Omg I relate so bad with the idea of the moment you look masculine, no one aknowledges your non binary identity. I'm physically very masculine (very hairy, beard, short hair blabla you name it) but I use they/them pronouns and am non binary, but as much as I'm okay with he/him and having masculine nouns to describe me (son, brother and other), it annoys me how much others will insist I'm a man even if I'm not. I like being masculine but I don't like being called a man just because I love being masculine.
It's really interesting, as a binary trans guy I can't imagine how annoying it'd be to go from being misgendered to then having people assume you're another thing that you're not but I guess cos we do live in such a binary society people will just expect you fit in to one or the other
Yeah, same. I'm a really masc nb transmasculine person, but I don't know if the incredible mascness is because of the fact of not even having started t and barely wearing my binder because my tiredness and not-giving-a-fuck-ness about anything ever so I just want to be percieved as a guy or because I am just very much leaning on the masc side. @@magicalgirl4
I'm a transmasc butch lesbian and your transition videos have been so helpful for me. It's difficult to find stuff about non-binary medical transition and get an accurate view of what my own transition will look like, and so I really appreciate what you do!!!!!!!!
@@marox9478 Basically, yes! I'm only attracted to women and other non-binary lesbians, and I still feel a deep connection to sapphic love and lesbianism, but I'm non-binary and don't identify as a woman. I am going to take low-dose testosterone, but I'm not a man and don't ever want to look like a man. I usually just describe my gender as butch. There's a long history of us in the lesbian community - look at Leslie Feinberg if you want an example!
I am 33, so substantially older than you, but ... the non binary cut off correlation with percieved masculinity is not a new problem for sure. AMAB non binary people like Alok Menon explain this frequently. I am Mexican and in our culture there are Muxes who are AMAB people who move through the world in a feminine way that do not assiciate with trans people or medical transition, and do not always validate trans identities... It is very bizzare how people simultaenously want to express how important androgynous, non binary, gender non conforming and other identies are culturally, but at the same time want to enforce a binary, even on intersex individuals who by definition are born outside that binary. I am glad to see you holding your space and starting the conversation at a young age, and I really hope for everyone, including you, we make some real progress. the Regressive stuff we've seen the last few years has been... intense for lack of a better word. I also want to sincerely thank you for touching on the fact that as white, able bodied person you deal with so much, and that you are pointing out that being a compounded minority comes with even more hardship-- I appreciate that as an lgbtq latino who has lost black and brown lgbtq people in my life. thank you Theo-- and uh... I am down for some vlogmas.
I haven't even started my medical transition and I went through a similar thing where I identified very much as a trans man and became uncomfortable with it later, noticing that being perceived as a cis man in some cases made me almost as uncomfortable as being perceived as a cis woman. I feel a lot better identifying as nonbinary but the societal thing is awful, you just don't exist in the system most of the time. Your ramblings make a lot of sense to me and I want to thank you so much for making videos like these because it's important to see people not regretting their transition despite their exact feelings changing, and it shows that you don't need to have everything figured out and it's perfectly fine if you don't fit neatly into other people's idea of what a gender looks like.
"but the societal thing is awful" well, could it be that the "societal thing" is more rooted in biological determinism and sexual dimorphism? Saying "non binary" is actually more societal/socially constructed than the "binary." Just saying. To be clear, be what you want, but own to the fact that's it's _solely_ a cultural and social construct, whereas the traditional binary has biological underpinnings with a culture and the social built/added upon that basis.
"It's perfectly fine if you don't fit into other people's idea of what gender looks like" I believe "other people's idea of what gender looks like" is based on factual science & what happens in biological males and females naturally without medical intervention. I have a serious question. If someone with perfect vision told you that they were experiencing body dysphoria & felt like they were meant to be blind... do you believe the proper treatment would be to remove their eyeballs? Edit: fyi.. this isn't a made up scenario. This is a real thing that people experience. The particular case I'm referencing, the individual had a "therapist" pour acid in their eyes to permanently blind them.
me and you had a very similar journey!! was out as a transman for a long time, but now im a transmasculine lesbian who plans on going on T!! much love to you, it feels so good to see someone living the way I want to eventually live! you give me hope :)! 💕💕
this is what i was looking for!! im also nonbinary and lesbian and i have this hugeee desire to also get a top surgery in a future and maybe also get on testoreone for a couple of months. i thought for some time that maybe i would be more comfortable being perceived as a man but to be honest, masculinity = being a man. this is how i feel about myself, and it surprises me so much that even in our community there are some people that are still transphobic to lesbian trans people (or trans people in general.) i´m glad to know that there are these type of videos in media, it will help so many people like us. thank you!!
havent finished the vid yet but as a transmasc genderqueer lesbian who also used to think I was just bi because I wanted to be a guy and thought there’s no way I could identify myself as a lesbian despite me literally only liking fictional men i feel so seen by the part where you explained ur sexuality and it made me tear up a lil bit and made me feel a lot better abt myself knowing one of my favorite youtubers has a somewhat similar experience to mine lol aaaa
that entire last portion of the video dedicated to perception is how i've been feeling for so long its so freaky to hear my thoughts come from someone else
i feel the last section so hard. i started out transition as an FTM a decade ago, i've been on and off T for the last six years, got top surgery 2.5 years ago. no matter i identify as on any given day i have literally no idea how people read me. after this long transitioning the gender math i used to use is no longer mathing. it seems like maybe people are biased towards gendering me the same way they gender themselves, unless they're a cis man, but i don't even know that for sure. who even knows at this point.
I really get you about the perception thing. I am pre transition, and wanna go on T and have top surgery. But I think I may be agender instead of male. My gender expression is more masc, what I want to be able to is be a man that is feminine, but without anyone seeing me as... a man. Like I'd rather be read as male than female but I still don't feel connected to being a man or a woman, my gender just straight up doesn't exist lol. But I know that as soon as I get a deeper voice, when I have top surgery, people will see me as male and not genderless, which is what I truly am. But sometimes, I too have the feeling I relate to femininity, or masculinity, so it's been tricky finding out what I want. I kinda wanna be seen as a guy, but not in the cis guy way, more like a man that is agender. I have the feeling it doesn't make any sense. But gender often doesn't really make any sense, I think. It's complex and I hate the fact that it got simplified to man/woman. It really isn't that simple for a lot of us.
I hear you, Theo. My best friend is nonbinary and I want to tell you about them because I feel like it might make you feel less "trapped in a binary world". If it wasn't for my friend I might not believe it was possible, but despite being so different than everyone else, they are the most social and well-connected person at my high school. There is nothing particularly remarkable about them. They're not particularly smart, funny or good looking. The only reason they have so many friends is that they have no problem approaching people. They know that not everyone will like them and are perfectly ok with that. But the thing is, because of their friendliness and confidence everyone does like them. They are able to meaningfully connect with everyone and not because they have some super power, but because they just do it. They try. They helped me realize that this feeling of alienation I felt trough most of my life was mostly perpetuated by me. I was afraid of "not fitting in" so I never tried. I'm a binary trans guy and I've been stealth for years, I look like an average cishet guy. Despite this, I'm the one afraid of not being accepted while this person rocking long pink hair, makeup and a beard has no problem trying to make friends with the homophobic-looking gym bro and succeeding every time. They are the most free person I know.
omg i feel your pain!! as an amab genderfluid/nonbinary person it's so hard trying to just exist; and exist to where gender is just there but also isnt ??? literally gets so confusing
On the perception thing I just see you as you. Idk how to describe it, I just don’t see gender for most people I just see them as them no matter what their gender is. You’re just a silly little fella
I’ve been following your channel for about three years and as a trans nonbinary person you have been so inspiring to me! I love the person you were and have become! We’re all so proud of you!
Thank you so much for sharing. I sometimes feel weird and alone because I don't identify with binary genders, but every time I hear people talk about their gender it just makes me feel so safe and understood. And it makes me realize that even if the cis people around me can't understand, there are people out there who know exactly how I feel.
