Man, last time I watched this video was 4 years ago, when I was in active addiction (meth+heroin) crying because I missed my daughter and couldn't believe who I let myself become. Coming back to it now gives me full on body chills. Happy to say that shortly after that I got sober for good, now building a career and have my family back. Feels good, man. Feels really fucking good.
I am so proud of u don't ever forget if u are able to do that u can do anything if u work hard enough for what u lost or for something u never had ither way I believe in u and I hope u do to bc i can't do it for u
What was me half year before is no more. We are all reincarnating without our realization throughout our lives and will never. Kinda ironic when I hear someone condoling me saying "Let the dead memories flow through your life thus reviving through you" when I myself not sure if the old me is alive anymore.
Bro the look on his face when hes walking on the street after seeing his paycheck hits so deep. The look of frustration and despair. Being lost with no direction or any idea on how to even begin to resolve your mountain of problems.
I thought that same thing, This is probably not the best time for me to be watching this video or hearing this being that my wife died at 25 on Christmas this year, Threw me into a depression then a relapse. But yeah man that look on his face i know really well u can tell hes been there before
While he was walking through a heroin den you could tell he’d never been there before. He knew that paycheck was the one his wife asked him to kill her with
(Edited 9/12/21) After watching this MANY times now I feel like I can join in the fun and explore the meaning behind the video. Not saying this is correct, just my interpretation from the visuals along with the lyrics. The song and video both center around one thing; addiction. People can become addicted to all sorts of things, not just drugs. In this case, he is addicted to his love's smile. You will notice EVERYTHING he does is for one ending goal, to see her smile again. At the beginning of his day he's shown smoking, he seems like he's itching for a fix, worried and stressed to get to it. As he works his mind goes to flashbacks of his favorite times with the girl he loves. He finishes work and is off to get what he needs. He stops at the bar to get a shot. Something known to calm the nerves. Notice how he rotates his wedding ring, another sign that brings us back to where his thoughts are. As he enters this drug den it's obvious he's still "new" to this whole scene. And as he is led back to a room by dealer his mind flashes back again to past happy days. After he is out of there he seems filled with a burst of energy. He's got what he needs and is making his way home. And here is where the real question starts. Are the drugs his, hers, or theirs? I think a few things answer this question. One, when he comes in he literally stops to compose himself before going in her room. He has to be strong for her. If he was high I don't think he would have reacted the same or showed the same emotion. But the REAL clue is when we finally see her in bed. On the bedside table you will notice EMPTY pill bottles. Leading me to believe the drugs are for her. And we see one more thing. We see that smile. And in that both of these addicts have what they need to get through the day. Addiction comes in many forms. Love is one of the best and the worst, all at the same time. This is captured beautifully in this video. LOVE it. Update! I think the end isn't just about getting her the drugs to feel less pain. I think it's even deeper than that. I think it's him assisting her suicide. The hospital bed at home is something that happens when people are in hospice care. Also know as end of life care. I think she was ready to go. The struggle he faces in the video is thinking about that. And as much as he wants her to stay, he loves her enough to let her go. And that makes it that much more heartbreaking. What do you think? Love to hear your thoughts!
Carrie Carden are you sure you didn't write the story boards for this video...I seen it more like he was turning to the drugs himself but the smile part at the end and the not being a regular to the drug den made it all come together for me
I genuinely think that you have just explained the actual meaning to the video. I mean it's just my opinion but I can't see how this theory is wrong it all makes perfect sense: the smile at the end had me sold.
Are you talking about just as EDEN or as The Eden Project? Some of his really early stuff as The Eden Project was honestly not so great (partially because he wasn't using his voice or being anywhere near this style... It was kinda loud static-y amateur dubstep. But it was a stepping stone to THIS GODLY MASTERY)
This song helped me release my pain after losing Micheal Schoepfer. He was a good father, an amazing Marine, and my best friend. He passed on September, of 2019 to a drug overdose. I will never forget this man. We have been on two deployments together, he helped get me on the bird when I was wounded in Afghanistan. There is absolutely no replacement for someone like that. I love you Brother! Semper Fi!
Notice how the colour grading before and after he bumps into that dude. Before is an orange ish tint, making it look warm and cosy. Then after he bumps into that man it's made to look cold and sad by the darkish colours. This is a really well thought out video. Just thought I'd share this with anyone who didn't notice :)
Thrill Films it's an interesting techinque color balance helps give more emotion through seeing. The concept of a picture is worth a thousand words. Glad you noticed that.
You always say thank you for how us, your fans, have changed your life. But i'm not sure you realize how much you've changed ours. Your music holds me up when i'm falling and there were many days I played your voice on repeat just to stay sane. I know we all feel the same. So for this and everything and everyone I say thank you. I hope one day you can fathom the difference you've made in our lives. -a fan from the beginning, a fan till the end
Majooka, gtfo of here with your negativity. How the fuck does it matter to you what somebody else sees in an artist and how much it affects them? Fuck off and let people be happy smh
I was Lonely And Very Depressed. But Then I was scrolling down for a music and I found your song Circles. I listen to it and made me shed a tear. I listened more Songs of yours and it keep me joyful and Full of life. Thanks EDEN...
LYRICS: Cause I had the best of the worst sides And I had these lungs, oh And I had too many flash fires That I just let them burn 'Til my chest is on fire And my head just won't die I guess I'm lying 'cause I wanna I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't 'Cause I just feel so tired Like it's move or slowly die You say, you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you and you know it But ain't that just the point? You don't know How to let go, who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No, I can't tell you nothing 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still I could always be Whatever you wanted but not what you needed Especially when you been needing me 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes And I'll say what I don't mean Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah 'Cause all I needed was some words to say That all these feelings don't mean shit to me 'Cause it's all just chemicals anyway, anyway, yeah And I got way too many routes to take to make this all just go away And find another heart to break, so heartless with these words I say Just saying what I'm supposed to say 'cause I had nothing for you I can't love when I can't even love myself Things I would rather be, thoughts at the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting And I got these lungs, yeah And I spent too many late nights Just thinking a hole in the earth 'Til the sky is on fire And my head still won't die I guess I'm lying 'cause I want to I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't 'Cause I just feel so tired Like I need something to come alive She said, "you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you, what you done?" And I said, "That's the point" And you don't know how to let go Who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No I can't tell you nothing 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still, I could always be Whatever you wanted but not what you needed Especially when you been needing me 'Cause I'm a fucking mess inside And I'll say what I don't mean Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah I need it, I need it, yeah, yeah, yeah
Just made my drunk single ass karaoke at home and I can't thank ya enough for that. Something I've always wanted to to in public but most likely never... Thank you again 🤘👏👏👊
i think the drugs for cancer are too expensive and he cant afford them with the job he's working at so all day he see's how they were happy together and how she was well; he wishes it can go back to that but he knows the harsh reality that it never will. i'm saying that because she's in the bed in home and not in a hospital because he probably can't afford the care in a hospital. he buys the drugs (painkillers) to numb her pain and to give her some type of enjoyment out of life because he knows her end is near. beautiful video.
