My family has never said any of this- NONE OF IT EVER!! My sister and mother and brothers do not believe in having a relationship, only abusive situations.
I had a long time high school friend who constantly had new friends she would ‘love bomb’, then discard once they no longer provided her with what she required. If I got something new you could see the jealousy on her face. She wasn’t happy unless she was getting a new car or new furniture or new gold jewelry. One day I was finally ghosted, then she moved away without good bye.
I'm sorry, that must have hurt. They have no real connections with people which makes us lonely and obsess on belongings and get envious and lose empathy for others.
I went through the ghosting after I befriended and let my guard down. I’ve gone through this more than once and I’m done going down the one way road of friendships. I can handle acquaintances better as there’s no love loss 👍👍
The borderlines have to learn the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated. If it's not a reciprocal two-way street then no deal, plain and simple❤😏
This is why I went full no contact and understood I could not be friends either. They'll continue to ask me for money, come to me for every daily "crisis" for emotional support, and whenever I have a moment or bad day and try to talk-they'll talk right over me. Like you said-no empathy or even sympathy. "Oh that sucks. Anyway, will you play this cool song I just heard today." They are incapable of holding any space for you. They will want you to be their caregiver and informal therapist- even if they're in treatment. It will be to the detriment of your growth and well being. It's not worth it and will lead inevitably to further suffering.
BPD have problems connecting emotionally with others. Completely capable of making multiple partners or friendships quickly but not capable of connecting emotionally with others. That is the reasons self love is difficult for them since they cannot slow down the relationship to take the time to develop it with you. High instinctual sympathy but low to nonexistent empathy.
Wow! So true! That happened to me with a friend, don’t matter is I Spend 10 hour a day with her, never was enough, never, in her mind put attention. She wants I be the therapist to help her, listen.. and then call me: egocentric and selfish.. it’s horrible, now I’m contact cero.
Example ; Sat down on the loo and the person with BPD started banging on the door, screaming & insisting that i get out because SHE needed to go and that it was HER house so she had priority... I was so shocked. One of a million examples of how they treat you when you're married to them... Her fair weather friends will never see this side of her... only the sweet, dreamy side she showed me in the first year..
It’s been a couple months and she seems happy without me, even after she initiated the discard and went to a whole another person after telling me she wasn’t ready for a relationship and to give her time. Even though I treated her the best I could I feel i was the issue. Hell this girl didn’t even live in the same city as me( 4 hours away) but I still drove there when she said she “ needed me “ which makes me feel like I was totally used, since I couldn’t be there everyday. Im obviously still watching these videos because I’m hurting which sucks. She was my first. It’s crazy.
Oooof this hit home hard. At times it felt like a relationship. Lovebombing devalue and discard all together. They really are like parasites. Mine lasted 5 years but I had no idea what I was dealing with till I found videos on narcissism. Thank you for your videos they are so unique and address what many fail to do
Dan from Nebraska..thanks for doing what you do. I'm uncertain how to handle the fallout from exposure to suspected BPD. I've never had this much trouble breaking away from someone with this condition. I keep going back. I love her so much I keep reaching out..bad idea, I just get blasted in a cycle, again & again. It's sooo painful
The part about asking for advice is interesting, I never asked anyone for advice but people who think they know it all seem to think they have all the answers and they can’t even take care of their own problems . I’ve found this to be amusing but just keep it to myself.
I definitely had this situation with a borderline who would just walk up and start talking about every problem she was having. No Hi, nothing. It was so overwhelming and over time really started to piss me off. Then came the asking for favors. This was not even someone I had any personal relationship with but they had BPD and used it as a total crutch.
I get confused bc he messages me as if we're cool and as if nothing happened and then I feel sad and guilty. I always break no contact and ppl have told me to stop bc it becomes a yoyo game.
Monica, they are known for this. They like to act like nothing ever happened. That means they don't care about your feelings or what your needs sre. Don't let them come back.
I'm sorry Monica. Try writing down these things that you feel are wrong so he can't manipulate you. Decide what you want and follow through with it. Talking and support helps the most.
another example is when you tell people something bad that has happened to you but they really care then they tell you something bad that has happened to them and you have to be concerned or else they are angry and it usually happens right after you said that something bad has happened to you. whey do they do that?
As a BL i honestly don't see too many of these never ending friendships that you speak of. Borderline or not when the economy is bad ppl have to focus on their priorities. My BPD also makes me too anxious to ask anybody for anything....ever My own 2 hands get me "everything" i need & id rather give than take.
I might add something, don't believe you can be "friend with benefits" with someone with BPD. They don't understand the difference between being friend and being in a love relationship with someone. There always will be strings attached, no matter if you want it or not. And you might end up with troubles. Been there, done that. Not a good idea.