i'm screaming!!!!!!!!! i came to the conclusion after months on T that i was a nonbinary lesbian too!! after years of saying that i was a gay trans man!! but i'm detransitioning j for safety!! but also when i was a kid/teen i always wished i was just a cis girl so i could stay a lesbian!!! WAH!!!! i'm so happy i'm not alone!!!! because i also was riding that high of OMG PPL SEE MY AS A BOY earlier this year and i wasn't too bothered when i was misgendered either!! but now i'm like fighting pronouns so hard and it's driving me insane also so relatable on the t taking LOL i stopped cuz i've been on injections @ home since day 1 but like maaan it was just so much effort that i stopped... and then i was like "oh lol it's not so bad off t" so i j don't anymore
The segment about being perceived is real. I'm about 3 months on T right now and I'm loving the results. I'm nonbinary trans masc. I've always used they/them and will continue to do so, but I look like a woman right now. People usually think I'm a butch lesbian. Right now I understand this perception of me because I know I possess all the qualities of a woman, and I still dress femininely sometimes. I don't get mad or upset when I'm misgendered for this reason. The longer I'm on T, the more comfortable I am with dressing femininely because I'm looking more boyish to myself and I feel more androgynous that way. The problem is that once I'm farther on T, if I get perceived as a man, it might be worse because that' not right either, but now I've chosen to be that way. Gender sucks because it's a set of rules. Right now I'm abiding by most of the girl rules to fit in to society and not be perceived as strange or off. When I get to a point where I'm happy in my transition, I don't want to have to abide by any of the gender rules. That's the point of trying to not look like a girl. But, if I'm too masculine, I'll have to start abiding by the boy rules. I'll have to start living with others' assumption that I'm not right because I'm supposed to do the things that boys do. But the thing is; I'm neither! And people will still try to categorize me as one or the other because thats what we were all taught to do. And at the very crux of it, they're trying to figure out what's in my pants so they can figure out how they feel about me. It can't ever be as cut and dry for nonbinary people as it is for "boy" and "girl" because we're a new thing. We're a niche category. We're lumped in together, and it's not understood that we all have unique experiences yet. In society, being non binary cant just be "I am a person, and I have a gender". It's "I have a gender and you aren't going to listen to the other things about me". This being said, I am becoming happier with my body than I have been in my entire life. Transitioning is 100% a good thing for my self-perception. I'm starting to be able to say that I'm beautiful without feeling like I'm lying. The problem is external perception because we (trans people) can't control what others think about us, and being mostly young and insecure due to dysphoria, that's important to us. It's necessary for our survival as humans to be liked. However, right now there's a connotation for transness that it's dark and evil in nature, which is associated with masculinity as well. There is a lot of rhetoric that implies trans men are corrupted women and trans women are predatory men. And unfortunately, the people that think this are the loudest. These connotations may be the root to the apprehension of manliness in your transition, or why it's so scary to be categorized with cis men. Anyway, tangent aside, Theo you are doing God's work out here being honest about your experience. You aren't alone, and you're valid. And if you're a fellow nonbinary, you're not alone either. We're under a lot of pressure being the ones at the front of our visibility and movement into normal society. You don't have to explain the way you feel to anyone. You are beautiful, handsome, and whatever else. You're moss-like and a seashell that tumbled in the sand to be a little bit smooth. You don't have to know anything right now. It's okay to experiment. There's no rulebook for you.
if you're happy with all the changes you got on T and are satisfied with your progress, you can always talk to your doctor and see if just ending your intake is an option
@@outer1329 thats the plan, I'm going to get to a certain point and either only take a maintenance amount or stop taking it all together to remain at the same spot in transition. It just feels like I'm walking on a tightrope. And maybe that's just from over analyzing the whole thing! There's going to be a point where I'm not miserable and it'll make sense, i just gotta feel around to find out where that is. I'm young and don't get it yet, I just know I'm happier with myself so I'm headed in the right direction.
Unrelated to anything in this video, I saw the hair and laughed bc ykno. Blue hair and pronouns. And then I looked in the mirror and my jaw dropped cause i had forgotten I literally dyed my hair blue last night.
oh wow the being perceived section perfectly describes how i feel about medical transitioning. i know what i want my body to look like but i fear that, socially, ill just end up being put in a different incorrect box. feeling very understood rn. also here's your one "i want vlogmas" comment, i enjoyed last year's one!
Omg I haven't finifshed the video yet but I relate so much to the evolution (if you can call it that) of the labels you used to describe your identity. I identified as a binary trans guy for the longest time, but now I don't anymore. I went from binary trans male to cis girl (during the dark times😞) back to binary trans guy then to nonbinary trans guy and finally agender. I still resonate with masc terms and only use he/him pronouns and I'd rather be read as male, but internally my gender doesn't matter much to me anymore. Watching your videos and seeing you being yourself really helped me come to terms with the fact that I could do that and that there wasn't just one way of being trans. I used to be a transmedicalist (I found some unfortunate trans youtubers back when I was in middle school), which is probably a huge reason as to why I clung to the binary so hard and for so long. I'm glad I unlearned all of that because now I'm much more accepting of others and even of myself. I don't plan on medically transitioning for a number of reason (I'm a singer and I'm scared that t will make me lose my voice, for one). I'd like to get top surgery but you have to be at least 1 year on t to get it where I live, so I probably won't be able to do that either. I don't think that makes me any less trans tbh. I'm still me despite what my body looks like. Sorry for the long comment, I mostly just wanted to thank you for your videos. I discovered you with your 10 tips for transmascs and it's amazing to see how far you've come. Love the blue hair and pronouns👌
I relate i used to be a transmedicalist but because i was jealous that people who wasn't a binary male like i was could get T but i had to fight very hard to get T myself and i wish my top surgeon was in your country :( they didn't require people to be on T for a year
You won’t lose your singing voice from T that is a myth. For those that take it, all they have to do is train and exercise their everyday. But they don’t lose it 👍
I havent started medically transitioning, i dont know if i ever will, but god i can absolutely see myself microdosing t if i ever got on it. Thank you for the transmasc nb rep, it feeds my soul
I'm glad this video got algorithmed to me - so much of what you said in this update especially about outside perception vs. being happy with yourself resonates with me a lot. it's kind of wild hearing someone else (who's actually been through it all!) talk about hypothetical hangups I have with the outcomes of a medical transition as a genderfluid person with an ever growing pile of dysphoria lmao. and also the adhd of it all, executive function who is she never heard of her. (the other reason I have yet to properly pursue it, go figure.) but yeah rambling aside watching this has really motivated me, and helped me to weigh up the levels of discomfort of being perceived at either end of the binary we're still shoved into by most. so thank you for that! whatever you end up doing from here onwards with your T dosage / further transition, I hope it makes you happy
Theo I barely just started the video and so much of what you say resonates with me already. Makes me wanna be more vocal about my experience, thank you for being vocal about yours !!
wow i have a similar experience-! i always knew i wasnt cicgender but it was amplified because of growing up in a misogonistic envioronment. I cant transition properly but through therapy i've been able to really fgeel more comftorble veing persived in general. Its nice toi know im not the only one with that kind of experience
I relate so much to your timeline in the beginning, and was surprised to share a lot of milestones in the same years. I've been thinking a lot about gender lately and hearing your experiences with being nonbinary makes me feel so much more confident about myself. Seeing someone like you (who I can relate so much to) talk about your experiences makes me feel so much less scared for the future; even the parts about society that aren't perfect are so important to hear someone talk about. Also, it's so incredibly cool to see people my age make these kinds of videos
As a boyflux person, mood honestly I've never felt even slightly feminine but not quite male either and honestly I just decided gender was stupid and you know what if I want to identify as an attack helicopter I'm going to identify as a god damn attack helicopter Sometimes I feel like a little guy and sometimes I'm just the toe eater
Just bc you don't feel feminine doesn't mean that you aren't a female. There are no gender specific feelings. You just feel human.. and that's just perfect ❤
@@SubconsciouslyConsciouscarrot Soooo hate to be the one to tell you this friend but female and male are just social constructs humans made up to put other humans into a black and white binary box that makes no sense and the longer I think about to more exhausted with my own species I become. So yes I feel very human rn, I like organizing things into little boxes and categorizing things and sorting the markers in order of color. Glad you believe I'm perfect because queer beauty should be recognized more but I feel like presenting as androgynous, I feel like being referred to as either a male or a seagull in the garage, so boyflux is the arbitrary box I've decided to sit in and I find in far more comfortable than "female" so yeah thank yew for coming to my Ted Talk have a great day
@@probablyacultist Female and male aren't social constructs. The crap that you believe is distinct to male and female such as colors, clothing, names.. etc. those are social constructs around gender but sex itself isn't a social construct. Sex is a scientific fact. You are a female now and forever regardless of what you wear, call yourself or mutilate. You can be any kind of female you want to be.. masculine, feminine , in-between.. doesn't matter that's all personal expression. What you can't be is male. That's just life. You should be able to watch this video and see exactly what I'm saying. This individual has mutilated themselves and takes testosterone to present as a male but dispite all their effort their mannerisms radiate feminine energy. This person is and always will be a female. A mutilated, hairy & mildly masculine female but nonetheless still a female 😉 Now ya'll can come up with as many boxes to put yourselves in as you want too but the only one that ever truly matters is male/female. From there it's all just self expression.
this video just got recommended to me and i didn't know your channel beforehand, but i am very happy to have found it now! as a transmasc lesbian who wants to have some degree of medical transition but still remain a lesbian, i very much resonate with what you say here; i often think to myself that i wish i was AMAB so i could be trans and have a male-assigned body while still being a woman (perhaps not the most PC of thoughts lmao, given how terribly oppressed trans women are), and you strike me as an example of someone who has managed to achieve that as much as possible, i hope i can have what you have one day. thank you so much for making this video and giving me a concrete vision of what life might look like for me in the future!
