Weird how the same type of men who joke about "how marriage sucks so much" will likely be or agree with the men who shame women in casual relationships or aren't married by choice.
Did you know it's a manipulation tactic? Science says men's lifespans increases where a woman's decreases with marriage. "Nagging wives" are just wives asking for help and getting upset when they're no listened to. Women have been financially reliant on men for centuries until just a couple decades ago. This whole "she's a ball and chain, I hate marriage" facade straight men got on is both to weaponize incompetence and make people think that marriage is a struggle for both the husband and the wife, cause otherwise people would see the man sitting back and enjoying it with her on the opposite end and address that
The undiagnosed ADHD vid is great because I've seen similar videos of men but it's like...they go to fix a light and then in the process of finding a lightbulb they notice all these things wrong with the house that they need to fix. It's almost like ADHD isn't a gender thing.
There was a book in my elementary school library featuring a boy who had many "bad habits" described in verse that kids were encouraged not to develop. One was ADHD, described as the boy went from one unfinished task to another. I can still remember the last lines: "He'd just begun to build a box "When Mother called him up to dinner "And Father called him a good beginner".
@@arcadiaberger9204wait so the the problem on the verse, that they're talking about, is that he was building a box, and then his mom called him down for dinner, and so he immediately went to go eat dinner, and then when he got to the table his dad said that he was proud of his son for gaining a hobby???? I'm I'm probably just reading this wrong but to me like. my kid wants to build things? like invent things? that's amazing! I'm gonna get them things to build and invent with for their birthdays and encourage this hobby. bc a kid getting interested in those things is good! it's good for creativity and can help the child discover passions very early on! which is great! bc that gives them lots of options when they're older, they'll already have a bit if an idea of what they love and are passionate abt so they'd be able to start narrowing down what careers they might want and even start trying to further their education in those topics! like seeing if their schools offer classes based on that one thing and participating in them, being a part of clubs, stuff like that!
It also smacks of carrying the whole emotional load of the household - which doing /with/ ADHD too has gotta be so hard. Why is she the only one noticing the kitchen needs cleaning and the dishes are clean and the kids need shoes etc. Surely her partner/husband could have noticed some of it.
@@Scoot-a-lootYes, this is a more female-typical presentation of ADHD because women are often expected to bear the mental load of managing a household and that is even more difficult when you have ADHD.
"You don't have to get married, if you don't want to get married, just don't" That would require heteros to actually reevaluate the relationship norms they were raised with 😭 marriage is seen as essential to live happily so these men likely think they'll look like losers if they're unmarried for too long or at all
So. Much. This. Plus there's a decent chance they have parents pressuring/guilting them for grandkids to spoil or carry on the family name. If he stays single, the family pressures him to find a girlfriend. As soon as he gets a girlfriend, it's "when are you getting married?" or "she's not good enough for you, you need a girl who [insert whatever preferred traits or abilities]." There's literally no way to both get them to let up on him, AND have freedom to set his own relationship timetable.
For real. Coming out was really difficult because I had to reassess every part of my life (I was raised Mormon). But learning that what society said I was supposed to do was not something I actually had to do to be happy was ✨️
"Realizing how a woman's brain works." She has ADHD. You become used to forgetting things so often that you try to do everything at once so you don't forget to do it. What I've found helps is having a To-Do list. That way, the other things you have to do "get done" in a sense, and if you can get used to checking the To-Do list as soon as you're done doing the first thing, then you can get everything done eventually. Edit: I didn't mean for this to make it sound like my life is perfect now thanks to the to-do lists. Sometimes I forget to make one. Sometimes I forget to look at it. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to see a really long to-do list. It's a strategy I use but I'm definitely not totally functional yet.
@@vonnie543totally. I live with a roommate and this clip hit so hard when I realized how much I switch what I’m doing because of something else taking my attention. And having a list doesn’t help to often because I forget I made a list to begin with.
Also, just because her brain works that way, doesn’t mean that’s how “women’s” brains work. Some ppl are so dumb, if your wife is evidently just like every other woman, why did you choose to marry specifically her?
for me my OCD mixed things up a bit. so it's like, "oh well I want to go to bed, but it's Sunday and Sunday is shower day, but is not 12am yet so I have to wait, but if I sit around too much then I'll waste the day so I need to play games, but if I play games then I'll forget to shower so I should play with my cat, but if I play with my cat someone might think it's weird, but if I don't play with my cat she'll be sad, but my cat only likes to cuddle so I need to cuddle, but if I cuddle I'll fall asleep, and if I fall asleep then I can't shower because it'll be morning and people will be awake and I'll have to go to school so I'll have to wait until next Sunday and my hair hurts so much" owww
the thing with the fat bridesmaids is especially funny to me, since there are a lot of bridezillas who will only allow you to be one if you lose enough weight to „earn your spot“. (because they don‘t want „ugly“ in their wedding pics) I‘m so glad I keep far away from any hetero weddings and weddings in general.
Genuinely can't imagine being friends with anyone who would ever make their friends lose weight to be a bridesmaid. Why some people put up with people like that will never make sense to me.
even though I understand that bridezillas only exist because women and trans men and boys are all raised with the idea that the only day in their life that will ever matter is their wedding day, but also are expected to do all the work, so most women will stress themselves out trying to make it perfect bc yk they were raised to take the success of that day as the success of their life, I still don't think that excuses making your friends lose that much weight. (especially in such a short amount of time that is DANGEROUS. having your weight change DRASTICALLY in a very short period of time is INCREDIBLY dangerous. even if you really want to gain / lose that weight you need to work with your body because bodies are very fickle.) like, okay I was forced to be a woman as a child, so let's say hi hat maybe it turns out I was a woman the whole time and not a man. I still wouldn't do that. and if my husband suggested that I'd whack him upside the head with my boquet and call if the wedding instantly. no man of mine will get to insult my friends, especially like that. like sure maybe I sound so uppity because I'm queer and I was raised super Catholic so if I wasn't queer I'd probably be stuck in similar thinking all my life (but only in regards to myself. I've always been a very "rights for thee but not for me" kids of person. when it comes to everyone else I will basically do so much in my power to help them get the rights they deserve but then when it comes to me I'm a massive pushover. like, I'll defend the hell out of my friend if they're being abused and try everything to get them out of that situation, but then if I'm being abused I just don't care. so if I was a her™ I'd probably be the same way. where I advocate for feminism and all of that stuff but then when it comes to myself I'm like "this is fine." bc. yes.) but also... I am right. no amount of trauma can excuse hurting your friends that badly. like, being a bit antsy, maybe very anxious, and acting a bit weird bc if that? ofc, I understand. even though I'd be a bit offended I'd be like, "well it's a big day for her. weddings are very anxiety-inducing. plus she has the right to be a bit full of herself, it's like a birthday. it's one of the few times where it actually is about her." bc for me birthdays are the best because it's a day all about me!
That person equates fat with "not attractive". And that's what he meant. "She surrounds herself with less attractive friends". Sadly, some brides are like that. They don't want the bridesmaids to be better looking than them. Sure, they need to fit the "aesthetic" but not "outshine the bride". I swear some people are just awful, irrespective of gender.
@@zenleeparadise Some people are really bad at making proper friends.. or don‘t even know what a proper friendship is supposed to look like. So instead of staying lonely, they take what little they can get. I was like that too, once. Until I figured out I‘m better off alone.
If men don’t want to get married then maybe they should stop proposing. Don’t let your partner pressure you into marriage if it’s something you don’t want
Exactly. Women are the guardians of sex, and men are the guardians of marriage. It bosses my mind how people act like they have to do these things, and blame the opposite sex when they resent their decision when they could have just not done it in the first place.
Can I just say as I guy I hate watching people infantalize woman. The gif of explaining how to solve their problems then is just a child makes me feel gross. I'm a manager at a store and 3 times today my coworker who is amazing at her joke and excels so hard that she is getting promoted soon too. Has had 3 different customer interactions where she explains something, they don't listen to her and I get called up. I explain the exact same thing she just explained because she knows what the fuck she is doing. But then they thank me and apologize to me for inconveniencing me. Like after those interactions I feel fucking gross because I have to come and baby sit not her, but people who think she looks to young, or they call her baby, princess, girl. She's fucking older than me, far fucking wiser than me, and figures out problems before I can coming up half way through the interactions. Like people need to grow up and start realizing maybe don't just fucking assume because she's a girl that you need to have a man confirm that yes she is right. God, please send me an angel to fix this, else I'm going to start screaming at these people. I am so tired of it all.
I appreciate very much that you recognize the misogyny behind this problem. I’ve had this exact thing happen to me at past jobs and it’s infuriating. Thank you for being a great ally!
Hey! Just a small thought, maybe when someone doubts her expertise, ask her to tell you what she said to the customer and then look to them and say, "She is correct, that is the way you are supposed to do it." You show her that you have her back. I can guarantee that she hates it more than you do. Just a small suggestion! If it makes her uncomfortable, go back to what you're doing currently, but letting her know that she's being supported and validated by you *in front of the customer* will boost her moral much more than you'd anticipate.
