So how I got out of Jury duty and will most likely never be called back to Jury duty again is well I was scheduled for really long shifts around 3 days before the day of Jury duty and so I basically got no sleep for 3 days before Jury duty so I am trying to stay awake and because I actually act like I really want to be there but without sleep for 3 days I am nearly passing out from being extremely tired I got dismissed the first time. The second time I thought I stay up gaming for those 3 days and so on my jury summons its states very sleepy and can not slay awake for Jury duty but does want to but too sleepy to stay awake so not good to use on Jury duty. Basically the short version of what is written is guy is sleepy.
Um you do not want to be called a squishy oyster. The term oyster is used to describe a rotting dead fish smell of a vagina that has multiple diseases and the squishy part in front means her flap are so used and chewed on that they hand down over 2 inches and is actually not a term of love but in reality it means they are disgusting and have not cleaned down there in years and can't control their bladder.
I saw a judge say the whole "a man that represents himself in court has a fool for a client" thing Infront of a man that requested a bench trial and was representing himself. When the man lost his case he filed for a new trial because the judge showed bias and it violated the man's right to an impartial judge.
The spiritual consequences of someone's choices are between them and God. The legal ones are between them and the court. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
The fact that someone actually said they were a pervert in a courtroom to protect their friend is without a doubt, the greatest thing I’ve heard all day.
As a Christian, I actually really appreciate that statement. Even if you repented and had a change of heart, you still did something wrong, and there are legal consequences. I really appreciate that the judge was just. That is what God would do too; He would hold us accountable for things we've done that hurt other people and broke His laws. That's why we need to repent in the first place. I'm very grateful that Jesus Christ paid for my sins so that all I need to do is repent (realign with God) and change my heart. I'm very grateful for my Savior's atonement so that God can be both just AND merciful. ❤️
For example, I got in an accident last year, and it was my fault. I didn't mean to cause an accident, but I did and my car was totaled. I also got a ticket and had to pay the fine. Me not intending to cause an accident, and being sorry that I caused one, did not change the fact that *I broke the law* I broke the law, and there was a penalty or consequence attached. If I had told the judge "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to," would it be right for the judge to say, "That's all right. You're forgiven. You didn't do anything wrong. Be on your merry way" ? No. Being a judge means you determine *if the law was broken or not.* It doesn't matter how someone feels about breaking the law, what you're judging is that they *DID.* It is not just to say "you apologized and said you were sorry. Everything is all better now." *'Sorry' doesn't fix everything.* If someone is sorry for killing or assaulting someone, does that make the events undo? If someone is sorry for cheating on their spouse/partner, does forgiving that person mean the betrayal no longer exists or the trust is no longer broken? If someone is sorry they broke or damaged the last thing you got from your grandma does it change that it was damaged? 'Sorry' let's people know you did not mean to cause harm or that you regret causing harm or damage. It's to show more of a change of heart or character than it is to ignore accountability. Sorry is not a magic word; when sincere, it only repairs emotional pain. Sorry doesn't change the fact that there are natural consequences.
I’m happy for the divorcing couple. They were able to put their BS aside and agree to co parent their child AND their counsel. Pretty wholesome. Makes me think of the ending to Mrs Doubtfire.
It's hard to beat the lawyer for the ex-wife of Johnny Depp in their highly-publicized trial last year. The guy OBJECTED TO HIS OWN QUESTION, right there in front of god and everybody.
I feel like I need to clarify: a cute squishy oyster, especially when we're talking about lesbians, refers to lady's lower lips. -- a highly amused lesbian
I had a friend whose crazy ex-roommate tried to sue him. During trial he claimed that my friend had sexually assaulted him. When they were both sleeping. He claimed my friend's Spirit left his body, travelled into their room, and assaulted him. What's craziest of all is not that he made this claim, but that he made this claim at someone else's suggestion! Which led to my friend's lawyer making the roomie answer on the stand "Are you a mama's boy?".
I was a kid when this happened so I wasn't there, but when my parents were fighting tooth and nail to adopt my now little brother from his biological family (who were not exactly stellar citizens), one thing the family occasionally when we did something to tick them off was make false CPS calls against my parents (based on the sorts of questions they asked young me, I'd assume the calls were over alleged SA). They eventually just stopped coming because everything was always fine. Well, during one of their last few times in court, the hearing was apparently going in my parents' favor and, out of desperation, the woman who I believe is my brother's bio aunt blurted out, "but Your Honor, this family had CPS call on them several times!!" Good job outing yourselves guys :D
Fun fact: the "get naked in court" thing actually has historical precedence. A woman in ancient greece named Phryne was being accused of impiety, which warrented the death penalty. Her defense was to show her breasts and ask if they were truly willing to destroy something so perfect that it could only have been made by the gods themselves.
@@atumnjaguar520Yeah, because back then, beauty was considered a blessing from the gods, so they gave her a pass! I mean, how could such a beautiful mortal not be in favor with the gods?
I was a law intern in a prosecutors office. It was a friday and we had a full docket of about 100 hearings on misdemeanor cases. They go by pretty fast. During the summer, we had 2 junior prosecutors and 2 interns (during most of the year, it was just the two prosecutors). We would take turns, you'd read the notes on your case, then when the case was called, you'd give an update to the judge and so would the defense attorney. If there was a decision to be made, the judge would make it in less than a minute, but mostly it was just scheduling the next update. The prosecutor and defense would usually talk ahead of the hearing about plea offers. We were not allowed to make decisions, just convey offers to the defense attorney or if they made an offer, we could write it down to bring back to the senior prosecutor. Things moved VERY fast. One Friday, the judge seemed to be in a hurry. A defendant was sitting in the court room for several hours. He was there on a minor offense that likely would have gotten a suspended sentence and probation, never see the inside of a jail cell. He went outside for a quick smoke break... then his name was called... and he was last. The judge issued a bench warrant for his arrest and then left for the weekend. He was likely arrested within minutes outside the courthouse and spent the weekend at Rikers Island. The prosecutors thought that was pretty messed up. I imagine he thought so too. She was a VERY tough judge. But it is one thing to be tough on the lawyers on both sides. It is another to make someone spend a weekend in jail because you want lunch.
Lol no one deserves to be a judge. Buncha uppity jackasses. Some of them pretend to not be but I assure you they are all sociopaths. You cannot possibly become a judge without being a full blown psychopath. There isn't a judge on this planet that would pass up the chance to hunt natives on an island with rifles for sport this is a fact
Right but that’s not the point of laws. Enforcement is necessary, sure, but the existence of the law is supposed to be enough to communicate to most people that you shouldn’t do it.
@@emilysmith2965 Oh, I wasn't making a moral/ethical judgement on the function of laws. That's a separate matter entirely. Just a) I found his statement amusing, and b) the logic _is_ actually valid, like an inverse appeal to consequences.
I’m so pissed about the story like right after when the dude had an expensive watch “wow look at him he has to flex his wealth~” *takes it off* “look at his tan, trying to hide his wealth~” *gets cheap watch* “wow he’s wearing a cheap ass watch”
I remember hearing about a guy in court for assaulting a cop. He left his cell phone on during court (a no no on its own) and his ringtone was "I Shot The Sheriff"
My wife - a lawyer - attended a divorce hearing which began with the husband's counsel being questioned by the judge as to his stated credentials. The counsel claimed that he was licensed by "The Universal Bar", which, he argued, somehow satisfied or superseded the State's bar requirements. The judge, by way of disagreement, immediately halted the proceedings in order to Mirandize the counsel **from the bench**; he was immediately taken into custody by the bailiff, who remanded him to the county sheriff, who had stepped into the courtroom right on cue. The judge then granted a continuance, and advised the husband to get another lawyer. A real one this time.
