One major problem is, if you don't find your footing when you're young, it's extremely difficult to do so at an older age. I've never seen any evidence that "women ignore short men, you need to be 6 feet, 6 figure income, 6-pack" and so on. I see ordinary people in relationships all the time. I'm autistic and was born too early for awareness and support. I never managed to build a social network, nor have I had any luck doing so now in my 30s, despite my efforts. People don't have the time they once did, with families, careers, established networks, and so on. I still remember when a woman hugged me for assisting her, the first time anyone besides my mother did so in over a decade. For autism, it's about 50/50.
Yeah, I almost could've written most of that myself. It's like slipping through life's cracks, and once you're older, people are settled down and don't really have the time to socialize. My one good friend has a serious gf now and has little time for hanging out.
@@aaronsjournal139 it’s very tough in terms of making/maintaining friendships and meeting women once you get past the age of 30. Even harder when you did not hit certain milestones that everyone else did - it makes you feel like an alien being at times and makes it much harder to relate to people in general.
If only there was a pill for loneliness and lower libido with no other consequences, it would be so good to finally get rid of desire for love or women or shit like that that I'm not getting anyway.
Here's some advice from someone who was a quiet nerdy type to seemingly a natural man of charisma and charm. The best thing I ever did regarding talking to women was teacher training. Why? Because they trained me in communication. I learnt to stand up straight, to project and develop my voice, to have something to say, and to make subjects interesting. Looks may attract, but if you speak with a quiet mumbling monotone, women will not want you. It indicates you do not believe in yourself, so there's no way she's going to invite you into the bedroom. You can look like a Greek god but if you say 'er' and 'um' every other word in a boring monotone and look like you're terrified of her, it's simply never going to move beyond a pity fumble, and probably not even that. Find a way to develop your speaking skills, take communication or acting classes, or teaching classes, learn the alexander technique. The practice will lesson your anxiety and make your communications much more fluid. Practice speeches, out loud, till you have a proud confident voice. Your voice is the most powerful thing you own, but I bet most people who struggle with getting partners have poorly developed voices. It's better to learn this with others, but if you can't or won't at least sit up straight, grab a book, and read some of it out loud. Are you quiet and monotone? Do you trip over words? Work on it. Repeat a section you like over and over again till your muscles are trained. If you lack things to talk about then start studying psychology. It's the gateway to understanding people, and it's the one subject that anyone of intelligence enjoys. I've never met a woman who doesn't want to talk about what goes on in peoples head and why. Read the website psychology today, watch some videos on Freud, Jung, etc, read a glossary so you know what the words mean. You will learn a lot about yourself, and it will arm you with good questions to ask, and interesting facts to share. In summary: have something to say and learn to say it well.
Cool story bro. If she is not into you, you can be perfect version of yourself and for everyone else but not gonna happen. Women could like you one day, and ignore you other days.
Oh, and dress like a grown man, not a child or a teenager. Style matters more than looks. Women do not like scruffy, dirty, smelly, worn, color bleached and they observe the details of your attire far more than you are capable of. Dress up, not down. Clean well-kept shoes, get your hair cut every 3 weeks. Women universally love men in suits. You don't need to go always go that far but wear quality shirts, dark colors are best. Grey, black, subtle textures or patterns. T-shirts scream "man-child". I once had a woman throw herself at me, she later told me it was because she "liked my jacket". Styling a man is easy and effective. Throw out your teenager comfort rags, and dress like a man.
@@malekhakim7436 My dad is 5:5 with a small build and (after divorce) had loads of female interest before marrying my stepmother, who is 9/10. How? He dresses well, stands up straight, and has an excellent grasp of psychology. He's funny, somewhat unconventional, and speaks well. I believe too much emphasis is made on the physical when it comes to self-improvement. A good body helps, but women are complicated, and need LOTS of boxes to be ticked. So, dress well, keep yourself in good shape, but work on your personality and vocal presentation. Moody and aloof only works for drop-dead handsome guys, us mere mortals have to charm women, and that requires having something to say and saying it well. 🐸
Can confirm. As a woman I'm way more attracted to the sound of a man's voice than his looks. Cadence, diction, tone, subject matter etc. Doesn't matter how handsome you are if I can't enjoy listening to you speak.
Bit off topic, but I love your synth setup Aaron. We have had a similar life, with similar interests. Love to lose myself in the process of audio production. Specifically hardware synthesizers and that tactile aspect of sound design. Awesome selection right there brotha.
I never really had a problem approaching women. They just all rejected me. What can you do? The only time I did get a GF was the one time a woman approached me and I said yes. She had no long term intentions with me but it was better than nothing. People kept giving me the advice of "be confident" and I said I am quite confident. I got over my fear of rejection in my early 20s and was still able to approach girls prior to that, albeit with the normal amount of teenage awkwardness. But what do you do when they just all say no? I've given up. I no longer have much of libido and just don't have the energy to date anymore.
Dating successfully requires an ability to read social ques: like a woman making eye contact, smiling at you, or even furtively looking at you from across a room. And don’t treat it like so much is on the line. Have fun. Don’t make a big deal about it. I’ve been married for 20 years but I experienced rejection just like anyone else. The biggest turnoff for a woman is desperation. The problem is women are excellent at sussing it out. They will hit you with questions like why aren’t you married? When was your last relationship? You have to come up with something clever and disarming to reply to these awkward questions. That’s gonna be tough bc you really don’t have a lot of relationship experience. Basically a woman is going to have to choose to roll the dice on you.
I agree with all of that but with a guy like Aaron(45 years old with autism and very little relationship experience) a lot is on the line if he meets a remotely compatible woman . And yes, women are more intuitive than men and they will pry and test your reactions. I have to be honest and say I don’t think Aaron would respond to these in a way that will entice or attract the woman. I think he knows how difficult the social game will be when he first meets a woman so he will be even more self conscious about what to say or do .. that equals more draining etc etc
Interesting format Aaron, would watch more if you felt like doing it. Btw, I think you shouldn't feel the need to post regularly. We all probably know this isn't your everyday TH-cam channel where viewers expect regular content. I think the best videos would be the ones made when you actively want to say or do something.
@@aaronsjournal139this is good content Aaron and 20 minutes is the perfect length. It would be interesting to hear your takes on red pill, manosphere and incel etc etc
"Just be confident" But what if you're NOT actually genuinely confident? In that case, the advice is useless... except, as I learned, you can "fake it till you make it". I found you can fake confidence, giving all outward signs of it, despite feeling sheepish inside and feeling your hands becoming sweaty and shaking. So I acted like I thought a confident guy would act (sounding casual, not taking offense at anything, making decisions on the go ("let's go there"), never second-guessing yourself out loud, making casual jokes, etc). Surprisingly it works, and the more I did it, the more I kind of started to believe in it myself...
But this guy having autism and not being able to read social cues. Faking it till you make it may not be the best thing. This guy is going to be confident where he's comfortable in small settings. I know because I'm on the spectrum myself.
I be on Reddit binge reading about such and such. I had these female classmates in my classroom who was really nasty to me in 9th 10th and 11th grade at high school. I told on them and they got reprimanded for it. Then I stayed away from them. My feelings were hurt at that time and then my sweet female teachers consoled me. Anyway in middle school through 6th-8th grade again, I had other female classmates who weren’t very nice at all. My own female classmate slapped me in my face and I told on her and then she got written up for it. I can relate to what you’re saying about your female classmate being nasty to you. I find that to be very unacceptable and unconstitutional to be honest.
Oh Aaron, My heart goes out to you. My Grandson is going on 21 and he is on the spectrum as well and has not had any relationships as of yet. He is such a loving sweet young man and I hope he doesn't run into these issues later on. He would be a great husband someday and I bet you would be as well. Hang in there.
I work in support work and see many young guys like that, I hope the best for them honestly but I do feel this next generation is going to find it even harder tham we are unfortunately
Unfortunately I've found that it's right time, right place. It took me until age 25 to find my first partner (who I'm still with) and I was his first girlfriend as well at 26. We are both nerdy and shy so it hadn't been easy for either of us. We met in Japan as we were both on the same program to teach English. I truly believe I would still be single if I hadn't moved to Japan at that specific time.
Aaron, please don't despair. I believe you said you feel pressured because you want a family, aren't there any "matrimonial agencies" anymore? Professional services dedicated to find you a compatible spouse. Or maybe better dating apps whith more detailed profiles, so it's easier to determine compatibility? Otherwise dating can just be a fun activity and a way to go out and meet new people. But putting pressure on things takes all the fun out of them.
Dating can literally get dangerous. I've had guys follow me home, insisting (demanding, even) I get drunk, acting really aggressive after explaining why I wasn't interested in a second date, etc. And, in my case, they are only anecdotes.
@@ShaySaysSo I know, I've been stalked a few years ago, too. He was trying to climb onto the roof to peek through my window. He showed up everywhere where I was, he was waiting on the bus stop for hours just to catch a glimpse of me. I had to call the municipal administration to inform them not to give out any personal details of me when he would demand them. I had to call the police several times. He got a restraining order and was remanded in custody for 6 months, then released and this time couldn't wait to harrass me again by social media, creating fake social media pages to get access to my accounts, email harrassments, the list goes on and on. It's been a few years and I hope he's let go now. Keep my fingers crossed that this jerk will never ever come back. Never give out too much personal information because if you're not interested, they track you down. That's also a reason why I don't go on dating sites anymore.
I feel mostly the same as a neurodivergent woman. Dating is rough. It also feels similar to friendships. I dont feel like I relate to most people or that they get me at all.
“I don’t feel like I Relate to most people at all” I feel The same. I have good social skills and mask very well but it’s just that, a mask. I’m 39 and childless and find it very difficult to relate to peers. I really don’t fit in well with folks my age because I live such a different life. My ability to do small talk is getting less and less every day. I’m curious, what are the odds of a neurodivergent couple getting along long term? That may be the best option but where in the world do you find other ND people? That pool of people is very small and add in other things will have to live up and yeah
After my divorce i focused on dating a lot. I had success with it. I focused zero on making new friends and im struggling more with that than i did with dating.
Would your current work schedule allow for a part time job in retail? If you meet a coworker that you'd like to date, you can always quit the job since it's not your primary income. Maybe you'll meet a customer that you hit it off with. Bottom line is you need to put yourself in front of more women and online is a horrible way to do that.
I just recently realized that when I see an attractive woman I tend to unconsciously give her the cold shoulder. And I think the reason is that I'm so afraid of any kind of rejection (even her ignoring me), that I "reject" them before they can reject me. I know that's stupid, but it's become a habit for me at this point. I used to be much more bold with women when I was in my 20s, but now that I'm in my 40s, all the years of rejection have made me gun shy. I'm not a bad looking guy and I'm smart and funny, but women never want to be more than casual friends with me.
AARON-you’ve had at least one girlfriend. Can you explain her personality? Was she shy, bossy, confident? Good job? Good looking? How did you meet? Just some anonymous type details.
I kind of wonder some of these people who constantly get rejected and stuff. Women are very good at sensing a man's vibe so they have to portray a low value vibe or something.
@@arthurcallahan4735 Women reject for literally a 1000 reasons. Men reject for just a handful. This vibe thing is also weird to me... I can one day be chill, I can be determined, I can be super confident or shy and reserved, funny as hell OR serious... it all depends on my mood and what is happening in my life exactly at that time. On dates I am open, confident speaker and listener, interested and polite. Sensing anything is a lot like horoscopes... women are risk-avoidant when they are going on first dates. They ick out on the most tiny things, like you talk too fast, your posture is a bit off, you compliment too often or too little, your outfit they do not like or your haircut is just not fresh, the topics you talk about or even ASK about her... and my favorite: they do not like your natural smell (not cologne or if you showered, your skin's natural odor). Or they do not know, because they are looking for "the spark" or "that special one"... and they believe he will come one day and they just have to wait. And you literally did nothing wrong, it is just not worked out. As they say there is a chance to not make a single mistake and still lose. This is a hard pill to swallow. Of course it is different if you cannot get first dates. I do not know how it works in real life though, but online, if the girl is really willing to meet up with guys, you just need to be interesting for her enough and ask her out. Now, it is a challenge, as some girls I asked after 3 messages, some girls after 2-3 weeks of daily texting. And you need to compete with 100s of other dudes for her attention. Usually you need to sense from the first few messages many things. In person, it is MUCH easier on paper if you have the balls: just go to her, ask some genuine question about her, her outfit, the surroundings (store or street), sense also for a few sentences if she is in a hurry or willing to speak to you for a minute, then you need to turn it into exchanging of numbers or socials and tell her you are interested in continuing the convo... women know you want that, you do not need to be covert entirely, just in the opening. If not willing to do it, on the first rejection, be polite, wish a wonderful day and get the F out of there. Show power by not giving an F about a random pretty woman you just saw. Again, I am not talking from experience, but mentally, I am like this. Mentality is KEY.
@@zkutasi it’s rather simple though - vibe is ultra important. With most women, if you give off a real low energy, anxious, pessimistic vibe then women will be turned off by you. Women want and desire confident men - they don’t want a low energy depressed guy who they will have to take care of and uplift all the time. Women want a guy that is confident and fun to be around and one that knows how to keep conversations going
I do feel like a lot of guys are really bad at reading body language, if you approach a girl that shows no signs of interest you're most likely gonna get turned down.