@froggie0ribbit592 Yeah. Dipshit customers gonna dipshit customer, but knowing your supervisor and/or coworkers know that you know what you're doing and will say that does help
“How a woman’s brain works” is just how humans work? Like, even if you don’t have ADHD, you notice things when you see them and respond accordingly, right?
Other than that I also thought this is a “woman has to do all of the work” thing because it’s noticeable how she doesn’t expect or ask for any help from the man whatsoever.
@@wigglewaggle3606 you don’t need to take what people are saying this seriously. It’s a skit, but we can still formulate what comes to mind when watching the skit. And also, you know exactly what I meant by help opportunities 😂
@@kismetcaffet9862yeah, what a horrible man. If he liked the outfit that much he could have easily complimented her, maybe turned this into a romantic cuddly moment, even just suggested a selfie or stopped her to chat about whether it was new, where she bought it etc. If he wants to see her well dressed more often he can take her out more often too. Turning even the things that are "right" about you into criticism is so abusive.
@@Roanmonster And then he tries gaslighting her into believing that never happened and that she's the one who think she looks sexy... so? Let her think she's sexy!
yeah, same. Every time I jokingly tell my husband not to get hit by a bus because I don't think I could bear the thought of dating ever again (it's a running joke we both make, don't worry we're both in on it) it becomes less and less of a joke. I do not think he appreciates how much of a catch he is as a funny, kind man who regularly folds laundry and puts away dishes and stuff and makes dinner when I can't/don't want to.
Bi girl with straight husband, I don’t understand men that are so blatantly unappreciative of having a decent woman in their lives. And whoever said, there’s barely doing the bare minimum is completely right.
I told someone I met recently that I’m a lesbian and they’re reaction was “oh yeah I figured. You kinda just give off the vibes” I’ve never been so happy
This wasn't the main topic of the video but holy hell, the way you described the very typical feeling of being overwhelmed because of ADHD put something into words I've struggled to express for a long time. I usually try to explain me being entirely unable to even start the task with too little energy/that one spoon model but "you have to do everything to do one thing" is such a good way to describe it! Genuinely also makes me feel better/less guilty about my episodes with major executive dysfunction. ;; Sorry for this comment seeming slightly disjointed but that just really hit the nail right on the head for me.
I think I have ADHD because I do similar stuff too. Most of the time when I want to get something done I get really overwhelmed and I end up on my bed frustrated and crying because I feel so useless
@@The_Ruf_Rudthat might be ADHD or, depending on how other symptoms present, could also be something like a depressive episode...or even both. Definitely worth checking it out with a professional if you have the means though. I realised I might have ADHD when it became impossible for me to do any studying at uni (never needed to study for school) and resonated with other symptoms. Definitely knowing it's ADHD has already taken a lot of the guilt and shame associated with the symptoms from me and helped look up coping mechanisms. If you don't have the means to get it checked, you can still look into the mechanisms people with ADHD develop to cope with day to day life. Most of these tips do work on people regardless of ADHD so it wouldn't do (too much) harm :) Sorry if this comment is a bit too much but yeah,,,
Lmao when that "this is how women's brains work" video started, I was immediately like......"ummmm this sounds an awful lot like me and I have ADHD" and then you just straight up said this is undiagnosed adhd 🤣
@@Picking.a.name.is.hard1 while it could happen to anyone when you get overwhelmed, it's more common in people with ADHD! I'm not diagnosing anyone ofc but it was just an observation cuz I am the exact same when it comes to getting things done. And it's seriously so frustrating cuz you wanna get things done but your brain is just not having it and it drives me crazy!
at the end of the video of the wife stressing out over everything she has to do while the husband doesn’t do anything, he offered to make her carrot juice while she does everything else. men. ☕️
It sucks how so many women are stuck in those types of relationships. One time those famous conservatives were interviewed and asked if they do any chores and they laughed how they had to call their sick wife from out of town to ask how to use appliances that they don't even know the name of. It's really sad. I wish these women understood they don't have to suffer
@@HotDogTimeMachine385 I'm so glad my husband isn't a useless man child lol He does so much around here and for me. I never ask him to clean up or whatever. I might set a time I need dishes done so I can cook but that's it. Our deal is he does dishes and I cook. But he's my partner in life and we help each other and step in when the other needs a break or extra help. I don't know why more marriages aren't like this.
I didn't see the context, but keep in mind that men do the majority of hard labourous work for a career, so it's not fair to expect men to be the breadwinner AND keep everything clean in the house
The second video: the husband actually did offer to do every chore on her list except take her shower for her, but it was in a second video so no one ever saw the follow up after it went viral. The commentary still applies to others in that situation but that specific husband did jump in & do his share. 🧡
@@kstar1489honestly, it's understandable. It's not how he thinks, maybe not how any other man he knows thinks, or at least has ever articulated to him in that manner. So for him it's a woman thing. And this lady may or may not have adhd, maybe she's just having a bad day. And if she does have adhd, I feel like she's undiagnosed and that's why he made that generalization. There's this other couple on tiktok where the wife has adhd and her husband is so wonderfully supportive because she got diagnosed and they know what they're dealing with.
@@Humanbeing071ah yes. take a systemic problem at face value because theyre all “just jokes” and “dont mean anything” despite the countless women who have said that these “jokes” do in fact affect them. maybe stop taking everything as a joke and acknowledge the actual problems that people are facing because eventhough you think its a joke surprise surprise you arent the only person in the world that matters
@@Humanbeing071Ah, you're trying to get in your bigot quota for the day. But you forgot racism, so hurry up and insult a race before we take away your bigot badge.
My husband and I are both Autistic and can't "take hints", so we have a policy of being forthcoming with each other about what we need and what needs done. No passive aggressively leaving towels directly in each other's path hoping we "get" that laundry needs to be done. We just say "Hey. We need clean towels. Do you have the bandwidth right now or would you like me to do it because I feel like I can right now".
same. I can't deal with hints and need direct requests, which the part at 5:40 bother me because no she did not "literally ask for help" as Queerkiwi said as she was stating what she felt she needed to do. Literally asking for help is going "Can you help me with XYZ?"
Same with trying to solve problems when our partner presents us with their problems 🥲 so glad my husband just tells me when he doesn’t want answers these days. I actually didn’t consider he wasn’t asking for help for the longest time
Stg if someone cheats on you, DO NOT GO BACK TO THEM. If they did it once, they’ll do it again. And even if they don’t, that’s such a massive breach of trust, I personally would never be able to trust my partner again. I feel bad for the woman in the first video. That man thinks he can buy her forgiveness, and that a ring will fix such a massive breach of trust. She’s being manipulated, and I honestly hopes she gets out of there.
i was ready to laugh at some good ol' hetero cringe but this made me kind of angry. the dude who scolded his wife for wearing comfortable clothes at home like a child???? (it would still be inappropriate to scold a child for this) the one with the duck???? honestly all of them are just. what the actuall hell
As someone who is highly empathetic and reads people well, I genuinely can't understand how some people can be so insensitive towards others. Like at this point it's so wild to me that it seems almost unreal but well, here we are.
I'm kind of the opposite, and I have a really hard time reading people due to my autism, but still! I care about people, and even if I don't know what to do I can see that they're at least somewhat distressed most of the time so I will try to help. It baffles me how I, someone who has a lot of trouble reading other people, helps out more than others who know full well every time someone's upset and needs help
@@thymebutter2556 super similar. i experience hyper empathy from my autism but, as i am also autistic, i'm not the best at reading others. but it's so easy to tell if something is off, even in a text, so i always ask when i notice. i wanna help people, and it baffles me how these people dont even think of asking "how can i help?" they literally don't care and i will never understand it.
@@MeemahSN Ot stems from laziness and not caring. Lots of people are raised to see things as “not my problem”, but the kicker is the expect others to cater to them 😅.
Dude, I'm autistic and struggle reading people, but I still make the effort and apologise when I screw it up. These insensitive people are mystifying to me.
As a pan woman, its really hard to find men i actually like/are comfortable around in any romantic or sexual way. Still have been attracted to men just takes a bit more to find one I really like. On the other hand, women are so magical i swear i find like 99.999% of women i come across atractive af.
money. women feel entitled to get 50%. thats why she stayed in the marrige at 1:40 in the video. 1:40 she admited you like the rings. and what difference does a ring make? its only for the wife. anniversary rings are in the video, and he buys them because he loves her. and you say you would fall for it too. "those rings are so pretty". are those even real? he doesnt care. women choose to be reliant on men.
@VD-cc4hx he buys them so she stays. It's manipulation. Judging by the amount of rings she has she was probably raised by people with your mentality. Rings don't show that she's reliant on him. If she got cheated on and stayed, she's being manipulated. *Everyone is different, most women wouldn't stay with a man like that just bc he gets her rings.* Also, your comment was irrelevant to the ops comment. 9:41 Is talking about men hating marriage and calling it a disease. So op is saying, " *Why are men getting married if they hate to be married* " Read the context before you get on here looking dumb and being sexist.
Everytime I watch heteros being... well, *heteros*, I feel like we would be better off as a society if all of us were supportive gays ('Cause I know unfortunately not all are supportive)
Theoretically,a culture *_could_* survive if it were made up entirely of supportive gay people who were supportive enough to make babies on a regular schedule, but it's pretty clear it wouldn't have optimum survival quality, any more than do those cultures which ostracize or execute all of their supportive gays (and other gays). I think there's a reason why the human genome throws up gay people, trans people,nonbinary people and asexual people in every strain and breed. It's because humans need all of us nonconformists.