I once found myself arguing a motion before the court involving some sort of financial and banking issue, and I referred to the "depository". My opposing council either misheard or misunderstood my remark, and in his response, he replied to the "suppository". This statement was followed by deadly silence in the courtroom for about three seconds, followed by a room wide burst of uncontrolled laughter. The judge spun around his chair so all we could see was the back of it, but the chair shook for about 20 seconds. My opponent didn't get it at all. Someone finally explained what was going on to him. It seems that this story was retold, no doubt with embellishments, at his firm's annual Christmas for years thereafter.
way back in college a friend let another friend use her car. The borrowing driver had a minor wreck and now my friend is being sued. She wanted to go to the trial. Insurance attorney says don't bother we will handle it. Friend goes to court anyway. The plaintiff who says she had permanent shoulder damage looks familiar to my friend. She turned out be the pitcher on the city softball league. Attorney asks my friend can you prove it? My friend runs to the city parks and rec office while insurance lawyer stalls for time. The park office gave them every roster and the pitcher's stats for each game including pitching a no hitter just the week before. Judge throws the case out and lawyer gets me friend a very nice lunch.
I've seen a few dumb things. Saw one guy defend himself in a domestic violence case. I was an intern in the prosecutors office, but it was so entertaining that many of us went to watch. The defendant argued in court that he couldn't help but break his restraining orders because "he feels love the way women do" by which he meant irrational and desperate. He also at one point said he wasn't the kind of person who could hurt anyone. The judge stopped him and said: "Prosecutor, do you have any objections? Prosecutor: No your honor. Judge: Defendant, please consult your legal advisor (appointed by the court to answer his legal questions even though he insisted on representing himself) why she isn't objecting. The legal advisor whispers in his ear, presumably that if he brings up his own character, then the prosecution can do the same and talk about past convictions and violent incidents. He withdrew the question. The prosecutor was pregnant. After the verdict, they give the prosecutor and chance to talk to the jury if the jury is willing. They only wanted to know about the baby.
every time i read a story about someone who tries to defend himself, i think of a story in a book about a guy who tried to defend himself from a charge of purse-snatching: "did you get a good look at my face when i stole your purse?"
My professor once told us about a lawyer who claimed that his client never received a document and hence wasn't to pay,cause he recieved the contract or whatever. The lawyer looked through his stuff a little while later for another document And The judge saw a glimpse of what looked like that document the client never received... Judge forced lawyer to hand his map over,judge found the nonexistent document and gave the lawyer hell. Our lesson of the day: if you claim to not have received something,burn it or hide it where it never ever gets touched by light again.
@@emilysmith2965 he meant it ironically. But in such a case claiming not to have received that document easily Winns u the case and it has to be,but cannot be proven by the other side so it might have been worth the try if the lawyer wasn't a moron
For story 3: You can't ask leading questions, like "this is what happened, isn't it?" rather than "what happened?" in an examination of your own witness. And, you can't expand on a yes/no question (which most cross questions are, because they CAN be leading questions). Basically, the lawyer didn't let their client tell their story, so they tried to do it on cross when they weren't allowed...
A while back I was sitting in district court where a man who was being questioned how he owes 7K in back child support. He claims that he has no job. The DA interjects stating that he was arrested the night before with several oz of crack and a roll of bills in his possession to an estimate of 1K. Guy jumps in and said that it was his drug money and it was 800.
"Well, Mr. Wright, you've proved conclusively that your client did not commit the crime. However, you haven't been able to prove who *did* commit the crime. Therefore, this court has no choice but to find your client guilty."
@@erickpoorbaugh6728"well the only suspect was Maya and it couldn't have been the air and I also lack object permanence so... it might still be maya."
"judge, I'm too stupid to understand what you just said" I want to meet this person, I want to be a fly on a wall to see how this ended IN HIS FAVOR! 🤣
The woman who hit my dad's bike in 2009 when she sue him for some dumb reason. How my dad win the case? There was a HUGE STOP SIGN right where she was coming and he has the priority of passing on the other street, she alegate the stop sign was not there at all despite the sign still there and even there is photo evidence take by the police and my mom, and the fact she has to slow down or stop. She then proceed to describe in probably (by now day's lingo), the most entitled and karenish way the event of how she hit my dad, allegate he jump out of nowhere with his bike on her Ford Galaxy, despite multiple evidence of the front bumper broken and a clear side part of the car hit with something blunt who can't remotely looks like a bike hit. Basically, the woman forge evidence to allegate it was my dad's fault ... in front of a judge .... Then she spit probably the most karen thing for today standards: "I wanna see your boss, its not my fault i was called for something important before he jump on me with his bike". Everyone was dumbfounded, included the judge. She admit right there she wasn't pay attention to the road as well. Basically the woman was a TV show presenter on my city and she literally try to power harrass a judge who wasn't at all happy with the tone of her voice. In the end it was settle in favour of my dad, and he not only receive the compensation and all, but also receive compensation from the channel she works as an apologize from this. Also on a funny note, his work partner up with the same channel years later and the woman who sue my dad avoided him like a plage.
I was in court (NAL) in a rape case. After lunch break, everyone was back--except the witness, who was the victim's sister, and the defendant's girlfriend. The judge sent the sheriff out to arrest her and took the opportunity to declare to both lawyers: Gentlemen, we have spent three days describing what happened in two hours on a Saturday afternoon----and we STILL haven't gotten to the crime! My term of office expires next January and I'd like to be through by then!!! Three unrelated cases I was testifying as an expert witness on finding semen in the rape victim's panties. In each case, the defense attorney said "How did you know that semen was from a male? (I rest my case!)
I was in family court in Paducah and a woman had not paid arrears in months so she was going to be put in jail. when judge told her she was going to jail she got mad and said somebody was going to have to go get her kids out of her car. Kids were alone in the car with the car running in the parking lot. They stopped Court and went outside and got two little kids out of car and came back. she was in cuffs and going to jail for a lot longer than the 30 days she was facing.
A friend is a foster parent and some of the parents she has to go to court against…yeeah these people should not reproduce. Fastest case was less than a half hour: the mother beat her 4 yr son and starved him to the point he looked like a midnight black Halloween decoration, the kid was black from layers of bruises, not a single cell was free, and was so thin he didn’t look real. Friend had him in her house less than two hours when he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. He had to helicoptered to another hospital 3 hours away. Was dead by morning. Friend and her husband met the mother and her penis-head bf at the hospital and both friend and her husband who were so pissed off they went after them and broke the bf’s nose. In court the judge heard friend’s side first, then the mother’s. Completely ignoring her attorney’s advice, she said, “my bf didn’t like my son and abandoning a child is a sin.” Judge threw both the mother and her walnut-brained size bf to life in prison. I personally would’ve given them the death penalty but that’s just me.
I had a civil case once, it was about a building that the builders were making and they felt they weren’t getting enough support for the building because of the time limit. The representative for the company said that “if you need that much support, you’ve been taught in this career why can’t you build something this simple?” The building was a huge house. The representative for the builders then states “it’s such a huge house, how can we make this in only 1 month, while we also have to focus on other projects too.” The representative for the company was speechless and they didn’t have much more against them so the case was closed and the builders won. The company (I’d rather not state as it may affect the reputation of it, the company is fine) had to raise funds for it and put more builders. There was plenty of things they could’ve said to prevent that!
1 month? That's insane. I mean, you could build an outhouse or a shed that fast, but not a huge house. It's just not realistic at all, there's so much work that goes into building a house and you don't want to rush things and have people get sloppy.
@@amberkat8147 see, the thing is as it’s a huge company (as I’ve said I’d rather not state) which obviously has a lot of people, with the amount of help they were supposed to have it was possible, but obviously changes were made and the company didn’t give a single shit about their workers and their health. 1 month huge building is a 3 stories for house (not including attic and basement)a shed with the amount they got it should be around 1 hour, with the help they were supposed to have 15-30 mins. I’ve talked with co-workers and even people included in jury for cases like that, (I’ve had teachers and shit who went through those as jury) they said it made sense. The houses and buildings by that company aren’t the best (from what I’ve seen) . The 15-30 mins is unrealistic, fuck they’d be doing as fast as possible. 2 hours with the help they should’ve got and 5 for the help they got. The company is decent, but it might affect the reputation of it if I state their name. Yeah sorry for the big as my ass essay I just wrote.