It's so crazy to be watching this rn. I remember when you were posting the 1 day on T video hoping for the day Id be doing the same thing, and now this is where you are at and I'm close to being 17 months on T and 1 month post-op top surgery like damn Idk if you read late ass comments like this but i just wanted to be another person to say thank you for the content that you create and put out - youve helped an insane number of people, and for me personally you have helped me learn about myself and others while being hilarious in the process. This channel along with the community in the comments and Discord have been safe places for me and idk rn im kinda just noticing how important that has been Anyway rant over, I do hope that the things causing you distress you menrioned in this vid ease off of you soon, and best of luck into the new year 🫡
Omg, they are just like me fr!! (20yo, nonbinary, trans, snake bites and eyebrow piercing, 2 years on T) I'm bissexual and on my way to have my top surgery, but I think I might have ADHD too (although I have BPD)
As an bisexual wanting to learn more about these things because I start to find gender weird, just listening to the introduction when you said "lesbian but i stilo wanted to keep on testosterone" i just thought how ultimately labels are stupid, like don't get me wrong they're great to be able to have simple communication, but if more i learn about everything in the world the more i realize how dumb it is for humans overall to take them as fact, if we all saw the world as intricate interdimetional spectrums, where our comcepts and words float around, things would honestly make much more sense
This thought came to me when I realized tree isnt a thing, like you know what a tree is but in biological things it's hard to see where the bush ends and the tree starts, and it's like this for most things if you start thinking about it, it's easy to distinguish big groups, but inside those groups the nuances aren't so easy to explain with our vocabulary oftentimes even if we understand what we mean
I relate a lot to you! After about 5 years thinking I was a binary transman I allowed myself to be in touch with my feminine side again, after surpressing it for so long. I also identify as genderfluid and I've never felt more like myself, although the outside world is often confused by it. When I tell people that I identify as genderfluid now they often think that I regret my decisions of getting top surgery and going on t but that's absolutely not true. It allowed me to feel comfortable with myself and made sure that I could think about other things than how much I hated my body, now the dysphoria was out of the way I could explore myself from within. I now use he/she pronouns, if you would tell 17 year old me this I wouldn't understand it at all but now she/her doesn't bother me at all anymore. I still need to get used to the label but I'm really happy that I found myself. I'm really happy that you found yourself as well. I'm glad to see other people with the same experiences. Thank you for sharing your story!
It is so great to see a representation like you. Im a non binary trans masc pré-t and i just CANNOT chose how i want to medically transition because i just want to have the choice every morning on how i present. I am so happy to see a nb on t with a style pretty fluid
I was trying to explain to one of my binary trans friends the other day why nonbinary people who aren't they/them is 'valid', stuff like he/they and she/they etc (I'm binary as well but I care about all trans issues not just binary stuff), we were 'debating' kinda and he said 'why can't they just be he/him or she/her though' and the only way I could think to make him understand it was the way he feels when people say 'why can't you just be a masculine girl?' or the way they'd criticise him as not being trans if he wore makeup pre or even post T (which he did/does) cos I'm sure most trans guys have been asked that at some point and the opposite for trans girls. I still don't think I explained it well but couldn't think how else to explain it. I just see it as showing different parts of your identity cos identity isn't always this simple binary thing, not everyone will fit into a certain box or feel comfortable only living in that box and never dipping toes into other boxes Edit: ALSO DOCTOR WHO VIDEO YESSSS I'M LOVING HAVING DAVID TENNANT BACK IT'S AMAZING
i relate to this video on another level, jesus christ. especially the perception stuff; i was literally saying out loud "THAT'S LITERALLY HOW I FEEL?????????"
Hi I’m Gio! I’m really happy to see a fellow genderfluid here. A lot of times I would doubt my gender/need for medical transition cuz while I feel dysphoria, I don’t always feel 100% like a man. But then, whenever I’d ask myself “does that make me a woman?” I felt incredibly uncomfortable by the idea of someone perceiving me that way. Even tho I initially came out as genderfluid, I kind of masked as a guy? Like to cis hets I tried to sound binary but just ended up confusing myself…like I had lost the plot. For me, I identify as 70% man 30% agender, but *it fluctuates*. I have to keep reminding myself it fluctuates and I’m not any less trans, I just experience it differently than trans men. Sometimes I feel more agender than man, and still want my chest cut off regardless. As I said before, I really appreciate your video on this! I’m happy to learn more about how diverse this label can really be, and I’m happy to feel a little less alone. Have a wonderful day, keep shining ✨💜🐰
im not perceived as male solely because i was given the most luscious curves and my voice isnt that deep. people use they/them pronouns for me on the regular but its actually getting really annoying bc i dont use them
lol at my path, in 2001 started ftm and e and such, twenty years laterwas plentyof trans identities (nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, basically any trans id than heading to either binary)
Im gonna take the opportonity to share about my trans identity here because why not. I consider myself transmasc without a particularly specific label of any kind. I guess at the point I'm at now, I ought to acknowledge that I am very close to binary, but I don't consider myself binary. I think a part of that is just being trans, but another part might be my neurodivergence, or maybe just me. I want to be just a guy but at the same time, I also just feel like a thing. I recently dropped the they/them from my pronouns though because after using them for a while I realised I didn't like them as much as I thought. I liked their ambiguity, but they don't feel like *me*. I like he/him and it/its though. I used to think I didnt want to medically transition but then I realised I acutally did for a long time, I just didnt know it. Im hoping to get on T once my financial and housing situation gets a bit better, and I want to get top surgery asap. Im interested in bottom surgery too. I want to be a guy. I am a guy. But I'm also just a funky lil thing. I want to be a genderfuck. I like being a man. I also like being confusing. But I hate being a woman. Ive said it before, and I still feel the same about this, but, my gender is pretty much solid as just a funky guy, but my gender expression is kinda fluid in a sense. When people are acknowledging me, Im a guy, if not just some dude creature. What do i express like though? Whatever my vibe is at the time. I want to be able to have that hot androgyny and be confusing, and equally be a just some funky lil guy. also, side tangent: i feel like i have three pronouns even though i technically only use he/him and it/its. This is because i use he/him in the guy sense and also use he/him in the way people talk about some random wild or stray animal they enounter. Someone else mentioned that feeling to me a long time ago and i resonated with that ever since.
I feel the perception segment so deeply, lol. I'm kind of going in an opposite way in that I started off ID'ing strongly as non-binary and the more I transition the more I get comfortable just being a guy, but not a binary one still. Like, I may be a guy but my gender is still weird lol. This has been a slow internal process over the years however and I still hate when people assume my gender in certain contexts, it's like being put in a box and I Despise it. And like, I want to be assumed to be a man but also I don't, but also I do, and I can't even tell people what I want them to treat me as cause what feels right is so unpredictable and context specific I don't even know myself. It's a fucking pain at times lmfao. Anyways. Thanks for voicing your feelings about this even if it was hard, this video is certainly absolute gold for other ppl figuring stuff out or just looking for relatable experiences
I feel you! I started by coming out as nonbinary using all pronouns but quickly realised I don't feel comfortable with she/her and long for male name and something different in general. Deep down I had a weird feeling, that I'm not allowed to be a guy because of how I am? Like, quite gentle, delicate, emotional, sensitive, sometimes I like to express myself feminine just as androgynous and masc. I was awfully afraid to end up somehow being like my father too. I shouldn't have compared myself to toxic masculinity stuff but I was just confused I guess. At some point I met a cis guy who was very similar to me from personality and it made something click in my head. I realised queer men like me exist, I am simply not a cishet guy and that's not gonna be easy but I can't suppress it. I coped with fear of ending up looking and being like my father by looking up to my older brother as I always did, as he's a great guy. At some point I dropped they/them pronouns because I felt detached from them, it was already few months on t. Now I call myself a genderqueer trans guy because alongside my male identity there's something else that I can't name yet. But I'm very very lucky that people close to me respect my wish to not treat me differently, like, I don't want to be treated "like a guy" because it usually means some bullsh*t stemming from patriarchy and toxic masculinity. I want to be treated like a person, just as before, just with different name, pronouns and adjectives. And if someone will pull out some toxic guy bullsh*t on me, I will fight them. I am a guy, I want to be perceived as one but I won't participate in patriarchy and toxic masculinity 😤😤
@@kociepierogi I definitely resonate with a lot of what you've written, I've been working through stuff and the whole "being too feminine to be a guy" is definitely a big one for me hahaha. A lot of my interests and some of my personality traits could be deemed as feminine and it's a struggle reconciliating that with my gender when the world expects men to be a specific way and I'm most definitely not that. I also slowly dropped the non-binary label and they/them pronouns over time cause they started feeling alienating to me as my body has gotten more masculine over time and being a guy started making more sense. But my gender is still very queer and I want that to be recognized 😔 it's so complicated hahaha, all that said I'm really happy to hear you've figured stuff out and thank you for sharing your experience, it means a lot 💖
@Shayllox yeah, it's hard, not following toxic masculinity and cishetero norms but I feel like it's especially hard for trans guys, as if we don't obey, we're literally gonna be stripped off... being a man? So, early transition stage (or being non medically transitioning guy) is so hard. I think your queer gender can definitely be recognised purely through gender expression but it's also very unfair that when a person is masculine, suddenly we're not seen or allowed to be genderqueer 😬 I hope it gets easier for you and thank you too for sharing your experience 💖💖
No microdosing for me and it took almost 2 years for my beard to start growing and a while more for it to fill more in. Looks pretty good now, but will still take a bit longer to fully fill in. My mustache didn’t start growing until like 6 years or so and it’s 7 years in 4,5 months and it’s still barely anything
Firstly: as a Jewish person… I do sound exactly like you. Also I’m a bit younger than you, and I just realised something weird. I’m (a closet) transfem that’s technically 4 years on t (when my puberty started) but what I really want, but am too young to get is e… also I have to come out and that’s scary
As a boyflux I kinda felt that Will say after starting t my gender has def stopped fluctuating as much Anyway I don’t like being seen as female or a women but it is sometimes kinda annoying when people assume I don’t know what I’m talking about when discussion about female body and women society things Also what was the name of the doctor who episode
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I feel like as a nonbinary (or otherwise not quite fitting purely into either man or woman) person the closest thing to passing as your gender in the current society you can get is people being confused. Like, people have an idea of what they think a woman is, they have an idea of what they think a man is, but "nonbinary" is literally just defined as "not one of those binary things" but not what is actually IS. (Which yanno, is cool, it makes it a nice broad term that many people can identify with.) I'm afab, no physical transition, and I've been told "excuse me, this is the lady's room" when I had (medium-short) purple hair. So yeah, no clue what affects people's perception XD Gender is hecking complicated. Even without society's bs, but add society's bs to that and it's just a mess.
i heavily relate to this video oh my god. you are literally in my brain its not even funny. like i used to want to go on t but also i dont want people to think im a cis man?? im just a little genderqueer twink boygirl thing what are you saying!!!!!