That anger one hit home and also raised red flags. For context, I'm the one with anger issues, together with transference and self harm. I am in therapy and working on all of those one step at a time. I do slip sometimes, but I am getting better, and I love my wife for sticking with me through it. THAT said, the fact that it's being shared like it's normal and just one of the ways he's her angel is creepy, not to mention it's... if I broke something, my wife wouldn't be the one to fix it, she'd be the one to hold on to the pieces, wait until I calm down, and have me fix it, because the thing that I broke is important to me too.
I used to have really bad anger management problems in high school that I've treated with therapy and medication and that clip also hit too close to home.
18:16 - dude failed hard. It would have been so easy for him to turn those feelings he had into a relationship win had he approached things differently - "Wow! You look so beautiful right now just as you are. Let's go someplace special together and celebrate how lucky I am to have such a sexy wife." If he wants her to dress up for him, he needs to give her a reason to. Berating her to try to make her feel worthless if she doesn't dress specifically for him is not just tearing her down, it's also wearing down their relationship. She is gorgeous and deserves to enjoy her sweatpants time - not have it tainted by a controlling and thoughtless husband.
Queer in a hetero normative marriage here 👋 15 years together and 6 years married- My husband would NEVER. This was how my dad was and they are so incredibly oblivious to the lasting damage this type of behavior is for everyone around them. It's disgusting.
With the "fixing her problems instead of listening", it reminded me of when I was training to become a counselor. I asked my client "Would you like for us to talk about solutions to your problem, or use this space as a place for you to vent?" and my male assessor said I shouldn't of asked that question and that I should've already known what to use the space for
had an ex who despite me specifically asking "I don't need help, I know what to do. I just need validation and comfort. I need to be told I'm not making it up and I'll be alright." and he'd be a little bitch abt it and claim he can't or that's stupid or whatever but seemed to appreciate it just fine when I would comfort and validate his issues without trying to fix them. crazy how that works isn't it.
That thing about offering a woman help if she clearly needs help is so interesting to me. I'm a person who will always offer to help, even with trivial things. I cannot imagine standing there as your wife (who is clearly struggling) runs around overwhelmed. Shame on that man for making fun of that.
Yeah... I remember getting up at seven once and started to clean. My ex got up at around eleven (even though we went to sleep at the same time) and immediately sat his ass down on the sofa to scroll Instagram on his phone, while I was up to my elbows in suds, not having taken a break since I got up. Guys are conditioned by society not to care, because cleaning the house is not something they are expected to do.
The girl with the apology rings is actually doing something smart here. He's a trainwreck and the moment she leaves him, she has a ton of money she can fall back on.
As someone who gets aggressive and sometimes violent when angry I have taught myself to distance myself from people and things that are breakable and I deal with my anger by ripping paper and playing video games and wait till I’m calm to talk to people taking your anger out on someone is toxic and not good and destroying sentimental things is not okay
I think a root issue with a lot of unhappy couples that don't get divorced is that there is often one partner that can't make a decent living on their own, and at least in the US, the process of divorce can last months, if not years, because of combined assets. It's often sadly not as simple as "just get divorced." My parents are this situation, basically. My mom simply can not afford to live on her own, so she can't just get divorced.
Just wanted to clear something up: The woman who made the first video runs a shop and sells rings. That video was made soley as a promotion for said rings and was not real in any way. While I do consider that an odd way to sell your products, and I do think it belongs under hetero cringe, the video was just made to sell the rings. The woman who runs the store isn't even married as far as I can tell.
"This is just...undiagnosed ADHD, right?" Yeah. It is. That is not how *all* womens' minds work; that's not even how all *minds* work, male, female or other. I used to think it was all increasing factors of OCD (which, yay me, how fun, I also have) until a friend of mine said, "You should look into getting diagnosed." "I already have been?" "No, for ADHD." AND OMG, the AMOUNT of things being medicated made easier in my gorram life...I still have bad days, sure, but it's getting easier to catch when I'm in the spin, when I'm overwhelmed and need a break, when I am frozen in indecision because of the seven billion OTHER things that need to be done instead of the thing I wanted to do right then...I am staggering towards being a semi-functional human!
The "explaining her problems to her" one goes beyond the "men are smarter than women" thing and applies to a more general problem of not knowing how to give emotional support. I know I have a hard time validating people's feelings and not just throwing advice at them. When I'm presented with a problem, I want to solve it ASAP. I'd probably rather hear practical advice than "that sucks, I'm sorry" and it's hard to remember that not everyone thinks that way.
I'm convinced that some of these women stay with horrible men simply for the reason that they don't want to be single. They see single as a stain on their social status, as something to avoid at all costs (even if your bf/husband is cheating or otherwise treats you like shit). They're apparent reasoning is "better to be mistreated than single."
8:40 i only destroy things like sticks and stuff when im *really* angry. I go on walks when i can, and i break sticks and throw rocks in the water (i make sure no fish are present)
Nothing that means things to anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone I love. I can't really physically hurt anyone (I'm weak) but I can say things I regret
Nah man, I totally get that, honestly I'd consider that a decent coping mechanism. So long as you're not doing it in front of people or like breaking important things, you're good! Also don't hurt yourself of course, lol.
One of my favorite artists, the late Wayne Static of Static-X, would always want to be with his wife during interviews, visiting conventions, on tour, and he has said in an interview how he doesn't get all these other artists, who all they want to do is get away from their wives to drink beer with their friends--like, "why did you even get married then? Why isn't your wife your best friend?"
"You don't look sexy in sweatpants" Meanwhile my partner's like "yeah you're gorgeous when gothed up.... but right now? You're breathtaking" The right now in question, was a hoodie, glasses, eating a tuna snack, and having chilled out from getting temporarily overwhelmed, so eyes were just slightly puffy. Fuck the no sweatpants man he sucks
4:46 that fills me with pain cause his excuse is "why are woman think like this" but my thought was "wait why is there so much undone housework that he could had done to help her out." he could do the dishes and clean the room and go replace the tennis shoes while she does the dishes and makes herself something to eat.
Kudos for being so inclusive! I love how you describe everything in the videos briefly with words, and that captions are always available. Your content is truly for everyone :)
Is the ad for women or men? Is it saying “Hey guys buy these rings if you make an uh-oh whoopsie like cheating then your girl will always forgive you!” Or is it saying “Hey girlies, did your man cheat on you again? That’s okay you have this shiny piece of metal to compensate for him breaking your heart! Buy now for the low low price of a jar of tears.”
The visceral anger I just felt at the guy about the sweatpants. Like holy shit. Holy fuck. The look in her eyes when he said that. The shock I felt. Bruh bbokari and dwaekki fell over in shock.
I do make "gives you stuff to do as soon as you sit down" jokes about my mom, but that's because my mom was extremely controlling and literally did not want us to ever have free time because she doesn't believe in resting outside of sleep because Puritan Work Ethic or whatever (she literally refuses to rest. She's had surgery many times and she always refuses to stay off her feet and she ends up messing herself up worse, and she expected the same thing from us.) If she ran out of chores for us to do, she's get out the workbooks and assign us pages from that. It was to the point that, to this day, my sister and I have a tradition of celebrating our birthdays by literally just staying in our rooms and doing nothing except eating and playing games/watching TV because our birthdays were the only days we didn't have to constantly do stuff (though we did have to do each other's stuff on their birthday). And I have not lived with my mother in almost a decade. I remember being a teenager and there was something my mother wanted me to do but I literally couldn't. My doctor told me "yeah, you physically can't do that, especially with your disabilities. it's like asking someone with a broken leg to run a marathon." and I asked him to, A, tell my mother I can't do it because while she might not listen to him, she one thousand percent won't listen to me, and B, leave out the second part because if there's anyone on this earth who would run a marathon with a broken leg, it would be my mother.
thank you for pointing out that poor anger management can lead to abuse. i know that people get defensive about stuff like that, but as someone who grew up in a household full of people with anger management issues (and who stuggles with them myself), that kind of behavior in a partner would be extremely triggering for me. another similar example (in my opinion) are people who completely shut down during disagreements and refuse to speak. this is usually a trauma response, but sadly, it is also emotional abuse. and mental illness is not ever an excuse to abuse people.
13:05 This is probably not common in Australia but here in America soon-to-be brides love to put the friends that are "uglier/fatter" than them next to them in wedding photos so that they look better in the wedding photo album, which is very shallow but it happens unfortunately
I saw the undiagnosed adhd vid on tiktok and right after that he offered the help, said she should shower and relax while he did the juice and cleaning
@@chris135xwhat do you want us to do? Fly down there and attempt to help someone in a country where we’d be outnumbered over 100 to 1? Only thing we can do is constantly bring it up and hope to change peoples minds
@@professorfoxtrot In my opinion no one gender deserves special privileges however the reason your significant other is called that special someone is because they deserve special things. This is a give and take on both sides, you pay the rent and I’ll pay for the car I cook you clean you drop off the kids I’ll pick them up etc etc. However this also has to do with how you are treated, if your gf/bf or fiancé or spouse treats you like garbage or people you care about like garbage they do not deserve you. Period. This is for all genders, this is for all humans. Also not wanting to get cheated on isn’t some special privilege. It’s something you agree to when you commit to a person and giving her a sorry I made an oopsie and accidentally slid into her bed naked ring is not something any person should see as a blessing or something they should be grateful for. That’s demented and I’m sorry if you truly feel someone should be forgiven after cheating if they buy you your love, that’s either you suffering from being manipulated or you thinking it’s okay to manipulate.
