I'm an FA more on the side of DA and I strongly swing into deactivation when a need isn't met and become really quiet and irritable. Working with my therapist and watching your videos has helped me so much that now I recognise when I'm deactivating, think about why, can communicate that to my partner and can come to an understanding. I felt so proud the first time I did it that I was on a high for 3 days 🤣.
@@zebrastripes3786 I'll explain it but one thing you have to understand is that you can't help in any way. I used to put up a really cold front because I was scared of being perceived as too clingy. I'm actually just really affectionate and I've realised that nobody thinks I'm clingy, I just always thought I was because of previous FA partners I guess and my entire childhood kind of told me that love meant barely speaking to one another. So, sometimes I would feel too clingy and get scared, if I didn't communicate that with my partner and they didn't reassure me (cos they have no idea), I'd start to pull away, feeling that resentment from a need not being met. That's not the other person's fault, that's mine for not communicating. Please don't blame yourself for this relationship breaking down. If you guys become friendly again, you can ask what their need was and they may feel less pressured to hide their thoughts.
@@gh0st_xr I understand. It’s just frustrating knowing that it could’ve worked out if he’d just said something. I already knew he was an FA and tried my best not to pressure him into closeness and put my needs for closeness aside just to make him feel more comfortable and he left anyway. It’s just been 2 weeks and I totally flipped when he told me so doubt he’d want to be friends. Thanks for sharing,I have to work on myself too,wouldn’t have been attracted to an FA in the first place if I was straight in the head.
@@zebrastripes3786 It is completely frustrating, but you did the right thing. We, as FAs, need to learn to speak up. That's our problem. You may find that he initially wanted closeness but as you avoided closeness, he felt worried about being clingy too. At the end of the day, you did all you could and you compromised. You also acknowledged your reaction. You acknowledge your need to improve. You're well on your way to a secure, healthy relationship.
@@gh0st_xr well I didn’t avoid closeness I just never complained or even mentioned I noticed it when he rejected my advancements. There were times he’d pull his hand away when I tried to hold his,not reply to kisses text or emoji,not want to hang out for more than our regular Saturday night etc.. I always stayed consistent no matter what his response was but oh well,just not meant to be..life goes on.
Hi Thais, awesome course and love your passion for your work. This course should be in all high schools... making new generations of less dysfunctional adults 🙏🏻
Can you please make a video on fearful avoidant and intuition? Their relationship and interaction, confusions it might create when it comes to taking on more commitment in terms of becoming exclusive in a romantic relationship or increasing commitment? Sometimes I feel like I dont listen to my intuition and then I go on google to find search answers instead of relying on myself which confuses me more
If you’re creating thoughts that root out of fear-which the fearful avoidant usually tends to do, then it’s more likely that your own thoughts are conflicting which leads to confusion. You can start trusting your intuition more by asking yourself “is this relationship what I truly want?” And “is bigger commitment scary or off-putting because of my own beliefs and fears?” Then you can begin to address some fears and concerns you may have with yourself and your partner. Ask yourself what could be helpful for you and then address needs that you need from your partner that could help you build trust. Your heart knows what it wants before your mind! Hope this helped, this approach helps with me and I’ve learned a lot from Thais but maybe you can learn from a spiritual approach too, since your inquire is intuition lol. Good luck!
This video is so helpful for people who are dating FAs, my FA guy is very slow when it comes to commitment, I used to think it was bc he was wounded by his ex but it's actually so much more than that.
Thank you for this video! 2:50 intro 5:20 what to do? answer if it's fears or the relationship itself? 7:50 Steps: recognize the fears, what are your beliefs about the people in the long term relationship, do I feel safe? What are your fears about: intertwining problems, relying on others, dependency, change, change in people, and safety. Reprogram your thinking and rethinking your beliefs.
I used to be an AA but due to a very painful relationship when I was very young I became FA. I am very hot and cold in relationships. I have been in a short relationship with a DA and since we broke up I avoid him completely. It’s so weird because I actually want him back and he contacts me every week and even asked me to meet up. Even though I want him back I didn’t agree on meeting up and I never contact him myself. I’m so stuck :( I really want a relationship but at the same time I am so anxious and afraid that I will be rejected or hurt again.
Very interesting. I have always wondered if in adulthood, people can move from one Insecure attachment style to another without proper guidance. I have observed this a couple of times when APs become DAs due to adult traumas.
You're perfect for the DA! You're pulling away only makes them want to chase! If you opened up and told them how you really felt, they would push you away. If you agreed to meet up, most likely they would make an excuse not to see you. At least that's been my experience with DA's. Occasionally we can come together, but that is immediately followed by more distancing, and avoidance. It's very frustrating, but at the same time, I feel like if he was willing to compromise and meet some of my needs in the relationship, I'd probably get scared, and feel the need to distance myself from him. It really sucks, but it is what it is. I don't mind being single and living alone, actually.
@@adwoaasantewaa9034 I used to be AA and as an adult became FA after being in a very toxic relationship with a sociopath. We had a daughter together, and it was a long, hard road out of hell to say the least. I'll never allow myself to be that vulnerable or dependent again.
However... One more thing.. My life is So healthy and happy.. I get scared waiting for the other shoe to drop... Anyone else feel this way.. Almost too good to be true...
Yes, that's how I have felt with an Anxious person who kept telling me how gorgeous, special and wonderful I was! I experienced high anxiety and panic attacks, feelings of impending doom!
Great video! Not just serious commitments like you listed, but the initial commitment when dating someone and they want to be exclusive, boyfriend and girlfriend.. very scary for me!!
@@henryzhao4622 sure:) yes, fear of being trapped, hurting someones feelings if I realize they're not right for me, but my biggest fear at this point in life is, after several long term relationships havent worked out... if I become exclusuve with this guy without really taking time to see if we are compatible for the long term, if it doesnt work out and we split up.. I've lost all that time and can't get it back, lol.. i don't want to take that chance anymore!! And I suggest to people.. be very careful getting into and staying in exclusive relationships for years if you know inside that this isn't the right person for you.. you'll look back some day and may wish you had cut the cord sooner.. i choose to look back and think of the positive of why I was in the relationship.. it psychologically makes me feel better then dwelling on the years I can't get back that i might have met the right one for me:)) Sorry this is sooo long;)
@@DD-ic1bd so helpful! Yes an FA interest of mine got very close and we talked about the future and seemed compatible but they seemed to still have one foot out the door saying things like don’t get your hopes up despite asking so many personal questions… so I figure it’s a general fear of the major emotional and life risks involved in commitment.. but triggered by me simply asking on a “date” as opposed to simply talking. So thanks for your answer it helps!!
