@@deltahomicide9300…that’s when I block their number. However, I don’t have to work with or see any of them. If that’s the case with you, do whatever you can to maintain your peace of mind. 🙏🏼
@@Respect2theFallen I mean yeah, but his tone says it all. You don't usually see Ryan get too spun up about stuff. But if the rampant animal cruelty and neglect in Texas manages to piss off all of us on the east coast, I imagine it's worse when it's on your literal doorstep.
It’s amazing. This morning I was humiliated in front of several people at my job, by a woman who I thought was my friend. I was fuming for hours and as soon as I came home, this video pops up. There are no coincidences in life. The universe winked at me today.
Edmund Burke cut right to the heart of the matter; he said, “Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.” Don't take the bait and walk away knowing thar the rude among us are internal weaklings.
@@natashka1982 I've done that, too, but I always seem to converse with the snowflakes--they don't know how to have a reasonable conversation because they aren't reasonable. For the most part, I just let them be...life is too short to get sucked into their issues.
@@sandybuchanan2666 Yes, my sister and her crazy offspring try to draw me into their fights and then it becomes my fault somehow. I have no opinion - Ryan said I didn’t have to have one!
I understand what you're getting at. My experience, seeming so nice, they don't stop the rudeness, it just gets worse. I cut myself off from them. Im almost alone now. So many unkind people.
Same, this is the first time I disagree with one of his videos.. Ive dealt with a few extremely toxic narcissists and it’s horrible, it’s better to cut them off than subject myself to being around someone like that
@ceez3317 It is all perspective. We have to walk away from those impacting us. I am seeing this as more the basic everyday people we meet. Of course, leave a toxic job or person. I like how he addresses being true to yourself instead of reactive.
@@francesb7515it seems since COVID and coming out of lockdown it’s continuing to get worse. I don’t know where so many people suddenly have felt entitled to behave so horribly. The “Boundaries” part of this video has become everything to me.
In 9th grade I made the decision to never treat anyone the way my mother treated me because I disliked it so much. I'm now in my 60's and have never broken that promise, in fact I have to thank my mother for showing me how not to treat people.
Mothers can be real demons, I am 32 and my life has been a nightmare, all my problems are directly and indirectly related to my mother but she is the only one who gave me support in my most fragile moments but Also the one who caused all the mess in the first place. They make you feel worse than anyone else but at the same time you feel guilty if you hate them or at least try to get away from them. Even worse when you realize that she is the only person in this world who gives a damn about you, it's sick. In the end all hope is lost with people and even the will to live. From now on I will live only for myself and for my well-being, at least I had some fairly clear limits to deal with people
@@Wuwei32 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. To be clear, I don't blame anyone for any situation in my life good or bad. I'm responsible for all of my actions and/or consequences as a result. What I consider one of my best attributes is that I have always been able to walk away and more importantly enjoy my own company. No expectations from anyone.
@@Wuwei32 Consider this: Your mother was probably shaped by at least one other person's negative behavior toward her. Evidently, she is aware on some level and is trying to break the cycle--albeit sometimes unsuccessfully. This is why your post reflects both positive and negative feelings (cognitive dissonance) about your mother. Perhaps now it is your turn to complete the task by breaking the cycle and vowing not to treat others in the same way. For me, this is a means of honoring my mother and her efforts to break free of her own history of being abused.
Not reacting to other people’s nastiness is so very difficult. I have a colleague who brings out the worst in me with her bullying. It took a lot of effort to take a step back and stop reacting to her.
I’ve been with my therapist for over 3 years now, once a week for an hour consistently. She knows my hatred and disgust for humanity, and yet I’m always helping them and donating, being nice to them etc etc. she asked me why then, and I told her “I help them because I am not them”. So a lot in this video really resonated
I bought some clothes online and what I ordered is not what was delivered ,the sales lady /owner of the business refused to exchange and was very arrogant and rude,i wondered why someone in business would treat a client so badly and rude,i was breathing fire and fumed over the encounter and had sweared to get hold of her and deal with her tomorrow but after listening to this video i have drastically changed my mind,i will let it go,it was a learning experience and move on and accept i lost money
I find silence and absence do the job quite effectively. Not every statement or action is worthy of a response. The same goes for the people themselves.
There was this one person that I didn’t care too much about, one day, I was at a friend’s 🏡 and she knocked on the door , I opened the door and she could tell immediately that I wasn’t pleased to see her; she looked at me and said: “it’s always nice to see you” , I was so thrown off coarse , that to this day, I remember her with kindness! 🙏😞🙏
When someone messes me up, there's two options. To react in anger or overlook it. It's good to assert with politeness, but I can't let it lean into anger. Feeling the offense sucks, but the anger is worse because now I'm forced into a bad emotional space, where I feel fear and have lost control. If I don't react, I think I keep a bit more of myself.
Wow…this video popped up at the right time. I really needed to hear this. I’m on a fat loss/lifestyle change. I’ve lost 50 lbs so far and it took me a year and a half to do it. Many of my co-workers are saying that I look old now that I’ve lost weight. Of course they say this behind my back. 🙄 Anyways, I’m usually not bothered by what people say about me but this irked me because I have been trying so hard to better my health just to hear negative comments. Then, I realized that: #1. they are probably envious of my accomplishments. #2. I don’t give a fuck about their opinions. #3. I’m not going to let their negativity get to me. I’m happy and way healthier than I used to be. I’m proud and no one can change that. I’ll stay away from the haters and the negativity. Take care everyone!
I hate when people make any personal remarks - to me- about me - about others. I have been training myself to never remark on someone's appearance. Hi! So glad to see you - how are you? Where have you been? Or have you been back to that vacation place school diner whatever where we used to whatever? I wish someone in the media could take up the cause and try to "influence" the public to stop with the judging. Even well intentioned. Like. " oh you lost weight". Well my body size is not for discussion.