My manager the other day pointed out that when someone needs to talk to you a good question to ask is do they want to vent or problem solve? Like sometimes some people just want to get it all off their chest but they know what the solution is or they don't want to think about it yet, and that's valid
About the video at 3:37 - i saw it before. At the end he tells her to maybe take a nap, and when she says she can't take a nap because she has too much to do (i think) he offers to "help" by making her the carrot juice. Out of ALL THE THINGS he chose that
ripping paper isn't an unhealthy form of relieving anger and stress, it only becomes a problem when you rip appart something that means a lot to a person, and if it's meant to show that person your anger. But we don't know the motivation for specifically her ripping that photo appart, it could be because she just wanted to rip something appart, because she didn't like the photo, or because she wants to distance herself from him, it's definitely not abuse or violence and that one video is not enough to make a conclusion like that.
As a man in a relationship, I tend to accidentally do the “I’m not just listening I’m trying to solve your problem for you” to my partner when they’re upset. For me, emotion and just empathy in general is rather difficult since I’m autistic, and they understand that so it’s less of an issue than in usual straight relationships. But we also like. Communicate? Which is more than most straight people can do lmao
realizing that sometimes my partner doesn't need solutions and just needs to vent has definitely been a struggle for me. seeing the person I love upset makes me immediately want to fix it and make it all go away. I've started asking if they want solutions or just space to vent, but I'd love to hear suggestions for how to navigate that type of situation better
Being in a t4t relationship it is straight but at the same time it’s sooooo different from cis straight relationships. I’m so happy I’m with her forever and will never ever go back to cis straight dudes…
My parents are kind of like that where my mom does all the work, and one time I told her to get a divorce, and she said “why he didn’t do anything?” And I said “fuckin exactly”
If it’s comforting to anyone at all, I’m pretty sure the video at 3:39 was cut off prematurely, I think I’ve seen a longer version where he does offer to help at the end!
@@Bees1408 He’s saying he’s glad he’s not gay because gays always plunder the booty lol but that’s not just a gay thing that is a butt lover thing and straight people do it too
I haven't heard anyone talk about the "2 phones" trend on tiktok. I'd love for you to cover it because I just love how well spoken you are in these videos
My mom has ADHD and when I saw that woman I just knew They need some one to help them make a plan to do every thing and maybe help with some stuff they can't do It breaks my heart to see that she has to do it all by her self
nb afab here going to therapy just to realize i have been thinking like a man, basically thinking that crying is dumb and i should hide my feelings. bro i am so anxious all the time because of that? how tf are men even... like why are they pretending its ok?
Regarding the dilemma of partners trying to solve issues: I've found success with my partner and I starting with "I hear you, do you want advice or support?" and that helps SO MUCH
This account makes me feel so bad for the women in all these relationships honestly, like their husbands/boyfriends treat them so badly and they just think that's how it's meant to be, it's so sad 💔
Weird how the same type of men who joke about "how marriage sucks so much" will likely be or agree with the men who shame women in casual relationships or aren't married by choice.
The hypocrisy is staggering
she agrees with the man hating side of women. as you said, they literally choose to be married. its their own fault.
They normally joke about "how marriage sucks so much" since the friend who is getting married will have less time for the boys.
Did you know it's a manipulation tactic?
Science says men's lifespans increases where a woman's decreases with marriage. "Nagging wives" are just wives asking for help and getting upset when they're no listened to. Women have been financially reliant on men for centuries until just a couple decades ago.
This whole "she's a ball and chain, I hate marriage" facade straight men got on is both to weaponize incompetence and make people think that marriage is a struggle for both the husband and the wife, cause otherwise people would see the man sitting back and enjoying it with her on the opposite end and address that
Well I'm neither of those kinds of men so I guess that at least the inverse is true 😅
The undiagnosed ADHD vid is great because I've seen similar videos of men but it's like...they go to fix a light and then in the process of finding a lightbulb they notice all these things wrong with the house that they need to fix. It's almost like ADHD isn't a gender thing.
There was a book in my elementary school library featuring a boy who had many "bad habits" described in verse that kids were encouraged not to develop. One was ADHD, described as the boy went from one unfinished task to another. I can still remember the last lines:
"He'd just begun to build a box
"When Mother called him up to dinner
"And Father called him a good beginner".
That's insane
@@arcadiaberger9204wait
so the
the problem on the verse, that they're talking about, is that he was building a box, and then his mom called him down for dinner, and so he immediately went to go eat dinner, and then when he got to the table his dad said that he was proud of his son for gaining a hobby???? I'm
I'm probably just reading this wrong but to me like. my kid wants to build things? like invent things? that's amazing! I'm gonna get them things to build and invent with for their birthdays and encourage this hobby. bc a kid getting interested in those things is good! it's good for creativity and can help the child discover passions very early on! which is great! bc that gives them lots of options when they're older, they'll already have a bit if an idea of what they love and are passionate abt so they'd be able to start narrowing down what careers they might want and even start trying to further their education in those topics! like seeing if their schools offer classes based on that one thing and participating in them, being a part of clubs, stuff like that!
@@arcadiaberger9204teaching ableism to kids, nice
Then I guess that everyone has adhd then.
With the "this is how women think" Video i was also immediately like: "that's not a women's trait, that ADHD."
Haven't you heard? All women are a monolith and all have ADHD (/j)
Same. "Hey! That's how I think and I have ADHD!" It kinda reeks of "I don't understand it so it must be a wOmAn ThInG"
yep it's very possible she's undiagnosed, this is super common in women with undiagnosed adhd
It also smacks of carrying the whole emotional load of the household - which doing /with/ ADHD too has gotta be so hard. Why is she the only one noticing the kitchen needs cleaning and the dishes are clean and the kids need shoes etc. Surely her partner/husband could have noticed some of it.
@@Scoot-a-lootYes, this is a more female-typical presentation of ADHD because women are often expected to bear the mental load of managing a household and that is even more difficult when you have ADHD.
"You don't have to get married, if you don't want to get married, just don't"
That would require heteros to actually reevaluate the relationship norms they were raised with 😭 marriage is seen as essential to live happily so these men likely think they'll look like losers if they're unmarried for too long or at all
So. Much. This. Plus there's a decent chance they have parents pressuring/guilting them for grandkids to spoil or carry on the family name. If he stays single, the family pressures him to find a girlfriend. As soon as he gets a girlfriend, it's "when are you getting married?" or "she's not good enough for you, you need a girl who [insert whatever preferred traits or abilities]."
There's literally no way to both get them to let up on him, AND have freedom to set his own relationship timetable.
For real. Coming out was really difficult because I had to reassess every part of my life (I was raised Mormon). But learning that what society said I was supposed to do was not something I actually had to do to be happy was ✨️
@@Newton-Reuther honestly same i was raised christian and was told to be a certain way but im happy just being my own way ^^
"Realizing how a woman's brain works." She has ADHD. You become used to forgetting things so often that you try to do everything at once so you don't forget to do it. What I've found helps is having a To-Do list. That way, the other things you have to do "get done" in a sense, and if you can get used to checking the To-Do list as soon as you're done doing the first thing, then you can get everything done eventually.
Edit: I didn't mean for this to make it sound like my life is perfect now thanks to the to-do lists. Sometimes I forget to make one. Sometimes I forget to look at it. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to see a really long to-do list. It's a strategy I use but I'm definitely not totally functional yet.
Hahahaha you want me to make a list and follow it? With ADHD? You're funny
honestly the husband should've gotten a pen for her and then did the cleaning and then make her juice while she does her dyeing and lashes n stuff
@@vonnie543totally. I live with a roommate and this clip hit so hard when I realized how much I switch what I’m doing because of something else taking my attention. And having a list doesn’t help to often because I forget I made a list to begin with.
Also, just because her brain works that way, doesn’t mean that’s how “women’s” brains work. Some ppl are so dumb, if your wife is evidently just like every other woman, why did you choose to marry specifically her?
for me my OCD mixed things up a bit. so it's like, "oh well I want to go to bed, but it's Sunday and Sunday is shower day, but is not 12am yet so I have to wait, but if I sit around too much then I'll waste the day so I need to play games, but if I play games then I'll forget to shower so I should play with my cat, but if I play with my cat someone might think it's weird, but if I don't play with my cat she'll be sad, but my cat only likes to cuddle so I need to cuddle, but if I cuddle I'll fall asleep, and if I fall asleep then I can't shower because it'll be morning and people will be awake and I'll have to go to school so I'll have to wait until next Sunday and my hair hurts so much" owww
the thing with the fat bridesmaids is especially funny to me, since there are a lot of bridezillas who will only allow you to be one if you lose enough weight to „earn your spot“. (because they don‘t want „ugly“ in their wedding pics)
I‘m so glad I keep far away from any hetero weddings and weddings in general.