Yeah, the ending really hit me emotionally. This is one of my favorite music videos because of that, the whole time it looked like he was getting the drugs for himself lol
I don't want to sound weird or anything like that but about a month ago I lost my wife to multiple brain aneurysm, I barely made it through every day and I cried each and every one of those days many times and every time that I wanted to just die I found myself listening to your music that is helped me get through. This song in particular because of all the pieces that she had heard that you have made this was her favorite. I miss her so much everyday and I'm positive I would have killed myself so I could see her again which would have left by four year old boy alone so thank you I could never say it enough
Keep going champ, cant relate at all to your hurting. But be the light in your Boy’s life. And let him be the part of your wife that Remains in this World. When time gets dark take a look at your fantastic boy. And let him shine throw. Be each others lite. Bless you and never give up
After reading many of the comments, I've compiled all things people said about this song. Here's a basic summary of that: Notice how the color degrades before and after he bumps into that guy in minute 1:51 or so, before he does the colors is kind of like orange-ish tint that made it look warm and cozy. Then after he does bump into that man, it’s made to look cold and sad by the darkish colors. Basically the drugs are for cancer are too expensive and he can’t afford them with the job he’s working at all, so all day long he see’s how they were happy together and how she was well before, he wishes it can go back to that but he knows the harsh reality that it never will. This becomes obvious when you see her in the bed at home and not in a hospital because he can’t afford the care in a hospital. He buys the “drugs” hence the song name which refer to painkillers to numb her pain and to give her some type of enjoyment out of life because he knows her end is near, and so is his addiction or his own “drug” - her smile, which is what we last see in the video.
did I miss that? I guess you could make that assumption. Or it can be the reason why he's taking drugs due to immense stress. That's more of a likely and realistic situation than buying drugs off the street for a cancer patient, which doesn't make sense on so many levels. I'm a pretty good source... seeing as I'm a pharmacist... who also had used in my 20's for a period of time... when caring for who would eventually become by wife who was sick from cancer for 8 years.
sgim43 I think it’s quite clear that the drugs are for his wife. Here’s why I think so: He enters the room with the drugs instead of hiding them meaning that they were for her most likely, as well as when he enters the room the camera first looks at the drugs that are being shot into her arm, meaning that the drugs he is getting is definitely for her. Also, the whole point of the music video is that he is getting the drugs for someone he loves. If the music video was about drugs for himself, then it would be pretty meaningless.
The story of a man who does everything he can to be good enough, but always feels like nothing. Constant struggle just to keep up and move forward. This hits home way to hard.
When you were listening in early 2015 to monstercat and he was called the eden project ... that project has finally become a reality keep it up man I love your music!
The hardest part about losing someone is knowing no matter what you couldn't have changed anything. It's knowing that all the laughs, arguements, all the tears you once shared are all just memories of someone you used to know and now you will never get anymore. That is what breaks me.
Holy fuck I’m in tears after reading this bc Im growing up in a toxic household. And we have the good memories but now I just lost any connection involving love with my parents. And it sucks that I just see my family as people I used to know, as people I used to love
I really hated it the first few minutes. I thought it was so cliche and typical. But then the ending hit me so hard because of that. I've watched it so many times I lost track now.
so sad that even after 3 years of being released, hardly anyone knows about this masterpiece. music and video both. EDIT: to everyone commenting about the views being a lot, when I posted this, this video was around 8 million views and EDEN had around 1 million monthly spotify listeners. yes that’s a lot, but when you compare it to other artists who are way more popular, it’s hardly noticeable.
that moment when you've been here since again was uploaded, and now you watching him explode in popularity, while not even letting it phase him. I respect jono for the fact that he has stayed true to what he set out to do, it isn't about fame and fortune rather about creating something for the people who are supporting him. I have so many thanks for him, helping out me in times id rather forget, but I'm not the only one. idk what I'm saying anymore, just rambling.thanks for everything you've done
Ikr, Eden is one of my favorite people in the world and that's just for his music. I can't wait to see him at the concert (I bought VIP tickets for Amsterdam).
So relatable. Hits deep especially the looks on his face, the drug deal, everything. You can just tell hes been there before and its killing him inside.
I've known this song for a long time but never listened to it much. It really evokes emotions in you, but I wasn't at a point where I could relate to him. A few months later, I'm back here, listening to this song for the fifth time on repeat and the sixth time throughout today, dried tear tracks on my cheeks because I can't fucking cry anymore. It's not even me. It's this person I know and love deeply. I can hear them singing this. They're dying and I'm helpless. All I can do is stand on the sidelines and watch a wonderful tapestry unravel, an awe-inspiring sculpture crumbling apar. Paint that was once a beautiful work of art smearing, it's canvas tearing at the seams. I'm sorry I can't do better. Forgive me.
His expression in the beginning, reminds me of every week being sober for 3 or 4 days broke as fuck. Telling myself never again. Getting that paycheck. Telling myself there's no way I'm going to pick up again, Telling myself I hate dope with every fiber of my being. Heart slowly accelerating. Sweating, as I go to the bank and cash my 300$ check. Head spinning KNOWING I will never spend what little money I have on more fucking dope. Texting my dealer saying I'll take a sack, sitting there on the curb waiting, telling myself it's not real and there's no way I'd ever do more fucking dope, and then having my dealer roll up, and repeating the weekend bender, staying up for 3 days, paranoia. Freaking out. Missing work on Monday like every week. And then crawling through the next 4 days, broke, Telling myself ill never do fucking dope again...... this video reminds me of thst insane cycle, and I can't express how important that is after 7 years sober.
Cause I had the best of the worst sides And I had these lungs And I had too many flash fires That I just let them burn Till my chest is on fire And my head just won't die I guess I'm lying cause I wanna I guess I'm lying cause I don't Cause I just feel so tired Like it's move or slowly die You ain't you when you're like this This ain't you and you know it But ain't that just the point? You don't know How to let go Who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No I can't tell you nothing Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still I could always be Whatever you wanted But not what you needed Especially when you been needing me Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes And I'll say what I don't mean Just cause I wanted Or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need Cause all I needed was some words to say That all these feelings don't mean shit to me Cause it's all just chemicals anyway Anyway And I got way too many routes to take To make this all just go away And find another heart to break So heartless with the words I say Just saying what I'm supposed to say Cause I had nothing for you I can't love when I can't even love myself Things I would rather be thoughts at the back of my head, but I'm addicted to hurting And I got these lungs And I spent too many late nights Just Thinking a hole in the earth Till the sky is on fire And my head still won't die I guess I'm lying cause I want to I guess I'm lying cause I don't Cause I just feel so tired Like I need something to come alive She said you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you what you done? And I said that's the point You don't know how to let go Who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No I can't tell you nothing Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still I could always be Whatever you wanted But not what you needed Especially when you been needing me Cause I'm a fucking mess inside And I'll say what I don't mean Just cause I wanted Or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need
I think that it's because of you that I'm still here Eden. I have so much pain inside me and I feel so alone, but you let me know that I'm not. I may not have anyone, I may have a broken heart, but you help. thank you so much for making some of the most life changing music I've ever heard. I will never stop loving her, but I know that I'll move on. even if I don't want to, sometimes I wish the pain would just kill me, but it won't and the only way my life will get better is if I make it better. Thanks man.
My brother fought like Hell and beat cancer(squamous cell carcinoma). Sadly squamous cell carcinoma took so much from him. His will to live and it was psychologically and physically devastating. He had his jaw bones removed, he has no nose. His lymph-nodes were removed. The roof of his mouth was removed, all of his teeth. His vision has been limited and so has his hearing. He had tubes placed into his ears that need to be drained on a regular basis. Some of his arm and leg. He went down to an almost unrecognizable weight also. He was a big guy that could easily carry a fridge on his back. In fact his job was primarily moving furniture. He won't go anywhere and if he has appointments he wears a surgical mask. It's a daily Hell. The pain and despair. I moved back in to be there for him. In closing I would like to say f*ck you cancer. Really... F*CK you cancer! If cancer had a face I'd smash it to bits just like it did to my younger brother. Sometimes my brother and I talk about how there are likely so many more people like him that suffer in silence away from public eye. We just don't see them because this sh*t devastates them, it changes them. So my condolences to all that have lost loved ones to cancer and much love and respect to those still fighting and those fighting alongside them. Also if you are one that is fighting and one of those people that is out of sight, or alone, I'm with you. My brother and I are with you. You all have my deepest respect.
That made me cry. I recently lost my Poppie, who helped my grandma raise me from age 3 to age 5ish, he died of a hot load (bad overdose), then I lost my Grandma's boyfriend, Danny, he helped raise me on and off for the past 8 or 9 years, he died because of cancer. He got rid of one and another came to try and claim him. He died while I was in my room with a friend. And everyday I wish I could have been there holding his hand with him so he would be alone. I wish they could have made it to my 16th birthday. But I know when I turned 16 they were watching and smiling.
@@draven_of_chaos Wow. You just made me get very weepy. Once upon a time I would not have known how horrible this disease was but now I know it intimately. It changes the perspective and lives of everyone around the person suffering. My brother will never be the same, ever. Most of his face is gone and his will to live. He's already attempted suicide several times. Thank you for sharing some of your life. My deepest condolences to you. The only thing we can hope for is that we meet all of our loved ones once again. Thank you, Kia.
