Not trans, but I have trans & nb friends. I've always tried to be accepting and educated. I watch your videos to help me empathize with my LGBT+ friends as a cis man. Thanks for speaking openly about your experience 😊
I used to have dreams, in highschool, about me returning to school as "the new girl." I loved these dreams, so much, that I would think about them before bed to try to "induce" the dream. And I had no idea, not only that I was trans, but none even the slightest clue that trans was even a thing.
I had the same situation in middle school where are I wanted to go back to class looking completely like a boy so that others though I was "the new boy" in class. Now I know my true self🥰
i just turned 50 last week and am in process of transition. your content is as relevant to me as it is for folk 10,000 days younger than I am. Thank You for sharing all that you do with all of us. It is ladies such as yourself sharing publicly about your life that made it possible for me to figure myself out more. I live that im not so stuck in my life as a gen x person to be able to learn from your generation (who, to be honest, ive learned so much from).. Thank you so much Ashley, you are one of my heroes and role models.
@@WilliamBrowning The kids give me hope for the future. My generation (X) has been so disappointing. Too many went conservturd, like the boomers before. I mean, Johnny f¥
indeed I did.I could have said 27 years but 10,000 is a nice round number and to be honest, i have been living one day at a time for a very long time. maybe now I can start to move into my life and stop being a daily visitor to it...@@elizabethbice4274
For those who don't know already: being trans and having ADHD/autism are highly correlated, so getting assessed for that may massively improve your quality of life and give you time and headspace to figure out your transition.
My mother refuses to believe I am trans because I have an adhd diagnosis, growing up I was a tomboy and I'm now 18 and still feeling euphoric when presenting masc, yet she denies it to her core. Sometimes it's better to bring your parents along with you for your trans journey rather than keeping them outside of it! It's one of my most regretful mistakes.
I suppressed it for 45 years. I *think* I had to really hear the word 'transgender' in common parlance before I thought if transitioning. Up until that point I just was filled with self hatred.
I was just crying 30 minutes ago because even though I already told my mom, I didn't know how to start really, this videos really help me to have a clearer view of path that I have to take in order to be happy, thanx❤
That thing about seeing examples of happy trans people was really the final step for me too. I kept looking, on and off for years, to find positive examples of trans people that I could relate to online. It was difficult, because when you search for trans women online you'd usually find porn, or people's transition stories that were (a) boring, and (b) full of drama and complaining. Neither of these situations seemed like something I wanted for myself. Eventually, it was seeing trans TH-camrs like PhilosophyTube, Jimquisition, Kim Justice, and Contrapoints, where the videos weren't really about being trans, but they were succeeding and they were out about being trans. Even F1nn5ter, who I know isn't trans, but kinda trans adjacent, was a huge help. I thought "If people are willing to PAY him for doing what I've been hiding and ashamed of all that time, perhaps the world is ready for me." Of course, immediately after I decided to finally go through with it, the conservatives in every part of the world decided to use oppressing trans people as a way to prove that they are capable of accomplishing something (since their actual platform is a bad idea for anybody who isn't a billionaire), but once the egg is cracked, there is no uncracking it... I'm now a year on HRT, struggling through electrolysis, out to my mother, and frantically trying to immigrate to a country where the supreme court isn't one lawsuit away from putting us all in concentration camps. But I'm glad I got to finally start my transition. I just wish I'd done it much, much earlier.
About a year behind, I'll see a gender therapist next year, which is in a few weeks. I saw trans people like contrapoints, dead domain, etc and was like hey, they actually look pretty good almost how I would really like to look, if I were trans. Then I saw happy trans people and it just hit. Then the world decided to bring the culture war up a notch, and now it's a lot safer in my shell. I'm a little trans turtle. My egg cracked and now I'm sometimes out, sometimes in.
I discovered I was trans in September 2004 and began social transition immediately afterward. I'm overjoyed that trans people who find themselves today have so much more access to resources and support groups, a greater degree of understanding in medical fields, more positive representation in media, all stuff I didn't have when I came out nearly 20 years ago. That was before TH-cam, before Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, most of the modern internet existed. It felt fractured and isolating, with few people IRL who understood and most sources online being purely academic stuff. Seeing people like you making these videos really hits home just how much has changed for the better since I came out. Thank you.
I came out about a year after you towards the end of 2005 and it seemed to me like there was quite a bit of online support via various forums, Usenet, yahoo and Google groups and chat on IRC (and aol 🙄) I didn’t know many other trans people in real life, though, so felt some of that isolation. The biggest change I think I’ve seen has been the rise of negative attitudes and transphobia in the British press and some sections of (un)civil society and the more toxic parts of the online world.
@@emmajacobs5575 For sure, things probably varied pretty greatly depending on age, location, living situation, etc, so I get you. I was 15 in 2004 living in the US Midwest, and I mostly used forums rather than Usenet or chat servers. One thing that is definitely worse now is the transphobia, for sure. In the 2000s I wasn’t always accepted, but I was mostly seen as an ultimately harmless weirdo rather than having to endure the onslaught of terrible slanderous attacks on myself and the trans community on a daily basis. So I definitely agree there.
It's so crazy I only came out to myself 10 months ago, so many years of repressing it before that. I feel like I've recently passed the baby trans phase. I'm 7 months on hormones, and it's just wild to think one day I'll be like you where it's 20 years. Coming out in 2023 is so different from what it was like in 2004 and I can only imagine what it'll be like in another 20.
My teenage daughter came out to me and her mother a few months ago. Videos like this are helping me to understand how I can better support her both now and in the future. Thank you!
I'm not trans damn it! Yes, I'm on HRT but I'm a man transitioning into a man! Seriously I have a medical condition requiring me to be on testosterone replacement for the rest of my life. The trans community has been the best source for advice and understanding. Plus Icky is just awesome, more than F1nn deserves. 😅
the term HRT was co-opted by the trans community which is now kind of overshadowing cis HRT lol. SO MANY transfems ask why there is a warning for pregnant people on estradiol haha
@@swaggymcdrip no/spotty facial hair, nipple tenderness (male produce small amounts of estrogen, more if your over weight due to fat cells converting testosterone into estrogen), fatigue, low libido, low/no sperm count, hot flashes (male version of menopause), muscle mass loss, and behavior changes. Usually low T or hypogonadism is accompanied with other medical issues.
Main thing I'd add is that the most important thing is to be safe and not hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. And life works out if things take longer too.
I socially transitioned almost 25 years ago. 11 years before I learned that transition was something other people did. I didn't believe it was something I could do. I had to overcome social barriers but I also had to overcome my own mental barriers. Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly and honestly so that more young people have hope - know what is possible and how to follow in your footsteps. You are amazing and your voice is powerful and vital.