About the guy who said it's best to be friends first, I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but I think it's disingenuous. If you are interested in someone as a partner, just say so. It doesn't mean it's going to happen, and you can try to get to know each other casually to see if you are compatible and end up as friends if you are not. Otherwise she will feel blindsided when you reveal you had other interest in her all along, while she was treating you as a friend.
I disagree. It's considered creepy if you don't time it just right and don't have a friendly "talking stage" first. Nothing wrong with being friends with a person first to see if you want to be around them most of the time.
I have limited social skills, yet I still know what I want. And you know what you want to. Don't take the majority of this stuff seriously. And also, to the D &D guy, you sound so intelligent too. You can have what you want, too
Ive been watching your channel for some time and you seem like a really good guy. Most girls would be lucky to have you. I wouldn’t look to Reddit for advice though. That’s like the blind leading the blind most of the time. That’s where those “be more alpha” comments come from. Anyway, hope you’re doing well Aaron.
I also was bullied by the girl classmates emotionally in school, I ended up going into high school with 0 friends, gathered some due to common interest in school and then went to uni with 0 friends again, then came out of uni with 0 friends... I focused so much on learning as this is what I though I suppose to do, I forgot to live and to socialize, especially with women. I had classmates, not friends. Realizing this I had to reboot my brain, rewire nearly everything... it is like having a second upbringing when you are 25, but you need to do it yourself and takes more time and much more effort. Brutally hard. Still I have not changed completely, but I can now cultivate friendships and moderately attract women for first dates, sometimes 2-3 dates. Mind you... online. I cannot ask girls out I like in person, I need to work on this next. I had 1 relationship so far and I cannot understand how I achieved it and now why it does not work now even with this experience. I found I click with very little amount of women, and even a fraction of them finds me attractive. And even if I match on the Apps, and I get on dates, I cannot get 3rd dates usually, most interestingly I asked women about this and they did mention the lack of spark, which honestly means they did not found me attractive in person. So for some of us it is brutally hard out there, and according to the online tests, I am not autistic at all. In work, I am a hyper-achiever and friends with all kinds of people, I got many-many friends with colleagues... but women elude me and I cannot seem to attract them even with my intellect and genuine interest in them. I am a good conversationalist, do fun dates, moderately funny, always have something to say or ask or listen to. It is definitely about looks for me, and some things I do or say OR don't do OR don't say that raises their alarm detectors early on. I am too much sometimes. My only hope is that I find someone who is looking for such a guy like me, and then I can be myself with her and she likes it, so it will be effortless. I have found in my 38 years only a handful and they still did not feel the spark. Funny enough I matched with this autistic girl on OKC a few weeks ago, and we clicked in text so much, she loved to chat, we played games, and wanted to meet up... but she called me first and told me she thinks I would not like her as she is too much... and I then there understood something fundamental about myself. That I felt she IS too much EVEN for me. And most probably how other women feel about myself too. She was too much because she swore a lot and she constantly mentioned how she is not good for me and probably I do not want to see her. I was afraid she would tear my orderly life apart with her unpredictability and emotional swings.
I was bullied by girls in elementary school and junior high. Once in high school I started playing football. I was horrible but I worked my ass off for 3 years. And by my senior year all the girls knew who I was because I was a complete badass. I was like Aaron Donald on the defensive line creating havoc everywhere. Had 3 sacks, forced fumble, 5 tackles for loss, and another 8 tackles in one game. I was filling up the stat sheet because they’d have a cute stat girl writing all the stats. Once graduated I was once again a nobody and been a nobody ever since
I feel like the focus on this issue tends to be too much on approaching unknown women (which sure, can work), when most people seem to meet partners through a routine like classes/work/school or real life social networking. The general act of being social seems to work for normal people, where people meet through common activity, mutual friends, or even being purposefully introduced to each other. If this part of your life is lacking, prospects for dating will almost certainly also lack. I have a hidden resentment that I'm not proud of, that more people that I know haven't helped introduce me to potential partners. People who know I've been single and searching for a long time, even my parents (again I'm not proud of feeling this way) have never even tried or hinted at the idea of introducing me to anybody they know. It makes me feel like they don't think I'm worthy, and they don't mind seeing me live out my life alone. But this is also a function of me not making the effort to know more people, to have a broader more effective social network. On another note, when we ever do successfully acquaint with a single woman, never go "friends first" unless that's explicitly how she wants to go. Anytime a single man and woman begin hanging out one on one, existing or potential attraction should be assumed. Remember, this is simple nature and nothing to think wrongly of or to be coy about. Always maintain that sense early, and take the chance to make it more clear sooner than later. Don't let it get too platonic unless you 100% know that's all she wants.
Agree with all of this. I get so tired of being told I should cold approach, especially in the current day and at my age. I wish family and friends had made an effort to help introduce me to women. My SIL, to her credit, once did set me up on a blind date with a friend of hers several years back, but no one else has ever tried to help me.
@@aaronsjournal139 I think people recommend you cold approach is because you don’t have social activities that put you in contact with women. Cold approach is not fun but I find it is much needed for guys like us. Even if we need to go to a bar or festival and have a few drinks before approaching . It’s better than letting days slip by
@@aaronsjournal139 hmm that’s a big sticking point(not being able to keep a woman’s interest).. are you trying to be more energetic and charismatic when you talk to women? I’m not advising you to act like a clown or someone you aren’t but those initial conversations are vital in establishing a relationship. I mean, just the way a guy holds himself and the eye contact he makes are very important on their own. Women are very intuitive and they can read men pretty well. I’m on the spectrum and I learned early that I really have to have my Mind dialed in right when meeting women the first time .. I have to make sure I’m a little more high energy, talkative and interested in them and confident - yes all of this is exhausting to me and I can’t do it for too long. Trust me, I wish we could just be our normal self and women would respond favorably but that’s just not reality. That said, I’m so confused as to how a guy like us would maintain a relationship once we created it. Tbh it would take a lot of energy that I’m not sure I have at this point- I find socializing to be very tiring and my already low social battery gets even smaller as I get older
@@amoguxxi1 I hear you but the only way you solve this problem is by talking to women. Even if you need to have a beer or two at a party or festival - just smile and talk to women. You have a dog? If so, take it for walks and smile and say hi to women. You do not want to wait until you are 30 to start trying because then it’s almost too late
Aaron i am a 47 yr old Red blooded male never had a long term relationship . Work on being the best person you can be ..The gym , Eat heathy , Work ..Surround yourself with Positive vibes....You are building up in your mind and over thinking and overrating ...Women are just people, flesh and blood, Nothing more nothing less....
I think you needed the internet. Keep going into it. I can't imagine you just trucked and made synth symphonies without developing a mind worth listening to.
Hey Aaron just curious is it that you're not meeting women and going on dates or is it that you are but you're just not feeling the attraction to them. I also think that point about culture and dating is a good one.
He’s mentioned it in other podcasts - he needs to be sexually attracted to a woman for it to work. The few women he did find attractive that he talked to online or dated didn’t stick around. I think I know Aaron’s sticking point - he’s giving off certain vibes that women don’t like and will run from. I hate to say it but women are highly intuitive and can sense how a guy is pretty quickly. If a guy is low energy, pessimistic, really anxious or not charismatic and fun to be around then most women will not want to date him . Vast majority of Women do not want to have to take care of and “uplift” a man all of the time. Very few will admit it but it’s true - they want to look up to a guy, not down. They want strong confident guys
i have a question for you, because i'd like to try the same thing. have you tried connecting with an autistic woman? if so, how did it go? i heard that the world that autistic woman live is vastly different from men, but i've never experienced that myself so i don't know
"My siblings and cousins didn't have to approach". True words. Same goes for just about any male I personally have known, who has ever gotten a relationship. Whether it's brothers, cousins, my dad, uncles... I can't think of a single one of them who had to 'play the numbers game' to get a girl. It just came naturally to each of them. I can think of one or two friends who had to 'go out there to get what they wanted', but even when they did succeed, they got dumped again really soon after and their love life has been a mess. And apart from just my personal circle, let's be logical here. There's just no way getting a relationship has been such a normal, default achievement, if you can even call it an achievement, for as long as it has been if it took walking up to a hundred strange girls and asking for their phone numbers or some shit. I just don't believe your average guy would just push himself through that. I mean, of course they wouldn't. The reason you'd even have to take an approach like that, is because no one is showing any interest in you to begin with. Going through with such a thing is doing the opposite of what makes sense given your circumstances.
AARON, you need to stop reading threads like that.. They are the confidence killer, not getting rejected. You read thought from people who get rejected, it's not good for you, they can't teach you anything and just make it seem hopeless and miserable. You CAN and WILL find a woman, you look good, but you need to try harder.
Agree. There’s a self fulfilling cycle going on with many in this space .. they read or watch other doomer content then tell each other how bad it is - if someone chimes in with a good experience they are immediately disqualified because they are better looking or rich or whatever else
This is reality. Looking good does not mean nothing. There are worse looking, with worse personality and whatever men than him, but those get girls no matter what, who are above their league, be it looks or personality.
@@brianmeen2158 Statistics proves you wrong. Nothing to do with black pill or "doomer" content. He is realistic. By the way, even one percenters get divorced or cucked. Women are attracted to "confident", extroverted guys. Aaron is not giving them "excitement" they want. Less than average women have attention from simps or desperate Chads who don't want to bother with above average women for a moment. So women have abundance of options while many men don't.
I’ve come to terms with being alone rest of my life. There’s nothing more I can do. I put forth a valiant effort I kept fighting. But at age 44 with a 100% rejection rate there’s a point where you just have to admit defeat. It wasn’t easy to give up because I’m a fighter but my energy to keep getting rejected endlessly was very small. For now I just keep to myself do hobbies, play basketball with a small group twice a week. I don’t even try to date have no interest to anymore. I will pursue something if it comes along but I’m done actively looking
That seems to be true that the people who don’t struggle don’t really care. But of course, Innoway, it kind of makes sense because since they can get dates easily and are able to form relationships, it is not some thing that is constantly bothering them.
Have you heard of the blackpill? It explains why dating is so hard in the modern day. I'm in the spectrum too and blackpill calls people like us "mentalcells" it's hard for neurotypical people and it's super hard for us. I'm thinking of going to autism meet ups to try and find a girlfriend who is on the spectrum too.
My problem isn’t missing signs of interest but I see signs like body language, eye contact, touching etc but I’ve never had one work out I’m 0-21 in my lifetime
As a Muslim lady if you were in a Muslim community you would have women available and they will be ready to get married. I remember at a local Mosques when men or women were struggling to get someone they will kind of advertise themselves with pictures in a file with their information. Anyways I don't think this guy would be single if he was in a Muslim community.
What you're talking about is not limited to Islam. My Christian grandparents were married through arrangement. This was in a foreign country. It's just a lot of such countries abandoned arrangement a long time ago. Apparently arranged marriage is still quite strong in India.
I believe in one of the videos Aaron mentioned not willing to convert to a religion when someone suggested if you wanted to do that in hopes he would probably not be single anymore. I have a best friend who would be willing to convert to a Muslim if he found a Muslim woman who wants to be with him.
I was just saying that this guy wouldn't be single if he was in a Muslim community I didn't say he has to change his religion I was just pointing out something. Good guys in a Muslim community don't finish last Muslim women like good man but in the west its the opposite. Muslim women don't do Tryron and Chad's, or pokkie and Rae Rae's respectful Muslim women like good men.
@@shrifamudondo1081 , ok, we’ll that’s what I had thought for the most part since you suggested that he would very likely be married if he was in the Muslim community which probably sounded like anything between he could be around them to possibly converting. Also I did admit, of course that my best friend is more willing to convert if it means he will meet someone who wants to be in love with him, which in my experience I rarely see anyone I do. I don’t know if this is true, but I’ve heard that the vast majority of Muslims heavily prefer to partner up with somebody who is Muslim too.
@JonasMatthewBahta the comment I made was to point out the difference between western dating standards and Muslims it's not the same I didn't say he needs to convert but rather if he were in a Muslim community he will have so much chances to find a partner. Western women are attracted to different things especially bad men Muslim women are not attracted to bad men. And even if they are some no Muslim father would allow that unless you walk out that door and make your own bad decisions which sooner will eat you up because my older sister is in a situation she can no longer fix but as a teenager I knew she was making a huge mistake but am the kind while minds my business. Anyways if dusty men in Africa can get partners and I know alot that don't even deserve women but hey standards are different everywhere in the world.
