This is so spot on. Whenever I get really worked up about something someone said to me, the only way I get out of the rumination / anxiety loop is to remember that no one can invalidate me, I can only invalidate myself. And that anxiety and anger is actually because I am invalidating myself. Only when I accept this do I feel suddenly at peace and empowered. Suddenly I don’t need them to apologize or change or acknowledge what they did, it doesn’t matter. I can always choose to validate and accept myself, no one can take that power away. It’s unbelievably freeing to accept full responsibility for validating yourself.
I recently watched a video with Sam Vaknin who talked about how, if youve experienced narcissistic abuse, the voice of the narcissist stays in your head and controls everything. But the narrative isn't actually yours, so everything you're thinking is running through an parasite program! Heidi says in another video how your authentic self is your feeling that arise in the present moment, not an imagined character in the future. Sounds like you found that sweet spot 👌
This is so true. I realised essentially the same thing, myself: the other person did not, and cannot hurt me -- *I* hurt me. With my automatic conditioned responses and narratives about what they say, when it's something which triggers me. (Although for me I'm thinking of a situation where the person is not actually trying to be an @hole, but is just triggered, themselves, causing them to say it.)
@artazcona1422 I remember asking a friend once where is the universe and he said it's inside you. That blew my mind somehow 😁 All you say about yourself is true and the opposite is equally true. You ( and anyone else) are alone. We're all alone individually and we're all part of a unit also. We don't fit anywhere as an individual due to our very uniqueness. We also share traits ( biological or psychological) with absolutely anyone. Even a banana and you have 25% of the same DNA lol. Those intense feelings that go through your body are not your own, they pass you by, like clouds. The intensity and pain felt is by identifying with them and believing they're ours feelings, they're us. They're not, they're universal. Anger, fear, sadness is not you, it just passes you by. Your body just acting as a receptor, observe the process your body is under at those times like you would observe another body experiencing that. Don't freak out, don't identify with the process, just observe. The more you remain focus on simply observing, the calmer you'll be able to feel. And regulate your internal system. Your not anxious. Anxiety passes you by. You are the observer of that. Identify with the observer more. Thar's the consciousness, peaceful, safe part of you that wants to reconnect you to your true nature. Hope I made sense ;)
Can we all just please give a million props to this wonderful human being that is Heidi Priebe, I feel like you are saving my life and future relationships with people. I’ve been watching your stuff on repeat for days now, and I’m working on myself like I never thought would be possible, better and more proactive than the 3 sessions of therapy I went to and couldn’t afford
Yes, I when I start to feel offended, I have started asking myself "how am I making this about me?" and a follow-up question of "what am I making this mean about me?" In many situations I realize I am feeling invisible and want to be recognized or acknowledged in some way, often that I want sacrifices I have made to be acknowledged so that I don't feel taken advantage of.
I used to not take things personally. Except with the very few who were close to me in the long term. It left me open to being treated poorly in many situations where I needed to show up for myself and speak up. Because, I had the self belief that I needed to be calm, cool and "mature" in most situations. Because "I can handle it." Because I didn't want to be seen as weak. I also didn't know how to state certain boundaries primarily among friends and it be okay. Or without getting supper upset, for the longest time. Now... I'm analyzing everything and wanting to argue with everyone …or at least to myself. Working on being grounded and finding the balance by being present with grace.
Last year I started to learn to not take things personally. It's been a long, hard journey, and I'm still working on it. Questioning my stories has been very helpful. What you said about some people wanting to take things personally as a way of trying to maintain a connection rather than facing the thought of being forgotten or not mattering to someone...that really resonated with me. That seems to be where I've been more recently. Let the healing journey continue...
The solution to so much awkwardness, upset and tension is to take hurtful things less personally. Perfect example of something that is simple but not easy.
Such a tangle of triggers. I am on year 5 of trying to understand myself more and there’s still a long way to go. I am better at recognising when the trigger is occurring, I feel it in my body before my thoughts catch up. I have never spent so much time excusing myself to go and pee as a way to re regulate myself. I’ll take people thinking i have bladder issues over the old feelings any day! It’s not about me, love your explanations.
DA here and I take very little personally, lol! (Positive view of self, negative view of others). I've had to learn that my words and behavior CAN impact others and that they are not always overreacting unreasonably. Sometimes, I need to be more empathetic. I'm learning... 🤷🏽♀️
My husband is SA and his lack of empathy has resulted in us no longer speaking about anything (other than surface level shit) permanently. He’s perfectly happy with that of course. Not sure how much longer I can tolerate it. A marriage of convenience atm.
🔥🔥🔥🔥 binge watching Heidi Priebe’s YT channel is my new hobby. It always hits me out of nowhere and BAM -one more thing to learn to live a great life-. Thank you Heidi!
I totally loved how you mentioned the "forget me" song! I kind of want the feeling being remembered in hateful way rather than being forgiven and forgotten. Even though it's not healthy in any way, but I kind of like how uncomforting that feeling of being forgotten is, and it triggers me to keep chasing my favorite perkson with whom I fought 6months back and we wet no contact.
I’ve really been loving your work. Because it’s balanced and the fact that you don’t randomly insert a sponsor during the video makes it feel very genuine and like you really just want people to be balanced and secure ❤ thank you! Big thank you
These videos are great, and so many truths can only come from someone who's really passionate and invested in what they do. The advice is helpful, but I'm also inspired by the fact that you're totally in flow with your chosen field.
Someone said once that not everyone will like you but also, asked if I liked everyone? The answer was no. It helped me not to take things personally if I felt rejected by ppl I didn’t really even like either.
Your videos are rewiring the insecure world view …..another life has been saved… i love you heidi preibe ❤i wish all your dreams come true …. You are saving lives 😢
Easier said than done. Another reason I have this profound, all-consuming, hateful envy of others is their casual ability to hurt me with mere words. I wish they could experience the same hell I go through every day. There are a few things I want, but chief among them? Unlimited revenge.
It is hellish being v sensitive. I don’t want revenge - although it would be good to see them get some of thier own medicine. Mostly I just want to be completely alone. For a long time.