I also decided to speedrun coming out to family. It's been very difficult as some people really react differently than you think they would. The good thing is I have supportive friends
My biggest setback is the fact that I feel gender-fluid and most of the time I don’t want to have any facial hair shadow at all but sometimes I like having facial hair and I don’t want to permanently remove having it as an option… truly a shitty middle ground to be in
saaaaaaaaaaame! It sucks, its actually something really getting in my way to becoming more femme/androgynous, but I also don't want permenantly removing it to be my only option! I wish there was some sort of puberty blockers but for facial hair haha
@@JackooD if I could temporarily change my dna to give me really lightly colored facial hair I think I could manage, but for now it’s stubble the color of outer space on pale skin 💔
Ha, same… I’m comfortably an enby, but I mostly present macs, partly cause of who I live with, but mostly because 90% of the time I love my beard but some days I just want to be smooth face… it’s a toughie lol
These videos give me an insight into what a trans person works through to figure out who they truly are. You make really engaging, interesting videos, and having family support is a massive positive - I can speak from personal experience there. (Coming out is scary as hell...)
Most important thing of all, be your best support. Doubting is normal. Be gentle with yourself. Transitionning put you in a vulnerable position, you need self compassion and supportives contacts/friends/family/whatever. Surround yourself with good people, get rid of everyone else. There are plenty of supportive discords servers, FB groups, local association, etc. Go get in touch with people like you, don't stay alone cause you are not.
Just thought Id say that 28 isn’t almost your entire life. Think on the bright side of it, you aren’t even in your 30s yet. Some people don’t even start to transition until they are in their 60s
icky im 17 and honestly idk if im trans or not but I probably am, and seeing u pass so well having started your transition at 23 gives me a lot of hope
@@cool_bug_facts I'm trying to temper people's expectations. I was told over and over again when I was pre transition that I would be able to pass, because people were just trying to be nice. but over 3 years in now and I'm not even close. and having to come to terms with that I've been lied to all this time and that I'll never pass has been devastating.
Totally feel you on the "I want to speed run 'Girl'" Thats about where I am now. Hell, before I started transitioning I consistently had been referenced as a woman or girl since childhood and those times have been a source of warm cozy memories for me
My experience was a little different. I had a rough go of it... But I ended up 'accepting' it pretty quickly. I had signs as early as preschool... To me playing dress up didn't have anything to do with gender, hello kitty was just a show I liked. In middle school I liked to have longer hair cause I thought longer hair was better than shorter hair. It was then when someone asked if I was a boy or a girl since they couldn't tell... And for the first time in my life 8 felt good because nobody could tell I was a boy. In highschool I remembered everything... It all came rushing back.... But it STILL didn't click. I didn't repress it... I just didn't realize. I hated what I looked like... I cut my hair, wore different clothes and male presented still uncomfortable... And still confused why I hated what I looked like. Nearly 2 years later a friend brought it up. She realized the signs, and asked me a bunch of questions ultimately ending with "are you a girl?" and... I faltered... I didn't know what to say. I was sure I was a man... Wasn't I? "What?" "It's simple!" She looked me in my eyes. Scooted closer, and said it again "are you a girl." This time when she said it though, she said it like it was a statement. Almost as if to say 'you are a girl'. And then the memories resurfaced again. Suddenly everything clicked... But... I didn't want to believe it. That's when I really repressed it. That is until 5 months later when I came out.
Yes, hello, you can stop publishing the details of my life at any time /lh Jokes aside, the biggest "eureka!" moment for me was when a hobby-related discord server informally adopted pronoun identification for in-channel usernames, and I just _could not_ bring myself to put "he/him"
Thank you for sharing your story Icky. Watching your videos really helps me to validate these complicated feelings. As for myself, I literary wrote a blog post 3.5 years ago that started with "I am probably trans". And then dismissed it and ignored it until I met a trans-girl IRL who helped me navigate the right way.
The love and care and effort you put into helping others with their transitions really shines through in these kind of videos. Thank you for everything you're doing Ashley. It really means a lot
Thank you so much for talking about your experience. A very brave and nice thing to do.😌 This will definitely help many people who are afraid or at the cusp of accepting whom they are really.
Bravo to you again for using your platform to inform to those who need this info. The more conversation we have, the better and more knowledge ppl accumulate which greatly help them on deciding what to do next.
Thanks girlfriend, I just love you and your videos. I've only transitioned socially, but it has been a godsend, though I cannot claim to have been accepted by my mom, as you were. Still, I have begun to accept myself, which I discover daily is infinitely more valuable and essential. Even just singing "I'm a girl" to myself puts a smile on my face. :) Such a small thing for such a huge happiness. Cheers!
Such a lovely video. I'm over 5 years into my transition already, but I think this video will help make starting transition so much less scary for folks figuring themselves out now.
Just started my 43rd week of HRT, and while I definitely am past the point of starting steps, videos like this still give me a lot. The sense of unity through shared experiences, euphoria for another girl’s transition, and echoing of shared sentiments really helps to encourage and reinforce the decisions I’ve made and the path I’ve put myself on. Basically: you’re great, thanks for sharing your experiences with us, and more videos from the ramble chair 🖤
Biggest thing for me was having a lot of trans friends online. Also basically calling GenderGP diy is so real, they can be life savers but god they are often so incompetent and are basically just DIY but with a friend and without buying hrt with bitcoin.
Glad you're doing these videos; one of the biggest hurdles to me not transitioning was not knowing it was even an option! Would have done it much sooner if I knew. So the more awareness the better!
Ohhhhh it's so nice to listen to this I've just been feeling shitty about myself after coming out to my family this week and finding that they're not super supportive
You are so strong. You are so open with your life and you give others strength and hope. Please keep this going. I enjoy watching you .... and Finn doing your thing.
While I'm over a year into my transition now, but this was still helpful! Your journey has been pretty close to mine, so it's good to know I'm not the only one :)
As a 40 year old cishet white man, thank you for these videos in helping me understand what it is like to be on the other side. I had to deprogram a lot of shitty opinions on trans people that were handed to me as a kid.
2:08 Mood haha (living with a transphobic parent makes it difficult... I'm working on it). I repressed but also kinda didn't figure it out for a long time. When it did click, I initially called myself genderfluid and proceeded to do nothing else. Then I was non-binary (but still doing nothing else). And then I was a trans woman. Within the space of a year.
I'm currently questioning, and talking to my trans/nb friends along with a lot of research on youtube and other internet platforms has helped alot!! (ty Icky)
Thank you this really helps me, I have had this on my mind over the last couple of days and I was thinking about it just now then I open TH-cam and what do you know this video pops up! Thank you!!❤❤
Started at 55 have been on/off for 10 years. Have had no work, no surgeries, no, nothing done now. Finally, considering seriously to get some minor surgeries done. There is a whole lot more that you have to consider after you start thinking about how your genetics correspond to your mom or your sister how you will develop As a female.
the effects of masculine hrt is basically just male puberty and also your clitoris will grow and kinda look like a little pp (which if ur planning on getting bottom surgery it can actually help with that and also help with determining the right size for you) and you’ll get male pattern baldness which you can take dht blockers for but it’ll prevent bottom growth and facial and body hair growth soo if u want bottom growth and more hair on ur body and face you’ll have to deal with the balding
It's good to for trans people to speak openly about their experiences, helps people like me who are comfortable in the bodies we were born in understand what you're going through. I believe it must be tough on ones psyche to be unsure (and then unsure how your surroundings are going to react). I just have PTSD and depression and I have trouble dealing with it (and explaining to people what that's like). Videos like this are also good for people that are going through the initial process of self discovery, because people like me can support them, but our knowledge and possibility to advise them, is limited.
