How to Make Good Eye Contact
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ธ.ค. 2022
- Tips on How to Make Good Eye Contact. There are 3 ways but only one eye contact approach is effective. Free Download pdf Confident Speaking: www.alexanderlyon.com/
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i either stare at their soul or look at the nice floor
Hahah
“I see you. Soul and all!” 👁️👄👁️
Lmao 😂😂😂
why is this so relatable
Me when walking up the stairs behind a girl, “Ah yes these here stairs are made of stairs.”
I definitely do the first one. I really need to work on this.
Same 😬
@@mrcochino281 *Stares intensely* 👀
I have done with my crush🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧
This is so interesting. Cause I hate the first one both scanning others and espadrilles beeing scanned by others. However if it comes to having a real conversation I have no problem to actually look them deeply in the eyes. And even thoughI have no problem in doing this with people in a conversation I do have a problem with making eye contact in the bedroom sometimes 😅
Same 😂
7 to 10 seconds seems extreme, how about 5-7 seconds?
5 to 7 is pretty good and much better than scanning. Research shows that 7 to 10 is about what the other person needs to feel connected. But if you aimed for 5 to 7 seconds and did that consistently, I would guess that most people would still feel that you made solid eye contact.
I was thinking the same, but I think it depends on context. If I would look at someone 7-10 seconds before looking away in the subway, it would be really weird. But if I do the same in a conversation while talking or listening it seems very reasonable.
@@alexanderlyon hmmm I guess I didn’t take into account the other person feeling connected. I’ll give 7-10 seconds a try and see how it goes.
Yes, good point. The video is about having a conversation with somebody you know. It's not about eye contact with strangers.
@@alexanderlyonWhat would you recommend for people communicating with strangers?
One thing I learned if you’re not comfortable doing eye contact, Just stare on the person’s forehead
what if there bald then there uneasy
If you do this to someone you will make others uncomfortable... doesn't build attraction..
@@lavi0111 will you? You can stare just space between the eyes
@@allsimsfair yeah.. between eyes is a different thing but if you stare at the forehead it may make the other person uncomfortable.. it's one of the tricks of dark psychology...
One person tried it on me and I felt uncomfortable
I work at at a restaurant as a cashier, and I struggle so much looking people in the eyes for longer than 1 second. The weird thing is I used to not struggle with it at all.
same here, someone asked me why i was avoiding eyecontact lastweek. now im rethinking everything, look where its got me ^
I have the same problem. A while after I stopped working in retail I also developed social anxiety and felt uncomfortable around my friends. I feel like social media is doing this to people.
Instructions unclear, got 3 restraining orders.
5 stars would try again
😂lil bro only 3!??😂 That’s it bro to get woman you have to at least be on death row woman want bad boys😎
Thanks for sharing this simple great advice!
Happy to help.
This handsome guy at the cinema was working his eyecontact with me oh my gosh I literally stuttered and was acting like a clumsy girl,hopefully this helps😭 because yikes
aww haha, he probably thought it was cute :P
Girllll that happen to me a day ago and I freakin freaked out 😭
@@GratitudeDueLife PLSS😭 I can imagine we gotta work on it 🥲
Interesting to understand more about optimal eye contact. As an autistic person I can force myself to make eye contact for the comfort and benefit of the non autistic person I am speaking with but find doing so is very uncomfortable for myself even to the extent it affects my ability to fully take in what they say.
Thank you for sharing, Camelia.
Depends on how I feel in the conversation and if it is a topic that requires more thinking power. When I speak I tend to only look at the other person briefly. It takes a lot of attention to proces my thoughts and string sentences together. I tend to look at the ceiling, a corner or out a window.
I feel vulnerable when I look someone in the eye. Even though I really like eyes, think they are beautiful. Often times I would have liked to look someone in the eye but felt it was rude.
