Thank you for this . I needed this . 13 years of marriage i wish i found you sooner. My father and mother were married 60 years ,they fought like cats and dogs 60 years .they were so judgemental. i put off marriage till late in life but to someone i met and loved instantly at 16 years old. I was afraid to marry for good reason . I did so many things wrong ,i wish i could do the last 13 years over. Hopefully we will have 13 more to fix the things we did wrong. Holy Moly ,such simple great advice!!
Thank you. Today was a trying day for me. This video played in perfect timing. I applied everything in this video to my test I was given for the day. I had inside issues I needed to deal with while my husband was at work. At the end when it was time to talk to my husband I went about it according to you and got rewarded instantly. Your wisdom and knowledge and understanding has spoke to me spiritually and helped me physically and mentally. I look forward to learning more about marriage!
God it's too late for me when i saw this :( now my husband is about to file for divorce. It's ripping my heart off my chest and I can't breathe. I wish i've seen this sooner. I've done most of the dont's and i'll pay for it every single day with or without him God bless you, Paul. You remind me of my late grandfather. He was so wise just like you. We need more men like you
I would suggest it may not be too late and yyou should consider taking the course for women, as many who do are past where you are and it still works...maybe your grandfather would suggest it too :)
@@TheMarriageFoundation i actually started the course for women as a desperate attempt to save my marriage but my husband is already decided to leave. We live in the same roof (for now) but separate rooms that's because i don't want to leave even though he was kicking me out with all his might. And he tries so hard to strengthen the walls between us. Sure i did not know how to be married but I still blame myself because i didn't listen to his needs. I didn't let them guide me. I've heard him over and over but didn't make positive moves. Now he's fed up, about to file for divorce and i'm feeling hopeless. It's very dark right now. Thank you Sir for responding. I appreciate your comforting words. May God bless you always!
Think about the momentum that took you to where he wants so much to leave. Now, with the course you are putting on the brakes, which is a start. The process you are using with the SEW and using it to open your heart WILL work. Sometimes we have seen it take a year or more, but the process does work. It is cause and effect. So, keep opening your heart, keep diving into yourself, the soul, keep praying. And, keep on keeping on. There is nothing better you can do.
I love that story of you and your kids. My father was the same way. Our fearlessness came from my father. Memories I look back on and think how did we even survive in my fathers care? 😂 Such a great father who built a bubble around us as a family. It was always US against the world. ♥️
Your , coming to my life was just a perfect moment. You came as an ANGEL to me... I wish you long life so that you can keep guiding us... you're a GUIDING STAR 🌟 ... I would have never understood marriage this way if I haven't watched you... your videos have given me much clarity...plz keep making them ... Loads of love to you Sir ♥️ God bless you in abundance..
I bought the course for women like a week ago and it is amazing ❤️ Having good results so far, a long way to go. I feel better with myself after I thought I was going to fall in a black hole. Thanks so much Paul you are amazing ❤️
Thank you. I have been married a year now but I LOVE my husband. I have already done somethings because I just want to handle a problem n then move forward. I am so thankful because I always wanted to be a great n wonderful woman and wife. I know we have one life n I never want to bring negative to my husband. Or be the cause or any reason he has stress n or anything unwanted or unnecessary
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!, WHAT????? I do not ever imply he is lying. But when he does and I have the facts to show it, I call him out on the lies he tells. What I have told him is that this behavior seriously reduces my trust and it’s hard for me to believe he is NOT lying sometimes. Lying and cover-ups have damaged our relationship. This seems to be an automatic, go-to behavior for self preservation, and it’s better, but not stopped. What now???
I use this format to educate, not as a q & a... for that we have a free service where you can ask a counselor. you will see the option on our website themarriagefoundation.org/
I'm going through the same thing. I have found that confronting him isn't helping me or our marriage. I have photos, text messages, etc. I think there are at least four "girlfriends" over the past 7 years. I have realized that if I don't let this go and try to turn the marriage around through my behavior then I will end up divorced. I'm reading "Lessons for a Happy Marriage" and applying it. It can't hurt. My confrontations are hurting my marriage. I'm not going to get an apology which is what I want.
He's saying not to call on husband when they're checking other women, so we should be quite & still be loving? How can you still be loving to a husband that's being unfaithful. This advice is for an egotistical man. Trust & Love goes both ways.
So as wives love unconditionally even if it’s not reciprocated? I already feel I make my husband’s life more convenient for him. As a wife I must stay sweet and loving, and hope that it causes my husband to personally change.
This video and this channel is for people who want to stay in their marriage. When betrayal happens, you have the choice to stay or leave. It is the same choice we all make every day. Every day of a relationship we are either choosing to stay or we choose to leave. Only you can decide if staying or leaving is what you want. You have the free will to choose either path. And no matter what others think you should do, no matter what a therapist or coach or clergy member or friends or family or random people on the Internet think, there is no right or wrong choice. They are not the arbiters of what is right or wrong for you. Only you can decide that for yourself. That is your free will.