I honestly don't know what label is best for me, usually I just say I'm a man. But demiboy or masc bigender feels more accurate. I havent started T yet but I can quite agree. I currently use he/xe/it but I have a feeling that once I pass i'll be ok using any pronouns and dressing feminine. Thank you I feel more valid in my experience knowing others feel the same.
i feel exactly the same omg. like i am not a man i do not want to be a man but i LOVE LOVE what T and top surgery has done for me,, but like now i am seen as a man and i dont like it but that's what i wanted ??? idk it's confusing and u basically articulated all of my thoughts. i am nonbinary but idk how to really be seen as that idk. my friends and boyfriend see me exactly the way i feel but there is literally no way of making strangers just see me as that.
I find your video super insightful! Especially the part about being perceived. I've started T recently, so I'm super curious as to what is going to happen socially when I visibly transition. Idk how strangers are going to treat me but I believe that my friends won't gender me, really. I'm surrounded by nonbinary, agender and binary LGBTQ+ friends, so I hope that it's not going to go hard on me. I'm quite scared about the "man tops anything" because I'm a femboy and I want a low voice but also wear dresses and skirts. Let's see what happens 🤷♂
the whole entire section about being perceived was literally so spot on to my own experience and thoughts it's insane (I'm also genderfluid non-binary, pre testosterone he/they also she but it's like the same exact situation for me w she/her as it is for u w he/him lol) also being taken for a cis man would be an actual nightmare 😭 but I dress a lot more fem-neutrel and wear makeup so I doubt that'd happen so much 4 me I guess us genderfluids really got our shit cutout for us in working through our gender 💀💀 edit: HELL YEAH FUCK SOCIETY EXPERIENCE GENDER FOR YOURSELF NOT WHAT OTHERS PERCEIVE 💜
I can somewhat relate to the intro. I'm a trans male, transmasc, agender, demiboy, nonbinary, basically everything not related to female. And the percent of what I am fluctuates. And I pretty much never know what those percentages are. They don't always add up to 100, sometimes they're more and sometimes they're less. So I just tell people I'm a trans man who uses he/they lol.
I think I can resonate with you a bit! If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm a man. If anyone asks for my pronouns, I'll say he/him. Though, I think it's more accurate to say He/her/them, I am okay with whatever pronouns. They are just words. Though, I still want to be perceived as male, just a very feminine male. And the problem with my sexuality is I don't think I'm confident in myself enough to date anyone. So I don't know if I'm gay, bi, straight, or even aroace. I could be anything.
This resonates a lot with me. I was afab and I'm super uncomfortable with my body, but I enjoy many traditionally feminine expressions of gender. Rn, I feel somewhere between trans intersex (?) and a trans femboy??? I'm definitely bisexual though.
I had the opposite problem. I only followed enbies (because I refused to fully accept myself as male and I wanted to compromise). I'm a bit gender nonconforming, but that's a result of how I was raised more than anything. Sort of like a real life version of those "boy becomes a girl for a day to learn a life lesson" cartoon episodes. Being a guy isn't a special feeling, it's just kinda who you are. I just happen to be a guy who was a girl at some point. Will start my transition next year. Planning on going on T, getting my top surgery scheduled, and finally stop trying to people please and pretend I'm not transgender. About my sexuality, I'd say I'm bisexual, but I'm definitely more attracted to men than women. I used to pretend I was exclusively attracted to women because I wanted to be a butch lesbian. 😢
This came at the perfect time for me, I’ve been identifying as non binary for years using they/them but more recently I’ve been using he/they and over the past couple weeks considering he/him, the point being I’m fucking confused but know that I want to take t and top surgery I’m thinking I’m genderfluid maybe but I honestly don’t think I can fully know my gender whilst I’m drenched in this dysphoria, the problem is what pronouns I want to use and how to explain to my parents that I want to medically transition Thanks for kind of just splurging your thoughts it’s made me a lot more confident in knowing that medical transition is right for me
I wish I did a voice record log. My voice is all over the place and I hate it but I started T in my early 30’s? Not sure if it’s my vocal cords or that fact I have sinus and dental issues causing weirdness lol it’s also hard to control my tone of voice. Unless it’s deliberately super BASS man voice 🤣 like Wtf?! The body hair is annoying but I had stupid excessive body hair problems way before without it even at age 10… I also had boobs 💀 hah… would’ve loved hormone blockers back then 🤣😭💀 I feel like shit when I’m not on T thanks to loss of strength, pain resistance and I get hellish hormone psychosis and migraines (no one talks about this, it happens around ovulation. I thought it was violent suicidal bipolar episodes. The gender dysphoria it caused was horrific though. I felt disgusting for existing. Luckily that doesn’t happen now but the dangerous hormone psychosis blackouts and migraines can) figures the stupid body hair is the only thing that sticks around. Pffft lol Your top surgery looks amazing! I haven’t had any surgery, I have a petite figure so it’s easy to “tuck”(?) if I feel like it 🤣 The surgery I would get I don’t think exists in the way I’d want it to be, so I’m just on T. (AFAB by the way.) Oh gawd I’m so sick of people lumping is into a “cis” gender binary. It’s always to their convenience/biased and it’s so gross/shitty. I get dismissed as a stupid testosterone braindead guy or treated like a stupid over-fussy girl depending on the situation. I don’t care much about pronouns but goddamn maybe just see and treat me like a full ass sentient feeling [person]!? Anyway been on T for about 5-6 years? I can’t remember the exact age/year, just that it was between 2018 or earth 2019. I usually lean towards Agender or GenderVoid because Void just kinda resonates with me 🤣 “Gender-Fuck” is another one… I’ve always been a “people’s personal perception of me is a personal social experiment” weirdo lol be it how I dress, act, or my gender presentation. I was born with a natural sociologist-mode brain. Oof. Anyway 😂 *waves in awkward nonbinary*
i think putting your 'they' first in the order (they/he or they/she) should be shorthand for: 'if you must use a binary pronoun, use this, but I do not ID that way necessarily'
Your so lucky that testosterone gets 2 change your voice im Tran's and MTF iv been on estrogen around 6 years im very happy with my changes id just love my voice to be raised this is the only thing that gives me bsd dysphoria
Omg I relate so bad with the idea of the moment you look masculine, no one aknowledges your non binary identity. I'm physically very masculine (very hairy, beard, short hair blabla you name it) but I use they/them pronouns and am non binary, but as much as I'm okay with he/him and having masculine nouns to describe me (son, brother and other), it annoys me how much others will insist I'm a man even if I'm not. I like being masculine but I don't like being called a man just because I love being masculine.
i'm really worried about this happening once i transition
It's really interesting, as a binary trans guy I can't imagine how annoying it'd be to go from being misgendered to then having people assume you're another thing that you're not but I guess cos we do live in such a binary society people will just expect you fit in to one or the other
Yeah, same. I'm a really masc nb transmasculine person, but I don't know if the incredible mascness is because of the fact of not even having started t and barely wearing my binder because my tiredness and not-giving-a-fuck-ness about anything ever so I just want to be percieved as a guy or because I am just very much leaning on the masc side. @@magicalgirl4
I'm a transmasc butch lesbian and your transition videos have been so helpful for me. It's difficult to find stuff about non-binary medical transition and get an accurate view of what my own transition will look like, and so I really appreciate what you do!!!!!!!!
Hey can i ask you a question? i don't really understand what does being a transmasc lesbian mean. so it's being a masc enby that likes girls?
@@marox9478 Basically, yes! I'm only attracted to women and other non-binary lesbians, and I still feel a deep connection to sapphic love and lesbianism, but I'm non-binary and don't identify as a woman. I am going to take low-dose testosterone, but I'm not a man and don't ever want to look like a man. I usually just describe my gender as butch. There's a long history of us in the lesbian community - look at Leslie Feinberg if you want an example!
@@marox9478 yes, I think that that is basically what it means!