Im hoping to learn this skill
Edit: This video has helped me a lot. Now that I know it is normal to look people in the eye it feels a lot less awkward to do it. When they speak I look at them, when I speak I switch between looking and looking away to gather my thoughts. Also when I speak and someone doesn't look me in the eye at all then it bothers me because it gives me the feeling they aren't listening to me. So that's how it must have felt for other people when they spoke with me! Thank you so much for this video!
Thinking someone’s not listening just cause they aren’t looking directly is a social conditioning taught since we are babies and it’s wrong, some people listen better while looking away to process their thoughts.
The assumption misconception that people who look away aren’t caring to listen is harmful to Neurodivergent people. When visual thinking, looking away is needing for processing to put it into thoughts.
Bro I think he's staring at me for 7 seconds 😂 💀💀💀
Sometimes it makes me wonder if Im autistic or if I just have low confidence or maybe heck , even both because for some reason eye contact feels so intimidating like I always worry if im staring too much or looking away too much that i seem like i dont care. i want to make sure they feel like i care and am connected, but as you said not staring so much that its weird or feels intrusive in a way. and sometimes i worry about it so much that it makes it hard for me to be present in the conversation and just feel whats going on and listen. i dont want to have to think about it conciously, i feel like its something that should be natural without me thinking, and thats why i worry i have autism or something like that. but i also wonder if its just because i dont have very much confidence haha..
Me too.. I wonder the same exact things
This is awesome advice, Alex -- with great points! I love that whole idea about connection and comfort. Very well stated! I think for me, if I don't feel comfortable with the other person, I do that scanning thing. 😬 I've never done the stare down. 😅😅 But for those I truly love, like or just connect pretty easily with, I'm able to strike a nice balance regarding eye contact. 🙏❤ Thanks again for another helpful short! 🎯🎯😊😊
Thank you, Cheryle.
I only looked at my crush by accident because I look to the left, I was blinded by the performance lights and he looked at me 😭 (in my drama class)
Thank you! I do number 1 and 2. After having some traumatic experiences I've forgotten how to make comfortable eye contact, this is just what I needed. 💜
Thanks for sharing.
@@alexanderlyonsir please help me. I can't eyecontact even with my mom. My eyes getting fear while watching or talking with others and my both eyes watching opposite 's each eye instead of watching equal🥹🥹 please help. I did in-between eye contact it failed, staring others makes me forgetting my explanations.
Nobody cares
This is too stressful. I don’t like making eye contact with family so this is asking a lot 🙃
That was helpful. Thanks!
Yup I like #3. Im normally #2 but id like to change that
Thank you Professor Lyon.
I struggle with this for sure. I feel sometimes that when I look away for a second the other person may interpret that as me being uninterested or bored with the conversation.
Same here do you have any coping methods, i think i may have adhd
Stare till the other person blinks.
Interesting. Thank you for the advice.
Nobody:
Me staring into his soul through the screen
The third one seems to be useful to me then all of those but thanks for this
Thank you!
and that's my problem I don't make eye contact with anyone first but if they do it first and after that I look straight in their eyes and the fact is they sometimes blink and look away for 1-2 sec but when I make eye contact I can't blink or look away I just continue to stare at their eyeballs with a normal eye and silent face this is what happens with me I don't look but when I do I don't blink for a sec and that scares them but I can't do anything it's since when I was a child that's why I make sure to don't even look at them otherwise they will be scared 😞😶
I do the same thing but, nobody is scared I guess cause I’m a women.
@@nate2759 oh I know a person she is a woman she has same prblm and people gets scared of her... I think you didn't get it it's like looking at them with a scary murderer's face like a psychopath it can make anyone feel awkward and afraid...
well though I like it idk why it feels cool 😅👻
@@devilfromhell-j3x Okay I don’t do that.