Omg you are helping me so much, I feel i want to find love but I'm terrified of commitment, marriage, kids, I say to myself I want to meet a good safe man and I keep going with guys I know I won't fall in love with, makes total sense now.
This is such great, practical content - especially regarding the questions to ask.(and useful for partners/family of FA). Would love to see how deactivating also applies to FA in friendship dynamics
So I am chronically fatigued and ill and so the first conversation is always about what's wrong with me and I start feeling very vulnerable which triggers both sides in me like a roller-coaster. Which is probably why I hate dating and aswell can't relate to doing well in the initiall talking stages. But I was always looking for acceptence for a real relationship. I never was affraid to actually talk about having a relationship and end goals (family). The fear for me is in not being treated well and getting overasked and giving too much and liking someone so much and it end up being unmutual. It sounds probably more anxious but I behave more avoidant, just not in not wanting a relationship, there I used to jump in too fast with the wrong people so now I don't want that anymore either. I do trust my mind now to take the time and see if someone is good to me and compatible but don't fully trust my heart yet to not fall too soon. I guess I need to just experience that first to believe it. But weirdly enough I met a guy and we both said we were done with serious dating and just wanted some fun. Something I never really did. Now weirdly enough we do seem more compatible than most people I've dated but I am just not ready to take it seriously and therefor I think we made that chance to make it something healthy already minimal as he doesn't have to court me and I feel it makes him not respect me asmuch. I guess, i'll stick to the casual because of those actions (not feeling the princess treatment so to speak) even tho his words are that he would like to date more seriously.
First, I loveee the courses in the school! I'm still struggling knowing if it's me deactivating or my intuition telling me something. I do tend to second guess myself often but currently I can't tell which one is right.
I hope the questions laid out in the video give you some insight as to whether you are projecting past wounds and fears onto your current partner...or if the current partner has shown signs of not being able to show up in these areas. - PDS team member
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool My teen is also doing the courses and loves it as well. She's heading to university in a year so this will be very beneficial as she steps into her life... thank you all for this transformational content💗
@@Alphacentauri819 You're right it has to come from them. My daughter only decided to give it ago because she is going through her first breakup and I asked her to give it a shot for herself. I have tried many things, including drugs and most recently supervised ketamine treatments but those are all band aids. These courses really get to the core and that's where the real pain is and until someone is truly over their bs they won't sit with that stuff to heal it. Like you it has taken me almost 40 years and although I'm not where I want to be, I am not who I was. They say its always best to bring up difficult topics in a neutral space so maybe take your daughter for coffee and just sit with her and chat with her from the heart about how she should give this/ herself a chance. This is what I do with my daughter when I want to talk about heavy things. And just sit and listen to her as well bc that's very important for our daughters. I wish you both so much love and healing💗💗💗
Thais you 3/3, living together, engagement, and marriage …my ex avoidant definitely have not experienced any of those 3 at age 45 and lives with his uncle. What a great example. 😒 I felt baited , hooked, and sinker.
My ex broke up with me after she got stressed and was afraid of not living up to my needs, thus fearing to hurt me in the long run. I'd classify her as a fearful avoidant. Got any tips on how to handle the situation? I took it very calmly and told her it was okay, I didn't blame her for anything. Then I left and went no contact, just wondering if I'm doing this right. I'm in a mixed feeling of wanting her back but just as much being plain worried for her, as she is not in a good place right now.
@Anthony Timmers It was a rollercoaster. She broke up with me not 15 hours after being extremely happy and telling me how much she loved me. Then the day after she said she was making a mistake, feeling regret etc., but nothing came of it and I just remained calm. She has reached out once just casually, and I invited her to talk if she needed it, which she said she would love to. During the talk she admitted to feeling terrible and crying herself to sleep over me. I told her I'm open to having a talk about reconciling and she became very happy. She said she was gonna sit with the thoughts for a while, as she fears making a rushed decision, to which I also just said it was cool. I've tried to be both supportive and stoic and just being centered. She said on the phone she is sending me a package in the mail, I wonder what it is. She said it's not any of my own stuff, but playfully said she wasn't gonna reveal what it was. At this point it's been 5 days since our talk and while I want her to reach out and reconcile, I try to just let time pass for both our sakes. Am I in the right mindset?
@Anthony Timmers She did indeed lovebomb me. But she never retracted that, so maybe it was just how she was - we were together for 3 months so it was brief and very intense. She is aware of herself, she has talked about it with me many times and sees a therapist about it and so forth. My own attachment style has always been very secure, but I picked up some anxious tendencies from her towards the end. She herself has also stated how she "is not worthy of love," as you mention. She "hates herself for pushing me away," she says. Sounds very textbook, it seems.
@Anthony Timmers Anthony, I was in a relationship that sounds very similar to yours and the other commenter too. Any thoughts on what is the best way to gently suggest to her that examining her behavior and attachment style (FA) is in her best interest?
I make fun of my friends who are in serious relationships, that level dependancy and reliance just makes me panic. I've been seeing a DA for over a year now and my friends don't understand the dynamics of our relationship, yet it's one of the safest relationships I have been in. There is just enough connection to feed the side of me that wants to show up for people, and enough deactivation to let me stay independent. For me, I emotionally carried my loved ones so much for most of my life.
so, it sounds like you are an avoidant-leaning FA with a DA, and you've found a balance within that dynamic. do you even feel like there is something missing?
Do the commitment fears include physical symptoms for the FA, like feeling like they’re being pressed/squeezed from the inside and outside at the same time? My FA has described it as unbearable. I would also be interested to hear about how adoption affects everything.
@@Alphacentauri819 Wow! We have even more in common. I believe we have written before. :) I was adopted too and my adoptive parents were the really strict rule abiding type. This led to perfectionism trauma. Yet it still seemed no matter how hard I tried it wasn't enough to please them. After taking several courses I do feel better about myself! I might feel different once I get in a relationship! That is the true test since relationships usually bring out our triggers! I feel more confident though now that I am equipped with some tools. :)
@@jesterinho I have done several courses. If you are FA I recommend the FA courses as well as Overcoming Perfectionism Trauma. Is there something in particular you would like help with? They are all great but I may be able to guide you to the right course if you are struggling with something.