You aren't doing it for them you do it for yourself what people say is irrelevant the vast majority of them are barely sentient. I have never fitted in have few if any friends because I say it like it is and this repels people they hate the truth they are literally of no consequence
Absolutely they're envious! Maybe you could have some fun with them by swanning around in new outfits and hairstyle? Lol, they'll soon be spitting and meowing!
@@DrSweetshaft I did Keto initially with intermittent fasting and my weight stalled for six months. It wasn’t sustainable for me because I was always hungry. I lost weight but I also lost muscle mass. Now I’m weight training four days a week and eat whole foods to fuel my body. I’m a petite 44 year-old woman and I’m in the best shape of my life. I still have more body fat to lose but I know it’s going to take years to achieve the physique I desire.
I needed this. Thanks. Sadly, actual psychopaths are not that uncommon (about 1 in 100 individuals) and when you add in other negative personality types, it's clear we are all going to encounter some of these malign people at some time in our lives. It's important to try and protect ourselves from them physically and financially, but also not to let our minds dwell on them too much or too deeply (as per the quote from Marcus).
Thank you soooo much for all your speaking + untiringly explaining about becoming stoic in normal daily life 😂❤ !! I m a 79 years old grandmother, Austrian, and I literally inhaled all you said, with joy spreading 😂❤❤❤
Today at a cafe, I had an odd experience with a transgender man working there. He took the orders of the people behind me-twice-while ignoring mine. When I finally said "green tea," he responded with "not you!" and continued serving the next person. I'm a physically fit boxer with a good life, and while I felt angry inside, I stayed calm. I understand that this kind of behavior can stem from personal issues, mental health struggles, or even jealousy. Although it affected me, I chose to wait for another staff member to take my order. I got my green tea and left without causing any trouble, especially since I’m not in my home country and didn’t want to escalate things. Sometimes, I wonder if I should’ve stood up for myself, but staying calm often avoids unnecessary drama. In situations like these, speaking up could’ve led to an unnecessary scene or even false discrimination claims. Instead, I chose to walk away, carry on with my day, and not dwell on it.
Really enjoyed this one - esp the perspectives of ‘people are playing a role in the world’ and ‘don’t think too much about what lies underneath’ / ‘not having to have an opinion’ 🧘♀️🙏
Sadly we are losing generations because we are not teaching basic polite kind behavior as a normal thing. I know many people who do not even know to say please and thank you routinely.
I am currently going into education to become my country's minister of education, to change this in the Netherlands. I cannot guarantee my success, I have lots and lots to learn but I hope others will follow the same challenging path. We can change the world
4:56 this is an extremely effective mindset for many situations in life. I used to do crisis counseling alongside police and fire departments, seeing even worse things than they would because I EXCLUSIVELY went to the worst cases. I'd be asked all the time how I managed that experience, and before I even knew about stoicism, my perspective was basically just that one way or another I always knew that these kinds of things happen in the world whether I saw them in person or not. So the only difference was that I was seeing them for myself, and that I actually had the *opportunity to help
@@tnt01 depends what you mean by "effect." Our nervous system is always responding to our internal and external stimuli, but no significant and lasting negative impact in my case, no. But mentality definitely isn't EVERYTHING, for sure. I'm sure that being a therapist and practicing what I preach went/goes a long way.
Ryan, I love this video and how you explain what is written in Meditations. I also must say, every time I read "Daily Dad", it is difficult to go through a few pages without bringing me to tears. Not for sadness, but for love of my small children and consideration over the words. I am not even half way through it. I pick it up, it gets heavy, I put it down, and pick it up again later. This book is a friend.
99.9% of people have not decided what type of person they want to be (you can test this yourself by asking people a simple question, “What is your personal compass, the type of person you’ve decided to be?” most people will say, “I’ve never thought about that before” 😳), they do not have a personal compass. I think that the first thing people should do is to have a personal compass - if you don’t know what kind of person you want to be, then you have no guidelines when a situation happens. But when you’ve decided that, when something happens, you have something to go by, a decision that you made when you weren’t emotional or triggered.
Thank you so much Mr. Holiday, I really needed this. You have inspired me to read about stoicism and try to implement it into my life. I deal with depression and anxiety and you have really helped me try to focus on me instead of everyone else. Thank you and much love from Denmark ❤❤❤
This comment section is so validating.. my parents didn’t even teach me that well, I have an alcoholic dad and a workaholic mom so both were more distracted than anything. But I’ve just always had really good manners. I’m respectful and kind and engaging, I listen to people, I don’t interrupt, I don’t look away when people are talking to me. But people rarely ever behave the same way to me. It makes me further just want to be on my own.
I learn about when we get mad on what the other people do to us we allow them to manipulate us. Me sometimes I know how to tolerate but sometimes I allow myself people to see what they don't want to see and know . Sometimes I don't tolerate rudeness. I tell my truth. But sometimes I can be kind and compassionate.
When someone is selfish and bad in traffic, I try to remember that I, too have done the same thing or something similar. I mentally acknowledge it but disengage my feelings. Amazing how by the time I'm at whatever destination, I've completely forgotten what they did.
Rise when they try to knock me down. Be unchanged by the opinions of others. Bring JOY & LOVE to all I meet, work with etc. “Don't let anyone steal your joy”.
I currently have a difficult work situation, and I have that quote about the best revenge being not like the other person hanging up in my office. The idiots that the quote refers to are either too stupid or too self involved to think it’s about them so it works out great. Thanks as always for the great points of views.
