We should treat emotional injuries the way we treat physical injuries, when a person is in a car crash we give them time to heal, we need to give ourselves time to heal.
I've heard it be described that "depression" is actually just "unfinished grief". It's something to experience, and work through, and is part of the process. It occurs when then blinders have been removed, and there is a realization of what was, what never was, what could have been, how much the priorities need to be redirected. The narcissist tries to get you to deny your true self, and kill your joy and spontaneity that would otherwise occur. All in an effort to assert their superiority and dominance over their victim. Some do it covertly, but it's abusive no matter how it's done. Once one realizes the dynamic, it is "depressing" because a shift is now happening. Peace.
I've heard something similar ; Depression is your body's way of telling you that you are living in a way that is inconsistent with your beliefs. So......I needed to get back to asking myself "what do I really believe, why am I tolerating this, how do I get back to walking in Truth?"
This has been going through my mind lately too, I've been reminding myself of the first part of that sentence though....i cared for myself (&my daughter) and didn't stay in the manipulationship. Period. Because that moment of clarity started me on the healthier path. 💜
Sometimes that’s my only solace. I figure, you can’t lose something that you never really had because it was all fake anyway so there’s nothing to mourn.
Lack of interest, lack of drive, lack of concern... that does sounds like my last narcissist! I am away from him now it’s painful but feel so good at the same time! Good luck to all, if you are suffering of withdrawal symptoms it’s because you are on the way to mental health again.
Me too. It is a waking nightmare to have a narc for a sibling, my best friend does and her life seems haunted lately. She's literally beloved, never mean, helps everyone. I don't want her or you to ever be stuck in your home or withdrawing from life. :*( She is disabled so I'm scared for her a lot. I wish he would get caught finally (he steals, does drugs, gambles then goes to church so their parents will say oh what a good man he is) but who knows if there is ever justice on earth, you know?
Your ideas about "depression with purpose" coincide very closely with the ideas I'm having. This is helpful, and a boost to my confidence. I will recover and come back stronger than ever, even at my age. Thanks.
Great topic. You wonder why you feel miserable because once you were so happy when you finally got away from the abuser. Then the people around you tell you to just forget about it not knowing it doesn't work like that. Then you start researching and keep doing it until you find yourself quite different from whom you used to be.
I lost my way because of giving out too much of myself. I lacked interest in many things and people. I was a people pleaser. Now I do what I want. I've just taken up a skipping rope and love the benefits it brings me. It also stops these narcs/bullies from entering my personal space. Nobody likes a whiplash. Good talk Kevin
This August will be 3 years since I went no contact. The anxiety is gone. The paranoia is gone. But so is my personality, my motivation, and my passion for anything. I am numb. I care about nothing.
I am so sorry. Im just a month out after 16 years. This scares me. I feel like this now Ill die if it went on that long. I hope yoir better now I see this comment was a year ago. Xo
This is a couple years old but thank you. I went through the worse time during quarantine and he almost took my life. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. That’s also the day something turned off in me. I was fine until recently. I fled and left with just my son and the clothes we had in. Worked hard for months to get a car and a job and a hike for us. I should be enjoying my home. I should be happy and proud of myself and I feel so bad. Everybody misses the old me but she died. Now I’m just alone with my feelings and thoughts. No one to talk to or who cares to understand and tbh I don’t wanna be here anymore but I’m trying to hang on. For my son. But it’s hard cuz nothing I do is good enough everything I do is wrong. But I feel I will be better eventually.
Nothing you do is wrong. Your brain has been so stressed out due to this type of abuse. I’m going through something similar. Find joy in the small things and remember you’re not alone!!
I felt that way before, nothing I do or I did was right. All the sacrifices I did was wrong! - wrong for the narcissist!!! There’s nothing right for them except their recognition of their “rights “ against yours! You have no right to live your own life in the eyes of narcissist! I’ve have lived 23 years of “ it’s not my life , it’s his!” There’s was even a time in my life that I was denied an access to claim my own paycheck for 5 years because he takes them!!!
Agreed. I “should” be enjoying my new life, but everything I’d hoped for was stolen from me, there is no getting it back, and I don’t have anything left in this life to hope for. I’ll stick around for my kids, but man, I’m ready to go home.
T Greene, I do understand... the narcissistic abuse was more difficult than anything I'd ever experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I married a friend I'd known for over 30+ years. I Didn't know he was a narcissist. I married him in 2014 and had to run for my life in 2016, with just the clothes on my back, important papers, and my laptop. I went "NO CONTACT" and almost went back but I spoke with a domestic violence counselor who advised me against it. He took out a $100,000 life insurance policy on me and allegedly tried to kill me. I am so happy that I listened to the DV counselor and didn't go back. I've had suicidal ideations and thought about ways to end my life, however, I have two grown sons, and could not imagine the hurt that would've caused them. Keep your son before you and don't allow your thoughts to run away with you, because he needs his mommy. I'm so thankful that God held on to me because ending my life seemed to be the only way out. Trust me "T" you will be better eventually. I don't know if you are a believer or not, but if you are, I will encourage you to press in and spend more time in God's word. Therapy has helped me tremendously! I just tuned into Royal We and it has truly been a blessing!
Don’t deprive me of my depression (was my mindset, and it was helpful) - I needed to be there at the time. It lifts when it does. Go with it - I agree! If you didn’t feel this way, it wouldn’t be normal. Just give yourself the time you need - it absolutely will turn around!
And theres me too!! but Ive taken 60 years with an abusive narc.. so Im not even feeling like a human anymore! ive been too ashamed to tell anyone before ... it started with a mother narc, then a boyfriend narc who blackmails emotions to have his way??? So at 15 years old its a shotgun wedding, to save face for family . And because I would not let any doubters and nay sayers be righteous.. I was determined to “pay my dues” and make it work! Thinking all along, that I would find a way to change him, if I could just run faster on the hampster wheel, I would eventually make it right! Welll, at 64 yrs of age I suffered a major STROKE, lucky to have lived, and now its twelve years later, Im severely disabled but still putting up with his cruelty, as I need his help desperately in order to just survive, I have become the shell with no soul, its a very hard shell and I will never let him break it, will keep on keeping on right to the end. i was brave enough 8 years ago to leave home and got moved to assisted living residence...have had time to think without constant badgering and have isolated myself, from deep depression until I can find myself again hoping the younger version comes back, cuz This old crow is not very energetic these days, she doesn’t want to do any of the fun stuff I used to do, sew, quilt, paint, etc. Etc. Well mobility in a wheelchair isn’t that easy! Sooo my story is for the people in a RELATIONSHIP who need to run FAST AND DON’T LOOK BACK,! Unless .. heaven forbid .. you may end up like me?? Trust me nobody needs to live like this,my regret is so very sad that I did not leave when I was able to run, Its my own fault, well.. Im pretty dumb, stupid ,.. and every other horrid description victims are labelled with, so.. no wonder I stayed there so long.. just a little BRAINWASHED, EH.?? .. don’t let it happen to you!!
You have so opened my eyes. I have been in a state of depression since July when he told me he had a new supply, even though I left him in March. I have felt so low, and now after listening to you I feel like there is hope and help for me. Thank you!
Hi, Kevin ! I get excited seeing you post a video every time. Love your warm, positive vibes. Narcissism is a very dark topic and ur presentation brings so much comfort and light. You remind us we have HOPE. I have been under the radar because I AM depressed and I lost my motivation for life :-( Been spending time in isolation for 3 mths now. Keep thinking it'd get better and it is but its very slow. This video is timely. Everything you said is true. I seem to be feeling empty and Im looking for someone to " fill my cup ". Only thing is, theres no ONE who is gonna be able to do that for me. I have to do it for me. Thats why its mind boggling. Cause I dont know where to start but if we're looking for ways, we will find one eventually.
