MY mother was diagnosed with cancer while I was deep in depression. It was horrible. I was exhausted all the time because of the depression and then tried to hide my depression from her to not be a burden on her but support her. Everyone who ever had depression knows that you kinda stop caring too much about other people, every emotion is toned down. I cost me so much effort to appear supportive and alert and at the same time my anxiety grew every day because I was so afraid of losing her and felt guilty of not being the rock she needed. Right now she is cancer-free and have not been depressed for 2 years!
Thanks for sharing, Hannoi. Although it cost you a lot emotionally, I'm sure your mother greatly appreciated your support. It must have been a very scary time for the both of you. I'm so glad she's cancer-free and you haven't been depressed for 2 years! That's something to be very proud and I hope you continue to manage your depression.
My daughter, 16, (who is one year out from treatment for HL) had to distance herself from a girl she knew who also developed HL. We even went to the same clinic and at times had to request that this young lady not know we were there. Yes! Hide! It was just too much for my daughter to deal with. Initially, I thought I could be of some help to the mom, since we had just finished treatment and they were just starting. However, I found that I couldn't talk to or deal with her either. It was NOTHING personal against them.....we just literally could not deal with anybody else's problems at that point. I think it has gotten a little better, but my daughter, myself, and really our whole family is still recuperating. I believe it takes years, not just months.....I have found the best lesson in all of this for me is finally, finally, being able to say NO without guilt, for the first time in my 38 years. Self care is always important, but even more important for cancer patients and their family. So take especially good care of your mind, body, and soul and don't ever feel guilty about anything. ♥️
I totally understand that. Is your daughter still okay? I hope she is. Sometimes we need to withdraw and focus on ourselves. It's amazing if we can help out, but it''s okay to say no if the act of helping another is damaging to us or re-traumatising. Thanks for sharing your experience, W Fowler. You're right, self care is always important. :) Wishing you and your family good health!
I'm six months out and I feel I'm expected to be normal but I do feel emotional, overwhelmed at times and I am trying to work part-time. Everyone around me is getting on with their lives, I just want to say hey, remember what I've been through, give me some space or time, that's how I feel anyway at times.
Hey Ruby. Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear it's been so hard. Six months out is still early (even though I didn't think that was the case when I was six months out). It's great to hear you're working part-time though, that's how I started getting back into the workforce and it helped me not feel as overwhelmed. What's been helping you cope so far?
Isenda Thinks Hey! relaxing in my room, relaxing activities, being in a quite space but at the same time going out to socialise for dinner so on helps. Although at the moment I want more of alone time, I guess I have to take each day slowly it's like my mind and body need healing and need to be at sync but the world is spinning around just like it doesn't care 😉 it's just the mind that needs healing, apart from that I am grateful and I know adversity can happen many times, so I live with the philosophy, something amazing will happen today ☺
So interesting to hear this experience and I completely understand needing to set limits. I’m sure those people that may need help in the future would actually be understanding if you can’t support them in every way. I’m curious to know how you’ve been recovering after your experience. I’m about 3 years out of HL but I’ve been overwhelmed with everything and getting depressed and I think maybe the underlying issue is me not having totally recovered or dealt with my experience yet. Did you take time off work/life to get back on track or do you have any other suggestions to help with recovery? Thanks girl and love your work 💪🏼💚
I'm six months out and I feel I'm expected to be normal but I do feel emotional, overwhelmed at times and I am trying to work part-time. Everyone around me is getting on with their lives, I don't get extra support either, for example at work, I just have to be recovered, that's how I feel anyway at times.
Yeah I was the same. I was back at work not long after finishing my treatment and it was good to get into it again but it definitely took some time and I still needed to spend time recovering. I just didn't think I would still feel this way but maybe I didn't take a break sooner. Definitely take the time you need to recover physically as well as emotionally because that's so important. I may have neglected that myself and wish I really took the time. Best of luck with your recovery :)
Hey Em. Yes indeed I believe they would be very understanding - it would just hurt me to not be able to support them in every way. What specifically have you been struggling with? I'd recommend seeing a therapist because they would be able to help you tease out what it is you need to deal with. I jumped into work right after treatment, then resigned because it was too much, spent 3 months with severe depression/anxiety, then got a small casual job that I loved but felt I couldn't perform sufficiently because I was still recovering, then I lost that job because of funding, then I got the job I have now. I've recovered a lot in the last year, a lot in part because of my job, because my first priority after cancer was to "sort" my career out. And I've felt like I've done that as I have a year's experience under my belt and I'm going to start my masters soon. But now that I've achieved this priority (at least for the moment)... I'm looking for my next 'life goal'. I found focusing on one thing at a time helped me because there were so many things I wanted to do and I couldn't do them all. So, I chose to fix my career first and by that I mean I chose a path and started walking down it. And for me that was part of getting my life back on track and feeling more like myself. But for others that might not be the case after cancer. I'd recommend seeking a creative way of expressing your thoughts about the entire experience. For example, writing down thoughts or memories, filming videos, talking to other young people affected by cancer, going on youth cancer camps if they're available to you, creating art, writing fiction. Going to therapy always helps. When I was going through treatment and the early stages of recovery, I made a concerted effort to go to therapy and to go to youth cancer events in my area and reach out to young people affected by cancer to help me process everything. I didn't necessarily feel like I needed it in the moment, but I thought 'Why not do this thing if it could help me out later?' and I think it has paid off for the most part. I still struggle and am still recovering but I'm doing quite well considering everything (this could change tomorrow :P haha).