After 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have become like roommates 😕 watching your videos has really been eye opening for me. I feel I have closed my heart and not sure specifically how to “open” it
Most people who take the course (for their gender) began when they thought it was probably too late ... you might want to look into it. themarriagefoundation.org/
I do these things now because i was kinda trained to do it. My husband becomes cold and distant if i have any emotions other than content. So i stay content other than when i can barely hold down my depression. You can guess where that leaves us on emotional intimacy. 😢 Me suppressing and him ignoring.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I feel like I would have to be superhuman to ignore all his cruelty, his love of lying, the alcoholism, and insensitivity. I am still listening to you, and I know you have a lot great ideas. I'm trying to understand.
God wants us to enjoy this wonderful gift of marriage and rise to love at every turn in life... we have many offerings on our website themarriagefoundation.org/
Thank you for this video. My husband is a man’s man, and struggles with my will and sense of purpose. I am passionate, he is quiet. He often feels berated by me when I am trying to explain how I feel. I am trying to understand how to communicate without crying or yelling. As a woman it’s difficult. Please pray for my marriage, thank you.
I pray for all marriages and all people and you, should include mor understanding of your husband so you focus on his goodness rather than his "lacks" themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
3 ปีที่แล้ว +17
These videos are a good supplement to the course, I think they're invaluable. I feel blessed to be on this path, but I think that I tend to be perfectionistic, I am sad when my sacred space of marriage doesn't seem amazing at the moment.
Here again, appreciate your comments and agree men are just “different” when parenting their children. But…. I was a loving, reasonable mom. Taught my kids how to problem-solve, think for themselves and that there were rules and expectations in our household. When a child disobeyed, talked-back, was disrespectful, there were consequences. My problem was he never backed up my discipline which was usually pretty lenient, actually(go to your room, sit in the time out chair and think about your behavior, vacuum the living room - you’re not supposed to eat in there, oops, no TV tomorrow because you haven’t finished your homework today). He undercut me, my daughters saw this. Made life hard for me as the primary parent!!! He wouldn’t make changes despite our discussions together.
"primary" parent? Loading this phrase as you are defines a distortion in your thinking about your husband and his role in his children's lives....you must look at your marriage as a whole if you are to heal yourself. Use the counselor service, or better yet, one of my books or the course if just watching the videos isn't enough for you... themarriagefoundation.org/
I agree, if one parent has much more interaction (time) and by necessity does more of the corrections and is more responsible for the safety ! of the children and that there is no bullying between siblings - he or she IS the "primary parent" or "main caregiver" or whatever term one wants to use for that. (I think primary caregiver is the better term). If she stays at home and he holds a paid job he will be called the breadwinner. The husband should be eager to get on the same page as her, respecting her (larger) share of the carework. And why should she agree with his rules when she has many more interactions and experience (regarding discipline and daily life) with the kids. It does not sound like this father has even botherd to come up with well defined rules for the household, nor did he develop a habit of demanding compliance whenever the kids test them. And he is not willing to embrace the necessity to have and follow rules in a household, not even after discussions. This borders on being lazy, stubborn and childish. He does his family, wife and children a disservice. Children need predictability. + lesliemontagne is not even extreme with her demands or the "consequences" (neither extremely harsh, nor super lenient) so she bothered to figure out a system, and likely would be open if he wanted to make some changes. Sounds like the husband does not agree with having consistent rules for the kids / the household. Children will watch that and they will see that the mother tries to find and enforces rules that make sense, and that are beneficial for the whole family and that avoid unncessary work for the wife (like messing up the living room or car when the kids are not supposed to eat there. It goes without saying that the husband also should not eat there to be a good role model.) The lessons for the kids would be: How to have a nice home, how to feel responsible for having a nice home, eating the meals together and no endless snacking all over the place, and how to be considerate of the reasonable wishes of family members). Children will naturally test such inconvenient rules, inconvenient for them. Testing the rules is their job and they will find out soon that one parent actually derails the efforts of the other. Or at least does not think they are important. That is something that children will pick up immediately and it will encourage them to think what the mother asks them to do (or not to do) is not important. It is an effort to consistenly enforce those rules in a mild but firm and predictable way. Being lenient and inconsequent would be much easier. Why should that weight only be carried by ONE of the parents. When the father is present (less time than her) he can help or derail her efforts, his 20 or 30 % input can make that so much easier - or harder. I do not think the father is so gracious - he just does not have the diligence and commitment to do the work. Or the maturity to see the long term benefits of teaching kids good habits (even if that is another tedious chore of the parents). Versus, the kids going: nah I can weasel my way out of compliance, mum is the spoil-sport, but dad is cool and he does not care. And then there are the parents (mothers of fathers) who want to be the cool laid back parents and the (thankless and sometimes exhausting / annoying) role as disciplinarian falls to the other parent. Plus that it would be much easier to instill certain rules and norms if both parents help to establish them (whenever they are present). If one parent is usually more lenient it encourages the kids to seek for backdoors. So it slows down the learning process, the aquiring of the good habit, because at the beginning there will be usually the attempt to circumvent - else the kids would just do what is good and necessary - and be done with it.