I was dating someone that I always felt kept me at arm’s length emotionally. I gave them the space but after two months I had to ask about exclusivity. Their way of expressing affection with words always felt coming from a fearful place. Like it’s scary to admit or say “sweetie” when it’s just easy for me. Eventually two days after I asked about our situation or exclusivity she gives some reason to say we’re not a fit. A reason was different ways of showing affection. Which really to me means I show real intimacy and she doesn’t and it’s her way of saying she’s afraid to show those. I don’t know what now. It’s an odd situation because I like her
I'm that girl, too. Only it's much deeper actually than just different ways of showing affection. Every "sweetie" was a big step for me. I am always afraid that if I say these things without feeling them, I will not be authentic, so I'd rather wait a long time until I actually say them. Unfortunately, that "long time" is too long for people who are more free and feel at peace to say them immediately.
Hi guys, could y’all say if you’re willing at all… is it fears primarily driving that very slow willingness of opening up (and the deactivating around committing/vulnerability of a serious thing)
Please do a video on dismissive avoidants breaking up with anxious avoidant and the ways a “giver” who is anxious can be taken advantage of by a “taker” dismissive avoidant. I dated a dismissive avoidant for 6 months...unless the dismissive avoidant wants to self improve to become secure your understanding of their triggers or attempt to become more secure just post pones their avoidant pattern of running from commitment and inevitably even you being the best Boyfriend/Girlfriend will trigger them to pull back or to fixate on the small flaws you do have ...and they most likely will be mean or cold in response randomly...they prefer CASUAL and are the type to walk away easily expecting you to chase them or they will simply find a NEW person that does not know them yet...so they are less vulnerable and/or if you trigger them they can jump into something new right away which helps them to avoid their feelings of leaving your relationship...even if it is casual. They may have an active dating profile hiding in the background. Don’t get to financially committed to impressing a dismissive avoidant...especially if you are an anxious person. They most likely will take the daily gesture or act of service as it benefits them and only give a simple thank you when you are lucky and say these gestures are expected. Even a “love bomb” of a trip to Hawaii or a new laptop for their birthday may have a negative effect by triggering them or having them question what they want after the initial joy passes but their own self defense mechanism is still their ALWAYS telling them to pull back even if they agree to the vacation or accept the big gesture. My main problem is dismissive avoidants will “take” without regard...so “givers” beware. They may bread crumb you with nice moments so you don’t realize they are thinking of leaving you. The biggest problem is when they are actually being intimate and vulnerable they may be your BEST friend and LOVE of your life. They may have a high status job that required most of their time or have an instagram full of travel photos and seem so cool and captivating at parties but that dismissive avoidant trigger will eventually take over and you will find yourself defending their bad behavior to your friends when you try to go deeper. Your family and friends are on the outside may urge you to end the relationship as they see you suffering...which puts even more strain on your anxious avoidant relationship. It is easy to go into “survival mode” with a Dismissive avoidant and let your boundaries be crossed just to get through a way you triggered their dismissive avoidant nature. You can “do your best” and eput up with it all until they leave like I did but I wish I pulled out sooner as the pain of the break up just gets worse the longer you are in it. The anxious avoidant relationship did make me actively work on myself to be more secure and figure out that you should be attracted to a persons current soul not their high status job, sexy body, and cool past. Get someone who wants to be with you specifically and does not just want arm candy for a lavish evening or for when they are bored. Work on you and better options will come.
Hi Thais. I've watched your channel off and on for roughly the past half year for relationship guidance as I am seriously dating someone for the first time in my life. Your videos have been tremendously helpful so far. The person I'm dating is a male who has Asperger's Syndrome. Relationship-wise, I believe he leans pretty heavily towards DA, contorted by the social incongruities that come with being an Aspie. It seems his Asperger's presents itself through lack of social awareness (ESPECIALLY intimacy) and awkward flow of conversation, among others. Do you have any advice or testimonials regarding dating an Aspie? Some areas which would be most helpful would be how to better phrase questions and statements (via text specifically) so as to not confuse them; and how to introduce or ask for intimacy. Thanks!
I made that mistake recently. Glad I have some earned secure attachment, otherwise I would be reeling tenfold. It does bring out my anxious avoidant propensities. I never thought I would find anyone with similar views, values, philosophy, humor, spirituality, emotional depth and sexual chemistry. I went too deep for someone that prided herself on going deep. I know I stretched in my bonding capacity. I'm doing mourning and knowing that acceptance is a process. God, I love her.
This content is so good!! Is there any insight you could provide about fearful avoidance and how it affects friendships/your ability to make friends? I'm way more dysfunctional when it comes to friendship than when it comes to romantic relationships, for some reason.
FA here! I am not even in any of those stages of commitment currently but literally when I just think about them, I can feel a disassociation in my body.
My FA broke up with me right before our 1yr anniversary. I’m completely heartbroken, his reason is that he’s not ready for marriage and he doesn’t want to waste my time. But when we were together he talked about our future. I’m so confused. It’s been a week since the breakup but he texts me everyday with meaningless messages and songs. I’m trying No Contact but it’s very hard because I’m confused by him reaching out. I hope No Contact will make him realize what he wants.
My ex and I were both FA’s, but I walked away after he didn’t want to commit to any growth in our relationship after 4.5 years together. After I left, I wished he would have chased after me. I realized I did it more to test his love for me. I get instant anxiety the moment I think of moving in together or getting engaged, but deep down I wanted more. I don’t know what got into me, but I destroyed a wonderful relationship. I guess I chose right though, because instead of trying to work things out with me, he moved on and got a new girlfriend within a month or two of me breaking up with him. I didn’t know about FA until I started therapy after our breakup. I’m learning a lot and have a lot of regrets now.
Hi!. My long distance boyfriend ghosted me. I sent him an email after giving space to clarify whether we are still together or not, and made my case that i hope he chooses to stay, i kove him etc. Maybe i overwhelmed him. He didnt respond. Maybe hes deactivated? Should i follow up and say that ' ok, i undersrand this is not going any further, i wish you well etc.' before i start no contact? Or should i jjst start no contact now? Maybe he doesnt know he has 'lost' me uet and that im just going to wait. If he needs to feel the loss, how do i do that if he really didnt "break up", but just disappeared and i pursued after. :( I really want to get him back. He got dicouraged because we havent seen each other for a long time and the pandemic cancelled our plans. Uncertainty. I want to increase our chances of getting back together. Would really appreciate any advice!! Thank you!! Im obviously an AP.
