Trauma Dumping: 9 Winning Ways to Avoid HOPE KILLERS & Energy Vampires!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ย. 2024
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For me the answer to trauma dumping is remothering. When I hear others' bad news, trauma or negativity, I speak to myself gently and remind myself I'm safe and that's not my reality. The little girl inside needs that reassurance especially when you grew up in chaos and it feels familiar.
I love this : I'm safe & it's NOT my reality!
This is great advice thank you for sharing
Wow, that’s very deep. Makes sense, especially if you grew up in or around chaos
Used to be a trauma dumper and put my baggage on others, until I decided to help myself last year.
As a natural empath and introvert, boundaries are SUPER important to me.
Me as well 💓. Props to you and congrats on establishing healthy boundaries. It can be difficult, especially for introverts. But it really does give us a better, more peaceful life.
ME.
They are everything! Particularly for those of us with healing energy ❤
“Only pour into others when you have fully poured into yourself” yesss
I used to be a trauma dumper...I thought I was just venting
Shout out to the fake friends the call you to check if you are doing worse than them. Girl, bye.
😂
😂😂😂😂❤!
Once I started going to therapy, I realized that I had to remove my ex best friend from my life. Over 15 years of the same thing. She was the exact description of this video! Always the victim, no accountability at all. I got tired of the constant complaining about her life but not taking steps to fix it. It’s been 5 months since spoke to her and I truly do wish her well and I hope she heals. I’m protecting my feminine energy no matter who has to go!!!🥰✨
What is a feminine energy? This sounds real culty to me.
i always wanted to rescue my mother but then i realized that’s not my job
I keep my circle very small. I do not tell everyone my business because you dont know if they will use it against you
@@opuulent1 I know thats right. I rather have 4 quarters then 100 pennies. I don’t need that many people in my life
Yes! Definitely
As a Nurse, I am a trauma sponge. I can’t blame it on Nursing because I’ve been a people pleaser all of my life. I have always put others needs and lives before mine and now at almost 60, I have more regrets than beads on Bourbon Street😩. Ladies Chloe knows what she’s talking about. Oh if only I could turn back the hands of time and keep the knowledge I have now.
Same here my dear, but please know its never too late to do right by yourself. You may be pleasantly surprised. 😊
Sylvia Thomas I am you and you are me
I totally relate
Same -. I’m also a retired Nurse and totally agree re being a people pleaser, trying to help people before yourself etc, try not to regret the past as you can’t change it and as I’m sure you helped loads of people at the time, but now move forward with this new knowledge to guide you - good luck 😊
I left my husband and several friendships for this. They were sucking the life out of me. Always negative, always angry, always a victim and they always ran from solutions. I realized they liked the toxicity so I removed myself. Good riddance be miserable by yourself.
Honestly you're the same on the opposite side of the spectrum. No one is happy 24/7 unless they're repressing.
@@Sarahizahhsum who said anything about being happy 24/7?
@tarusqueen8534: Same 💯! Eliminating toxic people and setting healthy boundaries has done WONDERS for my life in the last nine years😄.
I had a friend who would dump her issues on me. In 2018 I was going through a divorce and she was having a difficult time. She was mad at me for not supporting her. I had to cut her off because according to her, I was supposed to be there for her as a friend. I refuse to be used and abused!
I’m a trainee psychotherapist and everything Chloe mentioned is true. Protect your peace and run away from drama and energy vampires.
I am embarrassed to say that I was a trauma dumper. I now understand the importance of maintaining therapy and protecting my friendships instead of draining them. My friendships are FAR healthier, and so am I. It's amazing what getting true professional help can do for you.
Tell me which therapist is free then ill listen, otherwise you're privileged and need to shut your trap
I was the trauma dumper. Just bleeding out all over the place. Flapping around in an uncontrolled sea of emotions drowning myself and the others who were genuinely (I think) trying to help me.
