height to super tall.
I swear, I'm always suspicious of attractive people who show any interest in me (this basically never happens though) because I'm sure they're just trying to date down. I hate the rating system so much but I bet I'm a 2
Hmmm, I'd argue that the equity theory fails to take subjective beliefs/self-esteem into account. The tiktok person talked about insecurity, about how the more attractive partner might /feel/ like they don't have much to offer other than their looks, and therefore date down. Whereas the equity theory seems to assume that people consciously or subconsciously know how objectively attractive/smart/etc they are, and adjust their dating life accordingly. Now we're much more aware of how insecurity, anxiety, and social media can distort people's self-image, so I'd say the equity theory needs some updating or further studies
1) Hot guys are rarer than hot girls. So they’re usually very arrogant. 2) Hot guys mean a lot of competition (usually for a guy that’s irritating and/or boring) 3) An “ugly” guy will probably treat a hot girl better than a hot guy because he’s not likely to find another
@@Zikomo7 yeah, women used to date ugly guys more often in the past before dating apps and social media. Also, a woman may date an unattractive guy if she does not understand her full SMV (which is rare) or if she is a single mother of a bunch of kids. There's nuance there.
@@Zikomo7 in the situation where they grew up together, she dated him because she didn't know her potential SMV. That's why we teach guys the importance of being a girl's first BF. As for dating a guy because he's fun to be around, that doesn't exist. She dates him because he's fun AND good looking.
99.9% of time, these women who will tell anyone who will listen about how they "date down" just have a skewed perception of their own sexual market value: if you look at the pictures, it's always average dating average. "Behold! Look how pious and above everyone I am! I could be dating Channing Tatum but instead I'm dating this dork!" Take a good look at yourself, Stacy.
It’s all well and good to address cognitive dissonance in mismatched couples, untill divorce rate statistics for couples that have physical attraction as their highest value in relationships come up 👀
I would say that, because Im lazy and havent read all the comments, but I want this to be said. The author of this video said it right: when people meet other people, they look on their beauty first, then they see their other features and etc. But lets talk about love and sexual attraction part. I feel, that there are a lot of people, who feel it differently. For example, some can feel sexual attraction towards beautiful people, some cant (speaking of me, I feel aesthetical enjoy with beauty of different people, but I rarely get sexual intention within it), but some do to people who are uglier, then their "perfect" image on different magazines covers. Some can feel sexual attraction towards concrete body parts, or body itself, some can feel sexual attraction towards mind, money and perspectives. I feel, as people's love interest is influenced with not only looks, but with rational analysis of possible perspectives of their mutual future, it can also be smell, that turns them on, or feelings, that they get while being with this exact person. In every human perspective each thing is in bigger priority, then the other one. For example, I will tell you about my experience. I like people, who can teach me something, that I dont know. I like people's brains (heh, sounds, as me being zombie, but still its not the main subject). I've got a situation, when I knew a man, he wasn't my kind of type, he could be even worse of that: not getting proper shower, having some wrinkles, acne, etc. But if I saw, that he was genius and his knowledge really impressed me.... Damn, my hormones would be unstoppable. I would start seeing him, as the most handsome in the world, I would see only the best things in him. Even, if I had thought before, that he was kinda ugly for me. And I've got in this situation a few times. And my feelings were much harder, then sexual tension towards just some handsome guy, because for me feeling safe and comfortable is more important, then to sleep with pretty boy. It wasn't once, when I felt interest for a guy, but when he would open his mouth, I lost it and was bored disappointed and cold for the rest of the time.
The flip side is that as an ugly man i have been cuckolded in every relationship i ever had. Although it has only been 3. I have been 6 years single and will remain so for the rest of my days.
@@thesevenkingswelove9554 only revenge cheating like after an argument your partner slept with your best friend only that type of cheating is done to hurt someone. Rest of them in any case cheating isn't done because they wanna hurt you. They cheat because it's selfish and something they also get instant rewards. "Tf you mean inflated ego? " Let me explain, when women "purposeful" Date unattractive vs when power dynamics in relationship is bent towards men or equal power dynamics. When they date when power dynamics favor men or equal they tend to think "I hope he likes me naked" Vs When they "purposeful" Date loser guys they tend to think " I hope it's worthwhile".
I like charm and good manners, guys with a passion. Very commonly attractive guys in their twenties are often time players and Air heads. My exes were attractive enough for me (not my Friends)! But It didn't stop me from being dumped once.
Some ugly men have a complex about being ugly. So when by chance they get a good looking partner, they get cocky and start misbehaving… Instead very often who has always been handsome since birth, is confident and doesn’t need to prove anything to the world, so they are reliable and calm.
Quoves.. i love you man, thanks for your effort behind all of this the beautiful narration, the well rehearsed information and every little thing you’ve worked on to make this videos
My ex dated me down, I am sure I was more ugly than him by far, he was very insecure, I didn't understand why he was like that, because I had no male friends but he still didn't believe me, usually playing the game saying that I was in the wrong or the jealous one. He broke up with me and later I discovered he flirted with my friends and with almost every girl in our class, (it was pandemics so I had no way of knowing) It was painful but I don't blame him, I should have known better.
Your partner is a reflection of how you see and feel about yourself. I can't imagine dating an ugly guy who i don't find attractive 😅 and a lot of women think dating ugly equals to having good treatment which is not true. Males who are ugly and broke carry a lot of baggage. A lot of women in my family married down and none of them are happy. Anyways, find someone who matches you.
I haven't watched the video yet but my experience is they don't treat you better! They don't think you are rare. They hate women (or men, probably) because of their own insecurity and are probably more likely to cheat, whereas good looking people who've been there, done that know that sex with many strangers it not necessarily as fun as you'd think.
Women believe they are dating down all the time. The objective reality is that most of the time the couple is closely matched in physical attractiveness from the eyes of a third person.
@@fibbs6533 Yeah as I said in another comment, most couples are very evenly matched. Not exactly the same in everything, but pretty close. The average usual pairing probably looks like this: a 6/10 woman who makes 50k/year dates a guy who is a 5/10 and makes 75k/year and usually 2-3 years older than her. So she might be a tad more attractive, but he is also making more money than her. The reality is that you rarely see a couple with great difference in physical attractiveness and if you do, then one of them is definitely greatly compensating in some other aspect, most of the time that thing is success/money/clout/etc.
Some people think the "ugliness" traits are stimulating or attractive. It isn't necessarily about insecurities. Some people like a pug face or facial scarring or heavily lidded eyes... I used to like men who had dark circles under their eyes. It's just a preference.
@@harsh3948 sure, but some girls also like huskier guys... Like me. Lol it feels big and protective and I like the look of fullness not ribbies and abs. I think that if you still are attractive and fat it probably is the best representation of genes to shine through and the ability to provide.
06:22 - 06:34 "The reality is we all care about physical looks, we all do because it is in our biological imperative, it is in our best interest to care about physical looks so that we can choose the best chances for our future offspring." No, just no, not all of us do, we are more than animals controlled by biological impulses. What you said just says way more about you than says about reality.
That's what all believers in Darwinian evolutionary psychology think. They believe that everything in life is to reproduce and leave genes. They are brainwashed. As you can see in the comments section there are many people who believe in that religion.
I reject the claim that everyone cares about attractiveness. The video states that it's coded in our biology, but humans are variable, evolution and natural selection works on this variation. On average it might be true, but I find that to be a very bold statement. It's based on personal opinion rather than objective facts, no studies were cited that proved that _everyone_ cares about looks as much
The reason i don't 100% believe in the insecurity reason as to why they are mean, is because there are beautiful girls who are not insecure at all. If you are truly beautiful and if you get lots of attention and if you have no reason to be insecure, why will you be insecure? i think if you are insecure there is a reason. There is no reason to be insecure if there is absolutely no reason to be insecure and if you are still insecure that means you are not truly beautiful, that means you know there is a flaw in you that you don't like, that means you are overrated. am i right?
Just for me personally, I end up with less conventionally attractive men because I feel more comfortable around them. It’s not inherently a matter of craving superiority, it’s just that they seem more approachable and as a consequence I can be more ‘myself’ around them. All my male friends are more nerdy or alternative so the men I have the most success with romantically are much like that too.
I've actually found a connection with a guy who is probably more attractive than me because I thought he'd never want to date me, so I didn't put effort towards being "dateable" to him and ended up being more comfortable with him. Ofc I'm prepared he might find someone more suitable for him but yeah. I've noticed a guy's good or bad looks mean nothing in regards of him sticking around or not
@@Saberdud I mean yeah? I don’t see how that’s an issue though. If someone has an approachable face that’s a good thing. Im not searching out insecure men to make me feel good. If that makes me insecure then okay I am? As long as no one’s hurt I don’t get why you’re mad.
Women who date down just don't know their worth or think they don't deserve better which can be due multitude of reasons. I seen so many people who think they don't have much to offer while having so much offer. It all just comes down on your perception of yourself.
Gotta disagree on this one I too once tried dating bunch of not so good looking girls thinking that they would put more effort in relationship and almost all of them were insecure, bitter and boring af and I had to end it where as good looking girls were cheerful and fun to be around and also confident. The whole " Ugly people will always good inside and are fun to be around " Isn't always the case , I think it is due to positive feedback that good looking people get makes them actually good and ugly people become bitter so i dont really buy into this. And i think one should date some one beautiful people (within their league) because most of the time they are good from inside too and be less promiscuous.