Hey Em and Ruby. Would one of you be interested in making a video with me for my channel via Skype/Google hangouts? As part of my guest series? If you are, send me an email on IsendaThinks@gmail.com
MY mother was diagnosed with cancer while I was deep in depression. It was horrible. I was exhausted all the time because of the depression and then tried to hide my depression from her to not be a burden on her but support her. Everyone who ever had depression knows that you kinda stop caring too much about other people, every emotion is toned down. I cost me so much effort to appear supportive and alert and at the same time my anxiety grew every day because I was so afraid of losing her and felt guilty of not being the rock she needed. Right now she is cancer-free and have not been depressed for 2 years!
Thanks for sharing, Hannoi. Although it cost you a lot emotionally, I'm sure your mother greatly appreciated your support. It must have been a very scary time for the both of you. I'm so glad she's cancer-free and you haven't been depressed for 2 years! That's something to be very proud and I hope you continue to manage your depression.
My daughter, 16, (who is one year out from treatment for HL) had to distance herself from a girl she knew who also developed HL. We even went to the same clinic and at times had to request that this young lady not know we were there. Yes! Hide! It was just too much for my daughter to deal with. Initially, I thought I could be of some help to the mom, since we had just finished treatment and they were just starting. However, I found that I couldn't talk to or deal with her either. It was NOTHING personal against them.....we just literally could not deal with anybody else's problems at that point. I think it has gotten a little better, but my daughter, myself, and really our whole family is still recuperating. I believe it takes years, not just months.....I have found the best lesson in all of this for me is finally, finally, being able to say NO without guilt, for the first time in my 38 years. Self care is always important, but even more important for cancer patients and their family. So take especially good care of your mind, body, and soul and don't ever feel guilty about anything. ♥️
I totally understand that. Is your daughter still okay? I hope she is. Sometimes we need to withdraw and focus on ourselves. It's amazing if we can help out, but it''s okay to say no if the act of helping another is damaging to us or re-traumatising. Thanks for sharing your experience, W Fowler. You're right, self care is always important. :) Wishing you and your family good health!
I'm six months out and I feel I'm expected to be normal but I do feel emotional, overwhelmed at times and I am trying to work part-time. Everyone around me is getting on with their lives, I just want to say hey, remember what I've been through, give me some space or time, that's how I feel anyway at times.
Hey Ruby. Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear it's been so hard. Six months out is still early (even though I didn't think that was the case when I was six months out). It's great to hear you're working part-time though, that's how I started getting back into the workforce and it helped me not feel as overwhelmed. What's been helping you cope so far?
Isenda Thinks Hey! relaxing in my room, relaxing activities, being in a quite space but at the same time going out to socialise for dinner so on helps. Although at the moment I want more of alone time, I guess I have to take each day slowly it's like my mind and body need healing and need to be at sync but the world is spinning around just like it doesn't care 😉 it's just the mind that needs healing, apart from that I am grateful and I know adversity can happen many times, so I live with the philosophy, something amazing will happen today ☺
So interesting to hear this experience and I completely understand needing to set limits. I’m sure those people that may need help in the future would actually be understanding if you can’t support them in every way. I’m curious to know how you’ve been recovering after your experience. I’m about 3 years out of HL but I’ve been overwhelmed with everything and getting depressed and I think maybe the underlying issue is me not having totally recovered or dealt with my experience yet. Did you take time off work/life to get back on track or do you have any other suggestions to help with recovery? Thanks girl and love your work 💪🏼💚
I'm six months out and I feel I'm expected to be normal but I do feel emotional, overwhelmed at times and I am trying to work part-time. Everyone around me is getting on with their lives, I don't get extra support either, for example at work, I just have to be recovered, that's how I feel anyway at times.
Yeah I was the same. I was back at work not long after finishing my treatment and it was good to get into it again but it definitely took some time and I still needed to spend time recovering. I just didn't think I would still feel this way but maybe I didn't take a break sooner. Definitely take the time you need to recover physically as well as emotionally because that's so important. I may have neglected that myself and wish I really took the time. Best of luck with your recovery :)
emonetwothree aww thank you for your kind words ♥
Hey Em. Yes indeed I believe they would be very understanding - it would just hurt me to not be able to support them in every way. What specifically have you been struggling with? I'd recommend seeing a therapist because they would be able to help you tease out what it is you need to deal with.
I jumped into work right after treatment, then resigned because it was too much, spent 3 months with severe depression/anxiety, then got a small casual job that I loved but felt I couldn't perform sufficiently because I was still recovering, then I lost that job because of funding, then I got the job I have now. I've recovered a lot in the last year, a lot in part because of my job, because my first priority after cancer was to "sort" my career out. And I've felt like I've done that as I have a year's experience under my belt and I'm going to start my masters soon. But now that I've achieved this priority (at least for the moment)... I'm looking for my next 'life goal'. I found focusing on one thing at a time helped me because there were so many things I wanted to do and I couldn't do them all. So, I chose to fix my career first and by that I mean I chose a path and started walking down it. And for me that was part of getting my life back on track and feeling more like myself. But for others that might not be the case after cancer.
I'd recommend seeking a creative way of expressing your thoughts about the entire experience. For example, writing down thoughts or memories, filming videos, talking to other young people affected by cancer, going on youth cancer camps if they're available to you, creating art, writing fiction. Going to therapy always helps. When I was going through treatment and the early stages of recovery, I made a concerted effort to go to therapy and to go to youth cancer events in my area and reach out to young people affected by cancer to help me process everything. I didn't necessarily feel like I needed it in the moment, but I thought 'Why not do this thing if it could help me out later?' and I think it has paid off for the most part. I still struggle and am still recovering but I'm doing quite well considering everything (this could change tomorrow :P haha).
Hey Em and Ruby. Would one of you be interested in making a video with me for my channel via Skype/Google hangouts? As part of my guest series? If you are, send me an email on IsendaThinks@gmail.com