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I need this vídeo i always offer advices to the people close to me and only receive shouts, criticism and complaint, this people abuse of my confidence even this people mistreat me. Please is posible for you sharing more información of this subject i are grateful. Sorry for my english 🙏.
I loved my grandkids too much. I spent all my income on supporting her lack of working for my 3 grandkids sake (2,6,9). She beat me up, called the police and had me thrown in jail for it. Now I’m in court. She texted me 2 days ago asking if I could help her with her car payment instead of buying fruit for my grandkids and shoes for the little one for her birthday. I didn’t respond. Took shoes to baby and dropped them off at daycare. No car payment from me. She is the only one who took advantage of me besides my last husband. For me it’s those who should love me most who take advantage.
@@deborahsherer1710 - They certainly loved you what you gave them, and not you. So, you should take the text to the court to give them a realistic picture of her
People I know help others. So they kind. Yet their kindness turns to resentment, and the rest is history. I have witnessed good people complaining about what they do, yet still do it and never tell the person no. Yet they will be brushing the toilet with your toothbrush cause they can't express anger so they do vengeful shit behide ya back. I can't stand most good people anymore. The best way to fool anyone is pretending your helping them. I stand by a rule, domt trust people who need help or them that want help u
This was me always helping others before myself , I was treated horribly after helping so many people especially my family . A couple years ago I could not do it anymore, I fell apart. No one was there for me, I was view worthless; I didn’t matter, to anyone! That was a hard pill to swallow,! After clawing my way back, I began cutting people out of my life, even my own family! I feel much better, I miss them , still love them . I will not tolerate this behavior from anyone anymore Done!
Unfortunately family members seem to be the worse and most certainly the ones who make us suffer more. We choose our friends but not family. Best to cut out those that hurt us. I fully understand you and you are not alone.
Very similar has happened to me this past cpl. Years yes I’ve really had enough of the one sided people now…after 60 years…I never thought I could ever walk away but I have…yes I still love them but just do not have the Energy bcs I’ve had to take care of many other loved ones…they didn’t even ever ask how I was or how things are going for me and my family …just yet again demanded my time and energy …Well I have Peace now. lol
I can relate to this the same thing happened to me always there for other people's wants and needs , but when it was me needing help they were not available time after time the same thing happened until I gave up on selfish people and started looking after myself yes it's been hard as I still miss them but I must stay strong because I don't want to feel so downhearted with their behaviour and Lack of sympathy for others 😢
I totally understand you. I'm 32 yrs old and was treated like a doormat my whole life by almost everyone except a few ... Even close family... Now I cut all connections with people mentally .. and this way I feel better... I think I will forever be a Loner @ heart...
You are what you give. 1. Give nothing, you are selfish. 2. Give a little, you are stingy. 3. Give something, you are kind. 4. Give more, you are generous. 5. Give everything, you are a fool.
Been a caregiver is the most necessary work, but the most taken advantage off ! Especially the male gender born in the late 1900 s, they feel it is Their right to order around and rarely are grateful instead don't see why you need a break from them!
Same here but, I was advised early on about sympathy. It's nice to be able to help but, the rules I leaned to apply are: 1) Help them to their feet and walk with them a little while. 2) Do not carry them or do things they can do for themselves. Otherwise, you weaken yourself and stop them from becoming strong.
@@inmamorales3633that's funny, I have found the opposite to be true. Males are much easier to get along with and they need a lot less "taking care of". Peace😊.
Yes indeed, totally understand. What really drove it home for me....was when my mother (now deceased) introduced me as 'My daughter - the ENABLER'....oh dear.
This is something we all must be careful with. I’ve noticed in my own life that I am generally a giver and I have a sibling who is a 100% taker and he is the most favorite person in our family. He’s narcissistic selfish and downright mean, but for some reason, has garnered the most favor, which is fine by me because I’m basically cutting my ties with my family and walking away from their negativity.
Yes! Walk away from their ignorance because that is what they are. Anyone who favors a narcissist over a kind person is ignorant and there are a lot of them out there!!!
Good you figured that out unbequest anything to them in your will if you have something that's what I am doing. I have learned this hard lesson from selfish family members one of the most selfish family member I have is a Jehovah witness, so I don't care to much for such people as they are always on the reviving side and forget that they need to practice what they preach.
You have to be aware of why you’re being kind to someone and who that person is. Some people are nefarious and you have to be guarded around them. Be polite but you don’t have to be kind or helpful. The challenge in life is to not be taken advantage of when you have a good soul.
I was brought up in the 50s, a strict catholic I was told to be humble and put others before yourself. I have practised this my whole life and paid for it on many occasions. I actually saw the light eventually and stopped but felt guilty about putting myself and my needs first mostly due to ill health. Your video has helped me enormously, healed my guilt and explained everything so clearly. Thank you.
I feel sorry this happened to you. I too was raised in the 50s and raised the same way but not Catholic. I think one of my lessons is to exercise more discernment even though in my heart of hearts, I don't agree with it.
Same here. It was only well into my adulthood when I first read David Seabury's book on being selfish which saved my life. Now I only act out of self interest. I need to take care of myself first and foremost. Remember that metaphor of being on an airplane and helping someone with their oxygen mask? You need to put on your oxygen mask first.
Hi, my mother went to a catholic school and on her death bed the biggest fear she had was that she was going to hell after the nuns that treated her very badly and told her she was an evil little sinner and going to hell. She has faith in God yet at the age of 74 all those years later she still carried that burden. My mum passed away in 2013 and now exactly 10 years after the fact and my sister kicking me to the curb while at the time i was waiting for an operation on my spine which helped me not and i know have cervical spondylosis with bad nerve damage in my lower and upper spine my sister, after rejecting me for 10 years now gets in touch to tell me she has only months to live at most through cancer and i just can't cope with getting involved after 10 years of no contact she now expects me to simply forget that she treated me so cruel. Even to the point that at our sweet mothers funeral my older sister arranged for my ex wife of years to jump into the family hearse just as we were getting into the car which was more than disrespectful considering the fact that my ex wife and me do not speak at all. I have very bad health myself and this is just to much for me. So after telling her how i felt which she freaked out about i have told her i simply cannot involve myself again in any way. Although this only further breaks my already very well trodden on heart. And i make no claim to be totally correct but i am very honest to a fault about how i feel. I wish you all the best.
Stumbled across this video and your comments here. I attend Mass in a catholic catherdal every Sunday. And serve as an acolyte, Taught to love thy neighbour. The amount of people that I have come to know in the congregation that are condescending is unbelievable. You go to church for worship and to find peace, but no.. Sacristan think they are above everyone else. You think you can meet kind loving people there? They compare who has more wealth. Even when you know you've work hard for what you have, they have to one up you to make themselves feel better. Love thy neighbour? Lord tell me how? I feel more at peace when I'm far away from these negative people. Help others? Lord you help me first.
Sometimes we give to others because we want people to like us, it works great but it isn’t real. I myself consider all interactions as “transactional”. In other words there’s something in it for both sides. Otherwise it’s not sustainable. I don’t do business deals without a knowledge that it’s good for the other party. With all that being said, I believe as you reach a certain level of prosperity, you have no option but to give back to those who have fallen on hard times. We should be humble and realize how lucky we really are.
Be kind. Someone abuses your kindness, cut them off. If they give you the same energy, keep them around. People will show you who they really are early in relationshops.
So wrong! I have experienced SEVERAL people who put on their "nice" mask for many months before cracking and showing their true colours. Some are just so nasty that they cannot hide it, but some actually have a deliberate PLAN to entangle you then to rip you off. Be very wary of new people. Baby steps people.😢
This lesson hit me brutally a few years ago. I was always the kind of person that would do just about anything to help anyone, but when I hit without question my darkest hour and needed someone to be there for me do you know how many were? An incredible, jaw dropping zero. Kindness and generosity are wonderful traits, but there's a time to look out for other people and a time to look out for yourself.
Don't change, you just need to find the people that is going to stay by your side when you are down, those are the true ones. Also you need to evaluate who should have your kindness, never give more than you should to a person you just met. In the end you don't need to change who you really are, you just have to change the way you approach life and the ones that start to take more than they should are to be set on boundaries
I’m an empath, this video really helped me so much. I finally learned how to just say no…. I finally learned to set boundaries. I guard my energy, I realize that everything should be a balance
So what is the point of God's APOSTLES &&& HIS LIVING STONES !!! ONLY OBEYING GOD IS THE KEY TO ENTER GODS HEAVEN UP ON EARTH !!! GOD BLESS !!! AMEN !!!
YOGA IS WITCHCRAFT FOLKS::: SEE ZECHERIAH CH 5 AND:: R E A L ::::: E Y E S THAT WITCH GOD SAYS BOTH HIS AND OUR GREATEST ENEMY !!! GOD BLESS ::: AMEN :::
No good deed goes unpunished. I’m very prone to a lot of these faults, but remembering that people who care about me want what’s best for me is a good compass
Or is this the reason why we are seeing this in society today, where wrong is right and right is wrong…….. maybe a lot of people are trying to find their place in this world.
Giving is more joyful than getting when you do not expect anything in return but for the greater good . Nevertheless discernment is necessary for the few advantage takers , selfish ones . Close them out !
@@mariethompson7701 Thank you. I knew that but seeing someone else believe it is comforting. You know the giving isn’t hard but the negative results it sometimes causes are hurtful. God Bless you. Amen. ✝️🙏🏻💖🌹
@@marthaanderson2967 It has been said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' If you find it hard not to always be a giver - remember that by accepting another's 'gift,' whether it be an actual object or help - you are bestowing a blessing on them.
Today is my 73rd birthday. This video is the greatest gift I have received in the 26,645 days I have lived on this earth. These are pearls of wisdom I will share with my family and friends. I like to GIVE, but now I will give more carefully to those I think deserve, without any expectation. Very grateful to the person who wrote his beautiful piece of wisdom❤❤❤
I was told a long time ago by a wholistic healer, that my compulsive "listening" to another person's complaining about everything, was like turning myself into a rubbish bag for all her negative emotions. Doing so was actually making me physically unwell. He said: "Say NO." It is hard. But imperative for our inner well being.
When I was training as an acupuncturist, we had a swami as a patient. He had chronic diarrhea. It seemed obvious that he listened to so much of people's garbage that his body turned to chronic purge mode. Garbage in, garbage out. Don't do it. People can journal or find other ways of processing their garbage.
It's easier to say no than yes, it's less letters so therefore a shorter word. That's what my father used to say when I couldn't say no to people who wanted things.
