Revealing Lessons It Took a Lifetime to Learn: ‘Stop Focusing So Hard to Be Physically Attractive’
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
- From losing ourselves to prioritizing mental attraction over physical attraction, we reveal which lessons took us a lifetime to learn.
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#LifeLessons #PhysicalAttraction #Relationships
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I used to be such a people pleaser. One day, I heard someone say that being a people pleaser doesn't mean you're a good person; it means that you're seeking acceptance and approval. It changed the way I looked at things. Now, before doing things for people, I ask myself, am I doing this because I want to please the person or because I genuinely want to do it. If it's the former, I stop myself and say no to the person.
I highly recommend you read the book "I need your love - is that true?" by Katie Byron. I think you'll like it :)
Thanks for sharing this, I can total relate❤️
Ooh this is such a good way to look at it. This saying is powerful
I used to be the same way and I have completely stopped being a people pleaser.
I get what Loni is saying, I thought I did everything right for college. Went to comm college for two years to save money, got a degree in healthcare that I knew would bring job security, benefits, and good pay. I did it all by the book. Then I got diagnosed with a chronic illness and had to stop working. Life doesn't always turn out the way you want even when you do things "right"
Sending love. Courage.
I definitely can relate .
Oh wow how are you doing now if i may ask
@@alexandraanderson3988 well I was actually improving a bit and was looking for part time work. but my health took a downward turn again. I don't think I'll ever work again
It’s well. Love from London.
All of y'all are beautiful inside n out seriously.
I lost my baby girl in November, she was stillborn. I really feel what Loni said I feel like I needed to hear it after feeling angry at the world, the last few months especially 😌❤️
I know what it’s like to have an angel baby. Keep smiling mama 👼🙏
I am so sorry that happened to you 😔
I’m sorry 😞
I’m so sorry 😢 💔💔
So sorry 💜
Like Lonnie says you can do everything you were supposed to do and things still don't go your way. You're afraid to fly so you don't fly and a plane crashes into your house. The things we have no control over and life is not fear
Jeanie always have a good word and it’s always vulnerable and relatable not surface
I've learnt if you're broken, it's ok for the puzzle pieces not to fit perfectly like before. Create a whole new puzzle and it will be just as beautiful. A lot of us have childhood trauma and instead of trying to repair the old you, just create a new you inspired by your inner child.
I love you for this advice. I actually needed to see this in the moment of life im in right now
@@maddieperks4427 🥰 it has helped me a lot, learning to embrace my flaws. I'm still work in progress...I'm glad it helped you as well. ❤️
Oh my goodness 🥺 I love this so much
You put this so perfectly, I’m in awe. Thank you!!!
🥺🥺 needed this!
YES! To what Loni said especially. You can do everything right, and still fail. That’s not necessarily “failure”, that’s just life. I don’t remember the original person who said that but it really changed my entire perspective when it comes to things I didn’t get or have while other people did.
Jeannie you did help me out! That physical attraction will only keep someone’s attention for so long. Being able to have quality conversations with people will make you a lot more memorable and people will actually want to be around you!
💯
Nelson Mandela "You never lose. You either win or learn"
I really love Garcelle.
I really love Loni.
I really love Adrienne.
I really love Jeannie.
Arg man. I love this show!
Facts
It’s just sooo good!
I love these discussions. The disease to please is like a sore. I am just now learning the lessons surrounding that because of recent experiences I have had. Everyone's different and it's okay to say no to people. Because best believe they won't think twice in saying no to you. I had to stop thinking that people will do for me in that way I would do for them.
So true! For me too I'm currently dealing with that. its been nearly one year I'm in a job that I dislike but keep extend it, too afraid to quit and let my coworkers submerged if I leave. But at the same time I suffer mentally and physically and I want to be able to work in what I am passionate about.
@@aissam.2420 And as soon as you see yourself in the position to do that you should. The work must go on whether you are there or not. And you have to go on with your life as well. Don't let because of others you dont do what you want to do. You have yourself to live with at the end of the day.
You nailed it!!