@@amberkat8147 I have a mate who can build an entire chain outlet building in a month from a hole in the ground to a finished structure with the finishing touches, painted an all. If there's enough money thrown at it it can be done quick. Fast setting concrete mix designed to dry and not crack space heaters to dry the concrete.
That lesbian story with a box of love letters makes me wonder, How did the relationship go from daily love letters to ending so badly they had to go to court?
From all of the drama I ended up overhearing off other people's telephone calls while in line for coffee, I'm going to bet on "cheating" as a major possibility.
The one that saved all the letters wasn’t 100% invested in the relationship but cynical enough to save the love notes. The other poor soul gave too much when it wasn’t merited.
"My client could be guilty, but I have just one thing to show you that might change your minds.........(flips blazer sides back, turns to the side and aggressively twerks making silent eye contact with jury). I think we're done here your honor"
I was married to a lawyer who defended clients mostly insurance cases. at the end of his opening statement, he very clearly said in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.I laughed til I cried
My brother was dragged into a civil case as a tenant of a household rented "joint and severally" a term I did not know of until then. Essentially one out of the 5+ renters(college kids) bailed on the place and couldn't be found. Anyone who was part of the joint renting was liable for the missing rent of the kid. My brother, to his credit, paid as much as he could and fixed up any damage the college kids had caused to the property. The landlord tried to make claims that the property was damaged anyways(again, fixed). A number of the renter's parents get dragged into this because they cosigned on the rental, including my mother who says that within the year, another group of kids will be in the same situation "because it's how [the landlord] makes her money." The landlord counters with a claim that she had "never had anything happen like this before" to which the judge responds "Except for the [case you had with me previously]." She had literally done this so many times she couldn't remember the judge. Most of the kids are broke, which is what led them into that situation anyways, so when one of them gets a lawyer to defend them, everyone is hopeful it will be positive for the other members being sued since they can't afford lawyer(s) themselves. Nope! Lawyer comes in to the courtroom drunk and it is immediately noticed by the landlords legal counsel. Asks for them both to approach the judge, who immediately notices it as well. What a mess.
Way back in 1995, I was taken to court for working while claiming benefits. In court, the prosecuting solicitor told the court that I was claiming benefits as a single man, but was instead, married. I asked the court's pardon, but I had something to say. I was told to say anything I had to say through my solicitor. I spoke to my solicitor, and he turned to the magistrates and said "My client was, at the time of the alleged offence, single. He was married on - - - - date." The prosecution solicitors were frantically going through their paperwork, which made me laugh, inwardly!
I was in court on negligent sale of alcohol to a minor. I go into my court date, and ahead of me was a party of 10, but I didn’t hear their charge(s). This party had all come to court in swimwear. After they were done, I was called to the stand, we establish facts about the case, and the judge sent me away with ‘it’s going on your record, but I won’t fine you bc you came to court in a suit.’
IANAL. But wife was sued in small claims court by a chiropractor. I'd always been dubious of chiro's but wife had real pain not responding otherwise (a few years later found a physical therapist that helped considerably) so we check it out... When setting up was told it would be 75 for a 30 minute session, cut by insurance to 60 with insurance paying 50 and a co-pay of 10 ... blah, blah, cancellation on 3 days notice, blah, blah and there's a statement from our insurance to that they'd pay the 50 ... Chiro seems a bit slimey to me but all the paperwork is correct and I don't see any "gotcha's" in the contract. We sign and she goes a few months ... as I had a bad feeling about the chiro, I made sure we kept the receipts for the co-pays and several times personally went with my wife and asked if there was any outstanding balance . (sometimes one or two weeks of pending insurance reimbursement, but never more than that...). So afer a few months wifes says it's not helping any more. She calls to quit ... again having a sense of sketchiness about Chiro, I write a letter, saying wife is cancelling all future appointments, noting date of the call to cancel, have it notarized and seal in certified mail envelope in front of notary, and send it off.... All well and good ... for about a year. THEN we start getting letters saying we owe Chiro about $1100.... I call insurance and ask for a rundown of every payment made to chiro ... takes a while but we get it. Ignore first few demand letters. THEN send certified letter asking for detailed accounting. Crickets ... but keep getting demand letters. Another few months... Summons to small claims court. We're being sued! ... about two weeks out. So that day, I send again - certified, with a copy to the court! - my request for a detailed accounting with notation that as I understand UCITA gives me right to such a detailed accounting. ONE day before the hearing I get the detailed .... Wierd ... looks like they're only claiming 55/visit ... but OK.... Before the hearing the attorney ... looking and sounding just as sketchy as chiro ... comes in ... there are about twenty people in the room ... all people they're suing with hearings that day.... and one by one asks us to attest to signature on the original contract.... taking time to make sure that that's ALL the attestation says, I sign. Now a couple other of the victims of chiro get up before us .. attorney says "you attested that this is your signature .... you were treated on these days .... you were obligated for this amount ... blah, blah" ... defendant usually says " it was agreed and we always paid co-pay.... " but offers nothing else.... Judge finds for chiro. Sleezy top to bottom. Attorney, Judge, the works..... We're called. Preliminaries ... Your honor, my wife speaks English well enough for day to day, but is not from this country and has no experience with legal or professional business matters. May I speak for her with her consent?" Judge asks "do you have legal training?" "No, but I'm a professional, have done some business as a professional and some awareness of how law and business work, and this is small claims ... in a full court proceeding I would absolutely retain professional counsel." Judge asks wife if that's what she wants, she agrees. Asks chiro attorney if he objects. No. I smile blandly outwardly, SEG on the inside. Attorney goes the rigamarole. We signed contract blah, blah, blah, received services for so many sessions blah blah. Then to wife and I. "you attested that this is your signature on this contract, correct?". "Yes", I say smiling indugently. That's it. Judge says "Do you have anything to say in opposition?" Yes. The claimant states that we owe (approx don't recall exact) $1100 for services rendered between such and such dates per the contract in evidence. But here is the ancillary note to the contract showing the insurance and co-payment schedule for those services ...." attorney says "objection, the side note does not modify the contract". I continue "agreed but I enter it concomitant to showing that all obligations resulting from services rendered were fully met". Overruled, says judge.... attorney frowns darkly. "here are copies of all receipts for co-payments for all the visits my wife made" .... attorney frowns more and says "but that's not the full obligaton...." "No," say I, I'm just offering it as evidence of partial satisfaction, but there's more. Here is a statement from my insurance company stating their payments to your client. Back in July and several times since I sent your client a request for an itemized accounting listing dates of services and what remuneration was received, I never received the itemized explanation until last Friday. So finally I'd enter into evidence YOUR itemized accounting of services and payments that I received only yesterday after months of requesting such. ... Your honor, the claimants itemized schedule shows $1100 was the due amount for all services received ... but ON HIS OWN ACCOUNTING it shows receipt of $1150 from the insurance company when it's all added up, plus another $200 in co payments. Additionally my insurance company's statement shows that they paid the chiropractor over 1200 on my wife's behalf over that time span. I assert that claimant has on my wife's behalf received more than he claims rendered services to her were worth. and that we have no residual obligation to claimant. And can we ask for a refund of the difference? I'm done. Judge looks strangled, says to the clerk "Is that right?" .... clerk looks at papers and says "it'll take a few minutes to check..." judge nods and the clerk and assistant start going over the papers with a calculator..... For about 15 minutes there's silence except for the pounding of the attorney's heart looking for all the world like the proverbial deer in headlights and the click of the clerk's calculator, all the while the judge giving the attorney "I'm gonna skin you alive" looks. After that time the clerk looks up and says "it looks like exactly what Mr. Zellers said, judge". The judge says "taken under advisement", tells us we can go and declares a recess. We expect something in days..... nope. Two weeks later we get a notice, not from small claims but some other court saying the case against us is dismissed ... with prejudice". Very weird. But my scorecard then reads TWZ 2, lawyers 0. (I had been small claims against me before, and won, that was much lesser and looked more like confusion than intentional). So it looks for all the world like some shenannigans between the chiro, his attorney and a too friendly judge. But the bottom line is to me, that lawyers by and large are just barely above normal intelligence (read blitheringly stupid) but suffer an excess of arrogance and sociopathy. No doubt there are many very capable and intelligent lawyers, but many I've had contact with are barely bright enough to work at WallyWorld. The trick is simply keep documentation and be prepared! If you're in the right, and have the gumption to face them without fear, you CAN beat them (and if it involves some accounting and you don't have a fear of numbers it helps quite a bit to be able to sort it all out clearly as I did in my sums at the end of the invoice). The downside is just how common is this quasi legal pure meadow muffins shakedown? Were I not anal about retaining records we might have been forced to cough up. But it amounts to a daylight, main street mugging with lower ranked judges aiding and abetting.
