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Love that the younger generation follows stuff like The Behavior panel and are interested in such a practical and helpful question. Also love that Bowden starts right off with the highest priority sign of potential danger: disdain or contempt. Love that he doesn’t waste time holding their hands but gives it to them straight because he knows how serious this is. They are doing so much by asking him that for other young ladies their age, maybe even helping to save a few the trouble from potentially dangerous or harmful / abusive relationships. Great job, Young Ladies!
An example might be from that newlywed show about Jessica Simpson and that boy band guy - from like 15 years ago before they divorced. The scene where she asks, about Chicken Of The Sea brand tuna fish, “Well is it chicken or fish?” 1/2 jokingly. Or whatever and his face just slightly freezes in a pause as if to say, “Are you serious?!? Did I marry someone Thad dumb?” Even though those words don’t come out. He kindly explains the marketing play on words the brand uses as a name, and they kind of move on, but you can see his side smile of contempt as soon as he realizes she might be serious in that question. She might not really know the difference there. “Is this one of her dumb blonde jokes - or…” his face seems to say in that moment.
Wow. TERRIFIC questions. Love Mark Bowden. He always answers the question that is asked and may very well be the most articulate person on the planet. Good job.
Really enjoyed Mark being on the channel. Also really enjoying his language and tone here. The tone and language he uses is as though hes speaking to a younger audience and really cares about their well being. Slightly different from The Behavior Panel. Great choice to have as a guest for Hannah and Cailin.
Agreed. This is what I picked up on immediately. That the tone and language he was using with the two young ladies was not only aimed at being solicitous and trying to impart information young people might need (and they seemed to want to know, judging by their questions,) but also that Mr. Bowden cared for their well-being. It was nice to see the information that the Behavior Panel members possess being shared with another more specific audience.
Questions for you dear panelists: is Mark really talking with those ladies live? Do they greet at the start? Do they say goodbye at the end? Does it feel like a natural conversation or crudely edited segments?
So many people who were crushed, criticised and filled with fear from an early age. In adulthood they don’t always realise they have no boundaries and have such low self esteem they don’t have the inner self confidence to set limits or boundaries. Gaslighting, sociopaths have a radar for the vulnerable. In my daily practice I see clients who have been diminished and eroded to the point that they don’t see red flags. They can sometimes take the blame as Gabby did.
We're being gaslit from childhood to ignore our own boundaries. "Be nice to everyone, don't get angry, don't frown, smile more, give hugs to all your extended family, even the ones you don't like. Be polite and always smiling, always put others in front of you, or you won't get anywhere in life." Brrgh...
I think also young people are just naïve coming from secure family backgrounds. I haven’t learned to recognize the red flags. They are not necessarily coming from a place of fear. Also, people are too easily labeled but those that are controlling and maybe sociopaths can be charismatic and very attractive.
Or, we see the red flags and don't trust the gut instinct. We question our perception, rationalize the behavior, and continue hoping it will change. I can always look back and identify the red flags. And realize that I Saw the red flag and ignored it. Sigh.
As a huge fan of the Behaviour Panel, I think, that knowing warning signs helps you to feel safer, because you know, that you‘re able to detect danger.
Mark is great, especially pointing to self-reflection. Hannah and Cailin ask very fundamental questions that Mark answers with the wisdom. Some other red flags to look out for in others: do they blame shift? Do they gaslight? Is their go-to strategy to control (situations, decisions, finances, choices, friendship circle)? The “come on, be nice” that Mark points to as a lever is an example of gaslighting and social control. Do they devalue (even subtly?)? Are priorities always centered on their life preferences? Despite discussions about things that aren’t working, do they only say they will change when you are about to leave a relationship? (This timing is very important: ignoring your partner’s genuine sadness, but then making a promise to change only when the partner is about to leave is designed to keep you under their thrall, it is very often not genuine). Ultimately, what a relationship should be based at its core on care, mutuality, respect and reciprocity.
Yeah my ex would always apologize to me, cry and promise it would never happen again after a violent incident. Abusers know what that what they are doing is wrong and they also know how to act more sanely. If someone is rude and abusive to you verbally or physically or both, run like the devil himself is behind you, because he is.
I wish Mr Bowden had talked a bit more about how dangerous possessive, controlling men are towards the women they are in relationships with. When you choose to break up with a 'controlling' guy, as I believe Gabby did with Brian, do not do so while you are alone with him. Just in case. Have your friends, family or others there as witnesses and then never see him alone again. Most women who are killed by their boyfriends / husbands / ex's are trying to get away from them at the time. If an ex has been stalking you (including by phone, text, etc.), go to a friend's house and do not return home or go out at night alone until he gives up. Most importantly, if your boyfriend becomes obsessed with you, if he wants to be with you all the time, if he's jealous when you're around other people ~ it is not love! You are an object to him, someone he wants to possess. Get help before it's too late. Thanks for this great show ladies and Mr. Bowden! *I worked as a social worker with women in abusive situations for decades.
Yeah and just break up over the phone. Say it and get off. There’s never, ever, ever a reason to talk to him or see him again. Women make the mistake of answering when he calls again or talking to him only at the front door. No.
He won't slant anything towards one group or another and just discuss men. He's talking about PEOPLE, because that behavior is just as dangerous and horrific for men with possessive controlling females. It's HUMAN behavior, from mental illness. Females kill less often because a male can physically stop them if they know it's happening. A woman has to sneak up on a man and catch him off guard, simply not looking. A man can just start strangling you while he looks at you, and you might not get away. They're simply more physically dominant so women have even better controlling skills, and are MORE controlling because they've developed the skills from being less physically dominant over time. In the past they needed wariness and manipulation as a survival skill. In either sex, in modern day, it's all antisocial and dangerous.
I think his focus is correct. There are bad people and good people, and then there's the rest of humanity. Many men and women are only intermittently toxic. By focusing on the mind frame of the young ladies (or whoever is watching) as "myself", it resets their locus of control to an internal one, and an active, observant action, rather than a wait/react dynamic that is at the root of the worst relationship patterns. Too many young people tell themselves "but sometimes he/she is so loving", and they reject the good advice of family and friends and professionals. These people mean well when they identify abusive behaving people, but the advice to leave immediately, wash your hands of this abusive partner boyfriend girlfriend whatever, it seems to victims as if it's an apathetic or irrational suggestion. Like their intense feelings for this person (exacerbated by trauma bond patterns) aren't even being considered. And it's easy to confuse that trauma bonded lovesque feeling with our intuition. So they know their abusive boyfriend/girlfriend isn't ALL bad, but their loved ones rarely respond to this information rationally or in a validating way, thus invalidating their own advice, and it helps bolster the idea a heinous abuser has been planting along the way: "they" just don't understand "me/you/us".. . And "us against the world." By focusing on adopting our own appropriate behaviors and boundaries, we mirror the healthy we want, we attract the healthy we want, and it's abundantly clear when toxicity shows up, and they have a language to enforce it. Early teens and 20s are a time for young women especially to be very very self centered. (Boys too to a degree) Insofar as they respect everyone around them, but most ultimately themselves and their behavioral science-informed intuition, rather than a confused misunderstood trauma-bonded one. X
From the couples that I have known over the years it seems that women who were abused in childhood that do not get therapy are very likely to get into an abusive relationship of some kind. If you are a woman or a man who had an abusive element to their childhood, please get therapy. You may feel that your are okay but the damage can be very deep to your sense of what behavior is acceptable.
