I'd like to think that one day he'll pull the cushion off the couch and there will be bits of egg, Terminator CyberFlesh powder, fake snow, Easter grass, fake Lego, and melted blind bag toy residue underneath.
Congratulations Sir ! You will receive your evil genius award by post.(this award may only be received by people between the ages of 0 and 1 on Sunday the 32nd of January 1942, persons not living in ditches will not be eligible for this award. Ps: this award is fictional.)
"Includesi ... That's not how Italian works!" I live on the fourth floor, and some one on the sidewalk down there just uttered, "Someone's having fun!" on account of my LMFAO up here :'D
Ashens may be the only person in the Internet to hold a cooking segment on a couch. I think this is the most I've ever seen him eat on the show as well.
I think these egg cookers are the dumbest kitchen gadgets out there right now. I mean, is it that hard and inconvenient to cook an egg in a pan? What if you wanted to have an omelette with ingredients like peppers, mushrooms, cheese, ham, that kind of stuff? But no you just get a solid log of egg that gets pooped onto your plate. If anything in the time it took for it to heat up and cook the eggs you could've done it in much less time in a pan.
my mom got one of those, but in the verison she got, there was a small recipe book, where it said that you were suppose to mix the eggs together with whatever you wanted in your omelet first, and then put it inside.. but yea, still.. its faster and easier to clean to use a pan lol.. you only dont have to watch the omelet while its cooking..
"I'm going to spray plenty of it on because I don't want things getting stuck." "Oh, God. It's fairly... it's much deeper in there than I thought, actually." "And, excellently, it's managed to spray slightly on the sofa."
6 years later, this appears in my recommended feed and the pre-video ad is for a new movie starring Humperdinck Bandersnatch. He continues to be in everything, it seems.
'Egg master' Well that's enough internet for today....... Although as always Ashens you do a fabulous job of marketing shit! You could easily be a product-marketer at poundland.
+RIXRADvids I think we got something here! What do say? Let's go 50/50 and start a restaurant. We could become the next Applebee's, except we'll call it Crapplebee's!
I'm curious; Do you actually use your couch as a couch anymore or is it only for your reviews. I'd assume what with all the various crap you've gotten on it, you's be wary of sitting on it.
Repartition (Russian: передел, peredel) was a practice in the Russian Empire of the periodic redistribution of the peasant's arable land by the village community. The traditional household did not permanently hold a particular allotment in the open fields. What the household had was the right, so long as it remained within the village community (`mir'), to a holding commensurate with its size. The mir's assembly, the skhod, periodically redistributed the arable land to allow for changes in the size of households, and for new (or extinguished) households... Yes, my thoughts exactly 😂
From the top, with the oil in it, it used like a recently used sextoy. From the side it looks like a baby Darlek hatching from its blue, cylindrical, Timelord-hating egg shell.
Teledildonics in action! 😂 Just a brush on a stick, HUMPH! Humperdink Bandersnatch! Thank you for cheering me up. I just watched you and friend Dan eat those horrific jelly bellies.
An electric fleshlight that cooks and poops out eggs... Thanks Ashens, that's one more item I will NOT be buying! On a serious note, I love the videos, I love all the stupid, pointless things you review and the humor you put into your videos.
I know this comment is a two years old but I feel this way too. For some reason it reminds me of the menu music on some horse racing game I used to play on the PS2 but I've forgotten the name so can't check. :(
@@zzzen. the fact u got some symbol after Ur name that imitates the checkmark for verified accounts like that makes you any more premium than a normal user. Yikeeeees.
The box comes from America (I'd wager, because aluminium is misspelled for some odd reason) and in America they pronounce aluminium "aluminum" because they're, well fucking stupid frankly.
Thunderwalnut- so, the word was originally "alumium" and the British (mainly) morphed it to aluminium because it was thought to sound better and more sophisticated. Other places, like America and Canada, morphed it to Aluminum. I'm American, so I grew up saying aluminum. They're both correct, yet incorrect at the same time because alumium is archaic and no longer used.
+Thunderwalnut The person who'd discovered the element kept changing it, because he still didn't think it sounded impressive enough. Sir Something-or-other, I've forgotten his name. Americans ended up with the interim 2nd draft, before he changed his damned mind again. An American would be woefully narcissistic to presume that the way they'd always pronounced something was correct, simply because it was what they'd been raised with. But that's not an exclusively American trait, you've made that quite apparent.