@@PeCo333make her find artistic creative ways to transmute the energy. make her take really nice photos and tell her to edit them to the color and vibe she feels. It might help her release some pain and odd feelings. Also tell her some things only she will have the answers to. She could be a little sad if you want to take mental breaks from her but she will get over it I’m sure you won’t lose her as you do seem caring but family doesn’t have to always see eye to eye good luck
Listen to this, and be wise. I am 60 years old, and I have lived everything he brings out here by being too kind, too generous. I have not been respected and disrespected, and I could never figure out why. Even my wife eventually lost respect for her because I treated so well and divorced me. So, yes, it even happens when your married!!! Now, I put up boundaries, now I say no, now I respect myself. Jesus said love others, as you do yourself, as he said here. I wish I had this knowledge 30 years ago!!
I have wrestled with this all my life There are ‘givers’ and there are ‘takers’. We givers must recognize takers in the early stages of a relationship In my late 70’s i look back on how my kindness has backfired Time and again, I have been taken advantage of and used BUT I now believe God has a huge computer at his work station. It is called Karma and it works every time. I have had some incredible events where my life was in jeopardy but a force from above led me to safety. Nothing happens by coincidence. Had it not been for that incredible force, I would have died years ago. So…fellow givers, smile. God is keeping score for you. But.. remember: when you give, do not expect the favour to be returned. Just enjoy the act of giving The Bible says “we reap what we sow”. Truer words were never spoken. Just smile, and be patient. Wait for the harvest. It will come in one form or another.
Thank you so much for that. I allowed others to drain my 2 separate inheritance and when it ran out my 2 husbands did not reciprocate leaving me penniless. I was valued only for what I could give and it's been a bitter pill.
I'm over 70 year's old and still find it almost impossible to say " no " . When my younger brother commited suicide the only person who hugged me and empathised was a young homeless man . I have children and grandchildren who come for holidays and enjoy the food etc but never offer to wash up . Just happy they're not like me .. now I sound like Diogenes .
My mistake when it came to being overly kind was to not have established my personal boundaries. I was initially kind because I was taught that it was good to be helpful and people would like me. I was was agreeable because I would try to avoid any potential conflict. Unfortunately, allowing myself taken advantage of has only left me with frustration and anger. As such I'm angry with myself as well as those people perceived my kindness as a form of weakness to be exploited. I was and am a fool.
I so relate to you. I just came to this realization about myself. I give to help others even if I feel I am being used. But just not to disappoint or cause conflict. I give in. I also realized showing too much empathy, people will always take advantage of me because “I’ll understand.” Ive been beating myself up lately realizing how foolish I am. I matter too but back then, I didnt matter to myself and thats the worse we could do to ourselves. Put others before our needs and desires. But I also realized, those that used me and took advantage of my kindness. Over the years, they are not too well. Its a learning process and we’re getting through it. I wish you all the best ❤
Never slander your name like this you couldn't act any different because you did not know I take and remix a quote from Jesus "Father forgive them for they know not what they do, and allow me to forgive myself for I know my good is good enough and I am for from a fool" you can only keep your head held hight pride intact and push forward and make those boundaries it's never too late... Peace be upon you and God be with you on this journey of life 🙏🏾
I wish I had learned this wisdom as a younger woman. My ignorance caused me a lot of harm. As an old woman now, I can't seem to get enough of being alone and making self-care my top priority as close to 24/7 as I can possibly get! 🥰Be careful of allowing accusations of "greedy and selfish" to penetrate you, like poison. Most likely it is the accuser projecting their own nature and they want you to feel sick with guilt. No.
Totally agree ❤️. I read somewhere that to NOT look after yourself is a form of self-harm. I’ve now become what I considered before as selfish and I love it 😂👍. I’m very happy with my lot 🥂.
Thats why they say "nice guys finish last". I have experienced being way too nice to some people which in turn the only thing I received was ungratefulness and unconsideration from those same people that I was so nice to. Which left me jaded and angry.
You can never be too kind to animals, but this video speaks great truths when it comes to humans. Your first obligation is to yourself without a doubt.
I've had a lot of Downs and ups in my Life I started with down. From there It was Ups and downs I think mostly about the ups I enjoyed my life. It's been a wonderful journey. At 73 years old. And pray I end my life up.
well, then you must be aware of being too egoistic leads you to being a twat that shits on other people doing nothing for others. that in turn leads to being alone ˋcos nobody will do anything for you in return. you must be aware in life that not everyone you do something good to is able to give you something back, but the likelyhood of receiving something is much bigger if you help others. but as you like, you can go that path down of being most efficient with your feelings towards others. nothing for a community or living in social environment. a life worth living? rather not, i guess.
I've always given what I was able to give, and never expected anything in return. The key is being 'able'. If I don't have the time/ money/energy to help someone, then I am not 'able' to do so. If I do have those things, then I am 'able', and I can and will help. I expect nothing in return, other than respect. There are however many people who are always looking for others to give them everything they want, and to do everything they they want. I now avoid these people, wherever possible. I also pull back from those who ask directly and specifically for help. I dont immediately say yes or no, I may or may not help them, depending on whether I am actually 'able' or not, but I think about it first, and I always ensure that it does not, in any way, become habitual. I learned that lesson when I was a young mum, and regularly took all the children in my cul de sac to school and then collected them and brought them home afterwards. I didn't mind the walk, and it saved them having to do it. One afternoon, I broke my ankle falling down the stairs, and was obviously unable to collect them. I was also unable to collect my own children, so telephoned each family, whose children I was expected to collect, explaining the situation, and asking them, in turn, if they could possibly bring my children back to my house for me. I would arrange for someone to be there to take care of them. There were 7 families involved and not one would agree to bring my children home. 2 were actually angry that they would now have to collect their own children, one complained that I had ruined their plans, they had hoped I would babysit for them after school so that they could go shopping, 3 suddenly had other arrangements after school, so they would 'not be coming back', and the last one said she'd find someone else to bring her children home, but she couldn't do anything about collecting mine. My last telephone call was to the school. They arranged to keep them for an hour after school so that a teacher could bring them back after the staff meeting. I never did a school run for anyone ever again.
When you own a pickup truck you will quickly see the dark side of many people, when those who formerly had no time for you now suddenly want you as a friend, for all the errands you can run and things you can move. Happened to me at a church I used to attend, it was both eye opening and nauseating to behold.
Very interesting, as I was thinking of getting a pickup truck but thought about this possibility. Then I thought about getting a stick shift - but then everyone would ask me to drive it instead of just borrowing it...
@@cnam1258 I wouldn’t let that deter you from getting a truck. I’ve always had them because I do carpentry. Just say no if you don’t want to do it or don’t want to lend it out. Home Depot has cheap rentals if people need trucks.
I'm an empath so Ive always put everyone else & everyone elses happiness before my own😔 Ive learned that sometime you have to love YOUrself more!Especially in relationships that don't return your kindness ❤..dont waste your energy on an unworthy person..put that energy into yourself!
I helped a drug addict .got her on her feet helped and love her.. she through all my kindness in my face.I was strong enough to walk away .I found out that real person .it was tough but I'm doing okay .just learned to look after myself
I'm amazed how many times a "good deed" actually brought harm and dismay to the receiver. It's almost as if they wanted me to say, "I trust you can handle this without my help," and when I didn't, they assumed I thought they were incompetent and behaved resentfully.
I ceased all interpersonal, social, interactions 8 August 2000 at 18:34 because I tired of being made a victim of false friends and fake girlfriends, simply because I am kind. I will never seek companionship again. Kind people fare poorly in social situations. Thus, I quit being social.
This is so true...this happened to me in regards to my daughter...never giving me a second thought to my needs...no respect, not giving me the loyalty i deserve, not having my back when i needed her....to cut along story short...i always put myself on the back burner...theres nomore for me too say😢😢😢😢
I will never stop trying to be kind to people. You might attract some wrong or ill-intentioned people, but you might also help someone who will REALLY appreciate it. Even though it isn't the point of being kind, you just might receive help from that person when you really need it most. You never know. I allowed bad instances to change who i was for awhile, but i went back to being nice and kind because i refuse to allow anyone to change who i am as a person. If i get screwed, oh well, its part of life and it happens. Maybe just don't help that person anymore. But again, you will also be helping people who TRULY appreciate it.
It has taken many years to realize that I was failing myself by giving way too much. Resentment and anger set in after becoming depleted and understanding that reciprocity wasn’t coming in each of many situations, including those with family members. I finally get that my priority is to first take care of myself and only give when and if it feels good and doesn’t keep me hooked into the other persons needs. Along with this, keep it simple and don’t go overboard when giving. Allow the person who is receiving to accomplish for themselves the bulk of what they need. Don’t rescue.
I became very ill. Nearly died. Kept giving after that as well. Someone nearly took my life. This pattern continued. Until i was ~ where i am today. Yesterday i was at the pawn shop. I saw an older man that stood next to his bicycle with something far too heavy to balance and carry. I realized he couldnt come that far, and i had s few moments to burn. I asked if i could give him a ride. He gratefully accepted. In the end, only like 1 mile away. He offered me 5 dollars. I said no thats fine, but he insisted...and truthfully....i needed that 5 dollars. Strangers are often the best way of interacting in short, acts of kindness. Not long standing contracts or money or love with people you are completely enmeshed with. Ive been hearing that repeated, not having expectations. I find that very hard. But as i let go of having them....i let go of people who have nothing to give me. (When its my turn in need.)
I’m extremely kind or should I say “was”.. I would put others first & enjoyed doing things for people & helping them “making their life easier & would self sacrifice. I’ve stopped all that and started putting boundaries. I grew up with a narcissist mother and had to prove myself to her and found myself people pleasing. I’m very wealthy and have my own business so I don’t believe kind people lack ?? I’ve been used a lot for my finances but since I’ve put up boundaries I don’t struggle saying no anymore and I stand up for myself. I always believed the universe/God was rewarding me financially for all the help and kind acts I did. I purchase everything cash 💰 (house, car , clothes -zero debt ! ) I’m quite blessed financially & the public really supports my business. I doubt I’ll ever go back to that state or kindness , people didn’t deserve me.
You are absolutely right. If some one's in need be kind but remember kindness can become a habit and you have to remember to restrain your self if the person in need is in the habit of needing to take advantage of your kindness and such people have the least respect for you. They become leaches who think their presence in your life requires you to pay for their mere intitlement. Be careful of wolf's in sheep's clothing. God bless you my dear fellow human being !!!
@@Sally-ih6lsKindness is never a weakness. "The only defense against violent evil people are good people who are more skilled at violence." Just be more skilled in handling bad people, or just cut them from your life yet still be kind to those who deserve it.