Your story really connects with me and i would like you to know im with you and your brother your also not alone! I too had to witness cancer completely break my brother down in front of me. It broke him and took everything before taking his life. Something i will never ever be able to get out of my head was my brother looking at me completely desolated and unrecognizable with tears filling his face he said "i dont want to die im scared". I had become pretty good at putting on a smile for him so he doesn't see the pain in my face but this time i couldn't do it so i didn't say anything i just hugged him. I never got to speak with him again and tears hit my keyboard as im typing this because i hate that his last words to me was him being afraid. That was not him. So yeah FUCK CANCER FUCK IT SO DAMN HARD.
I'm pretty sure that a couple taking drugs, and one of them ending with cancer, is depressing. Not all of EDEN's songs are depressing though, so that's a plus.
I have a life threatening disease not only am I tired of how this illness makes me feel... I'm gutted watching how it effects my husband and my children having too watch me suffer. I love this video, this is so hard. Chronic illnesses, cancer any illnesses. 🙏🙏🙏 I'm sending positive vibes too all who has too go thru this.
No joke this song relates to me soooooo fricking much. I dont know why, even reading through the lyrics made me cry. Seriously u are the best song writer ever. I know this song is 2 years old already but it still sounds like a brand new released song.
One of my closest friends played this song religiously, and never hesitated to flex his singing talents. He passed away a few years ago but this just popped up and in a way it feels like a part of him is still here. Keep on keeping on.
Does anyone else get goosebumps and have a weird feeling inside when the lyrics "cuz all I needed was some words to say that all these feelings dont mean to shit to me cuz its all just chemicals anyway... anyway. I got way too many routes to take to just make this all go away and find another heart to break so heartless with these words I say. Cuz I cant love when I cant even love myself... things I would rather be thoughts in the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting"? I do.
Damn this video hit's too close to home. The desperation, hopelessness and search for a release from the shackles of a world you aren't equipped navigate through. The realization that the only relief you can find is only temporary and makes things worse and then to find love in that place with someone who is suffering more than you. It's like looking in a mirror at a reflection of your self knowing that you can't help her because you can't even save yourself.
Weird how from the moment he dropped the bag I felt him. So happy how far I have come, I am crying at the end of this because just how easy it is to go back...
to all the men and women going through post-love trauma...blessings and prayers to you in the quarantine. May you be healed,and i hope you heart feels peace.
For the last three years I’ve been listening to this song multiple times per week and with every instance that I come back I cannot resist watching the video aswell. It really adds to the emotion of the lyrics. Thank you EDEN for my favourite song of all time
I remember the first time I watched this video. I thought that he had lost his girlfriend and he was throwing his life away by getting into drugs, but then at the end when it shows his girlfriend man I LOST it that surprise at the end hits too hard. This is exactly why EDEN is one of my favorite artists of all time
I know what you mean..i search it in my memories, look old movies, listen to old songs but i can't find them anymore. So now i am here can' t sleep next to my wife and write a guy on the other side of this planet some words. Look we grow up and our heart dies. Let us don't give up, we find a way to restart the fire. I hope you find happiness, looking in the stars and chase the moon. If you find some answers, for these unamed feeling, let me know it.
This is the ultimate “wait for it” video. I didn’t see it coming. Those of us that suffer with addiction related from the start. We thought we knew where this was going: drugs to numb the pain of loss. The last ten seconds of this video had me bawling like a baby. 😞
Realising that you lose someone and cant do anything is way worse then loosing them in an instance. The hopelessness, the helplessness, there is nothing you can do and it just hurts to watch as it all goes on...
'Cause I had the best of the worst sides And I had these lungs, oh And I had too many flash fires That I just let them burn 'Til my chest is on fire And my head just won't die I guess I'm lying 'cause I wanna I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't 'Cause I just feel so tired Like it's move or slowly die You say, you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you and you know it But ain't that just the point? You don't know How to let go, who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No, I can't tell you nothing 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still I could always be Whatever you wanted but not what you needed Especially when you been needing me 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes And I'll say what I don't mean Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah 'Cause all I needed was some words to say That all these feelings don't mean shit to me 'Cause it's all just chemicals anyway, anyway, yeah And I got way too many routes to take to make this all just go away And find another heart to break, so heartless with these words I say Just saying what I'm supposed to say 'cause I had nothing for you I can't love when I can't even love myself Things I would rather be, thoughts at the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting And I got these lungs, yeah And I spent too many late nights Just thinking a hole in the earth 'Til the sky is on fire And my head still won't die I guess I'm lying 'cause I want to I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't 'Cause I just feel so tired Like I need something to come alive She said, "you ain't you when you're like this This ain't you, what you done?" And I said, "That's the point" And you don't know how to let go Who said this must be all or nothing? But I'm still caught below And I'll never let you know No I can't tell you nothing 'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes But still, I could always be Whatever you wanted but not what you needed Especially when you been needing me 'Cause I'm a fucking mess inside And I'll say what I don't mean Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I feel so proud watching Jon grow in popularity, putting out amazing captivating track after track. Been here for a long time, gonna be here for even longer.
You know when I first saw you 5 years ago I thought wow u have talent and I still think you do 5 years later still here still listening to ur music still with u even after a new account u, helped me get through depression with ur songs thank u I truly appreciate you I was 14 thank you
Owen de Cuba there are a few different messages people get from it and truthfully it doesn't really tell us what the drugs are or who they are for. a lot of people could say that the drugs where pain killers for his girlfriend with cancer
This is, unfortunately, an absolutely perfect description of the emotions of losing someone and trying to cope. The audio and visuals explained everything I felt during "that time" for me. Almost as if someone was in my brain. Amazing.
I lost my best mate to suicide, we were also together "I think" but no one knew. The first time I met his mum was at his funeral. They kind of figured out we were more than mates because I broke down and could not keep it together. Then I found out my other mate was the one who gave him the drugs. Moments I feel nothing and want to end it are moments were I listen to your music...
Please stay strong, he wouldn’t want you to do something to yourself or worse. Please be safe and contact somebody. There’s no shame in that. Please hold on
My girlfriend and I were dating while I was strung out and this video reminds me how much I love her. She stayed through my toughest time in my life. I mean, the lowest point. She had never touched drugs. She saved my life.
That made me cry. I recently lost my Poppie, who helped my grandma raise me from age 3 to age 5ish, he died of a hot load (bad overdose), then I lost my Grandma's boyfriend, Danny, he helped raise me on and off for the past 8 or 9 years, he died because of cancer. He got rid of one and another came to try and claim him. He died while I was in my room with a friend. And everyday I wish I could have been there holding his hand with him so he would be alone. I wish they could have made it to my 16th birthday. But I know when I turned 16 they were watching and smiling.
AWEE. UwU im truly sorry for youre lost. I mean it, no one deserves. AND I MEAN NO ONE deserves to go through that. I hope youre in a better place as in your mentality. Its obvious that they are looking down at you happily and proud because of how considerate and caring yoou are. Dont blame yourself because it wasnt you fault. It wasnt anyones, except for fate, life, and death. Life may throw things at you but as humans we must learn how to stand and stay on our feet through it all. If others fall behind. Dont cry because they died, smile because they experienced life with you and smiled once. Love you.
“I spent too many late nights thinking a hole in the earth” that’s a perfect line I heard this a dozen times at least and just now saw the video . It certainly offers a different perspective and potentially his reason for writing such a unique and tragically beautiful song. Well done sir
Ok I just watched this several times in a row & I think I know the meaning of what he did. He bought heroin, he thinks of all the times they’ve had together, how much he loves her. She’s suffering from cancer & is dying but she doesn’t want to suffer anymore so she asks him to help her pass. This is a really hard thing for him to do because he doesn’t want to let her go. We see his emotions at the door but he loves her enough to help end her pain. He composes himself, comes in the room & we see her IV ( foreshadowing of how he will administer the OD ) she turns and smiles at him letting him know she’s happy that he’s going to end her suffering.