I’ve noticed this with male friends as well. They get jealous when I get more attention at the bar or any social gatherings. So now I have to be selective with which friends I bring at certain events. It is why it is I guess.
You are implying people even know what league they are in. Have you seen the ItsComplicatedChannel, street interviews and almost every women and their friends will rate themselves highly 10/10, we have a delusional pandemic. So your advice is as good as dog piss
Now im terrified my girlfriend only loves me cause she was cheated on in the past and thinks (due to my looks) I would never…. Welp time to get a 6 figure job and go to the gym lol
What I find interesting is the idea that "it is our best interest to date attractive people for the benefit of our offspring". So, when someone puts something like height over their facial features or personality, it may be due to them seeing that as the highest advantage for their offspring that they themselves can't provide. So, in a sense, your type would be what you see as a genetic trait that would mix well with or improve your own traits.
Wow, that's so interesting. I'm attracted to people who are the opposite of me in terms of looks. Tall, healthier, have lighter skin, have colored hair/eyes or black hair (I just think it's neat lol), strong, not prone to chronic illnesses, have clear skin etc.
Bobby Lee have this exact situation, and wherever he and his girlfriend goes, other male comedians tend to tease him or try to flirt with his “attractive girlfriend”.
Maybe some people either just don't prioritize looks and/or have a preference that's markedly different than average. Man or woman, there's no reason to judge for that.
That is the dumbest idea ever. One of the foulest looking people I know were behaving like players and playing games with people's emotions and were sometimes even abusive, while people who you could swear up and down were "too hot to be humble/good partners" turned out to be real sweethearts. Don't fall into this trap, esp. You women. Date who you like both aesthetically and emotionally, you're not doing service to ANYONE in this scenario
This. More often than not in my personal experience, the disgusting looking people ended up being just as disgusting inside. The pretty people were genuinely good people.
This is ofc in my own experience, but i get the psychological reason behind this phenomenon
Why does it bother you how other people behave?
i think that ppl that aren’t physically attractive that act that way feel entitled to a relationship because they don’t have pretty privilege which is horrible
@Taotl ??? Wtf is this reach lmao? Why are u picking a fight? That also with awful punctuation. I had to re-read ur comment so many times to understand what u exactly meant
Anyways, to answer your doubt, the pretty people with awful attitudes are the ones I'd be attracted to and then immediately get turned off once they open their mouths.
I've also met some pretty people who are just extremely superficial. I haven't met any that are "disgusting ", just superficial.
But the ones who treated me like shit, and made my life miserable for years, were also physically ugly. This is just my own experience so im not drawing any conclusions here.
What i took away from my lived experience was to not give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and be more cautious
@@melodylawrence3458 halo effect at work
Sometimes though, attraction just developes over time. You might not find the person attractive right in the beginning, but it starts to increase extremely, the more time you spend with that person and the more you get to know them. You suddenly start noticing details that appear attractive. Sure, looks do in most cases attract first but oftentimes you also meet people without the intention of dating randomly, which changes later.
For some, BUT it's not common. MOst people want the initial physical attraction. And you actually have to spend time with those people whom you don't find attractive. Maybe they work with you, or they are in the same class with you.
100% agree, when I was a freshman, there was a girl whom I ended up having a crush, and the interesting thing is I didn't really notice her much at first, but after I got to know her better when I saw her with her friends and when she helped with my homework (I was sitting right next to her) I ended up realising that she's and absolute sweetheart and then started seeing her as the most beautiful girl in the class, so yeah, sometimes looks can help but without a nice personality it's really is nothing, at least in my case
Well but starting to find somone attractive bc of their character n not caring so much abt their looks anymore is something diffrent than purposely dating somone just bc u know they r physically not in your league
This is very truee ! And the case with my boyfriend
nonsense
Dating down is not always conscious. In some cases, people genuinely don’t know how attractive or unattractive they are. Many of us are unable to be objective with our own appearance. Example: A person who struggles with body dysmorphia might think their less attractive partner is ‘at their level’.
I’ve heard guys say ‘find a hot girl who thinks she’s ugly’. But at the end of the day, if both people are happy that’s all that matters.
I don't think your example is good. Those girls are just looking for validation or are straight up insecure.
Also men find most women attractive. Women only find a few percentage of men attractive (10-20%). That means the lens men and women see themselves is different
YES
you are completely right... that is the real problem, many people want not be objective because the truth hurt... but give you a freedom and peace
Stop it , women are indoctrinated to look attractive , they know that their looks are important,they are aware of where they stand on the looks scale, they date down because their insecure ,
oh boy are you wrong, if you are handosome man or a pretty girl, you will know you are.
I can’t imagine dating guys I don’t find attractive. It sounds miserable, I’d be happier alone.
I actually have a male friend with self esteem issues who dates girls he isn’t attracted to. The girls are at least nice, but it’s a super weird thing to do that to yourself and to them. Just setting both up for failure
Who's your friend? Lol
I have been actually attracted to these "ugly" guys because I have kind of a kink for extra weight and rough facial features. So that's how.
Very interesting
Call your “friend” out, the person is clearly a trash human being
considering he's your "male friend" it's likely he isn't good looking so he *has* to date down
I think you can like someone's looks even if they don't align with societal beauty standards without thinking they're ugly or that you're dating down and also not fetishizing said features. Some people just find beauty where others don't. There's also the stigma of seeming like you're dating down when you consider your partner to be a 10 all around.
This is true but like you said, it's not the status quo
You said what I wanted to in a better way lol
Facts 😂
I tend to place down my own worth and end up settling for less, because I do not fit into societal beauty standards.
@@ws6778 i don't think going into a relationship with the mentality of settling for less is good for either party. Even if you think you aren't that great it's in your best interest to advocate for yourself in order to have a satisfactory relationship. And that also means not settling for someone who sees you as beneath them.
I married a super hot man who could be rob Lowe's twin back in the day..he NEVER acted full of himself or thought he had the upper hand in the relationship because of his good looks... I dated uglier men who were completely full of themselves and thought they were God's gift to women lol
Halo effect at play here
@Sad officier K how do you know? Are they your friends? Same experience here with the addition of the uglier one hitting me with his fcking slipper.
An ugly man being confident = cocky, full of themselves
A hot man being confident = confident, romantic, stunning a brave
Whether we like it or not, we subconsciously give more leeway for better looking people, it’s no wonder you ended up with the better looking guy, teehee
@Sad officier K not everything is bc of the halo effect, if you don’t know their situation you can’t conclude it is or isn’t
You are applying the way women are to men
Going for people on your level is easier. They are accustomed to validation just like you are.
i agree. i’m gay and dated a man that was perceived uglier than me. so when we went out i would be showered in compliments and he wasn’t. you could tell he was mad and it was worse because we were both men so comparison was easier to make. he became resentful, made rude comments about my insecurities and eventually cheated on me. i’m never dating that type of men again
Yeah. It actually takes more self-esteem, not less, to date someone "objectively" not attractive. You must like them strong enough to mitigate the societal pressure for you to explain why you "date down".
This isn’t necessarily true, most girls in the west are accustomed to overinflated ego die to social media, hence why they all go for the same group of guys. There’s also a study of on college campus how women create hierarchies and cause the limited amount of educated men to have something called “golden peanus” syndrome. To put it short women largely don’t date across
@@eloeden2056
When I was in school, I had a friend that treated other people in a rude manner because, in her head, they were not worth her kindness because they saw her as unattractive.
What I mean is that she was bitter to everyone out of resentment for being socially outcasted as undesirable by a bunch of people.
Also, that is very hard for average people to stay together with other average people, because, very often, one or more of them think their value is either above or inferior in comparison to others, either way that can break relationships.
@@ws6778 when these people glow up, they tend to have a massive ego boost to the point they will consider and most likely will be dumping their partners who saw them beyond yheir looks to get their new better looking suitors
I hate how these days dating and relationships are boiled down to a power struggle between whose the most beautiful, wealthy, and successful.
Because having transactional relationships is better?
In the past it was beauty and youth traded for financial stability and status. Sounds lovely.
It was always like that ...
@@AFIXFORNIX Would you rather marry for love or convenience? The problem with desiring certain traits in people is you end up loving the traits more than the person.
@@milabo2177 i know, but we have the choice to move past it, i guess
@bomfine so you don't think this social media age is effecting human relationships? Ok..
When I "dated down" with my ex in terms of appearance (in a pretty dramatic way), it was not a deliberate consideration. I was so charmed and fell for him really quickly. He is objectively unattractive, but I didn't see it at the time and I genuinely felt like the lucky one. I was extremely attracted to him and thought we were a good physical match.
It wasn't until he cheated and his true character was shown that my view of him changed and I saw the attractiveness disparity that was so glaring obvious to everyone else. It wasn't until I lost my feelings and respect for him that I could see he was not only a manipulative and weak person, but he was also objectively unattractive. I think it's important to acknowledge how feelings/connection can totally distort one's evaluation of their partner's appearance.
The question now is why were you charmed by an unattractive person. Let's not just glance over that. Clearly you got something going on as well.
@@rgonzalo511 I too and curious about this.
@@rgonzalo511 great question bc its not adding up
@@rgonzalo511 uhm when you like someone they can seem more attractive than they are. also not everything is about looks, ppl can fall for someone’s personality
@@coquetteviolet In my experience people who "fall" for someone's personality usually got issues, low self esteem etc.