I had a friend whom I've recently let go. 20 years. But what happened was I went in. I went in to my dark places while this friend decided to spread the legs WIDE. While I went to school she was around town. I never said anything. I let her be who she was. But all the while I was CHANGING. I got a life coach. I lost 62lbs. She had baby #4 at 38. What I noticed is little by little the little slick side shots were coming. The little comments that stayed with me that I had to think twice on. It took me a long time that instead of my growth inspiring her to change she let her ego get the best of her. I'm not saying anything I'm walking smooth away. Bc women who are not taking action to improve themselves will grow to dislike you very quickly. When you decide to be more do more it makes some people very SCARED you become a threat to them.
I feel sad about walking away but we no longer have anything in common. When I mentioned I got a life coach, I felt the snicker. But I am committed to loving myself and the reward... The fruit of self healing has been extremely rewarding. I am rising and I have to leave them behind although I've shared my secrets fears and tears. I AM NO LONGER MY TRAUMA SELF. And so those relationships have expired. It feels terrible to walk away but I have to bc they remind you of who you Arent. They intentionally try to keep you on their energetic level. I'm free.......... I healed.
All the best on you’re journey 💞
It’s either trauma dumping or dream killing with these types of people. Do what you need to do to stay as far away from them as possible!
This was my mother and this is now me! I used to hate being around my mother growing up and I swore I would never be like her. I am codependent, as is she. It wasn’t easy feeling responsible for another person’s emotional well-being growing up. I realize she was very emotionally immature and thought I could fix all of life’s issues. As a young adult I see how wrong being put in this position was. Now I am in control of me!
No one is responsible for your emotions/healing but you! Life truly starts outside your comfort zone.
oo i get so mad when ppl try to trauma dump on me. it is as if they want to make my load heavy purposely. i felt this heavy this past two weeks.
I've been the therapist friend before, and it is mentally and emotionally draining. It can take a toll on your personal life too. What really made me open my eyes to the issue was these people would never reciprocate for me or would act like their problems take precedence over everything else. Even moreso, when I tried giving them advice, they would make excuses or dismiss it in order to continue to complain and feel sorry for themselves. It's one thing to be there for someone, but it's another to be their on call therapist. In my experience, the only way to deal with these people is to set firm boundaries with them, or possible distance yourself if they really don't change at all.
I have allowed myself to be trauma dumped on for a few years by a so-called 'friend'. Recently, I got a word in edgewise to say something I believed but which she resisted seeing about herself. Suddenly, from considering me a friend of hers, she sees me as Enemy Number One, even defriending me for a while until she decided to relent and give me a second chance!! I've seen the light and am very happy and relieved to end the friendship myself.
A former trauma dumping friend blocked me after I sent her this video.
Now I feel guilty for feeling so relieved.
Omg I’m literally going through the guilt if feeling relieved 😩😩
I am a reformed nice girl as well. I used to be ashamed to say No, to the point of developing hives and anxiety.
I am so exhausted from family trauma dumping smh
I'm in that boat with you
Why? Why does negativity bother you so much?
Same. Nobody wants to sit next to Mr. or Miss "Waah Waah feel sorry for me."
My ex best friend who is committed to being a masculina victim. I ignored her jealousy and stagnation for years well it came to ugly head because she felt I was terrible god mother and claimed she never considered me a friend. I’m free. I’m leaving everyone behind my feminine self is who I’ve always been is resting,traveling and I have Career I plan on retiring from early.
I heard a saying once that people keep living in Hell because they know the name of all of the streets
A few months ago I was the one being trauma dumped on from my family members. I set boundaries and now I’m the villain. I first found out about the term “Parentification” from your channel and didn’t realize I was suffering from it.
Chloe, you are literally saving lives. I always tell my girlfriends that need guidance to subscribe to this channel to change their lives❤️❤️
*I needed to hear this after dissolving a friendship that, looking back wasn't even a friendship. I am naturally giving person & then the one time I say I know, I didn't hear from her for weeks & then that turned into months. Honestly, I have a theory that if you do not have a good relationship with your first female friend(your mother) you are not going to know how to be a good friend.*
🙌🏾🙌🏾
“Happy with being unhappy.”
Girl, this describes so many people in my life.
I have had to enforce strict boundaries with my Mom. Listening to this video confirmed I am doing what’s best for me. It’s been hard, but I feel better bc of it.
I remember I had a friend who always complaining about her dusty. To add insult to injury, this woman had the nerve to ask me to get advice from therapist to help her solve her issues.