I love how calmly and honestly you talk about how transitioning is, I have a lot of queer friends but not many are trans women like me and being able to watch videos like yours makes transitioning a lot less scary and I guess ... reminds me that it's real and that what I need to do is normal and that I WILL succeed. Thank you :-)
I went through hell for a month in '09. A dream i had made me ? trans. I knew what it was but. Learned later it was I had a twin sister who miscarried. It told me a lot of myself but looked and watched a lot of trans vids back then. I found my self more but my empathy went out to all those ppl that shared their stories.
Omg this popped up on my recommended and so many of the things apply to me and now I’m considering transitioning yay time to watch all ur vids✨p.s thank u for the vid
I don't know if I'm trans or not. I know I have feelings I can't place and I have always had to fight to fit into the stereotypical norms for a male (Like being told as a kid that men don't cry). I'm old enough that when I was a kid, trans was not a thing. You were either straight or gay. I knew I was not gay as I was not attracted to men (or boys at that time)so I just felt like there was something else wrong. A few years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and for a time felt that must have been what I was feeling all along and while I was able to solve a lot of issues, something was still there that did not feel right. I to this day can't say what that is or even explain the feeling. I just feel like the mental me does not fit the physical one. I'm leaning towards trans because growing up I preferred "girls" toys over "boys" ones. I also have to fight to keep my emotions in check and can cry at the drop of a hat, sometimes for no apparent reason. As I will be getting insurance next year I plan on getting evaluated. I just need to know one way or another. Even if not, I do still identify more with what one would normally call the "feminine" side and often talk of men as if I'm not part of that group. Great video as always.
you should do more research on gender dysphoria on your own to see if it helps you classify these feelings you're having. there are a lot of helpful resources online and you do not need a healthcare provider to "diagnose" you as trans. speaking with a gender therapist did help me a lot in understanding my feelings though, as it helped me feel valid and recognized, and also as it was a great resource for getting healthcare. try to experiment with femininity or pronouns to see if it helps you. I wish you the best of luck :)
well, being trans is more than just “i played with girl toys as a kid” or “i cry a lot so i must be a woman” . tbh why should your behaviors during childhood dictate what you do in your adult life? everyone changes during puberty/adulthood. i think the more important questions to ask yourself are: “would transition make me happier? alleviate distress? will i like the effects of hrt? would filling the role of another gender make me finally ‘feel right’? am i confusing gender feelings with wanting to present more feminine, or some other unresolved issues?” etc.
7:16 my coming out to family was kinda similar to your experience Icky in that my mum was the first to know and then over time she just started informing the rest of the family, I genuinely feared how my dad would react. He and I always had a strained relationship while growing up, but as he got older he mellowed out to the idea of accepting it in his own way.
I discovered i was trans back in 2020-2021 I believe. My mom has been so supportive and so has the rest of my family. I’m trans ftm, and the first time i figured out i was trans i just wore beanies because of how poofy and curly and all over the place my hair was. Then about a year or two later, i got my hair shaved. It was the best decision i have ever done for my hair. As a kid i always put my hair in a bun or i would wear a headband(for context, im mixed, so my hair is fair thick, very curly, and not that long, but A LOT to take care of and manage). Its so much easier to take care of now. For context i have my poof at the top of my hair and the bottom of my hair is shaved. All i have to do now is put water on it, use conditioner, brush it, dry it, then fluff it up a bit and its done. Ive always hated my hair and never understood how people wanted hair like mine. Now i love my hair. It makes me feel so much more free. Anyways enough about the hair. I’m 18 right now. I haven’t scheduled doing T yet because i have no idea where to start. I’ve just been using binders safely, getting my hair trimmed ans shaved maybe once or twice a month. And wearing more masculine clothes(that wasnt much of a change because as a kid i would usually wear more masculine clothes anyways. And for a while i tried to deepen my voice, but it was so cringe i stopped doing it). I’ve done some research on HRT but not a lot and not enough to know how the process usually goes. I’ve heard that mental health has to do with some of the accepting process with HRT. And that doesn’t really give me hope. Ive struggled with major depression disorder and severe anxiety all my life. I’m so scared that i won’t get accepted to start HRT for a long time. My mom luckily has signed me up for something that will help me with the HRT process(i forgot what it was called). Im so lucky to have such a supportive family. My nephews are a but young to understand but all we’vre really told them is that i go by jax now, and they use that name for me. I haven’t been deadnamed by any of my family in a long time, and thats all thanks to my mom for helping me gain the courage to let them know. She was the one who said “hey *deadnamed* is not jax” and they all just understood and said okay. My brothers both understood that i am trans and both accept me for who i am, as do my mom and my stepdad. My nephews will know when they are a bit older, but other than that im happy. I just wish i could get HRT. I hate having these things on my chest, i dont really care about bottom surgery tho. I’m so clueless about the HRT process, so hopefully watching these videos and doing more research will help me.
Thanks for the hot tip about the bank account! I would have never thought of that. I've had to stop talking to most of my biological family at this point since I was not accepted but found a lot more understanding and help in the community! Still feeling gender fluid myself but my personal experience can vary season to season it seems like 😅
Ashley, you are the best. I only came out as trans to my family 6 months ago. Almost everyone in my immediate family accepted me. They don't know anything about that but exper me. I have now been on HRT for 5 months, and the change is showing. HRT and people like you and Finn, who I have watched for a couple of years now. Not knowing why I liked his content. So much of what you and others have said is too real. Because I denied myself for so long, my shell was that of a petrified dinosaur egg. The shattering was crippling. So,to those questioning. Talk to a therapist. Work it out. Don't wait to find yourself laid out gasping for breath like me. Keep up the good work you and Finn are beautiful together. 😊
This video has helped me alot and helped me stop denying myself that I'm trans I just came out to some of my close friends recently and am starting to socially and this helped me stop thinking what if I'm not actually trans and I'm just lying to myself (I've been wanting to be a girl for the past 4 or 5 years) thank you so much
Thanks for these little videos about normal life stuff and adjustments. It's nice having another perspective, y'know I relate to the going back to university and hitting a hard switch on gender. Tbf I haven't done the bits that involve talking to official people like the gp or bank changes, but the uni and my friends know and that's enough for now. Need to get on that official shirt though, just been busy and using that as an excuse to not do it. Also I haven't checked how hard it is to get a gender neutral marker (Mx or ideally just no title) on stuff like a bank account, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
I tried to force myself to conform to male despite things never feeling right at all. All my life I tried to get passed the feelings I had and hope it went away. I didn't even try to accept it until about a year and a half ago. I was living in a safe place to be able to explore myself without the fear of being thrown out. And since then, I've been feeling more confident with myself, now that I have an understanding of what's been going on in me. I went through several relationships in highschool and struggled through all of them. Whenever came to anything sexual, I was fine with giving oral but I never felt remotely comfortable with receiving. I felt so, so, very wrong whenever my partner male, female, or in between would try. I had never felt more intense distress outside of relationships, but it felt similar to when people said I am supposed to be a man, or told me that I need to be more manly, etc. After realizing I was trans and talked to my doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist, I have for the first time in my life a goal. And I don't know if I'd ever have any if not for the realization.