Women tend to believe that Ugly men won't cheat or will worship them. But I've seen plenty of Ugly guys cheat or beat on their pretty girlfriends. And some Handsome guys were honest and humble. Don't always believe the hype.
If an ugly guy can cheat it means he is not ugly
Then he’s not ugly LMAO
@@solofly3120Lies I have seen 😊 ugly broke man cheating
Bruh people saying he was not ugly ....did you watch the video?? Like bro there are MANY women that will date ugly men but in such cases it's more like competition between women and mystery (why is she dating him but there's something)
@@solofly3120false 😂
I assume these people who "date down" aren't necessarily doing this for good reasons. If you're dating down, it could mean that the person you're with can tolerate more of your bad behaviour since your partner feels they can't do any better because an attractive person is with them. They should feel grateful for even being with an attractive person. You can control your "ugly" partner more.
@@jennifermathew1285 then it doesn’t apply to you
Let’s be honest this is a womens game to do this by the majority, “come on man”
For me the idea of dating down has my brain thinking I can trust them more. I personally have commitment and trust issues, I especially don't trust overly attractive or really good looking people (romantic relationship wise) because of an attractive man who basically played me to keep it short. Less attractive/Average looking to me means a man/woman who is nice, caring, and trustworthy. If there ever came a time where they ignored me once they found out others find them attractive too my idea and way of seeing things would stay the same.
@@originalman3843
I wonder how many conventionally attractive women date down to do that, I often see many of them dating less desirable men, specially if they are from older generations, but I also have seen very conventionally attractive men manipulating literal harems of less desired women, by downplaying their self worth.
Not true. I dated men who were unattractive because I was insecure and thought it's mean to not give everybody a chance I was unable to just say no. I met a lot of women hating ugly men in my early 20ies and they only reinforced this believe that I have to be this nice girl who always says yes and if not I'm a bad human being.
I'm glad that I learned my lesson and am now with an attractive, charismatic guy who really has a great personality.
I am so quilty of this dating down scenario with men and from my experience, if the man is insecure about his looks or yours ~ It’s not going to work in the long run. At first you’re a goddess and as time goes on, they realize how other men look at you and the seed of doubt just grows. Like the movie Inception. And instead of breaking up with you or looking in the mirror, they start to put you down and taking all their insecurities on you.
And it’s not just me, I’ve seen and heard this alot.
That's why do not date someone based on their looks only. I honestly will find attractive people on the face attractive, but it will not be the based reason for me to date them. I always date someone who shared the same value and outlook of life as me, same goals and same background as me(same age range, family values, family level of stability, social economic background). Looks fade away, but who they are as a person will stay ob
Or sometimes they develop a huge ego thinking, "Damn!If I can get _her_ , who else can I get!?" 😂😂
@@wellknown1204 I tried to take that route as well however the guy ended up just being a player who was obsessed with his ex and trying to get back together with her while pretending he actually gave two cents about me lol. Now I date average men but I usually break it off quickly because my own trust issues swarm my mind and make me believe they're cheating, lying, or are playing me anyway. No winning till I get a therapist💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
@@wellknown1204
Really really well remembered when you commented that looks do not last forever, but individuals also change with time, sometimes they are not who you fell in love with anymore and that is okay to move on with your life.
I usually avoid going for very conventionally attractive people, they very usually are attractive exactly because they spend a lot of their time in their appearances, doing make up or working out, time they do not have to spend with you in your interests.
@@no.6377
Exactly, a lot of men become entitled because of conventionally attractive women showing kindness to them.
My boyfriend and I both think we dated “up” lol. Sure, we both have our flaws but we balance each other out well. He’s way more social and I’m reserved. I’m more of the brains while he happily declares himself as the brawn. We found each other on Tinder so we definitely liked each other’s appearance. Everything else is a bonus :)
That sounds like the ideal relationship dynamic imo. You both feel like you got lucky
Can relate 😂
Wow girl. That's so sweet. This is how every relationship should be
You're Ganyu Main and he's probably a Venti Main HAHA
You go bro
There's an influencer I follow on TH-cam that lives in New York, she's looking towards dating guys stereotypically not as attractive. She stated, in NYC most gorgeous guys have no interest in settling down because they don't need to, they have so many options and they know it. Plus, really attractive guys don't try as hard because they feel like they don't need to and she's had enough of it. Plus, with how fast paced and career driven everyone in NYC is they don't have the time to create a healthy relationship. She said she prefers the homely looking guys from Texas that are thinking more about the future and will actually make an effort. Who knows if her theory is right, she's still in her mid 20s and is attractive (and very funny).
Personally, as a gay man, I realised the gorgeous guys I spoke to raaarely had "looking for: relationship" in their description and were mostly looking for hookups, their chat was also very lacking. Whilst guys in my range or lower had waaay better chat, in my range it'd be a mix of relationship/hookup and lower was relationship.
Some people are demisexual only feel sexual attraction if they like their personality . It very rare but a document thing . It may sound cheese but sometimes love can be blind
I feel that her scenario isnt really about their looks tho. She is thinking about a specific personality that she wants to avoid that stereotypically happens in hot dudes, so i think thats actually very smart, she is going for the dudes that are most likely looking for the same thing as her. Its like avoiding 20 year old guys if you want to have a baby in the next 2 years lol.
If she doesn’t go for someone she’s physically attracted to, and she “settles” for him, 10 or 5 years down the line she’s gonna file for divorce like most women do and ruin this guy she “settle” for.
Im high as fuck and this is the best comment i have ever read on youtube
@@Saberdud this doesn't happen often, usually the man is abusive.
(Source: father is a lawyer)
What about when a couple starts as equals physically but one increases their attractiveness during the relationship (like lose weight)?
I saw this with a close friend of mine, he managed to pull a very attractive girl and I told him (a bit harsh but necessary) that he needed to lose some weight and get in shape if he wants this relationship to last longer than just the honeymoon period. They’ve been together for about 2 and 1/2 years, which I doubt would have been the case if he hadn’t of improved his physique.
@@og2484 Tbh keeping fit is also a matter of principle and self respect. If you are capable of keeping the unecessary weight off you should, otherwise it reflects on you as someone who doesn't value health or longevity. In some sense it can say your work ethic is poor or you are complacent with simply being good at one thing and use it as justification to be mediocre with your health and other things
In that case the one who had their partner level up is a great investor 😂
I've aeen that in this case people normally break up
@O G but was your “suggestion” really needed?
I mean she fell in love with him REGARDLESS of him not being in shape. And not everybody gives much on look but rather falls in love with the character. Also there are people who find “big” people more attractive or have a fetish
Personally I won't date a person I am not attracted to but I will also not date someone who has a large following on social media Or is known majorly for his looks because in my experience they have very inflated ego and are often not smart
True
thats why they say dont date out of your league
like those popular attractive men would want you anyways...........you aint no beauty queen
@@seekchristwithin4464 she said “in her experience”
That's why I forced my boyfriend to delete social media he did so it's no issue anymore
What can I say except: never underestimate a physically ugly looking human being's capacity for evil and malice. Not every good looking person is the deviI. The halo effect is real, but going to this other extreme is as bad.
Worst
@@madamekida What is worst?
Well we already have laws and tools like corn and internet to sedate men they already have emasculate men for their capacity of violence
@@DiamondsRexpensive its crazy bc I feel like one of the reasons my dating life can be hard is bc im handsome super weird of the paradox
@@fxfundedfxf8776 If you're a handsome straight man, yes it is difficult for you. Most straight women value things other than looks in their partner.
In my comment I was speaking in general. Like day to day life and interactions.
Now that you’ve hit this topic it’d also be really interesting to see you cover why a lot of people have experienced the cheating partners’ other woman/man may be less attractive/ downgrade
That’s a good one
This is unique to men and comes off as harem making. If she were prettier, he’d dump his current partner just like women.
@@harsh3948
In consensually non-monogamous relationships, men will not leave their other partner(s), instead they will prioritize more the more conventionally desirable woman and "sideline" the other partner(s) to secondary or tertiary positions, specially if the partners are non-white, trans, overweight, disabled, neurodiverse or other men.
@@ws6778 Well Obviously I was talking about monogamous relationships
@@harsh3948
I know, but I felt like commenting.
why are yall making dating this complicated. it doesnt have to be. just date whoever you fins attractive and compatible? 😭
Women only find the top 20% of men physically attractive. They do it to themselves 🤷♂️
i agree, but for many people like me, insecurity just eats you from the inside out. especially when you aren't that attractive compared to everyone else
@@desireandfire ofcourse i understand. whenever humans are involved, things tend to be very complex :') i hope your work productively on your insecurities and gradually feel more confident than right now :))
the above comment was me being more shocked that such a thing also exists and people intentionally go for such 'plans'
Because humans are insufferable c-words.
This is such a shit advice most women as a default find most males unattractive telling women to fuck whom they wanna fuck based on phyical traits is basically saying you want women to make more incels objectively.
This retarded system would work perfectly if women and men were equally attracted to each other but there not in fact the prior find most men disgusting.
Tbh, I’ve dated unattractive men and they were extremely insecure and controlling, I’m much more attractive than them so they always felt the need to put me down so they feel better about themselves. The better looking guys (the ones in my league) always treated me with respect and didn’t play mind games.