I wish I had listened to this years ago! I think one thing to watch out for too - is to be aware that if there is a big difference between what people say and how they behave, then this is a red flag. 'I won't do that again', but then they do it over and over again! Or someone who is always accusing you of being unfaitful and texting you all the time - this is an indication of a controlling person.
I used to go out with a narcissist (though I didn’t know it at the time) and on one occasion he said something sexual to my sister in law in front of me and my brother. When we left I told him I wasn’t comfortable with what he’d said and he said that I needn’t think he was going to change to suit me and that he was only having fun. What he said to my sister-in-law was embarrassingly cringeworthy.
Warmly supportive versus dangerous controlling…. so wise! You MUST trust your own instincts, your body’s reactions in general. Don’t argue with yourself that that chilling feeling is good or bad, right or wrong. If after a couple small incidents (don’t wait for a 3rd time), you find yourself desperately persuading yourself to like the person, walk away & stay away. Warmly supportive makes me feel safe, awesome for me to be me, and inspires me to grow & be better with my partner.
1. How they talk about other people: If he calls his mom psycho, but you've seen her scream and yell, and his brother says mom bears them, that's one thing. If he calls his ex- girlfriend crazy and another word for promiscuous, is she? Healthy people, who have been in healthy relationships will tend to say things like " It just didn't work out", or " I moved away". How they talk about their previous partner is how they will talk about you. 2. How they treated their previous partner ( or best friend), is how they will treat you. If he was awful to his ex,; if he cheated, lied, called names, etc. That's how they will treat you. He won't be faithful because you're nicer, prettier, more fun, more loyal. He won't. That's a huge value red flag. 3. There's a difference between, " Hey, did you know those shorts slip down in the back and I can see..." And ' I hate it when you where makeup, you look like a prostitute." Run in all of these cases. 4.ANY sign of barely contained or UN contained physical agression. Punched his best friend? Stalked toward you loomingly during an argument? Slapped your knee? Run. Don't second guess.
It seems that the nicer you are to some people they will go all out to hurt and destroy you. Also, they will say that you are”weak”. Turning the other cheek does not seem to work, and that is what we are taught, especially in church.
I think the question first responders should ask is, “Has this person EVER physically assaulted you in the past, officially or unofficially (undocumented) notwithstanding.” If yea, separate the two, send them to separate shelters or back home separately, and all of this needs to be documented by law enforcement/the court system. People in a couples situation need to be informed of what constitutes an assault. I was in a relationship like Gabby Petito. My family later told me, “We are so relieved you broke up with him because we thought he was going to kill you.” I did not know they thought this while my relationship was happening.
The come on be nice response is so true...I have heard that so much, or come on you know I'm right, it's no I have a right to feel I do. Toxic ppl are real deal
Great topic ladies! Mark is an awesome speaker with a wealth of knowledge❣️ This episode opened my eyes too better boundaries and it’s okay. I was lead to believe that I was wrong with my way of thinking. I’m going to get my power back in a compassionate but honest conversation knowing that I’m not being over reactive. Thank you for all you do.
We really learned so much from Mark and this conversation. It came at an important time in both of our lives. We are so glad you feel the same! Thanks so much, Doreen!
Knowing what my boundaries are is something I lacked going into early adulthood. As a result I found myself in some bad, bad situations with men who I thought had my interests at heart. I always swore it would be the first thing I'd ever teach my daughter.
5. How they treat other people in your life. Are they nice to your friends in person but harangue you to not hang out with those people? Are they jealous of every second of time you spend with someone else? Are they lost, bored and absolutely miserable if you have something else to do? Are they rude outright and trying to turn you against people you have been friends with for a long time and know they are good people? Or are they just concerned about someone for good reason? (Looking out for you honestly). 6. Are they angry at the world? 7.Are they never at fault, or completely unable to admit they may have made a mistake? 8. Do they demand ANY thing? Time, physical attention in public, sex, money, you car, your credit card? All of these should not be negotiable. All of them will make your life quite unpleasant at best, and utterly horrible at worst 9. And finally, please remember that any concerning behavior listed here that you see soon into the beginning of the relationship (when people are out to make their best impression on you, like a sales pitch), will ONLY get worse AND much harder to extract yourself from the more time goes on. Once you're invested with more time and feeling, more problems you've 'weathered', it is harder and harder to leave. Just leave while you are still ahead. I don't care how cute or popular he is. How he treats YOU is what matters.
Just found this talk and liked the help Mark gives everybody on this. I wish I'd been given this information a long time ago. It's not only boyfriends, it's brothers & sisters who disparage your views as well and make you break away from the family.
Y’all are seriously smart and talented. Which is why I really wish you had a better mic, maybe two camera angles, and a background that isn’t a door. I could see your channel really taking off if you invest in production!
There's a lady on my team whom i think has disdain/contempt. She doesn't use eue contact. When i asked wher do we go for our meeting- she says, " i dont know- im the last person to ask". Three minutes later she was on hercway to the meeting- didnt tell me. If i say what i was able to accomplish- she says, "oh i did nothing, yor better than me". When others are present- she is cordial, polite. She gives me hot cold behavior- i plan to stay neutral, stay away..and, obswrve only. Its tricky, im new, but, my radar is sharp around this type of behavior. I sense it as a dog would.
I think the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker addresses the question you were asking around 17:00 more than Mark does. Safety is not just about the place you're currently in being safe. For women it's, "Is this man safe? Could he mean me any harm not just now in this room, but any time in the future?" I wouldn't be telling young women to tolerate sketchy behavior on the chance that the person may turn out to be interesting.