Hey sir, I just found your videos today... They're my favorite out of all I've searched. I've been dating an undiagnosed BPD for about 5 months now... Is there a way to contact you for advice/help?
Question tonight I listened to the most honest crazy conversations with him ever. Is this possible, that his thus honest, he told me his no good in a relationship he doesn't get anything from cuddles or doesn't feel love he said its just a act, also his words, he wares a marsk a pasona and his worn it so long he doesnt even know who he is or how to take it of., but had to have it to protect himself , he said he cares for others and wants to be a good person and help people but he can't love or feel that, has he said he was never shown it he never had that as a child his empty of it but he sees it and would like to have it instead of a marsk, and the act gets exhausting then angry so you project that out because its exhausting to keep up that. But then you feel bad cos you hurt someone again and you don't want to be angry. So you self medicate to numb yourself and watch TV that's when your relaxed on your own .
I don’t think this is a borderline.. sounds like a narcissist. Borderlines have high empathy and are chronic people pleasers. They usually date narcissists and are people pleasing to try and avoid abandonment..
I hate it when people act like they care about you but when it is going bad with you then they smile as if they enjoy it.
Umm that sounds like a sociopath. Unless you're just doing something to piss them off...
@@Liz-wz8dh I'm not dooing anything that they would feel as wrong
“Wronging someone is never in the past until it’s made right. Until they right what was wrong it’s not in the past.”
Damn that really spoke to me.
My family has never said any of this- NONE OF IT EVER!! My sister and mother and brothers do not believe in having a relationship, only abusive situations.
Choose your family Janet.
Most powerful sentence in NO
I had a long time high school friend who constantly had new friends she would ‘love bomb’, then discard once they no longer provided her with what she required. If I got something new you could see the jealousy on her face. She wasn’t happy unless she was getting a new car or new furniture or new gold jewelry. One day I was finally ghosted, then she moved away without good bye.
It's a narcissist.
I'm sorry, that must have hurt. They have no real connections with people which makes us lonely and obsess on belongings and get envious and lose empathy for others.
I went through the ghosting after I befriended and let my guard down. I’ve gone through this more than once and I’m done going down the one way road of friendships. I can handle acquaintances better as there’s no love loss 👍👍
The borderlines have to learn the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated.
If it's not a reciprocal two-way street then no deal, plain and simple❤😏
They never learn, ever.
The toxic little secret is that there's not much sharing to be had in the shared fantasy.
This is why I went full no contact and understood I could not be friends either. They'll continue to ask me for money, come to me for every daily "crisis" for emotional support, and whenever I have a moment or bad day and try to talk-they'll talk right over me. Like you said-no empathy or even sympathy. "Oh that sucks. Anyway, will you play this cool song I just heard today." They are incapable of holding any space for you.
They will want you to be their caregiver and informal therapist- even if they're in treatment. It will be to the detriment of your growth and well being. It's not worth it and will lead inevitably to further suffering.
"They're incapable of holding space for you" well said.
BPD have problems connecting emotionally with others. Completely capable of making multiple partners or friendships quickly but not capable of connecting emotionally with others. That is the reasons self love is difficult for them since they cannot slow down the relationship to take the time to develop it with you. High instinctual sympathy but low to nonexistent empathy.
Wow! So true! That happened to me with a friend, don’t matter is I Spend 10 hour a day with her, never was enough, never, in her mind put attention. She wants I be the therapist to help her, listen.. and then call me: egocentric and selfish.. it’s horrible, now I’m contact cero.
Example ; Sat down on the loo and the person with BPD started banging on the door, screaming & insisting that i get out because SHE needed to go and that it was HER house so she had priority...
I was so shocked.
One of a million examples of how they treat you when you're married to them...
Her fair weather friends will never see this side of her... only the sweet, dreamy side she showed me in the first year..
It’s been a couple months and she seems happy without me, even after she initiated the discard and went to a whole another person after telling me she wasn’t ready for a relationship and to give her time. Even though I treated her the best I could I feel i was the issue. Hell this girl didn’t even live in the same city as me( 4 hours away) but I still drove there when she said she “ needed me “ which makes me feel like I was totally used, since I couldn’t be there everyday. Im obviously still watching these videos because I’m hurting which sucks. She was my first. It’s crazy.
I'm so sorry Nick. Consider taking to someone, it helps most of us.
I’m with everyone here 👍👍
Amen
Describes some of my old friends I had to cut off because they were so toxic and selfish
Thank you
Thank you!
real friends are very difficult to find.
As always , nice seeing you David, I still enjoy your videos after all these years.
Thank you John, good to see you!
They love to friend poach too
Thank you!
Thank you Lisa!