Just a thought to add -- What if he bought the heroin because he too intends to OD after her? This perspective changes the entire first half of the video to me. What if instead of him walking frantically looking for the dealer wanting to buy his next high, he's terrified because he's never actually bought this substance before... What if he's jumpy because he's actually lost and in an unfamiliar part of town? His journey to the dealer becomes a dead-man-walking scenario... He spends his final moments reminiscing the memories of their happiness, and what we're seeing is his life flashing before his eyes; filling it with good memories before the inevitable...
Whilst this doesn't make me cry it's still one of the most emotional songs I listen too. The pacing of the beat and especially how wrecked the vocals sound at the end always get me
![ปฏิเสธไม่ไหว (Crush on you) - LIPTA feat. No One Else [Official MV]](/img/n.gif)
Man, last time I watched this video was 4 years ago, when I was in active addiction (meth+heroin) crying because I missed my daughter and couldn't believe who I let myself become. Coming back to it now gives me full on body chills. Happy to say that shortly after that I got sober for good, now building a career and have my family back. Feels good, man. Feels really fucking good.
I'm happy for you.
Just came back to this video and saw this congratulations seriously! I hope you're living well.
I am so proud of u don't ever forget if u are able to do that u can do anything if u work hard enough for what u lost or for something u never had ither way I believe in u and I hope u do to bc i can't do it for u
I just happened to come across this post and I never comment on shit but I just HAD to say that I totally feel that and know what you mean EXACTLY
It amazes me that eden can write such songs despite being so young. He was just 19 when he wrote this song. Can you believe it. ?
Divyansh Jaiswal it's nothing
La Pure
i'd like to see you try then
Divyansh Jaiswal creatitiy
Mary Shelley wrote and published the original Frankenstein at 19.. the original
Billie Eilish wrote Ocean Eyes when she was 13.
Nobody talks about the actor. Damn, that is something.
XTASY he could go places
yee pretty good acting
He reminds me of that dude that plays an actor in sense 8
Yeah him
I didn't watch past ep 4 so i dont really remember the names
Anybody see Jennifer Lawrence
"Death is not the greatest loss,the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live"
Deep
Fck bro :|
HOOOOLLLYYY
Truth 😣
What was me half year before is no more. We are all reincarnating without our realization throughout our lives and will never. Kinda ironic when I hear someone condoling me saying "Let the dead memories flow through your life thus reviving through you" when I myself not sure if the old me is alive anymore.
Bro the look on his face when hes walking on the street after seeing his paycheck hits so deep. The look of frustration and despair. Being lost with no direction or any idea on how to even begin to resolve your mountain of problems.
I thought that same thing, This is probably not the best time for me to be watching this video or hearing this being that my wife died at 25 on Christmas this year, Threw me into a depression then a relapse. But yeah man that look on his face i know really well u can tell hes been there before
While he was walking through a heroin den you could tell he’d never been there before. He knew that paycheck was the one his wife asked him to kill her with
Turn to Jesus
I know I could really feel that I been there so that part hits me hard to brother
The drugs is a metaphor smh come on folks
(Edited 9/12/21) After watching this MANY times now I feel like I can join in the fun and explore the meaning behind the video. Not saying this is correct, just my interpretation from the visuals along with the lyrics. The song and video both center around one thing; addiction. People can become addicted to all sorts of things, not just drugs. In this case, he is addicted to his love's smile. You will notice EVERYTHING he does is for one ending goal, to see her smile again. At the beginning of his day he's shown smoking, he seems like he's itching for a fix, worried and stressed to get to it. As he works his mind goes to flashbacks of his favorite times with the girl he loves. He finishes work and is off to get what he needs. He stops at the bar to get a shot. Something known to calm the nerves. Notice how he rotates his wedding ring, another sign that brings us back to where his thoughts are. As he enters this drug den it's obvious he's still "new" to this whole scene. And as he is led back to a room by dealer his mind flashes back again to past happy days. After he is out of there he seems filled with a burst of energy. He's got what he needs and is making his way home. And here is where the real question starts. Are the drugs his, hers, or theirs? I think a few things answer this question. One, when he comes in he literally stops to compose himself before going in her room. He has to be strong for her. If he was high I don't think he would have reacted the same or showed the same emotion. But the REAL clue is when we finally see her in bed. On the bedside table you will notice EMPTY pill bottles. Leading me to believe the drugs are for her. And we see one more thing. We see that smile. And in that both of these addicts have what they need to get through the day. Addiction comes in many forms. Love is one of the best and the worst, all at the same time. This is captured beautifully in this video. LOVE it.
Update! I think the end isn't just about getting her the drugs to feel less pain. I think it's even deeper than that. I think it's him assisting her suicide. The hospital bed at home is something that happens when people are in hospice care. Also know as end of life care. I think she was ready to go. The struggle he faces in the video is thinking about that. And as much as he wants her to stay, he loves her enough to let her go. And that makes it that much more heartbreaking. What do you think? Love to hear your thoughts!
That was beautifully written
Carrie Carden omg..i felt like i was wasting my time scrolling through the comments until i read this one
Carrie Carden are you sure you didn't write the story boards for this video...I seen it more like he was turning to the drugs himself but the smile part at the end and the not being a regular to the drug den made it all come together for me
I like the way you interpreted the video. Best Regards from Colombia.
I genuinely think that you have just explained the actual meaning to the video. I mean it's just my opinion but I can't see how this theory is wrong it all makes perfect sense: the smile at the end had me sold.
How is it possible that EDEN has never made a bad song?
Hahha love the guy but listen to nocturne
are you kidding, nocturne is fire
nocturne and 2:09 i dont like. all others are amazinf
Not a big fan of interlude but it ain't bad
Are you talking about just as EDEN or as The Eden Project? Some of his really early stuff as The Eden Project was honestly not so great (partially because he wasn't using his voice or being anywhere near this style... It was kinda loud static-y amateur dubstep. But it was a stepping stone to THIS GODLY MASTERY)
This song helped me release my pain after losing Micheal Schoepfer. He was a good father, an amazing Marine, and my best friend. He passed on September, of 2019 to a drug overdose. I will never forget this man. We have been on two deployments together, he helped get me on the bird when I was wounded in Afghanistan. There is absolutely no replacement for someone like that. I love you Brother! Semper Fi!
So sorry for your loss, David. Here's to future success for you and happiness
He shall be remembered in the halls of remembrance
Yut
semper fi marine! Our brother is in a more peaceful place.
Ooof, thats healthier than me. I listen to "Hell Broke Luce"
Notice how the colour grading before and after he bumps into that dude. Before is an orange ish tint, making it look warm and cosy. Then after he bumps into that man it's made to look cold and sad by the darkish colours. This is a really well thought out video. Just thought I'd share this with anyone who didn't notice :)
Thrill Films
it's an interesting techinque
color balance helps give more emotion through seeing.
The concept of a picture is worth a thousand words.
Glad you noticed that.
i felt like it could've been better if at the end the light coming in on his wife(?) was the same as the flashbacks
Dicc Chees it would be a nice idea
but to see that on a negative subject might change the vibe or emotion, since we are to feel sad at the end.
Dicc Chees it would be a nice idea
but to see that on a negative subject might change the vibe or emotion, since we are to feel sad at the end.
Part of the reason for that change in Color is to make it clearer that it is a flashback. Good observation of the emotional effect it has
You always say thank you for how us, your fans, have changed your life. But i'm not sure you realize how much you've changed ours. Your music holds me up when i'm falling and there were many days I played your voice on repeat just to stay sane. I know we all feel the same. So for this and everything and everyone I say thank you. I hope one day you can fathom the difference you've made in our lives.
-a fan from the beginning, a fan till the end
weird how you put my feelings into words. Eden keeps me sane
That was beautiful.
fucking preach
exactly what i feel
Majooka, gtfo of here with your negativity. How the fuck does it matter to you what somebody else sees in an artist and how much it affects them? Fuck off and let people be happy smh
I was Lonely And Very Depressed. But Then I was scrolling down for a music and I found your song Circles. I listen to it and made me shed a tear. I listened more Songs of yours and it keep me joyful and Full of life. Thanks EDEN...