@@Juju-tw7we haven't heard from him again.. 😞 😓 i still think about him, even after a year has passed but I didn't chase him anymore.. how are you now?
@@tiffanycooks4689 therapy everweek, sometijmes 3x a week lol im dying over here. probably dropping all hope....... it sucks..will probably like this for years. goodluck to us
@@Juju-tw7we awwww I totally understand how you feel.. it was the toughest time of my life.. the healing is gradual but realistically speaking I don't think I'd ever heal completely... at least for now hahaha! Buuttttt I have hope - for things to get better and that love still will find its way, old or new :) keep strong! And yes, good luck to us!! ♡
I took a quiz and it said I’m anxious/preoccupied and I fit all the description but I feel like I also align with fearful avoidant list as well! Can someone explain the correlation between the two?
Not sure if you’re still looking for an answer but I’m an FA and my partner has helped me tremendously. He has always been calm, predictable, consistent, trustworthy, unwavering and sort of an anchor. By that I mean when my anxious side was triggered and I would seek closeness, he would get close. When I started deactivating, he would give me space. When I was being dramatic and ridiculous, he would remain firm and stand his ground but always in a fair and kind way. Overtime, I started to feel that I can trust him. I no longer felt that we were an argument away from him leaving me, or that I had to go above and beyond to get the bare minimum. I also didn’t feel like I’d be smothered or lose myself in the relationship. I started to believe that it actually is possible to be my own person and still be in a fulfilling relationship. He also showed me that he wasn’t a pushover. In a way I think that FAs in trying to protect themselves can be very mean and selfish. With him establishing what was ok for him and what wasn’t, he made me understand that I also need to put in effort and that being an FA isn’t a good excuse for bad behavior. He basically gave me the opportunity to self correct by making me confront my own core wounds in a way that didn’t make me feel ashamed or threatened. He made it hard for me to be emotionally volatile and once I was calm, I would often either laugh at myself or cringe. I could see my behavior for what it was and from there I adjusted little by little. When you have someone who is so trustworthy, reassuring and gives you a sense of peace, I found it easier to heal because I could address my issues from a place of calmness and reason instead of intense emotional angst and trying to not suffer.
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 2 good years. It was a period with a lot of stress for her, it was also the moment to go and move in with each other because her twinsister is leaving her place. And the covid situation didnt help either to give her space with so few distractions. We are in no contact since day 1. She is DA/FA but she doesnt know. I understand it better now. Should i write her a letter or let her know i think i know why she deactivated and blocked off her feelings ? Im afraid she is just going to keep seeing everything in a negative light to justify it in her mind if i dont explain it. Or should i just keep no contact and hope she turns around.. im also afraid she will see it as a personal attack.. so frustrating 😔 maybe i should try to move on but i love her so much.
As an FA more on the DA side like your ex, this could go two ways (good or bad) and it really depends on her. To last 2 years in a relationship, that shows a lot of promise, depending on the level of connection. She will likely be deactivated for a while and anything you say will just make her push away more. In a month or so, she will probably start missing you a lot but feel way too scared to reach out. Somewhere between now and then is a good time (if she's deactivated when you send it, she will come back to it later when she starts missing you). Make sure you're not doing it to get her back. Say something like "I understand this is difficult and I want you to know that I do care about you deeply and that I now see what you're going through." I wouldn't link a video or add anything more, she just needs reassurement and if she wants to respond then she can. I wouldn't say "difficult for you" it's a little bit too direct. Unfortunately, you have to be a bit careful with us and I hope that you don't get back together because we suck as partners and you'll see that once you find someone secure. You're an amazing person for caring about her instead of bashing her (word wise) because we all went through some pretty awful stuff to become like this but she still has to feel the loneliness to want to change.
@@gh0st_xr thankyou for the reply. It means a lot. To be honest i still want her back at the moment. In my head i have doubts if its for the best but my heart still wants her and believes we can make it work. The thing is that i am sure i will never not want her to be happy.. so even if she doesnt come back i want to help her get out of that destructive loop. But i know that it will require her to be cooperative and understanding at least for a bit. I think im gonna keep the NC and wait a month at least to see if she reaches out and see if i still feel the same then.
@@arnodecuyper24 Awesome, sounds like a plan. It also sounds like you're a really good person for her if she wants to make the change. I completely understand you wanting to get back with her, but absolutely, a month to decide whether that's just withdrawal or because you actually think she's the one is a great idea. I wish you all the best, I'm not a big romantic but this is really cute and you made my day a bit better so thanks ❤.
As an FA who's primarily attracted to DA's... I don't have to worry about ever getting to the commitment phase of a relationship.
Same 😔
This is funny yet sad too..i myself a FA..
I was there too but unfortunately the da I was with wanted commitment 😅🤦♀️
Hahaa!!
Hahaha this made me laugh :) i had that too
I'm an FA more on the side of DA and I strongly swing into deactivation when a need isn't met and become really quiet and irritable. Working with my therapist and watching your videos has helped me so much that now I recognise when I'm deactivating, think about why, can communicate that to my partner and can come to an understanding. I felt so proud the first time I did it that I was on a high for 3 days 🤣.
What is your need as an FA? Anxious preoccupied that just got dumped by an FA after a 2 year relationship asking.
@@zebrastripes3786 I'll explain it but one thing you have to understand is that you can't help in any way. I used to put up a really cold front because I was scared of being perceived as too clingy. I'm actually just really affectionate and I've realised that nobody thinks I'm clingy, I just always thought I was because of previous FA partners I guess and my entire childhood kind of told me that love meant barely speaking to one another. So, sometimes I would feel too clingy and get scared, if I didn't communicate that with my partner and they didn't reassure me (cos they have no idea), I'd start to pull away, feeling that resentment from a need not being met. That's not the other person's fault, that's mine for not communicating. Please don't blame yourself for this relationship breaking down. If you guys become friendly again, you can ask what their need was and they may feel less pressured to hide their thoughts.
@@gh0st_xr I understand. It’s just frustrating knowing that it could’ve worked out if he’d just said something. I already knew he was an FA and tried my best not to pressure him into closeness and put my needs for closeness aside just to make him feel more comfortable and he left anyway. It’s just been 2 weeks and I totally flipped when he told me so doubt he’d want to be friends. Thanks for sharing,I have to work on myself too,wouldn’t have been attracted to an FA in the first place if I was straight in the head.
