CHILDHOOD TRAUMA/CPTSD IS MY PERSONALITY
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- Have your adaptations to your childhood trauma manifested in Complex PTSD symptoms, which now feel like your entire personality?
This video describes how childhood trauma (relational trauma with toxic, unpredictable, eggshell, untreated, immature, etc parents) can set the stage for our attachment responses and nervous system adaptations (ie chronic hypervigilance) where it feels like trauma has become our personality, because we'v'e always been this way. We also discuss what it takes to begin to work on and heal this dynamic.
FREE CHECKLIST: DO I HAVE NARCISSISTIC AND/OR BORDERLINE PARENTS? (Checklist inside the free course, and all courses)
www.drsagehelp...
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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.
Please visit my website www.drkimsage.com to obtain info on fees, treatment, resources, etc!
Thank you so very much, and I wish you love and healing on your journey.:)
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Worry is my way of life. I worry about survival. No joy.
What frustrates me is the emotional flashbacks. They're so hard to trace down. I had an emotional flashback after my friend told me about how her chickens died because she didn't protect them from animals. My guardian neglected my seizing dog until she died then coldly told me "ruby is dying. Come home and see her." I couldn't understand why I was crying over my friends chickens for 2 days. It was an emotional flashback. Also I do love animals haha.
Oh I am so sorry you lost Ruby that way and I so understand how emotional flashbacks can be so difficult = we really get hijacked and it can feel "out of nowhere," - but it's truly historical. 🙏
@@DrKimSage yes!! Thank you ❤️ and the cruelty that is a narcissistic guardian. You just never unsee the cruelty that lives inside some. It makes you think it's everywhere, in many people.
I understand that. Sometimes I'm really overcome with emotions that don't seem to make sense or serve me. The scanning, hypervigilance reading people, having to make sure everybody is okay, taking on other people's emotions and then reacting to them so I'm on their side can be overwhelming. I am getting better about knowing that I'm doing it and drawing emotional boundaries but It also leads to a lot of avoidance of triggers on my part. I'm okay with that If it's what I need to do to heal but it can be exhausting. ❤️🩹
I have the same feelings about any kind of cruelty or neglect of animals. And the grief I've suffered when my pets have died surpasses any grief that I feel when people die. I know this relates back to my childhood. We had a labrador who slowly died of distemper. My parents never took him to the vet. Once, I saw my father drown some kittens.
@@christineewing3492 oh my gosh. That's so horrible. :( I'm so sorry. That would have scarred me watching my dad drown kittens:'(
Dr. Sage...This is such an important video. Why? Because it highlights/emphasizes the "thing" that makes your videos on CPTSD and PTSD so different from others I've seen (and numerous they be): that you are authentically (thoughtfully, empathetically) one of us; one of those who has truly suffered through and continues to be challenged by the overwhelming negative effects of extreme (at least to the individual involved) child abuse/neglect/abandonment/attachment-issues. How you blend your beginning thoughts and scene in the kitchen with your comments in the rest of your video is so well done/just marvelous. I think you bring great hope and possibility to those young enough (and by that I mean "perhaps 60 and younger") to take advantage of videos and programs like yours, advantage of recent developments in the science of the brain and the body re: possible new and exciting treatments (if not now, within the next 10 to 20 years?), advantage of new or revised forms of psychotherapy and surprising treatments like neuro-/bio-feedback, supervised use of psychedelics, EMDR for PTSD, etc. Thank you. Just excellent.
Thank you so much, I appreciate you and your thoughtful reply. 🙏 This is my truth too, you're right and I agree and hope we can continue to develop healing methodologies and treatments because they truly can be life changing. Again, thank you so much - I am trying to be more thoughtful and show up more as myself as I make these videos - so this feedback really feels nice!
This is my story as well. I couldn't figure out why even though I look like a success to those around me, but I am struggling in my head and in constant termoil. I have destroyed my nervous system (I now have Lupus, RA and two other autoimmune conditions). I feel like I found my family in this community! Thank you so much for sharing your stories and helping me save myself!
@@cheriechase4616 God bless you I pray for your health and healing.
Don, I am wondering why you said, "to those young enough, perhaps 60 and younger."? Do you think that people older than this can't heal or recover from childhood trauma?