@@steph_steph876 Yes so hard to apply it, I really need to work on that. Thank you 🙏👍
@@aissam.2420 Your welcome 👍
I learned what Jeannie learned in college. I won’t be the prettiest or the smartest or the coolest but I’ll be the funniest in the room. But I think I have a great sense of humor and I am empathetic and I do try to work on myself to become a better person and I think that’s what makes me different. It’s definitely better to work on your personality than try to alter your looks.
You are absolutely right
Growing up 'ugly' was a blessing. I wouldn't have the personality I have or have been able to land the partner of my dreams without being confident on the inside first.
Absolutely!
Release the urge to people please.
Trust your timing.
Focus on your inner beauty.
Jeannie’s perspectives are always so insightful. I’m gunna miss this show so much :(!
How are gonna survive without this show? this is my own therapy sessions, lol.
Wow Jeanie!!! You spoke to my soul. Being a young woman that is skinny and isn’t very shapely I often focus a lot on my beauty too. I know that I’m beautiful, but I often feel like people might judge me because of my body. So its like I’m trying to make sure everything else is on point so they won’t have anything to say about my hair, makeup, clothes, etc. But today you reminded me that none of that should matter! I gotta find the strength in myself to rise above what others might think of me.
Really, truly!!! 💕
Amen 👏👏👏
Yeses girl I feel you!
Amen! 💕✨
I concur w Jeannie. There will always be someone younger and more beautiful. You have to focus on what makes you special and unique personality wise. That is really what sets you apart and makes you more confident within yourself.
Yes! My stepmom always said there will always be someone prettier than you! What else do you offer?
Lonis point made me think about some women who save themselves for marriage and wait rly long to find a spouse while others who hoe around sometimes find love with ease ...or when healthy couples struggle to conceive but yet others who dont have a healthy circumstance make kids with ease...
That's a really good point. I wonder what the correlation is to that.
And some people wait to have sex and have sex with one person and that person gives them HIV while people sleep at 200 people and they never get STD’s.
or people who live the healthiest lives yet get chronic diseases such as cancer early yet some over-indulge in drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, are potato couches etc, but they'll never get severe diseases and will live to old age
I am one of those people who was perceived as healthy and basically became almost bedridden while the person who contributed to it still continues to function in much more unhealthy ways emotionally and physically but still has better stamina than I.
@@ritaevergreen7234 so not fair❤
God, what Loni said hit so hard because it’s so true and what I’ve been coming to terms with the most in these last few months. Going to miss this beautiful show and these sisters. :(
I love Jeanie's perspective. I totally get what she means. Especially since she is in the Hollywood world now. For me, not having a lot of money, I really learn a lot from successful rich people I've worked for. Ive observed the way they do things that was more efficient than what I was doing. Or certain tools they use, products, etc (I used to housekeep/nanny). The ones I worked for the most are incredible people. (Except I got this bad vibe off someone's husband and he ended up going to prison so guess my intuition ain't off! Lol). But I do relate with Jeanie on the culture, how to be smart wkth what you have, having to cook yourself, etc. I'm glad I grew up learning those things as well. As for character, I never judge someone on if they have money or not. I look at the heart. If you have it or don't that's irrelevant to me when it comes to friendship.
These life lessons hit deep for me, all three of these ladies you could relate to! Being the people pleaser, wondering why things did not work out the way you hoped and then you have what Jeannie said about being mentally attractive - YES! This is really what has made Jeannie successful when you think about it, she owns who she is and I love that type of confidence. By the way Jeannie you are gorgeous its just that you realized that mental attraction can be just as sexy, that's your power!
It took me a while to realize everyone isn't your friend because they Iike you...some are using you. Be NICE but not to everyone.
Jeannie, I'm glad you said that. I have been telling my girlfriends for years that. If you focus on being mentally attractive. That sets you apart from the rest.
Women like me who's working in entertainment and music, I'm so grateful to hear this from you ladies. In the begginning I found myself discourage and contemplating pursuing my field because of fear of saying no or comparing journeys and looks etc. Looking at how successful and wise you all are continues to encourage me to not give up and put full trust in myself that i'll be ok.