Redpill copers on sui/cidewatch. There is no self improvement for the social trauma called "being unattractive".
YES ! It’s like they like you because you’re attractive but then overtime they start to resent you because of your attractiveness makes them look/feel ugly.
I'm also a little below average I think but in my experience both good looking and ugly people didn't treat me so nice even though most of the rude uglies looked even worse than me rn
because those ugly men fear that they might lose you to someone who is better than them and that deep down inside they know they can't compete so they "hold you tight" to not lose you.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
I don't even think it's about finding someone who won't cheat, but rather about power dynamics and feeling like you control the relationship.
I find that when you date down in looks and the partner knows they are less attractive then you, they become VERY cocky, its like they think “wow i must be amazing for this hot girl to choose me, im gonna act like a jerk because i think she wont care since she is so much into me”. In te end its all about talking and catching those details that show if that person is insecure and will project that on you, so you can avoid them.
The meanness could be a reaction to the "I'm doing him a favor" attitude some of these women have in these relationships. Or if she doesnt think this and the feelings are genuine, if friends and family are pointing it out, it could cause insecurities that manifest into lashing out towards the girl. Obviously, no one should be an ass towards there partner in a relationship, but as someone who has experienced the opposite (guy who was perceived as less attractive than me treating me very well), I think there are many more factors that could cause the relationship to not work out.
Or they get tired of being bullied and asked "why is she dating him" which makes him cheat to "humble" her or her fans fans Jay Z.
Honestly, most humans are hypocrites. People speak against bullying but will Bully celebrity couples who date does with looks not up to or whatever eg Chris Evans and his ex.
@@joyandpeacefullaughter5307 I think Jenny slate is so pretty
This is a 100p true. If she s a 9, and into him, he now thinks: guess im a 9 too haha
LITERALLY
I think it's like controlling their partners if he doesn't have social media presence you can do whatever you want but they can't because if they leave you they can't get beautiful partener. So they control em and it's strategic plan to save yourself self from being cheated on.
Go Teamate, represent the Ame Fans! Full luck build (Or is it logic idk)
@@souventudubanned what do you mean by mutual? They both have to have “more options”?
@@misoukihanyu5341 Yes but not that alone. It's what amounts to someone having more options. Like you want someone of equal overall value in various fields of expertise and physical aspects to you otherwise the disparity may be enough to tempt and successfully have your partner cheat as they may find someone superior or easier than the other
For me my "plans" are to dip and leave under a month and not date attractive guys. This just has to do with personal issues I need to work out (obviously) but I wouldn't control or try to "take over" a man. I'd be to scared that he'll leave me and find someone else to even think about trying that.
I don’t think so. I do this, people always tell me that my partners aren’t very attractive. I do this because I feel like anyone remotely attractive is superior, and I feel super insecure and unworthy around them. Even though people tell me I’m pretty, I don’t believe so.
i’ve definitely met couples where one person was much more attractive than the other and that are healthy, happy relationships, but i’d say the difference is that if you ask the more physically attractive people in those relationships what makes them attracted to their partner, rather than saying something like “oh i like ugly men,” they’re more likely to say something positive - ‘oh, they make me happy to be around, oh, they’re so smart and interesting, oh, they have *insert smaller physical feature that might not be noticed at first’ which i feel like is a way to differentiate between people “dating down” out of insecurity or because they genuinely like the person they’re with.
Personally I'm not sure I've ever witnessed this happening in a knowing and malicious way, but certainly in an unconscious way. Whether it's due to shallowness, or down to insecurity - there does seem to be this idea that being a bit "homely" looking means you're less of a douchebag because life has humbled you, but a lot of the time in my experience I've seen the opposite happen. Particularly with men, but then again I haven't dated any women (I'm bisexual but women don't seem to read me as such lol). If a guy has been passed over by girls a lot, or even just put down by other men to the point he won't even acknowledge women's interest in him as real, instead of being grateful and contented when someone pursues him he can sometimes go the absolute other way; they can get a huge ego where they start treating all the potential love interests in his life like shit, cheating etc. I had a guy I was interested in that did this exact thing - no one could understand why I liked him and that annoyed me, but when it became apparent to him that multiple people had a crush on him he basically turned into gollum lol every ounce of charm disappeared and he just became an absolute pig. I suspect the woman he ended up with is maybe the only example of this videos topic I can come up with.
THAT. idk why this happens, but its almost like the guy gets this idea that “wow, hot girl likes me??? = must like me so much that she wont care if i act like a douche” or maybe they trying to act like they think the “hot” guys act??? (being assholes lol)
You mean subconscious way? Unconscious means they're knocked tf out lol
@@annaguims yeah acting like hot fckboys isnt gonna work for the average guy since the hot dudes get away with alow of bad behaviour because of their looks
kinda fcked up lol
Does that mean, from your personal experience, that good looking guys are usually nice people? I'm genuinely asking.
Indeed, ugly men behave like a**holes and that just makes it worse for them.
As a woman who both consciously and subconsciously has dated guys who would be considered as ugly, I can confirm that it mainly comes from a place of deep insecurity ranging from personality, intelligence, economic status and beauty. However, something that I also belive has influenced me is lots of media that has female characters portrayed in a bad light for trying to get the attractive or rich guy. It sets an idea that to be of pure intentions it's better if you notice the less stand out guy and try to know him and pick him instead of other.
There's also tons of normalization in the media of attractive women with less attractive men. And also the whole "give the guy a chance" culture. Alot of women feel like they shouldn't or can't date a very attractive man.
No, insecurity is just an excuse to hide their pride, sure it's insecurity to some extent but when you have nothing to be insecure about, it's creating drama from pride. Frist of all it's extreme pride and ego, that becomes inflated and it has diminishing return. This is why it's always good to check your ego.
The reason for this is because woman naturally wants to date up.
If the media further pushed for this. We would end up with a society where the top 10% of men attract 80% of the woman and most of the average and below average men would struggle super hard to find a partner. If you look at the animal kingdom. Especially lions. Pretty much the lion king has the chance to mate of multiple lionesses...most male lions just die alone.
Hence humans invented marriage between 1 man and 1 woman, to create a more stable society where we don't end up with a bunch of single dudes as the 10% men would attract majority of the woman.....humans also invented arranged marriages to force 1 man and 1 woman rather than 1 man and 10 woman etc....
Exactly 💯 , how the media shows attractive women with unattractive men but never unattractive women with attractive men
In regards to influencers saying they like ugly guys, I'm pretty sure its because they are trying to create an army of simps who think they have a chance with her and will gladly fork over money.
Bingo is like the adult film actresses pop up in different niches. Anything to protect their bottom line
Being in a relationship where the guy views you as “out of his league” is soooo fucking draining. It’s not worth it. There’s too much overthinking and it took the fun out of everything in my experience. It tainted his personality which I initially fell for.
it is. i always had a feeling my boyfriend felt this way and confessed that every time i went out with my friends he was scared he was getting cheated on. he said the amount of attention i get from other people sometimes makes him uncomfortable which i understand but at the same time if you didnt find me attractive you wouldn't be dating me either. i told him multiple times to stop putting me on a pedestal and treat me like your girlfriend yes, but still like a human being. it was incredibly draining to keep explaining i do love him and i would never cheat on him. he's also overweight and despite wanting to lose weight does nothing to change that. its extremely tiring trying to build him up.
Well, if he views you are below his league (and if you are), he’ll expect to be worshipped. Or you risk being dumped for a better looking woman
@@lolololololollol4793 it’s gets to a point where it’s insulting like wtf do you think I’m that promiscuous & starved for attention..
@@lolololololollol4793 If you try to help him for loose weight ie, and he do nothing and still insecure, then he deserve it. This is the role of man to have his shit done.
@@harsh3948 My boyfriend lets my bipolar @$$ treat him like crap even though I'm a little below average so why does he so that when he looks better?
(He's not very masculine face wise and more of a pretty boy but women even talk to him on the streets and try to initiate convos and also get jealous of me and make fun of me for me having him)
They don’t want an ugly guy they want an insecure guy so he won’t act up and do a lot to keep the relationship going. That way you don’t have to care and put effort which is pretty smart but not a great long term plan
Bingo.
Yes
i had to go to far down these comments to find someone speaking COLD facts
So basically you want an ugly guy
I think there are several things mashed up here.
1. Women have in general higher diversity in taste. I guess most women have made the experience of looking at a guy, finding him unattractive but her girlfriends rating him as hot. One woman may find a given person super attractive, the other not so much.
2. Many ugly people can actually be very attractive because of how they move, speak, and their charisma. There is the "hot ugly" category that many women swoon over for a reason: the Micks Jaggers of the world. Going for ugly guys does not have to mean going for not attractive guys.
3. Looks are high on the list of desired features, but are not the highest one. The ability to make someone laugh, to make them feel secure, that are really fun to talk to, etc. may overdrive the looks. There is also a possibility of a spillover effect. You like some features, and you start to like the looks in result. I have fallen a few times for someone I found OK-ish physically, and only started to find them physically attractive once I developed feelings for them.
4. In hetero context: many good looking men are REALLY boring. Many of them peaked in high school and never moved pass this stage in life. Less attractive guys know that they must bring other things to the table to "compensate" for less attractive looks, so they are simply more interesting as people, they are often more emotionally mature, and are often more reflective of themselves and the world. They are also often better in bed, cause they focused on developing their skills.