PrimalNewsNetwork me too man
PrimalNewsNetwork the music did not the remix
Versus Flash FaZe Up
GravityRonin same and circles was the first song by him that I found too
Why were u depressed? Please do answer
LYRICS:
Cause I had the best of the worst sides
And I had these lungs, oh
And I had too many flash fires
That I just let them burn
'Til my chest is on fire
And my head just won't die
I guess I'm lying 'cause I wanna
I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't
'Cause I just feel so tired
Like it's move or slowly die
You say, you ain't you when you're like this
This ain't you and you know it
But ain't that just the point?
You don't know
How to let go, who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No, I can't tell you nothing
'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still I could always be
Whatever you wanted but not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me
'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah
'Cause all I needed was some words to say
That all these feelings don't mean shit to me
'Cause it's all just chemicals anyway, anyway, yeah
And I got way too many routes to take to make this all just go away
And find another heart to break, so heartless with these words I say
Just saying what I'm supposed to say 'cause I had nothing for you
I can't love when I can't even love myself
Things I would rather be, thoughts at the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting
And I got these lungs, yeah
And I spent too many late nights
Just thinking a hole in the earth
'Til the sky is on fire
And my head still won't die
I guess I'm lying 'cause I want to
I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't
'Cause I just feel so tired
Like I need something to come alive
She said, "you ain't you when you're like this
This ain't you, what you done?"
And I said, "That's the point"
And you don't know how to let go
Who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No I can't tell you nothing
'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still, I could always be
Whatever you wanted but not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me
'Cause I'm a fucking mess inside
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah I need it, I need it, yeah, yeah, yeah
The most underrated comment that deserves a pin, but will always be thankes and loved by us!
Just made my drunk single ass karaoke at home and I can't thank ya enough for that. Something I've always wanted to to in public but most likely never... Thank you again 🤘👏👏👊
◻️➿😖 I read and listening to it at the same time.
@@savannahbishop9840 same :(
Good shit bro
"not what you needed but what you wanted" really hits me hard
avik chowdhury "whatever you wanted but not what you needed"?
I was reading your comment by the time it played
@@zvvck me too, lol
I know right same
lolzer0 same it’s weird
i think the drugs for cancer are too expensive and he cant afford them with the job he's working at so all day he see's how they were happy together and how she was well; he wishes it can go back to that but he knows the harsh reality that it never will. i'm saying that because she's in the bed in home and not in a hospital because he probably can't afford the care in a hospital. he buys the drugs (painkillers) to numb her pain and to give her some type of enjoyment out of life because he knows her end is near. beautiful video.
That's a good theory. I was assuming the same since he's apparently working as a dishwasher :c
Yeah, the ending really hit me emotionally. This is one of my favorite music videos because of that, the whole time it looked like he was getting the drugs for himself lol
well you can lose ylur hairs because of drugs too
but cancer is in this video more sensible
If it's in America then yes that could be the issue presented because of the lack of free health care from a system supported by tax payers
thats pretty good!
I don't want to sound weird or anything like that but about a month ago I lost my wife to multiple brain aneurysm, I barely made it through every day and I cried each and every one of those days many times and every time that I wanted to just die I found myself listening to your music that is helped me get through. This song in particular because of all the pieces that she had heard that you have made this was her favorite. I miss her so much everyday and I'm positive I would have killed myself so I could see her again which would have left by four year old boy alone so thank you I could never say it enough
This still continues to help me. Your music and Jeremy Zucker. This video really gets me tho. It reminds me of her and how it is now :(
Wow...
Keep going champ, cant relate at all to your hurting. But be the light in your Boy’s life. And let him be the part of your wife that Remains in this World. When time gets dark take a look at your fantastic boy. And let him shine throw. Be each others lite. Bless you and never give up
That's right man your kids what's most important he needs you twice as much now
Don't give up, there's so much more you need to do.
Man this hits so hard only by watching and listening. Cant imagine what it is like to go through this.
It’s hard man I hope you don’t have to....
Losing someoen to that and having to buy/sell drugs to help this is fucking hard
Definitely isn't fun man
My dad is doing or is supposedly off of them but drugs.
I wouldnt wish it on my worst of enemies. stay away from any and all opioids.
this was the first song i've ever listened to by eden and i cant get over how good this is
LilMan0748 Same
LilMan0748 same
omg same i learned the lyrics so fast
Well, Welcome to Eden i guess.
I listened sex first
Eden's voice is so unique, I love it so much
😍😍😍
I actually think he sounds a lot like Stephen
+Eric Means omg I thought i was the only one who thought that. both r great. I love crossfire by stephen and XO by eden the most
omg same 2 fave songs
I know exactly how u r feeling bruh
After reading many of the comments, I've compiled all things people said about this song.
Here's a basic summary of that:
Notice how the color degrades before and after he bumps into that guy in minute 1:51 or so, before he does the colors is kind of like orange-ish tint that made it look warm and cozy. Then after he does bump into that man, it’s made to look cold and sad by the darkish colors.
Basically the drugs are for cancer are too expensive and he can’t afford them with the job he’s working at all, so all day long he see’s how they were happy together and how she was well before, he wishes it can go back to that but he knows the harsh reality that it never will. This becomes obvious when you see her in the bed at home and not in a hospital because he can’t afford the care in a hospital.
He buys the “drugs” hence the song name which refer to painkillers to numb her pain and to give her some type of enjoyment out of life because he knows her end is near, and so is his addiction or his own “drug” - her smile, which is what we last see in the video.
Copied comment lmao
did I miss that? I guess you could make that assumption. Or it can be the reason why he's taking drugs due to immense stress. That's more of a likely and realistic situation than buying drugs off the street for a cancer patient, which doesn't make sense on so many levels. I'm a pretty good source... seeing as I'm a pharmacist... who also had used in my 20's for a period of time... when caring for who would eventually become by wife who was sick from cancer for 8 years.
sgim43 I think it’s quite clear that the drugs are for his wife. Here’s why I think so: He enters the room with the drugs instead of hiding them meaning that they were for her most likely, as well as when he enters the room the camera first looks at the drugs that are being shot into her arm, meaning that the drugs he is getting is definitely for her. Also, the whole point of the music video is that he is getting the drugs for someone he loves. If the music video was about drugs for himself, then it would be pretty meaningless.
TheTrittoner you hit it on the head with this
TheTrittoner I do like Ur observation in this video man, well played
The story of a man who does everything he can to be good enough, but always feels like nothing. Constant struggle just to keep up and move forward. This hits home way to hard.
why tf does it get all blurry?
edit: was crying, nevermind.
Sammeee (T^T)
Bwahaha yes
sniff snoff so emotional
:(
haha his pfp looks like sex
When you were listening in early 2015 to monstercat and he was called the eden project ... that project has finally become a reality keep it up man I love your music!
sam spellman koala kontrol days. Amirite
oh shit the 2015 eden project days. fuckING FLAMES ONBHFSVYD
sam spellman wait what?
Joshua Kelly so according to Sam spellmans logic... koala kontrol days became amirite.
cassie ingold the monstercat has found paradise in eden.
I guess the hardest part isn't loosing someone you love, it is knowing you will loose them.
Majestic Duck baby....
Preach
"Loose them" lol... how do you loose someone? I know you can lose someone but loose?
Southerner many people from different countries, and mistakes happens
@@Nekotyara thanks dad. I didn't know that.
Still can't get over the emotional punch this song brings.... hits home deep.. much love to everyone out there struggling...
The hardest part about losing someone is knowing no matter what you couldn't have changed anything. It's knowing that all the laughs, arguements, all the tears you once shared are all just memories of someone you used to know and now you will never get anymore. That is what breaks me.
:O ;O ; . O
@dhruv sharda it doesnt you just live with it till you die
Holy fuck I’m in tears after reading this bc Im growing up in a toxic household. And we have the good memories but now I just lost any connection involving love with my parents. And it sucks that I just see my family as people I used to know, as people I used to love
My brain: I hear what you're saying... but what if you did do something different?