Hello fellow transmasc lesbian
No way its been 2 years?? It feels like 3 months 😭
IKRRR
I am 33, so substantially older than you, but ... the non binary cut off correlation with percieved masculinity is not a new problem for sure. AMAB non binary people like Alok Menon explain this frequently. I am Mexican and in our culture there are Muxes who are AMAB people who move through the world in a feminine way that do not assiciate with trans people or medical transition, and do not always validate trans identities... It is very bizzare how people simultaenously want to express how important androgynous, non binary, gender non conforming and other identies are culturally, but at the same time want to enforce a binary, even on intersex individuals who by definition are born outside that binary. I am glad to see you holding your space and starting the conversation at a young age, and I really hope for everyone, including you, we make some real progress. the Regressive stuff we've seen the last few years has been... intense for lack of a better word. I also want to sincerely thank you for touching on the fact that as white, able bodied person you deal with so much, and that you are pointing out that being a compounded minority comes with even more hardship-- I appreciate that as an lgbtq latino who has lost black and brown lgbtq people in my life. thank you Theo-- and uh... I am down for some vlogmas.
I haven't even started my medical transition and I went through a similar thing where I identified very much as a trans man and became uncomfortable with it later, noticing that being perceived as a cis man in some cases made me almost as uncomfortable as being perceived as a cis woman. I feel a lot better identifying as nonbinary but the societal thing is awful, you just don't exist in the system most of the time. Your ramblings make a lot of sense to me and I want to thank you so much for making videos like these because it's important to see people not regretting their transition despite their exact feelings changing, and it shows that you don't need to have everything figured out and it's perfectly fine if you don't fit neatly into other people's idea of what a gender looks like.
"but the societal thing is awful"
well, could it be that the "societal thing" is more rooted in biological determinism and sexual dimorphism? Saying "non binary" is actually more societal/socially constructed than the "binary." Just saying.
To be clear, be what you want, but own to the fact that's it's _solely_ a cultural and social construct, whereas the traditional binary has biological underpinnings with a culture and the social built/added upon that basis.
"It's perfectly fine if you don't fit into other people's idea of what gender looks like"
I believe "other people's idea of what gender looks like" is based on factual science & what happens in biological males and females naturally without medical intervention.
I have a serious question. If someone with perfect vision told you that they were experiencing body dysphoria & felt like they were meant to be blind... do you believe the proper treatment would be to remove their eyeballs?
Edit: fyi.. this isn't a made up scenario. This is a real thing that people experience. The particular case I'm referencing, the individual had a "therapist" pour acid in their eyes to permanently blind them.
me and you had a very similar journey!! was out as a transman for a long time, but now im a transmasculine lesbian who plans on going on T!! much love to you, it feels so good to see someone living the way I want to eventually live! you give me hope :)! 💕💕
Like your tag @vampbats
this is what i was looking for!! im also nonbinary and lesbian and i have this hugeee desire to also get a top surgery in a future and maybe also get on testoreone for a couple of months. i thought for some time that maybe i would be more comfortable being perceived as a man but to be honest, masculinity = being a man. this is how i feel about myself, and it surprises me so much that even in our community there are some people that are still transphobic to lesbian trans people (or trans people in general.) i´m glad to know that there are these type of videos in media, it will help so many people like us. thank you!!
havent finished the vid yet but as a transmasc genderqueer lesbian who also used to think I was just bi because I wanted to be a guy and thought there’s no way I could identify myself as a lesbian despite me literally only liking fictional men i feel so seen by the part where you explained ur sexuality and it made me tear up a lil bit and made me feel a lot better abt myself knowing one of my favorite youtubers has a somewhat similar experience to mine lol aaaa
Theo is gender but also no gender
that entire last portion of the video dedicated to perception is how i've been feeling for so long its so freaky to hear my thoughts come from someone else
i feel the last section so hard. i started out transition as an FTM a decade ago, i've been on and off T for the last six years, got top surgery 2.5 years ago. no matter i identify as on any given day i have literally no idea how people read me. after this long transitioning the gender math i used to use is no longer mathing. it seems like maybe people are biased towards gendering me the same way they gender themselves, unless they're a cis man, but i don't even know that for sure. who even knows at this point.
So appreciate you Theo! I'm a genderfluid lesbian who has just started T and you have helped me a lot!
I really get you about the perception thing. I am pre transition, and wanna go on T and have top surgery. But I think I may be agender instead of male. My gender expression is more masc, what I want to be able to is be a man that is feminine, but without anyone seeing me as... a man. Like I'd rather be read as male than female but I still don't feel connected to being a man or a woman, my gender just straight up doesn't exist lol. But I know that as soon as I get a deeper voice, when I have top surgery, people will see me as male and not genderless, which is what I truly am. But sometimes, I too have the feeling I relate to femininity, or masculinity, so it's been tricky finding out what I want. I kinda wanna be seen as a guy, but not in the cis guy way, more like a man that is agender. I have the feeling it doesn't make any sense. But gender often doesn't really make any sense, I think. It's complex and I hate the fact that it got simplified to man/woman. It really isn't that simple for a lot of us.
yes we love vlogmas
I hear you, Theo. My best friend is nonbinary and I want to tell you about them because I feel like it might make you feel less "trapped in a binary world". If it wasn't for my friend I might not believe it was possible, but despite being so different than everyone else, they are the most social and well-connected person at my high school. There is nothing particularly remarkable about them. They're not particularly smart, funny or good looking. The only reason they have so many friends is that they have no problem approaching people. They know that not everyone will like them and are perfectly ok with that. But the thing is, because of their friendliness and confidence everyone does like them. They are able to meaningfully connect with everyone and not because they have some super power, but because they just do it. They try.
They helped me realize that this feeling of alienation I felt trough most of my life was mostly perpetuated by me. I was afraid of "not fitting in" so I never tried. I'm a binary trans guy and I've been stealth for years, I look like an average cishet guy. Despite this, I'm the one afraid of not being accepted while this person rocking long pink hair, makeup and a beard has no problem trying to make friends with the homophobic-looking gym bro and succeeding every time. They are the most free person I know.
omg i feel your pain!! as an amab genderfluid/nonbinary person it's so hard trying to just exist; and exist to where gender is just there but also isnt ??? literally gets so confusing
can't believe it's been 2 years! time flies. 3rd year was when my facial hair started actually coming in (very neckbeardy still, but it's happening)
you're my comfort youtuber
On the perception thing I just see you as you. Idk how to describe it, I just don’t see gender for most people I just see them as them no matter what their gender is. You’re just a silly little fella
I’ve been following your channel for about three years and as a trans nonbinary person you have been so inspiring to me! I love the person you were and have become! We’re all so proud of you!
NO WAY I GOT A TRANSPHOBIC/HOMOPHOBIC AD WHILE WATCHING THIS-
Thank you so much for sharing. I sometimes feel weird and alone because I don't identify with binary genders, but every time I hear people talk about their gender it just makes me feel so safe and understood. And it makes me realize that even if the cis people around me can't understand, there are people out there who know exactly how I feel.
i'm screaming!!!!!!!!! i came to the conclusion after months on T that i was a nonbinary lesbian too!! after years of saying that i was a gay trans man!! but i'm detransitioning j for safety!! but also when i was a kid/teen i always wished i was just a cis girl so i could stay a lesbian!!! WAH!!!! i'm so happy i'm not alone!!!! because i also was riding that high of OMG PPL SEE MY AS A BOY earlier this year and i wasn't too bothered when i was misgendered either!! but now i'm like fighting pronouns so hard and it's driving me insane
also so relatable on the t taking LOL i stopped cuz i've been on injections @ home since day 1 but like maaan it was just so much effort that i stopped... and then i was like "oh lol it's not so bad off t" so i j don't anymore
GOOOD THIS VIDEO IS SO REAAAAL
I'M JUST A GIRRRRLLL BUT ALL MY FRIENDS R SO SUPPORTIVE..... im just a girl in the world.... i'm a GIRL(man)
Pls omg I would looove a vlogmas!! Your videos are comforting for me to watch. Thanks for this vid
The segment about being perceived is real. I'm about 3 months on T right now and I'm loving the results. I'm nonbinary trans masc. I've always used they/them and will continue to do so, but I look like a woman right now. People usually think I'm a butch lesbian. Right now I understand this perception of me because I know I possess all the qualities of a woman, and I still dress femininely sometimes. I don't get mad or upset when I'm misgendered for this reason. The longer I'm on T, the more comfortable I am with dressing femininely because I'm looking more boyish to myself and I feel more androgynous that way. The problem is that once I'm farther on T, if I get perceived as a man, it might be worse because that' not right either, but now I've chosen to be that way. Gender sucks because it's a set of rules. Right now I'm abiding by most of the girl rules to fit in to society and not be perceived as strange or off. When I get to a point where I'm happy in my transition, I don't want to have to abide by any of the gender rules. That's the point of trying to not look like a girl. But, if I'm too masculine, I'll have to start abiding by the boy rules. I'll have to start living with others' assumption that I'm not right because I'm supposed to do the things that boys do. But the thing is; I'm neither! And people will still try to categorize me as one or the other because thats what we were all taught to do. And at the very crux of it, they're trying to figure out what's in my pants so they can figure out how they feel about me. It can't ever be as cut and dry for nonbinary people as it is for "boy" and "girl" because we're a new thing. We're a niche category. We're lumped in together, and it's not understood that we all have unique experiences yet. In society, being non binary cant just be "I am a person, and I have a gender". It's "I have a gender and you aren't going to listen to the other things about me". This being said, I am becoming happier with my body than I have been in my entire life. Transitioning is 100% a good thing for my self-perception. I'm starting to be able to say that I'm beautiful without feeling like I'm lying. The problem is external perception because we (trans people) can't control what others think about us, and being mostly young and insecure due to dysphoria, that's important to us. It's necessary for our survival as humans to be liked. However, right now there's a connotation for transness that it's dark and evil in nature, which is associated with masculinity as well. There is a lot of rhetoric that implies trans men are corrupted women and trans women are predatory men. And unfortunately, the people that think this are the loudest. These connotations may be the root to the apprehension of manliness in your transition, or why it's so scary to be categorized with cis men.