I watch TBP to understand what regular people already know. I can’t read people at all and when I get a gut feeling, I never know why. My confidence is high but I’m learning how my behavior affects other people. I don’t pay much attention to that at all. So like Mark said, I’m learning how to get on better with people
I have also always been confused by body language, facial expression, gestures and vocal tone, especially when there seemed to be a mismatch between those, even more so when they didn’t seem somehow to go with the words. I can’t know what you have a knack for, but I found out my specific strength & key to diagnosing lies is words. Paying close attention to which words people do and don’t choose to use. One advantage I had early, was one sister who was quite Macchiavellian even as a child. Not malicious, just hard-headed self-serving; presuming she’s entitled to covertly “manage” other people for her own convenience. Rather than do some honest negotiating. (A big contrast to other siblings.) She would whisper to me (or later, just give me a look) to not speak while she “dealt with” someone. I was amazed every time. (It helped that she looked like the Mona Lisa, mild and gentle…and somewhat inscrutable) Paltering is her main technique. Paltering is speaking words or delivering statements that are true - as far as they go - but which mislead the hearer. The liar knows that the listener doesn’t know the full or the specific context. Or the liar has some “private” definition of a word rather than the obvious one that the listener will assume. Paltering is a really common way to lie, in fact the favourite technique of people who like to think of themselves as good, “nice” people who lie *less* than most, so if they are challenged, the indignation can be real. This sister gave me what amounts to years of masterclasses. As a young adult I began to be more conscious when tone, gestures, facial expressions, known context or word choice in other people seemed to mismatch, but I still had no confidence in understanding what it meant. If anything. And I had no clue why any given person might be deceiving, if they were. Tact? A white lie? Keeping a confidence? “People-management”? A bit of harmless self-inflation? Blame shifting? Malice? If I tried to find out, and someone accused me of being accusatory, paranoid, touchy, mistrustful, or hairsplitting, I felt like a bit of a barsteward. (For years I had a conscious policy of dismissing anomalies, or my unease, and just taking people at face value no matter what - other than when personal security might be involved - because I felt that otherwise this continual welter of mismatching perceptions would just drive me completely crazy.) If you catch someone paltering and confront them, they will often indignantly demand that you define the lie - point to where they spoke some untrue word. After some infuriating episodes, I decided that for me it’s best to act dumb and keep asking for clarification - especially of the weasel words and vague bits. Or to keep the discussion to honesty, candor, frankness - and not get flimflammed by over-literal, weaselly, restrictive definitions of “truth”. Or pseudo-philosophical gaslighting (“What is truth anyway?”) Embarrassingly, it took me until my early 20s to even realise that my presence just by itself sometimes acted as an implicit guarantee for my sister’s lies-of-convenience. But when I realised that I am more alert than most people to words, to the precise (and ambiguous!) use of words in English, I began to consciously try to sharpen that awareness. And after just more exposure time on the planet, more examples, it does work quite well. I still am often not sure why someone is not being honest, but I can zero in on what it is they are dancing around or slicing too finely. You can file it away and consider it later, in the light of what context, personal history, social norms or motivators might be relevant. The internal logic and external logic of what someone does or says - if you’re tenacious nitpicking enough to really pursue it, is the most reliable diagnostic of all - unfortunately it’s the easiest thing to lose sight of afterward. Or get gaslit int dismissing. If you can identify what YOU are strongest at - maybe catching tiny fleeting expressions that seem anomalous; or detecting changes in voice cadence, tone or pitch - or pursuing a chain of logic - you can learn to get significantly better at bull£=it detecting. But you need to gauge it as objectively as possible - against known instances of lying or at least contested instances. Political interviews or speeches, some criminal interviews, documentaries focussed on a few individuals - and legal testimony: these do help, not least because you can rerun video in slo-mo and often compare other presented evidence or anomalies with a “performance”. One extraordinary thing, to my mind, is that so many people think they are good at detecting lying because they have seen so many actors *acting* lying - in a hundred thousand soaps and movies. In real life you don’t get incidental music. And you don’t get too many convenient close-ups, good angles or reaction-shots.
Gabby and her Murderer were in a physically fighting, screeching relationship as early high school teenagers. They broke up and friends were relieved, and then back together for another round. Gabby friends hated watching this go on. But the 2 kept the on and off dance going until they finally broke up by end of high school. To ME it is very sad that NO ONE intervened in this early phase. Gabby had 4 parents, but said she didn't share with them her real life. Friends didn't want to tell school counselors, or her parents. So move ahead less than 10yrs and he has killed her. HAD those around in early high school alerted parents or counselors to the issue, Gabby might have gotten help on boundaries, recognizing a toxic dangerous partner, and why the screaming teen matches aren't ok.
Yes, agreed, but her own mother had experienced abuse and probably told her that 'men were like that' or something. What Gabby saw at home, and with her other role models is what informed her about what to accept from her male paramours. Not to mention that girls are systematically taught to allow men to control them as well as that men are more important than they are from the time they are very young. Society is the 1st teacher of what a young girl's 'place' is. If you aren't fighting for women's rights, you're part of the problem.
Carol. Good for YOU. You are free to be your natural self. You were being manipulated. I certainly relate to THAT. ♥️Bloom where you are “ planted”🌹,& enjoy your life 🙏🏼. GOD BLESS YOU ✝️
I love the Behavior Panel and learn so much from all of you. Would you all ever consider doing a show on Jennifer Pan? I don't know if you're familiar with her or not, but I'll include a link here to share some info about her. Thank you so much, once again, for your show.
th-cam.com/video/28LdsO-_UcQ/w-d-xo.html is the link for Jennifer Pan info. Sorry I couldn't include it in the same comment space. Thank you again! Have a great night.
@@57hippiechick This is a fascinating case! Saw the JCS video awhile back. Definitely send this request over to the guys at Behavioral Panel - we'd love to see them cover it, too!
I agree with much of what has said here. You cannot rely on someone else to tell you what your boundaries are and when someone is encroaching on them, you have to learn to perceive this for yourself. I'm tired of hearing this narrative that the Police in the Gaby Petito case should have done better, that perhaps if they encroached further on their liberties she would still be alive. You shouldn't need a Nanny State to keep you safe, that is not the answer. The Police did a great job, they could not have foreseen the outcome.
Mark is usually the one who seems to be able to divine less bad intent in certain situations but not by throwing caution to the wind. Somewhat of an "angel's advocate" at times. I like seeing all interpretations to a story.
Always a great fan of the four gentlemen on TBP. I think it was well worth all that Mark had to point out, to the young ladies. The girls had very good questions, and Mark gave it his best. He is an awesome guy. If more young people would watch and observe the Panel, and pay attention, it can maybe save some young lives. Well done. 😎💡👍👍
it's the international sign for victims of trafficking. They're often travelling with their abuser, so it's insanely difficult for them to ask for help.
Poor sweet Gabby... I was really hoping she would be found alive. It's so selfish for one person to take another's life. That life belonged to Gabby & it was her God-given right to live it, & live it in safety & joy. If you have a toxic relationship, just leave. Don't announce you're leaving, just go. Announcing you're quitting the relationship may cost you your life (not that I'm blaming Gabby nor saying that's what occurred).
You can tell when it is controlling behaviour by the way they phrase their statements and questions. Narc abuse and gaslighting are common to make people doubt themselves and loose confidence so they can be controlled. This kind of thing is common in the corporate world, a world which in my opinion is full of sociopaths and psycopaths.
I have a very toxic boss who is alcohol addicted, has anger management issues and praises, attacks, apologizes, repeats. The people who stay (it's a very small company he owns) are very passive and "protect each other." I find I can't survive his toxicity. I will resign even without a job to save my mental health. PS - one other person left due to a "mental breakdown" as my boss puts it - um, no worries about sharing intimate issues of others, either!
After you say “I don’t like that” you MUST say why or the actual truth, and that DEFINITELY REQUIRES that you include one feeling of Yours! Like because “that “HURTS” me” or it makes me “SAD” ., or “SCARES” me ! and the most important top communication skill is to not ever make the other person feel guilty of something! You do this by eliminating the words you should have or if you would have or you could have then you wouldn’t be in the situation! Just don’t ever yous those incriminating words ! Try this on your children first it works wonderfully!