Asking for clarification sounds like a good idea, but when people meant it hurtfully they will most likely not own up to that fact because it would make them feel like a bad person.
this was the first video I saw by you Heidi a week or two ago and just W.O.W.! Not only was it helpful but it nails so many of the consequences and nuances that come about as things play out. You're highly perceptive, in the best of ways. It kinda seems like maybe you have first hand knowledge/experience with many of the topics I've watched thus far. I appreciate this more because you're knowledgeable like an experienced psychologist but you also know the intimate details of what things feel like for the person identifying with the topic. I haven't picked up in any shaming or guilt trips. you do really well at presenting things neutrally, and even with compassion and understanding. Thank you for not being judgemental. I've been on my own healing journey and man, I mostly just research to learn about this stuff. my parents were never good sources to ask for advice or input or empathy. My mom is borderline and behaves in covertly narcissistic ways, gaslighting and manipulation. she never let others see her harsh interactions with me to keep any pleas of help i made uncredulous. She isolated me quite a bit, maybe (maybe) not on purpose, but she always found a "problem" with any friend I had over. and with her neurotic tendencies and oversensitivity to noise (not actually excessive), messes (that were easily clean-up-able), etc, well my friends tended to drift away. This, now I'm supposedly an adult at age 32 (with a precious 6 year old daughter) whose trying desperately to find where the problems were in my mom's behaviors so that i can do my best to find healthier ways of interacting and behaving. I research constantly. i don't have friends nor healthy/more balanced family members to get advice from, so I'm researching to try to save my own life and to preserve the purity of heart that I wish my daughter to keep. In my research, I found your videos Heidi. I am thankful for what you share with the community and I'm also thankful for your perspective on things. you have helped me learn so much about myself already and gave suggestions on how to improve. this is valuable insight to me.
There was a time when I easily took things too personally. Now after going through the healing process, I'm not worried about others expectations about me at all.
I see myself in this thing and I don't like it ;) (I need to watch this about 5 times in a row to fully take in all the goodness that's here. THANK YOU for your clarity Heidi!)
I have recently sought out this type of help on the internet due to difficulties with my romantic partner. No one else has provided such a meaningful understanding of these difficulties and how to find realistic remedies or recognizing when and how to find closure. Three deep bows in your direction and heart felt thanks!
Thank you for doing this! You're pulling the courtain away so I can look inside myself and understand my behavior. This is amazing!! I can't thank you enough!
Oh my god, despite the fact that I'm the one who generally tells people to not take things personally, I've never realized that I do the exact same thing, especially went it come to people I'm really close to, or want to be close to. When you said that this was an attachment style, it finally made sense to me. It's funny, now I realize that both my parents have the exact same attachment style as well. Thank you so much for this life saver!
Please make a followup! I see myself and learned a lot about awareness steps I can take to "self correct"! Your videos on these topics are easily some of the best out there - thank you for the insight.
So interesting that paranoia is the end of the anxious attachment spectrum. For DECADES what my parents have projected on to me is that I'm paranoid (my dad did actually go to a psych hospital a couple of times with depression and paranoid delusions). I suppose I do/ did take things personally but I objected to being labelled paranoid and then I was labelled sensitive. I pointed out how I could not win, then I was labelled angry. I am not dealing with my parents anymore. They just will not acknowledge that they hurt me and I seem to need that they do that before I can just play the part of susan again. If they cannot do that small thing then I'm not playing the part they wrote for me. I will be a stranger forever.
I can relate. Ive always been labeled as "too sensitive". Yet, it felt like they were being insensitive to my needs. I often wonder if i wouldn't have been so sensitive if they had provided a secure attachment style for me. but hey, they were likely doing the best they could with what they had gotten from their parents. they might not have been in touch with their own childhood grievances and thus they were hoping you wouldn't bring it up because they didn't know how to confront their own stuff. it takes bravery, Susan, to open your eyes and wake up to your own supposed flaw or things that you could improve on. I could be wrong, but Im willing to bed your parents just aren't as brave as you. You are self reflecting in a way that they seemingly didn't. You are brave and you are honest with yourself about things you could improve on. That's what makes you special in this scenario dear. Keep being self aware, even if it's aversive sometimes. only when we see room for improvement can we actually make those improvements. if we were perfect, there would be no reason to adapt or change. someday, you may even take potty in your parents and see their motional immaturity from a place of understanding, that they are human too. They may not have had great resources like we have here with Heidi. it is noteworthy however, to still boundary up and not accept disrespect from them, even if you can see where they were coming from. protect yourself first. Best wishes! ❤️
Before I learned about attachment styles I took it personally when my dismissive avoidant partner broke up with me and that she seemed to want nothing to do with me in just a matter of weeks. However, I now see it wasn’t “ME “or “OUR” relationship specifically, but more so that it was “A” relationship.
I want to comment on every one of your videos how much i appreciate the way you frame these issues. I don't know if you get tired of making content but i truly hope you continue. I am 37 year old dude taking rigorous notes from someone obv younger than me is a bit humbling but (even that is me trying to say people would like me because of my **checks notes** sick ability to be emotionally regulated and calm in every situation) I am just wanting to fix these darned blind spots i have about processing the world around me. The part around 15:20 where you talk about when people assuming they know everything about you. I get that activation too, i will keep an eye on that defensive thing in future. thanks for advice.
Heidi, you blow my min dwith EVERY single video of yours. Thank you so much for your analysis, explanation and providing tools to do better. I have been in therapy for sometime. But im learning from you than i did from therapy. Thanks a lot for your generosity.
1:54 there’s no bad publicity for our mind 3:15 if you are in conflict, you matter immensely 5:00 paranoia 6:14 everyone is meeting their own needs. Whether they love you or hate you has nothing to do with you. Our worthiness is not linked to what people think of us. Being perfectly regulated.
Thank you for articulating something I really, really wanted to communicate to some other people to help them protect their mental health because when I noticed this process and learned it here and there it helped me but I had a hard time condensing those experiences (also while heated because when you learn something the hard way over time you somewhat unconsciously expect others to have already known it especially if you(as in me) have gone through an inferiority complex)
I just so wished I would have found your channel sooner xxx thank you for this goldmine of guidance and explanation of all the mistakes I've made in my life in such a clear concise and understandable manner!
Wow! Heidi, you speak with such incredible clarity and insight. It’s amazing time to be alive when tools like your channel are so accessible. Thank you!!
Thanks Heidi! The timing of me watching this video is uncanny. I’m currently in a quasi toxic relationship with work. For years I have struggled with a bully, he’s extremely charismatic, appears to be extremely empathetic, but the actions behind the scenes state otherwise. He doesn’t seem to have any true, emotional awareness, and anytime there is a conflict instead of doing conflict mediation, I just results and the character assassination. A few years back, I approached him to see if there was some thing that I was missing, anything that I had done to upset him, but he denied any issue. So I’m not sure what to do with such individuals. I actually did escape him and things were fine, however, his territory grew, and once again the character assassination started all over again.
