Depersonalisation is mental problem mentioned in the DSM. It is recognised by the mental health professionals. I have something called derealization. I feel real, but the external world does not sometimes. I especially notice this when I pump gas. Too many questions and too many buttons to push. The pump starts looking unreal. At the grocery store, there are too many things to choose from. Three years now and this feeling (it is visual also) is much better. Just keep working on this weird manifestation. Maybe it is a way for the mind to protect itself. Fight the good fight and love yourself. Thanks Tanja!
yes, I believe all our symptoms are ways our brain uses to protect us, they were coping mechanisms that helped us to survive... some just don't serve us that well now and some seem incredible tricky to replace ... sending you and extra dose of love and rainbows to brighten up the tough times just a little..
Today ,I stood in front of the mirror and saw myself for any breakouts and then I looked into my eyes and ... I don't know , I didn't know who was looking back , I didn't recognize my face and I couldn't handle that and quickly turned away from it and then I looked back and it hit me again ,whoa! I look like that! Who is it? Is it really me? I looked at my hands and feet and I said aloud ,I am inside this body ,it's mine and the face is mine too! I have two floor length mirrors in my room but I never actually look at myself, I come across them 2-3 times daily and I check for breakouts on my forehead ,then cheeks, then chin ,then nose. But never my face as a whole. I'm 24 yr old today and I've had similar episodes before, since my teenage years, but I tried to dismiss them every time and rushed to people around me , distracting myself because I couldn't stand that for more than a dozen seconds. Hearing you out has comforted me. Thank you.
I love that you stay with it for a few seconds. It takes courage, doesn't it!! it brings up such heavy emotions... This could be a healing daily morning practice to say good morning or welcome or something nice and accepting to your mirror image as you walk pass... healing takes so much patience with yourselves.. sending you an extra dose of love and rainbows...
I've noticed that when I use a mirror, it is either a very small mirror or I manage to just notice small areas of my face in particular. When I see photos of myself as a young girl, I don't quite connect with the image. I have learned that when I feel stress, my "little parts" need reassuring and comfort and I tell them they are safe and that I love them. I have always had a problem with being overweight. I have wondered if I stay overweight because it reminds me of a time when I was cherished as a cute and pudgy infant, a time before the sexual abuse by my father began. Thank you for the encouragement Tanja.
yes, same I was struggling to feel connected.... it takes a ton of practice to get good at being a little more reassuring and comforting with ourselves, but you are worth it
I was diagnosed with CPTSD. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it's me and sometimes I look in the mirror and it's... well, not me. It's like a puppet controlled by me. Such a weird feeling. I was worried this morning because it happened again and decided to look up if that's something I have to worry about. Found your video and turns out it's a symptom of my CPTSD and constant dissociation. I'm less worried now because that means this is something I'm not alone with and something that I can work at. Thank you.
Sometimes when I reflect on it as a fact, I can't believe how early on in life I had these symptoms and experiences of extreme depersonalization, feeling totally dissociated and not recognizing my body as belonging to my mind, feeling a complete "stranger-ness" towards my physical self. I used to be able to willingly induce it, especially if I was in front of a mirror and like trip out on it, but it's pretty damn frightening, so in my adult years I avoided doing this, but yesterday I had a pretty strong episode, the strongest in awhile that was pretty freaky. It often makes me wonder what connection it does have to my childhood trauma, I suppose it functioned as a coping strategy of sorts, and I wonder to what extent do "normal" people experience it, if at all. In a way, that I guess is kind of crazy, I feel like "normal" people are the "weird" ones for being putatively unable to totally dissociate from their bodies, I'll say that it at least gives you a unique perspective on yourself to be able to temporarily shatter the frame of your subjectivity and see yourself to an extent as another "self in the world", although that's not quite what it is either, this estrangement has an uncanniness to its character that can't be merely explained by a mere loss in function of the mind body psychological synthesis that consitutes the self. The "Stranger" is too frightening to me to figure as a mere neutral "Other", I feel like it also has aspects of an evil twin or doppelganger (not literally), although maybe I'm failing to explain properly, I just feel like all other objects in the world have an otherness that also possesses a certain familiarity, whereas "My Doppelganger" is like the essence of utter strangeness and unfamiliarity. Still I really appreciate others relating the same experiences, as a child I felt alone in this and whereas as an adult, I assumed that others must experience something similar, I felt oddly ashamed by these dissociative episodes to actually seek out the testimony of others on the subject. For that reason, thanks for making this.