Harder to know you couldve done sumt but you didn't
The feels are strong in this. I teared up a little at the end, not gonna lie.
You and me both.
your not alone. but just a lil bit nohomo
you don't know what it feels like when a video represents your life exactly.. you never know how i felt after reading the description
Stop your petty self advertising
***** get that smug look off your face, you child.
That Moment when you watch this song once ... and then now you have watched it over a 100 times
I really hated it the first few minutes. I thought it was so cliche and typical. But then the ending hit me so hard because of that. I've watched it so many times I lost track now.
I’ve heard the song ever since it came out a year ago!!! Sorry just since it came out it has been my favorite song of EDEN. It is amazing 😎😎
ImVara / Fortnite BR Best Tips & Methods! Lixo
Nicholas Tong wel dont judge too soon
This hits me hard because my moms got cancer
I can listen to this 5000 times a day and still not get tired of it..Eden I'm your biggest fan and hope that tiktok don't ruin this song..
"Drugs" now officially passed "XO" in views and is Eden's most viewed song on TH-cam. I've been waiting for this for too long.
It's on MrSuicideSheep, but his most viewed song on TH-cam is "Wake Up" with 62 million views
But if you mean just on his channel, it's true
I do like xo
@@Jake0483 yeah same. it was just refreshing to see a new most viewed song.
so sad that even after 3 years of being released, hardly anyone knows about this masterpiece. music and video both.
EDIT: to everyone commenting about the views being a lot, when I posted this, this video was around 8 million views and EDEN had around 1 million monthly spotify listeners. yes that’s a lot, but when you compare it to other artists who are way more popular, it’s hardly noticeable.
There is still hope this got nearly a million views in the last 2 weeks
@@endangeredmexican9644 Yeah man, its still gaining views
10million. Barley anyone?
@@syphoss3621 idk what happening but for 3 years it was at 6 million then a month or two later its at 11 mil
@@endangeredmexican9644 everyones stuck at home and sad
that moment when you've been here since again was uploaded, and now you watching him explode in popularity, while not even letting it phase him. I respect jono for the fact that he has stayed true to what he set out to do, it isn't about fame and fortune rather about creating something for the people who are supporting him. I have so many thanks for him, helping out me in times id rather forget, but I'm not the only one. idk what I'm saying anymore, just rambling.thanks for everything you've done
no sean, thank you
+EDEN you uploaded while I was at school couldn't wait for this shit though. Good job :)
Ikr, Eden is one of my favorite people in the world and that's just for his music. I can't wait to see him at the concert (I bought VIP tickets for Amsterdam).
You took the words from my mouth, can't believe how far he's come
Exactly my thoughts.
So relatable. Hits deep especially the looks on his face, the drug deal, everything. You can just tell hes been there before and its killing him inside.
I've known this song for a long time but never listened to it much. It really evokes emotions in you, but I wasn't at a point where I could relate to him. A few months later, I'm back here, listening to this song for the fifth time on repeat and the sixth time throughout today, dried tear tracks on my cheeks because I can't fucking cry anymore. It's not even me. It's this person I know and love deeply. I can hear them singing this. They're dying and I'm helpless. All I can do is stand on the sidelines and watch a wonderful tapestry unravel, an awe-inspiring sculpture crumbling apar. Paint that was once a beautiful work of art smearing, it's canvas tearing at the seams. I'm sorry I can't do better. Forgive me.
i feel exactly the same way...
Gabriel It gets better, I promise you. Hang in there. Both of us will be okay.
in some moments, we just need a "everything will be alright" coming from anyone else, so, thank you...
Gabriel It's okay ❤
@@notnono5342 did someone ask you , you cheap thing
Songs like this make me wish TH-cam had a repeat option.
mobile, though.
if you're on the computer, right click on the video and click "loop"
make a Playlist with one song and loop it.
David Sky Walker on computer they do
it does
Things I would rather be thoughts in the back of my head but im addicted to hurting
love you jon, your music means so much to me
+Milooo Jon?!?
That's EDEN's real name
Milooo Ohhh kk
sup PureFury your the guy who commented on VaiL Boltz content
His expression in the beginning, reminds me of every week being sober for 3 or 4 days broke as fuck. Telling myself never again. Getting that paycheck. Telling myself there's no way I'm going to pick up again, Telling myself I hate dope with every fiber of my being. Heart slowly accelerating. Sweating, as I go to the bank and cash my 300$ check. Head spinning KNOWING I will never spend what little money I have on more fucking dope. Texting my dealer saying I'll take a sack, sitting there on the curb waiting, telling myself it's not real and there's no way I'd ever do more fucking dope, and then having my dealer roll up, and repeating the weekend bender, staying up for 3 days, paranoia. Freaking out. Missing work on Monday like every week. And then crawling through the next 4 days, broke, Telling myself ill never do fucking dope again...... this video reminds me of thst insane cycle, and I can't express how important that is after 7 years sober.
Keep up this sobriety streak! It was never worth it (and would never be)
im proud of you franklin, stay strong.
You can do it ❤
❤
Hope you're doing alright
Cause I had the best of the worst sides
And I had these lungs
And I had too many flash fires
That I just let them burn
Till my chest is on fire
And my head just won't die
I guess I'm lying cause I wanna
I guess I'm lying cause I don't
Cause I just feel so tired
Like it's move or slowly die
You ain't you when you're like this
This ain't you and you know it
But ain't that just the point?
You don't know
How to let go
Who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No I can't tell you nothing
Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still I could always be
Whatever you wanted
But not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me
Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just cause I wanted
Or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need
Cause all I needed was some words to say
That all these feelings don't mean shit to me
Cause it's all just chemicals anyway
Anyway
And I got way too many routes to take
To make this all just go away
And find another heart to break
So heartless with the words I say
Just saying what I'm supposed to say
Cause I had nothing for you
I can't love when I can't even love myself
Things I would rather be thoughts at the back of my head, but I'm addicted to hurting
And I got these lungs
And I spent too many late nights
Just Thinking a hole in the earth
Till the sky is on fire
And my head still won't die
I guess I'm lying cause I want to
I guess I'm lying cause I don't
Cause I just feel so tired
Like I need something to come alive
She said you ain't you when you're like this
This ain't you what you done?
And I said that's the point
You don't know how to let go
Who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No I can't tell you nothing
Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still I could always be
Whatever you wanted
But not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me
Cause I'm a fucking mess inside
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just cause I wanted
Or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need
💬❤
Misty Music Ayy, Misty! Hehe ya, it's because I'm *'global'* 😉🌎
What's a flash fire?
neurons, synapses in the brain.... I got the same problem!
The right is "And i had too many flashbacks"
I think that it's because of you that I'm still here Eden. I have so much pain inside me and I feel so alone, but you let me know that I'm not. I may not have anyone, I may have a broken heart, but you help. thank you so much for making some of the most life changing music I've ever heard. I will never stop loving her, but I know that I'll move on. even if I don't want to, sometimes I wish the pain would just kill me, but it won't and the only way my life will get better is if I make it better. Thanks man.
This is sad. This is hot. This is stunning.
*And that's all EDEN.*
@@basedclipsofficial you are not alone
“Cause I had nothin for you I can’t love when I can’t even love myself” is beyond
My brother fought like Hell and beat cancer(squamous cell carcinoma). Sadly squamous cell carcinoma took so much from him. His will to live and it was psychologically and physically devastating. He had his jaw bones removed, he has no nose. His lymph-nodes were removed. The roof of his mouth was removed, all of his teeth. His vision has been limited and so has his hearing. He had tubes placed into his ears that need to be drained on a regular basis. Some of his arm and leg. He went down to an almost unrecognizable weight also. He was a big guy that could easily carry a fridge on his back. In fact his job was primarily moving furniture.
He won't go anywhere and if he has appointments he wears a surgical mask. It's a daily Hell. The pain and despair. I moved back in to be there for him.
In closing I would like to say f*ck you cancer. Really... F*CK you cancer! If cancer had a face I'd smash it to bits just like it did to my younger brother.