Anyway, tangent aside, Theo you are doing God's work out here being honest about your experience. You aren't alone, and you're valid. And if you're a fellow nonbinary, you're not alone either. We're under a lot of pressure being the ones at the front of our visibility and movement into normal society. You don't have to explain the way you feel to anyone. You are beautiful, handsome, and whatever else. You're moss-like and a seashell that tumbled in the sand to be a little bit smooth. You don't have to know anything right now. It's okay to experiment. There's no rulebook for you.
if you're happy with all the changes you got on T and are satisfied with your progress, you can always talk to your doctor and see if just ending your intake is an option
@@outer1329 thats the plan, I'm going to get to a certain point and either only take a maintenance amount or stop taking it all together to remain at the same spot in transition. It just feels like I'm walking on a tightrope. And maybe that's just from over analyzing the whole thing! There's going to be a point where I'm not miserable and it'll make sense, i just gotta feel around to find out where that is. I'm young and don't get it yet, I just know I'm happier with myself so I'm headed in the right direction.
i would like a vlogmas from theosghost
Unrelated to anything in this video, I saw the hair and laughed bc ykno. Blue hair and pronouns. And then I looked in the mirror and my jaw dropped cause i had forgotten I literally dyed my hair blue last night.
oh wow the being perceived section perfectly describes how i feel about medical transitioning. i know what i want my body to look like but i fear that, socially, ill just end up being put in a different incorrect box. feeling very understood rn. also here's your one "i want vlogmas" comment, i enjoyed last year's one!
Omg I haven't finifshed the video yet but I relate so much to the evolution (if you can call it that) of the labels you used to describe your identity. I identified as a binary trans guy for the longest time, but now I don't anymore. I went from binary trans male to cis girl (during the dark times😞) back to binary trans guy then to nonbinary trans guy and finally agender. I still resonate with masc terms and only use he/him pronouns and I'd rather be read as male, but internally my gender doesn't matter much to me anymore. Watching your videos and seeing you being yourself really helped me come to terms with the fact that I could do that and that there wasn't just one way of being trans. I used to be a transmedicalist (I found some unfortunate trans youtubers back when I was in middle school), which is probably a huge reason as to why I clung to the binary so hard and for so long. I'm glad I unlearned all of that because now I'm much more accepting of others and even of myself. I don't plan on medically transitioning for a number of reason (I'm a singer and I'm scared that t will make me lose my voice, for one). I'd like to get top surgery but you have to be at least 1 year on t to get it where I live, so I probably won't be able to do that either. I don't think that makes me any less trans tbh. I'm still me despite what my body looks like. Sorry for the long comment, I mostly just wanted to thank you for your videos. I discovered you with your 10 tips for transmascs and it's amazing to see how far you've come. Love the blue hair and pronouns👌
I relate i used to be a transmedicalist but because i was jealous that people who wasn't a binary male like i was could get T but i had to fight very hard to get T myself and i wish my top surgeon was in your country :( they didn't require people to be on T for a year
You won’t lose your singing voice from T that is a myth. For those that take it, all they have to do is train and exercise their everyday. But they don’t lose it 👍
*their voice everyday
@@KxmpleteKxllapse yeah, I've done some research about it and I've heard some trans guys sing completely fine, so it gives me hope👌
I havent started medically transitioning, i dont know if i ever will, but god i can absolutely see myself microdosing t if i ever got on it. Thank you for the transmasc nb rep, it feeds my soul
I'm glad this video got algorithmed to me - so much of what you said in this update especially about outside perception vs. being happy with yourself resonates with me a lot. it's kind of wild hearing someone else (who's actually been through it all!) talk about hypothetical hangups I have with the outcomes of a medical transition as a genderfluid person with an ever growing pile of dysphoria lmao. and also the adhd of it all, executive function who is she never heard of her. (the other reason I have yet to properly pursue it, go figure.)
but yeah rambling aside watching this has really motivated me, and helped me to weigh up the levels of discomfort of being perceived at either end of the binary we're still shoved into by most. so thank you for that! whatever you end up doing from here onwards with your T dosage / further transition, I hope it makes you happy
Theo I barely just started the video and so much of what you say resonates with me already. Makes me wanna be more vocal about my experience, thank you for being vocal about yours !!
wow i have a similar experience-! i always knew i wasnt cicgender but it was amplified because of growing up in a misogonistic envioronment. I cant transition properly but through therapy i've been able to really fgeel more comftorble veing persived in general. Its nice toi know im not the only one with that kind of experience
Oh I wanted to see how the jouney is like transitioning. This made me feel less scared to consider my transition.
I relate so much to your timeline in the beginning, and was surprised to share a lot of milestones in the same years. I've been thinking a lot about gender lately and hearing your experiences with being nonbinary makes me feel so much more confident about myself. Seeing someone like you (who I can relate so much to) talk about your experiences makes me feel so much less scared for the future; even the parts about society that aren't perfect are so important to hear someone talk about. Also, it's so incredibly cool to see people my age make these kinds of videos
The ending 😭 It was perfect!!
As a boyflux person, mood honestly
I've never felt even slightly feminine but not quite male either and honestly I just decided gender was stupid and you know what if I want to identify as an attack helicopter I'm going to identify as a god damn attack helicopter
Sometimes I feel like a little guy and sometimes I'm just the toe eater
I never heard of a boyflux before 😲 it would be cool if you made videos on it I've always enjoyed listening about other trans people's experience 😌
Just bc you don't feel feminine doesn't mean that you aren't a female. There are no gender specific feelings. You just feel human.. and that's just perfect ❤
@@SubconsciouslyConsciouscarrot Soooo hate to be the one to tell you this friend but female and male are just social constructs humans made up to put other humans into a black and white binary box that makes no sense and the longer I think about to more exhausted with my own species I become. So yes I feel very human rn, I like organizing things into little boxes and categorizing things and sorting the markers in order of color. Glad you believe I'm perfect because queer beauty should be recognized more but I feel like presenting as androgynous, I feel like being referred to as either a male or a seagull in the garage, so boyflux is the arbitrary box I've decided to sit in and I find in far more comfortable than "female" so yeah thank yew for coming to my Ted Talk have a great day
@@probablyacultist Female and male aren't social constructs. The crap that you believe is distinct to male and female such as colors, clothing, names.. etc. those are social constructs around gender but sex itself isn't a social construct. Sex is a scientific fact. You are a female now and forever regardless of what you wear, call yourself or mutilate. You can be any kind of female you want to be.. masculine, feminine , in-between.. doesn't matter that's all personal expression. What you can't be is male. That's just life.
You should be able to watch this video and see exactly what I'm saying. This individual has mutilated themselves and takes testosterone to present as a male but dispite all their effort their mannerisms radiate feminine energy. This person is and always will be a female. A mutilated, hairy & mildly masculine female but nonetheless still a female 😉 Now ya'll can come up with as many boxes to put yourselves in as you want too but the only one that ever truly matters is male/female. From there it's all just self expression.
this video just got recommended to me and i didn't know your channel beforehand, but i am very happy to have found it now! as a transmasc lesbian who wants to have some degree of medical transition but still remain a lesbian, i very much resonate with what you say here; i often think to myself that i wish i was AMAB so i could be trans and have a male-assigned body while still being a woman (perhaps not the most PC of thoughts lmao, given how terribly oppressed trans women are), and you strike me as an example of someone who has managed to achieve that as much as possible, i hope i can have what you have one day. thank you so much for making this video and giving me a concrete vision of what life might look like for me in the future!
my transition goals: being too lazy to take t (starting in a week tho!!)
It's so crazy to be watching this rn. I remember when you were posting the 1 day on T video hoping for the day Id be doing the same thing, and now this is where you are at and I'm close to being 17 months on T and 1 month post-op top surgery like damn
Idk if you read late ass comments like this but i just wanted to be another person to say thank you for the content that you create and put out - youve helped an insane number of people, and for me personally you have helped me learn about myself and others while being hilarious in the process. This channel along with the community in the comments and Discord have been safe places for me and idk rn im kinda just noticing how important that has been
Anyway rant over, I do hope that the things causing you distress you menrioned in this vid ease off of you soon, and best of luck into the new year 🫡
yes do vlogmas!!