Genuinely can't imagine being friends with anyone who would ever make their friends lose weight to be a bridesmaid. Why some people put up with people like that will never make sense to me.
even though I understand that bridezillas only exist because women and trans men and boys are all raised with the idea that the only day in their life that will ever matter is their wedding day, but also are expected to do all the work, so most women will stress themselves out trying to make it perfect bc yk they were raised to take the success of that day as the success of their life, I still don't think that excuses making your friends lose that much weight.
(especially in such a short amount of time that is DANGEROUS. having your weight change DRASTICALLY in a very short period of time is INCREDIBLY dangerous. even if you really want to gain / lose that weight you need to work with your body because bodies are very fickle.)
like, okay I was forced to be a woman as a child, so let's say hi hat maybe it turns out I was a woman the whole time and not a man. I still wouldn't do that. and if my husband suggested that I'd whack him upside the head with my boquet and call if the wedding instantly. no man of mine will get to insult my friends, especially like that.
like sure maybe I sound so uppity because I'm queer and I was raised super Catholic so if I wasn't queer I'd probably be stuck in similar thinking all my life (but only in regards to myself. I've always been a very "rights for thee but not for me" kids of person. when it comes to everyone else I will basically do so much in my power to help them get the rights they deserve but then when it comes to me I'm a massive pushover. like, I'll defend the hell out of my friend if they're being abused and try everything to get them out of that situation, but then if I'm being abused I just don't care. so if I was a her™ I'd probably be the same way. where I advocate for feminism and all of that stuff but then when it comes to myself I'm like "this is fine." bc. yes.)
but also... I am right. no amount of trauma can excuse hurting your friends that badly. like, being a bit antsy, maybe very anxious, and acting a bit weird bc if that? ofc, I understand. even though I'd be a bit offended I'd be like, "well it's a big day for her. weddings are very anxiety-inducing. plus she has the right to be a bit full of herself, it's like a birthday. it's one of the few times where it actually is about her." bc for me birthdays are the best because it's a day all about me!
That person equates fat with "not attractive". And that's what he meant. "She surrounds herself with less attractive friends".
Sadly, some brides are like that. They don't want the bridesmaids to be better looking than them. Sure, they need to fit the "aesthetic" but not "outshine the bride".
I swear some people are just awful, irrespective of gender.
@@zenleeparadise Some people are really bad at making proper friends.. or don‘t even know what a proper friendship is supposed to look like. So instead of staying lonely, they take what little they can get. I was like that too, once. Until I figured out I‘m better off alone.
Don't worry, us heteros don't want you there for a huge moment in our lives
If men don’t want to get married then maybe they should stop proposing. Don’t let your partner pressure you into marriage if it’s something you don’t want
Exactly. Women are the guardians of sex, and men are the guardians of marriage. It bosses my mind how people act like they have to do these things, and blame the opposite sex when they resent their decision when they could have just not done it in the first place.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809
What in the world is this mindset???
@@tiahnarodriguez3809"women are the guardians of sex" is a wild thing to say
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 bro is onto NOTHING‼️‼️🗣🗣🔥🔥
Can I just say as I guy I hate watching people infantalize woman. The gif of explaining how to solve their problems then is just a child makes me feel gross. I'm a manager at a store and 3 times today my coworker who is amazing at her joke and excels so hard that she is getting promoted soon too. Has had 3 different customer interactions where she explains something, they don't listen to her and I get called up. I explain the exact same thing she just explained because she knows what the fuck she is doing. But then they thank me and apologize to me for inconveniencing me. Like after those interactions I feel fucking gross because I have to come and baby sit not her, but people who think she looks to young, or they call her baby, princess, girl.
She's fucking older than me, far fucking wiser than me, and figures out problems before I can coming up half way through the interactions. Like people need to grow up and start realizing maybe don't just fucking assume because she's a girl that you need to have a man confirm that yes she is right. God, please send me an angel to fix this, else I'm going to start screaming at these people. I am so tired of it all.
I feel that heavy. People just assume that women are lesser and it's tiring. I'm so sorry that you have to put up with so much bullshit everyday
I appreciate very much that you recognize the misogyny behind this problem. I’ve had this exact thing happen to me at past jobs and it’s infuriating. Thank you for being a great ally!
Hey! Just a small thought, maybe when someone doubts her expertise, ask her to tell you what she said to the customer and then look to them and say, "She is correct, that is the way you are supposed to do it." You show her that you have her back. I can guarantee that she hates it more than you do. Just a small suggestion! If it makes her uncomfortable, go back to what you're doing currently, but letting her know that she's being supported and validated by you *in front of the customer* will boost her moral much more than you'd anticipate.
@froggie0ribbit592 Yeah. Dipshit customers gonna dipshit customer, but knowing your supervisor and/or coworkers know that you know what you're doing and will say that does help
@@froggie0ribbit592i hope OP tries this and updates us on it!
“How a woman’s brain works” is just how humans work? Like, even if you don’t have ADHD, you notice things when you see them and respond accordingly, right?
Other than that I also thought this is a “woman has to do all of the work” thing because it’s noticeable how she doesn’t expect or ask for any help from the man whatsoever.
@@letterborneVodsI wouldn’t expect my husband to do my eyelashes, shower me, and dye my hair
you also need to realize..it’s just a funny video, the husband is literally helping her film it
@@wigglewaggle3606 you don’t need to take what people are saying this seriously. It’s a skit, but we can still formulate what comes to mind when watching the skit. And also, you know exactly what I meant by help opportunities 😂
@@wigglewaggle3606 obviously that’s not what they were referring to
I honestly feel so bad for the girl who just wanted to wear her sweatpants :(
Seriously! The way her face fell, I felt that so hard 😔
He managed to turn calling his wife beautiful into an insulting confidence drain
I did laughed though when she called him out. "you said I look sexy in my sweatpants" in the most innocent voice. Boom!
@@kismetcaffet9862yeah, what a horrible man. If he liked the outfit that much he could have easily complimented her, maybe turned this into a romantic cuddly moment, even just suggested a selfie or stopped her to chat about whether it was new, where she bought it etc. If he wants to see her well dressed more often he can take her out more often too. Turning even the things that are "right" about you into criticism is so abusive.
@@Roanmonster And then he tries gaslighting her into believing that never happened and that she's the one who think she looks sexy... so? Let her think she's sexy!
As a bi girl with the sweetest straight bf these make me so much more grateful for him. Like how can these partners not even do the bare minimum???
Same! Bi girl with a straight bf, when I talk with my friends/colleagues I'm like ???? why are you still with this man child who doesn't do anything??
yeah, same. Every time I jokingly tell my husband not to get hit by a bus because I don't think I could bear the thought of dating ever again (it's a running joke we both make, don't worry we're both in on it) it becomes less and less of a joke. I do not think he appreciates how much of a catch he is as a funny, kind man who regularly folds laundry and puts away dishes and stuff and makes dinner when I can't/don't want to.
Straight*
Straight*
Bi girl with straight husband, I don’t understand men that are so blatantly unappreciative of having a decent woman in their lives. And whoever said, there’s barely doing the bare minimum is completely right.
men really see a woman with adhd or autism and say "Is this woman brain? 🦋"
🦋*ADHD symptoms*
👱♂️_/¯
"Is this, woman brain?"
are you assuming thats how all of us think and act
My daughter is autistic... no I've, never thought this. I'm not fucking retarded.
@@SpaghettiTheEddie too stupid for a question to be taken seriously. Go back to sleep
@@SpaghettiTheEddie yep
If you like weddings but not marriage, just get platonically married to a friend and hold a fun ceremony
Omg what a splendid idea!
Hell yeah
there’s also mock weddings, or even illegal marriage. so at least you can have the symbolism of a wedding without the government having a say lmao
Or get really married even if you’re friends - depending on the country you live in, the tax reduction might be worth it 😌
I'm gonna hold a wedding for 2 dogs
I told someone I met recently that I’m a lesbian and they’re reaction was “oh yeah I figured. You kinda just give off the vibes”
I’ve never been so happy
I feel like thats a pretty cute way to come out
People assume I'm a lesbian and I'm happy because it makes men wholly disinterested in me!!
@@zenleeparadiseUnfortunately, it's not always safe cause some men fetishize lesbians/bi-women and they try to rape them or force them in threesomes.
@overlordfemto7523 I'm asexual so I really don't give a damn
Not everyone basis their self worth on their fuckability
@overlordfemto7523 nah, a lot of the time, men are interested in lesbians.
This wasn't the main topic of the video but holy hell, the way you described the very typical feeling of being overwhelmed because of ADHD put something into words I've struggled to express for a long time.
I usually try to explain me being entirely unable to even start the task with too little energy/that one spoon model but "you have to do everything to do one thing" is such a good way to describe it! Genuinely also makes me feel better/less guilty about my episodes with major executive dysfunction. ;;
Sorry for this comment seeming slightly disjointed but that just really hit the nail right on the head for me.