Hi Rebecca, I read your comment and it certainly speaks to me. It has been 8 months of being out and I am very much in isolation and working on me. Like I said to Kevin I thought there was something so wrong with me because I had no motivation and no interests but when he said look at it as a transformation it made me feel so much better about it. Now is the time we can totally create ourselves and be who we are meant to be and start growing and healing even more. xx
@@victoriaholden7774 : Hi, Victoria. Thanks for replying. This journey is challenging and somewhat painful even towards the healing I seek. Working on ourselves is not the easiest. It takes time and commitment to heal old wounds. Ive been in isolation to avoid unnecessary contact with the outer world narcissists. I am not ready to deal with life as of now. Also, I dont want to have my very fragile sense of self esteem further hijacked. Ive noticed that getting into the process of becoming who we are meant to be would require us to empty ourselves so when we become whole again, we make it a priority to build our foundation and structure based on what is pure, true and beneficial to our wellbeing. It takes time. I just cant deal with the disappointment.
The betrayal .. the missing of the person she pretended to be .. Knowing she’s with another, when she’s telling me she’s not .. Realising the person I was in love with is EVIL.. you cannot describe the pain level .. it’s soul destroying
I wasn’t allowed to show my feelings to my narc. So I am fighting being numb. But today I felt a new feeling that I can’t keep being depressed. I don’t want to wallow anymore. Tired of it! It’s very very uncomfortable. Very. Thanks for your message. Helpful.
I'm on track from the signs of depression... I'm at self-care and feeling better after unknowingly going through Narcissist abuse. Thank you again for your video affirming my healing🎯
Love your videos. So helpful. I’m coming out of a 4 yr relationship with a narcissist and was also raised by a narcissist mother. Not only am I dealing with all this pain right now, I’m also trying to recover from a brain tumor that I had removed 6 months ago. Life is hard right now but your videos give me hope.
This is exactly where I'm at after 2 months of no contact and my mind has been trying to figure out why I'm depressed. This gives me hope that this will end. It makes perfect sense. This is also helping me rewire how I've thought about myself. Thank you for your videos!
I thought I was well over my 'depression' from leaving my narcissistic ex ~ but listening you talk about 'lack of motivation, and drive' hit me like a block of cement to my mind ~ cause that is EXACTLY what has happened and I thought it was because of the weather! I've learned so much about narcissism that it nauseates me that I ever allowed this man to emotionally abuse me, degrade me, and it affected me psychologically. I am SLOWLY healing , , ,and it feels good to come back to being myself again, one day at a time. . .
I have been on the road to end my marriage for this exact reason...my husband has knocked down every interest I’ve had in the last 20 yrs. If not for his job with Army, which always gave me breaks from to do things he’d discouraged, I would not have accomplished nothing. Now, I was just diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and he is trying to use my illness to return from Kuwait. I don’t want him with me but if something happens to me our children will need someone. I know he doesn’t have real concern because he’s never cared about me any other time. We have six children and he’s never gone to one prenatal and when it was time for delivery he’d watch tv in my room until the drs would come in and he’d act involved. You’re definitely correct that if I’d had more care and concern for myself I’d never would have been with him. He has many other females that he spends time with; he calls them his “sisters”
O.k. You sound just like me years ago.. what a mother wont do, or put up with for the sake of our kids eh? Kudos to you for that .. my dear! But do try to get out fast as you can, you can be strong while you have health, but with him you can lose that faster than a blink, I did, long story now hemiplegic, so. Run.. and don’t look back darlin’ and Gods speed to you ..from me!💋👀BEST, cheryl♿️⚠️🛑❤️🧡💛💚💙
Yes I'm going through a divorce now ruined my life. He bring me down I fought everyday to be happy to be calm and everything he wanted to do I supported I couldn't catch his triggers so I stayed on my toes. Took on all the responsibility of our kids took all the responsibility for our hang ups never got told how beautiful I was... Or how good of a mother.. we went through 5 places within 4 years because he was also physically abusive. We slept in a car together in a poolhall in the freezing cold and I was 7 months pregnant. Before that I worked got us places cars. Now I have my first ever felony cause he wanted to keep stealing Everytime we went out. He had me come on the Greyhound with my two toddlers to Greensboro thinking we we're gonna work on our family. Then left us stranded living in a hotel I had to sell my body for Pampers and food
Wow!!! Married to a narcissist for 5 years and he discarded me April 20, 2020 for his new supply. Going through this depressed state and have been in this state all while I was married. 😢 loved this video and needed to see it!
My issue is i was my mothers caretaker. it's not so simple.... emotionally when you were a child and were put in the position to care for a parent. This is an empath.
Thank you for this video! I've been stuck for over a year and didn't know why I was feeling like this. This video made me shed a tear. Everything is true.
This is where I'm at!!! I was loaded down with emotional toxins...the cleanse has been underway for a couple of weeks and the difference is OUTSTANDING. I credit God's grace, mercy, love, and joy...combined with the education and support I've received from your materials and others such as Inner Integration. God Bless you Kevin, you and every single member of this online community who has made the difference. Knowing I'm not alone, getting validation - has been the turning point for me. I feel ALIVE and that's saying quite a bit considering just how low I was. I could go on!!! I wonder - how many depressed and medicated folks out there have nothing wrong with THEM, but have just been subjected to this insidious abuse? How many more out there are waiting to meet their true selves, perhaps for the first time in their lives?
Wow I been through a lot I almost killed myself when I first got into a relationship with this man another woman was in luv with him he said he had broke up with her she knew about me and she went into depression and killed herself after all these years I understand why she killed herself I was the youngest he dated and just got over him but so angry that I want to hurt ppl but I pray and meditate and look forward to brighter things now thank you its hard but I'm doing it.
Thank you...great help here!...I also feel I've always had depression due to abuse since childhoid...all the awards and accolades don't wipe out the emptiness...otherwise it makes no sense whatsoever to hook up with a narcissist....many would never put up with them for a minute...it's us....it's us
I hope it transforms me So far destroyed me Once the other narc leaves my house I will hopefully be better Almost 4 years of depression And before that 5 years w other narc
Cathy thank you for your post..It will 3years in January .I have realised I have had narc abuse all my life and like yourself Cathy still in this depression.Isolation and not looking after myself. Your post gives a little light because ive been giving myself a hard time because this is taking so long to shift...I have made a big decision to get up the gym next week ...(I have gained 4stone and counting! I wish yourself recovery and transformation, I do think this isolation is the fear and I think the weight gain is not wanting any attention my way, Their so evil and this I find hard to digest,..Best wishes Cathy x
@@lynkent677 thank u Ive been a bit better past few weeks Im praying very hard to be delivered from every feeling toward him Sad how we love them yet they hate us He hid the real him ,until we were married I dont hate him at all Im just sad
Cathy Baby you will not heal living with an abuser. You are prolonging your suffering and delaying your healing while making yourself sicker everyday you have contact.
Cathy Baby , Try to get into therapy with a therapist who is experienced with narcissistic abuse. Kevin is great... You sound like a very nice person. Translation = perfect target for another narcissist. Prayers & Blessings. 🙏 🌤️
Thanks for the in depth analysis. Losing interest is how the narcissist pulls the positive person under, but you are right about rediscovery. I'm still contemplating the meaning of Walk don't Run and how it could work for me..