Once when working as a process server I served papers on guy who was ducking me when he came into court for jury duty. He thanked me because it gave him a great excuse to avoid jury duty.
Is anybody here for the guy in Michigan who drove while on a zoom call about his suspended license😂😂 It's my worst nightmare.... Michigan becoming enew Florida 😂😂😂
I'm happy for the divorcing couple; they set aside their differences to co-parent their child and their counsel. Pretty wholesome-reminds me of the ending of Mrs. Doubtfire.
Um… I think the squishy oyster thing is a euphemism for, uh, lady parts. I heard similar phrases from one half of a pair of lesbians that were way too into PDA back in college… clam, oyster, basically any bivalve, because, you know, the shape. So, you may not want to be called that?
This is the second video I watched of you and the first one I only listened along to, but I'm genuinely surprised to see Sonic Heroes. Pleasantly surprised. Ok, but it's funny how amateur the gameplay is.
I can't say I care for the gameplay in the backround of every video, since I'm just here for the stories, but I can appreciate the Sonic Heroes footage. That was my childhood!
You know, I can picture a case where someone in law enforcement has a vendetta against someone, arrests him on some trumped up charge, and arranges to have his buddies in the next county arrest him so that he can't appear for court. I realize in the story that the guy also had priors. But, without that, it could happen to anyone if you get on the wrong person's bad side.
Once we had case about bribing. One of arguments was that amount of money described by witness cannot fit inside envelope described by witness. So court ordered examination and hired specialist who tried putting 40 packs of banknotes inside envelope. Indeed, they didnt fit
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During my uncles case (wasnt our family who was suing but the car that killed him family suing the council and the truck driver), attorney was asked: Why is that road never maintained so rubbish doesn't fall out? The answer was I don't know. 25 years later and it still doesnt care
I mean that honestly could have been the father’s lawyers play the the entire time lol “ if she doesn’t think you can handle a child then ill just act like one and maybe she’ll see you can be a good father”
Only slightly related, but a criminal defense lawyer recently was disbarred and given a misdemeanor for pooping in a Pringles can and dumping it in the parking lot of a Victim Advocacy Center and part of his defense was that he had done it multiple times
I'm pretty sure that calling a woman your "squishy little oyster" is the exact opposite of wholesome, especially if the relationship ended in a bad breakup.
Last time I was summoned for Jury duty, I didn't have any reason I could give for why I shouldn't be there. I had savings in the bank, a very positive employer that would want me to do my duty and never even consider putting me down for it in any way. I didn't have anything that would make me biased against the defendant. But I think they may have heard me commenting to other jurors that I hated attorneys and thought the defending attorney in particular was a horrid, disgusting sleazeball. In fact, I may have said that loud enough that the -disgusting sleazeball- defending attorney in question may have heard it very, very clearly. I didn't get selected and haven't been summoned since. I really hope I never need that -disgusting sleazeball- venerable attorney.
🧠 NEXT AM I THE GENIUS STORY - th-cam.com/play/PL5FcevqxOz5tuU1qghkOUcBqGKHKXHO0f.html
Hey uh idk but I think the squishy oyster bit may have not been wholesome and may be referencing the lesbian lovers nether region's.
So how I got out of Jury duty and will most likely never be called back to Jury duty again is well I was scheduled for really long shifts around 3 days before the day of Jury duty and so I basically got no sleep for 3 days before Jury duty so I am trying to stay awake and because I actually act like I really want to be there but without sleep for 3 days I am nearly passing out from being extremely tired I got dismissed the first time. The second time I thought I stay up gaming for those 3 days and so on my jury summons its states very sleepy and can not slay awake for Jury duty but does want to but too sleepy to stay awake so not good to use on Jury duty. Basically the short version of what is written is guy is sleepy.
Um you do not want to be called a squishy oyster. The term oyster is used to describe a rotting dead fish smell of a vagina that has multiple diseases and the squishy part in front means her flap are so used and chewed on that they hand down over 2 inches and is actually not a term of love but in reality it means they are disgusting and have not cleaned down there in years and can't control their bladder.
Wow your laugh got high at the end
I saw a judge say the whole "a man that represents himself in court has a fool for a client" thing Infront of a man that requested a bench trial and was representing himself.
When the man lost his case he filed for a new trial because the judge showed bias and it violated the man's right to an impartial judge.
“God may have forgiven you, but the state has not.”
THANK YOU to this judge. Separation of church and state is not fully dead yet.
The spiritual consequences of someone's choices are between them and God. The legal ones are between them and the court. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
"I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT FRENCH STUFF, I JUST GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB" I'm dying...I got a mental image of that and it killed me.
I'd like to tell you, but I don't know what fellatio is...
th-cam.com/video/ujuGKvMSeWA/w-d-xo.html
I always thought 'Fellatio' was an Italian word.
draw me like that french girl 🥖
All I can think of is that one Tumblr post "Screaming BONJOUR at a penis."
The fact that someone actually said they were a pervert in a courtroom to protect their friend is without a doubt, the greatest thing I’ve heard all day.
"Your Honor, I know perverts, I am a pervert, and this man? He is no pervert."
He was evidently an expert witness.
@@dmgroberts5471 I mean, he’s not wrong 😑
So what happened to the actual pervert?
I wonder if that case was in Florida.
@@dmgroberts5471 HES NOT WRONG! LOL
"God may have forgiven you, but the state has not."
*_DAMN_*
As a Christian, I actually really appreciate that statement. Even if you repented and had a change of heart, you still did something wrong, and there are legal consequences. I really appreciate that the judge was just. That is what God would do too; He would hold us accountable for things we've done that hurt other people and broke His laws. That's why we need to repent in the first place. I'm very grateful that Jesus Christ paid for my sins so that all I need to do is repent (realign with God) and change my heart. I'm very grateful for my Savior's atonement so that God can be both just AND merciful. ❤️
For example, I got in an accident last year, and it was my fault. I didn't mean to cause an accident, but I did and my car was totaled. I also got a ticket and had to pay the fine. Me not intending to cause an accident, and being sorry that I caused one, did not change the fact that *I broke the law*
I broke the law, and there was a penalty or consequence attached.
If I had told the judge "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to," would it be right for the judge to say, "That's all right. You're forgiven. You didn't do anything wrong. Be on your merry way" ? No. Being a judge means you determine *if the law was broken or not.* It doesn't matter how someone feels about breaking the law, what you're judging is that they *DID.* It is not just to say "you apologized and said you were sorry. Everything is all better now." *'Sorry' doesn't fix everything.* If someone is sorry for killing or assaulting someone, does that make the events undo? If someone is sorry for cheating on their spouse/partner, does forgiving that person mean the betrayal no longer exists or the trust is no longer broken? If someone is sorry they broke or damaged the last thing you got from your grandma does it change that it was damaged?
'Sorry' let's people know you did not mean to cause harm or that you regret causing harm or damage. It's to show more of a change of heart or character than it is to ignore accountability. Sorry is not a magic word; when sincere, it only repairs emotional pain. Sorry doesn't change the fact that there are natural consequences.
"A lot of people say that but the funny thing is, not once have they been able to bring him in to testify."
Keep following the logic...
God will judge us in His own time. The state will do likewise.
It's true and good logic.
I’m happy for the divorcing couple. They were able to put their BS aside and agree to co parent their child AND their counsel. Pretty wholesome. Makes me think of the ending to Mrs Doubtfire.