The fact is some people have "IT" and others "don't" , we of the "don't" are the winners in the end, lone wolf... 😂... by the way, the last "girlfriend" I had was in 2006, no sex since then... and I'm 42
Hi Aaron! I've been following your channel and appreciate your candor on relationship struggles and life in general. You are handsome, take good care of yourself (gym, appearance, skin care, etc), have a successful TH-cam presence, interests, and a job that you seem to enjoy. I'm a lot like you - around your age, hit the gym everyday, take good care of myself, but gay. In the gay community, sex is easy, but LTR is harder. Or at least that's my experience. I have a ton of successful, hot, single , straight women from 30-45 as close friends and they are all struggling to find partners just like everyone else. Or if they are married with kids, they are often contemplating divorce by 40's and/or are dealing with marital ups and downs. It's not just you who is having trouble finding a partner or girlfriend, even though it's easy to internalize and think that - you/we are the majority these days . Dating is definitely harder post-Covid. One thing all my single friends agree on (men, women, straight, gay) is that when you get older, it's easier to get set in your ways after living the single life for many years. When you are in your 20's and meet a potential life partner , you work on building a life together. In your late 30s/40's it feels more like it is about trying to figure out how to find the right person who can integrate into one's existing life, routine, and friend group. I don't have any platitudes or great advice other than keep putting yourself out there, continue to hit the gym, stay healthy, live your life, maybe do some traveling by yourself, if you haven't already, and have adventures. I would think being in your 40's, having never been married, attractive, and no children, you'd be a huge score for many women. Something you touched on from Reddit is the concept of going on 100 dates, etc. I've had a few friends who had the main goal of being wives and mothers. They went on dates like it was a second job, even when it felt hopeless, and they would much rather be home on the couch (this is my problem - after work & the gym - I just want to chill). Who they ended up with might not have been who they originally pictured. Beware of creating a laundry list of "must have" attributes. This seems to get int the way for a lot of my friends. Don't worry, she's out there, and if not, living the single life is not so bad. One final thought - have you tried e-harmony or apps that are geared for LTR minded people? You may have more success that route. Trust me, many married friends would love to switch places and be child free and single. The grass isn't always greener, but it can be worth investigating (I guess I do have a platitude for you after all). Good luck! Edit/Addition: The whole "alpha" concept seems like something that is a very 20-something/gen z/young millennial ideology. I've never heard a women in their late 30's/early 40's ever say they she needs an "alpha or beta". What they do say is they want someone who listens, contributes to housework, has their own money and will be an equal partner.
As a 34 yo also on the spectrum, and the eldest of 9 siblings, who are also ahead of me in every facet of life, I relate totally to you man. Can I ask what is your viewpoint on pornography? For me it is just filling the void of feeling inadequate. I know it's holding me back greatly but I can't live without it.
@@aaronsjournal139I’m trying to understand why you were having problems and now I understand. You have to stop using pornography completely. You have to stop masturbating and you have to stop indulging in sexual fantasies. It’s a negative lifestyle habit that kills a lot of guys chances with women. If you can stop these things for about six months, your natural charisma will improve, your confidence will improve, your sense of humor will go through the roof, your health will improve, and women will see you completely differently, and find you to be attractive in a way that you have not experienced before. If you can do this these things, and it is not that difficult passed a couple of weeks, I can almost guarantee you, that you will see results, and you will come back to this thread, and say something. The pornography and masturbation & sexual fantasies will not help you get a girlfriend. Abstaining from all of them will help you get a girlfriend, and you will, in fact end up having many choices. Mark my words on this.
Have you ever researched matchmaking sites? These cost $$ but promise a certain amount of actual matches/dates. This would allow for practice and gaining experience in a shorter amount of time. Just one more possible option to consider. You are a physically attractive guy, you work, have interesting hobbies and seem to be very introspective. I think a great catch. PS I am in my 60’s never married or had kids and enjoy this lifestyle very much…for me it is about being grateful for what I do have.
Literally everyone says that and he knows this already. Its the talking/game/emotional intelligence aspect that needs work. There are plenty of single lonely men who from the outside seem like "a catch".
A lot of so called advice is in direct conflict with what people with this problem have experienced. It's like telling them a lie they know from experience to be a lie, it's very insulting. The ones who give the bad advice cannot compute the cognitive dissonance that just came out of their mouth that the receiver immediately knows from experience to be a blatant lie.
to quote yourself quoting the stoics "comparison is the thief of joy" if you are aware of this then you should be aware of how much you compare yourself to others, to your siblings, to others relationships, to other people in general etc the flood your attention with those seeking sympathy instead of those that can guide you towards the real answers, wondering why you are a baslket case instead of just taking life by the balls and forcing yourself to overcome all the insecurities you know you already have is literally the only way to grow, through adversity, the world owes you nothing. the sooner you and others that share the same experiences start tackling lifes hinderances head on reap the rewards and learn from the failures and rejections and begin developing some resilience the sooner you will start to see compounding growth i feel like you rely on external sources to justify why you are in the position you are in instead of taking responsibility for it i can almost guarantee the wave you want to ride wont come until you have put yourself in those uncomfortable situations enough that you are comfortable with who you are, considering how much of narrative you have set yourself id highly recommend seeing a psychologist who brings an unbias overview of your thought processes and can help rationalize alot of the nonsense you flood your head with and the more you feed that narrative the more you are going to go looking for others sympathy and sources that agree with your narrative instead of just doing something about it. I hope this brings some form of enlightenment because relating to everyone else in the comments who is in the same boat is just another form of avoiding the deep work that needs to be done. find your potential, seek professional help, meditate.
@TheFracturedfuture your lack of understanding in what im saying really doesn't surprise me considering the amount one dimensional perspectives flooding this comment section your kind of mentality kinda highlights my point if anything, you don't know what you dont know though so let's just hope your way of rationalising and processing opinons evolves with your attitude.
Brother reddit is the last place you should be reading about these things, as they will just reinforce your negative experiences. Love you Aaron! Keep pushin man
Did you take a personality test? There's a few on line (16 personalities for example) that are free and it's pretty quick to take it. I am usually very sceptical but I dare to say I feel my result feels pretty accurate.
My daughter who is 20 has a pretty successful potential boyfriend who was treating her very nice but she turned him down because there was no connection and he was boring according to her She does like guys that are crazy , spontaneous and in my opinion just plain mentally ill Not to mention broke with no potential I’m different, I like guys with stable job, handy, reliable and not clingy at this point , I’m 50
@@KYLE-zo4bm asking "how big is it?" and if you want to come over sometime, is pretty explicit. also, you cannot just go up to and steal a man's mojo from him -- men are not impressed by that and they will resent you for it. Thats why women dont just "approach" men.
@@bevs9995 There are ways to approach men in a submissive (but extremely clear) manner. Nobody is saying women should approach men as if they are a man approaching a woman. If a woman walk up to a man and acts all meek and softly says "I don't know if you noticed me but I think you're cute and I wanted to see if you'd like to take me out on a date sometime" there's no way an average guy is going to be offended or think you're "stealing his mojo." A guy will not resent you for being soft, submissive, and feminine in your approach. A guy WILL resent a woman that approaches in a masculine manner, but that's NEVER what men are suggesting women do. Honestly he's going to be so pleasantly shocked that he'll think he's being set up. He will literally assume that he's going to get robbed outside the bar because stuff like that never happens.
I'm an attractive woman, but men never approach me. There is a perception that women are tired of being hit on, but all the women I talk to say they've only been approached irl less than 10x before age 40. It never happens. In the smart phone era, the only time men hit on us is in our DMs or dating apps. Men say they're just being respectful by not approaching me irl, but then when we go on a date they beg me for sex and get pouty when I say no - as though I've led them on by matching or chatting with them online. I think dating apps, porn, and social media have warped men's perception of women and turned men into socially retarded cowards. I would have so much more respect for a man with the courage to walk up to me, start a conversation, and ask me out the old fashioned way, but it just never happens. It's not fear of disrespecting women that stops you - it's fear of rejection. I know this because once men think they have a chance with me, they lose "respect" and treat me like I'm a sex worker. Get comfortable with rejection and don't let it lower your self-worth or you'll turn into a slimy weasel trying to hide behind screens and slide into DMs your whole life.
you need to be excited to fail and be rejected. stephen king had a nail on his wall that he would hang each rejection on. his rejections got so big the nail fell off! what did he do? got a bigger nail, and kept going
I want to remind people, that there’s also women who struggle to date. I’m in a subreddit, that has thousands of lonely women. This issue doesn’t affect only one gender. I say this, because I see people often overlooking the fact that lonely women exist. edit: I want to add that i in no way minimize or dismiss men’s loneliness, I very much sympathize with men who are in the same situation. I know my words can be misinterpreted so I had to make sure to make this point. I said it because I often see this issue turned into a war between genders instead of trying to unite people who are in the same situation.
I can help, but disclaimer: 'this is a very controversial solution to help with the opposite sex' and if anyone is offended by this it really isn't my intention to offend; I really am just trying to help (not to come across as a troll). I have been very introverted in my life, but still managed to date quite a number of attractive women and this is where the problem lies for any man who hasn't had many experiences (if any...) with a number of women: 'women expect us men to be experienced and know what we are doing where sex is concerned'; they want a ladies man right out of the gecko, and unfortunately we all need to start somewhere. If they sense that you are nervous or don't seem to know what it's like to be intimate with them, that is a big red flag for her (especially if she is very attractive). When you know what you are doing it reinforces why she wanted to hook up with/date you in the first place. So that's all the bad news, but here is good news you can experience it...Just go pay for it. This is not to be raunchy or perverted, but more rather to become a little more familiar and not so intimated by them. After you become a little more desensitized to their charm/sexuality they really aren't that scary or threatening, but you can't know that unless you know what you are doing with them in the first place and the less experience you have the more you are going to be afraid of all of them (you can be really handsome and still feel very intimidated by them if you are shy and aren't use to having women around you). It's just the sad truth behind female nature; women can tell when certain guys have dated a lot women, they always know.
Like the comment above, Aaron I struggle as well. I am lonely and feel completely invisible. It's not only men, and to be honest I would not even date an alpha male!! Eww I think I'm a good catch😂. But in all honesty, I also do not go on dating sites so what do I expect🤷🏼♀️ I'm older than you are Aaron, men don't wanna date women my age because they can get a 30 year old or a 25 year old with perfect everything. But no one's gonna find a better hearted person than me, I'm going to hold out because someday someone's going to find me and I think I'm a jewel. I think you are too💙 And yes the picture attached was taken last summer so that's really me! Strawberry blonde hair and Blue eyes, thin and kind! What do men want🤷🏼♀️🫣🤦🏼♀️😂
Through education. Developing a sharper awareness. Boost self esteem. Therapy could help, or reading all kind of books. And then training ur brain in praxis...
I think he needs to go on many-many dates. I too was expecting to find someone by carefully examining who I click with and who I like the most and ask them out... failed to realize that I need to build up confidence with women in general first and also it is not necessarily a match if I find them attractive and even click... if there is something they do not like in me or unsure or anything really. How to interact with them in any setting, look for patterns, be calm around them, ask ask ask, tell very little, make them laugh, observe them during interactions... this is hard for Aaron though, but trust me, it is hard for any man. He must be able to go on many many dates because if he is not able to go with social cues he has to find someone who is willing to help him out by clicking with him so much she is willing to put this aside. And in the meantime, he needs to study what went good, what went horrible and learn, finding good patterns, developing himself in the process. I too have to learn a LOT about myself as I would date myself, apparently not many women would date me, who dated me for some reason apparently found me not attractive enough to keep going. I need to find these bad patterns, find good patterns and follow the good patterns until I get results. It is a mentally exhausting process, which requires determination and a strong will to succeed.
At least you're good looking photogenic and in good physical health. Plus you don't look 40. My stress is so high I'm aging prematurely. Date girls in their 20s they are much less judgemental bro. If I were you I think I would be much more confident with approaching.
I think you must get "you are an attractive guy just do this and that bro and you will get a lot of women" all day. As if they are saying, you shouldn't be having this problem you know; pretending that they all know much better than you about your situation. But it is also your looks, you are not bad looking for your age but remember that it depends on how attractive the woman is as well; I highly doubt that you go out with unattractive women.
@@aaronsjournal139t has to be something you’re doing then because you are not ugly. from what it sounds like you’re putting the pussy on a pedestal. i remember you said you met a girl who watched your videos. she was interested until you guys went out a couple of times. from what i remember from the video you sounded much too eager. it sucks you have to play it cool in the beginning and not act too interested but that’s how it is
Its interesting because being attractive is both blessing and curse. When you're super good looking as a man, often times women just assume you probably date a lot, are confident, know what you're doing, etc(the halo effect). And if you're not those things its like a letdown.
@@kaisalis7895 plus if a guy is good looking but is middle aged with very little if any dating or relationship experience - it is a gigantic red flag to women. They will not be able to digest why or how a good looking guy didn’t at least date occasionally through the decades - they will assume he is off or toxic and this is generally a correct assumption
@@brianmeen2158 Indeed. Although in some cases it may just be the guy is lacking the social/conversational skills (smooth talking) which I guess is a "red flag" but not in the way that he's a bad guy
A key thing Aaron touches on at around 3:20 is once a man hits a certain age(anything past 30) he is expected to have a certain amount of experience in the dating and relationship realm. It’s obviously expected that he will have competent social skills by then too. I have a friend that is 34 and has been on 1 date in his entire life and only has sex with 2 women, one of which was a prostitute .. his social skills are lagging too and I’m trying to keep him optimistic but I can’t imagine what most women think or feel when they find out about this guys lack of experience. It has to be a huge red flag and the problem is the passage of time - he can’t go back and redo it and certain milestones were not met. This makes him feel extremely insecure and awkward(around men and women) which of course only makes his other problems even worse.