I was just describing to my sister experiencing this postive feeling I couldn't explain while I was watching your last video, and then THIS ONE CAME ON while I was typing! Such a confirmation! I told her this shattering that has taken place, totalled me so bad, that it has reset me. HARD reset me! And I'm loving myself and enjoying myself and my interests and my interest in men because of that pain is so low and it has driven me somewhere GOOD. This is so hard to explain but something naturally good has come out of the worst pain and experience I've ever had in my life!!! I didnt expect this. Ive had many hurts and heartbreak ls and tragedies but THIS last one totalled me. I thought I was done for and then God began to work.
"My motivation and drive has always been from gratifying others. But now it has to be from WITHIN myself! Its something INSIDE of you that NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY! That drive is in ME and you can't take it away no matter what you say!!!"----OH MY GOD!!! I NEEDED these words! This depression is EXACTLY what i have been going through for past 6 months.... and you are so right that there is a transformation going on that the outside motivation and validation just doesn't appeal anymore! And i dont know What does... im forced to rediscover my self and my passions....
Just wanted to say a big thank you for your videos !! They are incredibly liberating and helped me breath again after so long. God bless you and thank you for what you do, your videos brought so much to me. Thank you once again 🙏🏻!!
Thank you Kevin. I have been wondering why I was feeling completely fu*ked up after the abuse and I quite literally spent 2years looking for a solution on how to be feel okay again, how to feel good again. I was going through every second and every minute I spent with the narcissist to find where did things go wrong. It wasn't helping but making me more hyper vigilant. Nothing really helped, not even my therapist, until I saw this video and I realised that the problem isn't outside it's INSIDE. I understand now why I was so vulnerable to narcissist and his abuse and I hope to build a stronger self from now on. Thank you for contributing your time to help people understand what nobody around them really can.
Wow sooo happy I found your channel. Thank you. I need to detox from my sister...not the same type of abuse but I was put down and abused psychologically (with the back and forth love/hate cycles) for the past 20 years. This will give me lots of strength to stay in the no contact zone. The hardest part will be to sacrifice seing me 2 nieces..which is how she always reels me back in. I have had to cut her out more times that I can count..sure hope I can stick with the #mefirst for the first time in my 38 year life!!!
OMG, DA !!!!.... Our stories are parallel! ~ My "adopted sister" intensely connected with me a little over 20 yrs ago. It was like she "knew me better than I knew myself"! - I revered her wisdom (being 9 yrs older) & she was "there" for me during a nasty breakup, and grief/loss over family... Yet, looking back ~ in 2009, things began to change. She went from being supportive of me to seeing me as having something she wanted for herself (envious). So she moved closer to me (over 300 miles away), brought her pregnant daughter & son-in-law. Then I fell in love - bonding with my great-niece. ... A few years later, she had a son with Autism. (I never wanted kids of my own, but my niece's kids became so precious to me!). She convinced me to go in on buying a 4k sf home for the whole family, since we all wanted to see the kids succeed in a stable environment... Though I had to front the initial cost since she (and my niece/nephew) had too much debt & poor credit. ~ The devaluation/discard phase began thanks to COVID. = I ended up in the attic - in solitary confinement (as the whe family ignored me / "stonewalling") with no food, running water, daylight, or interpersonal human contact for 22 days. That was when I began to contemplate suicide, thinking my sister would be happy that I left her and the children my $65k in life insurance and she could be rid of the inconvenience that was my existance in her life (as she had made it clear over a year previously that she wanted the house... but did not want to live there with me in it, since she made me out to be a threat & danger to the kids). Accusations and name-calling were harsh for the year leading up to quarantine (which she said were simply her observations of my behaviors), describing me as "irrational", "reactive" with "overly emotional" responses when she negated my reality and replaced my thoughts/feelings with her projections (accusing me of "gaslighting", theft, and a complete disregard of her boundaries - as she made relentless demands with zero respect for my 1 & only boundary to avoid assumptions of my intentions). She was incapable (or unwilling) to simply ask through assertive "I-statements" to take responsibility of her thoughts/emotions... about what I meant to clarify her understanding (often jumping to conclusions, demonstrating her belief that her "feelings are facts").
The most valuable information I've heard in my entire life! I have been learning these things intuitively overtime. After watching this video I realized my life could have been happier and easier to manage had I known it sooner. What a treasure!
Kev you have just given me some freedom with this. I am exactly at this place and I thought there was something wrong with me that I had no motivation or get up an go. I will look at this as transformation and keep feeling the discomfort so that I can get through it. I think I actually touched on this the other day with you and it is also part of the healing. I feel so much better that this is part of the journey and it is time for me to look within even more so now. You are a blessing! xx
Great Video, I love your videos , it’s like a light at the end of a tunnel. Uplifting, encouraging, an positive You give us hope to go on, you UNDERSTAND even when we don’t understand. Thank you an God Bless
I am divorcing my husband after 13 years together, I am just learning what has happened, the mental and physical abuse that took place, the discard, I thought was normal. The pain and detachment is one of the most painful thing I have felt. I am tortured, I am broken into pieces but I also have never felt more truth in my life, I have never been closer to myself. I have never felt stronger and more independent. These videos have helped me tremendously
I understand you. I had to see my whole relationship history in a much different light. This was very hard as I felt like a structure without a foundation as reality for all of this time was not what it appeared to be.
Love the passion here! Excellent message, indeed. This whole thing has been so unreal, I thank God I found out about emotional abuse, and that my boyfriend of 23 years is a malignant narcissist. Twenty years came & went... Like the seasons... Change is the only thing we can rely on here, and the last 3 years have been a rollercoaster ride from hell!! BTW, congrats on getting far away from the BS. I WANT TO GET AWAY TOO!😇 We r practically neighbors! I live on the east side of the Mississippi, O 'Fallon Illinois. I desperatly need to shed all that is no longer for my highest good. Thank u 4 all u do! Peace
You have experience with narcicissm. You have done research. You have listened to others. But it goes beyond that. You have been given a gift from God to help others who are suffering. Thank you for using your 🎁!!!!!!!!!!
A narcissist will leave you for dead and not look back! Creatures of the dark lagoon! Good riddance the best thing he ever did was found new supply; exit stage right gone!
I totally started feeling this now. It’s exactly to a T what you are saying. I need so much to give back to myself from all the hurt. I am seeing the transformation coming, i love the strength I’m gaining from this too! Thank you for the awesome videos
Thank you Kevin, been battling depression for months now since I realised that I'm dealing with a narc and trying to get rid of them ever since. This is so helpful
I have tears in my eyes...because i felt like I was spiraling down but I didn't know why...when I know I'm not a sad person. He fuckin beat down my interest, my friendships, and I fought him so hard...always defending myself. He was consistently accusing me of cheating ...and im so far from that. Wow...thank you for making this video. Its incredibly healing and it broke it down for me...Now I understand why I've been the way I've been.
Hey thank you for your time insight and effort. I'm transitioning thru some unbelievable things and watching these videos is really helping me. I appreciate you
The point made about seeking validation from others is so great. This is a tendency we had long before the narcissistic relationship, and the narcissist helped us to see how futile that strategy really is. Never again! In a way they make great teachers.
(Janice) I hate who I have become. I don't know this woman living in me. I was once filled with love and kindness. I worked in various care-giving jobs and was involved in church ministries. Someone once said to me: "I love the light that shines from you." Now, I am either numb or hate-filled (the narc says I am hate-filled). The darkness envelopes me. I withdrew from everyone because I had no light left. Narc always resented my popularity of the old me. He should be happy now. She's dead.