This discussion was deep. What Garcelle said hit me so much and resonates with me when she said disease to please people and be nice."You taught to be nice and have manners to a point of losing myself in order to be nice to everybody else." That why I admire people who can be nice and still stand up for themself. I wish I could...
And I also relate to Loni because I'm very controlling and I overthink everything but life is not always predictable.
And Jeannie is right about the importance of building our personality over the physique, even if as women society has reduced us to superficial aspects, but with maturity that makes us realise this.
I agree 100%! If I accept that I’ll never be the prettiest in the room, my mind would have so much more room for great things!
'life is not fair' is something you don't hear in 2022 much
These ladies genuinely do this show to support other women it’s beautiful
I totally get what Loni is talking about, she is 100 percent correct
I learned to be honest about what you want in life and a partner. Don’t mold to be what someone else wants or what you think they want. Doing that helped me find my husband and connect on levels I had no idea were possible. The right person won’t judge or shame you for your dreams. The right one will ride along with you💖
I'm sadden this show got canceled.
The Real was and is my therapy.
These women help me so much mentally and I'm going to miss it.
I love everything about Lonis look here! The goddess love, the soft makeup, that dress, her shoes. She looks really gorgeous and comfortable in the style.
Great topicl, i learned the hard way when people show you who they are believe them
I hope some other network picks up this show its Fantastic
Loni’s point is something I struggled with for so long, so I really appreciate her articulating it so well. It makes me feel less frustrated with myself.
the only person that I can save or change is myself, it took me 25 years but it's never too late
What garcelle said is so relatable!!! I tell my mother this, and I do my best to make sure I don’t tell my kids to “be nice” all the time, have manners of course but I allow them to express themselves and speak their minds
I am loving Loni hair, it suits you. Looking amazing
I’m gonna miss these convos. I so feel what Garcelle said. Southern girls are raised the same. The disease to please is so hard to get over once you’re older and discover there are certain things you just don’t want to do. There is a pressure there in letting people down and you being unhappy while trying to make others happy. It’s so hard to rewire your mind and learn to say “no” but it feels great when you do. I’m a grown woman and I’m still learning to speak up for myself.
Side note: I love Loki’s hair like this 💜
I loved this girl chat, I'm trying to get to that point Lonnie made, life is life and sometimes you won't have things work out for you and that's fine, something else will come for you
Meanwhile Jeannie is drop dead gorgeous
i love love the topics this season!
Something that I have learned the hard way is " you will never be enough for the wrong person " .
I like how they’re getting us emotionally invested this entire season to just break our hearts making this one the last season. Whyyyyy 🥲😭
I wish they would continue online like the show with Vivica A Fox, Lisa Raye, etc.. I'm not sure the name of the show but I wish these ladies would continue on in that manner. That's be so dope.
Man! Like I feel this season has been FIRE! and yo know these are last few episodes is I’m so mad lmao like whyyyyyyy
Ikr!! Love bombing😭😭
@@GiGiGeena19 that would be dope but honestly I think the ladies are ready to move on. As much as we don’t want them to, you can tell. But dammit am I gonna miss this show!!!
@@shanaiaJj it really has. Garcelle has been such a great addition to the show. I had no idea she was as graceful and down to earth as she is .. wow
I loved every second of this discussion 🥰 First of all, it is so important to accept that you can't win them all. And the "them" can range from men, friends, opportunities, etc. Also being mindful that character matters more than beauty is a pivotal revelation in life😚 Beauty and appearances do matter, but there's always gonna be someone prettier than you, so don't let your looks serve as your sole form of power or relevance 😉
Learning it's OK to prioritize myself. It's not wrong or bad to prioritize yourself.
All the ladies points were Amazing and i completely agree... 🥰
I am in my mid 20's and I wish I learned how to fight earlier.
I honestly did my best. And I really don't think there's much I could do as I was born into an abusive family.
However I wish I learned about pathological narcissism sooner. Like at around 4 years old. 😂
True❤️could not agree with you more 🔥💎🦋🌟
Don't beat yourself up because of it. When you were younger, you didn't have the means to fight them because you were financially dependant on them - you couldn't just leave when you were 5 years old. Plus, your brain is not developed enough to understand that other people's behaviour is not right. You fought the best way you could and that was to survive the ordeal.