Thank you for number 3 especially, I help people when I am homeless, I clean their houses and help them, but when I need time to find an apartment, they turn away. Then I have got into an addiction of alcohol just to be immobile enough to say no I cant drive them anywhere or do anything for them at that time. I'm drinking so much now I cant stop! I will be ok, and thanks for your video. Today I'm saying no to alcohol and no to people asking too much of me. Pray that I can last
One phrase that helped me get sober, was the question "What would you do if you didn't drink?" The answer is not as important as asking yourself that question.
This is 100% me. My kindness is the reason for my addiction to food. I am not fat yet, but I feel very sick. My wonderful husband told me the truth, to first look after myself. But I didn‘t believe him as much as your video opened my eyes. Thank from the depth of my heart. I am only strong as a wife. My husband never weakens me, but always strengthens me. I often didn‘t believe him. As a daughter and sister and colleague I am never first. But this will end today. I am so grateful for this video! ❤ Please go on and open a lot more eyes! ❤ Greetings from Austria 🇦🇹 😊
"Truth is here told,and people recognize themselves through it Since you are here not at all by coincidence Your soul is strong enough to "filter" your day by day routine Even when you do not know it Everything you do is like a boomerang a bad one or is good... Doing to others you doing it to you... Make a difference between those who are bagging for "fun"... And those who are asking or not because of need... You do not see it,the good you create You exalt a heart,you buy a bread ... Life is Just an energy...what you give Is what you get ..." Auffviedersein....
I have lived this, done this thinking I would loose people if I said no. A people pleaser! Now at 60 I am prioritizing myself. Being able to say “No” to those I know don’t appreciate my help and no intention of paying me back. Am looking forward to being in my house alone and growing. The best thing I can do is pray for the people and that they change and learn like I’ve had to do.
This video hits home to me. I am one of the givers and have been hurt because of being kind. Recently, the veil has been pulled away from my eyes. and I am saying NO. I am making my hubby do his own thing now. I felt being taken advantage of by him because I did everything for him. Every time I help someone I get burned. No more.
Today I struggle with anger . And it is painful. Because I thought I wasted my life on toxic relationships. I didn't know that I didn't know. What I'm experiencing is the pain of change. This will pass with more wisdom on my side. Frozen anger.all my life😢
I was brought up a catholic and taught to put other people first before yourself and be kind, caring and loyal. I have put other people needs before my own in the past and i've stood by people but some have taken advantage of my kindness and loyalty, they haven't appreciated me and they drained all my energy and they were never there for me, so I ended the friendship. Now I put myself first and set boundaries. Your video was very helpful. If your too kind, a lot of people will just use you as a doormat!
It's true that as the pendulum swings Catholicism does not teach healthy balanced lifestyles. I. Suffered. In. My. Own. Family. Only. To. Be. Marginalized, then forgotten.
Learning this from experience. Everybody doesn’t have the same heart as you, so to protect yourself, boundaries are important and it’s important to learn to say no without feeling guilty.
My sister nearly had a nervous breakdown at work because she was a people-pleaser and could not say No when asked to do more and more work just to make somebody else look good. Fortunately, she WAS compensated with bonuses due to her hard work for others. But, it was really too much for her. She earned enough; she didn't need the extra money. She just could not say No to anybody. I, on the other hand, knew instinctively when I was about to be set up either by Management or a co-worker. I figured out ahead of time how to be "unavailable" for favors. This freed me to go home when I was supposed to get off work; and, to not take on extra crushing work for people that I knew would never reciprocate. I lived in peace; I still do. I've always known when to draw the line.
I smiled as I listened because I’ve been on this journey of putting myself first. Everything has been a confirmation, and I have no problems losing people along the way. thank you for the words of wisdom❤️🙏☀️
Putting yourself first can be a good thing , unless it becomes narcissistic . If one has a spouce or small children , well that's a responsibility that one should put their needs ahead of one's own . There's a meaning in life that's bigger than You , Me or Anyone ! Everyone on a different journey . One doesn't want to put themselves 1st too the point of loosing empathy or compassion for other humans . A person should want to make the world a better place & help other people better themselves . A person should also be brutally honest with themselves & not be 1 of those people who take advantage of kind people . I meet people everyday I could manipulate & use , because of their kindness . One must refrain from such things, because it's not the right thing to do ! Always keep your moral compass, good luck to you on your journey!
goodness isnt deleted by memory of god, the world may ignore you but god reward will remember everything and if we discourage kindness all of us will grow old without kind people around.
My Nan use to say "any time you give anything or help others, consider it as a gift and to not expect it back ".This'll make you think twice before giving especially with $$ because you may never see it again, lessons learnt.
I had to learn this the hard way...I'm done with being the kind, generous, compassionate, empathetic person, If there's no reciprocity involved.. No deal, game over.
All this is true ! If you give ALL the time, people will take advantage of you, if you only give when it is needed they will think you are greedy ! and insincere ! Mike.
Summary: 1. Ppl will have unrealisti expectations 2. Ppl will put their stress, on you 3. Your own priorities, will be stepped on 4. you'll be seen as week, since you don't set boundaries 5. Ppl will turn to you only for problems, not for good time 6. You'll attract needy people, not givers 7. You can become depleted if energy and fall into negative , addictive patterns 8. You'll raise SUSPICIONS, instead ADMIRATION! Here are The Preventing Strategies: 1. Listen and follow your own instinct, feelings, guts 2. Learn to say NO, when the request doesn't align with your belief 3. Set & respect your timetable for: Self-love Self-Space Self-Time 4. Identify and distant yourself from ENERGY VAMPIRES, that suck your energy
5 STOP BEING KIND nothing good can come from it 6 having a good soul is NOT a strength that is valuable to you unless you hide it from everyone who isn't the same way and don't show them much or they'll change into the opposite way towards you like all those who don't have anything decent about them
Thank you for this wisdom. You have described my life since childhood as the eldest of 5 and the daughter of 2 alcoholics. I've always been able to feel others' feelings ... became a nurse and had dedicated myself to caring for others' needs. I'm retired now w grown children who lead busy lives and feel no longer 'needed' ... it has been an eye opener. Most of my family that I grew up with are / were energy vampires and at 75 need more and more alone time now.
Sorry I cut myself off. As I was saying, not even in kindness. I have had people travel to me in the middle of the night for 4 hours because they knew they could get money from me and not a small amount but when they got what they wanted they left never to be heard or seen again till the next time. I have asked this same person to give me a hand with something and never heard from them. I actually thought at that point they had taught me a good lesson and stopped helping or worrying about this person. I am getting a lot better with my generous nature. Thank you.
Thank you for making this video! It really helped me control my emotions. I realised all my life I've been too kind and people always took it for granted. It ends today. I will now take care of myself first, for one who is ill, can't take care of another who is ill. ❤
I have a friend, she's very kind to me! When I do everything, she asks, but when I say, I can't, she shows me, that she's upset, when I do what she wants she tells me I love you you're the best person, but if I say, I can't, she tells me good night, no I love you, because she didn't get what she wanted,, and this makes me feel like I'm being used, she tells me she loves my voice, because I love to sing, people tell me I have a beautiful voice, are used to sing to her till 1230 at night, my mouth is so dry, I kept telling her I'm tired, and she kept telling me or just one more song! Now I realize that when she don't get her way, she gets very angry., I feel bad, because I do not ask nothing from her,
This video really lays it all out. I grew up as a people pleaser as I’ve always looked out for others. I’ve finally opened my eyes to the fact that there’s no reciprocity. It’s amazing how many “friends” I’ve lost because I now look out for my own priorities first and will say “no”!
@@joethrow889 I had a couple but guess what? They come back around only this time I’m more aware and mindful so I don’t fall back into old habits. It’s a process in figuring out how to deal with them.
Overstood. I helped out a 'dear friend's who was in dire need. After a little while she never appreciated my help. I set boundaries and she went off. She had the audacity to attempt to shame me for helping her while she was in dire need. Never doing that again.
@@desireedesenna9673 don’t ever let one person’s discontent stop you from helping another. You’re always Blessed and rewarded when you give of yourself however not always directly from the person you’ve helped.
I’m not to worried I’m naturally blessed it’s kinda beautiful. I love helping others it’s feels great . I love stoicism it’s very helpful . Yes energy vampires are exusting . The sad thing lots of people expect me to be a handout machine which really annoys me .
Just make it a rule that you don't give money.. Lots of people will pressure you with guilt but keep your money for when you have your own family and tell other people that the fact they are broke is not your fault.. They HAD money but they spent it on fun things or food they never shared with you so don't feel bad about it..
I never give more than I'm willing to lose. If I loan somebody Money and they don't pay it Back. They're Credit is Bad with me. I forget about them and just go on. I know the difference between giving something and learning something
To say no is a kindness, because by saying yes every time stops them from reaching their potential. Killing them softly. They no longer make the effort, so saying no is letting go. That is a true gift.
The moment I decided to stop trying to please other people, and practised saying no (yes, it needs practice sometimes) life became better and easier, my personal life, work, everything . It doesnt mean i stopped helping other people, it's just that when i did say yes to someone, i was doing it for myself and i didn't expect the person to be grateful.
This makes me cry right now. I'm just learning this,at 43. I wish so badly I had learned about this sooner. Since I have been so overly nice all my life,it's hard to unlearn being this way. However, I am very grateful to be learning this now, and trying my all to be different. I didn't know if I could at first,but I know I have to. Because it hurts too much to live like this any longer. TY. 😢❤
I’m 60 next month and I’m finally realising the sad truth about people even some who I loved the most… so at least you haven’t wasted another 20 years. It’s not easy though is it…it hurts so much. Sending love and blessings for you. 💜🕊💜
DON'T WAIT GET RID OF THEM, SLOWLY MAKE AN EXIT, NOW DO IT DON'T ALLOW AN UNWORTHY PERSON TO ENJOY THE GOOD IN YOU. THEY ARE LEECHES AND PARASITIC ORGANISMS
@@caroleyre9144IM SO SORRY PEOPLE ARE SO DARK AT TIMES IT CAN LITERALLY KILL YOU EVEN WHILE YOUR STILL BREATHING WELL LOVE GET RID OF THE LAST BIT OF NEGATIVITY ASK GOD TO SET YOU FREE SO YOU CAN PREPARE MAKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE❤
This hits home for me! I used to be perceived as stingy and cheap, then i became generous and it was all i had to do to be perceived as a grandstanding prick! But only to people that had no money! My wealthy friends roled right along with me. Magically the shit bags in my life DISAPPEARED!