I wake up in a terrible state every morning. Yesterday, I went to get a birthday card for my middle son who won’t speak to me. I went to get a card. I had been crying. I asked an employee to help me. When he turned around, it was a trusted friend from my AA group. He spent the next thirty minutes reassuring me that no contact was the right thing. The Big Book of AA promises that if we surrender, we will find that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Your videos do the same thing. Thank you for this ministry.
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together . I it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger...
Thank you again for another eye opening video. So much was going on in my life when I was diagnosed with clinical depression,anxiety and PTSD. I had left my 20 year marriage, my father was sick and in my care then passed away a little under 2 years, my mother had a stroke the same year my father did, and I was in this relationship with the now ex Narc. Depression clung to me, and I saw a therapist for almost 3 years. I'm now starting to feel better again. No meds, near my kids and grandson, and no more drama. I'm starting to be able to breathe again. I'm hoping to gain a social life somehow as I need interaction with others outside of work and family. But I'm also scared of opening myself up again.
Omg!!!! You are the first to get it. To say how I feel. Not even my psychotherapist could do that. I’ve let my life go. I don’t even open my mail. This feels like shit. I’ve been stuck. Fml.
Everything you have shared and advised us regarding the steps to take to free ourselves from the dysfunctional trap good people can unknowingly fall into are the exact same methods I used to change my life around and become the healthy loving person I was born to be. 50 years of narcissistic scapegoating, 10 years of realization, research and healing I am living a life I always knew I was capable of. I had to move on from most of the people I loved but they left me no other choice. Now I know to make myself a priority because generally no one else will. My wish is that it won't take people who are living in this situation 60 years to overcome it and to excel and enjoy their lives. I didn't have the wisdom such as this given here available. Nothing was openly written or talked about that could have sped up the realization process. Thank you for this information and I can tell you it is 100 percent accurate. You are providing an incredibly valuable source of information to humanity and you offer it free because your reward is see humanity free ourselves from unnecessary pain and cruelty others can inflict. A true warrior lending a hand to other warriors who want the same!!
You have an amazing yet very approachable dimeanor that really captivates, enthralls, and is easily absorbed. Such a relatable and deeply thought through level of analytic information offered in every video that crosses cultural and gender lines to be heard almost as if each of us is receiving a personal session. Much admiration and much respect.
Thank you Kevin, for positive take on depression. This is where I am right know and it is worrying as also coupled with chronic fatigue and need for sleep. It is very good and reassuring to see this as part of a transformation and not the end. Followed a time compulsive over-doing to numb pain, please others, keep peace etc.Also need to care for and protect my cat as well as myself from violent, controlling narcisst neighbour who continues to threaten and abuse us with "flying monkeys." Need energy and time first for self- care. I have began to question former interests but think I will return. This video has come as a reassuring blessing,
You keep blessing me sir! I'm so thankful. I'm turning a corner but have been in this space for over a year. I was feeling like ok..it's been a year. You can't blame the narc. This event has triggered alot inside of me.
I needed to see this Thank you sir. I've been very depressed as I've recently been discarded by a narcissistic woman She just vanished a month ago after 3 years. Your video inspired me
Wow I did …. That’s what drove me and made me feel fulfillment making them happpy until they abused me …..I was on a mission to please I was so happy doing every bit of it …
it's so refreshing to see somebody teaching about this who doesn't seem like their still bitter from their own narcissistic abuse experience. I need hope of finding joy again, and somebody who still seems angry at their ex-narc and dedicates their work to keeping the bitterness alive doesn't help with that.
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏. You've gave me answers to the unknown. I chose to embarked on "Conscious Solitude". Being and I never realized how being alone , selfcare doing me is fun. It gives me time to write my articles
I honestly don't know what it is that when I watch these videos of yours that just makes things click for me. Maybe bc I'm finally doing some cbt for anxiety work and found the royal we so I'm ready to hear it but also I do appreciate hearing these things from a mans perspective. It helps. Thank you! 👍💜
My personality did like a complete 180. It's so crazy! It's like I forgot what happiness feels like.
OMG say it again they suck the life out of you.
I feel you bro, i had it done to me
Tyler Barnes It’s the same for me. It’s taken about 4 years for me to start feeling okay and I still get depressed.
i know exactly what you mean
4 years since the discard. 1 year N.C. I wonder when my joy will come back...😢
I literally wanted to vomit at the thought of another man coming on to me. The fear and anxiety of going through the same experience was too much!
The same happened to me I dated another man and I wanted to vomit I could not be close to him it was horrible
We should treat emotional injuries the way we treat physical injuries, when a person is in a car crash we give them time to heal, we need to give ourselves time to heal.
So true, beautifully said!
Emotional is worse
LocalTourist I totally agree. It also takes a toll on your finances. We need a break from the worry for that as well.
LocalTourist thank youuu!!❤️
LocalTourist in a world full of narcs.....doubtful ☹️
I've heard it be described that "depression" is actually just "unfinished grief". It's something to experience, and work through, and is part of the process. It occurs when then blinders have been removed, and there is a realization of what was, what never was, what could have been, how much the priorities need to be redirected. The narcissist tries to get you to deny your true self, and kill your joy and spontaneity that would otherwise occur. All in an effort to assert their superiority and dominance over their victim. Some do it covertly, but it's abusive no matter how it's done. Once one realizes the dynamic, it is "depressing" because a shift is now happening. Peace.
I've heard something similar ;
Depression is your body's way of telling you that you are living in a way that is inconsistent with your beliefs.
So......I needed to get back to asking myself "what do I really believe, why am I tolerating this, how do I get back to walking in Truth?"
I cared for myself and didn’t stay in the relationship very long but it still hurts that I cared about someone that never cared about me
Try being born to one (narc mother)...
This has been going through my mind lately too, I've been reminding myself of the first part of that sentence though....i cared for myself (&my daughter) and didn't stay in the manipulationship. Period. Because that moment of clarity started me on the healthier path. 💜
Sometimes that’s my only solace. I figure, you can’t lose something that you never really had because it was all fake anyway so there’s nothing to mourn.
I have realized I mourn the fantasy I had while being with him- that it would be different somehow someday.
@@reesedaniel5835My thoughts exactly. I knew my mother didn’t love me by the time I was five.
Lack of interest, lack of drive, lack of concern... that does sounds like my last narcissist! I am away from him now it’s painful but feel so good at the same time! Good luck to all, if you are suffering of withdrawal symptoms it’s because you are on the way to mental health again.
It’s insane how our bodies go through a withdrawal period. I feel it too!
Going thru withdrawal now…it’s awful. 😢
I normally like everyone
Now i like being alone ,yet lonely
I dont do things to get applause
Etc
I liked doing things for people
Me too. It is a waking nightmare to have a narc for a sibling, my best friend does and her life seems haunted lately. She's literally beloved, never mean, helps everyone. I don't want her or you to ever be stuck in your home or withdrawing from life. :*( She is disabled so I'm scared for her a lot. I wish he would get caught finally (he steals, does drugs, gambles then goes to church so their parents will say oh what a good man he is) but who knows if there is ever justice on earth, you know?
Same.
@@Bonbonbon739 sorry Eric
😥💔
Now, Everyone is a narcissist, unless proven otherwise.
@@donnafoley9684 Because they are EVERYWHERE!!
Your ideas about "depression with purpose" coincide very closely with the ideas I'm having. This is helpful, and a boost to my confidence. I will recover and come back stronger than ever, even at my age. Thanks.