@@bambooforrests sounds good but how? Where do women like this go? Should he just rely on dating apps or maybe message boards that center around depression and OCD? Like Reddit maybe?
Hello Aaron. Have you ever considered going the church route to meet someone? If you get social proofed by the church leadership after vetting you might be able to find someone.
The only issue with that is I'm an atheist. When I was a believer, I found that church was almost exclusively families and couples, with the remainder being single men.
@@aaronsjournal139Out of curiosity what denomination of Christianity was this? I had a relative that found someone in Baptist church this way. There were a lot of single Moms there.
@@SpaceForce635 Countless reasons. Here are some: 1. Her kids will ALWAYS come before you. 2. You will be expected to take on the responsibility ($$ and time) of being their father, but you will never be given the authority or respect of a father ("you're not my dad!") 3. If you break up, you will have formed bonds with those children and you'll never get to see them again. 4. Less flexible schedule and cannot do a lot of the fun things that non-mothers can do 5. Drama dealing with the father of the children (including safety concerns) 6. Does she even want more kids (yours) or is she done since she scratched that itch? If she's done, she wont have your kids. 7. At the drop of a hat she may want to "make it work with their father for the sake of the kids" and dump you to get back with her ex. 8. Her body has already gone through the physical and hormonal changes associated with child birth and rearing. 9. Displays poor discernment or discipline because she did not properly vet the man she chose to have kids with. 10. She already broke up her family, so what makes you think she wont break up yours? Do I really need to go on?
Aaron, you are a very nice guy, but you need to be more Alpha. Plain and simple. You have the looks, the emotional intelligence, and I presume your life is pretty well squared away. I'm just going to to honest here..no bullshit..Woman can smell desperation a mile away and it's a huge turn off. When you see a woman you feel is attractive (without a wedding ring) just approach her and make light, polite friendly banter, and look her in the eyes (not a death stare but she needs to know you are paying attention). You need to have the same perseverance as you do when you bust through those last 2 reps, even though your arms are burning like hell. My concern for you is that you end up settling for someone and they walk all over you and you are more unhappy than you are now. Again, you have more going for you than most "men" these days, who are weak minded, obese, tons of debt, and live a chaotic life and are all together soft. That isn't you. I know of 2 solid single woman that would jump at the chance to date you and if you lived in CA i'd set you up or double date with myself and my wife. Point is, I've been where you are, where you've been, and the bottom line is you need to realize your value and the way you interact with woman will change, and so will your results.
@@kaisalis7895 Agree and it’s very difficult with autism. I also think given his looks and age, one would assume he’s married or otherwise taken. If I saw him at the gym, I’d assume that and also be intimidated by his good looks. I think he should befriend guys at the gym and they can set him up or figure out who at the gym is single. I feel for him and he’s got a lot to offer.
My best friend has considered moving to another country in hopes of having better luck there given our situation he has convinced me to do so however, I’m not really sure since there’s no guarantee still that I will meet anybody and it’s not just simple or a piece of cake just to move to another country. If I’m moving to another country 8 times out of 10 learning another language is gonna be my biggest priority before anything else.
@@lenajazuk4231 , aaa my bad, I just figured because whenever I hear others mentioning meeting a woman from another country, it sounds like they are trying to move where they are at rather than the way you clarified. I wish I have success with that. I’m not really that good at getting people to do stuff like that especially move from another country let alone even maintain or build a relationship here at home.
Most of the men I've encountered who suffer because they struggle with women all have one thing in common- they think getting into a relationship will fix them and their loneliness. As a guy who has been on both ends of the spectrum, that is, both being extremely unsuccessful and extremely successful, I can also tell you this. I felt more alone when lying in bed with my toxic ex than I ever did by myself. It might sound crazy, but you also might be aromantic and looking for a kind of "prescription" to fix you. That was the case with me. The best way to think about it whenever the depression come back is to think of it as just that, DEPRESSION, and NOT BEING SINGLE. I know it makes no sense, because it DOESN'T. Real, true depression will NEVER MAKE SENSE. I hope you find your way man. Peace.
You are so handsome. If you could just build up your own confidence in yourself. Don't pay too much attention to sub-reddit and things like that. They are 99.9% wrong.
Your job is very isolating so that's definitely not helping the situation. If possible I'd try to find a more social job if the pay is equivalent. Seems like everyone meets at or through work. There's definitely no women to talk to in your cab, unless you like lot lizards lol. Stay positive either way, keep lifting.
It doesn’t sound like good idea to go about that, that can definitely result in allegations of harassment in the workplace, especially if the woman is not attracted to you despite her interacting with you, and most importantly being fired which could impact your ability for future jobs. Despite all of this, I still wonder how some people meet their partners in the workplace and nothing happens but me personally, I would advise against it due to the possible negative implications I outlined.
@@JonasMatthewBahta I didn't mean get a new job and flirt all day. I'm just saying he has close to zero female interactions being a truck driver which is further limiting his chances.
Meeting women through your primary job is a bad idea. Don't crap where you eat. He could get a part time job in retail for the social aspect of it, and if he meets a woman and they start to date, he can quit the job.
@@jth_printed_designs doesn't have to be with a coworker, dealing with the general public all day would increase his chances. The more encounters per day the better.
The fact that some of these guys think approaching 100 women in a week is a viable solution is exactly why they are alone in the first place. If they don't understand how to gauge interest on a woman's part and and how desperate and without genuine value their attention is I don't know if they can be helped. Do they not understand how valuable social proofing is? Do they genuinely not understand how important having a social network is to find women?
These comments are full cope and gaslighting nonsense. Just this”just that”rambling. Realistically you should fly over to SEA date around & gain some confidence.
@@aaronsjournal139 3k will last you about 2 months in Thailand Believe me you won’t stuggle. There are literal Autistic degenerates from the IRL community and they do fine.
This comment isn’t to be mean or rude however, Aaron, you seem like a very intelligent,interesting person but you come off monotone, “boring” and just overall speak as if you’re in a depressed mood all the time. I haven’t heard you laugh, you don’t smile and you don’t seem to get excited about anything when you’re speaking. Even about music which is something that I know excites you. Woman might take this as you’re not interested in them every IF you do and say things to let them know. Just saying. Enthusiasm goes a long way when trying to communicate your feelings. A zest for life if you will. I hope that makes sense.
If you're a newcomer to my channel, I am neurodivergent (on the spectrum) so this can result in a flat affect/delivery. I laugh quite a bit in some of my livestreams (which are posted for anyone who misses them). I'm more serious in my videos though, yeah.
@@aaronsjournal139 I am not new. And I have many friends and a few family members who are also ND as I grew up in theater. They understand and know how to act like they are interested. You’re not incapable. I understand it’s not easy but it’s possible even being ND ,that you can learn and practice how to change things to accommodate your dating life. You may process information differently than others but you’re not stupid.
@@littlemissmaybe480 at the end of the day you’re not a man. You’ll never know the male experience. You don’t ask fish for advice on catching fish you ask a fisherman.
@@ExposeHypocrisy-xm5ol This has NOTHING to do with being a man or woman. We are discussing the challenges of being on the spectrum which applies to both sexes. And yes, clearly I DO understand and have perspective from a woman’s point of view , which if I’m NOT mistaken, that’s what Aaron doesn’t understand. Let’s not start arguing about who can give advice and who can’t based on their sex.
Okay, and how do you do that, naturally, if that just is not part of your personality? How exactly do you reprogram your brain to rid yourself of that monotone or slow speech that is so hard to get rid of? Also, many women criticize men for showing fake enthusiasm or acting ingenuine, or "trying too hard." There are just too many rules.
You have a couple things going in your favor heretofore not yet acknowledged. Women from 36 up looking to reproduce and start a family with husband who is employed and has skills and mutual interests, etc. You're in that sweet spot. This is their last go round if they have not done it yet. In fact advertising that that is what you are looking for might move things along as it sounds like that is what you are looking for. If you are not looking for that there are women who don't want to have kids but still want a relp with a man and all the single moms. But you got to be where they are and take alcohol out of it. So college course, dance class, food class, wine class, group travel, volunteer at shelter or coop, toastmasters, alcoholics anonymous, etc etc. If you got a job and got your s together and a decent body and decent looks, good hygiene, and have mutual interests, then it's game on. And if you go out on more than 2 dates with a woman they would expect a hug or kiss or they make the move.
@@KristaldeauCityLights and when trying to reproduce with a man 40+ your odds of a miscarriage just doubled because of his age alone --- keep in mind their was once upon a time, not too long ago, before the 1980s maybe-- when having a miscarriage could kill a woman.
Women 36+ are already in downy territory, you think they're going to go for an autistic guy? What do you think they would think of their odds to birth healthy children? In her mind, the guy is going to need really good genes at that point.
@@KristaldeauCityLights I think there might be a slight increase in that age range, but the data show in favor of a successful outcome. Doing anything involves risk.
Aaron I went over a thousand dates. Literally tried to date 4-6 times a week - for almost 5 years.....thousands. My (now) husband : I was his 4th date. Its not just men - its us women too. Its difficult to find a soul match. BUT - just look at it as a dating experience. Dont despair. I too was tired.....all those people. The 'i feel behind' --- lose that. Its not a race.....we all have had challenges finding the right match. Keep the faith, i too am on the spectrum and if i can anyone can.
there is a point when you just don't feel any need for sex or women company you become like celibate monk but it is a long path to reach this light and also psychedelic drugs help a lot !
One major problem is, if you don't find your footing when you're young, it's extremely difficult to do so at an older age. I've never seen any evidence that "women ignore short men, you need to be 6 feet, 6 figure income, 6-pack" and so on. I see ordinary people in relationships all the time.
I'm autistic and was born too early for awareness and support. I never managed to build a social network, nor have I had any luck doing so now in my 30s, despite my efforts. People don't have the time they once did, with families, careers, established networks, and so on. I still remember when a woman hugged me for assisting her, the first time anyone besides my mother did so in over a decade. For autism, it's about 50/50.
Yeah, I almost could've written most of that myself. It's like slipping through life's cracks, and once you're older, people are settled down and don't really have the time to socialize. My one good friend has a serious gf now and has little time for hanging out.
@@aaronsjournal139 it’s very tough in terms of making/maintaining friendships and meeting women once you get past the age of 30. Even harder when you did not hit certain milestones that everyone else did - it makes you feel like an alien being at times and makes it much harder to relate to people in general.
You're such an original person. It's out of control.
The fact that you are still not giving up, still going, is inspiring
If only there was a pill for loneliness and lower libido with no other consequences, it would be so good to finally get rid of desire for love or women or shit like that that I'm not getting anyway.
Yes, it is the unquenchable desire that causes us pain.
Ever think maybe you deserve it?
Sexbot technology should be much farther along than it is right now
It's called the blackpill
I don't recommend it but ssris do exactly that.
Here's some advice from someone who was a quiet nerdy type to seemingly a natural man of charisma and charm. The best thing I ever did regarding talking to women was teacher training. Why? Because they trained me in communication. I learnt to stand up straight, to project and develop my voice, to have something to say, and to make subjects interesting. Looks may attract, but if you speak with a quiet mumbling monotone, women will not want you. It indicates you do not believe in yourself, so there's no way she's going to invite you into the bedroom. You can look like a Greek god but if you say 'er' and 'um' every other word in a boring monotone and look like you're terrified of her, it's simply never going to move beyond a pity fumble, and probably not even that.
Find a way to develop your speaking skills, take communication or acting classes, or teaching classes, learn the alexander technique. The practice will lesson your anxiety and make your communications much more fluid. Practice speeches, out loud, till you have a proud confident voice. Your voice is the most powerful thing you own, but I bet most people who struggle with getting partners have poorly developed voices.
It's better to learn this with others, but if you can't or won't at least sit up straight, grab a book, and read some of it out loud. Are you quiet and monotone? Do you trip over words? Work on it. Repeat a section you like over and over again till your muscles are trained.
If you lack things to talk about then start studying psychology. It's the gateway to understanding people, and it's the one subject that anyone of intelligence enjoys. I've never met a woman who doesn't want to talk about what goes on in peoples head and why. Read the website psychology today, watch some videos on Freud, Jung, etc, read a glossary so you know what the words mean.
You will learn a lot about yourself, and it will arm you with good questions to ask, and interesting facts to share.
In summary: have something to say and learn to say it well.
Cool story bro. If she is not into you, you can be perfect version of yourself and for everyone else but not gonna happen. Women could like you one day, and ignore you other days.
Oh, and dress like a grown man, not a child or a teenager. Style matters more than looks. Women do not like scruffy, dirty, smelly, worn, color bleached and they observe the details of your attire far more than you are capable of. Dress up, not down. Clean well-kept shoes, get your hair cut every 3 weeks. Women universally love men in suits. You don't need to go always go that far but wear quality shirts, dark colors are best. Grey, black, subtle textures or patterns. T-shirts scream "man-child". I once had a woman throw herself at me, she later told me it was because she "liked my jacket". Styling a man is easy and effective. Throw out your teenager comfort rags, and dress like a man.
Sounds like solid advice to me. These are things that help me and I'm 5,5ft 125lb 33yr man that still needs more work in the style department.