Stay cool, empathize, set boundaries, choose your response wisely, and focus on what you can control. Stoicism isn't about suppressing emotions but responding with wisdom and virtue.
nice one. rude people justify their shitty behaviours by claiming to just be "telling it like it is" but they rarely ever want to hear what their is is. it always boggles me that people can be so ego driven, never looking inwards but only outside of themselves. i go about life trying to make people smile and have a better day. some of us try to find things to love in others. even aholes. some don't. :( jerks are here to help us grow i suppose.
@jazzyj2182 personally, i feel these things were written by those who still control the world today. turning the other cheek is what has caused the last 4 years and caused evil to flourish. jesus came to kick ass ie flipping tables. be like jesus.
@HikingHalfdead Absolutely. Sometimes it's our own family and that's why I don't attend gatherings anymore. We must learn if people are rude they DON'T deserve your presence. Sadly I learned it later in life but I don't feel obligated anymore to accept invites. I decline immediately😂
Yet there are also occasions when you simply need to take matters into your own hands and outsmart the annoying assholes out there. I was living in the perfect apartment for about a year and a half and then the biggest jerk moved below my apartment and played loud music, talked on his phone all night long and I’d had enough. I proceeded to record his obvious noise violations and turned the tables on him. However, this was done in the daytime and simply chose music that would annoy him to no end and he backed off. Notifying the l leasing office and calling the police also helped, so it was worth the time spent to shut this idiot up once and for all.
Hi 👋 It's difficult when you are working with people who are treating you badly. The workplace can be the worst of places. People check up on each other in the way of policing. There is usually a hierarchy. As you say there are differences in people. Some people aren't going to change either. As a gay man I have been treated like a second class citizen. I'm in my sixties and have retired from work now. Thank goodness too. I have experienced some hurtful and hateful situations inflicted on me. I can't change people. I can change myself , to be positive in myself. It's hard , but I can make a choice who to let in to my life. I use my good intuition now.
I can relate, sir. I am also a gay man retired from my 9-5. So glad I don't have to spend 5 days a week with certain co-workers who were nasty, rude, etc. Most of my co-worker were good people but others were sooo annoying. I got a female supervisor terminated for firing her male employees one by one over infractions that would result in a verbal warning with most employers,. It got to the point where I was the only male left in my department. She then took me on too and said something to me that was jaw-dropping in its inappropriateness. Never mess with a queen, lol : I wrote up the incident, delivered it it to administration the next day, and she was terminated within 24 hours. If someone is harassing you or making your life hell in the workplace do two things: 1. Document it on paper. Be detailed/Be clear/ stick to the facts.. and 2. Turn it in to administration. They can ignore verbal complaints but they can't ignore documentation. I prefer silence, non-reaction, or walking away these days to any defensive reactions or anger (per Stoic teaching) as that gives the offender way too much power. My claws will only really come out now if the offense involves physical abuse. Then I become Joan Crawford on steroids...
@FriendofDorothy I like your reply. I was brutally assaulted in a robbery years ago. I couldn't defend myself and I was beaten up bad. I received serious head injuries, and have scar disfigurement on my head and face. I was deeply traumatized , and it caused great grief. Time has healed though and it can come up still but it's not major like it used to be. I can't change people , but I can change me. Positive things come out of bad situations. I'm very wary and selective about who I associate with. Best wishes from Carl.
There are many ways to avoid other people’s drama. I use the Buddhist approach which is stoic like. Many psychologists have great ways of explaining it also, whatever works best for you.
You have to be careful with indifference. It can lead to the total shutting down of emotions to the pint where one can become sociopathic. I've witnessed this in friends who tried hard to remain neutral to horrid treatment of human assholes as a form of defense. As elders, they are no longer able to express any feelings themselves, including empathy. One stoic friend of mine, cannot express emotion even when a friend dies now. Not good. When you lose empathy, you've pretty much lost your soul.
Ryan's insights on applying Stoic strategies to navigate difficult people are truly valuable in today's world. Understanding and implementing these principles not only helps us maintain our composure but also fosters personal growth and resilience. 💡
I'm aging myself here but if anyone remembers “before” the internet not just social media, people that heard about “difficulties” from a distance ( maybe a blurb on a radio or tv show) were aware but not feeling directly impacted- the view of the world imo was the world is inherently “Good” and we would take a moment to send positive thoughts to families or people in need ❤️
I mostly try to ignore jerks. They need fuel and they hate silence. Since the digital revolution they're crawling all over the internet. It's sad really, to live like that.
I like seeing these rude people as just normal humans just doing what they naturally do; it's a way to get what they want. People have different ways of dealing with problems, and even though it's rude, it does not necessarily mean that they are bad people. Seeing like this makes me feel at ease, and makes me realize that maybe their intentions weren't so bad after all.
Oh, thank you so much for this! I needed something that would help me handle my mother's narcissistic behaviour. It made and makes me suffer a lot and unluckily made me become as harsh as she is. Lately I'm reading The Idiot by Dostoevskij and I was wondering if I could ever became as good and pure as Myskin is, despite the unkindness of the people around him. This video was very inspiring, I think I will engage in this
If you can learn unkindness from your mother, you can learn kindness, too. I know I treat people better now than I used to, and because of that, I like myself more. You can do it!
@@melaniemcneil407 thank you. Actually I'm very kind with "normal" people, but I'm harsh with my mother and arrogant people. I became intolerant to unkind people, but I don't like being like that. I guess I have to be stronger in order to maintain my kindness and my peace of mind💜
Me too i am reading it and will continue once school is out I can relate to your struggles too I myself am very kind to but find a hard time to be kind to my parents
have you read anything more contemporary! I really benefitted from Lindsay C Gibson's books. The new one 'disentangling from emotionally immature people'' was great, listened to it on audible and I'll listen to it again. I also really enjoyed listening to the mother wound by bethany webster (also on audible). Regards x
I believe that rude people may have a legitimate message but they just don’t know how to deliver it. We need to stay calm and be reasonable rather than getting dragged into their drama. If the person’s intention is just to insult or hurt the other person then that’s on them!