Oh, this is just what I need to hear today! Just saw a video of directing three different energies at three different jars of rice [speaking love to the first jar, speaking hate to the second jar, and nothing to the third jar - just ignoring it]. The 'love' jar fermented into this wonderful smelling food. The 'hate' jar fermented into a sour inedible mess. The 'ignored' jar got mold and rotted. Perhaps people sense this and would rather be negatively treated than ignored completely. Which makes me wonder about a religion that would shun and treat as dead, an undesirable member...it's supposed to make said member so uncomfortable that they change and come back. There's a lot to unpack there. I think this information you're giving us here, would be very insightful and helpful to people in that predicament, too. As for myself, my parents used to do that 'shun thing' to me from day one, when they didn't want to deal with [or didn't know how to deal with] my wants and needs, so I'm gonna shut up now and resume watching!
Thank you so much for this. I do feel chronically offended especially at work. For example when I feel like my boss is expecting me to perform while not providing me with clear coaching or worse, is mis-informing me or brushing me off.
You are spot on, however, I hate to even say I’m “offended” about anything these days because I feel like it’s so overused, “disrespected” is a good alternative word for me. It also (for me), makes it about me taking responsibility for my feelings instead of (blaming) stating that I’m offended over someone’s actions towards me. Idk.
Every time I watch one of your videos that relates to an issue I’m facing, I feel so happy and hopeful because I know I’ve found something that will help me get to a solution
Heidi, first off, I wish to gawd id come across this vid and all of your content in fact, last month.😅. THE GRIEF I could have saved myself!!! However, I'm also a firm believer in life lessons presenting themselves to us when the time is perfect..and I'm as grateful to have taken SO MUCH from this today as any day. THANK YOU SO MUCH for this insightful nugget..I have been taking things personally for decades..and sabotaging myself in the process for as long as. I never considered someone else's opinions or attitudes "about" me, might not have anything at all to DO with me!! THAT right there is a game changer for someone like me. So thank you so much. Can't wait to get stuck in to your content. Much love from Ireland 👋
I use to often take things personally, but now, not so much, although there are some occassions where I may revert back to taking things personally that i can still reflect upon and try to work thur with a renwed perspective.
It works. Yes, Heidi, if I'm offended, it's usually about the other person, or, if not, then it's something I've been hanging on to for waay too long....
What a beautiful video. As soon as you mentioned Lewis Capaldi's song and related the lyric to anxious attachment, I started tearing up. Everything in the video is so accurate based on what I'm going through being in a situation ship with an ESFP. The part about mirroring, self honesty and reflection is something I need to do more actively given my attachment style. Thank you. I truly find myself understood here and that's a big thing for me to say.
But what about criticism? What if someone is expressing something you could improve upon or a boundary? Maybe you did something genuinely hurtful or inconsiderate and they are trying to share that with you. I've had people express criticisms in a gentle way as well as a defensive/harsh/direct way. Either way, how do you take that criticism and integrate it healthily rather than getting defensive when it really is personal what the person is saying? For me, it's like I have a hard time taking accountability, especially if the other person is expressing criticism in a harsh way. And it can be hard to feed out what aspects might be the other person's stuff and what aspects are true to my behavior. I just respond to any form of criticism as a threat rather than a means to self-reflect and grow in a positive way.
I'm trying to remind myself - criticism is often about an action you did/didn't do. Not about your character. When you are acting in an authentic self, you can keep the emotion out of the reaction because it doesn't hurt the same. When it is about a character trait or more personal, it's going to hurt if it's something you haven't yet processed. That may be guilt or shame for "getting it wrong" but reminding yourself as said above, that it is someone's opinion, not necessarily fact. Just be sure to find space to sit with the feelings and try to find why it hurts and where the healing needs to begin
I agree that being admired etc. *can* have nothing to do with us, but that, imo, is when that admiration is projective: limerence, the narcissistic valuation which produces narcissistic supply, feeling important by association, etc. When we are good with ourselves, we can authentically admire someone. That experience does not confuse respect with worship. When we are humble we are free to truly value admirable qualities in others, independently of our self-concept. I suppose another way to phrase this is that, when we respect our separateness from others, we respect others’ separateness.
Thanks. After studying healthy relationships I now see narcissism in everyone therefore I'm isolating (going no contact with everyone). I'm not sure that is healthy, but that is what psychology is preaching.
Everyone acts out of self interest. But everyone being narcissistic can't be true. You can choose who to have in your life, but you also have to accept them as they are. If you are in an unhealthy dynamic, do get out. But also try and make new friends. Then you can also compare.
The last bit hit a nerve. However, only three people in and out of my life, are genuinely rude. And funnily enough, deeply into themselves which makes it easier to say no.
I’m trapped in the never ending divorce. Suffice to say, things have become maddening. I have said from the beginning, the only thing I want, is to be so detached from him, I care no more for him, than my ex husband from 30 yrs ago.
Thankyou I just started following your videos, I'm getting so much from them, for inner reflection and as a counselling student it's very insightful, I really enjoy your vast knowledge and relatability when you share your own experiences and healing, many thanks, 🙏
This is so helpful. New to your channel - found your limerance video so interesting. This might be a misplaced comment, but several times, my eyes sort of blurred and made the large black pillow in the background become your arms with large, flowy sleeves and pointy elbows. Sort of like a reclining medieval witch 😅 thank you for all your help. ❤
Very helpful. My issue is the other person is avoidant. He literally runs past me (possibly to avoid having to talk to me). It hurts, even though it could just be him running because he’s late. When we wants to talk to me it’s awesome. I feel needy and rejected easily. I keep making excuses for him. It’s a roller coaster. Thanks so much for making this video. Will look for the follow up.
Been watching your videos a lot for the past few weeks going through a very self reflective period and I'm really grateful to have your insight. I often watch your videos and have to rewatch them because they are so informative. Your videos allow me to reflect on a lot of difficult struggles that I need to address within. Thank you for your intention and presentation.