Please help me out here, I've judged mine for almost 2 years i his that's my personality since i was judged as a child by my dad. I treat my husband like my dad treated me growing up. Controlling and i want to stop before i lose him
I wish I had the desire to do this for my spouse. We are in a bad spot and I feel out of love after so much conflict :/ I use to be so loving with him.
Then do this for yourself so you feel love within. Might I suggest that if this makes sense to you that you look into the course for women? themarriagefoundation.org/
The expression, "You get what you give," has become upsetting to me because my ex would defiantly use that as a retort to any constructive criticism. Nothing I did was enough, she would just insist I wasnt romantic or caring or kind enough. I realized it was impossible to have simple peace and moved on.
You missed the point of that expression. In marriage its not a tit for tat. We must learn to love unconditionally. Now, move on, perhaps get the course for dating? themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
my husband and I seem to be stuck in that MUNDANE LEVEL. Every time I try to connect on a higher level....by going out, going on vacation, watching a film together....he prefers to watch anime with our kids. I don't know if I can ever see him as a grown adult.
May I suggest you consider the course for women, as you can still heal your marriage and gain ALL the benefits that way themarriagefoundation.org/system/
Anime has a lot of lessons in the story line. Just a suggestion- find one anime show that you can try to like. Invite him to watch it with you. Ask your kids which one your husband likes. Why does he like it? Why is he drawn to that story line? If you watch it with him, he might be so curious about your new interest, that he'll be interested in YOU. Then he may want to try some things you'd like to do. But if you continue to see him as a child, he'll keep playing the part. Try not to keep him "beneath" you. I know it sounds like a silly thing to do, but if he's important to you, make the connection. Just a suggestion.
It is amazing how we imagine that saying something will get someone to change even though all our experiences prorve that it will not work themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Thank u so much for those videos. I watched a lot of videos about marrige and almost every video made me even more insecure about my man and marrige. But the things u say really give me a lot of hope in this dark place im currently in. And the things u say r so realistic. God bless u for ur good work and help
I know it will help you so much and I can't wait for your response to it 🙏 www.amazon.com/Breaking-Cycle-Marriage-Foundation/dp/0988594013#customerReviews
I am so grateful for the full video! I agree with all of these points. I struggled with postpartum depression and hormonal challenges it changed my view on life so drastically but I'm coming out of it now and I'm able to think clearly and be much happier (myself again). So grateful xx
Thank you for the excellent videos. I recently found your channel and really hope my husband will get on board with me in learning these important marriage lessons together.
Isn’t anger good in certain situations especially for a man when the instinct to protect kicks in? Or when you are angry your body is trying to tell you something is not right? What point am I missing?
I'm confused, if he is lying and you know he is, you should pretend you don't notice? And then what? He just goes on lying about everything? Doesn't that turn me into a liar also?
For number one. How do you give negative feedback to your husband without him feeling berated? I feel like however polite and composed i may be, he’ ll still be offended when I mention something I don’t like about him.
Why am I not allowed to be angry if he is allowed to be angry at me or with me or blame me for his anger? First of all, that doesn’t feel fair. I understand that anger is damaging to the harmony of a marriage, but it’s frustrating to say “just cut it out” when I’m supposed to just sit back and take his attitude problems? I would love to rise above all of that, but I don’t see how it is possible.
We were not taught about anger because Western psych has it all wrong when it comes to emotions. Anger is an "outsider" to the true us, souls. We have free will and must never allow anger to take over our mind, our lives, or our marriages. Anger can be eliminated, not just managed or stuffed. It is one of the great truths I discovered and everyone should be receptive to the idea of eliminating anger.
The Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. If your husband is acting up, step away. Put some distance between you. Do it peacefully. Don't render evil 4 evil. That's precisely what the devil wants. War.
Too late - nothing I do, say or feel is right. And she makes sure to undercut me at every chance. She is in Boss-Mom mode for 17 years and thinks she gets to treat me however she feels like (as if I am one of the kids). And she wonders why I am disconnected
This is a spirit. The Bible calls it a Jezebel spirit. It attempts to control & render the man, impotent. Emasculate him. This behavior is encouraged in our society. I'd temporarily separate. Run to Jesus for salvation & guidance.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I try to do what I can to improve myself not just as a man but as a person in general, and keep on praying that hopefully things will improve for me. Thank you for your videos.
please could we have any advice for mix mariage mix culture i mean deferent culture deferent cuntry how to leave in the cercl respect and love relationtghank you for your amazing advice
Is that really true that we can open our hearts and our husband won't take advantage of us? I guess we will be able to control our minds and emotions so much that he could be taking advantage and it won't even matter, and we will not even care.🤔
We have made every effort to put the courses within reach for everyone by offering plans that amount to less than $10 a week. Our feelings are that if one wishes to save their marriage they can scrape that together. You do have my prayers. themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
1. Never berate your husband 2. Don’t judge your husband. 3. Don’t imply your husband is lying. 4. Don’t criticize your husband’s parenting style. 5. Don’t expose your husband to your anger.