A lot of words and they're not really helpful. For instance, in my neighbourhood (the houses are built very closely to each other) the teenage son of a neighbour who has his room at the top floor, talks for hours on end very loudly with some friend via skype or something. It is extremely annoying as it happens every day and goes into nighttime in front of his open window. There's no way of talking to him, because he's not there at daytime. I tried to ignore it, but I just can't. And I'm tired of trying to ignore obnoxious people, because I'm doing that all my life. (Maybe I should mention that I'm highly sensitive.) In Germany we have a saying: "When wise people always give in, then some day the idiots will rule the world." I'm frustrated and desperate, because I have the impression that since covid and lockdown things have aggrevated - people have become louder and more self-centered.
As a business man who deals with dozens of people, it's very hard for me to take the high road, my boundary is to cut someone out 100% if my kindness and politeness is taken advantage of and people try to be cute and want to banter. I have 1 customer who is basically a dumb hillbilly that tries give me unsolicited advice and critic my business dealings. He claimed yesterday, " you gotta give it back to people"(verbal banter). It's amazing how some people reach a certain maturity level and never change. Verbal banter is childish and I've never enjoyed it. Try that shit in jail or in the military and see what happens. People these days will antagonize and hope you make the first move so that they can sue you for money. Some middle eastern countries have the attitude adjustment problem in check. When it's man vs man it's an assumed fight, no litigation. Women are unfortunately lesser than, which is wrong but you dont see them acting like men because they would be treated like one. Im not saying women should be hit, I've never done that and think it's incredibly wrong but some people are very spoiled and childish and it's disappointing. Just cut them out of your life 100%, we cant care about people who tried to antagonize and entrap us in legal trouble. They never cared about us to begin with so as a service to ourselves we can disconnect and be rid of those that antagonize us.
Finding 2 dead dogs and 2 dead goats is not just rude. The type of person that would do this. Is a sick individual that needed to be Investigated by the police. The police should have been called.
We moved and the new neighbors knew the previous owner. They gave them a bunch of stuff but left it on and over on the property line, it's been around a month. I tried getting in contact with bylaw but they aren't getting back to me. They also burn crap to heat water, it's so bad I feel very sick inside of my house at times and can't go outside. Still waiting for our old house to sell so we can put up a fence at least. He let's his dog come over and poop in our yard.
Met so many difficult , rude , narcissistic , gossiping , negative people in my life it's fucking draining .
Certainly doesn’t help that they can text us when we’re minding our own business.
You can let it be draining or you can let it pass you by. They have the power to act, but remember, you have the power to react. Peace be with you.
Stop feeding them! Your attention to them is allowing them to drain you.
@@deltahomicide9300…that’s when I block their number. However, I don’t have to work with or see any of them. If that’s the case with you, do whatever you can to maintain your peace of mind. 🙏🏼
It was not your bad luck, people are like that
You had me at, “Some fucking psychopath-“
for real
Really lol. He's a human just like us wow 🤣😂🤣
Same!
@@Respect2theFallen I mean yeah, but his tone says it all. You don't usually see Ryan get too spun up about stuff. But if the rampant animal cruelty and neglect in Texas manages to piss off all of us on the east coast, I imagine it's worse when it's on your literal doorstep.
@@smileyginger1 I wish I had more thumbs. Great point.🫡👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
It’s amazing. This morning I was humiliated in front of several people at my job, by a woman who I thought was my friend. I was fuming for hours and as soon as I came home, this video pops up. There are no coincidences in life. The universe winked at me today.
Obviously, she is jealous of you! She must feel so insecure if the only way she can feel better is to put people down.
Except what happened to you _was_ a coincidence. You are reading too much into mundane things that happen to everyone.
A cynic’s life in unbearable.
Hope things are better now and you've got past it!
Im sure you meant GOD
Edmund Burke cut right to the heart of the matter; he said, “Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.” Don't take the bait and walk away knowing thar the rude among us are internal weaklings.
I'm rude right back. And they magically become nice
@@natashka1982 I've done that, too, but I always seem to converse with the snowflakes--they don't know how to have a reasonable conversation because they aren't reasonable. For the most part, I just let them be...life is too short to get sucked into their issues.
@@sandybuchanan2666 Yes, my sister and her crazy offspring try to draw me into their fights and then it becomes my fault somehow. I have no opinion - Ryan said I didn’t have to have one!
I like that 😊
Good quote
I understand what you're getting at. My experience, seeming so nice, they don't stop the rudeness, it just gets worse. I cut myself off from them. Im almost alone now. So many unkind people.
Same, this is the first time I disagree with one of his videos.. Ive dealt with a few extremely toxic narcissists and it’s horrible, it’s better to cut them off than subject myself to being around someone like that
@ceez3317 It is all perspective. We have to walk away from those impacting us. I am seeing this as more the basic everyday people we meet. Of course, leave a toxic job or person. I like how he addresses being true to yourself instead of reactive.
@@francesb7515it seems since COVID and coming out of lockdown it’s continuing to get worse. I don’t know where so many people suddenly have felt entitled to behave so horribly. The “Boundaries” part of this video has become everything to me.
That is what schoenhauer recommends keep a distance from most people as much as you can as they will inevitably bother you
In 9th grade I made the decision to never treat anyone the way my mother treated me because I disliked it so much. I'm now in my 60's and have never broken that promise, in fact I have to thank my mother for showing me how not to treat people.