Girl. That's a whole lot of insult.
Whew you called me out as a social worker. I experience this at work and sometimes in my personal relationships with men and some friends. You are my favorite TH-camr and you challenge me to check myself and be conscious of my trauma dumping from work related stress, motherhood and man problems. I’m going to move forward with a better energy! Love you Chloe
I love you too!
I had to resign from a 10+ year friendship because she felt toooooo comfortable asking me for money every other day after I told her no. She didn’t care about my own financial affairs & was only focused on getting a quick dollar for what she wanted. All of my other friends are out here & getting it, yet, she seems too comfortable to do the same.
That isn't trauma dumping at all. Wtf even is this and how is it relevant?
@@Sarahizahhsum girl it is. Bye
I was just in the middle of talking to a friend off the ledge.. They always got something going on..
I was right In the middle of responding/typing and then this title alone made me stop. To come watch this video! I know I've gotten a lot of work done, but I've still got a ways to go.
Thank you Chole...💝✨️💐
I don't what what you believe in what I think a higher power is trying to tell you something.
@@WhitneyKM oh..
I already know the vibes! I feel that exactly what you speak of... for sure!
I'm getting ready to go get a facial * get some relaxing in..
Working on overfilling my cup ✨️💐
Boundaries are key. Especially for us empathetic, introverts. And it truly does improve your quality of life in the long-run. We need them ladies👑 great video. This was much needed.
I had a friend who involved me so much that she n her man wanted to Group FaceTime me for weekly sessions on their debates when I‘m not even a licensed therapist. She became so consumed with him that she could care less about my life, unless he’s busy or cheating. I had to take several steps back from it. It made me realize how much I loved myself n my peace.
Chloe you helped save me from myself a few years back...your videos have opened my eyes so much and made me step my game up with being more intentional and strategic in the ways I view love instead of just falling for a feeling...at 41 I am finally back in a position to rest in my feminine with someone who actually wants and values that...keep opening our eyes...we appreciate you sis ❤️ this too was a great video but I just had to say this
Thanks for this message Chloe. As a social worker, what I learned from dealing with people is that most people need help BUT most people do not WANT help. Many people love to talk the talk but are unwilling to walk the walk. People want sympathy not solutions. Thats why it is imperative to protect and preserve your peace of mind. You are not god, you cannot save anyone but yourself.
When I embraced my feminine journey, I became a magnet for trauma dumping men, who were using it as a strategy of getting into my ear, into my heart and finally into my bed! Watch out for this nefarious technique carried out by men who don't have the resources to court a feminine woman they consider to be high maintenance or above their level. Once I saw the pattern, I set a boundary that I don't have male friends and that has saved my nerves, if nothing else.
Exactly, they try to get you to feel sorry for them for what they got themselves into.
I second that no male friends boundary as well.
👍🏽
I’ve done so much free therapy and compassionate healing fkr others that was met with more trauma and abuse directed towards me. I no longer let leeches weeds and predators into my life. Let them destroy themselves
My father had a foot injury last month that had himnin the hospital and rehabilitation center for over a month. He complained that he wanted to come he and he's been home a week and a half now. He has had doctor appointments and visits from home care specialists and he acts like he doesn't want to be bothered. I have run myself ragged trying to help him while he snaps at me and blames me. I have decided that his healing is up to him and him alone. I can't make him be responsible if he doesn't want to be. I have to take care of myself or I'll have nothing for anyone else.
Thank you for making me a better man.. been following you for a year now
❤️
I’m a victim advocate at a District Attorney’s. Whew !!! Trauma is all I deal with. I find that so many people identify very deeply with their problems and do not want to change their situation. They’re unable to take a step back and truly look at the mess they’re in. My heart goes out to so many of them.
It’s very lonely 😞 now that I’ve cut everyone off. My “friends” were never my friends, only trauma bonds and users. I never made friends growing up and don’t know how to. I just grew up with those shady yamps since childhood until my adulthood. 😂hell it’s just me and my daughter literally until she gets older and leave, then I’ll have 🐈 🐈⬛. 🤷🏾♀️
Yep. I just had this conversation with one of my friends. As expected she immediately turned it back on me, taking zero accountability, and told me I must not be a good friend because a good friend would never have a problem with listening indefinitely. There’s trauma dumping and there is borderline personality disorder too. These types of people will always try to make you feel bad when you put your boundaries in place.