(12 minutes in) Very true, just beware not to "use" it for invalidating others. Even when they project their own shortcomings on you, others may see things in you and your actions you are blind to, pay attention
I find the mind and the brain extremely fascinating. Human mind can be a powerful tool but it can turn very easily into a prison from time to time. Anyways I sincerely appreciate and thank you for the work you do, your videos helped me a lot to recognize some blockages as well as some defense mechanisms I was enacting without realizing it. 🙏🏼 😊
Thank you for this! This is something I definitely experience and with these tips I plan on working through it. So insightful I have so much to think about now 👏👏👏👏
I'm still spending time trying to pinpoint my emotions as I view this video; I guess this is essential, like oxygen! Reading the transcript while playing the audio, envisioning scenes, and talking about it all helps me to retain it.
❤great channel. I made a vow with myself, and it’s still in progress, because being offended is so ingrained into us and washing it out takes a lot of work. But I vowed not to be offended since October 2021 and it’s made my life so much better.
Here's a question.... when I asked for clarification, incase i was missing anything because i was feeling a little offended, as you suggest here; she repeated herself, politely and with respect... yet it wasn't true and i had a resolve... which was a character reference, and as many as she wanted/needed to make her feel secure about my character as a short term tenant - she was fine with one... She insisted i didn't understand and repeated it her worst fear about me more times... also repeating, i don't want you to take this personally. I said that I understood, as she also premised her comment, with that she's projecting her worse fears... but she stated them again.... although i understood. It was a simple concept and I came up with a solution she approved of. So the next time she repeated, after i mentioned i get triggered by her mentioning it, and since we have a solution can we move off of the topic; i found myself cutting her off, because she kept repeating it. As an empath, I just kept taking it in even though i knew it wasn't true. She got triggered and then starting pointing out that i cut her off, and cried. so it became about her as I soothed her. i had tried to explain that i understood, presented the solution and hoped she would understand, i didn't take offense to the reference letters, just need her to stop repeating her fears about me to me. Is there another way I could have handled her in this situation? thank you! GREAT VIDEOS
You go further and deeper in the psych spiral that people can get lost in when they dont get right in the head than others do. And your advice is good, too.
I definitely have to admit I take things personally and can relate to everything you said. I def need more work in this area. Please make more in depth vids on healing this aspect.
Wow each time i learn a huge lesson with you. Like every time i m triggered i cant stand the person and fantasize about dropping them and isolating from the world. And why im not being kind to myself. Eek. I know that i dont know....more and more. Time to do way deeper work. Time to metamorphisize. However u spell that. I find you address pple who are not beginners in their healing. Or maybe u do but it depends where we are in our journey so we re able to hear what we need at this stage.
When you don't matter to yourself (and are unaware of this lack of self regard) and you don't matter to anyone else, it feels like being less than a ghost.
ADHD plays a lot into my overreacting. I completely relate to "I had to do "X" why do they get away with it. Breaking down triggers is a great point. Wow this is disjointed.
What is it activating in us? And when it is hurtful, keep them away from your child! Learn more when you notice a trigger. All very insightful! Will be reviewing this a lot!
You cannot feel disrespected by others if you have no disrespect for yourself! If you happen to feel disrespected by someones actions, or speech, it is only because you have not processed an offense of disrespect that somebody offended you by in the past and thus has now become a trigger in need of processing by; Allowing this disrespect to be a valued and esteemed guest in your present moment, As you assume the role as parent to your wounded inner child and acknowledge and accept, with loving kindness and respect with hospitality giving freedom for this disrespect to remain as long as it desires to. And if you come with this mindset this issue well almost immediately transform into healing because you acknowledge and accepted it and loved it with respect it now transforms into respect and now integrates into or becomes a part of your personality. And now you are one who respects others instead of disrespecting others especially yourself. If you would only, Look internally for answers and you will never have to create external boundaries to stop others from exhibiting any uncomfortable or disrespecting etc. type of action towards you.
Hi take things to personally all the time - so was suggested to read a book - the four agreements - do you know it laugh out loud - read the book - still take things too personally but your video and lots of biking should do the trick thank you
One of the hardest things to do in regards to any kind of cbt or new skill is to do it consistently. There are some days where I am able to be mindful and not allow people's shit to get to me. But weeks can also go by where I am allowing it all to get to me.
''What am I missing?'' Does this technique work when you're being given the silent treatment? A relative of mine love bombs all of our other relatives and gives me the cold shoulder/silent treatment. I could imagine saying ''what am I missing?'' to her. It's assertive enough to show you're not a doormat, but its' not obsequious enough to look like you're going to try and people please your way out of being treated you so badly.
Sounds like your being triangulated. Keep your mouth shut with anyone close, this will be used against you. Basically, your not a people pleaser, they are and are rewarded for just sticking around to be the fuel they need (energy) without working for it.
hi. This is all getting written down in my journal. I am wondering, how do you resolve these internal conflicts with yourself? I have the awareness now of my projection but the emotions are still there
Hello Heidi Priebe, good morning 🌅🌻☀️! I liked this video of yours, I hope you have a wonderful Sunday in your native country, Canada. Greetings and blessings from Sonora, México 🇲🇽
"if you are in conflict, it means you matter immensely to someone" hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only for my own antisocial behaviour as being that spicy unpopular opinions person, but for the magnified version of that flaw I see in the rising trend of contrarian public figures. I was always confused as to why someone would want their whole identity to be about conflict, and have a whole fanbase of people who hate them. Hello, shadow! 😂
This is so spot on. Whenever I get really worked up about something someone said to me, the only way I get out of the rumination / anxiety loop is to remember that no one can invalidate me, I can only invalidate myself. And that anxiety and anger is actually because I am invalidating myself. Only when I accept this do I feel suddenly at peace and empowered. Suddenly I don’t need them to apologize or change or acknowledge what they did, it doesn’t matter. I can always choose to validate and accept myself, no one can take that power away. It’s unbelievably freeing to accept full responsibility for validating yourself.
I recently watched a video with Sam Vaknin who talked about how, if youve experienced narcissistic abuse, the voice of the narcissist stays in your head and controls everything. But the narrative isn't actually yours, so everything you're thinking is running through an parasite program! Heidi says in another video how your authentic self is your feeling that arise in the present moment, not an imagined character in the future. Sounds like you found that sweet spot 👌
Amen.
This is so true. I realised essentially the same thing, myself: the other person did not, and cannot hurt me -- *I* hurt me. With my automatic conditioned responses and narratives about what they say, when it's something which triggers me. (Although for me I'm thinking of a situation where the person is not actually trying to be an @hole, but is just triggered, themselves, causing them to say it.)