5. Finally, many really attractive women have often bad experience with potential romantic or sexual partners. Many men see them as trophies or "prizes", and hot chicks to collect - rather than the person behind the pretty face. So, some of them bond with the less attractive men (or women) who actually see past the beauty, who see them for who they are, who make them laugh, and make them feel seen. The fear that you'd get dumped when you turn 25 (like DiCaprio's girlfriends) when you are no longer young and beautiful, is real.
💯
No they don’t. The OkCupid study already debunked this false notion that women find different types of men attractive. There’s even videos mentioning what women universally like in men on this very channel.
Women find only the top 20% of men as physically attractive.
And less attractive guys don’t even get that many women in the first place and sometimes stay virgins in their late 20’s to mid 30’s so them being skilled in the bed is a moot point.
I'm the same with point 3. I'm not very attractive but I have my days, and even then I usually don't crush on people
@Sinon Gild if you Tan a lot, eat shit food and drink too much you will age quickly, especially if you’re a woman
@@harsh3948 Well, "not all guys". Of course there are less attractive guys that do not match my description, and very handsome guys who are not boring. But the very fact that there are the mismatched couples suggest that there are exceptions - and are often enough that people notice. Of course I will likely not fall for a guy who is a 2 in my personal scale and boring on top of that. But I may choose a guy who is a 6, but have all the other desired features over a guy who is 9 but boring and immature.
I feel like “dating down” in terms of looks could have less to do with overall attractiveness and more to do with prioritizing other important partner qualities like personality, intelligence, wealth and charisma. Really attractive men in my experience are either lacking in the other departments (cause they can rely on their attractiveness) or aren’t in a position to seriously date or settle down (cause they have the option not to). Women know this so they choose accordingly.
I'm sure it is that. And then taking about "dating down" may be that they want to make other people understand that the looks aren't everything, as actually inside matters on the long term.
In general, very conventionally attractive people tend to lack personality in my experience. They're often extremely vanilla.
@@anarki777
I usually avoid going for very conventionally attractive people, they very usually are attractive exactly because they spend a lot of their time in their appearances, doing make up or working out, time they do not have to spend with you in your interests.
A friend of mine has been dating his boyfriend for many years now. He is mot only ugly but his personality is not good either. His other attributes do not compensate.
@@ws6778 maybe you should be the one spending time with his interests too, like working out for example.
Everybody stay single and be happy 😊
And then the economy will collapse because no one is producing enough babies to support the older generation 😊
@@Saberdud good , let’s all die
YESSSSSS😭😭
I think this goes in one direction, rarely do you see men with 'status' dating women society would deem to be ugly even if they're insecure. They'll usually go for women who are poorer but still pretty and use that for control. In a similar way, women can date men they deem to be uglier on the notion that they are lucky to be dating such a pretty woman (this can happen with or without money but usually there is still some exchange). I've seen average women date average but ugly guys, and they treat it as a form of relationship control. (usually they complain that the guy starts acting like he's the one doing her a favor and becomes too cocky). It's literally control and social mobility.
Yes it’s mostly women who do this
“They’ll usually go for women who are poorer but still pretty and use that for control”
Why do ppls like you always gotta infantilize women and pretend they are not consenting to a relationship? Also it’s not that guys choose poorer women, but it’s because women practice hypergamy so they mostly date up, hence why you find this dynamic often, do you think Leo DiCaprio’s exs were victim too? Smh
Yes because the men that have status but are not hot gonna use what they have to control, so you get rich ugly guys going for pretty poor girls. Men tend to not settle for less in the looks department. Women on the other hand might be looking for some internal self feeling of success, so they will settle for less in looks if they get to reach that feeling. Basically, men = looks are more important then all, women = might settle for less if it kills their insecurity
(not everyone is like this tho, if you have a balanced sense of self confidence then you get to be normal lmao)
By the same logic, pretty poor women who like rich lifestyles go for rich ugly guys to control them and leech their money. Because if they went for rich pretty guys, then they would have zero leverage and could get replaced at any moment. Grown up women are not 5 year olds. Jesus. They can make their own choices. These women you are talking about are willing to exchange their beauty for a significantly better lifestyle. And can you really blame them? Someone's looks can only go down with age. Someone's net worth can go either way.
Men settle for look at last call
Women settle looks before 40
Dating down can be because someone wants to look better looking than the other it's similar to wanting to be pictured next to someone bigger than you to look smaller etc vice versa, which is insecure
Lol
If somebody wants to do you wrong, they will.
It has nothing to do with their looks, their wealth, or how many people hit on them. None of that matters if they know how to act right. And if they don't know or rather choose not to, they won't act right.
If Beyonce or Will Smith of all people can get cheated on, no one is safe. It's your partner's responsibility to themselves to be a decent person, no one else can do it for them.
Honestly if someone makes me laugh, makes me feel desired and has a good thinking box I go with that person regardless of looks
Fair
To me, if I find the person physically attractive then they would basically move onto the next stage, which is personality. Ultimately, if I love their personality then I would date them. I wouldn't date someone whose personality I love, but am not physically attracted to. I think it's unfair to your partner if you're dating them and don't find them physically attractive because I think your sex life would be fundamentally poor in quality. You would probably not be willing to do as much kinky things or be as passionate and horny for them as you would ideally want to be with the person you love. I think if you love someone you want them to feel lusted after by you and fully embraced. If you're not physically attracted to them you may lack the drive to please them and receive less pleasure out of your sexual acts, and they might notice and feel self conscious and sad that you don't desire them physically. In my opinion, it's not wrong to refuse to date someone because you're not physically attracted to them, it's wrong to date them when you know you don't find them physically attractive because you're basically lying to yourself in some pointless attempt at being "romantically virtuous" when it is indeed the opposite and inconsiderate.
Exactly! Thank you! Most based opinion in this comment section and what I've been trying to say for so long.
Bunch of man/women child talk. Point of relationships is to create a family. Point of sex is procreation.
@@hattuli On the contrary, yours sounds like dumbed down man/woman child talk. First of all, not everyone wants kids, so that's not always the point of a relationship. Sometimes people just want someone to be emotionally close to and intimate with. Secondly, a good sex life is vital to a healthy relationship. If you're not lusting for each other then the sex would lose its passion and women especially need a generous lover. Otherwise, she may fantasize about a more intimate lover. I'm sorry, man, but if that's your mentality toward intimacy then you're probably not the most passionate or enjoyable lover. Oh, and third, not everyone has sex to procreate, believe it or not but many of us actually enjoy having sex and like to relish in it and the profound connection and closeness that is developed when you're mad for each other in both a physical and emotional capacity. It's not the medieval ages anymore. Once your partner sees you care for nothing more than getting your nut in, then they're more likely to be more disgusted by you than desire you.
Some people want different things, to me sex with an attractive person doesnt equal amazing sex, neither does an unattractive person equal bad sex. Most people I like, involve me liking their personality the most, and I'd gladly have sex with them..
I feel like the rejection is all that’s key like not being rude about it type of thing
I married down but hear me out! It was on bumble. And this guy captured my heart from first message so 🤷♀️ I love that he has values and knows the right thing to say (outside of a fight that is). He also married me in half a year of first message knowing what a catch he had. Marry a man who is more in love with you, chases you, than the other way around ♥️
People will settle for a less attractive partner if they can dominate them. It's usually done by people with attachment issues and out of fear of abandonment.
not true. Women do not date down in looks unless he is worth a min of $40 million in America
@@betallyoungattractive644 They do when she's a pathological outlier.
@@psychologydropout2354 true
That's horrible
@@IONov990 indeed
I can't remember which dating app did this study, but they found that more conventionally attractive people were rated highly out of ten, but people who would either rate a 2 or 8 and higher got more dates. Those who looked more polarizing would have better luck in dating.
They found that personal preference (aka your type) plays a huge part in it. Like someone who has a hooked nose will get rated a 2 and people who may find that feature really attractive would rate an 8 and higher.
So sometimes to us it seems like an odd couple but the more attractive person in the couple might view them as equal because their partner is their type :)
People often do this too with the purpose to abuse their partner. I’ve seen, mostly men, date women who are overweight or otherwise not traditionally attractive, and then start to treat them worse over time and tell them they won’t/can’t do better than them. It’s really awful.
Exactly
vice versa as well
Those relationships are formed by need. Their corruption is not a surprising outcome, but an expected result... Also, do you speaking from your own experience?
@@onlygameplay134 I used to be a domestic violence advocate and ran a housing program for survivors.
@@JessieBanana So you don't... You have just seen a lot of victims and formed your own biased opinion. Also, it's not a counter to my argument. If you are in a bad relationship, every deviant tendency is going to skyrocket, because if both parties are frustrated, guess what will happen? Abuse is not the cause, but the result...
Like no offence but them thinking ugly people will never cheat or never behave narcissistic is just a delusion. People regardless of social hirechy in looks, popularity and opulence can cheat. And looks is irrespective in a good partner. Settling also never lasts.
This is an interesting topic but I'm wondering if there's a difference between men and women in this regard. For example, I've found that while yes, physical attractiveness is important to everyone in choosing a partner, men seem to be more rigid when it comes to overlooking physical attractiveness in a female partner. I've found that women are more able to (genuinely) overlook a man's lack of physical attractiveness if for example he's funny, kind, etc. and not just as some form of cognitive dissonance but because those characteristics tend to overshadow and perhaps even negate a man's physical shortcomings. This is obviously anecdotal but it would be interesting if there was empirical evidence to support this.