Thank you for this. I’ve had 24/7 derealization for the past year and about six months ago started to feel weird in my skin and not recognizing myself in the mirror. It is very scary feeling and makes me wonder if I’ll ever get pass it. You send out such good vibes and have calming and gentle energies. Watching your videos gives hope. 🌈🦋✨
thanks so much for your kind words Jutta, they mean a lot to me :) it's so hard to be patient with yourselves, healing takes just so long... please trust that things will get better, the more we become curious about ourselves and the more we learn to accept ourselves just as we are in this moment with flaws and all the more those deep wound heal :) you're worthy and good enough
@@danny-gm4bz Unfortunately no but I found out what caused it for me and for a while it already got better. It started when I was on a medication but for so long I couldn’t make the connection. I tapered the medication and am working to heal my brain and nervous system. Hope you find your answer and help. Remember that acceptance, as freaking hard as it it, is the number one cure for everything. It relaxes the mind. It’s hard I know but gets better with practice! And sunglasses inside a huge relief. And making things with your hands aka trying to take your mind of it. Things I often say to myself: “so what?” And “of course this is you and reality.”
Almost two years too late for this video, but I really wanted to leave a big thank you! Searching up for this obviously shows, that I am in a dark place, but your encouraging words and your little "hang in there" really helps. I think sometimes it's good to recognize, that there is a problem and it is ok, when you are struggling. As long as you keep moving, it's ok. Which is why I will take your advise and try to ... try. I will try. Thank you for these words and thank you for making this video for us. You are really helping. Thank you.
Thank you for your beautiful message! it made my day to hear you will keep trying. Everyday is a fresh start. our best changes from moment to moment... please be kind with yourself especially on days you are struggling. sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows...
Thank you for this video! I've been having depression, earlier i was preventing myself from another mental breakdown and i was staring at myself in the mirror... after a few seconds it started feeling like it wasn't me, it looked like me but feels like someone else's eyes and face. It was really freaky and it felt like it was another person! It happened for a brief moment but I'm glad this video is here to clarify what was happening
I don't remember most of my childhood and feel very disconnected looking at photos of myself in my youth. I sometimes look at photos of myself even now as an adult and think Oh wow I'm actually pretty. Not to sound conceited but just surprised because I don't generally feel pretty. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
It's interesting for me to observe your own personal progress from your early videos, Tanja, doing great and working hard with everything and even able to share, reach out to others, speak publicly.. but within your face and your core the difference now in 2021 is there to see with all that joy and confidence even though I know you are working so hard through each moment of every day. You have done amazing to transform your brain. You are such a beautiful person, so caring. It's difficult to believe that abusers in your past could have not been caring of the lovely child you once were. I'm so happy that you have been able to overcome. And thank you for letting us into your own personal journey with such honesty and integrity. It's healing for me just to see your joyful face. Am in a depression and struggling to get out of bed but still watching and learning. Thank you.
Thanks you for your kind and caring words! you are very observant 💛 This month April 5 years ago I started this youtube channel. So last week I was reflecting myself and also could see how much I changed in just those 5 years... yes our brain has tremendous capacity to change! never give up!
Wow, so fascinating for me to hear you speak on this subject when I thought that I was the only one that didn't look at themselves, often not recognising myself and exactly the same problem with not looking at myself brushing my teeth and over brushing so hard and giving myself the very same dental problems. I'm loving the fact that the brain can rewire, you are inspiring, encouraging and a beautiful person. Thank you!
