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What Red Flags Did You Ignore From Your Ex?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ม.ค. 2022
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Whenever I'd ask him to stop doing something that bothered me, he'd sulk and moan that I was "trying to change him". I never asked for anything huge or unreasonable, just stuff like "please stop texting your ex" or "please don't point out girls you'd sleep with if we weren't together" or "please stop scrolling through facebook while we're talking" Basic relationship 101 shit that most people automatically don't do thanks to empathy and common sense assumptions that it might make their partner feel disrespected.
I kept forgiving him though cause he had me questioning if maybe I WAS just sensitive and insecure. I stuck around feeling guilty for having feelings and trying to explain empathy, respect, and honesty to him for almost 3 years until I caught him cheating with one of the exes he refused to stop messaging. I still kick myself for not leaving sooner, but at least I won't make that mistake again. First time a guy tries to debate my boundaries or guilt me for having them, I'm gone. Life is too short to put up with bullshit.
1:44 That's not a kleptomaniac, that's just a thief; a rule of thumb to tell them apart, is that the real deal usually steal worthless junk.
One has a strong desire to do it and the other may or may not want to. Or more that it is a habit.
Victim complexes are hard to sift through. Some people legitimately had a rough life and need some help to get back on their feet, others are just looking to be martyrs and get away with shitty behavior.
Worse, some are both. And oftentimes it's hard to differentiate which is which so you could very easily victim-blame or a doormat, sometimes you're both.
All red flags are just flags when you have on rose colored glasses.
When he got upset when I talked to my guy friends, while he still kept in touch with his ex girlfriend who cheated on him.
break up with him
Same, my current bf talks to his ex's but he has children with them, but he hates when I still talk to my ex ffs
My red flag was crazy big too ahaha.
My ex was too broken. He has like 40+ huge red raised keloid scars all across the body (one on chest was over 25cm and 1cm thick/raised). He has been depressed all his life, crappy childhood, awful ex and no ambitions. Nothing wrong with being broken. Everyone is but for this guy, he was beyond my help. He was happy initially in our relationship but he slowly crumbled down like how he was before. I’m happy to help but when he doesn’t even know how he wants to be helped it didn’t work out. When I was contemplating on a break, he loved me but being with me made him miserable so we broke it off.
He’s doing better now though, proud that he’s slowly moving up in his work. Just wants the best for that guy, he deserves to be happy. Also don’t regret dating him at all. He was my first but he was gentle and also taught me so many things.
Jesus Christ. I can't tell if we give awful people a chance because we think we can change them or we don't like ourselves enough to think we deserve better. Or maybe we feel that it's enough that someone else thinks we're enough. That we're lucky as long as someone else loves us.
No fam. You won't find happiness from a relationship or from love and being loved.
Be with people who makes you happy and don't compromise your happiness for the survival of a relationship.
I think it's a mix, but most of the time awful people aren't awful at first so a lot of people just get tricked. They put on an act to make you think they're the man/woman of your dreams, then reveal their true selves very gradually so we don't realize what we've gotten into until we're in too deep. A cruel comment here, a raised voice there, etc gets disregarded cause they've been so perfect up until now. They curated our first impressions of them so we'll think the bad behavior is not "the real them". Plus we're raised to be forgiving, focus on the good, and give the benefit of the doubt. Even when our partner hurts us, we try to let it go because they have a lot of good qualities too and we don't want to be 'judgemental'.
We all need to realize that even a single drop of poison ruins the whole bottle of wine. We teach people how to treat us, so don't ignore that first shitty comment or raised voice. Adults know what they're doing and are in control of their own behavior, mistreating you is not a mistake. We got 8 billion humans now too so you won't be alone forever if you walk away from one who treats you like shit. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single either.
@@daughterofsekhmet81 Sociopaths are experts at deception. In fact, the original psychiatrist who figured out what a sociopath was, said "even if you've had experience with one, you won't be able to pick one out until their mask slips". I've actually taken note from animals. An animal won't trust you until you prove you are trustworthy. Humans tend to judge others as themselves (and the exception to this is those humans who've had a lot of bad experiences with terrible people) - but generally, we assume someone is trustworthy and good until proven otherwise; unlike animals. I figure animals actually have it right, but we humans don't want to come over as distrustful and suspicious of everyone. But maybe we should be. In the long run, if I'd stop giving the benefit of the doubt, and STOPPED DOUBTING MY OWN INNER INTUITION, I'd have had a whole lot less drama in my life. Once we get involved, as you say, it's much harder to back out gracefully. Also, sometimes with some people, it can also be dangerous to make "leaving you" noises...without a back up plan.
@@Kayenne54 THIS!!!! I keep reading stories on the internet and this blind trust that many people show in their partners JUST because they're their partners completely baffles me. And I'm not talking long time, living together things. 2 months long relationships, long distance relationships... People, wake the fuck up, sleeping with somebody or wanting them in your life doesn't make them good people or automatically trustworthy!! Trust is a matter of behaving a certain way with someone for a LONG TIME.
Im calling out your typo in the title
I agree it’s disgusting
What typo? I sis not see anything wrong and I sis read the entire title.
@@lukeandliz I don't think they sis
I asked my did if she saw the typo and she said she sisn’t.
@mich It seems that he sis fix it.
One for me was all the lies it kinda seemed weird but I’m a pretty accepting person that doesn’t question things too often but she had either lied or highly exaggerated about huge parts of her life and I was so obvious at the time that I wondered why she didn’t want to talk about the things she had clearly lied about.