But if my husband is too stern with the children as his father was? It leads to rebellion, drug abuse etc just as my husband reacted. I want the children to be healthy. Not treated harshly for no reason.
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As a man, I'd like to say that Paul is spot on. These are really good. I would love to see a video like this for husbands too!
Thanks Kevin. Its always a good idea to search in the channel. Usually there are male/female versions of a topic.
6. Eliminate your anger
7. Start interaction with a compliment
8. Be affectionate
9. Be motherly
10. Open your heart
Be motherly🤮
Thank you for this . I needed this . 13 years of marriage i wish i found you sooner. My father and mother were married 60 years ,they fought like cats and dogs 60 years .they were so judgemental. i put off marriage till late in life but to someone i met and loved instantly at 16 years old. I was afraid to marry for good reason . I did so many things wrong ,i wish i could do the last 13 years over. Hopefully we will have 13 more to fix the things we did wrong. Holy Moly ,such simple great advice!!
Thank you. Today was a trying day for me. This video played in perfect timing. I applied everything in this video to my test I was given for the day. I had inside issues I needed to deal with while my husband was at work. At the end when it was time to talk to my husband I went about it according to you and got rewarded instantly. Your wisdom and knowledge and understanding has spoke to me spiritually and helped me physically and mentally. I look forward to learning more about marriage!
Perhaps also consider the course for women themarriagefoundation.org/
God it's too late for me when i saw this :( now my husband is about to file for divorce. It's ripping my heart off my chest and I can't breathe. I wish i've seen this sooner. I've done most of the dont's and i'll pay for it every single day with or without him
God bless you, Paul. You remind me of my late grandfather. He was so wise just like you. We need more men like you
I would suggest it may not be too late and yyou should consider taking the course for women, as many who do are past where you are and it still works...maybe your grandfather would suggest it too :)
@@TheMarriageFoundation i actually started the course for women as a desperate attempt to save my marriage but my husband is already decided to leave. We live in the same roof (for now) but separate rooms that's because i don't want to leave even though he was kicking me out with all his might. And he tries so hard to strengthen the walls between us. Sure i did not know how to be married but I still blame myself because i didn't listen to his needs. I didn't let them guide me. I've heard him over and over but didn't make positive moves. Now he's fed up, about to file for divorce and i'm feeling hopeless. It's very dark right now.
Thank you Sir for responding. I appreciate your comforting words. May God bless you always!
Think about the momentum that took you to where he wants so much to leave. Now, with the course you are putting on the brakes, which is a start. The process you are using with the SEW and using it to open your heart WILL work. Sometimes we have seen it take a year or more, but the process does work. It is cause and effect. So, keep opening your heart, keep diving into yourself, the soul, keep praying. And, keep on keeping on. There is nothing better you can do.
I do love your mentions of free will, taking responsibility for ourselves and the focus on love and spirituality. It really resonates
This approach is truth about ourselves and our marriages. It will bring joy to those who embrace it 🙏
I love that story of you and your kids. My father was the same way. Our fearlessness came from my father. Memories I look back on and think how did we even survive in my fathers care? 😂 Such a great father who built a bubble around us as a family. It was always US against the world. ♥️
Your , coming to my life was just a perfect moment. You came as an ANGEL to me... I wish you long life so that you can keep guiding us... you're a GUIDING STAR 🌟 ... I would have never understood marriage this way if I haven't watched you... your videos have given me much clarity...plz keep making them ... Loads of love to you Sir ♥️ God bless you in abundance..
I bought the course for women like a week ago and it is amazing ❤️ Having good results so far, a long way to go. I feel better with myself after I thought I was going to fall in a black hole. Thanks so much Paul you are amazing ❤️
I need this I’m at work listening to this I’m ready for this I love my husband
Thank you. I have been married a year now but I LOVE my husband. I have already done somethings because I just want to handle a problem n then move forward.
I am so thankful because I always wanted to be a great n wonderful woman and wife. I know we have one life n I never want to bring negative to my husband. Or be the cause or any reason he has stress n or anything unwanted or unnecessary
You sound like you are masculine.
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!, WHAT????? I do not ever imply he is lying. But when he does and I have the facts to show it, I call him out on the lies he tells.
What I have told him is that this behavior seriously reduces my trust and it’s hard for me to believe he is NOT lying sometimes. Lying and cover-ups have damaged our relationship. This seems to be an automatic, go-to behavior for self preservation, and it’s better, but not stopped. What now???