Thank you Tundra, I watch this video few months ago. It Really Woke me to realized that I could not remember the last time I looked in the mirror like really looked in the mirror at myself. I went as far back I think almost a year. Maybe longer.? I know I need contacts and very rarely would look in the mirror at my outfits but not really look at myself. Well I guess you did that I'm thinking that might have also played a part in all the weight i just started really noticing just how much ive gained. I've been telling a couple clothes people the past several years that this is not my body this is not me it's not who I am. I didnt recognize myself. It's a really weird crazy thing. now I will practice your mirror acne getting myself compliments , practice staying ground in. Thank you so much for your love and your help and or shall I say for your Love rainbows
Yeah! so happy to hear that you are practicing :) practice makes progress... my mantra I kept telling myself over and over is "our brain has tremendous capacity to change" we got all the science or brain scans to show the changes... You got this! I believe in you
it's been really hard with me as i've gone months without being present and during my childhood i wasn't present for years which led me to one day wake up and not realize anything, and feeling really disoriented with little memory of anything that had gone on in the past, it's really strange to have to accept yourself in your body when sometimes it feels like something that keeps you captive. I for one like using my body as an exterior that i can misdirect people and tend to use it as a way to feel normal, but when it comes to me, myself, i end up sending a lot of positive messages to other people despite myself having no interest in any connection with myself, in all actuality i was disassociated for a 3 month period before quarantine and finally woke up and it was so strange because i'm now in a new house with almost all my belongings gone it's truly so weird to be taken away from all things you had that you knew as yours, to be swept away and almost lost to the nothingness. I am still working on being present but, it's been hard going through a lot of change and sadly it has become a hassle to get through school. I hope i can soon find someone to help me through this
I have CPTSD. MDD, OCD & panic attacks since I was a teen and I’m in my late 40’s. I was a very anxious child and weight was always an issue. We moved a lot and I was the new kid all the time. Got bullied pretty severely. In my teens I started having depersonalization/de realization pretty frequently. Sometimes I felt normal and other times I’d look in the mirror and see a stranger and it came on very suddenly and intense and left me feeling crazy and nervous. It also happened into my 20’s talking with relatives, even my ex husband. All of a sudden they looked unfamiliar to me. It’s like I knew who they were but I was viewing them through a different lens. I wish I had known back then that other people suffered from this. I thought I was completely bonkers for the longest time. Before the internet I had to scour the library for information. It’s a very lonely thing if you don’t have support growing up and a narc Mother who blames everything on “hormones”.
Tanja Windegger Do you think the brain causes the depersonalization to protect us? Or that we unconsciously do it to protect ourselves? If feels so uncomfortable. I also struggled with feels of being disconnected from my body. Like I was just a head floating around and walking felt so strange. I’d stomp my feel and pinch myself to try to feel more grounded. The ground felt spongey and I felt all floaty. It happened at school and work. I was always in a state of hyper vigilance at school and work. I also struggled with my surroundings feeling very odd like buildings seemed tiny and I seemed extremely tiny. Maybe my brain was tired from the stress. My parents/step father, were narcissistic and mentally abusive. It does help to know it’s more natural than I thought it was. Sorry I wrote so much!🥴
You have no idea how much I needed this. I’m not sure if I have c-PTSD, but I smoked a lot of marijuana and had a bunch of internalized panic attacks to the point where I kind of detached from myself and don’t feel like everything is real... I stopped completely but I know that I will never be the same again and I wish I could go back to when I was ignorantly in bliss and was present like I used to when I was younger. I feel lost a lot and can’t afford therapy :(
Part of me doesn't recognize itself, but part of me does. It doesn't make any sense to me. I hear an upset voice, that is myself when I look in a mirror.
Hi Agata, I am glad you got a shelter but hope you will get more support than that. The healing journey is exhausting and we need a place were we can feel safe to heal. never give you up hope! you are worthy of a better future.. sending you an extra gigantic dose of love and rainbows all the way to the other side of the world :) I believe in you
@@TanjaWindegger Thank you Tanja, I ended up here escaping abuse from my former landlord and employer. Shelter brought it's own set of challenges and unfortunately retrigerred my CPTSD, I feel that before moving in here I was in much better head space already. So I tried to make steps forward to free myself but it didn't exactly work out that way. It does feel hopeless at times. Your chanel is very informative. Greetings and bunch of positive thoughts your way!
@@AgataKaminska84 sending love and strength- what was once hopeless in my eyes turned to abundance. Please don’t let up. No surrender when it comes to the most important person in the world - ourselves.
I have immediate panic looking in the mirror, it’s comparable to looking at the glassy, dead eyes of a mascot costume, which also terrifies me. If I try to calm down, even if I look away, I’ll feel like something else is there, sometimes see it behind “me” in the mirror. Yet, when I use my front facing camera on my phone, I’m fine. I still feel a bit of a disconnect, like I’m controlling an avatar or something, but no panic, no fear.