@artazcona1422 I remember asking a friend once where is the universe and he said it's inside you. That blew my mind somehow 😁
All you say about yourself is true and the opposite is equally true. You ( and anyone else) are alone. We're all alone individually and we're all part of a unit also. We don't fit anywhere as an individual due to our very uniqueness. We also share traits ( biological or psychological) with absolutely anyone. Even a banana and you have 25% of the same DNA lol. Those intense feelings that go through your body are not your own, they pass you by, like clouds. The intensity and pain felt is by identifying with them and believing they're ours feelings, they're us. They're not, they're universal. Anger, fear, sadness is not you, it just passes you by. Your body just acting as a receptor, observe the process your body is under at those times like you would observe another body experiencing that. Don't freak out, don't identify with the process, just observe. The more you remain focus on simply observing, the calmer you'll be able to feel. And regulate your internal system. Your not anxious. Anxiety passes you by. You are the observer of that. Identify with the observer more. Thar's the consciousness, peaceful, safe part of you that wants to reconnect you to your true nature. Hope I made sense ;)
I hope to arrive there someday
Can we all just please give a million props to this wonderful human being that is Heidi Priebe, I feel like you are saving my life and future relationships with people. I’ve been watching your stuff on repeat for days now, and I’m working on myself like I never thought would be possible, better and more proactive than the 3 sessions of therapy I went to and couldn’t afford
Million props🎉
Yes, I when I start to feel offended, I have started asking myself "how am I making this about me?" and a follow-up question of "what am I making this mean about me?" In many situations I realize I am feeling invisible and want to be recognized or acknowledged in some way, often that I want sacrifices I have made to be acknowledged so that I don't feel taken advantage of.
Oh wow, what a great prompt for journaling.
I used to not take things personally. Except with the very few who were close to me in the long term. It left me open to being treated poorly in many situations where I needed to show up for myself and speak up. Because, I had the self belief that I needed to be calm, cool and "mature" in most situations. Because "I can handle it." Because I didn't want to be seen as weak.
I also didn't know how to state certain boundaries primarily among friends and it be okay. Or without getting supper upset, for the longest time.
Now... I'm analyzing everything and wanting to argue with everyone …or at least to myself. Working on being grounded and finding the balance by being present with grace.
Yes same.
Last year I started to learn to not take things personally. It's been a long, hard journey, and I'm still working on it. Questioning my stories has been very helpful. What you said about some people wanting to take things personally as a way of trying to maintain a connection rather than facing the thought of being forgotten or not mattering to someone...that really resonated with me. That seems to be where I've been more recently. Let the healing journey continue...
The solution to so much awkwardness, upset and tension is to take hurtful things less personally. Perfect example of something that is simple but not easy.
Such a tangle of triggers. I am on year 5 of trying to understand myself more and there’s still a long way to go. I am better at recognising when the trigger is occurring, I feel it in my body before my thoughts catch up. I have never spent so much time excusing myself to go and pee as a way to re regulate myself. I’ll take people thinking i have bladder issues over the old feelings any day! It’s not about me, love your explanations.
DA here and I take very little personally, lol! (Positive view of self, negative view of others). I've had to learn that my words and behavior CAN impact others and that they are not always overreacting unreasonably. Sometimes, I need to be more empathetic. I'm learning... 🤷🏽♀️
My husband is SA and his lack of empathy has resulted in us no longer speaking about anything (other than surface level shit) permanently. He’s perfectly happy with that of course. Not sure how much longer I can tolerate it. A marriage of convenience atm.
🔥🔥🔥🔥 binge watching Heidi Priebe’s YT channel is my new hobby. It always hits me out of nowhere and BAM -one more thing to learn to live a great life-. Thank you Heidi!
I totally loved how you mentioned the "forget me" song! I kind of want the feeling being remembered in hateful way rather than being forgiven and forgotten.
Even though it's not healthy in any way, but I kind of like how uncomforting that feeling of being forgotten is, and it triggers me to keep chasing my favorite perkson with whom I fought 6months back and we wet no contact.
Or Adele’s ‘Someone like you’
I’ve really been loving your work. Because it’s balanced and the fact that you don’t randomly insert a sponsor during the video makes it feel very genuine and like you really just want people to be balanced and secure ❤ thank you! Big thank you
These videos are great, and so many truths can only come from someone who's really passionate and invested in what they do. The advice is helpful, but I'm also inspired by the fact that you're totally in flow with your chosen field.
SO spot on!!
Someone said once that not everyone will like you but also, asked if I liked everyone? The answer was no. It helped me not to take things personally if I felt rejected by ppl I didn’t really even like either.
Your videos are rewiring the insecure world view …..another life has been saved… i love you heidi preibe ❤i wish all your dreams come true …. You are saving lives 😢
I just recently found your channel about a month ago, and I’ve learned so much. I appreciate your recent, regular uploads!
Your videos are so on-point for me I feel the need to relisten to them until I have them memorized.
Easier said than done. Another reason I have this profound, all-consuming, hateful envy of others is their casual ability to hurt me with mere words. I wish they could experience the same hell I go through every day. There are a few things I want, but chief among them? Unlimited revenge.
It is hellish being v sensitive. I don’t want revenge - although it would be good to see them get some of thier own medicine. Mostly I just want to be completely alone. For a long time.
Finding your channel has solved a lot of my problems 😂. God bless you Heidi, you're the best.
Asking for clarification sounds like a good idea, but when people meant it hurtfully they will most likely not own up to that fact because it would make them feel like a bad person.
this was the first video I saw by you Heidi a week or two ago and just W.O.W.! Not only was it helpful but it nails so many of the consequences and nuances that come about as things play out. You're highly perceptive, in the best of ways.
It kinda seems like maybe you have first hand knowledge/experience with many of the topics I've watched thus far. I appreciate this more because you're knowledgeable like an experienced psychologist but you also know the intimate details of what things feel like for the person identifying with the topic. I haven't picked up in any shaming or guilt trips. you do really well at presenting things neutrally, and even with compassion and understanding. Thank you for not being judgemental.
I've been on my own healing journey and man, I mostly just research to learn about this stuff. my parents were never good sources to ask for advice or input or empathy. My mom is borderline and behaves in covertly narcissistic ways, gaslighting and manipulation. she never let others see her harsh interactions with me to keep any pleas of help i made uncredulous. She isolated me quite a bit, maybe (maybe) not on purpose, but she always found a "problem" with any friend I had over. and with her neurotic tendencies and oversensitivity to noise (not actually excessive), messes (that were easily clean-up-able), etc, well my friends tended to drift away.