The thing that Jeannie is talking about is what the beauty industry is thriving on… it’s a multibillion industry based on keeping women insecure and spending money, money money which give them profit!
Thank you Jeannie! SO important, especially for younger people. We put way too much value on physical attractiveness.
I love loni n Jeannie very happy to see how their friendship bringing closer n closer throughout the seasons
Love what all of them had to say especially Jeannie. Definitely needed to hear this today. This is why this show needs to continue ❤️
Listen to that voice when something don't feel right. You can go overboard at work and still get fired. Don't overwork myself. I don't have to hold on to a career or community. Quit. Move. Try a new career.
I leanred that it's not always my fault. Growing up as an Asian Catholic, I was taught to think that a lot of things can go wrong because of me. And something went right, then I had to thank everyone around me and be humble, while still keeping my head down. Nothing was going right at one of my previous jobs, one of my bosses told me I was too emotional, so I thought it was really on me. However, I learned that there were many others who went through the same things at that place.
This also ties to what Loni said. Although I could do everything right, the outcome may not be what I want. So sometimes, you need to change the enviornment you are in, not yourself.
I so agree with Jeanie
That was a very interesting topic!
What Jennie said was also so true! I’m just getting to that point in my life at 27 I am finally starting to realize that my mind and my whit is better than my looks
I love all these lessons. I strongly agree with Jeannie’s; a compliment about my energy, my vibe, and personality mean a lot more than a compliments about my looks.
I came to this réalisation recently and I’ve started changing things around me to be able to provide the things I really want to enjoy alone and with others instead of waiting on another person to do that for me
You ladies are beautiful 1000 percent. Now I don't want people to go to the extreme and think oh i have to go out compare or compete. Baby your parents made you beautiful you were born beautiful! don't insult what they made. Everytime you criticize yourself. You criticize your parents and your ancestors remember that. Take care of yourself that is the most beautiful gift you can give yourself, your children. Nutrition, food, exercise, good health. You can't do anything without great health. That's the most beautiful thing. Giving yourself your body, mind, heart, and spirit the best. Positive people, helping people, learning, never stop reading books, articles, magazines, challenging yourself, your goals make you attractive. I think just being good to people with no agenda that's the most important and attractive thing. Audrey Hepburn i love this quote she said, "For attractive eyes see the good in others, for attractive lips speak words of kindness, and for a slim figure share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair let a child run their fingers through it." Kindness, Generosity,Compassion creates beauty in your soul and mind. So proud of you ladies and theReal producers, and crew who have made this show a success these last 9 years! #TheReal💞💕🦋👩🏽👩🏾👩👩🏻💞💕🦋
All that the ladies said is so true. One thing it took me a while to learn was, how to say "no!" After a while of being used by people and being exhausted by friends and even family... I had to realize that sometimes it's perfectly okay to say "no!" And not give in to the self inflicted pressure to please everyone, as Garcelle said.
Oooooo Garcelle, the disease to please is something I'm praying to heal from, also in therapy. I'm glad yall spoke on this, definitely helped me.
Probably one of my most favorite conversations they’ve ever had. So insightful and full of wisdom!
Sayyyyyy that jeannie... please let them know because sooooo many women focus only on being pretty and looking good... ughhh focusing on the inner self and what could be wrong.. what could be broken and past relationships and younger self....and focus on the mental.. being mentally attractive also is extremely attractive.... i find mentally attractive to be wayyyyy more sexier..
Its easy for pretty girls to tell people to not try to chase looking their best. Let’s be real, Jeanie’s looks HELPED. Looking your best is always important, that’s just how society works.
I remember when Jeanie said Jeezy made her feel like she always had to be on point and dress up. This was pretty recent.