I needed this today i just closed my page 7k followers and all free riders id had enough they were take take take i knew i had to walk away when i started to hate them amd myself fpr allowing them to disrespect me and not respecting myself. Leave these people to it they wont budge an inch.
My wife has called me narcissistic and told me I'm a gaslighter so many times that I've been looking it up and digesting the definitions. Turns out she's the gaslighting narcissist. I'm way too kind to everyone, especially her. When she doesn't get her way it's always my fault or someone else's fault. Never hers. I'm such a humble person and get stepped on repeatedly for it. I never say no to anyone because I came from dirt and sad suffering and I don't want others to experience that. So I do everything for everyone so there is little to no suffering. In the end, its always me that's still suffering. How do I get out of this pattern of abuse?
Stop doing things for everyone. Put yourself first. It's like this: Suffering should be experienced by humans at some part of life.. it keeps us stronger and motivated to improve and be better. If you remove it from people, you're only teaching them to be lazy physically and mentally. Just my 2 cents.
Don't expect the respect of people you give to much of your self to. Tighten you belt and dismisse them and treat your self before treating anyone else. They will expect you to buy their energy and leave you flat and broke .
anything anytime always.. advertise your kindness. Kindness is not to be owned. Simply stop owing it, of course use it, but try not to own. A humble cent from me too. You may find fault with me, for masquerading something in Yepic My intention was to catch attention and do kindness through Yoga English Personality Improvement Coach or Class. Even if anything is good, it may come good or not.❤
。@anythinganytimealways Train yourself to not do what you have been doing. TRAIN YOUSELF. She will not change by the way. Since you two are married, I don't know how you can be at peace since she will continue to gaslight you. Wish you luck. Take care. She would
This is so good to hear. I am guilty of being nice then getting angry, when people break promises, or I get tired doing things their way. Once I had only bus fare in my wallet. Someone asked me for change. I gave half of what I had...and was sad when I forced myself to walk a very long way home. So I understand your sayings and I thank you.
Don't be to sad , you helped someone out and that help will return to you some day , just find a balance between helping others and helping yourself which btw is not a selfish act
What I've learnt is that I'm not alone with this dilemma. I was raised to be respectful, and I relished at the idea of it. 38 yrs old and I've been manipulated and used too many to count. When you talk about the comfort zones: I found that also if you decide to say "no" they think you're mean because you don't normally say no. future relationships should have boundaries set. I found it helpful. I did like the phrase 'You shouldn't give someone a chocolate until you had one yourself.'
So true, some people look & act like decent folks, but if you got a peek into their minds, you'd realize that you're dealing with 2 legged cockroaches. And the best way to avoid an infestation is to keep your home clean (don't give them so much as a single crumb to feed on 💯)
Absolutely right 100 percent. I too am the giving and doing type and have been taken for granted to the extent that I was accused falsely and was harassed with blank calls. My mental and physical health has suffered a great deal.
Pretty good advice! I'm naturally very generous and it honestly makes me happy to help others that I love! However my husband has been teaching me to limit myself and to take care of myself first! I have a very bad habit of putting others first and neglecting myself big time. This video fully supports that message. 👍👍👍
Thank you for helping me see the light in a way. This was a harsh reality. I have been someone who has been unable to say "No" and have found that people take as much as they can and never offer to return anything, not even in kin
This is exactly what has happened between me and my son he’s taken advantage of me his entire adulthood but I cut him off and now I never hear from him I wish I would have realized his intentions a long time ago
Be kind always. Being alone is not a consequence but an opportunity for growth. It is all perspective and make it a positive one. Thank you for this! I really had to go within and check myself. Love it!
My experience teaches me that you are really very correct. Being kind attracts kindness simply the Universal Law. Simply expect nothing for the kindness . It usually comes in another way.
I just received a compliment from a long ago high school peer. It was kind and I cried emensely. The kind of betrayal I have endured is Presidential, and I have come to see most of my experiences was manifesting through kindness knowing it would not be returned and yet no one can rob me of my Excellence, my impeccable manners, my merits, my accomplishments. To be sure, many of those who trample on others are now dead. I see no easy way to be overly kind nor overly stoic. This series is like a well with fresh water after a long and arduous battle. And it was even while being generous, curious, blind and meek. But I would rather be alive, still humble then stuck with a narcissistic spouce or worse a life inwhich I am a people pleaser and approval seeker. It's enough on me that I hate and disapprove in my private life but I have God to thank and I have done much to make this world a better place and oneself in it as well. 👑
Gary, giving yourself credit for the good that you did, and recognizing both that YOU did it and that the world is better off bc you are in it doing what you do, is balm to the brain after contemplating having screwed up by perhaps being too kind or not selfish enough. Thanks for the balance in thought.❤
that is a great attitude,,we all have our own opinions of what we may feel,,when we tried to genuinely help a friend or ŕelative, their attitude toward you it's almost felt they expecting more, but I learned through out the years, to ignore it.what this wisdom says it's exactly what my life has been, and I'm sure I'm not the only fool here,,as they refer to me most of thr time,but I rather a fool with a kind hearted ,we don't need to be criticizing how much we should help and to how much should we give,,,we all know ,,atleast to my humble way of understanding ,,when i work and get paid for is to feed my physical body,,but when I help others that I hope tò
You can give your positivity and give respect and set an example without saying anything. Always be true to yourself and be yourself, don't be fake, live in truth and be humble. Don't let people try to change you. Integrity is important to me. Be humble and respectful, but don't be a push over. Don't always give and when you give, give with your heart. When you are consistent everyday no matter if you go through a tough time, you just brush it off and move on being yourself. I don't care about what people think of me. I stay true to myself and that is what makes me happy.
I am an Empath, and lately I have been struggling so very much emotionally. This video rings so true with me. A new way of living begins for me today as I know what's happening and why I feel so overwhelmed. Thank you very much.
I will be reaching my 45th Birthday in about seven weeks time and just now, I have began to understand that I have to be kind to myself too. Be kind to yourself, be kind...✌🏽+ ❤
Very Good Timing !!! Finally the time has come for the abandonment of the unappreciative people with bad character and values. The other side to which, is the new era of self care and nurture. Thank You 🤗🙋
I had a "friend" who drained me last year. This yr I was having none of it. Your video tells me, though I felt guilty, I did the right thing in taking better care of myself. Thank you. This video is gold for people like me.
Thank you for getting here, you are a strong person, so help other people to be like you by leaving a like and commenting, this helps our channel reach more people.❤❤
Thank You. I will And I also shared this video
I'd rather you be sincere and make a video without your bank account attached 🫠
@@email6743 I didn't see anyone's bank account to this video.
I need this vídeo i always offer advices to the people close to me and only receive shouts, criticism and complaint, this people abuse of my confidence even this people mistreat me. Please is posible for you sharing more información of this subject i are grateful. Sorry for my english 🙏.
@@pwhales264😊😊😊
"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too." ~ Ernest Hemingway
Thank u
I loved my grandkids too much. I spent all my income on supporting her lack of working for my 3 grandkids sake (2,6,9). She beat me up, called the police and had me thrown in jail for it. Now I’m in court. She texted me 2 days ago asking if I could help her with her car payment instead of buying fruit for my grandkids and shoes for the little one for her birthday. I didn’t respond. Took shoes to baby and dropped them off at daycare. No car payment from me. She is the only one who took advantage of me besides my last husband. For me it’s those who should love me most who take advantage.
@@deborahsherer1710 - They certainly loved you what you gave them, and not you. So, you should take the text to the court to give them a realistic picture of her
People who lose themselves in others can be jealous too.
People I know help others. So they kind. Yet their kindness turns to resentment, and the rest is history. I have witnessed good people complaining about what they do, yet still do it and never tell the person no. Yet they will be brushing the toilet with your toothbrush cause they can't express anger so they do vengeful shit behide ya back. I can't stand most good people anymore. The best way to fool anyone is pretending your helping them. I stand by a rule, domt trust people who need help or them that want help u
This was me always helping others before myself , I was treated horribly after helping so many people especially my family .
A couple years ago I could not do it anymore, I fell apart. No one was there for me, I was view worthless; I didn’t matter, to anyone!
That was a hard pill to swallow,!
After clawing my way back, I began cutting people out of my life, even my own family!
I feel much better, I miss them , still love them .
I will not tolerate this behavior from anyone anymore
Done!
Unfortunately family members seem to be the worse and most certainly the ones who make us suffer more. We choose our friends but not family. Best to cut out those that hurt us. I fully understand you and you are not alone.
Very similar has happened to me this past cpl. Years yes I’ve really had enough of the one sided people now…after 60 years…I never thought I could ever walk away but I have…yes I still love them but just do not have the Energy bcs I’ve had to take care of many other loved ones…they didn’t even ever ask how I was or how things are going for me and my family …just yet again demanded my time and energy …Well I have Peace now. lol
I can relate to this the same thing happened to me always there for other people's wants and needs , but when it was me needing help they were not available time after time the same thing happened until I gave up on selfish people and started looking after myself yes it's been hard as I still miss them but I must stay strong because I don't want to feel so downhearted with their behaviour and
Lack of sympathy for others 😢
I totally understand you. I'm 32 yrs old and was treated like a doormat my whole life
by almost everyone except a few ...
Even close family... Now I cut all connections with people mentally .. and this way I feel better... I think I will forever be a Loner @ heart...
@@remyaccc where do you live?
You are what you give.
1. Give nothing, you are selfish.
2. Give a little, you are stingy.
3. Give something, you are kind.
4. Give more, you are generous.
5. Give everything, you are a fool.
Make a lot of sense
A fool never learn. 😳
Well put. 😊😊😊😊
...or maybe you're a true Christian.
Give...and that's why the greedy end up with everything, they learned how to take, take, take from givers to get it all and own the lot.
As someone who has been utterly destroyed by being a loving caregiver through most of my adult life, I concur with the message here.
Been a caregiver is the most necessary work, but the most taken advantage off ! Especially the male gender born in the late 1900 s, they feel it is Their right to order around and rarely are grateful instead don't see why you need a break from them!
Now it’s time for us to be a SELF caretaker ❤
Same here but, I was advised early on about sympathy. It's nice to be able to help but, the rules I leaned to apply are:
1) Help them to their feet and walk with them a little while.
2) Do not carry them or do things they can do for themselves. Otherwise, you weaken yourself and stop them from becoming strong.
@@inmamorales3633that's funny, I have found the opposite to be true.
Males are much easier to get along with and they need a lot less "taking care of".
Peace😊.
Yes indeed, totally understand. What really drove it home for me....was when my mother (now deceased) introduced me as 'My daughter - the ENABLER'....oh dear.