Your comment mirrored my thoughts exactly. I have experienced real benefits listening to from Dr. Sage, and her unique perspectives you can only aquire first hand. She described perfectly how we hold back a part of ourselves as we assess the situation we are in at any given moment. Never fully participating. I often found it impossible to completely allow myself to just enjoy the moment.
I've often felt like I don't know how to grow up, like other adults instinctively knew, it just happened for them. And then someone calls me out for being childish, and I really have no explanation for why I didn't figure out how to grow up. Frozen unmet needs in childhood that got me stuck. I didn't literally didn't learn things that other children learned.
The critical of not only myself but also of others and then feeling guilty of that was an eye opener thanks. Sometimes this results in things like me reading something in someone's body language and then distrusting this person good intentions or thinking this person is fooling other people for exampe. But then when i feel like i want to express this opinion, i learned that i can't share this because then people obviously think ''Well you have no reason to know that so you are just being judgy''. Or simply by the fact that you are aware of things that others around you are not, causes a feeling of being disconnected from others.
And then i have C-PTSD combined with autism as well..wich adds even more to disconnect. I feel like now i know that i have C-PTSD (learning i have autism was late also for me at age 23, now 31) i become aware i have no identity at all or do not feel any. That i have felt this my whole life. I told this to my psychologist as well and i don't think he has any idea what i mean with ''feeling my identity ''. I'm talking about things like, hearing your own voice talking to someone and not feeling that that voice is you. Feeling you are observing yourself from a second or third ''you'', and not knowing wich is one is you. There is also this concept of ''the self like-manager'' that i learned about and i have melted my identity with this mask/protector part in me that has always been active.
Learning that you have never really excisted is the most terrifying thing especially that i feel completely alone in it. Its hard to even think about it because it gets to scare, almost like someone who has memory loss and gets in deinal about it because its terrifying because you are losing yourself and dying. Does anyone know if this is also C-PTSD related? I tried hard to explain this to my psychologist but he does not seem to understand the weight of the issues, of at all.
PS: The C-PTSD in me saying ''your comment was way to long nobody has time to read that James..''
Your last comment made me smile James as I can relate to it and alot of what you say. I did read it all and found your perspectives on how you view yourself and others from those different stances really interesting. Thanks for sharing.
@@allwellandgood8547 Thanks for reading it i'm glad you liked it. Have a nice day.
@@jameswayton2340 you too James.
I am grateful you did share all of your comments James! Thank you - and what you have to share does matter.🙏What you're talking about can be common, we can feel derealization and depersonalization, and it can feel like we are often hovering ourselves, trying to be a certain version of ourselves, etc - but none of it can feel like it's really who we are...but then, who are we really? If that is what you are sharing, it makes a lot of sense to me. I hope you can find more support in this area of your healing.🙏🙏
You have expressed how I feel!
Thank you - I thought it was something unique to me.
It is so overwhelming to realize all these things about myself that I’m codependent that everyone is a narcissist trying manipulate me and suck the energy out of me it is so overwhelming I left abusive relationship a month ago and I feel so much worse I was healthier there my mother wants to now manipulate me I am so overwhelmed and stressed and don’t know what to do but I just found you this is your second video I’ve listened too every thing you say seems very relevant to me even your voice is very calming and soothing thank you for your videos,God bless you and everyone connected to your ministry of revelation
The wall you talk about. It drives me nuts! I have a wonderful husband who I know loves me, good friends and a sweet son. I feel like I'm unempathetic or cold sometimes because I don't get the lovey dovey feelings I want to as much as I want. I tried to explain to my therapist like.. when I see my dogs I'm like overwhelmed with omg you're so cute. I love you. I want that for the people in my life. My husband has proven himself. He is my rock.
Oh the wall can be high, and I so understand! I am so happy you have a rock, but I know our child protective brain doesn't let go of our need to manage relationship safety easily. Lots of self compassion and working on it - one day at a time 💗💗
@@DrKimSage yes!! One day at a time for sure. ❤️
I spent a few years in therapy being convinced I am somewhere on the autistic spectrum, essentially what they used to call Asperger's. The more I learned about it the less that made sense to me. Now that I am learning about CPTSD the more it all fits and makes sense. I do see common symptoms so I may well be on the spectrum too. I just know I kept brining up examples of my mom's covert narcissism and never felt my therapist really got it. Maladaptive daydreaming is a new term to me and after looking it up, that fits too. I spend a lot of time in my head day dreaming about how I wish life was instead of how it is.