@@nate2759 okayyyy
As someone with Aspergers Syndrome, thanks!! This helped me a lot :D
Thank you 😊
I def do scanning and glancing but always feel awkward if I try to stare in your eyes. It’s also awkward when people stare at me in the eyes feel like some animal feeling or a contest could be alpha mindset but someone looking the other way can still beat you up after that first hit 🤷♂️
Nice lessons as some consider me to be a sociopath who doesn’t understand basic social interaction Methods. More please.
This is very helpful. Thank you. I have been told many times that my eye contact is too intimidating. When I'm with someone, I naturally want to look into their eyes, especially when they are talking. 99% of the time they squirm, and immediately look away. Maybe I'm just ugly? Idk. I'm just trying to be respectful and give them my attention, and listen. I'll try this technique. I hope it works.
They are probably just shy…
Thanks❤️
I do the third one 😊😊
I'm tryna hit the notification button❤😊 so I quickly get notified whenever you drop a new video😊❤❤🧠
🇳🇬
Bro got those hunters 💀
Holy mother of God, 7-10 seconds? I have Aspergers and 2 seconds feels like an eternity
I haven’t done it for a long time but, I seem to get away with staring whether it’s a man or a women, sometimes even up to a minute. I don’t feel uncomfortable and neither do they.
Hi,I'm really interested.thanks
Important skill
for me 10 seconds is an eternity
Friend: So the other day i.. are you even listening
Me:5 6 7 8
Ok but no one has eye contact like Tucker Carlson😂
ok so this sounds easy "glance away" but where do i look when i'm not looking at them, i'll just look nervous..😭
I have the same problem
Just look around, you can look at outside, or to other people around, you can look at your hands or whatever. As long as you stay calm and only glance away for a short while its okay. I have been learning how to do this, many people seem to do this too
@@deba6468 i'll try that, thanks
What I do is move my eyes without moving my head… look away for 2-3 seconds and look back… hope this helps
Better central gaze , if it’s necessary
Thanks, I always avoid eye contact because I have no idea how to make eye contact.
7 to 10 seconds? For me, 1 second feels like an eternity 😂
I enjoyed the film presented by Alex Lyon. His practical and insightful speech and presentation skills have given me many things to ponder. However, I've been seeking more advice on how to help myself and my high school students authentically implement conventional speaking techniques, rather than just memorizing scripts. Moreover, since we aren't native English speakers, mastering conventional speech is quite challenging for us. Any ideas?
Her: "why is he saying '1 Mississippi 2 Mississippi 3 .......' under his breath"
If im talking to someone is it odd if when i am speaking i normally dont make eye contact
Prolonged eye contact
How to become natural 😢 i became fully robotic i cant even blink eyes normally...if i eye contact anyone for more than 3 secs my heart beats increases...the. I suddenly look to other things....other person says why do u think too much how do i tell them im not thinking i just cant make Eye contact 🤧🤧🤧
My teacher literally stares at me, literally scares me 💀
eyes are very mysterious
SEVEN SECONDS?! That’s literally staring
I notice this one guy during one of a conference, I always caught him staring at me and it's because I wasn't use to it I avoid everytime our eyes met, but since it's the 4th conference and he's been acting like this for many times I started feeling uncomfortable although I would like to approach him and ask if what's wrong I was just too shy since I think maybe I'm just being delusional or maybe he was kinda annoyed, btw he's german😅
Always been a scanner 😢
I lived in environments where eye contact is considered an invasion of personal space, a challenge to a fight, or that you want to say something to people. I avoid looking at people except if I need to say something especially strangers.
Yes, eye contact norms differ depending on the culture. This advice is for the average professional and/or personal conversation in the US.
@@alexanderlyon, Understood, I guess it applies to the avergae North American professional environment but not public social interactions in every context.
Yes, these videos are all geared for that audience (because that's my background) and would have to be adapted to fit the situation.