@@malekhakim7436 My dad is 5:5 with a small build and (after divorce) had loads of female interest before marrying my stepmother, who is 9/10. How? He dresses well, stands up straight, and has an excellent grasp of psychology. He's funny, somewhat unconventional, and speaks well.
I believe too much emphasis is made on the physical when it comes to self-improvement. A good body helps, but women are complicated, and need LOTS of boxes to be ticked. So, dress well, keep yourself in good shape, but work on your personality and vocal presentation. Moody and aloof only works for drop-dead handsome guys, us mere mortals have to charm women, and that requires having something to say and saying it well.
🐸
Can confirm. As a woman I'm way more attracted to the sound of a man's voice than his looks. Cadence, diction, tone, subject matter etc. Doesn't matter how handsome you are if I can't enjoy listening to you speak.
Bit off topic, but I love your synth setup Aaron. We have had a similar life, with similar interests. Love to lose myself in the process of audio production. Specifically hardware synthesizers and that tactile aspect of sound design. Awesome selection right there brotha.
Good to see you Aaron 🙂
God bless you.
I never really had a problem approaching women. They just all rejected me. What can you do? The only time I did get a GF was the one time a woman approached me and I said yes. She had no long term intentions with me but it was better than nothing. People kept giving me the advice of "be confident" and I said I am quite confident. I got over my fear of rejection in my early 20s and was still able to approach girls prior to that, albeit with the normal amount of teenage awkwardness. But what do you do when they just all say no? I've given up. I no longer have much of libido and just don't have the energy to date anymore.
How old are ya?
@@ModelJames13 48
Must be nice
Losing libido is uncomfortable in a way, but it kinda offers relief.
@@SartorialisticSavage65 true
Dating successfully requires an ability to read social ques: like a woman making eye contact, smiling at you, or even furtively looking at you from across a room. And don’t treat it like so much is on the line. Have fun. Don’t make a big deal about it. I’ve been married for 20 years but I experienced rejection just like anyone else. The biggest turnoff for a woman is desperation. The problem is women are excellent at sussing it out. They will hit you with questions like why aren’t you married? When was your last relationship? You have to come up with something clever and disarming to reply to these awkward questions. That’s gonna be tough bc you really don’t have a lot of relationship experience. Basically a woman is going to have to choose to roll the dice on you.
I agree with all of that but with a guy like Aaron(45 years old with autism and very little relationship experience) a lot is on the line if he meets a remotely compatible woman .
And yes, women are more intuitive than men and they will pry and test your reactions. I have to be honest and say I don’t think Aaron would respond to these in a way that will entice or attract the woman. I think he knows how difficult the social game will be when he first meets a woman so he will be even more self conscious about what to say or do .. that equals more draining etc etc
Interesting format Aaron, would watch more if you felt like doing it. Btw, I think you shouldn't feel the need to post regularly. We all probably know this isn't your everyday TH-cam channel where viewers expect regular content. I think the best videos would be the ones made when you actively want to say or do something.
Yeah, I thought I'd try something a little different.
@@aaronsjournal139this is good content Aaron and 20 minutes is the perfect length. It would be interesting to hear your takes on red pill, manosphere and incel etc etc
"Just be confident"
But what if you're NOT actually genuinely confident? In that case, the advice is useless... except, as I learned, you can "fake it till you make it". I found you can fake confidence, giving all outward signs of it, despite feeling sheepish inside and feeling your hands becoming sweaty and shaking. So I acted like I thought a confident guy would act (sounding casual, not taking offense at anything, making decisions on the go ("let's go there"), never second-guessing yourself out loud, making casual jokes, etc). Surprisingly it works, and the more I did it, the more I kind of started to believe in it myself...
But this guy having autism and not being able to read social cues. Faking it till you make it may not be the best thing. This guy is going to be confident where he's comfortable in small settings. I know because I'm on the spectrum myself.
I be on Reddit binge reading about such and such. I had these female classmates in my classroom who was really nasty to me in 9th 10th and 11th grade at high school. I told on them and they got reprimanded for it. Then I stayed away from them. My feelings were hurt at that time and then my sweet female teachers consoled me. Anyway in middle school through 6th-8th grade again, I had other female classmates who weren’t very nice at all. My own female classmate slapped me in my face and I told on her and then she got written up for it. I can relate to what you’re saying about your female classmate being nasty to you. I find that to be very unacceptable and unconstitutional to be honest.
Oh Aaron, My heart goes out to you. My Grandson is going on 21 and he is on the spectrum as well and has not had any relationships as of yet. He is such a loving sweet young man and I hope he doesn't run into these issues later on. He would be a great husband someday and I bet you would be as well. Hang in there.
@@infringinator married and 64
I work in support work and see many young guys like that, I hope the best for them honestly but I do feel this next generation is going to find it even harder tham we are unfortunately
Yeah, 44 comes quickly. So does 50. Was just listening to "Yesterday When I Was Young" and had a good cry. lol
Unfortunately I've found that it's right time, right place. It took me until age 25 to find my first partner (who I'm still with) and I was his first girlfriend as well at 26. We are both nerdy and shy so it hadn't been easy for either of us. We met in Japan as we were both on the same program to teach English. I truly believe I would still be single if I hadn't moved to Japan at that specific time.
Destiny, soul contract.
Aaron, please don't despair. I believe you said you feel pressured because you want a family, aren't there any "matrimonial agencies" anymore? Professional services dedicated to find you a compatible spouse. Or maybe better dating apps whith more detailed profiles, so it's easier to determine compatibility? Otherwise dating can just be a fun activity and a way to go out and meet new people. But putting pressure on things takes all the fun out of them.
It's not only men struggling to date, it's also women. Too many narcs in the female and men department. Thank you for addressing this issue!
Dating can literally get dangerous. I've had guys follow me home, insisting (demanding, even) I get drunk, acting really aggressive after explaining why I wasn't interested in a second date, etc. And, in my case, they are only anecdotes.
@@ShaySaysSo I know, I've been stalked a few years ago, too. He was trying to climb onto the roof to peek through my window. He showed up everywhere where I was, he was waiting on the bus stop for hours just to catch a glimpse of me. I had to call the municipal administration to inform them not to give out any personal details of me when he would demand them. I had to call the police several times. He got a restraining order and was remanded in custody for 6 months, then released and this time couldn't wait to harrass me again by social media, creating fake social media pages to get access to my accounts, email harrassments, the list goes on and on. It's been a few years and I hope he's let go now. Keep my fingers crossed that this jerk will never ever come back. Never give out too much personal information because if you're not interested, they track you down. That's also a reason why I don't go on dating sites anymore.
I disagree. Wemon face FAR less rejection then men. Don't get offended that's just the truth. Sure it varies what doesn't.
@@GhostruckerX We may face less rejection, but you face less danger. Put it into perspective, who has it worse?
@@ShaySaysSo What country do you live in, and what are the laws regarding weaponry?
I feel mostly the same as a neurodivergent woman. Dating is rough. It also feels similar to friendships. I dont feel like I relate to most people or that they get me at all.
I feel like I don't relate to 99.9% of people, and that most people simply tolerate me.
“I don’t feel like I
Relate to most people at all”
I feel
The same. I have good social skills and mask very well but it’s just that, a mask. I’m 39 and childless and find it very difficult to relate to peers. I really don’t fit in well with folks my age because I live such a different life. My ability to do small talk is getting less and less every day.
I’m curious, what are the odds of a neurodivergent couple getting along long term? That may be the best option but where in the world do you find other ND people? That pool of people is very small and add in other things will have to live up and yeah
Connect with Aaron.
After my divorce i focused on dating a lot. I had success with it. I focused zero on making new friends and im struggling more with that than i did with dating.
That first comment was absolutely brutal.
I thought it was funny
Would your current work schedule allow for a part time job in retail? If you meet a coworker that you'd like to date, you can always quit the job since it's not your primary income. Maybe you'll meet a customer that you hit it off with.
Bottom line is you need to put yourself in front of more women and online is a horrible way to do that.
I just recently realized that when I see an attractive woman I tend to unconsciously give her the cold shoulder. And I think the reason is that I'm so afraid of any kind of rejection (even her ignoring me), that I "reject" them before they can reject me. I know that's stupid, but it's become a habit for me at this point. I used to be much more bold with women when I was in my 20s, but now that I'm in my 40s, all the years of rejection have made me gun shy. I'm not a bad looking guy and I'm smart and funny, but women never want to be more than casual friends with me.
AARON-you’ve had at least one girlfriend. Can you explain her personality? Was she shy, bossy, confident? Good job? Good looking? How did you meet? Just some anonymous type details.
I kind of wonder some of these people who constantly get rejected and stuff.
Women are very good at sensing a man's vibe so they have to portray a low value vibe or something.
@@arthurcallahan4735 Women reject for literally a 1000 reasons. Men reject for just a handful. This vibe thing is also weird to me... I can one day be chill, I can be determined, I can be super confident or shy and reserved, funny as hell OR serious... it all depends on my mood and what is happening in my life exactly at that time. On dates I am open, confident speaker and listener, interested and polite. Sensing anything is a lot like horoscopes... women are risk-avoidant when they are going on first dates. They ick out on the most tiny things, like you talk too fast, your posture is a bit off, you compliment too often or too little, your outfit they do not like or your haircut is just not fresh, the topics you talk about or even ASK about her... and my favorite: they do not like your natural smell (not cologne or if you showered, your skin's natural odor). Or they do not know, because they are looking for "the spark" or "that special one"... and they believe he will come one day and they just have to wait. And you literally did nothing wrong, it is just not worked out. As they say there is a chance to not make a single mistake and still lose. This is a hard pill to swallow.
Of course it is different if you cannot get first dates. I do not know how it works in real life though, but online, if the girl is really willing to meet up with guys, you just need to be interesting for her enough and ask her out. Now, it is a challenge, as some girls I asked after 3 messages, some girls after 2-3 weeks of daily texting. And you need to compete with 100s of other dudes for her attention. Usually you need to sense from the first few messages many things. In person, it is MUCH easier on paper if you have the balls: just go to her, ask some genuine question about her, her outfit, the surroundings (store or street), sense also for a few sentences if she is in a hurry or willing to speak to you for a minute, then you need to turn it into exchanging of numbers or socials and tell her you are interested in continuing the convo... women know you want that, you do not need to be covert entirely, just in the opening. If not willing to do it, on the first rejection, be polite, wish a wonderful day and get the F out of there. Show power by not giving an F about a random pretty woman you just saw. Again, I am not talking from experience, but mentally, I am like this. Mentality is KEY.
@@zkutasiwomen reject for thousands of reasons vs men rejecting for a dozen? Lmao ok. Whatever you say.
@@user-vi4xy1jw7e What makes you say this?
@@zkutasi it’s rather simple though - vibe is ultra important. With most women, if you give off a real low energy, anxious, pessimistic vibe then women will be turned off by you. Women want and desire confident men - they don’t want a low energy depressed guy who they will have to take care of and uplift all the time. Women want a guy that is confident and fun to be around and one that knows how to keep conversations going
You just gotta go for it. Continue trying be the best you and put your self out there just to be friendly with everyone. It'll happen.
I do feel like a lot of guys are really bad at reading body language, if you approach a girl that shows no signs of interest you're most likely gonna get turned down.
Eh but even if she's interested, the way you say hi or whatever has to be perfect. It's gone too far.
About the guy who said it's best to be friends first, I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but I think it's disingenuous. If you are interested in someone as a partner, just say so. It doesn't mean it's going to happen, and you can try to get to know each other casually to see if you are compatible and end up as friends if you are not. Otherwise she will feel blindsided when you reveal you had other interest in her all along, while she was treating you as a friend.
Agree and I’ve lost “friends” for this exact reason. If you are looking for a partner/date, don’t go the friends route. It’s not the intention.
I disagree. It's considered creepy if you don't time it just right and don't have a friendly "talking stage" first. Nothing wrong with being friends with a person first to see if you want to be around them most of the time.
I have limited social skills, yet I still know what I want. And you know what you want to. Don't take the majority of this stuff seriously. And also, to the D &D guy, you sound so intelligent too. You can have what you want, too
Intelligence means shit in this society. Being a model or a very good looking person is what gets you everything nowadays.
Ive been watching your channel for some time and you seem like a really good guy. Most girls would be lucky to have you. I wouldn’t look to Reddit for advice though. That’s like the blind leading the blind most of the time. That’s where those “be more alpha” comments come from. Anyway, hope you’re doing well Aaron.
I also was bullied by the girl classmates emotionally in school, I ended up going into high school with 0 friends, gathered some due to common interest in school and then went to uni with 0 friends again, then came out of uni with 0 friends... I focused so much on learning as this is what I though I suppose to do, I forgot to live and to socialize, especially with women. I had classmates, not friends. Realizing this I had to reboot my brain, rewire nearly everything... it is like having a second upbringing when you are 25, but you need to do it yourself and takes more time and much more effort. Brutally hard. Still I have not changed completely, but I can now cultivate friendships and moderately attract women for first dates, sometimes 2-3 dates. Mind you... online. I cannot ask girls out I like in person, I need to work on this next. I had 1 relationship so far and I cannot understand how I achieved it and now why it does not work now even with this experience. I found I click with very little amount of women, and even a fraction of them finds me attractive. And even if I match on the Apps, and I get on dates, I cannot get 3rd dates usually, most interestingly I asked women about this and they did mention the lack of spark, which honestly means they did not found me attractive in person.