Was that one dude dating twilight sparkle? Who else would compulsively make lists every day, and even include a "make tomorrow's list" on the days to-do's? Double-tripple check the check list bro. Gotta make sure everything is in order.
4:38 got told they were being cheated on and “never thought much of it” atp you’re apart of the problem 😭
Ooooooo, she didn't hug me when I got home from 9 months of military training (Basic and AIT), on my birthday of same year we went to a fancy restaurant her idea btw I had to pay, and finally her explanation for why she wouldn't hug me or have any physical contact? "Oh my parents don't do that in front of me so I don't do it." Anyone wanna explain that one?
Edit: Another big one was she said I was to skinny (I was 135lbs senior year) and she liked bigger guys
she lied and she doesn't love you. she also probably cheated.
anyone who loves someone and that person is away 9 months, should be jumping and hugging you, not shrugging you off
When her father said, "I don't know why you put up with her."
The constant reminders that other girls were texting him, and that I was so special and lucky that he was choosing me over the others.
It made me feel really terrible any time I messed up or didn't see him looking my best, because I knew that there were supposedly other girls after him that he could easily be with over me. This mindset had me spiraling until I was almost to a point where I was going to ask to be taken to a hospital. I told my dad about this guy, and he talked it through with me and helped me realize that the guy was manipulating me and that I was in a toxic relationship.
He wouldn't let me break up with him (even when I said we were done he kept acting like we were together around people and would threaten to hurt himself or commit suicide. I believed him a lot because he was hospitalized once during the relationship) so I just transferred schools, blocked him everywhere, and ghosted him.
When his family called me overweight and antisocial and he told me over text that they were right & changing myself was the only way they were going to accept me.
Are you overweight?
@Big Green Tractor No LMAO
Should have told him you will make a change. Like being single.
@@matt2.052 Even if it was the case telling a person you're going to treat them like a human being only if they lose weight is absolute shit.
the lies,,,the constant lies and i didn't get it..smh
When he told me he wanted to get married on our first date
Context is important. Was it in a "I expect to have a relationship that is serious enough to turn into marriage before I'm 40" way or a "you're my soulmate let's go to the courthouse sign the papers after paying the bill" way?
Wtf? I've met men like this as well they didn't last long lol
Some of these are wow
The fact that he'd cancel our plans at the drop of a hat if his mother needed him to do anything for her. The fact that he was in his forties and still lived with his mother. The fact that he paid all his mothers bills but would hardly spend any of his money on me. The fact that he owed thousands in child support and seemed to care more about his mother and her well being over his children. The fact that everything was all about his mother. The fact that when his mother passed away, he made a long, rambling post on his MySpace account about how he devoted his entire life to taking care of his mother and would do it again in a heartbeat. The fact that he went insane after his mother's death and died four years after she did at the age of 51. 🤨
He often bragged about his "Window installation service" (drive by shooting)
About 5 months after I met my now ex, I began to think that she was really bad with money. I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt especially as I was raised to be financially cautious. I wish I'd trusted my initial judgement.
Erm when she said she was raped and said there was a witness. The witness was very confused when i contacted them on facebook and had no idea what I was talking about. I should have called her out on it.
Whenever he wouldn't show mercy towards his mom. In any instance
2:28 - I had this happen to me, but I texted back saying why I didn't respond and then I never texted again.
Wait cause as an over thinker my relationship really isn’t as bad as I think it is listening to this
"NO, FRICK YOU" I loved this OP.
I sis ignore a lot of them really....
I will never understand people who know their dates have treated their exes badly, and think it will never happen to them. You're not special or anything come on
She never told me she dated crazy-eyes. Then i felt so insecure that i had to leave the relationship.
As a person who plays W.O.W and leaves dishes in their room by the computer (at least not on the floor) I apologize 🤣 none of the people I've dated made a fuss or said anything. I genuinely didn't realize it wasn't a thing people did I guess 😅💀 I'm fuckin dead maan. I feel called out 🤣
Ex was instant to anger and throwing things, toddler fits at anything that went wrong.
When you aren't each others best friends and are t happy for each other.
My x had 2 √aginas . I knew something was wrong when after 3 years of dating, I was no longer allowed to have sex with both.
My ex said he visited our house with his uncle the first time because he wanted to try to get with my mother, my very happily married loyal mother. Then when he saw my dad, a big buff guy he decided to go after 16 year old me instead, he was 18.
what happen next?
@@angi7029 i didn’t find out until we were married and expecting our first child, I left him when my baby was 3 weeks old.
@@oldwoman5942 yikes...i hope you're doing ok with your baby and have a peaceful life
@@angi7029 he is a grandfather now, thanks.
8:52 almost made me spit out my OJ. Like….wtf!?!!!
When I went to church with his family and the first service starts with "if it ain't a king James it ain't a Bible" then proceeded to gay bash the entire time.
His controlling behavior when it came to my social circle... friends and family? If I texted them, he made me feel like I was betraying his trust.
I know very well what he tried to do, but even though I stood up for myself, I should've left sooner. He's my ex for a lot of reasons, but that is just one example.
Bruh Zediac damn near sounds like me and my exs relationship. He did it for 7 years, I did it for 10.
I would date a grandma, but then I'd be sad when she dies. So I'll date a grandma when I'm old.
the innitialy subtle manipulative, controlling and emotionaly qbusivr behaviours that developed into me basically never leaving the house because it wasng worth the argument
‘Sis’
When they have red flags
4:27, the 3rd one doesn’t seem that bad
SiS SuS
"sis" you mean "did"? robot
Making me stay out with her til 5am every night
"she told me she has BPD." That's all you gotta say, we have a pretty good idea how this went down 😆😆