I use this format to educate, not as a q & a... for that we have a free service where you can ask a counselor. you will see the option on our website themarriagefoundation.org/
I'm going through the same thing. I have found that confronting him isn't helping me or our marriage. I have photos, text messages, etc. I think there are at least four "girlfriends" over the past 7 years. I have realized that if I don't let this go and try to turn the marriage around through my behavior then I will end up divorced. I'm reading "Lessons for a Happy Marriage" and applying it. It can't hurt. My confrontations are hurting my marriage. I'm not going to get an apology which is what I want.
Agreed
He's saying not to call on husband when they're checking other women, so we should be quite & still be loving? How can you still be loving to a husband that's being unfaithful. This advice is for an egotistical man. Trust & Love goes both ways.
Buzzer! Wrong actions towards him!
How should I treat my husband of 35 yrs who just told me he had a 2 yr love affair ?? Am I able to judge him for his lies, deceit and betrayal ???
We may judge but it never brings about love or happiness. Using our free will wisely means learning to love, unconditionally.
So as wives love unconditionally even if it’s not reciprocated? I already feel I make my husband’s life more convenient for him. As a wife I must stay sweet and loving, and hope that it causes my husband to personally change.
The Bible says adultery is a very grave sin before the Lord. If he's not contrite, you should separate.
That's unrealistic, naive and unbiblical.
This video and this channel is for people who want to stay in their marriage. When betrayal happens, you have the choice to stay or leave. It is the same choice we all make every day. Every day of a relationship we are either choosing to stay or we choose to leave. Only you can decide if staying or leaving is what you want. You have the free will to choose either path. And no matter what others think you should do, no matter what a therapist or coach or clergy member or friends or family or random people on the Internet think, there is no right or wrong choice. They are not the arbiters of what is right or wrong for you. Only you can decide that for yourself. That is your free will.
This is absolutely amazing piece! Thanks so much for sharing this. Please keep up the great work. I appreciate you and the Marriage Foundation! 🙏
After 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have become like roommates 😕 watching your videos has really been eye opening for me. I feel I have closed my heart and not sure specifically how to “open” it
Look around our website. Many will use the course for women to learn more than surfacy tips... themarriagefoundation.org/
Emotional divorce is real.
Start doing things that both of you enjoy together.
Make a video about what husbands need to do as well
I did, search the channel
That was tough. I've got a lot of work to do. Happiness and love and no anger!
It will all work out and change everythhing. It's worth it. themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Thanks very encouraging. God continue blessings in our lives
One of the best videos I’ve watched! Very helpful. Hope I’m not too late. Thank you!
Most people who take the course (for their gender) began when they thought it was probably too late ... you might want to look into it. themarriagefoundation.org/
I do these things now because i was kinda trained to do it. My husband becomes cold and distant if i have any emotions other than content. So i stay content other than when i can barely hold down my depression.
You can guess where that leaves us on emotional intimacy. 😢 Me suppressing and him ignoring.
It is not about supprssion it is about where to put your focus, on the emotions? NO! On love and joy!
@@TheMarriageFoundation I feel like I would have to be superhuman to ignore all his cruelty, his love of lying, the alcoholism, and insensitivity. I am still listening to you, and I know you have a lot great ideas. I'm trying to understand.
@@TCgirlThese things do not apply to abusive and toxic situations my dear
please more advice for women
i m so happy i found you
i can even apply your advice on my parents
We try to offer about 50/50 😀
Thank you. I believe your perspective on marriage to be built around the idea of tranquility. Comfort and peace of mind are integral.
God wants us to enjoy this wonderful gift of marriage and rise to love at every turn in life... we have many offerings on our website themarriagefoundation.org/
It is nice video, great advice never meet before. Lucky to find this channel. MILLION THANKS.
What a wisdom! This video is really amazing! Thanks for your advice. Many many more blessings to you.
Thank you for this video. My husband is a man’s man, and struggles with my will and sense of purpose. I am passionate, he is quiet. He often feels berated by me when I am trying to explain how I feel. I am trying to understand how to communicate without crying or yelling. As a woman it’s difficult. Please pray for my marriage, thank you.
I pray for all marriages and all people and you, should include mor understanding of your husband so you focus on his goodness rather than his "lacks" themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
These videos are a good supplement to the course, I think they're invaluable. I feel blessed to be on this path, but I think that I tend to be perfectionistic, I am sad when my sacred space of marriage doesn't seem amazing at the moment.
Here again, appreciate your comments and agree men are just “different” when parenting their children. But….
I was a loving, reasonable mom. Taught my kids how to problem-solve, think for themselves and that there were rules and expectations in our household. When a child disobeyed, talked-back, was disrespectful, there were consequences. My problem was he never backed up my discipline which was usually pretty lenient, actually(go to your room, sit in the time out chair and think about your behavior, vacuum the living room - you’re not supposed to eat in there, oops, no TV tomorrow because you haven’t finished your homework today). He undercut me, my daughters saw this. Made life hard for me as the primary parent!!!
He wouldn’t make changes despite our discussions together.
"primary" parent? Loading this phrase as you are defines a distortion in your thinking about your husband and his role in his children's lives....you must look at your marriage as a whole if you are to heal yourself.