So for some of us it is brutally hard out there, and according to the online tests, I am not autistic at all. In work, I am a hyper-achiever and friends with all kinds of people, I got many-many friends with colleagues... but women elude me and I cannot seem to attract them even with my intellect and genuine interest in them. I am a good conversationalist, do fun dates, moderately funny, always have something to say or ask or listen to. It is definitely about looks for me, and some things I do or say OR don't do OR don't say that raises their alarm detectors early on. I am too much sometimes. My only hope is that I find someone who is looking for such a guy like me, and then I can be myself with her and she likes it, so it will be effortless. I have found in my 38 years only a handful and they still did not feel the spark.
Funny enough I matched with this autistic girl on OKC a few weeks ago, and we clicked in text so much, she loved to chat, we played games, and wanted to meet up... but she called me first and told me she thinks I would not like her as she is too much... and I then there understood something fundamental about myself. That I felt she IS too much EVEN for me. And most probably how other women feel about myself too. She was too much because she swore a lot and she constantly mentioned how she is not good for me and probably I do not want to see her. I was afraid she would tear my orderly life apart with her unpredictability and emotional swings.
I was bullied by girls in elementary school and junior high. Once in high school I started playing football. I was horrible but I worked my ass off for 3 years. And by my senior year all the girls knew who I was because I was a complete badass. I was like Aaron Donald on the defensive line creating havoc everywhere. Had 3 sacks, forced fumble, 5 tackles for loss, and another 8 tackles in one game. I was filling up the stat sheet because they’d have a cute stat girl writing all the stats. Once graduated I was once again a nobody and been a nobody ever since
I feel like the focus on this issue tends to be too much on approaching unknown women (which sure, can work), when most people seem to meet partners through a routine like classes/work/school or real life social networking. The general act of being social seems to work for normal people, where people meet through common activity, mutual friends, or even being purposefully introduced to each other. If this part of your life is lacking, prospects for dating will almost certainly also lack.
I have a hidden resentment that I'm not proud of, that more people that I know haven't helped introduce me to potential partners. People who know I've been single and searching for a long time, even my parents (again I'm not proud of feeling this way) have never even tried or hinted at the idea of introducing me to anybody they know. It makes me feel like they don't think I'm worthy, and they don't mind seeing me live out my life alone.
But this is also a function of me not making the effort to know more people, to have a broader more effective social network.
On another note, when we ever do successfully acquaint with a single woman, never go "friends first" unless that's explicitly how she wants to go. Anytime a single man and woman begin hanging out one on one, existing or potential attraction should be assumed. Remember, this is simple nature and nothing to think wrongly of or to be coy about. Always maintain that sense early, and take the chance to make it more clear sooner than later. Don't let it get too platonic unless you 100% know that's all she wants.
Agree with all of this. I get so tired of being told I should cold approach, especially in the current day and at my age.
I wish family and friends had made an effort to help introduce me to women. My SIL, to her credit, once did set me up on a blind date with a friend of hers several years back, but no one else has ever tried to help me.
I'm not good at picking up on indicators of interest, and even when I do, I'm rarely able to keep a woman's interest for very long.
@@aaronsjournal139 I think people recommend you cold approach is because you don’t have social activities that put you in contact with women. Cold approach is not fun but I find it is much needed for guys like us. Even if we need to go to a bar or festival and have a few drinks before approaching . It’s better than letting days slip by
@@aaronsjournal139 hmm that’s a big sticking point(not being able to keep a woman’s interest).. are you trying to be more energetic and charismatic when you talk to women? I’m not advising you to act like a clown or someone you aren’t but those initial conversations are vital in establishing a relationship. I mean, just the way a guy holds himself and the eye contact he makes are very important on their own. Women are very intuitive and they can read men pretty well. I’m on the spectrum and I learned early that I really have to have my
Mind dialed in right when meeting women the first time .. I have to make sure I’m a little more high energy, talkative and interested in them and confident - yes all of this is exhausting to me and I can’t do it for too long. Trust me, I wish we could just be our normal self and women would respond favorably but that’s just not reality. That said, I’m so confused as to how a guy like us would maintain a relationship once we created it. Tbh it would take a lot of energy that I’m not sure I have at this point- I find socializing to be very tiring and my already low social battery gets even smaller as I get older
@@amoguxxi1 I hear you but the only way you solve this problem is by talking to women. Even if you need to have a beer or two at a party or festival - just smile and talk to women. You have a dog? If so, take it for walks and smile and say hi to women. You do not want to wait until you are 30 to start trying because then it’s almost too late
When are you going to do an update video?
Aaron i am a 47 yr old Red blooded male never had a long term relationship . Work on being the best person you can be ..The gym , Eat heathy , Work ..Surround yourself with Positive vibes....You are building up in your mind and over thinking and overrating ...Women are just people, flesh and blood, Nothing more nothing less....
lol
I think you needed the internet. Keep going into it. I can't imagine you just trucked and made synth symphonies without developing a mind worth listening to.
Hey Aaron just curious is it that you're not meeting women and going on dates or is it that you are but you're just not feeling the attraction to them.
I also think that point about culture and dating is a good one.
He’s mentioned it in other podcasts - he needs to be sexually attracted to a woman for it to work. The few women he did find attractive that he talked to online or dated didn’t stick around. I think I know Aaron’s sticking point - he’s giving off certain vibes that women don’t like and will run from. I hate to say it but women are highly intuitive and can sense how a guy is pretty quickly. If a guy is low energy, pessimistic, really anxious or not charismatic and fun to be around then most women will not want to date him . Vast majority of Women do not want to have to take care of and “uplift” a man all of the time. Very few will admit it but it’s true - they want to look up to a guy, not down. They want strong confident guys
i have a question for you, because i'd like to try the same thing. have you tried connecting with an autistic woman? if so, how did it go?
i heard that the world that autistic woman live is vastly different from men, but i've never experienced that myself so i don't know
Just wondering, how tall are you?
5'9
Great t shirt.
"My siblings and cousins didn't have to approach".
True words. Same goes for just about any male I personally have known, who has ever gotten a relationship. Whether it's brothers, cousins, my dad, uncles... I can't think of a single one of them who had to 'play the numbers game' to get a girl. It just came naturally to each of them. I can think of one or two friends who had to 'go out there to get what they wanted', but even when they did succeed, they got dumped again really soon after and their love life has been a mess.
And apart from just my personal circle, let's be logical here. There's just no way getting a relationship has been such a normal, default achievement, if you can even call it an achievement, for as long as it has been if it took walking up to a hundred strange girls and asking for their phone numbers or some shit. I just don't believe your average guy would just push himself through that.
I mean, of course they wouldn't. The reason you'd even have to take an approach like that, is because no one is showing any interest in you to begin with. Going through with such a thing is doing the opposite of what makes sense given your circumstances.
AARON, you need to stop reading threads like that.. They are the confidence killer, not getting rejected. You read thought from people who get rejected, it's not good for you, they can't teach you anything and just make it seem hopeless and miserable. You CAN and WILL find a woman, you look good, but you need to try harder.
Agree. There’s a self fulfilling cycle going on with many in this space .. they read or watch other doomer content then tell each other how bad it is - if someone chimes in with a good experience they are immediately disqualified because they are better looking or rich or whatever else
This is reality. Looking good does not mean nothing. There are worse looking, with worse personality and whatever men than him, but those get girls no matter what, who are above their league, be it looks or personality.
@@brianmeen2158 Statistics proves you wrong. Nothing to do with black pill or "doomer" content. He is realistic. By the way, even one percenters get divorced or cucked. Women are attracted to "confident", extroverted guys. Aaron is not giving them "excitement" they want. Less than average women have attention from simps or desperate Chads who don't want to bother with above average women for a moment. So women have abundance of options while many men don't.
I'm sick of this lifelong suffering.
Being chronically single long -term in my option and experience feels a good chunk like a prison sentence or felony conviction.
@@JonasMatthewBahta same here.
I’ve come to terms with being alone rest of my life. There’s nothing more I can do. I put forth a valiant effort I kept fighting. But at age 44 with a 100% rejection rate there’s a point where you just have to admit defeat. It wasn’t easy to give up because I’m a fighter but my energy to keep getting rejected endlessly was very small. For now I just keep to myself do hobbies, play basketball with a small group twice a week. I don’t even try to date have no interest to anymore. I will pursue something if it comes along but I’m done actively looking
Never give up my friend Love is for everyone❤
Don't give up. 44 is still pretty young these days.Try meet ups and hobbies. Hiking is always a plus.
I am sorry friend. I hope luck will be on your side someday. Not all hope is lost yet.
What outside interests do you go do?
I think the difference between people who steuggle and people who dont is the people who dont, dont really care eithwr way
That seems to be true that the people who don’t struggle don’t really care. But of course, Innoway, it kind of makes sense because since they can get dates easily and are able to form relationships, it is not some thing that is constantly bothering them.
@@JonasMatthewBahtaI don't get dates and it doesn't bother me. 🤷🏽♂️
@@user-vi4xy1jw7e , I’m mostly referring to people in particular who consistently get dates or beyond.
Have you heard of the blackpill? It explains why dating is so hard in the modern day. I'm in the spectrum too and blackpill calls people like us "mentalcells" it's hard for neurotypical people and it's super hard for us. I'm thinking of going to autism meet ups to try and find a girlfriend who is on the spectrum too.
I'm quite familiar with it, yes.
For mw and not good girls
Black pill is making many
Men
Miserable
My problem isn’t missing signs of interest but I see signs like body language, eye contact, touching etc but I’ve never had one work out I’m 0-21 in my lifetime
LMAO that story of a girl pretending she wants to kiss that kid and then kneeing him in the balls :D :D
As a Muslim lady if you were in a Muslim community you would have women available and they will be ready to get married. I remember at a local Mosques when men or women were struggling to get someone they will kind of advertise themselves with pictures in a file with their information. Anyways I don't think this guy would be single if he was in a Muslim community.
What you're talking about is not limited to Islam. My Christian grandparents were married through arrangement. This was in a foreign country. It's just a lot of such countries abandoned arrangement a long time ago. Apparently arranged marriage is still quite strong in India.
I believe in one of the videos Aaron mentioned not willing to convert to a religion when someone suggested if you wanted to do that in hopes he would probably not be single anymore. I have a best friend who would be willing to convert to a Muslim if he found a Muslim woman who wants to be with him.
I was just saying that this guy wouldn't be single if he was in a Muslim community I didn't say he has to change his religion I was just pointing out something. Good guys in a Muslim community don't finish last Muslim women like good man but in the west its the opposite. Muslim women don't do Tryron and Chad's, or pokkie and Rae Rae's respectful Muslim women like good men.
@@shrifamudondo1081 , ok, we’ll that’s what I had thought for the most part since you suggested that he would very likely be married if he was in the Muslim community which probably sounded like anything between he could be around them to possibly converting. Also I did admit, of course that my best friend is more willing to convert if it means he will meet someone who wants to be in love with him, which in my experience I rarely see anyone I do. I don’t know if this is true, but I’ve heard that the vast majority of Muslims heavily prefer to partner up with somebody who is Muslim too.
@JonasMatthewBahta the comment I made was to point out the difference between western dating standards and Muslims it's not the same I didn't say he needs to convert but rather if he were in a Muslim community he will have so much chances to find a partner. Western women are attracted to different things especially bad men Muslim women are not attracted to bad men. And even if they are some no Muslim father would allow that unless you walk out that door and make your own bad decisions which sooner will eat you up because my older sister is in a situation she can no longer fix but as a teenager I knew she was making a huge mistake but am the kind while minds my business. Anyways if dusty men in Africa can get partners and I know alot that don't even deserve women but hey standards are different everywhere in the world.
The fact is some people have "IT" and others "don't" , we of the "don't" are the winners in the end, lone wolf... 😂... by the way, the last "girlfriend" I had was in 2006, no sex since then... and I'm 42
My gosh brother 😮
Sad 😢
Have you ever looked into sluggish cognitive tempo? I think I've got some of that
Hi Aaron! I've been following your channel and appreciate your candor on relationship struggles and life in general. You are handsome, take good care of yourself (gym, appearance, skin care, etc), have a successful TH-cam presence, interests, and a job that you seem to enjoy. I'm a lot like you - around your age, hit the gym everyday, take good care of myself, but gay. In the gay community, sex is easy, but LTR is harder. Or at least that's my experience. I have a ton of successful, hot, single , straight women from 30-45 as close friends and they are all struggling to find partners just like everyone else. Or if they are married with kids, they are often contemplating divorce by 40's and/or are dealing with marital ups and downs. It's not just you who is having trouble finding a partner or girlfriend, even though it's easy to internalize and think that - you/we are the majority these days . Dating is definitely harder post-Covid. One thing all my single friends agree on (men, women, straight, gay) is that when you get older, it's easier to get set in your ways after living the single life for many years. When you are in your 20's and meet a potential life partner , you work on building a life together. In your late 30s/40's it feels more like it is about trying to figure out how to find the right person who can integrate into one's existing life, routine, and friend group.