I didn't do the research, I had dysphoria all the time. It wasn't till euphoria hit that it clicked. I tried on a skirt, and remembered things I use to do that made me happy, all of them girl things. I spoke with a therapist and the therapist was like how long long have you been like this, and i was like most of my life remembering all the repressed memories. All of them, I had serious PTSD as well, so the good memories and the bad memories came up. I had a really bad child hood so I repressed everything. I came out to my partner and a few people many years back I seen my self as nonbinary and briefly exmplained to them what that means, they didn't respect my pronouns at all and I feared correcting them all the time because of how others reacted when I did. I fell roller blading in 2023 because my partner kept pushing me to try it and I never did it and they didn't want to help me. Some guy knocked me down intentionally I suspect. I broke my arm and hit my head. My partner was refusing to take me to the hospital till I started shouting at them to take me to the hospital or I will get someone else to drive me there. While in the hospital I started coming out to people who I didn't trust before, and my partner didn't even stay with me in the hospital they left as soon as they could and only visited me once to put me down more. My partner and those several people I told pretended I never told them anything. The hospital found a tumor but didn't tell me it was a brain tumor and kept lying to me about what it was until 4 months down the road after I pulled up medical records and found out what they were with holding from me. US health care system at its finest. Only when I called them out on this did they even offer to do anything about the brain tumor, which was brain surgery to remove the tumor. Claiming I had it all my life likely and taking another month to tell me it wasn't cancerous and they will get back to me after a board reviews this doctors diagnoises of it not being cancer to make sure it is not cancer. My family and parents blamed the brain tumor on me being trans when no I've been this way all my life and the tumor according to what I got told after the surgery was neoplasm on the outside of the brain, it was made of brain cells but partically detatched from the brain. Atleast that is what I got told, not sure how true it is because doctors already lied to me several times and I am running into issues with insurance because my partner didn't want to sign me up with their jobs even though they very well could. They want me to be a stay at home parent but they don't want me to see anyone outside the home including doctors, therapists, friends, family, they have completely isolated me and act like its okay and normal because all their friends do that to their partners too, all of their friends have had multiple divorses and break ups because their friends are incredibly toxic all the time to anyone amab including me. They all have had terrible childhoods but nothing compared to what I had to deal with. My trauma pits were litteral life and death with medical trauma, followed by being nearly choked to death multiple times, and theirs was their religious parents told them they can't play pokemon cards.
personally im in a wee bit of a scenario. I never really wanted to make friends with people, in order to affect less people (mental health stuff, long story) so now im stuck with maybe... like 7 total friends. 2 of these ive been able to talk abt this stuff and kinda get them to help me thru it, but the other 5 are... good people but dont exactly come from understanding backgrounds. Ive slowly tried to introduce them to the idea of being more accepting, but at the same time im dead terrified of losing them, especially since i really have no one to fall back on. Deep down i do believe theyd understand, but only after ive already started transitioning (starting in like 2 weeks) but until then, im just dropping hints and stuff.
Thank you for sharing this! I was a preschooler when I realized I was trans, but didn't know what it was until I was 19. It would have changed my entire life & life trajectory for the better if I had known the word "transgender" in my youth. You are doing great work educating folks and supporting them. Sending much love your way 💕🏳️⚧️
I’m only about a month in after accepting me being trans, and I definitely needed this video. Perfect timing that this came out and showed up on my feed today. Thank you
You are so amazing. Im really enjoying your videos and you answered so many questions as I am just now starting to take this trans thing seriously. I have changed my name in all of my food apps as well as online shopping. Ill see about the checking account thing.
everything about this video is EXACTLY what i want to do wtf. The part where you had to move back home is so relatable. I am stuck in my home and currently unable to just be myself, so i am looking to just move out and escape. Hope i can eventually...
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"F1nn5ter, if you figured out you were trans, what would you do first?" nice one
hehe yeah that aged well.
"Ascend from darkness!"
Not trans, but I have trans & nb friends. I've always tried to be accepting and educated. I watch your videos to help me empathize with my LGBT+ friends as a cis man. Thanks for speaking openly about your experience 😊
thank you for being an ally for us
Thanks, we need more people like you.
:)
Thanks for being so kind!
Based response :)
I wasn't trans until I read the title and got hit by the *feminising beam*
Pretty laser was super effective!
* Pretty or handsome attire not included.
Real
hit by the ESTROGEN BEAM :3c
I used to have dreams, in highschool, about me returning to school as "the new girl." I loved these dreams, so much, that I would think about them before bed to try to "induce" the dream.
And I had no idea, not only that I was trans, but none even the slightest clue that trans was even a thing.
Oh my lord I was the exact same way. Always trying to make myself have the dream where I’m a girl. Never knew it meant I was trans haha
The night before my egg shattered I had a literal dream I went to a new highschool as a trans girl.
I had the same situation in middle school where are I wanted to go back to class looking completely like a boy so that others though I was "the new boy" in class. Now I know my true self🥰
This is exactly the reason that representation matters.
exactly
@@TheModdedwarfare3
i just turned 50 last week and am in process of transition. your content is as relevant to me as it is for folk 10,000 days younger than I am. Thank You for sharing all that you do with all of us. It is ladies such as yourself sharing publicly about your life that made it possible for me to figure myself out more. I live that im not so stuck in my life as a gen x person to be able to learn from your generation (who, to be honest, ive learned so much from).. Thank you so much Ashley, you are one of my heroes and role models.
thats amazing, i wish you the absolute best for ur transition and the rest of your authentic true life. sending love and joy!!
As a GenX dude, I can confirm... The kids are alright.
Best wishes on your journey.
🏳️⚧SOLIDARITY!🏳️⚧and LOVE!🏳️🌈from Texas!
@@WilliamBrowning
The kids give me hope for the future. My generation (X) has been so disappointing. Too many went conservturd, like the boomers before. I mean, Johnny f¥
Unrelated but... did you say 10,000 Days on purpose?
indeed I did.I could have said 27 years but 10,000 is a nice round number and to be honest, i have been living one day at a time for a very long time. maybe now I can start to move into my life and stop being a daily visitor to it...@@elizabethbice4274
For those who don't know already: being trans and having ADHD/autism are highly correlated, so getting assessed for that may massively improve your quality of life and give you time and headspace to figure out your transition.
My mother refuses to believe I am trans because I have an adhd diagnosis, growing up I was a tomboy and I'm now 18 and still feeling euphoric when presenting masc, yet she denies it to her core. Sometimes it's better to bring your parents along with you for your trans journey rather than keeping them outside of it! It's one of my most regretful mistakes.
Autism is about 5% of the general population, and 24% for the trans population. So it's more common, but by no means the majority.
Yes and Ashley has ADHD diagnosis IIRC which isn't surprising :3
I'm questioning if I may be autistic, what will change if I get diagnosed VS ignore it?