I think I have ADHD because I do similar stuff too. Most of the time when I want to get something done I get really overwhelmed and I end up on my bed frustrated and crying because I feel so useless
@@The_Ruf_Rudthat might be ADHD or, depending on how other symptoms present, could also be something like a depressive episode...or even both.
Definitely worth checking it out with a professional if you have the means though. I realised I might have ADHD when it became impossible for me to do any studying at uni (never needed to study for school) and resonated with other symptoms. Definitely knowing it's ADHD has already taken a lot of the guilt and shame associated with the symptoms from me and helped look up coping mechanisms.
If you don't have the means to get it checked, you can still look into the mechanisms people with ADHD develop to cope with day to day life. Most of these tips do work on people regardless of ADHD so it wouldn't do (too much) harm :)
Sorry if this comment is a bit too much but yeah,,,
Lmao when that "this is how women's brains work" video started, I was immediately like......"ummmm this sounds an awful lot like me and I have ADHD" and then you just straight up said this is undiagnosed adhd 🤣
Me too, she got to the dishwasher and I was like "Girl got ADHD and a shit husband" lmao.
Im a woman (idk if I have ADHD) so I was like "lol me" but interesting that ppl with ADHD do stuff like this.
Like Im happy its a THING ppl do😂
@@Picking.a.name.is.hard1 while it could happen to anyone when you get overwhelmed, it's more common in people with ADHD! I'm not diagnosing anyone ofc but it was just an observation cuz I am the exact same when it comes to getting things done. And it's seriously so frustrating cuz you wanna get things done but your brain is just not having it and it drives me crazy!
At 3:30
Me: "This is not just women, I am a guy and I think like this all the time."
Kiwi: "This is just undiagnosed ADHD."
Me:
Me: Oh no.
Me when I found out I have too many autistic traits 😭
at the end of the video of the wife stressing out over everything she has to do while the husband doesn’t do anything, he offered to make her carrot juice while she does everything else. men. ☕️
It sucks how so many women are stuck in those types of relationships. One time those famous conservatives were interviewed and asked if they do any chores and they laughed how they had to call their sick wife from out of town to ask how to use appliances that they don't even know the name of. It's really sad. I wish these women understood they don't have to suffer
@@HotDogTimeMachine385 I'm so glad my husband isn't a useless man child lol He does so much around here and for me. I never ask him to clean up or whatever. I might set a time I need dishes done so I can cook but that's it. Our deal is he does dishes and I cook. But he's my partner in life and we help each other and step in when the other needs a break or extra help. I don't know why more marriages aren't like this.
this comment is a women ☕ moment
@@gabedrinkswater go drink more water and maybe touch some grass while you’re at it 👍☕️
I didn't see the context, but keep in mind that men do the majority of hard labourous work for a career, so it's not fair to expect men to be the breadwinner AND keep everything clean in the house
The second video: the husband actually did offer to do every chore on her list except take her shower for her, but it was in a second video so no one ever saw the follow up after it went viral.
The commentary still applies to others in that situation but that specific husband did jump in & do his share. 🧡
He still generalized his wife’s behavior to all women. That’s disgusting
@@kstar1489honestly, it's understandable. It's not how he thinks, maybe not how any other man he knows thinks, or at least has ever articulated to him in that manner.
So for him it's a woman thing.
And this lady may or may not have adhd, maybe she's just having a bad day. And if she does have adhd, I feel like she's undiagnosed and that's why he made that generalization.
There's this other couple on tiktok where the wife has adhd and her husband is so wonderfully supportive because she got diagnosed and they know what they're dealing with.
@@kstar1489losen up Jesus Christ, take a joke that’s all it was.
@@Humanbeing071ah yes. take a systemic problem at face value because theyre all “just jokes” and “dont mean anything” despite the countless women who have said that these “jokes” do in fact affect them. maybe stop taking everything as a joke and acknowledge the actual problems that people are facing because eventhough you think its a joke surprise surprise you arent the only person in the world that matters
@@Humanbeing071Ah, you're trying to get in your bigot quota for the day. But you forgot racism, so hurry up and insult a race before we take away your bigot badge.
I'd put money on that guy who wants his wife in "sexy outfits" all the time wearing sweatpants and a stained shirt on the other side of the camera
Unless she's paying him, she better put on the outfit!!
So true! I've had partners like this in the past and it's SUPER hypocritical and gross. 🤢
@@courtneyisaseagull me.too - she should put on the outfit! He's paying her - she needs to fall in line.
@@professorfoxtrot weak troll attempt there buddy
@@publicenemy1405 Too many Simps and weak men.
My husband and I are both Autistic and can't "take hints", so we have a policy of being forthcoming with each other about what we need and what needs done.
No passive aggressively leaving towels directly in each other's path hoping we "get" that laundry needs to be done. We just say "Hey. We need clean towels. Do you have the bandwidth right now or would you like me to do it because I feel like I can right now".
same. I can't deal with hints and need direct requests, which the part at 5:40 bother me because no she did not "literally ask for help" as Queerkiwi said as she was stating what she felt she needed to do. Literally asking for help is going "Can you help me with XYZ?"
Same with trying to solve problems when our partner presents us with their problems 🥲 so glad my husband just tells me when he doesn’t want answers these days. I actually didn’t consider he wasn’t asking for help for the longest time
Stg if someone cheats on you, DO NOT GO BACK TO THEM. If they did it once, they’ll do it again. And even if they don’t, that’s such a massive breach of trust, I personally would never be able to trust my partner again. I feel bad for the woman in the first video. That man thinks he can buy her forgiveness, and that a ring will fix such a massive breach of trust. She’s being manipulated, and I honestly hopes she gets out of there.
the other video is actually where the girl cheated and that’s why he got mad and knowing that made me feel sooo icky abt her being mad at the guy
I might be wrong but I think that was just an ad for the rings 😭
i was ready to laugh at some good ol' hetero cringe but this made me kind of angry. the dude who scolded his wife for wearing comfortable clothes at home like a child???? (it would still be inappropriate to scold a child for this) the one with the duck???? honestly all of them are just. what the actuall hell
The way the girl's face fell and the sound in her voice. She sounded like she was about to cry.
As someone who is highly empathetic and reads people well, I genuinely can't understand how some people can be so insensitive towards others. Like at this point it's so wild to me that it seems almost unreal but well, here we are.
I'm kind of the opposite, and I have a really hard time reading people due to my autism, but still! I care about people, and even if I don't know what to do I can see that they're at least somewhat distressed most of the time so I will try to help. It baffles me how I, someone who has a lot of trouble reading other people, helps out more than others who know full well every time someone's upset and needs help
I’m convinced some people just refuse to even try.
@@thymebutter2556 super similar. i experience hyper empathy from my autism but, as i am also autistic, i'm not the best at reading others. but it's so easy to tell if something is off, even in a text, so i always ask when i notice. i wanna help people, and it baffles me how these people dont even think of asking "how can i help?" they literally don't care and i will never understand it.
@@MeemahSN Ot stems from laziness and not caring. Lots of people are raised to see things as “not my problem”, but the kicker is the expect others to cater to them 😅.
Dude, I'm autistic and struggle reading people, but I still make the effort and apologise when I screw it up. These insensitive people are mystifying to me.
As a pan woman, its really hard to find men i actually like/are comfortable around in any romantic or sexual way. Still have been attracted to men just takes a bit more to find one I really like. On the other hand, women are so magical i swear i find like 99.999% of women i come across atractive af.
Saaaaame. Why is it so hard to find a good man?
Why would you get married if you don't want to actually get married 😭
money. women feel entitled to get 50%. thats why she stayed in the marrige at 1:40 in the video.
1:40 she admited you like the rings. and what difference does a ring make? its only for the wife. anniversary rings are in the video, and he buys them because he loves her. and you say you would fall for it too. "those rings are so pretty". are those even real? he doesnt care. women choose to be reliant on men.
@@VD-cc4hxsociety just kinda teaches women they have to rely on men tho
@VD-cc4hx he buys them so she stays. It's manipulation. Judging by the amount of rings she has she was probably raised by people with your mentality. Rings don't show that she's reliant on him. If she got cheated on and stayed, she's being manipulated. *Everyone is different, most women wouldn't stay with a man like that just bc he gets her rings.*
Also, your comment was irrelevant to the ops comment. 9:41 Is talking about men hating marriage and calling it a disease. So op is saying, " *Why are men getting married if they hate to be married* " Read the context before you get on here looking dumb and being sexist.
@@VD-cc4hx 🙄
@@VD-cc4hx Fam, pretty sure they were referring to the MEN making the "I hate my wife joke!" Cut the blaming women for everything crap.
Everytime I watch heteros being... well, *heteros*, I feel like we would be better off as a society if all of us were supportive gays ('Cause I know unfortunately not all are supportive)
Theoretically,a culture *_could_* survive if it were made up entirely of supportive gay people who were supportive enough to make babies on a regular schedule, but it's pretty clear it wouldn't have optimum survival quality, any more than do those cultures which ostracize or execute all of their supportive gays (and other gays).
I think there's a reason why the human genome throws up gay people, trans people,nonbinary people and asexual people in every strain and breed. It's because humans need all of us nonconformists.