@@zebrastripes3786 It is completely frustrating, but you did the right thing. We, as FAs, need to learn to speak up. That's our problem. You may find that he initially wanted closeness but as you avoided closeness, he felt worried about being clingy too. At the end of the day, you did all you could and you compromised. You also acknowledged your reaction. You acknowledge your need to improve. You're well on your way to a secure, healthy relationship.
@@gh0st_xr well I didn’t avoid closeness I just never complained or even mentioned I noticed it when he rejected my advancements. There were times he’d pull his hand away when I tried to hold his,not reply to kisses text or emoji,not want to hang out for more than our regular Saturday night etc.. I always stayed consistent no matter what his response was but oh well,just not meant to be..life goes on.
What to do if a girl with FA left me during this deactivation??? I am so sad...
Hi Thais, awesome course and love your passion for your work. This course should be in all high schools... making new generations of less dysfunctional adults 🙏🏻
Can you please make a video on fearful avoidant and intuition? Their relationship and interaction, confusions it might create when it comes to taking on more commitment in terms of becoming exclusive in a romantic relationship or increasing commitment? Sometimes I feel like I dont listen to my intuition and then I go on google to find search answers instead of relying on myself which confuses me more
Yes Please!!!!!
If you’re creating thoughts that root out of fear-which the fearful avoidant usually tends to do, then it’s more likely that your own thoughts are conflicting which leads to confusion. You can start trusting your intuition more by asking yourself “is this relationship what I truly want?” And “is bigger commitment scary or off-putting because of my own beliefs and fears?” Then you can begin to address some fears and concerns you may have with yourself and your partner. Ask yourself what could be helpful for you and then address needs that you need from your partner that could help you build trust. Your heart knows what it wants before your mind! Hope this helped, this approach helps with me and I’ve learned a lot from Thais but maybe you can learn from a spiritual approach too, since your inquire is intuition lol. Good luck!
I just tend to battle with my intuition and overthinking
Omg preach 🙌
Great question!
This video is so helpful for people who are dating FAs, my FA guy is very slow when it comes to commitment, I used to think it was bc he was wounded by his ex but it's actually so much more than that.
Thank you for this video!
2:50 intro
5:20 what to do? answer if it's fears or the relationship itself?
7:50 Steps: recognize the fears, what are your beliefs about the people in the long term relationship, do I feel safe? What are your fears about: intertwining problems, relying on others, dependency, change, change in people, and safety. Reprogram your thinking and rethinking your beliefs.
Thank you so much!!!
I used to be an AA but due to a very painful relationship when I was very young I became FA. I am very hot and cold in relationships. I have been in a short relationship with a DA and since we broke up I avoid him completely. It’s so weird because I actually want him back and he contacts me every week and even asked me to meet up. Even though I want him back I didn’t agree on meeting up and I never contact him myself. I’m so stuck :( I really want a relationship but at the same time I am so anxious and afraid that I will be rejected or hurt again.
Very interesting. I have always wondered if in adulthood, people can move from one Insecure attachment style to another without proper guidance. I have observed this a couple of times when APs become DAs due to adult traumas.
You're perfect for the DA! You're pulling away only makes them want to chase! If you opened up and told them how you really felt, they would push you away. If you agreed to meet up, most likely they would make an excuse not to see you. At least that's been my experience with DA's. Occasionally we can come together, but that is immediately followed by more distancing, and avoidance. It's very frustrating, but at the same time, I feel like if he was willing to compromise and meet some of my needs in the relationship, I'd probably get scared, and feel the need to distance myself from him. It really sucks, but it is what it is. I don't mind being single and living alone, actually.
@@adwoaasantewaa9034 I used to be AA and as an adult became FA after being in a very toxic relationship with a sociopath. We had a daughter together, and it was a long, hard road out of hell to say the least. I'll never allow myself to be that vulnerable or dependent again.
Anything he could do to change your mind?
I love this so much. What a great channel to have subscribed to! The best development is the development of yourself! 👍🙂
Happy you are here with us! Thanks for your comment and your support - PDS team member
However... One more thing.. My life is So healthy and happy.. I get scared waiting for the other shoe to drop... Anyone else feel this way.. Almost too good to be true...
Yes, that's how I have felt with an Anxious person who kept telling me how gorgeous, special and wonderful I was! I experienced high anxiety and panic attacks, feelings of impending doom!
constantly....
Man. Was just in this today and never realized it's an FA thing
Great video! Not just serious commitments like you listed, but the initial commitment when dating someone and they want to be exclusive, boyfriend and girlfriend.. very scary for me!!
Could you say anything about the initial commitments?? Fear of trapped? General fear?? I’m curious
@@henryzhao4622 sure:) yes, fear of being trapped, hurting someones feelings if I realize they're not right for me, but my biggest fear at this point in life is, after several long term relationships havent worked out... if I become exclusuve with this guy without really taking time to see if we are compatible for the long term, if it doesnt work out and we split up.. I've lost all that time and can't get it back, lol.. i don't want to take that chance anymore!! And I suggest to people.. be very careful getting into and staying in exclusive relationships for years if you know inside that this isn't the right person for you.. you'll look back some day and may wish you had cut the cord sooner.. i choose to look back and think of the positive of why I was in the relationship.. it psychologically makes me feel better then dwelling on the years I can't get back that i might have met the right one for me:))
Sorry this is sooo long;)
@@DD-ic1bd so helpful! Yes an FA interest of mine got very close and we talked about the future and seemed compatible but they seemed to still have one foot out the door saying things like don’t get your hopes up despite asking so many personal questions… so I figure it’s a general fear of the major emotional and life risks involved in commitment.. but triggered by me simply asking on a “date” as opposed to simply talking.
So thanks for your answer it helps!!
@@henryzhao4622 glad was helpful:).. of course every situation and person is different:).. best to you Henry!
Omg you are helping me so much, I feel i want to find love but I'm terrified of commitment, marriage, kids, I say to myself I want to meet a good safe man and I keep going with guys I know I won't fall in love with, makes total sense now.