Yes, it all can start to blend together and I believe (alongside genetics of course) that so much of it is connected, adaptive and layered. I am sorry you've had these experiences, and it's so disappointing how many people (even therapists) may not know about the impact of Narcissistic and other types of toxic, wounded parenting. Thank you for being here.🙏🙏
Wow….can I relate to this comment
I’ve lived in my head all my life. It was and is my safe place, or so I thought.
I think there are simmilarities. Also with unsecure attachment styles.
Thank you this really resonated with me! Sometimes I forget what I’m dealing with.
💗💗
Much of my last 12 years has been about understanding what was going on for me and a CPTSD diagnosis and working through that. I am very proud of what I have achieved, honestly, I would be dead now if I'd not been able to become trauma informed and practice radical mental health. That said, I also have an unending supply of guilt as I began my journey while my children were young and they definitely had a very loving, very crazy mum who was quite unstable. We are all close but they all have their own issues they deal with and I am forever shamed within. They are all able to discuss and consider their mental health which is a big win. I cry as I write this. Thank you for your videos. I feel very understood here.
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Well you just described me perfectly. I'm sorry your childhood was what it was. I'm grateful you share how it makes you feel because that's how I feel too and nobody knows because I don't tell anybody that's how I feel.. and over the years I felt like there's something wrong with me for being that way .. and I look at you and you seem so successful and healthy as a person .. and it just makes me feel more normal and less alone knowing that even you, this successful, well adapted woman, has the same thoughts cross your mind that I do. It's reassuring to me that you have the same internal struggles I do. Thank you for being open ❤
Gah. This, all this. I went to a retreat last week, and there was a lot of discussing trauma and group activities, and I just couldn't connect with the other attendees, who were all women, and most of my trauma comes from women, which made it extra hard. By the end I was burned out by having to be around people and trying to isolate more. And yeah, lots of being emotional for no discernable reason, and lots of shame; even when people told me I was cool I just couldn't believe them. Sigh. Great retreat, lots of good info, but this video helps explain some of the stuff I was feeling. I didn't realize how terrible my self-esteem still is. I definitely do feel different and detached. Oh well. Something to work on. And thank you for the video, it's nice to feel seen.
You are seen, and I so understand about the retreat. It just feels so overwhelming, and when our inner self and child has been holding these types of foundational beliefs, it makes us want to pull back to self regulate (much like we did in childhood). Sending love and healing today💗
I’ve always had acute senses. It seems as the decades pass I’m more intolerant of sounds and smells. I want to move to the peaceful country.
This is me all over 😢 A feeling of belonging has always been a major issue. Have & continue to put in a lot of work in to resolve.
I just found one of your videos this morning and am now a subscriber. The first really hit the nail on the head. I have a therapist but have never touched on any of this and now I understand my responses and actions so much better. This video for some reason I am two minutes in and can't stop crying. I think I'm broken jk. I am so glad I found you! Thank you so very much! I believe I may be able to turn my life around with this knowledge and your help!
Thank you for normalizing my experience as a 63-year-old. I love your videos - thank you Dr. Sage.
I'm 37 and am now just opening my eyes to the trauma colored glasses I see through.
Omg the sounds on the road give me a panic attack
Thank You dr Sage. I listen to You in Poland and waiting for every new video. I think that I have complex PTSD after phisical abuse ( panishment) in my childhood. I’m in therapy and talking about trauma with my therapist. Thank You for all You do and for Your sicerity.
Hello in Poland and thank you so much for being here with me too~. I am so glad you're getting support and I am sending you all of my healing wishes today!💗
High value presentation, hit all the nails on the head perfectly. One of your best videos. Keep it going
Thank you so much - really appreciate you being here🙏
Thank you ❤ for every single beautifull and helpfull video 😭
💗💗thank you so much!!
My ex partner of 9 yrs has CPTSD but attributes all the dysfunctional behaviour to being just her personality, she makes no connection to her acknowledged child trauma and refuses to even consider it.
I've ALWAYS been sad and anxious. I'm 64 and had years of therapy. CPTSD survivor
I felt this way all my life. Thanks for sharing this
OMG...I never had words or any ideology of "how I am" to understand myself or the world around me. This is stirring something inside me that I may resonate with....thank you, for giving me something concrete to ponder, and think about...❤
Very helpful information to those of us with childhood trauma. It's comforting to hear from a psychologist. Thank you so much for helping so many.☯💜
I dont know how to bring this up with my therapist..CPTSD is not in the book. I lived with my abusive parent for 25 years. I have only resently ( of 4 years after sneaking out). My mother didn't know about it until she caught my partner packing the last few boxes. I thought I would have to fight to get out of that house. Mother has not talked to me since moving out. The world is scary, big and new.