I have Lyme Disease intense PTSD from an awful accident I was in 5 years ago. Now, its not just that I don't recognise myself.. its also that Im kinda horrified by reflection, due the scars and damage from the Lyme Disease. I also have intense visual disturbances which make me feel cut off from myself and only adds to the awfulness of confronting my reflection because my visual field is covered in electrical interference. My life is living hell... Its so unfair, I I didn't have the accident, I'd have hope for recovery, but due the scarring and stuff it just all is a an utter mess. I seem to have developed BDD, OCD as well as Depersonalisation and being in pain and having Lyme.
I don't have PTSD or ACE but it's still so difficult for me to recongnize my body, and the fact that I'm in it. Once when I was at school doing music and I looked in the mirror,I was so shocked to see who was looking back at me. I could'nt decipher who this was but I just accepted it was me. It was about this time I recongnized this was a problem. I have no idea how long this has been going on mabey for a year? I don't know but it's so crazy when I look in the mirror and see this person, I just can't recongnize them. Sometimes I just feel so numb like I'm unable to react to anything. When something bad may happen to me I just accept it don't feel anything and just,move on.
Thanks for sharing :) have you been emotionally neglected for prolonged times by your primary caregiver? This often goes unnoticed but can have a severe impact. it doesn't mean you end up with PTSD but you can still have some of the symptoms. What were your doctors thoughts on where or why this is happening for you?
I haven't watched the video yet but whenever I look in the mirror I know it's me but I don't feel like me. Ya know? I know it's me in the mirror, but somehow it doesn't look like me. I don't understand it. I feel like I'm in my body, but it doesn't feel like my body. I have no clue how to say it. But something about my face looks weird. Something about it the seems off. I don't know.
Is anyone the opposite? I’ve sat in front of a mirror for hours spiraling and I’m constant obsessed with looking at what I call this flesh suit, it’s all I think about even when I’m not looking at it
I am starting to recognize myself in the mirror less and less, do you think it is depersonalization? I have gone through a lot of stress for the past few months
stress can quickly get me to zone out or dissociate and that's when I get sense that I don't recognise myself.... these days I try to see it as a sign that I need to pause and check in with myself and do something calming, soothing, nurturing... for me and my body right now... Listen to myself... you are worthy of kindness...
Yo, same! The isolation from lockdown (I live alone, student), pluss the stress of exams has really triggered this thing for me. I just googled it today. I have already looked into cptsd for months.. and sure enough, this is also a symptom of it. Yet another clue to what my actual issue is.
at different stages of my healing I worked on different things. each required different approaches :) so it's being open to try out things, experiement, explore... chose what resonates and seems ot fit and stick with that for a while. there is no right or wrong treatment in my opinion
Depersonalisation is mental problem mentioned in the DSM. It is recognised by the mental health professionals. I have something called derealization. I feel real, but the external world does not sometimes. I especially notice this when I pump gas. Too many questions and too many buttons to push. The pump starts looking unreal. At the grocery store, there are too many things to choose from. Three years now and this feeling (it is visual also) is much better. Just keep working on this weird manifestation. Maybe it is a way for the mind to protect itself. Fight the good fight and love yourself. Thanks Tanja!
yes, I believe all our symptoms are ways our brain uses to protect us, they were coping mechanisms that helped us to survive... some just don't serve us that well now and some seem incredible tricky to replace ... sending you and extra dose of love and rainbows to brighten up the tough times just a little..
how did you get better? i've had it for at least two years now but it isnt going away
Today ,I stood in front of the mirror and saw myself for any breakouts and then I looked into my eyes and ... I don't know , I didn't know who was looking back , I didn't recognize my face and I couldn't handle that and quickly turned away from it and then I looked back and it hit me again ,whoa! I look like that! Who is it? Is it really me?
I looked at my hands and feet and I said aloud ,I am inside this body ,it's mine and the face is mine too!
I have two floor length mirrors in my room but I never actually look at myself, I come across them 2-3 times daily and I check for breakouts on my forehead ,then cheeks, then chin ,then nose. But never my face as a whole.