I'd like to think that one day he'll pull the cushion off the couch and there will be bits of egg, Terminator CyberFlesh powder, fake snow, Easter grass, fake Lego, and melted blind bag toy residue underneath.
Ah yes. I'm dying to know now. I bet there's horrors underneath that cushion.
+Lady Wanderer and a fucking inflatable crown
+TheGeekster Well, except its face. Ashens has it cut off and pinned it to a billboard in front of his desk.
There would also be Vinnie Vole.
Yassss
James bond is NOT a non stick agent, he bonds
Batman on Weed underrated comment
But- he does know how to slip out of sticky situations.
It does bondage
200th like
he james bonds
The phrase "Give me the good stuff, Egg Master" worries me
I like when he says "I almost chocked on my own egg"
Us*
not me, this is my exact fetish
That's what I say to my wife in bed.
Great review, Ashens!
- D. Carrington
If your egg-phallus is too bland, you could always insert 0-3 sad onions prior to cooking, small ones so they fit in the tube.
Yes, I've always wanted an egg dildo corn dog making thing.
This is truly the peak of human innovation and intelligent design.
Truly.
Next time, in Japan.
Sonna Banana maker.
A invention that fills your bananas... With filling like peanut butter.
+Jenny Ke or Sprite
+Jenny Ke That's fucking amazing. Though you could always just spread it on the outside.
+Dogan you've messed up the idea GO HOME EVERYBODY THE PROJECT IS CANCELLED DUE TO THIS GUY
imagine walking into your friend's kitchen and seeing a fleshlight shit out egg
The worst thing is knowing one of my mates it wouldn't even be that surprising.
Cringe furry.
i laughed more than i should at this
@@johnsalamii I laughed seeing my comment again after three years 😂
@@LinkTheFusky Does this mean you're not coming round for tea? I was going to do my special dildo cumming out vanilla ice cream as dessert.
'the glory hole from hell'
Correction! Glory hole TO hell
The gory hole
looks like an Amazon Echo that cooks eggs
Or, an Amazon Eggo.
This comment terrifies me. Thank you!
An actually usefull Amazon Echo
@@IvanovIvanAKrutoi ha
@@spankypants2793 omg 😂😂
I just watched a rubber sex toy take an upside down poop in defiance of laws both physical and culinary.
Joshua Pearce how does it work (i'm just being aking)
r/nocontext
David Daivdson hmm but my mom said not to trust anything on the internet, I’ll do my own research. Where do you find a eggmaster anyways?
David Daivdson so I went to a sex shop but they were really confused when i brought a 12 pack of eggs with me
David Daivdson you reckon a 6 pack would’ve been better?
A fleshlight for real men.
lol wtf 😂
A very HOT partner
*MAD men
+The British Dude Ha!
Stfu xD :3
It’s marketed as a vertical grill, as though a horizontal grill just looks like an Egg Master but sideways.
And what ever happened to it? You don't see them anywhere now - perhaps a blessing from above.
@@ferociousgumby or from the left or right!
Ravioli Ravioli , embedded heating elemoni
Underrated comment.
AJ Patterson ded
beautiful
why did I laugh at this
Dude Spewed :(
Hmmm... you could probably really melt some poundland tat in that.
Mellow Gaming *****
they will melt then they WILL RISE FROM THE TUBE AS A NEW FORM which is a plastic sausage
That sir, is a magniflourious idea!
Poundland dildos
Congratulations Sir ! You will receive your evil genius award by post.(this award may only be received by people between the ages of 0 and 1 on Sunday the 32nd of January 1942, persons not living in ditches will not be eligible for this award. Ps: this award is fictional.)
Love how you can say Benadryl Cucumberpatch's name wrong in any fashion and people still know who it is you speak of
Bombombimp conc
Yep, that's the beauty of Burntisland Cowdenbeath's name...
Benehume cumbortune
brambledick cabbagewank
Eggs Benedict Cumberland. Is it a man or a breakfast order?
i love the deeply facetious manner in which he says "hurray"; it really encumbers the general attitude of the channel, and its great.
uwu
Start your day with a warm egg turd
Meow I do, and I don't even own a machine.....
Meow Can you hold it while it's cooking? so it will shit directly into your mouth?