Wow! I feel like you made this video right on time. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how I can help a family member to take better care of themselves. But I had to realize that some people just don't want to grow or change. A lot of people use trauma dumping to manipulate people into enabling their poor behavior but when you provide them with an actual solution they ignore it. Save yourself the disappointment and put that same energy into bettering your own life.
MORE BAGGAGE THAN SPIRIT AIRLINES BHHAAAHHHAAA 😅😅😅 always some humor to your videos and i love it
Chloe, Chloe, CHLOE!! This is perfect timing.
I have ab aunt who is and has always been a hope killer and energy vampire to everyone BUT her own kids. but also used them in her woe is me and my life.
Omg this video was got me . My mom ! Unfortunately she is unhappy with being unhappy and entertaining chaos. Has alway dumped her shyt on me . Which has effected my mental and physical health to the point where I can’t work.
Ghost them. I had to do it with a childhood friend, listened to him for two years told him he needed therapy. The pandemic came people were dying and I was drained in all ways. He had to go we get a chance to live and this is what you choose to do with your time. Nope
Wow yes, I finally put an end to my traumatic family members. Once I set a boundary I never heard or seen them again it’s been over 10 years they just use people. Good riddance!
Couldn't agree anymore! I've left behind so many toxic friendships, social groups and trauma dumping in general. I have all of the answers to my problems, I just choose not to use them because I wasn't ready for improvement, putting myself first and moving on. I'm in my 20's, I am the drama! (Sometimes)
"I'm in my 20's, I am the drama!.." 🤣🤣🤣 Good for you. A lot of us are former Hell on wheels!
Why is this the perfect timing omg
I 💕this. I had to 🛑 , block, limit, set up boundaries because emotionally vampires 🧛♀️ and trauma dumping is real. Black people really are socially engineered to use friends as therapist and my energy is too valuable. I noticed that I was just wasted my time putting out other People’s 🔥, they never learn, or got are real solution, and I was left drained. I called all my power back, elmiminated discractions..Ladies, I learned just because you know what a person “ should do” don’t mean you should tell them.. I like Chloe when you said simply say you don’t have the bandwidth to unpack their trauma. Additionally, I notice trauma dumppers only wanted to dump their trauma when it was time for me to dump my trauma they were too busy…My moto is Focus 🧘♀️ Focus on Me .. H.E.R. Pouring unto yourself is the best investment you can ever make💕🦋 Thanks Chloe ⭐️
I just blocked someone who wouldn’t stop doing this every time we talked. i realized it was really draining my energy and she wasn’t trying to do anything to get better. if I tried to offer advise I was told why that wouldn’t work. She just wanted someone to validate her and didn’t want to take responsibility or get a therapist who would help her. Just constant negativity. I rarely feel a need to vent or be negative, I don’t understand people who make this their whole personality
This message came in divine timing for me! Thank you so much Chloe ❤️
I'm with you. I definitely needed to hear this💯
My mother is a trauma dumper. It's really hard to deal with. I limit my contact with her as much as possible.
Chloe I can not count the times (way too many) you have hit the nail on the head, but this video is at the top! So timely for me. Thank you Chloe for teaching this old person so very much. It is appreciated. I just had to walk away from many draining ‘friendships’ the last one two days ago. I feel free and a bit shocked at how much people expect me to save them.
Me too.
I had to walk away from my close friend that I knew for 10+ years. I am married with children and she has two baby fathers that are toxic. After I tried warning her several times about these men, she blames me. It is very hard because now I don’t have no friends. In the end, I know it’s Gods way of protecting my peace 💞
Dropped everything for Chloe
Very true about the empty cup thing. It’s all about me from now on!💯
I used to always be the one to try and rescue people from their problems, the listening ear and I never truly became drained until I dated an abuser who tore my life apart. For 6 years I'd only known isolation from friends and family, domestic violence and fighting for my life in and out of court. I recently went on a trip with my girlfriends and simply having a conversation and sharing our perspectives led to my girlfriends, whom I haven't seen in 6 years, telling me my perspectives were negative and that I was spiralling down a dark hole. I was surprised they felt that way and I really hope I wasn't trauma dumping. I learned to really do a double take on myself and my words to be sure I didn't put a damper on everyone's moods just by talking. And long before we met up I had been getting therapy and long resolved my past issues, but reminiscing and using my experiences as examples in conversations really seemed to bother my friends. They shared theirs as well, but theirs weren't as dark as mine so it wasn't a problem. I almost feel like I have to be fake and stifle or water down and sugarcoat my true experiences in order to save everyone's mood.