@@arcadiaberger9204 if everyone was straight and had babies, the world would lose its resources a lot faster than it already is
We’d probably do better if we just accepted each other instead of worrying about each other’s sexualities.
You realize that gays can’t have kids?
we dont care about gender so we dont think we have to announce that we support gays like its a revolutionary idea
That anger one hit home and also raised red flags.
For context, I'm the one with anger issues, together with transference and self harm. I am in therapy and working on all of those one step at a time. I do slip sometimes, but I am getting better, and I love my wife for sticking with me through it.
THAT said, the fact that it's being shared like it's normal and just one of the ways he's her angel is creepy, not to mention it's... if I broke something, my wife wouldn't be the one to fix it, she'd be the one to hold on to the pieces, wait until I calm down, and have me fix it, because the thing that I broke is important to me too.
in the comments of that video she cheated on him i think something like that is a lil reasonable
@@bunnyw1fe She cheated on him and... tore up the paper? Why? Cause he found out? Or did you mean he cheated on her?
I used to have really bad anger management problems in high school that I've treated with therapy and medication and that clip also hit too close to home.
Im so happy to be lesbian 😅
Sammme
Ditto on that.
Not a lesbian but I am very thankful to be queer and have a girlfriend over a boyfriend sometimes lmao 🎉🔥
Me too
Some girly
18:16 - dude failed hard. It would have been so easy for him to turn those feelings he had into a relationship win had he approached things differently - "Wow! You look so beautiful right now just as you are. Let's go someplace special together and celebrate how lucky I am to have such a sexy wife."
If he wants her to dress up for him, he needs to give her a reason to. Berating her to try to make her feel worthless if she doesn't dress specifically for him is not just tearing her down, it's also wearing down their relationship. She is gorgeous and deserves to enjoy her sweatpants time - not have it tainted by a controlling and thoughtless husband.
Queer in a hetero normative marriage here 👋 15 years together and 6 years married-
My husband would NEVER. This was how my dad was and they are so incredibly oblivious to the lasting damage this type of behavior is for everyone around them. It's disgusting.
With the "fixing her problems instead of listening", it reminded me of when I was training to become a counselor. I asked my client "Would you like for us to talk about solutions to your problem, or use this space as a place for you to vent?" and my male assessor said I shouldn't of asked that question and that I should've already known what to use the space for
had an ex who despite me specifically asking "I don't need help, I know what to do. I just need validation and comfort. I need to be told I'm not making it up and I'll be alright." and he'd be a little bitch abt it and claim he can't or that's stupid or whatever but seemed to appreciate it just fine when I would comfort and validate his issues without trying to fix them. crazy how that works isn't it.
That thing about offering a woman help if she clearly needs help is so interesting to me. I'm a person who will always offer to help, even with trivial things. I cannot imagine standing there as your wife (who is clearly struggling) runs around overwhelmed. Shame on that man for making fun of that.
Yeah... I remember getting up at seven once and started to clean. My ex got up at around eleven (even though we went to sleep at the same time) and immediately sat his ass down on the sofa to scroll Instagram on his phone, while I was up to my elbows in suds, not having taken a break since I got up.
Guys are conditioned by society not to care, because cleaning the house is not something they are expected to do.
The girl with the apology rings is actually doing something smart here. He's a trainwreck and the moment she leaves him, she has a ton of money she can fall back on.
As someone who gets aggressive and sometimes violent when angry I have taught myself to distance myself from people and things that are breakable and I deal with my anger by ripping paper and playing video games and wait till I’m calm to talk to people taking your anger out on someone is toxic and not good and destroying sentimental things is not okay
I think a root issue with a lot of unhappy couples that don't get divorced is that there is often one partner that can't make a decent living on their own, and at least in the US, the process of divorce can last months, if not years, because of combined assets. It's often sadly not as simple as "just get divorced." My parents are this situation, basically. My mom simply can not afford to live on her own, so she can't just get divorced.
Omg this is so true
Just wanted to clear something up: The woman who made the first video runs a shop and sells rings. That video was made soley as a promotion for said rings and was not real in any way. While I do consider that an odd way to sell your products, and I do think it belongs under hetero cringe, the video was just made to sell the rings. The woman who runs the store isn't even married as far as I can tell.
"This is just...undiagnosed ADHD, right?" Yeah. It is. That is not how *all* womens' minds work; that's not even how all *minds* work, male, female or other. I used to think it was all increasing factors of OCD (which, yay me, how fun, I also have) until a friend of mine said, "You should look into getting diagnosed." "I already have been?" "No, for ADHD."
AND OMG, the AMOUNT of things being medicated made easier in my gorram life...I still have bad days, sure, but it's getting easier to catch when I'm in the spin, when I'm overwhelmed and need a break, when I am frozen in indecision because of the seven billion OTHER things that need to be done instead of the thing I wanted to do right then...I am staggering towards being a semi-functional human!
The "explaining her problems to her" one goes beyond the "men are smarter than women" thing and applies to a more general problem of not knowing how to give emotional support. I know I have a hard time validating people's feelings and not just throwing advice at them. When I'm presented with a problem, I want to solve it ASAP. I'd probably rather hear practical advice than "that sucks, I'm sorry" and it's hard to remember that not everyone thinks that way.
I really appreciate the subtitles that probably took you a bit of your day! Its really nice to watch especially on a public train home.
I'm convinced that some of these women stay with horrible men simply for the reason that they don't want to be single. They see single as a stain on their social status, as something to avoid at all costs (even if your bf/husband is cheating or otherwise treats you like shit). They're apparent reasoning is "better to be mistreated than single."
Omgomg I love your Maniac hoodie, i acually loudly said “NOO BBOKARI” when he fell😭
8:40 i only destroy things like sticks and stuff when im *really* angry. I go on walks when i can, and i break sticks and throw rocks in the water (i make sure no fish are present)
Nothing that means things to anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone I love. I can't really physically hurt anyone (I'm weak) but I can say things I regret
Nah man, I totally get that, honestly I'd consider that a decent coping mechanism. So long as you're not doing it in front of people or like breaking important things, you're good! Also don't hurt yourself of course, lol.
@@Chiller-pc1dv I shred/peel sticks along with other things so I don't hurt myself on accident, and it works pretty well to calm me down!!
Im glad you explained the chapstick 😅 i had no clue what she was doing. I was more worried about the mirror being scratched
as a boy, who’s dating the literal kindest and sweetest boy, i am so grateful he doesn’t infantilize and invalidate me ❤
One of my favorite artists, the late Wayne Static of Static-X, would always want to be with his wife during interviews, visiting conventions, on tour, and he has said in an interview how he doesn't get all these other artists, who all they want to do is get away from their wives to drink beer with their friends--like, "why did you even get married then? Why isn't your wife your best friend?"
Makes me love Static-X even more, despite the fact that I only know two songs from them ("Push It" and "I'm With Stupid").
@@oculttheexegaming2509 Ah, Wisconsin Death Trip, their debut album. My favorite is Machine with it's best track and my favorite, Black and White.
@overlordfemto7523 You 100% watch porn. Don't pull the mary virgin now
@overlordfemto7523so.... What is wrong with porn?
"You don't look sexy in sweatpants"
Meanwhile my partner's like "yeah you're gorgeous when gothed up.... but right now? You're breathtaking"
The right now in question, was a hoodie, glasses, eating a tuna snack, and having chilled out from getting temporarily overwhelmed, so eyes were just slightly puffy.
Fuck the no sweatpants man he sucks
Apparently I watch your videos while having cuddle time with my kittens so much that they hear your voice from the other room and come rushing over
Oml that sounds adorable-
@@Louiesalad it was I felt so special
4:46 that fills me with pain cause his excuse is "why are woman think like this" but my thought was "wait why is there so much undone housework that he could had done to help her out." he could do the dishes and clean the room and go replace the tennis shoes while she does the dishes and makes herself something to eat.
Kudos for being so inclusive! I love how you describe everything in the videos briefly with words, and that captions are always available. Your content is truly for everyone :)
I don't understand why people stay married when they clearly aren't meant to, and I'm mostly hetero.
Societal and religious pressure. Its all gross and stupid
The first one is an ad for the rings 😂
Is the ad for women or men? Is it saying “Hey guys buy these rings if you make an uh-oh whoopsie like cheating then your girl will always forgive you!” Or is it saying “Hey girlies, did your man cheat on you again? That’s okay you have this shiny piece of metal to compensate for him breaking your heart! Buy now for the low low price of a jar of tears.”
The visceral anger I just felt at the guy about the sweatpants. Like holy shit. Holy fuck. The look in her eyes when he said that. The shock I felt. Bruh bbokari and dwaekki fell over in shock.
that talk about validating emotions is actually really helpful. because i did not know that and i have been avoiding upset people because of that
I do make "gives you stuff to do as soon as you sit down" jokes about my mom, but that's because my mom was extremely controlling and literally did not want us to ever have free time because she doesn't believe in resting outside of sleep because Puritan Work Ethic or whatever (she literally refuses to rest. She's had surgery many times and she always refuses to stay off her feet and she ends up messing herself up worse, and she expected the same thing from us.) If she ran out of chores for us to do, she's get out the workbooks and assign us pages from that.