Mothers can be real demons, I am 32 and my life has been a nightmare, all my problems are directly and indirectly related to my mother but she is the only one who gave me support in my most fragile moments but Also the one who caused all the mess in the first place. They make you feel worse than anyone else but at the same time you feel guilty if you hate them or at least try to get away from them. Even worse when you realize that she is the only person in this world who gives a damn about you, it's sick. In the end all hope is lost with people and even the will to live. From now on I will live only for myself and for my well-being, at least I had some fairly clear limits to deal with people
@@Wuwei32 I'm sorry to hear about your situation. To be clear, I don't blame anyone for any situation in my life good or bad. I'm responsible for all of my actions and/or consequences as a result. What I consider one of my best attributes is that I have always been able to walk away and more importantly enjoy my own company. No expectations from anyone.
@@Wuwei32 Consider this: Your mother was probably shaped by at least one other person's negative behavior toward her. Evidently, she is aware on some level and is trying to break the cycle--albeit sometimes unsuccessfully. This is why your post reflects both positive and negative feelings (cognitive dissonance) about your mother. Perhaps now it is your turn to complete the task by breaking the cycle and vowing not to treat others in the same way. For me, this is a means of honoring my mother and her efforts to break free of her own history of being abused.
@@Wuwei32Hope your doing better 🌸
💕🌷
Not reacting to other people’s nastiness is so very difficult. I have a colleague who brings out the worst in me with her bullying. It took a lot of effort to take a step back and stop reacting to her.
Record her for evidence
Practice makes perfect, lots of practice though
I’ve been with my therapist for over 3 years now, once a week for an hour consistently. She knows my hatred and disgust for humanity, and yet I’m always helping them and donating, being nice to them etc etc. she asked me why then, and I told her “I help them because I am not them”. So a lot in this video really resonated
With disdain. Self fulfilling prophecy
The FACT that I don’t have to have an opinion about anything I don’t want is one powerful lesson that I learned from your channel! Powerful!
@jazzyj2182go away
💯
@jazzyj2182amen 🙏
Isn’t choosing not to have an opinion, an opinion?
@@1130Tim Facts are not opinions, the fact someone doesn't want something cannot be an opinion.
Patience and cheerfulness go a long way.
I bought some clothes online and what I ordered is not what was delivered ,the sales lady /owner of the business refused to exchange and was very arrogant and rude,i wondered why someone in business would treat a client so badly and rude,i was breathing fire and fumed over the encounter and had sweared to get hold of her and deal with her tomorrow but after listening to this video i have drastically changed my mind,i will let it go,it was a learning experience and move on and accept i lost money
Stoicism has changed my life
Changed the life of many 🔥
I pray god protects you from everyone and everything that is not for you, you have a beautiful soul
I find silence and absence do the job quite effectively.
Not every statement or action is worthy of a response.
The same goes for the people themselves.
Thank you for helping those animals I really respected that
There was this one person that I didn’t care too much about, one day, I was at a friend’s 🏡 and she knocked on the door , I opened the door and she could tell immediately that I wasn’t pleased to see her; she looked at me and said: “it’s always nice to see you” , I was so thrown off coarse , that to this day, I remember her with kindness! 🙏😞🙏
I love what you told us. Thank you!
@@serawasnever13 😉🙏
When someone messes me up, there's two options. To react in anger or overlook it. It's good to assert with politeness, but I can't let it lean into anger. Feeling the offense sucks, but the anger is worse because now I'm forced into a bad emotional space, where I feel fear and have lost control. If I don't react, I think I keep a bit more of myself.
I love getting angry back and watching people get scared
@@natashka1982 No, it's not a good way.
Like the passion. Take the High Road yes. Defending your space, priceless.
Wow…this video popped up at the right time. I really needed to hear this.
I’m on a fat loss/lifestyle change. I’ve lost 50 lbs so far and it took me a year and a half to do it. Many of my co-workers are saying that I look old now that I’ve lost weight. Of course they say this behind my back. 🙄 Anyways, I’m usually not bothered by what people say about me but this irked me because I have been trying so hard to better my health just to hear negative comments. Then, I realized that:
#1. they are probably envious of my accomplishments.
#2. I don’t give a fuck about their opinions.
#3. I’m not going to let their negativity get to me.
I’m happy and way healthier than I used to be. I’m proud and no one can change that. I’ll stay away from the haters and the negativity.
Take care everyone!
I hate when people make any personal remarks - to me- about me - about others. I have been training myself to never remark on someone's appearance.
Hi! So glad to see you - how are you? Where have you been? Or have you been back to that vacation place school diner whatever where we used to whatever?
I wish someone in the media could take up the cause and try to "influence" the public to stop with the judging. Even well intentioned. Like. " oh you lost weight". Well my body size is not for discussion.
You aren't doing it for them you do it for yourself what people say is irrelevant the vast majority of them are barely sentient. I have never fitted in have few if any friends because I say it like it is and this repels people they hate the truth they are literally of no consequence
Absolutely they're envious!
Maybe you could have some fun with them by swanning around in new outfits and hairstyle? Lol, they'll soon be spitting and meowing!
Keto is the way. Add fasting and you have the literal fountain of youth. Cheers
@@DrSweetshaft I did Keto initially with intermittent fasting and my weight stalled for six months. It wasn’t sustainable for me because I was always hungry. I lost weight but I also lost muscle mass. Now I’m weight training four days a week and eat whole foods to fuel my body. I’m a petite 44 year-old woman and I’m in the best shape of my life. I still have more body fat to lose but I know it’s going to take years to achieve the physique I desire.
Been following Holiday since his 1st book. Thanks you for having the courage, wisdom and fortitude to open your gift and use it to better humanity.
Took me a long while to realise that what other people do or say about me has very little to do with me and a lot to do with them.
Agree
Yeah, stay true to your core values and principles 💯
Gospel Of Mark...
Leave Christianity out of it. Millions of humans have been sacrificed in the name of Jesus
💯
@@mcgritty8842 ... by people who weren't very Christian.