@@christa_lynyou might get access to helpful resources which you could make use of with a diagnosis
Not trans you’re just pretty and have a nice accent so I watch
What next?
‘You're trans? Ok. Wait, are you British? Wow! That's so cool!’
Your egg is safe… for now
Ok ya’ll need to breathe. You can’t handle a slightly pushy joke
@@Sentient-potatoegg culture sucks, that commenter knows themself better than you possibly could
@@pokkiheart it’s a joke
I suppressed it for 45 years. I *think* I had to really hear the word 'transgender' in common parlance before I thought if transitioning. Up until that point I just was filled with self hatred.
❤❤❤
I was just crying 30 minutes ago because even though I already told my mom, I didn't know how to start really, this videos really help me to have a clearer view of path that I have to take in order to be happy, thanx❤
That thing about seeing examples of happy trans people was really the final step for me too.
I kept looking, on and off for years, to find positive examples of trans people that I could relate to online.
It was difficult, because when you search for trans women online you'd usually find porn, or people's transition stories that were (a) boring, and (b) full of drama and complaining. Neither of these situations seemed like something I wanted for myself.
Eventually, it was seeing trans TH-camrs like PhilosophyTube, Jimquisition, Kim Justice, and Contrapoints, where the videos weren't really about being trans, but they were succeeding and they were out about being trans.
Even F1nn5ter, who I know isn't trans, but kinda trans adjacent, was a huge help. I thought "If people are willing to PAY him for doing what I've been hiding and ashamed of all that time, perhaps the world is ready for me."
Of course, immediately after I decided to finally go through with it, the conservatives in every part of the world decided to use oppressing trans people as a way to prove that they are capable of accomplishing something (since their actual platform is a bad idea for anybody who isn't a billionaire), but once the egg is cracked, there is no uncracking it...
I'm now a year on HRT, struggling through electrolysis, out to my mother, and frantically trying to immigrate to a country where the supreme court isn't one lawsuit away from putting us all in concentration camps. But I'm glad I got to finally start my transition. I just wish I'd done it much, much earlier.
About a year behind, I'll see a gender therapist next year, which is in a few weeks. I saw trans people like contrapoints, dead domain, etc and was like hey, they actually look pretty good almost how I would really like to look, if I were trans. Then I saw happy trans people and it just hit. Then the world decided to bring the culture war up a notch, and now it's a lot safer in my shell. I'm a little trans turtle. My egg cracked and now I'm sometimes out, sometimes in.
😮😋 😊
I discovered I was trans in September 2004 and began social transition immediately afterward. I'm overjoyed that trans people who find themselves today have so much more access to resources and support groups, a greater degree of understanding in medical fields, more positive representation in media, all stuff I didn't have when I came out nearly 20 years ago. That was before TH-cam, before Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, most of the modern internet existed. It felt fractured and isolating, with few people IRL who understood and most sources online being purely academic stuff. Seeing people like you making these videos really hits home just how much has changed for the better since I came out. Thank you.
I came out about a year after you towards the end of 2005 and it seemed to me like there was quite a bit of online support via various forums, Usenet, yahoo and Google groups and chat on IRC (and aol 🙄) I didn’t know many other trans people in real life, though, so felt some of that isolation.
The biggest change I think I’ve seen has been the rise of negative attitudes and transphobia in the British press and some sections of (un)civil society and the more toxic parts of the online world.
@@emmajacobs5575 For sure, things probably varied pretty greatly depending on age, location, living situation, etc, so I get you. I was 15 in 2004 living in the US Midwest, and I mostly used forums rather than Usenet or chat servers. One thing that is definitely worse now is the transphobia, for sure. In the 2000s I wasn’t always accepted, but I was mostly seen as an ultimately harmless weirdo rather than having to endure the onslaught of terrible slanderous attacks on myself and the trans community on a daily basis. So I definitely agree there.
It's so crazy I only came out to myself 10 months ago, so many years of repressing it before that. I feel like I've recently passed the baby trans phase. I'm 7 months on hormones, and it's just wild to think one day I'll be like you where it's 20 years. Coming out in 2023 is so different from what it was like in 2004 and I can only imagine what it'll be like in another 20.
My teenage daughter came out to me and her mother a few months ago. Videos like this are helping me to understand how I can better support her both now and in the future. Thank you!
Day 6 on HRT. Thank you for all you do! 🏳️⚧️🩵🩷
Oooh nice
yay!!! happy for you! all the best for the future! love :D
@@sleepyheidi8445 Thank you so much 😊
Yay! It's day 12 for me
@@cobiebeef ahhhhh we’re doing it
I'm not trans damn it! Yes, I'm on HRT but I'm a man transitioning into a man! Seriously I have a medical condition requiring me to be on testosterone replacement for the rest of my life. The trans community has been the best source for advice and understanding. Plus Icky is just awesome, more than F1nn deserves. 😅
the term HRT was co-opted by the trans community which is now kind of overshadowing cis HRT lol. SO MANY transfems ask why there is a warning for pregnant people on estradiol haha
whaat ive never heard of this. so if you dont take T what would happen?
@@swaggymcdrip no/spotty facial hair, nipple tenderness (male produce small amounts of estrogen, more if your over weight due to fat cells converting testosterone into estrogen), fatigue, low libido, low/no sperm count, hot flashes (male version of menopause), muscle mass loss, and behavior changes. Usually low T or hypogonadism is accompanied with other medical issues.
@@gothesouthway I have all the things you just listed, what condition is this called?
@@someone5502 Hypogonadism
Main thing I'd add is that the most important thing is to be safe and not hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. And life works out if things take longer too.
I socially transitioned almost 25 years ago. 11 years before I learned that transition was something other people did. I didn't believe it was something I could do. I had to overcome social barriers but I also had to overcome my own mental barriers.
Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly and honestly so that more young people have hope - know what is possible and how to follow in your footsteps. You are amazing and your voice is powerful and vital.
I also decided to speedrun coming out to family. It's been very difficult as some people really react differently than you think they would. The good thing is I have supportive friends
My biggest setback is the fact that I feel gender-fluid and most of the time I don’t want to have any facial hair shadow at all but sometimes I like having facial hair and I don’t want to permanently remove having it as an option… truly a shitty middle ground to be in
saaaaaaaaaaame! It sucks, its actually something really getting in my way to becoming more femme/androgynous, but I also don't want permenantly removing it to be my only option! I wish there was some sort of puberty blockers but for facial hair haha
@@JackooD if I could temporarily change my dna to give me really lightly colored facial hair I think I could manage, but for now it’s stubble the color of outer space on pale skin 💔
@@joebrewer4529 I’m not sure what you are asking
@@joebrewer4529 Unfortunately you aren't making much sense, Are you using voice to text? I don't think its working very well i'm afraid hun
Ha, same… I’m comfortably an enby, but I mostly present macs, partly cause of who I live with, but mostly because 90% of the time I love my beard but some days I just want to be smooth face… it’s a toughie lol
Thanks to you I started HRT 3 months ago your videos help me be myself thank you
These videos give me an insight into what a trans person works through to figure out who they truly are. You make really engaging, interesting videos, and having family support is a massive positive - I can speak from personal experience there. (Coming out is scary as hell...)