Use the counselor service, or better yet, one of my books or the course if just watching the videos isn't enough for you... themarriagefoundation.org/
I agree, if one parent has much more interaction (time) and by necessity does more of the corrections and is more responsible for the safety ! of the children and that there is no bullying between siblings - he or she IS the "primary parent" or "main caregiver" or whatever term one wants to use for that. (I think primary caregiver is the better term).
If she stays at home and he holds a paid job he will be called the breadwinner.
The husband should be eager to get on the same page as her, respecting her (larger) share of the carework.
And why should she agree with his rules when she has many more interactions and experience (regarding discipline and daily life) with the kids.
It does not sound like this father has even botherd to come up with well defined rules for the household, nor did he develop a habit of demanding compliance whenever the kids test them. And he is not willing to embrace the necessity to have and follow rules in a household, not even after discussions. This borders on being lazy, stubborn and childish. He does his family, wife and children a disservice. Children need predictability.
+ lesliemontagne is not even extreme with her demands or the "consequences" (neither extremely harsh, nor super lenient) so she bothered to figure out a system, and likely would be open if he wanted to make some changes.
Sounds like the husband does not agree with having consistent rules for the kids / the household.
Children will watch that and they will see that the mother tries to find and enforces rules that make sense, and that are beneficial for the whole family and that avoid unncessary work for the wife (like messing up the living room or car when the kids are not supposed to eat there. It goes without saying that the husband also should not eat there to be a good role model.)
The lessons for the kids would be: How to have a nice home, how to feel responsible for having a nice home, eating the meals together and no endless snacking all over the place, and how to be considerate of the reasonable wishes of family members).
Children will naturally test such inconvenient rules, inconvenient for them. Testing the rules is their job and they will find out soon that one parent actually derails the efforts of the other. Or at least does not think they are important. That is something that children will pick up immediately and it will encourage them to think what the mother asks them to do (or not to do) is not important.
It is an effort to consistenly enforce those rules in a mild but firm and predictable way. Being lenient and inconsequent would be much easier. Why should that weight only be carried by ONE of the parents. When the father is present (less time than her) he can help or derail her efforts, his 20 or 30 % input can make that so much easier - or harder.
I do not think the father is so gracious - he just does not have the diligence and commitment to do the work. Or the maturity to see the long term benefits of teaching kids good habits (even if that is another tedious chore of the parents).
Versus, the kids going: nah I can weasel my way out of compliance, mum is the spoil-sport, but dad is cool and he does not care.
And then there are the parents (mothers of fathers) who want to be the cool laid back parents and the (thankless and sometimes exhausting / annoying) role as disciplinarian falls to the other parent.
Plus that it would be much easier to instill certain rules and norms if both parents help to establish them (whenever they are present). If one parent is usually more lenient it encourages the kids to seek for backdoors. So it slows down the learning process, the aquiring of the good habit, because at the beginning there will be usually the attempt to circumvent - else the kids would just do what is good and necessary - and be done with it.
This was the best marriage advise I have ever heard.
Isn't it amazing how far behind the world is when it comes to marriage? We want to reach everyone! 🙏
This is refreshing and useful… Going to try it.
Thank you I’m newly engaged and have never been married before but this is def some wisdom❤
Congrats, now take this course so you will have a heavenly marriage forever themarriagefoundation.org/premarital-program/
Wow, i really envy those couples who live according to these principles. I can’t see this happening in my relationship.
Ah, but of course you can! themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
If I could reach my Husband and he could see my heart to understand how much I love him…. It could change our world 🌎
Please help me out here, I've judged mine for almost 2 years i his that's my personality since i was judged as a child by my dad. I treat my husband like my dad treated me growing up. Controlling and i want to stop before i lose him
You are right to want to stop and we have the SEW technique for that.
@@TheMarriageFoundation please tell me where to begin
See what we have here themarriagefoundation.org/
I wish I had the desire to do this for my spouse. We are in a bad spot and I feel out of love after so much conflict :/ I use to be so loving with him.
Then do this for yourself so you feel love within. Might I suggest that if this makes sense to you that you look into the course for women? themarriagefoundation.org/
Listen to Kevin Samuels. You likely are nagging and use SIGN language.
Give it to the Lord Jesus. It's the only way.
I am not a wife yet by God’s grace I hope to be a good one when the time comes
It took me a while to warm up to this ...
Thanks for all your great advice! I know one thing, it won't be hard to tell my wife she is beautiful more often! 😁😁😁
I do all the don't and don't do the does 😢😂 thanks for pointing out... let me improve myself
Besides God's Law, this is the BEST marriage advice EVER!!! 🙌
It really is
The expression, "You get what you give," has become upsetting to me because my ex would defiantly use that as a retort to any constructive criticism. Nothing I did was enough, she would just insist I wasnt romantic or caring or kind enough. I realized it was impossible to have simple peace and moved on.