Sending you blessings, may God make your path easier🙏
Great topic.
You wonder why you feel miserable because once you were so happy when you finally got away from the abuser. Then the people around you tell you to just forget about it not knowing it doesn't work like that. Then you start researching and keep doing it until you find yourself quite different from whom you used to be.
I lost my way because of giving out too much of myself. I lacked interest in many things and people. I was a people pleaser. Now I do what I want. I've just taken up a skipping rope and love the benefits it brings me. It also stops these narcs/bullies from entering my personal space. Nobody likes a whiplash. Good talk Kevin
Thank you. Skipping rope is fun.
This August will be 3 years since I went no contact. The anxiety is gone. The paranoia is gone. But so is my personality, my motivation, and my passion for anything. I am numb. I care about nothing.
Wow! Thanks for sharing! I’m on the same 3 year timeline too and I feel exactly like you! I never gave it those words though. Wow. Crazy. Hugs to you.
I am so sorry. Im just a month out after 16 years. This scares me. I feel like this now Ill die if it went on that long. I hope yoir better now I see this comment was a year ago. Xo
This is a couple years old but thank you. I went through the worse time during quarantine and he almost took my life. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. That’s also the day something turned off in me. I was fine until recently. I fled and left with just my son and the clothes we had in. Worked hard for months to get a car and a job and a hike for us. I should be enjoying my home. I should be happy and proud of myself and I feel so bad. Everybody misses the old me but she died. Now I’m just alone with my feelings and thoughts. No one to talk to or who cares to understand and tbh I don’t wanna be here anymore but I’m trying to hang on. For my son. But it’s hard cuz nothing I do is good enough everything I do is wrong. But I feel I will be better eventually.
Nothing you do is wrong. Your brain has been so stressed out due to this type of abuse. I’m going through something similar. Find joy in the small things and remember you’re not alone!!
I felt that way before, nothing I do or I did was right. All the sacrifices I did was wrong! - wrong for the narcissist!!! There’s nothing right for them except their recognition of their “rights “ against yours! You have no right to live your own life in the eyes of narcissist! I’ve have lived 23 years of “ it’s not my life , it’s his!” There’s was even a time in my life that I was denied an access to claim my own paycheck for 5 years because he takes them!!!
Agreed. I “should” be enjoying my new life, but everything I’d hoped for was stolen from me, there is no getting it back, and I don’t have anything left in this life to hope for. I’ll stick around for my kids, but man, I’m ready to go home.
T Greene, I do understand... the narcissistic abuse was more difficult than anything I'd ever experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I married a friend I'd known for over 30+ years. I Didn't know he was a narcissist. I married him in 2014 and had to run for my life in 2016, with just the clothes on my back, important papers, and my laptop. I went "NO CONTACT" and almost went back but I spoke with a domestic violence counselor who advised me against it. He took out a $100,000 life insurance policy on me and allegedly tried to kill me. I am so happy that I listened to the DV counselor and didn't go back. I've had suicidal ideations and thought about ways to end my life, however, I have two grown sons, and could not imagine the hurt that would've caused them. Keep your son before you and don't allow your thoughts to run away with you, because he needs his mommy. I'm so thankful that God held on to me because ending my life seemed to be the only way out. Trust me "T" you will be better eventually. I don't know if you are a believer or not, but if you are, I will encourage you to press in and spend more time in God's word. Therapy has helped me tremendously! I just tuned into Royal We and it has truly been a blessing!
Don’t deprive me of my depression (was my mindset, and it was helpful) - I needed to be there at the time. It lifts when it does.
Go with it - I agree!
If you didn’t feel this way, it wouldn’t be normal.
Just give yourself the time you need - it absolutely will turn around!
This is amazing. I have never heard anything close to this take on the aftermath. Kevin, you are simply in the right place at the right time.
Brad McEwen, Same here. So helpful & positive !
And theres me too!! but Ive taken 60 years with an abusive narc.. so Im not even feeling like a human anymore! ive been too ashamed to tell anyone before ... it started with a mother narc, then a boyfriend narc who blackmails emotions to have his way??? So at 15 years old its a shotgun wedding, to save face for family . And because I would not let any doubters and nay sayers be righteous.. I was determined to “pay my dues” and make it work! Thinking all along, that I would find a way to change him, if I could just run faster on the hampster wheel, I would eventually make it right! Welll, at 64 yrs of age I suffered a major STROKE, lucky to have lived, and now its twelve years later, Im severely disabled but still putting up with his cruelty, as I need his help desperately in order to just survive, I have become the shell with no soul, its a very hard shell and I will never let him break it, will keep on keeping on right to the end. i was brave enough 8 years ago to leave home and got moved to assisted living residence...have had time to think without constant badgering and have isolated myself, from deep depression until I can find myself again hoping the younger version comes back, cuz This old crow is not very energetic these days, she doesn’t want to do any of the fun stuff I used to do, sew, quilt, paint, etc. Etc. Well mobility in a wheelchair isn’t that easy! Sooo my story is for the people in a RELATIONSHIP who need to run FAST AND DON’T LOOK BACK,! Unless .. heaven forbid .. you may end up like me?? Trust me nobody needs to live like this,my regret is so very sad that I did not leave when I was able to run, Its my own fault, well.. Im pretty dumb, stupid ,.. and every other horrid description victims are labelled with, so.. no wonder I stayed there so long.. just a little BRAINWASHED, EH.?? .. don’t let it happen to you!!
Yes Exactly the way it goes
@@cherylidler2386 WOW!!! I wish I could talk to you. I'm 52 and just left a 25 year marriage 2 months ago. I'm frozen.
Exactly!
You have so opened my eyes. I have been in a state of depression since July when he told me he had a new supply, even though I left him in March. I have felt so low, and now after listening to you I feel like there is hope and help for me. Thank you!
Hi, Kevin ! I get excited seeing you post a video every time. Love your warm, positive vibes.
Narcissism is a very dark topic and ur presentation brings so much comfort and light.
You remind us we have HOPE.
I have been under the radar because I AM depressed and I lost my motivation for life :-( Been spending time in isolation for 3 mths now. Keep thinking it'd get better and it is but its very slow.
This video is timely.
Everything you said is true.
I seem to be feeling empty and Im looking for someone to " fill my cup ". Only thing is, theres no ONE who is gonna be able to do that for me. I have to do it for me.
Thats why its mind boggling.
Cause I dont know where to start but if we're looking for ways, we will find one eventually.
Hi Rebecca, I read your comment and it certainly speaks to me. It has been 8 months of being out and I am very much in isolation and working on me. Like I said to Kevin I thought there was something so wrong with me because I had no motivation and no interests but when he said look at it as a transformation it made me feel so much better about it. Now is the time we can totally create ourselves and be who we are meant to be and start growing and healing even more. xx
@@victoriaholden7774 : Hi, Victoria. Thanks for replying. This journey is challenging and somewhat painful even towards the healing I seek. Working on ourselves is not the easiest. It takes time and commitment to heal old wounds. Ive been in isolation to avoid unnecessary contact with the outer world narcissists. I am not ready to deal with life as of now. Also, I dont want to have my very fragile sense of self esteem further hijacked.
Ive noticed that getting into the process of becoming who we are meant to be would require us to empty ourselves so when we become whole again, we make it a priority to build our foundation and structure based on what is pure, true and beneficial to our wellbeing. It takes time. I just cant deal with the disappointment.
Look for the only way... and Jesus will find YOU.
@@5winder : I believe that
Amen !