Makes me question why they went for lawyers in the first place.
Divorce Couple: Gives me hope for their child & Hope for the Human Race (unless we count their two nitwit lawyers as human!)
It's hard to beat the lawyer for the ex-wife of Johnny Depp in their highly-publicized trial last year. The guy OBJECTED TO HIS OWN QUESTION, right there in front of god and everybody.
Even the judge was like, “Are…Are you serious?!”
"you asked the question...."hahaha
Some things, even the devil won't forgive.
Did he really? 😐 🤔
No wonder it's in the song.
This lawyer swears to stupid that he is not God.
I feel like I need to clarify:
a cute squishy oyster, especially when we're talking about lesbians, refers to lady's lower lips. -- a highly amused lesbian
UH OH-- 🤣
I had no idea! I thought it was just a unique nickname. -- a gay person who just learned that today
Yeah, Oysters are considered aphrodisiac for that similarity in appearance and texture
I have also heard "bearded clam" used by lesbians.
Ah, so *obviously* they were "just friends". ;-)
Nah let's just say it's a cute thing to call people and decide to normalize it as not a lewd connotation.
I had a friend whose crazy ex-roommate tried to sue him. During trial he claimed that my friend had sexually assaulted him. When they were both sleeping. He claimed my friend's Spirit left his body, travelled into their room, and assaulted him. What's craziest of all is not that he made this claim, but that he made this claim at someone else's suggestion! Which led to my friend's lawyer making the roomie answer on the stand "Are you a mama's boy?".
Goddamn, didn’t know anyone was actually bold enough to talk about their bad trip in front of a judge
@@wolfetteplays8894 I feel like a bad trip would have been a BETTER argument than "Parent-Suggested Astral Projection-Based Assault".
As far as I'm aware, Astral Projection (even if it does happen) would never hold up in court. There's literally no laws for that.
What kind of Salem Witch Trials claim is that?
@@sadespain01 How do you get laws? You have unprecedented stuff happen and taken to court or congress
All I can think about is the Ace Attorney judge going like: 😮
Judge: hmmmmmmmmmm
That’s believable, guilty
And the "shake the head animation"
Real life is a lot closer to Ace Attorney than most people would think - or hope. "Oh, please, let this be the right objection..."
Viva Ace Attorney
@@gameknightplays1211(las vengeance)
I was a kid when this happened so I wasn't there, but when my parents were fighting tooth and nail to adopt my now little brother from his biological family (who were not exactly stellar citizens), one thing the family occasionally when we did something to tick them off was make false CPS calls against my parents (based on the sorts of questions they asked young me, I'd assume the calls were over alleged SA). They eventually just stopped coming because everything was always fine.
Well, during one of their last few times in court, the hearing was apparently going in my parents' favor and, out of desperation, the woman who I believe is my brother's bio aunt blurted out, "but Your Honor, this family had CPS call on them several times!!"
Good job outing yourselves guys :D
Fun fact: the "get naked in court" thing actually has historical precedence. A woman in ancient greece named Phryne was being accused of impiety, which warrented the death penalty. Her defense was to show her breasts and ask if they were truly willing to destroy something so perfect that it could only have been made by the gods themselves.
I hope they did not those 🥳🥳🥳
That’s a very valid defense. My boobs are my babies, the courts can’t just kill my innocent girls 💅
@@atumnjaguar520Yeah, because back then, beauty was considered a blessing from the gods, so they gave her a pass! I mean, how could such a beautiful mortal not be in favor with the gods?
Good Catch! Historically Correct!
I was a law intern in a prosecutors office. It was a friday and we had a full docket of about 100 hearings on misdemeanor cases. They go by pretty fast. During the summer, we had 2 junior prosecutors and 2 interns (during most of the year, it was just the two prosecutors). We would take turns, you'd read the notes on your case, then when the case was called, you'd give an update to the judge and so would the defense attorney. If there was a decision to be made, the judge would make it in less than a minute, but mostly it was just scheduling the next update. The prosecutor and defense would usually talk ahead of the hearing about plea offers. We were not allowed to make decisions, just convey offers to the defense attorney or if they made an offer, we could write it down to bring back to the senior prosecutor.
Things moved VERY fast. One Friday, the judge seemed to be in a hurry. A defendant was sitting in the court room for several hours. He was there on a minor offense that likely would have gotten a suspended sentence and probation, never see the inside of a jail cell. He went outside for a quick smoke break... then his name was called... and he was last. The judge issued a bench warrant for his arrest and then left for the weekend. He was likely arrested within minutes outside the courthouse and spent the weekend at Rikers Island. The prosecutors thought that was pretty messed up. I imagine he thought so too. She was a VERY tough judge. But it is one thing to be tough on the lawyers on both sides. It is another to make someone spend a weekend in jail because you want lunch.
Lol no one deserves to be a judge. Buncha uppity jackasses. Some of them pretend to not be but I assure you they are all sociopaths. You cannot possibly become a judge without being a full blown psychopath.
There isn't a judge on this planet that would pass up the chance to hunt natives on an island with rifles for sport this is a fact
19:10 You know what...I can't fault his logic. "Your Honor, if I'd known I'd get caught, I wouldn't have broken the law."
Right but that’s not the point of laws. Enforcement is necessary, sure, but the existence of the law is supposed to be enough to communicate to most people that you shouldn’t do it.
@@emilysmith2965 Oh, I wasn't making a moral/ethical judgement on the function of laws. That's a separate matter entirely.
Just a) I found his statement amusing, and b) the logic _is_ actually valid, like an inverse appeal to consequences.
I’m so pissed about the story like right after when the dude had an expensive watch “wow look at him he has to flex his wealth~” *takes it off* “look at his tan, trying to hide his wealth~” *gets cheap watch* “wow he’s wearing a cheap ass watch”
Thats like the logic: "Its only illegal if you get caught."
Sob of every kid caught with his/her hand in the cookie jar!
I remember hearing about a guy in court for assaulting a cop. He left his cell phone on during court (a no no on its own) and his ringtone was "I Shot The Sheriff"
My wife - a lawyer - attended a divorce hearing which began with the husband's counsel being questioned by the judge as to his stated credentials. The counsel claimed that he was licensed by "The Universal Bar", which, he argued, somehow satisfied or superseded the State's bar requirements. The judge, by way of disagreement, immediately halted the proceedings in order to Mirandize the counsel **from the bench**; he was immediately taken into custody by the bailiff, who remanded him to the county sheriff, who had stepped into the courtroom right on cue. The judge then granted a continuance, and advised the husband to get another lawyer. A real one this time.
I once found myself arguing a motion before the court involving some sort of financial and banking issue, and I referred to the "depository". My opposing council either misheard or misunderstood my remark, and in his response, he replied to the "suppository". This statement was followed by deadly silence in the courtroom for about three seconds, followed by a room wide burst of uncontrolled laughter. The judge spun around his chair so all we could see was the back of it, but the chair shook for about 20 seconds. My opponent didn't get it at all. Someone finally explained what was going on to him. It seems that this story was retold, no doubt with embellishments, at his firm's annual Christmas for years thereafter.
way back in college a friend let another friend use her car. The borrowing driver had a minor wreck and now my friend is being sued. She wanted to go to the trial. Insurance attorney says don't bother we will handle it. Friend goes to court anyway. The plaintiff who says she had permanent shoulder damage looks familiar to my friend. She turned out be the pitcher on the city softball league. Attorney asks my friend can you prove it? My friend runs to the city parks and rec office while insurance lawyer stalls for time. The park office gave them every roster and the pitcher's stats for each game including pitching a no hitter just the week before. Judge throws the case out and lawyer gets me friend a very nice lunch.
I've seen a few dumb things. Saw one guy defend himself in a domestic violence case. I was an intern in the prosecutors office, but it was so entertaining that many of us went to watch. The defendant argued in court that he couldn't help but break his restraining orders because "he feels love the way women do" by which he meant irrational and desperate. He also at one point said he wasn't the kind of person who could hurt anyone. The judge stopped him and said: "Prosecutor, do you have any objections?