I am so sorry you've been through so much hurt with your parent. The book by Pete Walker on CPTSD may be helpful in bringing it up but i always encourage my patients to share whatever they believe may be going on - I trust their perspectives.💗
Yes yes yes. My trauma is my personality. I've learned to mask it and manage it but it is who I am. I am tired of it but I refuse to let the trauma take my soul so I keep smiling with my crooked smile and I keep loving with my broken heart.
I’ve been in therapy for a while now for severe depression and anxiety in UK (NHS funded), I’ve found it difficult to connect with this therapist, and others before, and seeing this video today i think has shown me why. Firstly , it feels you have suffered , and still suffer symptoms the same as i feel, constantly on alert, the feelings of lack of self worth, which are really crippling me right now, the negative feelings that nothing i do will work, the list goes on. I’m in a queue to get an ADHD assessment, I’m 62 years old, Married to a Thai lady who lives in THailand, and now for certain reasons, one being that I’m a primary carer for my sick elderly mother, i can’t see her on a regular basis , its a lot to deal with. I totally relate to you, and this video. Thank you for opening my eyes, i really thought i was going crazy.
This explains how I seem to live my life, and it never changes. However, I am trying to change but it is a long slow process and some days I do better than others.
You touched on the HSP world when you described all the overstimulation that overwhelms our nervous systems. I wonder if the overlap between CPTSD and HSP is high. As one of the commenters mentioned, CPTSD wasn't really in her therapist's frame of reference. HSP isn't either even though it is based on a genetic trait. Maybe you've dealt with this before, sorry if I missed that. Thanks for all of your help.
Thank you so much for your videos. It makes a lot of sense of my life.
So spot on. I've always lived as super vigilant, also been responsible for others, so now feel if I don't OCD pray for others, then anything bad happens then it's my fault.
Lately I had the same realisation. Who I am and how I think, what I feel and mostly what things can make me feel uncomfortable emotions is so much about my childhood trauma.
Even what I want to become I am wondering now if it is really what I want or is my trauma response?
What is beyond trauma?
And I am wondering how you can say that you are cured from childhood trauma? When you cannot give up on your family and you relive again uncomfortable emotions? When you have toxic relationships at your job and have triggers almost daily.
I am just asking myself what healing in this case really means? You can be ever cured of your childhood trauma?
I asked my sister this and she said something that I consider really smart- healing never ends. Each day you can find something to heal. Is an continuous process, improving never ends.
I recently came to the same realization with lots of regrets and sadness. I grew up with my loving grandparents until I was reclaimed by my abusive parents and started my nightmare childhood at age 7. I was even trying to remember how was I like before 7? It feels like my own personality was robbed in a kind of way
@@anniewang9723 we are not our trauma, our wounds. Yes, they are ours, but we are much more than our wounds.
We are not our feelings,
We are not our thoughts,
We are not our body.
We are the observer, the healthy observer.
This idea that you can detach and observ and be more than HELPED ME A LOT.
My therapist suggested to me. It's called METACOGNITION 🧠
Its absolutely how I am but Im gonna make sense of it, Im no longer a victim, I just notice alot.
Thank you for this important video.❤
Dr. Sage, your videos are very informative and have been very helpful to me. Thank you for generously putting your work out there.
Thank you so much for all your videos! I can finally understand what happened to me and have compassion towards myself!! ❤
I love that you always give tips on how to deal with trauma. Thank you,Dr.Sage.
I feel more understood by the title than of myself and even a few actual people. Well, that's eye-opening and I'm a very self-aware person to begin with.