2 girls 1 egg master
Meow Eggie Doo! It's what Eggies doo!
Meow and den dey eat da egg poo poo!
"Includesi ... That's not how Italian works!" I live on the fourth floor, and some one on the sidewalk down there just uttered, "Someone's having fun!" on account of my LMFAO up here :'D
Funny thing is, that's kind of how Italian works. You'd sound like a pompous idiot from the 1800s, but it is grammatically correct.
Note to self: Not a flesh light.
+†▲VooDoo▲† Not with that attitude
Still worth a try
+Buttsex96 bruh
*****
BRUH
+Buttsex96 nigga
Ashens may be the only person in the Internet to hold a cooking segment on a couch. I think this is the most I've ever seen him eat on the show as well.
Surely, James 'Bond" would indeed stick.
ha :)
Stop.
Leon14000 IN THE NAAAAAAAME OF LOOOOOVE
Mad Monty MN :c
omg
Humperdink Bandersnatch. Beautiful.
Bunderdink Cactusman?
Humperdinck Cucumberpatch.
Bendyback Cumpernickel
+Jamie Reid Blenderfuck Dumpynipple?
+josh kirby segata sanchiro
I wonder if this would make mini pancake tubes
Robert Byrne That sounds delicious.
YOU SIR ARE AMAZING
Is it still a pancake if baked in a vertical grill?
Sir john Whoa chill there Jaden
Robert Byrne Maple syrup can't melt pancake beams!
Why is this my favorite Ashens video?
becuz Ashen
all ashens videos are my favorite
because "floppy cock of egg"
Maybe because he predicted the eighth episode of Star Wars
Jacob Hill You like to cook your eggs
So...its a heated Fleshlight that cooks eggs
Aren’t they all?!
I feel like you could cook a sausage with this fairly effectively.
You'll quite easily get food poisoning lol... I hope not just joking
@@jakedevries1455 Cook a 'sausage'
@@jakedevries1455 sausages are pre cooked. Lots of people here in Austria even prefer them "raw"
Only once.
@@gordonblo6338 some sausage are precooked. You can buy plenty of uncooked pork sausage.
This guy can make anything fun....
Weston Dennis i read all of that in his voice and it does sound like something he would say
You should see the behind the scenes!
I'm sad now because episode 8 didn't have the egg master
Eh Good enough he was in the background. He'll probably be bigger in a future film
It would have been a lot better if it did.
I'm sad too.
Fleshlights for your eggs, eggcellent
There are actually egg-shaped fleshlights out there. For those who didn't want to know that, now you do.
DarknessViper99 yea i guess they are just one use tho... kinda not worth it if u need to buy one every time... thats alot of money
Matthew Majane They're for when you absolutely have to beat one out on the go.
Matthew Majane ALOT OF MONEY.....
DarknessViper99 eww, i actually looked that up. CAN NEVER UNSEE!
Cool to see Northernlion and Ashens do a video together
Corncob Johnson Goddamnit you beat me to it.
Corncob Johnson comment of the day
This is the true reason NL hasn't been doing the NLSS with Nick recently.
Corncob Johnson Haha, you got me. Man, it'd be amusing to see both of them do a video together.
Corncob Johnson lol
I think these egg cookers are the dumbest kitchen gadgets out there right now. I mean, is it that hard and inconvenient to cook an egg in a pan?
What if you wanted to have an omelette with ingredients like peppers, mushrooms, cheese, ham, that kind of stuff? But no you just get a solid log of egg that gets pooped onto your plate.
If anything in the time it took for it to heat up and cook the eggs you could've done it in much less time in a pan.
my mom got one of those, but in the verison she got, there was a small recipe book, where it said that you were suppose to mix the eggs together with whatever you wanted in your omelet first, and then put it inside..
but yea, still.. its faster and easier to clean to use a pan lol.. you only dont have to watch the omelet while its cooking..
Iunno, I got an Omelette maker, and that shit is super convenient.
Marth you can add pieces of bacon or whatever you want and it'll cook inside it
That's why you get the pushy stick to ram stuff in
Alton Brown covered one of those, it took him 20 minutes to create the "egg".
I'd beat the eggs before pouring them in. Just seems logical to me.
Yeah that would be the logical thing to do.
soundslave You're applying logic to a non-logical kitchen appliance. Mr. Spock would be most frustrated with you.