I'm 24 yr old today and I've had similar episodes before, since my teenage years, but I tried to dismiss them every time and rushed to people around me , distracting myself because I couldn't stand that for more than a dozen seconds.
Hearing you out has comforted me. Thank you.
I love that you stay with it for a few seconds. It takes courage, doesn't it!! it brings up such heavy emotions... This could be a healing daily morning practice to say good morning or welcome or something nice and accepting to your mirror image as you walk pass... healing takes so much patience with yourselves.. sending you an extra dose of love and rainbows...
I've noticed that when I use a mirror, it is either a very small mirror or I manage to just notice small areas of my face in particular. When I see photos of myself as a young girl, I don't quite connect with the image. I have learned that when I feel stress, my "little parts" need reassuring and comfort and I tell them they are safe and that I love them.
I have always had a problem with being overweight. I have wondered if I stay overweight because it reminds me of a time when I was cherished as a cute and pudgy infant, a time before the sexual abuse by my father began. Thank you for the encouragement Tanja.
yes, same I was struggling to feel connected.... it takes a ton of practice to get good at being a little more reassuring and comforting with ourselves, but you are worth it
I was diagnosed with CPTSD. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it's me and sometimes I look in the mirror and it's... well, not me. It's like a puppet controlled by me. Such a weird feeling. I was worried this morning because it happened again and decided to look up if that's something I have to worry about. Found your video and turns out it's a symptom of my CPTSD and constant dissociation. I'm less worried now because that means this is something I'm not alone with and something that I can work at. Thank you.
You are certainly not alone with this one... glad you found the video :)
Sometimes when I reflect on it as a fact, I can't believe how early on in life I had these symptoms and experiences of extreme depersonalization, feeling totally dissociated and not recognizing my body as belonging to my mind, feeling a complete "stranger-ness" towards my physical self. I used to be able to willingly induce it, especially if I was in front of a mirror and like trip out on it, but it's pretty damn frightening, so in my adult years I avoided doing this, but yesterday I had a pretty strong episode, the strongest in awhile that was pretty freaky.
It often makes me wonder what connection it does have to my childhood trauma, I suppose it functioned as a coping strategy of sorts, and I wonder to what extent do "normal" people experience it, if at all. In a way, that I guess is kind of crazy, I feel like "normal" people are the "weird" ones for being putatively unable to totally dissociate from their bodies, I'll say that it at least gives you a unique perspective on yourself to be able to temporarily shatter the frame of your subjectivity and see yourself to an extent as another "self in the world", although that's not quite what it is either, this estrangement has an uncanniness to its character that can't be merely explained by a mere loss in function of the mind body psychological synthesis that consitutes the self. The "Stranger" is too frightening to me to figure as a mere neutral "Other", I feel like it also has aspects of an evil twin or doppelganger (not literally), although maybe I'm failing to explain properly, I just feel like all other objects in the world have an otherness that also possesses a certain familiarity, whereas "My Doppelganger" is like the essence of utter strangeness and unfamiliarity.
Still I really appreciate others relating the same experiences, as a child I felt alone in this and whereas as an adult, I assumed that others must experience something similar, I felt oddly ashamed by these dissociative episodes to actually seek out the testimony of others on the subject. For that reason, thanks for making this.
Thank you for this. I’ve had 24/7 derealization for the past year and about six months ago started to feel weird in my skin and not recognizing myself in the mirror. It is very scary feeling and makes me wonder if I’ll ever get pass it. You send out such good vibes and have calming and gentle energies. Watching your videos gives hope. 🌈🦋✨
thanks so much for your kind words Jutta, they mean a lot to me :) it's so hard to be patient with yourselves, healing takes just so long... please trust that things will get better, the more we become curious about ourselves and the more we learn to accept ourselves just as we are in this moment with flaws and all the more those deep wound heal :) you're worthy and good enough
have you gotten any better ? if so how did you do it i really need some advice !
@@danny-gm4bz Unfortunately no but I found out what caused it for me and for a while it already got better. It started when I was on a medication but for so long I couldn’t make the connection. I tapered the medication and am working to heal my brain and nervous system. Hope you find your answer and help. Remember that acceptance, as freaking hard as it it, is the number one cure for everything. It relaxes the mind. It’s hard I know but gets better with practice! And sunglasses inside a huge relief. And making things with your hands aka trying to take your mind of it. Things I often say to myself: “so what?” And “of course this is you and reality.”