This is something we all must be careful with. I’ve noticed in my own life that I am generally a giver and I have a sibling who is a 100% taker and he is the most favorite person in our family. He’s narcissistic selfish and downright mean, but for some reason, has garnered the most favor, which is fine by me because I’m basically cutting my ties with my family and walking away from their negativity.
Yes! Walk away from their ignorance because that is what they are. Anyone who favors a narcissist over a kind person is ignorant and there are a lot of them out there!!!
I get it. My mother is a taker and self-absorbed. It's so draining. i just have to set really firm boundaries with her.
Good you figured that out unbequest anything to them in your will if you have something that's what I am doing. I have learned this hard lesson from selfish family members one of the most selfish family member I have is a Jehovah witness, so I don't care to much for such people as they are always on the reviving side and forget that they need to practice what they preach.
Truely walk away that works for sure, I know….
I cut off all ties with my toxic siblings after both parents passed. It's been great...
You have to be aware of why you’re being kind to someone and who that person is. Some people are nefarious and you have to be guarded around them. Be polite but you don’t have to be kind or helpful. The challenge in life is to not be taken advantage of when you have a good soul.
Beautiful❤
I believe in being kind and helpful to people. I don't expect anything back. When I need help, it seems to come out of nowhere. And I'm grateful.
Truth.
Sounds like an opportunity to learn how to better communicate your needs
Your last sentence would make a great quote. May I borrow ?
I was brought up in the 50s, a strict catholic I was told to be humble and put others before yourself. I have practised this my whole life and paid for it on many occasions. I actually saw the light eventually and stopped but felt guilty about putting myself and my needs first mostly due to ill health. Your video has helped me enormously, healed my guilt and explained everything so clearly. Thank you.
I feel sorry this happened to you. I too was raised in the 50s and raised the same way but not Catholic. I think one of my lessons is to exercise more discernment even though in my heart of hearts, I don't agree with it.
Same here. It was only well into my adulthood when I first read David Seabury's book on being selfish which saved my life. Now I only act out of self interest. I need to take care of myself first and foremost. Remember that metaphor of being on an airplane and helping someone with their oxygen mask? You need to put on your oxygen mask first.
Hi, my mother went to a catholic school and on her death bed the biggest fear she had was that she was going to hell after the nuns that treated her very badly and told her she was an evil little sinner and going to hell.
She has faith in God yet at the age of 74 all those years later she still carried that burden.
My mum passed away in 2013 and now exactly 10 years after the fact and my sister kicking me to the curb while at the time i was waiting for an operation on my spine which helped me not and i know have cervical spondylosis with bad nerve damage in my lower and upper spine my sister, after rejecting me for 10 years now gets in touch to tell me she has only months to live at most through cancer and i just can't cope with getting involved after 10 years of no contact she now expects me to simply forget that she treated me so cruel.
Even to the point that at our sweet mothers funeral my older sister arranged for my ex wife of years to jump into the family hearse just as we were getting into the car which was more than disrespectful considering the fact that my ex wife and me do not speak at all.
I have very bad health myself and this is just to much for me.
So after telling her how i felt which she freaked out about i have told her i simply cannot involve myself again in any way. Although this only further breaks my already very well trodden on heart.
And i make no claim to be totally correct but i am very honest to a fault about how i feel.
I wish you all the best.
Stumbled across this video and your comments here. I attend Mass in a catholic catherdal every Sunday. And serve as an acolyte, Taught to love thy neighbour. The amount of people that I have come to know in the congregation that are condescending is unbelievable. You go to church for worship and to find peace, but no.. Sacristan think they are above everyone else. You think you can meet kind loving people there? They compare who has more wealth. Even when you know you've work hard for what you have, they have to one up you to make themselves feel better. Love thy neighbour? Lord tell me how? I feel more at peace when I'm far away from these negative people. Help others? Lord you help me first.
Sometimes we give to others because we want people to like us, it works great but it isn’t real. I myself consider all interactions as “transactional”. In other words there’s something in it for both sides. Otherwise it’s not sustainable. I don’t do business deals without a knowledge that it’s good for the other party. With all that being said, I believe as you reach a certain level of prosperity, you have no option but to give back to those who have fallen on hard times.
We should be humble and realize how lucky we really are.
Be kind. Someone abuses your kindness, cut them off.
If they give you the same energy, keep them around.
People will show you who they really are early in relationshops.
That is what we do ,I love animals much more than people .
Definitely. Always give someone a chance, but once.
So wrong! I have experienced SEVERAL people who put on their "nice" mask for many months before cracking and showing their true colours. Some are just so nasty that they cannot hide it, but some actually have a deliberate PLAN to entangle you then to rip you off. Be very wary of new people. Baby steps people.😢
All you have to do is be aware of the credit flags
That's what I done I walked away
This lesson hit me brutally a few years ago. I was always the kind of person that would do just about anything to help anyone, but when I hit without question my darkest hour and needed someone to be there for me do you know how many were? An incredible, jaw dropping zero.
Kindness and generosity are wonderful traits, but there's a time to look out for other people and a time to look out for yourself.
I do empathise with your words and experience. You get to really know who your friends are when you are in need.
Don't change, you just need to find the people that is going to stay by your side when you are down, those are the true ones. Also you need to evaluate who should have your kindness, never give more than you should to a person you just met. In the end you don't need to change who you really are, you just have to change the way you approach life and the ones that start to take more than they should are to be set on boundaries
@@zanryoshin nah, fuck the parasites
Drop the mic!
Yes you are Right.
I’m an empath, this video really helped me so much. I finally learned how to just say no…. I finally learned to set boundaries. I guard my energy, I realize that everything should be a balance
Thanks for your advice😘 sending love vibes 🙏
I was always honest from my childhood because of believing in religion way of life but now i see it differently
"No one is going to die with you, so no one has the right to tell you how to live your life."
Yep
Agree and disagree
So what is the point of God's APOSTLES &&& HIS LIVING STONES !!! ONLY OBEYING GOD IS THE KEY TO ENTER GODS HEAVEN UP ON EARTH !!! GOD BLESS !!! AMEN !!!
YOGA IS WITCHCRAFT FOLKS::: SEE ZECHERIAH CH 5 AND:: R E A L ::::: E Y E S THAT WITCH GOD SAYS BOTH HIS AND OUR GREATEST ENEMY !!! GOD BLESS ::: AMEN :::
Right on!!!
No good deed goes unpunished. I’m very prone to a lot of these faults, but remembering that people who care about me want what’s best for me is a good compass
❤
Truth!!
So why are good deeds punished? If it’s the right thing to do, why be punished for it?
Or is this the reason why we are seeing this in society today, where wrong is right and right is wrong…….. maybe a lot of people are trying to find their place in this world.
Maybe we are taking away there punishment.👽💀👻🎃🌞🔥💨so then u get punished.??
Giving without expecting anything in return is true measure of generosity. Goodness is it's own reward.
Giving is more joyful than getting when you do not expect anything in return but for the greater good . Nevertheless discernment is necessary for the few advantage takers , selfish ones . Close them out !
For God sees the heart of a person, bless you 🙏🏻🌹
@@mariethompson7701 Thank you. I knew that but seeing someone else believe it is comforting. You know the giving isn’t hard but the negative results it sometimes causes are hurtful. God Bless you. Amen. ✝️🙏🏻💖🌹
@@marthaanderson2967 It has been said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' If you find it hard not to always be a giver - remember that by accepting another's 'gift,' whether it be an actual object or help - you are bestowing a blessing on them.
I like that
Today is my 73rd birthday. This video is the greatest gift I have received in the 26,645 days I have lived on this earth. These are pearls of wisdom I will share with my family and friends. I like to GIVE, but now I will give more carefully to those I think deserve, without any expectation. Very grateful to the person who wrote his beautiful piece of wisdom❤❤❤
"No good deed goes unpunished." Though not always true, I never forget it.
I was told a long time ago by a wholistic healer, that my compulsive "listening" to another person's complaining about everything, was like turning myself into a rubbish bag for all her negative emotions. Doing so was actually making me physically unwell. He said: "Say NO." It is hard. But imperative for our inner well being.
When I was training as an acupuncturist, we had a swami as a patient. He had chronic diarrhea. It seemed obvious that he listened to so much of people's garbage that his body turned to chronic purge mode. Garbage in, garbage out. Don't do it. People can journal or find other ways of processing their garbage.
It's easier to say no than yes, it's less letters so therefore a shorter word. That's what my father used to say when I couldn't say no to people who wanted things.
So true. I imagine it as if they are vomiting all over me. 🤮Euw. No.
I am the rubbish bag for my daughter.I don't know what I should do.I don't want to lose her.
@@PeCo333make her find artistic creative ways to transmute the energy. make her take really nice photos and tell her to edit them to the color and vibe she feels. It might help her release some pain and odd feelings. Also tell her some things only she will have the answers to. She could be a little sad if you want to take mental breaks from her but she will get over it I’m sure you won’t lose her as you do seem caring but family doesn’t have to always see eye to eye good luck
Listen to this, and be wise. I am 60 years old, and I have lived everything he brings out here by being too kind, too generous. I have not been respected and disrespected, and I could never figure out why. Even my wife eventually lost respect for her because I treated so well and divorced me. So, yes, it even happens when your married!!!
Now, I put up boundaries, now I say no, now I respect myself. Jesus said love others, as you do yourself, as he said here.
I wish I had this knowledge 30 years ago!!
Totally 💯
At 61 years old, I am just coming to grips with that. Moving forward Self is where my Heart is. Loving self. ❤️
56, just done with folks.
We are the same age, and this is also very relevant to me too.
@@paulettescott9042you’re not alone.
I have wrestled with this all my life
There are ‘givers’ and there are ‘takers’.
We givers must recognize takers in the early stages of a relationship
In my late 70’s i look back on how my kindness has backfired
Time and again, I have been taken advantage of and used
BUT I now believe God has a huge computer at his work station. It is called Karma and it works every time.
I have had some incredible events where my life was in jeopardy but a force from above led me to safety. Nothing happens by coincidence.
Had it not been for that incredible force, I would have died years ago.
So…fellow givers, smile. God is keeping score for you.
But.. remember: when you give, do not expect the favour to be returned. Just enjoy the act of giving
The Bible says “we reap what we sow”.
Truer words were never spoken.
Just smile, and be patient. Wait for the harvest. It will come in one form or another.
I just wish Karma happened with more force more quickly and I got a front row seat
🙏
Well said and so true
Thank you for sharing. I am also in my 70’s and relate deeply. ❤
Thank you so much for that. I allowed others to drain my 2 separate inheritance and when it ran out my 2 husbands did not reciprocate leaving me penniless. I was valued only for what I could give and it's been a bitter pill.