I've seen the same. I'm regular for my age and region, but a bit up in the scale just for not having any obvious "issues", except from being small (and short), but I think that's fine. I dated down a few years ago and I found absolutely funny how, after the break up the other party wanted me to "date up" afterwards (ie: he literally told me that I was suposed to only get guys that were better than him. They should know more languages and be taller and have X, y and z attributes). I didn't even wanted to date anyone anymore. I don't know what happened with him, but I've never seen man date down.
I agree and I see this all the time. Even in cartoons. Have you noticed that fat husbands in cartoons have thin, attractive wives? But we rarely ever see the other way around. That's just one example that I see of what you're stating in popular culture.
Small in comparison to the broad shoulder square jawline muscle hunk as the heroic main protagonist. You are referring to comedies.
@@schmaelepaulection1431 Because they’re cartoons? Comedies always have the trope of the buffoon ending up with a good looking woman because it’s a male fantasy. It is not even close to replicable in real life unless she’s 40+ and still thin while the husband puts on weight and loses hair (aka both start at the same level of attraction but the husband becomes uglier as time passes because men don’t care for their looks as much as women do)
@Louis Kingsta this is not even remotely true. None of the past US presidents were below 6 feet for example
as a man that have been quite mistreated by pretty girls i can tell you as much as phisycal attraction can matter, it can also make you dislike people that look like the people that mistreated you in the past
Some years back, there was this guy who kept texting that he wants to date me and wants to treat me like a princess. Very cheesy lines. I wasn't agreeing and one day, he started telling me that he had always dated extremely beautiful girls but now, he has started looking for girls who aren't beautiful. Essentially, indicating that my appearance is bad. 😂 I was shocked and cursed him. He was no looker, average at best, was trying to date me, and then himself tells me that I don't look good. Why would I want to date someone who finds me "not so beautiful"! Such experiences makes me happy I'm not dating anymore. Maybe, if I find an outlier some day. Or maybe never.
He was trying to put you down, sence you weren't giving him attention 😂 he is a loser
@@seekchristwithin4464 Ah, just like you also aren't. Good to know we're on the same level.
@@seekchristwithin4464 this comment does not reflect Jesus Christ
1 Corinthians 13:4-8) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
1 john 6
We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit [1] of truth and the spirit of falsehood.
7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
You really do look below average
@@Blkpll Ooh, from another below the average looker. Same pinch.
I've dated and slept with some of the hottest freaking guys and I've also slept with a few I regret. The ones who were not my type were very rude, nasty and cruel. Dating an ugly guy because you think he won't cheat on you is ridiculous lmao
don't you think that you have a bias? Like if a hot guy was cruel, you would say it was wild sex... but if a ugly guy did it you would say he's shit.
also I found that having sex with someone very attractive not necessarily means good sex and it can be regardless of their appearance
Let's fix this for you. The hot guys and the ugly guys treated you the same. You let the hot guys get away with it.
"girls wanting a guy who is a loser and has no friends"
my time is now
Nah it's those ugly guys who act all superior.
Honestly though if a guy is attractive and settles for a mid girl she will be loyal to him to the point of codependency. Relationships in the modern day only work if the woman is more interested in the relationship than the man is ever so slightly, because she will fight for that relationship.
I sometimes got asked out by old ugly men. The worst I’ve met was 50 something wanted to ask for my number. He got nothing to offer tbh - fat and got beer belly and really sagging face, had no fashion sense, worked minimum wage job, socially awkward, and worst of all he got a wife! He just bluntly said to my face and other witnesses that his wife wouldn’t wind if he got a girlfriend. 😂😂😂 dude how delusional can you be. Some people just don’t deserve nice things. They aren’t loyal.
sounds like you considered it tho LMAO the delusion is reeaaaall
@@fxfundedfxf8776 no one wants to date a cheating saggy potato
That poaching part is so right on. A guy in church wanted to date but it attracted competition that he couldn’t defend. It made him hate himself. This is why there is no such safety in dating down.
Or you can just be secure in yourself and have a partner that doesn’t cheat, not hard, nor impossible. I love Qoves but not everything is black and white
@@rasn ⬆️💯
Eh, some of it come down to preferences. My boyfriend and I both think we're dating up but for different reasons. If the main factor driving ur relationship is ur looks, it won't last.
It will last as long as u can keep ur looks and that’s easy for men cuz of testosterone replacement therapy
What about the notion of trophy mindset. The less attractive partner may be seeking a trophy and may not question the intentions of the more attractive person willing to be in a relationship with them. Also there are very few people who know their true value. Most people either underestimate or over estimate themselves. How does that behavior fit into this argument.
This is a really Interesting topic. I think another one is when you start dating someone you think is gorgeous and their appearance gets worse over time. I ask myself why people do this. It doesn’t even have to be the typical weight gain scenario, in my case my good looking boyfriend has grown out some hideous facial and unevenly long and broken head hair, it really makes me like 😩 because he is a good looking guy, just has refused to cut his hair since the pandemic. When I suggest it he gets the most minor trims. I don’t know! It’s not something that’ll make me stop loving him, but it’s definitely making me think he’s less hot and in a way… that makes me sad.
I think for long term relationships in general you have to be prepared and learn to be okay with your partner changing in ways you may not like as long as it is not a deal breaker. I've seen this mostly the other way around with guys who stop liking their gf when she cuts her hair short or stops shaving her legs or wearing make-up less often. It's also unfair for a partner to feel like they can't change or try something they want because the other will react negatively.
That’s one big mistake in a relationship- especially for inexperienced people. They get too comfortable and they stop working on themselves.
@ sab You hav to be excruciatingly honest with him. Tell him you’re losing attraction and don’t sugar coat it. If he changes then you’re meant to be. If he doesn’t, be prepared to move on. You both have to be happy together for it to be sustainable.
@@rephaelreyes8552 I’ve done that and learned from it.
@@sz4156 while i do agree in some degree with you, i find that a lot relationships lose that “magic” when people get too comfortable (“oh he already knows what i look like without makeup, im not gonna do it”/“ she already knows how my hair looks like when i grow it, im not gonna trim it”). A relationship takes energy and active care for it to keep flourishing. I find that the ones that last the longest (and have the better quality) are the ones where you keep doing some of the little things that you did in the beginning (“wow she knows i know how she looks without makeup but she is still putting it on for our date, she appreciates our time together”/ “wow he trimmed his hair for our date, how cool”) you gotta show you care.
Ugly people can be a-holes too
Speaking from experience huh? ☠️
@@getsmoked7219 just observations, you cannot feel safe with someone just because they seem unattractive to you)
@@ОльгаЦаповська
Just messing with you, dawg. I got your point
Just pursue who you are genuinely attracted to. simple. Make sure you know yourself also and why you're choosing a person, so it's from a healthy place. if not reflect and heal your stuff if possible and then try again.
moral: work on your on confidence so you dont project your negative feelings as things you search in a partner.
I was like that. I thought it's mean if I don't give everybody a chance even if he isn't my type. I always said personality is more important. But I also was way too insecure and shy towards men who would be my type.
All the guys also the "ugly" ones treated me like trash, they just noticed my weak and insecure personality.
I overcame that and have a boyfriend now who is attractive and has a great personality.
Edit: after watching this I came to the conclusion that the attractive one is either insecure (thinks they deserve an unattractive partner or end up alone) and the unattractive one is narcissistic (thinks they deserve a more attractive partner) OR
The attractive one is narcissistic (chooses a less attractive partner to have better control over them) the unattractive one is insecure to be with a shithead.
Got it.
Just my opinion: all our behaviors are results of our childhood, so who we choose to be our partner is also heavily influenced by our childhood and the way our parents raised us.
I became a "yes"-woman because of that, that's why I dated narcissistic ugly men.
I had to do a lot of self-reflecting, book reading and confidence boosting things to overcome that.
Stupid white ♀️ over 30
This is old as time, 5 dates 5, 9 dates 9. There are some exceptions of course. Couple can be unequal and also have a very good relationship, but people in the comments forget that the video is about MOST people, don't take it personally! Most people are attracted specifically to partners with around the same level of attractiveness.
nope. Most people are attracted to 9s rather than 5s even when they are 3s themselves. If what you’re saying was true, dating would’ve been so much simpler. Everybody would know who they can attract and would happily stay in their league. No drama. But we all know that doesn’t happen.
Re. the idea of choosing someone less likely to cheat. I had a girl tell me once that she knew I wouldn't cheat on her and that was a bad thing because there was no danger.
I don’t believe that to be true some guys who are very attractive are usually players
Eh it depends, I know bunch of hot dudes who are amazing loyal bfs and I know bunch of ugly guys who are awful bfs. The hottest guy in my school (tall, buff, dark hair, beautiful face) was saving himself for marriage bc he was a devouted muslim.
@@milabo2177 he was a Muslim, exactly lol, plus attractiveness I would say is subjective.
