I can relate to this video so much. given i'm pre-T, but i understand that guilt whole heartedly because my mom tells me constantly that i'm killing her dreams and killing her daughter by choosing to be a boy. and it's crazy because i didn't choose this. but then i feel guilty for feeling guilty because why should i halt or slow down my transition when i know what i need to live happily and who i am?
Having my mom be unsupportive is so hard. I'm literally living in constant fear at home because I'm not allowed to wear my men's clothing, so I have to hide it. I'm literally in fear every single time I leave the house that my mom will search my room and find something. I'm always scared when we go out in public that I'll run into someone that knows me as Brennan and she'll flip out if she hears me being called that. I hate living like this
I just came out and my parents are extremely unsupportive, they said that the Internet is using trans to sell only and it isn't a real thing so they asked me where did I get that "idea" from, they asked if it were from the Internet and I said no (I lied), they didn't believe my lie so now they said that if I ever mention the topic again they'll take all of my electronics away so I don't go on the Internet. What they don't understand is that the Internet and ppl like you is what keeps me alive and hopeful, I can't surround myself with supportive ppl If I don't know any in real life and if I don't have the Internet, I might become depressed and suicidal bc it's the one place where I find ppl who are supportive and understand. Plus, my father said that when I'm legal, if I transition, he will never visit me or talk to me ever again. But I guess they don't care about me being depressed or suicidal, they care if I look like a girl or not😔
Charmian Xo If you have to seek support from the internet right now that is completely okay. When I first started learning about it that's all I had. It took a few years into my transition to begin to build a support network of people around me in real life. Those people are out there, I promise. It does take time to find those people but I can say that 5 years into my transition I am able to have a lot of love and support from people who are not my family. This video is several years old as well. If you look at one of my Mom recent video my mom who was completely unsupportive has come around after us not speaking for a while. I suggest you go what my 3rd most recent video.
Ashton Colby I just watched it, I'm happy for you, I hope that happens to my parents too and thank you so much for the support, hopefully I'll find those supportive ppl out there. :)
Thank you so much for sharing! my husband of 8 years has decided to transition to female. and we are going through having unsupportive parents and this really helped! Thank you!
This must have been an very difficult time. My son transitioned to female. The transition happened about the same time as your husbands transition. I never stopped loving my daughter, but things are new and different. We stay in contact, but she lives in New York. We don't get to see each other but maybe once a year. I've thought about you and your family for years. I hope the transition went okay?
The world can be so unbearable sometimes. Having just one conversation (well you can hardly call it that cause the other person was barely listening) with a random person on TH-cam gave me a bitter taste of what the prejudice from the outside world is like towards trans people. They kept going on about how gender is totally a social construct, no part of it is inherent, and that trans people need to 'learn to accept themselves' instead of trying to 'fix' something that isn't broken. Days later I'm still disgusted to the core... I told them that trans people do what they do NOT because they hate themselves or men or women or gay people. They do it because they LOVE themselves, the REAL them, and want to take care of that real self that is so fragile after having been repressed for a lifetime. It makes me sick that the same system that kept us from realizing who we really are then tries to manipulate and guilt us into silence just as we begin to truly discover ourselves. You are so brave. Keep doing what you do, being yourself ^^
Sai Cat You are exactly right in your words. You can imagine the many "conversations" I've attempted to have with people who don't want to see that transitioning really takes such great self love. Transitioning can be hard sometimes, it is hard not to internalize that hate but with all the hate in the world it is such a great act of self love. I've had days where someone's comment on my video fills me with the same pain you are talking about. You feel like your very core of your person is under attack and you have to defend it to someone who may never actually listen. Its very frustrating. You're not alone in those feelings. One thing though I would say that if someone ever says gender is socially constructed my response would be to tell them gender roles are socially constructed. Gender is not socially constructed. Even by definition gender is one's own sense of maleness or femaleness and since that's internal it can't be socially constructed. The gender roles are our relationship to others and those are socially constructed and value is put more on an individual living up to the standards of those roles. You might already know all that. I'm just giving you ammunition if someone ever bothers you with the phrase "gender is socially constructed" again.
Thank you so much for this video. I came across this video as I was looking for help from family issues. I'm not dealing with trans issues but this video still helped me and realized that I can't live my life miserably just to please those around me no matter who they are. Thank you.
You really are an amazing inspiration for anyone, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, anyone. Thank you for being such a true inspiration. I really like watching your videos. Keep them coming and I will keep watching!!
I appreciate your support! If you have any suggestions of video topics you think I should cover please feel free to let me know. I want this channel to really be about what topics people are interested in or need to hear.
Ashton James i have a TH-cam channel myself, and I as well would like different topic ideas!! If you want to watch a couple of mine then tell me, you feel free too! Also, i was thinking you could do a video on what the hardest aspect of your transition has been, like in what area of life, and how you coped with it!