Great job Ladies on choosing the talented Mr. Bowden. He still owes me the wood worked Viking Longboat hanging right behind him. Remember men can be victims too. Mother’s with children will stay in this terrible situation longer, so keep these cues in mind. ❤
Excellent information and advice, but the one issue not addressed is that which probably pertained to the murder of Gaby Petito. When you are young and in love you are thinking with your heart and not your head and I believe that in the majority of cases, red flags will be ignored until it's too late.
Great video! And great questions imo, from two people that doesn't, to me, seem to be trained interviewers!(?) I think you guys did a great job with the subject! I must admit, I only saw this video, because I have seen all the behavior panels videos! ..twice!! 😂😂 So I was looking for something.. And I saw this one, and thought: okay, sure I'll just watch that instead! But I really think all three of you did a great job! I really like that's it's a kind of "to the point" video. Like just a little bit of knowledge (on a big subject), but to the point, and something we all can use! So at the same time kind of a lot of help for everyone! So yeah.. I obviously really liked this video! 😂😂🎉🎉❤❤ 👍👍👍👍👍
I know what she dealt with. I grew up in a bubble of goodness. I'm pushing 60y now, and just finding out that I spent my life trying to provide the "happiness" that my X commanded to be my responsibility. Really sucks shit when you find out way too late and finally realize the depths and depravity of the evil trough. Swine! What? Why? Who? When? How? I spent half my life trying to provide the "happiness" to a miserable person. You know I didn't achieve the goal. But what the fuck is wrong, when you have to decypher every single aspect of a persons character? I've been had. Makes me mad.
Honestly, I don't believe these two girls were actually interviewing with Mark Bowden... Who stands in a corner, by a door, and does an interview? boo on you two and I Love Mark Bowden! Can either of you two explain this?
18:00 Sorry Mark, better safe than sorry That's the whole point of this video.... women need to listen to their gut instinct and not question it or talk themselves out of it. Whatever the reason is, don't hang around to discover why your gut is saying what it is. There's no such thing as being *too* safe Listen to your gut. ALWAYS. Don't question it
EASY EASY to spot how he was so relived he got one over on the police. mosts perpetrators let off a silent relief and then crack jokes give complements try to make the other party listening that they are like them. Abbeys behavior ,stressed anxious are viewed by crappy professionals, po;[ce,judges, child aid workers as odd and they make the ERROR that since she is stressed anxious etc etc that she is the one with issues where the actual perpetrator can be calm relaxed crack jokes give compliments etc as down to earth ,stable HUGE FRICKEN ERROR HUGE!!!
You or women need to know when they are being hunted. It’s a very primal look, same look a dog gets when they switch in their brain, right when they are about to chase and they get triggered. Their eyes get wide, eyes narrow on the target, they get more excited but tne body is tense yet so ready to pounce…… What’s fascinating is Ted Bundy had blue eyes, and many reporters claimed when the missing Women were brought up in Conversation, his eyes would turn black. Many thought he was possessed which I won’t throw this theory out, but what was obvious is him remembering the actions of what occurred made him Excited and primal, and when this happens your eyes or pupils get really enlarged. Hence the black eyes. Ed kepner would take women in his car and would constantly talk about the killer on the loose. His big ego stroke was when he would talk about himself and the crimes and his victim had no idea. The biggest key to look for is if they are too into you while being tense. A person can be into you while being relaxed, but it’s when they are in a more comfortable place for themselves that they are still watching you like a hawk and won’t let you breathe. They don’t want you to think or react. They are ready for combat, and you have to be aware of this. Their eyes will be fixated on you and their eyes will be huge pupils and almost crazy like a dog about to chase
Wow, you clearly have connections if you got Mark with 3.4 thousand subscribers...as I recall, there was a huge warning sign a month or so earlier than the murder. You will also find the ppl test boundaries so much on how that goes is how clearly you immediately signal to back off and if they respect you wishes
What does he know about toxic relationships?!?! He AND the behavior panel missed each and every sign in the Gabby Petito police stop. Thought she was crazy and her boyfriend was sane. Have you even WATCHED their take on the matter?!?!
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Let’s connect, friends! Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok are all @loeschtwins! Hope to see you there! 🫡 And please let us know if there are any topics you'd like to see us cover, or if you are working on something you'd like us to check out! We always like meeting new people who are working on fun things or visiting cool places!
Love that the younger generation follows stuff like The Behavior panel and are interested in such a practical and helpful question. Also love that Bowden starts right off with the highest priority sign of potential danger: disdain or contempt. Love that he doesn’t waste time holding their hands but gives it to them straight because he knows how serious this is. They are doing so much by asking him that for other young ladies their age, maybe even helping to save a few the trouble from potentially dangerous or harmful / abusive relationships. Great job, Young Ladies!
An example might be from that newlywed show about Jessica Simpson and that boy band guy - from like 15 years ago before they divorced. The scene where she asks, about Chicken Of The Sea brand tuna fish, “Well is it chicken or fish?” 1/2 jokingly. Or whatever and his face just slightly freezes in a pause as if to say, “Are you serious?!? Did I marry someone Thad dumb?” Even though those words don’t come out. He kindly explains the marketing play on words the brand uses as a name, and they kind of move on, but you can see his side smile of contempt as soon as he realizes she might be serious in that question. She might not really know the difference there. “Is this one of her dumb blonde jokes - or…” his face seems to say in that moment.
Thank you so much. We are glad you found value in our conversation with Mark, like we did!!
@Jo Ralu
He doesn't hold thier hands during his explanation, given their ages.
Meaning that he's straightforward and keeping it real with them.
Wow. TERRIFIC questions. Love Mark Bowden. He always answers the question that is asked and may very well be the most articulate person on the planet. Good job.
Thank you so much, Mary. Glad you enjoyed his perspective and wisdom as much as we did!
Exactly Mark Bowden is really good at what he does and it shows with his passion for the subject.
Really enjoyed Mark being on the channel. Also really enjoying his language and tone here. The tone and language he uses is as though hes speaking to a younger audience and really cares about their well being. Slightly different from The Behavior Panel. Great choice to have as a guest for Hannah and Cailin.
Agreed. This is what I picked up on immediately. That the tone and language he was using with the two young ladies was not only aimed at being solicitous and trying to impart information young people might need (and they seemed to want to know, judging by their questions,) but also that Mr. Bowden cared for their well-being. It was nice to see the information that the Behavior Panel members possess being shared with another more specific audience.
Questions for you dear panelists: is Mark really talking with those ladies live? Do they greet at the start? Do they say goodbye at the end? Does it feel like a natural conversation or crudely edited segments?
@@ChaunceyGardener The eye contact shows it is genuine Q&A.
So many people who were crushed, criticised and filled with fear from an early age. In adulthood they don’t always realise they have no boundaries and have such low self esteem they don’t have the inner self confidence to set limits or boundaries.
Gaslighting, sociopaths have a radar for the vulnerable.
In my daily practice I see clients who have been diminished and eroded to the point that they don’t see red flags. They can sometimes take the blame as Gabby did.