Sometimes my brother and I talk about how there are likely so many more people like him that suffer in silence away from public eye. We just don't see them because this sh*t devastates them, it changes them. So my condolences to all that have lost loved ones to cancer and much love and respect to those still fighting and those fighting alongside them. Also if you are one that is fighting and one of those people that is out of sight, or alone, I'm with you. My brother and I are with you. You all have my deepest respect.
That made me cry. I recently lost my Poppie, who helped my grandma raise me from age 3 to age 5ish, he died of a hot load (bad overdose), then I lost my Grandma's boyfriend, Danny, he helped raise me on and off for the past 8 or 9 years, he died because of cancer. He got rid of one and another came to try and claim him. He died while I was in my room with a friend. And everyday I wish I could have been there holding his hand with him so he would be alone. I wish they could have made it to my 16th birthday. But I know when I turned 16 they were watching and smiling.
@@draven_of_chaos Wow. You just made me get very weepy. Once upon a time I would not have known how horrible this disease was but now I know it intimately. It changes the perspective and lives of everyone around the person suffering. My brother will never be the same, ever. Most of his face is gone and his will to live. He's already attempted suicide several times.
Thank you for sharing some of your life. My deepest condolences to you. The only thing we can hope for is that we meet all of our loved ones once again. Thank you, Kia.
Your story really connects with me and i would like you to know im with you and your brother your also not alone! I too had to witness cancer completely break my brother down in front of me. It broke him and took everything before taking his life. Something i will never ever be able to get out of my head was my brother looking at me completely desolated and unrecognizable with tears filling his face he said "i dont want to die im scared". I had become pretty good at putting on a smile for him so he doesn't see the pain in my face but this time i couldn't do it so i didn't say anything i just hugged him. I never got to speak with him again and tears hit my keyboard as im typing this because i hate that his last words to me was him being afraid. That was not him. So yeah FUCK CANCER FUCK IT SO DAMN HARD.
what was his K/D?
@@Halpo2k9 A toddler could have read that and came up with a better joke.
Dude This video still hits me hard after 4 years.
Truly amazing performance by the actors. And great music.
the video made this song a lot more depressing to me.
How?
I'm pretty sure that a couple taking drugs, and one of them ending with cancer, is depressing. Not all of EDEN's songs are depressing though, so that's a plus.
+Practical What video did you watch? because that's not what happened in this one.
Yeah haha
Shrek is love, shrek is life. Isn't that the video?
I have a life threatening disease not only am I tired of how this illness makes me feel... I'm gutted watching how it effects my husband and my children having too watch me suffer. I love this video, this is so hard. Chronic illnesses, cancer any illnesses. 🙏🙏🙏 I'm sending positive vibes too all who has too go thru this.
Wow praying for you
Sending positivity your way 💜
I wish there was more i could do to ease your burden.. all i can offer are my words and the thought that a complete stranger is praying for you.
I'm so sorry this life is messed up man :(
I live with multiple sclerosis and Lupus. Pain is endless. I pray for you and for things to get better
1:50 I love this transition + the timing with the music xd
me too
Me too
amazing indeed
No joke this song relates to me soooooo fricking much. I dont know why, even reading through the lyrics made me cry. Seriously u are the best song writer ever. I know this song is 2 years old already but it still sounds like a brand new released song.
VaL 0 me too bro
I always cry to eden's song bruh, he is just such a musician
Your pfp on YT is the same as my Ig pfp. Npesta.
this song still hits hard even after four years of listening to it
One of my closest friends played this song religiously, and never hesitated to flex his singing talents. He passed away a few years ago but this just popped up and in a way it feels like a part of him is still here. Keep on keeping on.
Does anyone else get goosebumps and have a weird feeling inside when the lyrics "cuz all I needed was some words to say that all these feelings dont mean to shit to me cuz its all just chemicals anyway... anyway. I got way too many routes to take to just make this all go away and find another heart to break so heartless with these words I say. Cuz I cant love when I cant even love myself... things I would rather be thoughts in the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting"? I do.
This whole song makes me happy, sad, this song is a mix of emotion for me. :/
5 finger death punch
Damn this video hit's too close to home.
The desperation, hopelessness and search for a release from the shackles of a world you aren't equipped navigate through.
The realization that the only relief you can find is only temporary and makes things worse and then to find love in that place with someone who is suffering more than you.
It's like looking in a mirror at a reflection of your self knowing that you can't help her because you can't even save yourself.
I cant even count how many times this song has pulled me out of depression.
Weird how from the moment he dropped the bag I felt him. So happy how far I have come, I am crying at the end of this because just how easy it is to go back...
this is the most genuine mv ive ever seen...the acting is so real and the actors are so real and oh my god
Yo this video...my god. Almost made me cry
eddie pearson me everytime
Breaking up is something,and not being able to let go is something else...
to all the men and women going through post-love trauma...blessings and prayers to you in the quarantine. May you be healed,and i hope you heart feels peace.
im crying 'cause i just discovered him just last month... i wish i could have discovered this amazing guy sooner
but ever since i discovered him i've been searching for his older music because he's so unique and rare
Ssomebody that you use to know same but i discovered him 1 year ago
I just discovered Eden today.. Should have seen him sooner
Infinity welcome :)
Been here since Man Down was released, still love you Jon.
dope release
as have i and its been the best 'trip' of my life..
+Avoid~CSGO Player/Comp Chasing Ghosts for me, how he's grown is amazing
my first was fumes that i heard of him that moment i fell in love with his voice
gravity here
For the last three years I’ve been listening to this song multiple times per week and with every instance that I come back I cannot resist watching the video aswell. It really adds to the emotion of the lyrics. Thank you EDEN for my favourite song of all time
🙌🏻 agreed
"The saddest part of life is when someone gives you the best memories becomes a memory."
The dudes such a good actor, it always give me chills how good he does in this.
cause im a fuckin' mess sometimes
cause I do fucking meth sometimes
Cause I'm a fucking mess inside
Cause I'm a fuckin' ass sometimes
But still I could always be whatever you wanted but not what you needed especially when you've been needing me
+Max Gill Omfg that's hilarious😂😂😂
*HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE MUSIC VIDEO THROUGH ALL THESE TEARS*
I still hear my favorite song
You are my FAVORITE SONG AND I. I fucking love you lotz..
❤️🖤🙅🏾♂️👼🏾🙅🏾♂️🖤❤️
I remember the first time I watched this video. I thought that he had lost his girlfriend and he was throwing his life away by getting into drugs, but then at the end when it shows his girlfriend man I LOST it that surprise at the end hits too hard. This is exactly why EDEN is one of my favorite artists of all time
She was more than a girlfriend.. She was his wife
U are peep fan
th-cam.com/video/LwnYc9MEB_Y/w-d-xo.html
The amount of emotion Eden puts in his music is outstanding
I miss the old time when I was younger and happier , I didn’t know how happy I was.
I know what you mean..i search it in my memories, look old movies, listen to old songs but i can't find them anymore. So now i am here can' t sleep next to my wife and write a guy on the other side of this planet some words. Look we grow up and our heart dies. Let us don't give up, we find a way to restart the fire. I hope you find happiness, looking in the stars and chase the moon. If you find some answers, for these unamed feeling, let me know it.
Amen. 61 here and struggling. 🙏🏼♥️🕊️
❤
This is the ultimate “wait for it” video.
I didn’t see it coming.
Those of us that suffer with addiction related from the start. We thought we knew where this was going: drugs to numb the pain of loss.
The last ten seconds of this video had me bawling like a baby. 😞
those who have a vision of art in music will see this as a MASTERPIECE
@@cj4721 agree
I see real love in this video
Yeah the actors did really good. it made me cry
I see real pain...
There is nothing called real love in this world. It’s all about business using each other for personal reasons
You still believe in love?
@@awolfvids4390 There must be at least some love in this world, so of course love is real, not that I will ever find it.
Realising that you lose someone and cant do anything is way worse then loosing them in an instance. The hopelessness, the helplessness, there is nothing you can do and it just hurts to watch as it all goes on...
6️⃣❤️
Eden is such a good artist... we need more EDEN!