This, now I'm supposedly an adult at age 32 (with a precious 6 year old daughter) whose trying desperately to find where the problems were in my mom's behaviors so that i can do my best to find healthier ways of interacting and behaving. I research constantly. i don't have friends nor healthy/more balanced family members to get advice from, so I'm researching to try to save my own life and to preserve the purity of heart that I wish my daughter to keep.
In my research, I found your videos Heidi. I am thankful for what you share with the community and I'm also thankful for your perspective on things. you have helped me learn so much about myself already and gave suggestions on how to improve. this is valuable insight to me.
Like even without watching yet 'cause I know it's gonna be epic!
Lol same!! 😂💓
Are you sure you aren't projecting your own valued qualities onto Heidi? 🤔 😜
There was a time when I easily took things too personally. Now after going through the healing process, I'm not worried about others expectations about me at all.
I so wish I could get to that point!
I see myself in this thing and I don't like it ;) (I need to watch this about 5 times in a row to fully take in all the goodness that's here. THANK YOU for your clarity Heidi!)
I've had a problem of taking things too personally for a long time - I'm learning a lot from you, thank you
Its so hard to stop doing though
I have recently sought out this type of help on the internet due to difficulties with my romantic partner. No one else has provided such a meaningful understanding of these difficulties and how to find realistic remedies or recognizing when and how to find closure. Three deep bows in your direction and heart felt thanks!
Thank you for doing this! You're pulling the courtain away so I can look inside myself and understand my behavior. This is amazing!! I can't thank you enough!
Oh my god, despite the fact that I'm the one who generally tells people to not take things personally, I've never realized that I do the exact same thing, especially went it come to people I'm really close to, or want to be close to. When you said that this was an attachment style, it finally made sense to me. It's funny, now I realize that both my parents have the exact same attachment style as well. Thank you so much for this life saver!
Now I’m taking this video personally
Lol! Yeah, I feel called out, too! Good thing this one is short. I gotta listen again.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Please make a followup!
I see myself and learned a lot about awareness steps I can take to "self correct"!
Your videos on these topics are easily some of the best out there - thank you for the insight.
So interesting that paranoia is the end of the anxious attachment spectrum. For DECADES what my parents have projected on to me is that I'm paranoid (my dad did actually go to a psych hospital a couple of times with depression and paranoid delusions). I suppose I do/ did take things personally but I objected to being labelled paranoid and then I was labelled sensitive. I pointed out how I could not win, then I was labelled angry. I am not dealing with my parents anymore. They just will not acknowledge that they hurt me and I seem to need that they do that before I can just play the part of susan again. If they cannot do that small thing then I'm not playing the part they wrote for me. I will be a stranger forever.
I agree with you. We are all accountable, even parents.
I can relate. Ive always been labeled as "too sensitive". Yet, it felt like they were being insensitive to my needs. I often wonder if i wouldn't have been so sensitive if they had provided a secure attachment style for me.
but hey, they were likely doing the best they could with what they had gotten from their parents. they might not have been in touch with their own childhood grievances and thus they were hoping you wouldn't bring it up because they didn't know how to confront their own stuff.
it takes bravery, Susan, to open your eyes and wake up to your own supposed flaw or things that you could improve on. I could be wrong, but Im willing to bed your parents just aren't as brave as you. You are self reflecting in a way that they seemingly didn't. You are brave and you are honest with yourself about things you could improve on. That's what makes you special in this scenario dear. Keep being self aware, even if it's aversive sometimes. only when we see room for improvement can we actually make those improvements. if we were perfect, there would be no reason to adapt or change. someday, you may even take potty in your parents and see their motional immaturity from a place of understanding, that they are human too. They may not have had great resources like we have here with Heidi. it is noteworthy however, to still boundary up and not accept disrespect from them, even if you can see where they were coming from. protect yourself first. Best wishes! ❤️
Before I learned about attachment styles I took it personally when my dismissive avoidant partner broke up with me and that she seemed to want nothing to do with me in just a matter of weeks. However, I now see it wasn’t “ME “or “OUR” relationship specifically, but more so that it was “A” relationship.
I want to comment on every one of your videos how much i appreciate the way you frame these issues. I don't know if you get tired of making content but i truly hope you continue. I am 37 year old dude taking rigorous notes from someone obv younger than me is a bit humbling but (even that is me trying to say people would like me because of my **checks notes** sick ability to be emotionally regulated and calm in every situation) I am just wanting to fix these darned blind spots i have about processing the world around me. The part around 15:20 where you talk about when people assuming they know everything about you. I get that activation too, i will keep an eye on that defensive thing in future. thanks for advice.
Heidi, you blow my min dwith EVERY single video of yours. Thank you so much for your analysis, explanation and providing tools to do better. I have been in therapy for sometime. But im learning from you than i did from therapy. Thanks a lot for your generosity.
1:54 there’s no bad publicity for our mind
3:15 if you are in conflict, you matter immensely
5:00 paranoia
6:14 everyone is meeting their own needs. Whether they love you or hate you has nothing to do with you.
Our worthiness is not linked to what people think of us.
Being perfectly regulated.
Thank you for articulating something I really, really wanted to communicate to some other people to help them protect their mental health because when I noticed this process and learned it here and there it helped me but I had a hard time condensing those experiences (also while heated because when you learn something the hard way over time you somewhat unconsciously expect others to have already known it especially if you(as in me) have gone through an inferiority complex)
I just so wished I would have found your channel sooner xxx thank you for this goldmine of guidance and explanation of all the mistakes I've made in my life in such a clear concise and understandable manner!
Wow! Heidi, you speak with such incredible clarity and insight. It’s amazing time to be alive when tools like your channel are so accessible. Thank you!!
Thanks Heidi! The timing of me watching this video is uncanny. I’m currently in a quasi toxic relationship with work. For years I have struggled with a bully, he’s extremely charismatic, appears to be extremely empathetic, but the actions behind the scenes state otherwise. He doesn’t seem to have any true, emotional awareness, and anytime there is a conflict instead of doing conflict mediation, I just results and the character assassination. A few years back, I approached him to see if there was some thing that I was missing, anything that I had done to upset him, but he denied any issue. So I’m not sure what to do with such individuals. I actually did escape him and things were fine, however, his territory grew, and once again the character assassination started all over again.