You need new set of friends the moment u realised you need to down grade yourself to people. You to cut them of immediately
@@fabfati 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾
Whew chileee let me make this a Facebook status! Because there are TOO many trauma dumpers around me that I stay clear of
I just prayed for the release of that which you speak of. Amen, this message is right on time! Now, on to the feminine work. Pouring into myself is not selfish; it necessary! 💅🏽🏃🏽♀️
Chloe you are a Powerhouse of Knowledge Fountain of Wisdom and Pillar of endless Love. Thank You so much
Yes! A jewel of information
I was raised by a Nurse. Both she and I are magnets to these people. I can no longer take it on. Ive moved on from these relationships and life feels so much lighter for me.
This video is so spot on!!! I no longer feel guilty for feeling relieved after ghosting a trauma dumper!!!
I'm helping myself. Trying to fix and heal myself.
This also happens in romantic relationships, please choose yourself ladies.
Thank you for this. It gave me the courage to end a friendship that's not working for me.
This was/is the very topic of my 1st therapy session TODAY! This message is INFINITELY on Pointe! I've realized that from a very young age, I have been groomed by my mother going back as far as I can remember to take care of her! I was her friend, counselor, therapist, advocate, husband, caretaker, and even mother at times. It has bleed into just about we every area of my life & how I interact with the world. The struggle is real to let myself "off the hook" as the savior of everyone I come into contact with. THIS is getting into the ultimate WORK of my own salvation & emancipation! It's up to ME to give myself freedom; NO ONE else's permission is required! Ashé
😪😌
🤲🏾💔💞💖
I'm not a black woman but I am a native american woman and alot of these ways are relatable 100% among my community and theres alot of relation between the two. I take alot from these videos.
Yesss I had to end an 8 year friendship because she would always complain and never do anything to truly help herself. I’m all for crying it out and venting, but at some point we have to talk about solutions. It got draining after awhile.
Chloe this video was very beneficial for me. I have the gift of being a great listener and also having poor boundaries so I’ve come across multiple Trauma dumpers in my lifetime and still have one I need to cut off. I’m going to implement the tips suggested in this video and find a therapist to help me enforce boundaries.
We all have trauma, issues, or personal problems. A good therapist or counselor is a necessity. Most jobs have Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where you can get 10 counseling sessions a year from a licensed social worker as part of your benefits package. Thanks for video Chloe.
Hi Chloe , I’ve been watching your videos for over a year and I agree I’m am a trauma dumper to an extent as I am always who people frequent when they are in need of an ear to dump on too. I’ve said this a few times already “ I need to seek a therapist, I am constantly overwhelmed with and over working with stress . I feel my body weakening. Thanks again for the reminder to seek help
i tried to say the same thing. how the hell do i start the healing when trauma dumpers live in my house and refuse to MOVE!