“The power of no opinion”. Perfection 🙏🏼
I needed this. Thanks. Sadly, actual psychopaths are not that uncommon (about 1 in 100 individuals) and when you add in other negative personality types, it's clear we are all going to encounter some of these malign people at some time in our lives. It's important to try and protect ourselves from them physically and financially, but also not to let our minds dwell on them too much or too deeply (as per the quote from Marcus).
Thank you soooo much for all your speaking + untiringly explaining about becoming stoic in normal daily life 😂❤ !!
I m a 79 years old grandmother, Austrian, and I literally inhaled all you said, with joy spreading 😂❤❤❤
Today at a cafe, I had an odd experience with a transgender man working there. He took the orders of the people behind me-twice-while ignoring mine. When I finally said "green tea," he responded with "not you!" and continued serving the next person.
I'm a physically fit boxer with a good life, and while I felt angry inside, I stayed calm. I understand that this kind of behavior can stem from personal issues, mental health struggles, or even jealousy. Although it affected me, I chose to wait for another staff member to take my order. I got my green tea and left without causing any trouble, especially since I’m not in my home country and didn’t want to escalate things.
Sometimes, I wonder if I should’ve stood up for myself, but staying calm often avoids unnecessary drama. In situations like these, speaking up could’ve led to an unnecessary scene or even false discrimination claims. Instead, I chose to walk away, carry on with my day, and not dwell on it.
Thanks, you are great!! I love stoicism.The best sentence I've ever read "I dont have control what is around,i have control what is inside me"🤜🤛
Really enjoyed this one - esp the perspectives of ‘people are playing a role in the world’ and ‘don’t think too much about what lies underneath’ / ‘not having to have an opinion’ 🧘♀️🙏
Sadly we are losing generations because we are not teaching basic polite kind behavior as a normal thing. I know many people who do not even know to say please and thank you routinely.
Stop complaining and be the change you wish to see.
@@davidmitchell6873lol ppl can have their opinions. Its the internet. If you dont like complaining just scroll…
True,but age is not wisdom neither.....soooo with that been said we are in trouble😂😂
I am currently going into education to become my country's minister of education, to change this in the Netherlands. I cannot guarantee my success, I have lots and lots to learn but I hope others will follow the same challenging path. We can change the world
👌
I must say I’ve NEVER see you angry or soo fired up…I like it!
4:56 this is an extremely effective mindset for many situations in life. I used to do crisis counseling alongside police and fire departments, seeing even worse things than they would because I EXCLUSIVELY went to the worst cases. I'd be asked all the time how I managed that experience, and before I even knew about stoicism, my perspective was basically just that one way or another I always knew that these kinds of things happen in the world whether I saw them in person or not. So the only difference was that I was seeing them for myself, and that I actually had the *opportunity to help
Didn't it effect your nervous system? No physical symptoms at all?
@@tnt01 depends what you mean by "effect." Our nervous system is always responding to our internal and external stimuli, but no significant and lasting negative impact in my case, no. But mentality definitely isn't EVERYTHING, for sure. I'm sure that being a therapist and practicing what I preach went/goes a long way.
@@Brandon-os3qr 👍
You vs Chaise right now Let's see who's blood will draw first!
@@Alex-vh5el I don't get it
Ryan, I love this video and how you explain what is written in Meditations. I also must say, every time I read "Daily Dad", it is difficult to go through a few pages without bringing me to tears. Not for sadness, but for love of my small children and consideration over the words. I am not even half way through it. I pick it up, it gets heavy, I put it down, and pick it up again later. This book is a friend.
The power of not having opinion towards the people that you cannot control and influence.
💯
Starting with you cussin bold af but I appreciate it. Never heard you cuss before but youre human and its normal to be frustrated
@jazzyj2182 Are you spamming every post just to make a point? Or are you simply being your obnoxious self?
I listened to this first thing in the morning and it help me set the day. TFS!!
This is so timely and helpful.
What a lasting difference you are making in the world.
Thank you.
Thank you Ryan.
This is helping me calm down today...there are dead dogs in my path too.
🙏
To see Ryan put into practice one of the teachings hit for me.
@jazzyj2182go away
99.9% of people have not decided what type of person they want to be (you can test this yourself by asking people a simple question, “What is your personal compass, the type of person you’ve decided to be?” most people will say, “I’ve never thought about that before” 😳), they do not have a personal compass.
I think that the first thing people should do is to have a personal compass - if you don’t know what kind of person you want to be, then you have no guidelines when a situation happens. But when you’ve decided that, when something happens, you have something to go by, a decision that you made when you weren’t emotional or triggered.
Needed to hear this! Thank you Ryan!
"Don't let the person who wronged turn into something just like them"
Marcus Aurelius
hearing ryan curse was funny 😂
It happens 😆
You know you made it when the comments are addressed to the commenters
Same when Sam Harris curses bc they do it so rarely
He curses all the time on the podcast lol
It's refreshing.
Thank you so much Mr. Holiday, I really needed this. You have inspired me to read about stoicism and try to implement it into my life. I deal with depression and anxiety and you have really helped me try to focus on me instead of everyone else. Thank you and much love from Denmark ❤❤❤
This comment section is so validating.. my parents didn’t even teach me that well, I have an alcoholic dad and a workaholic mom so both were more distracted than anything. But I’ve just always had really good manners. I’m respectful and kind and engaging, I listen to people, I don’t interrupt, I don’t look away when people are talking to me. But people rarely ever behave the same way to me. It makes me further just want to be on my own.
I learn about when we get mad on what the other people do to us we allow them to manipulate us.
Me sometimes I know how to tolerate but sometimes I allow myself people to see what they don't want to see and know . Sometimes I don't tolerate rudeness. I tell my truth. But sometimes I can be kind and compassionate.