We're being gaslit from childhood to ignore our own boundaries. "Be nice to everyone, don't get angry, don't frown, smile more, give hugs to all your extended family, even the ones you don't like. Be polite and always smiling, always put others in front of you, or you won't get anywhere in life." Brrgh...
I think also young people are just naïve coming from secure family backgrounds. I haven’t learned to recognize the red flags. They are not necessarily coming from a place of fear. Also, people are too easily labeled but those that are controlling and maybe sociopaths can be charismatic and very attractive.
@@julieyoung-garayt9384 If you haven't yet, you can learn to recognize the red flags.
Or, we see the red flags and don't trust the gut instinct. We question our perception, rationalize the behavior, and continue hoping it will change. I can always look back and identify the red flags. And realize that I Saw the red flag and ignored it. Sigh.
I absolutely love Mark Bowden. The behavioral panel is phenomenal! Thanks guys!
Thank you, Nicola!
@@HannahandCailinLoesch Loved this💜💜
As a huge fan of the Behaviour Panel, I think, that knowing warning signs helps you to feel safer, because you know, that you‘re able to detect danger.
Gut feeling is so important to listen to. How many times has something happened and you say to yourself “I KNEW it!!! Listen to your instincts xx
Mark is great, especially pointing to self-reflection. Hannah and Cailin ask very fundamental questions that Mark answers with the wisdom. Some other red flags to look out for in others: do they blame shift? Do they gaslight? Is their go-to strategy to control (situations, decisions, finances, choices, friendship circle)? The “come on, be nice” that Mark points to as a lever is an example of gaslighting and social control. Do they devalue (even subtly?)? Are priorities always centered on their life preferences? Despite discussions about things that aren’t working, do they only say they will change when you are about to leave a relationship? (This timing is very important: ignoring your partner’s genuine sadness, but then making a promise to change only when the partner is about to leave is designed to keep you under their thrall, it is very often not genuine). Ultimately, what a relationship should be based at its core on care, mutuality, respect and reciprocity.
Yeah my ex would always apologize to me, cry and promise it would never happen again after a violent incident. Abusers know what that what they are doing is wrong and they also know how to act more sanely. If someone is rude and abusive to you verbally or physically or both, run like the devil himself is behind you, because he is.
Wise words.
Learned this the hard way
I wish Mr Bowden had talked a bit more about how dangerous possessive, controlling men are towards the women they are in relationships with. When you choose to break up with a 'controlling' guy, as I believe Gabby did with Brian, do not do so while you are alone with him. Just in case. Have your friends, family or others there as witnesses and then never see him alone again. Most women who are killed by their boyfriends / husbands / ex's are trying to get away from them at the time. If an ex has been stalking you (including by phone, text, etc.), go to a friend's house and do not return home or go out at night alone until he gives up. Most importantly, if your boyfriend becomes obsessed with you, if he wants to be with you all the time, if he's jealous when you're around other people ~ it is not love! You are an object to him, someone he wants to possess. Get help before it's too late. Thanks for this great show ladies and Mr. Bowden! *I worked as a social worker with women in abusive situations for decades.
Yeah and just break up over the phone. Say it and get off. There’s never, ever, ever a reason to talk to him or see him again. Women make the mistake of answering when he calls again or talking to him only at the front door. No.
He won't slant anything towards one group or another and just discuss men. He's talking about PEOPLE, because that behavior is just as dangerous and horrific for men with possessive controlling females. It's HUMAN behavior, from mental illness. Females kill less often because a male can physically stop them if they know it's happening. A woman has to sneak up on a man and catch him off guard, simply not looking. A man can just start strangling you while he looks at you, and you might not get away. They're simply more physically dominant so women have even better controlling skills, and are MORE controlling because they've developed the skills from being less physically dominant over time. In the past they needed wariness and manipulation as a survival skill. In either sex, in modern day, it's all antisocial and dangerous.
I dislike men when they say things against religion, money, power and sometimes McDonalds Grimace 😬
I think his focus is correct. There are bad people and good people, and then there's the rest of humanity. Many men and women are only intermittently toxic. By focusing on the mind frame of the young ladies (or whoever is watching) as "myself", it resets their locus of control to an internal one, and an active, observant action, rather than a wait/react dynamic that is at the root of the worst relationship patterns.
Too many young people tell themselves "but sometimes he/she is so loving", and they reject the good advice of family and friends and professionals. These people mean well when they identify abusive behaving people, but the advice to leave immediately, wash your hands of this abusive partner boyfriend girlfriend whatever, it seems to victims as if it's an apathetic or irrational suggestion. Like their intense feelings for this person (exacerbated by trauma bond patterns) aren't even being considered. And it's easy to confuse that trauma bonded lovesque feeling with our intuition. So they know their abusive boyfriend/girlfriend isn't ALL bad, but their loved ones rarely respond to this information rationally or in a validating way, thus invalidating their own advice, and it helps bolster the idea a heinous abuser has been planting along the way: "they" just don't understand "me/you/us".. . And "us against the world."
By focusing on adopting our own appropriate behaviors and boundaries, we mirror the healthy we want, we attract the healthy we want, and it's abundantly clear when toxicity shows up, and they have a language to enforce it. Early teens and 20s are a time for young women especially to be very very self centered. (Boys too to a degree) Insofar as they respect everyone around them, but most ultimately themselves and their behavioral science-informed intuition, rather than a confused misunderstood trauma-bonded one. X
From the couples that I have known over the years it seems that women who were abused in childhood that do not get therapy are very likely to get into an abusive relationship of some kind.
If you are a woman or a man who had an abusive element to their childhood, please get therapy. You may feel that your are okay but the damage can be very deep to your sense of what behavior is acceptable.
I wish I had listened to this years ago! I think one thing to watch out for too - is to be aware that if there is a big difference between what people say and how they behave, then this is a red flag. 'I won't do that again', but then they do it over and over again! Or someone who is always accusing you of being unfaitful and texting you all the time - this is an indication of a controlling person.
Yes!!!!
I used to go out with a narcissist (though I didn’t know it at the time) and on one occasion he said something sexual to my sister in law in front of me and my brother. When we left I told him I wasn’t comfortable with what he’d said and he said that I needn’t think he was going to change to suit me and that he was only having fun. What he said to my sister-in-law was embarrassingly cringeworthy.
Warmly supportive versus dangerous controlling…. so wise! You MUST trust your own instincts, your body’s reactions in general. Don’t argue with yourself that that chilling feeling is good or bad, right or wrong. If after a couple small incidents (don’t wait for a 3rd time), you find yourself desperately persuading yourself to like the person, walk away & stay away. Warmly supportive makes me feel safe, awesome for me to be me, and inspires me to grow & be better with my partner.
Mark was an inspired choice as a guest to address the issues of toxic relationships. I think everyone did a great job. Thank you! I learned a lot.
Thank YOU, Carol!
Mark Bowden is father material all the way. Fantastic answers. Bravo sir.