Oh, this is just what I need to hear today! Just saw a video of directing three different energies at three different jars of rice [speaking love to the first jar, speaking hate to the second jar, and nothing to the third jar - just ignoring it]. The 'love' jar fermented into this wonderful smelling food. The 'hate' jar fermented into a sour inedible mess. The 'ignored' jar got mold and rotted. Perhaps people sense this and would rather be negatively treated than ignored completely. Which makes me wonder about a religion that would shun and treat as dead, an undesirable member...it's supposed to make said member so uncomfortable that they change and come back. There's a lot to unpack there. I think this information you're giving us here, would be very insightful and helpful to people in that predicament, too. As for myself, my parents used to do that 'shun thing' to me from day one, when they didn't want to deal with [or didn't know how to deal with] my wants and needs, so I'm gonna shut up now and resume watching!
Thank you so much for this. I do feel chronically offended especially at work. For example when I feel like my boss is expecting me to perform while not providing me with clear coaching or worse, is mis-informing me or brushing me off.
You are spot on, however, I hate to even say I’m “offended” about anything these days because I feel like it’s so overused, “disrespected” is a good alternative word for me. It also (for me), makes it about me taking responsibility for my feelings instead of (blaming) stating that I’m offended over someone’s actions towards me. Idk.
Every time I watch one of your videos that relates to an issue I’m facing, I feel so happy and hopeful because I know I’ve found something that will help me get to a solution
Your channel is a life saver 🙌🏾
So grateful to have found you!!!! This is DEFINITELY, without a doubt, your calling. Thank you :)
Heidi, first off, I wish to gawd id come across this vid and all of your content in fact, last month.😅. THE GRIEF I could have saved myself!!! However, I'm also a firm believer in life lessons presenting themselves to us when the time is perfect..and I'm as grateful to have taken SO MUCH from this today as any day. THANK YOU SO MUCH for this insightful nugget..I have been taking things personally for decades..and sabotaging myself in the process for as long as. I never considered someone else's opinions or attitudes "about" me, might not have anything at all to DO with me!! THAT right there is a game changer for someone like me. So thank you so much. Can't wait to get stuck in to your content. Much love from Ireland 👋
This is amazingly explained Heidi, thank you for sharing and your knowledge!
Thank you Heidi. You understand and articulate these concepts so well.
I use to often take things personally, but now, not so much, although there are some occassions where I may revert back to taking things personally that i can still reflect upon and try to work thur with a renwed perspective.
You have so many truly helpful videos, but this one stands out!
It works. Yes, Heidi, if I'm offended, it's usually about the other person, or, if not, then it's something I've been hanging on to for waay too long....
What a beautiful video. As soon as you mentioned Lewis Capaldi's song and related the lyric to anxious attachment, I started tearing up. Everything in the video is so accurate based on what I'm going through being in a situation ship with an ESFP. The part about mirroring, self honesty and reflection is something I need to do more actively given my attachment style. Thank you. I truly find myself understood here and that's a big thing for me to say.
But what about criticism? What if someone is expressing something you could improve upon or a boundary? Maybe you did something genuinely hurtful or inconsiderate and they are trying to share that with you. I've had people express criticisms in a gentle way as well as a defensive/harsh/direct way. Either way, how do you take that criticism and integrate it healthily rather than getting defensive when it really is personal what the person is saying? For me, it's like I have a hard time taking accountability, especially if the other person is expressing criticism in a harsh way. And it can be hard to feed out what aspects might be the other person's stuff and what aspects are true to my behavior. I just respond to any form of criticism as a threat rather than a means to self-reflect and grow in a positive way.
I'm trying to remind myself - criticism is often about an action you did/didn't do.
Not about your character. When you are acting in an authentic self, you can keep the emotion out of the reaction because it doesn't hurt the same.
When it is about a character trait or more personal, it's going to hurt if it's something you haven't yet processed. That may be guilt or shame for "getting it wrong" but reminding yourself as said above, that it is someone's opinion, not necessarily fact.
Just be sure to find space to sit with the feelings and try to find why it hurts and where the healing needs to begin
I agree that being admired etc. *can* have nothing to do with us, but that, imo, is when that admiration is projective: limerence, the narcissistic valuation which produces narcissistic supply, feeling important by association, etc.
When we are good with ourselves, we can authentically admire someone. That experience does not confuse respect with worship. When we are humble we are free to truly value admirable qualities in others, independently of our self-concept. I suppose another way to phrase this is that, when we respect our separateness from others, we respect others’ separateness.
Thanks. After studying healthy relationships I now see narcissism in everyone therefore I'm isolating (going no contact with everyone). I'm not sure that is healthy, but that is what psychology is preaching.
Everyone acts out of self interest. But everyone being narcissistic can't be true. You can choose who to have in your life, but you also have to accept them as they are. If you are in an unhealthy dynamic, do get out. But also try and make new friends. Then you can also compare.
I just found your channel. You speak such wisdom, and I can tell it is going to be practical for me. Thank you!
The last bit hit a nerve. However, only three people in and out of my life, are genuinely rude. And funnily enough, deeply into themselves which makes it easier to say no.
I’m trapped in the never ending divorce. Suffice to say, things have become maddening. I have said from the beginning, the only thing I want, is to be so detached from him, I care no more for him, than my ex husband from 30 yrs ago.
So helpful! Thank you for creating this video
This is fantastic, thank you.
Great video. I think I need to watch it about 100x
Thankyou I just started following your videos, I'm getting so much from them, for inner reflection and as a counselling student it's very insightful, I really enjoy your vast knowledge and relatability when you share your own experiences and healing, many thanks, 🙏
This is so helpful. New to your channel - found your limerance video so interesting. This might be a misplaced comment, but several times, my eyes sort of blurred and made the large black pillow in the background become your arms with large, flowy sleeves and pointy elbows. Sort of like a reclining medieval witch 😅 thank you for all your help. ❤
Very helpful.
My issue is the other person is avoidant. He literally runs past me (possibly to avoid having to talk to me). It hurts, even though it could just be him running because he’s late. When we wants to talk to me it’s awesome. I feel needy and rejected easily.
I keep making excuses for him. It’s a roller coaster.
Thanks so much for making this video. Will look for the follow up.
Been watching your videos a lot for the past few weeks going through a very self reflective period and I'm really grateful to have your insight. I often watch your videos and have to rewatch them because they are so informative. Your videos allow me to reflect on a lot of difficult struggles that I need to address within. Thank you for your intention and presentation.