This is such great, practical content - especially regarding the questions to ask.(and useful for partners/family of FA). Would love to see how deactivating also applies to FA in friendship dynamics
So I am chronically fatigued and ill and so the first conversation is always about what's wrong with me and I start feeling very vulnerable which triggers both sides in me like a roller-coaster. Which is probably why I hate dating and aswell can't relate to doing well in the initiall talking stages. But I was always looking for acceptence for a real relationship. I never was affraid to actually talk about having a relationship and end goals (family). The fear for me is in not being treated well and getting overasked and giving too much and liking someone so much and it end up being unmutual. It sounds probably more anxious but I behave more avoidant, just not in not wanting a relationship, there I used to jump in too fast with the wrong people so now I don't want that anymore either. I do trust my mind now to take the time and see if someone is good to me and compatible but don't fully trust my heart yet to not fall too soon. I guess I need to just experience that first to believe it. But weirdly enough I met a guy and we both said we were done with serious dating and just wanted some fun. Something I never really did. Now weirdly enough we do seem more compatible than most people I've dated but I am just not ready to take it seriously and therefor I think we made that chance to make it something healthy already minimal as he doesn't have to court me and I feel it makes him not respect me asmuch. I guess, i'll stick to the casual because of those actions (not feeling the princess treatment so to speak) even tho his words are that he would like to date more seriously.
First, I loveee the courses in the school! I'm still struggling knowing if it's me deactivating or my intuition telling me something. I do tend to second guess myself often but currently I can't tell which one is right.
I hope the questions laid out in the video give you some insight as to whether you are projecting past wounds and fears onto your current partner...or if the current partner has shown signs of not being able to show up in these areas. - PDS team member
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool My teen is also doing the courses and loves it as well. She's heading to university in a year so this will be very beneficial as she steps into her life... thank you all for this transformational content💗
@@Jasyc207 wow! thats so cool to hear your daughter is taking the courses. I wish I had this when I was young! - PDS team member
@@Alphacentauri819 You're right it has to come from them. My daughter only decided to give it ago because she is going through her first breakup and I asked her to give it a shot for herself.
I have tried many things, including drugs and most recently supervised ketamine treatments but those are all band aids. These courses really get to the core and that's where the real pain is and until someone is truly over their bs they won't sit with that stuff to heal it. Like you it has taken me almost 40 years and although I'm not where I want to be, I am not who I was.
They say its always best to bring up difficult topics in a neutral space so maybe take your daughter for coffee and just sit with her and chat with her from the heart about how she should give this/ herself a chance. This is what I do with my daughter when I want to talk about heavy things. And just sit and listen to her as well bc that's very important for our daughters. I wish you both so much love and healing💗💗💗
Thais you 3/3, living together, engagement, and marriage …my ex avoidant definitely have not experienced any of those 3 at age 45 and lives with his uncle. What a great example. 😒 I felt baited , hooked, and sinker.
My ex broke up with me after she got stressed and was afraid of not living up to my needs, thus fearing to hurt me in the long run. I'd classify her as a fearful avoidant. Got any tips on how to handle the situation? I took it very calmly and told her it was okay, I didn't blame her for anything. Then I left and went no contact, just wondering if I'm doing this right. I'm in a mixed feeling of wanting her back but just as much being plain worried for her, as she is not in a good place right now.
@Anthony Timmers It was a rollercoaster. She broke up with me not 15 hours after being extremely happy and telling me how much she loved me. Then the day after she said she was making a mistake, feeling regret etc., but nothing came of it and I just remained calm. She has reached out once just casually, and I invited her to talk if she needed it, which she said she would love to. During the talk she admitted to feeling terrible and crying herself to sleep over me. I told her I'm open to having a talk about reconciling and she became very happy. She said she was gonna sit with the thoughts for a while, as she fears making a rushed decision, to which I also just said it was cool. I've tried to be both supportive and stoic and just being centered. She said on the phone she is sending me a package in the mail, I wonder what it is. She said it's not any of my own stuff, but playfully said she wasn't gonna reveal what it was. At this point it's been 5 days since our talk and while I want her to reach out and reconcile, I try to just let time pass for both our sakes. Am I in the right mindset?
@Anthony Timmers She did indeed lovebomb me. But she never retracted that, so maybe it was just how she was - we were together for 3 months so it was brief and very intense. She is aware of herself, she has talked about it with me many times and sees a therapist about it and so forth. My own attachment style has always been very secure, but I picked up some anxious tendencies from her towards the end. She herself has also stated how she "is not worthy of love," as you mention. She "hates herself for pushing me away," she says. Sounds very textbook, it seems.
Exactly same happened to me. She pushed me away
3 years with a FA. Is not something u can fix
@Anthony Timmers Anthony, I was in a relationship that sounds very similar to yours and the other commenter too. Any thoughts on what is the best way to gently suggest to her that examining her behavior and attachment style (FA) is in her best interest?
I make fun of my friends who are in serious relationships, that level dependancy and reliance just makes me panic. I've been seeing a DA for over a year now and my friends don't understand the dynamics of our relationship, yet it's one of the safest relationships I have been in. There is just enough connection to feed the side of me that wants to show up for people, and enough deactivation to let me stay independent. For me, I emotionally carried my loved ones so much for most of my life.
so, it sounds like you are an avoidant-leaning FA with a DA, and you've found a balance within that dynamic. do you even feel like there is something missing?
So essentially you two aren’t in a mean full relationship lol.
We love you Thais ❤❤❤❤❤
Do the commitment fears include physical symptoms for the FA, like feeling like they’re being pressed/squeezed from the inside and outside at the same time? My FA has described it as unbearable. I would also be interested to hear about how adoption affects everything.
Yes it does feel like that, also believable, plausible, vivid visuals of future scenarios of betrayal or dysfunction. I'm FA
@@yanamclaughlin hi Yana my FA said she felt she could not breath.
@@Alphacentauri819 Wow! We have even more in common. I believe we have written before. :) I was adopted too and my adoptive parents were the really strict rule abiding type. This led to perfectionism trauma. Yet it still seemed no matter how hard I tried it wasn't enough to please them.
After taking several courses I do feel better about myself! I might feel different once I get in a relationship! That is the true test since relationships usually bring out our triggers! I feel more confident though now that I am equipped with some tools. :)
@@mindfulmeaningfulmoments247 What kind of course did you do?
@@jesterinho I have done several courses. If you are FA I recommend the FA courses as well as Overcoming Perfectionism Trauma. Is there something in particular you would like help with? They are all great but I may be able to guide you to the right course if you are struggling with something.