@@moonlightprincess449 its not subjective, how are you on this channel and dont understand that
I get called a player a lot because im very attractive to teenage women (not so much older ones, prettyboy appearance) and they expect me to be a player only because of it when that isnt true at all. While attractiveness is very obvious and visible to everyone, your character isnt determined by it
@@RoganClipVaultYT same man
Analyze Monica Bellucci's face
I think its more about scarcity than insecurity, at least for women. Try and name 5 women that you know in real life who are truly objectively attractive. Then try and name 5 guys from your real life who are objectively attractive (looks alone - not counting personality!) I can think of women much more easily than men. Its not that an attractive girl wouldnt date a guy who is in her league, she is just less likely to meet one - let alone meet one who has the personality type and values she desires. As a woman, you feel lucky to meet a guy with the values and personality you desire who isn’t half bad looking. You’re happy just to meet someone who you think is decent looking and you get along well with, even if they may not be exactly as attractive as you physically. Dating is taking the best that you can find, and for women, the best they can find is often someone a couple ranks below them physically. Guys have more options and can be more picky. They don’t usually have to choose looks vs personality because they have so many choices.
very true, locationpill is fr
also, the girls who say their type is “ugly men” are usually sort of kidding and typically mean they like guys who arent conventionally attractive. certainly, some girls do date down because they are insecure/want control, but a lot of girls i know who like “ugly guys” mean guys who are “ugly-hot” like pete davidson
Keep in mind that women rate a 7/10 man as 5/10. Also, women have MUCH more options than men. Women have dozens of guys simping for them, while men are lucky to talk to a girl. Just because a 9/10 man doesn't want to date you doesn't mean you don't have options.
@@JohnYoungcook72 attractive men have simps too. but having lots of people who are attracted to you is not the same as having lots of options of people you are attracted to. Unless you live in a big city maybe, there are more attractive female partners in the dating pool than there are attractive males.
@@JohnYoungcook72 the hotter a person is, the harder it is for them to find a partner who is of the same level of attractiveness to them. think of how rare it is to see a 10/10 person. then imagine how hard it would be for that 10/10 person to find another person who is both equally attractive to them AND has a personality that they enjoy. And in general, there are more attractive women than attractive men out there in the average town.
Are all models attractive? If so, then why do some people find them unattractive or call them ugly?
jealousy
Elements of subjectivity. And some humans like to be contrarians.
It is almost like people have different taste or some shit
Because models aren't supposed to be attractive. Unique yes, but not attractive. They're job is to be a blank canvas to display the clothes on and blank (unattractive) enough to distract people from their faces and make them focus on the clothes. Or any other product they showcase.
@@رزيئة Then why’s that most(98%) of them(models) have features that are considered attractive e.g. sharp jawline and cheekbones (+ their height which is attractive)?
Could you analyze Elvis Presley and/or Marylin Monroe’s physical appearance and allure? I always wondered what made them more appealing than other celebrities of that time. It would also be a great segment to analyze stars from the 50s.
James Dean
There is not always an alterior motive. Most of the times, women are able to develop an attraction to him outside of just his looks, usually due to his personality.
I LIVED THIS! My ex was a 10/10 and I rank myself a 6 at best. The amount of times people tried to poach her was astounding.
At first it was unbearable but I soon realised “I’m with her and they’re alone so f them”.
I thought she just liked me because I was funny, but now I see that maybe she was using me to fill some void within herself.
Dont let this video make you think your ex was just using you to fill something within herself. You may be more attractive than you realized or maybe you were exactly her type or youre just great to be around. I like this channel but this video isn't representative across all people, at all
Totally agree take it with a grain of salt
Maybe you were worthy for her. Don't listen to this crap
While looks are important they are not enough for a relationship to last, if you had a “normal” dating story (being attracted to each other post “honeymoon” period) it wasnt your looks that made her like you but your personality. And since you had that fuck them mentality it shows you were not even insecure, so she would not be attracted to you because of that. B more confident
@@annaguims that’s not true. The halo effect works even in a subconscious level
I dated down with my ex..i fell for her personality but she was always afraid that i was going to cheat and telling me that i was to cool for her and in the end she cheated on me.
keep in mind most girls definition of 'ugly' is timothee chalamet or pete davidson
Not true Dey love timothee, he is attractive
holy sht it really never began for the rest of us then lol
or Benedict Cumberbatch lol
Finally someone who understands
@@marmoris11 timothee chalamet mogs him hard
Also dating someone you are not attracted to will not be good for long term
Everyone becomes ugly long term anyways….except for tall men with full heads of hair. Can’t really age the the attraction out of those
I have a teenage niece that is pretty enough to be a model, in fact she has had modeling scouts try to recruit her. She's dating an extremely insecure guy who is easily sub 5 in looks as well as overweight. The only reason she is with him is because he's her first boyfriend. She has not yet really discovered her value and thinks this guy is the best she can do. She also lives in a small town in a where there aren't a lot of options. I think I've heard this called the "just be first" theory. Sometimes an ugly guy gets an attractive gf or wife if he was the first to pair bond with her before she understood her value.
And why does that bother you? If she's happy and he is happy, where is the problem? Also, modelling scouts trying to recruit doesn't mean anything, they try to convince as many people as possible because the scouts will get a comission. Even I was approached by them multiple times over the years, but I didn't let that inflate my head because I know it's just about business 😂
@@n-o-i-d She's not happy. But doesn't have the self-esteem to walk away. The guy is a chode.
Yes my mom was the same with my father.
Can you make a video about beauty standards in the gay community? I would like to see if there's any studies done and what changes when compared to straight people attractiveness
I think it's the same as straight standards + internalized homophobia making them lean more towards hyper masculinity being the most desirable. Though i do feel like that's also because of the male gaze being applied towards your own gender making the standards more sexually driven and nitpicky in a way that straight women's aren't
@@sz4156 interesting!
@@sz4156 yeah gay mens standards are similiar to womens. However, ive noticed gay men care a lot less about a mans height or actually prefer average/short/tallish height to super tall.
I swear, I'm always suspicious of attractive people who show any interest in me (this basically never happens though) because I'm sure they're just trying to date down. I hate the rating system so much but I bet I'm a 2
Hmmm, I'd argue that the equity theory fails to take subjective beliefs/self-esteem into account. The tiktok person talked about insecurity, about how the more attractive partner might /feel/ like they don't have much to offer other than their looks, and therefore date down. Whereas the equity theory seems to assume that people consciously or subconsciously know how objectively attractive/smart/etc they are, and adjust their dating life accordingly.
Now we're much more aware of how insecurity, anxiety, and social media can distort people's self-image, so I'd say the equity theory needs some updating or further studies
1) Hot guys are rarer than hot girls. So they’re usually very arrogant. 2) Hot guys mean a lot of competition (usually for a guy that’s irritating and/or boring) 3) An “ugly” guy will probably treat a hot girl better than a hot guy because he’s not likely to find another
yeah but the woman is not going to date the ugly guy so...
@@betallyoungattractive644 I've seen women date average to below average guys. They usually grew up together, he has swagger, or he's fun to be around
@@Zikomo7 you've seen a few vs 99.9% of relationships being looksmatched.
@@Zikomo7 yeah, women used to date ugly guys more often in the past before dating apps and social media. Also, a woman may date an unattractive guy if she does not understand her full SMV (which is rare) or if she is a single mother of a bunch of kids. There's nuance there.
@@Zikomo7 in the situation where they grew up together, she dated him because she didn't know her potential SMV. That's why we teach guys the importance of being a girl's first BF. As for dating a guy because he's fun to be around, that doesn't exist. She dates him because he's fun AND good looking.
99.9% of time, these women who will tell anyone who will listen about how they "date down" just have a skewed perception of their own sexual market value: if you look at the pictures, it's always average dating average.
"Behold! Look how pious and above everyone I am! I could be dating Channing Tatum but instead I'm dating this dork!"
Take a good look at yourself, Stacy.
It’s all well and good to address cognitive dissonance in mismatched couples, untill divorce rate statistics for couples that have physical attraction as their highest value in relationships come up 👀
attraction is important but basing a relationship on that is doomed to fail i agree
I would say that, because Im lazy and havent read all the comments, but I want this to be said.
The author of this video said it right: when people meet other people, they look on their beauty first, then they see their other features and etc. But lets talk about love and sexual attraction part. I feel, that there are a lot of people, who feel it differently. For example, some can feel sexual attraction towards beautiful people, some cant (speaking of me, I feel aesthetical enjoy with beauty of different people, but I rarely get sexual intention within it), but some do to people who are uglier, then their "perfect" image on different magazines covers. Some can feel sexual attraction towards concrete body parts, or body itself, some can feel sexual attraction towards mind, money and perspectives. I feel, as people's love interest is influenced with not only looks, but with rational analysis of possible perspectives of their mutual future, it can also be smell, that turns them on, or feelings, that they get while being with this exact person. In every human perspective each thing is in bigger priority, then the other one. For example, I will tell you about my experience.
I like people, who can teach me something, that I dont know. I like people's brains (heh, sounds, as me being zombie, but still its not the main subject). I've got a situation, when I knew a man, he wasn't my kind of type, he could be even worse of that: not getting proper shower, having some wrinkles, acne, etc. But if I saw, that he was genius and his knowledge really impressed me.... Damn, my hormones would be unstoppable. I would start seeing him, as the most handsome in the world, I would see only the best things in him. Even, if I had thought before, that he was kinda ugly for me.
And I've got in this situation a few times. And my feelings were much harder, then sexual tension towards just some handsome guy, because for me feeling safe and comfortable is more important, then to sleep with pretty boy. It wasn't once, when I felt interest for a guy, but when he would open his mouth, I lost it and was bored disappointed and cold for the rest of the time.