Finn: "Gotta make the whole world trans. We're working on it."
Me, who cracked after watching a video of Finn and Icky: "Good job."
f1nn cracks eggs like Julia Child.
@@ncc74656m Accurate ngl
Most important thing of all, be your best support. Doubting is normal. Be gentle with yourself. Transitionning put you in a vulnerable position, you need self compassion and supportives contacts/friends/family/whatever. Surround yourself with good people, get rid of everyone else. There are plenty of supportive discords servers, FB groups, local association, etc. Go get in touch with people like you, don't stay alone cause you are not.
Imagine talking to other people lol
I repressed it almost my entire life. 28 and im finally on my way to being me. Cant wait to start hrt.
Mid 20s and still in my denial phase, so i get it
Same, same :/
That's good
I should say I am a cisguy
But I am happy for you
Another trans fem going by Evelyn... I'm on 6 sightings now...
Just thought Id say that 28 isn’t almost your entire life. Think on the bright side of it, you aren’t even in your 30s yet. Some people don’t even start to transition until they are in their 60s
icky im 17 and honestly idk if im trans or not but I probably am, and seeing u pass so well having started your transition at 23 gives me a lot of hope
You got this❤ Its a difficult journey but so worth it
@@ladyrainicorn007 tysm ❤️❤️❤️
icky got very lucky. most of us dont pass nearly that well after transitioning for even longer than she has been.
@@an0bserver2000 gee, thanks for the encouragement
@@cool_bug_facts I'm trying to temper people's expectations. I was told over and over again when I was pre transition that I would be able to pass, because people were just trying to be nice. but over 3 years in now and I'm not even close. and having to come to terms with that I've been lied to all this time and that I'll never pass has been devastating.
Totally feel you on the "I want to speed run 'Girl'" Thats about where I am now. Hell, before I started transitioning I consistently had been referenced as a woman or girl since childhood and those times have been a source of warm cozy memories for me
My experience was a little different. I had a rough go of it... But I ended up 'accepting' it pretty quickly.
I had signs as early as preschool... To me playing dress up didn't have anything to do with gender, hello kitty was just a show I liked.
In middle school I liked to have longer hair cause I thought longer hair was better than shorter hair. It was then when someone asked if I was a boy or a girl since they couldn't tell... And for the first time in my life 8 felt good because nobody could tell I was a boy.
In highschool I remembered everything... It all came rushing back.... But it STILL didn't click. I didn't repress it... I just didn't realize. I hated what I looked like... I cut my hair, wore different clothes and male presented still uncomfortable... And still confused why I hated what I looked like.
Nearly 2 years later a friend brought it up. She realized the signs, and asked me a bunch of questions ultimately ending with "are you a girl?" and... I faltered... I didn't know what to say. I was sure I was a man... Wasn't I? "What?"
"It's simple!" She looked me in my eyes. Scooted closer, and said it again "are you a girl." This time when she said it though, she said it like it was a statement. Almost as if to say 'you are a girl'.
And then the memories resurfaced again. Suddenly everything clicked... But... I didn't want to believe it. That's when I really repressed it. That is until 5 months later when I came out.
Yes, hello, you can stop publishing the details of my life at any time /lh
Jokes aside, the biggest "eureka!" moment for me was when a hobby-related discord server informally adopted pronoun identification for in-channel usernames, and I just _could not_ bring myself to put "he/him"
Thank you for sharing your story Icky. Watching your videos really helps me to validate these complicated feelings.
As for myself, I literary wrote a blog post 3.5 years ago that started with "I am probably trans". And then dismissed it and ignored it until I met a trans-girl IRL who helped me navigate the right way.
The love and care and effort you put into helping others with their transitions really shines through in these kind of videos. Thank you for everything you're doing Ashley. It really means a lot
Still in disbelief that Half Life: Alyx was what cracked my egg lmao
that's funny as hell but also kinda based
@@notnullnotvoid GOD`s expectation to us:
REPENT!!
COME TO REPENTANCE!!
BORN AGAIN!!
BE HOLY!!
EXPOSE EVIL!!
DO THE WILL OF YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER!!
@@theharshtruthoutthere being trans isn't a sin, that's the way god made her.
Thank you so much for talking about your experience. A very brave and nice thing to do.😌 This will definitely help many people who are afraid or at the cusp of accepting whom they are really.
Bravo to you again for using your platform to inform to those who need this info.
The more conversation we have, the better and more knowledge ppl accumulate which greatly help them on deciding what to do next.
Definately your dad's loss. Keep being awesome.
I've been disowned by my dad because I came out.
Thanks girlfriend, I just love you and your videos. I've only transitioned socially, but it has been a godsend, though I cannot claim to have been accepted by my mom, as you were. Still, I have begun to accept myself, which I discover daily is infinitely more valuable and essential. Even just singing "I'm a girl" to myself puts a smile on my face. :) Such a small thing for such a huge happiness. Cheers!
Such a lovely video. I'm over 5 years into my transition already, but I think this video will help make starting transition so much less scary for folks figuring themselves out now.
Just started my 43rd week of HRT, and while I definitely am past the point of starting steps, videos like this still give me a lot.
The sense of unity through shared experiences, euphoria for another girl’s transition, and echoing of shared sentiments really helps to encourage and reinforce the decisions I’ve made and the path I’ve put myself on.
Basically: you’re great, thanks for sharing your experiences with us, and more videos from the ramble chair 🖤
4:05 celeste reference was genius
:)
@@bigkrimpin HEY ITS YOU!
Biggest thing for me was having a lot of trans friends online. Also basically calling GenderGP diy is so real, they can be life savers but god they are often so incompetent and are basically just DIY but with a friend and without buying hrt with bitcoin.
Glad you're doing these videos; one of the biggest hurdles to me not transitioning was not knowing it was even an option! Would have done it much sooner if I knew. So the more awareness the better!
The bank statement thing is actually a really smart idea
the fact people drop their own children because their children want to be themselves is absolutely crazy, ignorant and selfish
Ohhhhh it's so nice to listen to this I've just been feeling shitty about myself after coming out to my family this week and finding that they're not super supportive
thank you so much for this. as someone who also frequented the R/egg subreddit before coming out, a lot of this hit close to home.
You are so strong. You are so open with your life and you give others strength and hope. Please keep this going. I enjoy watching you .... and Finn doing your thing.
Thank you for making these videos, I hope you continue making more as they are very informative and helpful, love you icky!!
While I'm over a year into my transition now, but this was still helpful! Your journey has been pretty close to mine, so it's good to know I'm not the only one :)
Cis guy here to be a better ally
Thank you for sharing Ashley! 💙💗🤍💗💙
I had no idea that there was a name for my two-hour long showers! 🤣
Thanks for sharing your story once more.
Sorry that it was not all good in the past, but I'm glad to see where you've ended. Keep on rocking Icky.
As a 40 year old cishet white man, thank you for these videos in helping me understand what it is like to be on the other side.
I had to deprogram a lot of shitty opinions on trans people that were handed to me as a kid.
It will be common over the this decade. White men being told for decades they are toxic and radioactive will have more consequences.