MisterMajora And also put a little bit of seasoning too, to flavor them up a little.
I personally like to put in seaweed and shrimp eggs in
I put 2 ounces of weed in my eggs 👌🏻
That moment it comes out... Like watching some alien lifeform giving birth lol.
Everytime you share one of this guy's video I don't know which is funnier, him or the comments (at least some).
Dùbhghlas MacDùbhghlas
^^
shaggyzor Btw not your comment, that was lame. ;p
Dùbhghlas MacDùbhghlas
Lol, I never thought it was mine, a lot of em are awesome indeed. =)
shaggyzor nice recovery from getting your bubble busted. :)
"I'm going to spray plenty of it on because I don't want things getting stuck."
"Oh, God. It's fairly... it's much deeper in there than I thought, actually."
"And, excellently, it's managed to spray slightly on the sofa."
Good to see the fleshlight getting some alternative uses.
kif1983 I don't think that's all egg coming out.... :S
kif1983 www.amazon.com/Tenga-Easy-Beat-Egg-Masturbator/dp/B002DE6SWA
Is ashens a pair of hands?
***** Yes
10ftChampion oh.
His hands are the master hand and crazy hand from super smash bros.
Dagger of Doom *An excellent comment* *an excellent gamer*
Never thought my comment would get so many likes. Maybe Miyamoto will see this and the Couch will mocap for the hands in Super Smash NX
"Rise my unholy minion"
Ashens spends more time on his knees in front of a sofa than anyone not in the adult industry. He even cooks on the sofa.
Star Wars? That's clearly a Dalek. Eggsterminate.
That has to be the most appropriate egg pun I have ever seen
Thomas Hines I tried to think up a chicken pun, but this came first.
Rwededyet it's a little baby Dalek....!
Rwededyet ha, brilliant! 10000/10
Rwededyet Dal-Egg.
That machine did a poo.
Nah, it's just happy to see you.
Well...thats the most phallic i've ever seen an egg look
Kaitlynn Cary I have a thing for phallic eggs. Don't talk shit
PICKLE IN MOUTH Judging by your username it would seem you have a thing for anything phallic =D
Kaitlynn Cary I mean, you're not wrong
Kaitlynn Cary It seemed more like something from the other end to me!
james turd aren't we all
6 years later, this appears in my recommended feed and the pre-video ad is for a new movie starring Humperdinck Bandersnatch. He continues to be in everything, it seems.
"Thats not how Italian works..." I about pissed myself.
Looks like a fleshlight.
leod A fleshlight that extrudes egg turds
MrDjWalnut Two fetishes in one!
Ezio Auditore Did you try and correct someone's spelling ?
Ezio Auditore But.. they spelled burn correct to begin with..
What they didn't spell right was the "you", there's an r missing.
leod That was my whole point lol He didn't even point out the actual mistake that was made.
'Egg master'
Well that's enough internet for today.......
Although as always Ashens you do a fabulous job of marketing shit! You could easily be a product-marketer at poundland.
TheGlobalGinger That I need to see!
I'm sorry if it seemed self-advertising I will change the comment.
I'm not actually bothered by it, just making a joke
that "oil" looks like sunblock cream
"egg mater"
So it mates eggs together?
Certainly looks like mating is involved.
"Cast off the shackles of its capitalist oppressors."
Telefon mast.
I love your Icon, Suu was my favourite monster from Monster Musume
Your humour could sell me anything, love it !
WHAT THE FUCK??? Who wants their breakfast SHAT out???
D5quared91 ....yeah butt, (sic) constipation really sucks...so I'd hope at least a few hours later and not before you even take the first bite...
Aren't eggs already shitten out?
So it's a twice shat egg. That actually sounds pretty fancy.
Elijah Carr they could be sold with poo mangoes at 5 times the regular price....MTWs14e04 Romesh's Mom's Poo Mangoes....
+RIXRADvids I think we got something here! What do say? Let's go 50/50 and start a restaurant. We could become the next Applebee's, except we'll call it Crapplebee's!
I'm curious; Do you actually use your couch as a couch anymore or is it only for your reviews. I'd assume what with all the various crap you've gotten on it, you's be wary of sitting on it.
I think he's still using it since it's too big to keep it as just a prop
DaNooba a prop? that couch is his livelihood. He probably covers it in a plastic sheet when not using it.