You missed the point of that expression. In marriage its not a tit for tat. We must learn to love unconditionally. Now, move on, perhaps get the course for dating?
themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Your words are like poetry ❤
Great advice on how to be a better wife . It would be good to have videos on how to be a better husband too .
We have them. th-cam.com/video/b-TI2JwHL64/w-d-xo.html Go to the home page and search or just search in the search box.
Thank you for teaching us this good advise.
Thank you so much. I will ppput this into proper application for a happy, loving marriage. You are awesome.
Wonderful! Every marriage is sacred until we hurt them
Thank you so much for these videos :) I really needed to hear this.
my husband and I seem to be stuck in that MUNDANE LEVEL. Every time I try to connect on a higher level....by going out, going on vacation, watching a film together....he prefers to watch anime with our kids. I don't know if I can ever see him as a grown adult.
May I suggest you consider the course for women, as you can still heal your marriage and gain ALL the benefits that way themarriagefoundation.org/system/
Anime has a lot of lessons in the story line. Just a suggestion- find one anime show that you can try to like. Invite him to watch it with you. Ask your kids which one your husband likes. Why does he like it? Why is he drawn to that story line? If you watch it with him, he might be so curious about your new interest, that he'll be interested in YOU. Then he may want to try some things you'd like to do. But if you continue to see him as a child, he'll keep playing the part. Try not to keep him "beneath" you. I know it sounds like a silly thing to do, but if he's important to you, make the connection. Just a suggestion.
I know what you mean, it just becomes boring
I rarely leave comments but had to on this one. Thank you so much for this helpful list🙏🏼
You're very welcome!
Wish I heard this sooner. Thank you so much for your words. ❤️
So if I find my husband looking at some inappropriate pics, don’t say anything? That doesn’t make any sense?
It is amazing how we imagine that saying something will get someone to change even though all our experiences prorve that it will not work
themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Thank u so much for those videos. I watched a lot of videos about marrige and almost every video made me even more insecure about my man and marrige. But the things u say really give me a lot of hope in this dark place im currently in. And the things u say r so realistic. God bless u for ur good work and help
Infinite Happiness and Love❤
Thank you so much.
Enjoying all your videos ❤
Marriage is awesone when you know how
@@TheMarriageFoundation Thank you 🙏🏼💯👑
You've got another subscriber. Thank you. I know I need to do better. This really lays it out. ♡ Thank you!
Thank you very much 🙏
Thank you for the videos. Great content
Thank you Sir for this wisdom!
So good, 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽♥️♥️♥️heading over to Amazon now to buy the books 📚
I know it will help you so much and I can't wait for your response to it 🙏
www.amazon.com/Breaking-Cycle-Marriage-Foundation/dp/0988594013#customerReviews
I am so grateful for the full video! I agree with all of these points. I struggled with postpartum depression and hormonal challenges it changed my view on life so drastically but I'm coming out of it now and I'm able to think clearly and be much happier (myself again). So grateful xx
you are doing a great job ..thanks
So much wisdom thnk you....
This is absolutely amazing Sir .
Thank you 😊 🙏🏼
You are very welcome
You gave a good explanation.
Thank you for the excellent videos. I recently found your channel and really hope my husband will get on board with me in learning these important marriage lessons together.
That's a lot of good information
Isn’t anger good in certain situations especially for a man when the instinct to protect kicks in? Or when you are angry your body is trying to tell you something is not right? What point am I missing?
The problem for modern man is that he is a victem of anger, a sare those around him. When was the last time you were attacked by ninjas?
Thank you so much for creating these very helpful videos! I’m hooked and just ordered your book!! Thank you!!! 🙏🏼
Very informative and genuine info.
You are already moving forward
Hello Paul. I would like to speak to you regarding my broken marriage. How can I get in touch
themarriagefoundation.org/ go to "ask a counselor"
I'm new to your channel and I would like to Thank You. I appreciate the insightful content from the videos I've click on thus far Thank You again 🤗
I'm confused, if he is lying and you know he is, you should pretend you don't notice? And then what? He just goes on lying about everything? Doesn't that turn me into a liar also?
Everyone is a "liar" sometime. Marriage is built on love, not judgement
themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Thank you so much Sir ❤️🌹♥️
For number one. How do you give negative feedback to your husband without him feeling berated? I feel like however polite and composed i may be, he’ ll still be offended when I mention something I don’t like about him.
There is never a need to give anyone negative feedback in marriage. It is that simple themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
I feel like is very based on men's needs. I don't see a 10 things every husband needs to do for his wife.
th-cam.com/video/qXmM5w6uCwo/w-d-xo.htmlsi=UfTLBvVQOmS3gilp
Yes. Because that's what this conversation is about.
There are plenty of posts about the 10 things husbands/men need to do for the wives.