1. How they talk about other people:
If he calls his mom psycho, but you've seen her scream and yell, and his brother says mom bears them, that's one thing. If he calls his ex- girlfriend crazy and another word for promiscuous, is she? Healthy people, who have been in healthy relationships will tend to say things like " It just didn't work out", or " I moved away". How they talk about their previous partner is how they will talk about you.
2. How they treated their previous partner ( or best friend), is how they will treat you. If he was awful to his ex,; if he cheated, lied, called names, etc. That's how they will treat you. He won't be faithful because you're nicer, prettier, more fun, more loyal. He won't. That's a huge value red flag.
3. There's a difference between, " Hey, did you know those shorts slip down in the back and I can see..." And ' I hate it when you where makeup, you look like a prostitute."
Run in all of these cases.
4.ANY sign of barely contained or UN contained physical agression. Punched his best friend? Stalked toward you loomingly during an argument? Slapped your knee? Run. Don't second guess.
Great advice for young people . Mark is always so perceptive and has a great ability to communicate.
Wonderful advice and definitely need to reflect on my boundaries and self esteem. Appreciate these questions and Marks solid responses.
Thank you so much, Ava. This is one of our favorite interviews.
It seems that the nicer you are to some people they will go all out to hurt and destroy you. Also, they will say that you are”weak”. Turning the other cheek does not seem to work, and that is what we are taught, especially in church.
Mark is the best! 👍🏻
I think the question first responders should ask is, “Has this person EVER physically assaulted you in the past, officially or unofficially (undocumented) notwithstanding.” If yea, separate the two, send them to separate shelters or back home separately, and all of this needs to be documented by law enforcement/the court system. People in a couples situation need to be informed of what constitutes an assault. I was in a relationship like Gabby Petito. My family later told me, “We are so relieved you broke up with him because we thought he was going to kill you.” I did not know they thought this while my relationship was happening.
The come on be nice response is so true...I have heard that so much, or come on you know I'm right, it's no I have a right to feel I do. Toxic ppl are real deal
I found myself wishing mark was my dad for a minute there! And I’m double his age!! ☺️
Such a great choice for this Channel. Mark gives a good delivery. Love this guy and also the Behavior Panel.
Love listening to Mark talk.
It’s common sense, but Mark is an awesome educator and also obviously very intelligent, so yes pay attention
Great topic ladies! Mark is an awesome speaker with a wealth of knowledge❣️ This episode opened my eyes too better boundaries and it’s okay. I was lead to believe that I was wrong with my way of thinking. I’m going to get my power back in a compassionate but honest conversation knowing that I’m not being over reactive. Thank you for all you do.
We really learned so much from Mark and this conversation. It came at an important time in both of our lives. We are so glad you feel the same! Thanks so much, Doreen!
Mark is amazing! Love the whole panel!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🤩❤️👊🏻
This was great! Thank you!
Knowing what my boundaries are is something I lacked going into early adulthood. As a result I found myself in some bad, bad situations with men who I thought had my interests at heart. I always swore it would be the first thing I'd ever teach my daughter.
This is amazing and empowering stuff! Wish I understood this all when I was younger. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and positive light Mark ✨💛
Excellent advice-narcissists CONTROL. Plan quietly and run.
Love hearing Mark! Thank you 💯💛
5. How they treat other people in your life. Are they nice to your friends in person but harangue you to not hang out with those people? Are they jealous of every second of time you spend with someone else? Are they lost, bored and absolutely miserable if you have something else to do? Are they rude outright and trying to turn you against people you have been friends with for a long time and know they are good people? Or are they just concerned about someone for good reason? (Looking out for you honestly).
6. Are they angry at the world?
7.Are they never at fault, or completely unable to admit they may have made a mistake?
8. Do they demand ANY thing? Time, physical attention in public, sex, money, you car, your credit card?
All of these should not be negotiable. All of them will make your life quite unpleasant at best, and utterly horrible at worst
9. And finally, please remember that any concerning behavior listed here that you see soon into the beginning of the relationship (when people are out to make their best impression on you, like a sales pitch), will ONLY get worse AND much harder to extract yourself from the more time goes on. Once you're invested with more time and feeling, more problems you've 'weathered', it is harder and harder to leave. Just leave while you are still ahead. I don't care how cute or popular he is. How he treats YOU is what matters.
Just found this talk and liked the help Mark gives everybody on this. I wish I'd been given this information a long time ago. It's not only boyfriends, it's brothers & sisters who disparage your views as well and make you break away from the family.
Y’all are seriously smart and talented. Which is why I really wish you had a better mic, maybe two camera angles, and a background that isn’t a door. I could see your channel really taking off if you invest in production!
I like Mark's set up
Mark you are superb 👏
Right on spot when talking about the controlling example. My ex of 10 years tried to control me in that way.
Sorry to hear that ❤️
There's a lady on my team whom i think has disdain/contempt. She doesn't use eue contact. When i asked wher do we go for our meeting- she says, " i dont know- im the last person to ask". Three minutes later she was on hercway to the meeting- didnt tell me. If i say what i was able to accomplish- she says, "oh i did nothing, yor better than me". When others are present- she is cordial, polite. She gives me hot cold behavior- i plan to stay neutral, stay away..and, obswrve only. Its tricky, im new, but, my radar is sharp around this type of behavior. I sense it as a dog would.
I love Mark ❤
I think the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker addresses the question you were asking around 17:00 more than Mark does. Safety is not just about the place you're currently in being safe. For women it's, "Is this man safe? Could he mean me any harm not just now in this room, but any time in the future?" I wouldn't be telling young women to tolerate sketchy behavior on the chance that the person may turn out to be interesting.
If I'm wrong about someone I'd still rather be safe than sorry - or dead. So err on the side of caution.
totally agree been there done that
Great topic you picked up, especially with this different angel, meaning with Mark(!) and body language! You go 👏
Thank you so much!!
I watch TBP to understand what regular people already know. I can’t read people at all and when I get a gut feeling, I never know why. My confidence is high but I’m learning how my behavior affects other people. I don’t pay much attention to that at all. So like Mark said, I’m learning how to get on better with people
❤ Thank you so much for sharing and we are so happy you find value in Mark's teachings like we do!! ☺
I have also always been confused by body language, facial expression, gestures and vocal tone, especially when there seemed to be a mismatch between those, even more so when they didn’t seem somehow to go with the words.
I can’t know what you have a knack for, but I found out my specific strength & key to diagnosing lies is words. Paying close attention to which words people do and don’t choose to use.
One advantage I had early, was one sister who was quite Macchiavellian even as a child. Not malicious, just hard-headed self-serving; presuming she’s entitled to covertly “manage” other people for her own convenience. Rather than do some honest negotiating. (A big contrast to other siblings.)
She would whisper to me (or later, just give me a look) to not speak while she “dealt with” someone. I was amazed every time. (It helped that she looked like the Mona Lisa, mild and gentle…and somewhat inscrutable) Paltering is her main technique.
Paltering is speaking words or delivering statements that are true - as far as they go - but which mislead the hearer. The liar knows that the listener doesn’t know the full or the specific context. Or the liar has some “private” definition of a word rather than the obvious one that the listener will assume.