Attention seeker with no personality spotted
even after 3 years, this song still makes me cry :( this music is so good for my soul
I want him to be our little secret but im scared thats not gonna happen
same
I think his manager is Scooter Braun (I found out about that yesterday) So yeah he's gonna blow up. But at least we are one of the first fans.
+Rachelle Tolentino no fucking way, scooter? wow
tbf i want the world to know about him hopefully he can replace the trash thats in the charts right now and spread a good message.
stfu you 10 year old kid. that's the biggest cliche I've ever read. Why would you not want him to grow like just stfu bro.
'Cause I had the best of the worst sides
And I had these lungs, oh
And I had too many flash fires
That I just let them burn
'Til my chest is on fire
And my head just won't die
I guess I'm lying 'cause I wanna
I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't
'Cause I just feel so tired
Like it's move or slowly die
You say, you ain't you when you're like this
This ain't you and you know it
But ain't that just the point?
You don't know
How to let go, who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No, I can't tell you nothing
'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still I could always be
Whatever you wanted but not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me
'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah
'Cause all I needed was some words to say
That all these feelings don't mean shit to me
'Cause it's all just chemicals anyway, anyway, yeah
And I got way too many routes to take to make this all just go away
And find another heart to break, so heartless with these words I say
Just saying what I'm supposed to say 'cause I had nothing for you
I can't love when I can't even love myself
Things I would rather be, thoughts at the back of my head but I'm addicted to hurting
And I got these lungs, yeah
And I spent too many late nights
Just thinking a hole in the earth
'Til the sky is on fire
And my head still won't die
I guess I'm lying 'cause I want to
I guess I'm lying 'cause I don't
'Cause I just feel so tired
Like I need something to come alive
She said, "you ain't you when you're like this
This ain't you, what you done?"
And I said, "That's the point"
And you don't know how to let go
Who said this must be all or nothing?
But I'm still caught below
And I'll never let you know
No I can't tell you nothing
'Cause I'm a fucking mess sometimes
But still, I could always be
Whatever you wanted but not what you needed
Especially when you been needing me
'Cause I'm a fucking mess inside
And I'll say what I don't mean
Just 'cause I wanted or maybe I need it
Swear lying's the only rush I need, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
The other line in the chorus is "because I'm fucking mess inside"
It doesn't repeat sometimes twice but appreciate you posting the lyrics ❤️
Obrigado💗
There is always one, and I salute you
Thanks, Maria.
Maria Eduarda Rêgo I love u
4 years... still listening in 2020 heh I remember when this came out made me cry so god damn much man...
I feel so proud watching Jon grow in popularity, putting out amazing captivating track after track. Been here for a long time, gonna be here for even longer.
You know when I first saw you 5 years ago I thought wow u have talent and I still think you do 5 years later still here still listening to ur music still with u even after a new account u, helped me get through depression with ur songs thank u I truly appreciate you I was 14 thank you
"You ain't you when you're like this" "I said that's the point" hits me hard. It really does
One thing I have always liked about EDEN it's that he's songs are very deep.
IM ACTUALY CRYING
that ending really fucked me up tbh
SAME
SAME
The message in this video was so good and same!
Owen de Cuba there are a few different messages people get from it and truthfully it doesn't really tell us what the drugs are or who they are for. a lot of people could say that the drugs where pain killers for his girlfriend with cancer
This is, unfortunately, an absolutely perfect description of the emotions of losing someone and trying to cope. The audio and visuals explained everything I felt during "that time" for me. Almost as if someone was in my brain. Amazing.
dont ask who’s still here in 2020 because we never left
some people did to the after life im glad im still here
unless they did ☹☹☹
im glad you still alive bro :)
2021
8 years later and this is still a constant repeat over and over again when it comes to mind. Anybody else?
I have been listening to the song for three years now and i still love it like it was the first time
This is just fucking amazing
just wanted to say that. fucking A good
I couldn't agree with you more 💖
I lost my best mate to suicide, we were also together "I think" but no one knew. The first time I met his mum was at his funeral. They kind of figured out we were more than mates because I broke down and could not keep it together. Then I found out my other mate was the one who gave him the drugs. Moments I feel nothing and want to end it are moments were I listen to your music...
Hold on please :)
Please stay strong, he wouldn’t want you to do something to yourself or worse. Please be safe and contact somebody. There’s no shame in that. Please hold on
Means a lot, I stopped dancing and modeling professionally, going out and now keep to myself. It changed me.
Stay strong
My girlfriend and I were dating while I was strung out and this video reminds me how much I love her. She stayed through my toughest time in my life. I mean, the lowest point. She had never touched drugs. She saved my life.
Please man, do not stop making songs like that... it's literally from another world ❤
That made me cry. I recently lost my Poppie, who helped my grandma raise me from age 3 to age 5ish, he died of a hot load (bad overdose), then I lost my Grandma's boyfriend, Danny, he helped raise me on and off for the past 8 or 9 years, he died because of cancer. He got rid of one and another came to try and claim him. He died while I was in my room with a friend. And everyday I wish I could have been there holding his hand with him so he would be alone. I wish they could have made it to my 16th birthday. But I know when I turned 16 they were watching and smiling.
my feelings...
sorry for your loss... stay strong ❤️
Love you girl , I don’t know you but I respect you , keep your head up 💙
This made me tear up I’m sorry for your lost stay strong you are beautiful!
AWEE. UwU im truly sorry for youre lost. I mean it, no one deserves. AND I MEAN NO ONE deserves to go through that. I hope youre in a better place as in your mentality. Its obvious that they are looking down at you happily and proud because of how considerate and caring yoou are. Dont blame yourself because it wasnt you fault. It wasnt anyones, except for fate, life, and death. Life may throw things at you but as humans we must learn how to stand and stay on our feet through it all. If others fall behind. Dont cry because they died, smile because they experienced life with you and smiled once. Love you.
whenever I'm feeling down I always come back to this song. Eden helps me a lot going through tough times
Me too
listening to this 7 years ago feels fire and listening to this 7 years later makes me feel toasted
“I spent too many late nights thinking a hole in the earth” that’s a perfect line
I heard this a dozen times at least and just now saw the video . It certainly offers a different perspective and potentially his reason for writing such a unique and tragically beautiful song.
Well done sir
I've heard this song so many times. Just saw this for the first time... I'm not crying... you're crying!
Who else thought that she left him and the drugs were for him at first?
Yeah, a total twist.
But ain't that just the point?
right!?
I was under the impression that he was taking the drugs because he was losing her. I think this is based off of some variation of Eden's life.
They are for him he needs to escape reality..
Which is exactly what drugs are for.
Eden will forever bring back memories of watching faze jev every day after college while grinding call of duty. That was 8 years ago 😢
i’m back again in 2021 i started listening when i was in middle school and i am still i love with his music
Ok I just watched this several times in a row & I think I know the meaning of what he did. He bought heroin, he thinks of all the times they’ve had together, how much he loves her. She’s suffering from cancer & is dying but she doesn’t want to suffer anymore so she asks him to help her pass. This is a really hard thing for him to do because he doesn’t want to let her go. We see his emotions at the door but he loves her enough to help end her pain. He composes himself, comes in the room & we see her IV ( foreshadowing of how he will administer the OD ) she turns and smiles at him letting him know she’s happy that he’s going to end her suffering.
Nice, it's always what's hidden in plain sight.
Man. That's something. Gave me chills.
Just a thought to add -- What if he bought the heroin because he too intends to OD after her? This perspective changes the entire first half of the video to me. What if instead of him walking frantically looking for the dealer wanting to buy his next high, he's terrified because he's never actually bought this substance before... What if he's jumpy because he's actually lost and in an unfamiliar part of town? His journey to the dealer becomes a dead-man-walking scenario... He spends his final moments reminiscing the memories of their happiness, and what we're seeing is his life flashing before his eyes; filling it with good memories before the inevitable...
I was here before his Grammy, just so you know. You future people ;)
Marc Lecroix me too haha
Marc Lecroix why does it matter
Marc Lecroix either way im still happy i found him
Me too
not one yet :(
Whilst this doesn't make me cry it's still one of the most emotional songs I listen too. The pacing of the beat and especially how wrecked the vocals sound at the end always get me