Geez that's tough. Even just listening about this process makes me anxious. Well done.
2:08 Mood haha (living with a transphobic parent makes it difficult... I'm working on it). I repressed but also kinda didn't figure it out for a long time. When it did click, I initially called myself genderfluid and proceeded to do nothing else. Then I was non-binary (but still doing nothing else). And then I was a trans woman. Within the space of a year.
Finnster is one of the main causes of my gender crisis and subsequent transition...
Awesome as always, Ashley! You are an incredibly good speaker. I'm not trans, but I'm really glad you exist to help people who are!
I'm currently questioning, and talking to my trans/nb friends along with a lot of research on youtube and other internet platforms has helped alot!! (ty Icky)
Thank you this really helps me, I have had this on my mind over the last couple of days and I was thinking about it just now then I open TH-cam and what do you know this video pops up! Thank you!!❤❤
Thanks for sharing!
Its fun listening to you ramble.
Best Wishes!
Started at 55 have been on/off for 10 years. Have had no work, no surgeries, no, nothing done now. Finally, considering seriously to get some minor surgeries done. There is a whole lot more that you have to consider after you start thinking about how your genetics correspond to your mom or your sister how you will develop As a female.
mfw the top 3 comments all start with “not trans but”
Love your videos! Hoping I can make progress to starting HRT next year or the year after!
is there a ftm version of something like how icky made explaining the hrt effects
the effects of masculine hrt is basically just male puberty and also your clitoris will grow and kinda look like a little pp (which if ur planning on getting bottom surgery it can actually help with that and also help with determining the right size for you) and you’ll get male pattern baldness which you can take dht blockers for but it’ll prevent bottom growth and facial and body hair growth soo if u want bottom growth and more hair on ur body and face you’ll have to deal with the balding
It's good to for trans people to speak openly about their experiences, helps people like me who are comfortable in the bodies we were born in understand what you're going through.
I believe it must be tough on ones psyche to be unsure (and then unsure how your surroundings are going to react). I just have PTSD and depression and I have trouble dealing with it (and explaining to people what that's like).
Videos like this are also good for people that are going through the initial process of self discovery, because people like me can support them, but our knowledge and possibility to advise them, is limited.
icky mom = superstar!
I love how calmly and honestly you talk about how transitioning is, I have a lot of queer friends but not many are trans women like me and being able to watch videos like yours makes transitioning a lot less scary and I guess ... reminds me that it's real and that what I need to do is normal and that I WILL succeed. Thank you :-)
You are so wonderful Ashley! You make my heart warm, and your relationship with F1NN is inspiring 💖
Damn, real early today. Love your content. You really helped me when I was coming out. And you continue to be an inspiration.
Thank you for this video. It's nice to hear other's stories!
I went through hell for a month in '09. A dream i had made me ? trans. I knew what it was but. Learned later it was I had a twin sister who miscarried. It told me a lot of myself but looked and watched a lot of trans vids back then. I found my self more but my empathy went out to all those ppl that shared their stories.
Omg this popped up on my recommended and so many of the things apply to me and now I’m considering transitioning yay time to watch all ur vids✨p.s thank u for the vid
So happy to hear your mom was so supportive
I don't know if I'm trans or not. I know I have feelings I can't place and I have always had to fight to fit into the stereotypical norms for a male (Like being told as a kid that men don't cry). I'm old enough that when I was a kid, trans was not a thing. You were either straight or gay. I knew I was not gay as I was not attracted to men (or boys at that time)so I just felt like there was something else wrong. A few years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and for a time felt that must have been what I was feeling all along and while I was able to solve a lot of issues, something was still there that did not feel right. I to this day can't say what that is or even explain the feeling. I just feel like the mental me does not fit the physical one. I'm leaning towards trans because growing up I preferred "girls" toys over "boys" ones. I also have to fight to keep my emotions in check and can cry at the drop of a hat, sometimes for no apparent reason.
As I will be getting insurance next year I plan on getting evaluated. I just need to know one way or another. Even if not, I do still identify more with what one would normally call the "feminine" side and often talk of men as if I'm not part of that group.
Great video as always.
you should do more research on gender dysphoria on your own to see if it helps you classify these feelings you're having. there are a lot of helpful resources online and you do not need a healthcare provider to "diagnose" you as trans. speaking with a gender therapist did help me a lot in understanding my feelings though, as it helped me feel valid and recognized, and also as it was a great resource for getting healthcare. try to experiment with femininity or pronouns to see if it helps you. I wish you the best of luck :)
well, being trans is more than just “i played with girl toys as a kid” or “i cry a lot so i must be a woman” . tbh why should your behaviors during childhood dictate what you do in your adult life? everyone changes during puberty/adulthood.
i think the more important questions to ask yourself are: “would transition make me happier? alleviate distress? will i like the effects of hrt? would filling the role of another gender make me finally ‘feel right’? am i confusing gender feelings with wanting to present more feminine, or some other unresolved issues?” etc.
Everything clicked as of recently! I’m 21 and starting on the 21st this month!!!
7:16 my coming out to family was kinda similar to your experience Icky in that my mum was the first to know and then over time she just started informing the rest of the family, I genuinely feared how my dad would react. He and I always had a strained relationship while growing up, but as he got older he mellowed out to the idea of accepting it in his own way.
I discovered i was trans back in 2020-2021 I believe. My mom has been so supportive and so has the rest of my family. I’m trans ftm, and the first time i figured out i was trans i just wore beanies because of how poofy and curly and all over the place my hair was. Then about a year or two later, i got my hair shaved. It was the best decision i have ever done for my hair. As a kid i always put my hair in a bun or i would wear a headband(for context, im mixed, so my hair is fair thick, very curly, and not that long, but A LOT to take care of and manage). Its so much easier to take care of now. For context i have my poof at the top of my hair and the bottom of my hair is shaved. All i have to do now is put water on it, use conditioner, brush it, dry it, then fluff it up a bit and its done. Ive always hated my hair and never understood how people wanted hair like mine. Now i love my hair. It makes me feel so much more free. Anyways enough about the hair. I’m 18 right now. I haven’t scheduled doing T yet because i have no idea where to start. I’ve just been using binders safely, getting my hair trimmed ans shaved maybe once or twice a month. And wearing more masculine clothes(that wasnt much of a change because as a kid i would usually wear more masculine clothes anyways. And for a while i tried to deepen my voice, but it was so cringe i stopped doing it). I’ve done some research on HRT but not a lot and not enough to know how the process usually goes. I’ve heard that mental health has to do with some of the accepting process with HRT. And that doesn’t really give me hope. Ive struggled with major depression disorder and severe anxiety all my life. I’m so scared that i won’t get accepted to start HRT for a long time. My mom luckily has signed me up for something that will help me with the HRT process(i forgot what it was called). Im so lucky to have such a supportive family. My nephews are a but young to understand but all we’vre really told them is that i go by jax now, and they use that name for me. I haven’t been deadnamed by any of my family in a long time, and thats all thanks to my mom for helping me gain the courage to let them know. She was the one who said “hey *deadnamed* is not jax” and they all just understood and said okay. My brothers both understood that i am trans and both accept me for who i am, as do my mom and my stepdad. My nephews will know when they are a bit older, but other than that im happy. I just wish i could get HRT. I hate having these things on my chest, i dont really care about bottom surgery tho. I’m so clueless about the HRT process, so hopefully watching these videos and doing more research will help me.