I don't have any platitudes or great advice other than keep putting yourself out there, continue to hit the gym, stay healthy, live your life, maybe do some traveling by yourself, if you haven't already, and have adventures. I would think being in your 40's, having never been married, attractive, and no children, you'd be a huge score for many women. Something you touched on from Reddit is the concept of going on 100 dates, etc. I've had a few friends who had the main goal of being wives and mothers. They went on dates like it was a second job, even when it felt hopeless, and they would much rather be home on the couch (this is my problem - after work & the gym - I just want to chill). Who they ended up with might not have been who they originally pictured. Beware of creating a laundry list of "must have" attributes. This seems to get int the way for a lot of my friends. Don't worry, she's out there, and if not, living the single life is not so bad. One final thought - have you tried e-harmony or apps that are geared for LTR minded people? You may have more success that route. Trust me, many married friends would love to switch places and be child free and single. The grass isn't always greener, but it can be worth investigating (I guess I do have a platitude for you after all). Good luck!
Edit/Addition: The whole "alpha" concept seems like something that is a very 20-something/gen z/young millennial ideology. I've never heard a women in their late 30's/early 40's ever say they she needs an "alpha or beta". What they do say is they want someone who listens, contributes to housework, has their own money and will be an equal partner.
As a 34 yo also on the spectrum, and the eldest of 9 siblings, who are also ahead of me in every facet of life, I relate totally to you man. Can I ask what is your viewpoint on pornography? For me it is just filling the void of feeling inadequate. I know it's holding me back greatly but I can't live without it.
It scratches that biological itch, but that's about it. It's temporary relief.
@@aaronsjournal139I’m trying to understand why you were having problems and now I understand. You have to stop using pornography completely. You have to stop masturbating and you have to stop indulging in sexual fantasies. It’s a negative lifestyle habit that kills a lot of guys chances with women. If you can stop these things for about six months, your natural charisma will improve, your confidence will improve, your sense of humor will go through the roof, your health will improve, and women will see you completely differently, and find you to be attractive in a way that you have not experienced before. If you can do this these things, and it is not that difficult passed a couple of weeks, I can almost guarantee you, that you will see results, and you will come back to this thread, and say something. The pornography and masturbation & sexual fantasies will not help you get a girlfriend. Abstaining from all of them will help you get a girlfriend, and you will, in fact end up having many choices. Mark my words on this.
@@adamh7947Sir you’re talking from personal experience I presume? Mind if I ask how long since you abstained from porn?
@@adamh7947Bull shit. Unless you're masturbating 4 times a day then abstaining from masturbating for 6 months will do nothing.
@@adamh7947lol
not all women are the same. Some are just as shy, akward etc. But what I've noticed that men often want women who are out of their league
There's also women who want men miles above them
Hey Aaron, hope you are doing okay bro!!!!
Hanging in there, yeah.
@@aaronsjournal139 I just watched your video. It was interesting as usual. Thanks man! We're all hanging in there bro
The only dates I get are prunes. 🤣
Sometimes it just comes down to luck ...
have you thought of following some therapists on you tube that may be relevant to you. I really like kati morton, psychology in seattle, and such,
Sometimes people find love when they arent looking for it.
dude Aaron I just wrote a pretty heart felt reply to this upload and it got deleted.
Are you sure? I don't see anything held on my end
@@aaronsjournal139 I'm certain. I'll write it again.
Read... No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover.
Magic Bullet's by Nick Savoy also worth a read. 👍👍
Have you ever researched matchmaking sites? These cost $$ but promise a certain amount of actual matches/dates. This would allow for practice and gaining experience in a shorter amount of time. Just one more possible option to consider. You are a physically attractive guy, you work, have interesting hobbies and seem to be very introspective. I think a great catch. PS I am in my 60’s never married or had kids and enjoy this lifestyle very much…for me it is about being grateful for what I do have.
Literally everyone says that and he knows this already. Its the talking/game/emotional intelligence aspect that needs work. There are plenty of single lonely men who from the outside seem like "a catch".
A lot of so called advice is in direct conflict with what people with this problem have experienced. It's like telling them a lie they know from experience to be a lie, it's very insulting. The ones who give the bad advice cannot compute the cognitive dissonance that just came out of their mouth that the receiver immediately knows from experience to be a blatant lie.
to quote yourself quoting the stoics "comparison is the thief of joy" if you are aware of this then you should be aware of how much you compare yourself to others, to your siblings, to others relationships, to other people in general etc the flood your attention with those seeking sympathy instead of those that can guide you towards the real answers, wondering why you are a baslket case instead of just taking life by the balls and forcing yourself to overcome all the insecurities you know you already have is literally the only way to grow, through adversity, the world owes you nothing. the sooner you and others that share the same experiences start tackling lifes hinderances head on reap the rewards and learn from the failures and rejections and begin developing some resilience the sooner you will start to see compounding growth i feel like you rely on external sources to justify why you are in the position you are in instead of taking responsibility for it i can almost guarantee the wave you want to ride wont come until you have put yourself in those uncomfortable situations enough that you are comfortable with who you are, considering how much of narrative you have set yourself id highly recommend seeing a psychologist who brings an unbias overview of your thought processes and can help rationalize alot of the nonsense you flood your head with and the more you feed that narrative the more you are going to go looking for others sympathy and sources that agree with your narrative instead of just doing something about it. I hope this brings some form of enlightenment because relating to everyone else in the comments who is in the same boat is just another form of avoiding the deep work that needs to be done. find your potential, seek professional help, meditate.
I love comments like yours because you assume that you know everyone's problems and that they haven't tried half of the shit you mentioned.
@TheFracturedfuture your lack of understanding in what im saying really doesn't surprise me considering the amount one dimensional perspectives flooding this comment section your kind of mentality kinda highlights my point if anything, you don't know what you dont know though so let's just hope your way of rationalising and processing opinons evolves with your attitude.
@@mattgage4418 You think you're a know it all and that you are somehow above everyone else. It wouldn't surprise me if you're narcissistic in person.
Brother reddit is the last place you should be reading about these things, as they will just reinforce your negative experiences. Love you Aaron! Keep pushin man
People on TH-cam aren't much better
Reddit and TH-cam will reinforce negative thinking
Did you take a personality test? There's a few on line (16 personalities for example) that are free and it's pretty quick to take it. I am usually very sceptical but I dare to say I feel my result feels pretty accurate.
My daughter who is 20 has a pretty successful potential boyfriend who was treating her very nice but she turned him down because there was no connection and he was boring according to her
She does like guys that are crazy , spontaneous and in my opinion just plain mentally ill
Not to mention broke with no potential
I’m different, I like guys with stable job, handy, reliable and not clingy at this point , I’m 50
Can you give me her Instagram or fb?
@@KM-tx7mn probably not
She doesn’t know I was talking about her, she will get mad😂
if only women would approach that would probably help some :(
they do, subtly. Have you ever had a woman text you randomly at night, on a weekday, when she knew you would be home?
@@bevs9995 no and im saying they shouldn't be subtle they be explicit like men have to be
@@KYLE-zo4bm asking "how big is it?" and if you want to come over sometime, is pretty explicit.
also, you cannot just go up to and steal a man's mojo from him -- men are not impressed by that and they will resent you for it.
Thats why women dont just "approach" men.
@@bevs9995 idk what you're talking about i would like if women came up to me
@@bevs9995 There are ways to approach men in a submissive (but extremely clear) manner. Nobody is saying women should approach men as if they are a man approaching a woman.
If a woman walk up to a man and acts all meek and softly says "I don't know if you noticed me but I think you're cute and I wanted to see if you'd like to take me out on a date sometime" there's no way an average guy is going to be offended or think you're "stealing his mojo." A guy will not resent you for being soft, submissive, and feminine in your approach. A guy WILL resent a woman that approaches in a masculine manner, but that's NEVER what men are suggesting women do.
Honestly he's going to be so pleasantly shocked that he'll think he's being set up. He will literally assume that he's going to get robbed outside the bar because stuff like that never happens.
Why was my comment deleted?? Ummm 🤔 nothing wrong with what I said Stay positive Aaron Birds of a feather ❤😊
I didn't delete your comment, I dunno
Oh that’s good,😊 I hope we can possibly chat sometime
I'm an attractive woman, but men never approach me. There is a perception that women are tired of being hit on, but all the women I talk to say they've only been approached irl less than 10x before age 40. It never happens.
In the smart phone era, the only time men hit on us is in our DMs or dating apps.
Men say they're just being respectful by not approaching me irl, but then when we go on a date they beg me for sex and get pouty when I say no - as though I've led them on by matching or chatting with them online.
I think dating apps, porn, and social media have warped men's perception of women and turned men into socially retarded cowards.
I would have so much more respect for a man with the courage to walk up to me, start a conversation, and ask me out the old fashioned way, but it just never happens. It's not fear of disrespecting women that stops you - it's fear of rejection. I know this because once men think they have a chance with me, they lose "respect" and treat me like I'm a sex worker.
Get comfortable with rejection and don't let it lower your self-worth or you'll turn into a slimy weasel trying to hide behind screens and slide into DMs your whole life.
lol
you need to be excited to fail and be rejected. stephen king had a nail on his wall that he would hang each rejection on. his rejections got so big the nail fell off! what did he do? got a bigger nail, and kept going
I want to remind people, that there’s also women who struggle to date. I’m in a subreddit, that has thousands of lonely women. This issue doesn’t affect only one gender. I say this, because I see people often overlooking the fact that lonely women exist. edit: I want to add that i in no way minimize or dismiss men’s loneliness, I very much sympathize with men who are in the same situation. I know my words can be misinterpreted so I had to make sure to make this point. I said it because I often see this issue turned into a war between genders instead of trying to unite people who are in the same situation.
Good point.
Your standards are unrealistic.
Which subreddit?
Thanks
While that is true, the percentage of young single men is like double women at most ages. Thats why most news places report on just the men
@@Penterrorbecause they play Fortnite all day
I can help, but disclaimer: 'this is a very controversial solution to help with the opposite sex' and if anyone is offended by this it really isn't my intention to offend; I really am just trying to help (not to come across as a troll). I have been very introverted in my life, but still managed to date quite a number of attractive women and this is where the problem lies for any man who hasn't had many experiences (if any...) with a number of women: 'women expect us men to be experienced and know what we are doing where sex is concerned'; they want a ladies man right out of the gecko, and unfortunately we all need to start somewhere. If they sense that you are nervous or don't seem to know what it's like to be intimate with them, that is a big red flag for her (especially if she is very attractive). When you know what you are doing it reinforces why she wanted to hook up with/date you in the first place. So that's all the bad news, but here is good news you can experience it...Just go pay for it. This is not to be raunchy or perverted, but more rather to become a little more familiar and not so intimated by them. After you become a little more desensitized to their charm/sexuality they really aren't that scary or threatening, but you can't know that unless you know what you are doing with them in the first place and the less experience you have the more you are going to be afraid of all of them (you can be really handsome and still feel very intimidated by them if you are shy and aren't use to having women around you). It's just the sad truth behind female nature; women can tell when certain guys have dated a lot women, they always know.
Like the comment above, Aaron I struggle as well.
I am lonely and feel completely invisible. It's not only men, and to be honest I would not even date an alpha male!! Eww
I think I'm a good catch😂. But in all honesty, I also do not go on dating sites so what do I expect🤷🏼♀️
I'm older than you are Aaron, men don't wanna date women my age because they can get a 30 year old or a 25 year old with perfect everything. But no one's gonna find a better hearted person than me, I'm going to hold out because someday someone's going to find me and I think I'm a jewel. I think you are too💙
And yes the picture attached was taken last summer so that's really me! Strawberry blonde hair and Blue eyes, thin and kind! What do men want🤷🏼♀️🫣🤦🏼♀️😂
We all know the one thing you need: confidence. You've got everything else. The problem is, how does one develop that confidence? I don't know.
Through education. Developing a sharper awareness. Boost self esteem. Therapy could help, or reading all kind of books. And then training ur brain in praxis...
I think he needs to go on many-many dates. I too was expecting to find someone by carefully examining who I click with and who I like the most and ask them out... failed to realize that I need to build up confidence with women in general first and also it is not necessarily a match if I find them attractive and even click... if there is something they do not like in me or unsure or anything really. How to interact with them in any setting, look for patterns, be calm around them, ask ask ask, tell very little, make them laugh, observe them during interactions... this is hard for Aaron though, but trust me, it is hard for any man. He must be able to go on many many dates because if he is not able to go with social cues he has to find someone who is willing to help him out by clicking with him so much she is willing to put this aside. And in the meantime, he needs to study what went good, what went horrible and learn, finding good patterns, developing himself in the process. I too have to learn a LOT about myself as I would date myself, apparently not many women would date me, who dated me for some reason apparently found me not attractive enough to keep going. I need to find these bad patterns, find good patterns and follow the good patterns until I get results. It is a mentally exhausting process, which requires determination and a strong will to succeed.
Good genetics 🧬
At least you're good looking photogenic and in good physical health. Plus you don't look 40. My stress is so high I'm aging prematurely. Date girls in their 20s they are much less judgemental bro. If I were you I think I would be much more confident with approaching.