I was dating someone that I always felt kept me at arm’s length emotionally. I gave them the space but after two months I had to ask about exclusivity. Their way of expressing affection with words always felt coming from a fearful place. Like it’s scary to admit or say “sweetie” when it’s just easy for me. Eventually two days after I asked about our situation or exclusivity she gives some reason to say we’re not a fit. A reason was different ways of showing affection. Which really to me means I show real intimacy and she doesn’t and it’s her way of saying she’s afraid to show those. I don’t know what now. It’s an odd situation because I like her
I’m that girl hahah sigh*
I'm that girl, too. Only it's much deeper actually than just different ways of showing affection. Every "sweetie" was a big step for me. I am always afraid that if I say these things without feeling them, I will not be authentic, so I'd rather wait a long time until I actually say them. Unfortunately, that "long time" is too long for people who are more free and feel at peace to say them immediately.
@@pahuljica7133 relateable
Hi guys, could y’all say if you’re willing at all… is it fears primarily driving that very slow willingness of opening up (and the deactivating around committing/vulnerability of a serious thing)
Thanks You So Much Your Advice Improved My Perspective And Personality...And I Can See Some Results In Relationships..
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Please do a video on dismissive avoidants breaking up with anxious avoidant and the ways a “giver” who is anxious can be taken advantage of by a “taker” dismissive avoidant.
I dated a dismissive avoidant for 6 months...unless the dismissive avoidant wants to self improve to become secure your understanding of their triggers or attempt to become more secure just post pones their avoidant pattern of running from commitment and inevitably even you being the best Boyfriend/Girlfriend will trigger them to pull back or to fixate on the small flaws you do have ...and they most likely will be mean or cold in response randomly...they prefer CASUAL and are the type to walk away easily expecting you to chase them or they will simply find a NEW person that does not know them yet...so they are less vulnerable and/or if you trigger them they can jump into something new right away which helps them to avoid their feelings of leaving your relationship...even if it is casual. They may have an active dating profile hiding in the background. Don’t get to financially committed to impressing a dismissive avoidant...especially if you are an anxious person. They most likely will take the daily gesture or act of service as it benefits them and only give a simple thank you when you are lucky and say these gestures are expected. Even a “love bomb” of a trip to Hawaii or a new laptop for their birthday may have a negative effect by triggering them or having them question what they want after the initial joy passes but their own self defense mechanism is still their ALWAYS telling them to pull back even if they agree to the vacation or accept the big gesture. My main problem is dismissive avoidants will “take” without regard...so “givers” beware. They may bread crumb you with nice moments so you don’t realize they are thinking of leaving you. The biggest problem is when they are actually being intimate and vulnerable they may be your BEST friend and LOVE of your life. They may have a high status job that required most of their time or have an instagram full of travel photos and seem so cool and captivating at parties but that dismissive avoidant trigger will eventually take over and you will find yourself defending their bad behavior to your friends when you try to go deeper. Your family and friends are on the outside may urge you to end the relationship as they see you suffering...which puts even more strain on your anxious avoidant relationship. It is easy to go into “survival mode” with a Dismissive avoidant and let your boundaries be crossed just to get through a way you triggered their dismissive avoidant nature. You can “do your best” and eput up with it all until they leave like I did but I wish I pulled out sooner as the pain of the break up just gets worse the longer you are in it. The anxious avoidant relationship did make me actively work on myself to be more secure and figure out that you should be attracted to a persons current soul not their high status job, sexy body, and cool past. Get someone who wants to be with you specifically and does not just want arm candy for a lavish evening or for when they are bored. Work on you and better options will come.
Intro ends at 2:54
I have learned so much from you, and I love your energy!
Hi Thais. I've watched your channel off and on for roughly the past half year for relationship guidance as I am seriously dating someone for the first time in my life. Your videos have been tremendously helpful so far.
The person I'm dating is a male who has Asperger's Syndrome. Relationship-wise, I believe he leans pretty heavily towards DA, contorted by the social incongruities that come with being an Aspie. It seems his Asperger's presents itself through lack of social awareness (ESPECIALLY intimacy) and awkward flow of conversation, among others.
Do you have any advice or testimonials regarding dating an Aspie? Some areas which would be most helpful would be how to better phrase questions and statements (via text specifically) so as to not confuse them; and how to introduce or ask for intimacy. Thanks!
Nah. I can’t even do the official romantic relationship.
Oh my gosh someone I know said something like this.. is it just fear of getting too close and being emotionally vulnerable???
I made that mistake recently. Glad I have some earned secure attachment, otherwise I would be reeling tenfold. It does bring out my anxious avoidant propensities. I never thought I would find anyone with similar views, values, philosophy, humor, spirituality, emotional depth and sexual chemistry. I went too deep for someone that prided herself on going deep. I know I stretched in my bonding capacity. I'm doing mourning and knowing that acceptance is a process. God, I love her.
This content is so good!! Is there any insight you could provide about fearful avoidance and how it affects friendships/your ability to make friends? I'm way more dysfunctional when it comes to friendship than when it comes to romantic relationships, for some reason.
Yes Its Really Helpful And Practical..
@@mamu7976 niceeee thanks for linking me to that
Starts at 2:23
Bless your heart. Females who help people are so cool.
My bf was fine until we got to talking about marriage then he kept getting triggered and break up with me
So timely...any commitment.
FA here! I am not even in any of those stages of commitment currently but literally when I just think about them, I can feel a disassociation in my body.
My friend said this omg
Do you mean when you think about committing to the person??
Please see an attachment and trauma counselor it rly helps a LOT
Which course helps answer the questions mentioned in the last part of this video? Thanks
My FA broke up with me right before our 1yr anniversary. I’m completely heartbroken, his reason is that he’s not ready for marriage and he doesn’t want to waste my time. But when we were together he talked about our future. I’m so confused. It’s been a week since the breakup but he texts me everyday with meaningless messages and songs. I’m trying No Contact but it’s very hard because I’m confused by him reaching out. I hope No Contact will make him realize what he wants.
Same here 😢 Any update?
@@angeltan9324 I stuck around for a bit, he didn’t change. So I ended it. 😔
@@Tia_215theyll end up old and alone unless they heal thru therapy..
My ex and I were both FA’s, but I walked away after he didn’t want to commit to any growth in our relationship after 4.5 years together. After I left, I wished he would have chased after me. I realized I did it more to test his love for me. I get instant anxiety the moment I think of moving in together or getting engaged, but deep down I wanted more. I don’t know what got into me, but I destroyed a wonderful relationship. I guess I chose right though, because instead of trying to work things out with me, he moved on and got a new girlfriend within a month or two of me breaking up with him. I didn’t know about FA until I started therapy after our breakup. I’m learning a lot and have a lot of regrets now.