Rebecca-Joy Henson Awesome reply! Thank you Kevin for making these videos. They help beyond belief.
I always think "this is the best video he's ever done," then you drop one that's even more awesome. Thank you! ❤
This one in awesome! So valuable, appreciated and delivered so well.
I agree..💯
Same here!
The betrayal .. the missing of the person she pretended to be ..
Knowing she’s with another, when she’s telling me she’s not ..
Realising the person I was in love with is EVIL.. you cannot describe the pain level .. it’s soul destroying
I wasn’t allowed to show my feelings to my narc. So I am fighting being numb. But today I felt a new feeling that I can’t keep being depressed. I don’t want to wallow anymore. Tired of it! It’s very very uncomfortable. Very. Thanks for your message. Helpful.
I'm on track from the signs of depression... I'm at self-care and feeling better after unknowingly going through Narcissist abuse. Thank you again for your video affirming my healing🎯
+Sandra Taylor thank you for watching 🙌🤗🤗
this really spoke to me. putting depression into this perspective is like finding a key to a locked door!
I am currently going through all these things, just realising I am in control of me. It is like a spiritual awakening
💯👑🙌
Love your videos. So helpful. I’m coming out of a 4 yr relationship with a narcissist and was also raised by a narcissist mother. Not only am I dealing with all this pain right now, I’m also trying to recover from a brain tumor that I had removed 6 months ago. Life is hard right now but your videos give me hope.
I hope your well!
This is exactly where I'm at after 2 months of no contact and my mind has been trying to figure out why I'm depressed. This gives me hope that this will end. It makes perfect sense. This is also helping me rewire how I've thought about myself. Thank you for your videos!
My drive is my faith and my children!
I thought I was well over my 'depression' from leaving my narcissistic ex ~ but listening you talk about 'lack of motivation, and drive' hit me like a block of cement to my mind ~ cause that is EXACTLY what has happened and I thought it was because of the weather! I've learned so much about narcissism that it nauseates me that I ever allowed this man to emotionally abuse me, degrade me, and it affected me psychologically. I am SLOWLY healing , , ,and it feels good to come back to being myself again, one day at a time.
. .
I have been on the road to end my marriage for this exact reason...my husband has knocked down every interest I’ve had in the last 20 yrs. If not for his job with Army, which always gave me breaks from to do things he’d discouraged, I would not have accomplished nothing. Now, I was just diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and he is trying to use my illness to return from Kuwait. I don’t want him with me but if something happens to me our children will need someone. I know he doesn’t have real concern because he’s never cared about me any other time. We have six children and he’s never gone to one prenatal and when it was time for delivery he’d watch tv in my room until the drs would come in and he’d act involved. You’re definitely correct that if I’d had more care and concern for myself I’d never would have been with him. He has many other females that he spends time with; he calls them his “sisters”
O.k. You sound just like me years ago.. what a mother wont do, or put up with for the sake of our kids eh? Kudos to you for that .. my dear! But do try to get out fast as you can, you can be strong while you have health, but with him you can lose that faster than a blink, I did, long story now hemiplegic, so. Run.. and don’t look back darlin’ and Gods speed to you ..from me!💋👀BEST, cheryl♿️⚠️🛑❤️🧡💛💚💙
Yes I'm going through a divorce now ruined my life. He bring me down I fought everyday to be happy to be calm and everything he wanted to do I supported I couldn't catch his triggers so I stayed on my toes. Took on all the responsibility of our kids took all the responsibility for our hang ups never got told how beautiful I was... Or how good of a mother.. we went through 5 places within 4 years because he was also physically abusive. We slept in a car together in a poolhall in the freezing cold and I was 7 months pregnant. Before that I worked got us places cars. Now I have my first ever felony cause he wanted to keep stealing Everytime we went out. He had me come on the Greyhound with my two toddlers to Greensboro thinking we we're gonna work on our family. Then left us stranded living in a hotel I had to sell my body for Pampers and food
@@lovemarie335 I am soooo sorry. How horrible and painful. I pray you and your baby are ok and away from that evil beast.
Narcissist love to shock an individual. X loved to shock me every day for 10 years. I call it Narcissistic abuse shock.
This is what they do and you can’t think correctly because you’re always stressed from the constant shock
Your advice is like a life line!
Tanya Loots , So true !
Wow!!! Married to a narcissist for 5 years and he discarded me April 20, 2020 for his new supply. Going through this depressed state and have been in this state all while I was married. 😢 loved this video and needed to see it!
I just broke no contact and it’s the worst feeling than him discarding me nothing feels worse than this.
Kevin you are a life preserver from the highest realms. YHWH has blessed you immeasurably 😊👌
My issue is i was my mothers caretaker. it's not so simple.... emotionally when you were a child and were put in the position to care for a parent. This is an empath.
Thank you for this video! I've been stuck for over a year and didn't know why I was feeling like this. This video made me shed a tear. Everything is true.
Thank you for watching
This is where I'm at!!! I was loaded down with emotional toxins...the cleanse has been underway for a couple of weeks and the difference is OUTSTANDING. I credit God's grace, mercy, love, and joy...combined with the education and support I've received from your materials and others such as Inner Integration. God Bless you Kevin, you and every single member of this online community who has made the difference. Knowing I'm not alone, getting validation - has been the turning point for me. I feel ALIVE and that's saying quite a bit considering just how low I was. I could go on!!!
I wonder - how many depressed and medicated folks out there have nothing wrong with THEM, but have just been subjected to this insidious abuse? How many more out there are waiting to meet their true selves, perhaps for the first time in their lives?
I had goals till he crushed each one of them. (He is bipolar, ADHD) I was never insecure of who I was but I saw he was very Bizarre
Wow I been through a lot I almost killed myself when I first got into a relationship with this man another woman was in luv with him he said he had broke up with her she knew about me and she went into depression and killed herself after all these years I understand why she killed herself I was the youngest he dated and just got over him but so angry that I want to hurt ppl but I pray and meditate and look forward to brighter things now thank you its hard but I'm doing it.
@@katarzynagrabosz2709 am I supposed to look her up?
The Picture of Dorian Gray is a novel by Oscar Wilde. Maybe that is a reference to it?
Thank you...great help here!...I also feel I've always had depression due to abuse since childhoid...all the awards and accolades don't wipe out the emptiness...otherwise it makes no sense whatsoever to hook up with a narcissist....many would never put up with them for a minute...it's us....it's us
I hope it transforms me
So far destroyed me
Once the other narc leaves my house
I will hopefully be better
Almost 4 years of depression
And before that
5 years w other narc
Cathy thank you for your post..It will 3years in January .I have realised I have had narc abuse all my life and like yourself Cathy still in this depression.Isolation and not looking after myself.
Your post gives a little light because ive been giving myself a hard time because this is taking so long to shift...I have made a big decision to get up the gym next week ...(I have gained 4stone and counting!
I wish yourself recovery and transformation, I do think this isolation is the fear and I think the weight gain is not wanting any attention my way, Their so evil and this I find hard to digest,..Best wishes Cathy x
@@lynkent677 thank u
Ive been a bit better past few weeks
Im praying very hard to be delivered from every feeling toward him
Sad how we love them yet they hate us
He hid the real him ,until we were married
I dont hate him at all
Im just sad
Cathy Baby you will not heal living with an abuser. You are prolonging your suffering and delaying your healing while making yourself sicker everyday you have contact.
Amen. You set the agenda, don't put your life on hold waiting for a Narc. Especially if it's a sibling with a key to the house.