I'm over 70 year's old and still find it almost impossible to say " no " . When my younger brother commited suicide the only person who hugged me and empathised was a young homeless man . I have children and grandchildren who come for holidays and enjoy the food etc but never offer to wash up . Just happy they're not like me .. now I sound like Diogenes .
My mom and I understand BOUNDARIES! BOUNDARIES away from TAKERS, ABUSERS, USERS, SMEARERS, and etc.
My mistake when it came to being overly kind was to not have established my personal boundaries. I was initially kind because I was taught that it was good to be helpful and people would like me. I was was agreeable because I would try to avoid any potential conflict. Unfortunately, allowing myself taken advantage of has only left me with frustration and anger. As such I'm angry with myself as well as those people perceived my kindness as a form of weakness to be exploited. I was and am a fool.
I so relate to you. I just came to this realization about myself. I give to help others even if I feel I am being used. But just not to disappoint or cause conflict. I give in. I also realized showing too much empathy, people will always take advantage of me because “I’ll understand.” Ive been beating myself up lately realizing how foolish I am. I matter too but back then, I didnt matter to myself and thats the worse we could do to ourselves. Put others before our needs and desires. But I also realized, those that used me and took advantage of my kindness. Over the years, they are not too well. Its a learning process and we’re getting through it. I wish you all the best ❤
You are not alone..... it happened to me .... now I don't even know who am l...... Am fighting it and I must win
A fool with 352 subscribers!
@@deidrataylor1360 this is me....... here.....
Never slander your name like this you couldn't act any different because you did not know I take and remix a quote from Jesus "Father forgive them for they know not what they do, and allow me to forgive myself for I know my good is good enough and I am for from a fool" you can only keep your head held hight pride intact and push forward and make those boundaries it's never too late... Peace be upon you and God be with you on this journey of life 🙏🏾
I wish I had learned this wisdom as a younger woman. My ignorance caused me a lot of harm. As an old woman now, I can't seem to get enough of being alone and making self-care my top priority as close to 24/7 as I can possibly get! 🥰Be careful of allowing accusations of "greedy and selfish" to penetrate you, like poison. Most likely it is the accuser projecting their own nature and they want you to feel sick with guilt. No.
Yes, "the accuser projecting their own nature" says it in a nutshell. Their IS hope, Belle.
Agree
Totally agree ❤️. I read somewhere that to NOT look after yourself is a form of self-harm. I’ve now become what I considered before as selfish and I love it 😂👍. I’m very happy with my lot 🥂.
wished I had heard this earlier to, always wondered why I felt bad after giving
Belle, I’m listening to you. I’m almost 40 and I feel like you’re talking to me before I get old to cut that habit of helping ppl too much.
Thats why they say "nice guys finish last". I have experienced being way too nice to some people which in turn the only thing I received was ungratefulness and unconsideration from those same people that I was so nice to. Which left me jaded and angry.
Julius Ceaser of the Roman Empire turned to his good friend while he was stabbed by his enemies. His last word was.... You too, Brutus. 😢
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ This means, don't treat others better than you treat to yourself.
Being kind doesn't mean you have to give anyone anything. It simply requires you to be friendly.
You can never be too kind to animals, but this video speaks great truths when it comes to humans. Your first obligation is to yourself without a doubt.
Being too kind leads to being a doormat.
I stopped before Becoming a doormat.
The people that have helped me. Through my life i'm Grateful
I've had a lot of Downs and ups in my Life
I started with down. From there It was
Ups and downs I think mostly about the ups I enjoyed my life.
It's been a wonderful journey.
At 73 years old. And pray I end my life up.
well, then you must be aware of being too egoistic leads you to being a twat that shits on other people doing nothing for others. that in turn leads to being alone ˋcos nobody will do anything for you in return. you must be aware in life that not everyone you do something good to is able to give you something back, but the likelyhood of receiving something is much bigger if you help others. but as you like, you can go that path down of being most efficient with your feelings towards others. nothing for a community or living in social environment. a life worth living? rather not, i guess.
I've always given what I was able to give, and never expected anything in return. The key is being 'able'. If I don't have the time/ money/energy to help someone, then I am not 'able' to do so. If I do have those things, then I am 'able', and I can and will help. I expect nothing in return, other than respect.
There are however many people who are always looking for others to give them everything they want, and to do everything they they want. I now avoid these people, wherever possible. I also pull back from those who ask directly and specifically for help. I dont immediately say yes or no, I may or may not help them, depending on whether I am actually 'able' or not, but I think about it first, and I always ensure that it does not, in any way, become habitual.
I learned that lesson when I was a young mum, and regularly took all the children in my cul de sac to school and then collected them and brought them home afterwards. I didn't mind the walk, and it saved them having to do it.
One afternoon, I broke my ankle falling down the stairs, and was obviously unable to collect them. I was also unable to collect my own children, so telephoned each family, whose children I was expected to collect, explaining the situation, and asking them, in turn, if they could possibly bring my children back to my house for me. I would arrange for someone to be there to take care of them.
There were 7 families involved and not one would agree to bring my children home. 2 were actually angry that they would now have to collect their own children, one complained that I had ruined their plans, they had hoped I would babysit for them after school so that they could go shopping, 3 suddenly had other arrangements after school, so they would 'not be coming back', and the last one said she'd find someone else to bring her children home, but she couldn't do anything about collecting mine. My last telephone call was to the school. They arranged to keep them for an hour after school so that a teacher could bring them back after the staff meeting.
I never did a school run for anyone ever again.
When you own a pickup truck you will quickly see the dark side of many people, when those who formerly had no time for you now suddenly want you as a friend, for all the errands you can run and things you can move. Happened to me at a church I used to attend, it was both eye opening and nauseating to behold.
Absolutely understand. Had a van once and the same happened.
Spot on. I’d rather pay for outside services than get a free or discounted service from a relative or friend.
Very interesting, as I was thinking of getting a pickup truck but thought about this possibility. Then I thought about getting a stick shift - but then everyone would ask me to drive it instead of just borrowing it...
@@cnam1258 I wouldn’t let that deter you from getting a truck. I’ve always had them because I do carpentry. Just say no if you don’t want to do it or don’t want to lend it out. Home Depot has cheap rentals if people need trucks.
@@cnam1258Tell them u don't know how to drive your stick shift 😅
I'm an empath so Ive always put everyone else & everyone elses happiness before my own😔 Ive learned that sometime you have to love YOUrself more!Especially in relationships that don't return your kindness ❤..dont waste your energy on an unworthy person..put that energy into yourself!
I helped a drug addict .got her on her feet helped and love her.. she through all my kindness in my face.I was strong enough to walk away .I found out that real person .it was tough but I'm doing okay .just learned to look after myself
“No good deed goes unpunished.”
What does this mean?
@@jeynjohnston8085Means they always want more
@@jeynjohnston8085meaning they will take advantage of you and exploit and manipulate it. Life is a war. Be wary. Be wise
I'm amazed how many times a "good deed" actually brought harm and dismay to the receiver. It's almost as if they wanted me to say, "I trust you can handle this without my help," and when I didn't, they assumed I thought they were incompetent and behaved resentfully.
@@jeynjohnston8085 There are those who will only take, and then abandon you when you and your resource are exhausted.
I just sent this to all my children. I’m 74 years old lol. I’m already getting responses. Thanks.
I ceased all interpersonal, social, interactions 8 August 2000 at 18:34 because I tired of being made a victim of false friends and fake girlfriends, simply because I am kind. I will never seek companionship again. Kind people fare poorly in social situations. Thus, I quit being social.
This is so true...this happened to me in regards to my daughter...never giving me a second thought to my needs...no respect, not giving me the loyalty i deserve, not having my back when i needed her....to cut along story short...i always put myself on the back burner...theres nomore for me too say😢😢😢😢
Don't let her use you anymore. You deserve better
I will never stop trying to be kind to people. You might attract some wrong or ill-intentioned people, but you might also help someone who will REALLY appreciate it. Even though it isn't the point of being kind, you just might receive help from that person when you really need it most. You never know. I allowed bad instances to change who i was for awhile, but i went back to being nice and kind because i refuse to allow anyone to change who i am as a person. If i get screwed, oh well, its part of life and it happens. Maybe just don't help that person anymore. But again, you will also be helping people who TRULY appreciate it.
It has taken many years to realize that I was failing myself by giving way too much. Resentment and anger set in after becoming depleted and understanding that reciprocity wasn’t coming in each of many situations, including those with family members. I finally get that my priority is to first take care of myself and only give when and if it feels good and doesn’t keep me hooked into the other persons needs. Along with this, keep it simple and don’t go overboard when giving. Allow the person who is receiving to accomplish for themselves the bulk of what they need. Don’t rescue.
I became very ill. Nearly died. Kept giving after that as well. Someone nearly took my life. This pattern continued. Until i was ~ where i am today.
Yesterday i was at the pawn shop. I saw an older man that stood next to his bicycle with something far too heavy to balance and carry. I realized he couldnt come that far, and i had s few moments to burn. I asked if i could give him a ride. He gratefully accepted.
In the end, only like 1 mile away. He offered me 5 dollars. I said no thats fine, but he insisted...and truthfully....i needed that 5 dollars.
Strangers are often the best way of interacting in short, acts of kindness. Not long standing contracts or money or love with people you are completely enmeshed with. Ive been hearing that repeated, not having expectations. I find that very hard. But as i let go of having them....i let go of people who have nothing to give me. (When its my turn in need.)
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will feed him self for a lifetime.
I’m extremely kind or should I say “was”.. I would put others first & enjoyed doing things for people & helping them “making their life easier & would self sacrifice. I’ve stopped all that and started putting boundaries. I grew up with a narcissist mother and had to prove myself to her and found myself people pleasing. I’m very wealthy and have my own business so I don’t believe kind people lack ??
I’ve been used a lot for my finances but since I’ve put up boundaries I don’t struggle saying no anymore and I stand up for myself. I always believed the universe/God was rewarding me financially for all the help and kind acts I did. I purchase everything cash 💰 (house, car , clothes -zero debt ! ) I’m quite blessed financially & the public really supports my business.
I doubt I’ll ever go back to that state or kindness , people didn’t deserve me.
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this! 🌌
Bingo !
Wooooow…this is me🥹
Never stop being kind. Kindness is a trait of the strong ☝️
@lodel323
You are so strong by giving that you will be killed literally by the receivers.