@@alexanderlyon Well in my case it's also the environment that I find myself in at work, but I still carry the anxiety from the social conditioning coming from the part my life I was living in the poor crime ridden neighbourhoods of France and cheap housing districts of Canada. All three completely different from my original Romanian rural background, in which people are mostly calm, friendly, but sometimes nosy, direct and rude. I get by being helpful, respectful, friendly and keeping to myself but I guess I could improve my com skills with videos such as yours. Thank you for your unexpected reply.
Guys I tried this out. I look at her eyes and started counting 1 to 10 instead of listening what she is saying. And yeah, she broke up with me. Thank you! 💀😂
Dang it! Her loss, brother. Her loss.
@@alexanderlyon exactly 💯
3
i like the way you talk man.
Thanks!
1st one yess
2nd one meehh😂❤
3 nah bro nah i cant maintain eye contact with him..I just become so shy also my heart starts beating so fast and i really need to drink water,so i can become normal..Ya its kinda weird that why i need water its actually coz i cant BREATHE when i see him😩❣so😁
I can also look at the person's mouth to make eye contact right?
I find it easy to look when at a little distance but when they're like 3 feet in front, I find it very difficult for some reason
Stare until the other person cries ... or runs away in fear. Lol
I get nervous when my crush locks eyes with me so i could never like lock eyes with him for more than 4 seconds and i go back to scanning
Its hard...i read an article way way back i was in high school that direct eye contact for too long would mean you want to murder the person and that kinda stuck on my mind so i made a habit not to do eye-to-eye at all. Not being abe to do it is a struggle for me as a nurse and a father.
I do 2
I love you
My teacher cursing me to get an egg in exam and me who is calculating 10 sec 👽
The first one but i do it for 30s in my school
Im literally all of them 😅
Me who is having all three 😢😂
Bro i look for 7 to 10 nanoseconds 😂😂
I just mirror theyr pattern
Should I feel anything or look away
You remind me of wade Thomas
7 to 10 seconds that's like half my day wasted staring at someone
😅😂😂😂😂🤣
I cried
Ok so basically I do the intense one then when they look at me they do it back and I get scared and look always, I BE GETTING BUTTERFLIES IN MY CHEST LIKE
I had a math teacher in grade 5 and one day she asked me to solve a problem and then when I couldn't solve it she was staring at soul at least for 1 minute I was looking at the floor because she looked horrorifying
Not gonna lie 💀💀💀
When I talk with friends it's usually the 5 to 7 seconds then look away. With strangers 5 seconds. But when I'm on a date and I like the girl it's 10 seconds ;)
I do the second one with guys who think i'm naive. 😂
I’ve had a few moments in my life where I looked into someone’s soul and they knew it… they said “Do that with your eyes again…” and I can’t it’s kinda spontaneous… any thoughts?
The Patrick one
I do the 2ed one the most 😭
If the other person doesn't break eye contact especially girl then should i?
#3
I Do too much of both. No joke.
So I've been staring at people for all these time..
Wow, is that your eye color? ❤
Blue. No contacts.
i like to challenge people by starring, intensely
Liken dekhe kha means konsi eye mai left ya right because tum same time pe left and right eye mai nhi dekh sakte
2
3 seconds is enough for me to be declared a creep bruv
If someone looks at you in the eyes for 7-10 seconds you are more likely in danger
During a normal face-to-face conversation??? That's not what the research shows.
Bro i try to make eye contact but then it just gets weird and then i yell “AHOOEY!”
When I make eye contact for long I lose the script in my head. I've tried this many times, doesn't work when you are trying to remember your notes to avoid mumbling
I do the first one :(
CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW TO FOCUS AT BOTH EYES AT ONCE
OR PLS TELL ME DO Y'ALL LOOK AT THE PERSON'S ONE EYE WHILE TALKING?
i litrrally can't look at both eyes(when we are close to each other means less distance )while talking
Look at one eye at a time if you're sitting close to them. Alternate once in a while. For public speaking, you'll be quite far enough away to look at their eyes at the same time.
Just focus your eyes at the forehead and keep blinking naturally