Oooof this hit home hard. At times it felt like a relationship. Lovebombing devalue and discard all together. They really are like parasites. Mine lasted 5 years but I had no idea what I was dealing with till I found videos on narcissism. Thank you for your videos they are so unique and address what many fail to do
Dan from Nebraska..thanks for doing what you do. I'm uncertain how to handle the fallout from exposure to suspected BPD. I've never had this much trouble breaking away from someone with this condition. I keep going back. I love her so much I keep reaching out..bad idea, I just get blasted in a cycle, again & again. It's sooo painful
I'm sorry Daniel. I work with Clients in similar positions and there are many things that help but supoort is number one.
The part about asking for advice is interesting, I never asked anyone for advice but people who think they know it all seem to think they have all the answers and they can’t even take care of their own problems . I’ve found this to be amusing but just keep it to myself.
I don’t think I ever got a real apology! It always ended with why I was to blame, or at fault! Sorrrry! Hi, David! Rory from Ohio!😎❤️
I'm sorry too Rory!
@@daviddemars Your support is always welcome! I’m learning what a real apology is and what it isn’t! And that’s a good thing! 😎❤️
from south africa
it is difficult to be aware of toxic relationships if you grow up with it.
it is impossible to criticize a narcissist, that is what they want. everything is such a struggle with them.
from South Africa
Hi David
can you please do a video about how emotionally healthy people will react when they interact with a narcissist?
Good job David
it feels like I can't get anything to work in my life, I constantly feel tired
I definitely had this situation with a borderline who would just walk up and start talking about every problem she was having. No Hi, nothing. It was so overwhelming and over time really started to piss me off. Then came the asking for favors. This was not even someone I had any personal relationship with but they had BPD and used it as a total crutch.
a narcissist apology " I'm sorry that I had to say those mean things"
I get confused bc he messages me as if we're cool and as if nothing happened and then I feel sad and guilty. I always break no contact and ppl have told me to stop bc it becomes a yoyo game.
Monica, they are known for this. They like to act like nothing ever happened. That means they don't care about your feelings or what your needs sre. Don't let them come back.
Stop doing it ! Simple . It’s entrapment .
I'm sorry Monica. Try writing down these things that you feel are wrong so he can't manipulate you. Decide what you want and follow through with it. Talking and support helps the most.
@@daviddemars It's hard when he writes to me similar to what you hear in Disney movies, but thanks.
@@void1718 How do I not fall for their Disney princess lines?
Wow, I feel like you've had a front row seat to so many of my "friendships" and I'm only 6 minutes in. These people are all the same!
Thank you and I'm sorry.
another example is when you tell people something bad that has happened to you but they really care then they tell you something bad that has happened to them and you have to be concerned or else they are angry and it usually happens right after you said that something bad has happened to you. whey do they do that?
Hi, Emile! Anything that happens to them is way worse or way better than what happens to you. That’s been my experience. It’s great to see you! 😎❤️
@@rorywright5692 Hi Rory! How are you?
As a BL i honestly don't see too many of these never ending friendships that you speak of. Borderline or not when the economy is bad ppl have to focus on their priorities.
My BPD also makes me too anxious to ask anybody for anything....ever My own 2 hands get me "everything" i need & id rather give than take.
A real and good relationship ought to feel safe.
🌹
David you are Amazing and funny 😅 your videos help me to get through the darkest moments, Thank you for that.
🤗❤️🕊
I might add something, don't believe you can be "friend with benefits" with someone with BPD. They don't understand the difference between being friend and being in a love relationship with someone. There always will be strings attached, no matter if you want it or not. And you might end up with troubles. Been there, done that. Not a good idea.
Hey sir, I just found your videos today... They're my favorite out of all I've searched. I've been dating an undiagnosed BPD for about 5 months now... Is there a way to contact you for advice/help?
Question tonight I listened to the most honest crazy conversations with him ever. Is this possible, that his thus honest, he told me his no good in a relationship he doesn't get anything from cuddles or doesn't feel love he said its just a act, also his words, he wares a marsk a pasona and his worn it so long he doesnt even know who he is or how to take it of., but had to have it to protect himself , he said he cares for others and wants to be a good person and help people but he can't love or feel that, has he said he was never shown it he never had that as a child his empty of it but he sees it and would like to have it instead of a marsk, and the act gets exhausting then angry so you project that out because its exhausting to keep up that. But then you feel bad cos you hurt someone again and you don't want to be angry. So you self medicate to numb yourself and watch TV that's when your relaxed on your own .
Blimey I’ve just watched a video done by a woman called Shawn Whitman saying your her son my god I’m shocked. Unsubscribed.
I don’t think this is a borderline.. sounds like a narcissist. Borderlines have high empathy and are chronic people pleasers. They usually date narcissists and are people pleasing to try and avoid abandonment..
They aren't consistently empaths. When the split, they become sociopathic to who they split on. Where's the empathy then?