Kindness nowadays is a weakness unfortunately
You are absolutely right. If some one's in need be kind but remember kindness can become a habit and you have to remember to restrain your self if the person in need is in the habit of needing to take advantage of your kindness and such people have the least respect for you. They become leaches who think their presence in your life requires you to pay for their mere intitlement. Be careful of wolf's in sheep's clothing. God bless you my dear fellow human being !!!
@@Sally-ih6lsKindness is never a weakness.
"The only defense against violent evil people are good people who are more skilled at violence."
Just be more skilled in handling bad people, or just cut them from your life yet still be kind to those who deserve it.
Yes, kindness is a trait of being strong. But given to the wrong people and it will make you weak. I found out first hand.
Thank you for number 3 especially, I help people when I am homeless, I clean their houses and help them, but when I need time to find an apartment, they turn away. Then I have got into an addiction of alcohol just to be immobile enough to say no I cant drive them anywhere or do anything for them at that time. I'm drinking so much now I cant stop! I will be ok, and thanks for your video. Today I'm saying no to alcohol and no to people asking too much of me. Pray that I can last
One phrase that helped me get sober, was the question "What would you do if you didn't drink?" The answer is not as important as asking yourself that question.
Just turned 60, and I'm learning not to be a doormat. Your videos have helped a lots. Thanks!!
This is 100% me. My kindness is the reason for my addiction to food. I am not fat yet, but I feel very sick. My wonderful husband told me the truth, to first look after myself. But I didn‘t believe him as much as your video opened my eyes. Thank from the depth of my heart. I am only strong as a wife. My husband never weakens me, but always strengthens me. I often didn‘t believe him. As a daughter and sister and colleague I am never first. But this will end today. I am so grateful for this video! ❤
Please go on and open a lot more eyes! ❤ Greetings from Austria 🇦🇹 😊
"Truth is here told,and people recognize themselves through it
Since you are here not at all by coincidence
Your soul is strong enough to "filter" your day by day routine
Even when you do not know it
Everything you do is like a boomerang a bad one or is good...
Doing to others you doing it to you...
Make a difference between those who are bagging for "fun"...
And those who are asking or not because of need...
You do not see it,the good you create
You exalt a heart,you buy a bread ...
Life is Just an energy...what you give
Is what you get ..."
Auffviedersein....
I have lived this, done this thinking I would loose people if I said no. A people pleaser! Now at 60 I am prioritizing myself. Being able to say “No” to those I know don’t appreciate my help and no
intention of paying me back. Am looking forward to being in my house alone and growing. The best thing I can do is pray for the people and that they change and learn like I’ve had to do.
This video hits home to me. I am one of the givers and have been hurt because of being kind. Recently, the veil has been pulled away from my eyes. and I am saying NO. I am making my hubby do his own thing now. I felt being taken advantage of by him because I did everything for him. Every time I help someone I get burned. No more.
You must take care of you first❤ stay strong
Thats terrible ! You should always keep being good Kama eventually will give you all benefits in your life!
We should continue being good just not let anyone harm you , its an balance we most make , but we should be good
Same here
But not my husband .
My family members
Today I struggle with anger . And it is painful. Because I thought I wasted my life on toxic relationships. I didn't know that I didn't know. What I'm experiencing is the pain of change. This will pass with more wisdom on my side. Frozen anger.all my life😢
I am 56 and I'm only just learning myself. The road was rough and still somewhat is. Letting go of the kindness is hard.
I had a good, enjoyable highly paid job.
In retirement i have a busy job helping others.
Service to mankind is the best job I have ever had.
I was brought up a catholic and taught to put other people first before yourself and be kind, caring and loyal. I have put other people needs before my own in the past and i've stood by people but some have taken advantage of my kindness and loyalty, they haven't appreciated me and they drained all my energy and they were never there for me, so I ended the friendship. Now I put myself first and set boundaries. Your video was very helpful. If your too kind, a lot of people will just use you as a doormat!
It's true that as the pendulum swings Catholicism does not teach healthy balanced lifestyles. I. Suffered. In. My. Own. Family. Only. To. Be. Marginalized, then forgotten.
Learning this from experience. Everybody doesn’t have the same heart as you, so to protect yourself, boundaries are important and it’s important to learn to say no without feeling guilty.
Yep, I have no enemy
My sister nearly had a nervous breakdown at work because she was a people-pleaser and could not say No when asked to do more and more work just to make somebody else look good. Fortunately, she WAS compensated with bonuses due to her hard work for others. But, it was really too much for her. She earned enough; she didn't need the extra money. She just could not say No to anybody.
I, on the other hand, knew instinctively when I was about to be set up either by Management or a co-worker. I figured out ahead of time how to be "unavailable" for favors. This freed me to go home when I was supposed to get off work; and, to not take on extra crushing work for people that I knew would never reciprocate. I lived in peace; I still do. I've always known when to draw the line.
You come first than the rest of the world . The best lesson for me
I smiled as I listened because I’ve been on this journey of putting myself first. Everything has been a confirmation, and I have no problems losing people along the way. thank you for the words of wisdom❤️🙏☀️
You're on the right track. Trust me. Much love
Putting yourself first can be a good thing , unless it becomes narcissistic . If one has a spouce or small children , well that's a responsibility that one should put their needs ahead of one's own . There's a meaning in life that's bigger than You , Me or Anyone ! Everyone on a different journey . One doesn't want to put themselves 1st too the point of loosing empathy or compassion for other humans . A person should want to make the world a better place & help other people better themselves . A person should also be brutally honest with themselves & not be 1 of those people who take advantage of kind people . I meet people everyday I could manipulate & use , because of their kindness . One must refrain from such things, because it's not the right thing to do ! Always keep your moral compass, good luck to you on your journey!
goodness isnt deleted by memory of god, the world may ignore you but god reward will remember everything and if we discourage kindness all of us will grow old without kind people around.
It is ok to say NO.
I had to learn that the hard way.
I had nothing left.
Nothing for me.😢
If you do not set boundaries you will be seen as weak! TRUE. Great advice here. Bookmarked. I will watch this every day now.
My Nan use to say "any time you give anything or help others, consider it as a gift and to not expect it back ".This'll make you think twice before giving especially with $$ because you may never see it again, lessons learnt.
Kindness is a spiritual gift.
I had to learn this the hard way...I'm done with being the kind, generous, compassionate, empathetic person, If there's no reciprocity involved.. No deal, game over.
All this is true !
If you give ALL the time,
people will take advantage of you,
if you only give when it is needed they will think you are greedy !
and insincere !
Mike.
Summary:
1. Ppl will have unrealisti expectations
2. Ppl will put their stress, on you
3. Your own priorities, will be stepped on
4. you'll be seen as week, since you don't set boundaries
5. Ppl will turn to you only for problems, not for good time
6. You'll attract needy people, not givers
7. You can become depleted if energy and fall into negative , addictive patterns
8. You'll raise SUSPICIONS, instead ADMIRATION!
Here are The Preventing Strategies:
1. Listen and follow your own instinct, feelings, guts
2. Learn to say NO, when the request doesn't align with your belief
3. Set & respect your timetable for:
Self-love
Self-Space
Self-Time
4. Identify and distant yourself from ENERGY VAMPIRES,
that suck your energy
5 STOP BEING KIND nothing good can come from it
6 having a good soul is NOT a strength that is valuable to you unless you hide it from everyone who isn't the same way and don't show them much or they'll change into the opposite way towards you like all those who don't have anything decent about them
So so enlightened, thankful for this video
Thank you!
Thanks for this summary 😊
❤ thank you. God bless you !
Thank you for this wisdom. You have described my life since childhood as the eldest of 5 and the daughter of 2 alcoholics. I've always been able to feel others' feelings ... became a nurse and had dedicated myself to caring for others' needs. I'm retired now w grown children who lead busy lives and feel no longer 'needed' ... it has been an eye opener. Most of my family that I grew up with are / were energy vampires and at 75 need more and more alone time now.
Sorry I cut myself off. As I was saying, not even in kindness. I have had people travel to me in the middle of the night for 4 hours because they knew they could get money from me and not a small amount but when they got what they wanted they left never to be heard or seen again till the next time. I have asked this same person to give me a hand with something and never heard from them. I actually thought at that point they had taught me a good lesson and stopped helping or worrying about this person. I am getting a lot better with my generous nature. Thank you.
Thank you for making this video! It really helped me control my emotions. I realised all my life I've been too kind and people always took it for granted. It ends today. I will now take care of myself first, for one who is ill, can't take care of another who is ill. ❤
I agree. True. Will do the same! About da...n time
I have a friend, she's very kind to me! When I do everything, she asks, but when I say, I can't, she shows me, that she's upset, when I do what she wants she tells me I love you you're the best person, but if I say, I can't, she tells me good night, no I love you, because she didn't get what she wanted,, and this makes me feel like I'm being used, she tells me she loves my voice, because I love to sing, people tell me I have a beautiful voice, are used to sing to her till 1230 at night, my mouth is so dry, I kept telling her I'm tired, and she kept telling me or just one more song! Now I realize that when she don't get her way, she gets very angry., I feel bad, because I do not ask nothing from her,
@@EdithCasines Big red flag
This video really lays it all out. I grew up as a people pleaser as I’ve always looked out for others. I’ve finally opened my eyes to the fact that there’s no reciprocity. It’s amazing how many “friends” I’ve lost because I now look out for my own priorities first and will say “no”!
Yes, I’ve had relatives drop off also
@@joethrow889 I had a couple but guess what? They come back around only this time I’m more aware and mindful so I don’t fall back into old habits. It’s a process in figuring out how to deal with them.
Overstood.
I helped out a 'dear friend's who was in dire need. After a little while she never appreciated my help. I set boundaries and she went off. She had the audacity to attempt to shame me for helping her while she was in dire need.
Never doing that again.
@@desireedesenna9673 don’t ever let one person’s discontent stop you from helping another. You’re always Blessed and rewarded when you give of yourself however not always directly from the person you’ve helped.
I’m not to worried I’m naturally blessed it’s kinda beautiful. I love helping others it’s feels great . I love stoicism it’s very helpful . Yes energy vampires are exusting . The sad thing lots of people expect me to be a handout machine which really annoys me .
Just make it a rule that you don't give money.. Lots of people will pressure you with guilt but keep your money for when you have your own family and tell other people that the fact they are broke is not your fault.. They HAD money but they spent it on fun things or food they never shared with you so don't feel bad about it..
I never give more than I'm willing to lose. If I loan somebody Money and they don't pay it Back. They're Credit is Bad with me. I forget about them and just go on. I know the difference between giving something and learning something
I know the difference between Giving and no Loaning
Please forgive me. I don't know how to text. Please ignore the no in my Pretty lias comment.