Paltering is a really common way to lie, in fact the favourite technique of people who like to think of themselves as good, “nice” people who lie *less* than most, so if they are challenged, the indignation can be real.
This sister gave me what amounts to years of masterclasses. As a young adult I began to be more conscious when tone, gestures, facial expressions, known context or word choice in other people seemed to mismatch, but I still had no confidence in understanding what it meant. If anything.
And I had no clue why any given person might be deceiving, if they were. Tact? A white lie? Keeping a confidence? “People-management”? A bit of harmless self-inflation? Blame shifting? Malice? If I tried to find out, and someone accused me of being accusatory, paranoid, touchy, mistrustful, or hairsplitting, I felt like a bit of a barsteward.
(For years I had a conscious policy of dismissing anomalies, or my unease, and just taking people at face value no matter what - other than when personal security might be involved - because I felt that otherwise this continual welter of mismatching perceptions would just drive me completely crazy.)
If you catch someone paltering and confront them, they will often indignantly demand that you define the lie - point to where they spoke some untrue word. After some infuriating episodes, I decided that for me it’s best to act dumb and keep asking for clarification - especially of the weasel words and vague bits. Or to keep the discussion to honesty, candor, frankness - and not get flimflammed by over-literal, weaselly, restrictive definitions of “truth”. Or pseudo-philosophical gaslighting (“What is truth anyway?”)
Embarrassingly, it took me until my early 20s to even realise that my presence just by itself sometimes acted as an implicit guarantee for my sister’s lies-of-convenience.
But when I realised that I am more alert than most people to words, to the precise (and ambiguous!) use of words in English, I began to consciously try to sharpen that awareness. And after just more exposure time on the planet, more examples, it does work quite well. I still am often not sure why someone is not being honest, but I can zero in on what it is they are dancing around or slicing too finely.
You can file it away and consider it later, in the light of what context, personal history, social norms or motivators might be relevant.
The internal logic and external logic of what someone does or says - if you’re tenacious nitpicking enough to really pursue it, is the most reliable diagnostic of all - unfortunately it’s the easiest thing to lose sight of afterward. Or get gaslit int dismissing.
If you can identify what YOU are strongest at - maybe catching tiny fleeting expressions that seem anomalous; or detecting changes in voice cadence, tone or pitch - or pursuing a chain of logic - you can learn to get significantly better at bull£=it detecting. But you need to gauge it as objectively as possible - against known instances of lying or at least contested instances.
Political interviews or speeches, some criminal interviews, documentaries focussed on a few individuals - and legal testimony: these do help, not least because you can rerun video in slo-mo and often compare other presented evidence or anomalies with a “performance”.
One extraordinary thing, to my mind, is that so many people think they are good at detecting lying because they have seen so many actors *acting* lying - in a hundred thousand soaps and movies.
In real life you don’t get incidental music. And you don’t get too many convenient close-ups, good angles or reaction-shots.
Gabby and her Murderer were in a physically fighting, screeching relationship as early high school teenagers. They broke up and friends were relieved, and then back together for another round. Gabby friends hated watching this go on. But the 2 kept the on and off dance going until they finally broke up by end of high school. To ME it is very sad that NO ONE intervened in this early phase. Gabby had 4 parents, but said she didn't share with them her real life. Friends didn't want to tell school counselors, or her parents. So move ahead less than 10yrs and he has killed her. HAD those around in early high school alerted parents or counselors to the issue, Gabby might have gotten help on boundaries, recognizing a toxic dangerous partner, and why the screaming teen matches aren't ok.
Yes, agreed, but her own mother had experienced abuse and probably told her that 'men were like that' or something. What Gabby saw at home, and with her other role models is what informed her about what to accept from her male paramours. Not to mention that girls are systematically taught to allow men to control them as well as that men are more important than they are from the time they are very young. Society is the 1st teacher of what a young girl's 'place' is. If you aren't fighting for women's rights, you're part of the problem.
Great interview! Thanks!
Love Mark Bowden❤
Ditto!!!!
Hey, it's Mark. Be kind to one another. Stay safe. Love to all
Mark you are amazing! Thank you, Hannah and Cailin, for creating a great dialogue.
Thank you so much, Anne.
Great conversation, thank you.
my own SIBLING , he sneered & trashed me so BAD- i had to change churches! At a new place- WITHOUT HIM- I bloomed & Suceeded.
Carol. Good for YOU. You are free to be your natural self. You were being manipulated. I certainly relate to THAT. ♥️Bloom where you are “ planted”🌹,& enjoy your life 🙏🏼. GOD BLESS YOU ✝️
Being a blood relative does not provide any protection from a family who has an abusive member.
I love the Behavior Panel and learn so much from all of you. Would you all ever consider doing a show on Jennifer Pan? I don't know if you're familiar with her or not, but I'll include a link here to share some info about her. Thank you so much, once again, for your show.
th-cam.com/video/28LdsO-_UcQ/w-d-xo.html is the link for Jennifer Pan info. Sorry I couldn't include it in the same comment space. Thank you again! Have a great night.
@@57hippiechick This is a fascinating case! Saw the JCS video awhile back. Definitely send this request over to the guys at Behavioral Panel - we'd love to see them cover it, too!
@@HannahandCailinLoesch Thank you so much! 😊 How do I send it to them?
@@57hippiechick contact them on social media buy obviously in a while when Scott's ready to come back.
@@NicolaMaxwell Thank you!
This video needs to be played every semester to all girls in college,university and high school.
Thank you so much for watching!!
Woww this was excellent !! And great questions too ladies!!
Thank you so much, Bev!!
LOVE Mark!
Great questions and, of course, mark is always a treat.
@@luci-ferre Thank you so much! We are happy this chat is resonating with people even years later!
Excellent interview - Thanks, Mark :D
I agree with much of what has said here. You cannot rely on someone else to tell you what your boundaries are and when someone is encroaching on them, you have to learn to perceive this for yourself. I'm tired of hearing this narrative that the Police in the Gaby Petito case should have done better, that perhaps if they encroached further on their liberties she would still be alive. You shouldn't need a Nanny State to keep you safe, that is not the answer. The Police did a great job, they could not have foreseen the outcome.
Mark is usually the one who seems to be able to divine less bad intent in certain situations but not by throwing caution to the wind. Somewhat of an "angel's advocate" at times. I like seeing all interpretations to a story.
Always a great fan of the four gentlemen on TBP. I think it was well worth all that Mark had to point out, to the young ladies. The girls had very good questions, and Mark gave it his best. He is an awesome guy. If more young people would watch and observe the Panel, and pay attention, it can maybe save some young lives. Well done. 😎💡👍👍
Thank you so much! 🙏
Great questions!
Thanks so much, Jean!
Oh, Mark! I missed the disdain and stayed for 25 unpleasant years.
Spectacular & share with teenagers as a required sit down. Great for everyone. 🔑
Thank you so much!
This was lovely
What is the “sign” that Mark uses that we should all know?
I am in trouble. Please help.
Maria..what is your situation? How do you need support. Details?
I think it is the hand signal, first with fingers extended and palm facing out, like the stop dignal, then closed, making a fist.
it's the international sign for victims of trafficking. They're often travelling with their abuser, so it's insanely difficult for them to ask for help.