I think you must get "you are an attractive guy just do this and that bro and you will get a lot of women" all day. As if they are saying, you shouldn't be having this problem you know; pretending that they all know much better than you about your situation.
But it is also your looks, you are not bad looking for your age but remember that it depends on how attractive the woman is as well; I highly doubt that you go out with unattractive women.
All the time.
@@aaronsjournal139t has to be something you’re doing then because you are not ugly.
from what it sounds like you’re putting the pussy on a pedestal.
i remember you said you met a girl who watched your videos. she was interested until you guys went out a couple of times. from what i remember from the video you sounded much too eager.
it sucks you have to play it cool in the beginning and not act too interested but that’s how it is
Its interesting because being attractive is both blessing and curse. When you're super good looking as a man, often times women just assume you probably date a lot, are confident, know what you're doing, etc(the halo effect). And if you're not those things its like a letdown.
@@kaisalis7895 plus if a guy is good looking but is middle aged with very little if any dating or relationship experience - it is a gigantic red flag to women. They will not be able to digest why or how a good looking guy didn’t at least date occasionally through the decades - they will assume he is off or toxic and this is generally a correct assumption
@@brianmeen2158 Indeed. Although in some cases it may just be the guy is lacking the social/conversational skills (smooth talking) which I guess is a "red flag" but not in the way that he's a bad guy
I think you need to maybe think about anti-anxiety meds. They may work.
Walk down the street shirtless in "Risky Business" glasses immediately after your workout😎🧲⚡🙋👩🦰
A key thing Aaron touches on at around 3:20 is once a man hits a certain age(anything past 30) he is expected to have a certain amount of experience in the dating and relationship realm. It’s obviously expected that he will have competent social skills by then too. I have a friend that is 34 and has been on 1 date in his entire life and only has sex with 2 women, one of which was a prostitute .. his social skills are lagging too and I’m trying to keep him optimistic but I can’t imagine what most women think or feel when they find out about this guys lack of experience. It has to be a huge red flag and the problem is the passage of time - he can’t go back and redo it and certain milestones were not met. This makes him feel extremely insecure and awkward(around men and women) which of course only makes his other problems even worse.
Maybe your friend should find a woman who struggles the same way he does?
@@bambooforrests sounds good but how? Where do women like this go? Should he just rely on dating apps or maybe message boards that center around depression and OCD? Like Reddit maybe?
@@bambooforrestslol
Hello Aaron. Have you ever considered going the church route to meet someone?
If you get social proofed by the church leadership after vetting you might be able to find someone.
The only issue with that is I'm an atheist. When I was a believer, I found that church was almost exclusively families and couples, with the remainder being single men.
@@aaronsjournal139Out of curiosity what denomination of Christianity was this? I had a relative that found someone in Baptist church this way. There were a lot of single Moms there.
@@SpaceForce635 Single moms are the biggest L imaginable. Do not date single moms, no matter what.
@@jth_printed_designsWhy?
@@SpaceForce635 Countless reasons. Here are some:
1. Her kids will ALWAYS come before you.
2. You will be expected to take on the responsibility ($$ and time) of being their father, but you will never be given the authority or respect of a father ("you're not my dad!")
3. If you break up, you will have formed bonds with those children and you'll never get to see them again.
4. Less flexible schedule and cannot do a lot of the fun things that non-mothers can do
5. Drama dealing with the father of the children (including safety concerns)
6. Does she even want more kids (yours) or is she done since she scratched that itch? If she's done, she wont have your kids.
7. At the drop of a hat she may want to "make it work with their father for the sake of the kids" and dump you to get back with her ex.
8. Her body has already gone through the physical and hormonal changes associated with child birth and rearing.
9. Displays poor discernment or discipline because she did not properly vet the man she chose to have kids with.
10. She already broke up her family, so what makes you think she wont break up yours?
Do I really need to go on?
Aaron, you are a very nice guy, but you need to be more Alpha. Plain and simple. You have the looks, the emotional intelligence, and I presume your life is pretty well squared away. I'm just going to to honest here..no bullshit..Woman can smell desperation a mile away and it's a huge turn off. When you see a woman you feel is attractive (without a wedding ring) just approach her and make light, polite friendly banter, and look her in the eyes (not a death stare but she needs to know you are paying attention). You need to have the same perseverance as you do when you bust through those last 2 reps, even though your arms are burning like hell. My concern for you is that you end up settling for someone and they walk all over you and you are more unhappy than you are now. Again, you have more going for you than most "men" these days, who are weak minded, obese, tons of debt, and live a chaotic life and are all together soft. That isn't you. I know of 2 solid single woman that would jump at the chance to date you and if you lived in CA i'd set you up or double date with myself and my wife. Point is, I've been where you are, where you've been, and the bottom line is you need to realize your value and the way you interact with woman will change, and so will your results.
I think he just needs to learn basic game, how to read body language, situational context.
@@kaisalis7895 Agree and it’s very difficult with autism. I also think given his looks and age, one would assume he’s married or otherwise taken. If I saw him at the gym, I’d assume that and also be intimidated by his good looks. I think he should befriend guys at the gym and they can set him up or figure out who at the gym is single. I feel for him and he’s got a lot to offer.
Gag. Being "alpha" isn't a real thing. It's just bs that the internet came up with.
@@tmusa2002Because women love being hit on at the gym. 😑
Have you thought about girls from other countries?
I know a few married couples where wives are from Russia, Ukraine and marriages are going strong
My best friend has considered moving to another country in hopes of having better luck there given our situation he has convinced me to do so however, I’m not really sure since there’s no guarantee still that I will meet anybody and it’s not just simple or a piece of cake just to move to another country. If I’m moving to another country 8 times out of 10 learning another language is gonna be my biggest priority before anything else.
@@JonasMatthewBahta I was talking about meeting online and bringing a lady over here
@@lenajazuk4231 I did this once. She moved back home.
@@lenajazuk4231 , aaa my bad, I just figured because whenever I hear others mentioning meeting a woman from another country, it sounds like they are trying to move where they are at rather than the way you clarified.
I wish I have success with that. I’m not really that good at getting people to do stuff like that especially move from another country let alone even maintain or build a relationship here at home.
Ive been engaged twice but havent dated in 10 years. The single women today are too narcissistic
Most of the men I've encountered who suffer because they struggle with women all have one thing in common- they think getting into a relationship will fix them and their loneliness. As a guy who has been on both ends of the spectrum, that is, both being extremely unsuccessful and extremely successful, I can also tell you this. I felt more alone when lying in bed with my toxic ex than I ever did by myself. It might sound crazy, but you also might be aromantic and looking for a kind of "prescription" to fix you. That was the case with me. The best way to think about it whenever the depression come back is to think of it as just that, DEPRESSION, and NOT BEING SINGLE. I know it makes no sense, because it DOESN'T. Real, true depression will NEVER MAKE SENSE. I hope you find your way man. Peace.
Just be confident, just go outside, just get a haircut, just take a shower, just do nofap... it's very much missing the core problem
You are so handsome. If you could just build up your own confidence in yourself. Don't pay too much attention to sub-reddit and things like that. They are 99.9% wrong.
You can do everything right and still lose.
Its over..
Your job is very isolating so that's definitely not helping the situation. If possible I'd try to find a more social job if the pay is equivalent. Seems like everyone meets at or through work. There's definitely no women to talk to in your cab, unless you like lot lizards lol. Stay positive either way, keep lifting.
It doesn’t sound like good idea to go about that, that can definitely result in allegations of harassment in the workplace, especially if the woman is not attracted to you despite her interacting with you, and most importantly being fired which could impact your ability for future jobs. Despite all of this, I still wonder how some people meet their partners in the workplace and nothing happens but me personally, I would advise against it due to the possible negative implications I outlined.
@@JonasMatthewBahta I didn't mean get a new job and flirt all day. I'm just saying he has close to zero female interactions being a truck driver which is further limiting his chances.
Meeting women through your primary job is a bad idea. Don't crap where you eat. He could get a part time job in retail for the social aspect of it, and if he meets a woman and they start to date, he can quit the job.
@@jth_printed_designs doesn't have to be with a coworker, dealing with the general public all day would increase his chances. The more encounters per day the better.
I don't get dates and I've worked with others for 7 years and was in college for 6 years.
The fact that some of these guys think approaching 100 women in a week is a viable solution is exactly why they are alone in the first place.
If they don't understand how to gauge interest on a woman's part and and how desperate and without genuine value their attention is I don't know if they can be helped.
Do they not understand how valuable social proofing is? Do they genuinely not understand how important having a social network is to find women?
I agree, most of the time couples meet through mutual friends, activities, or extended social circles.
lol
These comments are full cope and gaslighting nonsense. Just this”just that”rambling.
Realistically you should fly over to SEA
date around & gain some confidence.
Easier said than done. Many have suggested this. I am not in a position to do that, never mind the cultural and language differences.
@@aaronsjournal139 3k will last you about 2 months in Thailand
Believe me you won’t stuggle. There are literal Autistic degenerates from the IRL community and they do fine.
Have you gone to a therapist to get help with practicing confidence?
Fake it till you make it
This comment isn’t to be mean or rude however, Aaron, you seem like a very intelligent,interesting person but you come off monotone, “boring” and just overall speak as if you’re in a depressed mood all the time. I haven’t heard you laugh, you don’t smile and you don’t seem to get excited about anything when you’re speaking. Even about music which is something that I know excites you. Woman might take this as you’re not interested in them every IF you do and say things to let them know. Just saying. Enthusiasm goes a long way when trying to communicate your feelings. A zest for life if you will. I hope that makes sense.
If you're a newcomer to my channel, I am neurodivergent (on the spectrum) so this can result in a flat affect/delivery. I laugh quite a bit in some of my livestreams (which are posted for anyone who misses them). I'm more serious in my videos though, yeah.
@@aaronsjournal139 I am not new. And I have many friends and a few family members who are also ND as I grew up in theater. They understand and know how to act like they are interested. You’re not incapable. I understand it’s not easy but it’s possible even being ND ,that you can learn and practice how to change things to accommodate your dating life. You may process information differently than others but you’re not stupid.
@@littlemissmaybe480 at the end of the day you’re not a man. You’ll never know the male experience. You don’t ask fish for advice on catching fish you ask a fisherman.
@@ExposeHypocrisy-xm5ol This has NOTHING to do with being a man or woman. We are discussing the challenges of being on the spectrum which applies to both sexes. And yes, clearly I DO understand and have perspective from a woman’s point of view , which if I’m NOT mistaken, that’s what Aaron doesn’t understand. Let’s not start arguing about who can give advice and who can’t based on their sex.
Okay, and how do you do that, naturally, if that just is not part of your personality? How exactly do you reprogram your brain to rid yourself of that monotone or slow speech that is so hard to get rid of?
Also, many women criticize men for showing fake enthusiasm or acting ingenuine, or "trying too hard." There are just too many rules.
I think it's a combination of you being autistic and being quite handsome.
It's confusing for them.
Not as interesting as your previous videos, too much talking about what you "read on the internet".
I probably won't do any more like this one.
You have a couple things going in your favor heretofore not yet acknowledged. Women from 36 up looking to reproduce and start a family with husband who is employed and has skills and mutual interests, etc. You're in that sweet spot. This is their last go round if they have not done it yet. In fact advertising that that is what you are looking for might move things along as it sounds like that is what you are looking for. If you are not looking for that there are women who don't want to have kids but still want a relp with a man and all the single moms. But you got to be where they are and take alcohol out of it. So college course, dance class, food class, wine class, group travel, volunteer at shelter or coop, toastmasters, alcoholics anonymous, etc etc. If you got a job and got your s together and a decent body and decent looks, good hygiene, and have mutual interests, then it's game on. And if you go out on more than 2 dates with a woman they would expect a hug or kiss or they make the move.
Those are post wall women, do NOT advise people to go for them. Its a recipe for disaster
@@KristaldeauCityLights and when trying to reproduce with a man 40+ your odds of a miscarriage just doubled because of his age alone --- keep in mind their was once upon a time, not too long ago, before the 1980s maybe-- when having a miscarriage could kill a woman.
Women 36+ are already in downy territory, you think they're going to go for an autistic guy? What do you think they would think of their odds to birth healthy children? In her mind, the guy is going to need really good genes at that point.
@@KristaldeauCityLights I think there might be a slight increase in that age range, but the data show in favor of a successful outcome. Doing anything involves risk.
@@jth_printed_designs It's something for people to talk to their doctors about. Aaron is a high functioning person with his head on straight.
Aaron I went over a thousand dates. Literally tried to date 4-6 times a week - for almost 5 years.....thousands. My (now) husband : I was his 4th date. Its not just men - its us women too. Its difficult to find a soul match. BUT - just look at it as a dating experience. Dont despair. I too was tired.....all those people. The 'i feel behind' --- lose that. Its not a race.....we all have had challenges finding the right match. Keep the faith, i too am on the spectrum and if i can anyone can.
there is a point when you just don't feel any need for sex or women company you become like celibate monk but it is a long path to reach this light and also psychedelic drugs help a lot !
Is “never been in a relationship” the new way to say “I’ve never had sex”?
I've been in relationships (though very short-lived) and have had sex, so in my case, no.
I don't think ONS or paid relations count as relationships.
@@SpaceForce635 I agree