@@Jmj202 3 years of it
Almost two years too late for this video, but I really wanted to leave a big thank you! Searching up for this obviously shows, that I am in a dark place, but your encouraging words and your little "hang in there" really helps. I think sometimes it's good to recognize, that there is a problem and it is ok, when you are struggling. As long as you keep moving, it's ok. Which is why I will take your advise and try to ... try. I will try. Thank you for these words and thank you for making this video for us. You are really helping. Thank you.
Thank you for your beautiful message! it made my day to hear you will keep trying. Everyday is a fresh start. our best changes from moment to moment... please be kind with yourself especially on days you are struggling. sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows...
Thank you for this video! I've been having depression, earlier i was preventing myself from another mental breakdown and i was staring at myself in the mirror... after a few seconds it started feeling like it wasn't me, it looked like me but feels like someone else's eyes and face. It was really freaky and it felt like it was another person! It happened for a brief moment but I'm glad this video is here to clarify what was happening
it sure can be freaky experience, so glad this video was helpful :)
I don't remember most of my childhood and feel very disconnected looking at photos of myself in my youth. I sometimes look at photos of myself even now as an adult and think Oh wow I'm actually pretty. Not to sound conceited but just surprised because I don't generally feel pretty. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
that is beautiful. thank you for sharing
"Practice makes progress". As a recovering perfectionist I loved this statement.
:)
Damn, this happens to me more and more during lockdown. I freak out over my own reflection. It scares me that that is me.
It's interesting for me to observe your own personal progress from your early videos, Tanja, doing great and working hard with everything and even able to share, reach out to others, speak publicly.. but within your face and your core the difference now in 2021 is there to see with all that joy and confidence even though I know you are working so hard through each moment of every day. You have done amazing to transform your brain. You are such a beautiful person, so caring. It's difficult to believe that abusers in your past could have not been caring of the lovely child you once were. I'm so happy that you have been able to overcome. And thank you for letting us into your own personal journey with such honesty and integrity. It's healing for me just to see your joyful face. Am in a depression and struggling to get out of bed but still watching and learning. Thank you.
Thanks you for your kind and caring words! you are very observant 💛 This month April 5 years ago I started this youtube channel. So last week I was reflecting myself and also could see how much I changed in just those 5 years... yes our brain has tremendous capacity to change! never give up!
Wow, so fascinating for me to hear you speak on this subject when I thought that I was the only one that didn't look at themselves, often not recognising myself and exactly the same problem with not looking at myself brushing my teeth and over brushing so hard and giving myself the very same dental problems. I'm loving the fact that the brain can rewire, you are inspiring, encouraging and a beautiful person. Thank you!
some times it helps to know that we are not the only one doing xyz... thank you so much for your kind words :)
Found this video by mistake and it's the answer I've been looking for for so long
Thank you so much
So happy to hear! 🌻I love how we sometimes stumble across something in the most unusal ways, often when not even looking for it
Thank you Tanja. Love and rainbows. I have learned so much in this pass year.
then now is the time to celebrate your growth and achievements :)
Thank you Tundra, I watch this video few months ago.
It Really Woke me to realized that I could not remember the last time I looked in the mirror like really looked in the mirror at myself. I went as far back I think almost a year. Maybe longer.? I know I need contacts and very rarely would look in the mirror at my outfits but not really look at myself. Well I guess you did that I'm thinking that might have also played a part in all the weight i just started really noticing just how much ive gained. I've been telling a couple clothes people the past several years that this is not my body this is not me it's not who I am. I didnt recognize myself.