+Dr.Micheal Ambrose has a sign in front saying *PLEASE DON'T TOUCH* *REVIEWS ONLY*
+jovon wimberly Please don't only touch reviews?
BenjaminGoose no the couch cannot be touched because only ashens can use it for reviews
It's a tube shaped toaster, why are they calling it a "vertical grill"?
+Cronic Fuze Well because a toaster has it's elements exposed, a grill has a medium (usually metal) in between the element and the food.
5:46
Alas, the actor got fired due to false sexual harrassment accusations, and the Egg Master was cut entirely from episode 8.
Repartition (Russian: передел, peredel) was a practice in the Russian Empire of the periodic redistribution of the peasant's arable land by the village community.
The traditional household did not permanently hold a particular allotment in the open fields. What the household had was the right, so long as it remained within the village community (`mir'), to a holding commensurate with its size. The mir's assembly, the skhod, periodically redistributed the arable land to allow for changes in the size of households, and for new (or extinguished) households...
Yes, my thoughts exactly 😂
egg houses
From the top, with the oil in it, it used like a recently used sextoy. From the side it looks like a baby Darlek hatching from its blue, cylindrical, Timelord-hating egg shell.
This whole product is a yolk.
SeriouslyMikey My face whitened when I saw what it made.
SeriouslyMikey I don't get it so I'm going to eggxit
Edward Tompkinson yeah, its better to leave than risk getting egg on your face.
Edward Tompkinson That was awful.You need to make like Greece and Greggxit.
This is all eggstremely amusing.
Teledildonics in action! 😂 Just a brush on a stick, HUMPH! Humperdink Bandersnatch! Thank you for cheering me up. I just watched you and friend Dan eat those horrific jelly bellies.
what
We are living in 2017 when this guy is living in 2006 when youtube was still good. Stay pure ashens
Well said some say ashens is still in 2006 to this day
2006 is a bit extreme innit, what with youtube barely being a thing then and what not
I'm living in 2022 and hot eggy extrusion is still funny.
Yeah that non-stick coating it has requires non-stick cooking spray. The best non-stick coating always needs non-stick spray to accompany it.
Was I the only one concerned that the damned thing fell over on the couch? lol
+Nikolai Volkov nope
That couch have seen everything.. The egg cock was just the peak of the iceberg.
Wholesale Bear have you watched all of his video? 😂
This thing looks like TF2's demoman's projectiles.
His grenades don't cook eggs that look like they've been exposed to the FEV from Fallout.
+Gary Oak A part of a super mutants balanced breakfast, goes great with a side of grilled ghoul
ChaosSandwhich
I've tried grilled ghoul. It's rather stringy and has a bit of a sour taste.
An electric fleshlight that cooks and poops out eggs... Thanks Ashens, that's one more item I will NOT be buying!
On a serious note, I love the videos, I love all the stupid, pointless things you review and the humor you put into your videos.
When he was talking about the space farm he sounded like vegeta from Dragon Ball Z
Egg master would have been a better villain than what we actually got in episode 8
fun fact we use those to sell some street foods, we call them "Egg Sausages" and yes you're supposed to beat the eggs first
8:48 That's how the great fire of London started.
An electric fleshlight that poops out the egg when it's done... This thing is so wrong man XD
+Dami Nooki I drew it myself :)
Wow. I mean I wasn't egg-specting anything egg-celent, but that looked awful.
...fuck off.
StupidGamer it seems like you're having an egg-ceptionally bad day
StupidGamer Fuck on.
Batman Are you sure you aren't egg-xaggerating?
Hasheem Gul These puns are egg-scruciating.
What's that music that plays while Ashens is waiting? I know he uses it for Technical Difficulties, but I'm sure I've heard it somewhere else...
I know this comment is a two years old but I feel this way too. For some reason it reminds me of the menu music on some horse racing game I used to play on the PS2 but I've forgotten the name so can't check. :(
im extra extra extra late but you can use Shazam, its an app to find music.
It just glorified Tenga with warmer
"Once ready, food will rise up; rise up and cast off the shackles of its capitalist oppressors" XD
Actually the best youtuber
8:18
Stuart actually sounded like an ill version of Megatron for a moment.
_"Why am I still eating this? I don't know."_
Because you're hungry.