This is so relatable!! Passing as a man is the worst part of T for me LMAO but I never regretted anything
Omg, they are just like me fr!! (20yo, nonbinary, trans, snake bites and eyebrow piercing, 2 years on T) I'm bissexual and on my way to have my top surgery, but I think I might have ADHD too (although I have BPD)
Everyone has symptoms of adhd, you can’t say you have it. You have to get tested
i had a similar transition and sexuality experience to you !! that's so fun to see
As an bisexual wanting to learn more about these things because I start to find gender weird, just listening to the introduction when you said "lesbian but i stilo wanted to keep on testosterone" i just thought how ultimately labels are stupid, like don't get me wrong they're great to be able to have simple communication, but if more i learn about everything in the world the more i realize how dumb it is for humans overall to take them as fact, if we all saw the world as intricate interdimetional spectrums, where our comcepts and words float around, things would honestly make much more sense
This thought came to me when I realized tree isnt a thing, like you know what a tree is but in biological things it's hard to see where the bush ends and the tree starts, and it's like this for most things if you start thinking about it, it's easy to distinguish big groups, but inside those groups the nuances aren't so easy to explain with our vocabulary oftentimes even if we understand what we mean
I relate a lot to you! After about 5 years thinking I was a binary transman I allowed myself to be in touch with my feminine side again, after surpressing it for so long. I also identify as genderfluid and I've never felt more like myself, although the outside world is often confused by it. When I tell people that I identify as genderfluid now they often think that I regret my decisions of getting top surgery and going on t but that's absolutely not true. It allowed me to feel comfortable with myself and made sure that I could think about other things than how much I hated my body, now the dysphoria was out of the way I could explore myself from within. I now use he/she pronouns, if you would tell 17 year old me this I wouldn't understand it at all but now she/her doesn't bother me at all anymore. I still need to get used to the label but I'm really happy that I found myself. I'm really happy that you found yourself as well. I'm glad to see other people with the same experiences. Thank you for sharing your story!
It is so great to see a representation like you. Im a non binary trans masc pré-t and i just CANNOT chose how i want to medically transition because i just want to have the choice every morning on how i present. I am so happy to see a nb on t with a style pretty fluid
just found this video. happy a bit over 1 year top surgery!!! (idk how to word it lmao)
This was an interesting listen and a new standpoint, thank you for sharing! Also happy to rediscover your channel, *subbed*🫶
I feel this on another level
The way your just casually saying cunt🤣 you have deffinetly became more British this year 🤣🤣 missed you Theo❤
I was trying to explain to one of my binary trans friends the other day why nonbinary people who aren't they/them is 'valid', stuff like he/they and she/they etc (I'm binary as well but I care about all trans issues not just binary stuff), we were 'debating' kinda and he said 'why can't they just be he/him or she/her though' and the only way I could think to make him understand it was the way he feels when people say 'why can't you just be a masculine girl?' or the way they'd criticise him as not being trans if he wore makeup pre or even post T (which he did/does) cos I'm sure most trans guys have been asked that at some point and the opposite for trans girls. I still don't think I explained it well but couldn't think how else to explain it. I just see it as showing different parts of your identity cos identity isn't always this simple binary thing, not everyone will fit into a certain box or feel comfortable only living in that box and never dipping toes into other boxes
Edit: ALSO DOCTOR WHO VIDEO YESSSS I'M LOVING HAVING DAVID TENNANT BACK IT'S AMAZING
i relate to this video on another level, jesus christ. especially the perception stuff; i was literally saying out loud "THAT'S LITERALLY HOW I FEEL?????????"
IM ALL HERE FOR THE DOCTOR WHO VIDEO YAYYYY
Hi I’m Gio! I’m really happy to see a fellow genderfluid here. A lot of times I would doubt my gender/need for medical transition cuz while I feel dysphoria, I don’t always feel 100% like a man. But then, whenever I’d ask myself “does that make me a woman?” I felt incredibly uncomfortable by the idea of someone perceiving me that way. Even tho I initially came out as genderfluid, I kind of masked as a guy? Like to cis hets I tried to sound binary but just ended up confusing myself…like I had lost the plot. For me, I identify as 70% man 30% agender, but *it fluctuates*. I have to keep reminding myself it fluctuates and I’m not any less trans, I just experience it differently than trans men. Sometimes I feel more agender than man, and still want my chest cut off regardless. As I said before, I really appreciate your video on this! I’m happy to learn more about how diverse this label can really be, and I’m happy to feel a little less alone. Have a wonderful day, keep shining ✨💜🐰
this is making me realize my pcos makes me extremely lucky... i have a fuckin neckbeard and shitty pube stache and little sideburns and i'm not on t
im not perceived as male solely because i was given the most luscious curves and my voice isnt that deep. people use they/them pronouns for me on the regular but its actually getting really annoying bc i dont use them
maybe this is controversial to say but oftentimes i think im a trans woman trapped in a trans man's body 😹😹😐
I am a binary (I think) trans man who is almost 6 months on testosterone and I love watching videos and hearing about people's transition
lol at my path, in 2001 started ftm and e and such, twenty years laterwas plentyof trans identities (nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, basically any trans id than heading to either binary)
Vlogmas pleasseee
Im gonna take the opportonity to share about my trans identity here because why not. I consider myself transmasc without a particularly specific label of any kind. I guess at the point I'm at now, I ought to acknowledge that I am very close to binary, but I don't consider myself binary. I think a part of that is just being trans, but another part might be my neurodivergence, or maybe just me. I want to be just a guy but at the same time, I also just feel like a thing. I recently dropped the they/them from my pronouns though because after using them for a while I realised I didn't like them as much as I thought. I liked their ambiguity, but they don't feel like *me*. I like he/him and it/its though. I used to think I didnt want to medically transition but then I realised I acutally did for a long time, I just didnt know it. Im hoping to get on T once my financial and housing situation gets a bit better, and I want to get top surgery asap. Im interested in bottom surgery too. I want to be a guy. I am a guy. But I'm also just a funky lil thing. I want to be a genderfuck. I like being a man. I also like being confusing. But I hate being a woman. Ive said it before, and I still feel the same about this, but, my gender is pretty much solid as just a funky guy, but my gender expression is kinda fluid in a sense. When people are acknowledging me, Im a guy, if not just some dude creature. What do i express like though? Whatever my vibe is at the time. I want to be able to have that hot androgyny and be confusing, and equally be a just some funky lil guy.
also, side tangent: i feel like i have three pronouns even though i technically only use he/him and it/its. This is because i use he/him in the guy sense and also use he/him in the way people talk about some random wild or stray animal they enounter. Someone else mentioned that feeling to me a long time ago and i resonated with that ever since.
just so true
love the mouse rat poster 🤘
I feel exactly like this :)
I feel the perception segment so deeply, lol. I'm kind of going in an opposite way in that I started off ID'ing strongly as non-binary and the more I transition the more I get comfortable just being a guy, but not a binary one still. Like, I may be a guy but my gender is still weird lol. This has been a slow internal process over the years however and I still hate when people assume my gender in certain contexts, it's like being put in a box and I Despise it. And like, I want to be assumed to be a man but also I don't, but also I do, and I can't even tell people what I want them to treat me as cause what feels right is so unpredictable and context specific I don't even know myself. It's a fucking pain at times lmfao.
Anyways. Thanks for voicing your feelings about this even if it was hard, this video is certainly absolute gold for other ppl figuring stuff out or just looking for relatable experiences
I feel you! I started by coming out as nonbinary using all pronouns but quickly realised I don't feel comfortable with she/her and long for male name and something different in general. Deep down I had a weird feeling, that I'm not allowed to be a guy because of how I am? Like, quite gentle, delicate, emotional, sensitive, sometimes I like to express myself feminine just as androgynous and masc. I was awfully afraid to end up somehow being like my father too. I shouldn't have compared myself to toxic masculinity stuff but I was just confused I guess. At some point I met a cis guy who was very similar to me from personality and it made something click in my head. I realised queer men like me exist, I am simply not a cishet guy and that's not gonna be easy but I can't suppress it. I coped with fear of ending up looking and being like my father by looking up to my older brother as I always did, as he's a great guy. At some point I dropped they/them pronouns because I felt detached from them, it was already few months on t. Now I call myself a genderqueer trans guy because alongside my male identity there's something else that I can't name yet.
But I'm very very lucky that people close to me respect my wish to not treat me differently, like, I don't want to be treated "like a guy" because it usually means some bullsh*t stemming from patriarchy and toxic masculinity. I want to be treated like a person, just as before, just with different name, pronouns and adjectives. And if someone will pull out some toxic guy bullsh*t on me, I will fight them. I am a guy, I want to be perceived as one but I won't participate in patriarchy and toxic masculinity 😤😤
@@kociepierogi I definitely resonate with a lot of what you've written, I've been working through stuff and the whole "being too feminine to be a guy" is definitely a big one for me hahaha. A lot of my interests and some of my personality traits could be deemed as feminine and it's a struggle reconciliating that with my gender when the world expects men to be a specific way and I'm most definitely not that. I also slowly dropped the non-binary label and they/them pronouns over time cause they started feeling alienating to me as my body has gotten more masculine over time and being a guy started making more sense. But my gender is still very queer and I want that to be recognized 😔 it's so complicated hahaha, all that said I'm really happy to hear you've figured stuff out and thank you for sharing your experience, it means a lot 💖
@Shayllox yeah, it's hard, not following toxic masculinity and cishetero norms but I feel like it's especially hard for trans guys, as if we don't obey, we're literally gonna be stripped off... being a man? So, early transition stage (or being non medically transitioning guy) is so hard.