(12 minutes in) Very true, just beware not to "use" it for invalidating others. Even when they project their own shortcomings on you, others may see things in you and your actions you are blind to, pay attention
I find the mind and the brain extremely fascinating. Human mind can be a powerful tool but it can turn very easily into a prison from time to time. Anyways I sincerely appreciate and thank you for the work you do, your videos helped me a lot to recognize some blockages as well as some defense mechanisms I was enacting without realizing it. 🙏🏼 😊
…”more ass-holery”… 😂 absolute gold! And even better that it just rolled out of your mouth like it was a standard description!
Thank you for this! This is something I definitely experience and with these tips I plan on working through it. So insightful I have so much to think about now 👏👏👏👏
I'm still spending time trying to pinpoint my emotions as I view this video; I guess this is essential, like oxygen! Reading the transcript while playing the audio, envisioning scenes, and talking about it all helps me to retain it.
❤great channel. I made a vow with myself, and it’s still in progress, because being offended is so ingrained into us and washing it out takes a lot of work. But I vowed not to be offended since October 2021 and it’s made my life so much better.
Here's a question.... when I asked for clarification, incase i was missing anything because i was feeling a little offended, as you suggest here; she repeated herself, politely and with respect... yet it wasn't true and i had a resolve... which was a character reference, and as many as she wanted/needed to make her feel secure about my character as a short term tenant - she was fine with one... She insisted i didn't understand and repeated it her worst fear about me more times... also repeating, i don't want you to take this personally. I said that I understood, as she also premised her comment, with that she's projecting her worse fears... but she stated them again.... although i understood. It was a simple concept and I came up with a solution she approved of. So the next time she repeated, after i mentioned i get triggered by her mentioning it, and since we have a solution can we move off of the topic; i found myself cutting her off, because she kept repeating it. As an empath, I just kept taking it in even though i knew it wasn't true. She got triggered and then starting pointing out that i cut her off, and cried. so it became about her as I soothed her. i had tried to explain that i understood, presented the solution and hoped she would understand, i didn't take offense to the reference letters, just need her to stop repeating her fears about me to me. Is there another way I could have handled her in this situation? thank you! GREAT VIDEOS
Good heavens above. What a story. You where wasting your time. Sounds like a narc. Just say fine and walk away.
You go further and deeper in the psych spiral that people can get lost in when they dont get right in the head than others do. And your advice is good, too.
I definitely have to admit I take things personally and can relate to everything you said. I def need more work in this area. Please make more in depth vids on healing this aspect.
Wow each time i learn a huge lesson with you. Like every time i m triggered i cant stand the person and fantasize about dropping them and isolating from the world. And why im not being kind to myself.
Eek.
I know that i dont know....more and more.
Time to do way deeper work.
Time to metamorphisize.
However u spell that.
I find you address pple who are not beginners in their healing. Or maybe u do but it depends where we are in our journey so we re able to hear what we need at this stage.
The last part is very powerful ❤️
When you don't matter to yourself (and are unaware of this lack of self regard) and you don't matter to anyone else, it feels like being less than a ghost.
ADHD plays a lot into my overreacting. I completely relate to "I had to do "X" why do they get away with it. Breaking down triggers is a great point.
Wow this is disjointed.
Eww. That’s towards myself….do I STILL do this?!?! I’m going to have to really look at this. 🙏☮️
Wow! What breakthrough advice. 🎉❤
What is it activating in us?
And when it is hurtful, keep them away from your child!
Learn more when you notice a trigger.
All very insightful!
Will be reviewing this a lot!
You cannot feel disrespected by others if you have no disrespect for yourself!
If you happen to feel disrespected by someones actions, or speech, it is only because you have not processed an offense of disrespect that somebody offended you by in the past and thus has now become a trigger in need of processing by;
Allowing this disrespect to be a valued and esteemed guest in your present moment, As you assume the role as parent to your wounded inner child and acknowledge and accept, with loving kindness and respect with hospitality giving freedom for this disrespect to remain as long as it desires to. And if you come with this mindset this issue well almost immediately transform into healing because you acknowledge and accepted it and loved it with respect it now transforms into respect and now integrates into or becomes a part of your personality. And now you are one who respects others instead of disrespecting others especially yourself.
If you would only, Look internally for answers and you will never have to create external boundaries to stop others from exhibiting any uncomfortable or disrespecting etc. type of action towards you.
we feel all the time I will do my best not to hurt people's feelings I'll never insult or say mean things to anyone .
this video was incredibly informative thank you!
Hi take things to personally all the time - so was suggested to read a book - the four agreements - do you know it laugh out loud - read the book - still take things too personally but your video and lots of biking should do the trick thank you
truly, feel all your words in my core!!!!resonating that much! thank u 🙂
I found your videos just in time !!!
One of the hardest things to do in regards to any kind of cbt or new skill is to do it consistently. There are some days where I am able to be mindful and not allow people's shit to get to me. But weeks can also go by where I am allowing it all to get to me.
You're the bomb Heidi. Thank You for your work, you've helped me tremendously ❤
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean someone isn’t out to get you.
''What am I missing?'' Does this technique work when you're being given the silent treatment? A relative of mine love bombs all of our other relatives and gives me the cold shoulder/silent treatment. I could imagine saying ''what am I missing?'' to her. It's assertive enough to show you're not a doormat, but its' not obsequious enough to look like you're going to try and people please your way out of being treated you so badly.
Sounds like your being triangulated. Keep your mouth shut with anyone close, this will be used against you. Basically, your not a people pleaser, they are and are rewarded for just sticking around to be the fuel they need (energy) without working for it.
hi. This is all getting written down in my journal. I am wondering, how do you resolve these internal conflicts with yourself? I have the awareness now of my projection but the emotions are still there
This is a great video, very useful, thanks.
U just summarized my life
Hello Heidi Priebe, good morning 🌅🌻☀️! I liked this video of yours, I hope you have a wonderful Sunday in your native country, Canada. Greetings and blessings from Sonora, México 🇲🇽
mindblowing, thank you so much, even if it is still a challenge for me following you as a non english speaking native. Thank you algos...
It's so true! Pet peeves seem to be things we secretly hate about ourselves. Great video!
Or maybe were shamed about in childhood
"if you are in conflict, it means you matter immensely to someone" hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only for my own antisocial behaviour as being that spicy unpopular opinions person, but for the magnified version of that flaw I see in the rising trend of contrarian public figures. I was always confused as to why someone would want their whole identity to be about conflict, and have a whole fanbase of people who hate them. Hello, shadow! 😂
I think I take things personally because I'm investing a lot of in relationships.
Thanks Heidi 😊
And I took this personally
👏