When someone is selfish and bad in traffic, I try to remember that I, too have done the same thing or something similar. I mentally acknowledge it but disengage my feelings. Amazing how by the time I'm at whatever destination, I've completely forgotten what they did.
I try to but lizard brain takes over and i go off on them, more times than id like to admit
Rise when they try to knock me down. Be unchanged by the opinions of others. Bring JOY & LOVE to all I meet, work with etc. “Don't let anyone steal your joy”.
I currently have a difficult work situation, and I have that quote about the best revenge being not like the other person hanging up in my office. The idiots that the quote refers to are either too stupid or too self involved to think it’s about them so it works out great. Thanks as always for the great points of views.
Thank you Ryan, from the bottom of my heart.
Stay cool, empathize, set boundaries, choose your response wisely, and focus on what you can control. Stoicism isn't about suppressing emotions but responding with wisdom and virtue.
If you take a shot every time he says Marcus Aurelius, people become less annoying.
Thanks. I really needed this today.
Needed this!!!❤thx so much
nice one. rude people justify their shitty behaviours by claiming to just be "telling it like it is" but they rarely ever want to hear what their is is. it always boggles me that people can be so ego driven, never looking inwards but only outside of themselves. i go about life trying to make people smile and have a better day. some of us try to find things to love in others. even aholes. some don't. :( jerks are here to help us grow i suppose.
@jazzyj2182 personally, i feel these things were written by those who still control the world today. turning the other cheek is what has caused the last 4 years and caused evil to flourish. jesus came to kick ass ie flipping tables. be like jesus.
AMEN. True.
They must check themselves first. Been in situation like this.
@HikingHalfdead Absolutely. Sometimes it's our own family and that's why I don't attend gatherings anymore. We must learn if people are rude they DON'T deserve your presence. Sadly I learned it later in life but I don't feel obligated anymore to accept invites. I decline immediately😂
@@joleenlinks7513 agreed.
This was great advice for me to hear today. Thank you.
Yet there are also occasions when you simply need to take matters into your own hands and outsmart the annoying assholes out there. I was living in the perfect apartment for about a year and a half and then the biggest jerk moved below my apartment and played loud music, talked on his phone all night long and I’d had enough. I proceeded to record his obvious noise violations and turned the tables on him. However, this was done in the daytime and simply chose music that would annoy him to no end and he backed off. Notifying the l leasing office and calling the police also helped, so it was worth the time spent to shut this idiot up once and for all.
👐👏 Great Info🎉👍❗
This is so difficult for me. I see the news and it’s just so sad. Sometimes I think everyone is bad.
The news thrives on negativity. The real world has good ordinary (boring for the news) people.
This is just soooo helpful!! Thank you!
I forgive and then i forget they exist...
Thank you!
I have been struggling and your comment hit the nail on the head. Forgive and forget them so they do not continue to hurt me.
Hi 👋 It's difficult when you are working with people who are treating you badly. The workplace can be the worst of places. People check up on each other in the way of policing. There is usually a hierarchy. As you say there are differences in people. Some people aren't going to change either. As a gay man I have been treated like a second class citizen. I'm in my sixties and have retired from work now. Thank goodness too. I have experienced some hurtful and hateful situations inflicted on me. I can't change people. I can change myself , to be positive in myself. It's hard , but I can make a choice who to let in to my life. I use my good intuition now.
I can relate, sir. I am also a gay man retired from my 9-5. So glad I don't have to spend 5 days a week with certain co-workers who were nasty, rude, etc. Most of my co-worker were good people but others were sooo annoying. I got a female supervisor terminated for firing her male employees one by one over infractions that would result in a verbal warning with most employers,. It got to the point where I was the only male left in my department. She then took me on too and said something to me that was jaw-dropping in its inappropriateness. Never mess with a queen, lol : I wrote up the incident, delivered it it to administration the next day, and she was terminated within 24 hours. If someone is harassing you or making your life hell in the workplace do two things: 1. Document it on paper. Be detailed/Be clear/ stick to the facts.. and 2. Turn it in to administration. They can ignore verbal complaints but they can't ignore documentation. I prefer silence, non-reaction, or walking away these days to any defensive reactions or anger (per Stoic teaching) as that gives the offender way too much power. My claws will only really come out now if the offense involves physical abuse. Then I become Joan Crawford on steroids...
@FriendofDorothy I like your reply. I was brutally assaulted in a robbery years ago. I couldn't defend myself and I was beaten up bad. I received serious head injuries, and have scar disfigurement on my head and face. I was deeply traumatized , and it caused great grief. Time has healed though and it can come up still but it's not major like it used to be. I can't change people , but I can change me. Positive things come out of bad situations. I'm very wary and selective about who I associate with. Best wishes from Carl.
There are many ways to avoid other people’s drama. I use the Buddhist approach which is stoic like. Many psychologists have great ways of explaining it also, whatever works best for you.
❤ amazing advised...
Thanks for your Stoic content I’m really enjoying your books too. Wishing you every success and contentment ❤ in life as you help so many of us.
Thank you!! Much needed
You have to be careful with indifference. It can lead to the total shutting down of emotions to the pint where one can become sociopathic. I've witnessed this in friends who tried hard to remain neutral to horrid treatment of human assholes as a form of defense. As elders, they are no longer able to express any feelings themselves, including empathy. One stoic friend of mine, cannot express emotion even when a friend dies now. Not good. When you lose empathy, you've pretty much lost your soul.
Agreed. We must strike a balance between over involvement and complete detachment.
Thank you so much for this video. Very helpful ❤
Love this ❤ thank you
I am working on having NO opinion on things that don't matter...which is most things.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this and will listen to it again and again.