Dr. Sage, As always, I really could relate to your video on CPTSD. I’m exactly what you say I am. I’m super vigilant constantly. I formerly thought that I was very, very good at reading people and figuring out situations. However, as you have pointed out, it is all about me. I think people knew that I was poor growing up and someone is considering me as poor white trash, no matter how greatly different from my childhood has been from my adult life. I dress well, I have good manners and I speak well. I want to be as good as I can be, but I’m never satisfied. I have only had one emotional flashback. It came in the form of a dream and I felt like I was in the dream, even though I was a small child in the dream. I was sobbing my heart out because I had just been whipped and I just didn’t understand why because my mother never told me what she was whipping me for. My brother Kenneth, who was five years older than I, and was so precious to me because he always was trying to protect me. As I was sobbing, in the flashback he was approaching me and he said “I could ride to town on your lower lip”. I was thinking to myself, why does he say that? It doesn’t help me to feel any better. Then I caught myself in the dream and said to myself that “That is the way that he tells me that he cares about me”. That was all there was to my flashback. I would have to write so much to help you understand why he protects me and tries to make me feel better. He and my father were the only ones on my side. It’s too much to write. I want so much to help you to understand. You mentioned a few programs that you offer to people that watch your videos to get help. I need those programs badly. Please tell me how to get them. I will watch the video once again to try and find out. This is the fourth time I’ve commented on your videos. My comments have been very detailed and gave you a lot of information about why I suffer from CPTSD. I had a very traumatic childhood and I have never been able to shake it off. I’ve been seeing psychiatrists almost all of my adult life and I have seen several psychologists, which hasn’t really helped me much. I am 76 years old and I want so much to be better. I am currently on several medications prescribed by my psychiatrist. Thank you so much.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge. This is invaluable information for me.
Thank you, you're so right about everything . It's so true. I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am a 47 female. I am Empath. I am the oldest of five children my parents had. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. I been a Christian for over ten years. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God is great all the time. I always been the black sheep in my family. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers.
Cocoa is so cute!
Omg. Yes…. I hate some sounds.
Thanks once again Dr Sage for 👏😁💗 another refreshing video, so full of nuggets and practical advice
as per usual. There was a lot to unpack and process. Your a good teacher. !!!♥️💃 Take good care, thanks very much for doing those.
Thank you so much and hope you are taking good care today too💗
This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much.😎
Yes, and my daughter who abuses me almost confirms that belief!
This video make me feel seen
Me too I’ve always had insomnia
Do we have to have flash backs everytime we start feeling super high anxiety and physical symptoms for it to be c/PTSD? Bc mine can come out of no where and it's disabling for hours or the rest of the day.
Lots of emotions can accompany anxiety and panic type symptoms, I would suggest speaking with a mental health provider lovey💗
My therapist actually referred me to this video because she suspects I have this. I can see why.
Do we ever get to be normal(-ish)?
Omg I have many of these too many
Hi I suffer from cptsd lots of trauma neglected as a child runover twice as a kid didn't get much to eat really needed help so alone was doing lots for my so called mother but it's like I didn't care about me have lots of empathy for others that are struggling now why don't I care about how I feel it's like I have no feelings
Omg .... How about not feeling comfortable in a restaurant or any where by yourself or in crowds?
and herein lay thee infj
Poly what theory..? Never heard of it before
Polyvagal theory. It's to do with our vagus nerve. Lots of videos about it on TH-cam.
That WALL...😢
HOW TO HEAL THIS??
I decided to check on an idea that has evolved from my experience in life. I decided it wasn’t my personal trauma I was dealing with because I can’t remember anything except emotional neglect from dad and a childish mother with some narcissistic stuff. They both had good things too that seemed to me offset their faults and as a kid I felt no body is perfect so it’s no big deal really and just avoid them as I became a teen and focus on my own stuff. So maybe I’m in denial but I looked up about the possibility of inheriting trauma and there is strong evidence of it. What do you think? And what happens to the kids who has a parent with all the symptoms of childhood trauma?
I don't like crowds..
I have become an introvert..
You should use the kitchen medium ..
Or some backdrop peaceful greenhouse
Or nature.. cause the room your in is sterile.. I'm saying this cause I like very much things your discussing, but pod cast mediums are difficult to listen to they are annoying,
💋🍸🍦
Youre an angel!
Well, a good start is to not poison yourself with planttoxins. 🤮✋🦁👍🌞🥩🥩🥩#AnthonyChaffee
@DrKimSage.. yes ‘I’ve always had anxiety I don’t know what it’s like to not have it’❤️🩹
First COCO BEANS! 😍🥹
I think that this will resonate with my partner in a special way. I love how your videos are evolving as you shift your goals/perspective about what it means to be sharing your gifts on this platform. You’re always insightful and inspiring.