I'm actually going through this right now with my own family but, ive already told my aunt that I am still the same person that I was years ago that my personality wont change but, that it was bull crap that I couldn't be myself because of me being a transguy and that they had to misgender me and all that just because they don't accept me and let me live my own life. That if they are going to have to accept the fact that I am me but, at the same time im going to do what makes me happy and either they could go on the journey with me or they could get left behind, I even deleted my facebook because of all of it. I feel really ashamed of my family and I was the kind of person who was the good kid the kid that never did drugs, didn't party, never drank behind their backs ect. I went to college for 5 years. and I am so tired of all the crap I am not ashamed of being who I am I just want the chance to be happy and to live my life and be happy and everyone that does support me is out of state and are my friends that ive made over the internet and have a wonderful bf who is also supportive of me as well. I feel so bad that he has to watch me go through all of this even the dysphoria and I am also afraid that I will lose my entire family because of me wanting to be myself. And this is coming from someone who use to identify as a lesbian and has grown a lot into who I am now I was also an identical twin but my twin past away. I don't know why my family is the way that they are but, I don't want to be depressed and scared to be me anymore. :( I just wish they understood that my life is my life not theirs to dictate my decisions I mean im 24 years old I don't want to be in my 40s when me being able to live finally happens. (no offense to my transgender sisters and brothers who are older than me because you guys are amazing for being older and dealing with this issue was well or are finally living your life im so proud of you guys!)
I gave my dad lots of time to come around, I came out to him and he didn't understand, I've only ever mentioned it twice, he said to stop talking about it. I'm scared later in life I'll transition but he won't want me around, I'll never be allowed back into his house
My mom just missgengered me on purpose with sende me a Post on facebook "for her daugther" and when I called her out for that and told her how much that hurts me she just tryed to play it down .
I really wanna thank you for making these videos man I know you don't know me but these have Helped me a lot and helped me to get a better hold of everything.
Having an unsupportive family truly sucks. My mom says she will never accept me. So now I eventually just stopped bringing anything trans* related up so now I think she forgot ://
You might be surprised at the fact that some people might come around. My sister told me that she would never support me but now she is back to being cool with me. When rational people see that you are way happier after you transition it is harder for them to not come around and at least be tolerant of your transition. Hang in there. If you know in your heart transitioning is going to make you happier you will gain so much more being yourself than you will lose from not having certain unsupportive people in your life as much.
I can relate to this video so much. given i'm pre-T, but i understand that guilt whole heartedly because my mom tells me constantly that i'm killing her dreams and killing her daughter by choosing to be a boy. and it's crazy because i didn't choose this. but then i feel guilty for feeling guilty because why should i halt or slow down my transition when i know what i need to live happily and who i am?
Ditto
Having my mom be unsupportive is so hard. I'm literally living in constant fear at home because I'm not allowed to wear my men's clothing, so I have to hide it. I'm literally in fear every single time I leave the house that my mom will search my room and find something. I'm always scared when we go out in public that I'll run into someone that knows me as Brennan and she'll flip out if she hears me being called that. I hate living like this
I just came out and my parents are extremely unsupportive, they said that the Internet is using trans to sell only and it isn't a real thing so they asked me where did I get that "idea" from, they asked if it were from the Internet and I said no (I lied), they didn't believe my lie so now they said that if I ever mention the topic again they'll take all of my electronics away so I don't go on the Internet. What they don't understand is that the Internet and ppl like you is what keeps me alive and hopeful, I can't surround myself with supportive ppl If I don't know any in real life and if I don't have the Internet, I might become depressed and suicidal bc it's the one place where I find ppl who are supportive and understand. Plus, my father said that when I'm legal, if I transition, he will never visit me or talk to me ever again. But I guess they don't care about me being depressed or suicidal, they care if I look like a girl or not😔
Charmian Xo If you have to seek support from the internet right now that is completely okay. When I first started learning about it that's all I had. It took a few years into my transition to begin to build a support network of people around me in real life. Those people are out there, I promise. It does take time to find those people but I can say that 5 years into my transition I am able to have a lot of love and support from people who are not my family. This video is several years old as well. If you look at one of my Mom recent video my mom who was completely unsupportive has come around after us not speaking for a while. I suggest you go what my 3rd most recent video.
Ashton Colby I just watched it, I'm happy for you, I hope that happens to my parents too and thank you so much for the support, hopefully I'll find those supportive ppl out there. :)
My parents are the same way. They think the internet is "brainwashing" me.
Thank you so much for sharing! my husband of 8 years has decided to transition to female. and we are going through having unsupportive parents and this really helped! Thank you!
This must have been an very difficult time. My son transitioned to female. The transition happened about the same time as your husbands transition. I never stopped loving my daughter, but things are new and different. We stay in contact, but she lives in New York. We don't get to see each other but maybe once a year. I've thought about you and your family for years. I hope the transition went okay?