I think your queer gender can definitely be recognised purely through gender expression but it's also very unfair that when a person is masculine, suddenly we're not seen or allowed to be genderqueer 😬
I hope it gets easier for you and thank you too for sharing your experience 💖💖
No microdosing for me and it took almost 2 years for my beard to start growing and a while more for it to fill more in. Looks pretty good now, but will still take a bit longer to fully fill in.
My mustache didn’t start growing until like 6 years or so and it’s 7 years in 4,5 months and it’s still barely anything
I want a volgmas!!!
Firstly: as a Jewish person… I do sound exactly like you. Also I’m a bit younger than you, and I just realised something weird. I’m (a closet) transfem that’s technically 4 years on t (when my puberty started) but what I really want, but am too young to get is e… also I have to come out and that’s scary
As a boyflux I kinda felt that
Will say after starting t my gender has def stopped fluctuating as much
Anyway I don’t like being seen as female or a women
but it is sometimes kinda annoying when people assume I don’t know what I’m talking about when discussion about female body and women society things
Also what was the name of the doctor who episode
Thank you so much for sharing your experience!
I feel like as a nonbinary (or otherwise not quite fitting purely into either man or woman) person the closest thing to passing as your gender in the current society you can get is people being confused. Like, people have an idea of what they think a woman is, they have an idea of what they think a man is, but "nonbinary" is literally just defined as "not one of those binary things" but not what is actually IS. (Which yanno, is cool, it makes it a nice broad term that many people can identify with.)
I'm afab, no physical transition, and I've been told "excuse me, this is the lady's room" when I had (medium-short) purple hair. So yeah, no clue what affects people's perception XD
Gender is hecking complicated. Even without society's bs, but add society's bs to that and it's just a mess.
i heavily relate to this video oh my god. you are literally in my brain its not even funny. like i used to want to go on t but also i dont want people to think im a cis man?? im just a little genderqueer twink boygirl thing what are you saying!!!!!
33:38 is so relatable
can you do trans ghost merch but with the letters being a color of the flag please. like blue G, pink H, white O, pink S, blue T
I honestly don't know what label is best for me, usually I just say I'm a man. But demiboy or masc bigender feels more accurate. I havent started T yet but I can quite agree. I currently use he/xe/it but I have a feeling that once I pass i'll be ok using any pronouns and dressing feminine. Thank you I feel more valid in my experience knowing others feel the same.
i feel exactly the same omg. like i am not a man i do not want to be a man but i LOVE LOVE what T and top surgery has done for me,, but like now i am seen as a man and i dont like it but that's what i wanted ??? idk it's confusing and u basically articulated all of my thoughts. i am nonbinary but idk how to really be seen as that idk. my friends and boyfriend see me exactly the way i feel but there is literally no way of making strangers just see me as that.
I find your video super insightful! Especially the part about being perceived. I've started T recently, so I'm super curious as to what is going to happen socially when I visibly transition. Idk how strangers are going to treat me but I believe that my friends won't gender me, really. I'm surrounded by nonbinary, agender and binary LGBTQ+ friends, so I hope that it's not going to go hard on me. I'm quite scared about the "man tops anything" because I'm a femboy and I want a low voice but also wear dresses and skirts. Let's see what happens 🤷♂
i want a vlogmas!!1!!1!1
Can you credit the video clips used in the intro?
Dude I swear you just hit six months WHAT
the whole entire section about being perceived was literally so spot on to my own experience and thoughts it's insane (I'm also genderfluid non-binary, pre testosterone he/they also she but it's like the same exact situation for me w she/her as it is for u w he/him lol) also being taken for a cis man would be an actual nightmare 😭 but I dress a lot more fem-neutrel and wear makeup so I doubt that'd happen so much 4 me
I guess us genderfluids really got our shit cutout for us in working through our gender 💀💀
edit: HELL YEAH FUCK SOCIETY EXPERIENCE GENDER FOR YOURSELF NOT WHAT OTHERS PERCEIVE 💜
I can somewhat relate to the intro. I'm a trans male, transmasc, agender, demiboy, nonbinary, basically everything not related to female. And the percent of what I am fluctuates. And I pretty much never know what those percentages are. They don't always add up to 100, sometimes they're more and sometimes they're less. So I just tell people I'm a trans man who uses he/they lol.
I think I can resonate with you a bit! If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm a man. If anyone asks for my pronouns, I'll say he/him. Though, I think it's more accurate to say He/her/them, I am okay with whatever pronouns. They are just words. Though, I still want to be perceived as male, just a very feminine male. And the problem with my sexuality is I don't think I'm confident in myself enough to date anyone. So I don't know if I'm gay, bi, straight, or even aroace. I could be anything.
This resonates a lot with me. I was afab and I'm super uncomfortable with my body, but I enjoy many traditionally feminine expressions of gender. Rn, I feel somewhere between trans intersex (?) and a trans femboy??? I'm definitely bisexual though.
lol bro- ur making me think im genderfluid lololol 😆
It is not at all relevant to the video (sorry), but I like your mouse rat poster
I had the opposite problem. I only followed enbies (because I refused to fully accept myself as male and I wanted to compromise). I'm a bit gender nonconforming, but that's a result of how I was raised more than anything. Sort of like a real life version of those "boy becomes a girl for a day to learn a life lesson" cartoon episodes. Being a guy isn't a special feeling, it's just kinda who you are. I just happen to be a guy who was a girl at some point. Will start my transition next year. Planning on going on T, getting my top surgery scheduled, and finally stop trying to people please and pretend I'm not transgender.
About my sexuality, I'd say I'm bisexual, but I'm definitely more attracted to men than women. I used to pretend I was exclusively attracted to women because I wanted to be a butch lesbian. 😢
This came at the perfect time for me, I’ve been identifying as non binary for years using they/them but more recently I’ve been using he/they and over the past couple weeks considering he/him, the point being I’m fucking confused but know that I want to take t and top surgery
I’m thinking I’m genderfluid maybe but I honestly don’t think I can fully know my gender whilst I’m drenched in this dysphoria, the problem is what pronouns I want to use and how to explain to my parents that I want to medically transition
Thanks for kind of just splurging your thoughts it’s made me a lot more confident in knowing that medical transition is right for me
DAMN that hair color!
I didn’t know there were T injections every 3 months. !!!
akfksofoso i relate to every single thing you say in this video
Gender is fluid whether someone is genderfluid or not, its a spectrum :3
Btw I have the same feelings as you about he/him and they/them pronouns so I use they/he
I wish I did a voice record log. My voice is all over the place and I hate it but I started T in my early 30’s? Not sure if it’s my vocal cords or that fact I have sinus and dental issues causing weirdness lol it’s also hard to control my tone of voice. Unless it’s deliberately super BASS man voice 🤣 like Wtf?!
The body hair is annoying but I had stupid excessive body hair problems way before without it even at age 10… I also had boobs 💀 hah… would’ve loved hormone blockers back then 🤣😭💀
I feel like shit when I’m not on T thanks to loss of strength, pain resistance and I get hellish hormone psychosis and migraines (no one talks about this, it happens around ovulation. I thought it was violent suicidal bipolar episodes. The gender dysphoria it caused was horrific though. I felt disgusting for existing. Luckily that doesn’t happen now but the dangerous hormone psychosis blackouts and migraines can) figures the stupid body hair is the only thing that sticks around. Pffft lol
Your top surgery looks amazing! I haven’t had any surgery, I have a petite figure so it’s easy to “tuck”(?) if I feel like it 🤣
The surgery I would get I don’t think exists in the way I’d want it to be, so I’m just on T. (AFAB by the way.)
Oh gawd I’m so sick of people lumping is into a “cis” gender binary. It’s always to their convenience/biased and it’s so gross/shitty. I get dismissed as a stupid testosterone braindead guy or treated like a stupid over-fussy girl depending on the situation. I don’t care much about pronouns but goddamn maybe just see and treat me like a full ass sentient feeling [person]!?
Anyway been on T for about 5-6 years? I can’t remember the exact age/year, just that it was between 2018 or earth 2019.
I usually lean towards Agender or GenderVoid because Void just kinda resonates with me 🤣 “Gender-Fuck” is another one… I’ve always been a “people’s personal perception of me is a personal social experiment” weirdo lol be it how I dress, act, or my gender presentation. I was born with a natural sociologist-mode brain. Oof.
Anyway 😂 *waves in awkward nonbinary*
No mustache, skipping T. Coincidence?
You look good 👍. Very rock n roll.
i think putting your 'they' first in the order (they/he or they/she) should be shorthand for: 'if you must use a binary pronoun, use this, but I do not ID that way necessarily'
Hooray, out of the gene pool for good!
😳 we have the same name
Your so lucky that testosterone gets 2 change your voice im Tran's and MTF iv been on estrogen around 6 years im very happy with my changes id just love my voice to be raised this is the only thing that gives me bsd dysphoria
I think people want to respect you. So they might think your transitioning to being female .