Prosecutor: No your honor.
Judge: Defendant, please consult your legal advisor (appointed by the court to answer his legal questions even though he insisted on representing himself) why she isn't objecting.
The legal advisor whispers in his ear, presumably that if he brings up his own character, then the prosecution can do the same and talk about past convictions and violent incidents. He withdrew the question.
The prosecutor was pregnant. After the verdict, they give the prosecutor and chance to talk to the jury if the jury is willing. They only wanted to know about the baby.
every time i read a story about someone who tries to defend himself, i think of a story in a book about a guy who tried to defend himself from a charge of purse-snatching:
"did you get a good look at my face when i stole your purse?"
11:58 The guy that showed up to court specifically to blow his ass out in public has my utmost respect, and admiration.
18:09
"This women is Nucking Futs."💀
Unless he's the jerk who's been making YOUR life miserable!
"I swear to drunk, I'm not God!"🤣🤣🤣
Barrister: "Your honour, he was as drunk as a Judge!"
Judge: "Ahem, don't you mean 'as drunk as a lord'?"
Barrister: "Yes, m'lord!"
a similar line i read somewhere:
"i haven't dren binking, occifer."
@@ericb3157 🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My professor once told us about a lawyer who claimed that his client never received a document and hence wasn't to pay,cause he recieved the contract or whatever. The lawyer looked through his stuff a little while later for another document
And
The judge saw a glimpse of what looked like that document the client never received...
Judge forced lawyer to hand his map over,judge found the nonexistent document and gave the lawyer hell.
Our lesson of the day: if you claim to not have received something,burn it or hide it where it never ever gets touched by light again.
Orrrrr you could just tell the truth, because spoliation of evidence is ten times as bad if anyone ever finds out about it
@@emilysmith2965 he meant it ironically. But in such a case claiming not to have received that document easily Winns u the case and it has to be,but cannot be proven by the other side so it might have been worth the try if the lawyer wasn't a moron
I love the people who say "you can't judge me". Um yes they can it is what they literally get paid for and is their title.
It's always wholesome when the judge laughs.
LOL you left out some of that joke. "My client is not a pervert. I know because I'm one and I never see them at the meetings."
For story 3: You can't ask leading questions, like "this is what happened, isn't it?" rather than "what happened?" in an examination of your own witness. And, you can't expand on a yes/no question (which most cross questions are, because they CAN be leading questions). Basically, the lawyer didn't let their client tell their story, so they tried to do it on cross when they weren't allowed...
A while back I was sitting in district court where a man who was being questioned how he owes 7K in back child support. He claims that he has no job. The DA interjects stating that he was arrested the night before with several oz of crack and a roll of bills in his possession to an estimate of 1K.
Guy jumps in and said that it was his drug money and it was 800.
The fact that pheonix is in the thumbnail makes this 100 times better cause he does go to a kangaroo court.
"Well, Mr. Wright, you've proved conclusively that your client did not commit the crime. However, you haven't been able to prove who *did* commit the crime. Therefore, this court has no choice but to find your client guilty."
@@erickpoorbaugh6728"well the only suspect was Maya and it couldn't have been the air and I also lack object permanence so... it might still be maya."
"judge, I'm too stupid to understand what you just said"
I want to meet this person, I want to be a fly on a wall to see how this ended IN HIS FAVOR! 🤣
The woman who hit my dad's bike in 2009 when she sue him for some dumb reason. How my dad win the case? There was a HUGE STOP SIGN right where she was coming and he has the priority of passing on the other street, she alegate the stop sign was not there at all despite the sign still there and even there is photo evidence take by the police and my mom, and the fact she has to slow down or stop. She then proceed to describe in probably (by now day's lingo), the most entitled and karenish way the event of how she hit my dad, allegate he jump out of nowhere with his bike on her Ford Galaxy, despite multiple evidence of the front bumper broken and a clear side part of the car hit with something blunt who can't remotely looks like a bike hit. Basically, the woman forge evidence to allegate it was my dad's fault ... in front of a judge .... Then she spit probably the most karen thing for today standards: "I wanna see your boss, its not my fault i was called for something important before he jump on me with his bike". Everyone was dumbfounded, included the judge. She admit right there she wasn't pay attention to the road as well. Basically the woman was a TV show presenter on my city and she literally try to power harrass a judge who wasn't at all happy with the tone of her voice. In the end it was settle in favour of my dad, and he not only receive the compensation and all, but also receive compensation from the channel she works as an apologize from this.
Also on a funny note, his work partner up with the same channel years later and the woman who sue my dad avoided him like a plage.
You could have posted any moment from the Darrell Brooks trial in this episode. Don’t know what it is, but court provides so many humorous moments.
I was in court (NAL) in a rape case. After lunch break, everyone was back--except the witness, who was the victim's sister, and the defendant's girlfriend. The judge sent the sheriff out to arrest her and took the opportunity to declare to both lawyers: Gentlemen, we have spent three days describing what happened in two hours on a Saturday afternoon----and we STILL haven't
gotten to the crime! My term of office expires next January and I'd like to be through by then!!! Three unrelated cases I was testifying as an expert witness on finding semen in the rape victim's panties. In each case, the defense attorney said "How did you know that semen was from a male? (I rest my case!)
I was in family court in Paducah and a woman had not paid arrears in months so she was going to be put in jail. when judge told her she was going to jail she got mad and said somebody was going to have to go get her kids out of her car. Kids were alone in the car with the car running in the parking lot. They stopped Court and went outside and got two little kids out of car and came back. she was in cuffs and going to jail for a lot longer than the 30 days she was facing.
A friend is a foster parent and some of the parents she has to go to court against…yeeah these people should not reproduce. Fastest case was less than a half hour: the mother beat her 4 yr son and starved him to the point he looked like a midnight black Halloween decoration, the kid was black from layers of bruises, not a single cell was free, and was so thin he didn’t look real. Friend had him in her house less than two hours when he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. He had to helicoptered to another hospital 3 hours away. Was dead by morning. Friend and her husband met the mother and her penis-head bf at the hospital and both friend and her husband who were so pissed off they went after them and broke the bf’s nose. In court the judge heard friend’s side first, then the mother’s. Completely ignoring her attorney’s advice, she said, “my bf didn’t like my son and abandoning a child is a sin.” Judge threw both the mother and her walnut-brained size bf to life in prison. I personally would’ve given them the death penalty but that’s just me.
Sounds Death Penalty worth to me ( is it too vindictive to suggest drawling & quartering THEN burning at the stake?)
At least that one guy was smart enough to know he was too stupid to understand how the case was going. Good on him for not dragging things out.
I had a civil case once, it was about a building that the builders were making and they felt they weren’t getting enough support for the building because of the time limit. The representative for the company said that “if you need that much support, you’ve been taught in this career why can’t you build something this simple?” The building was a huge house. The representative for the builders then states “it’s such a huge house, how can we make this in only 1 month, while we also have to focus on other projects too.” The representative for the company was speechless and they didn’t have much more against them so the case was closed and the builders won. The company (I’d rather not state as it may affect the reputation of it, the company is fine) had to raise funds for it and put more builders. There was plenty of things they could’ve said to prevent that!
1 month? That's insane. I mean, you could build an outhouse or a shed that fast, but not a huge house. It's just not realistic at all, there's so much work that goes into building a house and you don't want to rush things and have people get sloppy.
@@amberkat8147 see, the thing is as it’s a huge company (as I’ve said I’d rather not state) which obviously has a lot of people, with the amount of help they were supposed to have it was possible, but obviously changes were made and the company didn’t give a single shit about their workers and their health. 1 month huge building is a 3 stories for house (not including attic and basement)a shed with the amount they got it should be around 1 hour, with the help they were supposed to have 15-30 mins. I’ve talked with co-workers and even people included in jury for cases like that, (I’ve had teachers and shit who went through those as jury) they said it made sense. The houses and buildings by that company aren’t the best (from what I’ve seen) . The 15-30 mins is unrealistic, fuck they’d be doing as fast as possible. 2 hours with the help they should’ve got and 5 for the help they got. The company is decent, but it might affect the reputation of it if I state their name. Yeah sorry for the big as my ass essay I just wrote.