7:47 Best part of The Imitation Game was when he got decked by Matthew Goode (However, the best part of any movie is when someone gets decked).
Eggcellent.
All right Charles Montgomery Burns
Vincent Prize would be proud
I need to know how it makes the cooked egg come out!
It's been 6 years and still nobody knows how
It's just egg and flow, my boy, egg and flow. Just like kungfu, only completely different.
@@zzzen. the fact u got some symbol after Ur name that imitates the checkmark for verified accounts like that makes you any more premium than a normal user. Yikeeeees.
WARNING: Contains scenes of cooked egg being excreted out of a hot culinary tube.CLASSIC
I hope chef excellence approves of this product
"An eggcellent product"
"vertical egg preparing" is my new go-to standing-sex euphemism
That is an egg boiler. You put eggs in it. When they are ready, you eat the eggs. They are tasty and I like them.
Its not an egg boiler if it doesnt boil, genius.
It is a chocolate factory.
Best egg chocolate detector I've ever witnessed.
I am an airplane.
Choo choo.
"Humperdink Bandersnatch"
You know, in hindsight Egg Master might have been better then what we actually got for Episode 8.
4:37 when you finally put it in to your girlfriend...
I never thought I'd hear the word teledildonics in an Ashens video.
Who eats unsalted egg?
An actual mini-roll Me.
Not me, i am a fucking chef.
People who do not have functioning taste buds.
I do, I can't have a lot of salt
That must suck to deal with.
I wonder if stu ever tried mixing the egg first or in fact ever tried to use this thing again
What I wanna know is how do you clean the thing..
Dip your wick
kcid ruoy htiw
With yo nuts
ever cleaned a fleshlight before?
This cracked me up...
I was about to type eggxactly that
DOOMILES "An Eggcelent Product"
- Chef Eggcelence
DOOMILES What a bad yolk.
+-MISSING- not enough cholesterol?
woohoo chicken periods turning in to eggy tampon shapes
Yum
Even better.
F*cking vegan. Eggs aren’t “chicken periods.” Jfc. 🤦🏻♀️
@@rooneydoodle4055 awww do you need a hug for your narrow mindset
"spray oil before use".. yep, still sounding like a sex toy
I love your villainous voice! You seriously need to consider voice acting...
How hot does it get? Put some oil in it and deep fry small things with it?
+curtis carter You mispelled small mate.
***** I can wait patiently.
***** let's do this.
***** BTW I'm a freshman in highschool.
WTF lol thanks though.
An excellent horror movie when in the background the tube of egg is slowly rising...
holy crap, you pronounced aluminum the way it is spelled!
The box comes from America (I'd wager, because aluminium is misspelled for some odd reason) and in America they pronounce aluminium "aluminum" because they're, well fucking stupid frankly.
It's strange, normally Americans take the letter "U" out of stuff for whatever reason. But in the case of aluminium, they chose to remove an I!
Thunderwalnut- so, the word was originally "alumium" and the British (mainly) morphed it to aluminium because it was thought to sound better and more sophisticated. Other places, like America and Canada, morphed it to Aluminum. I'm American, so I grew up saying aluminum. They're both correct, yet incorrect at the same time because alumium is archaic and no longer used.
+Thunderwalnut
The person who'd discovered the element kept changing it, because he still didn't think it sounded impressive enough. Sir Something-or-other, I've forgotten his name. Americans ended up with the interim 2nd draft, before he changed his damned mind again.
An American would be woefully narcissistic to presume that the way they'd always pronounced something was correct, simply because it was what they'd been raised with. But that's not an exclusively American trait, you've made that quite apparent.
GIVE ME YOUR ALUMUN
GIVE ME YOUR ALLIMONY
Marry me then let me divorce ya
Read more
1:19 "Rise up and cast off the shackles of its capitalist oppressors."
*Internationale intensifies*
Really puts the wobbly in Eggternational Workers of the World.
9:00 "When it got to a certain point it didn´t just rise out. Actually flyes out the top and flops on the bloody floor. Amazing." - Ashens, 2015
4:40 "its deeper than i thought it would be" ive heard that before
"why am i still eating this?" = fast food in a nutshell
I like how there is no deviation from the instructions to the point where ashens can't be bothered to put salt and pepper in as well.
Do not use with chicken in a can, mud, or dogshit. It will catch fire quite hilariously.