Cathy Baby , Try to get into therapy with a therapist who is experienced with narcissistic abuse. Kevin is great... You sound like a very nice person. Translation = perfect target for another narcissist. Prayers & Blessings. 🙏 🌤️
It makes perfect sense Kevin. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the in depth analysis. Losing interest is how the narcissist pulls the positive person under, but you are right about rediscovery. I'm still contemplating the meaning of Walk don't Run and how it could work for me..
My narc husband was depressed. Now I see why... he wasn’t getting supply; not being recognized and boosted by others.
I was just describing to my sister experiencing this postive feeling I couldn't explain while I was watching your last video, and then THIS ONE CAME ON while I was typing! Such a confirmation! I told her this shattering that has taken place, totalled me so bad, that it has reset me. HARD reset me! And I'm loving myself and enjoying myself and my interests and my interest in men because of that pain is so low and it has driven me somewhere GOOD. This is so hard to explain but something naturally good has come out of the worst pain and experience I've ever had in my life!!! I didnt expect this. Ive had many hurts and heartbreak ls and tragedies but THIS last one totalled me. I thought I was done for and then God began to work.
God is giving me your videos one by one … I asked Him to help me and I’m so grateful
"My motivation and drive has always been from gratifying others. But now it has to be from WITHIN myself! Its something INSIDE of you that NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY! That drive is in ME and you can't take it away no matter what you say!!!"----OH MY GOD!!! I NEEDED these words! This depression is EXACTLY what i have been going through for past 6 months.... and you are so right that there is a transformation going on that the outside motivation and validation just doesn't appeal anymore! And i dont know What does... im forced to rediscover my self and my passions....
I just don't understand how anyone could thumbs down this.
This is crucial information, I can't explain how grateful I am for it.
Thank you Kevin.
Just wanted to say a big thank you for your videos !! They are incredibly liberating and helped me breath again after so long. God bless you and thank you for what you do, your videos brought so much to me. Thank you once again 🙏🏻!!
Wow! My eyes open more and more each day. You put words to what I have been going through for years.
Thank you so much for making this video. I listen to this every morning and it has helped me make it through many days.
Thank you Kevin. I have been wondering why I was feeling completely fu*ked up after the abuse and I quite literally spent 2years looking for a solution on how to be feel okay again, how to feel good again. I was going through every second and every minute I spent with the narcissist to find where did things go wrong. It wasn't helping but making me more hyper vigilant. Nothing really helped, not even my therapist, until I saw this video and I realised that the problem isn't outside it's INSIDE. I understand now why I was so vulnerable to narcissist and his abuse and I hope to build a stronger self from now on.
Thank you for contributing your time to help people understand what nobody around them really can.
Thank you for watching and you are already on the right path of healing. 👑💯🙌
This is me 8yrs post my narc marriage that I had stayed in for 14yrs.Lack of motivation and drive,interest and less caring.
Same here, but closer to 17 years together & going on 12 away now.
Blown away. Thank you. Have been depressed and didn’t feel able to live any more. This video helps me understand why.
I love your energy, this can be a very tough subject to speak about but you do it very well!
Wow sooo happy I found your channel. Thank you. I need to detox from my sister...not the same type of abuse but I was put down and abused psychologically (with the back and forth love/hate cycles) for the past 20 years. This will give me lots of strength to stay in the no contact zone. The hardest part will be to sacrifice seing me 2 nieces..which is how she always reels me back in.
I have had to cut her out more times that I can count..sure hope I can stick with the #mefirst for the first time in my 38 year life!!!
They will use their kids to keep that line of abuse tethered to you.
No Contact is the way...
OMG, DA !!!!.... Our stories are parallel! ~ My "adopted sister" intensely connected with me a little over 20 yrs ago. It was like she "knew me better than I knew myself"! - I revered her wisdom (being 9 yrs older) & she was "there" for me during a nasty breakup, and grief/loss over family...
Yet, looking back ~ in 2009, things began to change. She went from being supportive of me to seeing me as having something she wanted for herself (envious). So she moved closer to me (over 300 miles away), brought her pregnant daughter & son-in-law. Then I fell in love - bonding with my great-niece. ... A few years later, she had a son with Autism. (I never wanted kids of my own, but my niece's kids became so precious to me!).
She convinced me to go in on buying a 4k sf home for the whole family, since we all wanted to see the kids succeed in a stable environment...
Though I had to front the initial cost since she (and my niece/nephew) had too much debt & poor credit.
~ The devaluation/discard phase began thanks to COVID. = I ended up in the attic - in solitary confinement (as the whe family ignored me / "stonewalling") with no food, running water, daylight, or interpersonal human contact for 22 days. That was when I began to contemplate suicide, thinking my sister would be happy that I left her and the children my $65k in life insurance and she could be rid of the inconvenience that was my existance in her life (as she had made it clear over a year previously that she wanted the house... but did not want to live there with me in it, since she made me out to be a threat & danger to the kids). Accusations and name-calling were harsh for the year leading up to quarantine (which she said were simply her observations of my behaviors), describing me as "irrational", "reactive" with "overly emotional" responses when she negated my reality and replaced my thoughts/feelings with her projections (accusing me of "gaslighting", theft, and a complete disregard of her boundaries - as she made relentless demands with zero respect for my 1 & only boundary to avoid assumptions of my intentions). She was incapable (or unwilling) to simply ask through assertive "I-statements" to take responsibility of her thoughts/emotions... about what I meant to clarify her understanding (often jumping to conclusions, demonstrating her belief that her "feelings are facts").
Transformation,🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌. After the abuse, I was bedridden 3 months.... THANK YOU!!! " The drive is within in, doesn't matter what you say".
The most valuable information I've heard in my entire life! I have been learning these things intuitively overtime. After watching this video I realized my life could have been happier and easier to manage had I known it sooner. What a treasure!
+Diana Dunnagan thank you
Yes so inspirational! Thank you 💕
Kev you have just given me some freedom with this. I am exactly at this place and I thought there was something wrong with me that I had no motivation or get up an go. I will look at this as transformation and keep feeling the discomfort so that I can get through it. I think I actually touched on this the other day with you and it is also part of the healing. I feel so much better that this is part of the journey and it is time for me to look within even more so now. You are a blessing! xx
Hi accept me on fb Loukas Vasiliou if you wanna be friends lol
This is amazing, the way you speak is so motivating. I’m definitely going to try to change the way I think now. Thank you!
Great Video, I love your videos , it’s like a light at the end of a tunnel. Uplifting, encouraging, an positive
You give us hope to go on, you UNDERSTAND even when we don’t understand. Thank you an God Bless
+Tanya Kelly thank you so much Tanya for watching I appreciate your words of encouragement
I am divorcing my husband after 13 years together, I am just learning what has happened, the mental and physical abuse that took place, the discard, I thought was normal. The pain and detachment is one of the most painful thing I have felt. I am tortured, I am broken into pieces but I also have never felt more truth in my life, I have never been closer to myself. I have never felt stronger and more independent. These videos have helped me tremendously
I understand you. I had to see my whole relationship history in a much different light. This was very hard as I felt like a structure without a foundation as reality for all of this time was not what it appeared to be.
What a fantastic motivational video. I feel so much better after watching this. xxx
Love the passion here! Excellent message, indeed.
This whole thing has been so unreal, I thank God I found out
about emotional abuse, and that my boyfriend of 23 years is a malignant narcissist. Twenty years came & went... Like the seasons... Change is the only thing we can rely on here, and the last 3 years have been a rollercoaster ride from hell!! BTW, congrats on getting far away from the BS.