@@amberkat8147 I have a mate who can build an entire chain outlet building in a month from a hole in the ground to a finished structure with the finishing touches, painted an all.
If there's enough money thrown at it it can be done quick. Fast setting concrete mix designed to dry and not crack space heaters to dry the concrete.
I had a massive ticket thrown out because they confused a letter O with the number 0 on the ticket.
Calling her a "Squishy oyster" was probably something more on the lewd side than a cute one...
Yelp! It refers to a female's......uhm......oouhm......'GATES OF VENUS'?!
You should totally read Disorder in the court. It is a book full of stories similar to this.
I'VE READ IT! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That lesbian story with a box of love letters makes me wonder, How did the relationship go from daily love letters to ending so badly they had to go to court?
From all of the drama I ended up overhearing off other people's telephone calls while in line for coffee, I'm going to bet on "cheating" as a major possibility.
The one that saved all the letters wasn’t 100% invested in the relationship but cynical enough to save the love notes. The other poor soul gave too much when it wasn’t merited.
@@mimusic1853 Saving the letters could also be a sentimental thing.
It happens, in all sorts of relationships. Very, very common.
Statistically speaking. Domestic abuse.
A lot of these stories could make one hell of a tv comedy law show
You guys are so good! Narrators laughter at the end had me in stitches!!🤣😂🤣😂🤣
"My client could be guilty, but I have just one thing to show you that might change your minds.........(flips blazer sides back, turns to the side and aggressively twerks making silent eye contact with jury). I think we're done here your honor"
4:46 Good to know that lawyers are bottoms with a humiliation kink 📝
I was married to a lawyer who defended clients mostly insurance cases. at the end of his opening statement, he very clearly said in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.I laughed til I cried
My brother was dragged into a civil case as a tenant of a household rented "joint and severally" a term I did not know of until then. Essentially one out of the 5+ renters(college kids) bailed on the place and couldn't be found. Anyone who was part of the joint renting was liable for the missing rent of the kid. My brother, to his credit, paid as much as he could and fixed up any damage the college kids had caused to the property. The landlord tried to make claims that the property was damaged anyways(again, fixed).
A number of the renter's parents get dragged into this because they cosigned on the rental, including my mother who says that within the year, another group of kids will be in the same situation "because it's how [the landlord] makes her money." The landlord counters with a claim that she had "never had anything happen like this before" to which the judge responds "Except for the [case you had with me previously]." She had literally done this so many times she couldn't remember the judge.
Most of the kids are broke, which is what led them into that situation anyways, so when one of them gets a lawyer to defend them, everyone is hopeful it will be positive for the other members being sued since they can't afford lawyer(s) themselves. Nope! Lawyer comes in to the courtroom drunk and it is immediately noticed by the landlords legal counsel. Asks for them both to approach the judge, who immediately notices it as well. What a mess.
I would LOVE a blooper reel! 😂
Way back in 1995, I was taken to court for working while claiming benefits. In court, the prosecuting solicitor told the court that I was claiming benefits as a single man, but was instead, married. I asked the court's pardon, but I had something to say. I was told to say anything I had to say through my solicitor. I spoke to my solicitor, and he turned to the magistrates and said "My client was, at the time of the alleged offence, single. He was married on - - - - date."
The prosecution solicitors were frantically going through their paperwork, which made me laugh, inwardly!
0:10 i Didnt Know that She-Hulks Real
I was in court on negligent sale of alcohol to a minor. I go into my court date, and ahead of me was a party of 10, but I didn’t hear their charge(s). This party had all come to court in swimwear. After they were done, I was called to the stand, we establish facts about the case, and the judge sent me away with ‘it’s going on your record, but I won’t fine you bc you came to court in a suit.’
I could hardly focus on the stories. Sonic Heroes nostalgia was too strong
This one goes out to all the squishy little oysters.
That laughter at the end was perfect and I appreciate it being added in 😊
"i swear to drunk i'm not god" reminds me of a line in a "dumb criminals" book:
"i haven't dren binking, occifer."
Ahhhhh! AMERICA'S DUMBEST CRIMINALS! How I Miss That Show!
Completely off topic but his laughter is contagious and super sweet
Hearing mainly facts guy burst out laughing at the oyster thing is so great
The one about the dude firing the lady and then slamming her leg in the car door, made me legit mad af.
IANAL. But wife was sued in small claims court by a chiropractor. I'd always been dubious of chiro's but wife had real pain not responding otherwise (a few years later found a physical therapist that helped considerably) so we check it out... When setting up was told it would be 75 for a 30 minute session, cut by insurance to 60 with insurance paying 50 and a co-pay of 10 ... blah, blah, cancellation on 3 days notice, blah, blah and there's a statement from our insurance to that they'd pay the 50 ... Chiro seems a bit slimey to me but all the paperwork is correct and I don't see any "gotcha's" in the contract. We sign and she goes a few months ... as I had a bad feeling about the chiro, I made sure we kept the receipts for the co-pays and several times personally went with my wife and asked if there was any outstanding balance . (sometimes one or two weeks of pending insurance reimbursement, but never more than that...). So afer a few months wifes says it's not helping any more. She calls to quit ... again having a sense of sketchiness about Chiro, I write a letter, saying wife is cancelling all future appointments, noting date of the call to cancel, have it notarized and seal in certified mail envelope in front of notary, and send it off.... All well and good ... for about a year. THEN we start getting letters saying we owe Chiro about $1100.... I call insurance and ask for a rundown of every payment made to chiro ... takes a while but we get it. Ignore first few demand letters. THEN send certified letter asking for detailed accounting. Crickets ... but keep getting demand letters.
Another few months... Summons to small claims court. We're being sued! ... about two weeks out. So that day, I send again - certified, with a copy to the court! - my request for a detailed accounting with notation that as I understand UCITA gives me right to such a detailed accounting. ONE day before the hearing I get the detailed .... Wierd ... looks like they're only claiming 55/visit ... but OK....
Before the hearing the attorney ... looking and sounding just as sketchy as chiro ... comes in ... there are about twenty people in the room ... all people they're suing with hearings that day.... and one by one asks us to attest to signature on the original contract.... taking time to make sure that that's ALL the attestation says, I sign.
Now a couple other of the victims of chiro get up before us .. attorney says "you attested that this is your signature .... you were treated on these days .... you were obligated for this amount ... blah, blah" ... defendant usually says " it was agreed and we always paid co-pay.... " but offers nothing else.... Judge finds for chiro. Sleezy top to bottom. Attorney, Judge, the works.....
We're called. Preliminaries ... Your honor, my wife speaks English well enough for day to day, but is not from this country and has no experience with legal or professional business matters. May I speak for her with her consent?" Judge asks "do you have legal training?" "No, but I'm a professional, have done some business as a professional and some awareness of how law and business work, and this is small claims ... in a full court proceeding I would absolutely retain professional counsel." Judge asks wife if that's what she wants, she agrees. Asks chiro attorney if he objects. No. I smile blandly outwardly, SEG on the inside.
Attorney goes the rigamarole. We signed contract blah, blah, blah, received services for so many sessions blah blah. Then to wife and I. "you attested that this is your signature on this contract, correct?". "Yes", I say smiling indugently. That's it. Judge says "Do you have anything to say in opposition?"
Yes. The claimant states that we owe (approx don't recall exact) $1100 for services rendered between such and such dates per the contract in evidence. But here is the ancillary note to the contract showing the insurance and co-payment schedule for those services ...." attorney says "objection, the side note does not modify the contract". I continue "agreed but I enter it concomitant to showing that all obligations resulting from services rendered were fully met". Overruled, says judge.... attorney frowns darkly. "here are copies of all receipts for co-payments for all the visits my wife made" .... attorney frowns more and says "but that's not the full obligaton...." "No," say I, I'm just offering it as evidence of partial satisfaction, but there's more. Here is a statement from my insurance company stating their payments to your client. Back in July and several times since I sent your client a request for an itemized accounting listing dates of services and what remuneration was received, I never received the itemized explanation until last Friday. So finally I'd enter into evidence YOUR itemized accounting of services and payments that I received only yesterday after months of requesting such. ...