Poor sweet Gabby... I was really hoping she would be found alive. It's so selfish for one person to take another's life. That life belonged to Gabby & it was her God-given right to live it, & live it in safety & joy. If you have a toxic relationship, just leave. Don't announce you're leaving, just go. Announcing you're quitting the relationship may cost you your life (not that I'm blaming Gabby nor saying that's what occurred).
You can tell when it is controlling behaviour by the way they phrase their statements and questions. Narc abuse and gaslighting are common to make people doubt themselves and loose confidence so they can be controlled. This kind of thing is common in the corporate world, a world which in my opinion is full of sociopaths and psycopaths.
I have a very toxic boss who is alcohol addicted, has anger management issues and praises, attacks, apologizes, repeats. The people who stay (it's a very small company he owns) are very passive and "protect each other." I find I can't survive his toxicity. I will resign even without a job to save my mental health. PS - one other person left due to a "mental breakdown" as my boss puts it - um, no worries about sharing intimate issues of others, either!
Clicked and watched because of Mark
After you say “I don’t like that” you MUST say why or the actual truth, and that DEFINITELY REQUIRES that you include one feeling of Yours! Like because “that “HURTS” me” or it makes me “SAD” ., or “SCARES” me ! and the most important top communication skill is to not ever make the other person feel guilty of something! You do this by eliminating the words you should have or if you would have or you could have then you wouldn’t be in the situation! Just don’t ever yous those incriminating words ! Try this on your children first it works wonderfully!
Well done ladies!
Thank you, Carmelo!
This is really interesting and very useful.
Thank you so much for watching, Isabella! Glad you were able to learn something like we did!
Contempt by a partner is the number one reason for breaking up.😮
Great job Ladies on choosing the talented Mr. Bowden. He still owes me the wood worked Viking Longboat hanging right behind him. Remember men can be victims too. Mother’s with children will stay in this terrible situation longer, so keep these cues in mind. ❤
Excellent information and advice, but the one issue not addressed is that which probably pertained to the murder of Gaby Petito. When you are young and in love you are thinking with your heart and not your head and I believe that in the majority of cases, red flags will be ignored until it's too late.
I totally agree.
Wow….wonderful advice!🙏🏻❤️
brilliant!
Great video! And great questions imo, from two people that doesn't, to me, seem to be trained interviewers!(?)
I think you guys did a great job with the subject!
I must admit, I only saw this video, because I have seen all the behavior panels videos! ..twice!! 😂😂 So I was looking for something.. And I saw this one, and thought: okay, sure I'll just watch that instead!
But I really think all three of you did a great job! I really like that's it's a kind of "to the point" video. Like just a little bit of knowledge (on a big subject), but to the point, and something we all can use! So at the same time kind of a lot of help for everyone!
So yeah.. I obviously really liked this video! 😂😂🎉🎉❤❤
👍👍👍👍👍
Love this comment so much :') Thank you!!!! We are so glad you were able to learn from Mark here like we did! H and C
I know what she dealt with. I grew up in a bubble of goodness. I'm pushing 60y now, and just finding out that I spent my life trying to provide the "happiness" that my X commanded to be my responsibility. Really sucks shit when you find out way too late and finally realize the depths and depravity of the evil trough. Swine! What? Why? Who? When? How? I spent half my life trying to provide the "happiness" to a miserable person. You know I didn't achieve the goal. But what the fuck is wrong, when you have to decypher every single aspect of a persons character? I've been had. Makes me mad.
Also, you two are ADORABLE ❤️🤟🏻
Brilliant
Excellent
@@patriciamorgan2501 Thanks for watching, Patricia!
Perhaps saying “I don like that” in a public place to reduce risk the person might become physical.
Can couples overcome disdain or contempt?
Honestly, I don't believe these two girls were actually interviewing with Mark Bowden... Who stands in a corner, by a door, and does an interview? boo on you two and I Love Mark Bowden! Can either of you two explain this?
Hahahahaha...two people living in a tiny NYC apartment, I guess! Luckily we have more space now for a proper backdrop!
@@HannahandCailinLoesch hahahahahahaha
Love this girls.
Thanks so much, Ronda!
I am not clear exactly what the hand sign means.
I think it means I need help, abuser alert
You can use ur eyes to alert someone too. That's all body language
18:00
Sorry Mark, better safe than sorry
That's the whole point of this video.... women need to listen to their gut instinct and not question it or talk themselves out of it.
Whatever the reason is, don't hang around to discover why your gut is saying what it is.
There's no such thing as being *too* safe
Listen to your gut. ALWAYS.
Don't question it
EASY EASY to spot how he was so relived he got one over on the police. mosts perpetrators let off a silent relief and then crack jokes give complements try to make the other party listening that they are like them. Abbeys behavior ,stressed anxious are viewed by crappy professionals, po;[ce,judges, child aid workers as odd and they make the ERROR that since she is stressed anxious etc etc that she is the one with issues where the actual perpetrator can be calm relaxed crack jokes give compliments etc as down to earth ,stable HUGE FRICKEN ERROR HUGE!!!
You or women need to know when they are being hunted. It’s a very primal look, same look a dog gets when they switch in their brain, right when they are about to chase and they get triggered. Their eyes get wide, eyes narrow on the target, they get more excited but tne body is tense yet so ready to pounce……
What’s fascinating is Ted Bundy had blue eyes, and many reporters claimed when the missing
Women were brought up in
Conversation, his eyes would turn black. Many thought he was possessed which I won’t throw this theory out, but what was obvious is him remembering the actions of what occurred made him
Excited and primal, and when this happens your eyes or pupils get really enlarged. Hence the black eyes.
Ed kepner would take women in his car and would constantly talk about the killer on the loose. His big ego stroke was when he would talk about himself and the crimes and his victim had no idea.
The biggest key to look for is if they are too into you while being tense. A person can be into you while being relaxed, but it’s when they are in a more comfortable place for themselves that they are still watching you like a hawk and won’t let you breathe. They don’t want you to think or react. They are ready for combat, and you have to be aware of this. Their eyes will be fixated on you and their eyes will be huge pupils and almost crazy like a dog about to chase
Mark really didn’t answer the question about cops.
Amber Heard always had that sneer on her face - even on the Red Carpet.
Wow, you clearly have connections if you got Mark with 3.4 thousand subscribers...as I recall, there was a huge warning sign a month or so earlier than the murder. You will also find the ppl test boundaries so much on how that goes is how clearly you immediately signal to back off and if they respect you wishes
We don't have connections outside of the ones we made ourselves over the years. Been working hard at this since we were 15! :)
well, when the guy beats you it's a pretty good indication!
Remember guys, this also applies to you.
What does he know about toxic relationships?!?! He AND the behavior panel missed each and every sign in the Gabby Petito police stop. Thought she was crazy and her boyfriend was sane.
Have you even WATCHED their take on the matter?!?!
❤great questions, love Mark B check out The Primatve Brain, or another book 📖
Thank you so much for watching!!
“Doggie deception”. 😄