Some people are "pretty" and you (from the outside) can see it, but it doesn't necessarily mean they see it and believe it for themselves. Basically everyone and anyone can tell you you're pretty, it doesn't mean anything if you don't believe it. So yes she probably was pretty, but maybe she didn't see it in and for herself. And i think that's what she meant. She was trying to chase "her pretty" the perfect type of pretty until she (herself) realises it, not how people saw her
Omg I love this show so much!!😍 I hope they continue this show or something similar 🙏🏼
No matter if you're doing great or doing bad, someone is gonna always find a way to be negative. The best response in no response at all
Life is not fair…definitely a life lesson. As a child, you were taught that if you work hard you will see results and you will succeed. This is definitely not true.
very true...then you grow up and reality hits you hard!
Thank you loni and Jeannie for that. I'm in a period where your points of views matter right now and it's nice to see it being said by someone who made it in the end despite experiencing those moments where hard work didn't seem to be enough sometimes and another whos happily inlove and married,
Jeannie has always been so ahead of her time. She is so introspective
this chat was on 🔥
Well this was fun! Definitely something superficial girls need to hear. Investing in things that fall apart @ the end of the night will not bring you joy.
Superficial thing do bring joy that's why the demand for them are so high
I didn't want this chat to end 😭😭😭😭😭
Yesss!! Loni & Jeannie really got me 🙌
This show makes me so happy 🤗
All great answers! Loving the chemistry and authenticity today. I like what Loni mentioned about introducing someone to new experiences, but also explaining it a little so they feel more comfortable.
This is DEEP!...you all put in to words what I have always believed. Almost my entire family, both male and female range from attractive to stunningly beautiful/handsome....then there is me!!!...But no one can understand why in my 20ties, I had an impressive number of proposals. Now in my 50ties beautiful young women want to know how to be me. I'm saying this in all humility, Jeanie you are so right!!!... the French call it " Je ne sais quoi"...it's that fascinating mystery about a women, that no one quite understands that is so compellingly attractive!!!
Do not feel like you are a bad person for deciding that somebody’s presence no longer serves you. Whether it be a parent, friend, etc. if they are not bringing joy to your life and make you unhappy and you decide to cut them off you are not wrong.
It’s easy for physically pretty people to just focused on mental attractiveness. I still love the advice though so good!
Jeannie is glowing 😍😍
It's okay to say no. It's a small but powerful word.
So gonna miss you guys.
Funny use to wish you guys kept kelly Osborne. Wonder if it would have made a difference.
my girl Jeannie 😍 wisdom and wisdom and wisdom!!!
Great advice, all of it is so true!
very true Loni. Life is not fair.
Totally related to Garcelle. One of the biggest things I learned in college honestly. 💎💯
Lolol I loveddd this discussion. Every point was powerful and thought provoking 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
When Jeannie Mai said "be the one who takes the guy to the opera, a great vacation", etc., I could not agree less. Don't do that to a man who is not committed to you or a man who didn't do it for you first cause you'll not teach him what you expect. Many will understand that they can explore. Trust me. I was the girl to pay for dates and plan things and I thought they would do it eventually. But they didn't and even started to ask me for money. 🙆🏾♀️😑
Do not put effort in man first. Let him show you who he is.
Don't date a man who has very different hobbies than yours. Y'all got to have something in common to start with.
You are taking your time to grow. Be with a man who is already ready to love you because he grew himself too. But it's hard to find this kind of gentle man.
I was raised the same way as garcelle when it came to that..I had to learn to do things a little differently myself as I got older too.
I needed to hear this because I’m struggling on whether or not to break up with someone that’s not making me feel very good these day
But I need to focus on myself and my daughter
I love what Jeanie said, I’m 24 and working on my personality
Jeannie is a beautiful person because of her mind. I love the way her heart ❤ works.
Beauty is only skin deep.......i look at a persons heart
"Always speak up"
Garcelle made The Real Complete!!!❤️❤️❤️
Love it, ladies!!! I hate y’all won’t be on TV together as The Real, but hope to see y’all elsewhere.
Loni is talking about the Real ending 😞💔I hate the fact that this show has been cancelled. The producers and directors really cancelled out a studio audience knowing this would happen. Sabotage.
I learn all three of their lessons. They are so on point.
Damn Loni! That was meant for me today
Can garcelle get her own show?? I could watch her forever
Life lesson: If someone shows you who they are believe them.