Your honor, the claimants itemized schedule shows $1100 was the due amount for all services received ... but ON HIS OWN ACCOUNTING it shows receipt of $1150 from the insurance company when it's all added up, plus another $200 in co payments. Additionally my insurance company's statement shows that they paid the chiropractor over 1200 on my wife's behalf over that time span.
I assert that claimant has on my wife's behalf received more than he claims rendered services to her were worth. and that we have no residual obligation to claimant. And can we ask for a refund of the difference? I'm done.
Judge looks strangled, says to the clerk "Is that right?" .... clerk looks at papers and says "it'll take a few minutes to check..." judge nods and the clerk and assistant start going over the papers with a calculator..... For about 15 minutes there's silence except for the pounding of the attorney's heart looking for all the world like the proverbial deer in headlights and the click of the clerk's calculator, all the while the judge giving the attorney "I'm gonna skin you alive" looks. After that time the clerk looks up and says "it looks like exactly what Mr. Zellers said, judge". The judge says "taken under advisement", tells us we can go and declares a recess.
We expect something in days..... nope. Two weeks later we get a notice, not from small claims but some other court saying the case against us is dismissed ... with prejudice". Very weird. But my scorecard then reads TWZ 2, lawyers 0. (I had been small claims against me before, and won, that was much lesser and looked more like confusion than intentional).
So it looks for all the world like some shenannigans between the chiro, his attorney and a too friendly judge.
But the bottom line is to me, that lawyers by and large are just barely above normal intelligence (read blitheringly stupid) but suffer an excess of arrogance and sociopathy. No doubt there are many very capable and intelligent lawyers, but many I've had contact with are barely bright enough to work at WallyWorld. The trick is simply keep documentation and be prepared! If you're in the right, and have the gumption to face them without fear, you CAN beat them (and if it involves some accounting and you don't have a fear of numbers it helps quite a bit to be able to sort it all out clearly as I did in my sums at the end of the invoice).
The downside is just how common is this quasi legal pure meadow muffins shakedown? Were I not anal about retaining records we might have been forced to cough up. But it amounts to a daylight, main street mugging with lower ranked judges aiding and abetting.
11:20. Sometimes the best thing to get irrational people to be rational is for someone representing them to be even more irrational.
if you don't get "squishy little oyster" you are too wholesome to be on the enter net
This guy has an absolutely DELIGHTFUL laugh
Once when working as a process server I served papers on guy who was ducking me when he came into court for jury duty. He thanked me because it gave him a great excuse to avoid jury duty.
I feel like some of those moments would fit in a very adult Ace Attorney game 🤣
Judge says a lot of people say that but we haven’t been able to bring him in to testify. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Both God & Joshua Bar Joseph AKA Jesus Christ NEVER Received Proper Legal Documentation!
I don't understand why it was so dumb to admit to driving under the influence after you were already found guilty?
Literally every word that came out of Darrell Brooks' mouth during his trial.
The mock trial one is so bizarre 😂. Why would that fake witness even do that? Got carried away? Lol
"God may have forgiven you, but the state has not."
MASSIVE props to that judge, that quote is badass!
MASSIVE Separation of Church & State! 👍👍🇺🇸👍👍
Is anybody here for the guy in Michigan who drove while on a zoom call about his suspended license😂😂
It's my worst nightmare.... Michigan becoming enew Florida 😂😂😂
I'm happy for the divorcing couple; they set aside their differences to co-parent their child and their counsel. Pretty wholesome-reminds me of the ending of Mrs. Doubtfire.
Leave it to a cutesy nick name to Crake him up. 😂🤣😂
Man that game was so much fun back then. I miss Sonic games like that.
Um… I think the squishy oyster thing is a euphemism for, uh, lady parts.
I heard similar phrases from one half of a pair of lesbians that were way too into PDA back in college… clam, oyster, basically any bivalve, because, you know, the shape.
So, you may not want to be called that?
Darryl brooks entire trial was nuts
This is the second video I watched of you and the first one I only listened along to, but I'm genuinely surprised to see Sonic Heroes. Pleasantly surprised.
Ok, but it's funny how amateur the gameplay is.
I can't say I care for the gameplay in the backround of every video, since I'm just here for the stories, but I can appreciate the Sonic Heroes footage. That was my childhood!
While listening to these stories, I can't help but think how great it is that more people are playing Sonic Heroes!
You know, I can picture a case where someone in law enforcement has a vendetta against someone, arrests him on some trumped up charge, and arranges to have his buddies in the next county arrest him so that he can't appear for court. I realize in the story that the guy also had priors. But, without that, it could happen to anyone if you get on the wrong person's bad side.
Once we had case about bribing. One of arguments was that amount of money described by witness cannot fit inside envelope described by witness. So court ordered examination and hired specialist who tried putting 40 packs of banknotes inside envelope. Indeed, they didnt fit
18:30 insane that people knowingly defend drunk drivers. sometimes the legal system is not it
The defense lawyer's job isn't to get their client off it's to make sure that the prosecution follows the rules and the defendant gets a fair trial.
I used to work for a Village Inn Restaurant in Omaha Nebraska, we had excellent employees and management. I was a line cook 👨🏿🍳 and we cleaned our restaurant daily. I was proud to have worked at that particular Village Inn Restaurant in Omaha Nebraska,👨🏿🍳.
the evil laughter at the end tho
Erm, squishy little oyster isn't just a random cute nickname, it's probably referring to a woman's vulva.
😳😵💫🙀😱
WELL! NOTHING LIKE A SUBTLE HINT!!
During my uncles case (wasnt our family who was suing but the car that killed him family suing the council and the truck driver), attorney was asked: Why is that road never maintained so rubbish doesn't fall out? The answer was I don't know. 25 years later and it still doesnt care
Why would you be scared of me if you don't know how many people I've killed??
That doesn't translate well at all
2:10 that's a smart Uncle who made the right choice. Never help the claimant unless you're planning on just pleading guilty.
in that story where the father was wanting to see his son. the fathers lawyer must have been like
"Just as planned"
20:35 bruh I literally can’t believe this is real 😂😂😂 it sounds like a fuckin’ Ace Attorney case from a parallel dimension 😳
i love the blooper at the end XDD
Some guy kept insulting the judge's family, then tried to get the judge to step down for "being biased."
21:59 “My English is fine. How many African Languages does Mr. Rocko know? Tell me.”
Was Elmo the Plaintiff??
early :p thanks for these videos they've been getting me through boring + hard days!
I mean that honestly could have been the father’s lawyers play the the entire time lol “ if she doesn’t think you can handle a child then ill just act like one and maybe she’ll see you can be a good father”
22:25 Just leaving this here for future reference.
Only slightly related, but a criminal defense lawyer recently was disbarred and given a misdemeanor for pooping in a Pringles can and dumping it in the parking lot of a Victim Advocacy Center and part of his defense was that he had done it multiple times
For Story #25, I’m pretty sure it _wasn’t_ “Did that just happen” in the air …
Does anyone know what game they are playing in the background video?
Sonic Heroes.
I'm pretty sure that calling a woman your "squishy little oyster" is the exact opposite of wholesome, especially if the relationship ended in a bad breakup.
great stories but 6:53 that was a good ass save with tails oml
Last time I was summoned for Jury duty, I didn't have any reason I could give for why I shouldn't be there. I had savings in the bank, a very positive employer that would want me to do my duty and never even consider putting me down for it in any way. I didn't have anything that would make me biased against the defendant. But I think they may have heard me commenting to other jurors that I hated attorneys and thought the defending attorney in particular was a horrid, disgusting sleazeball. In fact, I may have said that loud enough that the -disgusting sleazeball- defending attorney in question may have heard it very, very clearly. I didn't get selected and haven't been summoned since. I really hope I never need that -disgusting sleazeball- venerable attorney.