Thanks for the hot tip about the bank account! I would have never thought of that. I've had to stop talking to most of my biological family at this point since I was not accepted but found a lot more understanding and help in the community! Still feeling gender fluid myself but my personal experience can vary season to season it seems like 😅
Ashley, you are the best. I only came out as trans to my family 6 months ago. Almost everyone in my immediate family accepted me. They don't know anything about that but exper me. I have now been on HRT for 5 months, and the change is showing. HRT and people like you and Finn, who I have watched for a couple of years now. Not knowing why I liked his content. So much of what you and others have said is too real. Because I denied myself for so long, my shell was that of a petrified dinosaur egg. The shattering was crippling. So,to those questioning. Talk to a therapist. Work it out. Don't wait to find yourself laid out gasping for breath like me. Keep up the good work you and Finn are beautiful together. 😊
You’ve helped me so much through this🥰🥰🥰 thank you so so much
This video has helped me alot and helped me stop denying myself that I'm trans I just came out to some of my close friends recently and am starting to socially and this helped me stop thinking what if I'm not actually trans and I'm just lying to myself (I've been wanting to be a girl for the past 4 or 5 years) thank you so much
So much of your experience is relatable to mine from the exploring to only enjoying being feminine to having to boymode and it feeling awful.
Thanks for these little videos about normal life stuff and adjustments. It's nice having another perspective, y'know
I relate to the going back to university and hitting a hard switch on gender. Tbf I haven't done the bits that involve talking to official people like the gp or bank changes, but the uni and my friends know and that's enough for now. Need to get on that official shirt though, just been busy and using that as an excuse to not do it. Also I haven't checked how hard it is to get a gender neutral marker (Mx or ideally just no title) on stuff like a bank account, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
I tried to force myself to conform to male despite things never feeling right at all. All my life I tried to get passed the feelings I had and hope it went away. I didn't even try to accept it until about a year and a half ago. I was living in a safe place to be able to explore myself without the fear of being thrown out. And since then, I've been feeling more confident with myself, now that I have an understanding of what's been going on in me. I went through several relationships in highschool and struggled through all of them. Whenever came to anything sexual, I was fine with giving oral but I never felt remotely comfortable with receiving. I felt so, so, very wrong whenever my partner male, female, or in between would try. I had never felt more intense distress outside of relationships, but it felt similar to when people said I am supposed to be a man, or told me that I need to be more manly, etc. After realizing I was trans and talked to my doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist, I have for the first time in my life a goal. And I don't know if I'd ever have any if not for the realization.
Perfect timing! Thank you ❤
This was great! Thank you! 💕
hi icky!!
Thankss for loving my comment on the last video, it means a lot to me!
Thank you I honestly needed this so bad 😭🥹
I didn't do the research, I had dysphoria all the time. It wasn't till euphoria hit that it clicked. I tried on a skirt, and remembered things I use to do that made me happy, all of them girl things. I spoke with a therapist and the therapist was like how long long have you been like this, and i was like most of my life remembering all the repressed memories. All of them, I had serious PTSD as well, so the good memories and the bad memories came up. I had a really bad child hood so I repressed everything. I came out to my partner and a few people many years back I seen my self as nonbinary and briefly exmplained to them what that means, they didn't respect my pronouns at all and I feared correcting them all the time because of how others reacted when I did. I fell roller blading in 2023 because my partner kept pushing me to try it and I never did it and they didn't want to help me. Some guy knocked me down intentionally I suspect. I broke my arm and hit my head. My partner was refusing to take me to the hospital till I started shouting at them to take me to the hospital or I will get someone else to drive me there. While in the hospital I started coming out to people who I didn't trust before, and my partner didn't even stay with me in the hospital they left as soon as they could and only visited me once to put me down more. My partner and those several people I told pretended I never told them anything. The hospital found a tumor but didn't tell me it was a brain tumor and kept lying to me about what it was until 4 months down the road after I pulled up medical records and found out what they were with holding from me. US health care system at its finest. Only when I called them out on this did they even offer to do anything about the brain tumor, which was brain surgery to remove the tumor. Claiming I had it all my life likely and taking another month to tell me it wasn't cancerous and they will get back to me after a board reviews this doctors diagnoises of it not being cancer to make sure it is not cancer. My family and parents blamed the brain tumor on me being trans when no I've been this way all my life and the tumor according to what I got told after the surgery was neoplasm on the outside of the brain, it was made of brain cells but partically detatched from the brain. Atleast that is what I got told, not sure how true it is because doctors already lied to me several times and I am running into issues with insurance because my partner didn't want to sign me up with their jobs even though they very well could. They want me to be a stay at home parent but they don't want me to see anyone outside the home including doctors, therapists, friends, family, they have completely isolated me and act like its okay and normal because all their friends do that to their partners too, all of their friends have had multiple divorses and break ups because their friends are incredibly toxic all the time to anyone amab including me. They all have had terrible childhoods but nothing compared to what I had to deal with. My trauma pits were litteral life and death with medical trauma, followed by being nearly choked to death multiple times, and theirs was their religious parents told them they can't play pokemon cards.
Wow. This hit me right in between the eyes. The first part of this is essentially what I've done so far exactly. Like to the letter.
💯 if people can't accept you, bin them off, family or not. Thanks for sharing 🙂
personally im in a wee bit of a scenario. I never really wanted to make friends with people, in order to affect less people (mental health stuff, long story) so now im stuck with maybe... like 7 total friends. 2 of these ive been able to talk abt this stuff and kinda get them to help me thru it, but the other 5 are... good people but dont exactly come from understanding backgrounds. Ive slowly tried to introduce them to the idea of being more accepting, but at the same time im dead terrified of losing them, especially since i really have no one to fall back on. Deep down i do believe theyd understand, but only after ive already started transitioning (starting in like 2 weeks) but until then, im just dropping hints and stuff.
thank you so much for making this
Thanks for helping, you are a good soul. 🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing this! I was a preschooler when I realized I was trans, but didn't know what it was until I was 19. It would have changed my entire life & life trajectory for the better if I had known the word "transgender" in my youth. You are doing great work educating folks and supporting them. Sending much love your way 💕🏳️⚧️
Thank you Ashley!💜💜
I’m only about a month in after accepting me being trans, and I definitely needed this video. Perfect timing that this came out and showed up on my feed today. Thank you
You are so amazing. Im really enjoying your videos and you answered so many questions as I am just now starting to take this trans thing seriously. I have changed my name in all of my food apps as well as online shopping. Ill see about the checking account thing.
Very informative video
It’s always nice to learn more about the experiences of others
Thank you for sharing your experience. Very interesting ! xx
everything about this video is EXACTLY what i want to do wtf. The part where you had to move back home is so relatable. I am stuck in my home and currently unable to just be myself, so i am looking to just move out and escape. Hope i can eventually...