The world can be so unbearable sometimes. Having just one conversation (well you can hardly call it that cause the other person was barely listening) with a random person on TH-cam gave me a bitter taste of what the prejudice from the outside world is like towards trans people. They kept going on about how gender is totally a social construct, no part of it is inherent, and that trans people need to 'learn to accept themselves' instead of trying to 'fix' something that isn't broken. Days later I'm still disgusted to the core... I told them that trans people do what they do NOT because they hate themselves or men or women or gay people. They do it because they LOVE themselves, the REAL them, and want to take care of that real self that is so fragile after having been repressed for a lifetime. It makes me sick that the same system that kept us from realizing who we really are then tries to manipulate and guilt us into silence just as we begin to truly discover ourselves. You are so brave. Keep doing what you do, being yourself ^^
Sai Cat You are exactly right in your words. You can imagine the many "conversations" I've attempted to have with people who don't want to see that transitioning really takes such great self love. Transitioning can be hard sometimes, it is hard not to internalize that hate but with all the hate in the world it is such a great act of self love. I've had days where someone's comment on my video fills me with the same pain you are talking about. You feel like your very core of your person is under attack and you have to defend it to someone who may never actually listen. Its very frustrating. You're not alone in those feelings. One thing though I would say that if someone ever says gender is socially constructed my response would be to tell them gender roles are socially constructed. Gender is not socially constructed. Even by definition gender is one's own sense of maleness or femaleness and since that's internal it can't be socially constructed. The gender roles are our relationship to others and those are socially constructed and value is put more on an individual living up to the standards of those roles. You might already know all that. I'm just giving you ammunition if someone ever bothers you with the phrase "gender is socially constructed" again.
Just 2 and a half more years until I turn 18 and can move out.
Thank you so much for this video. I came across this video as I was looking for help from family issues. I'm not dealing with trans issues but this video still helped me and realized that I can't live my life miserably just to please those around me no matter who they are. Thank you.
You really are an amazing inspiration for anyone, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, anyone. Thank you for being such a true inspiration. I really like watching your videos. Keep them coming and I will keep watching!!
I appreciate your support! If you have any suggestions of video topics you think I should cover please feel free to let me know. I want this channel to really be about what topics people are interested in or need to hear.
Ashton James
i have a TH-cam channel myself, and I as well would like different topic ideas!! If you want to watch a couple of mine then tell me, you feel free too! Also,
i was thinking you could do a video on what the hardest aspect of your transition has been, like in what area of life, and how you coped with it!
I'm actually going through this right now with my own family but, ive already told my aunt that I am still the same person that I was years ago that my personality wont change but, that it was bull crap that I couldn't be myself because of me being a transguy and that they had to misgender me and all that just because they don't accept me and let me live my own life. That if they are going to have to accept the fact that I am me but, at the same time im going to do what makes me happy and either they could go on the journey with me or they could get left behind, I even deleted my facebook because of all of it. I feel really ashamed of my family and I was the kind of person who was the good kid the kid that never did drugs, didn't party, never drank behind their backs ect. I went to college for 5 years. and I am so tired of all the crap I am not ashamed of being who I am I just want the chance to be happy and to live my life and be happy and everyone that does support me is out of state and are my friends that ive made over the internet and have a wonderful bf who is also supportive of me as well. I feel so bad that he has to watch me go through all of this even the dysphoria and I am also afraid that I will lose my entire family because of me wanting to be myself. And this is coming from someone who use to identify as a lesbian and has grown a lot into who I am now I was also an identical twin but my twin past away. I don't know why my family is the way that they are but, I don't want to be depressed and scared to be me anymore. :( I just wish they understood that my life is my life not theirs to dictate my decisions I mean im 24 years old I don't want to be in my 40s when me being able to live finally happens. (no offense to my transgender sisters and brothers who are older than me because you guys are amazing for being older and dealing with this issue was well or are finally living your life im so proud of you guys!)
I gave my dad lots of time to come around, I came out to him and he didn't understand, I've only ever mentioned it twice, he said to stop talking about it. I'm scared later in life I'll transition but he won't want me around, I'll never be allowed back into his house
My mom just missgengered me on purpose with sende me a Post on facebook "for her daugther" and when I called her out for that and told her how much that hurts me she just tryed to play it down .
I really wanna thank you for making these videos man I know you don't know me but these have Helped me a lot and helped me to get a better hold of everything.
That's exactly why I make them! 😊I'm glad they have really helped you. If there is any topic you feel I should speak about please let me know.
Having an unsupportive family truly sucks. My mom says she will never accept me. So now I eventually just stopped bringing anything trans* related up so now I think she forgot ://
You might be surprised at the fact that some people might come around. My sister told me that she would never support me but now she is back to being cool with me. When rational people see that you are way happier after you transition it is harder for them to not come around and at least be tolerant of your transition. Hang in there. If you know in your heart transitioning is going to make you happier you will gain so much more being yourself than you will lose from not having certain unsupportive people in your life as much.
Ashton James Wow, that was worded in probably the most amazing way ever.