Ryan's insights on applying Stoic strategies to navigate difficult people are truly valuable in today's world. Understanding and implementing these principles not only helps us maintain our composure but also fosters personal growth and resilience. 💡
I'm aging myself here but if anyone remembers “before” the internet not just social media, people that heard about “difficulties” from a distance ( maybe a blurb on a radio or tv show) were aware but not feeling directly impacted- the view of the world imo was the world is inherently “Good” and we would take a moment to send positive thoughts to families or people in need ❤️
People do mass meditations for exactly this reason > they connect on the internet
I mostly try to ignore jerks. They need fuel and they hate silence. Since the digital revolution they're crawling all over the internet. It's sad really, to live like that.
Great insight.
You hit the nail on the head, toxic individuals hate silence. Don't give them the dopamine hit they seek through malice
I like seeing these rude people as just normal humans just doing what they naturally do; it's a way to get what they want. People have different ways of dealing with problems, and even though it's rude, it does not necessarily mean that they are bad people. Seeing like this makes me feel at ease, and makes me realize that maybe their intentions weren't so bad after all.
Thats facts they just direct about their discomfort about bending to others will, Its actually sobering in a world of phonies sometimes
Love the Seaside shirt. Beautiful place, I've spent quite a bit of time there myself.
I needed this today
My reaction to rude people, "Well, at least I am not you."
And yes, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
1000% protecting mind and spirit, always. Namaste.
I feel tons of positive energy here, Well done Ryan
Thank you very much for the reminder that the obstacle is the way… loved this video!
Oh, thank you so much for this! I needed something that would help me handle my mother's narcissistic behaviour. It made and makes me suffer a lot and unluckily made me become as harsh as she is. Lately I'm reading The Idiot by Dostoevskij and I was wondering if I could ever became as good and pure as Myskin is, despite the unkindness of the people around him. This video was very inspiring, I think I will engage in this
If you can learn unkindness from your mother, you can learn kindness, too. I know I treat people better now than I used to, and because of that, I like myself more. You can do it!
@@melaniemcneil407 thank you. Actually I'm very kind with "normal" people, but I'm harsh with my mother and arrogant people. I became intolerant to unkind people, but I don't like being like that. I guess I have to be stronger in order to maintain my kindness and my peace of mind💜
Me too i am reading it and will continue once school is out
I can relate to your struggles too
I myself am very kind to but find a hard time to be kind to my parents
have you read anything more contemporary! I really benefitted from Lindsay C Gibson's books. The new one 'disentangling from emotionally immature people'' was great, listened to it on audible and I'll listen to it again. I also really enjoyed listening to the mother wound by bethany webster (also on audible). Regards x
@@SusanaXpeace2u no, I haven't. I'll search for them, thank you for your recommendation❣
Offffff the boundary part hit home 🏡 for me
Thank you lad
You’re doing Marcus proud
I believe that rude people may have a legitimate message but they just don’t know how to deliver it. We need to stay calm and be reasonable rather than getting dragged into their drama. If the person’s intention is just to insult or hurt the other person then that’s on them!
I found this really helpful. Thanks for sharing it 😊
Dunno if you meant to be funny but I had such a good laugh watching this video. Thanks. Especially Loved the ending. We are all connected.
Love this, thanks...❤
A lot of words and they're not really
helpful.
For instance, in my neighbourhood (the houses are built very closely to each other) the teenage son of a neighbour who has his room at the top floor, talks for hours on end very loudly with some friend via skype or something.
It is extremely annoying as it happens every day and goes into nighttime in front of his open window.
There's no way of talking to him, because he's not there at daytime.
I tried to ignore it, but I just can't.
And I'm tired of trying to ignore obnoxious people, because I'm doing that all my life.
(Maybe I should mention that I'm highly sensitive.)
In Germany we have a saying:
"When wise people always give in, then some day the idiots will rule the world."
I'm frustrated and desperate, because I have the impression that since covid and lockdown things have aggrevated - people have become louder and more self-centered.
Hello. Where can I learn more in stoic boundaries? 9:46 Thanks
Great video again💯
As a business man who deals with dozens of people, it's very hard for me to take the high road, my boundary is to cut someone out 100% if my kindness and politeness is taken advantage of and people try to be cute and want to banter. I have 1 customer who is basically a dumb hillbilly that tries give me unsolicited advice and critic my business dealings. He claimed yesterday, " you gotta give it back to people"(verbal banter). It's amazing how some people reach a certain maturity level and never change. Verbal banter is childish and I've never enjoyed it. Try that shit in jail or in the military and see what happens. People these days will antagonize and hope you make the first move so that they can sue you for money. Some middle eastern countries have the attitude adjustment problem in check. When it's man vs man it's an assumed fight, no litigation. Women are unfortunately lesser than, which is wrong but you dont see them acting like men because they would be treated like one. Im not saying women should be hit, I've never done that and think it's incredibly wrong but some people are very spoiled and childish and it's disappointing. Just cut them out of your life 100%, we cant care about people who tried to antagonize and entrap us in legal trouble. They never cared about us to begin with so as a service to ourselves we can disconnect and be rid of those that antagonize us.
Subbed...thank you for the channel. Good stuff! 👍
Finding 2 dead dogs and 2 dead goats is not just rude.
The type of person that would do this.
Is a sick individual that needed to be
Investigated by the police. The police should have been called.
Great message here!
I hope I never become the type of person who would dump dead animals by the side of the road.
It's better than dumping live ones.
We moved and the new neighbors knew the previous owner. They gave them a bunch of stuff but left it on and over on the property line, it's been around a month. I tried getting in contact with bylaw but they aren't getting back to me. They also burn crap to heat water, it's so bad I feel very sick inside of my house at times and can't go outside. Still waiting for our old house to sell so we can put up a fence at least. He let's his dog come over and poop in our yard.
Clean it up & throw in their yard??
Just gorgeous, thank you
This was perfect for me right now.
This content is powerful
Thank you sir.