It's a really weird crazy thing. now I will practice your mirror acne getting myself compliments , practice staying ground in. Thank you so much for your love and your help and or shall I say for your Love rainbows
Yeah! so happy to hear that you are practicing :) practice makes progress... my mantra I kept telling myself over and over is "our brain has tremendous capacity to change" we got all the science or brain scans to show the changes... You got this! I believe in you
it's been really hard with me as i've gone months without being present and during my childhood i wasn't present for years which led me to one day wake up and not realize anything, and feeling really disoriented with little memory of anything that had gone on in the past, it's really strange to have to accept yourself in your body when sometimes it feels like something that keeps you captive. I for one like using my body as an exterior that i can misdirect people and tend to use it as a way to feel normal, but when it comes to me, myself, i end up sending a lot of positive messages to other people despite myself having no interest in any connection with myself, in all actuality i was disassociated for a 3 month period before quarantine and finally woke up and it was so strange because i'm now in a new house with almost all my belongings gone it's truly so weird to be taken away from all things you had that you knew as yours, to be swept away and almost lost to the nothingness. I am still working on being present but, it's been hard going through a lot of change and sadly it has become a hassle to get through school. I hope i can soon find someone to help me through this
my heart goes out to you... I too spend a lot of my life in dissociation.... sending you an extra dose of love & rainbows...
I have CPTSD. MDD, OCD & panic attacks since I was a teen and I’m in my late 40’s. I was a very anxious child and weight was always an issue. We moved a lot and I was the new kid all the time. Got bullied pretty severely. In my teens I started having depersonalization/de realization pretty frequently. Sometimes I felt normal and other times I’d look in the mirror and see a stranger and it came on very suddenly and intense and left me feeling crazy and nervous. It also happened into my 20’s talking with relatives, even my ex husband. All of a sudden they looked unfamiliar to me. It’s like I knew who they were but I was viewing them through a different lens. I wish I had known back then that other people suffered from this. I thought I was completely bonkers for the longest time. Before the internet I had to scour the library for information. It’s a very lonely thing if you don’t have support growing up and a narc Mother who blames everything on “hormones”.
Thanks for sharing. Yes I often wish that too. In my teens and 20s I felt so alone with all this
Tanja Windegger Do you think the brain causes the depersonalization to protect us? Or that we unconsciously do it to protect ourselves? If feels so uncomfortable. I also struggled with feels of being disconnected from my body. Like I was just a head floating around and walking felt so strange. I’d stomp my feel and pinch myself to try to feel more grounded. The ground felt spongey and I felt all floaty. It happened at school and work. I was always in a state of hyper vigilance at school and work. I also struggled with my surroundings feeling very odd like buildings seemed tiny and I seemed extremely tiny. Maybe my brain was tired from the stress. My parents/step father, were narcissistic and mentally abusive. It does help to know it’s more natural than I thought it was. Sorry I wrote so much!🥴
You have no idea how much I needed this. I’m not sure if I have c-PTSD, but I smoked a lot of marijuana and had a bunch of internalized panic attacks to the point where I kind of detached from myself and don’t feel like everything is real... I stopped completely but I know that I will never be the same again and I wish I could go back to when I was ignorantly in bliss and was present like I used to when I was younger. I feel lost a lot and can’t afford therapy :(
happy to hear you found it useful :) have you tried some free FB groups for support? I know it's not a replacement for therapy, but perhaps a start...
Part of me doesn't recognize itself, but part of me does. It doesn't make any sense to me. I hear an upset voice, that is myself when I look in a mirror.
sometimes it feels like I had to "get to know myself" - which may sound strange or not make sense
Thank you Tanja. You're doing wonderful things for this platform. 🧡
Thanks Hannah :)
Thank you for those videos. My name is Agata, I have cPTSD to. Unfortunatelly it ended up for me in a homeless shelter in London.
Hi Agata, I am glad you got a shelter but hope you will get more support than that. The healing journey is exhausting and we need a place were we can feel safe to heal. never give you up hope! you are worthy of a better future.. sending you an extra gigantic dose of love and rainbows all the way to the other side of the world :) I believe in you
@@TanjaWindegger Thank you Tanja, I ended up here escaping abuse from my former landlord and employer. Shelter brought it's own set of challenges and unfortunately retrigerred my CPTSD, I feel that before moving in here I was in much better head space already. So I tried to make steps forward to free myself but it didn't exactly work out that way. It does feel hopeless at times. Your chanel is very informative. Greetings and bunch of positive thoughts your way!
@@AgataKaminska84 sending love and strength- what was once hopeless in my eyes turned to abundance. Please don’t let up. No surrender when it comes to the most important person in the world - ourselves.
This is my whole life story and for so long I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. You have brought me tears of relief and hope
my heart goes out to you 💛 so glad my video brought you tears of relief and hope. sendingy you an extra dose of love and rainbows...