To say no is a kindness, because by saying yes every time stops them from reaching their potential. Killing them softly. They no longer make the effort, so saying no is letting go. That is a true gift.
The moment I decided to stop trying to please other people, and practised saying no (yes, it needs practice sometimes) life became better and easier, my personal life, work, everything . It doesnt mean i stopped helping other people, it's just that when i did say yes to someone, i was doing it for myself and i didn't expect the person to be grateful.
A homeless drug addict told me that I was too kind, that evil people see kindness as weakness and think they found a sucker and to be careful.
"NO" is my favorite word. It's a complete sentence. "NO"
This makes me cry right now. I'm just learning this,at 43. I wish so badly I had learned about this sooner. Since I have been so overly nice all my life,it's hard to unlearn being this way. However, I am very grateful to be learning this now, and trying my all to be different. I didn't know if I could at first,but I know I have to. Because it hurts too much to live like this any longer. TY. 😢❤
I’m 60 next month and I’m finally realising the sad truth about people even some who I loved the most… so at least you haven’t wasted another 20 years. It’s not easy though is it…it hurts so much. Sending love and blessings for you.
💜🕊💜
DON'T WAIT GET RID OF THEM, SLOWLY MAKE AN EXIT, NOW DO IT DON'T ALLOW AN UNWORTHY PERSON TO ENJOY THE GOOD IN YOU. THEY ARE LEECHES AND PARASITIC ORGANISMS
@@caroleyre9144IM SO SORRY PEOPLE ARE SO DARK AT TIMES IT CAN LITERALLY KILL YOU EVEN WHILE YOUR STILL BREATHING WELL LOVE GET RID OF THE LAST BIT OF NEGATIVITY ASK GOD TO SET YOU FREE SO YOU CAN PREPARE MAKE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE❤
It’s never too late to learn. Life is a journey. You never stop learning
I'm 43 to , smile😊 better late than never. Love and light to you ❤
This hits home for me! I used to be perceived as stingy and cheap, then i became generous and it was all i had to do to be perceived as a grandstanding prick! But only to people that had no money! My wealthy friends roled right along with me. Magically the shit bags in my life DISAPPEARED!
I needed this today i just closed my page 7k followers and all free riders id had enough they were take take take i knew i had to walk away when i started to hate them amd myself fpr allowing them to disrespect me and not respecting myself. Leave these people to it they wont budge an inch.
Trust no one, not even one’s self.
My wife has called me narcissistic and told me I'm a gaslighter so many times that I've been looking it up and digesting the definitions.
Turns out she's the gaslighting narcissist.
I'm way too kind to everyone, especially her.
When she doesn't get her way it's always my fault or someone else's fault. Never hers.
I'm such a humble person and get stepped on repeatedly for it. I never say no to anyone because I came from dirt and sad suffering and I don't want others to experience that. So I do everything for everyone so there is little to no suffering.
In the end, its always me that's still suffering.
How do I get out of this pattern of abuse?
Stop doing things for everyone. Put yourself first. It's like this: Suffering should be experienced by humans at some part of life.. it keeps us stronger and motivated to improve and be better. If you remove it from people, you're only teaching them to be lazy physically and mentally. Just my 2 cents.
It’s called divorce. You’ll be glad you dropped that trash on the curb
Don't expect the respect of people you give to much of your self to. Tighten you belt and dismisse them and treat your self before treating anyone else. They will expect you to buy their energy and leave you flat and broke .
anything anytime always..
advertise your kindness. Kindness is not to be owned. Simply stop owing it, of course use it, but try not to own. A humble cent from me too.
You may find fault with me, for masquerading something in Yepic My intention was to catch attention and do kindness through Yoga English Personality Improvement Coach or Class. Even if anything is good, it may come good or not.❤
。@anythinganytimealways
Train yourself to not do what you have been doing. TRAIN YOUSELF. She will not change by the way.
Since you two are married, I don't know how you can be at peace since she will continue to gaslight you.
Wish you luck. Take care.
She would
The more you are kind, the more you will be selfless and thus cease to seek own happiness.
This is so good to hear. I am guilty of being nice then getting angry, when people break promises, or I get tired doing things their way. Once I had only bus fare in my wallet.
Someone asked me for change. I gave half of what I had...and was sad when I forced myself to walk a very long way home. So I understand your sayings and I thank you.
Don't be to sad , you helped someone out and that help will return to you some day , just find a balance between helping others and helping yourself which btw is not a selfish act
Balance is the key. Be able to say no as easily as you say yes.
What I've learnt is that I'm not alone with this dilemma. I was raised to be respectful, and I relished at the idea of it. 38 yrs old and I've been manipulated and used too many to count.
When you talk about the comfort zones: I found that also if you decide to say "no" they think you're mean because you don't normally say no. future relationships should have boundaries set. I found it helpful. I did like the phrase 'You shouldn't give someone a chocolate until you had one yourself.'
So true, some people look & act like decent folks, but if you got a peek into their minds, you'd realize that you're dealing with 2 legged cockroaches. And the best way to avoid an infestation is to keep your home clean (don't give them so much as a single crumb to feed on 💯)
Absolutely right 100 percent. I too am the giving and doing type and have been taken for granted to the extent that I was accused falsely and was harassed with blank calls. My mental and physical health has suffered a great deal.
Pretty good advice! I'm naturally very generous and it honestly makes me happy to help others that I love! However my husband has been teaching me to limit myself and to take care of myself first! I have a very bad habit of putting others first and neglecting myself big time. This video fully supports that message. 👍👍👍
I swear I’m the same
I don’t care about myself
I’m way too generous easy way too kind
AYO 69 LIKES
THAT SOOO RARE
Nice husband!
Being kind in this world will be rewarded with a kick in the face...I don't help or be nice to people I don't know anymore. Why should I?
Thank you for helping me see the light in a way. This was a harsh reality. I have been someone who has been unable to say "No" and have found that people take as much as they can and never offer to return anything, not even in kin
This way of conducting your life makes more sense than anything I’ve ever heard.
I’ve learnt the word No is saying Yes to yourself and the middle ground is giving them the middle finger.
I love these. I have an issue with being too kind and generous. It makes me feel good to give and that is landing me in horrible relationships.
I love your face
@@postwealth369 thank you 😊.
You're welcome beautiful.. where are you from?
MY WEAKNESS😢
this clip is inspiring me. I am a generous person, always helping others, yet when I am in need no one is there for me because I can not say "no".
This is exactly what has happened between me and my son he’s taken advantage of me his entire adulthood but I cut him off and now I never hear from him I wish I would have realized his intentions a long time ago
Move on Forget it my whole Block is like That. Not my Friends 😁😁😁
Who raised him?
I did but things haven't turned out very 6
@@stevewilliams6354 That's sad. Let's hope that things can turn around.
Be kind always. Being alone is not a consequence but an opportunity for growth. It is all perspective and make it a positive one.
Thank you for this! I really had to go within and check myself. Love it!
My experience teaches me that you are really very correct. Being kind attracts kindness simply the Universal Law. Simply expect nothing for the kindness . It usually comes in another way.
We never know what someone is going through. At least we can own kindness and take responsibility for the action.
😁journey well at best.
I just received a compliment from a long ago high school peer. It was kind and I cried emensely. The kind of betrayal I have endured is Presidential, and I have come to see most of my experiences was manifesting through kindness knowing it would not be returned and yet no one can rob me of my Excellence, my impeccable manners, my merits, my accomplishments. To be sure, many of those who trample on others are now dead. I see no easy way to be overly kind nor overly stoic. This series is like a well with fresh water after a long and arduous battle. And it was even while being generous, curious, blind and meek. But I would rather be alive, still humble then stuck with a narcissistic spouce or worse a life inwhich I am a people pleaser and approval seeker. It's enough on me that I hate and disapprove in my private life but I have God to thank and I have done much to make this world a better place and oneself in it as well. 👑
Gary, giving yourself credit for the good that you did, and recognizing both that YOU did it and that the world is better off bc you are in it doing what you do, is balm to the brain after contemplating having screwed up by perhaps being too kind or not selfish enough.
Thanks for the balance in thought.❤
@@sunshineandwarmth Right? Fer sure! 😊
that is a great attitude,,we all have our own opinions of what we may feel,,when we tried to genuinely help a friend or ŕelative, their attitude toward you it's almost felt they expecting more, but I learned through out the years, to ignore it.what this wisdom says it's exactly what my life has been, and I'm sure I'm not the only fool here,,as they refer to me most of thr time,but I rather a fool with a kind hearted ,we don't need to be criticizing how much we should help and to how much should we give,,,we all know ,,atleast to my humble way of understanding ,,when i work and get paid for is to feed my physical body,,but when I help others that I hope tò
You can give your positivity and give respect and set an example without saying anything. Always be true to yourself and be yourself, don't be fake, live in truth and be humble. Don't let people try to change you. Integrity is important to me. Be humble and respectful, but don't be a push over. Don't always give and when you give, give with your heart. When you are consistent everyday no matter if you go through a tough time, you just brush it off and move on being yourself. I don't care about what people think of me. I stay true to myself and that is what makes me happy.
Agree 💯 These are exactly the life rules that I set for myself. 'Be True to yourself.'
@@CynthiaGalant-z9d Thank you.
I am an Empath, and lately I have been struggling so very much emotionally. This video rings so true with me. A new way of living begins for me today as I know what's happening and why I feel so overwhelmed. Thank you very much.
Finally learning this in my old age my GOLDEN AGE. Thank you.
I will be reaching my 45th Birthday in about seven weeks time and just now, I have began to understand that I have to be kind to myself too. Be kind to yourself, be kind...✌🏽+ ❤
Me too you must be a libra ♎️ very true words 🙏
THIS IS CORRECT. YOU HELP
AND MOVE ON. NO MENTION OF IT, AND FIND FERTILE GROUND.
Simply be good to others but take care of yourself ❤
Saying no will gain the respect of others.
When I have told people no they just go away and I don't see or hear from them anymore.
I always respected kind people
Wonderful !! This is SO RIGHT!!! THANK YOU FOR SETTING ME STRAIGHT!!
Sometimes generosity is the worst thing to do.
Very Good Timing !!! Finally the time has come for the abandonment of the unappreciative people with bad character and values.
The other side to which, is the new era of self care and nurture.
Thank You 🤗🙋
Perfect timing in my life with one that almost drained me of my Self!
I had a "friend" who drained me last year. This yr I was having none of it. Your video tells me, though I felt guilty, I did the right thing in taking better care of myself. Thank you. This video is gold for people like me.