It was to the point that, to this day, my sister and I have a tradition of celebrating our birthdays by literally just staying in our rooms and doing nothing except eating and playing games/watching TV because our birthdays were the only days we didn't have to constantly do stuff (though we did have to do each other's stuff on their birthday). And I have not lived with my mother in almost a decade.
I remember being a teenager and there was something my mother wanted me to do but I literally couldn't. My doctor told me "yeah, you physically can't do that, especially with your disabilities. it's like asking someone with a broken leg to run a marathon." and I asked him to, A, tell my mother I can't do it because while she might not listen to him, she one thousand percent won't listen to me, and B, leave out the second part because if there's anyone on this earth who would run a marathon with a broken leg, it would be my mother.
thank you for pointing out that poor anger management can lead to abuse. i know that people get defensive about stuff like that, but as someone who grew up in a household full of people with anger management issues (and who stuggles with them myself), that kind of behavior in a partner would be extremely triggering for me. another similar example (in my opinion) are people who completely shut down during disagreements and refuse to speak. this is usually a trauma response, but sadly, it is also emotional abuse. and mental illness is not ever an excuse to abuse people.
in defense of the rings, it’s just a rage ad from the ring company lol
that "how women think" video actually ends with the guy saying "okay i'll make your carrot juice for you" as it that's the only thing he heard
13:05
This is probably not common in Australia but here in America soon-to-be brides love to put the friends that are "uglier/fatter" than them next to them in wedding photos so that they look better in the wedding photo album, which is very shallow but it happens unfortunately
‘Woman brain works’ I was immediately like ‘this adhd brain not won’t brain’ 😂
I’m 99% sure the first one is the girl who sells the rings. There are all sorts of these videos on their page so I think it’s to get views/attention
the first one is deffo an ad for an independent jewellry store, i've seen very similar things from the same account
So glad i’m gay ❤
Same ✨✨
Honestly totally same
Lucky bastard
Same
Very proud to be straight.
It’s giving “When a woman tells a man about her feelings, she doesn’t want him to fix her. She wants him to shut up and listen.” - Emily Prentiss
Why do we all react that way? “Who the f*ck is at my door?” With such vitriol, I do it too, it’s like ingrained in us to hate the door like dogs.
this is actually the only comment ive seen so far that isnt somebody complaining about straight people or anything political, thank you
@@SpaghettiTheEddie it's an obviously political video
"Why is there politics in my politics!"
"this is shorter than usual but i just don't want to do it anymore" god you're so fucking valid ily
Straights be like:
My partner is overwhelmed by stress. This is prime content.
you got any proof to back up that claim or will you just fall back on it and say you were only joking?
@@SpaghettiTheEddie Well the straight people in the video definitely showed thier stress. Or are you going to say you were only joking?
I saw the undiagnosed adhd vid on tiktok and right after that he offered the help, said she should shower and relax while he did the juice and cleaning
i love how the plushy falls over when she says "she is so stressed out" haha
I always forget you’re a stay and I get so excited when I see the Skzoo in the background, also the hoodie!?! I love it
"no one is holding a gun to your head and saying you have to get married' - the sad reality of many young women and girls in many countries
And which, you still never help those women.
@@chris135xwhat do you want us to do? Fly down there and attempt to help someone in a country where we’d be outnumbered over 100 to 1? Only thing we can do is constantly bring it up and hope to change peoples minds
"When he cheated..."
I BEG YOUR PARDON?! He bought you a ring because he couldn't keep his pants on?! WTF?!
The woman should be greatful
@@professorfoxtrot you should be grateful im not doxxing you right now
@@professorfoxtrot Ah yes the woman should be grateful she was cheated on. Sound logic
@@Theravingranter The problem with western women is that they want both equality and yet special privileges. 🤔
@@professorfoxtrot In my opinion no one gender deserves special privileges however the reason your significant other is called that special someone is because they deserve special things. This is a give and take on both sides, you pay the rent and I’ll pay for the car I cook you clean you drop off the kids I’ll pick them up etc etc. However this also has to do with how you are treated, if your gf/bf or fiancé or spouse treats you like garbage or people you care about like garbage they do not deserve you. Period. This is for all genders, this is for all humans. Also not wanting to get cheated on isn’t some special privilege. It’s something you agree to when you commit to a person and giving her a sorry I made an oopsie and accidentally slid into her bed naked ring is not something any person should see as a blessing or something they should be grateful for. That’s demented and I’m sorry if you truly feel someone should be forgiven after cheating if they buy you your love, that’s either you suffering from being manipulated or you thinking it’s okay to manipulate.
You are always awesome the straights will never be ok always love your videos always find your videos comforting
Please help us
4:37 Literally, like watching that vid I said to myself, "Babe, I think you just have ADHD" cause that's exactly how I think too XD
I’ve always wondered why men propose in the first place if they hate marriage so much.
Pressure from family and society and religion and for security of someone to cook and clean and fuck, they hope.
My manager the other day pointed out that when someone needs to talk to you a good question to ask is do they want to vent or problem solve? Like sometimes some people just want to get it all off their chest but they know what the solution is or they don't want to think about it yet, and that's valid
About the video at 3:37 - i saw it before. At the end he tells her to maybe take a nap, and when she says she can't take a nap because she has too much to do (i think) he offers to "help" by making her the carrot juice. Out of ALL THE THINGS he chose that
6:46 Smashing ice cubes is I find a pretty great way to relieve that urge to break something
As I'm sure we all say to ourselves; Are the straights ok?
They will never be ok.
@@catrakittenI mean yeah
No, but I try to still hold out hope. My partner is straight.
@@TheBrokeCyberWanderer- I'm sorry
We need an army of therapists for them
ripping paper isn't an unhealthy form of relieving anger and stress, it only becomes a problem when you rip appart something that means a lot to a person, and if it's meant to show that person your anger. But we don't know the motivation for specifically her ripping that photo appart, it could be because she just wanted to rip something appart, because she didn't like the photo, or because she wants to distance herself from him, it's definitely not abuse or violence and that one video is not enough to make a conclusion like that.
I think she's s just collecting up as many rings as possible so when they divorce she can sell them for a good price later🤣
As a man in a relationship, I tend to accidentally do the “I’m not just listening I’m trying to solve your problem for you” to my partner when they’re upset. For me, emotion and just empathy in general is rather difficult since I’m autistic, and they understand that so it’s less of an issue than in usual straight relationships. But we also like. Communicate? Which is more than most straight people can do lmao
Also, you have a reason and I'm sure you feel bad for doing so.
“You have to do everything to do one thing” is one of the best ADHD descriptions I ever heard.
realizing that sometimes my partner doesn't need solutions and just needs to vent has definitely been a struggle for me. seeing the person I love upset makes me immediately want to fix it and make it all go away. I've started asking if they want solutions or just space to vent, but I'd love to hear suggestions for how to navigate that type of situation better
This is exactly how I feel about my friends
“are the straight going to be okay?” when have they EVER
Being in a t4t relationship it is straight but at the same time it’s sooooo different from cis straight relationships. I’m so happy I’m with her forever and will never ever go back to cis straight dudes…
"Leave the duck alone and get divorced" Yes.
My parents are kind of like that where my mom does all the work, and one time I told her to get a divorce, and she said “why he didn’t do anything?” And I said “fuckin exactly”
First one - perhaps she's accumulating rings so she can finally afford to leave his ass one day
I thought the same cus tbh I'd do that too
16:05
This is screaming zoophilia ngl. Like, even it is a joke, it looks like zoophilia to me.
If it’s comforting to anyone at all, I’m pretty sure the video at 3:39 was cut off prematurely, I think I’ve seen a longer version where he does offer to help at the end!
The version i saw had him laughing at her then telling her to take a nap while he made the juice, ignoring all the other things she mentioned
Hetros be cringing
Proud not to be a butt pirate.
@@professorfoxtrot???
@@professorfoxtrot you probably dont wash your ass. anyway im proud to not be a cissy straggot
@@professorfoxtrot straight people can be booty pirate's too. But I know what you mean you get no action and your proud. Go off celibate King
@@Bees1408 He’s saying he’s glad he’s not gay because gays always plunder the booty lol but that’s not just a gay thing that is a butt lover thing and straight people do it too
I haven't heard anyone talk about the "2 phones" trend on tiktok. I'd love for you to cover it because I just love how well spoken you are in these videos
My mom has ADHD and when I saw that woman I just knew
They need some one to help them make a plan to do every thing and maybe help with some stuff they can't do
It breaks my heart to see that she has to do it all by her self
Amatonormativity says you have to get married, and it’s a problem
nb afab here going to therapy just to realize i have been thinking like a man, basically thinking that crying is dumb and i should hide my feelings. bro i am so anxious all the time because of that? how tf are men even... like why are they pretending its ok?
Regarding the dilemma of partners trying to solve issues: I've found success with my partner and I starting with "I hear you, do you want advice or support?" and that helps SO MUCH
The Maniac Sweater. Twins Stays
This account makes me feel so bad for the women in all these relationships honestly, like their husbands/boyfriends treat them so badly and they just think that's how it's meant to be, it's so sad 💔