One thing about ugly guys is that they're less likely to cheat because most other girls won't have them.
The flip side is that as an ugly man i have been cuckolded in every relationship i ever had. Although it has only been 3. I have been 6 years single and will remain so for the rest of my days.
@@MarcoNegrisEyebeing cheated on doesn’t make you a cuckold… unless you got pleasure from it.
"It's not that ugly men cheat more, but when they do it breaks women's inflated ego" ~ Abba and preach.
Tf you mean inflated ego? You mean emotions are broken? Because when you cheat on anyone, regardless of man or women you do it to hurt their feelings.
@@thesevenkingswelove9554 only revenge cheating like after an argument your partner slept with your best friend only that type of cheating is done to hurt someone. Rest of them in any case cheating isn't done because they wanna hurt you. They cheat because it's selfish and something they also get instant rewards.
"Tf you mean inflated ego? "
Let me explain, when women "purposeful" Date unattractive vs when power dynamics in relationship is bent towards men or equal power dynamics.
When they date when power dynamics favor men or equal they tend to think "I hope he likes me naked"
Vs
When they "purposeful" Date loser guys they tend to think " I hope it's worthwhile".
Exactly
I cannot feel respected by men who are not my equal.
looksmatch this... dating up this... dating down that... pah. im done i dont even care anymore,
Love doesn't exist either way...
Ik it’s scary 😭
I like charm and good manners, guys with a passion. Very commonly attractive guys in their twenties are often time players and Air heads. My exes were attractive enough for me (not my Friends)! But It didn't stop me from being dumped once.
Some ugly men have a complex about being ugly.
So when by chance they get a good looking partner, they get cocky and start misbehaving…
Instead very often who has always been handsome since birth, is confident and doesn’t need to prove anything to the world, so they are reliable and calm.
Quoves.. i love you man, thanks for your effort behind all of this the beautiful narration, the well rehearsed information and every little thing you’ve worked on to make this videos
My ex dated me down, I am sure I was more ugly than him by far, he was very insecure, I didn't understand why he was like that, because I had no male friends but he still didn't believe me, usually playing the game saying that I was in the wrong or the jealous one. He broke up with me and later I discovered he flirted with my friends and with almost every girl in our class, (it was pandemics so I had no way of knowing) It was painful but I don't blame him, I should have known better.
Don't be gay😢
This channel is nightmare fuel. But it's simultaneously the most important thing ever.
It makes you depressed as hell if you are unattractive, but the reality check is worth the pain.
@@j.d.s.1837 I think even attractive people can be depressed at this, the implications go beyond just beauty
Stay strong my beautiful brothers ❤️😙
Your partner is a reflection of how you see and feel about yourself. I can't imagine dating an ugly guy who i don't find attractive 😅 and a lot of women think dating ugly equals to having good treatment which is not true. Males who are ugly and broke carry a lot of baggage. A lot of women in my family married down and none of them are happy. Anyways, find someone who matches you.
I haven't watched the video yet but my experience is they don't treat you better! They don't think you are rare. They hate women (or men, probably) because of their own insecurity and are probably more likely to cheat, whereas good looking people who've been there, done that know that sex with many strangers it not necessarily as fun as you'd think.
Women believe they are dating down all the time. The objective reality is that most of the time the couple is closely matched in physical attractiveness from the eyes of a third person.
My cardio machine is close to the gym's entrance and I see this all the time. Often the couples are the same body type and almost look like relatives.
@@fibbs6533 Yeah as I said in another comment, most couples are very evenly matched. Not exactly the same in everything, but pretty close. The average usual pairing probably looks like this: a 6/10 woman who makes 50k/year dates a guy who is a 5/10 and makes 75k/year and usually 2-3 years older than her. So she might be a tad more attractive, but he is also making more money than her. The reality is that you rarely see a couple with great difference in physical attractiveness and if you do, then one of them is definitely greatly compensating in some other aspect, most of the time that thing is success/money/clout/etc.
Some people think the "ugliness" traits are stimulating or attractive. It isn't necessarily about insecurities.
Some people like a pug face or facial scarring or heavily lidded eyes... I used to like men who had dark circles under their eyes.
It's just a preference.
Some features are more ugly than others, like being fat or having a recessed jawline
@@harsh3948 sure, but some girls also like huskier guys... Like me. Lol it feels big and protective and I like the look of fullness not ribbies and abs. I think that if you still are attractive and fat it probably is the best representation of genes to shine through and the ability to provide.
@@somewhereisgone I forgot to mention short too. Short + fat = over for guys
06:22 - 06:34
"The reality is we all care about physical looks, we all do because it is in our biological imperative, it is in our best interest to care about physical looks so that we can choose the best chances for our future offspring."
No, just no, not all of us do, we are more than animals controlled by biological impulses.
What you said just says way more about you than says about reality.
That's what all believers in Darwinian evolutionary psychology think. They believe that everything in life is to reproduce and leave genes. They are brainwashed. As you can see in the comments section there are many people who believe in that religion.
I reject the claim that everyone cares about attractiveness. The video states that it's coded in our biology, but humans are variable, evolution and natural selection works on this variation. On average it might be true, but I find that to be a very bold statement. It's based on personal opinion rather than objective facts, no studies were cited that proved that _everyone_ cares about looks as much
@@devilsadvocate7059 Yeah, if anything she's dating up
The reason i don't 100% believe in the insecurity reason as to why they are mean, is because there are beautiful girls who are not insecure at all. If you are truly beautiful and if you get lots of attention and if you have no reason to be insecure, why will you be insecure? i think if you are insecure there is a reason. There is no reason to be insecure if there is absolutely no reason to be insecure and if you are still insecure that means you are not truly beautiful, that means you know there is a flaw in you that you don't like, that means you are overrated. am i right?
Just for me personally, I end up with less conventionally attractive men because I feel more comfortable around them. It’s not inherently a matter of craving superiority, it’s just that they seem more approachable and as a consequence I can be more ‘myself’ around them. All my male friends are more nerdy or alternative so the men I have the most success with romantically are much like that too.
that’s called insecurity
I've actually found a connection with a guy who is probably more attractive than me because I thought he'd never want to date me, so I didn't put effort towards being "dateable" to him and ended up being more comfortable with him. Ofc I'm prepared he might find someone more suitable for him but yeah. I've noticed a guy's good or bad looks mean nothing in regards of him sticking around or not
Stop confusing the meanings of words, that’s textbook insecurity, you are insecure
@@Saberdud I mean yeah? I don’t see how that’s an issue though. If someone has an approachable face that’s a good thing. Im not searching out insecure men to make me feel good. If that makes me insecure then okay I am? As long as no one’s hurt I don’t get why you’re mad.
btw, when she says "less conventionally attractive", she means he is a 9 instead of the usual 10.
Women who date down just don't know their worth or think they don't deserve better which can be due multitude of reasons. I seen so many people who think they don't have much to offer while having so much offer. It all just comes down on your perception of yourself.
Gotta disagree on this one I too once tried dating bunch of not so good looking girls thinking that they would put more effort in relationship and almost all of them were insecure, bitter and boring af and I had to end it where as good looking girls were cheerful and fun to be around and also confident. The whole " Ugly people will always good inside and are fun to be around " Isn't always the case , I think it is due to positive feedback that good looking people get makes them actually good and ugly people become bitter so i dont really buy into this.
And i think one should date some one beautiful people (within their league) because most of the time they are good from inside too and be less promiscuous.
I’ve noticed this with male friends as well. They get jealous when I get more attention at the bar or any social gatherings. So now I have to be selective with which friends I bring at certain events. It is why it is I guess.
You are implying people even know what league they are in. Have you seen the ItsComplicatedChannel, street interviews and almost every women and their friends will rate themselves highly 10/10, we have a delusional pandemic. So your advice is as good as dog piss
😂😂😂😂😂
Now im terrified my girlfriend only loves me cause she was cheated on in the past and thinks (due to my looks) I would never…. Welp time to get a 6 figure job and go to the gym lol
Talk to her about it. Good luck.
What I find interesting is the idea that "it is our best interest to date attractive people for the benefit of our offspring". So, when someone puts something like height over their facial features or personality, it may be due to them seeing that as the highest advantage for their offspring that they themselves can't provide. So, in a sense, your type would be what you see as a genetic trait that would mix well with or improve your own traits.
Wow, that's so interesting. I'm attracted to people who are the opposite of me in terms of looks. Tall, healthier, have lighter skin, have colored hair/eyes or black hair (I just think it's neat lol), strong, not prone to chronic illnesses, have clear skin etc.
@@رزيئة Everybody finds that attractive, you’re not special for liking those lmao
You’re literally describing Damon Salvatore from the vampire diaries
Yeah, attraction is purely instinctual
Tbh, I think many guys who date “ugly” woman because they don’t have other choice is making a wrong decision in life.
Bobby Lee have this exact situation, and wherever he and his girlfriend goes, other male comedians tend to tease him or try to flirt with his “attractive girlfriend”.
poor bobby fr, i wonder how he seems to keep cool about it
He's extremely confident and stable, he responses in great manners as well as his girlfriend, maybe he's just that untouchable
Maybe some people either just don't prioritize looks and/or have a preference that's markedly different than average. Man or woman, there's no reason to judge for that.