I WANT TO GET AWAY TOO!😇
We r practically neighbors! I live on the east side of the Mississippi, O 'Fallon Illinois. I desperatly need to shed all that is no longer for my highest good. Thank u 4 all u do! Peace
You have experience with narcicissm. You have done research. You have listened to others. But it goes beyond that. You have been given a gift from God to help others who are suffering. Thank you for using your 🎁!!!!!!!!!!
Kevin you're the man, I never thought about depression that way👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Holly s@#t....talk about a light being turn on! Incredible way to change how you look at this!
A narcissist will leave you for dead and not look back!
Creatures of the dark lagoon!
Good riddance the best thing he ever did was found new supply; exit stage right gone!
I totally started feeling this now. It’s exactly to a T what you are saying. I need so much to give back to myself from all the hurt. I am seeing the transformation coming, i love the strength I’m gaining from this too! Thank you for the awesome videos
Thank you Kevin, been battling depression for months now since I realised that I'm dealing with a narc and trying to get rid of them ever since. This is so helpful
Amen to this!!! Currently going through depression. Still in a narcissistic marriage.
I have tears in my eyes...because i felt like I was spiraling down but I didn't know why...when I know I'm not a sad person. He fuckin beat down my interest, my friendships, and I fought him so hard...always defending myself. He was consistently accusing me of cheating ...and im so far from that.
Wow...thank you for making this video. Its incredibly healing and it broke it down for me...Now I understand why I've been the way I've been.
💯👑🧡
Thank you so much! Man you made me see something there that I hadn't seen before. Definitely helps with the healing process!
Hey thank you for your time insight and effort. I'm transitioning thru some unbelievable things and watching these videos is really helping me. I appreciate you
"I have to go from making others happy to fulfill something from with inside myself" brought tears to my eyes
The point made about seeking validation from others is so great. This is a tendency we had long before the narcissistic relationship, and the narcissist helped us to see how futile that strategy really is. Never again! In a way they make great teachers.
(Janice) I hate who I have become. I don't know this woman living in me. I was once filled with love and kindness. I worked in various care-giving jobs and was involved in church ministries. Someone once said to me: "I love the light that shines from you." Now, I am either numb or hate-filled (the narc says I am hate-filled). The darkness envelopes me. I withdrew from everyone because I had no light left. Narc always resented my popularity of the old me. He should be happy now. She's dead.
I wake up in a terrible state every morning. Yesterday, I went to get a birthday card for my middle son who won’t speak to me. I went to get a card. I had been crying. I asked an employee to help me. When he turned around, it was a trusted friend from my AA group. He spent the next thirty minutes reassuring me that no contact was the right thing. The Big Book of AA promises that if we surrender, we will find that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Your videos do the same thing. Thank you for this ministry.
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app +19087998357 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together . I
it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger...
Excellent! Just came out of the depression and now following my bliss!
Thank you again for another eye opening video. So much was going on in my life when I was diagnosed with clinical depression,anxiety and PTSD. I had left my 20 year marriage, my father was sick and in my care then passed away a little under 2 years, my mother had a stroke the same year my father did, and I was in this relationship with the now ex Narc. Depression clung to me, and I saw a therapist for almost 3 years. I'm now starting to feel better again. No meds, near my kids and grandson, and no more drama. I'm starting to be able to breathe again. I'm hoping to gain a social life somehow as I need interaction with others outside of work and family. But I'm also scared of opening myself up again.
THIS WAS EXCELLENT! I never heard it explained this way...💯
I can so relate to this miserable state of mind. Thank you for the insight.
Absolutely spot on. Great video.
Speedy recovery with much love from the UK.
"Abandon all sincere communication with the terminally insincere"
Omg!!!!
You are the first to get it. To say how I feel. Not even my psychotherapist could do that. I’ve let my life go. I don’t even open my mail.
This feels like shit. I’ve been stuck. Fml.
+Mandy Porras this is where you begin, and you build from this place. You will have a different perspective on everything in life now.
Some people call it The dark night of the soul (San Juán de la Cruz).
Everything you have shared and advised us regarding the steps to take to free ourselves from the dysfunctional trap good people can unknowingly fall into are the exact same methods I used to change my life around and become the healthy loving
person I was born to be.
50 years of narcissistic scapegoating, 10 years of realization, research and healing I am living a life I always knew I was capable of. I had to move on from most of the people I loved but they left me no other choice. Now I know to make myself a priority because generally no one else will.
My wish is that it won't take people who are living in this situation 60 years to overcome it and to excel and enjoy their lives. I didn't have the wisdom such as this given here available. Nothing was openly written or talked about that could have sped up the realization process.
Thank you for this information and I can tell you it is 100 percent accurate. You are providing an incredibly valuable source of information to humanity and you offer it free because your reward is see humanity free ourselves from unnecessary pain and cruelty others can inflict. A true warrior lending a hand to other warriors who want the same!!
love ur videos dude. Always feel better after watching them. Keep fighting the good fight brother!
You have an amazing yet very approachable dimeanor that really captivates, enthralls, and is easily absorbed. Such a relatable and deeply thought through level of analytic information offered in every video that crosses cultural and gender lines to be heard almost as if each of us is receiving a personal session. Much admiration and much respect.
So needed to hear this. There needs to be a “love” button for your videos 😃
Excellent video! Everything is new for us, so we are confused... Even our depressions are... Confusing... It s a proccess... Thanks, Kevin🌷
👑🧡💯
Thank you Kevin, for positive take on depression. This is where I am right know and it is worrying as also coupled with chronic fatigue and need for sleep. It is very good and reassuring to see this as part of a transformation and not the end. Followed a time compulsive over-doing to numb pain, please others, keep peace etc.Also need to care for and protect my cat as well as myself from violent, controlling narcisst neighbour who continues to threaten and abuse us with "flying monkeys." Need energy and time first for self- care. I have began to question former interests but think I will return.
This video has come as a reassuring blessing,
You keep blessing me sir! I'm so thankful. I'm turning a corner but have been in this space for over a year. I was feeling like ok..it's been a year. You can't blame the narc. This event has triggered alot inside of me.
I needed to see this
Thank you sir. I've been very depressed as I've recently been discarded by a narcissistic woman
She just vanished a month ago after 3 years. Your video inspired me
Wow I did …. That’s what drove me and made me feel fulfillment making them happpy until they abused me …..I was on a mission to please I was so happy doing every bit of it …
This is really good you take the false building blocks and help to see and rebuilding with the real building blocks of yourself and dealing with life.
Thank you, you have given me clarity and direction that I have never had, I have suffered for decades because of my family.
it's so refreshing to see somebody teaching about this who doesn't seem like their still bitter from their own narcissistic abuse experience. I need hope of finding joy again, and somebody who still seems angry at their ex-narc and dedicates their work to keeping the bitterness alive doesn't help with that.
Love your channel. Thank-you. The most unbearable thing is no one sees.
Thank you 🙏🙏🙏. You've gave me answers to the unknown. I chose to embarked on "Conscious Solitude". Being and I never realized how being alone , selfcare doing me is fun. It gives me time to write my articles
I honestly don't know what it is that when I watch these videos of yours that just makes things click for me. Maybe bc I'm finally doing some cbt for anxiety work and found the royal we so I'm ready to hear it but also I do appreciate hearing these things from a mans perspective. It helps. Thank you! 👍💜
Thank you again, Kevin. Always inspirational and psychologically healing.
This is one of the best videos I ever saw about this topic...! Thank you!