This was a very informative break down and explains everything I went through mentally precisely. Wish I had seen this sooner...
Love this and took notes 💕💕💕💕💕
Hi!. My long distance boyfriend ghosted me. I sent him an email after giving space to clarify whether we are still together or not, and made my case that i hope he chooses to stay, i kove him etc. Maybe i overwhelmed him. He didnt respond. Maybe hes deactivated?
Should i follow up and say that ' ok, i undersrand this is not going any further, i wish you well etc.' before i start no contact? Or should i jjst start no contact now? Maybe he doesnt know he has 'lost' me uet and that im just going to wait. If he needs to feel the loss, how do i do that if he really didnt "break up", but just disappeared and i pursued after. :( I really want to get him back. He got dicouraged because we havent seen each other for a long time and the pandemic cancelled our plans. Uncertainty. I want to increase our chances of getting back together.
Would really appreciate any advice!! Thank you!! Im obviously an AP.
any update on this? my FA ex of 2 yrs also ghosted me
@@Juju-tw7we haven't heard from him again.. 😞 😓 i still think about him, even after a year has passed but I didn't chase him anymore.. how are you now?
@@tiffanycooks4689 therapy everweek, sometijmes 3x a week lol im dying over here. probably dropping all hope....... it sucks..will probably like this for years. goodluck to us
@@Juju-tw7we awwww I totally understand how you feel.. it was the toughest time of my life.. the healing is gradual but realistically speaking I don't think I'd ever heal completely... at least for now hahaha! Buuttttt I have hope - for things to get better and that love still will find its way, old or new :) keep strong! And yes, good luck to us!! ♡
2:48
Do you have any possibility to give personalized advice?
You said you were going to address what to do if you are experiencing a partner with FA but you didn't
I took a quiz and it said I’m anxious/preoccupied and I fit all the description but I feel like I also align with fearful avoidant list as well! Can someone explain the correlation between the two?
FAs oscillate between both anxious and avoidant tendencies
Lets get into it at ,....than she wont get into it because there another coupon code yay.
I will neverrrr do those things above, I believe
Blowing my miiiiiiiiiiiiiind
Super helpful thank you !
The fearful avoidant has to do all the work. Is there anything that the partner of a fearful avoidant can do to help and be supportive?
Not sure if you’re still looking for an answer but I’m an FA and my partner has helped me tremendously. He has always been calm, predictable, consistent, trustworthy, unwavering and sort of an anchor. By that I mean when my anxious side was triggered and I would seek closeness, he would get close. When I started deactivating, he would give me space. When I was being dramatic and ridiculous, he would remain firm and stand his ground but always in a fair and kind way. Overtime, I started to feel that I can trust him. I no longer felt that we were an argument away from him leaving me, or that I had to go above and beyond to get the bare minimum. I also didn’t feel like I’d be smothered or lose myself in the relationship. I started to believe that it actually is possible to be my own person and still be in a fulfilling relationship. He also showed me that he wasn’t a pushover. In a way I think that FAs in trying to protect themselves can be very mean and selfish. With him establishing what was ok for him and what wasn’t, he made me understand that I also need to put in effort and that being an FA isn’t a good excuse for bad behavior. He basically gave me the opportunity to self correct by making me confront my own core wounds in a way that didn’t make me feel ashamed or threatened. He made it hard for me to be emotionally volatile and once I was calm, I would often either laugh at myself or cringe. I could see my behavior for what it was and from there I adjusted little by little. When you have someone who is so trustworthy, reassuring and gives you a sense of peace, I found it easier to heal because I could address my issues from a place of calmness and reason instead of intense emotional angst and trying to not suffer.
6:11
3 minutes into an 8 minute video you finally get to the actual info!
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 2 good years. It was a period with a lot of stress for her, it was also the moment to go and move in with each other because her twinsister is leaving her place. And the covid situation didnt help either to give her space with so few distractions. We are in no contact since day 1. She is DA/FA but she doesnt know. I understand it better now. Should i write her a letter or let her know i think i know why she deactivated and blocked off her feelings ? Im afraid she is just going to keep seeing everything in a negative light to justify it in her mind if i dont explain it. Or should i just keep no contact and hope she turns around.. im also afraid she will see it as a personal attack.. so frustrating 😔 maybe i should try to move on but i love her so much.
As an FA more on the DA side like your ex, this could go two ways (good or bad) and it really depends on her. To last 2 years in a relationship, that shows a lot of promise, depending on the level of connection. She will likely be deactivated for a while and anything you say will just make her push away more. In a month or so, she will probably start missing you a lot but feel way too scared to reach out. Somewhere between now and then is a good time (if she's deactivated when you send it, she will come back to it later when she starts missing you). Make sure you're not doing it to get her back. Say something like "I understand this is difficult and I want you to know that I do care about you deeply and that I now see what you're going through." I wouldn't link a video or add anything more, she just needs reassurement and if she wants to respond then she can. I wouldn't say "difficult for you" it's a little bit too direct. Unfortunately, you have to be a bit careful with us and I hope that you don't get back together because we suck as partners and you'll see that once you find someone secure. You're an amazing person for caring about her instead of bashing her (word wise) because we all went through some pretty awful stuff to become like this but she still has to feel the loneliness to want to change.
@@gh0st_xr thankyou for the reply. It means a lot. To be honest i still want her back at the moment. In my head i have doubts if its for the best but my heart still wants her and believes we can make it work. The thing is that i am sure i will never not want her to be happy.. so even if she doesnt come back i want to help her get out of that destructive loop. But i know that it will require her to be cooperative and understanding at least for a bit. I think im gonna keep the NC and wait a month at least to see if she reaches out and see if i still feel the same then.
@@arnodecuyper24 Awesome, sounds like a plan. It also sounds like you're a really good person for her if she wants to make the change. I completely understand you wanting to get back with her, but absolutely, a month to decide whether that's just withdrawal or because you actually think she's the one is a great idea. I wish you all the best, I'm not a big romantic but this is really cute and you made my day a bit better so thanks ❤.
@@gh0st_xr Well i could say the same about you. Thank you for the help and kind words ❤ i really appreciate it
I’ve been waiting for a video on this! Wish you put in a little more detail… Like after deactivating how to reactivate. I’m a struggling FA