I'm afraid say I'm currently trauma dumping. Before anyone harangues me it's not due to trivial matters. I've just escaped an abusive 2 year relationship. He was battling cancer for 18 months of the relationship and I stayed far longer than I would've done due to his cancer. He got the all clear and I left the next day. Then the following week my new home was burgled. The thieves were caught and one is now in prison (with other extensive charges) and the other is on bail. The family of one of the thieves has been sending me death threats. I started offloading because I was bubbling over with anxiety - the worst thing is I'm trauma dumping on strangers and its got out of control. I was seeking a TH-cam channel to see if I could get tips on how to deal with it. So, thanks to this feedback, arranging an appointment with my therapist is the next call I'm going to make. 🌷
Pure genius. How do we heal from trauma without draining our friends? Get professional counseling. This is why I could not use alcoholics anonymous to get sober. I was getting weird in that dynamic. Used Anne Grace The Naked Mind book your and others like you videos and finally counseling
Wow , this is why when I start dating or talking to a man , he disappears thrn come beck with “ it was a death in my family” I’m not saying they use this for as trauma dumping, but it seem like all these guys always have something h major goi h on on their life. They was always giving the least anyway , so when I say something about it or reach out, they say how they are sad or still in mourning months andI months. Wow I was just thinking about this. Great video … I love this channel
Miss Chloe, thank you for this. I have a lot of trauma dumpers in my life. They make the wrong decisions and when it all falls apart they are looking for me to rescue them. You said something very crucial, they want you to solve their problems without them making an effort on making corrective actions. Trauma dumper are bad new.s. That can kill you. I am working on removing them from my life or have some boundaries. This video came at the right time
A message I didn’t know I needed.
Out of all the videos you could’ve uploaded next it’s like you read my mind. I literally have been searching for energy vampire videos for more knowledge on the topic and one by you is unmatched, thank you so much for your amazing content ❤️ I loved this video!
I about to stop dealing with some family. I can outright say this conversation is depressing let's change the subject they still continue. When I don't answer for a while them I'm acting funny. I'm over it
This hits home, sounds just like my mom... I pray that she gets restored to her beautiful wonderful self.
More baggage than spirit airlines 😂😂😂
This message is for me... my struggle is exactly this
I really needed this video! It spoke to me in so many aspects! Thanks Chloe!
I thank god I’m subscribe to TH-camr channels like Chole_ . These are things our mothers should have taught us, thank you.
Hey Chloe
Thank you for all the work you do ,you have no clue how much it has helped me. Love from South Africa 🇿🇦.
💖💖💖
❤️❤️
Greetings from Canada 🇨🇦
This video is so on time. Dealing with this currently
Whew sometimes you are in the villain in someone else's story and its hard to face. I believe I am a recovering trauma dumper. This is a great video and all the points are true. Sometimes trauma dumpers don't know at the time. When i was in college I was so lost and I spoke to anyone looking to be understood and really for guidance and acceptance. I was hurt that noone helped me but they couldn't and it really wasn't their responsibility to. I did recognize the cyclical cycle I was in and slowly found my way. I will say some of the few things that made me a trauma dumper was
1. I stayed in toxic situations (work, relationships, friendships and family) too long to the point they overwhelmed me
2. I was a people pleaser; neglecting my own needs serving others and so was hoping others would also sacrifice for me
3. Lack of self love and self acceptance
Ladies if you are guilty of this please immediately change especially if you doing this to family/friends currently in your life. Learn to honour your own boundaries (this teaches you to honour others'); learn to self-soothe; practice forgiveness; practise listening more than you speak in conversations; consider a video diary where you speak to yourself or an actual diary; therapy if you can afford it.
And for the ladies who have been dumped on I am sorry. However listen to Chloe, put up strong boundaries eventually one will have nowhere to go and have to face themselves; thats usually the catalyst for change.
I needed this message, thank you Chloé
This needs to be on all news channels because this is life-saving.
Thank you so much for this! Everyone can’t come on the journey and everyone isn’t going to understand! Boundaries have been my thing because ppl make me feel so bad I’ve been told “get off my high horse” and more! With that being said you can’t tell your friends and family nothing! It sucks but this journey between you and GOD! Period
PREACH 🙌🏾
Similar - a friend who always down plays my issues ( even though I’m really upbeat and always try to find ways to cope rather than moaning ALL the time like she does) eg ……well at least you can have an operation for that or ……..at least you pain isn’t stopping you from doing things you want to ………always thinks she is worse off, it would be funny if it wasn’t so exhausting ! Im in the process of letting them go, as tbh mentally it’s exhausting me and also it’s not mentally healthy to be around people like this imo.
Wow! This video is very necessary. Thank you 💕
This video is timeless.
I actually realize i am a trauma dumper but it wasnt intentional i just never had anyone to talk too in my own family so i would vent to friends etc since at home i was dealing with domestic violence i didnt know how to process my emotions but im in school now and saving for my own spot i plan to go to therapy as well