GOD bless you and your family 🙏❤️💪😁
So on point …
Thank you so much Sir❤
Most welcome
Why am I not allowed to be angry if he is allowed to be angry at me or with me or blame me for his anger? First of all, that doesn’t feel fair. I understand that anger is damaging to the harmony of a marriage, but it’s frustrating to say “just cut it out” when I’m supposed to just sit back and take his attitude problems? I would love to rise above all of that, but I don’t see how it is possible.
We were not taught about anger because Western psych has it all wrong when it comes to emotions. Anger is an "outsider" to the true us, souls. We have free will and must never allow anger to take over our mind, our lives, or our marriages. Anger can be eliminated, not just managed or stuffed. It is one of the great truths I discovered and everyone should be receptive to the idea of eliminating anger.
The Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. If your husband is acting up, step away. Put some distance between you. Do it peacefully. Don't render evil 4 evil. That's precisely what the devil wants. War.
Thank you
Are you saying when his lying you just let him continue doing that and disrespecting you
You do not have any control over his actions, only your respnses.
No, you can leave.
Setting boundaries is ok. Men need to know the limits.
Lying is sin. Ask the Lord what to do.
Pray over and For your husbands lying spirit to leave. Fasting and 🙏
Very helpful content
im new to your channel thank you very much for sharing those gold advice
thank u sir for this video today u make me happy
I'm honored 🙏
Too late - nothing I do, say or feel is right. And she makes sure to undercut me at every chance. She is in Boss-Mom mode for 17 years and thinks she gets to treat me however she feels like (as if I am one of the kids). And she wonders why I am disconnected
It is NEVER too late! But blaming her is not going to help one iota.
This is a spirit. The Bible calls it a Jezebel spirit. It attempts to control & render the man, impotent. Emasculate him. This behavior is encouraged in our society. I'd temporarily separate. Run to Jesus for salvation & guidance.
I like your style.
Thanks, as long as it helps your marriage I am happy 🙏
themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Amazing amazing I totally agree 👍
Excellent
New subscriber here 🙋♀️😍♥️ From Philippines 🇵🇭
The Philippines is awesome! Welcome 🙏
Great video
What if he did lie and sneak out from you and you catches him?
You need to learn how to bring your marriage to love and happiness. At this point you need the course for women themarriagefoundation.org/
-#4 is so hard!!!
Not hard when you are filledd with love
Thank u so much
I wish my lady would watch and at least try to implement your videos.
I would be happier, less stressed and less depressed
I think you need to watch the 10 things every husband...
@@TheMarriageFoundation I try to do what I can to improve myself not just as a man but as a person in general, and keep on praying that hopefully things will improve for me.
Thank you for your videos.
Very good videos but I think you need more videos on women. It’s hard we always have to do everything we don’t even ask for much.
They are there for the men, too. I am an equal opportunity tough guy :)
Try Kevin Samuels
This was really really good
Thank you
I need to really contact you
themarriagefoundation.org/
I'm not married, but I want to know for a relationship one day
Smart! We do have a course for dating wheb you are ready for that 🙏
Thank you so much 🙏🙏🙏🙏h
How do I go about this course for women?
You will find it right here themarriagefoundation.org/
please could we have any advice for mix mariage mix culture i mean deferent culture deferent cuntry how to leave in the cercl respect and love relationtghank you for your amazing advice
I passed it on... it will come
@@TheMarriageFoundation thank you so much
Is that really true that we can open our hearts and our husband won't take advantage of us? I guess we will be able to control our minds and emotions so much that he could be taking advantage and it won't even matter, and we will not even care.🤔
Holy indifference springs from the heart that lives in love. The context of your marriage is intended to be love, not reciprocity.
Então, se vejo meu marido olhando para outras mulheres, devo apenas continuar observando? Sem reagir? eu não sei se isso é sábio para praticar.
You could try other things but at the end you will always get further with love
Please, let me understand better. Sir, are applying in point 3 that gotta let go lies, or i misunderstood? 🤔
Let go of everything that isn't love and joy
Great
Unfortunately I cannot afford the solo woman’s cause. With current exchange rates it is way beyond my reach 😢
We have made every effort to put the courses within reach for everyone by offering plans that amount to less than $10 a week. Our feelings are that if one wishes to save their marriage they can scrape that together. You do have my prayers.
themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
This must not be the content for me. I can't do any of these things.. quess I'm not there yet.. how do you respect a man that doesn't deserve it....
Shoing respect is based in understanding and humilty, not how they deserve.
1. Never berate your husband
2. Don’t judge your husband.
3. Don’t imply your husband is lying.
4. Don’t criticize your husband’s parenting style.
5. Don’t expose your husband to your anger.
Yeah I know the majority of these unfortunately 😕
These rules apply to them too?
@@summerrose4978 No...men and women are different...thank God😂💕. God bless you ABUNDANTLY!
But if my husband is too stern with the children as his father was? It leads to rebellion, drug abuse etc just as my husband reacted. I want the children to be healthy. Not treated harshly for no reason.
@@godisgood5038 but the Bible says treat your partner how u want to be treated...how is it possible that this does not work both ways.