The string on the back of your head is real. The Silver Cord. Spiritual awakenings cause people to be aware of this. God bless and good luck always
thank you 💖💫
Wow I finally realized that I've been feeling this way for years.
glad you found that video then and hope it was helpful! it's a twisted road that healing journey
I have immediate panic looking in the mirror, it’s comparable to looking at the glassy, dead eyes of a mascot costume, which also terrifies me. If I try to calm down, even if I look away, I’ll feel like something else is there, sometimes see it behind “me” in the mirror. Yet, when I use my front facing camera on my phone, I’m fine. I still feel a bit of a disconnect, like I’m controlling an avatar or something, but no panic, no fear.
I hear you. Thank you for sharing. Healing takes so much patience and being gentle with ourselves
I have Lyme Disease intense PTSD from an awful accident I was in 5 years ago. Now, its not just that I don't recognise myself.. its also that Im kinda horrified by reflection, due the scars and damage from the Lyme Disease. I also have intense visual disturbances which make me feel cut off from myself and only adds to the awfulness of confronting my reflection because my visual field is covered in electrical interference. My life is living hell... Its so unfair, I I didn't have the accident, I'd have hope for recovery, but due the scarring and stuff it just all is a an utter mess. I seem to have developed BDD, OCD as well as Depersonalisation and being in pain and having Lyme.
my heart goes out to you! I know a few people with Lyme disease and ptsd... sending you healing energy and love
Thank you for the video.
Thanks for watching! hope you found it helpful
Really needed this. Thanks.
:) Glad it was helpful!
I tried yesterday to stare in the mirror , was so hard , I cant handle dpdr anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Really helpful
so happy to hear you found it helpful :)
Yes, I have this
I don't have PTSD or ACE but it's still so difficult for me to recongnize my body, and the fact that I'm in it. Once when I was at school doing music and I looked in the mirror,I was so shocked to see who was looking back at me. I could'nt decipher who this was but I just accepted it was me. It was about this time I recongnized this was a problem. I have no idea how long this has been going on mabey for a year? I don't know but it's so crazy when I look in the mirror and see this person, I just can't recongnize them. Sometimes I just feel so numb like I'm unable to react to anything. When something bad may happen to me I just accept it don't feel anything and just,move on.
Thanks for sharing :) have you been emotionally neglected for prolonged times by your primary caregiver? This often goes unnoticed but can have a severe impact. it doesn't mean you end up with PTSD but you can still have some of the symptoms. What were your doctors thoughts on where or why this is happening for you?
It doesn't happen often.
It just happened and i decided to check out what it is.
My face looked quite different and i got scared
I haven't watched the video yet but whenever I look in the mirror I know it's me but I don't feel like me. Ya know? I know it's me in the mirror, but somehow it doesn't look like me. I don't understand it. I feel like I'm in my body, but it doesn't feel like my body. I have no clue how to say it. But something about my face looks weird. Something about it the seems off. I don't know.
this is very common for trauma survivors
I also really feel the same way, I can't recognize myself when I'm talking, please help.
I had a lot of professional help to get pass this. I hope you find a therapist in your area too
Is anyone the opposite? I’ve sat in front of a mirror for hours spiraling and I’m constant obsessed with looking at what I call this flesh suit, it’s all I think about even when I’m not looking at it
I am starting to recognize myself in the mirror less and less, do you think it is depersonalization? I have gone through a lot of stress for the past few months
stress can quickly get me to zone out or dissociate and that's when I get sense that I don't recognise myself.... these days I try to see it as a sign that I need to pause and check in with myself and do something calming, soothing, nurturing... for me and my body right now... Listen to myself... you are worthy of kindness...
Yo, same! The isolation from lockdown (I live alone, student), pluss the stress of exams has really triggered this thing for me. I just googled it today. I have already looked into cptsd for months.. and sure enough, this is also a symptom of it. Yet another clue to what my actual issue is.
I think I might have PTSD
my heart goes out to you. please know that our brain has tremendous capacity to change. with the right practices and support things do get better...
what treatment did you had?
at different stages of my healing I worked on different things. each required different approaches :) so it's being open to try out things, experiement, explore... chose what resonates and seems ot fit and stick with that for a while.
there is no right or wrong treatment in my opinion
Yes!!!
🌈🌈🌈